They’re just bonus titties. What’s the problem?
Edit; Seriously though, a lil extra pudge can be very sexy. In fact I’d say I prefer it to washboard abs.
What I was trying to say was that we don't have to belittle one to say that the other is hot. Just because abs are hot doesn't mean curves aren't. One can be hot without the other being any less. We all have this world view that because we like one thing, the other automatically becomes a dislike. That's logically incorrect too.
You know, when, you like, when you grab another woman's sex mounds and it's... and you feel them and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.
As a bigger girl myself, I approve of this! If someone I was having sex with grabbed my tummy and said this I swear it would drive me wild! I love a man who gets all grabby and appreciative of my extraness ;)
I don’t know how to say this without sounding awkward, but some bigger girls don’t want to hear that their partner is into bigger girls. Make sure the communication is clear that you find her hot and you grabbed it because you found it hot and you are into her not because she’s “fat” nor that you like bigger girls or don’t mind bigger girls.
>but some bigger girls don’t want to hear that their partner is into bigger girls.
I'm a big girl and there are a lot of straight up fetishists who will date big girls because of their size and not their personality or other areas of compatibility. That's one issue that makes alarm bells start ringing if a guy says "yeah I prefer big girls" or something like that. There are also girls who are just insecure and can't handle any reference to their size.
TELL HER YOU DID IT BECAUSE IT WAS HOT OP AND IT WILL BE FINE
I made a horrified squeak at the thought of someone doing that, but if they explained that they thought it was hot, I'd immediately feel better about it.
All girls are different. I've had some that loved it as they felt better that I didn't care about it while others don't like to be touched there as they feel fat when you touch them there.
Can confirm. I’ve had some that have actually asked me to grab it. But I’ve also had some that were very turned off by it. It’s her body and if she doesn’t like it then that’s her preference.
Can confirm. Was 115lbs pre pregnancy, 135 post. 185 after meds for unrelated reasons and 145 now.
My weight is all over the place. I am fine with my weight. Even when I was bigger. But even after 17 years with husband I still feel self conscious.
And it was never, ever something HE made me feel. It was always in my own head. Some of us are sensitive. Talk to her
Edit: if it was hot. It was probably hot. I understand the discomfort but also think you should both be able to laugh together. If she isn’t comfortable enough yet to do so, do be a bit more sensitive.
Otherwise? You’re fine.
Edit 2: just had awesome sex. And laughed. There is nothing better lol, I didn’t think of my weight even once
Here’s the thing about sex: every single person is different.
Do girls with a belly generally feel self conscious about their belly? Yeah. Do people like the feature they’re most insecure about to be highlighted during sex? No, not usually.
Likely she’s projecting her own shame about her body onto you. If you thought it was hot, it couldn’t hurt to tell her! That might be a beautiful and healing thing for her to feel.
Yeah, the thing about body shame is a lot of things are viewed through the lens of that shame. If you're fat and something breaks under you it's not "I wonder if that would have happened if I was thinner," it's "I'm so fat I'm breaking things" even if it's not reasonable. If someone does something, like grab your stomach during sex, and they wouldn't be able to do that if you were thinner, it's possible you'd also view that action through that lens of shame.
Recently my husband wiggled my ass while we were having sex. It reminded me of how the dentist will jiggle your cheek when giving you a novacaine injection. I didn't find it rude, but I did find it confusing.
Same. The other day I was only cuddling with a guy, laying on the side and he touched my stomach a couple of times. First two times I’d just move his hand but the third time I was like, man, you are pissing me off now 😒
My gf isn't fat but I love grabbing her stomach, it feels so nice. I'm sure you're self conscious of it but if a guy is doing that it means he thinks it's cute (unless he's saying insults while touching it)
You are right, it is just in my head… had been self conscious about my weight my whole life, I know I’m not fat but I’m also not very skinny which I always wanted to be and my worth was always depending on how much I weighed, which is very wrong but I do admit this is not anyone’s fault but mine ( and my upbringing but….)
It isn't rude, but as someone who is 'bigger' myself I can tell you that we are *very* sensitive about our tummy fat. Tell her you thought it was hot, that you think that *she* is hot and that you didn't mean to upset her. **Do not** say anything about not minding bigger girls.
Like, did you put your hands on her waist or just go right in and squish some belly fat?? It sounds like the latter. As a woman who (post kids) has a bit more squish there than I used to, I cannot think of ANYTHING less sexy to me than my husband squishing my belly.
For a lot of us, it's the part we feel least confident about, and someone actually grabbing a little roll - like not just touching it in passing/ hand on the waist, but full on like you're at the gym having the caliper test???? Omg no.
Like, there's caressing someone, and grabbing a roll - which is definitely not cool unless you know your partner is specifically into that. A lot of women grab at their own rolls of fat in their darkest moments when wishing they were skinny/ feeling awful about themselves. Having someone else do that would be mortifying.
Yeah it was the latter and yeah I for sure see why she feels that way I never aim for that are but it’s just the position we were having sex and that moment of orgasm just was grabbing her because it was so intense that’s just where my hand ended up
Yeah so in that case of just spontaneously doing it, be aware that she could be conscious and reassure her. Say something like "Fuck, you're so beautiful for me. I love your body, please lemme hold you."
As a girl who has that belly pooch…I’ve been on both spectrums of not being okay with it, to not caring/embracing it. The times I cared the most were when I was heavy in my ED and constantly criticizing my body. My ex husband brought up my tummy (my insecurity) during an argument post-divorce, and that sent me into a spiral for a bit. I know he said it in spite, because he had told me he loved it when we were married 🙄 But it still fucked with me. The guy I dated after adored my body and helped my confidence in senses. As did posting nudes on reddit 🤭 and some therapy. But anyway, I feel like you telling her you thought it was hot/is a sexy part of her, might help. If not, respect the boundary.
Same here. If someone even brushes their hand over my stomach accidentally I flinch / cringe. When guys place their hand there when cuddling I move their hand.
if someone comes (especially accidentally) within a foot of me i get nervous. I’m not even trying to compete for most anxious I just genuinely think I’m taking up too much space. and if anyone’s gonna comment “then lose weight” tell that to my wide shoulders.
