You may want to go to a swingers club, like Colette's or the Trapeze. They have a dress code, so you'd see men having a more polished appearance. We live in the South, so I see where you're coming from. We live in an area where there's not a lot for men to get dressed up for.There's not much of a nightlife where we live, so we travel a few hours to Atlanta for lifestyle activities, or to other more urban areas.
Yep we go to Trapeze as well and we have to make a good drive to get there .We have tried groups where we live and Iām just put off .We went to Trapeze and started an orgy!!Different age ranges , different races , it was amazing ..but hereā¦omg..Jesus Christ ..No no no .The pictures people post on on the adult sites are a turn off ..dudes just putting up pictures of flaccid ding dong with their toilet paper in the background ..meanwhile the wife looks fine but you just canāt bring yourself to let that dude who canāt carry himself well enjoy your partner .Dude look so bad he make me not want his wife and I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some women š¤£
Lol! I feel your pain! We also go to house parties in the ATL metro area and met a lot of couples who align with our interests and preferences. It took a while to find our people, but it was worth it.
From our last DM, their profile had one single photo of the man. It was a dressing room selfie, dad jeans & a shirt with the sales tag visible. I just wanted reach through the screen & shake him. My dude, what are you doing? In my experience, that look will not make most women want to sleep with you.
Lol I can one up this one, had a very sexy blonde wife reach out, talked to her a bit, tons of sexy photos. Asked to to open up or share any pics of her husband for my wife. That opened up a folder with one grainy pic of her husband on a fair ride giving the middle finger with a grumpy look on his face š¢ā¦.I just said hopefully you can do better than that :(
Yeah, we get that frustration. We're an older couple, and there seem to be so many women over 50 who still really look hot, but who's husbands obviously gave up on keeping themselves fit and attractive decades ago.
And yes, it's worse in rural areas. We live in Gun Barrel City, Tx. It's BFE, 60 miles southeast of Dallas, and we joke that there are serious shortages of mufflers and teeth in this area. If I ever consider a local couple, my wife insists on seeing smiling pics of them first, so she can check for teeth.
But even at Club Eden in DFW, there are so many women dressed to kill, while their husbands are sporting worn out t-shirts and baseball hats.
I donāt think itās necessarily right, but our culture has a basic template of women being sex objects and men being success objects.
This can lead to physicality and appearance generally being more at the forefront of womenās minds as a result of reenforcement from a young age. Men are quick to talk about their jobs or their property or put up some kind of plumage like sports talk..
Iām a man and have been a fitness nut my whole life so I donāt fit the mold, and my wife is a successful professional in her own right while also being smoking hot. We both work hard at BOTH physicality and intellect/social energy.
But I agree with OPāthere have been times when Iāve just had to say no to a couple from a distance because the guy just didnāt put in any effort.
Lmfao! I love the smiling teeth pictures must be shown first!!šš BUT YES!!!It seems like the men just give up.Especially the older ones and this has motivated me to stay in the gym or at least go twice a week, jog and watch what I eat
OMG this is rural Wisconsin as well. We went to a house party and the hot tub was sectioned off with pieces of tarp. Then the attendees were all wearing wallets with chains, several were missing teeth or they were blackened. We booked it out of there.
A lot of the 50+ women look amazing... some because they have gotten a lot of work done, some really work hard for it, and some have amazing genetics. Definitely no judgement here from me. I would be in the works hard for it category, 5 hrs/5 days a week in the gym with some genetics mixed in.
A "lot of work" isn't enough isn't enough to show the obvious fitness that many 50+ women have, and their husbands lack. So I strongly dusts with every word you posted.
Hey donāt give away some of our successful lifestyle guyās secrets. Since a lot of men in the lifestyle donāt put in that effort as you mentioned, it makes the ones that do look so much better and successful.
Definitely able to hit above my weight class in the lifestyle than if I were single just by taking an extra effort to dress nicely, care about appearance, trim facial hair, smell nice, and not be a creep or aggressive lol
Lol youāre right !!!but I want to make sure my girl gets to be with a nice guy who takes care of himself ! šš. Itās wild how many people feel wired about this post ..like dudes ..put in some effort !!!This motivates me to go to the gym today lmao
Itās gotten to the point that when Iām looking at profiles, or perusing the floor of the hotel takeover, that Iām looking for the good looking fit dudes and THEN checking out their wife. Because itās just an exercise in frustration to do it the other way.
I hunt for dudes and look for dick pics way more than any heterosexual man should.
I hear this idea a lot in the LS & kink communities: āno no donāt help! More for us good onesā but to be honest , Iāve always thought that was backwards. If all the guys in the swinging scene were maxing out their potential, I think a lot more women would participate, single, married, or otherwise.
It was really meant as a joke or tongue and cheek comment, to show that we can relate and see the same issue. Trust me, I would love it if more guys did. I canāt tell you how many beautiful wives of couples that were interested in me/us that we had to pass up on just due to the husband not caring about appearance or being a dud with no personality.
For sure. I figured it was mostly a joke. Speaking to passing on couples, weāve had the exact same experience yāall have had with many who approach us. Almost all of the men were slobs. It took us two years to find a couple with a hubs who genuinely checked all my wifeās boxes.
Since swinging I, the husband, have started a daytime/night time skincare routine. Taken dramatic steps at improving my oral hygiene, work out 6 days a week, put a couple hundred dollars into my wardrobe, etc. Part of the allure of the lifestyle IS looking good for my wife and others. The sex is fine, but feeling good about myself has been the biggest motivation for me.
Going to my first event on NYE.
I've been flogging myself at the gym for two weeks (I train all year round, but I'm trying to peak my physiology for the occasion). I've been more attentive to skincare, oral hygiene and well being. I want to be in a good place physically and mentally.
I tried out my outfit last night, really cliche, stripper collar and cuffs, waiting for my fishnet thong to arrive. I haven't worn a thong before but I do have a really well developed ass so I'm confident I can pull it off.
So I'm a complete newbie but I want to look and feel confident on the night, my partner and I are really excited for it.
That all sounds great and I hope you guys have a great time for real ! People in the LS generally donāt judge that much , as long as youāre there for a good time you should have fun .
For me personally Iām just one of those people who have always cared about how I present myself and I know everyone canāt be like me, the world wouldnāt be fun of that were the case .I guess I just wish men would care more because the effort you for example are putting is amazing !! I just wish guys cared just a bit more about what they put out there for the world to see on these different adult sites .
Just got off the November Bliss Cruise and can confirm this 10000%!!!!!!!!! Women dressed SEXY in theme, and guys in cargo shorts & wrinkled T shirts. Cmon man, it isnāt hard to dress in a theme. The guys who DID dress in theme (myself) did VERY well with dancing, chatting, flirting with other women!!!!!!!!!!!! Piece of advice gentleman, men need a place to have sex, women need a reason. Yes, even in the lifestyle!
Iām like babe ā¦this aināt fair ..these women look nice but the dudes ā¦and she says āI know šā the men just donāt care .Thanks for real lol
I get where you are coming from. I live in Phoenix and men out here, for the most part, have no idea how to dress. I swear I have seen dudes in flipflops and shorts at 5 star restaurants while their wives are dressed to the 9s. They fucking embarrass me as another man, I can't imagine what their wives think.
Iām not even asking for men to dress like movie stars like people are making things out to be .But like you said you see their wife and youāre like okay hell yea but thereās no way Iām gonna let a slob fck my wife .I want her to be happy with a fun guy who has a decent body..I hope the word decent doesnāt equate to a body like an NFL football player but Iām sure someone will see this and over exaggerate my point anyway lol
I always thought this is something culturally-bound to the white US and countries with similar cultures. š¤·š½āāļøAt my time in the Midwest this was particularly noticeable in vanilla and LS spaces. That Quaker and Amish plainness was evident. Several European (Mediterranean) and Latinamerican (Caribbean) clubs around the world where Americans donāt normally go you can find men usually dressing well and trying to take care of themselves. Or at least putting some effort.
Rephrasing what the OP said, being intelectual, nice and dressing well is not mutually exclusive. Kudos to the guy that likes a professor-esque Home Depot-Chic style. I have a few festival t-shirts, mismatching shorts and some stained flip flops on sale if you know someone interested.
You just insulted a large percentage of the people who read this sub. So, no surprise the replies to this post got ugly.
I would also advise men to take care of themselves and dress well, but to each their own. I think we shouldnāt get too harsh on the life preferences of others.
We spend a lot of time at a nudist/swinger resort (at least one weekend per month and normally more) and you are correct. Get nude and get in the pool and you will find a lot of guys who look "better" than the women they are with.
The only thing I really think you said that was note worthy is that if āpresentation matters to you that much just go where people are nude ā
Or something like that .
