The fact you said it was the final straw meant that he's done this multiple times to other people, and has been told about how inappropriate it is, but he still continued anyways. So it's not just you.
He only has himself to blame. If he doesn't want to be out of work and out of insurance, maybe he shouldn't have been such a gross prick, especially after numerous warnings. Like if I get written up for anything wrong I did at work, maybe even something as mundane as not colour coordinating the shelf displays, then I take that warning and start rectifying it. Not continue on with what I'm doing and pretend I know better.
/u/notsetinstone
This here please. "Final straw" only means you're the last one who reported the problem with that co-worker. He had it coming, he knew he was behaving inappropriately. He didn't correct/change his behavior while he had many warnings and ample time to do so.
He is 100% responsible for being fired.
Happened to a friend of mine and I was privy to her struggles with it real time so it left an impression on me. The words “final straw”brought that incident my friend endured freshly in my mind.
For my friend…a guy at work was getting friendlier and friendlier and started saying something inappropriate and would not take a hint to stop. She went to her supervisor asking for advice on how to handle it and next thing he was fired. She felt so bad about it but then her sup did a whisper that it was not the only incident. They could not tell her details of course and not even the “not the only incident” part but her boss couldn’t see her feeling bad about it.
Hey, YOU are not the reason they got fired. THEY are. They made inappropriate comments, and they got the consequences. There was a record of this person having issues already…they were already on the path to the door. You deserve no guilt nor shame.
Personally, I'd take the credit (at least internally). Nobody else is going to get harassed and that's because of your initiative
I'd definitely feel better about getting that energy out of the workplace than I would feel bad about what happens to that energy now
That's all very easy to say, though. You didn't do anything wrong
This is how I feel about it (I have personal experience with similar situations) and if no others got harassed I am fine with that.
If they wanted to keep their job, they should have been mindful of what they said, I have a feeling OP wasn't the only one who notified managers about such conduct.
Remember you don’t have full insight into the issues. Don’t take the credit, or the blame.
I had a similar experience years ago. A older man made some inappropriate comments that I largely laughed off, but my manager insisted they get documented and escalated. A week later the guy was gone. None of us missed him, but I carried that vague guilt for a few years… until I moved into a role that absorbed some of that persons historical data and learned he was absolutely shit at his job, and likely inflating commissions and hiding other bonuses for himself and his team, and that executive had been trying to get straight answers out of him about the departments financials for months. I wasn’t the first complaint about his behaviour towards women, mine just had really good timing for the executive directors.
You never know. But it’s extremely unlikely that his behaviour with you was the core cause. You were just the most recent, and final, event.
Change your thinking on this. “Because of an incident surrounding me” - who is missing from that sentence? Who was in control over whether this “incident” came to be? Who is really responsible for behaving so badly that the company fired him? (Not you.)
It’s also quite likely that this “incident” was not the first or only time he’s behaved like this. It’s usual for companies with strong HR policies to go to training/disciplinary action before firing.
There's nothing to handle, don't be hard on yourself. Your situation, as you say, was the straw which broke the camel's back, meaning there were already many straws loaded up prior. Rarely does anyone get axed for a single action (unless it was truly atrocious), so you cannot be "the" (as in only) reason dude is gone. Likely they'd been wondering when he would do another stupid thing and bring this on himself. You're probably not the only person who is glad he's gone, even if there are some who liked him. Don't allow yourself to victim blame yourself. Breathe, and then go back to work knowing that you're able to stand up for yourself and those around you will take you seriously when you do.
They probably had a whole file on him that had nothing to do with you if they were able to fire him so quickly after that. You didn't get him fired; his repeated refusal to listen to reason and change his behavior got him fired.
As a manager, I can tell you this is not your fault. Also, judging by the response from your manager, they were probably waiting for a complaint like yours to move on from a challenging employee.
Here's my take: when is the last time any of us heard of a woman "accidentally" saying something sexually inappropriate or misandrist to a man in a business setting? It probably happens sometimes, but it seems that the majority of women in the workforce are capable of keeping any stupid or offensive comments INSIDE THEIR HEADS rather than saying them aloud and then getting in trouble over them. The guy at your job is probably not an overall terrible person and I hope he can move on and be a productive member of society somewhere else, but he did something extremely stupid and now he's facing the consequences. If literal CHILDREN at school can understand that certain words are off limits, then a grown man has no excuse.
It’s about damn time a woman puts a man in his place. Don’t feel guilty at all. Women are taught to apologize and put up with this behavior. This is not the first time nor last time he made inappropriate remarks. He finally got called out on it. He’ll manage and hopefully but probably not learn from his mistakes. You work for a good company that respects you. Not many places take it seriously.
one thing to note: A lot of people in that guy’s position end up getting themselves fired because of how they REACT when they are called on it by HR.
They get pissy, defensive, argumentative, etc. And that’s it then; the company is not going to bother with that.
Here’s a way to frame this; maybe it’ll help with the guilt.
It’s disrespectful to him, and perhaps a little arrogant for you to take on any level of responsibility or blame here.
Respect: He’s a fully actualized human being; you don’t need to patronize him, and you don’t control him. He is the person who is in charge of how he acts. It has nothing to do with you.
Arrogant: You aren’t the only or even the main person in this story. It’s not really about you. You’re a bit player in this. You have a minor, supporting role. The movers and actors here are him and the company. Don’t try to make this be about you. (I do mean this kindly and supportively, even if it does sound a little harsh.)
I think you should feel like an empowered badass that doesn't take that shit. Good on ya. It's not your fault he was fired - that's on him. You're just the brick wall he went *splat* against.
Feel positive, feel powerful, feel like you protected yourself and your coworkers, AND the store and their management team.
I hear you. Survivor's guilt is a thing, even in everyday, non-physical settings. I used to feel guilty for doing well on tests!
You're a good egg. Your empathy does you credit, but this was unavoidable. Some people will never learn how to behave until they face the consequences of their own actions.
Why do you feel like you should take responsibility for someone else's choices?
He did something wrong, and it made you uncomfortable. You did what you could do, to protect yourself (report him, tell him to stop).
Why are you feeling like you need to tolerate his bad behavior so that he's insulated from consequences?
Why are you expected to tolerate, and he's not expected to be able to hold his tongue? Especially after you already told him to stop?
It's not your job to protect anyone but yourself (and, you know, if you had children or whatever). Absolve yourself of this one, when those guilty feelings surface.
Based on what you said about being encouraged to make a written report immediately, I’m pretty sure you were in the same situation I was in several years ago - your management already wanted to fire him and just needed more documentation to make it clear it was justified. The coworker I was dealing with had a habit of claiming discrimination every time his (terrible!) work performance and behaviour were brought up, so our bosses were making sure he couldn’t wriggle out of it.
I got someone fired once. I now know I have a health issue that causes a lot of food allergies (and thus caused/causes a lot of unpleasant and random restroom breaks sometimes). Well, this one guy decided to snitch on me for being gone for 15 minutes coming back for 10 minutes and being gone again for 15 minutes one day. Like, we all know how stomach issues work sometimes. It wasn't really in my control.