Personally I squish my belly all the time so I wouldn't say it's physically uncomfortable but mentally uncomfortable for a lot of women. My husband will latch onto my stomach fat when we cuddle, it's kinda like the "bonus boob" another commenter mentioned. I used to be self-conscious to him about it but he's seen me naked for 18 years and sprawled out giving birth twice. He's seen all of me. 🤷🏻♀️
This depends on the person, and she's obviously not okay with it, so that's her boundary. I can't say I know a lot of women who want to be reminded of their belly fat during sex.
Oh dude, I’m not even a big girl with a substantial amount of belly fat, but regardless if someone grabbed onto my belly while we were having sex I would be mortified and feel horrible about myself. I’d be so self conscious for weeks. Not to mention it is straight up uncomfortable having someone grab at your tummy. It can hurt.
Alright, hear me out. Imagine you had man boobs. You’re super self conscious of your man boobs and don’t like people seeing them. You dress in a way to best disguise them. You find a woman you feel comfortable with enough to be naked around despite your man boobs. It takes some courage, but you are hopeful they find you attractive regardless. During sex she proceeds to squeeze the shit out of your man boobs, the part of your body you are most insecure about. It hurts and it makes you focused on the part of your body you feel the worst about. Would this really make you feel better about yourself? Would it also make you feel better if she then said “I just find your man boobs so sexy”, like it is some kind of fetish?
Thank you for putting it in terms men can understand. There are so many men in this thread being like “well if they like your stomach fat then why do you care”. Your comment explains it well.
Thank you, although despite my efforts it seems this comment is failing to inspire empathy in these men haha. It’s wild to me that there are so many men commenting saying “It’s fine, it’s her problem she just doesn’t love herself!” Like wow guys, OP is here because he’s concerned he’s upset his sexual partner and clearly needs a woman’s perspective on the matter, not the perspective of men who apparently can’t relate at all, and their best advice is to turn around and cause her more shame by telling her she has no right to feel the way she does and she needs to work on loving herself more? Imagine how well that would go down. OP I beg you do NOT take their advice.
I assumed OP meant that they grabbed at her waist/where there was fat, therefore grabbing fat. NOT that they intentionally pulled at the front of their stomach or something. If it's the latter, then that's pretty fcked.
Tell her how you felt about it, then ask if it's something you shouldn't do anyway. If she is self conscious about her body, one instance of being told it's hot isn't going to fix it. Keep reassuring her that you think her body is hot af, and give her the space to decide if that's something she's ever comfy with
As a fat girl, I don't even like touching my own stomach. I've been married for 10 years and only recently have been ok with my husband grabbing it. It's just an insecurity.
people are predominantly correct in saying you need to tell her you thought it was hot. i'm a fat bitch myself and i'm actually into being bigger but i still have the WORST fucking self-esteem issues so i tend to get in my own head and convince myself i'm just wanted because i'm an available hole
HOWEVER, there were a couple people who were right to mention that she might not be into her body. my first partner was super big and i was just enamoured by her shape (her personality too ofc) but she REALLY didnt like her body and gradually got super uncomfortable with me expressing that i found her body super hot
so yeah, if this is a relationship you're continuing you should let her know you thought it was hot but follow up with questions about whether or not she's comfortable with that stuff
Communicate. It’s the answer for almost everything. Married 21 years and still have to remind my wife that her belly is what gave me my 2 children that I will take eternal joy in. Nothing is sexier. It is only the communication that keeps it real.
Women struggle so much with their body image and don’t necessarily want you to explain how grabbing their insecurities was hot for you in that moment.
Know that you may need to practice better communication and reassurance that what you’re doing with them it’s ok. As a woman myself, we appreciate sex the most when we feel respected and considered and it definitely only helps to make the experience feel safe, comfortable and far more enjoyable for both individuals.
you’ve experienced sex with a woman who maybe isn’t so confident about her body. Nothing to do with weight or size , it’s a different mentality for every woman so you can’t assume someone’s relationship with their body based on their size. Take it as a valuable lesson going forward, you realised she was upset which is reassuring because that clearly was never your intention and you need to let her know that. …do not say it was hot.
Some Girls with extra fluff on their tummies don’t like when people touch it or even just look at it. We are told to tuck it in and never show it, to be ashamed of it, to buy spanx to flatten it.
Maybe tell her??? Usually as women were told we need to be skinny or have a flat stomach and so when someone grabs our belly in an intimate moment it can be very embarrassing or feel like we’re being mocked or something idk. All you have to do is tell her you find her hot and that you like the belly??
As a big girl, if you're willing to grab my stomach fat as we fuck to hold me down or to get in deeper, I have no issue with that at all. All right, especially if you tell me that you thought it was hot because ain't nothing going to make a girl feel sexier than their body just being accepted
in case you haven’t already lol tell her that. being for real if someone did that to me it’d be the biggest ick and make me feel horrible about my body.
Everyone is different. I wouldn’t care but everyone has things that make them uncomfortable and at least she communicated it to you. If you like here maybe you can make her less insecure over time
Everyone has their likes and dislikes. I do it to my wife too. But if she told me to stop, I'd just grab somewhere else for the time being. Then, once she's had time to cool off, ask if it was uncomfortable or something else about it she didn't like.
Ok, I feel compelled to share my thoughts haha. Up until my most recent boyfriend, I hated my body. I’m not a big girl by any means but I’m not a skinny mini. But, I would have been absolutely fucking mortified if a guy grabbed my stomach fat during sex. Like, I would have just shriveled up and died right there. I’ve always been just so ashamed of my body and hated it. I never wanted anyone to even see my body during sex. But, my boyfriend makes me feel so beautiful and has made it so clear to me how sexy and wonderful he thinks my body is. I love being naked around him and would love it now if he was into grabbing my stomach. He made me feel so comfortable and beautiful and loved that I don’t have a single doubt about my body and feel so confident now (around him lol). Tell her how hot you find her and that you did that because you love her body. Then keep telling her that and showing her how you love her body. Building that trust will make her feel so confident and likely just help your relationship a ton anyway. It won’t happen overnight, but don’t back down :) (of course, in a way that does not make her feel uncomfortable lol).
My girl hated it when i touched her belly because she hates her body size. Shes a bigger babe. I had to make it really clear to her that im totally into that and that I find it really sexy. Now she likes it when i grab her
I grabbed a skinny girl's ass while I was doing it from behind and she's like "are you emphasizing how LITTLE booty I have?"
