Did he tell anyone he was even married? You have been married for 2 whole years and you still haven't met his friends. He takes phone calls away from you all the time, according to you. Are they business calls? Is he really private or does he want to keep you private from the rest of the world? Nothing about this feels normal at all.
idk bout you but i’d hardly date, let alone commit to long term or marry someone who is ‘embarrassed’ of me or my past. fuck that shit. id rather die alone than saddle myself with that level of disrespect
What past? That you slept with other people before y’all were exclusive?! Come on, you have to know this is nutty behavior. Was anyone from his life at the wedding?!
We got married in a courthouse my mom was the only person there i didn’t invite anyone either. His parents and sister didn’t believe that i was real either.
I do! He means because i sleep with people and was adventurous during us meeting on tinder until 2 weeks before i gathered the courage to ask him out. When we hung out we could talk about anything and it felt like we were really good friends and the more we hung out the more i realized that i wanted more. He acts like because i hooked up with people occasionally that i was sleeping with someone every night. I have been 100% honest about all my experiences with him when we were friends and now he hold all of it over my head. If he had this much of a problem with me why marry me?
That's such a red flag that U got married to a man U never even met his family especially parents in person. Did U guys not have a wedding? Did his parents not show up for the wedding or his friend? Cuz that's screaming red flag to me. Ur husband isn't proud of U as his wife cuz if he was he would make sure his family n friends know you and see U not hide U n no one even knows U exist. Ur husband is such a red flag
We got married at a courthouse and i have video chat calls with his family they are so sweet to me and the kids they are truly the in law family of wife’s dreams!
It’s not funny. It’s true. You’re acting like this is maybe a vague oddity when it’s actually insane? I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this but please get some support.
Why would you lol? I'm serious.
What happens when you find out about the string of murders your husband has been committing all these years? How can you credibly explain to the families and police that you had no suspicions?
Are you sure you're married? Legally, I mean. It's time to find out this character's backstory. And you're going to need to do it without him because he's proven to be an unreliable narrator. Hire a private investigator if you need to. He's not in the mafia or CIA - he'd be a much better liar.
I'm rather a closed person, I only share specific information with those close to me, but I will tell my wife EVERYTHING. Literally anything. If you can't tell your partner everything secret, embarrassing, funny, etc that happens in your life, who can you tell? Trust is everything, and from what you've said he doesn't appear to trust you.
You keep saying ‘Your past’…. What exactly is your past that he’s referring to?
The fact you were once married and had a kid before him? Or that you were sleeping with other ppl WHILE he told you he didn’t want a relationship (which you did nothing wrong as he made it clear he didn’t want anything) ??? Cuz those are both very stupid things if that’s what he’s referring to as your ‘past’…
That’s not “a past” it’s a LIFE. He’s not acting like a normal husband. It almost seems like he has another family or something. Insist that he stop hiding you, or I’d consider divorce.
Investigate. No need to confront, that might actually be dangerous. The moment you cross into crackpot/creep territory it is time. To. Split. Don’t look back, no regrets.
Wait! He’s single and really just like this:
Split. Don’t look back, no regrets.
1. Spouses in healthy relationships don't have secrets from one another
2. You are not responsible for making him feel any kind of way. Adults are responsible for their own feelings.
3. Your past hookups should not be a source of shame if you had no agreement with him about seeing other people.
4. He seems controlling and possibly abusive.
5. Spouses may have legal liability for the actions of their spouse. Are you willing to take the chance of losing your assets or going to prison due to his secret activities?
Can you explain to us why you want to be with this man? He doesn’t share anything with you, no one knows you’re married, he isn’t honest, and there is a big fat line between being private and hiding things. He hides things. He’s not private. I want you to know that and drill it into your head. He isn’t a private person, he’s a liar. He’s the perfect candidate for being one of those men who has multiple families. He hides things from you and is hiding you from other people. People he has relations with. At best he’s a weirdo and this is dancing the line of emotional abuse…get your ducks in a row and leave. Don’t even bother trying to fix this. Every guy I’ve dated couldn’t wait to introduce me to his friends and family, that’s the norm. This is beyond weird. And he doesn’t respect you or think you’re smart enough to put the pieces together. That should really bother you too. Divorce.
