Put a cross on top and call it a church. Get some tax breaks

Hire a painter

You’re gonna buy a house that size and are worried about cheap? Wait till the HVAC goes

Electrical fire

Cheapest option: paint Best low cost option: landscaping, scan fb marketplace in your area for cheap or used plants people are trying to get rid of

Paint would go a really long way. A sage green or seal grey with back trim and you’ll increase perceived value by 6 figures

Looks like vinyl, but it’s hard to tell without a close up

In my experience Acrylic paint works well for vinyl ..provided that you power washer first

I don’t think the house is that bad. A redo on that round section of landscaping would go a long way for curb appeal.

Tan vinyl is a problem because? I'd do some stone/brick veneers if you want to take it up a notch.

Let me know the cheapest way to make this look like shit thanks

Move

No

Paint the whole outside flat black.

Tear it down