Again, where did he find the audacity? Is it bottled? Does it form naturally in the liver? Where do I find it???
Why are men like this? It's like they see a woman caring for children and automatically think it's OK to treat women like domestic slaves. Or like they treated their _ex_wives.
In one of my brother's case, it was explicitly taught by both parents.
Mother literally sat us down at the kitchen table to assure us that women are just natural child-carers, and that when men choose to do it, it's exceptional and much more thoughtful.
She plumped his ego and convinced all of us that if a man does domestic work, he deserves so much praise and that women will show so much gratitude and appreciation.
It set him up for a lot of resentment. He did get some increased attention for being a man who knew how to change a diaper, but he didn't get the fanfare he was expecting. He was taught that doing the bare minimum as a parent or babysitter deserved him awe, while the work women did was inferior and expected.
Here are some other direct quotes by BOTH our parents:
"Girls like to lie about rape because they're ashamed of being sluts."
"Girls just aren't mechanically/mathematically/medically/logically minded."
"Girls get hysterical sometimes and need a sharp slap to calm down."
"Girls need stern guidance or they'll get sassy and won't respect your authority."
"Girls find baby care soothing. That's why your sisters get dolls and you get expensive chemistry sets/legos/a car."
"Girls will try to trap you into a relationship by getting pregnant or pretending to."
And so on and so on.
Are all parents with misogynist sons this bad? I don't know, but the audacity is entirely taught and learned.
Some guys learn it on TV or the internet. Some learn it from misogynist friends or employers.
But many people who learn misogyny, no matter what their gender, learn it directly from a caregiver who doesn't mince words. They hate, devalue, and mistrust anyone not a cis-het-man, and they are very clear about it.
I'm betting that most of the lurking trolls on this and other womens' subreddits, those who downvote for a sense of power and mansplain indignantly, were raised exactly like my brother. They're mad that the rest of the world doesn't show them awe just for doing the bare minimum, society doesn't pamper them, women don't worship them for being bare minimum polite, and minorities don't show them the respect to which they feel entitled.
They're everywhere, and they are seethingly resentful. That's why they have the audacity. They're trying to force the world to give them the privilege their upbringing promised.
I'm so sorry your family is that misogynistic. I know firsthand the work you've had to do to be able to value yourself as a whole and complete human, and the friction it creates with family.
You're not wrong about how the audacity is programmed into them, but I have to joke about it or I will scream 🙃
My mother, a single mom, also taught me ALL of that. Unfortunately, it’s all still in my brain because childhood lessons are permanently wired & will always be there in the background.
Women who get beaten love it & ask for it. If they didn’t, they would leave.
Women drivers can’t figure out 4-way stops because they’re not as smart as men.
Women put holes in condoms or lie about bc to trap men.
Women who were raped, deserved it. They were wearing slutty clothing or in a bar or walking alone at night.
Yep. I can keep her bullshit suppressed most of the time but shit like this, racist shit, and being a Trumpster is why I finally went no-contact.
I went no contact with my entire family a decade or so ago. It was the best decision, but I'm still trying to unlearn the crap.
My parents were religious, but had no faith in any deity or spirituality. They used the system for networking and plausible deniability. They fed us the Catholic brand of misogyny, but that was just one of the uses for religion.
One of my brothers is gay and now married. He escaped.
The other brother... he became what we see everywhere on social media:
The disillusioned, angry, entitled cis-het misogynist. Big into gaming and crypto currency, anime, porn, and trolling anyone they view as 'lesser.' He's constantly finding ways to assert dominance over his male-cis-het peers. When he feels wronged, he will stalk social groups of women, vomiting the cruel little misogynist barbs he learned as a child.
He loves petty revenge and will hurt innocent people to get it.
He considers himself smarter than everyone, but he also feels deeply ashamed if a woman shows she's more educated or experienced, and he'll seek ways to bring her down a peg.
Men raised in this toxic misogyny feel entitled to women's labor and attention. They feel entitled to control and dictate the terms of women's free labor. They resent boundaries and find reasons to degrade the quality of even free labor.
And, in my experience, there is no reasoning with them. Their behavior will not improve. They aren't uninformed. They feel entitled to degrade and exploit women because it was hammered into their heads by their families.
So I just cut off misogynists, no matter the gender. They benefit from the patriarchy, bigotry, and bloated self-entitlement.
Starve the bottomless maws.
I (38M) grew up in a rural village in a developing country where women were considered less. They shouldn't work outside the family, raise the children, and be silent. My father refused to teach my mother how to drive because "women learn to drive to go meet their bfs" 😐
I was the only son with an older sister and a younger one. This would normally mean that I would sit on my ass while my sisters would serve me -- this was the norm. However, my mom would split the house chores evenly between the 3 and I learned how to sweep, dust, cook, put laundry, even change nappies. If I ever dared to say anything misogynistic, she would beat the shit out of me. She used to say, in my house everyone is equal.
She did lots of things that I won't detail here. She demanded the same academic performance from all three of us and the same participation in the house. Disrespecting anyone based on gender/age/race was met with a stick. People used to berate her that I would "turn out gay" because she was "forcing me to do women's work" and that my sisters would "become spinsters because they were all day reading instead of "learning to be proper wives" 🤬 She never bulged and stood against everyone.
All theee of us turned great, I think. My sisters are happily married because they chose their husbands based on mutual respect and not taking shit from anyone. They are independent and their husbands love that. They bring the same amount of money home and their husbands do halve the chores cause "my brother always did and does, so that's the norm".
When we got together with my gf (now wife) I had to show her how make the laundry (she never had) and she used to joke that I clean better than her. When we had our daughter, I had to show her how to change nappies (she never had). Now, we split chores in the house evenly, since we work same hours. I usually take the night shifts with the babies since I'm a light sleeper and need less sleep overall. Although the situation is much better now, people still get shocked some times when I take the baby to change his nappy.
I think many problems come from how we raise our children. We am raising our children the same way (without the beating anymore -- different era).
You had a wonderful mother!! You could have turned out like some of these men without her parenting; aside from the beatings LOL (I was beaten too as a child).
How do I find this in a partner, I am genuinely asking. I find this so interesting bc my grandfather was raised like this and he was one of the most egalitarian men I’ve ever seen despite the environment he grew up in
To be honest, 2/3 of the men around my age from my hometown are divorced. They got married expecting to have a mommy instead of a wife. When their demands were not met, it's everyone's fault but theirs.
Unfortunately, women were "groomed" to think they have to serve their husband as well and stay at home. But economy is shit and one salary is not enough and they have to get a job as well.
So, both worlds collided.
I’m sorry your family, especially the one brother, are so horrible! Thank you for explaining something, that I as a grandmother, didn’t understand. It all makes sense to me now.
>Unfortunately, it’s all still in my brain because childhood lessons are permanently wired & will always be there in the background.
This scares me. It feels like no matter how much I learn and grow, the damage is done.
The wiring from upbringing will always be in the background but with work you can create new pathways of thought/patterns that overlap the old. The more you work with the new wiring the stronger it will get until the old dysfunctional patterns become atrophied.
It is a lot of hard work but it does mostly involve self reflectivity and patience which are great life changing skills to give yourself and cultivate no matter the reason 💖
Well said, I wanted to echo a similar message. The old messages, the trauma messages, they loose their power as you discover and learn how to use yours. So, while they're still there kinda and can still be triggered, you gain the power to pause and remind yourself where you are, who you are, and what you know to be true and what you value now.
I keep physical things or like a go-to playlist or old journal entries around that are solid reminders of who I am, what I know, and what I value now around as reminders when old triggers come up or I'm in an emotional flashback. I've kinda lost track of myself recently due to my living situation, but every now and then I find a way to really feel like myself again.
I'm able to see everything SO clearly when I feel like that. So when I feel like that, I write what I know to be true now and how I see the situation I'm dealing with so when I'm spiraling or in a gaslighting confusion fog later, I can look back at it and connect to it. It helps ground me in reality when everything else feels uncertain.
I'm not wanting to downplay what you're saying & how awful or deep childhood memories/ways of thinking are, but it is possible to rewire your thinking as an adult.
It is certainly possible, but you have to want it, and it's a lot easier blaming other people for your failures than it is to look inward. Which is why so many guys go down that path, it's just easier than confronting a harsh truth.
I mean... In the context of childhood abuse/trauma/very poor parenting, I think it's super fair to blame the actual people responsible, which usually is not the child.
But it being their fault doesn't mean I don't have to deal with the consequences of their actions if I want to be a good, kind, compassionate person.
But I definitely have days where I just get so frustrated and angry that like, none of this was my fault, but it's still something I need to heal from.
My dad always wanted a boy and on his 5th try, he finally got one. 4 girls and a little brother. From a very young age he lacked guidance as to what being a boy meant and around the time he was 5 he started wanting to wear pretty dresses to church like his sisters got to. This of course earned him a swift beating and some special guidance from my dad, all of which was misogynistic and along the same lines as what your brother was taught.
He grew up to be gay. My dad disowned him for it. The irony of it was delicious. After all those years of hearing how inferior women are and how great men are, how could he choose to be with women? Of course he picked men! (Obviously I know it isn't a choice, but that's not what the Bible belt fascists believe.) It's been more than a decade since I spoke to my dad and if I get lucky it'll last for the rest of my life.
Holy shit. I have two (very young) sons. My entire mission is to raise them to be empathetic, sensitive, caring, self-sufficient humans. I cannot fathom raising them the way you describe… they help us with sweeping, cooking, laundry etc because hello, that’s just basic life skills. Yes my toddler gets applause when he does chores because he’s 2, but my husband sure doesn’t.
Reading this comment makes me even more committed to changing the patriarchy from within (even if it’s just my two sons).
As an empathetic man who helps cook, clean, raise kids etc... Let me just say that occasionally reading through 2XC has been terribly EYE OPENING. I naively thought that in the year 2023, men like me were more than norm than not. Sadly this seems to not be the case.
