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Yep, that's why sex with my wife now is a lot more fun than it was when we were younger. She figured out what she likes. Sex is a two way street. Both can try to reflect on what they like and communicate that openly with their partner. Both can be open to things that make the other person happy. If both sexes stopped blaming the other sex, everyone would have a lot better sex.
OP:
>For the majority of my life I believed that a woman having an orgasm was the sole responsibility of the guy
>Now I have reached the age of 17, I have hooked up with a girl who found it easy to come in a particular position.
>I have therefore become an expert on all things sexual.
>AMA
The only thing that was even remotely accurate was the "Believing a woman having an orgasm was the sole responsibility of the guy and him being 17". The rest of what you said was pretty cringe and odd.
Every woman is different my dude. The rules with her arent the same with other women. Different things make different women orgasm. Its great when its this easy, but realize this isnt all women. Also realize not all women are down to try things, some of them like you said have an ingrained thought that its 100% your responsibility
Been doing it for a while now together. Still figuring out new ways to orgasm. Not every woman orgasms the same. Not every woman orgasms the same every time. Communication sure helps.
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I can cum in 60 seconds if I focus hard enough and then go a few more times within minutes or even seconds. My friend (we've always been comfortable talking about sex and anything so we know all details) has to struggle to cum no matter what. Even alone with a vibrator it can take her a long time.
Everyone is different. Even with men. Some cum fast, some can't or can't even get it up.
This is entirely a person by person case. You'll learn this (hopefully) with more experience.
Mental problems fall into the category of something being wrong with him. Being unhealthy Physically and Mentally fall into the category of something being wrong with you
Let’s play the game. “How would this go down if reversed” again since it’s more than relevant. Don’t women always talk about how insulting fit is not to be called a real woman if they can’t orgasm or can’t squirt or perform like in porn
Mental problems fall into the category of something being wrong with him. Being unhealthy Physically and Mentally fall into the category of something being wrong with you
If a man can't get erect is usually:
1. Anxiety
2. Possible physical medical issue that may or may not be resolved with medication
3. Addicted to porn/masturbation
Number 3 is what usually gets me 😅 but if I don't wack off/edge for a few days it gets up nice and easy
Come on dude. All women are different. I'm with you when it comes to it not being totally on the guy to get her off... but not every woman can get there repeatedly just because you found one that can.
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I think OP clearly indicated that he assumed it was entirely up to the man to make the woman to cum. After being with a woman who communicates and acts upon what works for her it changed his perspective.
Uh huh. And after that he says he learned it wasn’t true when he hooked up with a girl who was able to cum twice in 10 minutes by riding him, and that shocked him because he didn’t know it was that simple.
Sounds like he thinks that if a woman rides him for 10 times she’ll cum twice too.
Effective communication between partners is necessary to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome, but “keep going” is communication in the same way that the girl using him as a dildo was.
What he should really be doing is to some introspection about why one form of communication “you’re not the biggest but very hard” was better for him than “keep going”.
Women are not really like men in that regard. Their 'range' of libido is huge, and some woman can sometimes orgasm on certain times very rapidly and other times it can take forever. The woman who had an orgasm within ten minutes was likely just ovulating and very horny.
But just to be clear, most of the time we are in-between low and high libido. And it can be quite difficult to achieve orgasm if the man isn't putting in effort. It is *not easy* most of the time.
Unpopular opinion. Not totally untrue.
[Far less women](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530) than people believe can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, though the majority prefer some kind of clitoral stimulation (either because it doesn't work otherwise or the orgasm is more intense with concurrent stimulation, but they don't need the clit stimulation). This is just one study, however, don't take it as gospel.
[According to this retrospective](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29559206/) around 23% of the women studied had clitoral adhesions, though it's hard to make full population estimates on how many women have this issue. Some studies put it in the 30% range, some lower. Either way, it's still common enough that it wouldn't be surprising to encounter a woman with this issue.
If they are also part of the group of women that can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, they might end up preferring masturbation to penetrative sex in terms of physical sensation.
I'd also hazard a guess and say that reports of men "not being able to find" the clitoris may be due—in some cases—to this. Normally, the clitoris is extremely easy to find, even if you've not seen it in person before. However, when it comes to women with adhesions, it might be to the point where it just doesn't come out from under the hood unless you really pull it back (and even then, it may be smaller than average due to the rest of it still being stuck). This can cause one to really easily "miss" the clit as the surface area is dramatically reduced.
Beyond that, many women do not relax during sex at all. If they're in their head, strong physical sensation is pretty much the only thing getting them there. Generally, it would be the interplay between physical sensation and interpersonal intimacy + vulnerability that really pushes it to the top.
This isn't to say "it's all women's fault". It's not. If the man isn't communicating, the sex is going to be trash. If the man isn't really able to connect with the woman, it makes sense she'll be in her head, she doesn't really feel safe *to* just let go. If the guy can't keep a steady rhythm to save his life, of course she's going to tell all her girlfriends that he was complete ass in the sack.
OP's brain is going to explode when he learns that a large portion of adult women have a harder time, if not impossible time, to orgasm due to their anatomy, not due to their sex practices.
OP also sounds like the dude who doesn't do any foreplay and blames it on women that they are dry.
I don’t know if it necessarily falls under anatomy per se but some women just have a really difficult time being able to do it, no matter the circumstances. The majority of women can finish from penetration alone so that also puts a damper on things.
edit: CANT*
Is that a serious question!? Where, and how intensely, we feel pleasure is different.
I get no satisfaction from having my nipples touched, in fact it fucking hurts, but I’ve had exs who could orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Some women squirt from anal, others want nothing to do with it.
>Is that a serious question!?
What a mystery why people don't know when those who dare to ask questions get responses like this! I appreciate the firsthand example of why people stay ignorant rather than ask.
I am aware people feel pleasure differently. I am curious as to what anatomical differences would make it impossible for a woman to orgasm. I don't know anyone who cannot orgasm due to their anatomy and was wondering if there was any specific thing that would cause this. My apologies for asking a question so I can gain better understanding of the women who have these experiences.
the clit is mostly an internal organ. different strokes for different folks, right? except we are talking about an entire vulva, not just a shaft, head, and maybe some balls. there are just so many more ways to stimulate a vulva than a penis.