This is weird. I hate how he frames it as if your past is problematic and it’s your fault he keeps you a secret.
My x slit shamed me for shit I did in high school for twenty years. It didn’t matter if I was loyal and faithful to him during our marriage, as soon as he was drunk, the abuse began. It was my fault for accepting his weirdness.
So does he sleep there at night, is he gone for a number of days or nights? Do you work, does he work? Who was at the wedding? Did you have a marriage license? Did y’all sign it? Like I’ve got a million more questions but, I’ll stop at those
He sleeps at home he isn’t gone long unless it’s military events which i can confirm due to him coming home covered in dirt and smells like death. We have the license and certificate!
Oh boy, have you met his co-workers?
Do you have a base pass?
What insurance are you covered under?
You know he could be with someone else for a week and just roll in some dirt before coming home, right?
Do you have a joint bank account?
I know but when my whole neighborhood is gone and the army wife’s are complaining i know where he is. I have a base pass. I haven’t met anyone he works with they don’t think i exist! I have tri care and we keep separate finances. I don’t care about that stuff honestly. He covers rent i pay bills in the house we split groceries if I’m in any financial trouble he helps and he can’t fake this smell. It is nasty lol he also had his location on for the last field trip and i saw the wood im not worried about cheating.
He can’t take the baby if he decides to divorce you. That is what family court is for. If he is in the military and goes on deployment who will have the baby. He is really doing a number on your emotions.
Oh honey, he's not military. He sounds like a fucking serial killer. That or he has an *actual wife* and he's just covering himself with dirt and shit on the way home to throw you off.
lol my ex husband was like this and it was cause he was busy cheating with girls via Snapchat and other apps. He said he had ptsd from his dad going through his phone as a kid.
Yeah I hacked into his phone one night and found that he had changed the girls names with guy friends names. I used to use Google.com/myactivity on our common computer because he wouldn’t even let me see his emails. He was also paying for cam girls
Also used weird apps to store the images of these girls would delete the app and redownload. Not to say your guy is cheating but this brought back memoriessss
So many issues, so little time. Your husband is hiding something because even a very, very private person should share much more than he is with his wife.
That's not normal. Perhaps he is hiding another relationship.
You sleeping with someone prior to you being in a relationship is not wrong.
So many red flags, I doubt you are the only one.
OP says she has been enrolled in TriCare and has a military dependent ID card. She is legally married to him. She may be the main wife and he is hiding the other family. Something is very off.
No, it's not normal. The only reasons I leave to take a phone call are A: it's too loud (my wife is a loud talker) or we are watching a TV show or movie
B: I go in my car to use speaker phone for phone psych appointments. It is much easier to talk in private for shrink appointments.
I can't think of any other reasons. The only friends of mine she hasn't met are ones I've known since I was a kid who are living out of state, whom I haven't even seen in over 20 years. (We've been married almost 21 years)
It's definitely not normal what he's doing.
UpdateMe
Why do you think he’s going to just get to take the kid if you divorce? Perhaps you should get a lawyer and start getting your ducks in a row NOW rather than wait until he divorced you and apparently has some power to get all custody of the kids.
He told me the other day he was considering divorce. And I’m in the process of getting a job that can make me a lot of money but i have a few classes to take for that job and it could take a few months to get in a better position
i wouldnt necessarily say it was a red flag. just not my cup of tea. u knew this and still stood by. so if he is shady. what does that day about u? u chose this. he didnt hide that he was a private person. either accept him or move on. no one is perfect.
Did he tell anyone he was even married? You have been married for 2 whole years and you still haven't met his friends. He takes phone calls away from you all the time, according to you. Are they business calls? Is he really private or does he want to keep you private from the rest of the world? Nothing about this feels normal at all.
