Discount version of r/monkeyspaw

You die before the first wish is completed

Granted, but now you're the mod

I wish this sub were fun and active

Granted. It becomes a political cesspool.

that's not fun unless it's ironic meta shitposting

This year’s meta shitposts are next year’s platform

This is what happened to r/memesopdidnotlike

Granted.. The option to add GIF’s has been added

Granted. But the fun things are only thing that aren't fun for you.

I wish for nothing

Granted, but no one is around to give it to you.

r/meirl

Granted, you no longer exist, because to have nothing, is to have something.

But nothing wishes for you

I wish for a lifetime of happiness

Granted, someone you don't know is having a wonderful time.

Nice

Granted, but you have 10 IQ

Granted, but you leech your happiness from everyone around you and the closer they are to you the more happiness you leech from them.

Granted, but you will always be broke

Granted, but your dog/cat goes bald at age 1

I wish I knew everything there was to know about everything there is to know things about

Granted, you become knowledge itself, but you lose your physical form

I fail to see the downside

Granted. You are then admitted to an criminally insane asylum after trying to tell people what you learned and spreading secret government information and will never see anyone ever again

Granted. You learn about things no human has ever discovered, this quickly becomes public knowledge. Since there is no space in your head for that, you'll have to do a risky surgery to swap out parts of your brain for others. I'm not that mean, of course. I'll label all jars of brain cells.

Granted, you lose your ability to understand language. Yes, that includes nonverbal languages, don't try to cheat your way out of this.

r/monkeyspaw

[https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cn1hqn/found\_this\_on\_instagram\_and\_was\_wondering\_where/](https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cn1hqn/found_this_on_instagram_and_was_wondering_where/) after scrolling the all time top there i found this very same post edit: i found an older one https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/bl75su/instagram\_scrum\_copying\_us/

I was playing this game on forums almost 20 years ago.

The short story, The Monkey’s Paw, that it is based on was written in 1902. So they are definitely silly trying to gatekeep the term. (The commenters on those posts the OP found)

I'd be shocked if even the original monkeys paw story was the first corrupt a wish. Shit I would be shocked if Plato and Aristotle were the first people to do it.

The subreddit becomes real, but you have an STD...

I wish my dad wasn't such an asshole and a hypocrite

Granted, he died before you were born

Oof

Honestly, still a win

Granted. Now your dad is just an asshole. Literally.

That i can work with (pause) 😂

I wish to be able to teleport

Granted, but only your body travels, you can't even take clothes with you

Sounds like a bonus

Granted. You can teleport from over here to over there (there being 2 inches to your left)

Granted, but there's a 50/50l chance that either you or your clone that reaches the destination.

I wish for instant worldwide implementation of whatever political beliefs I hold at any given moment in time (will update if those change)

Granted, but your ideological opposites know where you are at all times.

Granted, but you have constant invasive thoughts and delusions

i want be women

Granted. You are very happy, but you are inexplicably expelled from Hogwarts.

love this

Granted, you are now an abomination of conjoined women sharing one brain

I wish I could enjoy life

Granted, you now have a dopamine addiction

Aw shit

Hey, that's me

Granted, but you die in a freak accident in 1 week.

Granted, but it can only be found in the little things...

Granted, but tou lose your ability to see

I wish for every human in the world to die, right now. Corrupt this, fuckers!

Granted, but they respawn and know what you wished for

motherfUCKER-

Eh, it's not so bad. Most of us wish for the same thing we are just as mad as you are that it didn't work out :(

Granted: zombies

This is exactly what I was expecting.

Granted, but you don't die

can’t tell if this would be better or worse at this point

Granted, but two humans are left, a man and a woman.

Plot twist: they're both gay

Plot re twist - they both get over it cos there is literally NOBODY ELSE

Plot re-re-twist: they're also antinatalists

You got me there

Granted, all Humans mutated into something else

Granted, but it's you, yourself and you from now on.

I wish I didn't need sleep.

Granted, but you still feel tired sometimes, and it's at the most active times of the day for you

Granted, but now you need atleast twice as much of every other nessecity

Imagine how much weight you’d lose.

Granted, but you can only breathe manually

I wish to be a better guitar player. 👍🏻

Granted, you now know one more chord

Granted, but your friends will always be better than you.

Granted, but a string breaks every other time you play

I wish for infinite wishes

Granted. You can continue wishing, but the wishes do not come true.

OOF

Granted, but to receive anything you wished for, you must use all of your wishes

Dude l, that’s evil haha. And super clever

I wish to instantly become proficient in any hobby I start

Granted, but you will never be able to profit off of your hobbies.

I'd still take it tbh

Fine by me. My hobbies are for me. And my ego and to impress people. Not for money.

Granted, but you do not enjoy being proficient and focus entirely on your real and/or perceived flaws.

Granted, you can’t start any hobbies

I wish the first person to reply has a wonderful life

Take my upvote and may your wish be granted:)

It doesn't work on the commentor, but insteas on all who witness it

yay :)

I wish all humans were blind for a decade, just to have everyone adapt, and when everyone can see again after a decade, it will all be for nothing.

Granted. But while everyone is blind aliens take over

I wish I had normally functioning eyeballs

You have incurable pink eye.

That’s not very normal

Granted, they are unsightly (ba dum tis) eyes for others to look at but they do everything they are supposed to.

I wish to be female

Granted, but you're now a trans man

NOOOO

You possessed another living girl and forced her into your body, with no way to reverse it in your(?) lifespan

I wish to universe hop wherever I want, whenever I want

Each time you universe hop, there’s a 1 in 100 chance your body turns to liquid.

I wish for world peace.