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Some women cum incredibly easy. Others cannot. My few most previous partners, I could send into multiple orgasms, squirting, etc. My current partner is practically impossible to make cum and she says no man has ever been able to. She can’t even get herself off if she’s not using her toy.
This is a complete myth endorsed by people who have no understanding of women's anatomy and pleasure. Toys are a fantastic tool for women to explore what feels good for them. There is enough shame and fear mongering surrounding women and sex as it is, please stop spreading this bullshit.
Makes sense but with other women, I’ve been able to make cum through internal penetration. She’s only doing it through clit stimulation using a vibrator. Maybe I can convince her to stop using it for a while.
Most women can't have an orgasm from vaginal penetration. That's actually fairly unusual. I don't know if asking her to stop using it will go over well, but it could help... it's just a matter of how long that might take, or if it's actually the problem. You might just wind up with a cranky lady... 🤷♂️ ...it's something to suggest, but I'd probably leave that in her court.
Most women can't come through PIV, I thing only 20% iirc. Most of us come through clit stimulation, whether it's by being on top and grinding, oral or using a toy.
Even if stimulating the G point is done properly, I feel like a bit of clit stimulation helps a lot, or having an clit orgasm before trying the vaginal one.
Don’t ask women to stop having orgasms in the hopes that they’ll eventually have one the way you like. Most women don’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation and having an orgasm through penetration alone is not a meaningful goal for most women.
I remember being young and thinking that I knew everything too lol. Everyone is different, for a lot of varying reasons. It's often not a matter of "fault".
this... isn't remotely accurate lol
*that woman* orgasmed that way
(which is cool)
but too assume they all work that way, i'll just say... you will disappoint a few women along the way before you realize this just isn't correct
women are different. Your n=1 evidence isn’t meaningful, yet you’re still right re your claim.
The key is communication. This can be figured out, but it’s not necessarily as easy as your example. This is where monogamy rules. You’re not going to troubleshoot AS A COUPLE your orgasm situation with a ONS. It can take a while too.
There are far too many women out there that think that men should do all of the work in sex while they just lay there and take it. And then they want to complain that men can’t get them off?
Touch yourself. Move. Grab a toy. Do something other than put all of the responsibility in the hands of the man. The guys already doing 90% of the work, the least you could do is that last 10% to help get you off
There are very few people that like a lazy woman in bed
Women can train themselves to be able to orgasm easily but it is coupled with being in the right mindset at the time. If a woman is distracted during sex they probably won't orgasm.
THIS. Nothing worse than being with a woman who is not an active participant and can’t even get herself off. It’s a mutually awesome activity not something that just gets done to you. If you’re not communicating and working with each other towards the mutual goal, you’ll be much happier, finding a new partner.
As in anything, it's just about communication and being considerate. Nobody owes anyone a nut. It just comes with connection, communication, and consideration. It also rarely has much to do with size. If one partner is only going in it for themselves, it screws the whole thing up.
I dunno, kind of just seems like she used you to pleasure herself - you may as well have been a vibrator - wouldn’t you rather participate to help someone orgasm?
This is one of the most understated facts of all time. Every one is responsible for their own orgasm. Men don't usually expect woman to work to make them bust but women complain left and right if you aren't as good as a hitachi.
Preach it brother. I'm always astounded by the posts that are like "I've never gotten off, ever, and it's his fault".
Nah girly, if you can't get there on your own then you can't blame the guest speaker. I'm fully convinced that it's impossible to reach orgasm from someone else before you've orgasmed on your own tbh.
I agree with the first part of what you said but entirely disagree with the last part. Many certainly can orgasm with someone else even if they can't by themselves.
Women really like to complicate things that don’t need to be complicated, imagine being so clueless about life that you haven’t figured out how to self induce your own orgasm.
Never seen a study saying "many" females orgasm only from someone else. Please link it though, because I'm sure it's a fascinating read.
I'll still stick by my "if you don't know what you like, you can't expect others to" stance. I've got no dog in the fight as I've been married almost 20 years and we both have many orgasms from many different methods.
Never said many females can orgasm only from someone else. I said many females can orgasm with someone else even if they can't by themselves.
Many women don't like to masturbate, barely do it or never had at all. Up to 20% of women in some cases don't even know how.
So yes many women can orgasm when with someone else but not themselves.
My bad, I misunderstood, yeah I get that there's some women who've never touched themselves but have been able to get off with a partner. Contextually though, if you *have* tried to get off solo and were unsuccessful you can't exactly put the onus on your partner... Hell, they don't even know at that point if they are even capable of an orgasm.
The condition "anorgasmia" exists and that shouldn't be a weight placed on their partner's shoulders.
Absolutely the straight world puts so much pressure on the heterosexual man for sex. Women are responsible for their own pleasure. They need to know what turns them on and communicate that with the man.
100% with you. I just left a 5 year marriage with 0 sex, when I touched my wife I would get no response. I thought it was me.
i met this woman online and I had the best sex of my life. She came more times than me and knew exactly what she wanted, and it just so happened to be what I was doing.
don’t blame yourselves dudes, women be tripping
She rode you for 10 minutes and came a couple time than you got on and rode her for 10 more minutes making her cum twice. Lolz that is written like someone who has not had sex.
Sir, sex is a shared experience and you should be getting to know your partners needs it isn’t that difficult. You can’t put it all on your partner and vice versa.
Can’t wait to read the comments!
You sound like a real catch... I've dated a few women that had a really hard time having an orgasm with other guys. They didn't have any problem with me, current had more orgasms the first month the she did in the entire 5-year relationship before. I am somewhat average size, but very easygoing. It's all about comfort for most women. When they're comfortable letting go, watch out... When they feel like you're paying attention to them and they're the center of your attention things seem to work out. And they usually reciprocate. That's the way I think it's supposed to be. If it becomes a situation where it has to be somebody's fault I think that's the wrong way to look at it. I don't think it can be a me thing. It's two people becoming one...Some people aren't compatible and sometimes it's fire. You just have to find the fire for you
This.
I’ve only ever had that connection with someone once in my life which at 40 is pretty shit 😂 However the sex I had with that man for 18 months will be stuck in my head for the rest of my life . We split a decade ago and I can still remember so many details because it was that good .