I too am raising my two boys to be respectful, kind, self sufficient people. Be the change you wish to see I guess...
The wonderful thing that some parents don't necessarily consciously realize about teaching their sons empathy, sensitivity, caring, and self-sufficiency, is that's a ticket to a really fulfilling, connected life in so many ways. I wish all parents of boys knew this. I wish they all raised their boys as you are raising yours. Your children are lucky to have you ❤️
Why do you think your mom co-signed this?
I have an aunt and uncle like this. They both worked full-time, and he liked to brag that he’d never changed a diaper or turned on a stove in his life. She saw it as a point of pride, that she “took care” of him.
Not the slapping though, my granddaddy would’ve beat the shit out of him and she would’ve moved back home. Or the rape comments. They were traditional, but not trashy.
Those are the exact men that try to get remarried immediately after becoming divorced or widowed because they *literally* do not know how to take care of themselves. I had an older neighbor who started dating this guy in his 60s. He had gotten divorced less than 6 months earlier and he was trying to convince her to move in with him. She was telling me her wake up call came when she was really sick and wanted some plain buttered noodles and asked him to make them for her. The first question (of many) he asked was, “how much water do I need to put in the pot?” and she said it was like someone dumped cold water on her. The dude didn’t even know how to boil water!
That’s crazy. To my uncle’s credit since my aunt died he hasn’t dated anyone else and doesn’t want to, in spite of the church ladies pushing him. And his house is neat as a pin, he was in the Marines, and always did the cleaning and laundry. Maybe because of the Marines he found cooking and childcare emasculating but cleaning was not. When I visit he does *my* laundry and folds it in perfect squares. Still, since my aunt died he’s never prepared anything more than a sandwich. His fridge is cold cuts and soda and he mostly eats fast food and candy. Takes care of himself in every other way. Says he’s just playing golf waiting around to re-meet my aunt in heaven.
I wonder if it becomes an odd sort of validation to be "needed" by an incompetent male partner? Everyone wants to feel valued, so maybe some women's sense of self-worth gets so warped that they don't know how to experience being valued outside of servitude. Goodness knows plenty of men are upset these days because women don't "need" men financially anymore, so maybe for some women, their egos get so wrapped up in their domestic roles that if their husbands suddenly started doing their fair share, they (the women) would stop feeling needed. That without that, they'd have no clue who they were or what they'd do with themselves.
Geezus. 😳 I'm so glad my husband wasn't raised that way. I'm not sure how many diapers his Boomer dad changed when his kids were little (he never offered to change any grandkid diapers so I'm guessing he hasn't done much diaper duty in general), but aside from that he's a very good dad, better than many men of his generation. He and my MIL used to work alternate shifts so that someone was always home with the kids, and to this day my husband and his dad are quite close. Much more so than I ever was with my own father.
In turn the hubby has always been a very hands-on dad, too. He absolutely sucks at wrapping gifts and planning vacations and stuff like that (he's working on it), but when it comes to making dinner, packing lunches, taking kids to medical appointments and whatnot, he does it all and would find it very weird if I suddenly started treating him like a hero over a half-assed job of folding laundry. I'm really sorry you grew up in a home like that, and with your mother being such an enabler. I feel sorry for your brother's SO, too. Your parents really set her up for a lifetime of disappointment and frustration, as do all parents who fail their sons in this way. 😕
Whenever my late mother would start up with her gender roles BS I would always reply that I had no idea that having male genitalia meant you were incapable of doing domestic tasks (to put it nicely).
It’s called male entitlement and it’s a trait of toxic masculinity, you know the type of male behavior our society rewards. It’s why women are choosing to be single and/or childless. Then they still have the audacity to blame us for their loneliness because it’s our fault that we can’t tolerate their toxic behavior.
I was in a puritan cult until about 2008. We didn't even have electricity. But Google tells me that's like the bargain bin full of broken items at the dollar store!
As someone with PCOS (too much testosterone) I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Acne, hair loss, ovarian cysts…WHERE IS MY PROMISED AUDACITY.
Men believe anger and force are the primary ways for them to get what they want. Men genuinely think they can control people with their dominant aggression. It's due to a lack of ability to process emotions and understand their own feelings. They default to anger and aggression because it's all they know.
Hypothesis: Audacity is stored in the balls.
Test: If you encounter someone who is displaying an excess of audacity, try applying pressure to the balls to reduce audacity.
Observation: Subject became dramatically less audacious after applying blunt force to the balls.
Conclusion: Audacity is stored in the balls.
Just wow. As a 70s kid. We lived in a closed of area with 10 other houses.
So I knew every adult there. And would chat with most. I'd often spend hours chatting in a neibours garden about different thing they were into.
The idea that my mother or father would assume it was free baby sitting. Is insane. Every now and then they would check up to see if the adult was bothered by me. At that age I was way more extravert them either parent. (Grew out of that)
But the idea that someone is willing to take charge of a kid. With no communication from a parent.
What the hell are these guys smoking.
"Stop teaching my child about shrooms or I won't use you for free baby sitting anymore!"
"OKAY. Don't use me for free babysitting anymore!"
*CONFUSED SCREAMING*
Wowwww what the fuck. If someone came at me and told me to behave I probably would have lost my shit. I most certainly would not have behaved 😂. You did the right thing though. That's fucking crazy and I wonder if that's how he parents his kid too :(. Yikes.
Wow, you should post this story on choosing beggars. The audacity of some people. But if you find out where to buy some, let me know, I could use a raise too lol! That’s a really nice thing you’re doing for single moms 💖
I'm afraid to put this in a general reddit sub since I'm prioritizing my safety by excluding men. Even with precedent, I just know what those comments are going to look like 😅
Even after stripping the story of any sex/gender/marital status references - it is still one of the most *insane* examples of delusional entitlement I have ever heard of. To just drop off kids at the home of someone you have never met, let alone spoken to - and to do so without even verifying they are home!?!? You really hit the nail on the head - that was Child Abandonment - no two ways about it. Its really no different that had they dropped their kids off outside a licensed daycare facility, before it was open, having never talked to anyone at the facility, or made any arrangements for their child's care... "The Audacity" is just the tip of the iceberg. That seems like the instruction manual for how to get your kids taken away
Yeah, I mean I totally get it, it’s not like you don’t want to help men, but some men don’t like to hear the word “no”. It is your prerogative how, and in what ways, you lend your help to others, and you are under no obligation to watch anyone’s kids. Entitled people would like to have you believe that they are entitled to your time, and that’s just laughably, and simply, not the case.
Anyone who is willing to drop their kids off at a strangers door with no prior coordination shows shit judgment and shouldn’t be a parent. Good on OP for helping where she can.
It costs nothing to be a decent person, and it sounds like this dude needs to take a few lessons in being a decent person.
I can't even imagine. My son elopes. I only trust him with me and his Dad. I left him with a very trusted neighbor for an hour when I was dying with Noro Virus and he (my son) just left. The neighbor is a great parent and has three kiddos. They just aren't used to a kiddo who disappears (even after I warned them). I can't even imagine the audacity of someone just leaving their kids at a random person's door! That person could be selling those kids to the highest bidder!! WTF!!!
I hate when men say "not all men" to dismiss and shit on me for being wary, cautious, and distrustful of men, because yeah, sure, not *all* men. But sure do be a hell of a lot of them.
Oh no, worrying about being attacked or abused is silly because it "doesnt happen" and any time it does, she was asking for it, 100%. Being afraid to walk outside alone at night? Silly. Clearly just overreacting and dont have very very good reasons why i need to be cautious and afraid
It's actually the men who are oppressed because their feelings get hurt when a women walks across the street to be away from the person twice their weight, in the middle of the night, with nobody else around.
If the men never forced themselves into her home and acted like she owed them attention, OP would probably still be helping dads too.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
>Yeah, I mean I totally get it, it’s not like you don’t want to help men, but some men don’t like to hear the word “no”.
Proof of your statement r/whenwomenrefuse.
Same thing with emotional support and compliments. They only want those things from women, even though they claim it's not sexual. If these things weren't really sexual to them then they'd be fine offering them to each other instead of whining about women refusing.
Fucking this. Exactly this.
A little off topic but when guys bitch about how they so sad and horny and sex isn't a big deal, well guess who's tone changes when I ask why they aren't hooking each other up with bjs.
If women can build community to support each other, men can and should fucking do it to. Because my god the amount of harm they suffer from their own self imposed culture of isolation and silence is fucking wild. And then they have the audacity to blame it on women.
LOL I used to run a nerdy ladies-only meetup and we rented a comic book store multipurpose room. There was a magic card dude group finishing up their game when we went in with our food, plates, drinks, flowers, selfie backdrop... We explained what it was we were doing and they were all mopey like "Duhhh I wish I could go to something like this... Looks like fun..."
We were like... You could! Go plan your own! Your literally doing it right now by playing magic cards, just bring some food and drink to share! Sheesh
Oh geez, my cheating ex is a huge MTG nerd. He never acted happy with it either. My girlfriends and I would go to trivia nights and have a lot of fun and the guys playing trivia were largely just quiet and looked miserable. I might have liked to try MTG but the guys seemed like such duds I never did.
I play MTG with my partner all the time but flat out refuse to go to any organized events because of how horrendous a solid majority of the player are. And I do mean MAJORITY.
What’s crazy to me is my husband and his all cis male roommates (rural central KY boys) were *the house* to be at for big dinners in college. Friendsgiving was the event of the year, and my husband made the turkey every year. It’s better than my mom’s!!!
Some boys just can’t be bothered to put in the effort. But they totally are capable if only they tried...
It's understandable, and I say this as a man with a child. His behaviour was disgusting, not to mention potentially dangerous for his children. I'm sure you're nice, but unless I know and TRUST you, there is no way I am going to leave my child with you. The only people I would ever leave my child with are close friends and close family.
While I've known some women who are absolutely malicious and dangerous to other people, men are, generally speaking, more dangerous and violent than women. Sadly not everyone knows that "no" is a complete sentence.