The fact that you insinuated a woman looking good being in ābedazzled bullshit ā was very interesting . Iām just the type of guy who appreciates effort . That doesnāt make me better than you or whatever .I just have a specific taste thatās just a preference and Iām not finding that preference in my area when it comes to the women and when it comes to the men ..lmfao..Jesus ..anyway yes..what you said ..go to a place where clothes just arenāt required ā¦Iāll do that or at least just go to lifestyle clubs with a dress code
The minute you get undressed and your dick obscured by the dunlop disease its over for my wifeā¦.she has standards. Not size standardsā¦..body standards and personal hygiene standards
Pacific Northwest here.....the problem exist here too. Sooooooo many smoking hot ladies, but its always the fkn guy that kills it, always. With that said. The classic ken and barbies, gym-rat buddies turned spouses, are usually terrible in bed and inboxes are so full they are full of themselves
Iām trying to decipher the ārelaxed fitting jeansā part of this. Do I take this to mean you want me in tight jeans where you can clearly see the imprint of my junk? I have no problem with this but if thatās the case youāre not going to call guys out on it right? āGuys are always posting pictures of their dicks and it sucksā and āwear tight fitting jeansā are *almost* mutually exclusive.
Oh boy , you showed your age and thatās okay lol. You see ..there are what we call , Wrangler Jeans ..the tapered fit..the work manās jeans ..
Then you have general skinny jeans
You also have your super skinny jeans
You also have form fitting jeans
Slacks also come in these different styles .
You have form fitting jeans with a flare to them which a lot of people call the boot cut .
We also have the straight leg cut.
Thereās more styles of jeans for men other than just skinny or relaxed wrangler jeans . I see you were trying to be a smart ass over there but I hope you learned something .I could link you to pictures of different Jean types for men but Iām sure you could care less ,lmao .
By the way you type I can tell youāre not the type of man who will look good in a skinny Jean look.that look is for more alternative men , flamboyant men or men who take care of themselves and go to the gym way more than myself ..those men can rock (wear) skinny jeans , a form fitting tshirt and a nice hair cut and look better than us .
I donāt know what to make of your last sentence ..i just know youāre trying to be a dick .No pun intended
Iām lol at this. My age is on my profile so great job there Sherlock. Youāve given more thought to jeans in one post than I probably have in a lifetime.
Really interesting that you inferred my physical fitness habits based on how I ātypeā, especially when youāre clearly struggling with basic punctuation. Iām sure you could care less.
I wear skinny jeans with tailored shirts and commonly British shoes when I want to look good and I absolutely rock it. I donāt obsess about a specific cut, no time for that. The whole point of my post was to question why the specific type of jeans matters because it seems a bit duplicitous. I didnāt call out the type of jeans to wear, you did.
Do you think I would actually go look at your profile ??Why would I do that ? You sounded ignorant ..lol thatās not my fault .If you know more than you do you tricked me cause I thought you were dumb .What do you want me to say ?
Also nobody cares about your tailored shirts my guy . Iām not saying men have to dress to the nines ..Iām saying effort matters..
If you donāt see the difference between what types of pants men wear on dates as opposed to what they do construction work in then youāre just ..just not smart but at least you wear tailored shirts ..
Also just because your shirt is tailored doesnāt mean you know how to put an outfit together . I donāt know what point you were even trying to make.I guess that was you trying to tell me you know fashion despite not knowing the difference between relaxed wrangler jeans and skinny jeans .. Do you wear your tailored shirt with work out pants ?
Well, you've been in the lifestyle for a short period of time. To make such a general statement is premature. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle 23 years and can assure you that fit, stylish men are out there with their fit, stylish wives, in numbers too high to count.
I would suggest trying different venues or avenues of the lifestyle to find the crowd that suits you physically before telling others how they should dress and work out to fit your agenda. You shouldn't have any problem finding what you want.
Do you all find that fit/stylish couples will specifically only play with other fit stylish couples? We are not overweight and are hwp but have some āchubā and put some effort into our clothing and style. If a couple specifies they are āvery fitā in a profile I just assume they only want to be with āvery fitā swinging partners. Doesnāt bother me one bit, every one has preferences but wonder if I read into that too much.
Weāre not super gym fit but have definitely been with folks who are. So not everyone has that requirement even if they work out a lot. I know we enjoy the variety of swinging and are not just attracted to one type. Presumably others are as well.
That said, if a coupleās whole profile is about how sexy and fit they consider themselves combined with a lot of gym/muscle pics, we sort of assume weāre not a match. (Probably from either coupleās perspective.)
To each their own. I agree on the dressing accordingly and being well groomed, hygienic, and etc. Yet, as for physique or anything along those lines...there are all different shapes, sizes, colors, and nationalities within the lifestyle. Your preference is yours so enjoy it. This is a huge and exponentially expanding community. There is room for most who care to join.
That all sounds great and I agree, Itās not my intention to hurt peopleās feelings .I am not a man who works out 5 times a week and nobody is lining up to sleep with me for the most part .However Iām not a slob and have always been told o dress nice We are in a position where we have to drive almost 4 hours out of the way to party and itās just frustrating and I wish other men cared a bit more about their looks
I don't disagree with you on how the man should dress and carry himself. It's genuinely a red flag to me. If you're not going to take the time to ensure your appearance isn't slobbish then you're probably gonna be "half-ass-ing" it when the fun begins.
šš¼šš¼ I live here in Vegas and I see it both with women and men. Not the majority but Iāve seen ALOT of couples that donāt try to look nice at all. My partner and I always went looking nice and me dolled up. And we have all our teeth lol š although the clubs here are pretty nice i do wish a dress code would be enforced at times.
Where/how do you meet people?
I see this often on here but itās not something Iāve really experienced. IME - Couples are usually matches to each other.
If thereās a hot lady sheās with a hot guy.
Never had anyone show up or be in running shoes.
Khakis, now thatās a problem. Lol
Our local club dress code fixes the fashion issues, but you can't fix general laziness and sloppiness with a dress code.
I'm with you, the men are rarely as attractive as the women they married in my experience.
I loathe going to clubs that swear they have an enforced dress code but they dont enforce it. Guys in ts and work jeans with baseball caps and scuffed tennies kill my mood. One time we went and there was a guy in a tailored suit. Ladies and couples flocked to him.
At least middle ground. Khakis even and a polo or a hawaiin shirt for a conversation starter.
"ā¦aside from genetics men donāt have much of an excuse to be out of shape ."
Is probably the most ignorant take I have ever read on Reddit. I cant even read the rest of this post.
I understand you not wanting to read but as a whole ass man myself ..I stand by that regardless of what you or anyone else thinks .
Itās sad that women can have 2 babies and still be in better shape and present themselves better than a man does because he thinks all he needs to do is bring his dick that barely works and a decent wallet .
It has nothing to do with men vs women. If you dont wanna fuck someone dont fuck them. Being in shape doesnt mean you can have a terrible personality and say dumb shit like that.
Uhhh people can have whatever personality they have ..and if you donāt like it..keep scrolling the same way you ignored most of the post is the same way you can ignore anything else ..hell.. you didnāt read the post but here you are ..arguing about someone elseās standards you donāt like . Nobody has said that you need to have a perfect gym body and dress like a celebrity in order to sleep with them..youāre just super pressed because you took this personal .do better and get out of your feelings .How about you learn how to dress and maybe more people will want to fuck you and you wonāt get offended by someone elseās standards .
Got it.
You only want to have sex with the hot people.
That's fine. Nobody is stopping you.
What? You're complaining that there aren't more hot people?
Tough.
Youāre an ..Dear god..Iāll be nice ā¦ā¦ me and other people arenāt asking to fck Barbie and Kenā¦we are asking for people to carry themselves better ..mainly the men ā¦ so Iām guessing youāre a dude who doesnāt care to take care of himself and this post made you feel some type of way..Iām goin to block and just sayā¦DO BETTER .
I donāt think this is the case. We have been to our fair share of clubs, hotel takeovers, house parties, etc. and have seen more than our fair share of women bordering on BBW who cram themselves into a dress they wore in high school and for some reason are considered sexy because their butt or their breasts are half hanging out of the dress that is 3 sizes too small.
Yeah, we see out of shape guys, too. But I donāt think the scale tips that much more one way than the other, no pun intended.
Welp this got toxic ..but to be fair to the women they have had about 2 or 3 kids..whatās our excuse ?Im fairly new to this so I havenāt seen much other than what I see on apps and in the clubs .most of the time itās the dudes but Iāve been gaslighted to hell on this sub so ..idk whatever
I didnāt mean it to be toxic. Itās just what we see. My wife had three kids and sheās 10 pounds heavier now than when we got married 26 years ago. Just pay attention to what you eat and do some moderate exercise a few times a week.
Guys? I donāt know. Do the same thing: watch what youāre eating and do a little bit of exercise a few times a week. As far as what they wear, it might be a budget thing? My wife is a size 4 at 5ā7ā. She can walk into a Marshalls, find a $25 dress off the rack and pair it with an existing pair of heels and look great. Me? A good pair of jeans will cost me $150. Now add a shirt to that for another $100 or so. How many people have $250 to drop on jeans and a shirt, plus whatever else that night out is going to cost?
These are just some things to consider. Again, Iām not trying to be toxic or shit on anyone.
Sorry but men can find good clothes at Marshalls as well. I find my husband nice fitting jeans and nice shirts at Marshalls, Ross and TJMAXX all the time. I've even been able to find him khakis and slacks. You just have to be willing to take the time to look and try things on. They are discount stores so they won't always have your size in something you like. It's the same for women we might find something we like but there's only 2 and neither of them are our size. The only thing you have to lose trying is a little time.
