I'm glad I'm not the only one pissed off by it lol
I recall seeing so many odd fucking labels here like "pure top", "true top", "real top", "gold top", "selfish top", I can never remember wtf are they supposed to mean
Some people feel a sense of solidarity with labels. It can help people feel seen. If it's not your thing then fine, but don't shit on someone else for finding them helpful.
Agree with the other commenter - this is more "soft dom" territory, where your out-of-bedroom self doesn't exactly match up with your kink side and that's 100% OK. Personally that's the kind of vibe I like. I'm happily married, but if I had to describe my ideal sexual partner, this would be it. You probably needs to find a sub who needs intimacy and lots of good communication so you both get what you need in and out of the bedroom.
Not to sound like a queer studies major but like we have to let go of heteronormativity. Your bottom can hold you. He could have the high paying corporate manager while you’re a kindergarten teacher. You could do the cooking (especially if he doesn’t have talent for it) and he can change the oil in your car… and you can lock his cock up and fuck him silly. Gay relationships are by definition two men; no one is the “woman”. While a good subset of guys enjoy and fall into heteronormative patterns in and out of the bedroom, and that is totally fine, most actually do not.
It's very, very common to behave one way outside of the bedroom and another way while in it.
I've topped the ever loving shit out of guys who moaned like bitches the entire time. These same guys would absolutely destroy me in any sort of fight.
You are who you are as a person and you like to do and say and feel certain things or roles while having sex. It's not a mystery and there's no paradox here.
In a relationship you don't have the Dom/sub dynamic outside of sex , that would get exhausting and frankly boring. Even during sex, sometimes it's nice to have "normal" sex.
It's normal to need to be comforted, and to not put on a face all day.
Yes! And aftercare is so important for both the Dom and the sub, the sub more for injury but also I make sure they’re okay. Where for the Dom especially if any BSDM is involved, taking a moment to remind that the Sub is okay and still feels safe with the Dom and that it is all role play.
Aftercare is a very important part of sex!
I’m a bottom and love the verbal and hot sex with my partner. After we have sex I’m usually the big spoon holding him and caressing his him in my arms. He might fuck the cum out of me but I hold him in my arms til we fall asleep
I’m (28NB, MN USA) quite similar to you actually - dom top in bed but softer outside of playtime. I’m lucky to have found a compatible subby bottom partner who can share responsibility outside of the bedroom. When I was dating I found it helpful to always be upfront about the fact I was looking for someone like that and it brought the right kind of people into my dating pool. Just know they’re out there, good luck!
I have an ex that we’re still having sex and he’s dom top, but when we sleep im cuddling him and holding him on my chest, i love this other side of him
I understand where you're coming from. While sexually I am a bottom and really enjoy being used and abused in bed, I'm not a fan of having that dynamic implemented outside of sex as I think a healthy emotional relationship isn't compatible with that. I like feeling safe in my relationship and that my partner feels safe too. I'm always under the impression that because I enjoy being dominated in sex I'm expected to enjoy being dominated in every day life and that really isn't the case.
Bedroom stuff aside, i always wanted a top who is gentle n patient, someone who would share with me how they feel. I don’t believe that roles have anything to do with being a decent partner, caring for each other n be by each other’s side. We as humans have our ups n downs in lives n no one should always be the one caring. Even the toughest have their weak moments. Sadly ppl in my area r rather shallow lol.
Definitely a totally normal and reasonable thing to want! People are people, with multiple wants and needs and preferences, and sometimes they are very varied. That's all good.
Totally normal
I like to be rough, verbal, degrading , slap, choke during sex. But I like romantic moments and cuddling and normal stuff. I don’t want 24/7 to be totally in charge.
Enjoy
I'd absolutely love a relationship like that. Being able to speak freely equally about chores, taxes, ownership, goals, responsibilities is a healthy relationship.
I would absolutely love to be caged, tied up and edged for hours then forced to cum until my brain melts, and then cuddle up with a nice cup of chocolate and cookies after.
Could be because I'm older (31) but it doesn't feel right to me if I don't contribute and work together in a relationship.
i don't know why you haven't had much luck with this. then again, i'm not a top, so i can't say what's the reality for tops like you. but, i know that most tops that i've ever been with, whether a one off or my partners, have been the kinds of tops that are controlling and aggressive in bed but, outside of the bedroom or after sex, i'm the one that does all the caring and spooning and affection. for me, it has always been that the top goes all out in the bedroom but that i'm the one that goes all out in taking care of him in and out of the bedroom.
Honestly, you're my dream top. Commanding and demanding in bed and a caring, more tender man outside of sex.
Also, I'm not submissive outside the bedroom. I'm glad to meet someone halfway or even take the lead to a degree, but I will not be 24/7 submissive to anyone.
I believe that's called a soft top. It's also wanting more than just sex, you want intimacy. Intimacy always makes the sex better in my opinion.
> why soft top Why are we labelling every single way someone express their sexuality and emotions?
I'm glad I'm not the only one pissed off by it lol I recall seeing so many odd fucking labels here like "pure top", "true top", "real top", "gold top", "selfish top", I can never remember wtf are they supposed to mean
"spinning top"
Some people feel a sense of solidarity with labels. It can help people feel seen. If it's not your thing then fine, but don't shit on someone else for finding them helpful.
I'm not labeling every single way or person, I'm merely telling what SOME people would call a soft top.
i had a fwb that was dom during sex but would be a little spoon after sex. And he was a big 6 foot guy and im a 5’3 twink lol. I loved it
I’d think that’s pretty standard? You can’t have the dom/sub dynamic 24/7. Well you can but that sounds tedious as hell and not sustainable.