May as well ask but what is your general approach? Because that is a pretty strong endorsement if you did better than someone's five years in a month. I feel like I do well and all, but I never like to let opportunities to ask and improve pass me by.
I mean, yea. If I can think thoughts, any thought at all, I'm not going to orgasm. When I'm alone, I can orgasm no worries at all, takes a couple minutes. With a guy though, it's not likely to happen. Unless, UNLESS, he's so fucking good at it I can't think. I've slept with a lot of people, orgasmed with maybe, less than five. Those five tho.... Damn. They sure knew how to keep things rolling. No time to think thoughts. No performance. No hangups. We just did what felt good to do.
It's not that easy for every women. I can't orgasm after riding a guy for 10 minutes though it would be awesome if I could. I can cut but the other person is going to half to put some effort into it.
So your sample experience of one woman represents all woman? I don't think it is anyone's "fault". (1) woman are often told that men are to take care of their orgasms and that self pleasure experimentation is bad. So to counter this encourage your partners to discover what they like with you and without you. (2) some woman do need and/or prefer a man's participation in her orgasm. In your story you didn't really participate. Doesn't sound like there was any meaningful communication and you didn't really do anything but lay there. As a woman, we are sometimes in that same role of sex being done to us and it isn't as much fun as participating. (3) you don't "think" she was lying. You do not know. She can be brutally honest about your dick size and lie that she came.
You do realize that plenty of women have never been able to orgasm and there are plenty of others who haven’t figured out how to get there?
Women are wired a lot different than men so don’t expect them all to have an instruction sheet ready to go on how you can get them off in 5 minutes.
you believed that because you never took the time to learn anatomy or how the body works. we’re all different, and even within ourselves have times where we’re different than our usual. the fact that she could come multiple times from penetration alone in such a short time is baffling to me as a woman. and i’m sure many others can agree that that is a lucky woman to be able to come like that. there’s been many studies about this stuff showing why it’s harder for women to come then men. for starters, literally only like 4% women can come with penetration alone. 96% is clitoral or both together. another thing is i’ve never heard or got an idea in my 23 years of life that a woman’s orgasm was a man’s sole responsibility. sex is mutual. you’re both in the moment. you’re both doing the actions. like during foreplay you’re supposed to get EACH OTHER off. not just look at each other while you get yourselves off(unless you’re to that ofc) women don’t EXPECT the guy to do it all. they expect that a man will know what they’re doing so they’re both properly satisfied. if a man is not making any efforts in foreplay or wanting to make the other person come then they are in fact bad at sex. sorry not sorry
Had sex maybe 4 times then one day I was on top and it was the first time I vaginally orgasmed with the same partner.
We are still together and being on top isn’t an automatic way to come bec there are other factors that come into play. But I would agree that when I adjust the factors then I can 97% of the time being on top. The times I can’t is when the partner finishes quickly.
Have to mention I can come being in other positions.
It’s all about both parties finding the sweet spot.
They are an ethnic group, Semitic. Basically Hebrews, they've existed in Israel since around 1200BC having lived in Egypt from a time. They'd be related to other Semitic groups like the phonecians who set up trading colonies all over north Africa and Spain (carthage), the moabites, the edomites, possibly the philistines and canaanites, the Arabs and some of the cities in today's Yemen and eithiopia. The Samaritians are also Semites and hebrews. The Jews after their disporia settled in a lot of different places all over the Roman empire, Muslim empires, Eastern Europe and China though some stayed in the Palestine area. They generally didn't marry outside their ethnicity which is also tied to their faith and cultural tradition. Jews were basically a nation in exile.
It definitely takes two to tango. And for many women orgasm is hard to reach because there is a big mental aspect to it. For myself I had tons of shame to do with sexuality stemming from my gender dysphoria and past sexual trauma and am still trying to unlearn it all.
I have a vulva and have been struggling to deal with it for years, even now at the age of 23 I have yet to have an orgasm. I have no one to blame but myself, but not in a negative way either, there should be no shame in someone’s struggles in sex. If you have a vulva and are having issues regarding your sexuality (not in the LGBT way but the regular ol sex way) I really recommend reading the book “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski, it is a fantastic look into the science and social of sex as a woman and honestly helped me a lot with my own shame and discomfort with sex and my body.
When I was 19 I was in my first relationship and when we had sex it really didn’t do anything for me, I originally assumed it was because it was my first sexual experience and it would get better over time. After a year it did not. Our sex struggles was actually the core reason why we broke up.
At the time I majorly blamed him, and don’t get me wrong with this he was definitely part of the problem. When we had sex he always wanted to do it one way, me on top until he was getting close and then he would get on top and go wild for about 10 seconds before finishing. I asked that we do it differently but he refused on the base that with me on top he lasted longer, my issue was that I felt fuck all on top and the best part of sex was the 10 seconds of him on top. And I gotta say, 10 seconds isn’t enough.
After a while I can also recognize my own part in the problem, I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. I never initiated, I never really felt arousal when we were going to sleep together and even if I did enjoy it I could never orgasm. I stopped trying at all at that point because my attempts to communicate were falling on deaf ears.
I will still put a vast part of the blame on him but I also see where I lacked as well.
Communication is the biggest part of sex in my opinion, listen to what your partner has to say about what works and what doesn’t. On the flip side you also need to be able to do that same and communicate your own needs. If something does work, change it. If something does, explore that more. The responsibility of achieving orgasm falls on everyone who’s participating.
Is that brand new information for most men? I thought putting them in starfish and grinding was a very common way for us to make sure we get to come before they do.
Now there also are men that know their subject well and are very tuned in. They can actively make you come without being given instructions, but since every woman is different it never hurts to guide them a little.
I'm a male but pretty sure the biggest factor is how much a woman is into a guy emotionally.
For example in Titanic you think there was anything Jack could do to not make Rose cum all over that car? She probably came like 5 seconds after it was in.
A woman who doesn't really like her husband anymore and every 3 months lets him get on top of her out of obligation is probably not cumming.
Those are extremes but you get the point.
**The thing with communication is that it’s not free. Want someone to communicate openly with you? You have to create a space where they feel safe and comfortable to do so.** This is the same if you want men to tell you stuff.
Then a lot of women don’t know what they need or they have tried communicating in the past only for the guy to sulk or blow up. Or they just struggle getting off no matter what.
