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I just asked incase she was planning on a specific colour theme for family wedding photos and because she is from a different culture and I didn't want to be ignorant to that.
Wow, you had the courtesy and respect to show your 3 year old daughter’s dress (which you didn’t have to do) to attend the wedding and both the bride and groom “okayed” it. Now, the bride has the gall to say that she doesn’t want that dress with no given reason, apparently expects you to purchase another one without telling you what she’d prefer/want/expect and then calls you an AH?
Maybe she expects you to be a mind reader or can’t admit that she’s threatened by a 3 year old looking prettier than her? Honestly, I’m so sick of these entitled bridezillas!
Every 3 year old girl wants to be a princess. Don’t worry about unless future SIL wants to pay for a new dress. Sad that she is woo that she will be upstaged by a child
When I (56F) was 3 years old, I wanted to play football... apparently, my favorite toy was a Nerf football that I would constantly throw at rows of Barbie dolls...
Maybe that would actually be bowling...?
Sorry - been a long day
My 3yo daughter doesn’t have any desire to wear dresses or be a princess either. She likes dinosaurs and sharks and lions. She likes to dress up like spiderman.
When *did* brides get so entitled though? My friend was attending a wedding last month, not even in the wedding party at all, and had a dress that was 98% blue with some minuscule beige parts. Dress was vetoed immediately by the bride because it was “too white.”
Wasn’t a person on earth who could’ve mistaken it for anything close to a wedding dress. My friend is plus size and, by her own description, carries weight in awkward places that make finding a dress she feels good in very hard. I helped her and it took her four stores and a couple meltdowns to find another dress.
So now at a wedding *no one* can wear *any* white *or* beige? What about men’s sole outfit of a black suit with white shirt? No, just women.
I swear people like this make me want to go full on spite mode.
I'm talking let the 3 year old pick her outfit, and when she decides on a swimsuit with tutu, tiara, stripped socks, plastic shoes and 15 coloured hair clips - make sure she's front and centre of all photos all day!
Ah, but then, the adorable little girl in the princess dress will get all the attention from guests…it’s pretty clear the bride wants to be the girl in the princess dress getting all the attention, lol!
As someone who adores children, was a nanny for six years, and plans to have children, whenever this situation arises I just think: “Then just have a childfree wedding, for fuck’s sake.” Kids don’t deserve to be around adults who are going to make shit weird. Adults who want all of their attention on their special days aren’t even that bad, I guess. Just have the bare minimum of chill
People are so weird about kids. My husband and I had my daughter before we married so she was *very* included in our wedding. My aunt helped plan our engagement party & wedding, which I was very grateful for. But she got openly angry at my daughter (who was *THREE*) because she and the other kids we invited kept “stealing the attention”.
Like WHAT? We had a super casual wedding and allowed several very cute small children to come in addition to our own. If we didn’t want their adorable antics distracting from us, we wouldn’t have included them.
That is bizarre! What parent wouldn’t want their child to get attention at the parents’ wedding? If anything, I’d think most would be thrilled that the kiddo isn’t feeling ignored while the parents are busy and getting loads of attention
Someone educate me here. Since when does the bride NOT get all of the attention in the room??? All of the attention All of the time is not a good thing. It's like you are ON all of the time. Of course, the bride will get most of the attention. She and the groom are the reason everyone is attending the wedding. Little girls are supposed to love weddings and love watching the bride.
For me, I had all kinds of little girls in poofy, princessy dresses. The more poofy and lacey and princessy the better in my estimation. I found out ahead of time how many little girls were coming, went to this local roadside stand that sells fresh grown flowers and made little bouquets for all of them to prance around and have their own pretty dress and flower bouquet. My wedding wasn't a big one but still, everyone looked and gave attention to all the little girls in their party dresses. Yes, the attention was off of me for a brief moment and I used that time to finally get something to eat and drink and finally go to the bathroom.
When I came back into the room, it was suddenly All About Me and my Husband. I also didn't give a hoot if someone else wore white either. Everyone was dressed in their church clothes and had a lovely time and I didn't stress out about a little girl in a princessy dress getting a little attention. Since I'm one of the old fashioned brides who doesn't chuck off her veil the second she says "I do", I naturally wore it to my wedding breakfast and the only time I took it off was to let the little girls try it on. We got a ton of the cutest pictures that way and a lot of little girls were on their best behavior so they could try on the Bride's veil.
Good Lord! When did modern say brides get so entitled and so starved for attention?
I love you for that! You probably have the best wedding photos ever, and you can bet those little girls will remember you and your husband’s wedding day for a long time to come. Who knows? You probably influenced quite a number of them in their future careers! You never know what will blossom when you plant a seed of loving kindness.
It was not my intention to do that, but you're quite right. Almost every little girl views a bride as a fairy princess. I know I certainly did. The little girls were absolutely thrilled with their little nosegays and a chance to wear my bridal veil. I hope it was a memory that stuck with them.
I was the bride. Everyone knew I was the bride. I was wearing an ivory taffeta gown with an ivory veil and seed pearl tiara. There was no way anyone in that room did not know I was the Bride. So why should I give a hoot if a little girl in the room wears a poofy, princessy dress. No one was going to mistake her for the Bride.
We were outside taking photos and off in the distance, someone driving by honked a long honk. At the bridesmaids or the grooms. No, because he saw me with my floor length veil lilting in the breeze and realized "somebody got married". We all waved at him.
My point: there was PUHLENTY of attention paid to me. More than enough. I simply do not understand these modern day entitled brides whose sole concern is that all eyes won't be on her for the entire duration of the day.
Attire: I literally did not care then nor now if someone wore a white lacy suit to my wedding or a little girl wore a white dress. One of our (rather eccentric friends) wore a pink suit with a rose patterned tie. Did he attract attention? Of course he did. He looked like he was hosed down with Pepto Bismol. Did I have a meltdown over it? NO!. In fact, I really liked that shade of pink and for a moment, rethought my color palette. But my life did not come to an end because a friend wore a pink suit to my wedding. No one thought he was the bride. Certainly no one thought he was the groom. And he's an insurance salesman so he definitely was a... character. He was entertaining in his own way. I think the guests who did not know him were entertained by him and good on him.
Long rant over. My point is that being a Bride, I concentrated more on the premarital classes my intended and I went to and the discussions we had about finances, our future, future children, how we would keep God first in our home and lives. All of these details were far more important than whether or not the napkins matched the color of the groomsmen's vests or whether one of the bridesmaids might be pregnant and showing by the time of the wedding or whether their all of their hairstyles were in that overdone "beachy waves" look.
And to be fair: we had little money. I made my gown and veil. I made my bouquets and other floral arrangements and other things. It was still a lovely, elegant, tasteful wedding that we did not need to go into 50K debt for. It was still a dream wedding and the breakfast was so much fun. 25 years later, apparently it all was worth it because we're still married.
And in true fashion: little girls love dressing up in poofy dresses and going to parties, they love flower bouquets, they were chuffed to try on a bridal veil and have their picture taken and all the little boys were still in the "girls have cooties" stage and high tailed it to the other side of the room to avoid being pegged as the next groom.
That's so petty omg fighting against a 3 year old for attention. On your wedding day there is no way you won't get attention I don't get why brides act like this
If that's the case the bride should have made her wedding adults only because kids are always going to steal the spot light. They are much cuter than adults.
I asked her because the dress is quite poofy and princessy. For me that's quite normal that a little girl is dressed that way for weddings but since the bride is from a different culture I didn't want to be ignorant or something like that.
If she can't give a reason, then it sounds like an attention thing - or a "let's just cause a rift thing and see who will my fiance choose to side with?"
That said - is this a hill to die on? Your daughter is likely too young to care. If she loves the dress, let her wear it somewhere else. Or return it if you can. I'm sure it would not be that hard to find another dress. It doesn't need to be special ordered.
