"Who's hungry? I brought my lawn trimmings!"

Reminds me of that smoothie place that sells grass shots. I watched them take a pair of scissors to a small (8x8 inch) patch of lawn, put it into a juicer, and hand it to my wife. NOPE

Hard pass lol

Do you guys have a bathroom, or do I have to shit in a plant?

Agree some of the salads at vegan dinner are like yard scraps.

Aww, when I first started dating my wife, she was vegan. I had no idea what she ate, so I told her we could go on a date at the park and she could eat the grass. Good times

Where's the beef?!

Right here, it's an organic bean spread puree with humus, bean sprouts, hydrogenated corn oil, natural seasonings, red dye 40, blue 7, onion powder, garlic powder, lecithin, inverted sugar, high fructose corn syrup, bean curd, tofu, and plant estrogen.

Inverted sugar. Yum.

Muy

Okay I have to bud in here right now merely because I'm a scientist. What in Gd's name is inverted sugar? Plant estrogen? Why oh why is that even remotely necessary?

For people that dislike meat, they go to great lengths to pretend they are eating meat.

If I'm getting a vegetarian or vegen burger, please just give me a proper veggie burger, not impossible meat.

Make it a Portobello patty

As someone with IBS, just reading that made my stomach hurt.

I agree, we try to eat healthy (to moderate success) so I bought some Beyond Beef burgers. Not bad if charcoal grilled and proper toppings are added. BUT. The ingredients label on the side is a chemistry set. IMHO good old ground beef is a healthier choice.

Just stick with veggie burgers, avoid this fake meat crap.

Ribeyes on the grill tonight.

There's just something about the tickle of purple 47 as it goes down that keeps me coming back for more. Am I giving my grandkids phalangic cancer? Yea, sure, but sweet baby Jesus it is SOOO worth it.

That’s the first thing that popped into my head

I'm old enough to get this reference...

Is it ethical to wash bacteria off of lettece?

I found a bone in my tofu.

(Zipping up pants) sorry

What, mashed potatoes aren’t vegan enough for you?

Not without gravy

Oh, so it's *that* sort of party.

You must really like tofu

"So when are you gonna serve actual food?"

I can’t tell if you’re a vegan, or if you are a relative of a vegan, but damn! I’m dying over here 😂😭

I love this farm to plate stuff, but someone seems to have missed the step where we feed this to my food.

" The trick to a proper vegan dish is to always use beef stock."

Eastern relative (by marriage) accidently ate collards cooked in bacon fat. he loved them. we didn't figure out why till a year later. never told and never served again.

Legit knew a guy who insisted to a vegan that beef ramen didn't have any meat in it.

That's quite possibly true. A lot of meat-flavoured instant noodles contain no meat.

I got out my best leather jacket for this occasion! Matches the shoes.

Custom baby seal leather boots?

They'd go beautifully with your real feather boa 🩷

And pearl necklace.

And with those pearls, why not put that mink hat on? Where did you get that handbag, Croc or Alligator? Anyhow, tell me about your last safari. Wait, try this scorpion tequila first!

I know someone that went to a vegan place not realizing she had on a leather jacket...got seated in a back corner

"Soylent Green is people!"

The taste varies person to person

I feel bad for all the insects, snakes and rodents that were killed in preparing the growing field to make all this tofu.

No worries. They got rolled into hot dog and spam “meat”.

“ this mushroom does not taste like chicken!”

"It's so nice to meat you"

There seems to be a mistake. You’ve given me the food my food eats.

-Ron Swanson

Wow, this is delicious.

Under rated response

“Great! I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!”

Hay, now!

You don't win friends with salad.

“Winner winner chicken dinner” “Last one is a rotten egg”

The Hostess has some MEAT on her bones!!

Please tell me more about being a vegan!

I'd rather listen to a scientologist drone on endlessly about scientology for hours on end than listen to a vegan. Talking about anything. Yeah, I've had vegans preach at me about the evils of meat in our local Trader Joe's. And as an ex-mormon missionary, I know something about prosyletizing.

“Actually, I’m a vagitarian.”

I thought you invited me to a vagitarian dinner

A couple of cunninglinguists here ^

I wish this bus was going to Hardee’s

My lunch had this for dinner yesterday...

"Well, that was a good salad, but when is the main course?"

Plant murderer!

[Carrot Juice is Murder 🥰🎵](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmK0bZl4ILM)

Pass the A1

"Say cheese!"

Do caterpillars count as a vegetable?

This taste like chicken

“Yes, I’m sure these are garden patties. I only used bunnies I found in the garden. Delicious, right?”

I'm only vegetarian for breakfast. Don't you have a steak?

“Well as a meat eater…”

I was sitting on the porch drinking beer and I tipped the empty can sideways so that the lizards could eat the flies as they came out.

Who wants to make a run to the BBQ hut?

Tell me, when you poop do you poop lawn trimming and tree leaves? 🍁

Compost.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I never eat anything with a face… my wife really is put off by this

🤣

Where’s the Gravy????

You got some beef with me?

Wish I had good ol' traditional t-bone and eggs, this stuff tastes like hay.

Mmm tastes like bacon

Is there any steak sauce?

Tony, I have a beef with you.

"What type of animal does vegan meat come from? Is it from a baby one, like veal?"

How did you get so fat eating lettuce? I know you must have been sneaking triple meat pizzas and double cheese burgers.

Sure this ham is vegan, I only fed them vegetarians. I mean veggies.

Alright, how many of you graduated from Julliard?