It’s great she had such an easy time getting off, but I’m not sure how it’s relevant.
Take it a step further. Her orgasm is not your responsibility in anyway shape or form.
You're there to help the process, not magically pull one out of her
While she is right, not every woman is able to orgasm through penetration. So sorry, you're wrong about that. You were just with somebody who knew what they liked.
You have one experience and suddenly think this one woman is the norm and all the others you've been with were, what, faking? You really think the other women would rely on you for an orgasm if it was so easy to just jump on you and make it happen? Most women don't orgasm from PIV sex, most women need a good amount of foreplay, while neither is true for every woman, that doesn't mean it magically isn't true at all.
Many young women can't orgasm on just penetration alone and many don't know what would get them off to help or the position. Also the guy might now want to do a position, not able to do it or is uncomfortable with what the women might ask. I like to be choked, my first few sexual partners wouldn't do it, did it wrong dispute me showing them or did it too lightly as they were scared to hurt me. And I fully understand, after finding out more things of what I like to help me help myself and my fiance, get me off. It goes fast, but sometimes I still might not orgasm by what he does or what I like done. Human bodies are weird and sex and sometimes be complicated.
You're only 17 and don't know much about it already no matter what you might think.
I disagree, a lot of men will talk up about how they’re going to make you cum. And then when the deed is happening no matter how many times you point to where the clit is and how much pressure to apply they still lick your outer labia or the vaginal opening. Sometimes men will pull a fast one and be like “I don’t eat pussy I don’t like the taste or it hurts my jaw.” When you express dissatisfaction later they seem butt hurt that they’re not able to please you despite ignoring all your suggestions.
It's not as easy. For some women with high libidos, absolutely. But the average woman doesnt have a really high libido.
Additionally, hormonal birth controls can either dramatically increase or dramatically reduce a woman's libido depending on how it interacts with their existing hormonal cycle.
Also, in my experience, I can orgasm repeatably if I'm by myself, but with a guy, he just tends to get in the way.
There is not a word written in OP's post that indicates pride from her cumming. He clearly states it wasn't his own action at all but hers. He's posting about his new-found knowledge you numpty.
I agree. When I was in my 20s, it was different because myself and the girl I'd be hooking up with were probably buzzed and didn't care to communicate. As you get older it's ok to tell the other person exactly what you want and like
Just bc it’s easy to orgasm for one woman, doesn’t mean it’s that way for ALL women. Just like every dick is different, every vagina is too.
Reality is your next partner might not be able to orgasm solely with penetration.
Ofcourse not. It’s the same when it comes to having orgasms. Penis length and girth doesn’t contribute to how easy or difficult it is for the guy to orgasm.
Does the length and circumference of the vagina contribute to a woman’s ability to orgasm?
We are talking about female orgasms NOT male, so a guys size for his own orgasm isn’t even relevant to my comment.
How it hits the internal portion (vestibular bulbs) of the clit, the bulbs rest against the vaginal wall where what we think of the g spot is. Stimulating the g spot is simply providing pressure through the vaginal wall to the vestibular bulbs. Remember I said orgasm through penetration alone. Meaning no supplemental stimulation of the glans clitoris (aka clit).
Some women just orgasm easier. Some can have multiples, some can’t. Some only have one bc additional stimulating post orgasm is painful not pleasurable which then causes the body to stop being aroused due to how sensitive the organ becomes which then makes the friction of sex painful. Each human body is slightly different. So saying a woman can just “figure it out” is trivializing the nuances from person to person turning it into a binary black white issue. Except it’s not, it’s very gray.
Not trivialising the nuances, just saying that this isn’t rocket science, you’re acting like each women needs a PHD in getting herself off and I’m saying it should have been figured out during the teens like every guy did. It doesn’t matter how much more difficult it is, if she hasn’t figured it out yet what chance does the man have.
so you would agree that it’s the woman’s responsibility whether or not she orgasms during sex, same way it is the man’s responsibility whether or not he orgasms during sex?
Not every woman has the same vagina, it couldve been diff to her and why would u wanted to share this while not communicate with her all the way through?
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Yep, that's why sex with my wife now is a lot more fun than it was when we were younger. She figured out what she likes. Sex is a two way street. Both can try to reflect on what they like and communicate that openly with their partner. Both can be open to things that make the other person happy. If both sexes stopped blaming the other sex, everyone would have a lot better sex.
Can confirm sex with this guys wife is great now.
You found out what she likes... someone who is not him.
This joke is so dead.
Just like that dude's wife.
Our wife now.
I wanted to say that but I thought that might be too far. I regret not saying it now
It's Reddit my friend, the classics are never "too far" :)
😂😂😂😂
Yeah that thing she does when she dislocates her should then wanks you backwards is phenomenal
Damn man! You mean all you have to do is communicate?
OP: >For the majority of my life I believed that a woman having an orgasm was the sole responsibility of the guy >Now I have reached the age of 17, I have hooked up with a girl who found it easy to come in a particular position. >I have therefore become an expert on all things sexual. >AMA
Right. Like boy get you young ass out of here.
Majority of his sex life is the last 8 months
The only thing that was even remotely accurate was the "Believing a woman having an orgasm was the sole responsibility of the guy and him being 17". The rest of what you said was pretty cringe and odd.
I find that I am a lot more turned on when I am doing this with a woman who I genuinely care about. And I feel like it means more.
yes thank you from the peanut gallery, we know lol
I genuinely have no idea what the point of your comment was other to be annoying and contribute nothing to the conversation.
Every woman is different my dude. The rules with her arent the same with other women. Different things make different women orgasm. Its great when its this easy, but realize this isnt all women. Also realize not all women are down to try things, some of them like you said have an ingrained thought that its 100% your responsibility
Been doing it for a while now together. Still figuring out new ways to orgasm. Not every woman orgasms the same. Not every woman orgasms the same every time. Communication sure helps.
Some women simply aren't orgasmic.
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Reddit Mods don’t know anything about sex that’s for sure.!
I can cum in 60 seconds if I focus hard enough and then go a few more times within minutes or even seconds. My friend (we've always been comfortable talking about sex and anything so we know all details) has to struggle to cum no matter what. Even alone with a vibrator it can take her a long time. Everyone is different. Even with men. Some cum fast, some can't or can't even get it up. This is entirely a person by person case. You'll learn this (hopefully) with more experience.