I don't think you should choose another dress to appease the bridezilla, but to not put the BIL into the position of having to deal with her sh\*\*. It shouldn't be that big of a deal what a 3 year old wears - **to either of you**. Even if you - so far - have the high ground. So I would suggest letting her have the win and hopefully ease up on the family drama.
However the bride hasn’t said why she no longer likes the dress. “Too princessy” is a guess that commenters are making. And the wedding is next week. Playing guessing games at short notice is something to opt out of.
I think that’s what it is. When my SIL got married she had a friends daughter as flower girl and my daughter wasn’t included in the wedding at all. She made a comment about only wanting two people to be super poofy- herself and her flower girl so my spouse (her brother) and I spent a looong time finding an outfit for our 1 year old that was nice, but NOT princessy since as it was she didn’t want kids at the wedding other than her flower girl and ring bearer and my spouse said he wouldn’t come if our daughter wasn’t welcome. (She was literally the best behaved baby you ever saw and was the perfect guest) she made other comments like, if she made a single noise we better remove her from the wedding etc as well.
Anyway, all of that and she’s now getting divorced my kid isn’t even out of elementary school.
You guys were in the wrong there - insisting that your baby be included when the bride and groom had stipulated the wedding was to be child free.
All you needed to do was to arrange a bbsitter or to have one (or both) of you not attend. 🤷🏻♀️
1. 2 brides no groom.
2. I didn’t demand shit. My spouse did. He was in the wrong and I made that clear to him. But-
3. He didn’t want to attend anyway and was using this as an excuse to get out of going because-
4. She essentially demanded we both be there or she’d cut him out of her life.
5. She actually was very happy my daughter was there. As I said before, she was the best baby ever.
I don’t understand this seemingly new focus on all the attention being on the bride. Yes, of course the bride and groom are the main attraction. And I wouldn’t dress in a bizarre or showy way to focus all eyes on me through out the entire day. But where I’m from people do dress up for weddings. We put on our best to honor and celebrate the occasion. Often we buy new outfits and try to coordinate with our date and families.
Why can’t everybody look their best? As long as the bride is the only one in white, everyone else just exchanges pleasantries to acknowledge other outfits they notice or like especially. This doesn’t take away anything from the bride or the bridal party.
That's how I kept it at my wedding. No white, no costume, show up as fancy as you please. But I guess this is different and being polite apparently bites me back this time🤷🏻♀️
I hope you and your family have a wonderful time. Nothing is cuter than a toddler girl in a puffy princess dress! Enjoy it while you can. Time will fly by and soon she will only wear what she wants, not what Mom wants.
I get that there is the "no white except the bride" thing but I never understood it. Are there strangers coming to the wedding that would have no idea who the bride is? I didn't care what color my MOH, groom, or his BM wore, let alone the guests. None of us matched. But if someone wore white (and maybe someone did - who remembers that stuff?) I wouldn't care because everyone knew that I was the bride.
She waited 2 months to say no to the dress. She's in competition with a 3 yo. Tell your husband go to the wedding and you can't find another dress last minute. Get your daughter dressed in her princess dress and book a mommy daughter tea date. NTA
It sounds like the Bride has suddenly decided your daughter is going to look super cute and take all the attention off her.
She can't give a reason why she doesn't like the dress so there shouldn't be a problem. The thing is though that it's going to cause animosity on the day and sour your relationship with your fsil and through her your bil. Youre not the arse if you don't change the dress, but it may cause on going issues.
Bil still absolutely thinks the dress is cute and approves. They talked and she is telling him the same thing, she just doesn't like it anymore. Bil said that we're totally okay if we stick with the dress especially since there's no reason and it's such a shirt notice. As weird as it sounds he is already kind of used to her not being the biggest fan of his family and he thinks that she might just act that way because I am way more involved with them.
Sounds a little like a power move. If he’s close to family and she’s already pulling crap like this everyone is in for a rough ride here. Most people like that wait until after the wedding. Your daughter is a guest so you shouldn’t need approval on what to wear as long as it meets the requested dress code. It was nice of you to ask. You tried to be considerate. And she waited too long. Who cares if she likes it or not? Do all brides have to “like” everything everyone wheats to their wedding in her culture?? Did she do this to anyone else? BIL should take a second to think about this one lol.
Did I read somewhere in the string of comments that the sister-in-law is from another culture? If so, you can bet, that’s where the interference is coming from. Put your darling daughter in that dress and go have fun as a guest.
Let’s hope she won’t suddenly decide she doesn’t like her husband to be before the wedding. Or after it.
I wish more little kids wore big poufy dresses. They are adorable.
I mean, if she's like this about a three year old's dress, then maybe it's best for everyone if she *does* decide before the wedding that she doesn't like him
The fact that she doesn’t like the dress is not enough of a good reason to demand that you spend money to find another dress on a rush. Be polite by any means but tell her that unfortunately you cannot find another dress on such a short notice.
Yes, the issues aren't THAT big. Just some disagreement and he was always willing to stand up to it. I guess she had reasons for it, this is the only thing were he absolutely doesn't understand her.
I would say this to her “If you don’t like her dress, why don’t you buy the outfit for her. Here are her sizes XYZ. Make sure to send here first as kids clothing sizes are kind of wack. Hope it arrives in time and fits. Send me the tracking info when you get it.”
It is already causing issues.
They don't have another dress. It takes time to buy/get delivered another one and they don't have the time. It takes money and they might not have the money. It takes toddler approval (I am taking about 3 yo, not FSIL here) and it could be hard to get the approval, especially if the toddler already wants _this dress_. So the options they have:
1) going to the wedding in this dress. Bride will be furious.
2) going to the wedding in any of her day-to-day dresses, probably with images of Minnie Mouse, or dinosaurs, or writing like "Princess Sassy Pants". Bride will be furious.
3) not going to the wedding. Bride will be furious, BIL will be upset.
Which one is the lesser of the three evils?
Also toddlers outgrow their clothes so fast! If they get another dress they now have a pouffy green dress that the little girl might outgrow before she ever had a chance to wear it even once
I have a feeling she didn’t care till someone told her she should. And then changed her mind. For example her mom or grandmother or a bridesmaid said something to her about the dress.
I see so many posts of on the weddings subs that ask similar questions. They are all along the lines of:
“Someone made a comment to me and now. I didn’t know this would be an issue. Is it? Am I suppose to care.”
Because it’s embarrassing for a grown woman to say “mom told me this is a completely inappropriate dress and I don’t have the guts to stand up to her”…?
I'm honestly thinking the same thing. She didn't think much of it, showed it to her parents/close family, and someone made a big issue out of it and pressured her into asking you to change it. I would ask her 1) if she has a reason, 2) that "I don't like it" is not a reason, 3yo is your daughter not hers + now it's a bit late to change her mind 3) that if there is an underlying issue related to her culture you would have liked her to voice it earlier, and that now you're not gonna change anything unless she comes up with a really, really good point of why you shouldn't let your daughter wear her tiny cute princess dress.
ETA : reading comments, that or she is being an AH for some reason idk, would still ask just to make sure
She doesn't have a reason (other than not liking it which tbh now I don't care anymore)
Multiple people have said it has nothing to do with culture and that this is a dress they would expect on a little one especially the grooms niece/goddaughter.
If she won’t give you a reason, then you can’t find a different dress, because you don’t know what’s “wrong” with this one. That also suggests someone else prompted her, someone who didn’t give her a useable reason either.
So the bride is worried about being upstaged by A 3 YEAR OLD????? How pathetic can she be... All 3 of you should skip the wedding, my husband would have never put up with a family member calling me names and neither should yours. See where his priorities really lie.
NTA. Your daughter can wear the dress you bought. There was no need to get approval in the first place.
If your daughter is not in the wedding, the bride shouldn't get to decide what she wears. I don't know why all of a sudden brides think they have any say in what their guests wear, as long as it's not a wedding dress.
I asked because there's a cultural difference and I just didn't want to be rude or ignorant to her traditions guess it's biting me in the ass now🤷🏻♀️😂
I get that, but...