My manager pulled me back and told me someone had complained about me leaving for long and frequent bathroom breaks. I was like "Ya know, that's funny, because I'm still somehow around enough to notice that it was X who complained to you about it and that X is only doing so because they want you to be so distracted checking on other people that you don't notice that they, themselves, take 1.5 hour lunch breaks instead of 1 hour AND that they disappear for another hour almost every day once the managers have left as well. But ya know, you can punish me if you'd like to. I was gone for these bathroom breaks today, I won't pretend I wasn't, but I've already mentioned to you that I have an unknown food/stomach issue that I'm trying to get treated and there's not much I can do about it until we figure out what's going on."
The dude who snitched on me was gone two weeks later after the manager had grabbed some help from supporting upper staff members to watch him and prove what I claimed was true. That manager and I never had a problem again. The next time someone said something stupid about me the manager was like "this is what was claimed, what's the real story?" Lol
And to think, if that guy had just NOT snitched on me for something out of my control I would've kept minding my own business and he could've kept getting away with it. Some people man. It's best not to stir the pot in my opinion. I avoid rattling people out but I'll definitely spill the beans if I'm pushed to
Anyways, my overall point is, don't feel bad. I doubt it was just your word alone that got this guy fired. I'm sure the manager responded that way because they needed more stuff on record with HR. You being open and supplying written documentation of your experience actively protects the company when they go to fire someone. So, odds are, they were just waiting for the right level of protection/documentation to be able to fire the dude. It's in no way your fault
This is the perfect outcome for men like this who cant behave appropriately in civilized society.
FAFO. The days of men making the workplace uncomfortable for women is over. It's one small tool in their Toolbox of Misogyny to force women to be financially dependent on men in exchange for sex and we're not doing it anymore.
Yes this. Last year I filed a harassment claim against an old white guy who made sexually explicit comments at me at a staff party. I'm not tolerating this shit anymore. FAFO indeed.
Sounds like he wouldn’t have gotten fired if he didn’t say weird gross shit to people.
You didn’t get him fired, he got himself fired when he opened his mouth to let garbage fall out.
Remove yourself from the equation. You didn’t force this man to make inappropriate comments. It started with him and it ended with him. He only has himself to blame for being fired.
Yeah, I don't actually think this incident alone got him fired. Gonna guess he had a lot of warnings for other stuff. Also, he sounds like an immature moron. So good riddance.
My husband's former boss who got fired on Tuesday was probably stealing money and equipment from the company for two years. And there are pics of him stoned out of his mind, sleeping at his desk.
My husband made a delivery on Monday. The person paid in cash. My husband documented everything and passed the cash on to his boss. The boss was fired the next day, because there was some cash missing and that cash was traced to the boss. So that may seem pretty cut and dried.
But it turns out that the company basically sent a corporate SWAT team to bust this guy. The guy was bragging to corporate big wigs about regularly taking 2 hour lunches, because he was entitled to, as he managed the highest grossing branch in the country.
And we found out the boss had been stealing a lot. They think at least 50k in cash, along with equipment. They are looking to prosecute.
So my point is, I think there was probably a lot going on with this guy and he was on the chopping block. You just happened to get caught in the crossfire. But he is a grown adult responsible for his own behavior and needs to hold himself accountable and not blame a woman for his idiocy.
Just to respond to a facet of your post that I haven’t seen addressed, OP: just because this guy wasn’t an openly sexist a**hole *all* the time (“a decent sort”), doesn’t mean you should feel bad AT ALL about what happened to him. People are generally only 100% evil in Disney movies. What this guy did to you, and pretty clearly to other people, was plenty to deserve getting fired. Being “a decent sort” most of the time isn’t good enough, and doesn’t mean he should have gotten away with the rest of his awful behavior.
I realize you are leaving detail out for privacy but you provided so little detail we have no idea what he did. I am not sure why saying you sound like a virtual assistant would be inappropriate enough to cause termination. (it isn't insulting or complementary, just an observation).
anyhow, it's done now and since you say there were chronic issues with this individual, your complaint may have only been the final straw.
handle your emotions? all you can do is let yourself feel them and they will pass.
Another coworker or other coworkers are probably glad he finally got fired after harassing them and them reporting it hoping he'd be reprimanded and stopped.
So, if anything, see it as helping others. He decided to act that way, you asked him to stop, he decided not to.
Absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. He didn't feel guilty continuing to harass you. You did no wrong and as someone who was kinda harassed, it really makes the workplace suck because you dread running into them. It actually fucking sucks ass.
If he was fired, chances are that he was already on their radar and this was the last straw. Even if that is not the case, the company made a choice to limit their own liability.
It is also important to remember that in reporting the incident, you not only stood up for your right to be in a harassment free workplace but you protected his future victims.
What if next time, it’s a woman who is too timid to fight back? Or a young intern? And he escalates until he pressures her into sex or until she quits. Maybe even ends up discouraged from pursuing a career in a field she wanted to work in?
I can’t recall the numbers but I remember hearing that there is a shockingly high percentage of women who have had to leave their careers and are no longer working in their fields because of sexual harassment
This is bigger than you. Focus on those you protected. And also be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.
He will learn that there are consequences for that type of behavior. And maybe do better in his next place of employment
So your actions had a compound effect all for the better imo
If they got fired over it either what they said was really bad or they've done it so many times that management is just sick of it.
Either way he got himself fired, not you.
You aren't the reason why he got fired, his actions are. That whole "she ruined a poor man's life" is mysoginistic bs weaponized to keep us shut enduring abuse. He faced the consequences of his actions. You not only did nothing wrong, but actually did an extremely good thing, you protected other women and thought other men that misogyny and harassment will not be tolerated, that's a powerful message
>But I still feel guilty that someone is now out of job and possibly without insurance because of an incident surrounding me.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle these emotions?
If you feel like you need to do something, you could write to your elected officials and urge them to reform healthcare in the USA so that losing a job doesn't mean that a person is without access to insurance.
I was part of the reason one of my friends got fired, so I get the conflicting feelings. Even today, almost 10 years later, I still feel a twinge of guilt even though I "shouldn't".
This was a man who showed up last minute to help me move, he'd pay for my lunch just because we were friends (I'm a man and he was straight, so it wasn't him trying to flirt with me—he just wanted to treat me to lunch), we'd hang out together after work.
But one day, one of the employees I supervised said that my friend ("Jay") had made her feel uncomfortable with some of his comments. She even said she didn't think he meant ill by it—Jay was just an awkward, romantic, theater-loving fool who didn't realize how his comments came off, but his comments still made her uncomfortable and created a hostile workspace. I remember my employee breaking down and crying because of how Jay's comments had made her feel; even though she stressed that she really thought he'd meant them innocently, the comments still hurt her deeply—which fits the parameters of sexual harassment.
As soon as I finished my meeting with her, I got in touch with HR and reported my friend. I wish I hadn't had the need to do so, but I don't regret it one bit—he made someone feel unsafe and harassed, and that's all that mattered in this situation. It was his first strike, but a few months later he was let go because someone else put in a second complaint against him.
To this day, I really do believe that Jay was just super awkward and clueless—he meant well and wasn't malicious in the least. And I know that my reporting him was what started his road to being fired (because my employee didn't want to, she was just confiding in me until I convinced her that I needed to bring this up with HR). I feel bad about what happened, but I don't feel—and never have felt—guilty.
It's a weird mix of emotions, knowing you participated in the process that got someone fired, being ok with the outcome, but also feeling sad about it all—at least that's how I still feel about it.
I don't know that anyone has the right way to feel in this kind of emotionally complex situation, but I hope you find peace with it—even if it's a melancholy kind of peace.