Your friend sounds like my wife lol..
Damn....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lahgQr5kw2k
If a man can’t get erect there’s either something wrong with him or he’s really old
Or idk. Anxiety or something. Doesn’t have to be something WRONG with the guy lool
Mental problems fall into the category of something being wrong with him. Being unhealthy Physically and Mentally fall into the category of something being wrong with you
Let’s play the game. “How would this go down if reversed” again since it’s more than relevant. Don’t women always talk about how insulting fit is not to be called a real woman if they can’t orgasm or can’t squirt or perform like in porn
Any girl can squirt... just ask them to piss on you, because that's what it is.
Please don’t remind me that this is what it actually is man. You’re right but I didn’t need the reminder lool
Many of the same anxieties that get in the way of women are absolutely there for men. Significantly underreported for exactly this reason.
Mental problems fall into the category of something being wrong with him. Being unhealthy Physically and Mentally fall into the category of something being wrong with you
Having anxious thoughts doesn’t mean you have mental problems. General anxiety and just being anxious are not the same thing
Or piss drunk 😅
That would fall into something being wrong with him too
Damn, hit me with the down vote too. Wild.
I didn’t downvote you
If a man can't get erect is usually: 1. Anxiety 2. Possible physical medical issue that may or may not be resolved with medication 3. Addicted to porn/masturbation Number 3 is what usually gets me 😅 but if I don't wack off/edge for a few days it gets up nice and easy
Can’t help those that won’t help themselves.
Lol very accurate.
I think it depends on the guy's body too. I don't mean their dick but the area at the base.
True, sometimes the venus mount is not prominent enough or they've shaved.
A higher amount of fat probably makes it too soft in that area.
Come on dude. All women are different. I'm with you when it comes to it not being totally on the guy to get her off... but not every woman can get there repeatedly just because you found one that can.
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Do you think all women achieve an orgasm in the same way?
I think OP clearly indicated that he assumed it was entirely up to the man to make the woman to cum. After being with a woman who communicates and acts upon what works for her it changed his perspective.
Uh huh. And after that he says he learned it wasn’t true when he hooked up with a girl who was able to cum twice in 10 minutes by riding him, and that shocked him because he didn’t know it was that simple. Sounds like he thinks that if a woman rides him for 10 times she’ll cum twice too.
How he got there may have been wrong, but his premise is sound. It requires a bit from both sides to learn what gets each other off
Effective communication between partners is necessary to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome, but “keep going” is communication in the same way that the girl using him as a dildo was. What he should really be doing is to some introspection about why one form of communication “you’re not the biggest but very hard” was better for him than “keep going”.
Are you trying to get offended on purpise or what?
I’m not offended, that’s an assumption you made!
90% do young padawan
Cite your sources because that’s about 3.6 billion women
Women are not really like men in that regard. Their 'range' of libido is huge, and some woman can sometimes orgasm on certain times very rapidly and other times it can take forever. The woman who had an orgasm within ten minutes was likely just ovulating and very horny. But just to be clear, most of the time we are in-between low and high libido. And it can be quite difficult to achieve orgasm if the man isn't putting in effort. It is *not easy* most of the time.
Unpopular opinion. Not totally untrue. [Far less women](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530) than people believe can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, though the majority prefer some kind of clitoral stimulation (either because it doesn't work otherwise or the orgasm is more intense with concurrent stimulation, but they don't need the clit stimulation). This is just one study, however, don't take it as gospel. [According to this retrospective](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29559206/) around 23% of the women studied had clitoral adhesions, though it's hard to make full population estimates on how many women have this issue. Some studies put it in the 30% range, some lower. Either way, it's still common enough that it wouldn't be surprising to encounter a woman with this issue. If they are also part of the group of women that can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, they might end up preferring masturbation to penetrative sex in terms of physical sensation. I'd also hazard a guess and say that reports of men "not being able to find" the clitoris may be due—in some cases—to this. Normally, the clitoris is extremely easy to find, even if you've not seen it in person before. However, when it comes to women with adhesions, it might be to the point where it just doesn't come out from under the hood unless you really pull it back (and even then, it may be smaller than average due to the rest of it still being stuck). This can cause one to really easily "miss" the clit as the surface area is dramatically reduced. Beyond that, many women do not relax during sex at all. If they're in their head, strong physical sensation is pretty much the only thing getting them there. Generally, it would be the interplay between physical sensation and interpersonal intimacy + vulnerability that really pushes it to the top. This isn't to say "it's all women's fault". It's not. If the man isn't communicating, the sex is going to be trash. If the man isn't really able to connect with the woman, it makes sense she'll be in her head, she doesn't really feel safe *to* just let go. If the guy can't keep a steady rhythm to save his life, of course she's going to tell all her girlfriends that he was complete ass in the sack.
Agreed
Everyone should be in charge of getting their own nut.
OP's brain is going to explode when he learns that a large portion of adult women have a harder time, if not impossible time, to orgasm due to their anatomy, not due to their sex practices. OP also sounds like the dude who doesn't do any foreplay and blames it on women that they are dry.
What about their anatomy makes it harder to orgasm?
I don’t know if it necessarily falls under anatomy per se but some women just have a really difficult time being able to do it, no matter the circumstances. The majority of women can finish from penetration alone so that also puts a damper on things. edit: CANT*
I thought it was the other way around? That the majority *can’t* finish from penetration alone
whoops, it is can’t
I think that was a spelling mistake.
Is that a serious question!? Where, and how intensely, we feel pleasure is different. I get no satisfaction from having my nipples touched, in fact it fucking hurts, but I’ve had exs who could orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Some women squirt from anal, others want nothing to do with it.
>Is that a serious question!? What a mystery why people don't know when those who dare to ask questions get responses like this! I appreciate the firsthand example of why people stay ignorant rather than ask.
Yeah it was a pretty shitty response.
I am aware people feel pleasure differently. I am curious as to what anatomical differences would make it impossible for a woman to orgasm. I don't know anyone who cannot orgasm due to their anatomy and was wondering if there was any specific thing that would cause this. My apologies for asking a question so I can gain better understanding of the women who have these experiences.
the clit is mostly an internal organ. different strokes for different folks, right? except we are talking about an entire vulva, not just a shaft, head, and maybe some balls. there are just so many more ways to stimulate a vulva than a penis.
