Wow, what a horrible creepy encounter! You did amazing standing your ground while also being cognizant of escalation. You are a fantastic example to your children, and they are lucky to have you as their mom.
Agree with the above comment. This guy was a total creep, & like you said, who in their right mind would say yes or no to a favor from a complete stranger w/o asking what the favor is?!?!! 🤯 I’m sorry that weirdo had to ruin what sounded like a pleasant morning for you and your kids. You handled it beautifully, & I definitely would’ve been on guard too for awhile after that.
Right?! When *my dad* asks me if I'd do him a favour my response is always "depends what it is". And whatever this guy "needed" wasn't important enough for him to worry about when he didn't achieve his primary objective of tricking OP into doing it.
Riding a bike and with two other guys on bikes, he was either going to ask for money or to 'use your toilet' and rob the house. In my city drug users will often ride (stolen) bikes when they're out trying anything they can think of to scrape some cash together for the next fix.
>he was either going to ask for money or to 'use your toilet' and rob the house.
Wow...
The thieves are getting awfully polite if they're asking permission to rob your house.
Seriously though, what a weird interaction. Glad you stood your ground OP.
It means they don't have to worry about how to get in, and they have plenty of time to check what they want to steal. You might not even notice them take it, and if you do then it's not difficult to run *out* of a house and ride away before anyone can stop them.
If you let them in, they know who else maybe there, if there's a dog to worry about, also getting a feel for the homeowner, if they are the kind to put a stranger's comfort over their own.
Maybe if it was a guy in cycling gear, who wasn't with two other dodgy types who were splitting up to ride around randomly and meet up again, and wasn't a dick about it by being intimidating and pushy.
Yeah, "what is it?" is ABSOLUTELY the next logical question when asked if you can do someone a favor. Good on you for being a fantastic example to your daughters, and keeping you all safe.
Oh my gosh I am rolling at your responses to him. Wtf did he expect? Such a weirdo. The way you addressed it was so dismissive and that's exactly what it needed. You did great. Some people are insane.
Yeah, he was planning something stupid. Maybe the plan was to pick a fight, maybe the plan was to get her to say yes and then complain when she didn't hold to that answer after he gave some entitled or overreacting request.
For sure
Usually when people ask if you can do them a favour especially out in public, an almost natural reaction is to approach them. I'm thinking he was hoping OP may do the same. He was on a bike, so abduction may not have been his intent, but he definitely wasn't going to ask for directions/a drink of water.
It is possible that he is just a self centered entitled jackass. Doing one of their stupid narcissistic tests. He was going to ask for water or something, but was super offended that she wouldn't just blindly say yes. Probably so he can go play victim to his friends about how rude women are now in public or something. Not engaging as best you can is probably the right move no matter what this creepy guy's intentions were.
I honestly hope that he was just a narcissist asshole! That’s the best case scenario in this type of interaction. I would much rather that than a child abductor.
My guess is he was going to try and get into your home in some way. Ask to use the restroom or something else. Then he would assault you. That is why he was mad that you wouldn't agree to it because clearly you were not the sort that would allow that.
You shouldn’t have to worry about trash happenings like this. I get it completely. Im just sorry you’ll have to now watch out for crap like that guy.
Security cameras might be beneficial too.
Get one of those doorbell cameras. If some weird guy is coming up to me at my home instigating like that I'd want something to be passively recording without me needing to remember in a stressful moment.
He knew what he was doing, the motherfucker. He gets off on scaring and bullying people. Why single out the mother who's alone with her two small kids? If her man was there he wouldn't have even tried this.
I got second hand rage from your post. From experience, dudes who open with this *never* have well meaning intentions. If he needed help or had something like a flat tire, he would have said so up front: “sorry to bother you, but do you happen to have a bike pump I could use for a few minutes? None of the bike shops are open yet, yada yada”.
Just a friendly reminder because I mix them up all the time, affective relates moods. Effective relates to getting something done. If you do know and it was just autocorrect, just ignore me. I'm dyslexic, so I try to help others with these things if I can.
Could have reversed gaslit him. “So are you going to ride your little bike up to the store and get me some food or what?” Him” I didnt say..”. You “it was a yes or no question. What you can’t ride that far? Too far to ride?”
Trying to make someone doubt themselves and think they're being rude when in fact you're the one being rude and trying to manipulate them definitely qualifies.
Or launch into some religious cult recruitment maybe? I had someone who knocked on my door and wanted to show me a video of suffering children. Um no, go away and never come back.
I heard it said on a podcast a while back that if a man actually needs help, he's not gonna ask a child or woman.. He will ask another man. That resonated with me, because serial killers and predators have used the "Can you help me?" tag line for far too long and to our detriment.
You need help? Let me call the police to help you.