There’s a reason I have canines. I require a burger or someone is losing a calf muscle.

I have fired up the BBQ smoker outside, anyone interested in brisket?

Anyone want some actual meat? *Stands up, unzips pants"

She don’t eat meat but she sure likes the bone!

The bacon grease really brings out the flavor.

Are aborted fetuses "white meat"?

Holy shit. You went there..

Who wants to love on this boner???

Pass the pork

The pig we butchered for the soup only ate organic grains

I hope these tomatoes were farmed ethically.

I’m not very full, anyone wanna go out for burgers after this?

"Mmm, delicious."

What’s cooking? Smells like Amorphophallus titanum.

Is a rabbit marrying a gerbil?

Like I'd be caught dead at one? Or even just with a vegan?

Does anyone care to taste my pork sword?

*ding-dong* Oh, don't worry, that's for me. Ordered a few cheeseburgers.

That’s a meaty fart

You would think lesbians couldn't be vegan because of, you know, eating at the "Y" ... Unless you consider it a flower.

Make mine rare

I brought bbq ribs!!!

Who wants to go to Micky Ds after the party

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bacon

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! It's bacon!

Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon.

Where's the beef!!?

My God, I’d love to be boned by him!!

I thought you were serving vegan.... Is ketchup vegan cuz damn....

I guess there’s no pudding

I'm a meat eater, it's so amazing everybody.............. Rambles on & on about being a meat eater annoying the vegans (just like vegans do all the time) lol

“Damn, I was really hoping to stuff myself with a great big hunk of meat.”

These Delmonico steaks are the best!

“I can’t believe it’s not butter…” Sorry guys.. I’ll see myself to the door. 😬

Got milk?

Where's the nearest Ruth's Chris?

Where’s the beef?

“BAAAAAACOOONNN!”

Have you seen Arby’s latest commercial? They have the meat

I brought my girlfriend with me

So where's the best butcher in town?

I’m horny for meat

Please pass the brisket

Tasty, can I have another (in non sarcastic voice)

“That was a good starter salad. So, where’s the main course?”

Where's the beef?

Anything not approved by "the party"

“So I brought some actual food here. Hope you all like beef wellingtons”

i thought you invited us to a dinner party.

Nothing, I wouldn’t attend.

“Anyone up for a McDonalds run?”

Hate beans except for soy, peel fruit like a little boy, veggies peeled, boiled well.

Meat's back on the menu, boys!

“All this food fucking sucks”

"Chop off its horns, wipe its ass, and send it out."

A fellow Texan I see lol

Yupper

“Where’s the beef?”

“Hey so on the invitation it said to bring a side dish.. I brought some hamburgers.”

Nice to meat you

"Wow, that was the best meal I've ever had!"

“Are these the appetizers?”

Where's the BEEF??

P E T A - people eating tasty animals

"I'm guessing everyone's in the backyard getting started on the lawn?"

I brought bacon *holds up a plastic bag of precooked bacon*

Where's the beef!

Where's the beef?!

I saw this in an episode of Yellowstone when asking a Vegan if they have ever been to a farm: “You ever plow a field? To plant the quinoa or sorghum or whatever the hell it is you eat? You kill everything on the ground and under it. You kill every snake, every frog, every mouse, mole, vole, worm, quail… you kill them all. So, I guess the only real question is: how cute does an animal have to be before you care if it dies to feed you?

Vegan food just doesn't taste right, you can taste the soul in meat

Medium rare

"Does everyone like my vegan bacon? Freshly cut from a vegan today!"

It looks like I'm turning one of you into ass jerky.

I see we’re eating high on the hog tonight.

Cheese would go really well with this.

“Oh are we expected to go out back and hunt our main course?”

I shot and killed a dear last night. Dressed it on sight and drug it out to the truck. It’s at the butcher right now getting cut into loins, roasts, burger, and summer sausage. I got plenty of extra if y’all are interested.

Pass the sausage.

Nice to meat you, I don't have a steak in the discussion planned tonight, but if someone asks me a tough question I won't chicken out by not answering. Pass the bacon, please

Before anyone eats this pudding, is it vegan if it is my own blood in the blood pudding?

You seem to have brought the food my food eats

“I wanted to bring something, and don’t worry! It’s local, grass fed, and free-range!”

I like mine bloody!

Vegan “Pigs are very intelligent animals.” Me, “Not smart enough to get away from the end of my fork.”

Where are the hot dogs?

My food shits on your food

So it tastes like chicken?

I really want some good meat right now...

“Pass the butter, please?”

“Sorry, this is the food my food eats.”

Does anybody want to hear a joke?

“You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat!” - Pink Floyd The Wall.

This would taste so much better wrapped in bacon. And this paired with a steak would be exquisite

Wanna hear about my hunting trip?

Did you know that tomatoes scream when cut?

“So anyways, I’m a butcher. What do you do for work?”

i brought the ribs

“I TOLD YOU real meat tastes better!”

All this food is vegan? How many of them did they kill to make it?

"The trick to great tofu is marinating it in fish sauce and beef stock."

Where’s the beef

why does my zucchini taste like fish?

I’ve swapped this Impossiburger for one made from processed beef. I bet you couldn’t tell the difference, huh? In fact, it sounds to me like you liked it that much more! ((And if you think that’s evil, just remember that’s playing on the vegan’s fantasy is to somehow trick a meat eater into liking vegan food, and I’m just lobbing that grenade right fucking back.))

You know what would improve this dish? Fois Gras