And you hit /all anyway so if you have concerns, please take care and be mindful about that.
As a single parent, I couldn't imagine leaving my child at a complete strangers house. He's lucky all you did was threaten but it doesn't sound like he learned anything by your incredibly generous lesson. I hope for the children's sake he realizes he's being a COMPLETE POS and makes some changes. Being a single mother or father is hard but that's no excuse for what he did and how he acts.
You do an amazing and great thing though. I hope good things go your way. Keep being awesome!
Clearly it's a really good policy though. :( I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing for that father to do to his kids. Who does that? Why? It's really beyond my imagination.
You're so lovely to help out the parents who are respectful and appreciative.
I use to babysit for people in my complex if they wanted to go out but had to stop because of creepy single dads I was watching a child and he came back at around midnight drunk to pick his child up and forced his way into my apartment and refused to leave and take his child home once I threatened to call the cops he started screaming at me and woke the neighbors up who did end up calling the police and now I don’t babysit at all anymore for anyone
That's terrifying! I'm glad the neighbors called the police. I've been lucky that the 2 who hit me with my door to push past me were sober and very aware they were in front of other people's children. It still was enough to scare me into excluding men. I'm with you: a drunk man screaming at me and refusing to leave would put me off babysitting all together.
How could a parent just leave their kids in someone’s doorstep? Knowing the person or not, the kids were just left outside in the winter.
OP, there is no way you should of had to call around to get the dads number. At school age, he should have taught his kids his number or had it written somewhere on their school stuff. What the heck would the kid do if abducted or lost?
As for the woman who told him about him the arrangement, she needs to have it explained why you have it for moms only. She’s not taking your concerns seriously.
We have a neighbour that does this. She'll drop her daughter off with anyone, and never comes when she says she will. One neighbour did WeeWatch (a type of daycare here) and she had her daughter enrolled, but they needed to kick her out cause she would drop her off, or pick her up way out of normal hours. Another neighbour said she'd help and would get her on the bus with her kids in the morning, but then she would start dropping her off at life 5am. Another neighbour had just moved in and she asked her to watch her daughter (kids were playing in the backyard) for 30 min while she ran to the store. New neighbour had to wind up taking her with them to a soccer game cause she took too long, then asked them Mom if she could pick her up there cause they were going to visit family after and then to dinner and shes all "Oh...she'll love that!!! Just send her home when you get back!!!" What?? Its fricken crazy lol
I almost wonder if he wanted his kids to get kidnapped or something equally horrible so he doesn't have to deal with them anymore. It's obvious by his abandonment that he doesn't care about them and shouldn't have custody.
I second the thank you! I’m a mom to young kids and even with a husband this shit is hard. Working parents are stretched thin, so it’s a beautiful thing you are doing OP.
Seriously, free childcare like this could make all the difference to those moms’ sanity. 🩵
So gross how the dads hit on you and had to fuck everything up in the first place. Doesn’t sound like the last guy would have tried *that*, but he was just another example of typical male pushiness and entitlement. If you don’t have firm, strict, absolutely unmovable boundaries these insufferable pricks will trample all over you.
I feel very sorry for their children though, can’t be healthy with parents like them
My brother had a friend who would always come and play after school. Then his older brother started getting dropped off as well. My mom thought it was a little strange, but at least they were similar in age and could play together. Then the mother started dropping off the toddler sister too! She would just pull up in her mini van in front of our house drop the kids off and drive away. Bizarre, but my mom drew the line and she stopped dropping them off. We were also feeding these strange children btw. As adults, they came by to thank my mom for caring for them. We really need free birth control in this country.
I was one of those people who always had a house full of teenagers hanging out. They would stay all weekend, every weekend, after school all the time. With the exception of two, none of their parents ever came and introduced themselves! They would just pull up to my house and text their kids to come out when they picked them up. I'm talking from the age of 12 to 18, 6 years!
One time they were being annoying so I told them all to go home. One of them said that his mom wasn't picking him up until 6, I told him that she had made no such arrangement with me and it wasn't my problem.
>I told the moms about it and one did say she explained the arrangement to him, and offered to ask if he was interested. This was the day before he left his kids at a stranger's door. A stranger he'd never met and who wasn't even home at the time. Where can I buy this audacity so I can use it to ask for a raise?
idk but .... call the cops. that guy is a lousy sack of shit
Right, if some children were just dropped off at my door I would call the cops so they can know that they were abandoned at my door. That you don't know them or their parent.
He left them at OP’s doorstep in winter. They could have been there for hours. In some areas they could have frozen to death. This person is an unfit parent and a danger to his children. Their general health and nutrition should be under watch, and their living conditions should be examined. The emotional neglect alone must be awful.
When dropping my kids off at a friend's house, or dropping friends off at their houses after they stayed over...I wait to make sure they get in the house.
This guy shouldn't be looking after kids, but sadly is probably better than what the kids would face in the system.
I always walk to the door with them and make sure everything looks kosher before I relinquish them. Like, so many parents just shove their kids out the car without even fully stopping.
Where do they find the audacity?
It's slowly built up over a lifetime of living in a world catered just for them.
This morning I glanced over at my husband's shirt hanging perfectly on the hanger and thought about how he - a perfectly proportioned man who wears sizes medium or large - is who the hanger was built for.
And I realized that this is why he looks at me like I'm ridiculous because hanging up my shirts after doing laundry is my least favorite chore. Because he has no idea what it's like to live in a world where your closet is too small because you can't reach the second hanging rack, and where your shirts go missing because they fall off the hangers. I looked around the rest of the house with the dawning realization that the house is made for people like him. And that everyday I go through 1000 little frustrations that he doesn't.
When everything around you works for you - whether it's people or buildings - you never even consider that something isn't going to fit your needs exactly. You don't ask a hanger to fit your shirt, why would you ask a woman (whose job is *obviously* to watch children 🙄) to watch children?
This is why I loved *Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men* by Caroline Criado Pérez. I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already!
This is also deadly. Car crash technology was designed with male-only proportioned crash test dummies, so women have a significantly higher chance of being seriously injured or killed, due to the airbag being too close (shorter legs mean the chair is closer), lighter bodies being tossed more and whiplashed, and seatbelts making contact with the throat and not the shoulder.
There is only one EU regulation that requires that a 'female' dummy be used for one type of crash (out of many), but this dummy is actually just a scaled down male-proportioned dummy, and - get this - it's only ever tested *in the passenger seat.*
You described it so perfectly and visually. I never even realised that everything is built for a medium sized man. My legs always hang in all chairs and seats, and it's so uncomfortable that I have to cross my legs to feel more collected. Automatic doors don't always open in front of me and I have to wave my arms feeling ridiculous. Train overhead compartments are too high so are upper shelves in supermarkets. Agh...
i had to reply because i feel this SO HARD. add in being left-handed. people think i’m like larry david always complaining about “nothing” but to me, it’s a million little insults all the time and no one understands!
thank you for understanding ♥️
Sadly, "no good deed goes unpunished". I can appreciate the kindness and generosity of your heart and good intentions, however, it may bite you in the ass down the road. All it will take is one kid getting hurt or hurting another, an allergic reaction, etc....and it will cost you dearly. Please, if you haven't already, make the parents sign a waiver or something of the like, stating that they understand that you aren't liable or obligated to their child's care. Also, tell your mom friends that your intention is to help moms ONLY. Period. No justification, discussion, debate or explanation is required.
I'm not getting paid, so I have that loophole. Where I live, you have to prove intent to harm the child or gross neglect if you're not running a business. I never watch more than 10, no one under 5 or over 14, and I'm rarely out of the room. Everyone stays in the open living room/kitchen area unless they want to go to the bathroom one at a time. I have an epipen, am cpr certified, and have all the parents' numbers in case of emergency. I might get some vicious rumors spread about me, but legally it would take a miracle to actually be in trouble. I explained why I don't deal with men and everyone understood. The one that told him was very, very sorry. Especially after he just left them at my door.
I wish i had this advice growing up. I used to babysit my parents friends kids when they would go out for the night. Its always fun to get a knock and asked by CPS if you have been touching kids cause the old lady across the street didn't understand a guy could babysit as well.
>I say single moms because single dads always try to hit on me and have forced their way into my home to ask me out while picking up their kids.
Fucking *gross*
And then this dude goes ahead and pulls this bullshit
Reading this as a father is wild. Even when I was a single dad, the idea of just dropping my children on someone's doorstep based on an assumption just screams "irresponsible" to me.
Dropping my kid at preschool and leaving them there felt weird af the first few times. I can't even fathom leaving them on a doorstep like an Amazon package.
We're riding the line of low income housing. It's so hard to get kids back if they're put in the system when you don't have the money to fight properly. He claimed he thought I was home all the time. He might be a decent dad outside of being an entitled douche to other adults. If he's not, I'm sure we'll see it in the next year of his lease.
A decent parent would check with you beforehand and vet you as a caregiver personally rather than dumping their kids on the doorstep of someone they have never met.
Nah, no way is he a decent dad. I won’t even let my 13-year-old sleep over at someone’s house without making sure the parents know, and know how to reach me. If there’s a mom, she’d probably like to know if that is going on. Often in custody disputes one parent will demand 50/50 or full custody as a way of getting out of paying child support, then they pull shit like this. I don’t support seeking out drama, but if you happen to get in contact with her it is worth a mention.
As a former CPS-adjacent social worker - thanks for giving him a shot here and continuing to monitor. Your next comment really shows all the thought you put into this. You are thinking it's an honest (yet idiotic) mistake and keeping an eye.
I hope there's a lot of prevention programs near you that could intervene if he does need help. Most neglectful parents are unintentionally so, it's either lack of knowledge and/or resources.
I'm sure he would've cared after they went missing while he says he never imagined this could happen. Men don't think like women do because men are the biggest predators women and children face. They don't have to worry about their safety every day, so they forget to worry about everyone else's safety.
