**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...**
>!That last part was a doozy. She got a "23 and Me" DNA test and then realized her mother is a necrophiliac.!<
*****
**Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
I can't say for sure but Galvani had some success with dead frogs' legs. Easy access to a morgue, a car battery and some jumper leads should help you find out if it works.
Yes that works with every kind of muscle but you have to still have some charge on you
Here someone is using this to build a robot: https://youtu.be/HsMYobFXHxA
It came up in another post here: [posthumous sperm retrieval](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous_sperm_retrieval):
> Gametes have been extracted through a variety of means, including removal of the epididymis, irrigation or aspiration of the vas deferens, and **rectal probe electroejaculation**.
Thanks for making me google 'can a corpse ejaculate', my NSA agent has something to do today. They can with use of a device used on cattle, that provide an electrical current to make it hard. Can be used within a few days of death. People into BDSM use them also, so its possible she brought one to work.
I forget where I heard it from, and I'm not googling it so this might be false, but I hear there's a window after death where a spouse could ask for some semen to be collected using a cattle prod.
Ya especially when we are talking within days. Both my kids are late, 3 and 8 days. I was late myself 14 days. I guess she could be taking that into her calculations but still an exact date is difficult. Then there's the whole concept where conception can happen days after the intercourse:
> It can take up to 6 days after sex for the sperm and egg to join
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/how-long-does-it-take-for-a-girl-to-get-pregnant-after-having-sex#:~:text=Pregnancy%20doesn%27t%20start%20the,an%20egg%2C%20it%27s%20called%20fertilization.
I guess he could have died after having sex..
Oh, I don't know, a lot of people can have a pretty good guess. Count back nine months-ish from your birthday and you'd be surprised how often it's one of your parents' birthday or their anniversary or something.
This girl's nonsense story isn't really the point - what I'm getting at is that generally speaking, plenty of people can make a pretty safe guess at their conception date. It's not an exact science, it's just a fun way to make people feel uncomfortable when you bring it up at the pub and watch them mentally count backwards until they hit their mum's birthday or something.
yeah three of my siblings, including me, were born 9 months after of our dad’s birthday month 😬
tell me how it works, do you have to pull out all year long and then your birthday gift is to bust inside? or is your birthday gift to go raw?
More likely that was probably one of the few times it happened?
My BIL likes to talk to much at parties after a few, both of his kids are 9mo from his B-Day. He likes to tell people that is the time he gets 'lucky'....unfortunatly I do not think it is a joke....more like a plea to find someone else in his boat....
I don’t have kids (yet), but I know in past relationships certain days got special things.
As someone who enjoys a good breeding kink, birthdays and anniversaries a treat was to get to throw caution to the wind and bust where I wanted.
Granted a lot of the kink had to come from the role play, as my partners were still on birth control and generally kept track of their cycles to minimize the actual risk of pregnancy, because we didn’t -actually- want kids, just that the thought was hot (I’m not great with that side of women’s reproductive knowledge, so not sure how much doing it on certain days effects it vs others, other than some days are supposed to be riskier? At least that’s what I’ve always been told).
In the end, we were prepared if it ended up happening, but I’m imagining a lot of people might have similar experiences and just been less careful.
>you'd be surprised how often it's one of your parents' birthday
#Oh.
I was wondering why the date was so random and 'birthday' never clicked for me until now 🙂
One thing I do enjoy about this thread is all the people going "this is nonsense, that's not how it works" contrasted against all the people going "...ohhhhhh, that makes perfect sense"
Well when you think about it, and depending on how much your parents love each other (mine very much) (gross), then a birthday or anniversary or holiday makes much more sense than a random day lol
My parent’s wedding was 5 months before I was born. They divorced when I was really young so I didn’t know their anniversary. Found out when I went looking for photos for my senior yearbook and their wedding date was embroidered on the front of the photo album. You really didn’t have to do all that, Mom!
My oldest was a week late and born November 13. 9 months prior to that is...Valentine's Day!
My youngest was born on my birthday. It doesn't match up to any anniversary or holiday. However, it is kind of odd to think about
Sure, but even then you can't specifically know it was actually that day. Maybe they celebrated a few days late or early. The idea that your biological father died 9 months or so before your birth and your conclusion is that you were conceived *after* his death is stupid. This is just someone posting a lie to social media.