You didn't like dig deeper or talk to him at all? You couldn't just explain to the guy he sometimes was awkward? Sounds like he got ruined for just being a little weird and different, he could have also been neurodivergent which would make it harsher.
So, this guy Jay is super nice, helped you move at a moment's notice, even buys you lunch. You know he's a good guy and that he has no ill intentions, he's just awkward and romantic. He doesn't even have any strikes on his record. Then the coworker shows up, and even she says that there were no bad intentions. And instead of having the decency of at least talking to this friend of yours and asking what's is going on, you go straight for the jugular and try to get him fired.
I hope you fall face first on a curb and break all your front teeth.
My friend the HR exec says “I don’t fire people, they fire themselves.” It was his behavior, not you calling it out, that landed him in the situation.
Thirty years ago, I had a very similar thing happen. I worked for a now bankrupt department store, in the layaway department, which was locked and looked like a giant dog kennel. I was 17. A man who worked in the stockroom (who was over 30 and married !) told me several times that I looked good in a cage and would look better with a collar in the cage.
The security guy for the store was the son of one of my father’s business associates and whilst I didn’t know security guy, I knew and trusted his dad, so I thought of him as “safe”. I went to him and told him about it, without mentioning a name, and I asked if it was sexual harassment. (Remember that I was 17 years old at that time, so I wasn’t sure.) Security guy said, “It was stockroom guy, and if you are willing to file a complaint, I can finally do something about that creep.” I was shocked that he knew who it was, but he had been saying creepy shit to other people, too. So I did. I filled out the paperwork and signed it. They fired the creep. I felt horrible about it, because I had assumed they’d take some sort of disciplinary action, not fire him.
Thirty years later, I know they did the right thing…I was the third person who complained and I was a child.
The company was looking for a reason to release him. I don't think you have any reason to feel anything more than relief that you won't need to deal with him again. You have a right to not be harassed.
You are kind that you worry about him being fired. But you don't know how he reacted to whatever they told him about your and it sounds like many other previous interactions. My guess is he didn't react well...
Perhaps remember that you are not the only person this other guy worked with. From your management’s response- maybe they’re just amazing management or MAYBE they just needed one last issue from him to fire him. You’re a hero. You’re saving other women from his harassment. Think of yourself as helping make the company better and safer!!
It's understandable that you may feel uncomfortable in this situation.
Just give it some time. You probably won't feel that guilt after a while. As others have said, he did it to himself.
You are not the reason he was fired. He is the reason he was fired. He had clearly been told before to change his behavior and refused to do so, believing that he could ignore rules of decent behavior and suffer no consequences. Maybe getting fired will finally cause him to re-evaluate his actions.
I read a story once about someone who saw a fatal auto accident and described it to the police, and the driver ended up going to jail. The witness said she struggled with feelings of guilt, but she didn't make him drive unsafely and she didn't make him kill anyone. She was struggling with an internal feeling that it's her job to make sure everyone is happy all the time, and if anyone is unhappy then it's her fault. And when she's in a situation where it's impossible to make everyone happy, that's just intolerable.
Even when the unhappy person was guilty of reckless driving and vehicular manslaughter.
A witness who tells the truth about inappropriate behavior is not responsible for the consequences of the inappropriate behavior.
You say you know that this was "the straw that broke the camel's back." Management did an investigation of him.
You didn't get him fired. His repeated inappropriate behavior got him fired.
Look, I am old. I have fired many people. Some of them are still friends, believe it or not. Most managers wait until things are way past a problem before they do this. People I fired and a few people that I’ve gotten fire absolutely deserved it and moved onto situations that fit them better.
I often help my managers with the hiring process, senior technical architect and all that. I've been part of a conversation where they were starting an applicant hunt because someone was let go due to harassment. And the #1 thing I took away from it is when you have a good HR and boss they will not tell you that person xyz is on their 3rd strike and you telling them gives them the ability to purge a resource they know is a liability but can't make go away just yet because of attempting to avoid legal fall out.
I say this because given how quick he was gone and how much they believed you, I'll bet he'd been warned previously shuffled to a new department/store/location to give him a chance to learn and when he didn't you gave them the info they needed to safely satisfy the dismissal requirements and get rid of a liability.
Good job. Hopefully he learns this time and is an amazing coworker forever more.
You didn’t do anything wrong. They made inappropriate comments. That’s on them, 100%. It’s not your fault they decided to be inappropriate and you have a right to feel safe in your workspace.
Best be rid of him before he becomes a bigger problem. Saying he was both a decent sort, but had personality issues sounds like playing with fire. The longer someone is in a job, the more they feel comfortable with their true selves coming out. Today's personality problem was probably just the tip of the iceberg.
Story time : We had a "new hire" who was under a probationary period (I think they were still doing one year then; it was later increased to two years.) He came in after retiring from the military, so he wasn't inexperienced, by any means. He had moderate to good tech skills needed for the job. He was a stone cold asshole, though.
Nearing the end of his probationary period, our manager had a meeting, with everyone else in our branch, to discuss whether to keep him on, or kick him. (the only time I had ever heard of such an informal peer review for a proby) The manager knew there were grumblings, but they hadn't been brought to him previously, due to difficulties in getting people out, in general. We all had just been biting our lip and dealing with it, for a year. We told our manager that this guy was not a good fit, and if he didn't get him out when he could, no one would ever be able to get him out. No one wanted to work with him. We didn't even want a "pass the trash" scenario, where he stayed but went to a different office. We couldn't agree on much, but it was very satisfying that we all agreed on this. He was booted. Buh bye!
I shudder to think how much worse it could have gotten. I looked him up some years later, just a Google search, and saw he had filed lawsuit**S** against subsequent employers, alleging hinky dismissals. My man, when everyone around you is an asshole, you're probably the asshole...
You are allowed to feel however you feel. You can process those emotions in any way that helps -- crying, exercise, art, therapy, whatever.
But this guy sounds like a serial creep and I feel like one of the emotions you should maybe feel is EFFING PROUD that you did the thing that will protect women from this shit in the future. You defended your fellow workers! GO YOU! I"M effing PROUD OF YOU!
Almost never is someone eliminated after just *one incident* unless the incident was very obviously illegal.
What most likely happened (and I think you figured this out) is that this was a series of ongoing issues**, and you just happened to have a clear and timely example which is often times what HR and Management needs.** Too often the examples are really dated, or not specific, or not immediate enough to address.
**So you shouldn't worry at all.** You had a complaint and you raised it. You didn't make it your life's work to get the guy fired, and assuming you were honest with you concerns then exactly the right thing happened and you should not feel guilty in the least.
**I think it's typical for ANYONE to have empathy, even for someone who is shitty, but there is a big difference between feeling empathy for someone getting fired and feeling responsible for someone with a history of bad behavior getting removed.**
It sounds like they were looking for an excuse to get rid of him all along.
When you are at that point with management you are on borrowed time and presumably have been warned.
He got himself fired by making rude comments.
Hi, manager w/ 10 years experience in leadership roles in corporate America here. The company's swift response and getting their ducks in a row with your statement tell me that this person has done something like this in the past, but not enough to lose their job over. So management was familiar with what to do. HR wants to act swiftly if it's a pattern of behavior that isn't getting better after whatever actions HR had taken. Indeed, you have done nothing wrong, and I imagine this whole situation must have been very rattling. I'm sorry this happened to you. What helps me is talking about my emotions to a professional(I go through my health insurance and only need to pay the $25 copay per session!), or a trusted friend, or the internets. I recommend in that order.