Most men. Some men have the complete opposite problem where they're aware other men are predators and are typically stronger than women - and definitely stronger than children - and become overprotective of everyone who's not another man.
Because he knew she might say no, just dumping his kids on a total stranger's doorstep means he doesn't have to get consent of a 'yes' and gets his own way.
It’s weird that the woman that told him also mentioned that you only do it for women. If she went as far as to include that information she knew that fact but told him anyway? Unfortunate call of judgment on her end.
She didn't put 2 and 2 together. She just thought only moms were asking for help because male pride. It was an honest mistake from someone trying to help on her end and she was very upset with him after. Now she understands why it's just women.
It’s an incredibly helpful service you’re providing for the moms. I’m happy to hear you’ve let them all know, so that doesn’t happen again. I feel for his kids, he sounds like a real POS.
As my mom used to tell us: *I can show you better than I can tell you.*
You’ve had a clear conversation with him, so go ahead and call the police if he does it again.
Oh definitely. Once is idiocy. Twice means he doesn't respect me or care for his children's safety. I don't want to risk putting them in the system, but he is going to learn one way or another.
Wow, he must really love his kids.
"There is, allegedly, someone who will look after children, so I'll just drop them at their PARKING LOT, *just in case* they will pass by that spot today, and then just automatically assume it's their responsibility to look after my offspring.
They were at least at my door. My parking space is close to my door so I saw them as soon as I pulled in. But I wasn't home. He didn't even wait until someone answered the door. He just assumed the world would shift to pick up his slack.
So wild. What if you had been working late that morning? What if you swung by a friend's house for a few hours after work? His kids would be freezing out there for hours. What a shitty dad.
Wow fuck that guy. He is a terrible parent and an idiot. No one who babysits or a babysitting service would ever allow you to just drop off kids without talking to them first.
First off, thank-you for being a wonderful person to your neighbours and community! I'm so sorry that there are men who have tried to take advantage of your kindness.
As a single mum, I think we've all been there for how the dads can be predatory or try to use women for free childcare. Many dads I've known would try to have extra long playdates or sleepovers on their weekends at my house, often showing up hours later than they were supposed to, unreachable.
I've posted before about 'Playdate Dads' and how they often will act like they are on a date with their kids' friends' mums when kids are playing together. I've had dads show up without their kids when we had a playdate scheduled, to see if I wanted to have a private sleepover with them and a bottle of wine. I've also had dads drop their kids off without asking me, to someone who was sitting my own, or been present when they dumped them in the playground for other women to watch, without them being asked first.
I can’t wait to read the incels remarks about this.. oh wait I’m hearing the infamous “not all men” also 🤦♀️
Good for you op. Keep up your good work and thank you!
> Where can I buy this audacity so I can use it to ask for a raise?
This guy doesn't ask for raises he just takes money from his boss and assumes it's OK.
Gosh I can understand your reasoning for not wanting to do it for single dads. I hadn't thought about them hitting on you. But of course they take every chance of hitting on us. A pity for the kids.
Wow, anywhich way that guy was being a jackhole. Even if it was a last minute emergency, you would think he'd try and get in contact or just be a little late to where ever he was going. Truly the audacity, there's nothing else that would make someone behave that way.
Also OP you are awesome and I commend you!
You're an angel for helping single moms like this. We need more ppl like you in the world. And congrats on establishing firm boundaries and prioritizing your safety and well-being. Maybe there's a single man/dad in the complex that you can recruit to help the single dads.
Thank you for at least doing this for single moms. It’s really sad that men have acted the way they have toward you.
If there are any men in this thread, don’t be like these guys
You are incredibly generous with your time to offer that to single moms. I’m sorry about your experience with that guy, I cannot fathom the sense of entitlement, but it’s also gobsmacking that any parent would leave their kids with someone that they don’t know?!
I’m a widow and single mom. I have an amazing toddler, but it’s still so hard and exhausting and my time is so fully subscribed. You have no idea what even a free half hour in the day can mean. Please know that what you are doing for these women is impactful and making their lives easier in really meaningful ways.
This type of entitlement is exactly why you don’t offer services to men anymore. They think they are entitled to your free time, your free body, your free everything. You’re doing a wonderful and charitable thing and as someone who was a single mom for a lot of years, you are an absolute godsend to those women.
Honestly, if men want this same consideration they need to learn to give consideration as well. This guy showed he has none.
"Edit 2: I didn't want to risk putting the kids in the system if he's only moderately neglectful. I've heard a lot of horror stories from people who've been in the system in our area."
This is very smart. Too often I hear how people "don't deserve their kids" but what about what the kids deserve. They don't deserve to be put into system.
Even if it wasn't about "i don't want to deal with men", like honestly this post would get my same response if that wasn't there: It is NEGLECT to dump your kids with a stranger you've never met and not vetted. It's also not how any of this works.
Like, seriously. Y'all know that if you want your kid to attend school, or a summer program at the Y or anything, you need to \*make arrangements\*. You don't just dump your kid the first day of school or the first day of that summer program. Yeah the other moms have an arrangement with you \*BECAUSE THEY MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH YOU\*. You both talked beforehand.
I don't think this dude needs to go to jail or anything but he needs some parenting classes. And maybe a heaping helping of common sense. One, your town can probably arrange. The other....not so much.
>I pulled in to my parking space to see 2 abandoned kids under 10 at my door while it's still winter here.
This whole story is awful, but this part is insane to me, that he wouldn't even wait to make sure they got *into* the place at which he presumed they would be looked after. Those poor kids.
> Being told he has to ask offended him so badly you'd think I'd insulted his grandmother.
I know the situation is awful but this line is hysterical, why are men like this??? I know NoT aLl mEn BUT DEFINITELY TOO MUCH have this weird sense of entitlement regarding women's time and resources. Even if they don't know you/barely know you, they expect you to drop anything and just be there to help them, even at your own detriment. So weird.
Holy fuck.
If mom, or any other family member, is in the picture get their number from his kids and let a responsible adult know what the fuck this jackass is doing.
Like holy shit, what if you were some crazy meth head or a child molester?!
What is this malfunction that so many men seem to have, whereby they appear to not actually view their children as actual human beings?!
You are such a good person to do what you do. As a single mother myself, I wish I had someone like you in my life. I'm so sorry your kindness was abused like that and I feel so bad for those poor kids just being dumped at a stranger's door like they were, I'm just glad it was a decent stranger like you and not a deviant.
Hang on, OP. I haven't read anywhere that you've gotten the Reddit Cares treatment for hurting a mans feel feels. This is an outrage, and I won't stand for it. Lol.
I don't know why I always assumed that single dads, being the ones allowed custody over the mother, would be naturally more empathetic and better communicators. Who the fuck raised these people? Imagine how those kids are going to turn out. "Yeah, man, I just expect women to do things for me because that's what daddy did"
Jfc
He was awful to you, but I am even more concerned about his kids! How many times has he put them in a dangerous situation like this?? I'd have called CPS.
you were a lot nicer than i would have been. i was a babysitter for my female friends. if some strange kids of some strange dad had ever been dumped on me i would have called the police outright. i've known situations where dads have dumped their kids without asking and forgotten them. those kids and you didn't deserve that.
Some people really should not procreate, and that guy is at the top of the list. Why would you willingly dump your kids at the door of a random person YOU DON'T KNOW?! If you were a criminal of any kind he could have put his kids in so much danger! Also the audacity and entitlment to even do it in the first place.
Wow, you’re a very generous person. It’s very commendable what you’re doing for those moms.
I see comments about calling CPS. I think many people don’t understand that CPS could put the children in a much less desirable situation.
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Again, where did he find the audacity? Is it bottled? Does it form naturally in the liver? Where do I find it??? Why are men like this? It's like they see a woman caring for children and automatically think it's OK to treat women like domestic slaves. Or like they treated their _ex_wives.
In one of my brother's case, it was explicitly taught by both parents. Mother literally sat us down at the kitchen table to assure us that women are just natural child-carers, and that when men choose to do it, it's exceptional and much more thoughtful. She plumped his ego and convinced all of us that if a man does domestic work, he deserves so much praise and that women will show so much gratitude and appreciation. It set him up for a lot of resentment. He did get some increased attention for being a man who knew how to change a diaper, but he didn't get the fanfare he was expecting. He was taught that doing the bare minimum as a parent or babysitter deserved him awe, while the work women did was inferior and expected. Here are some other direct quotes by BOTH our parents: "Girls like to lie about rape because they're ashamed of being sluts." "Girls just aren't mechanically/mathematically/medically/logically minded." "Girls get hysterical sometimes and need a sharp slap to calm down." "Girls need stern guidance or they'll get sassy and won't respect your authority." "Girls find baby care soothing. That's why your sisters get dolls and you get expensive chemistry sets/legos/a car." "Girls will try to trap you into a relationship by getting pregnant or pretending to." And so on and so on. Are all parents with misogynist sons this bad? I don't know, but the audacity is entirely taught and learned. Some guys learn it on TV or the internet. Some learn it from misogynist friends or employers. But many people who learn misogyny, no matter what their gender, learn it directly from a caregiver who doesn't mince words. They hate, devalue, and mistrust anyone not a cis-het-man, and they are very clear about it. I'm betting that most of the lurking trolls on this and other womens' subreddits, those who downvote for a sense of power and mansplain indignantly, were raised exactly like my brother. They're mad that the rest of the world doesn't show them awe just for doing the bare minimum, society doesn't pamper them, women don't worship them for being bare minimum polite, and minorities don't show them the respect to which they feel entitled. They're everywhere, and they are seethingly resentful. That's why they have the audacity. They're trying to force the world to give them the privilege their upbringing promised.