Unless it's a fairly fresh-ish corpse. 😬😳
This is a terrible thing to think of and I've only been awake for 45 minutes. Why so early, god??? *WHY?????* I haven't even finished my 1st cup of coffee. 😭
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous\_sperm\_retrieval#:\~:text=While%20medical%20literature%20recommends%20that,death%20or%20method%20of%20extraction.
I haven't even made my first pot of coffee yet, and I've already achieved "that's enough internet for today."
I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE PHRASE "rectal probe ELECTROEJACULATION"
Fun fact that's how they help maintain populations and genetic diversity for endangered species. Put them down, shove an electrode up their butthole, and zap the cum right out of their endangered little prostates.
Couple hours later the animal wakes up, understandably confused, in a different place with no memories of anything abnormal.
There was a CSI or SVU episode about this a long ways back. Lady was drugging smart/talented/famous people (I think it was a rock star as the main one), and doing the electro jobby on them after knocking them out, taking the sperm and using with her partner-in-crime at a fertility clinic. The clinic was promising clients that the sperm came from people famous in various fields. A parent was complaining that their kid has no musical talent, and DNA tests confirmed the rock star was the father.
So this actually is completely possible based on that information. The motile sperm can be retrieved 36 hours after death with a high probability of successful insemination and the guy died a few days before her conception. That surprises me.
Using specialised equipment though, right? Slightly trickier to get away with than just riding a corpse "au naturel".
Also - I'm not a parent so I may be wrong here - but is it even possible for someone to find out their own conception date to the day, without asking one of their parents?
I'm also not a parent.
I found this:
>Knowing the exact day of conception is a difficult thing. Sperm can live in a woman’s body for up to five days, making it impossible to calculate exactly when conception occurred. It is not a fine science.
In addition, women ovulate anywhere from 11 to 21 days after the first day of their last period. Ovulation varies from person to person. This is the reason why due dates are calculated from the 1st day of the last period and not from the date of conception.
[https://assureomaha.com/is-it-possible-to-find-out-the-exact-day-you-got-pregnant/#:\~:text=Knowing%20the%20exact%20day%20of,day%20of%20their%20last%20period](https://assureomaha.com/is-it-possible-to-find-out-the-exact-day-you-got-pregnant/#:~:text=Knowing%20the%20exact%20day%20of,day%20of%20their%20last%20period).
You know, it's entirely possible that this woman's mother had a one night stand and for unrelated reasons her biological father died shortly after.
That's more likely the scenario and her mother was pulling her leg. If so, I want to meet her mother for such a fantastically morbid sense of humour. LOL
Yes, you'd need to extract it. A corpse isn't going to get aroused or ejaculate. I'm not sure if these kids are just being funny or actually this painfully fucking stupid.
Conception date isn't something anyone would know without having exact knowledge on the parent's sexual habits and even then it'd be difficult to determine specifically unless they weren't having sex often at all.
*\*looks at you straight in the eyes as I sip my second cup of coffee.\**
I'm hardened now. You can't get me.
Wait....
Yea sperm not lasting long enough isn't even the crux of the disbelief. Supposed dna tests that identify an individual that died 16 plus years ago, when no comprehensive record is kept, with no margin of error... This is the real bullshit, not even good fiction.
It gets worse when you think about how she would even know the exact day of conception. I doubt her mom would tell her that when she could've easily claimed she had sex with him before his death. And finding out medically is pretty much impossible.
Ancestry DNA test can link you to possible relatives and tell you what relation they possibly are. If her dad had other kids who took the test, it would be easy for the test to tell her who her dad likely is. Then a quick vital records search to determine that he died and on what date. The real issue here is her supposedly knowing her date of conception which is highly unlikely.
yeah literally none of this works that way. not the dna test, the viability of sperm of a dead guy, or the ability of a woman to take it out of a dead guy to impregnate herself.
But if you’re dead I’m assuming your prostate wouldn’t work to push semen out the urethra. I think I’m calling bullshit. Not to mention the sperm of a dead person would be dead or barely alive and incapable of the treacherous journey of the snatch.