I'm literally balls deep and having a great time and she thinks I'm insulting her. People can have trauma from anything and it messes with their relationships, in her case she was ridiculed constantly about her weight by her asian mom. Just can't win sometimes.
I agree with everyone about telling her you were just so turned on by all her and in the heat of the moment it just happened, but you just found it super sexy. And make sure she knows it’s not about fetishizing, it’s about her. The kind of thing where you already find her sexy, but also she’s so great that it turns you on even more. And then ask her about how it made her feel, if there’s anything you can do or not do to help her feel more comfortable. Just let her know that she can trust you to respect her boundaries but that you can also try to help if there’s anything she wants to work through.
I'm skinny with a little belly and I hate when my man grabs it but I know he just wants to touch me so I have to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Like others are saying, she's prob just insecure, but not rude on your part
I’m a bigger girl and it used to make me uncomfortable until the man im with now told me how sexy he found my belly and how much he likes to grab it. He’s made my self esteem in the bedroom skyrocket by telling me that.
While you think it may be hot, she probably feels insecure about it and doesn’t like you doing it. There are other things that you can grab that would make her feel sexy. Her fat roll is probably not one of them
I do not like my partner grabbing my belly. I’m not a big girl but Ive had 3 kids so I have extra loose skin. When he touches my belly, it makes me so uncomfortable and self conscious.
We are like cats, some women love it some hate it.
If you found it hot, tell her. I used to hate when people touched my stomach. After being told that the other person thought it was sexy and they loved it, it made me more confident and comfortable with my belly being touched.
For women who don't like it, it's a process to deal with it to get more comfortable but it's Definitely worth communicating with her and reassuring her about it.
Depends , is it the first sexual encounter whit that specific person ? Then yes , If she is your long time girlfriend and you know she does not mind being teased then its fine .try to comunicate likes and dislikes before you get intimate.
I’ll be honest, I kinda panic when anyone touches my tummy. Any weight - which has been slim to obese!! It’s like my kryptonite area. Especially the belly button area.
Just let her know you think she is so very sexy and are sorry if you grabbed her “tummy/belly” too hard when you were sexually peaking the other time….You just can’t get enough of touching her all over.
If you do something “unusual,” call it out yourself to gauge their level of enjoyment and approval. especially if it’s something that you know is prone to make others self-conscious, like grabbing onto their belly fat.
Tell them that you think it’s really hot (in the moment or timely afterwards), and try to observe their reaction and body language. Ie., If she tenses up like crazy, that may be a sign that she’s not be into it.
I’m obvs all for the age of consent, but I think most of us can agree that too much pre-planning convo is one of the fastest ways to kill the mood. When there is an established trust, spontaneity can be really fun and really sexy. And, for me, it’s seriously soooo much sexier when people are actively paying attention to what’s working and what isn’t without having to talk through every little detail.
There was a time when I was bigger than I wanted to be and I remember being so uncomfortable when my stomach was grabbed during sex… it almost made me freeze up and I’d have to make myself chill. Because I’m so uncomfortable with it myself and I try to hide it so I def don’t want you to touch it.
But I completely agree with everyone- just tell her you think it’s hot and you don’t care about the size of her stomach and you should be all good
She's obviously not comfortable with her body.
Make her comfortable with her body.
Girl's get so fucked up with their body image and shit from the mind control of advertising.
I've experienced this 1st hand many times.
Girl's care more about their body fear's than what a guy looks like naked when the clothes are coming off.
I know this 1st hand.
You have to get the 6" between their ears in their heads and then you got them 🙂
As girl with a belly and insecurities, I would for sure let her know why you did that. It would make me feel better after the fact if I was told why, she may be very insecure about her stomach and being upset about it may be a knee-jerk reaction so just letting her know it was a turn on for you will probably help
Story time: years ago this dude grabbed my stomach during sex while I was on top and I was extremely insecure about it. Years later, it hit me that he probably *liked* it and that’s why he grabbed it… communication is key 😉
So anyway… you should not listen to other replies here. It sounds like she’s clearly self-conscious about her weight. I would not bring up that you thought grabbing her stomach was hot. You didn’t know that would bother her and didn’t do anything wrong but the best approach is to apologize and say you didn’t mean anything by it. Then tell her you think she’s beautiful and you’re attracted to her as an individual.
It would make me self conscious go for the hips I love to have that grabbed it doesn't make you notice your stomach it's a major turn on when women feel to sexy I would stay away from anything that might make them feel self conscious.
Depends on the girl (or guy for that matter). There are no hard and fast rules for sex,(except "no" means *no"). She may have not liked it and once she communicated it to you, you can apologise and not do it to her again.
Another girl might love it when you do that. Maybe because she likes that even though she is a big girl, youre still really into her and her curves.
At the end of the day, you both get a better end result when you let each other know what you like and dont like and tailor the experience.
Tell her you found it a turn on. She is most likely insecure about her body and thinks you couldn’t possibly find it attractive, if you let her know that you do find it a turn on then she should be a lot more comfortable with you next time.
I've been with my man 6 years I've always kinda pushed his hand away but yesterday I just let him grab what he wanted. & Honestly I could tell he enjoyed it lol (I always get in my head about it, like I'm so squishy x,y,z) sometimes as annoying as it is. We as girls just need to hear that y'all don't mind it. Just saying something along the lines of "I enjoy touching you, the way you are)
Not tummy fat but my wife has some inner thigh fat that I grab on to and lightly bite sometimes and I think it’s sexy as all get out. She’s never complained
Funny, I was thinking about this today about how much I liked it. I’ve had two guys do it (with the first one always saying how hot it is) and just recently was with a guy who grabbed it during sex and I also found it really hot. To me it comes across like you can’t keep your hands off me. Now I’m starting to really really like it
Yeah it honestly is rude if it’s done without permission or conversation first. When I was younger this would’ve crushed my self esteem and made me unable to have sex with that person again. Doesn’t matter if you found it hot, most women have been told that having a bigger belly is disgusting and something we need to be ashamed of
It's weird for me, or rather was, 'cause it's an area I don't like. I call it my baby bag, just a little sag in me big belly. I've had guys just grabbing it while we snuggle, and not in a mean way, they liked it. Overall I'm fine with my body, but we all have things we'd change, however, I'm no embarrassed or insecure about any if, especially when it has to do with men, my sexy, and intimacy.
