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dbltax

>NO UPPPER CHAIN!!!! REALLY TO BE BE MISSED!!!N That is absolute pure poetry. It's up there with that angry driver saying "put your... fucking mouth shut!" in response to a guy telling him to put his seatbelt on.


jokennate

TO BE BE MISSED OR NOT TO BE BE MISSED, that is the question.


f3ydr4uth4

Bloody you bloody! Bloody bloody!


WotanMjolnir

Fuck you bloody!


Space-manatee

fuck you bloody bastard bitch.


Ricky_Martins_Vagina

Why fucking running like lady? Souting no good man!


allegroconspirito

Ok have a nice day!


United-Year7416

green wing reference? if so, bravo!


SWMBOChick

If I was paying the EA for this, which is presumably a considerable amount for that asking price, I’d be fuming.


Cypher_Marz

Also lists 1 x bathroom when photos show 2....?!


SeeSore

Is that one next to the so-called ‘utility room’? Aka back entrance


OddBoots

I'd still list it as a bathroom 5 beds is going to attract a larger family and as a child of a larger family, there was a brief time when we had two adults and four teenagers in a house with one bathroom. It was chaos, especially first thing in the morning. If possible, I'd put an en suite on the top floor here as well, make that the main bedroom with adult lounge space, and advertise it as such.


Ricky_Martins_Vagina

Him vs Ronnie Pickering would be the ultimate showdown.


dbltax

Who?


pelvviber

Ronnie Pickering!


Ricky_Martins_Vagina

Yeah me! You wanna go then?


davesy69

RONNIE PICKERING!!!!!


pelvviber

Johnny who?


Lt_Muffintoes

I'm more interested in being able to arrange whitely just by calling this estate agent


prolixia

They say a monkey randomly hitting keys on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will eventually write a legible property listing. I guess this one needed a little more time.


dbltax

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.


Limp-Coconut3740

Stupid monkey!


InternationalPear678

Monkey needs a spank. Bad monkey.


Captain_Stable

A monkey with a typewriter, pressing keys at random could potentially write the Twilight novels...


prolixia

I think a monkey without a typewriter could throw faeces randomly at a ream of paper and *improve* on the Twilight novels - most probably at its first attempt.


TheWipersOnTheBus

Bloody hell I seriously love that house with no sarcasm. The wallpaper and general retro vibe. I bet it’s right by the sea too and Whitley Bay is gorge. I want it!!!! Note to self: you can’t afford it!


Youstinkeryou

I’ve just moved house and this was in my budget but we’ve chosen something else! Arrrgh it’s brilliant. How annoying.


SilverellaUK

I love it too. That small bedroom is pining to be an ensuite.


AutumnGeorge77

I love it too! Would move in as is!


evavu84

It's so close to the beach too and the street looks gorgeous. I'm with you guys! It's lovely!


Onlyonehoppy

I love it. Note to self, no really you can't afford it. I promise.


obb223

I've never seen tiles on the ceiling like in that attic room.


Morris_Alanisette

Insulating tiles. Presumably the loft room isn't insulated and that's the work around.


Born-Ad4452

(Not fireproof, expanded polystyrene tiles ?)


Morris_Alanisette

Looks like it from the picture yeah.


No_Step_6468

Terrible copy and advert but £635K in that area of Whitley Bay is well within the ballpark tbh. Whitley Bay/ Cullercoats/ Tynemouth etc have quite a few £1m+ properties- you pay a premium for the location and lack of properties on the market. Not all of the North-East is a barren wasteland!


obb223

Whitley Bay and Cullercoats prices have got out of hand, would have been half that not too long ago and 635k in that condition is nuts. Tynemouth has always been expensive.


kibonzos

It’s got a decent sized plot though. Might be aiming at builders with the price sadly.


Cheapntacky

Yeah, to me it looks like it needs the best part of 75-100k throwing at it and it would push the value way up there. Not that I'd want to sell it. But then I don't have 650 nevermind the development budget.