Sperm cells can stay alive for several days when they are in a body. But the cold would have stopped them from moving and, as you said, no muscles and no functioning prostate (or erection) means no ejaculation. This shit is wrong on so many levels...
What is entirely possible is that her mom had sex with a guy and he died shortly after, and/or the OB/GYN was a smidge off on the conception date.
Sperm can survive for 1-3 days on average once it's entered the female reproductive tract, but 5 isn't too exceptional, and if my 8th grade biology teacher wasn't a complete liar, the record is at around 10.
Or the guy was a sperm donor.
No. Cold will slow them down by not kill them. And blood has nothing to do with it because they don't rely on blood once they are mature.
They can live up to a week in a female reproductive tract where not only don't they have access to blood, but they are also attacked by the female immune system.
I dont know, they rely on the vaginal tract mucus and stuff. They live for not longer than a day or so in the female reproductive tract.
In the outside they die in less than 1 hour.
It also doesn't tell you WHO your parents are unless you have samples to compare.
How did she have samples from the random dead person her mother supposedly milked for sperm?
This was literally on r/twosentencehorrorstory like a few days ago, TikTok hitting the reddit content mill like reddit used to hit the 4chan content mill.
I thought this was a case of female privilege, but
> Because necrophilia was not illegal in California at the time, Greenlee was only accused of stealing the hearse and interfering with a funeral, for which she pleaded guilty and was sentenced to pay a $255 fine and spend 11 days in jail.
What's really fucked up is that when you do a DNA test with 23&me, they don't even tell you the date you're going to die, they just keep that info themselves smdh
Not directly but this is the closest anyone came and it involved a medical team extracting the sperm: https://apnews.com/article/af6f1754d1ea19d202e17a046220e373
There is another potential explanation. People think conception happens within minutes of the sexual act but sperm can hang out in the vaginal canal for up to a week before getting to the egg.
The amount of stupidity that people contain is fuckin palpable, how the FUCK is a DNA test going to determine that you were conceived from a dead person?!
None of that story makes sense:
- A DNA test would not tell you when someone died, and it certainly wouldn't tell you when *someone else* died.
- A DNA test on yourself would not identify your biological parents. The DNA of two people can be *compared* to determine whether or not they are related (and even then there's a margin of error), but they won't be able to find out your parents' identity (assuming it's even in their database in the first place) based on your profile alone.
- Even if they could magically tell who your parents are form your DNA profile alone AND when they died, them actually giving you the parent's name without their consent (and dead people can't give consent, fun fact) would be a massive violation of medical confidentiality.
- Now yes, in some states people who were put up for adoption are allowed to obtain their biological parents' identity even without their consent but 1; that wouldn't be up to a DNA lab to provide it and 2; said info would have been registered to begin with, negating the need for a magical DNA test.
- The thing about dead bodies is that they're dead, meaning they don't produce bodily fluids or respond to stimuli. A dead body cannot produce sperm, have an erection or ejaculate.
Also, I get what she means but lady, you're a grown adult, babies don't form in the mother's stomach.
This is an idiot pandering to idiots.
- A DNA test found the date that her bio dad died? Not only someone else, but a specific date?
- Before I was even in my mom's stomach. S T O M A C H. This woman wasn't born, apparently - she was regurgitated.
- Her mom apparently shoved a cold, dead, flaccid penis inside herself and... became pregnant. From dead sperm cells, from a dead guy.
Assuming this is the US, because of fucking course it is, because holy fuck our public education system is a shambles.
This is something I’ve actually never really through about and it feels weird asking this, but do we even know if a corpse can ejaculate? It seems like the answer would be an obvious no but I just want to be sure.
Edit: okay, I took it upon myself to get put on some pervert list, but apparently, [they can…with assistance](https://www.quora.com/Can-we-make-a-dead-body-ejaculate).
On the list of things that didn’t happen…
Anyway why is that crap upvoted? We post completely fictional cringe stories now? Because several/all fanfics belong here then
Yeah, but a dead body can't be brought to the point of ejaculation, unless you introduce the right electrical current to the right muscles, but then the mom would get electrocuted...
Conception dates are FAR from being accurate, and it's extremely possible her actual conception was in fact days, or even weeks, before the date the doctor provided.