I have always been skinny and recently got a bit of a tummy. I was unsure if i liked it or not, my bf told me how hot it looks and he loves doing this during sex too. I am glad he told me how he felt about it. Just tell her
Tell her you love everything about her body otherwise you wouldn't be with her, and ask her to consider how strongly she wants to be insecure about an aspect of herself that you don't mind or are even attracted to.
I'm a fat girl and hate my belly.
My husband loves it. He always caresses it, kisses it and grabs it while we have sex or are cuddling and has verbally communicated that he finds it sexy and hot. During those moments I love my belly too.
Hey if you’re gonna grab em to love em she’s gonna know. It’s very different than if you’re grabbing her when she’s putting food on her dinner plate and you walk up behind her and do that! If she’s offended in bed then she needs you to tell her that she’s sexy more often outside of the bedroom.
I used to see this guy who would lift up my shirt and grab my (chubby) stomach when we would make out. I found it very flattering. I knew he wouldn’t touch it if he wasn’t attracted to it.
No not necessarily but you’ve gotta gage her. I’m bigger and I wouldn’t mind so long as the person wasn’t ultra fixated on it. I’ve had people make weird comments that upset me though. I’m ok with most of that stuff if you like me outside of my weight too, don’t fetishize me. She could love it, hate it etc. also being a fat girl (or fat in general) ig like you face a lot of stigma around your body and shame. She might not be used to someone being so outright about liking her belly, and she may be worried you think it’s weird/gross, are fetishizing her, or just has no idea how to process this. I would talk to her more and express that you like her body AND HER and had no ill intentions. I’d just ask her what’s she cool with next time.
Maybe tell her you love to grab her body cause you find her body very sexy. People grab boobs and butts cause it’s hot and stomachs can be hot to grab too! But that if it makes her uncomfortable you won’t do it again! (And then of course really never do that again without her permission.)
Just this past Saturday I had a new partner ask about that! I'm a bigger woman, 6'1" and 230lbs. We had a great time together, and after, I was leaning against him, and he wrapped his arm around me putting his hand on my stomach. Then he said, " Oh, is it OK if I touch you here, I know some women don't like it." It honestly caught me off guard because... really... after everything that just went down. Ha! But I said, " No, it's good. Don't worry. But thanks for asking." Cuz concent. I agree with the others. Tell her how turned on you were. Just don't be surprised if she is wary at first.
*tell her* you thought it was hot dude
Indeed. Tell her.
Whisper it in her ear. “Lemme grab on to them sex mounds.”
…maybe not that
They’re just bonus titties. What’s the problem? Edit; Seriously though, a lil extra pudge can be very sexy. In fact I’d say I prefer it to washboard abs.
"bonus titties" if my balls get bigger I'm gonna use this.
I just choked when i read this lol
Happy cake day friend
Thank you kindly
If your balls get bigger go see a doctor
Just found a new name for my lovehandles.
Tbh tho, why compare? Both are hot and can be hot, no? Let's get out of this comparison where one has to be superior than the other 💅🏽😘
People have different tastes. It's not an objective thing to say one is superior to the other.
What I was trying to say was that we don't have to belittle one to say that the other is hot. Just because abs are hot doesn't mean curves aren't. One can be hot without the other being any less. We all have this world view that because we like one thing, the other automatically becomes a dislike. That's logically incorrect too.
I’m gonna go off on a limb and it’s not belittling to say you prefer big girls in one forum. You can look for the opposite literally anywhere else.
Legit all of us guys heard that 10 second ehhhhhHHhhHhHHhhh ... Maybe not that. And genuinely contemplated it
Would almond joy be better?
You know, when, you like, when you grab another woman's sex mounds and it's... and you feel them and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.
So you wrote that she is “a hoe fo sho”?
She was a hoe. Fo' sho.
No, but she's hurtin for a sqirtin....
Dude that extra third lower big bag of sand gets mes going !! 🥵 /s hopefully
As a bigger girl myself, I approve of this! If someone I was having sex with grabbed my tummy and said this I swear it would drive me wild! I love a man who gets all grabby and appreciative of my extraness ;)
wtf🤣🤣
You are a fuckin wordsmith. And I’m using this line next time.
Mmmmmhhhmmmmmmmmm, sex mounds.
Good for those of us allergic to almond.
Aaaalmond joys got nuts.... mounds don't
That sounds like a line from "Big Bottom."
Let me wiggle that jiggle
Linked In. Tell her.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding awkward, but some bigger girls don’t want to hear that their partner is into bigger girls. Make sure the communication is clear that you find her hot and you grabbed it because you found it hot and you are into her not because she’s “fat” nor that you like bigger girls or don’t mind bigger girls.
Oh damn. Dropping some knowledge. Good point though.
Yo boys coming thru lol
Behave
>but some bigger girls don’t want to hear that their partner is into bigger girls. I'm a big girl and there are a lot of straight up fetishists who will date big girls because of their size and not their personality or other areas of compatibility. That's one issue that makes alarm bells start ringing if a guy says "yeah I prefer big girls" or something like that. There are also girls who are just insecure and can't handle any reference to their size.
This was my first thought as to why she was upset.
that's a fair point. in another reply to the OP I gave some suggested phrasing that I think makes it clearer
TELL HER YOU DID IT BECAUSE IT WAS HOT OP AND IT WILL BE FINE I made a horrified squeak at the thought of someone doing that, but if they explained that they thought it was hot, I'd immediately feel better about it.
‘Communicate with Comprehension’ This is literally the answer to 99.9% of these posts !!
This is the way.
Initially i read the comment as "tell her you thought it was a hot dude" and was so confused as to why it's the top comment
DO THIS
All girls are different. I've had some that loved it as they felt better that I didn't care about it while others don't like to be touched there as they feel fat when you touch them there.
Can confirm. I’ve had some that have actually asked me to grab it. But I’ve also had some that were very turned off by it. It’s her body and if she doesn’t like it then that’s her preference.