Forsaken-Original-28

Convert to 3 flats and profit? (I've no idea what the area is like, Im just used to that happening to most nice houses in my seaside town)


Specialist_Ad_3147

Thank you! I live about a mile from here, and most houses in this area can start at 500k upwards and a lot upwards at that. OP obviously thinks we all live in mining huts up here. Lol


Fyonella

I went to school with a girl who lived in this house! We were friends quite briefly so I think I was only inside the house a handful of times but it hasn’t changed much since then (mid 70’s).


Miserable_Armadillo

"Call now to arrange your viewing or whitley."


SprinklesScary8852

So grandma died in this house. This is haunted.


newfor2023

Yeh the look of the house and no chain immediately made me think someone just died there. My grans was the same, knocked the old place flat and had all the best of whatever they wanted at the time. Which was the late 70s... so green sinks and carpeted bathrooms etc. Looked exactly the same 35 years later when we had to sell it.


Peskycat42

Is it just me or are the window placements really odd in this house?. Lounge ones are weird, then one of the bedrooms has 2 next to each other where there is plenty of open wall. Other rooms are odd as well.


Ok_Sleep5985

By god you’re right. 


Styck1

Screams "nanna died"


Ill-Basil2863

It's in Whitley Bay. House prices there are really high. Plus it's a really nice place to live.


StaticCaravan

Definitely not all of Whitley has high house prices. This is a massive, detached, period property. But I know a one bed flat literally five mins walk away which has been on the market for a year for £75k with zero interest.


bonelope

It's actually semi-detached. It looks like this one had a massive renovation/extension at some point.


Mysterious-Fortune-6

Lyndhurst Rd? Who would want that?


StaticCaravan

Presumably someone who wanted to live in the middle of Monkseaton, a 10 min walk from the beach, 15 min walk from town centre etc?


Mysterious-Fortune-6

Yet there is no such person. Maybe they don't want something horrible inside / backing on to a pub etc, despite decent location.


StaticCaravan

Yes, which is my point- not all houses in Whitley are expensive


Youstinkeryou

I actually wanted to go look at that one. But we’ve just moved a month ago so I can’t 🙁 It’s lush and Marine av is also lush. I don’t think £635k is too bad for the house and location.


boredofwheelchair

Looks like it would be a decent house after refurbishment but it looks like it's in a 70's/80's time warp, the table and chair on the upstairs landing/hallway in [picture 12](https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/147378635#/media?channel=RES_BUY&id=media11&ref=photoCollage) are slightly odd


pulsebox

That's got to be the most smudged and dirty camera lens I've ever seen used in house photography


lavindas

Whitley Bay is a really desirable area now, especially since covid. I actually considered moving there from the Midlands. I think many houses like this would go for a lot of money.


[deleted]

Okay that’s definitely a work experience kid, I would be pissed as the owner.


Cypher_Marz

It also lists 1 x bathroom when photos show 2


obb223

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/147378635


Jaded-Fix-4583

From the photos alone I can smell this house. And every room has its own particular signature scent.


FalseAsphodel

I don't think whoever wrote the copy knows what an internal courtyard is either


Foundation_Wrong

That’s a lovely house and I love the furniture.


cjdcjdcjdcjd

Pattinsons are shit. We sold my mother in law’s house with them and after weeks of hearing nothing got a call to say we had completed. That was news to us since we hadn’t even exchanged yet. Other half ended up having to go to their office and doorstep them to get them to acknowledge their mistake but there was no apology.


Ronsona

Sadly, that's the standard state of the use of our beautiful language nowadays. Just read any of the online versions of the Daily Newspapers to find numerous, similar examples.


BloodAndSand44

Sorry won’t be doing that. I don’t fancy all the crap that will be left in my history. The Daily Heil also.


justwhatever22

You missed a 'BE'.


MapleLeaf5410

5 bed and only one bathroom, in this day and age is a turn-off for buyers.


denisthesaint

Plenty of garden and bush.


MrsPivarev

It's got potential, but jeez... there's gotta be a lot of work/time/money put in to get it to its full potential.


DiligentCockroach700

Blimey! 5 bedrooms and only one bathroom!


shrivelup

I would just like to say that I would happily live in the loft room. 


softwarebear

whats with the huge mock chimney at the front that isn't on the floorplan ?