Her deciding that your daughter can't wear the dress has nothing to do with her culture. She's just being controlling.
Wedding guests are not props.
If this were me, I'd ask her to send me a picture of a dress she considers appropriate. Then, tell her I'd take that into consideration and dress my daughter in the original dress.
I mean I now learned that apparently there's an old superstition saying green on weddings attracts fairies that kidnap the bride, but 1 not in her culture and 2 this usually is just for bridesmaids..
Please don't be angry if I butchered it somehow I just learned it today from a different Reddit user🙈
Just ignore the drama and have your daughter wear the dress
Sil sounds like she has wedding jitters, on top of her apparently difficult personality. It sounds like she is also jealous of your long term friendship with the groom.
I wouldn’t say anything more on it to either bil or sil, and just attend and enjoy the wedding. Do this because your bil doesn’t need the stress on his big day
From perspective of US culture, there’s nothing wrong with an extremely frilly dress for a toddler. And certainly nothing wrong with the color of light sage green
NTA - if you want to keep peace then pop into a local discount store and buy a non fancy cotton print sundress in a neutral color. If there are any comments why she is so plainly dressed - bride did not like the dress you had and there was not time to buy anything else. If you want to poke the bear with a stick, buy one in a color that will clash wildly with her color/theme.
Alas, I'm not nearly as nice as you....I'd go right on out and get the closest mom version of the three-year-old's dress and wear that to the wedding hand-in-hand with my daughter.......and, OP, I do have the seamstress skills to do that for you if there's still time. I don't like bridezillas.
Just don’t wear white, don’t look like a slob or skank..otherwise you’re good! The bride doesn’t get to dictate what the guests wear. I wouldn’t discuss this any further with her & do not purchase another dress
Is this a battle you want to stand on the hill for? So your SIL is being a b~tch. You learn a valuable lesson: you don't ask permission
Your Life Isn't Up For A Vote.
You know your little girl is going to look fabulous no matter what she wears.
I guess so I just didn't want to be ignorant since I know how hard it can be living in a place that has a different culture but you just wanting to include you culture and share it.
This might be one of those instances where being polite and considerate bites you in the ass. You were overly considerate of her, and now she’s inconsiderate to you by back tracking her original okay.
I’m petty enough to ask for reimbursement for a new dress if it’s such a big deal for A 3 YEAR OLD to look adorable in a dress.
“ If you’d like to provide address that be great or tell me exactly what you’re looking for an address for my daughter that be great but otherwise we’re gonna keep what we have”
NTA. You gave them a chance to comment on the dress and I would tell them at this point you can’t return the dress nor do you have the time to go find another one and hope it’s approved. I’d guess the bride is getting a little crazy so close to the wedding but it doesn’t mean you have to be on the roller coaster with them. I’d communicate your answer to your BIL and leave it at that.
Bil knows our opinion and my husband already told him that we are most likely going with that dress. Bil is 1000% fine with it and also doesn't understand his wife to be when it comes to this
Hold up! She was able to call you an a hole but not able to tell you why she didn’t like the dress anymore? That’s dumb. I’d show up with my daughter wearing a cute white princess dress. Then call me an a hole and see how that’ll work out for her.
I apologize if this doesn’t land well, but the whole time I’m reading all of this I can’t get the Blue Oyster Cult classic out of my head… you know the one.
“History shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men
Bridezilla!”
Need I say NTA?
Oh, my heavens, what shall we do, someone might confuse a 3 year old in a pretty dress with a flower girl!! ::shudder::
If bride wants to buy the new dress, okay, otherwise it’s inappropriate to decide inexplicably 2 months later and with short notice that she just doesn’t like the little one’s dress. Respect to BIL for keeping it real.
I hope you have an amazing excellent day and if Bride gets weird let it slide off like Teflon.
Not your monkeys, not your circus.
Without knowing why she doesn't like that dress it would be really hard to pick a different one. She needs to tell you what she wants or shut up. Is it the puff, is it the color, what is it that she doesn't like so you know why to replace it and with what. Seems dumb to just be like "no" and have zero explanation.
You were really kind for asking her anyway, it's a baby no one cares what a baby wears they are cute all the time.
My mother has a lot of superstitions - no pearls (angel's tears), no white in hair (signifies death) - and everything is higher stakes at weddings and family events when there are judgmental family members and friends there...
You've said that the bride-to-be and friends say that it is NOT cultural ..... But, in that case... what's the issue?
You can only guess so much. I would hope that, if you couldn't speak with the fiance, you could talk to Bil "I really want to respect __'s wishes but I don't know what's wrong with the dress. Even if I could buy a new dress, how will I know if that dress is "right" or if I'm just making the same mistake or if it's "worse"? ---
It sounds like a crazy situation... Weddings give me a headache...
I would put my kid in a different dress - maybe poufier and more princessy? Just kidding --- Good luck OP (Maybe pajamas if it's a night party; swimsuit if it's a day party --- or maybe your child's last halloween costume? )
Unless your daughter is in the wedding, her dress doesn’t matter. Say you’ve already purchased the dress, and that’s what she’s wearing.
That said, expect to have a prickly relationship with her. She is a Bridezilla, and they tend to hold grudges when they don’t get their way.
She probably won’t even notice or care by the day of the wedding. I definitely wouldn’t go buy another dress. She’s crazy to tell guests what to wear! Maybe someone she knows kids are wearing the same thing? I dunno but her request is ridiculous!
NTA
Sounds like somebody got in her head about it… maybe saying that it might resemble a flower girl dress or something? Which by the by, is just silly XD It’s already been approved, and you expect a little girl to wear an adorable little girl dress to a wedding.
NTA but the future sil is.
Just tell her she responded too late to return it (after she approved!) and you are not going to waste money on a dress she can’t use and was bought for a specific purpose (their wedding).
Has she given any rational reason as to why this dress is not acceptable?
State you would like more clarification than your child needs a new outfit because as far as you are currently aware your toddler daughter is neither bridesmaid or flower girl. It could be concern that you and your daughter's matching outfits might be an attention grabber. How long do you have before the wedding. Last time someone kept telling me anything is fine but not that or that I sent that person a picture of me wearing what I dub as my final offer dress. Its a lovely dress with repeated dinosaur print. I got told my original option would be perfect.
That pretty bad when a bride is worried about a 3 year old out princessing her at her wedding. Tell her she can wear the little tiara that came with your daughter’s dress if that helps.
Wow. The stories people immediately go to and assign motivation and intent to the bride: she doesn’t want competition from a 3 year old, she is worried about not having the attention. That’s all made up and no one here knows why that suddenly became important to the bride.
I would rather say, while not fully comprehending why it is important, it clearly is, so if it’s still possible with reasonable effort, try and find a white dress. A show of kindness can go a long way. I once learned from a wise friend that comprehension is not a requirement for acceptance.
And once the wedding is over, go and address the strong reaction to an alternative choice of dress. It certainly didn’t warrant to be called an AH.
It seems there is already antagonism between you two. Now is your chance to break through this and take the first step.
Is she… jealous of your toddler? I’m confused.
I would probably just put her in a different dress to avoid causing drama on the wedding day - since you *know* it will at least mildly upset the bride. But NTA at all. Maybe you can borrow something or she can wear another outfit you already own.
The bride will probably have a problem with whatever the OP puts her daughter in. She probably didn’t want kids and her groom wanted his niece at the wedding, so she’s causing problems.
Haha I did legit have the same thought. Like… if she’s worried the toddler will take attention, then the toddler likely will no matter what due to being cute and also potentially loud/whiny etc.
NTA but I wonder if someone on her side got the same dress and she’s trying to avoid having a conflict with it and keep the peace with her side by trying to get you to change your daughters
Unless she’s a flower girl or is something else in the wedding party, she gets no say in what your daughter wears. I’d say to her if she wants her to wear something else, she can buy it. NTA
What official capacity is your daughter performing at the wedding? I'm confused as to why the bridezilla was sent a photo of the dress ? Is she performing something as part of a group & needed to coordinate colours?