Make Love Handles Positive Again
This is a presidential campaign I can get behind
My ex always hated it when I touched her stomach, even though she was incredibly fit. Girls can be more sensitive about that than you'd think
Can confirm. Was 115lbs pre pregnancy, 135 post. 185 after meds for unrelated reasons and 145 now. My weight is all over the place. I am fine with my weight. Even when I was bigger. But even after 17 years with husband I still feel self conscious. And it was never, ever something HE made me feel. It was always in my own head. Some of us are sensitive. Talk to her Edit: if it was hot. It was probably hot. I understand the discomfort but also think you should both be able to laugh together. If she isn’t comfortable enough yet to do so, do be a bit more sensitive. Otherwise? You’re fine. Edit 2: just had awesome sex. And laughed. There is nothing better lol, I didn’t think of my weight even once
Edit: r/ihavesex
Thank you. I had no idea… Edit: fucking ridiculous
Too much, I’m laughing you all are hilarious!
I dated a guy who had a similar issue, it'a really anyone who has been hit with stuff that wrecks your body image.
Especially if Thai food was on the menu that night.
i've hated it even when i was underweight i don't even know why
My cat hates it too :(
> any person can be more sensitive about that than you'd think ftfy
Here’s the thing about sex: every single person is different. Do girls with a belly generally feel self conscious about their belly? Yeah. Do people like the feature they’re most insecure about to be highlighted during sex? No, not usually.
Likely she’s projecting her own shame about her body onto you. If you thought it was hot, it couldn’t hurt to tell her! That might be a beautiful and healing thing for her to feel.
Apologize (poss. again ) if you have to but Tell her for sure!
Yeah, the thing about body shame is a lot of things are viewed through the lens of that shame. If you're fat and something breaks under you it's not "I wonder if that would have happened if I was thinner," it's "I'm so fat I'm breaking things" even if it's not reasonable. If someone does something, like grab your stomach during sex, and they wouldn't be able to do that if you were thinner, it's possible you'd also view that action through that lens of shame.
As a woman - yes. This.
This! One girl I dated hated her body so much when I thought she was really sexy.
Recently my husband wiggled my ass while we were having sex. It reminded me of how the dentist will jiggle your cheek when giving you a novacaine injection. I didn't find it rude, but I did find it confusing.
is your husband a dentist?
That's not the cavity he's filling
Take your fucking upvote.
Yeah during orgasms I always do the most random stuff lol
You thought it was confusing that your husband was playing with your butt during sexy time?
I'd be mortified if a guy grabbed my fat rolls during sex. *MORTIFIED*.
Same, makes me uncomfortable
fr, that is 100000% off limits territory. like absolutely no. dont be grabbing my rolls.
Same. The other day I was only cuddling with a guy, laying on the side and he touched my stomach a couple of times. First two times I’d just move his hand but the third time I was like, man, you are pissing me off now 😒
May I ask why you don't like it?
Because I’m self conscious and that is the part of my body that I hate the most…..
My gf isn't fat but I love grabbing her stomach, it feels so nice. I'm sure you're self conscious of it but if a guy is doing that it means he thinks it's cute (unless he's saying insults while touching it)
You are right, it is just in my head… had been self conscious about my weight my whole life, I know I’m not fat but I’m also not very skinny which I always wanted to be and my worth was always depending on how much I weighed, which is very wrong but I do admit this is not anyone’s fault but mine ( and my upbringing but….)
\*hit 'em up intro plays \*
It isn't rude, but as someone who is 'bigger' myself I can tell you that we are *very* sensitive about our tummy fat. Tell her you thought it was hot, that you think that *she* is hot and that you didn't mean to upset her. **Do not** say anything about not minding bigger girls.
Like, did you put your hands on her waist or just go right in and squish some belly fat?? It sounds like the latter. As a woman who (post kids) has a bit more squish there than I used to, I cannot think of ANYTHING less sexy to me than my husband squishing my belly. For a lot of us, it's the part we feel least confident about, and someone actually grabbing a little roll - like not just touching it in passing/ hand on the waist, but full on like you're at the gym having the caliper test???? Omg no. Like, there's caressing someone, and grabbing a roll - which is definitely not cool unless you know your partner is specifically into that. A lot of women grab at their own rolls of fat in their darkest moments when wishing they were skinny/ feeling awful about themselves. Having someone else do that would be mortifying.
Yeah it was the latter and yeah I for sure see why she feels that way I never aim for that are but it’s just the position we were having sex and that moment of orgasm just was grabbing her because it was so intense that’s just where my hand ended up
Yeah so in that case of just spontaneously doing it, be aware that she could be conscious and reassure her. Say something like "Fuck, you're so beautiful for me. I love your body, please lemme hold you."
How did you grab it? If you were squeezing like a hug that's one thing but grabbing handfuls may have actually hurt her.
As a girl who has that belly pooch…I’ve been on both spectrums of not being okay with it, to not caring/embracing it. The times I cared the most were when I was heavy in my ED and constantly criticizing my body. My ex husband brought up my tummy (my insecurity) during an argument post-divorce, and that sent me into a spiral for a bit. I know he said it in spite, because he had told me he loved it when we were married 🙄 But it still fucked with me. The guy I dated after adored my body and helped my confidence in senses. As did posting nudes on reddit 🤭 and some therapy. But anyway, I feel like you telling her you thought it was hot/is a sexy part of her, might help. If not, respect the boundary.
Ugh, you're ex is gross for doing that
Relatable
Which part or component?
Just how a person can play off your insecurities to purposely mess with your sense of self. It’s a really ugly thing for a person to do.
Oh for sure, definitely a low blow. Not fighting fairly is what that is, IMO.
Nice nudes! You have a bangin’ bod, don’t let any man say otherwise 👸🏻
I had to go look lol and good lord your ex is such a douche. You have a great body.
if someone did that to me i would recoil
Same here. If someone even brushes their hand over my stomach accidentally I flinch / cringe. When guys place their hand there when cuddling I move their hand.
if someone comes (especially accidentally) within a foot of me i get nervous. I’m not even trying to compete for most anxious I just genuinely think I’m taking up too much space. and if anyone’s gonna comment “then lose weight” tell that to my wide shoulders.