He did this to himself. It is natural to feel responsible for his consequences, but you aren't. You are the AGENT but not the actor, if that makes sense.
Thankyou for standing up!
Maybe I'm lost in translation, but how is saying that someone sounds like a virtual assistant harassment instead of just a stupid remark from a coworker? If I could get my coworkers fired for annoying and stupid shit they say, I'd be the only one left here.
That said, I'm sure in context it's just the tip of the ice berg and getting him fired is nothing to feel bad about. I just don't understand why you described him as "decent sort" then.
Other coworkers have compared me to the Virtual Assistants, I used that description to get the idea of the tone of voice I used across. What he decided to do was call said tone a “sexy voice”
His behavior would have gotten worse and worse over time if you hadn't done something about it. You saved someone else from a traumatic experience at work.
You did not fire him. And you're not the reason he got fired. He did that to himself. You certainly weren't the first person who complained about him. Maybe your complaint was the last drop but that's not the same as being the reason.
Also, he could have easily avoided being fired by just behaving like a decent person. It's not that hard, most people manage to do it. You're not obligated to take any crap and you did the right thing.
If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been another woman who reported him. And who knows how many women he would’ve harassed in the meantime. He was already on his way to getting fired, you just spared more women from having to experience harassment and discomfort.
Are you the reason they got fired, or.. was their inappropriate comment the reason?
It's normal to feel bad if you didn't think reporting it would lead to this, but you did the right thing and you’re not responsible for their actions or the decision to fire them.
Remember, you can only control your actions and choices.
This other employee made choices. The company had consequences.
If not you, then someone else.
Sleep easily.
Besides all the things that everybody else is saying about how this jackass got himself fired - he's NOT "a decent sort", stop excusing his self inflicted dumpster fire.
If a coworker had overheard and made the report, would it be the coworker’s fault he got fired? If he’d been recorded on a security camera that happened to get reviewed, would it be the fault of the employee reviewing footage? Sounds like he did things that should have gotten him fired quite often, and this time he happened to do it on such a way that it got back to the managers. Maybe if he wanted a job and health insurance he shouldn’t have sexually harassed his coworker. It’s really easy to not sexually harass your coworkers, I do it all the time! All you have to do is shut up and move along! If you go out of your way to do shit that gets people fired, you’re gonna get fired.
Sounds like HR was just waiting for another complaint and jumped at the chance. I bet he had it coming, you did the right thing and protected yourself and other people in the process. I think you should be proud of yourself and not feel bad.
The behavior was the problem, not you.
Possibly the reaction to discussion of behavior, which is a new and possibly final straw. You got no skin in this one
Question, was the inappropriate comment that you sound like a virtual assistant, or did the guy make other comments that you think are related to you sounding like a virtual assistant?
I use the low and slow approach for my voice when making announcements to make it as clear and accent free as possible (hence the virtual assistant comments), my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
>untoward/inappropriate comments about the way I made an announcement (I have been told I sound like a virtual assistant over the intercom
I'm so lost here, he said you sound like Siri?
but it was inappropriate. Sexy Siri?
I do mean like Siri, I was trying to keep it vague but several folks have asked. When making announcements I use the low and slow approach for my voice to make it as clear and accent free as possible, my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
I just want to say that you are not alone, I am in the same situation as you and the fired person started a pity party that made me feel so guity. But ultimately it’s for the best of everybody in the company
Look at it this way: this is his opportunity to wake up and be a better person. Imagine if someone had made him face consequences earlier in his life - wouldn't that have been a favor to him? Wouldn't he have had a better life, better relationships, been happier, had more people like and respect him if he had a wakeup call as a young kid? Or as a young man? Or 5 years ago?
You have given him the opportunity *now* that people should have given him years ago, and that he should have been given **every year of his life** - to treat people with respect.
And all those other people that he treated like shit every year of his life - didn't *they* deserve to have had him face consequences earlier in his life, so he didnt treat them badly? Didn't *you* deserve that?
You have done every person in his future - including him - a favor.
This guy may end up grateful that he has had this wakeup call.
You aren't responsible for someone else's actions. They were the reason they were fired, not you.
It also sounds like a "final straw" type situation. This person probably had a pattern of misconduct.
"straw that broke the camel’s back" answers that pretty straight. It wasn't your fault, your were the last stray management needed to can this guy. Not to underplay what happened to you, but I'm fairly confident they were quite quick to address this as fast as they did, because it may not have been their first rodeo with this guy. To be fair, it doesn't mean in the way he was with you. He could have been toxic to other people as well, just not in the SH-realm, and then you come along and reveal that he's really done it now, and you were just the last straw they needed.
Don’t carry his guilt, that belongs to him. This is the consequence of his actions, not yours. Good on you for standing up for yourself in the moment and reporting him to his and your supervisors. Sometimes situations like this are the wake up calls that people like him need to change their terrible behaviors.
Beyond thinking about this one guy - consider that now there's an opening for someone who's probably been looking for a decent job, and now they have an opportunity that they might not have had otherwise.
I do mean the automated voices, I was trying to keep it vague but several folks have asked. When making announcements I use the low and slow approach for my voice to make it as clear and accent free as possible, my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
You did your team and supervisors a favor by giving them yet another reason to get rid of this guy. He had a target on his back for a while and he put it there himself. Everyone is better off and you contributed positively by using the resources provided by the company and everything worked out as it should.
I will add to the chorus of voices saying that your incident being the "final straw" means that this person has been REPEATEDLY inappropriate and been given multiple chances to learn how to behave in the work place. Don't feel guilty or responsible for someone who finally had to deal with the consequences of their actions.
I got the same coworker fired twice at two different jobs. Felt guilty as hell, but it was his actions that got him fired. He screwed up big time at the first job, and at the second one, he lied about the first one.
You did the right thing, and I'm so glad you reported him. I bet you aren't the first one he's been inappropriate with. You did a lot of people a huge favor. Hopefully, he learns from this and corrects his behavior.
He's the reason he was fired, you don't need to feel anything.
A good person wouldn't be in a situation where something small gets the fired.
HR likely won't tell you but I bet there's more background behind that bloke.
You gave them the facts and they made a decision given his record. As you said, this is probably not his first issue. You simply allowed him to be held accountable. I’m sure the government has insurance he can enroll in for the time being.
The fact you said it was the final straw meant that he's done this multiple times to other people, and has been told about how inappropriate it is, but he still continued anyways. So it's not just you. He only has himself to blame. If he doesn't want to be out of work and out of insurance, maybe he shouldn't have been such a gross prick, especially after numerous warnings. Like if I get written up for anything wrong I did at work, maybe even something as mundane as not colour coordinating the shelf displays, then I take that warning and start rectifying it. Not continue on with what I'm doing and pretend I know better.
/u/notsetinstone This here please. "Final straw" only means you're the last one who reported the problem with that co-worker. He had it coming, he knew he was behaving inappropriately. He didn't correct/change his behavior while he had many warnings and ample time to do so. He is 100% responsible for being fired.