NTA. I wouldn’t do anything and just tell her that I tried to return it but it wasn’t an option and since it’s been 2 months since they both approved it that’s what the baby girl is going to wear and sorry for the inconvenience that may cause. Then go radio silent and don’t answer to anything until she’s completely done sending messages and trying to reach out to you to make you change your mind (if she does).
NTA, but is it possible it looks like her wedding dress? Minus the color obviously. When we took my niece to pick out a flower girl dress she tried on one that looked almost exactly like my dress and I had to veto it.
Nta. “It’s your wedding and you deserve to have the wedding you envisioned. I’m sure whatever dress you decide to buy for her she’ll look great in.” If she wants a different dress she can pay for it.
Is your daughter in the wedding party? Like a flower girl or something?
If so, I can see why the bride would approve the dress.
Regardless, the bride approved it so you bought it. NTA
If she wants to change her mind then she can buy her future niece a new dress. You don't even know what she disliked about the one you bought. Send the bride your daughter's size. Since you paid for the first dress that she approved, she can pay for the next.
Dear Bride,
Your future niece wears a little girls size X in a dress. I will be happy to dress her in whatever her auntie buys for her to wear at her wedding. It's so fun choosing clothes for her. Her shoe size is X.
NTA I am 67 years old, and I would love to know what the hell is going on with all these crazy wedding rules now days. No one can wear anything that has even a little white in it..everything has to be cleared through the bride?? This " bride" is obviously afraid she's going to be
up staged by a toddler...That is just ridiculous.
Put that baby in the dress and I'm sure she will be beautiful!
Talk about BRIDEZILLA!!!! She has no decision making capability about what YOUR daughter wears to her wedding. There's only one thing that matters....whether your daughter likes the dress
I’m having trouble seeing how anything a three year-old wears could impact the wedding, that bride sounds like a real piece of work. I am so sorry she pulled this on you.
NTA. If she doesn’t give you a reason, then how are you even supposed to buy a new dress that she finds suitable?? What if she doesn’t like it either? Absolutely ridiculous.
Could she have shown it to one of her family members and they decided they had to have the same dress and now she doesn’t want your daughter to wear it so her family member can look like the only little princess instead of your daughter?
You are not the Ahole, but the wife to be never approved the dress, according to what you wrote here...you stated you sent pictures to the BIL and he said it was ok...yeah, ok by him, he couldn't care less lol. The wife to be was apparently informed later and that is why you're getting the snappy response. I also find it somewhat disturbing that you being called a name was conveyed to you. I'm all for transparency but some things are better left unsaid. This is certainly not a way to start a relationship. However, you and your husband have loyalties to each other and they will to themselves. Just know that at some point, your BIL will choose her over his own family when it comes to some matters. He needs to learn this sooner rather than later.
Get a non-dressy sundress for cheap. Daughtee will be comfortable, and she'll avoid the ire of the Bride, who had better not complain that she's not dressed up enough.
I am so over brides who think not only do they decide what the wedding party wears they decide what the guests wear. It's your wedding day you haven't become the queen it's just a wedding. These women really need to calm down and get a grip.
I wouldn’t have even thought to ask for her approval of what my daughter (or anyone not in the actual wedding party) wears. Why should she even get a say? You’re too kind and definitely NTA.
What in the world does it matter what kind of dress a 2 year old wears to a wedding? And why does the bride get a say in it if your daughter isn’t involved in the wedding as a flower girl or ring bearer?!? You really shouldn’t have to be buying an alternate dress for her.
How is a 3year old in a princess dress NOT a great addition to a wedding. You know that kid is going to be twirling and having fun with her dress. That kind of joy should be welcomed.
It’s amazing how things can change in 50 years!! I had a lovely wedding and reception. Never crossed my mind to check what anybody was wearing or worried that anyone was going to steal my thunder!! We drank, we ate, we danced and enjoyed every minute of it! Seems like everything I read about weddings these days always has a crazy, entitled, bridezilla in it!
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Why has she got a say in what everyone is wearing? Apart from the bridesmaids. When did brides get so massively entitled?!
I just asked incase she was planning on a specific colour theme for family wedding photos and because she is from a different culture and I didn't want to be ignorant to that.
Wow, you had the courtesy and respect to show your 3 year old daughter’s dress (which you didn’t have to do) to attend the wedding and both the bride and groom “okayed” it. Now, the bride has the gall to say that she doesn’t want that dress with no given reason, apparently expects you to purchase another one without telling you what she’d prefer/want/expect and then calls you an AH? Maybe she expects you to be a mind reader or can’t admit that she’s threatened by a 3 year old looking prettier than her? Honestly, I’m so sick of these entitled bridezillas!
Yes, I mean lesson learned I won't ask her anything anymore if she doesn't 100% need to know😂
Update after the wedding please.
You have to update us after the wedding.
Im thinking the fact it is princessy is the problem and will make her appear too much of a flower girl
Every 3 year old girl wants to be a princess. Don’t worry about unless future SIL wants to pay for a new dress. Sad that she is woo that she will be upstaged by a child
When I (56F) was 3 years old, I wanted to play football... apparently, my favorite toy was a Nerf football that I would constantly throw at rows of Barbie dolls... Maybe that would actually be bowling...? Sorry - been a long day
My 3yo daughter doesn’t have any desire to wear dresses or be a princess either. She likes dinosaurs and sharks and lions. She likes to dress up like spiderman.
Since reality TV programming fed Bridezillas into a thing that got attention.
When *did* brides get so entitled though? My friend was attending a wedding last month, not even in the wedding party at all, and had a dress that was 98% blue with some minuscule beige parts. Dress was vetoed immediately by the bride because it was “too white.” Wasn’t a person on earth who could’ve mistaken it for anything close to a wedding dress. My friend is plus size and, by her own description, carries weight in awkward places that make finding a dress she feels good in very hard. I helped her and it took her four stores and a couple meltdowns to find another dress. So now at a wedding *no one* can wear *any* white *or* beige? What about men’s sole outfit of a black suit with white shirt? No, just women.
I swear people like this make me want to go full on spite mode. I'm talking let the 3 year old pick her outfit, and when she decides on a swimsuit with tutu, tiara, stripped socks, plastic shoes and 15 coloured hair clips - make sure she's front and centre of all photos all day!
Why did she even get a say on what your daughter is wearing?
Her first mistake was even asking if the dress was ok. To me, I would expect a cute little girl,to wear a poufy, princessy dress to a wedding.
Ah, but then, the adorable little girl in the princess dress will get all the attention from guests…it’s pretty clear the bride wants to be the girl in the princess dress getting all the attention, lol!
As someone who adores children, was a nanny for six years, and plans to have children, whenever this situation arises I just think: “Then just have a childfree wedding, for fuck’s sake.” Kids don’t deserve to be around adults who are going to make shit weird. Adults who want all of their attention on their special days aren’t even that bad, I guess. Just have the bare minimum of chill
People are so weird about kids. My husband and I had my daughter before we married so she was *very* included in our wedding. My aunt helped plan our engagement party & wedding, which I was very grateful for. But she got openly angry at my daughter (who was *THREE*) because she and the other kids we invited kept “stealing the attention”. Like WHAT? We had a super casual wedding and allowed several very cute small children to come in addition to our own. If we didn’t want their adorable antics distracting from us, we wouldn’t have included them.