I'll be honest, I don't shop at discount stores so I don't know what they carry. But I know I'm not going out in Levi's or Wranglers. And I know some Levis can hit $100, but to me it's still Levi's.
The point I was trying to make is every excuse one sex can use as to why it's hard for them to look as best as they can when going out can be used by the other as well. Personally, I am not concerned with the type of clothes others are wearing because, as I mentioned, I don't know what their financial situation is. Maybe what they have on is the best they have. But it doesn't cost anything to be clean, neat and keep yourself in somewhat decent shape.
Having good hygiene is important. Being fun is important. An unfortunate looking guy has the best chance if he at least tryās to appear nice. I am the keeper of our fet account, and our sls. If a guy is polite and puts in at least a little effort to meet us. He has a chance.
Generally its the crowdā¦..my opinion and give it what its worthā¦.many in the LS dont respect their wives enough to dress up so they dont expect our wives to want that eitherā¦..
Thatās sad and my wife mentioned something similar ..she said āwell i guess after a while you just kinda have to go with what you go with cause nobody really takes care of themselves and you donāt want to be the party pooper ā
On another note she said she seen a post in a Facebook group where someone had left their shoes at the orgy and they where some horrible looking running shoes .She said to herself ā people showed up to fuck other people ..WEARING THAT!?!ā
If not wanting to fck ppl with bad self care makes me a snob then I guess Iām a snob
I dunno, weāve been tinkering around the LS for about a year on and off - been to a club, went to a private party, have met people online, etcā¦
Iād say that itās 60/40 that the women are much more presentable than their male partners - certainly not overwhelming numbers like 80/20 or higher.
My takeaway is that for women to be confident enough to engage in full swap swinging, they probably need to feel good about themselves whereas men are just more sexually driven so theyāre prepared to put themselves out there in a bit worse condition.
But yeah, weāve had plenty of messages and chats with couples where the men are close to great condition and the women are carrying 20lbs extra and have let themselves go a bit.
This has āseeking other fit couples who care about their healthā profile vibes. There are plenty of gym rats in the lifestyle and they mostly stick together (which is fine - do your thing) Go find them or figure out why you're not part of that group already.
Stop complaining and remember that a pillar of the lifestyle is not to judge. There's a lid for every pot in the lifestyle so ask yourselves why you're not finding yours.
Jesus Christ ā¦Iām not even a gym rat..I go twice a week and maybe throw in a jogā¦ why is it that when someone says they have standards everyone gets nervous ..Iām not asking for people to dress rich or be gym rats..Iām asking for people to care a bit more ..Iām starting to think what outsiders say about the lifestyle must be right because to have this many people get so upset over someone saying ā hey dudes , letās try a little harder , letās present ourselves a little better ā itās wild .. yāall are so mad that yāall downvoted another womanās post who said she loves a man in a 3 piece suit!! Lmfao I donāt own a 3 piece suit and Iām not mad at it .you can dress nice and look nice without going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week or spending a fortune on clothes .
Sounds like a lot of unnecessary crying to me. You know how to scroll, right? You know how to say "no", right?
If you don't like those men don't do anything with them.
Sounds like copium to me .This is the internet ..people come here to talk about things that grind their gears and see if anyone else relates ..here ..Iāll block you so you donāt have to see this anymore
I disagree with your post quite a bit.
First, I do NOT want a woman who dresses up like she is going to a club. I would MUCH prefer a woman who looks like she is going to Home Depot. Because yes, that is my vibe- more Home Depot, BBQ and ping pong, than what I have seen at parties and clubs.
Secondly, I value communication far more than I value a person's ability to research fashion on Pinterest. I would much rather connect with someone intellectually than to be impressed by how they are following the current fashion trends on Pinterest.
To me your post is a giant wall of poorly formatted text. It's the equivalent of showing up to a party with a dirty t-shirt. The punctuation is horrible, improper spacing, ellipses all over the place and inconsistent. It appears that you don't know the difference between a period and a comma. Those are all red flags that would cause me to skip out on a connection, because I know I won't be impressed when I finally meet the person.
I'm not trying to put you down. I am sure that a lot of women enjoy men who claim to take care of themselves but can't put together a few paragraphs of text. Those women and men are out there. Personally, I value communication, intelligence and sophistication far more than I value someone who can buy up some fast-fashion in their quest to get laid.
I disagree with your post because you make the assumption that we are all looking for the same thing. I dress like a normal guy, I have a few extra pounds, but I meet a lot of women who I think I match with very well. These people have become long-term friends and partners. We are all happy, despite being unfashionable.
I'd love to go to a BBQ and ping pong party. That sounds like a lot of fun, and a good way to get to know people.
I think a lot of people would like to go to a party that is about having a good time with some sexiness on the side.
ā I prefer a woman who looks like she goes to Home Depot because thatās my vibe ā
Thatās good for you, it looks like this post wasnāt for you and I wish people who looked like you your preference wouldnāt view our adult pages
āSecondly I prefer intellectual conversation over people who study Pinterest fashion ā
Did you know that you can be an intellectual person and dress nice ?those things arenāt exclusive to each other ..you sound like a smart man and Iām smart enough to know youāre trying to be a smart ass by saying that ..moving on
ā I donāt like how you type so I wouldnāt want to fuck you or your wife ā
My guyā¦This is the internet , Iām it an English teacher and Iām not going to put my text through chat gpt first to make sure itās to your liking .You read my post enough to reply to everything so apparently it got your attention enough to respond and be salty .
āIām not trying to put you down Iām sure a lot of women love men who canāt use proper punctuation online but carry themselves wellā
Iām not trying to put you down and Iām sure women love old men who dress bad and host swinger parties in the backyard of their trailer :) .itās cool weāre different .
ā you need to know that we are happy the way we are despite us not being fashionable ā
Sir, we live in two different worlds and believe it or not ā¦I am very well aware that Iām not among the average people ..So you stay over there and continue being a normal guy .I am happy for you for being average .I am happy with my taste in company and the way I dress and present myself .Itās not changing Enjoy your BBQ ping pong parties and Iām sorry that asking for men to present themselves better made you feel this way. I hope you could read that well .
Edit : thereās some typos in there but I left them there ..just for youā¦ā¦. Youāll be alright ā¦..
Awwwww , heās so mad at me that he went to see what I did with my spare time š¤£.
Yes my guy ..thatās my point . I WANT EVERYONE TO BE LIKE MEEE MUAHAHA . What a piece of trash . Go eat your BBQ and fck one of those Home Depo women you were bragging about .
Based on on some of the other posts you've written it seems maybe the lifestyle isn't for you two or you need to stick to unicorns. Standards seem a little unrealistic. Are you two pretty young?
You're acting as if you're walking into a Vegas club where you need to be on an invite list because Drake is having his birthday there. The lifestyle skews towards people in their 40s-50s. People with kids, jobs and other life responsibilities. You see all shapes, sizes and walks of life. The common denominator is that there's no judgment. If you want gym rats with no kids and all the time in the world, and in their 20s or even early 30s, then you are likely to be disapointed .
Umm no ,YOUāRE acting as if I said that . Nobody said anything of that nature but for whatever reason someone asking someone to dress better immediately makes you go to , āOMG THEY THINK PPL NEED TO DRESS TO SATISFY CELEBRITIES ā ..Iāve been to lifestyle clubs .I know very well itās a melting pot .
āThe DJ even played ALLSTAR BY SMASHMOUTH!ā š
Your expectations are not realistic based on the demographic of most LS people. Yes, it's true - there are some people who don't āshow upā according to some standards. We've all seen that guy. It may even make you cringe or wonder why. But they are likely looking for a couple they feel comfortable with that maybe shows up the same way. And guess what? That's fine! That dude might not even be interested in your wife either so don't flatter yourselves! If that couple approaches you and you're not into it, give them the usual signals and move on. But don't be judgemental. It seems you have this expectation that it's going to be like Eyes Wide Shut or some bad cinemax soft porn about the innocent young couple that goes to a swingers club for the first time when you go to a club or swipe through one of the apps
Iām glad you knew saying , ā it seems like ā that way you admit that itās just your opinion .
You literally went back into post from about ..what?? 3 months ago .
Are you saying because I didnāt like smash mouth Iām not supposed to be in the lifestyle ? If youāre gonna act ignorant and exaggerate my point then I will exaggerate yours as well .
If you want to sleep with anyone without standards thatās fine , but to say that people who do have standards that donāt fit yours should rethink being involved in the lifestyle is pretty absurd .It SEEMS like youāre telling people to take whatever you get or get out .
Funny you didnāt mention this post
āYep we go to Trapeze as well and we have to make a good drive to get there .We have tried groups where we live and Iām just put off .We went to Trapeze and started an orgy!!Different age ranges , different races , it was amazing ..but hereā¦omg..Jesus Christ ..No no no .The pictures people post on on the adult sites are a turn off ..dudes just putting up pictures of flaccid ding dong with their toilet paper in the background ..meanwhile the wife looks fine but you just canāt bring yourself to let that dude who canāt carry himself well enjoy your partner .Dude look so bad he make me not want his wife and I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some women š¤£ ā
But you went a whole season back to try and make your point .. get outta here .
What's with the hate for running shoes? If they're in shit condition, yeah, it's gonna look bad, but that's the case with any kind of footwear.
