https://preview.redd.it/wnosrvtmyl6d1.jpeg?width=559&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82aa658a0e1fe3be77fefe4ae0358784d00bd99c
Or perhaps the ol’ “How do you explain this!” headshot.
I dunno seems like the guy just phoned it in. The background check seemed to have missed the wife and child, missed the fomer mentor working against the goa'uld, the dead father that served another goa'uld. The former girlfriend that was a priestess, possible access to larvae.What did the guy vetting teal'c actually get? nothing from what i can tell. Presume him and teal'c just sat in an interview room with question after question met with stone faced silence from teal'c.
Excerpts from some anonymous intelligence agent's report:
"Conclusion: as silent as a grave and as stoic as a rock, we should recruit him for the NID."
*Imagine being*
*That guy that has to do a*
*Background check on Teal'C*
\- Clem40kAllTheWay
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So Teal'c, I've got your file, it says here you killed chronos, very nice...
It also says you killed a Guy named Tanith, yuck never cared for that name.
Your old boss Apophis came back to life three, four times?
>I PLEDGE THAT I AM NOT IN THE SERVICE OF RA NO SYSTEM LORDS IN MY LIFE NOW OR EVER THEY ARE FALS GODS
It took me an moment to figure out that rano was Ra no
"I have been unable to complete the tasks requested of me by General Hammond. The.. *computer* that was assigned to my care appears to be temporarily inoperative."
"Updates?"
"*Indeed*"
A judge recently decided “I want a lawyer, dawg” meant the guy was asking for a canine attorney. I wouldn’t bank on common sense when dealing with the American legal system.
Probably not till after the gate is public knowledge. Gonna be really hard hiding the space force having an entire ground based tactical arm and 3-5 crews worth of personal for the warships the SGC had. That's ignoring Atlantis and it's multi national org.
At a senate hearing. "So Hammond can you please explain why the air force has 15 aircraft carriers worth of personnel assigned to a decommissioned missile silo." Without thinking Hammond responds with "Deep-space radar telemetry."
I was thinking more so you can have like 30 fake listings in a airforce posting at like 8 different airbases and when SGC suffers casualties you just backdated or forward date those deaths and link them to casualties suffered in ongoing or past operations etc.
With space force it's gonna be real hard hiding casualties and staff with the same number fudging.
The SGC budget wise just pulls from the pentagon and irl the pentagon makes millions disappear for secret projects.
The gate itself doesn't really have that much to do with space, if you're not launching a Puddle Jumper for an interplanetary mission through it (or boarding a spaceship that has a gate).
Going public, I could see them splitting it up with the different branches or the Stargate program being its own thing.
My head cannon is that it was spun off into it's own branch, and Space Force was then developed around that. Especially as very valid cover for the actual goings ons, and why they were so ready for threats any extraterrestrial threats that became public knowledge
if you're ever looking for work, I'm occasionally hiring
if you show up to the interview wearing that on a lanyard, insta-hired
I've always got my ear out for opportunities. So far I've got 10 years of help-desk/remote (mostly MSSQL-based apps and SQL reporting, some legacy MS Access junk too) + on-site break/fix hardware support + installation and end-user training.
I was just yesterday having a conversation with a colleague about how sometimes the gate guards barely look at the badges and was told that their supervisors occasionally test them with fake badges like this.
You should sell them on Etsy.
My former job was at a college and I was responsible for setting up and supporting the student IDs.
Yeah, I had lot of fun. Sadly, the only ones I have left are the IDs I made for my dog. :)
Hells ya. Although I'd always assumed that Daniel and Teal'c were given GS positions. It would be funny if they were working for Raytheon or Lockheed Martin the whole time.
You're probably right, but I wanted to make sure there were enough cues (like the printed-on smart chip) that anyone would realize this is a total fake.
It printed, which is half the battle, but this example shows a pixel in the print head starting to die. You can see the faint white vertical line on the left side of the photo. That unprinted line will get wider over time. Customer didn't care enough to pay $600 for a replacement, so it will remain (the photo is in a different spot on their company badge, so it doesn't matter).
Hah that’s cool. You’re not actually AF right? Cause even though it’s obviously fake, you’re publishing the design/security features. I’m just checking! 🤓
It should say Murray, not Teal’C
I couldn't find any great Murray-in-hat photos.
https://preview.redd.it/p5hvpot68j6d1.jpeg?width=222&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4247c649883822146b2383d48c3bb681c4dd88c3
OK. I may have to use this one. Will get back to you if it's a slow Friday haha.
https://preview.redd.it/eavbhahrhk6d1.png?width=385&format=png&auto=webp&s=ccd96714cbedc820c749a38ad3a06f8ec5b8928d Or maybe this?
That’s Murray!
https://i.redd.it/j8gjwf0s1n6d1.gif
Precisely
Indeed.
https://preview.redd.it/wnosrvtmyl6d1.jpeg?width=559&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82aa658a0e1fe3be77fefe4ae0358784d00bd99c Or perhaps the ol’ “How do you explain this!” headshot.