Nerve damage, damage or loss of the clit, or the “husband stitch”
To add on, overly sensitive nerves too can make it very unpleasant let alone anything near pleasure-inducing
Oh my..I see now. Thank you.
Sure. Sorry if I came off like a jerk, I thought you were trying to ask it as some kind of gotcha.
I understand. I hope you have a wonderful night.
How dare somebody ask a question!?
They should be beaten until they learn never to do so again!
Lots of women also fake orgasms. Wouldn’t be surprised if the woman in OP’s case was faking it.
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Congratulations on the sex, op.
Some women cum incredibly easy. Others cannot. My few most previous partners, I could send into multiple orgasms, squirting, etc. My current partner is practically impossible to make cum and she says no man has ever been able to. She can’t even get herself off if she’s not using her toy.
The toy may be the issue... women can get the same problem men do with the "death grip". They can get overly desensitized.
This is a complete myth endorsed by people who have no understanding of women's anatomy and pleasure. Toys are a fantastic tool for women to explore what feels good for them. There is enough shame and fear mongering surrounding women and sex as it is, please stop spreading this bullshit.
Makes sense but with other women, I’ve been able to make cum through internal penetration. She’s only doing it through clit stimulation using a vibrator. Maybe I can convince her to stop using it for a while.
Most women can't have an orgasm from vaginal penetration. That's actually fairly unusual. I don't know if asking her to stop using it will go over well, but it could help... it's just a matter of how long that might take, or if it's actually the problem. You might just wind up with a cranky lady... 🤷♂️ ...it's something to suggest, but I'd probably leave that in her court.
Most women can't come through PIV, I thing only 20% iirc. Most of us come through clit stimulation, whether it's by being on top and grinding, oral or using a toy. Even if stimulating the G point is done properly, I feel like a bit of clit stimulation helps a lot, or having an clit orgasm before trying the vaginal one.
Don’t ask women to stop having orgasms in the hopes that they’ll eventually have one the way you like. Most women don’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation and having an orgasm through penetration alone is not a meaningful goal for most women.
I dunno. I’ve had a lot of partners in my time and can usually make women cum pretty easy. Even through penetration. I’m not used to this.
I remember being young and thinking that I knew everything too lol. Everyone is different, for a lot of varying reasons. It's often not a matter of "fault".
this... isn't remotely accurate lol *that woman* orgasmed that way (which is cool) but too assume they all work that way, i'll just say... you will disappoint a few women along the way before you realize this just isn't correct
women are different. Your n=1 evidence isn’t meaningful, yet you’re still right re your claim. The key is communication. This can be figured out, but it’s not necessarily as easy as your example. This is where monogamy rules. You’re not going to troubleshoot AS A COUPLE your orgasm situation with a ONS. It can take a while too.
There are far too many women out there that think that men should do all of the work in sex while they just lay there and take it. And then they want to complain that men can’t get them off? Touch yourself. Move. Grab a toy. Do something other than put all of the responsibility in the hands of the man. The guys already doing 90% of the work, the least you could do is that last 10% to help get you off There are very few people that like a lazy woman in bed
Women can train themselves to be able to orgasm easily but it is coupled with being in the right mindset at the time. If a woman is distracted during sex they probably won't orgasm.
All women are different, man
THIS. Nothing worse than being with a woman who is not an active participant and can’t even get herself off. It’s a mutually awesome activity not something that just gets done to you. If you’re not communicating and working with each other towards the mutual goal, you’ll be much happier, finding a new partner.
As in anything, it's just about communication and being considerate. Nobody owes anyone a nut. It just comes with connection, communication, and consideration. It also rarely has much to do with size. If one partner is only going in it for themselves, it screws the whole thing up.
I dunno, kind of just seems like she used you to pleasure herself - you may as well have been a vibrator - wouldn’t you rather participate to help someone orgasm?
This is one of the most understated facts of all time. Every one is responsible for their own orgasm. Men don't usually expect woman to work to make them bust but women complain left and right if you aren't as good as a hitachi.
Preach it brother. I'm always astounded by the posts that are like "I've never gotten off, ever, and it's his fault". Nah girly, if you can't get there on your own then you can't blame the guest speaker. I'm fully convinced that it's impossible to reach orgasm from someone else before you've orgasmed on your own tbh.
I agree with the first part of what you said but entirely disagree with the last part. Many certainly can orgasm with someone else even if they can't by themselves.
Are you actually serious, if she can’t find her own orgasm then what chance does a man have.
Yeah that's ridiculous right? "So do you even know what an orgasm is?". It's the only appropriate response.
Women really like to complicate things that don’t need to be complicated, imagine being so clueless about life that you haven’t figured out how to self induce your own orgasm.
This is common.
About a 5/7.
Never seen a study saying "many" females orgasm only from someone else. Please link it though, because I'm sure it's a fascinating read. I'll still stick by my "if you don't know what you like, you can't expect others to" stance. I've got no dog in the fight as I've been married almost 20 years and we both have many orgasms from many different methods.
Never said many females can orgasm only from someone else. I said many females can orgasm with someone else even if they can't by themselves. Many women don't like to masturbate, barely do it or never had at all. Up to 20% of women in some cases don't even know how. So yes many women can orgasm when with someone else but not themselves.
My bad, I misunderstood, yeah I get that there's some women who've never touched themselves but have been able to get off with a partner. Contextually though, if you *have* tried to get off solo and were unsuccessful you can't exactly put the onus on your partner... Hell, they don't even know at that point if they are even capable of an orgasm. The condition "anorgasmia" exists and that shouldn't be a weight placed on their partner's shoulders.
The size of the guy’s hard on matters. You can’t have an orgasm with a guy who isn’t rock hard.
Absolutely the straight world puts so much pressure on the heterosexual man for sex. Women are responsible for their own pleasure. They need to know what turns them on and communicate that with the man.