More to the general point, yeah, guys shouldn't be relying on their partner reeling in action for them. That's just weird and uncomfortable, despite how common it is.
Maaaan if you are enjoying the lifestyle while wearing your running shoes with most of your outfits do your thing bro.They have fashion shoes and sports shoes but if you can wear your sports shoes with all outfits and you feel comfortable then do your thing . I agree with your last sentence .
It seems like men are just relying on their woman to get other women and Iām fine with that when it comes to having conversations but we as men can at least try to look handsome and take better care of ourselves ā¦
Thereās this stigma about the LS community ā¦they say you hear about swingers thinking theyāre these extremely hot couples having the best sex but in reality itās just a bunch of out of shape old ppl fucking each other casually in tacky bars .Itās not true but I donāt want to give people that ammo
Another humble-brag post.
\#42
My lady and I are stunning, but you fat slobs will never get to touch her because she got standards! Especially if you're white and in the south!
Fuck off with the racial stupid shit, people are people, and like the used car salesman says: there's an ass for every seat. Just scroll past the ones you don't care for and find something that suits you.
Where did he mention any of what you said, nice job bring race into the equation when he never even came close to saying anything of the sortā¦.you must be a lot of fun to be around.
From multiple years in the lifestyle, we would easily say 50% or more take a little pride with their appearance, try to not only impress other lifestyle members but also others in the general public. They most certainly are not all gym rats or stunning, very few are but one of the ways to possibly identify swingers in the wild is look for the couple(s) having a good time, smiling, being affectionate, and dressed a bit nicer/sexier than everyone else.
āMen get fashion advice on Pinterest.ā
This is one of the best parts considering Pinterest is 80% women. Overall this is one of the most arrogant posts Iāve seen on here.
Men donāt have a reason to stay in shape? Health is a big one.
The amount of generalizations in this post is wild. It sounds more like a local issue instead of a men vs women issue.
Iām on early 40ās. Wife and I together 20+ years. I spend most my days looking like a beach bum who just got off a psychedelic trip even though Iām at a country club a few days a week. I made a promise to myself to never wear a suit again about 10 years ago. Donāt own one or a tie. I take care of myself, dad bod, can clean up well.
But just given this post Iād get red flags all over
Yeah, most of the time you have to cover up how ugly guys are with more clothes. This is coming from an ugly person myself, go to the gym and dress well will help overcome how ugly we are.
You all need to be swingers in my circle out here in LA š¤·āāļø Most couples are sexy and stylish and the men bring it. Myself included š Also, check our profileā¦.no modesty here but we are ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„
Haha! No ED issues. I just like have an erection for 3.5 hours and be ready to receive a mouth, š± or š at a moments notice. I also like to use recreational drugs as parties and that kills my erection so itās a win win
Thereās someone for everyoneā¦. Why are you so upset about what OTHER PEOPLE are wearing?! You do you and quit your bitching honestly. If someoneās dress isnāt appealing to you then so whatā¦ Done engage with them. There are plenty of others that WILL be attracted.
One of my favorite things about the lifestyle is the general acceptance of all sorts of body sizes, shapes and general appearance. I canāt stand the idea that only the āperfect onesā should be allowed to swing. I enjoy the variety of people and styles even if I donāt find them attractive.
Itās not surprising but itās just so predictable and disappointing. You ask straight dudes to have standards for themselves and they get defensive. It isnāt rocket science, just give a shit about your appearance and so many more doors will open for you.
With life in general I've found that the more fluff that a person has on the outside, the more disappointing the inside is with nothing to back up the window dressing. When I see either gender comfortable in their own skin, the inside is always more laid back and interesting with a depth that you can get to know.
A little bit more than that. LOL Best example is the Nudist community. There is nothing to hide behind ... you relate to others with what and who you are on the inside and nothing else. It gives one a confidence that is, in and of itself, attractive. Hence the old saying "comfortable in your own skin."
Okay okay heard . Not mad at that take .I wouldnāt say that just because ppl like to wear clothes that fit them correctly theyāre hiding their insecurity.Thatās a big stretch . HOWEVER saying that in the nudist community certain judgements donāt exist because weāre all naked so we canāt tell whoās poor , rich or middle class is interesting .
Cool. Anyone can buy clothes and mimic the "influencer" of the day, but being "real" escapes many.
I must admit we are a little hard on, and scoff at, our current culture ... much of which, particularly style, is more commercialism than good for culture and society. It's only going to get worse with AI cataloging and analyzing our every second online, then selling our profiles to the highest bidding retailer.
If I see an easy "confidence" exuding from someone dressed practically I can pretty much predict that we're going to click. With someone dressed to the nines, it's a crap shoot. Can't be sure if their swagger is organic, or synthetic.
āAnyone can Mimic an an influencer ā
Waaaait lol Why are we talking about influencers? So wearing a T-shirt that fits correctly /form fitting shirt means youāre trying to imitate an influencer?Work with me here because Iām sure thatās not the point youāre trying to make.I can tell youāre intelligent and I know thatās not the point youāre going with .
ā I trust someoneās confidence whoās dressed practically over someone whoās dressed to the nines ā
You do realize fake confidence comes in many forms ..a lot of men arenāt good at dressing themselves yet they still display fake confidence..I see this all the time ..
Here , Iāll help you out ..YES I do see men dressed to the nines ..with no women around them ..3 piece suit , nice shoes and sunglasses on inside , yet they are sitting alone while the casual dressed person is dancing with 2 pretty women . I see this a lot ..
The suit doesnāt make you THE MAN. I get your point . Iām with you there . Iām also not saying everyone needs to wear a suit either lol.
In the same breath I can tell you a lot of badly dressed men lack confidence and theyāre extremely insecure as well.
Letās not act like that doesnāt exist a lot more ā¦whatās the point of this again ?
And while we are at it, clubs need to enforce their dress codes. Guys think it's okay to show up in the same garbage outfits they wear to walmart. ew.
At least wear nice jeans, a collared shirt, and shoes that aren't sports ones. It's easy. And it's just as comfortable as hoodies and high-tops.
Have to chime in here .. Men women do not want to see a profile picture of you with your fish or you in your towel fresh outta the shower with all your toiletries on the counter . š¤¦š»āāļø the gym pic ā¦ unsure of how to make your profile pop ā ask a close female friend š
This has been a long time gripe of mine about all (mostly American) men. Especially the ones who whine about not being hit on or who feel undesirable.
Itās because you are. No one wants to fuck the guy in a polo, loose jeans, and sneakers who hasnāt seen a dentist in decades. Even Crazy, Stupid, Love called this out for crying out loud - there is no excuse. No one cares how āniceā you are - most people are ānice.ā That isnāt a differentiator. If you want sex, with a stranger or your wife, make an effort to be desirable.
Women put so much more effort into their appearance and presentation. Even if sheās not wearing makeup (I rarely do) the effort, time, and money put into our skin care, hair, bodies, diet, nails, style, grooming, etc is leagues ahead of (American, especially suburban and rural) men. Hell, if I know Iām going to an LS event Iām even watching my diet the days before and eating more citrus so I donāt reek of garlic and onion.
And the men who do put in the effort are often shamed or teased by other men, called gay or metro or trying too hard etc. But those are the guys getting laid by MUCH hotter women. My family thought half my exes were gay because they were either European or they had a sense of style and grooming - itās just sad, really.
We have discussed the same. Doesnāt take much to put on a nice outfit and to care for ourselves. Good news is there are plenty of fishes out there to choose from. Good luck.
You may want to go to a swingers club, like Colette's or the Trapeze. They have a dress code, so you'd see men having a more polished appearance. We live in the South, so I see where you're coming from. We live in an area where there's not a lot for men to get dressed up for.There's not much of a nightlife where we live, so we travel a few hours to Atlanta for lifestyle activities, or to other more urban areas.
Not sure but I notice women over a certain age have really kept themselves together
Some of us try to. š
Yep we go to Trapeze as well and we have to make a good drive to get there .We have tried groups where we live and Iām just put off .We went to Trapeze and started an orgy!!Different age ranges , different races , it was amazing ..but hereā¦omg..Jesus Christ ..No no no .The pictures people post on on the adult sites are a turn off ..dudes just putting up pictures of flaccid ding dong with their toilet paper in the background ..meanwhile the wife looks fine but you just canāt bring yourself to let that dude who canāt carry himself well enjoy your partner .Dude look so bad he make me not want his wife and I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some women š¤£
Lol! I feel your pain! We also go to house parties in the ATL metro area and met a lot of couples who align with our interests and preferences. It took a while to find our people, but it was worth it.
Itās really really hard for people who donāt want to party with the hood or the trailer park š¤£
Those are the same place. The only difference is the racial connotation.
Exactly ā¦Iām in an interracial relationship and thatās a turnoff to the both of us and apparently people are offended by that
Iāve on my been to Trapeze once, and it was just as you described - sloppy looking dudes.
Agreed but the statement can go both ways.
From our last DM, their profile had one single photo of the man. It was a dressing room selfie, dad jeans & a shirt with the sales tag visible. I just wanted reach through the screen & shake him. My dude, what are you doing? In my experience, that look will not make most women want to sleep with you.