Is it uncomfortable or can you just not fathom someone enjoying a part of your body that you might not feel the most confidence about?
yes
Personally I squish my belly all the time so I wouldn't say it's physically uncomfortable but mentally uncomfortable for a lot of women. My husband will latch onto my stomach fat when we cuddle, it's kinda like the "bonus boob" another commenter mentioned. I used to be self-conscious to him about it but he's seen me naked for 18 years and sprawled out giving birth twice. He's seen all of me. 🤷🏻♀️
This depends on the person, and she's obviously not okay with it, so that's her boundary. I can't say I know a lot of women who want to be reminded of their belly fat during sex.
It would definitely end any pleasure I was having if a man did that to me.
Just fucking communicate
The answer to most relationship issues but people are unwilling or truly don't know how to express themselves.
I think it's the 2nd part. Many of us were raised by emotionally absent parents (suck it up!, toughen up, quit being a baby, etc)
Oh for sure! We heard the classic "I'll give you something to cry about!" all the time growing up.
It doesn't matter what *we* think. *She's* telling you that *she* didn't like it. Apologize, reassure, and do not repeat.
100%
She didn’t like something you did? Yeah, don’t do it again.
Oh dude, I’m not even a big girl with a substantial amount of belly fat, but regardless if someone grabbed onto my belly while we were having sex I would be mortified and feel horrible about myself. I’d be so self conscious for weeks. Not to mention it is straight up uncomfortable having someone grab at your tummy. It can hurt.
Usually when a dude grabs your belly fat it’s a sign that they like your belly fat, idk
Alright, hear me out. Imagine you had man boobs. You’re super self conscious of your man boobs and don’t like people seeing them. You dress in a way to best disguise them. You find a woman you feel comfortable with enough to be naked around despite your man boobs. It takes some courage, but you are hopeful they find you attractive regardless. During sex she proceeds to squeeze the shit out of your man boobs, the part of your body you are most insecure about. It hurts and it makes you focused on the part of your body you feel the worst about. Would this really make you feel better about yourself? Would it also make you feel better if she then said “I just find your man boobs so sexy”, like it is some kind of fetish?
Thank you for putting it in terms men can understand. There are so many men in this thread being like “well if they like your stomach fat then why do you care”. Your comment explains it well.
Thank you, although despite my efforts it seems this comment is failing to inspire empathy in these men haha. It’s wild to me that there are so many men commenting saying “It’s fine, it’s her problem she just doesn’t love herself!” Like wow guys, OP is here because he’s concerned he’s upset his sexual partner and clearly needs a woman’s perspective on the matter, not the perspective of men who apparently can’t relate at all, and their best advice is to turn around and cause her more shame by telling her she has no right to feel the way she does and she needs to work on loving herself more? Imagine how well that would go down. OP I beg you do NOT take their advice.
I assumed OP meant that they grabbed at her waist/where there was fat, therefore grabbing fat. NOT that they intentionally pulled at the front of their stomach or something. If it's the latter, then that's pretty fcked.
Tell her how you felt about it, then ask if it's something you shouldn't do anyway. If she is self conscious about her body, one instance of being told it's hot isn't going to fix it. Keep reassuring her that you think her body is hot af, and give her the space to decide if that's something she's ever comfy with
If she says it’s rude, then yes. Consider her pleasure first and you’ll go far with that mindset.
Am I the only person that learned in 7th grade that you just don't touch women's stomachs?
Is no one in a really serious/deep relationship? We touch eachother everywhere. Imagine if an entire quarter of your body was off limits
Communicate?
Tits or hips next time. Always there, always positive
Apologize, tell her it was a heat of the moment thing and that you thought it was hot AND that you think SHES hot, and then ask how to move forward.
It's always good to ask your partner where they do and don't like to be touched!
As a fat girl, I don't even like touching my own stomach. I've been married for 10 years and only recently have been ok with my husband grabbing it. It's just an insecurity.
😂 AHH Reddit never a dull moment. OP please use your "words" and tell her. You just can't make this shit up.
Only if she grabs your chin fat first
people are predominantly correct in saying you need to tell her you thought it was hot. i'm a fat bitch myself and i'm actually into being bigger but i still have the WORST fucking self-esteem issues so i tend to get in my own head and convince myself i'm just wanted because i'm an available hole HOWEVER, there were a couple people who were right to mention that she might not be into her body. my first partner was super big and i was just enamoured by her shape (her personality too ofc) but she REALLY didnt like her body and gradually got super uncomfortable with me expressing that i found her body super hot so yeah, if this is a relationship you're continuing you should let her know you thought it was hot but follow up with questions about whether or not she's comfortable with that stuff
You need something to hold onto.
Communicate. It’s the answer for almost everything. Married 21 years and still have to remind my wife that her belly is what gave me my 2 children that I will take eternal joy in. Nothing is sexier. It is only the communication that keeps it real.
Women struggle so much with their body image and don’t necessarily want you to explain how grabbing their insecurities was hot for you in that moment. Know that you may need to practice better communication and reassurance that what you’re doing with them it’s ok. As a woman myself, we appreciate sex the most when we feel respected and considered and it definitely only helps to make the experience feel safe, comfortable and far more enjoyable for both individuals. you’ve experienced sex with a woman who maybe isn’t so confident about her body. Nothing to do with weight or size , it’s a different mentality for every woman so you can’t assume someone’s relationship with their body based on their size. Take it as a valuable lesson going forward, you realised she was upset which is reassuring because that clearly was never your intention and you need to let her know that. …do not say it was hot.
Some Girls with extra fluff on their tummies don’t like when people touch it or even just look at it. We are told to tuck it in and never show it, to be ashamed of it, to buy spanx to flatten it.
Maybe tell her??? Usually as women were told we need to be skinny or have a flat stomach and so when someone grabs our belly in an intimate moment it can be very embarrassing or feel like we’re being mocked or something idk. All you have to do is tell her you find her hot and that you like the belly??
My relationship never recovered after I played with her arm fat during a BJ.
As a big girl, if you're willing to grab my stomach fat as we fuck to hold me down or to get in deeper, I have no issue with that at all. All right, especially if you tell me that you thought it was hot because ain't nothing going to make a girl feel sexier than their body just being accepted
in case you haven’t already lol tell her that. being for real if someone did that to me it’d be the biggest ick and make me feel horrible about my body.