That is bizarre! What parent wouldn’t want their child to get attention at the parents’ wedding? If anything, I’d think most would be thrilled that the kiddo isn’t feeling ignored while the parents are busy and getting loads of attention
Someone educate me here. Since when does the bride NOT get all of the attention in the room??? All of the attention All of the time is not a good thing. It's like you are ON all of the time. Of course, the bride will get most of the attention. She and the groom are the reason everyone is attending the wedding. Little girls are supposed to love weddings and love watching the bride. For me, I had all kinds of little girls in poofy, princessy dresses. The more poofy and lacey and princessy the better in my estimation. I found out ahead of time how many little girls were coming, went to this local roadside stand that sells fresh grown flowers and made little bouquets for all of them to prance around and have their own pretty dress and flower bouquet. My wedding wasn't a big one but still, everyone looked and gave attention to all the little girls in their party dresses. Yes, the attention was off of me for a brief moment and I used that time to finally get something to eat and drink and finally go to the bathroom. When I came back into the room, it was suddenly All About Me and my Husband. I also didn't give a hoot if someone else wore white either. Everyone was dressed in their church clothes and had a lovely time and I didn't stress out about a little girl in a princessy dress getting a little attention. Since I'm one of the old fashioned brides who doesn't chuck off her veil the second she says "I do", I naturally wore it to my wedding breakfast and the only time I took it off was to let the little girls try it on. We got a ton of the cutest pictures that way and a lot of little girls were on their best behavior so they could try on the Bride's veil. Good Lord! When did modern say brides get so entitled and so starved for attention?
I love you for that! You probably have the best wedding photos ever, and you can bet those little girls will remember you and your husband’s wedding day for a long time to come. Who knows? You probably influenced quite a number of them in their future careers! You never know what will blossom when you plant a seed of loving kindness.
It was not my intention to do that, but you're quite right. Almost every little girl views a bride as a fairy princess. I know I certainly did. The little girls were absolutely thrilled with their little nosegays and a chance to wear my bridal veil. I hope it was a memory that stuck with them. I was the bride. Everyone knew I was the bride. I was wearing an ivory taffeta gown with an ivory veil and seed pearl tiara. There was no way anyone in that room did not know I was the Bride. So why should I give a hoot if a little girl in the room wears a poofy, princessy dress. No one was going to mistake her for the Bride. We were outside taking photos and off in the distance, someone driving by honked a long honk. At the bridesmaids or the grooms. No, because he saw me with my floor length veil lilting in the breeze and realized "somebody got married". We all waved at him. My point: there was PUHLENTY of attention paid to me. More than enough. I simply do not understand these modern day entitled brides whose sole concern is that all eyes won't be on her for the entire duration of the day. Attire: I literally did not care then nor now if someone wore a white lacy suit to my wedding or a little girl wore a white dress. One of our (rather eccentric friends) wore a pink suit with a rose patterned tie. Did he attract attention? Of course he did. He looked like he was hosed down with Pepto Bismol. Did I have a meltdown over it? NO!. In fact, I really liked that shade of pink and for a moment, rethought my color palette. But my life did not come to an end because a friend wore a pink suit to my wedding. No one thought he was the bride. Certainly no one thought he was the groom. And he's an insurance salesman so he definitely was a... character. He was entertaining in his own way. I think the guests who did not know him were entertained by him and good on him. Long rant over. My point is that being a Bride, I concentrated more on the premarital classes my intended and I went to and the discussions we had about finances, our future, future children, how we would keep God first in our home and lives. All of these details were far more important than whether or not the napkins matched the color of the groomsmen's vests or whether one of the bridesmaids might be pregnant and showing by the time of the wedding or whether their all of their hairstyles were in that overdone "beachy waves" look. And to be fair: we had little money. I made my gown and veil. I made my bouquets and other floral arrangements and other things. It was still a lovely, elegant, tasteful wedding that we did not need to go into 50K debt for. It was still a dream wedding and the breakfast was so much fun. 25 years later, apparently it all was worth it because we're still married. And in true fashion: little girls love dressing up in poofy dresses and going to parties, they love flower bouquets, they were chuffed to try on a bridal veil and have their picture taken and all the little boys were still in the "girls have cooties" stage and high tailed it to the other side of the room to avoid being pegged as the next groom.
I think you nailed it!
That's so petty omg fighting against a 3 year old for attention. On your wedding day there is no way you won't get attention I don't get why brides act like this
If that's the case the bride should have made her wedding adults only because kids are always going to steal the spot light. They are much cuter than adults.
Like people can't tell the difference between a bride and a 3 yr old.
I asked her because the dress is quite poofy and princessy. For me that's quite normal that a little girl is dressed that way for weddings but since the bride is from a different culture I didn't want to be ignorant or something like that.
Your daughter's 3! How on earth can your soon to be sil have a problem with what a 3 year old wears??? Mind boggling 🤔 Definitely NTA
If she can't give a reason, then it sounds like an attention thing - or a "let's just cause a rift thing and see who will my fiance choose to side with?" That said - is this a hill to die on? Your daughter is likely too young to care. If she loves the dress, let her wear it somewhere else. Or return it if you can. I'm sure it would not be that hard to find another dress. It doesn't need to be special ordered. I don't think you should choose another dress to appease the bridezilla, but to not put the BIL into the position of having to deal with her sh\*\*. It shouldn't be that big of a deal what a 3 year old wears - **to either of you**. Even if you - so far - have the high ground. So I would suggest letting her have the win and hopefully ease up on the family drama.
She knows groom won't entertain anything that he doesn't agree on. If I find something that I think fits I'll guess I put LO in a different dress.
I wonder if she thinks because your daughter is in a princessy type dress the other guest might mistake her for a flower girl.
Make sure if you do change her dress she gets to wear a tiara!!
However the bride hasn’t said why she no longer likes the dress. “Too princessy” is a guess that commenters are making. And the wedding is next week. Playing guessing games at short notice is something to opt out of.
This is the answer .”
No you are not. What a nerve. Is she worried your daughter will steal attention away from her? Ignore the irrational bride and go with the dress.
Yes we've all heard of the confusion 'Is this toddler the bride or this stunning grown woman in white?' 😅😂
Is your daughter a flower girl?
No my hubby is the best man, me and my daughter are just guests. As far as I know they decided against a flower girl.
Wow, that makes them even ruder to dictate what GUESTS can wear!
Maybe she thinks your daughter will look like a flower girl? I still think you’re NTA though - just trying to figure out her reasoning
Flower girl confusion? The horror! lol
lol you hear of some crazy family drama that comes out at weddings, so I wouldn’t put anything past a bridezilla!
“Maybe she thinks your daughter will look like a flower girl? I still think you’re NTA though” Not unless she’s carrying flowers down the aisle!
Nope she won't 😅 the most this little girl is gonna 'carry down the aisle' is her little stuffy
I think that’s what it is. When my SIL got married she had a friends daughter as flower girl and my daughter wasn’t included in the wedding at all. She made a comment about only wanting two people to be super poofy- herself and her flower girl so my spouse (her brother) and I spent a looong time finding an outfit for our 1 year old that was nice, but NOT princessy since as it was she didn’t want kids at the wedding other than her flower girl and ring bearer and my spouse said he wouldn’t come if our daughter wasn’t welcome. (She was literally the best behaved baby you ever saw and was the perfect guest) she made other comments like, if she made a single noise we better remove her from the wedding etc as well. Anyway, all of that and she’s now getting divorced my kid isn’t even out of elementary school.
You guys were in the wrong there - insisting that your baby be included when the bride and groom had stipulated the wedding was to be child free. All you needed to do was to arrange a bbsitter or to have one (or both) of you not attend. 🤷🏻♀️
1. 2 brides no groom. 2. I didn’t demand shit. My spouse did. He was in the wrong and I made that clear to him. But- 3. He didn’t want to attend anyway and was using this as an excuse to get out of going because- 4. She essentially demanded we both be there or she’d cut him out of her life. 5. She actually was very happy my daughter was there. As I said before, she was the best baby ever.
I don’t understand this seemingly new focus on all the attention being on the bride. Yes, of course the bride and groom are the main attraction. And I wouldn’t dress in a bizarre or showy way to focus all eyes on me through out the entire day. But where I’m from people do dress up for weddings. We put on our best to honor and celebrate the occasion. Often we buy new outfits and try to coordinate with our date and families. Why can’t everybody look their best? As long as the bride is the only one in white, everyone else just exchanges pleasantries to acknowledge other outfits they notice or like especially. This doesn’t take away anything from the bride or the bridal party.