RummazKnowsBest

They stopped decorating that house in the 70s. To be fair though that price is fairly standard down the coast.


Zutsky

'Secluded' but also 'semi-detached' 🤔


ScaredyCatUK

"Call now to arrange your viewing or whitley"


quantocked

It looks spooky, proper liminal space vibes (especially the loft and the wall of the kitchen with the dresser on). I love it, I would be terrified living there, but I love it.


VeryThicknLong

Whitley Bay has gone mental in the last decade or so!


No_Doubt_About_That

Tbh I guess it makes a change from the usual AI claptrap.


Ok-Nectarine350

It's a beautiful house, but are those polystyrene tiles? They are not only on the ceiling but walls too. They are a nightmare to scrape off.


Connect-Smell761

Even worse they might be asbestos 🫣


obb223

I guess so, they couldn't even be bothered to replace the ones that fell off before they ask for 635k from someone.


Orc_face

Florida is horrider than Whitley Bay…..


CommanderFuzzy

I thought I counted 3 pianos, but it's just very disordered photos.


SeeSore

But no back garden?? What is the world coming to.


denisthesaint

Haunted...especially pic 5, 11, 12 and 13, that hazy light. Factor in cost of exorcist. Probably why there is no upper chain in the dumbwaiter, if there is one. Something stuck in it. Thump in the night.


discombobulated38x

Phwoar that is retro, from the polystyrene or asbestos tiles peeling off the ceilings to the vaseline on the camera lens!


PMFSCV

Looks like a Merrow Associates table in the attic, nice.


DuckPicMaster

What’s with all the dead space on the corridors?


Fun-Specialist-5703

You know it’s a big house when there’s a table and chairs on the landing


london_smog_latte

I mean it’s a bit of a stretch to call bedroom 5 a bedroom - it’s clearly being used as a dressing room which fine, could probably make a good home office but it’s to narrow for a bedroom the bed would go from wall to wall. At a stretch maybe a nursery turned play room - a cot under the window would be really cute.


Symbolic37

I was looking around for Miss Haversham


Majestic_fox_biscuit

Check recently sold theres one on same street sold for £1.5million, with money spent theres plenty return available


truman_chu

It’s a lovely street. There are a few stunning houses directly across the road from this one, and the top end of it is all villas. It’s on my dog walk route, and my kids absolutely hammer it at Halloween because the treats are so generous.


HappyHippoButt

Prices have gone a bit crazy in the NE, especially in seaside areas. That's actually "reasonable" for a house that size in Whitley Bay. I'm in a smaller seaside town north of there and since we moved in (6 years ago), our house has almost doubled in value.


truman_chu

I live a few streets away from this and have been intrigued by it (and the house next door) for years. You can’t really see it from the street as the hedges are so massive. It’s a proper hidden gem and someone with a bit of money to do it up will have a lovely house. The average for the nice houses on that street is closer to £900k.


TabithaBe

What does No Upper Chain mean?


quantocked

Nana died


LucyJanePlays

Needs a lot of work, kitchen and bathroom fittings very dated and attic room ceiling looks like it needs replacing


OldStage4928

Oh, some insta luvvie with a reluctant yet wealthy husband will buy and 'gut' this, spewing blood, sweat and Lust Home wallpaper in the process. The reward will be a couple of articles in Your Home magazine and the validation of 10k other empty souls.


BrushMission4620

Happy to swap my tiny 2bed in bristol for it!!


ThorsBodyDouble

I bet it doesn't have Internet 🙄


Electronic_Term_9728

that's why there's no "badly in need of updating to the current century", it's already been done.


StaticCaravan

Hahaha of COURSE it’s in Whitley Bay. Absolute ‘Tory councillor couple in their 80s’ house. Completely vile.


Small-Low3233

They clearly have no internet because they are so out of touch with the modern world asking for that amount of money.


Mysterious-Fortune-6

It's an expensive area 🤷‍♂️


TripleDragons

I'm in London and I saw this thinking it's an amazing deal lol


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