He was like this before.
Why the he-... Are you even happy in this relationship? What do you want to happen at this point?
That is a bright glowing neon red flag. Was he like this before you two got married?
He has always said he is private but i think he keeps me a secret because he is embarrassed of my past
and that wasn’t crazy to you? girl get up off the floor and realize that he’s basically treating you like a side chick
Private and secretive are two different things. His behavior is concerning
idk bout you but i’d hardly date, let alone commit to long term or marry someone who is ‘embarrassed’ of me or my past. fuck that shit. id rather die alone than saddle myself with that level of disrespect
You were okay with marrying someone who is embarrassed by you?
What past? That you slept with other people before y’all were exclusive?! Come on, you have to know this is nutty behavior. Was anyone from his life at the wedding?!
This is clearly not normal, Are you a secret?
Who came to your wedding from his side?
Interesting question
We got married in a courthouse my mom was the only person there i didn’t invite anyone either. His parents and sister didn’t believe that i was real either.
Have you met his parents and sister?
But on FaceTime
Not in person
You don't think this is all very weird? What did he mean by your "past"?
I do! He means because i sleep with people and was adventurous during us meeting on tinder until 2 weeks before i gathered the courage to ask him out. When we hung out we could talk about anything and it felt like we were really good friends and the more we hung out the more i realized that i wanted more. He acts like because i hooked up with people occasionally that i was sleeping with someone every night. I have been 100% honest about all my experiences with him when we were friends and now he hold all of it over my head. If he had this much of a problem with me why marry me?
Dude is a walking red flag. I would run tf away from anyone like that
That was before you asked him out, why would it matter? It's not like you're broadcasting that to his family and friends
Exactly but because the military and the town is a small place he feels that i have slept with so many people that everyone will know me
If he has that much of a problem with it, he shouldn't have married you. This is bizarre behaviour, and not a marriage I would be happy in personally
Are you sure he is actually in the Military and isn’t lying about that to have a reason to be gone for long periods of time?
Yes 100 percent i have the id and he has all the uniform and went to basic and AIT
You were way to young and naive it’s a shame you two got married. But you seem to make this mistake regularly
Girl, *run*. This man is completely toxic.
So they won’t meet y’all’s kid? Your kid won’t have grandparents?
They will but we haven’t had money to visit it’s expensive and we have a dog
Not normal. He is hiding something. And he uses your guilt to keep you from complaining. Guilt which you should not have you did nothing wrong.
Another wife? Going out to answer a call is not only weird, this is suspicious.
He’s living a separate life you aren’t aware of and he’s afraid to tell you.
Red flag alert...this is definitely not normal n very weird U have never met any of his friends did U even meet his family???
I have meet his family on the phone but that’s it. They live on the other side if the country
Oh no, you're the second family. Even if you aren't, you deserve someone unashamed of you
I’m definitely not a second family but i agree with the rest though
That's such a red flag that U got married to a man U never even met his family especially parents in person. Did U guys not have a wedding? Did his parents not show up for the wedding or his friend? Cuz that's screaming red flag to me. Ur husband isn't proud of U as his wife cuz if he was he would make sure his family n friends know you and see U not hide U n no one even knows U exist. Ur husband is such a red flag
We got married at a courthouse and i have video chat calls with his family they are so sweet to me and the kids they are truly the in law family of wife’s dreams!
Not normal. This is probably how married serial killers like John Wayne Gacy got away with their crimes.
That’s funny and terrifying lol
It’s not funny. It’s true. You’re acting like this is maybe a vague oddity when it’s actually insane? I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this but please get some support.
Why would you lol? I'm serious. What happens when you find out about the string of murders your husband has been committing all these years? How can you credibly explain to the families and police that you had no suspicions?