Happened to a friend of mine and I was privy to her struggles with it real time so it left an impression on me. The words “final straw”brought that incident my friend endured freshly in my mind. For my friend…a guy at work was getting friendlier and friendlier and started saying something inappropriate and would not take a hint to stop. She went to her supervisor asking for advice on how to handle it and next thing he was fired. She felt so bad about it but then her sup did a whisper that it was not the only incident. They could not tell her details of course and not even the “not the only incident” part but her boss couldn’t see her feeling bad about it.
Hey, YOU are not the reason they got fired. THEY are. They made inappropriate comments, and they got the consequences. There was a record of this person having issues already…they were already on the path to the door. You deserve no guilt nor shame.
This! Don’t take blame for someone else’s behavior and it’s consequences…
Personally, I'd take the credit (at least internally). Nobody else is going to get harassed and that's because of your initiative I'd definitely feel better about getting that energy out of the workplace than I would feel bad about what happens to that energy now That's all very easy to say, though. You didn't do anything wrong
This is how I feel about it (I have personal experience with similar situations) and if no others got harassed I am fine with that. If they wanted to keep their job, they should have been mindful of what they said, I have a feeling OP wasn't the only one who notified managers about such conduct.
Remember you don’t have full insight into the issues. Don’t take the credit, or the blame. I had a similar experience years ago. A older man made some inappropriate comments that I largely laughed off, but my manager insisted they get documented and escalated. A week later the guy was gone. None of us missed him, but I carried that vague guilt for a few years… until I moved into a role that absorbed some of that persons historical data and learned he was absolutely shit at his job, and likely inflating commissions and hiding other bonuses for himself and his team, and that executive had been trying to get straight answers out of him about the departments financials for months. I wasn’t the first complaint about his behaviour towards women, mine just had really good timing for the executive directors. You never know. But it’s extremely unlikely that his behaviour with you was the core cause. You were just the most recent, and final, event.
Exactly this. I had replies within two minutes is a clear sign of they wanted to fire him.
This, they were waiting
Change your thinking on this. “Because of an incident surrounding me” - who is missing from that sentence? Who was in control over whether this “incident” came to be? Who is really responsible for behaving so badly that the company fired him? (Not you.) It’s also quite likely that this “incident” was not the first or only time he’s behaved like this. It’s usual for companies with strong HR policies to go to training/disciplinary action before firing.
You protected everyone including yourself from future harassment. He got *himself* fired.
There's nothing to handle, don't be hard on yourself. Your situation, as you say, was the straw which broke the camel's back, meaning there were already many straws loaded up prior. Rarely does anyone get axed for a single action (unless it was truly atrocious), so you cannot be "the" (as in only) reason dude is gone. Likely they'd been wondering when he would do another stupid thing and bring this on himself. You're probably not the only person who is glad he's gone, even if there are some who liked him. Don't allow yourself to victim blame yourself. Breathe, and then go back to work knowing that you're able to stand up for yourself and those around you will take you seriously when you do.
They probably had a whole file on him that had nothing to do with you if they were able to fire him so quickly after that. You didn't get him fired; his repeated refusal to listen to reason and change his behavior got him fired.
As a manager, I can tell you this is not your fault. Also, judging by the response from your manager, they were probably waiting for a complaint like yours to move on from a challenging employee.
Here's my take: when is the last time any of us heard of a woman "accidentally" saying something sexually inappropriate or misandrist to a man in a business setting? It probably happens sometimes, but it seems that the majority of women in the workforce are capable of keeping any stupid or offensive comments INSIDE THEIR HEADS rather than saying them aloud and then getting in trouble over them. The guy at your job is probably not an overall terrible person and I hope he can move on and be a productive member of society somewhere else, but he did something extremely stupid and now he's facing the consequences. If literal CHILDREN at school can understand that certain words are off limits, then a grown man has no excuse.
It’s about damn time a woman puts a man in his place. Don’t feel guilty at all. Women are taught to apologize and put up with this behavior. This is not the first time nor last time he made inappropriate remarks. He finally got called out on it. He’ll manage and hopefully but probably not learn from his mistakes. You work for a good company that respects you. Not many places take it seriously.
one thing to note: A lot of people in that guy’s position end up getting themselves fired because of how they REACT when they are called on it by HR. They get pissy, defensive, argumentative, etc. And that’s it then; the company is not going to bother with that. Here’s a way to frame this; maybe it’ll help with the guilt. It’s disrespectful to him, and perhaps a little arrogant for you to take on any level of responsibility or blame here. Respect: He’s a fully actualized human being; you don’t need to patronize him, and you don’t control him. He is the person who is in charge of how he acts. It has nothing to do with you. Arrogant: You aren’t the only or even the main person in this story. It’s not really about you. You’re a bit player in this. You have a minor, supporting role. The movers and actors here are him and the company. Don’t try to make this be about you. (I do mean this kindly and supportively, even if it does sound a little harsh.)
I think you should feel like an empowered badass that doesn't take that shit. Good on ya. It's not your fault he was fired - that's on him. You're just the brick wall he went *splat* against. Feel positive, feel powerful, feel like you protected yourself and your coworkers, AND the store and their management team. I hear you. Survivor's guilt is a thing, even in everyday, non-physical settings. I used to feel guilty for doing well on tests! You're a good egg. Your empathy does you credit, but this was unavoidable. Some people will never learn how to behave until they face the consequences of their own actions.
Why do you feel like you should take responsibility for someone else's choices? He did something wrong, and it made you uncomfortable. You did what you could do, to protect yourself (report him, tell him to stop). Why are you feeling like you need to tolerate his bad behavior so that he's insulated from consequences? Why are you expected to tolerate, and he's not expected to be able to hold his tongue? Especially after you already told him to stop? It's not your job to protect anyone but yourself (and, you know, if you had children or whatever). Absolve yourself of this one, when those guilty feelings surface.
You didn't get him fired. HE did.
Based on what you said about being encouraged to make a written report immediately, I’m pretty sure you were in the same situation I was in several years ago - your management already wanted to fire him and just needed more documentation to make it clear it was justified. The coworker I was dealing with had a habit of claiming discrimination every time his (terrible!) work performance and behaviour were brought up, so our bosses were making sure he couldn’t wriggle out of it.
I got someone fired once. I now know I have a health issue that causes a lot of food allergies (and thus caused/causes a lot of unpleasant and random restroom breaks sometimes). Well, this one guy decided to snitch on me for being gone for 15 minutes coming back for 10 minutes and being gone again for 15 minutes one day. Like, we all know how stomach issues work sometimes. It wasn't really in my control. My manager pulled me back and told me someone had complained about me leaving for long and frequent bathroom breaks. I was like "Ya know, that's funny, because I'm still somehow around enough to notice that it was X who complained to you about it and that X is only doing so because they want you to be so distracted checking on other people that you don't notice that they, themselves, take 1.5 hour lunch breaks instead of 1 hour AND that they disappear for another hour almost every day once the managers have left as well. But ya know, you can punish me if you'd like to. I was gone for these bathroom breaks today, I won't pretend I wasn't, but I've already mentioned to you that I have an unknown food/stomach issue that I'm trying to get treated and there's not much I can do about it until we figure out what's going on." The dude who snitched on me was gone two weeks later after the manager had grabbed some help from supporting upper staff members to watch him and prove what I claimed was true. That manager and I never had a problem again. The next time someone said something stupid about me the manager was like "this is what was claimed, what's the real story?" Lol And to think, if that guy had just NOT snitched on me for something out of my control I would've kept minding my own business and he could've kept getting away with it. Some people man. It's best not to stir the pot in my opinion. I avoid rattling people out but I'll definitely spill the beans if I'm pushed to Anyways, my overall point is, don't feel bad. I doubt it was just your word alone that got this guy fired. I'm sure the manager responded that way because they needed more stuff on record with HR. You being open and supplying written documentation of your experience actively protects the company when they go to fire someone. So, odds are, they were just waiting for the right level of protection/documentation to be able to fire the dude. It's in no way your fault
This is the perfect outcome for men like this who cant behave appropriately in civilized society. FAFO. The days of men making the workplace uncomfortable for women is over. It's one small tool in their Toolbox of Misogyny to force women to be financially dependent on men in exchange for sex and we're not doing it anymore.