Agree with the other commenter - this is more "soft dom" territory, where your out-of-bedroom self doesn't exactly match up with your kink side and that's 100% OK. Personally that's the kind of vibe I like. I'm happily married, but if I had to describe my ideal sexual partner, this would be it. You probably needs to find a sub who needs intimacy and lots of good communication so you both get what you need in and out of the bedroom.
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A lot of people are rly into it dw
Not to sound like a queer studies major but like we have to let go of heteronormativity. Your bottom can hold you. He could have the high paying corporate manager while you’re a kindergarten teacher. You could do the cooking (especially if he doesn’t have talent for it) and he can change the oil in your car… and you can lock his cock up and fuck him silly. Gay relationships are by definition two men; no one is the “woman”. While a good subset of guys enjoy and fall into heteronormative patterns in and out of the bedroom, and that is totally fine, most actually do not.
If i had an award I would slap in on here so fast. ❤️ this is perfect.
It's very, very common to behave one way outside of the bedroom and another way while in it. I've topped the ever loving shit out of guys who moaned like bitches the entire time. These same guys would absolutely destroy me in any sort of fight. You are who you are as a person and you like to do and say and feel certain things or roles while having sex. It's not a mystery and there's no paradox here.
In a relationship you don't have the Dom/sub dynamic outside of sex , that would get exhausting and frankly boring. Even during sex, sometimes it's nice to have "normal" sex. It's normal to need to be comforted, and to not put on a face all day.
Yes! And aftercare is so important for both the Dom and the sub, the sub more for injury but also I make sure they’re okay. Where for the Dom especially if any BSDM is involved, taking a moment to remind that the Sub is okay and still feels safe with the Dom and that it is all role play. Aftercare is a very important part of sex!
I’m a bottom and love the verbal and hot sex with my partner. After we have sex I’m usually the big spoon holding him and caressing his him in my arms. He might fuck the cum out of me but I hold him in my arms til we fall asleep
Awwwwww! Don't give up! You'll find someone out there. It'll be when you least expect it
I’m (28NB, MN USA) quite similar to you actually - dom top in bed but softer outside of playtime. I’m lucky to have found a compatible subby bottom partner who can share responsibility outside of the bedroom. When I was dating I found it helpful to always be upfront about the fact I was looking for someone like that and it brought the right kind of people into my dating pool. Just know they’re out there, good luck!
I have an ex that we’re still having sex and he’s dom top, but when we sleep im cuddling him and holding him on my chest, i love this other side of him
Let’s just get married
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Excellent idea and approach. Refreshing and I’m down ☺️
What part of WA?
You sound like the perfect top for me!! I’d love to hold you.
I understand where you're coming from. While sexually I am a bottom and really enjoy being used and abused in bed, I'm not a fan of having that dynamic implemented outside of sex as I think a healthy emotional relationship isn't compatible with that. I like feeling safe in my relationship and that my partner feels safe too. I'm always under the impression that because I enjoy being dominated in sex I'm expected to enjoy being dominated in every day life and that really isn't the case.
I'm the same way. I can handle a range of slightly submissive to moderately dominant outside of bed. That's it. In bed, have your way with me.
Bedroom stuff aside, i always wanted a top who is gentle n patient, someone who would share with me how they feel. I don’t believe that roles have anything to do with being a decent partner, caring for each other n be by each other’s side. We as humans have our ups n downs in lives n no one should always be the one caring. Even the toughest have their weak moments. Sadly ppl in my area r rather shallow lol.
Definitely a totally normal and reasonable thing to want! People are people, with multiple wants and needs and preferences, and sometimes they are very varied. That's all good.
Totally normal I like to be rough, verbal, degrading , slap, choke during sex. But I like romantic moments and cuddling and normal stuff. I don’t want 24/7 to be totally in charge. Enjoy
I'd love to have a committed relationship with an affectionate, handsome Dom top as you describe yourself. 32 M4M here.
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No, I live in Texas.
I work the opposite. Submissive in bed but caring outside
I'd absolutely love a relationship like that. Being able to speak freely equally about chores, taxes, ownership, goals, responsibilities is a healthy relationship. I would absolutely love to be caged, tied up and edged for hours then forced to cum until my brain melts, and then cuddle up with a nice cup of chocolate and cookies after. Could be because I'm older (31) but it doesn't feel right to me if I don't contribute and work together in a relationship.
i’m a protective bottom and happily support/nurture/go to war for my top. kinda like a tiger bottom, except not rough on the top.
As a sub bottom, this wouldn't be my thing but each to their own.
I love being affectionate. I would hold you as much as you want!
i don't know why you haven't had much luck with this. then again, i'm not a top, so i can't say what's the reality for tops like you. but, i know that most tops that i've ever been with, whether a one off or my partners, have been the kinds of tops that are controlling and aggressive in bed but, outside of the bedroom or after sex, i'm the one that does all the caring and spooning and affection. for me, it has always been that the top goes all out in the bedroom but that i'm the one that goes all out in taking care of him in and out of the bedroom.
This isn’t so unusual. While I’m a 99% bottom I actually prefer being the big spoon for after cuddles.
Honestly, you're my dream top. Commanding and demanding in bed and a caring, more tender man outside of sex. Also, I'm not submissive outside the bedroom. I'm glad to meet someone halfway or even take the lead to a degree, but I will not be 24/7 submissive to anyone.