Lol I can one up this one, had a very sexy blonde wife reach out, talked to her a bit, tons of sexy photos. Asked to to open up or share any pics of her husband for my wife. That opened up a folder with one grainy pic of her husband on a fair ride giving the middle finger with a grumpy look on his face š¢ā¦.I just said hopefully you can do better than that :(
Ooof. Thatās rough! Why on earth would someone choose that is their first impression?
Yeah, we get that frustration. We're an older couple, and there seem to be so many women over 50 who still really look hot, but who's husbands obviously gave up on keeping themselves fit and attractive decades ago. And yes, it's worse in rural areas. We live in Gun Barrel City, Tx. It's BFE, 60 miles southeast of Dallas, and we joke that there are serious shortages of mufflers and teeth in this area. If I ever consider a local couple, my wife insists on seeing smiling pics of them first, so she can check for teeth. But even at Club Eden in DFW, there are so many women dressed to kill, while their husbands are sporting worn out t-shirts and baseball hats.
I donāt think itās necessarily right, but our culture has a basic template of women being sex objects and men being success objects. This can lead to physicality and appearance generally being more at the forefront of womenās minds as a result of reenforcement from a young age. Men are quick to talk about their jobs or their property or put up some kind of plumage like sports talk.. Iām a man and have been a fitness nut my whole life so I donāt fit the mold, and my wife is a successful professional in her own right while also being smoking hot. We both work hard at BOTH physicality and intellect/social energy. But I agree with OPāthere have been times when Iāve just had to say no to a couple from a distance because the guy just didnāt put in any effort.
I'm in rural Ohio, and I also check for teeth.
Lmfao! I love the smiling teeth pictures must be shown first!!šš BUT YES!!!It seems like the men just give up.Especially the older ones and this has motivated me to stay in the gym or at least go twice a week, jog and watch what I eat
OMG this is rural Wisconsin as well. We went to a house party and the hot tub was sectioned off with pieces of tarp. Then the attendees were all wearing wallets with chains, several were missing teeth or they were blackened. We booked it out of there.
A lot of the 50+ women look amazing... some because they have gotten a lot of work done, some really work hard for it, and some have amazing genetics. Definitely no judgement here from me. I would be in the works hard for it category, 5 hrs/5 days a week in the gym with some genetics mixed in.
A "lot of work" isn't enough isn't enough to show the obvious fitness that many 50+ women have, and their husbands lack. So I strongly dusts with every word you posted.
Hey donāt give away some of our successful lifestyle guyās secrets. Since a lot of men in the lifestyle donāt put in that effort as you mentioned, it makes the ones that do look so much better and successful. Definitely able to hit above my weight class in the lifestyle than if I were single just by taking an extra effort to dress nicely, care about appearance, trim facial hair, smell nice, and not be a creep or aggressive lol
Lol youāre right !!!but I want to make sure my girl gets to be with a nice guy who takes care of himself ! šš. Itās wild how many people feel wired about this post ..like dudes ..put in some effort !!!This motivates me to go to the gym today lmao
Itās gotten to the point that when Iām looking at profiles, or perusing the floor of the hotel takeover, that Iām looking for the good looking fit dudes and THEN checking out their wife. Because itās just an exercise in frustration to do it the other way. I hunt for dudes and look for dick pics way more than any heterosexual man should.
I hear this idea a lot in the LS & kink communities: āno no donāt help! More for us good onesā but to be honest , Iāve always thought that was backwards. If all the guys in the swinging scene were maxing out their potential, I think a lot more women would participate, single, married, or otherwise.
It was really meant as a joke or tongue and cheek comment, to show that we can relate and see the same issue. Trust me, I would love it if more guys did. I canāt tell you how many beautiful wives of couples that were interested in me/us that we had to pass up on just due to the husband not caring about appearance or being a dud with no personality.
For sure. I figured it was mostly a joke. Speaking to passing on couples, weāve had the exact same experience yāall have had with many who approach us. Almost all of the men were slobs. It took us two years to find a couple with a hubs who genuinely checked all my wifeās boxes.
Lmao this thread is wild š¤£
Since swinging I, the husband, have started a daytime/night time skincare routine. Taken dramatic steps at improving my oral hygiene, work out 6 days a week, put a couple hundred dollars into my wardrobe, etc. Part of the allure of the lifestyle IS looking good for my wife and others. The sex is fine, but feeling good about myself has been the biggest motivation for me.
Going to my first event on NYE. I've been flogging myself at the gym for two weeks (I train all year round, but I'm trying to peak my physiology for the occasion). I've been more attentive to skincare, oral hygiene and well being. I want to be in a good place physically and mentally. I tried out my outfit last night, really cliche, stripper collar and cuffs, waiting for my fishnet thong to arrive. I haven't worn a thong before but I do have a really well developed ass so I'm confident I can pull it off. So I'm a complete newbie but I want to look and feel confident on the night, my partner and I are really excited for it.
That all sounds great and I hope you guys have a great time for real ! People in the LS generally donāt judge that much , as long as youāre there for a good time you should have fun . For me personally Iām just one of those people who have always cared about how I present myself and I know everyone canāt be like me, the world wouldnāt be fun of that were the case .I guess I just wish men would care more because the effort you for example are putting is amazing !! I just wish guys cared just a bit more about what they put out there for the world to see on these different adult sites .
Just got off the November Bliss Cruise and can confirm this 10000%!!!!!!!!! Women dressed SEXY in theme, and guys in cargo shorts & wrinkled T shirts. Cmon man, it isnāt hard to dress in a theme. The guys who DID dress in theme (myself) did VERY well with dancing, chatting, flirting with other women!!!!!!!!!!!! Piece of advice gentleman, men need a place to have sex, women need a reason. Yes, even in the lifestyle!
THANK YOU!!!!š„¹š„¹š„¹ Iām glad youāre not gaslighting and making it seem like this is just a me issue and it actually doesnāt exist
OH NO, I (husband) have been saying this for YEARS!!!!!!!
Iām like babe ā¦this aināt fair ..these women look nice but the dudes ā¦and she says āI know šā the men just donāt care .Thanks for real lol
I get where you are coming from. I live in Phoenix and men out here, for the most part, have no idea how to dress. I swear I have seen dudes in flipflops and shorts at 5 star restaurants while their wives are dressed to the 9s. They fucking embarrass me as another man, I can't imagine what their wives think.
Iām not even asking for men to dress like movie stars like people are making things out to be .But like you said you see their wife and youāre like okay hell yea but thereās no way Iām gonna let a slob fck my wife .I want her to be happy with a fun guy who has a decent body..I hope the word decent doesnāt equate to a body like an NFL football player but Iām sure someone will see this and over exaggerate my point anyway lol
I always thought this is something culturally-bound to the white US and countries with similar cultures. š¤·š½āāļøAt my time in the Midwest this was particularly noticeable in vanilla and LS spaces. That Quaker and Amish plainness was evident. Several European (Mediterranean) and Latinamerican (Caribbean) clubs around the world where Americans donāt normally go you can find men usually dressing well and trying to take care of themselves. Or at least putting some effort. Rephrasing what the OP said, being intelectual, nice and dressing well is not mutually exclusive. Kudos to the guy that likes a professor-esque Home Depot-Chic style. I have a few festival t-shirts, mismatching shorts and some stained flip flops on sale if you know someone interested.
You just insulted a large percentage of the people who read this sub. So, no surprise the replies to this post got ugly. I would also advise men to take care of themselves and dress well, but to each their own. I think we shouldnāt get too harsh on the life preferences of others.
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We spend a lot of time at a nudist/swinger resort (at least one weekend per month and normally more) and you are correct. Get nude and get in the pool and you will find a lot of guys who look "better" than the women they are with.
>I agree with what the guy posted earlier āŗļø
The only thing I really think you said that was note worthy is that if āpresentation matters to you that much just go where people are nude ā Or something like that . The fact that you insinuated a woman looking good being in ābedazzled bullshit ā was very interesting . Iām just the type of guy who appreciates effort . That doesnāt make me better than you or whatever .I just have a specific taste thatās just a preference and Iām not finding that preference in my area when it comes to the women and when it comes to the men ..lmfao..Jesus ..anyway yes..what you said ..go to a place where clothes just arenāt required ā¦Iāll do that or at least just go to lifestyle clubs with a dress code
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not if your a fat fuck. Your words. My wife has standards
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Reminds me of an old Chris Rock bit about how when you meet someone in the bar or club you arenāt meeting them, your meeting their representative.
The minute you get undressed and your dick obscured by the dunlop disease its over for my wifeā¦.she has standards. Not size standardsā¦..body standards and personal hygiene standards
Pacific Northwest here.....the problem exist here too. Sooooooo many smoking hot ladies, but its always the fkn guy that kills it, always. With that said. The classic ken and barbies, gym-rat buddies turned spouses, are usually terrible in bed and inboxes are so full they are full of themselves
Iām trying to decipher the ārelaxed fitting jeansā part of this. Do I take this to mean you want me in tight jeans where you can clearly see the imprint of my junk? I have no problem with this but if thatās the case youāre not going to call guys out on it right? āGuys are always posting pictures of their dicks and it sucksā and āwear tight fitting jeansā are *almost* mutually exclusive.
