Well shit fire, he looks like he fell out of the Civil War photo in cracker barrel.

And fell into a barrel of crack

A barrel of ass-cracks.

He’s 0-80 in his Civil War reenactments.

>You get a line and I'll get a pole, honey >You get a line and I'll get a pole, babe >You get a line and I'll get a pole >We'll go fishin' in the crawdad hole >Honey, baby mine

That face belongs on a pouch of discount chewing tobacco.

Lmao 💀

I just choked, I’m dead.

Cotton eyed joe is a real person

C'mon Paw! Sing us, Froggy Went A Courtin' agin!

Jiggle Billy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with a few fresh batteries in his keister.

That's cotton-toothed Paul, cotton eyed Joe's cousin/brother/Mom's boyfriend.

He became a real boy! Like a southern Pinnochio. Pinnochi-yokel.

You look like you have three kids by three different goats.

Three different sisters

Same sister. He's bound to have a favourite. She's also his grandmother and second cousin.

Last night I was rootin my sister and she said “Damn! You feel like daddy!” An’ I was like “that’s what mamma said!” - OP… probably

OP stars in I'm my own grandpa but this time it really is incest

Also, they substitute as 3 different girlfriends.

The Goat Whisperer

You’re right, he probably really IS from New Zealand.

As a New Zealander I resent that comment. We’re into sheep, not goats. What kind of sicko finds goats attractive?

You raise a valid point. He’s probably from Arkansas. 

Southwest Missouri 😂

You misspelled Mississippi 

Our sheep are much more attractive in Wales.

I bet you got more fingers than teeth

If'n anyone tells ya a hog won't eat a finger they's a lyin'.

When he smiles a black hole is opened XD!

You look like that for fun you pull up next to Tesla drivers, get them to roll down their window and then you yell ‘Hey that thang got a hemi in it!’ and then laugh so hard you swallow your chewing tobacco and end up choking and spitting for the next hour, every single time.

This one is great.

To be fair, he looks like he got a little Copenhagen long cut in his baby formula so it’s not really his fault that he’s got the habit.

And some Natty Ice in his bedtime bottle so mommy can entertain his ‘uncles’ without worrying that he’d wake up.

[удалено]

I could hear Foxworthy saying this in my head 😆

That pic violates your January 6th trial probation, you know that right?

you look like you've asked "do second cousins reeeeeally count?" a lot.

More like full sisters

Thinks functional alcoholism is acceptable because of his great great grandpappy’s Irish heritage

Irish are not alcoholics. I’d continue this conversation if I didn’t have to go home from the pub to eat breakfast.

Alcoholics have a drink problem. I don’t. I drink, I fall over, no problem.

The only Irish he's got in him is in his poop hole

Ah, a 31-year-old male who looks like he's 45 and still gets carded at the local Walmart because they can’t decide if you’re trying to buy beer or get on the senior discount list. Your beard looks like it’s trying to flee your face out of embarrassment, and honestly, I don’t blame it. That haircut screams, “I gave up on life and hair products.” You look like the type of guy who says, “Hold my beer” right before doing something that will definitely end up on the local news. What’s with that shirt? Did you borrow it from a mechanic or is that just what you wear to job interviews? I bet your hobbies include whittling sticks and drinking Natty Light on your porch, pondering where it all went wrong. And that expression? It’s like you just realized you left your stove on, but can’t decide if it’s worth getting up to check. Roasting you feels like I’m punching down, man. Go take a nap; you look like you need one.

I now officially recognise you as a "monologue guy" 😅

Brother-cousin, anyones that’s watched either Deliverance or The Hills Have Eyes knows not to mess with you and your folk! …You have a good day sir and hopefully you stumble upon a broken down car full of tasty lost travellers again soon 🤫☠️🤤

Those ears can hear meth.

You look like a homeless finally got a home.

Your best pickup line to a woman is “can i clean your shitter cuz that thang thangin”

Body by Geppetto.

Motherfucka got sonar dishes on his head

To which degree are your parents related and how is it like living in alabama?

I heard they were making another *Lord of the Rings* movie but I didn’t expect leaked dwarf photos so soon.

Second pic is where he dumps the bodies.

Just keep rocking that combover and nobody will know the difference

Texas Roadhouse with no kids at the bar lemon sour Ben foul in a towel gonna hold a chair being fair not so good finna should get married not sorry

You look like if Ed Sheeran was a Woodcutter

You look like Vincent Van Gogh’s redneck cousin.

They're always after his lucky charms.

Blonde Rasputin

Michael Assbender.

Not quite got a handle on them thar paved roads yet, eh?

What made you choose this particular human's face to creep up and die on?

Uses his mouth to get the oil pump started but keeps pushing it deeper

How many of your own teeth do you still have? And I don't mean in a jar somewhere

"You have a lovely home." - Me looking at your second picture.

You look like you teach eighth grade social studies to slow-learning Cambodian refugees.

Unpopular opinion, i feel like i could be your friend lmao

You look like Jamie Lannister whose going through chemo

It’s the hero from SEAL Team sucks dick!

you personify “Tell me I’m from the south without telling me I’m from the south”

Those treads are clogged with cow shit.

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“I just turned 5 years clean” lookin ahh

I've seen bird's nests look better that your beard.