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!That last part was a doozy. She got a "23 and Me" DNA test and then realized her mother is a necrophiliac.!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
You can't pinpoint the DAY you were conceived like that.
Also the sperm be dead by then...
Also corpses can't cum, so...
They can't ejaculate but they can leak sperm.
How the hell did you find that out? Trial and error?
How should muscles contract if the brain doesn't work and the heart isn't beating
I can't say for sure but Galvani had some success with dead frogs' legs. Easy access to a morgue, a car battery and some jumper leads should help you find out if it works.
Yes that works with every kind of muscle but you have to still have some charge on you Here someone is using this to build a robot: https://youtu.be/HsMYobFXHxA
It came up in another post here: [posthumous sperm retrieval](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous_sperm_retrieval): > Gametes have been extracted through a variety of means, including removal of the epididymis, irrigation or aspiration of the vas deferens, and **rectal probe electroejaculation**.
I'm not here for rational thought mate, I'm here to find out about women getting it on with corpses
Classy gent 🎩
I'm sure it was just a bad joke on their part.
Thanks for making me google 'can a corpse ejaculate', my NSA agent has something to do today. They can with use of a device used on cattle, that provide an electrical current to make it hard. Can be used within a few days of death. People into BDSM use them also, so its possible she brought one to work.
If you stimulate the prostate enough they can, it's kinda fucked up admittedly, but it can happen
I forget where I heard it from, and I'm not googling it so this might be false, but I hear there's a window after death where a spouse could ask for some semen to be collected using a cattle prod.
Ya especially when we are talking within days. Both my kids are late, 3 and 8 days. I was late myself 14 days. I guess she could be taking that into her calculations but still an exact date is difficult. Then there's the whole concept where conception can happen days after the intercourse: > It can take up to 6 days after sex for the sperm and egg to join https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/how-long-does-it-take-for-a-girl-to-get-pregnant-after-having-sex#:~:text=Pregnancy%20doesn%27t%20start%20the,an%20egg%2C%20it%27s%20called%20fertilization. I guess he could have died after having sex..
Oh, I don't know, a lot of people can have a pretty good guess. Count back nine months-ish from your birthday and you'd be surprised how often it's one of your parents' birthday or their anniversary or something.
Yeah? You think it was maybe their anniversary in the morgue?
And like you said, it's 9-ish months. Not to within a specific day.
Plus babies do arrive early or late. For example, I arrived two weeks late. TRAFFIC!! /s
If you're a twin then this joke is gold.
In fact it is never to within a specific day. That is scientificaly impossible. I know this because my birthday is exactly 9 months after my mothers.
Wow, your mom was young.
I mean, just guess 365 times and you’re guaranteed to get it right eventually. 366 guesses if you’re really unlucky.
[удалено]
I fucked ONE TIME during the month my son was conceived, I'm rather certain I should know the exact time I first dropped him off with his mom.
Maybe she fucked him and he had a heart attack and died. If I'm going out that's the way I want to go.
[удалено]
The snu-snu
Beau is afraid
I’ve always wanted to be coming and going at the same time.
This girl's nonsense story isn't really the point - what I'm getting at is that generally speaking, plenty of people can make a pretty safe guess at their conception date. It's not an exact science, it's just a fun way to make people feel uncomfortable when you bring it up at the pub and watch them mentally count backwards until they hit their mum's birthday or something.
yeah three of my siblings, including me, were born 9 months after of our dad’s birthday month 😬 tell me how it works, do you have to pull out all year long and then your birthday gift is to bust inside? or is your birthday gift to go raw?
More likely that was probably one of the few times it happened? My BIL likes to talk to much at parties after a few, both of his kids are 9mo from his B-Day. He likes to tell people that is the time he gets 'lucky'....unfortunatly I do not think it is a joke....more like a plea to find someone else in his boat....
Damn. If you're ace or low libido more power to you, but once a year would be miserable for me.
I don’t have kids (yet), but I know in past relationships certain days got special things. As someone who enjoys a good breeding kink, birthdays and anniversaries a treat was to get to throw caution to the wind and bust where I wanted. Granted a lot of the kink had to come from the role play, as my partners were still on birth control and generally kept track of their cycles to minimize the actual risk of pregnancy, because we didn’t -actually- want kids, just that the thought was hot (I’m not great with that side of women’s reproductive knowledge, so not sure how much doing it on certain days effects it vs others, other than some days are supposed to be riskier? At least that’s what I’ve always been told). In the end, we were prepared if it ended up happening, but I’m imagining a lot of people might have similar experiences and just been less careful.