I'm so sorry your family is that misogynistic. I know firsthand the work you've had to do to be able to value yourself as a whole and complete human, and the friction it creates with family. You're not wrong about how the audacity is programmed into them, but I have to joke about it or I will scream 🙃
My mother, a single mom, also taught me ALL of that. Unfortunately, it’s all still in my brain because childhood lessons are permanently wired & will always be there in the background. Women who get beaten love it & ask for it. If they didn’t, they would leave. Women drivers can’t figure out 4-way stops because they’re not as smart as men. Women put holes in condoms or lie about bc to trap men. Women who were raped, deserved it. They were wearing slutty clothing or in a bar or walking alone at night. Yep. I can keep her bullshit suppressed most of the time but shit like this, racist shit, and being a Trumpster is why I finally went no-contact.
I went no contact with my entire family a decade or so ago. It was the best decision, but I'm still trying to unlearn the crap. My parents were religious, but had no faith in any deity or spirituality. They used the system for networking and plausible deniability. They fed us the Catholic brand of misogyny, but that was just one of the uses for religion. One of my brothers is gay and now married. He escaped. The other brother... he became what we see everywhere on social media: The disillusioned, angry, entitled cis-het misogynist. Big into gaming and crypto currency, anime, porn, and trolling anyone they view as 'lesser.' He's constantly finding ways to assert dominance over his male-cis-het peers. When he feels wronged, he will stalk social groups of women, vomiting the cruel little misogynist barbs he learned as a child. He loves petty revenge and will hurt innocent people to get it. He considers himself smarter than everyone, but he also feels deeply ashamed if a woman shows she's more educated or experienced, and he'll seek ways to bring her down a peg. Men raised in this toxic misogyny feel entitled to women's labor and attention. They feel entitled to control and dictate the terms of women's free labor. They resent boundaries and find reasons to degrade the quality of even free labor. And, in my experience, there is no reasoning with them. Their behavior will not improve. They aren't uninformed. They feel entitled to degrade and exploit women because it was hammered into their heads by their families. So I just cut off misogynists, no matter the gender. They benefit from the patriarchy, bigotry, and bloated self-entitlement. Starve the bottomless maws.
I (38M) grew up in a rural village in a developing country where women were considered less. They shouldn't work outside the family, raise the children, and be silent. My father refused to teach my mother how to drive because "women learn to drive to go meet their bfs" 😐 I was the only son with an older sister and a younger one. This would normally mean that I would sit on my ass while my sisters would serve me -- this was the norm. However, my mom would split the house chores evenly between the 3 and I learned how to sweep, dust, cook, put laundry, even change nappies. If I ever dared to say anything misogynistic, she would beat the shit out of me. She used to say, in my house everyone is equal. She did lots of things that I won't detail here. She demanded the same academic performance from all three of us and the same participation in the house. Disrespecting anyone based on gender/age/race was met with a stick. People used to berate her that I would "turn out gay" because she was "forcing me to do women's work" and that my sisters would "become spinsters because they were all day reading instead of "learning to be proper wives" 🤬 She never bulged and stood against everyone. All theee of us turned great, I think. My sisters are happily married because they chose their husbands based on mutual respect and not taking shit from anyone. They are independent and their husbands love that. They bring the same amount of money home and their husbands do halve the chores cause "my brother always did and does, so that's the norm". When we got together with my gf (now wife) I had to show her how make the laundry (she never had) and she used to joke that I clean better than her. When we had our daughter, I had to show her how to change nappies (she never had). Now, we split chores in the house evenly, since we work same hours. I usually take the night shifts with the babies since I'm a light sleeper and need less sleep overall. Although the situation is much better now, people still get shocked some times when I take the baby to change his nappy. I think many problems come from how we raise our children. We am raising our children the same way (without the beating anymore -- different era).
You had a wonderful mother!! You could have turned out like some of these men without her parenting; aside from the beatings LOL (I was beaten too as a child).
How do I find this in a partner, I am genuinely asking. I find this so interesting bc my grandfather was raised like this and he was one of the most egalitarian men I’ve ever seen despite the environment he grew up in
To be honest, 2/3 of the men around my age from my hometown are divorced. They got married expecting to have a mommy instead of a wife. When their demands were not met, it's everyone's fault but theirs. Unfortunately, women were "groomed" to think they have to serve their husband as well and stay at home. But economy is shit and one salary is not enough and they have to get a job as well. So, both worlds collided.
I’m sorry your family, especially the one brother, are so horrible! Thank you for explaining something, that I as a grandmother, didn’t understand. It all makes sense to me now.
>Unfortunately, it’s all still in my brain because childhood lessons are permanently wired & will always be there in the background. This scares me. It feels like no matter how much I learn and grow, the damage is done.
The wiring from upbringing will always be in the background but with work you can create new pathways of thought/patterns that overlap the old. The more you work with the new wiring the stronger it will get until the old dysfunctional patterns become atrophied. It is a lot of hard work but it does mostly involve self reflectivity and patience which are great life changing skills to give yourself and cultivate no matter the reason 💖
Well said, I wanted to echo a similar message. The old messages, the trauma messages, they loose their power as you discover and learn how to use yours. So, while they're still there kinda and can still be triggered, you gain the power to pause and remind yourself where you are, who you are, and what you know to be true and what you value now. I keep physical things or like a go-to playlist or old journal entries around that are solid reminders of who I am, what I know, and what I value now around as reminders when old triggers come up or I'm in an emotional flashback. I've kinda lost track of myself recently due to my living situation, but every now and then I find a way to really feel like myself again. I'm able to see everything SO clearly when I feel like that. So when I feel like that, I write what I know to be true now and how I see the situation I'm dealing with so when I'm spiraling or in a gaslighting confusion fog later, I can look back at it and connect to it. It helps ground me in reality when everything else feels uncertain.
I'm not wanting to downplay what you're saying & how awful or deep childhood memories/ways of thinking are, but it is possible to rewire your thinking as an adult.
It is certainly possible, but you have to want it, and it's a lot easier blaming other people for your failures than it is to look inward. Which is why so many guys go down that path, it's just easier than confronting a harsh truth.
I mean... In the context of childhood abuse/trauma/very poor parenting, I think it's super fair to blame the actual people responsible, which usually is not the child. But it being their fault doesn't mean I don't have to deal with the consequences of their actions if I want to be a good, kind, compassionate person. But I definitely have days where I just get so frustrated and angry that like, none of this was my fault, but it's still something I need to heal from.
My dad always wanted a boy and on his 5th try, he finally got one. 4 girls and a little brother. From a very young age he lacked guidance as to what being a boy meant and around the time he was 5 he started wanting to wear pretty dresses to church like his sisters got to. This of course earned him a swift beating and some special guidance from my dad, all of which was misogynistic and along the same lines as what your brother was taught. He grew up to be gay. My dad disowned him for it. The irony of it was delicious. After all those years of hearing how inferior women are and how great men are, how could he choose to be with women? Of course he picked men! (Obviously I know it isn't a choice, but that's not what the Bible belt fascists believe.) It's been more than a decade since I spoke to my dad and if I get lucky it'll last for the rest of my life.
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Holy shit. I have two (very young) sons. My entire mission is to raise them to be empathetic, sensitive, caring, self-sufficient humans. I cannot fathom raising them the way you describe… they help us with sweeping, cooking, laundry etc because hello, that’s just basic life skills. Yes my toddler gets applause when he does chores because he’s 2, but my husband sure doesn’t. Reading this comment makes me even more committed to changing the patriarchy from within (even if it’s just my two sons).
As an empathetic man who helps cook, clean, raise kids etc... Let me just say that occasionally reading through 2XC has been terribly EYE OPENING. I naively thought that in the year 2023, men like me were more than norm than not. Sadly this seems to not be the case. I too am raising my two boys to be respectful, kind, self sufficient people. Be the change you wish to see I guess...
The wonderful thing that some parents don't necessarily consciously realize about teaching their sons empathy, sensitivity, caring, and self-sufficiency, is that's a ticket to a really fulfilling, connected life in so many ways. I wish all parents of boys knew this. I wish they all raised their boys as you are raising yours. Your children are lucky to have you ❤️
Why do you think your mom co-signed this? I have an aunt and uncle like this. They both worked full-time, and he liked to brag that he’d never changed a diaper or turned on a stove in his life. She saw it as a point of pride, that she “took care” of him. Not the slapping though, my granddaddy would’ve beat the shit out of him and she would’ve moved back home. Or the rape comments. They were traditional, but not trashy.
Those are the exact men that try to get remarried immediately after becoming divorced or widowed because they *literally* do not know how to take care of themselves. I had an older neighbor who started dating this guy in his 60s. He had gotten divorced less than 6 months earlier and he was trying to convince her to move in with him. She was telling me her wake up call came when she was really sick and wanted some plain buttered noodles and asked him to make them for her. The first question (of many) he asked was, “how much water do I need to put in the pot?” and she said it was like someone dumped cold water on her. The dude didn’t even know how to boil water!
That’s crazy. To my uncle’s credit since my aunt died he hasn’t dated anyone else and doesn’t want to, in spite of the church ladies pushing him. And his house is neat as a pin, he was in the Marines, and always did the cleaning and laundry. Maybe because of the Marines he found cooking and childcare emasculating but cleaning was not. When I visit he does *my* laundry and folds it in perfect squares. Still, since my aunt died he’s never prepared anything more than a sandwich. His fridge is cold cuts and soda and he mostly eats fast food and candy. Takes care of himself in every other way. Says he’s just playing golf waiting around to re-meet my aunt in heaven.
I wonder if it becomes an odd sort of validation to be "needed" by an incompetent male partner? Everyone wants to feel valued, so maybe some women's sense of self-worth gets so warped that they don't know how to experience being valued outside of servitude. Goodness knows plenty of men are upset these days because women don't "need" men financially anymore, so maybe for some women, their egos get so wrapped up in their domestic roles that if their husbands suddenly started doing their fair share, they (the women) would stop feeling needed. That without that, they'd have no clue who they were or what they'd do with themselves.