Oh boy , you showed your age and thatās okay lol. You see ..there are what we call , Wrangler Jeans ..the tapered fit..the work manās jeans .. Then you have general skinny jeans You also have your super skinny jeans You also have form fitting jeans Slacks also come in these different styles . You have form fitting jeans with a flare to them which a lot of people call the boot cut . We also have the straight leg cut. Thereās more styles of jeans for men other than just skinny or relaxed wrangler jeans . I see you were trying to be a smart ass over there but I hope you learned something .I could link you to pictures of different Jean types for men but Iām sure you could care less ,lmao . By the way you type I can tell youāre not the type of man who will look good in a skinny Jean look.that look is for more alternative men , flamboyant men or men who take care of themselves and go to the gym way more than myself ..those men can rock (wear) skinny jeans , a form fitting tshirt and a nice hair cut and look better than us . I donāt know what to make of your last sentence ..i just know youāre trying to be a dick .No pun intended
Iām lol at this. My age is on my profile so great job there Sherlock. Youāve given more thought to jeans in one post than I probably have in a lifetime. Really interesting that you inferred my physical fitness habits based on how I ātypeā, especially when youāre clearly struggling with basic punctuation. Iām sure you could care less. I wear skinny jeans with tailored shirts and commonly British shoes when I want to look good and I absolutely rock it. I donāt obsess about a specific cut, no time for that. The whole point of my post was to question why the specific type of jeans matters because it seems a bit duplicitous. I didnāt call out the type of jeans to wear, you did.
Do you think I would actually go look at your profile ??Why would I do that ? You sounded ignorant ..lol thatās not my fault .If you know more than you do you tricked me cause I thought you were dumb .What do you want me to say ?
Also nobody cares about your tailored shirts my guy . Iām not saying men have to dress to the nines ..Iām saying effort matters.. If you donāt see the difference between what types of pants men wear on dates as opposed to what they do construction work in then youāre just ..just not smart but at least you wear tailored shirts .. Also just because your shirt is tailored doesnāt mean you know how to put an outfit together . I donāt know what point you were even trying to make.I guess that was you trying to tell me you know fashion despite not knowing the difference between relaxed wrangler jeans and skinny jeans .. Do you wear your tailored shirt with work out pants ?
Well, you've been in the lifestyle for a short period of time. To make such a general statement is premature. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle 23 years and can assure you that fit, stylish men are out there with their fit, stylish wives, in numbers too high to count. I would suggest trying different venues or avenues of the lifestyle to find the crowd that suits you physically before telling others how they should dress and work out to fit your agenda. You shouldn't have any problem finding what you want.
We feel the same, but are not in the suburban south, so canāt speak to that. We do tend to find more fit and stylish couples in the bigger cities.
Do you all find that fit/stylish couples will specifically only play with other fit stylish couples? We are not overweight and are hwp but have some āchubā and put some effort into our clothing and style. If a couple specifies they are āvery fitā in a profile I just assume they only want to be with āvery fitā swinging partners. Doesnāt bother me one bit, every one has preferences but wonder if I read into that too much.
Weāre not super gym fit but have definitely been with folks who are. So not everyone has that requirement even if they work out a lot. I know we enjoy the variety of swinging and are not just attracted to one type. Presumably others are as well. That said, if a coupleās whole profile is about how sexy and fit they consider themselves combined with a lot of gym/muscle pics, we sort of assume weāre not a match. (Probably from either coupleās perspective.)
Thatās basically where we land for sure, so good to hear. Thanks!
Iām learning that we are just going to have to drive 3 hours out of the way to have a good time and it just sucks, you know ? Like come on guys
Lol the ā agendaā
To each their own. I agree on the dressing accordingly and being well groomed, hygienic, and etc. Yet, as for physique or anything along those lines...there are all different shapes, sizes, colors, and nationalities within the lifestyle. Your preference is yours so enjoy it. This is a huge and exponentially expanding community. There is room for most who care to join.
That all sounds great and I agree, Itās not my intention to hurt peopleās feelings .I am not a man who works out 5 times a week and nobody is lining up to sleep with me for the most part .However Iām not a slob and have always been told o dress nice We are in a position where we have to drive almost 4 hours out of the way to party and itās just frustrating and I wish other men cared a bit more about their looks
I don't disagree with you on how the man should dress and carry himself. It's genuinely a red flag to me. If you're not going to take the time to ensure your appearance isn't slobbish then you're probably gonna be "half-ass-ing" it when the fun begins.
šš¼šš¼ I live here in Vegas and I see it both with women and men. Not the majority but Iāve seen ALOT of couples that donāt try to look nice at all. My partner and I always went looking nice and me dolled up. And we have all our teeth lol š although the clubs here are pretty nice i do wish a dress code would be enforced at times.
We see the same with women unfortunately.
Yooooo the teeth comments are hilarious. And I understand completely.
It is my opinion that men in the lifestyle may continue to dress how ever they may desire since they solely support....the lifestyle.
Dope
Where/how do you meet people? I see this often on here but itās not something Iāve really experienced. IME - Couples are usually matches to each other. If thereās a hot lady sheās with a hot guy. Never had anyone show up or be in running shoes. Khakis, now thatās a problem. Lol
Lmfao dudes in Alabama show up to evens in relaxed fitting jeans or khakis and running shoes
Our local club dress code fixes the fashion issues, but you can't fix general laziness and sloppiness with a dress code. I'm with you, the men are rarely as attractive as the women they married in my experience.
I loathe going to clubs that swear they have an enforced dress code but they dont enforce it. Guys in ts and work jeans with baseball caps and scuffed tennies kill my mood. One time we went and there was a guy in a tailored suit. Ladies and couples flocked to him. At least middle ground. Khakis even and a polo or a hawaiin shirt for a conversation starter.
I've started getting conversation starting shirts for my guy. He's still a skater boy at heart, so dressing up has been a lot of experimenting.
"ā¦aside from genetics men donāt have much of an excuse to be out of shape ." Is probably the most ignorant take I have ever read on Reddit. I cant even read the rest of this post.
I understand you not wanting to read but as a whole ass man myself ..I stand by that regardless of what you or anyone else thinks . Itās sad that women can have 2 babies and still be in better shape and present themselves better than a man does because he thinks all he needs to do is bring his dick that barely works and a decent wallet .
It has nothing to do with men vs women. If you dont wanna fuck someone dont fuck them. Being in shape doesnt mean you can have a terrible personality and say dumb shit like that.
Uhhh people can have whatever personality they have ..and if you donāt like it..keep scrolling the same way you ignored most of the post is the same way you can ignore anything else ..hell.. you didnāt read the post but here you are ..arguing about someone elseās standards you donāt like . Nobody has said that you need to have a perfect gym body and dress like a celebrity in order to sleep with them..youāre just super pressed because you took this personal .do better and get out of your feelings .How about you learn how to dress and maybe more people will want to fuck you and you wonāt get offended by someone elseās standards .
Well said. Not sure why this forsythe guy had upvotes.
Got it. You only want to have sex with the hot people. That's fine. Nobody is stopping you. What? You're complaining that there aren't more hot people? Tough.
Youāre an ..Dear god..Iāll be nice ā¦ā¦ me and other people arenāt asking to fck Barbie and Kenā¦we are asking for people to carry themselves better ..mainly the men ā¦ so Iām guessing youāre a dude who doesnāt care to take care of himself and this post made you feel some type of way..Iām goin to block and just sayā¦DO BETTER .
Actually, my husband is very well groomed and hot as hell. He seems to have taken your post the wrong way though.
I donāt think this is the case. We have been to our fair share of clubs, hotel takeovers, house parties, etc. and have seen more than our fair share of women bordering on BBW who cram themselves into a dress they wore in high school and for some reason are considered sexy because their butt or their breasts are half hanging out of the dress that is 3 sizes too small. Yeah, we see out of shape guys, too. But I donāt think the scale tips that much more one way than the other, no pun intended.
Welp this got toxic ..but to be fair to the women they have had about 2 or 3 kids..whatās our excuse ?Im fairly new to this so I havenāt seen much other than what I see on apps and in the clubs .most of the time itās the dudes but Iāve been gaslighted to hell on this sub so ..idk whatever
I didnāt mean it to be toxic. Itās just what we see. My wife had three kids and sheās 10 pounds heavier now than when we got married 26 years ago. Just pay attention to what you eat and do some moderate exercise a few times a week. Guys? I donāt know. Do the same thing: watch what youāre eating and do a little bit of exercise a few times a week. As far as what they wear, it might be a budget thing? My wife is a size 4 at 5ā7ā. She can walk into a Marshalls, find a $25 dress off the rack and pair it with an existing pair of heels and look great. Me? A good pair of jeans will cost me $150. Now add a shirt to that for another $100 or so. How many people have $250 to drop on jeans and a shirt, plus whatever else that night out is going to cost? These are just some things to consider. Again, Iām not trying to be toxic or shit on anyone.
Sorry but men can find good clothes at Marshalls as well. I find my husband nice fitting jeans and nice shirts at Marshalls, Ross and TJMAXX all the time. I've even been able to find him khakis and slacks. You just have to be willing to take the time to look and try things on. They are discount stores so they won't always have your size in something you like. It's the same for women we might find something we like but there's only 2 and neither of them are our size. The only thing you have to lose trying is a little time.