>you'd be surprised how often it's one of your parents' birthday #Oh. I was wondering why the date was so random and 'birthday' never clicked for me until now 🙂
One thing I do enjoy about this thread is all the people going "this is nonsense, that's not how it works" contrasted against all the people going "...ohhhhhh, that makes perfect sense"
Well when you think about it, and depending on how much your parents love each other (mine very much) (gross), then a birthday or anniversary or holiday makes much more sense than a random day lol
I'm the other way around. My parents' wedding anniversary is roughly seven months *before* my birthday. Whoops!
My parent’s wedding was 5 months before I was born. They divorced when I was really young so I didn’t know their anniversary. Found out when I went looking for photos for my senior yearbook and their wedding date was embroidered on the front of the photo album. You really didn’t have to do all that, Mom!
My oldest was a week late and born November 13. 9 months prior to that is...Valentine's Day! My youngest was born on my birthday. It doesn't match up to any anniversary or holiday. However, it is kind of odd to think about
Or you and two siblings born within 3 days in October. Knowing my moms genetic issue I can deduce, be careful on Valentines day.
Heh, my wife and I had a very romantic Valentine’s Day getaway. She’s due early November.
I was born towards the end of October. Once I asked my mom "I was made on valentine's, wasn't I?", and got a surprised "maaaaayyybeee" in return.
One day my son will be old enough for me to tell him this fun fact. My birthday is mid-January. His is mid-October.
Maybe just let him figure it out on his own. You don’t have to share everything.
Can confirm. My kids birthdays are just days apart, and 9 months after my wedding anniversary.
Babies rarely get made in exactly 9 months though
I was about to do the math to see if I could pinpoint any holidays like that, but then decided I'd rather not know.
November 14 gang checking in
Sure, but even then you can't specifically know it was actually that day. Maybe they celebrated a few days late or early. The idea that your biological father died 9 months or so before your birth and your conclusion is that you were conceived *after* his death is stupid. This is just someone posting a lie to social media.
And June birthdays on younger siblings coincide with around the time school starts/the parents get some alone time…
Thanks, I just calculated I was conceived on my Dad’s birthday.
Or, you know, the death date of your parents
That is what bothers you? Not that she lets on that you can make a dead body cum.
I was born exactly nine months after my conception, my grandpa even sent a dollar to congratulate my punctuality
That’s hard corpse.
r/thathappened
Yeah…pretty sure sperm doesn’t last that long after, ya know, you die
Better question is how did she know the day she was conceived?
Pretty sure a DNA test doesn't tell you when someone passes or the exact day you were conceived.
Nah bro, 23 and Me gives you their entire life story and daily routines. /s
Unless it's a fairly fresh-ish corpse. 😬😳 This is a terrible thing to think of and I've only been awake for 45 minutes. Why so early, god??? *WHY?????* I haven't even finished my 1st cup of coffee. 😭 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous\_sperm\_retrieval#:\~:text=While%20medical%20literature%20recommends%20that,death%20or%20method%20of%20extraction.
I haven't even made my first pot of coffee yet, and I've already achieved "that's enough internet for today." I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE PHRASE "rectal probe ELECTROEJACULATION"
Fun fact that's how they help maintain populations and genetic diversity for endangered species. Put them down, shove an electrode up their butthole, and zap the cum right out of their endangered little prostates. Couple hours later the animal wakes up, understandably confused, in a different place with no memories of anything abnormal.
So alien probing might just be because of confused alien ecologists?
They're just harvesting jizz for their zoos
Jizz zoos christ
🏅 Here, now get out.
No the aliens do it for clout on intergalactic ticktoc
I don't like the phrase "their endangered little protsates"
Doesn't only apply to animals ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
.......I'm endanger
I’d tell you to duck and cover. However, I don’t think that approach is going to have the desired effect in this situation.
I snortled
"zap the cum right out of their endangered little prostates" What a odd sentence to read for the morning.