100% with you. I just left a 5 year marriage with 0 sex, when I touched my wife I would get no response. I thought it was me. i met this woman online and I had the best sex of my life. She came more times than me and knew exactly what she wanted, and it just so happened to be what I was doing. don’t blame yourselves dudes, women be tripping
She rode you for 10 minutes and came a couple time than you got on and rode her for 10 more minutes making her cum twice. Lolz that is written like someone who has not had sex. Sir, sex is a shared experience and you should be getting to know your partners needs it isn’t that difficult. You can’t put it all on your partner and vice versa. Can’t wait to read the comments!
You sound like a real catch... I've dated a few women that had a really hard time having an orgasm with other guys. They didn't have any problem with me, current had more orgasms the first month the she did in the entire 5-year relationship before. I am somewhat average size, but very easygoing. It's all about comfort for most women. When they're comfortable letting go, watch out... When they feel like you're paying attention to them and they're the center of your attention things seem to work out. And they usually reciprocate. That's the way I think it's supposed to be. If it becomes a situation where it has to be somebody's fault I think that's the wrong way to look at it. I don't think it can be a me thing. It's two people becoming one...Some people aren't compatible and sometimes it's fire. You just have to find the fire for you
This. I’ve only ever had that connection with someone once in my life which at 40 is pretty shit 😂 However the sex I had with that man for 18 months will be stuck in my head for the rest of my life . We split a decade ago and I can still remember so many details because it was that good .
May as well ask but what is your general approach? Because that is a pretty strong endorsement if you did better than someone's five years in a month. I feel like I do well and all, but I never like to let opportunities to ask and improve pass me by.
I mean, yea. If I can think thoughts, any thought at all, I'm not going to orgasm. When I'm alone, I can orgasm no worries at all, takes a couple minutes. With a guy though, it's not likely to happen. Unless, UNLESS, he's so fucking good at it I can't think. I've slept with a lot of people, orgasmed with maybe, less than five. Those five tho.... Damn. They sure knew how to keep things rolling. No time to think thoughts. No performance. No hangups. We just did what felt good to do.
If we could orgasm at any time the way you make it out, then why do so many women have to use sex toys or masturbation after sex to achieve orgasm?
It's not that easy for every women. I can't orgasm after riding a guy for 10 minutes though it would be awesome if I could. I can cut but the other person is going to half to put some effort into it.
Yep, so according to you all women are exactly the same 👍
So your sample experience of one woman represents all woman? I don't think it is anyone's "fault". (1) woman are often told that men are to take care of their orgasms and that self pleasure experimentation is bad. So to counter this encourage your partners to discover what they like with you and without you. (2) some woman do need and/or prefer a man's participation in her orgasm. In your story you didn't really participate. Doesn't sound like there was any meaningful communication and you didn't really do anything but lay there. As a woman, we are sometimes in that same role of sex being done to us and it isn't as much fun as participating. (3) you don't "think" she was lying. You do not know. She can be brutally honest about your dick size and lie that she came.
You do realize that plenty of women have never been able to orgasm and there are plenty of others who haven’t figured out how to get there? Women are wired a lot different than men so don’t expect them all to have an instruction sheet ready to go on how you can get them off in 5 minutes.
I promise that your results are not typical.
you believed that because you never took the time to learn anatomy or how the body works. we’re all different, and even within ourselves have times where we’re different than our usual. the fact that she could come multiple times from penetration alone in such a short time is baffling to me as a woman. and i’m sure many others can agree that that is a lucky woman to be able to come like that. there’s been many studies about this stuff showing why it’s harder for women to come then men. for starters, literally only like 4% women can come with penetration alone. 96% is clitoral or both together. another thing is i’ve never heard or got an idea in my 23 years of life that a woman’s orgasm was a man’s sole responsibility. sex is mutual. you’re both in the moment. you’re both doing the actions. like during foreplay you’re supposed to get EACH OTHER off. not just look at each other while you get yourselves off(unless you’re to that ofc) women don’t EXPECT the guy to do it all. they expect that a man will know what they’re doing so they’re both properly satisfied. if a man is not making any efforts in foreplay or wanting to make the other person come then they are in fact bad at sex. sorry not sorry
50%
It depends if both Are going at it or Only one
Had sex maybe 4 times then one day I was on top and it was the first time I vaginally orgasmed with the same partner. We are still together and being on top isn’t an automatic way to come bec there are other factors that come into play. But I would agree that when I adjust the factors then I can 97% of the time being on top. The times I can’t is when the partner finishes quickly. Have to mention I can come being in other positions. It’s all about both parties finding the sweet spot.
Controversial, I like it, take my upvote.
lol
They are an ethnic group, Semitic. Basically Hebrews, they've existed in Israel since around 1200BC having lived in Egypt from a time. They'd be related to other Semitic groups like the phonecians who set up trading colonies all over north Africa and Spain (carthage), the moabites, the edomites, possibly the philistines and canaanites, the Arabs and some of the cities in today's Yemen and eithiopia. The Samaritians are also Semites and hebrews. The Jews after their disporia settled in a lot of different places all over the Roman empire, Muslim empires, Eastern Europe and China though some stayed in the Palestine area. They generally didn't marry outside their ethnicity which is also tied to their faith and cultural tradition. Jews were basically a nation in exile.
agreed. some women orgasm easily no matter what you do, for everyone else they need to communicate.
It definitely takes two to tango. And for many women orgasm is hard to reach because there is a big mental aspect to it. For myself I had tons of shame to do with sexuality stemming from my gender dysphoria and past sexual trauma and am still trying to unlearn it all. I have a vulva and have been struggling to deal with it for years, even now at the age of 23 I have yet to have an orgasm. I have no one to blame but myself, but not in a negative way either, there should be no shame in someone’s struggles in sex. If you have a vulva and are having issues regarding your sexuality (not in the LGBT way but the regular ol sex way) I really recommend reading the book “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski, it is a fantastic look into the science and social of sex as a woman and honestly helped me a lot with my own shame and discomfort with sex and my body. When I was 19 I was in my first relationship and when we had sex it really didn’t do anything for me, I originally assumed it was because it was my first sexual experience and it would get better over time. After a year it did not. Our sex struggles was actually the core reason why we broke up. At the time I majorly blamed him, and don’t get me wrong with this he was definitely part of the problem. When we had sex he always wanted to do it one way, me on top until he was getting close and then he would get on top and go wild for about 10 seconds before finishing. I asked that we do it differently but he refused on the base that with me on top he lasted longer, my issue was that I felt fuck all on top and the best part of sex was the 10 seconds of him on top. And I gotta say, 10 seconds isn’t enough. After a while I can also recognize my own part in the problem, I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. I never initiated, I never really felt arousal when we were going to sleep together and even if I did enjoy it I could never orgasm. I stopped trying at all at that point because my attempts to communicate were falling on deaf ears. I will still put a vast part of the blame on him but I also see where I lacked as well. Communication is the biggest part of sex in my opinion, listen to what your partner has to say about what works and what doesn’t. On the flip side you also need to be able to do that same and communicate your own needs. If something does work, change it. If something does, explore that more. The responsibility of achieving orgasm falls on everyone who’s participating.