Yes this. Last year I filed a harassment claim against an old white guy who made sexually explicit comments at me at a staff party. I'm not tolerating this shit anymore. FAFO indeed.
Feel proud that you stood up for yourself and challenged eons worth of "that's just the way it is" Your ancestors smile upon you this day!
Sounds like he wouldn’t have gotten fired if he didn’t say weird gross shit to people. You didn’t get him fired, he got himself fired when he opened his mouth to let garbage fall out.
Remove yourself from the equation. You didn’t force this man to make inappropriate comments. It started with him and it ended with him. He only has himself to blame for being fired.
Yeah, I don't actually think this incident alone got him fired. Gonna guess he had a lot of warnings for other stuff. Also, he sounds like an immature moron. So good riddance. My husband's former boss who got fired on Tuesday was probably stealing money and equipment from the company for two years. And there are pics of him stoned out of his mind, sleeping at his desk. My husband made a delivery on Monday. The person paid in cash. My husband documented everything and passed the cash on to his boss. The boss was fired the next day, because there was some cash missing and that cash was traced to the boss. So that may seem pretty cut and dried. But it turns out that the company basically sent a corporate SWAT team to bust this guy. The guy was bragging to corporate big wigs about regularly taking 2 hour lunches, because he was entitled to, as he managed the highest grossing branch in the country. And we found out the boss had been stealing a lot. They think at least 50k in cash, along with equipment. They are looking to prosecute. So my point is, I think there was probably a lot going on with this guy and he was on the chopping block. You just happened to get caught in the crossfire. But he is a grown adult responsible for his own behavior and needs to hold himself accountable and not blame a woman for his idiocy.
Just to respond to a facet of your post that I haven’t seen addressed, OP: just because this guy wasn’t an openly sexist a**hole *all* the time (“a decent sort”), doesn’t mean you should feel bad AT ALL about what happened to him. People are generally only 100% evil in Disney movies. What this guy did to you, and pretty clearly to other people, was plenty to deserve getting fired. Being “a decent sort” most of the time isn’t good enough, and doesn’t mean he should have gotten away with the rest of his awful behavior.
I realize you are leaving detail out for privacy but you provided so little detail we have no idea what he did. I am not sure why saying you sound like a virtual assistant would be inappropriate enough to cause termination. (it isn't insulting or complementary, just an observation). anyhow, it's done now and since you say there were chronic issues with this individual, your complaint may have only been the final straw. handle your emotions? all you can do is let yourself feel them and they will pass.
Another coworker or other coworkers are probably glad he finally got fired after harassing them and them reporting it hoping he'd be reprimanded and stopped. So, if anything, see it as helping others. He decided to act that way, you asked him to stop, he decided not to. Absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. He didn't feel guilty continuing to harass you. You did no wrong and as someone who was kinda harassed, it really makes the workplace suck because you dread running into them. It actually fucking sucks ass.
If he was fired, chances are that he was already on their radar and this was the last straw. Even if that is not the case, the company made a choice to limit their own liability. It is also important to remember that in reporting the incident, you not only stood up for your right to be in a harassment free workplace but you protected his future victims. What if next time, it’s a woman who is too timid to fight back? Or a young intern? And he escalates until he pressures her into sex or until she quits. Maybe even ends up discouraged from pursuing a career in a field she wanted to work in? I can’t recall the numbers but I remember hearing that there is a shockingly high percentage of women who have had to leave their careers and are no longer working in their fields because of sexual harassment This is bigger than you. Focus on those you protected. And also be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself. He will learn that there are consequences for that type of behavior. And maybe do better in his next place of employment So your actions had a compound effect all for the better imo
If they got fired over it either what they said was really bad or they've done it so many times that management is just sick of it. Either way he got himself fired, not you.
Why did one straw break the camel's back? Here's the secret: The million other straws underneath it It's all mathematics - Yasiin Bay
You aren't the reason why he got fired, his actions are. That whole "she ruined a poor man's life" is mysoginistic bs weaponized to keep us shut enduring abuse. He faced the consequences of his actions. You not only did nothing wrong, but actually did an extremely good thing, you protected other women and thought other men that misogyny and harassment will not be tolerated, that's a powerful message
>But I still feel guilty that someone is now out of job and possibly without insurance because of an incident surrounding me. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle these emotions? If you feel like you need to do something, you could write to your elected officials and urge them to reform healthcare in the USA so that losing a job doesn't mean that a person is without access to insurance.
I was part of the reason one of my friends got fired, so I get the conflicting feelings. Even today, almost 10 years later, I still feel a twinge of guilt even though I "shouldn't". This was a man who showed up last minute to help me move, he'd pay for my lunch just because we were friends (I'm a man and he was straight, so it wasn't him trying to flirt with me—he just wanted to treat me to lunch), we'd hang out together after work. But one day, one of the employees I supervised said that my friend ("Jay") had made her feel uncomfortable with some of his comments. She even said she didn't think he meant ill by it—Jay was just an awkward, romantic, theater-loving fool who didn't realize how his comments came off, but his comments still made her uncomfortable and created a hostile workspace. I remember my employee breaking down and crying because of how Jay's comments had made her feel; even though she stressed that she really thought he'd meant them innocently, the comments still hurt her deeply—which fits the parameters of sexual harassment. As soon as I finished my meeting with her, I got in touch with HR and reported my friend. I wish I hadn't had the need to do so, but I don't regret it one bit—he made someone feel unsafe and harassed, and that's all that mattered in this situation. It was his first strike, but a few months later he was let go because someone else put in a second complaint against him. To this day, I really do believe that Jay was just super awkward and clueless—he meant well and wasn't malicious in the least. And I know that my reporting him was what started his road to being fired (because my employee didn't want to, she was just confiding in me until I convinced her that I needed to bring this up with HR). I feel bad about what happened, but I don't feel—and never have felt—guilty. It's a weird mix of emotions, knowing you participated in the process that got someone fired, being ok with the outcome, but also feeling sad about it all—at least that's how I still feel about it. I don't know that anyone has the right way to feel in this kind of emotionally complex situation, but I hope you find peace with it—even if it's a melancholy kind of peace.
You didn't like dig deeper or talk to him at all? You couldn't just explain to the guy he sometimes was awkward? Sounds like he got ruined for just being a little weird and different, he could have also been neurodivergent which would make it harsher.
So, this guy Jay is super nice, helped you move at a moment's notice, even buys you lunch. You know he's a good guy and that he has no ill intentions, he's just awkward and romantic. He doesn't even have any strikes on his record. Then the coworker shows up, and even she says that there were no bad intentions. And instead of having the decency of at least talking to this friend of yours and asking what's is going on, you go straight for the jugular and try to get him fired. I hope you fall face first on a curb and break all your front teeth.