I'll be honest, I don't shop at discount stores so I don't know what they carry. But I know I'm not going out in Levi's or Wranglers. And I know some Levis can hit $100, but to me it's still Levi's. The point I was trying to make is every excuse one sex can use as to why it's hard for them to look as best as they can when going out can be used by the other as well. Personally, I am not concerned with the type of clothes others are wearing because, as I mentioned, I don't know what their financial situation is. Maybe what they have on is the best they have. But it doesn't cost anything to be clean, neat and keep yourself in somewhat decent shape.
Having good hygiene is important. Being fun is important. An unfortunate looking guy has the best chance if he at least tryās to appear nice. I am the keeper of our fet account, and our sls. If a guy is polite and puts in at least a little effort to meet us. He has a chance.
Generally its the crowdā¦..my opinion and give it what its worthā¦.many in the LS dont respect their wives enough to dress up so they dont expect our wives to want that eitherā¦..
Thatās sad and my wife mentioned something similar ..she said āwell i guess after a while you just kinda have to go with what you go with cause nobody really takes care of themselves and you donāt want to be the party pooper ā On another note she said she seen a post in a Facebook group where someone had left their shoes at the orgy and they where some horrible looking running shoes .She said to herself ā people showed up to fuck other people ..WEARING THAT!?!ā If not wanting to fck ppl with bad self care makes me a snob then I guess Iām a snob
I dunno, weāve been tinkering around the LS for about a year on and off - been to a club, went to a private party, have met people online, etcā¦ Iād say that itās 60/40 that the women are much more presentable than their male partners - certainly not overwhelming numbers like 80/20 or higher. My takeaway is that for women to be confident enough to engage in full swap swinging, they probably need to feel good about themselves whereas men are just more sexually driven so theyāre prepared to put themselves out there in a bit worse condition. But yeah, weāve had plenty of messages and chats with couples where the men are close to great condition and the women are carrying 20lbs extra and have let themselves go a bit.
This has āseeking other fit couples who care about their healthā profile vibes. There are plenty of gym rats in the lifestyle and they mostly stick together (which is fine - do your thing) Go find them or figure out why you're not part of that group already. Stop complaining and remember that a pillar of the lifestyle is not to judge. There's a lid for every pot in the lifestyle so ask yourselves why you're not finding yours.
Jesus Christ ā¦Iām not even a gym rat..I go twice a week and maybe throw in a jogā¦ why is it that when someone says they have standards everyone gets nervous ..Iām not asking for people to dress rich or be gym rats..Iām asking for people to care a bit more ..Iām starting to think what outsiders say about the lifestyle must be right because to have this many people get so upset over someone saying ā hey dudes , letās try a little harder , letās present ourselves a little better ā itās wild .. yāall are so mad that yāall downvoted another womanās post who said she loves a man in a 3 piece suit!! Lmfao I donāt own a 3 piece suit and Iām not mad at it .you can dress nice and look nice without going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week or spending a fortune on clothes .
Sounds like a lot of unnecessary crying to me. You know how to scroll, right? You know how to say "no", right? If you don't like those men don't do anything with them.
Sounds like copium to me .This is the internet ..people come here to talk about things that grind their gears and see if anyone else relates ..here ..Iāll block you so you donāt have to see this anymore
I disagree with your post quite a bit. First, I do NOT want a woman who dresses up like she is going to a club. I would MUCH prefer a woman who looks like she is going to Home Depot. Because yes, that is my vibe- more Home Depot, BBQ and ping pong, than what I have seen at parties and clubs. Secondly, I value communication far more than I value a person's ability to research fashion on Pinterest. I would much rather connect with someone intellectually than to be impressed by how they are following the current fashion trends on Pinterest. To me your post is a giant wall of poorly formatted text. It's the equivalent of showing up to a party with a dirty t-shirt. The punctuation is horrible, improper spacing, ellipses all over the place and inconsistent. It appears that you don't know the difference between a period and a comma. Those are all red flags that would cause me to skip out on a connection, because I know I won't be impressed when I finally meet the person. I'm not trying to put you down. I am sure that a lot of women enjoy men who claim to take care of themselves but can't put together a few paragraphs of text. Those women and men are out there. Personally, I value communication, intelligence and sophistication far more than I value someone who can buy up some fast-fashion in their quest to get laid. I disagree with your post because you make the assumption that we are all looking for the same thing. I dress like a normal guy, I have a few extra pounds, but I meet a lot of women who I think I match with very well. These people have become long-term friends and partners. We are all happy, despite being unfashionable.
Do you want to go to his BBQ and ping pong party?
I'd love to go to a BBQ and ping pong party. That sounds like a lot of fun, and a good way to get to know people. I think a lot of people would like to go to a party that is about having a good time with some sexiness on the side.
Sexiness and Home Depo donāt go together. Thatās you Professor Home Depo .Plus I like to dress nice so Iām automatically dumb .
ā I prefer a woman who looks like she goes to Home Depot because thatās my vibe ā Thatās good for you, it looks like this post wasnāt for you and I wish people who looked like you your preference wouldnāt view our adult pages āSecondly I prefer intellectual conversation over people who study Pinterest fashion ā Did you know that you can be an intellectual person and dress nice ?those things arenāt exclusive to each other ..you sound like a smart man and Iām smart enough to know youāre trying to be a smart ass by saying that ..moving on ā I donāt like how you type so I wouldnāt want to fuck you or your wife ā My guyā¦This is the internet , Iām it an English teacher and Iām not going to put my text through chat gpt first to make sure itās to your liking .You read my post enough to reply to everything so apparently it got your attention enough to respond and be salty . āIām not trying to put you down Iām sure a lot of women love men who canāt use proper punctuation online but carry themselves wellā Iām not trying to put you down and Iām sure women love old men who dress bad and host swinger parties in the backyard of their trailer :) .itās cool weāre different . ā you need to know that we are happy the way we are despite us not being fashionable ā Sir, we live in two different worlds and believe it or not ā¦I am very well aware that Iām not among the average people ..So you stay over there and continue being a normal guy .I am happy for you for being average .I am happy with my taste in company and the way I dress and present myself .Itās not changing Enjoy your BBQ ping pong parties and Iām sorry that asking for men to present themselves better made you feel this way. I hope you could read that well . Edit : thereās some typos in there but I left them there ..just for youā¦ā¦. Youāll be alright ā¦..
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Awwwww , heās so mad at me that he went to see what I did with my spare time š¤£. Yes my guy ..thatās my point . I WANT EVERYONE TO BE LIKE MEEE MUAHAHA . What a piece of trash . Go eat your BBQ and fck one of those Home Depo women you were bragging about .
Jesus you just sound like an awful human being
Straight men don't spend as much time in the closet.
What?Please elaborate for us
It's a joke. Gay/bisexual people have a better sense of style because we spend more time in the closet.
If you put on a 3 piece suit, your chances just went up at least 50% for me.
Lol they downvoted you for saying you like ppl in a 3 piece suit š¤£. People are super weird here
It's fine. I don't put stock into votes. I just like the way men look in suits
Smart woman š¤
Based on on some of the other posts you've written it seems maybe the lifestyle isn't for you two or you need to stick to unicorns. Standards seem a little unrealistic. Are you two pretty young?
What are our standards that are two unrealistic ? This is going to be good I want to know what unrealistic thing weāre looking for
You're acting as if you're walking into a Vegas club where you need to be on an invite list because Drake is having his birthday there. The lifestyle skews towards people in their 40s-50s. People with kids, jobs and other life responsibilities. You see all shapes, sizes and walks of life. The common denominator is that there's no judgment. If you want gym rats with no kids and all the time in the world, and in their 20s or even early 30s, then you are likely to be disapointed .
Umm no ,YOUāRE acting as if I said that . Nobody said anything of that nature but for whatever reason someone asking someone to dress better immediately makes you go to , āOMG THEY THINK PPL NEED TO DRESS TO SATISFY CELEBRITIES ā ..Iāve been to lifestyle clubs .I know very well itās a melting pot .
āThe DJ even played ALLSTAR BY SMASHMOUTH!ā š Your expectations are not realistic based on the demographic of most LS people. Yes, it's true - there are some people who don't āshow upā according to some standards. We've all seen that guy. It may even make you cringe or wonder why. But they are likely looking for a couple they feel comfortable with that maybe shows up the same way. And guess what? That's fine! That dude might not even be interested in your wife either so don't flatter yourselves! If that couple approaches you and you're not into it, give them the usual signals and move on. But don't be judgemental. It seems you have this expectation that it's going to be like Eyes Wide Shut or some bad cinemax soft porn about the innocent young couple that goes to a swingers club for the first time when you go to a club or swipe through one of the apps
Iām glad you knew saying , ā it seems like ā that way you admit that itās just your opinion . You literally went back into post from about ..what?? 3 months ago . Are you saying because I didnāt like smash mouth Iām not supposed to be in the lifestyle ? If youāre gonna act ignorant and exaggerate my point then I will exaggerate yours as well . If you want to sleep with anyone without standards thatās fine , but to say that people who do have standards that donāt fit yours should rethink being involved in the lifestyle is pretty absurd .It SEEMS like youāre telling people to take whatever you get or get out .