There hasn’t been an uproar of crime or missing people. I will definitely keep it in mind if i find weird stuff in the cars or laundry
Are you sure you're married? Legally, I mean. It's time to find out this character's backstory. And you're going to need to do it without him because he's proven to be an unreliable narrator. Hire a private investigator if you need to. He's not in the mafia or CIA - he'd be a much better liar.
Private people aren't that "private" in marriage. 🚩
I'm rather a closed person, I only share specific information with those close to me, but I will tell my wife EVERYTHING. Literally anything. If you can't tell your partner everything secret, embarrassing, funny, etc that happens in your life, who can you tell? Trust is everything, and from what you've said he doesn't appear to trust you.
You keep saying ‘Your past’…. What exactly is your past that he’s referring to? The fact you were once married and had a kid before him? Or that you were sleeping with other ppl WHILE he told you he didn’t want a relationship (which you did nothing wrong as he made it clear he didn’t want anything) ??? Cuz those are both very stupid things if that’s what he’s referring to as your ‘past’…
Yes that’s exactly the past. At least once a week i hear something about it!
That’s not “a past” it’s a LIFE. He’s not acting like a normal husband. It almost seems like he has another family or something. Insist that he stop hiding you, or I’d consider divorce.
Investigate. No need to confront, that might actually be dangerous. The moment you cross into crackpot/creep territory it is time. To. Split. Don’t look back, no regrets. Wait! He’s single and really just like this: Split. Don’t look back, no regrets.
1. Spouses in healthy relationships don't have secrets from one another 2. You are not responsible for making him feel any kind of way. Adults are responsible for their own feelings. 3. Your past hookups should not be a source of shame if you had no agreement with him about seeing other people. 4. He seems controlling and possibly abusive. 5. Spouses may have legal liability for the actions of their spouse. Are you willing to take the chance of losing your assets or going to prison due to his secret activities?
Can you explain to us why you want to be with this man? He doesn’t share anything with you, no one knows you’re married, he isn’t honest, and there is a big fat line between being private and hiding things. He hides things. He’s not private. I want you to know that and drill it into your head. He isn’t a private person, he’s a liar. He’s the perfect candidate for being one of those men who has multiple families. He hides things from you and is hiding you from other people. People he has relations with. At best he’s a weirdo and this is dancing the line of emotional abuse…get your ducks in a row and leave. Don’t even bother trying to fix this. Every guy I’ve dated couldn’t wait to introduce me to his friends and family, that’s the norm. This is beyond weird. And he doesn’t respect you or think you’re smart enough to put the pieces together. That should really bother you too. Divorce.
You are his secret embarrassment he hides from the world. This is not normal in anyway and should never stand for it.
Hire a private investigator and find out what is really going on.
Yes, OP, and lawyer up too.
You are the side chick. Are you sure you are legally married. Cause this is how men keep side chicks
This is weird. I hate how he frames it as if your past is problematic and it’s your fault he keeps you a secret. My x slit shamed me for shit I did in high school for twenty years. It didn’t matter if I was loyal and faithful to him during our marriage, as soon as he was drunk, the abuse began. It was my fault for accepting his weirdness.
This is the reddest flag I've seen. He is ASHAMED of you and of his upbringing and of his choices and of his internal dialogue? C'mon girl!
That's not private, that's him living a double life.
Yes, my feeling too.
This seems so bizarre ngl this has creepy vibes
Why are you married?
So does he sleep there at night, is he gone for a number of days or nights? Do you work, does he work? Who was at the wedding? Did you have a marriage license? Did y’all sign it? Like I’ve got a million more questions but, I’ll stop at those
He sleeps at home he isn’t gone long unless it’s military events which i can confirm due to him coming home covered in dirt and smells like death. We have the license and certificate!
Coming home covered in dirt? Can you elaborate what you mean smelling like death? That doesn't sound like military
Agree about this not sounding like military
lol i mean just stinky he has to do field training where they are in the woods for a week and they can’t shower and if it’s raining they get muddy.