Please do lol
I'm gonna have to print this when I'm at the office to fix mail-ins next. https://imgur.com/f1ww2ur
Nice!
Does anyone remember the exact episode this comes from?
By now in the timeline I imagine Aliens are known and are integrating on Earth. Or to be more precise, back to earth.
Now do one for Thor. 😅😅😅
Designation: [REDACTED]
That's *Supreme* [REDACTED] ☝️
That finger is the most important one!!!
One of the only quotes that requires an emoji next to it lol
Indeed 🤨
"Indeed" and the eyebrow aren't usually used at the same time though.
LOL. You win.
Thor gets a sipr token.
Imagine being \*\*that guy\*\* that has to do a background check on Teal'C
Imagine having to speak with Teal‘Cs former employer
Reason for leaving last employment? *Displeased his god*
Displeased his false god, dead false god.
Displeased his god, later killed his god and all of his family. Even cousin Baal.
I dunno seems like the guy just phoned it in. The background check seemed to have missed the wife and child, missed the fomer mentor working against the goa'uld, the dead father that served another goa'uld. The former girlfriend that was a priestess, possible access to larvae.What did the guy vetting teal'c actually get? nothing from what i can tell. Presume him and teal'c just sat in an interview room with question after question met with stone faced silence from teal'c.
Excerpts from some anonymous intelligence agent's report: "Conclusion: as silent as a grave and as stoic as a rock, we should recruit him for the NID."
Background check just said “Unable to contact references.”
*Imagine being* *That guy that has to do a* *Background check on Teal'C* \- Clem40kAllTheWay --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot!
So Teal'c, I've got your file, it says here you killed chronos, very nice... It also says you killed a Guy named Tanith, yuck never cared for that name. Your old boss Apophis came back to life three, four times?
isn't there an episode early on about that when they introduced the NID?
Pretty sure his history of participating in the violent overthrow of the legitimate government of his people is adverse information
I am impressed you made the PDF417 barcode to match. IPLEDGETHATIAMNOTINTHESERVICEOFRANOSYSTEMLORDSINMYLIFENOWOREVERTHEYAREFALSGODS
Hah! I'm glad you read it. I forgot that PDF417 doesn't encode spaces
>I PLEDGE THAT I AM NOT IN THE SERVICE OF RA NO SYSTEM LORDS IN MY LIFE NOW OR EVER THEY ARE FALS GODS It took me an moment to figure out that rano was Ra no
Did you miss the E from FALSE, or did OP mess up the barcode?
Also wondering about RANO. Could be "..service of Ra. No system lords..", but I don't think he ever served Ra.
Took me awhile, but Ra // No is how I landed on it too
Indeed
Likely typos... I basically had to type SOMETHING to populate the barcode, or else it would look small and unimportant.
Next time, do random Teal'c quotes, like "Indeed" and "They will calm up"
Teal'CAC
I would love to see comical moments of Teal'C being frustrated by Windows machines of the era.
"I have been unable to complete the tasks requested of me by General Hammond. The.. *computer* that was assigned to my care appears to be temporarily inoperative." "Updates?" "*Indeed*"
"When that happens I just use Daniel's laptop." "*You're* the reason my internet access privileges have been suspended!?"
Sam would definitely have a Deviant Art account.
These machines are most ineffective Daniel Jackson. They require a great deal of patience to work with.
Teal’c having to do his yearly CBT’s and do this years cyber awareness challenge
I imagine he would be very lost regarding the jokes enlisted make about these things. "Whip out your CAC." \*Eyebrow raises\*
If it's legal, you should send the badge to Christopher Judge or Joseph Mallozzi for shits and giggles
I guarantee it's not legal
Likely not, but it's very apparent that it's a comically bad fake (like the single name and printed-on smart chip lol).
A judge recently decided “I want a lawyer, dawg” meant the guy was asking for a canine attorney. I wouldn’t bank on common sense when dealing with the American legal system.
That Judge had to know and just want to fuck over the def.
Oh, he certainly did. Just saying that you can’t rely on common sense in court. You can only barely rely on the law.
Also contractors have a green strip, at least in other government IDs, though if he's a non citizen it should be a blue strip.
That would be awesome.
Nice, and dates r current too!
Thanks! I put the template together sometime last year when work was slow and I was stuck in the office all day.
Always happens in mobility too
I believe the SGC would've been transferred to the Space Force
Probably not till after the gate is public knowledge. Gonna be really hard hiding the space force having an entire ground based tactical arm and 3-5 crews worth of personal for the warships the SGC had. That's ignoring Atlantis and it's multi national org.
At a senate hearing. "So Hammond can you please explain why the air force has 15 aircraft carriers worth of personnel assigned to a decommissioned missile silo." Without thinking Hammond responds with "Deep-space radar telemetry."