Funny you didnāt mention this post āYep we go to Trapeze as well and we have to make a good drive to get there .We have tried groups where we live and Iām just put off .We went to Trapeze and started an orgy!!Different age ranges , different races , it was amazing ..but hereā¦omg..Jesus Christ ..No no no .The pictures people post on on the adult sites are a turn off ..dudes just putting up pictures of flaccid ding dong with their toilet paper in the background ..meanwhile the wife looks fine but you just canāt bring yourself to let that dude who canāt carry himself well enjoy your partner .Dude look so bad he make me not want his wife and I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some women š¤£ ā But you went a whole season back to try and make your point .. get outta here .
If you want the men to dress nicer the lifestyle isnāt for you . /s
What's with the hate for running shoes? If they're in shit condition, yeah, it's gonna look bad, but that's the case with any kind of footwear. More to the general point, yeah, guys shouldn't be relying on their partner reeling in action for them. That's just weird and uncomfortable, despite how common it is.
Maaaan if you are enjoying the lifestyle while wearing your running shoes with most of your outfits do your thing bro.They have fashion shoes and sports shoes but if you can wear your sports shoes with all outfits and you feel comfortable then do your thing . I agree with your last sentence . It seems like men are just relying on their woman to get other women and Iām fine with that when it comes to having conversations but we as men can at least try to look handsome and take better care of ourselves ā¦ Thereās this stigma about the LS community ā¦they say you hear about swingers thinking theyāre these extremely hot couples having the best sex but in reality itās just a bunch of out of shape old ppl fucking each other casually in tacky bars .Itās not true but I donāt want to give people that ammo
Another humble-brag post. \#42 My lady and I are stunning, but you fat slobs will never get to touch her because she got standards! Especially if you're white and in the south! Fuck off with the racial stupid shit, people are people, and like the used car salesman says: there's an ass for every seat. Just scroll past the ones you don't care for and find something that suits you.
Struck a nerve? He's not wrong, but truth hurts, huh?
They didnāt say that ..YOU said that and I donāt see anything about race or the OP calling themselves hot shit ā¦gross
Where did he mention any of what you said, nice job bring race into the equation when he never even came close to saying anything of the sortā¦.you must be a lot of fun to be around. From multiple years in the lifestyle, we would easily say 50% or more take a little pride with their appearance, try to not only impress other lifestyle members but also others in the general public. They most certainly are not all gym rats or stunning, very few are but one of the ways to possibly identify swingers in the wild is look for the couple(s) having a good time, smiling, being affectionate, and dressed a bit nicer/sexier than everyone else.
āMen get fashion advice on Pinterest.ā This is one of the best parts considering Pinterest is 80% women. Overall this is one of the most arrogant posts Iāve seen on here. Men donāt have a reason to stay in shape? Health is a big one. The amount of generalizations in this post is wild. It sounds more like a local issue instead of a men vs women issue. Iām on early 40ās. Wife and I together 20+ years. I spend most my days looking like a beach bum who just got off a psychedelic trip even though Iām at a country club a few days a week. I made a promise to myself to never wear a suit again about 10 years ago. Donāt own one or a tie. I take care of myself, dad bod, can clean up well. But just given this post Iād get red flags all over
Yeah, most of the time you have to cover up how ugly guys are with more clothes. This is coming from an ugly person myself, go to the gym and dress well will help overcome how ugly we are.
Nice try and speak for yourself there homie .
he was speaking for himself
I am ugly yes, still pull women through š„
Lol he didnāt say the women were pretty !! Lmao heās trying to say youāre ugly cause your post made him feel weird
š!! People are so pathetic sometimes
You all need to be swingers in my circle out here in LA š¤·āāļø Most couples are sexy and stylish and the men bring it. Myself included š Also, check our profileā¦.no modesty here but we are ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„
Youāre kind of proving the comments here correct. Who cares how you dress if you have ED issues and are insecure about your size.
Haha! No ED issues. I just like have an erection for 3.5 hours and be ready to receive a mouth, š± or š at a moments notice. I also like to use recreational drugs as parties and that kills my erection so itās a win win
Thereās someone for everyoneā¦. Why are you so upset about what OTHER PEOPLE are wearing?! You do you and quit your bitching honestly. If someoneās dress isnāt appealing to you then so whatā¦ Done engage with them. There are plenty of others that WILL be attracted. One of my favorite things about the lifestyle is the general acceptance of all sorts of body sizes, shapes and general appearance. I canāt stand the idea that only the āperfect onesā should be allowed to swing. I enjoy the variety of people and styles even if I donāt find them attractive.
oh yes, the woman who posted earlier last month, totally remember that
Pfff single male posting here
Dealing with the wrong men. I make it an event, not an encounter. Big difference.
How many of the same posts are we gonna seeā¦..
Damn , it must be a common issue in the community.Men need to do better
Itās not surprising but itās just so predictable and disappointing. You ask straight dudes to have standards for themselves and they get defensive. It isnāt rocket science, just give a shit about your appearance and so many more doors will open for you.
With life in general I've found that the more fluff that a person has on the outside, the more disappointing the inside is with nothing to back up the window dressing. When I see either gender comfortable in their own skin, the inside is always more laid back and interesting with a depth that you can get to know.
So thatās what you think when you see someone walking around in a t-shirt that fits them properly ?Holy shit , thatās deep!!
A little bit more than that. LOL Best example is the Nudist community. There is nothing to hide behind ... you relate to others with what and who you are on the inside and nothing else. It gives one a confidence that is, in and of itself, attractive. Hence the old saying "comfortable in your own skin."
Okay okay heard . Not mad at that take .I wouldnāt say that just because ppl like to wear clothes that fit them correctly theyāre hiding their insecurity.Thatās a big stretch . HOWEVER saying that in the nudist community certain judgements donāt exist because weāre all naked so we canāt tell whoās poor , rich or middle class is interesting .
Cool. Anyone can buy clothes and mimic the "influencer" of the day, but being "real" escapes many. I must admit we are a little hard on, and scoff at, our current culture ... much of which, particularly style, is more commercialism than good for culture and society. It's only going to get worse with AI cataloging and analyzing our every second online, then selling our profiles to the highest bidding retailer. If I see an easy "confidence" exuding from someone dressed practically I can pretty much predict that we're going to click. With someone dressed to the nines, it's a crap shoot. Can't be sure if their swagger is organic, or synthetic.
āAnyone can Mimic an an influencer ā Waaaait lol Why are we talking about influencers? So wearing a T-shirt that fits correctly /form fitting shirt means youāre trying to imitate an influencer?Work with me here because Iām sure thatās not the point youāre trying to make.I can tell youāre intelligent and I know thatās not the point youāre going with . ā I trust someoneās confidence whoās dressed practically over someone whoās dressed to the nines ā You do realize fake confidence comes in many forms ..a lot of men arenāt good at dressing themselves yet they still display fake confidence..I see this all the time .. Here , Iāll help you out ..YES I do see men dressed to the nines ..with no women around them ..3 piece suit , nice shoes and sunglasses on inside , yet they are sitting alone while the casual dressed person is dancing with 2 pretty women . I see this a lot .. The suit doesnāt make you THE MAN. I get your point . Iām with you there . Iām also not saying everyone needs to wear a suit either lol. In the same breath I can tell you a lot of badly dressed men lack confidence and theyāre extremely insecure as well. Letās not act like that doesnāt exist a lot more ā¦whatās the point of this again ?
And while we are at it, clubs need to enforce their dress codes. Guys think it's okay to show up in the same garbage outfits they wear to walmart. ew. At least wear nice jeans, a collared shirt, and shoes that aren't sports ones. It's easy. And it's just as comfortable as hoodies and high-tops.
Have to chime in here .. Men women do not want to see a profile picture of you with your fish or you in your towel fresh outta the shower with all your toiletries on the counter . š¤¦š»āāļø the gym pic ā¦ unsure of how to make your profile pop ā ask a close female friend š
Never take one for the team. Better to go home without a swap than to give couples with these sloppy guys the time of day.
This has been a long time gripe of mine about all (mostly American) men. Especially the ones who whine about not being hit on or who feel undesirable. Itās because you are. No one wants to fuck the guy in a polo, loose jeans, and sneakers who hasnāt seen a dentist in decades. Even Crazy, Stupid, Love called this out for crying out loud - there is no excuse. No one cares how āniceā you are - most people are ānice.ā That isnāt a differentiator. If you want sex, with a stranger or your wife, make an effort to be desirable. Women put so much more effort into their appearance and presentation. Even if sheās not wearing makeup (I rarely do) the effort, time, and money put into our skin care, hair, bodies, diet, nails, style, grooming, etc is leagues ahead of (American, especially suburban and rural) men. Hell, if I know Iām going to an LS event Iām even watching my diet the days before and eating more citrus so I donāt reek of garlic and onion. And the men who do put in the effort are often shamed or teased by other men, called gay or metro or trying too hard etc. But those are the guys getting laid by MUCH hotter women. My family thought half my exes were gay because they were either European or they had a sense of style and grooming - itās just sad, really.
We have discussed the same. Doesnāt take much to put on a nice outfit and to care for ourselves. Good news is there are plenty of fishes out there to choose from. Good luck.