That's how I kept it at my wedding. No white, no costume, show up as fancy as you please. But I guess this is different and being polite apparently bites me back this time🤷🏻♀️
I hope you and your family have a wonderful time. Nothing is cuter than a toddler girl in a puffy princess dress! Enjoy it while you can. Time will fly by and soon she will only wear what she wants, not what Mom wants.
Yes I definitely will enjoy it no matter what. Thank you🥰
I get that there is the "no white except the bride" thing but I never understood it. Are there strangers coming to the wedding that would have no idea who the bride is? I didn't care what color my MOH, groom, or his BM wore, let alone the guests. None of us matched. But if someone wore white (and maybe someone did - who remembers that stuff?) I wouldn't care because everyone knew that I was the bride.
She waited 2 months to say no to the dress. She's in competition with a 3 yo. Tell your husband go to the wedding and you can't find another dress last minute. Get your daughter dressed in her princess dress and book a mommy daughter tea date. NTA
Great idea, might be doing that 😇
It sounds like the Bride has suddenly decided your daughter is going to look super cute and take all the attention off her. She can't give a reason why she doesn't like the dress so there shouldn't be a problem. The thing is though that it's going to cause animosity on the day and sour your relationship with your fsil and through her your bil. Youre not the arse if you don't change the dress, but it may cause on going issues.
Bil still absolutely thinks the dress is cute and approves. They talked and she is telling him the same thing, she just doesn't like it anymore. Bil said that we're totally okay if we stick with the dress especially since there's no reason and it's such a shirt notice. As weird as it sounds he is already kind of used to her not being the biggest fan of his family and he thinks that she might just act that way because I am way more involved with them.
I wish a whole heap of luck to you with her, she sounds like she's going to be ... irritating.
Thank you😇
I'm surprised she hasn't asked what you're wearing now?
She is already irritating; this is just the start.
That's a nice word :)
Sounds a little like a power move. If he’s close to family and she’s already pulling crap like this everyone is in for a rough ride here. Most people like that wait until after the wedding. Your daughter is a guest so you shouldn’t need approval on what to wear as long as it meets the requested dress code. It was nice of you to ask. You tried to be considerate. And she waited too long. Who cares if she likes it or not? Do all brides have to “like” everything everyone wheats to their wedding in her culture?? Did she do this to anyone else? BIL should take a second to think about this one lol.
It’s good that he’s standing his ground on this. Maybe there’s hope that he won’t become her doormat after all!
For now he always stands his ground when it comes to family I just pray that doesn't change...
Did I read somewhere in the string of comments that the sister-in-law is from another culture? If so, you can bet, that’s where the interference is coming from. Put your darling daughter in that dress and go have fun as a guest.
yeah its a power move. its hard to imagine thinking a 3 year old will steal the show.
Let’s hope she won’t suddenly decide she doesn’t like her husband to be before the wedding. Or after it. I wish more little kids wore big poufy dresses. They are adorable.
I mean, if she's like this about a three year old's dress, then maybe it's best for everyone if she *does* decide before the wedding that she doesn't like him
The fact that she doesn’t like the dress is not enough of a good reason to demand that you spend money to find another dress on a rush. Be polite by any means but tell her that unfortunately you cannot find another dress on such a short notice.
And he's still marrying her??
Yes, the issues aren't THAT big. Just some disagreement and he was always willing to stand up to it. I guess she had reasons for it, this is the only thing were he absolutely doesn't understand her.
You can try telling her that you did not ask if she likes the dress. You asked if it was appropriate for her culture and color scheme.
I would say this to her “If you don’t like her dress, why don’t you buy the outfit for her. Here are her sizes XYZ. Make sure to send here first as kids clothing sizes are kind of wack. Hope it arrives in time and fits. Send me the tracking info when you get it.”
It is already causing issues. They don't have another dress. It takes time to buy/get delivered another one and they don't have the time. It takes money and they might not have the money. It takes toddler approval (I am taking about 3 yo, not FSIL here) and it could be hard to get the approval, especially if the toddler already wants _this dress_. So the options they have: 1) going to the wedding in this dress. Bride will be furious. 2) going to the wedding in any of her day-to-day dresses, probably with images of Minnie Mouse, or dinosaurs, or writing like "Princess Sassy Pants". Bride will be furious. 3) not going to the wedding. Bride will be furious, BIL will be upset. Which one is the lesser of the three evils?
Also toddlers outgrow their clothes so fast! If they get another dress they now have a pouffy green dress that the little girl might outgrow before she ever had a chance to wear it even once
I have a feeling she didn’t care till someone told her she should. And then changed her mind. For example her mom or grandmother or a bridesmaid said something to her about the dress. I see so many posts of on the weddings subs that ask similar questions. They are all along the lines of: “Someone made a comment to me and now. I didn’t know this would be an issue. Is it? Am I suppose to care.”
I mean it could be the case but then why not just say so?
Because it’s embarrassing for a grown woman to say “mom told me this is a completely inappropriate dress and I don’t have the guts to stand up to her”…?
Maybe but then just come up with something or say it's a family issue or something, I don't know😂😅
I'm honestly thinking the same thing. She didn't think much of it, showed it to her parents/close family, and someone made a big issue out of it and pressured her into asking you to change it. I would ask her 1) if she has a reason, 2) that "I don't like it" is not a reason, 3yo is your daughter not hers + now it's a bit late to change her mind 3) that if there is an underlying issue related to her culture you would have liked her to voice it earlier, and that now you're not gonna change anything unless she comes up with a really, really good point of why you shouldn't let your daughter wear her tiny cute princess dress. ETA : reading comments, that or she is being an AH for some reason idk, would still ask just to make sure
She doesn't have a reason (other than not liking it which tbh now I don't care anymore) Multiple people have said it has nothing to do with culture and that this is a dress they would expect on a little one especially the grooms niece/goddaughter.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with the dress, bride's shouldn't get to dictate what guests wear...unless it's formal, black tie...
If she won’t give you a reason, then you can’t find a different dress, because you don’t know what’s “wrong” with this one. That also suggests someone else prompted her, someone who didn’t give her a useable reason either.
THIS. She talked to someone. If she actually called the OP an AH, that’s terrible,
Bingo
So the bride is worried about being upstaged by A 3 YEAR OLD????? How pathetic can she be... All 3 of you should skip the wedding, my husband would have never put up with a family member calling me names and neither should yours. See where his priorities really lie.
He was angry with her but he can't skip the wedding he is his brother's best man
NTA. Your daughter can wear the dress you bought. There was no need to get approval in the first place. If your daughter is not in the wedding, the bride shouldn't get to decide what she wears. I don't know why all of a sudden brides think they have any say in what their guests wear, as long as it's not a wedding dress.
I asked because there's a cultural difference and I just didn't want to be rude or ignorant to her traditions guess it's biting me in the ass now🤷🏻♀️😂
I get that, but... Her deciding that your daughter can't wear the dress has nothing to do with her culture. She's just being controlling. Wedding guests are not props. If this were me, I'd ask her to send me a picture of a dress she considers appropriate. Then, tell her I'd take that into consideration and dress my daughter in the original dress.
What culture says little girls can’t wear pretty dresses to weddings? I’m not sure I’m aware of that being a thing in any culture!
I mean I now learned that apparently there's an old superstition saying green on weddings attracts fairies that kidnap the bride, but 1 not in her culture and 2 this usually is just for bridesmaids.. Please don't be angry if I butchered it somehow I just learned it today from a different Reddit user🙈
Well I am doing alright four years on and I my wedding dress was green lol😂
Maybe everyone needs to wear green for that superstition into come true.