Is that brand new information for most men? I thought putting them in starfish and grinding was a very common way for us to make sure we get to come before they do. Now there also are men that know their subject well and are very tuned in. They can actively make you come without being given instructions, but since every woman is different it never hurts to guide them a little.
I'm a male but pretty sure the biggest factor is how much a woman is into a guy emotionally. For example in Titanic you think there was anything Jack could do to not make Rose cum all over that car? She probably came like 5 seconds after it was in. A woman who doesn't really like her husband anymore and every 3 months lets him get on top of her out of obligation is probably not cumming. Those are extremes but you get the point.
**The thing with communication is that it’s not free. Want someone to communicate openly with you? You have to create a space where they feel safe and comfortable to do so.** This is the same if you want men to tell you stuff. Then a lot of women don’t know what they need or they have tried communicating in the past only for the guy to sulk or blow up. Or they just struggle getting off no matter what. It’s great she had such an easy time getting off, but I’m not sure how it’s relevant.
Take it a step further. Her orgasm is not your responsibility in anyway shape or form. You're there to help the process, not magically pull one out of her
While she is right, not every woman is able to orgasm through penetration. So sorry, you're wrong about that. You were just with somebody who knew what they liked.
If you are relying on solely your partner to make you cum, you are doing sex wrong. This applies to both men and women.
but the orgasm gap only exists in heterosexual sex,not masturbation or lesbian sex…
You have one experience and suddenly think this one woman is the norm and all the others you've been with were, what, faking? You really think the other women would rely on you for an orgasm if it was so easy to just jump on you and make it happen? Most women don't orgasm from PIV sex, most women need a good amount of foreplay, while neither is true for every woman, that doesn't mean it magically isn't true at all.
Many young women can't orgasm on just penetration alone and many don't know what would get them off to help or the position. Also the guy might now want to do a position, not able to do it or is uncomfortable with what the women might ask. I like to be choked, my first few sexual partners wouldn't do it, did it wrong dispute me showing them or did it too lightly as they were scared to hurt me. And I fully understand, after finding out more things of what I like to help me help myself and my fiance, get me off. It goes fast, but sometimes I still might not orgasm by what he does or what I like done. Human bodies are weird and sex and sometimes be complicated. You're only 17 and don't know much about it already no matter what you might think.
I disagree, a lot of men will talk up about how they’re going to make you cum. And then when the deed is happening no matter how many times you point to where the clit is and how much pressure to apply they still lick your outer labia or the vaginal opening. Sometimes men will pull a fast one and be like “I don’t eat pussy I don’t like the taste or it hurts my jaw.” When you express dissatisfaction later they seem butt hurt that they’re not able to please you despite ignoring all your suggestions.
It's not as easy. For some women with high libidos, absolutely. But the average woman doesnt have a really high libido. Additionally, hormonal birth controls can either dramatically increase or dramatically reduce a woman's libido depending on how it interacts with their existing hormonal cycle. Also, in my experience, I can orgasm repeatably if I'm by myself, but with a guy, he just tends to get in the way.
It’s wild that you’re so proud that you did zero work to make the woman cum. Not the flex you think it is. Hahaha
There is not a word written in OP's post that indicates pride from her cumming. He clearly states it wasn't his own action at all but hers. He's posting about his new-found knowledge you numpty.
Not a true opinion and medically factually unpopular because it is false. Anorgasmia.
Imo it takes two to tango, regardless of the loadouts the two dancers have. You gotta both put the work in for each other.
I agree. When I was in my 20s, it was different because myself and the girl I'd be hooking up with were probably buzzed and didn't care to communicate. As you get older it's ok to tell the other person exactly what you want and like
Just bc it’s easy to orgasm for one woman, doesn’t mean it’s that way for ALL women. Just like every dick is different, every vagina is too. Reality is your next partner might not be able to orgasm solely with penetration.
Who told you every dick is different when it comes to having orgasms?
Are you telling me every dick is exactly the same in length and diameter? 😂
Ofcourse not. It’s the same when it comes to having orgasms. Penis length and girth doesn’t contribute to how easy or difficult it is for the guy to orgasm. Does the length and circumference of the vagina contribute to a woman’s ability to orgasm?
We are talking about female orgasms NOT male, so a guys size for his own orgasm isn’t even relevant to my comment. How it hits the internal portion (vestibular bulbs) of the clit, the bulbs rest against the vaginal wall where what we think of the g spot is. Stimulating the g spot is simply providing pressure through the vaginal wall to the vestibular bulbs. Remember I said orgasm through penetration alone. Meaning no supplemental stimulation of the glans clitoris (aka clit). Some women just orgasm easier. Some can have multiples, some can’t. Some only have one bc additional stimulating post orgasm is painful not pleasurable which then causes the body to stop being aroused due to how sensitive the organ becomes which then makes the friction of sex painful. Each human body is slightly different. So saying a woman can just “figure it out” is trivializing the nuances from person to person turning it into a binary black white issue. Except it’s not, it’s very gray.
Not trivialising the nuances, just saying that this isn’t rocket science, you’re acting like each women needs a PHD in getting herself off and I’m saying it should have been figured out during the teens like every guy did. It doesn’t matter how much more difficult it is, if she hasn’t figured it out yet what chance does the man have. so you would agree that it’s the woman’s responsibility whether or not she orgasms during sex, same way it is the man’s responsibility whether or not he orgasms during sex?
Not every woman has the same vagina, it couldve been diff to her and why would u wanted to share this while not communicate with her all the way through?