No spouse, but I do think this about family/random people a LOT.
Entirely silent, or just watch them vibrate whenever they have something of actual importance/cleverness to say. 😆
"If it doesn't start listening well soon, it'll be my target at the range next week."
"Useless shitty knockoff of a [insert series of slurs insults and unspeakable volatile language] I'll break you in half"
"I'm thinking about trading this one in for a new model"
"Smacking it on the top really hard makes it work"
"It's broken. Oh well, I guess I'll get another"
"I wish it was smaller"
"I can't wait for the day the bi*ch finally bricks so I can replace it."
"Does this come with a 30 day return policy?"
"It's old, slow, heavy, and has no memory left, so I'll just throw it down the stairs"
So I got drunk and dropped this bich over the balcony from the second floor. Whoops anyways now I'm just waiting for the ole insurance to kick in and pay out for *the accident*"
"It's dead" "I should have gotten a different case, this one looks ugly" "it's so old" "I hate the preprograms on it"
Honorary mentions from 15 year old BIL "it doesn't perform well" "it's too heavy" "I can throw it against the ground and it doesn't break" "I hate how it looks"
From my partner "it doesn't fit in my pocket"
I can't wait to upgrade it to a newer model...
If you upgrade your phone, your old phone doesn’t try to take your life savings
We are getting there though....looking at you iPhone 15 platinum or some such thing.
Every few years, I get a new one and give the old one to one of my kids.
Wtf. Nice one +1
Winnar!!
How do I set it on silent mode?
No spouse, but I do think this about family/random people a LOT. Entirely silent, or just watch them vibrate whenever they have something of actual importance/cleverness to say. 😆
I have no mouth, and I must scream.
If I hold it underwater long enough, it stops making noises and the face goes completely blank
Wow. Dark and…ridiculously funny.
Dang
And the winner is...
I new form of wisdom has been unlocked.
LMAOO CRAZYYY
"This one is for work, this one is for home"
"They get smaller and smaller each time I get a new one!"
I wish I could say the same... Phones are like tablets these days.
Remembered when they started calling them phablets here.
I knew that one would come up with this 🤣
We’re breaking up
You’re a genius
fellow nirvana enjoyer spotted
🤌🤌🤌
“I hate that it takes forever to recharge.”
Mine dies every few hours
I always take it in the bathroom with me.
She just doesn’t hold a charge like she used to
Mines dead can I borrow yours for a second.
Well, some could argue that it could be possible.
Really depends how close you are to your friends.
"I can put it on do not disturb so I can get a full night's sleep!"
This fuckin’ thing’s a piece of shit.
Things that you "cannot say". You did it wrong.
Exists
Sad clown noises :(
"When you turn it to the side, look how thin it is!!"
You wish that you could get the vanilla version. Fresh, new, nobody have ever touch it, and you were pretty sure that it will last forever.
It’s dead again
This one is kind of big, I may go smaller next time.
My last phone was slimmer... and cheaper... and worked better...
"im under contract for another year before I can move on"
All its needs is a push of a button to turn on.
This thing sucks.
Married and can confirm accurate
It's got a crack in it.
That's okay mine has three holes
Its like the cashier lanes at Walmart, "does it really matter if they have 36 lanes, when you can only use one!"
"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"
At least I can push a button to turn it off if it screams
Sometimes you just gotta hold the button til it quits kicking and screaming, then turn it back on.
Oooh this feels so nice in my hands!
I say that to my wife
I also say that to this guy's wife.
"I put it on silent mode!!"
I need to plug it in before I can use that again!
“it’s not turning on anymore… suppose I should swap it for a fresh one.”
It’s a bit cracked, and the port’s a little worn out, but getting a new one would be such a pain in the ass
Its dead.
Fuck you and the box you rode in on, you shitty little cunt (true story, my phone froze up as I was calling roadside assistance).
"Siri, turn on your internal flashlight" = double layer ;)
Siri turn on your internal Fleshlight
"Look I can push all her buttons ....and don't get in trouble!"
Clear the cache and restart that m'fkr
Why can’t I mute this thing?
This ain't got no connection!
I don’t like that it requires this new kind of connector.
What i wouldn't give for double the memory
It's a pain in the ass to try to turn it on.
damn...you're off the hook!!!
Man... mine sucks. Yours looks way better. Can I try it?
"You've malfunctioned on me for the last time! DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
Hmm I can't seem to turn this thing on.
"Finally. No hangups!"
If I swipe it a couple times, it turns on
I have one.
Why’s it so hard to turn this thing on
They just keep getting bigger every year
I liked my last one better
I want to look at someone else today!
This thing has soooo many buttholes on it!
It’s easy to access
"Listen, you can stand on your high-horse all you want, but I don't care if it comes from a Chinese sweatshop"
It keeps buzzing….
Just 2 more payments, and it's completely paid off.
"Where's the subtitles? They are speaking too quite"
I know you're clean, but do you always look dirty.
I wish the ports were better.
It’s a little cracked but I can’t afford a new one right now.
I know it looks bad, but it still works fine.
I love you. You always make me feel special.
It's very small and fragile in my hand.