My friend the HR exec says “I don’t fire people, they fire themselves.” It was his behavior, not you calling it out, that landed him in the situation. Thirty years ago, I had a very similar thing happen. I worked for a now bankrupt department store, in the layaway department, which was locked and looked like a giant dog kennel. I was 17. A man who worked in the stockroom (who was over 30 and married !) told me several times that I looked good in a cage and would look better with a collar in the cage. The security guy for the store was the son of one of my father’s business associates and whilst I didn’t know security guy, I knew and trusted his dad, so I thought of him as “safe”. I went to him and told him about it, without mentioning a name, and I asked if it was sexual harassment. (Remember that I was 17 years old at that time, so I wasn’t sure.) Security guy said, “It was stockroom guy, and if you are willing to file a complaint, I can finally do something about that creep.” I was shocked that he knew who it was, but he had been saying creepy shit to other people, too. So I did. I filled out the paperwork and signed it. They fired the creep. I felt horrible about it, because I had assumed they’d take some sort of disciplinary action, not fire him. Thirty years later, I know they did the right thing…I was the third person who complained and I was a child.
The company was looking for a reason to release him. I don't think you have any reason to feel anything more than relief that you won't need to deal with him again. You have a right to not be harassed.
You are kind that you worry about him being fired. But you don't know how he reacted to whatever they told him about your and it sounds like many other previous interactions. My guess is he didn't react well...
Their actions got them fired. End of story.
Perhaps remember that you are not the only person this other guy worked with. From your management’s response- maybe they’re just amazing management or MAYBE they just needed one last issue from him to fire him. You’re a hero. You’re saving other women from his harassment. Think of yourself as helping make the company better and safer!!
It's understandable that you may feel uncomfortable in this situation. Just give it some time. You probably won't feel that guilt after a while. As others have said, he did it to himself.
You didn’t get him fired. He got himself fired with the behavior. He is the reason he was fired. Take solace in that fact and sleep comfortably.
You are not the reason he was fired. He is the reason he was fired. He had clearly been told before to change his behavior and refused to do so, believing that he could ignore rules of decent behavior and suffer no consequences. Maybe getting fired will finally cause him to re-evaluate his actions. I read a story once about someone who saw a fatal auto accident and described it to the police, and the driver ended up going to jail. The witness said she struggled with feelings of guilt, but she didn't make him drive unsafely and she didn't make him kill anyone. She was struggling with an internal feeling that it's her job to make sure everyone is happy all the time, and if anyone is unhappy then it's her fault. And when she's in a situation where it's impossible to make everyone happy, that's just intolerable. Even when the unhappy person was guilty of reckless driving and vehicular manslaughter. A witness who tells the truth about inappropriate behavior is not responsible for the consequences of the inappropriate behavior.
You say you know that this was "the straw that broke the camel's back." Management did an investigation of him. You didn't get him fired. His repeated inappropriate behavior got him fired.
Look, I am old. I have fired many people. Some of them are still friends, believe it or not. Most managers wait until things are way past a problem before they do this. People I fired and a few people that I’ve gotten fire absolutely deserved it and moved onto situations that fit them better.
I often help my managers with the hiring process, senior technical architect and all that. I've been part of a conversation where they were starting an applicant hunt because someone was let go due to harassment. And the #1 thing I took away from it is when you have a good HR and boss they will not tell you that person xyz is on their 3rd strike and you telling them gives them the ability to purge a resource they know is a liability but can't make go away just yet because of attempting to avoid legal fall out. I say this because given how quick he was gone and how much they believed you, I'll bet he'd been warned previously shuffled to a new department/store/location to give him a chance to learn and when he didn't you gave them the info they needed to safely satisfy the dismissal requirements and get rid of a liability. Good job. Hopefully he learns this time and is an amazing coworker forever more.
You didn’t do anything wrong. They made inappropriate comments. That’s on them, 100%. It’s not your fault they decided to be inappropriate and you have a right to feel safe in your workspace.
Best be rid of him before he becomes a bigger problem. Saying he was both a decent sort, but had personality issues sounds like playing with fire. The longer someone is in a job, the more they feel comfortable with their true selves coming out. Today's personality problem was probably just the tip of the iceberg. Story time : We had a "new hire" who was under a probationary period (I think they were still doing one year then; it was later increased to two years.) He came in after retiring from the military, so he wasn't inexperienced, by any means. He had moderate to good tech skills needed for the job. He was a stone cold asshole, though. Nearing the end of his probationary period, our manager had a meeting, with everyone else in our branch, to discuss whether to keep him on, or kick him. (the only time I had ever heard of such an informal peer review for a proby) The manager knew there were grumblings, but they hadn't been brought to him previously, due to difficulties in getting people out, in general. We all had just been biting our lip and dealing with it, for a year. We told our manager that this guy was not a good fit, and if he didn't get him out when he could, no one would ever be able to get him out. No one wanted to work with him. We didn't even want a "pass the trash" scenario, where he stayed but went to a different office. We couldn't agree on much, but it was very satisfying that we all agreed on this. He was booted. Buh bye! I shudder to think how much worse it could have gotten. I looked him up some years later, just a Google search, and saw he had filed lawsuit**S** against subsequent employers, alleging hinky dismissals. My man, when everyone around you is an asshole, you're probably the asshole...
You are allowed to feel however you feel. You can process those emotions in any way that helps -- crying, exercise, art, therapy, whatever. But this guy sounds like a serial creep and I feel like one of the emotions you should maybe feel is EFFING PROUD that you did the thing that will protect women from this shit in the future. You defended your fellow workers! GO YOU! I"M effing PROUD OF YOU!
Almost never is someone eliminated after just *one incident* unless the incident was very obviously illegal. What most likely happened (and I think you figured this out) is that this was a series of ongoing issues**, and you just happened to have a clear and timely example which is often times what HR and Management needs.** Too often the examples are really dated, or not specific, or not immediate enough to address. **So you shouldn't worry at all.** You had a complaint and you raised it. You didn't make it your life's work to get the guy fired, and assuming you were honest with you concerns then exactly the right thing happened and you should not feel guilty in the least. **I think it's typical for ANYONE to have empathy, even for someone who is shitty, but there is a big difference between feeling empathy for someone getting fired and feeling responsible for someone with a history of bad behavior getting removed.**
It sounds like they were looking for an excuse to get rid of him all along. When you are at that point with management you are on borrowed time and presumably have been warned. He got himself fired by making rude comments.
This person doesn’t have a job because they’re not right for it. Feel good that you took appropriate action.
Hi, manager w/ 10 years experience in leadership roles in corporate America here. The company's swift response and getting their ducks in a row with your statement tell me that this person has done something like this in the past, but not enough to lose their job over. So management was familiar with what to do. HR wants to act swiftly if it's a pattern of behavior that isn't getting better after whatever actions HR had taken. Indeed, you have done nothing wrong, and I imagine this whole situation must have been very rattling. I'm sorry this happened to you. What helps me is talking about my emotions to a professional(I go through my health insurance and only need to pay the $25 copay per session!), or a trusted friend, or the internets. I recommend in that order.
So his behavior is the reason he was fired. You just didn't protect him from the consequences of his choices
He did this to himself. It is natural to feel responsible for his consequences, but you aren't. You are the AGENT but not the actor, if that makes sense. Thankyou for standing up!