If she can't give you a reason why she doesn't like it, then how can you avoid whatever the issue is in the first place? I wouldn't buy a new dress.
Just ignore the drama and have your daughter wear the dress Sil sounds like she has wedding jitters, on top of her apparently difficult personality. It sounds like she is also jealous of your long term friendship with the groom. I wouldn’t say anything more on it to either bil or sil, and just attend and enjoy the wedding. Do this because your bil doesn’t need the stress on his big day From perspective of US culture, there’s nothing wrong with an extremely frilly dress for a toddler. And certainly nothing wrong with the color of light sage green
I think I'm gonna so just that. And she and others have confirmed it's not about culture.
NTA - if you want to keep peace then pop into a local discount store and buy a non fancy cotton print sundress in a neutral color. If there are any comments why she is so plainly dressed - bride did not like the dress you had and there was not time to buy anything else. If you want to poke the bear with a stick, buy one in a color that will clash wildly with her color/theme.
Alas, I'm not nearly as nice as you....I'd go right on out and get the closest mom version of the three-year-old's dress and wear that to the wedding hand-in-hand with my daughter.......and, OP, I do have the seamstress skills to do that for you if there's still time. I don't like bridezillas.
Just don’t wear white, don’t look like a slob or skank..otherwise you’re good! The bride doesn’t get to dictate what the guests wear. I wouldn’t discuss this any further with her & do not purchase another dress
Is this a battle you want to stand on the hill for? So your SIL is being a b~tch. You learn a valuable lesson: you don't ask permission Your Life Isn't Up For A Vote. You know your little girl is going to look fabulous no matter what she wears.
Always better to ask for forgiveness after the fact instead of asking for permission before said fact
I guess so I just didn't want to be ignorant since I know how hard it can be living in a place that has a different culture but you just wanting to include you culture and share it.
This might be one of those instances where being polite and considerate bites you in the ass. You were overly considerate of her, and now she’s inconsiderate to you by back tracking her original okay. I’m petty enough to ask for reimbursement for a new dress if it’s such a big deal for A 3 YEAR OLD to look adorable in a dress.
Exactly...
NTA I wouldn’t buy a new one. She’s being ridiculous.
“ If you’d like to provide address that be great or tell me exactly what you’re looking for an address for my daughter that be great but otherwise we’re gonna keep what we have”
NTA. You gave them a chance to comment on the dress and I would tell them at this point you can’t return the dress nor do you have the time to go find another one and hope it’s approved. I’d guess the bride is getting a little crazy so close to the wedding but it doesn’t mean you have to be on the roller coaster with them. I’d communicate your answer to your BIL and leave it at that.
Bil knows our opinion and my husband already told him that we are most likely going with that dress. Bil is 1000% fine with it and also doesn't understand his wife to be when it comes to this
Hold up! She was able to call you an a hole but not able to tell you why she didn’t like the dress anymore? That’s dumb. I’d show up with my daughter wearing a cute white princess dress. Then call me an a hole and see how that’ll work out for her.
Need something to be mad about, I'll give you something to be mad about.😂😂 Haven't thought of that tactic yet😂😂😂
This. OP will be escorting Queen Elsa of Arendelle to the wedding.
I apologize if this doesn’t land well, but the whole time I’m reading all of this I can’t get the Blue Oyster Cult classic out of my head… you know the one. “History shows again and again How nature points out the folly of men Bridezilla!” Need I say NTA? Oh, my heavens, what shall we do, someone might confuse a 3 year old in a pretty dress with a flower girl!! ::shudder:: If bride wants to buy the new dress, okay, otherwise it’s inappropriate to decide inexplicably 2 months later and with short notice that she just doesn’t like the little one’s dress. Respect to BIL for keeping it real. I hope you have an amazing excellent day and if Bride gets weird let it slide off like Teflon. Not your monkeys, not your circus.
Without knowing why she doesn't like that dress it would be really hard to pick a different one. She needs to tell you what she wants or shut up. Is it the puff, is it the color, what is it that she doesn't like so you know why to replace it and with what. Seems dumb to just be like "no" and have zero explanation. You were really kind for asking her anyway, it's a baby no one cares what a baby wears they are cute all the time.
Tell her no
There’s a reason they’re called bridezillas.
What a preschooler wears to a wedding is a complete non issue wtf.
These crazy marriage things are hysterical nightmares. Pretending to control even how a three yo girl dresses up is insane.
It is a very pathetic woman who is worried about being upstaged at her wedding by a three-year-old 😳 I have secondhand embarrassment for her.
My mother has a lot of superstitions - no pearls (angel's tears), no white in hair (signifies death) - and everything is higher stakes at weddings and family events when there are judgmental family members and friends there... You've said that the bride-to-be and friends say that it is NOT cultural ..... But, in that case... what's the issue? You can only guess so much. I would hope that, if you couldn't speak with the fiance, you could talk to Bil "I really want to respect __'s wishes but I don't know what's wrong with the dress. Even if I could buy a new dress, how will I know if that dress is "right" or if I'm just making the same mistake or if it's "worse"? --- It sounds like a crazy situation... Weddings give me a headache... I would put my kid in a different dress - maybe poufier and more princessy? Just kidding --- Good luck OP (Maybe pajamas if it's a night party; swimsuit if it's a day party --- or maybe your child's last halloween costume? )
Unless your daughter is in the wedding, her dress doesn’t matter. Say you’ve already purchased the dress, and that’s what she’s wearing. That said, expect to have a prickly relationship with her. She is a Bridezilla, and they tend to hold grudges when they don’t get their way.
She is not in the wedding, just a guest. I'm already expecting her to not be happy no matter the decision I make
NTA to a bridezilla. Let your daughter wear the dress and let bridezilla GTFO it :) screw the witch!
Send your daughters size etc to the Sil and say 'over to you' to buy what you need her to be in!
Tell her to purchase whatever dress she wants your daughter to wear and she’ll wear it.
I bet they tell her she can't come if they put her in that dress your sister in-law is the AH here
Won't happen, the groom would not agree
NTA. She’s upset as your daughter will get more attention than her! Tell her the 3 of you will go shopping & she can buy her a cute dress
I asked her to pick a different one she refused with the reasoning of it being to stressful this close to the wedding
This is a dance monkey dance request. She's on a power trip or trying to make you skip the wedding so she can hold it against you later.
OP is your daughter’s dress a flower girl dress? That may be the issue. I personally wouldn’t choose this hill to die on.
It's not, it just has a tulle skirt.
She probably won’t even notice or care by the day of the wedding. I definitely wouldn’t go buy another dress. She’s crazy to tell guests what to wear! Maybe someone she knows kids are wearing the same thing? I dunno but her request is ridiculous!
NTA. SIL waited MONTHS to tell OP that she changed her mind!? Hell no. If it matters that much, she can pay OP for a new dress.
Why the fuck so people think they get a say on what their guests wear to their weddings?
As a rule of thumb, if you can’t tell someone why they need to do something, you should not be asking them to do it
This crap is just out of control. It's a wedding. Just a wedding. Guests should decide what they wear. That's it.
NTA Sounds like somebody got in her head about it… maybe saying that it might resemble a flower girl dress or something? Which by the by, is just silly XD It’s already been approved, and you expect a little girl to wear an adorable little girl dress to a wedding.
She doesn’t like it? That‘s it? Tough cookies. Unless she has the $$$ for a new dress.
I don't think she's going to be dictating what every other guest will be wearing so she can pound sand. NTA
NTA but the future sil is. Just tell her she responded too late to return it (after she approved!) and you are not going to waste money on a dress she can’t use and was bought for a specific purpose (their wedding). Has she given any rational reason as to why this dress is not acceptable?
No just her changing her mind, not even the groom knows why or what changed it. He still says the dress is cute and that she should wear it.