"If it doesn't start listening well soon, it'll be my target at the range next week." "Useless shitty knockoff of a [insert series of slurs insults and unspeakable volatile language] I'll break you in half" "I'm thinking about trading this one in for a new model" "Smacking it on the top really hard makes it work" "It's broken. Oh well, I guess I'll get another" "I wish it was smaller" "I can't wait for the day the bi*ch finally bricks so I can replace it." "Does this come with a 30 day return policy?" "It's old, slow, heavy, and has no memory left, so I'll just throw it down the stairs"
I want other models because they look nicer and seem better. (I want him and only him)
Oops..... It's acting weird. Time to get a new one.
Where is that slot for the SIM card ?!!?This will be no fun if I can't find that slot!!
Needs to be recycled.
It's so dark
I have no idea how to turn it on.
My stylus fell out of the hole in the bottom :(
Put that thing on "mute."
I wish this piece of shit would work!
My contract is almost up, then I can get a new one.
I don’t really want to upgrade, hopefully this one doesn’t die soon.
I let a stranger use it.
Wow It fits in my hand
Damn it! Dead again!
I have access to unlimited sex with this
It vibrates just where I need it.
If I look at someone else’s phone, my phone doesn’t get jealous
I hate it. It’s so stupid
It’s never cheated on me.
You can always use an extra when you got the money
I'd like to throw it out the window.
Lasts all night
It’s got a crack so big you can see it on both sides
I keep hearing it buzzing while I'm trying to sleep.
The ones I had before were a bit small and didn’t last very long, but the one I have now is bigger and can do more stuff.
Now that I've paid it off I can finally trade it in for a better one
Super clear signal!
I like the one I had before better.
Dunno, been in my pants all day. I didn't hear a thing
My best friend wants to try this one out.
I can turn it on real easy
I like the other color better.
Hey Frank, I accidentally grabbed yours by mistake. Here catch.
It's so easy to turn on!
I prefer Pay As You Go...
It's flat
I use to get them second hand. They're cheaper and more, if I am lucky, someone already corrected their original bugs.
“Great! I thought I charged you last night!”
I think I like the white ones better than the blacks.
It's my "burner". I'll use it once, then throw it out.
Goes down on me every time I go through a tunnel
When you insert something in does mean you get a smaller one after 9 months that screams
So I got drunk and dropped this bich over the balcony from the second floor. Whoops anyways now I'm just waiting for the ole insurance to kick in and pay out for *the accident*"
“This thing is so fucking stupid.”
Doesnt get mad when passed around the room
That's a fancy ring.
It gives me full access with the touch of a single finger
I want to smash it with a hammer when it wakes me up in the morning.
There's so many cracks in it.
Getting the cracks fixed takes money, but it's cheaper than replacing it.
Lets see if there is a little more reaction if I put my plug in...
"Idc if it dies, I barely use it."
*.. YOU PIECE OF SHIT!*
"Sometimes I just sit there, swiping at it for hours at a time. It's unhealthy."
Well, it's a lot smaller than my last one.
The damn thing is so slow and outdated, I'm currently saving up for a new one.
This new one is more expensive.
I'm thinking about getting a new one.
It's old and sometimes it stops responding.
This birch works
Throws phone at wall then picks it up "do you feel like working now?"
“I forgot mine at home, can I borrow yours? I’ll be quick …”
I got a big one so I can use it for porn
Smart my ass !
You flip it over to ignore it!
Shit, no flash in public!
This is not working, I'm going to phone a friend to see if he can fix it Oh wait
My last one turned on much faster.
It's like I'm touching an Android.
I’m so sick of paying for this
"Shakes it" this thing is slowing down.
It's a bit on the larger side, but it still fits in my pocket
I can easily spend all day on it
I am addicted and spend all day on it.
I can turn it off when ever I want It might ring but I don't answer
"It's dead" "I should have gotten a different case, this one looks ugly" "it's so old" "I hate the preprograms on it" Honorary mentions from 15 year old BIL "it doesn't perform well" "it's too heavy" "I can throw it against the ground and it doesn't break" "I hate how it looks" From my partner "it doesn't fit in my pocket"
Should I root it?
At least the screen shuts it self off when not in use after a minute or less.
I'm waiting for the newest model to come out and then I'll upgrade.
It’s just too small for me now.
Sometimes I just have to silence it. Otherwise, I’ll punch it.
It’s on vibrate
Stop getting lost in the blankets while I’m sleeping!
I used to love playing with it ... now it's just a constant interruption ...
It’s dead
It needs an update
Maaaan, these things were never this expensive back in my day..
It gets hot in my hand
I guess if her battery is dead, she's shit out of luck.
Look for the fem
I can mute it.
She’s starting to slow down. Time for an upgrade!
I can press the mute button on my phone
The hole must need cleaning, my dongle just falls out when I stuck it in.
Statistically, your covered in more bacteria than a public restroom.
Thanks for sticking around.
It doesn't understand voice recognition command
It’s dead
It actually listens to what I have to say!
Just wipe off your fingerprints when you're done with it, and don't infect it with viruses like you did last time.
The charger port is broken… looks like I’m going to have to get another one.
"What a piece of shit, every time I touch it, it does something I don't want!!"
This thing sucks!
I know how to turn on a phone.