I feel like your clothes stick to you.

Lol 😂 considering I don’t take showers often, this is a fact at times.

i can tell how often you shower by the amount of grease saturating your hair. america is this close to raiding your head for the oil 🤏

OPEC is trying to get OP to join them.

Can't spell OPEC without OP

Gonna liberate that hair

gang take a shower🤢

It’s not hard aye. Just get wet once or twice a day with some soap. Have a fap as a reward if you must.

r/justneckbeardthings

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Please brush your fucking teeth

He's gotten so many gaps in his teeth it looks like his tongue is in jail.

That’s fucking disgusting, I can’t imagine you’ve had sex with anyone ever, at least not anyone under 200lbs

Well...if you're going to go this far you might as well throw in conscious and willing.

I felt dead may have more variety

🤣 you got a good sense of humor dude 👍

On the bright side of this monstrosity, it’s pretty much impossible to sneak up on you from either side.

The Hills Have Popeyes

The Hills Are Cross-eyed

The hills eat fries

Boom, Roasted

Pop-eyes

The lost Whittaker from odd, West Virginia.

Came to say that

I feel like a real Redditor now, I actually got that reference without having to look it up.

Think again. You can easily sneak up on me from my right side. I’m blind in my right eye thanks to a previous battle with stage 1 brain cancer

Dude, you aren’t supposed to respond and make us feel bad for roasting you. Zip it and take your beating like a man.

I needed a laugh today, and this gave it to me.

Glad my kooky ass face was able to supply 😁

>Glad my kooky ass face was able to supply 😁 That is a welcome turn of events, your face supplying something. Usually the supply is moving *into* your face. Massively.

If cancer couldn’t beat his ass, I doubt any of us could. That being said OP, keep your head up and always look forward.

How you gonna tell OP to keep his head up an look forward, you know he can't do both

Lol 😂 this hurt But thanks dudes. I’ll do my best to make the most of 2023!

Awwww I can’t interact with my assaulters? 3:

The only humans you should interact with are the villagers chasing you up the bell tower with shovels and pitchforks.

I feel this back and forth had a good outcome of extra roasts the OP is at least a good sport lmao

Don’t say ‘sport’ in front of him …

Lol 😂I am gonna print this onto a t-shirt and wear it when we go to Walmart, one of these days 😁

Wear it to Target so there’s people that can actually read it.

Bro just roasted an entire customer base with a soft ball pitch.

*You know, If those customers could read they'd be very upset.*

Damnit Bobby

This is the best line on this thread

LOL This whole thread is winning!

But I reading this from Walmart, I do not understood.

This is the only comment on this thread that I made sound at

Nail on head

😭😂🤣😭😂🤣

Sorry, but Stockholm isn't part of the experience.

It's like being sexually assaulted and you start moaning and saying, "Harder, daddy please..." It's no fun for me if it's fun for you! All you had to do is keep your mouth shut but instead, you gave your attacker a floppy dick just by opening your mouth.

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I like your guys’ attitude 😏

That's not how this works Cletus

Did they have to remove the part of the brain that deals with personal hygiene?

Are you sure it was the brain cancer that was stage 1 and not the haircut?

Even chemo couldn’t fix that fucked up haircut

If drinking mountain dew through a fleshlight was a person.

OOOOOH 😂 Well, yeah. But I gotta go get a trim: right on target with that point. I’m a kooky abomination. 🎯

Looking at your chins I would say you're more of a cookie abomination

If you ever assume the form of someone an insurer would cover...bionic eyes are becoming a thing. You can get your vision back AND look like Alabama: 2077.

Hey at least you being alive is proof that even cancer didn't want to be a part of you.

Gotta keep an eye out for selener

Silversun Pickups called, they want their Lazy Eye back

Looks like Jack Black if he had moderate brain damage and was addicted to stalking women.

Jack Crack

Lol 😂 ZING!

To stalk women you have to leave mom’s basement, and move around. Not likely.

2023 already causing me to stumble in an empty room with this pic

Yaaaay I’m already a burden on society! 😁

You’re welcome for all the gov benefits, my dude 🫡

Your jaba. The huts son

If humans bred the way dogs were, you’d be a pug.

You must Write it so he can read it. 

Dude has to turn his head almost a full 180° to read through one sentence.

This has me dying

Thanks to the DNA sample you sent in, we were able to locate [your biological father](https://i.imgur.com/E74ozcf.png)

Well I’m already a stain on humanity’s existence, so I might just be a cute little stain while I’m at it 😁

Naa, bleach will remove a stain, going to take something stronger to get rid of this aberration.

Cute 😂

Cute like a shart stain in your grandpas breeches.

That was a great roast and a great reaction too 😀

Put that best foot forward before diabetes takes it away.

😂

Looks like you can have a family reunion, on both sides, with only one other person there

This is brilliant. Dude, I am like Frankenstein’s Monster 😂

Real shit, keep on my guy lol have a good new year

I will. I’m gonna hit the gym here in a lil bit but I thought I might get roasted beforehand 😁

They have Burger King at the gym?

Yes at Planet Fatness

I should know, i work there

You spelled lurk wrong

The only machines you'll be using are the vending machines

Best type of pre-workout

Don’t know what’s bigger, the gap between the teeth or the gap between those walleyes

But still 4 distinct DNA samples in the room.

Family tree looks like a Venn diagram

Audi symbol style

You look like someone stuck googly toy eyes onto a testicle. Btw, I read your comments and fair play to you 👍

🤣 best one so far, man. And thank you 😁 honestly, I’m just having a giggle.

Best roast thread in ages. OP dishes up so many angles to attack then takes it like a champ.

I pulled something laughing at this.

Youre the type to enjoy the watery substance that squirts out of an Old ketchup bottle before the actual ketchup.