The world becomes a dystopian hell where no one even knows what's happening around them, Lorax style

Granted, the Earth is split into pieces so nobody can invade each other

i wish i could grow a beard

Granted, you now have a beard seed that you can grow in a beard plant

I wish for all the characters I simp for to be real and to date me

Granted but they are all cheating on you and really don't love you (I'm sorry)

I wish I never had to work again

I wish I was omnipotent, checkmate

You become omnipotent, but your will is controlled by my pet cat. You use your omnipotence to create the best scratching post the world has ever seen.

I wish I was a little bit taller

Only your neck grows taller so your spine can't support it and it breaks

Jesus christ

Granted, you have grown 1mm taller

Granted, but you are now a baller.

[удалено]

Granted, but you all turn into snails on opposite ends of the planet

Toùche.

Isn't r/themonkeyspaw a whole subreddit for this type of game? 🤔🤔

Yes. However, I like fake internet points because they make me feel special and fill in the void in my heart that "friends" and "family" would fill.

Lemme guess... They make ya feel just "dandy"? (Yes, I'm trying to make a pun off of your username)

hehehehehe

Real.

I wish I was happy

Granted: Your IQ is now 65.

Not sure how that's corrupted, this is a win win for everyone

Happy and a boosted IQ? It's your lucky day! ⭐

Exactly, you get it

Granted, but you need to pay 20 dollars a day

I already do that with liquor

I wish to suffer torture beyond my comprehension for all eternity with no relief.

I wish to not be ill anymore

Granted, can't be ill if you're dead

I wish all spiders were 10 meters tall

Granted, but now you have prostate cancer.

I wish for my dream body.

Granted, you now have your dream body lying dead in front of you.

I wish for world peace. No terrorism, no wars, no grudges, no one is ever sad. Just peace and hapiness

I wish for a jelly bean

Granted, but it’s one of the gross ones from Bean Boozled.

Even better

it's black licorice

I wish I were a wiener

Granted, but you're a Bar S weiner, not the good kind.

I wish I wasn’t a Redditor

Granted: you are now a 4chan user

I wish whoever grants my wish must not corrupt my wish

Granted, but you don’t get a wish either.

I wish I had a horse

I wish I could stop farting every minute

i wish for 3 frag grenades

Granted, but each one explodes the second you pull the pin before you have a chance to throw them.

I wish for daddy Stalin to come back 😩

Done. He’s back! In POG form!

i want 50 bucks

Granted, but each buck fights the other. (Deer)

Granted, but it costs you $49.99 Assuming you mean bucks as in USD

I wish to lose consciousness forever

You can turn into your fursona

I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend

Granted, but youre related

i wish for a genie

I wish I didn’t have adhd

I wish for perfect teeth

I wish for William Afton

I wish everyone who does not succeed in corrupting this wish of a happy new year!

I wish I could afford a place to live on my own.

Granted. You now have testicular cancer.

I wish for an attractive girlfriend that legitimately loves me for me.

I gain omnipotence...

I wish I didn’t have emotional issues

I wish to waste this wish

I wish my crush would like me back

I wish to have infinite stamina

I wish I had two billion dollars that will be split evenly with the first person who replies provided they don’t give a bad side effect

I wish I had a long, happy and healthy life

For my ocs to be cannon in shows

I wish I was a princess

i wanna see my dead friend

You see your dead friend in your living room and as you approach, you notice something off about him. His skin is discolored, his hair is falling out. You round the chair and see his seemingly lifeless eyes staring at you, an intensity behind them that sends shivers up your spine. “Michael?” You want to be double sure, because that wish was just a toss away into the wind. Expecting it to come true was little more than fantasy. In a growling, guttural, raspy, hoarse and harsh voice, he scolds you, reprimanding your actions. “lol what you’ve done to me!” “I’m so sorry,” you whimper, falling to your knees, the unbearable sight one such you’ll never forget. “Sorry?” He raised his grotesque voice, distorting into a phlegmy cry. “You don’t know the meaning of the word! Don’t you DARE try to pass forgiveness on yourself for this torture.” “I… I can’t fathom your pain!” “That’s absolutely right. You can’t! But I might be able to help.” He rushes you, pushing you further into the ground while he does his best to strangle the life out of you. You feel yourself starting to fade, your breaths becoming shallow until all you see is darkness until- You wake up in a daze. You’re in your bed and soaked in sweat. It was just a dream. Until you see it. The door to your bedroom is open and you always close it before bed. Someone is sitting in the chair in the corner. You can’t see their face but the crawling sensation in your spine is back. You know who this is. And you start to panic once again. But his mass is on you too fast. Once again, you wake up and again this repeats. You don’t know why but then you remember learning about quantum immortality. That’s when you figure it out. You are cursed to this torture until either he finally remains dead or you’re somehow able to fight him off. And this will be your life henceforth, because you. Will. Never. Die. But you will be tortured by your hubristic follies for the rest of you existence. You are cursed to your friend’s wish to send you to hell with him, but can never find such release.

Ding ding ding we have 1st place right here ladies and gentlemen.

I wish who ever gives me a downside gets an umbrella opened In their rectum

I wish I wasn't socially awkward

I wish to be fluent in all Slavic languages!

I wish twitter wasn't political

I wish I had togglable invisibility. I can control it by thinking about it.

I wish I had a reason to tolerate people.

I wish I wasn’t homebound and mostly bedridden from disabilities.

I wish to never have debt and always have at least $100 on me at all times

I wish for all my anime crushes to be real and date me and actually love me without cheating, and none of us can ever die or experience pain. We also cannot be separated, and can control when we are conscious or not. We also can do whatever tf we want and have like 9000000 different powers. Beat that