Oh boy, have you met his co-workers? Do you have a base pass? What insurance are you covered under? You know he could be with someone else for a week and just roll in some dirt before coming home, right? Do you have a joint bank account?
I know but when my whole neighborhood is gone and the army wife’s are complaining i know where he is. I have a base pass. I haven’t met anyone he works with they don’t think i exist! I have tri care and we keep separate finances. I don’t care about that stuff honestly. He covers rent i pay bills in the house we split groceries if I’m in any financial trouble he helps and he can’t fake this smell. It is nasty lol he also had his location on for the last field trip and i saw the wood im not worried about cheating.
... They do this frequently? Are you able to say what his MOS is? It's very unusual to have frequent mock combat/deployment stateside.
11B and he went on a deployment. There are thousands of pictures with him and his friends i have personally driven him to work.
Do you have a military ID card? Has he enrolled you in DEERS?
Yes i have have that stuff i have had it since we right after we got married
He can’t take the baby if he decides to divorce you. That is what family court is for. If he is in the military and goes on deployment who will have the baby. He is really doing a number on your emotions.
Our baby it’s only two months old. I wish i could go back in time…
Oh honey, he's not military. He sounds like a fucking serial killer. That or he has an *actual wife* and he's just covering himself with dirt and shit on the way home to throw you off.
If he’s in the military then maybe it’s classified info and he’s keeping you “classified” for your protection but, still seems odd at best
this isn’t normal. you might want to hire a Private Investigator.
lol my ex husband was like this and it was cause he was busy cheating with girls via Snapchat and other apps. He said he had ptsd from his dad going through his phone as a kid.
Omg this is the most relatable comment he uses Snapchat a lot. Mostly his sister and male friends but i guess he could be doing that..
Yeah I hacked into his phone one night and found that he had changed the girls names with guy friends names. I used to use Google.com/myactivity on our common computer because he wouldn’t even let me see his emails. He was also paying for cam girls
Also used weird apps to store the images of these girls would delete the app and redownload. Not to say your guy is cheating but this brought back memoriessss
You are the second wife
So many issues, so little time. Your husband is hiding something because even a very, very private person should share much more than he is with his wife.
That's not normal. Perhaps he is hiding another relationship. You sleeping with someone prior to you being in a relationship is not wrong. So many red flags, I doubt you are the only one.
So you married somebody you don’t know at all?
It's giving secret second family
OP says she has been enrolled in TriCare and has a military dependent ID card. She is legally married to him. She may be the main wife and he is hiding the other family. Something is very off.
First family. She’s number two.
Certainly unusual. I wouldn't live that way.
No, it's not normal. The only reasons I leave to take a phone call are A: it's too loud (my wife is a loud talker) or we are watching a TV show or movie B: I go in my car to use speaker phone for phone psych appointments. It is much easier to talk in private for shrink appointments. I can't think of any other reasons. The only friends of mine she hasn't met are ones I've known since I was a kid who are living out of state, whom I haven't even seen in over 20 years. (We've been married almost 21 years) It's definitely not normal what he's doing. UpdateMe
Multiple wives maybe? Tell him yo fking stop.
Call his family and friends for Christmas dinner.
He's in the Mafia
Serial killer for certain. Best just keep things how they are, you’ll be fine.
CIANSAMIB
Why do you think he’s going to just get to take the kid if you divorce? Perhaps you should get a lawyer and start getting your ducks in a row NOW rather than wait until he divorced you and apparently has some power to get all custody of the kids.
He told me the other day he was considering divorce. And I’m in the process of getting a job that can make me a lot of money but i have a few classes to take for that job and it could take a few months to get in a better position
i wouldnt necessarily say it was a red flag. just not my cup of tea. u knew this and still stood by. so if he is shady. what does that day about u? u chose this. he didnt hide that he was a private person. either accept him or move on. no one is perfect.
You aren’t legally married and he has a wife and possibly a family elsewhere.