What happened? Did the county revoke your, "Troll Who Lives Under The Bridge" license ?

I'm sure your friends would send you as a bait in case of a war.

Definitely will steal your Lucky Charms

You forgot to add Inbred

I always wondered what happened to the kid playing the banjo in deliverance.

The meth’s already working on that

The meths done that for me brother

Dude reminds me of a young [Jiggle Billy](https://aqua-teen-hunger-force.fandom.com/wiki/Jiggle_Billy) from ATHF

You’re about to turn 32 soon pussy

You went from 31 in the first pic to 71 by the third pic. The black socks really pull that outfit together though.

People sit far away from you in IHOP don't they

You look like one of those self-styled Redheaded Stepchild Red Necks who enjoys giving himself personalized swirlies and roasting his "chestnuts" over an open fire, "NSFW 🔞 Mode," over the holiday season.

Malnourished

you are the personification of meth or heroin. you pick

You're the type of guy who hates the federal government but still expects welfare checks.


You look like you chew tobacco and then spit it in your hand for lube

Widespread Panic or Billy Strings ??

You mean 41

Don't need no sleeves, don't need no teeth

Linus meth tips

"Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care!"

You look like the kind of guy who brags to his co workers that he fucks his friends sisters when in reality...you just fuck your own sister.

Your parents already did.

U look like u wear short pants

"Hello there traveller! Kiss me for 15 doubloons!" looking ass

Yeah, I'd rather stumble alone upon a bear in the woods than this guy. Although the bear might just be running from his unwanted sexual advances too.

The tank should be used to fire degenerates like you straight to mars

When you hit randomize on the character creation menu

I'm 99% certain the term: "fuck face" was established somewhere along your lineage

Hey Sis!! Becky broke up with me. Wanna come over tonight?

I would love to do my worst, but it looks like you beat me to it

Your comb over isn’t fooling anyone

Hillbilly unabomber

If a cigarette bud had a child with a used toothpick you would be the offspring.

The Brawny towel guys gay cousin, scrawny. The quicker dicker picker up er

Jimmy Crack Corn is people! ♻️

How many remaining teeth are you hiding? I can't be the only one that is imagining a half set of teef with most of them being black and rotten. You look like the real life version of a white trash South Park character.

I knew Richard Stilgoe wasn't really dead.

Bro definitely a recovering meth addict

You look like you hail from Methyltucky

Dawg you is not 31 you pushing 40

She *doesn't* think your tractor's sexy.

"my grand pappy bought this land in 1902"



If Mountain Dew was a person! 🤩

You missed leg day

Your beard is precise in the way your hair isn’t.

Vincent van Gogh lookalike

you look like you know where to score the good meth

31 going on 50, with the body of a 12 year-old

you look like if hitler was a leprechaun...

This sunuva bitch looks like the lumberjack from them gah damn claymation Christmas shows bye golly.

You look like you subscribe to The Hillbilly randomly. Used to be quarterly magazine but they lost customers doing fractions.

Look at you all proud, showing off your house in the second picture

What in the wooly willie playbook

You look like a 17 year old using a fake beard

31 going on 51

Pewdiepie from Walmart.

Kentucky all day

Looks like you can count to potato.

bros trying out all the roblox idle poses

Connor MethGregor

look like just like and as proud as the kfc kernel guy kernel sanders, if he was 2 and a half days sober after having just spent the last decade on meth, begging for money out front of the local kfc whos having his picture taken on the front porch of the community rehab center/needle recycle location

You look like someone who’s been ordered to stay at least 250 feet from school grounds

Reject from /r/Beardsandboners

Ur 2 brain cells are fighting for third place

I think your dads sperm already did it

Somebody said vincent van gogha redneck cousin and they win LOL

Junkie

I would have gone for Lt. Dan on Meth, but apparently you still have legs.

One of those sex offender poster

you look like your wife happens to be your sister, daughter aunt and brother all at the same time

Hillbilly PewDiePie!

Look, its a full grown Keebler elf

You look inbred

Jaw transplant from a century old corpse.

daddyfication in progress please wait untill child is born

You like van gogh on crack

Dude hasn’t left the farm in 31 years

He’s the type of person to stand on the front porch during a tornado and go, well shit here we go again Martha.

God's already done His worst here.

That beard makes you look 51. Close crop that.

31 pushing 41

Wow he’s small

Using your sex offender registry photo is so brave.

Red Kaczynski

The heroine has aged you at least 10 years.

If you imagine this guy panning for gold in the 1800's it all fits together

You 100% steal copper from buildings

I’m 34 and feel better about looking my age. Thanks

Thanks for taking time away from writing your manifesto in deer blood and birch bark.

So how long is it going to take for you to realize Brienne of Tarth is just not interested in you?

You remind me of Jacob Seed from Far Cry 5

We can’t do worse than your parents.

You look like your favourite hobbies are saluting the confederate flag and cooking meth.

If this is what you look like at 31, 41 is gonna be *rough* for you.

If Yosemite Sam was a real boy.

You look like an NPC in Grand Theft Auto who gets rolled over by every damn player.

31 going 49 god damn that life must be hard 😂

They will use this post to train chatGPT on what is a redneck