Everyone is different. I wouldn’t care but everyone has things that make them uncomfortable and at least she communicated it to you. If you like here maybe you can make her less insecure over time
Everyone has their likes and dislikes. I do it to my wife too. But if she told me to stop, I'd just grab somewhere else for the time being. Then, once she's had time to cool off, ask if it was uncomfortable or something else about it she didn't like.
Ok, I feel compelled to share my thoughts haha. Up until my most recent boyfriend, I hated my body. I’m not a big girl by any means but I’m not a skinny mini. But, I would have been absolutely fucking mortified if a guy grabbed my stomach fat during sex. Like, I would have just shriveled up and died right there. I’ve always been just so ashamed of my body and hated it. I never wanted anyone to even see my body during sex. But, my boyfriend makes me feel so beautiful and has made it so clear to me how sexy and wonderful he thinks my body is. I love being naked around him and would love it now if he was into grabbing my stomach. He made me feel so comfortable and beautiful and loved that I don’t have a single doubt about my body and feel so confident now (around him lol). Tell her how hot you find her and that you did that because you love her body. Then keep telling her that and showing her how you love her body. Building that trust will make her feel so confident and likely just help your relationship a ton anyway. It won’t happen overnight, but don’t back down :) (of course, in a way that does not make her feel uncomfortable lol).
ask first. “Is there anywhere you don’t like being touched?”
My girl hated it when i touched her belly because she hates her body size. Shes a bigger babe. I had to make it really clear to her that im totally into that and that I find it really sexy. Now she likes it when i grab her
Cushion for the pushin is also for the pullin' just saying.
I grabbed a skinny girl's ass while I was doing it from behind and she's like "are you emphasizing how LITTLE booty I have?" I'm literally balls deep and having a great time and she thinks I'm insulting her. People can have trauma from anything and it messes with their relationships, in her case she was ridiculed constantly about her weight by her asian mom. Just can't win sometimes.
Damn that’s pretty sad actually
I agree with everyone about telling her you were just so turned on by all her and in the heat of the moment it just happened, but you just found it super sexy. And make sure she knows it’s not about fetishizing, it’s about her. The kind of thing where you already find her sexy, but also she’s so great that it turns you on even more. And then ask her about how it made her feel, if there’s anything you can do or not do to help her feel more comfortable. Just let her know that she can trust you to respect her boundaries but that you can also try to help if there’s anything she wants to work through.
I'm skinny with a little belly and I hate when my man grabs it but I know he just wants to touch me so I have to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Like others are saying, she's prob just insecure, but not rude on your part
I’m a bigger girl and it used to make me uncomfortable until the man im with now told me how sexy he found my belly and how much he likes to grab it. He’s made my self esteem in the bedroom skyrocket by telling me that.
It do be rude without explanation
While you think it may be hot, she probably feels insecure about it and doesn’t like you doing it. There are other things that you can grab that would make her feel sexy. Her fat roll is probably not one of them
Probably not a good idea, depends if she’s ok with her weight or not. 😬🙃
I do not like my partner grabbing my belly. I’m not a big girl but Ive had 3 kids so I have extra loose skin. When he touches my belly, it makes me so uncomfortable and self conscious.
I would kill you but everyone is different
We are like cats, some women love it some hate it. If you found it hot, tell her. I used to hate when people touched my stomach. After being told that the other person thought it was sexy and they loved it, it made me more confident and comfortable with my belly being touched. For women who don't like it, it's a process to deal with it to get more comfortable but it's Definitely worth communicating with her and reassuring her about it.
I’m a larger woman and am very self-conscious about my flub in bed. Tell her what you think, how you feel so assuage her worried.
Depends , is it the first sexual encounter whit that specific person ? Then yes , If she is your long time girlfriend and you know she does not mind being teased then its fine .try to comunicate likes and dislikes before you get intimate.
Ask yourself that if you would feel sexy if someone does that to you in reverse.
What a weird thing to do lmao
I’ll be honest, I kinda panic when anyone touches my tummy. Any weight - which has been slim to obese!! It’s like my kryptonite area. Especially the belly button area. Just let her know you think she is so very sexy and are sorry if you grabbed her “tummy/belly” too hard when you were sexually peaking the other time….You just can’t get enough of touching her all over.
If you do something “unusual,” call it out yourself to gauge their level of enjoyment and approval. especially if it’s something that you know is prone to make others self-conscious, like grabbing onto their belly fat. Tell them that you think it’s really hot (in the moment or timely afterwards), and try to observe their reaction and body language. Ie., If she tenses up like crazy, that may be a sign that she’s not be into it. I’m obvs all for the age of consent, but I think most of us can agree that too much pre-planning convo is one of the fastest ways to kill the mood. When there is an established trust, spontaneity can be really fun and really sexy. And, for me, it’s seriously soooo much sexier when people are actively paying attention to what’s working and what isn’t without having to talk through every little detail.
There was a time when I was bigger than I wanted to be and I remember being so uncomfortable when my stomach was grabbed during sex… it almost made me freeze up and I’d have to make myself chill. Because I’m so uncomfortable with it myself and I try to hide it so I def don’t want you to touch it. But I completely agree with everyone- just tell her you think it’s hot and you don’t care about the size of her stomach and you should be all good
She's obviously not comfortable with her body. Make her comfortable with her body. Girl's get so fucked up with their body image and shit from the mind control of advertising. I've experienced this 1st hand many times. Girl's care more about their body fear's than what a guy looks like naked when the clothes are coming off. I know this 1st hand. You have to get the 6" between their ears in their heads and then you got them 🙂
They’re called love handles for a reason no?
I do it to my GF (we just started dating) Cause I thought it was hot. She mentioned months into the relationship she thought it was really hot.
I think it's hot to grab the tummy, never had a woman object
As girl with a belly and insecurities, I would for sure let her know why you did that. It would make me feel better after the fact if I was told why, she may be very insecure about her stomach and being upset about it may be a knee-jerk reaction so just letting her know it was a turn on for you will probably help
Story time: years ago this dude grabbed my stomach during sex while I was on top and I was extremely insecure about it. Years later, it hit me that he probably *liked* it and that’s why he grabbed it… communication is key 😉
As a former bigger girl, it was never sexy when that happened. It felt degrading for me. Grab my hips, ok, my breasts, ok...but belly fat....NO!