Maybe I'm lost in translation, but how is saying that someone sounds like a virtual assistant harassment instead of just a stupid remark from a coworker? If I could get my coworkers fired for annoying and stupid shit they say, I'd be the only one left here. That said, I'm sure in context it's just the tip of the ice berg and getting him fired is nothing to feel bad about. I just don't understand why you described him as "decent sort" then.
Other coworkers have compared me to the Virtual Assistants, I used that description to get the idea of the tone of voice I used across. What he decided to do was call said tone a “sexy voice”
His behavior would have gotten worse and worse over time if you hadn't done something about it. You saved someone else from a traumatic experience at work.
Sounds like your coworker is essentially the reason he was fired.
You did not fire him. And you're not the reason he got fired. He did that to himself. You certainly weren't the first person who complained about him. Maybe your complaint was the last drop but that's not the same as being the reason. Also, he could have easily avoided being fired by just behaving like a decent person. It's not that hard, most people manage to do it. You're not obligated to take any crap and you did the right thing.
If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been another woman who reported him. And who knows how many women he would’ve harassed in the meantime. He was already on his way to getting fired, you just spared more women from having to experience harassment and discomfort.
Are you the reason they got fired, or.. was their inappropriate comment the reason? It's normal to feel bad if you didn't think reporting it would lead to this, but you did the right thing and you’re not responsible for their actions or the decision to fire them.
Remember, you can only control your actions and choices. This other employee made choices. The company had consequences. If not you, then someone else. Sleep easily.
Uh no, his actions were the reason a coworker got fired.
Besides all the things that everybody else is saying about how this jackass got himself fired - he's NOT "a decent sort", stop excusing his self inflicted dumpster fire.
Yes. Forget about it. It would have only gotten worse.
You are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.
You're not the reason they were fired. Their behavior was the reason they were fired. Their responsibility, not yours.
He got himself fired.
Oh no. Someone reaped that which they had sown. Anyways...
If a coworker had overheard and made the report, would it be the coworker’s fault he got fired? If he’d been recorded on a security camera that happened to get reviewed, would it be the fault of the employee reviewing footage? Sounds like he did things that should have gotten him fired quite often, and this time he happened to do it on such a way that it got back to the managers. Maybe if he wanted a job and health insurance he shouldn’t have sexually harassed his coworker. It’s really easy to not sexually harass your coworkers, I do it all the time! All you have to do is shut up and move along! If you go out of your way to do shit that gets people fired, you’re gonna get fired.
Sounds like HR was just waiting for another complaint and jumped at the chance. I bet he had it coming, you did the right thing and protected yourself and other people in the process. I think you should be proud of yourself and not feel bad.
The behavior was the problem, not you. Possibly the reaction to discussion of behavior, which is a new and possibly final straw. You got no skin in this one
Question, was the inappropriate comment that you sound like a virtual assistant, or did the guy make other comments that you think are related to you sounding like a virtual assistant?
I use the low and slow approach for my voice when making announcements to make it as clear and accent free as possible (hence the virtual assistant comments), my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
>untoward/inappropriate comments about the way I made an announcement (I have been told I sound like a virtual assistant over the intercom I'm so lost here, he said you sound like Siri? but it was inappropriate. Sexy Siri?
I do mean like Siri, I was trying to keep it vague but several folks have asked. When making announcements I use the low and slow approach for my voice to make it as clear and accent free as possible, my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
Seems like the trash took itself out. Perv-pants Gross-comment got himself fired.
What did he say that was perverted?
I just want to say that you are not alone, I am in the same situation as you and the fired person started a pity party that made me feel so guity. But ultimately it’s for the best of everybody in the company
You are not responsible for the consequences of his actions.
Look at it this way: this is his opportunity to wake up and be a better person. Imagine if someone had made him face consequences earlier in his life - wouldn't that have been a favor to him? Wouldn't he have had a better life, better relationships, been happier, had more people like and respect him if he had a wakeup call as a young kid? Or as a young man? Or 5 years ago? You have given him the opportunity *now* that people should have given him years ago, and that he should have been given **every year of his life** - to treat people with respect. And all those other people that he treated like shit every year of his life - didn't *they* deserve to have had him face consequences earlier in his life, so he didnt treat them badly? Didn't *you* deserve that? You have done every person in his future - including him - a favor. This guy may end up grateful that he has had this wakeup call.
You aren't responsible for someone else's actions. They were the reason they were fired, not you. It also sounds like a "final straw" type situation. This person probably had a pattern of misconduct.
Nah sweetie he got his own ass fired. You did the right thing and it's all on him not you
"straw that broke the camel’s back" answers that pretty straight. It wasn't your fault, your were the last stray management needed to can this guy. Not to underplay what happened to you, but I'm fairly confident they were quite quick to address this as fast as they did, because it may not have been their first rodeo with this guy. To be fair, it doesn't mean in the way he was with you. He could have been toxic to other people as well, just not in the SH-realm, and then you come along and reveal that he's really done it now, and you were just the last straw they needed.
He got himself fired. Plain and simple.
You may not feel it right now, but be proud of yourself. You handled this perfectly.
Don’t carry his guilt, that belongs to him. This is the consequence of his actions, not yours. Good on you for standing up for yourself in the moment and reporting him to his and your supervisors. Sometimes situations like this are the wake up calls that people like him need to change their terrible behaviors.
Beyond thinking about this one guy - consider that now there's an opening for someone who's probably been looking for a decent job, and now they have an opportunity that they might not have had otherwise.
Does "virtual assistant" mean a phone sex worker? I thought it meant something like an automated voice but from the comments it doesn't seem to be.
I do mean the automated voices, I was trying to keep it vague but several folks have asked. When making announcements I use the low and slow approach for my voice to make it as clear and accent free as possible, my (ex) coworker decided calling it a “sexy voice” was an okay thing to do.
You did your team and supervisors a favor by giving them yet another reason to get rid of this guy. He had a target on his back for a while and he put it there himself. Everyone is better off and you contributed positively by using the resources provided by the company and everything worked out as it should.
They were wanting to fire her. That’s such a small infraction to fire a person for doing.
I will add to the chorus of voices saying that your incident being the "final straw" means that this person has been REPEATEDLY inappropriate and been given multiple chances to learn how to behave in the work place. Don't feel guilty or responsible for someone who finally had to deal with the consequences of their actions.
I got the same coworker fired twice at two different jobs. Felt guilty as hell, but it was his actions that got him fired. He screwed up big time at the first job, and at the second one, he lied about the first one. You did the right thing, and I'm so glad you reported him. I bet you aren't the first one he's been inappropriate with. You did a lot of people a huge favor. Hopefully, he learns from this and corrects his behavior.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If he’d never been a creep, he’d still have a job and insurance. Not your fault in the slightest.
He's the reason he was fired, you don't need to feel anything. A good person wouldn't be in a situation where something small gets the fired. HR likely won't tell you but I bet there's more background behind that bloke.
He fucked around and found out. I'm proud of you!
"Know the Work Rules" rings true even more every single year.
\> I am essentially the reason a coworker was fired and I don’t know how to feel. You are not the reason he was fired. His own actions were.
You gave them the facts and they made a decision given his record. As you said, this is probably not his first issue. You simply allowed him to be held accountable. I’m sure the government has insurance he can enroll in for the time being.