Geezus. 😳 I'm so glad my husband wasn't raised that way. I'm not sure how many diapers his Boomer dad changed when his kids were little (he never offered to change any grandkid diapers so I'm guessing he hasn't done much diaper duty in general), but aside from that he's a very good dad, better than many men of his generation. He and my MIL used to work alternate shifts so that someone was always home with the kids, and to this day my husband and his dad are quite close. Much more so than I ever was with my own father. In turn the hubby has always been a very hands-on dad, too. He absolutely sucks at wrapping gifts and planning vacations and stuff like that (he's working on it), but when it comes to making dinner, packing lunches, taking kids to medical appointments and whatnot, he does it all and would find it very weird if I suddenly started treating him like a hero over a half-assed job of folding laundry. I'm really sorry you grew up in a home like that, and with your mother being such an enabler. I feel sorry for your brother's SO, too. Your parents really set her up for a lifetime of disappointment and frustration, as do all parents who fail their sons in this way. 😕
Whenever my late mother would start up with her gender roles BS I would always reply that I had no idea that having male genitalia meant you were incapable of doing domestic tasks (to put it nicely).
It’s called male entitlement and it’s a trait of toxic masculinity, you know the type of male behavior our society rewards. It’s why women are choosing to be single and/or childless. Then they still have the audacity to blame us for their loneliness because it’s our fault that we can’t tolerate their toxic behavior.
Childfree, not childless.
Thank you for your edit. There is a difference.
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Pffft, great comment
Someone explained it's where the uterus is in women. Men replaced their uterus with audacity.
Yet another reason I demand a refund on my uterus. Endo, no desire to birth a child, AND missing audacity? Nonsense.
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I was in a puritan cult until about 2008. We didn't even have electricity. But Google tells me that's like the bargain bin full of broken items at the dollar store!
It’s because a lot of men don’t think women are people.
Yep, which is why they feel entitled to our bodies and our time. It's also why they refuse to listen to women's "no".
I think it's a side effect of testosterone poisoning. I'm only half kidding :D
I agree, it's testosterone poisoning and I'm 100% serious.
As someone with PCOS (too much testosterone) I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Acne, hair loss, ovarian cysts…WHERE IS MY PROMISED AUDACITY.
GODDAMNIT GOD I ORDERED TESTOSTERONE WITH A SIDE OF AUDACITY, NOT WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS *points to very painful ovarian cyst cramps*
They get it from the patriarchy. Been feeding them entitlement their whole lives.
Produced in the testes from cannibalized brain cells.
10/10 comment that I'm absolutely stealing. If I had a reddit award of some sort I would give it to you.
Men believe anger and force are the primary ways for them to get what they want. Men genuinely think they can control people with their dominant aggression. It's due to a lack of ability to process emotions and understand their own feelings. They default to anger and aggression because it's all they know.
Hypothesis: Audacity is stored in the balls. Test: If you encounter someone who is displaying an excess of audacity, try applying pressure to the balls to reduce audacity. Observation: Subject became dramatically less audacious after applying blunt force to the balls. Conclusion: Audacity is stored in the balls.
It’s produced in the testicles.
I think it's stored in the balls....but then again, *I* don't have that kind of audacity, and I'm an asshole.
+1 for choosing beggars. One shitheel ruined a good thing for all the kids.
Just wow. As a 70s kid. We lived in a closed of area with 10 other houses. So I knew every adult there. And would chat with most. I'd often spend hours chatting in a neibours garden about different thing they were into. The idea that my mother or father would assume it was free baby sitting. Is insane. Every now and then they would check up to see if the adult was bothered by me. At that age I was way more extravert them either parent. (Grew out of that) But the idea that someone is willing to take charge of a kid. With no communication from a parent. What the hell are these guys smoking.
"Stop teaching my child about shrooms or I won't use you for free baby sitting anymore!" "OKAY. Don't use me for free babysitting anymore!" *CONFUSED SCREAMING*
>He then got within a few inches of my face and told me to 'behave' and 'be less of a b$tch.' Bloody hell, what a psycho.
I'd just be more impressed and ask for mushroom ID tips. My advice is generally, "stay away because I don't know fuck all about them".
Damn. Talk about no good deed going unpunished. He ruined a good time for everyone
Wowwww what the fuck. If someone came at me and told me to behave I probably would have lost my shit. I most certainly would not have behaved 😂. You did the right thing though. That's fucking crazy and I wonder if that's how he parents his kid too :(. Yikes.
Wow, you should post this story on choosing beggars. The audacity of some people. But if you find out where to buy some, let me know, I could use a raise too lol! That’s a really nice thing you’re doing for single moms 💖
I'm afraid to put this in a general reddit sub since I'm prioritizing my safety by excluding men. Even with precedent, I just know what those comments are going to look like 😅
Even after stripping the story of any sex/gender/marital status references - it is still one of the most *insane* examples of delusional entitlement I have ever heard of. To just drop off kids at the home of someone you have never met, let alone spoken to - and to do so without even verifying they are home!?!? You really hit the nail on the head - that was Child Abandonment - no two ways about it. Its really no different that had they dropped their kids off outside a licensed daycare facility, before it was open, having never talked to anyone at the facility, or made any arrangements for their child's care... "The Audacity" is just the tip of the iceberg. That seems like the instruction manual for how to get your kids taken away
Yeah, I mean I totally get it, it’s not like you don’t want to help men, but some men don’t like to hear the word “no”. It is your prerogative how, and in what ways, you lend your help to others, and you are under no obligation to watch anyone’s kids. Entitled people would like to have you believe that they are entitled to your time, and that’s just laughably, and simply, not the case.
I can see it now. 'OP you're a sexist monster! NoT aLl MeN hUrR dUrR!!!'
Anyone who is willing to drop their kids off at a strangers door with no prior coordination shows shit judgment and shouldn’t be a parent. Good on OP for helping where she can. It costs nothing to be a decent person, and it sounds like this dude needs to take a few lessons in being a decent person.
I can't even imagine. My son elopes. I only trust him with me and his Dad. I left him with a very trusted neighbor for an hour when I was dying with Noro Virus and he (my son) just left. The neighbor is a great parent and has three kiddos. They just aren't used to a kiddo who disappears (even after I warned them). I can't even imagine the audacity of someone just leaving their kids at a random person's door! That person could be selling those kids to the highest bidder!! WTF!!!
"Not all men are predators, but the one that murdered her that night was indeed one of the predators. Probably anyways, wouldn't want to assume."
I hate when men say "not all men" to dismiss and shit on me for being wary, cautious, and distrustful of men, because yeah, sure, not *all* men. But sure do be a hell of a lot of them.
But then if a women gets abused, attacked, etc, then it was her fault for.not being more safe.
Oh no, worrying about being attacked or abused is silly because it "doesnt happen" and any time it does, she was asking for it, 100%. Being afraid to walk outside alone at night? Silly. Clearly just overreacting and dont have very very good reasons why i need to be cautious and afraid
It's actually the men who are oppressed because their feelings get hurt when a women walks across the street to be away from the person twice their weight, in the middle of the night, with nobody else around.
If the men never forced themselves into her home and acted like she owed them attention, OP would probably still be helping dads too. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
>Yeah, I mean I totally get it, it’s not like you don’t want to help men, but some men don’t like to hear the word “no”. Proof of your statement r/whenwomenrefuse.
It takes only one man to die. I am lucky the men in my life are awesome, but I don't know the rest, and I am more important than their feelings.
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Same thing with emotional support and compliments. They only want those things from women, even though they claim it's not sexual. If these things weren't really sexual to them then they'd be fine offering them to each other instead of whining about women refusing.
See also: Pulp Fiction (foot massage).
Fucking this. Exactly this. A little off topic but when guys bitch about how they so sad and horny and sex isn't a big deal, well guess who's tone changes when I ask why they aren't hooking each other up with bjs. If women can build community to support each other, men can and should fucking do it to. Because my god the amount of harm they suffer from their own self imposed culture of isolation and silence is fucking wild. And then they have the audacity to blame it on women.
LOL I used to run a nerdy ladies-only meetup and we rented a comic book store multipurpose room. There was a magic card dude group finishing up their game when we went in with our food, plates, drinks, flowers, selfie backdrop... We explained what it was we were doing and they were all mopey like "Duhhh I wish I could go to something like this... Looks like fun..." We were like... You could! Go plan your own! Your literally doing it right now by playing magic cards, just bring some food and drink to share! Sheesh
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This was literally our opinion. You would have fit right in with our group 😂
I had to explain this to my BIL— it’s not that women “get” these spaces, it’s that they create them. All he has to do is try.
Exactly! We were tired of being hit on at coed events. We made something of our own and welcomed those we saw fit.
Oh geez, my cheating ex is a huge MTG nerd. He never acted happy with it either. My girlfriends and I would go to trivia nights and have a lot of fun and the guys playing trivia were largely just quiet and looked miserable. I might have liked to try MTG but the guys seemed like such duds I never did.
I play MTG with my partner all the time but flat out refuse to go to any organized events because of how horrendous a solid majority of the player are. And I do mean MAJORITY.
What’s crazy to me is my husband and his all cis male roommates (rural central KY boys) were *the house* to be at for big dinners in college. Friendsgiving was the event of the year, and my husband made the turkey every year. It’s better than my mom’s!!! Some boys just can’t be bothered to put in the effort. But they totally are capable if only they tried...
This
It's understandable, and I say this as a man with a child. His behaviour was disgusting, not to mention potentially dangerous for his children. I'm sure you're nice, but unless I know and TRUST you, there is no way I am going to leave my child with you. The only people I would ever leave my child with are close friends and close family. While I've known some women who are absolutely malicious and dangerous to other people, men are, generally speaking, more dangerous and violent than women. Sadly not everyone knows that "no" is a complete sentence.
> I just know what those comments are going to look like The saddest, but truest statement.
And you hit /all anyway so if you have concerns, please take care and be mindful about that. As a single parent, I couldn't imagine leaving my child at a complete strangers house. He's lucky all you did was threaten but it doesn't sound like he learned anything by your incredibly generous lesson. I hope for the children's sake he realizes he's being a COMPLETE POS and makes some changes. Being a single mother or father is hard but that's no excuse for what he did and how he acts. You do an amazing and great thing though. I hope good things go your way. Keep being awesome!