I was thinking more so you can have like 30 fake listings in a airforce posting at like 8 different airbases and when SGC suffers casualties you just backdated or forward date those deaths and link them to casualties suffered in ongoing or past operations etc. With space force it's gonna be real hard hiding casualties and staff with the same number fudging. The SGC budget wise just pulls from the pentagon and irl the pentagon makes millions disappear for secret projects.
The gate itself doesn't really have that much to do with space, if you're not launching a Puddle Jumper for an interplanetary mission through it (or boarding a spaceship that has a gate). Going public, I could see them splitting it up with the different branches or the Stargate program being its own thing.
My head cannon is that it was spun off into it's own branch, and Space Force was then developed around that. Especially as very valid cover for the actual goings ons, and why they were so ready for threats any extraterrestrial threats that became public knowledge
Jaffa KEY!!!!!
that's the greatest thing I've seen in months
I'm dying laughing right now...this is excellent
Legend...absolute legend.
A contractor badge has a green stripe
When making comically fake IDs, it's usually best to keep a *little* distance between yours and the real thing.
Yeah, there's a few inconsistencies with a real card but we'll just chock it up to alternate timeline.
He's not a citizen so he'd have a blue strip. I asked once and was told blue takes priority.
if you're ever looking for work, I'm occasionally hiring if you show up to the interview wearing that on a lanyard, insta-hired 
What you hiring for?
always looking for good IT people
I've always got my ear out for opportunities. So far I've got 10 years of help-desk/remote (mostly MSSQL-based apps and SQL reporting, some legacy MS Access junk too) + on-site break/fix hardware support + installation and end-user training.
In oklahoma I assume
In AL here, but most of what I do is remote these days.
First off this is awesome, but also I had no idea ID badges were at all connected to the Geneva Convention till now
I had no idea until I hunted down the basic layout for military IDs.
I was just yesterday having a conversation with a colleague about how sometimes the gate guards barely look at the badges and was told that their supervisors occasionally test them with fake badges like this. You should sell them on Etsy.
I have created some truly ridiculous badges for customers for this exact purpose lol.
I'm interested! What does a totally ridiculous badge cost? Range? Color vs Black & White?
Do one for O'Neill with 2 Ls and one with only 1 L.
Careful or you're going to find yourself in an air force cryogenic experiment with upgradds main bitch
Should be Teal'c of Chulak
Should have made a custom logo to replace "airforce" as "stargate command"
"Teal'C. Just Teal'C?" "Indeed."
My former job was at a college and I was responsible for setting up and supporting the student IDs. Yeah, I had lot of fun. Sadly, the only ones I have left are the IDs I made for my dog. :)
Every college/university I work at always has at least a few records in the ID system for peoples' dogs. I love seeing them lol.
This is a masterpiece.
Teal’C with a CAC card. This looks awesome.
Send this to Christopher Judge.
Designation: Resident Alien
Indeed
As someone with a PIV, this is hilarious.
Sure, sure... Test... Leak us more info from Cheyenne base!
The cafeteria jello has been green for months.
Did the DEERS go down again?
Haha this is great.
This is really cool! Note, though, the "c" is not capitalized.
You are a good man.
You make CAC cards?
Noooo. The smart chip on this one is printed on, not real. I service plastic card printers as part of my job.
Well, I've certainly used cards like that myself.
Hells ya. Although I'd always assumed that Daniel and Teal'c were given GS positions. It would be funny if they were working for Raytheon or Lockheed Martin the whole time.
You're probably right, but I wanted to make sure there were enough cues (like the printed-on smart chip) that anyone would realize this is a total fake.
Nice cac card. Ha!
jaffa key... card
That's an outdated picture for 2022. Although I suppose he could have shaved his head again.
Undomesticated Equines....
Has Teal’c done his Cyber Awareness Challenge for this FY yet?
Is that Chiquita Banana head? It is, isn't it !
I had a coworker make me a badge saying I worked in Cheyenne mountain with the air force on a random sg team. I gotta find it again, it's so sick
Yes, yes, but what about Junior?
That could be anyone. Should have put his full name Teal'c of Chulak.
Brb, making a Hammond of Texas now.
So can you put this in keycard scanners the wrong way and the doors will still open then?
It's just a piece of plastic. It won't open anything.
So you chose BananaHead? Did the printer work properly?
It printed, which is half the battle, but this example shows a pixel in the print head starting to die. You can see the faint white vertical line on the left side of the photo. That unprinted line will get wider over time. Customer didn't care enough to pay $600 for a replacement, so it will remain (the photo is in a different spot on their company badge, so it doesn't matter).
All you people calling it a “CAC card”, what’s wrong with you!? I have never…! /s
You should get Chris Judge to sign it.
Hah that’s cool. You’re not actually AF right? Cause even though it’s obviously fake, you’re publishing the design/security features. I’m just checking! 🤓
Nope, not military affiliated. It's already public knowledge anyway. https://www.cac.mil/common-access-card/
Ronan is also a contractor.
What happens when you're off world and your CAC expires? Do they let you come back?
Dissapoonted, thought it was gonna be Walter…
Creep
No. U.
Just keep it on the down low