State you would like more clarification than your child needs a new outfit because as far as you are currently aware your toddler daughter is neither bridesmaid or flower girl. It could be concern that you and your daughter's matching outfits might be an attention grabber. How long do you have before the wedding. Last time someone kept telling me anything is fine but not that or that I sent that person a picture of me wearing what I dub as my final offer dress. Its a lovely dress with repeated dinosaur print. I got told my original option would be perfect.
That pretty bad when a bride is worried about a 3 year old out princessing her at her wedding. Tell her she can wear the little tiara that came with your daughter’s dress if that helps.
You and your daughter should suddenly get real sick the day of the wedding. Then get dressed up and hang out at home doing fun stuff
Sounds like a her problem to me, especially since your daughter is not part of the wedding party.
Wow. The stories people immediately go to and assign motivation and intent to the bride: she doesn’t want competition from a 3 year old, she is worried about not having the attention. That’s all made up and no one here knows why that suddenly became important to the bride. I would rather say, while not fully comprehending why it is important, it clearly is, so if it’s still possible with reasonable effort, try and find a white dress. A show of kindness can go a long way. I once learned from a wise friend that comprehension is not a requirement for acceptance. And once the wedding is over, go and address the strong reaction to an alternative choice of dress. It certainly didn’t warrant to be called an AH. It seems there is already antagonism between you two. Now is your chance to break through this and take the first step.
Nta sounds like she is worried about being upstaged by a toddler ewwww
This trend of guests sending a photo of your dress to the bride for approval is ridiculous.
Nah fuck the bride. She said it was okay. Now you have the dress. If she wants to buy your kid a dress let her but you sure as hell don’t need to
Is she jealous of a 3-year-old? Nta I'm not sure I'd even attend.
Is she… jealous of your toddler? I’m confused. I would probably just put her in a different dress to avoid causing drama on the wedding day - since you *know* it will at least mildly upset the bride. But NTA at all. Maybe you can borrow something or she can wear another outfit you already own.
The bride will probably have a problem with whatever the OP puts her daughter in. She probably didn’t want kids and her groom wanted his niece at the wedding, so she’s causing problems.
Haha I did legit have the same thought. Like… if she’s worried the toddler will take attention, then the toddler likely will no matter what due to being cute and also potentially loud/whiny etc.
Does it look like it could be a bridesmaid/flower girl dress?
You folks obviously don’t read the wedding sub
NTA but I wonder if someone on her side got the same dress and she’s trying to avoid having a conflict with it and keep the peace with her side by trying to get you to change your daughters
I wouldn't know who since there's not gonna be another kid, the next youngest person is brides sister who is 13/14 and a bridesmaid
Then I guess she’s competing with a 3yo lol although to be fair any 3 year old in a tux or fancy dress is going to outshine anyone lol
They for sure are little spotlight stealers😂😂
Unless she’s a flower girl or is something else in the wedding party, she gets no say in what your daughter wears. I’d say to her if she wants her to wear something else, she can buy it. NTA
She’s 3! She can wear a trash bag and it shouldn’t matter. Nta and they need to focus on more important things.
Updateme
Just dress her in clothes she already have, not necessarily festive.
NTA
NTA we need to start standing up to these crazy bridezilla
What official capacity is your daughter performing at the wedding? I'm confused as to why the bridezilla was sent a photo of the dress ? Is she performing something as part of a group & needed to coordinate colours?
NTA. I wouldn’t do anything and just tell her that I tried to return it but it wasn’t an option and since it’s been 2 months since they both approved it that’s what the baby girl is going to wear and sorry for the inconvenience that may cause. Then go radio silent and don’t answer to anything until she’s completely done sending messages and trying to reach out to you to make you change your mind (if she does).
Nah. No way. Bridezilla is freaking out shortly before the date.
NTA, but is it possible it looks like her wedding dress? Minus the color obviously. When we took my niece to pick out a flower girl dress she tried on one that looked almost exactly like my dress and I had to veto it.
NTA Your daughter is going to end up cuter than some other girl and she doesn't want that.
Nta. “It’s your wedding and you deserve to have the wedding you envisioned. I’m sure whatever dress you decide to buy for her she’ll look great in.” If she wants a different dress she can pay for it.
Is your daughter in the wedding party? Like a flower girl or something? If so, I can see why the bride would approve the dress. Regardless, the bride approved it so you bought it. NTA If she wants to change her mind then she can buy her future niece a new dress. You don't even know what she disliked about the one you bought. Send the bride your daughter's size. Since you paid for the first dress that she approved, she can pay for the next. Dear Bride, Your future niece wears a little girls size X in a dress. I will be happy to dress her in whatever her auntie buys for her to wear at her wedding. It's so fun choosing clothes for her. Her shoe size is X.
NTA I am 67 years old, and I would love to know what the hell is going on with all these crazy wedding rules now days. No one can wear anything that has even a little white in it..everything has to be cleared through the bride?? This " bride" is obviously afraid she's going to be up staged by a toddler...That is just ridiculous. Put that baby in the dress and I'm sure she will be beautiful!
Talk about BRIDEZILLA!!!! She has no decision making capability about what YOUR daughter wears to her wedding. There's only one thing that matters....whether your daughter likes the dress
I’m having trouble seeing how anything a three year-old wears could impact the wedding, that bride sounds like a real piece of work. I am so sorry she pulled this on you.
She's upset about what a 3 year old is wearing? Wtf?
NTA. If she doesn’t give you a reason, then how are you even supposed to buy a new dress that she finds suitable?? What if she doesn’t like it either? Absolutely ridiculous.
You have to update us after the wedding.
Shes a 3 year old lol she can wear whatever the f she wants at a wedding. Nta.
Could she have shown it to one of her family members and they decided they had to have the same dress and now she doesn’t want your daughter to wear it so her family member can look like the only little princess instead of your daughter?
You are not the Ahole, but the wife to be never approved the dress, according to what you wrote here...you stated you sent pictures to the BIL and he said it was ok...yeah, ok by him, he couldn't care less lol. The wife to be was apparently informed later and that is why you're getting the snappy response. I also find it somewhat disturbing that you being called a name was conveyed to you. I'm all for transparency but some things are better left unsaid. This is certainly not a way to start a relationship. However, you and your husband have loyalties to each other and they will to themselves. Just know that at some point, your BIL will choose her over his own family when it comes to some matters. He needs to learn this sooner rather than later.
Get a non-dressy sundress for cheap. Daughtee will be comfortable, and she'll avoid the ire of the Bride, who had better not complain that she's not dressed up enough.
THIS. SHIT. IS. OUT. OF. CONTROL. Are people REALLY out here acting like this? Fucking instagram.
She's three, I think she'll be okay. NTAH
Lol so the bride is feeling jealous/threatened by a 3yo…..
I am so over brides who think not only do they decide what the wedding party wears they decide what the guests wear. It's your wedding day you haven't become the queen it's just a wedding. These women really need to calm down and get a grip.
I personally think if the wedding party attire should be part of the budget.
She doesn't get a say in what your daughter wears. NTA.
Is your daughter in the wedding? If not - the bride has no say and you shouldn’t have even asked.
I wouldn’t have even thought to ask for her approval of what my daughter (or anyone not in the actual wedding party) wears. Why should she even get a say? You’re too kind and definitely NTA.
UPDATE ME
Updateme
UpdateMe
What in the world does it matter what kind of dress a 2 year old wears to a wedding? And why does the bride get a say in it if your daughter isn’t involved in the wedding as a flower girl or ring bearer?!? You really shouldn’t have to be buying an alternate dress for her.
How is a 3year old in a princess dress NOT a great addition to a wedding. You know that kid is going to be twirling and having fun with her dress. That kind of joy should be welcomed.
Do you think perhaps she is trying to make it so you don't show up?
It’s amazing how things can change in 50 years!! I had a lovely wedding and reception. Never crossed my mind to check what anybody was wearing or worried that anyone was going to steal my thunder!! We drank, we ate, we danced and enjoyed every minute of it! Seems like everything I read about weddings these days always has a crazy, entitled, bridezilla in it!
NTA