Clearly it's a really good policy though. :( I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing for that father to do to his kids. Who does that? Why? It's really beyond my imagination. You're so lovely to help out the parents who are respectful and appreciative.
There are pet owners who care more for their pets than he does for his kids. Stupid idiot.
Right. I never left my dogs at a kennel without seeing it or had a dog sitter pet sit without meeting/vetting them first.
I use to babysit for people in my complex if they wanted to go out but had to stop because of creepy single dads I was watching a child and he came back at around midnight drunk to pick his child up and forced his way into my apartment and refused to leave and take his child home once I threatened to call the cops he started screaming at me and woke the neighbors up who did end up calling the police and now I don’t babysit at all anymore for anyone
That's terrifying! I'm glad the neighbors called the police. I've been lucky that the 2 who hit me with my door to push past me were sober and very aware they were in front of other people's children. It still was enough to scare me into excluding men. I'm with you: a drunk man screaming at me and refusing to leave would put me off babysitting all together.
How could a parent just leave their kids in someone’s doorstep? Knowing the person or not, the kids were just left outside in the winter. OP, there is no way you should of had to call around to get the dads number. At school age, he should have taught his kids his number or had it written somewhere on their school stuff. What the heck would the kid do if abducted or lost? As for the woman who told him about him the arrangement, she needs to have it explained why you have it for moms only. She’s not taking your concerns seriously.
We have a neighbour that does this. She'll drop her daughter off with anyone, and never comes when she says she will. One neighbour did WeeWatch (a type of daycare here) and she had her daughter enrolled, but they needed to kick her out cause she would drop her off, or pick her up way out of normal hours. Another neighbour said she'd help and would get her on the bus with her kids in the morning, but then she would start dropping her off at life 5am. Another neighbour had just moved in and she asked her to watch her daughter (kids were playing in the backyard) for 30 min while she ran to the store. New neighbour had to wind up taking her with them to a soccer game cause she took too long, then asked them Mom if she could pick her up there cause they were going to visit family after and then to dinner and shes all "Oh...she'll love that!!! Just send her home when you get back!!!" What?? Its fricken crazy lol
She shouldn't have called around, she should have called the cops.
I almost wonder if he wanted his kids to get kidnapped or something equally horrible so he doesn't have to deal with them anymore. It's obvious by his abandonment that he doesn't care about them and shouldn't have custody.
I want to say thank you for doing this. You are such a help to those moms! Fuck that dude.
I second the thank you! I’m a mom to young kids and even with a husband this shit is hard. Working parents are stretched thin, so it’s a beautiful thing you are doing OP. Seriously, free childcare like this could make all the difference to those moms’ sanity. 🩵
My daycare offers a bus service where they watch the kids before and after school. I pay $150 for it, and I'm so thankful it's there.
Nobody fuck him! He has enough kids!
Bullshit like this is why my mother no longer tells people she's a retired preschool teacher.
So gross how the dads hit on you and had to fuck everything up in the first place. Doesn’t sound like the last guy would have tried *that*, but he was just another example of typical male pushiness and entitlement. If you don’t have firm, strict, absolutely unmovable boundaries these insufferable pricks will trample all over you. I feel very sorry for their children though, can’t be healthy with parents like them
He might have if they were on good terms and she wasn't telling him no about watching his kids.
He sounds like a man not used to hearing "no."
that really sucks. You are a really good person for helping these moms. I was a single mom once and it was so hard
Who would just dump their kids with a stranger!! That’s so crazy
My brother had a friend who would always come and play after school. Then his older brother started getting dropped off as well. My mom thought it was a little strange, but at least they were similar in age and could play together. Then the mother started dropping off the toddler sister too! She would just pull up in her mini van in front of our house drop the kids off and drive away. Bizarre, but my mom drew the line and she stopped dropping them off. We were also feeding these strange children btw. As adults, they came by to thank my mom for caring for them. We really need free birth control in this country.
I was one of those people who always had a house full of teenagers hanging out. They would stay all weekend, every weekend, after school all the time. With the exception of two, none of their parents ever came and introduced themselves! They would just pull up to my house and text their kids to come out when they picked them up. I'm talking from the age of 12 to 18, 6 years! One time they were being annoying so I told them all to go home. One of them said that his mom wasn't picking him up until 6, I told him that she had made no such arrangement with me and it wasn't my problem.
Women supporting women My favorite thing
Sometimes we're all we've got.
>I told the moms about it and one did say she explained the arrangement to him, and offered to ask if he was interested. This was the day before he left his kids at a stranger's door. A stranger he'd never met and who wasn't even home at the time. Where can I buy this audacity so I can use it to ask for a raise? idk but .... call the cops. that guy is a lousy sack of shit
Right, if some children were just dropped off at my door I would call the cops so they can know that they were abandoned at my door. That you don't know them or their parent.
He left them at OP’s doorstep in winter. They could have been there for hours. In some areas they could have frozen to death. This person is an unfit parent and a danger to his children. Their general health and nutrition should be under watch, and their living conditions should be examined. The emotional neglect alone must be awful.
When dropping my kids off at a friend's house, or dropping friends off at their houses after they stayed over...I wait to make sure they get in the house. This guy shouldn't be looking after kids, but sadly is probably better than what the kids would face in the system.
I always walk to the door with them and make sure everything looks kosher before I relinquish them. Like, so many parents just shove their kids out the car without even fully stopping.
Where do they find the audacity? It's slowly built up over a lifetime of living in a world catered just for them. This morning I glanced over at my husband's shirt hanging perfectly on the hanger and thought about how he - a perfectly proportioned man who wears sizes medium or large - is who the hanger was built for. And I realized that this is why he looks at me like I'm ridiculous because hanging up my shirts after doing laundry is my least favorite chore. Because he has no idea what it's like to live in a world where your closet is too small because you can't reach the second hanging rack, and where your shirts go missing because they fall off the hangers. I looked around the rest of the house with the dawning realization that the house is made for people like him. And that everyday I go through 1000 little frustrations that he doesn't. When everything around you works for you - whether it's people or buildings - you never even consider that something isn't going to fit your needs exactly. You don't ask a hanger to fit your shirt, why would you ask a woman (whose job is *obviously* to watch children 🙄) to watch children?
This is why I loved *Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men* by Caroline Criado Pérez. I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already!
I've just started the audiobook, which is, I'm sure, why such a realization hit me today.
This is also deadly. Car crash technology was designed with male-only proportioned crash test dummies, so women have a significantly higher chance of being seriously injured or killed, due to the airbag being too close (shorter legs mean the chair is closer), lighter bodies being tossed more and whiplashed, and seatbelts making contact with the throat and not the shoulder. There is only one EU regulation that requires that a 'female' dummy be used for one type of crash (out of many), but this dummy is actually just a scaled down male-proportioned dummy, and - get this - it's only ever tested *in the passenger seat.*
I use "baby" hangers for many of my garments for this reason.
I am 45, and TIL why I hate laundry so much. Thank you.
You described it so perfectly and visually. I never even realised that everything is built for a medium sized man. My legs always hang in all chairs and seats, and it's so uncomfortable that I have to cross my legs to feel more collected. Automatic doors don't always open in front of me and I have to wave my arms feeling ridiculous. Train overhead compartments are too high so are upper shelves in supermarkets. Agh...
i had to reply because i feel this SO HARD. add in being left-handed. people think i’m like larry david always complaining about “nothing” but to me, it’s a million little insults all the time and no one understands! thank you for understanding ♥️
Sadly, "no good deed goes unpunished". I can appreciate the kindness and generosity of your heart and good intentions, however, it may bite you in the ass down the road. All it will take is one kid getting hurt or hurting another, an allergic reaction, etc....and it will cost you dearly. Please, if you haven't already, make the parents sign a waiver or something of the like, stating that they understand that you aren't liable or obligated to their child's care. Also, tell your mom friends that your intention is to help moms ONLY. Period. No justification, discussion, debate or explanation is required.
I'm not getting paid, so I have that loophole. Where I live, you have to prove intent to harm the child or gross neglect if you're not running a business. I never watch more than 10, no one under 5 or over 14, and I'm rarely out of the room. Everyone stays in the open living room/kitchen area unless they want to go to the bathroom one at a time. I have an epipen, am cpr certified, and have all the parents' numbers in case of emergency. I might get some vicious rumors spread about me, but legally it would take a miracle to actually be in trouble. I explained why I don't deal with men and everyone understood. The one that told him was very, very sorry. Especially after he just left them at my door.
So, glad that you are prepared and have protected yourself. Kudos! And bless you for being a kind soul.
I wish i had this advice growing up. I used to babysit my parents friends kids when they would go out for the night. Its always fun to get a knock and asked by CPS if you have been touching kids cause the old lady across the street didn't understand a guy could babysit as well.
>I say single moms because single dads always try to hit on me and have forced their way into my home to ask me out while picking up their kids. Fucking *gross* And then this dude goes ahead and pulls this bullshit
You should’ve called anyway, that’s endangerment.
Reading this as a father is wild. Even when I was a single dad, the idea of just dropping my children on someone's doorstep based on an assumption just screams "irresponsible" to me.
Dropping my kid at preschool and leaving them there felt weird af the first few times. I can't even fathom leaving them on a doorstep like an Amazon package.
100% same feeling.
The definition of it. Not sure which is worse, that or leaving them home alone. She could have been out of town! Or a predator! Just wild.
We're riding the line of low income housing. It's so hard to get kids back if they're put in the system when you don't have the money to fight properly. He claimed he thought I was home all the time. He might be a decent dad outside of being an entitled douche to other adults. If he's not, I'm sure we'll see it in the next year of his lease.
A decent parent would check with you beforehand and vet you as a caregiver personally rather than dumping their kids on the doorstep of someone they have never met.