God I wish that were me
There was a CSI or SVU episode about this a long ways back. Lady was drugging smart/talented/famous people (I think it was a rock star as the main one), and doing the electro jobby on them after knocking them out, taking the sperm and using with her partner-in-crime at a fertility clinic. The clinic was promising clients that the sperm came from people famous in various fields. A parent was complaining that their kid has no musical talent, and DNA tests confirmed the rock star was the father.
>I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE PHRASE "rectal probe ELECTROEJACULATION" Ngl sounds like the perfect name for a grindcore metal band.
Sounds like one of Andy's band names from Parks and Rec
Sounds like a fun fuckin friday
Wake up, babe, new Carcass song just dropped.
Really makes me understand the grind in grindcore
Fancy fancy. “rectal probe ELECTROEJACULATUON” definitely hits old brain right in it’s pop tarts
So this actually is completely possible based on that information. The motile sperm can be retrieved 36 hours after death with a high probability of successful insemination and the guy died a few days before her conception. That surprises me.
Using specialised equipment though, right? Slightly trickier to get away with than just riding a corpse "au naturel". Also - I'm not a parent so I may be wrong here - but is it even possible for someone to find out their own conception date to the day, without asking one of their parents?
I'm also not a parent. I found this: >Knowing the exact day of conception is a difficult thing. Sperm can live in a woman’s body for up to five days, making it impossible to calculate exactly when conception occurred. It is not a fine science. In addition, women ovulate anywhere from 11 to 21 days after the first day of their last period. Ovulation varies from person to person. This is the reason why due dates are calculated from the 1st day of the last period and not from the date of conception. [https://assureomaha.com/is-it-possible-to-find-out-the-exact-day-you-got-pregnant/#:\~:text=Knowing%20the%20exact%20day%20of,day%20of%20their%20last%20period](https://assureomaha.com/is-it-possible-to-find-out-the-exact-day-you-got-pregnant/#:~:text=Knowing%20the%20exact%20day%20of,day%20of%20their%20last%20period). You know, it's entirely possible that this woman's mother had a one night stand and for unrelated reasons her biological father died shortly after. That's more likely the scenario and her mother was pulling her leg. If so, I want to meet her mother for such a fantastically morbid sense of humour. LOL
Yes, you'd need to extract it. A corpse isn't going to get aroused or ejaculate. I'm not sure if these kids are just being funny or actually this painfully fucking stupid. Conception date isn't something anyone would know without having exact knowledge on the parent's sexual habits and even then it'd be difficult to determine specifically unless they weren't having sex often at all.
Except day of conception isn't an exact science. Certainly not accurate enough that 36 hours would make it impossible for the living person to do it.
Enjoy your tortured existence my man, and good morning to you too
There’s en entire Wikipedia dedicated to posthumous sperm retrieval …dammit
Thanks for the tip. I try to learn a new word every day, and now today's word is **spurgling**.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous_sperm_retrieval For the mobile folks.
Lest not forget about [Coffin Birth](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffin_birth)
*\*looks at you straight in the eyes as I sip my second cup of coffee.\** I'm hardened now. You can't get me. Wait....
*tips hat*
Man, I'm in bed. Lol
.... so is it possible?
It appears so. 😬 Although, it may not be as easy to acquire as it seems.
Hey, on the bright side, we are learning about science!
Not to mention your father's death wouldn't show up in your DNA test
Also like erection? Or ejaculation?
Have you seen the greatest documentary of our time. A movie called Clerks?
If he was already 48 hours dead, no way in hell.
sperm can stay alive for up to 6 days.
Yea sperm not lasting long enough isn't even the crux of the disbelief. Supposed dna tests that identify an individual that died 16 plus years ago, when no comprehensive record is kept, with no margin of error... This is the real bullshit, not even good fiction.
It gets worse when you think about how she would even know the exact day of conception. I doubt her mom would tell her that when she could've easily claimed she had sex with him before his death. And finding out medically is pretty much impossible.
Yep. Sad days. I wish critical thinking skills were more common.
Ancestry DNA test can link you to possible relatives and tell you what relation they possibly are. If her dad had other kids who took the test, it would be easy for the test to tell her who her dad likely is. Then a quick vital records search to determine that he died and on what date. The real issue here is her supposedly knowing her date of conception which is highly unlikely.