So anyway… you should not listen to other replies here. It sounds like she’s clearly self-conscious about her weight. I would not bring up that you thought grabbing her stomach was hot. You didn’t know that would bother her and didn’t do anything wrong but the best approach is to apologize and say you didn’t mean anything by it. Then tell her you think she’s beautiful and you’re attracted to her as an individual.
Greatest question on this sub in months 🤣👏🏻. I’m dying with laughter. Okay.
Yes. I wouldn't recommend
Curb has a good bit in this it can be a life saver if you’re about to fall if a building
It would make me self conscious go for the hips I love to have that grabbed it doesn't make you notice your stomach it's a major turn on when women feel to sexy I would stay away from anything that might make them feel self conscious.
jesus christ man you gotta ask before doing some random ass shit like that
Depends on the girl (or guy for that matter). There are no hard and fast rules for sex,(except "no" means *no"). She may have not liked it and once she communicated it to you, you can apologise and not do it to her again. Another girl might love it when you do that. Maybe because she likes that even though she is a big girl, youre still really into her and her curves. At the end of the day, you both get a better end result when you let each other know what you like and dont like and tailor the experience.
Tell her how hot you felt. Also for future talk about what turns you both on.
You tell her, not us. People (not just girls) can suffer from beauty standard so if you reassured her that it was hot, she might like it
Communicate. I've had both sides of the experience, where one girl really didn't like it while the other enjoyed it, it's a matter of preference
Tell her you found it a turn on. She is most likely insecure about her body and thinks you couldn’t possibly find it attractive, if you let her know that you do find it a turn on then she should be a lot more comfortable with you next time.
I don't know girls like it or not because I never asked them but I just love to grab it 😌. It makes me more aroused during sex 🤤🥵
This reminds me of a Risk story where a guy did this and the woman was feeling unsure until he said "shutup I like it".
I've been with my man 6 years I've always kinda pushed his hand away but yesterday I just let him grab what he wanted. & Honestly I could tell he enjoyed it lol (I always get in my head about it, like I'm so squishy x,y,z) sometimes as annoying as it is. We as girls just need to hear that y'all don't mind it. Just saying something along the lines of "I enjoy touching you, the way you are)
They dont call em "love handles" for nothin
Not tummy fat but my wife has some inner thigh fat that I grab on to and lightly bite sometimes and I think it’s sexy as all get out. She’s never complained
Funny, I was thinking about this today about how much I liked it. I’ve had two guys do it (with the first one always saying how hot it is) and just recently was with a guy who grabbed it during sex and I also found it really hot. To me it comes across like you can’t keep your hands off me. Now I’m starting to really really like it
Yeah it honestly is rude if it’s done without permission or conversation first. When I was younger this would’ve crushed my self esteem and made me unable to have sex with that person again. Doesn’t matter if you found it hot, most women have been told that having a bigger belly is disgusting and something we need to be ashamed of
Depends on the girl...Your yuck is someone's Yum
Eloquently put;)
It's weird for me, or rather was, 'cause it's an area I don't like. I call it my baby bag, just a little sag in me big belly. I've had guys just grabbing it while we snuggle, and not in a mean way, they liked it. Overall I'm fine with my body, but we all have things we'd change, however, I'm no embarrassed or insecure about any if, especially when it has to do with men, my sexy, and intimacy.
I have always been skinny and recently got a bit of a tummy. I was unsure if i liked it or not, my bf told me how hot it looks and he loves doing this during sex too. I am glad he told me how he felt about it. Just tell her
"And that's how the fight started officer..."
Dude...
Idk man, I grab onto anything. Idc, she has to know that she's hot af. That's it.
Tell her you love everything about her body otherwise you wouldn't be with her, and ask her to consider how strongly she wants to be insecure about an aspect of herself that you don't mind or are even attracted to.
I grab that shit as handles so I get thrust harder.
I’m a big girl—honestly no one has ever grabbed my stomach during sexy time. I’m indifferent on the topic but do understand how some could get upset.
I'm a fat girl and hate my belly. My husband loves it. He always caresses it, kisses it and grabs it while we have sex or are cuddling and has verbally communicated that he finds it sexy and hot. During those moments I love my belly too.
Hey if you’re gonna grab em to love em she’s gonna know. It’s very different than if you’re grabbing her when she’s putting food on her dinner plate and you walk up behind her and do that! If she’s offended in bed then she needs you to tell her that she’s sexy more often outside of the bedroom.
One ex thought it was fine. Another disliked her belly and didn’t want me to touch it at all. So different boundaries for different partners.
I used to see this guy who would lift up my shirt and grab my (chubby) stomach when we would make out. I found it very flattering. I knew he wouldn’t touch it if he wasn’t attracted to it.
No not necessarily but you’ve gotta gage her. I’m bigger and I wouldn’t mind so long as the person wasn’t ultra fixated on it. I’ve had people make weird comments that upset me though. I’m ok with most of that stuff if you like me outside of my weight too, don’t fetishize me. She could love it, hate it etc. also being a fat girl (or fat in general) ig like you face a lot of stigma around your body and shame. She might not be used to someone being so outright about liking her belly, and she may be worried you think it’s weird/gross, are fetishizing her, or just has no idea how to process this. I would talk to her more and express that you like her body AND HER and had no ill intentions. I’d just ask her what’s she cool with next time.
Maybe tell her you love to grab her body cause you find her body very sexy. People grab boobs and butts cause it’s hot and stomachs can be hot to grab too! But that if it makes her uncomfortable you won’t do it again! (And then of course really never do that again without her permission.)
Ask her: did you notice how fast i came after doing that? Followed by: i fuckin love your body and i want absolutely all off it.
Just this past Saturday I had a new partner ask about that! I'm a bigger woman, 6'1" and 230lbs. We had a great time together, and after, I was leaning against him, and he wrapped his arm around me putting his hand on my stomach. Then he said, " Oh, is it OK if I touch you here, I know some women don't like it." It honestly caught me off guard because... really... after everything that just went down. Ha! But I said, " No, it's good. Don't worry. But thanks for asking." Cuz concent. I agree with the others. Tell her how turned on you were. Just don't be surprised if she is wary at first.