We call that pre cumchup

Ohhhh oh god 😂

Ewwwww lmao 😂that was a description. Now I should ask for your autograph.

r/rareinsults

Ah good OL blue eyes....one blows east the other blows west.

😂 so many eye jokes, so little time

Luckily you can read two at a time with that 180 degree vision

Poor bastard has Atchyaforya....One eye is looking atcha, the other is looking for ya!

Typical reddtor...fat, scruff beard, dead eyes, hasnt showered this decade, and living in mom's basement

He could be the new mascot.

We should vote to have him the banner of the sub

Which subs does he mod tho? r/antishower?

HOW DID YOU KNOW? 😂

I haven’t showered since last year

Get out

If "Swamp Ass" was a person.

With those eyes he doesn't need to look left and right before crossing the road

That’s right, homie looks up and down before crossing the street. 360° safety.

Considering I’m blind in my right eye, I definitely need to do that 😂 but hey, it only means I’ve learned how to become an owl 🦉

I had no idea about you being blind in your right eye-

It’s alright man. I’m chillin’ and so is my right eye 😎

Dude backtracked on his roast so you did it for him lol

Hows the view of the rocky and appalachian mountains

It’s brilliant 👁️🫦👁️

👁 👄👁


Last time you were roasted, you had an apple in your mouth.

Lol 😂 I love these implication roasts. They’re so clever


And yet somehow Id still rather hit this

With a bat or a '72 Cadillac DeVille?

YES! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT! 🙌

What hump?

When they tell you to leave Chernobyl & you don’t.

Even your eyes are trying to avoid looking at your face

You look like you fight the rats in the burger king dumpster for the good food

Nah. I’m more of a Big Mac person.

Do you floss your front teeth with a mattress?

Nope. But I should consider doing that 🤔

God already roasted you with genetics

And a brain tumor lol. But hey, I can always use a hood giggle 😁

I am sorry to hear that :(

It’s okay man. That’s why I love roasting people here. Watching the beautiful people burn is always fun 😁 and they pretty much line up to get burned here so why not?

don't know good roasts :/

I’m ugly too and I’m just wining it out here so don’t feel too bad, mate.

Holy shit, we found the r/RoastMe good ending

Dude you’re a fucking legend. Respect. Here’s to your health!

Thats the lustful look you get when your mom walks through the door with a bucket of chicken.

HELL YEAH IT IS! 😂

And he ain’t looking at the chicken…

If the right eye was looking at anything, it would be the void of blankness inside of my thick skull.

You look like Bob from fight club after steroids

His name is Robert Paulson…

Bitch Tits

Don’t know who that is but he sounds like a fun guy 😁

You've never watched Fight Club? Dude! You need to fix that, IMMEDIATELY!

Shhh. That'll evolve into his whole personality.

Idk about immediately. There's probably some other things he should fix first.

Considering the grease in your hair, I'd say you are already deep fryed, Sir

I feel like everyone who got roasted on this sub feel a lot better about themselves after seeing who's roasting them; a disgusting neckbeard who probably can't find his own penis. Take a fucking shower.

Loool that’s right. And you’re correct. Bad habits, bad shower habits, bad, well… mostly everything. That’s why I’m happy to be flame lit today. Gonna get my ass in gears this year, finish my first book, get into shape, get a new pair of glasses and actually get going with my life. But hey, I’m happy to get my ass deep fried. 😁 it’s been fun so far. Let’s keep going!

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? - Stewie

Oh my fucking god

Practically everyone when they see my face

This abomination is proof that God has abandoned us.

He's got Marty Feldman eyes 🎶🎶

Don’t know what that’s a reference to, but I should look it up 😁

It's a take on the old song, "Bette Davis Eyes" replacing it with an actor whose eyes bug out. *


I could make a field goal through those front teeth and I have zero sports abilities.

I’m that much of an abomination lol 😂 i love this subreddit for being 100% honest

You look like a potato that rolled under the fridge and got bits stuck to it

Starchy.

 Meanwhile on the RAW image…

That smile says you listen to One Direction. Your eyes? Not so much.

[удалено]

Hey you guys.

YES!!!! I gotta get the Goonies for my DVD collection 😁

You also put your best eye forward.

Me: Dude you should really throw out that pumpkin on your porch, it's effin January already The pumpkin:

don’t worry dude i’ll upvote your post no need to look over there

“It’s me yo daddy, Roberto!”

Pretty neat that you can look at two reddit pages at once.

Sadly, it’s just a dead eye. So I can look at one and be burdened by the other eye. Kinda like a metaphor for my life 🤔

You look like if Stavros Halkias had a lobotomy.

You look like Cousin Eddie’s adult son

We're over here.

WHAT. THE. EVER. LIVING. FUCK. IS. THAT. r/oddlyterrifying

You look like youve been stuck in the Appalachian mountains for 5 generations.

Hodor lives! Hodor Hodor!!!!

why not start the new year with a shower? goddamn i can smell you through the internet

You look like Rowely Jefferson on crack You look like the guy from school of rock if he didn’t get the job If you were a famous mukbanger being 115 or over would be considered Obese If shrek saw you he would be known as the prettiest sibling in the hadid family Your teeth are so yellow the butter machine in movie theaters for popcorn are jealous I can tell that your eyebrows have had a divorce cause they are currently separating Your teeth are built like if Newton’s cradle froze in the middle of swing You look like if nicacado avocado had to choose between orlen or food

I'm actually going to be nice and help you read my roast better. ro ast

Dudes got Mortgage Eyes! Ones Fixed, the other one is Variable!

It's crazy bc his eyes match his teeth 1 is straight forward and one is slightly in the other direction

Your teeth are as grimy as the oil you bathe in after frying your twinkies

You’re the only discord mod that can look at 2 kitties at once