>r/thathappened Saw this there yesterday. Yeah, this is a complete fabrication.
yeah literally none of this works that way. not the dna test, the viability of sperm of a dead guy, or the ability of a woman to take it out of a dead guy to impregnate herself.
Ancestry.com: "12% Scottish, 31% Italian, 100% your dad died on June 8, 1992."
While I do think this is BS, I would also wear this shit like a badge of honor if it were true. “Yeah bro I’m basically a zombie or something lol.”
Some superfan of vampire the masquerade writing their own irl origin story.
Right? This is the next post that's getting me away from this idiot fucking website for the next few days, jesus.
But if you’re dead I’m assuming your prostate wouldn’t work to push semen out the urethra. I think I’m calling bullshit. Not to mention the sperm of a dead person would be dead or barely alive and incapable of the treacherous journey of the snatch.
Sperm cells can stay alive for several days when they are in a body. But the cold would have stopped them from moving and, as you said, no muscles and no functioning prostate (or erection) means no ejaculation. This shit is wrong on so many levels...
What is entirely possible is that her mom had sex with a guy and he died shortly after, and/or the OB/GYN was a smidge off on the conception date. Sperm can survive for 1-3 days on average once it's entered the female reproductive tract, but 5 isn't too exceptional, and if my 8th grade biology teacher wasn't a complete liar, the record is at around 10. Or the guy was a sperm donor.
OB's mistake on conception date is the most probable explanation IF the story isn't entirely made up.
It's entirely made up and highlights why we need better sex ed.
But only when INSIDE a body. The coldness and lack of blood would kill them rather quickly.
No. Cold will slow them down by not kill them. And blood has nothing to do with it because they don't rely on blood once they are mature. They can live up to a week in a female reproductive tract where not only don't they have access to blood, but they are also attacked by the female immune system.
I dont know, they rely on the vaginal tract mucus and stuff. They live for not longer than a day or so in the female reproductive tract. In the outside they die in less than 1 hour.
Not to mention a DNA test doesn't tell you whether or not your parent had died before conceiving you.
It also doesn't tell you WHO your parents are unless you have samples to compare. How did she have samples from the random dead person her mother supposedly milked for sperm?
I mean, you COULD cross-reference that with death records. But this story is still made up.
How would you do that? The DNA test doesn't tell you your date of conception.
This was literally on r/twosentencehorrorstory like a few days ago, TikTok hitting the reddit content mill like reddit used to hit the 4chan content mill.
Used to?
Now tiktok hits the Reddit mill which hits the tiktok mill which hits the Reddit mill which hits the tiktok mill and occasionally a tumblr post.
What a fraud. This story has three sentences.
Inflation
Also wouldn’t this get you thrown in prison and not just fired lol
[Probably more like a $250 fine](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Greenlee)
I thought this was a case of female privilege, but > Because necrophilia was not illegal in California at the time, Greenlee was only accused of stealing the hearse and interfering with a funeral, for which she pleaded guilty and was sentenced to pay a $255 fine and spend 11 days in jail.
Can’t believe you want this poor child of a cadaver *jailed* for sharing her story!!
Ridiculous subject aside, does the text-on-picture format give anyone else a headache?
How would a DNA test reveal when anyone died lmfao
Why did I have to read through a page of comments before someone mentioned this?
"Oh, you *are* the father. AND YOU'RE DEAD!"
What's really fucked up is that when you do a DNA test with 23&me, they don't even tell you the date you're going to die, they just keep that info themselves smdh
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Well a DNA test won't tell you the day your father died. Otherwise the police would use it to help with crime scenes
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If any ounce of this were true, it would mean the sample she came from was out of a sperm bank, not a two day old corpse
No
Not directly but this is the closest anyone came and it involved a medical team extracting the sperm: https://apnews.com/article/af6f1754d1ea19d202e17a046220e373
This person sucks
It's not impossible to father someone after death if you are a sperm donor. Also, the "stomach" bit 😬
Are we just glossing over "mom's stomach"
Pretty certain they don't work out pregnancies to the day.
I didn't know DNA test could tell you the date your relatives died. My goodness science is the best
This is definitely fake. This person doesn't understand how biology works.