Nah, no way is he a decent dad. I won’t even let my 13-year-old sleep over at someone’s house without making sure the parents know, and know how to reach me. If there’s a mom, she’d probably like to know if that is going on. Often in custody disputes one parent will demand 50/50 or full custody as a way of getting out of paying child support, then they pull shit like this. I don’t support seeking out drama, but if you happen to get in contact with her it is worth a mention.
If he's friendly with some other people in the complex, someone has her number. It's worth checking. Thank you!
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A summing mom is on the picture what’s more likely is she gets more custody
As a former CPS-adjacent social worker - thanks for giving him a shot here and continuing to monitor. Your next comment really shows all the thought you put into this. You are thinking it's an honest (yet idiotic) mistake and keeping an eye. I hope there's a lot of prevention programs near you that could intervene if he does need help. Most neglectful parents are unintentionally so, it's either lack of knowledge and/or resources.
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I'm sure he would've cared after they went missing while he says he never imagined this could happen. Men don't think like women do because men are the biggest predators women and children face. They don't have to worry about their safety every day, so they forget to worry about everyone else's safety. Most men. Some men have the complete opposite problem where they're aware other men are predators and are typically stronger than women - and definitely stronger than children - and become overprotective of everyone who's not another man.
If he thought you were there why didn't he knock and talk to you in person before leaving his kids. That is just crazy.
Because he knew she might say no, just dumping his kids on a total stranger's doorstep means he doesn't have to get consent of a 'yes' and gets his own way.
It’s weird that the woman that told him also mentioned that you only do it for women. If she went as far as to include that information she knew that fact but told him anyway? Unfortunate call of judgment on her end.
She didn't put 2 and 2 together. She just thought only moms were asking for help because male pride. It was an honest mistake from someone trying to help on her end and she was very upset with him after. Now she understands why it's just women.
It’s an incredibly helpful service you’re providing for the moms. I’m happy to hear you’ve let them all know, so that doesn’t happen again. I feel for his kids, he sounds like a real POS.
Holy shit how tf can people with kids act like this. That is the trashiest shit ive heard in a while.
I heard the title of this post as the punchline to a joke once. The set up is: >What do you notice first about a man when he approaches you?
Ironically, there would have been less audacity if he had approached me first lol
As my mom used to tell us: *I can show you better than I can tell you.* You’ve had a clear conversation with him, so go ahead and call the police if he does it again.
Oh definitely. Once is idiocy. Twice means he doesn't respect me or care for his children's safety. I don't want to risk putting them in the system, but he is going to learn one way or another.
Men screwing things up for others by assuming they'll get whatever they want? Big fucking surprise. 🙄
Wow, he must really love his kids. "There is, allegedly, someone who will look after children, so I'll just drop them at their PARKING LOT, *just in case* they will pass by that spot today, and then just automatically assume it's their responsibility to look after my offspring.
They were at least at my door. My parking space is close to my door so I saw them as soon as I pulled in. But I wasn't home. He didn't even wait until someone answered the door. He just assumed the world would shift to pick up his slack.
So wild. What if you had been working late that morning? What if you swung by a friend's house for a few hours after work? His kids would be freezing out there for hours. What a shitty dad.
Just came here to say how lovely it is that you help out local families. And goddamn that audacity!
Wow fuck that guy. He is a terrible parent and an idiot. No one who babysits or a babysitting service would ever allow you to just drop off kids without talking to them first.
But didn't you know? Single dads are fucking HEROES!
First off, thank-you for being a wonderful person to your neighbours and community! I'm so sorry that there are men who have tried to take advantage of your kindness. As a single mum, I think we've all been there for how the dads can be predatory or try to use women for free childcare. Many dads I've known would try to have extra long playdates or sleepovers on their weekends at my house, often showing up hours later than they were supposed to, unreachable. I've posted before about 'Playdate Dads' and how they often will act like they are on a date with their kids' friends' mums when kids are playing together. I've had dads show up without their kids when we had a playdate scheduled, to see if I wanted to have a private sleepover with them and a bottle of wine. I've also had dads drop their kids off without asking me, to someone who was sitting my own, or been present when they dumped them in the playground for other women to watch, without them being asked first.
I can’t wait to read the incels remarks about this.. oh wait I’m hearing the infamous “not all men” also 🤦♀️ Good for you op. Keep up your good work and thank you!
We've already had a couple. They were the now deleted comments 🥰
Thank god you took care of them!
They deleted their own comments. The people on this post are very well spoken and were shutting them down before they had a chance to really troll.
Ah, I wish I could walk through life with the confidence of a mediocre white man. Must be fucking nice.
For real
Right!!!
> Where can I buy this audacity so I can use it to ask for a raise? This guy doesn't ask for raises he just takes money from his boss and assumes it's OK.
Gosh I can understand your reasoning for not wanting to do it for single dads. I hadn't thought about them hitting on you. But of course they take every chance of hitting on us. A pity for the kids.
Wow, anywhich way that guy was being a jackhole. Even if it was a last minute emergency, you would think he'd try and get in contact or just be a little late to where ever he was going. Truly the audacity, there's nothing else that would make someone behave that way. Also OP you are awesome and I commend you!
As someone who grew up with a single father, wtf? Like he loves his kids so much he’ll endanger them?
You're an angel for helping single moms like this. We need more ppl like you in the world. And congrats on establishing firm boundaries and prioritizing your safety and well-being. Maybe there's a single man/dad in the complex that you can recruit to help the single dads.
Thank you for at least doing this for single moms. It’s really sad that men have acted the way they have toward you. If there are any men in this thread, don’t be like these guys
You are incredibly generous with your time to offer that to single moms. I’m sorry about your experience with that guy, I cannot fathom the sense of entitlement, but it’s also gobsmacking that any parent would leave their kids with someone that they don’t know?! I’m a widow and single mom. I have an amazing toddler, but it’s still so hard and exhausting and my time is so fully subscribed. You have no idea what even a free half hour in the day can mean. Please know that what you are doing for these women is impactful and making their lives easier in really meaningful ways.
This type of entitlement is exactly why you don’t offer services to men anymore. They think they are entitled to your free time, your free body, your free everything. You’re doing a wonderful and charitable thing and as someone who was a single mom for a lot of years, you are an absolute godsend to those women. Honestly, if men want this same consideration they need to learn to give consideration as well. This guy showed he has none.
What a neglectful, selfish, piece of shit father. I'm sorry that you had to deal with him.
Gee Whiz; Some people are legitimately messed up in their heads.
"Edit 2: I didn't want to risk putting the kids in the system if he's only moderately neglectful. I've heard a lot of horror stories from people who've been in the system in our area." This is very smart. Too often I hear how people "don't deserve their kids" but what about what the kids deserve. They don't deserve to be put into system.
Even if it wasn't about "i don't want to deal with men", like honestly this post would get my same response if that wasn't there: It is NEGLECT to dump your kids with a stranger you've never met and not vetted. It's also not how any of this works. Like, seriously. Y'all know that if you want your kid to attend school, or a summer program at the Y or anything, you need to \*make arrangements\*. You don't just dump your kid the first day of school or the first day of that summer program. Yeah the other moms have an arrangement with you \*BECAUSE THEY MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH YOU\*. You both talked beforehand. I don't think this dude needs to go to jail or anything but he needs some parenting classes. And maybe a heaping helping of common sense. One, your town can probably arrange. The other....not so much.
>I pulled in to my parking space to see 2 abandoned kids under 10 at my door while it's still winter here. This whole story is awful, but this part is insane to me, that he wouldn't even wait to make sure they got *into* the place at which he presumed they would be looked after. Those poor kids.
> Being told he has to ask offended him so badly you'd think I'd insulted his grandmother. I know the situation is awful but this line is hysterical, why are men like this??? I know NoT aLl mEn BUT DEFINITELY TOO MUCH have this weird sense of entitlement regarding women's time and resources. Even if they don't know you/barely know you, they expect you to drop anything and just be there to help them, even at your own detriment. So weird.
Just wanted to say that you are so kind to do this. The world needs more people like you ❤️
Holy fuck. If mom, or any other family member, is in the picture get their number from his kids and let a responsible adult know what the fuck this jackass is doing. Like holy shit, what if you were some crazy meth head or a child molester?!
What is this malfunction that so many men seem to have, whereby they appear to not actually view their children as actual human beings?! You are such a good person to do what you do. As a single mother myself, I wish I had someone like you in my life. I'm so sorry your kindness was abused like that and I feel so bad for those poor kids just being dumped at a stranger's door like they were, I'm just glad it was a decent stranger like you and not a deviant.
That's probably why they also have such an easy time drooling over teenagers.
Hang on, OP. I haven't read anywhere that you've gotten the Reddit Cares treatment for hurting a mans feel feels. This is an outrage, and I won't stand for it. Lol. I don't know why I always assumed that single dads, being the ones allowed custody over the mother, would be naturally more empathetic and better communicators. Who the fuck raised these people? Imagine how those kids are going to turn out. "Yeah, man, I just expect women to do things for me because that's what daddy did" Jfc
He was awful to you, but I am even more concerned about his kids! How many times has he put them in a dangerous situation like this?? I'd have called CPS.
>Where can I buy this audacity so I can use it to ask for a raise? Lol this is so true!
Fuck men like that, pieces of lazy shit
you were a lot nicer than i would have been. i was a babysitter for my female friends. if some strange kids of some strange dad had ever been dumped on me i would have called the police outright. i've known situations where dads have dumped their kids without asking and forgotten them. those kids and you didn't deserve that.
Some people really should not procreate, and that guy is at the top of the list. Why would you willingly dump your kids at the door of a random person YOU DON'T KNOW?! If you were a criminal of any kind he could have put his kids in so much danger! Also the audacity and entitlment to even do it in the first place.
Wow, you’re a very generous person. It’s very commendable what you’re doing for those moms. I see comments about calling CPS. I think many people don’t understand that CPS could put the children in a much less desirable situation.
I think that's exactly what it is. Unless you've been through the system, it's hard to understand how horrendous it can really be.