Wow... A true Child of the Dead Seed! r/malazan
THE PANNION DOMIN APPROVES!!
This makes zero sense and is a complete fabrication
There is another potential explanation. People think conception happens within minutes of the sexual act but sperm can hang out in the vaginal canal for up to a week before getting to the egg.
I wonder if that TwoSentenceHorror story that I read the other day was inspired by this post?
They call her mom the Necromancer since she van raise the dead
This was posted in r/twosentencehorror a few days ago.
I meeaaannn I’m gonna have to assume a dead man’s balls no longer work
Imagine spending your time and money raising a child only for them to call you a necrophile for internet clout.
This is such a weird lie to make up
Can we move this over to r/nope, cut that didn't happen?
The amount of stupidity that people contain is fuckin palpable, how the FUCK is a DNA test going to determine that you were conceived from a dead person?!
DNA tests don’t tell you when you’re parents died.
LIVING DEAD GIRRRL!
None of that story makes sense: - A DNA test would not tell you when someone died, and it certainly wouldn't tell you when *someone else* died. - A DNA test on yourself would not identify your biological parents. The DNA of two people can be *compared* to determine whether or not they are related (and even then there's a margin of error), but they won't be able to find out your parents' identity (assuming it's even in their database in the first place) based on your profile alone. - Even if they could magically tell who your parents are form your DNA profile alone AND when they died, them actually giving you the parent's name without their consent (and dead people can't give consent, fun fact) would be a massive violation of medical confidentiality. - Now yes, in some states people who were put up for adoption are allowed to obtain their biological parents' identity even without their consent but 1; that wouldn't be up to a DNA lab to provide it and 2; said info would have been registered to begin with, negating the need for a magical DNA test. - The thing about dead bodies is that they're dead, meaning they don't produce bodily fluids or respond to stimuli. A dead body cannot produce sperm, have an erection or ejaculate. Also, I get what she means but lady, you're a grown adult, babies don't form in the mother's stomach.
Well, she didn't get pregnant from a corpse But, sperm can survive for several days after sex
how can a corpse do that? more likely scenario, her father donated sperm at the sperm bank. he died, a few days later her mom got the donation.
I’ll take 10 for things that never happened
This is an idiot pandering to idiots. - A DNA test found the date that her bio dad died? Not only someone else, but a specific date? - Before I was even in my mom's stomach. S T O M A C H. This woman wasn't born, apparently - she was regurgitated. - Her mom apparently shoved a cold, dead, flaccid penis inside herself and... became pregnant. From dead sperm cells, from a dead guy. Assuming this is the US, because of fucking course it is, because holy fuck our public education system is a shambles.
Who the fuck upvotes this shit? Ever single one of you idiots who upvotes this stupid shit are what's ruining reddit.
Yes this is definitely true.
How did you get that DNA sample, young lady?
All from a DNA test. We are living in the future.
I just figured it would be a sperm donor
Ahh, a Deathbourne. Rare
Dead guy gets more action than most redditors.
This is something I’ve actually never really through about and it feels weird asking this, but do we even know if a corpse can ejaculate? It seems like the answer would be an obvious no but I just want to be sure. Edit: okay, I took it upon myself to get put on some pervert list, but apparently, [they can…with assistance](https://www.quora.com/Can-we-make-a-dead-body-ejaculate).
Obviously fake, but she still seems fatherless
I mean.... How dumb are people? Come on.... Seriously?!
On the list of things that didn’t happen… Anyway why is that crap upvoted? We post completely fictional cringe stories now? Because several/all fanfics belong here then
That's not how any of this works
That's not how any of it works.
Corpses can still ejaculate?
I was playing Elden Ring recently and wondered how a woman would be convicted of necrophilia... Guess I got my answer
Sperm can stay alive in can stil conceive after like 5 days.
Yeah, but a dead body can't be brought to the point of ejaculation, unless you introduce the right electrical current to the right muscles, but then the mom would get electrocuted...
Conception dates are FAR from being accurate, and it's extremely possible her actual conception was in fact days, or even weeks, before the date the doctor provided.
Biological tests can pinpoint not only the date that you were conceived but also the date of a parents death? Riiiight.
Another typical attention-seeking story