When I was a teenager, my immediate family visited my mom's brother and his kids in another state. My mom and I were walking and my uncle and cousins were a few steps behind us, a man ran up to my mom and panicked saying that his wallet was stolen and he needed help. My uncle stepped forward and the guy freaked out when he realized that we were with a man.
I think a man would ask a woman for help. I’ve been asked directions and such before. But anyone on actual need wouldn’t start flipping on you when you ask what they want.
I don't think that's really true. It's definitely true for children. I don't really approach women I don't know for help, but unless it was for carrying a heavy object or something, I would assume a woman would be more helpful. I ask people for help as a last resort because I have too much anxiety, so I may not be a typical case. I have told my daughter if she is ever lost look for someone who looks like a mom. I know it isn't fool proof, but I would feel safer picking a random mom than random guy.
I’ve been told that it’s better as a lost person to find someone to help you instead of having someone offer.
Then you are picking the help, instead of someone being able to target you.
So looking for a mom is a good start.
He had friends just up the street. If he needed directions he would have asked for directions, not pulled this creepy-ass "can you do me a favour" bullshit.
Nobody says yes without knowing what the favor is, not to a stranger.
Close friends I say "sure, what is it?" because I know they know what I can or can't do.
Strangers I say "what do you need?"
I don't even know if I *can* do you a favor till I know what it is.
LMAO even with my long term boyfriend and everyone else, I go, “you can ask, and I’ll answer yes or no.” Fuck the setting up a question/favor with a question to ask it without further elaboration. Look, if you need something, just ask. Lay out all the details before I ask. If I need to ask, to inquire further details, answers an automatic no. Don’t care if it’s my coworker asking to switch shifts, don’t care if it’s my boyfriend asking for a Bubly, or if it’s mutually beneficial like my boyfriend setting up the question for me to say yes so he can send me money for food or just because. Ask, and you may receive, however don’t ask and play a juvenile game and win a juvenile prize: my attention and consideration is immediately a zero if it’s a “yes or no question and I need an answer before asking: may I ask for a favor?” Fuck that shit. I don’t care and I couldn’t care less. Now, I’m the kind of person where if I’m with you, you’re my sister or my boyfriend, I treat others as an extension of me, if I’m grabbing a Bubly for myself, I’m bringing you one too. I don’t get asked for “favors” much.
There's actually a well-known psychological effect where if you ask for a precommitment to act without saying what the act will be (asking for a favour without saying what it is) then people will do more than they would otherwise.
Something to do with embarressment about changing your mind.
This is honestly the type of response I was hoping for. I’m a HUGE psychology nerd so I was trying to dig deeper to find his intent in his approach. Which is obviously impossible but I still like to dissect it a little bit. lol
I'm reading about this type of entitled male behavior more & more & **it's sickening**. Even worse that it happened in your own yard/driveway/home.
Good on you for trusting your gut. You might consider making a police report just to get it on record.
Fuck that guy!! Fuck that guy.
It never hurts to lie in this type of situation. "Oh sure. I'll run inside to get my husband. I'm sure he'll be happy to help with whatever you need." Then go inside with your kids & just don't go back out. If he doesn't leave, call the cops.
Gross - what a creep! "Can you do me a favour?" Umm no - why don't you do me a favour and fuck right off away from my kids and me - weirdo. The Dude was just being gross and purvey. You did the right thing!
Yeah he was up to no good and you picked up on it immediately. I would go as far to say he seemed dangerous, that's not a normal response and he was looking to see if you'd be a good target for whatever his goal was. Be wary of this guy showing up again.
I was arguing with some chucklefuck who was saying women are too emotional by saying that men throw tantrums and punch walls. His response was, "men don't exist in a vacuum". Blaming women for all of men's emotional problems, how rational and logical of him.
You were exactly the example your kids needed for a situation like that. Don’t let that massive AH get in your head. He wasn’t very concerned with the behavior they had to witness after he didn’t get what he wanted. He was just using your kids to attack you, don’t pay it any attention.
A man will never walk up to a random woman and ask for a favor without nefarious purposes. If he really needed a favor, he would ask another male. You did good to stand your ground.
Do you remember being a little kid and everybody told you that you could just ask a woman nearby for help? I’m convinced that men never let that idea ago and just continually think they can ask women for free advice on the street
I was at the train station because I had to wait for a train. A stranger randomly started questions about where I am from etc etc. and I just gave short answers, not looking at him. He then asked me what my ethnicity is and I said „that‘s none of your business“. He said „yeah you‘re right, I‘m sorry.“
But it literally took him 5 minutes of talking to me to get the message. I‘m not nice to men who are strangers anymore, who approach me for no reason. I always stand my ground and I am glad you did, OP. You did great!
The truth doesn't mind being questioned. That's why he exploded. It's a defense mechanism. You handled this perfectly, next time call the local police department with a description. Don't be afraid to take your phone out and snap a picture as well. Fuck predators.
Ew! What a nasty way of approaching another person! Some people are simply awful! I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I think you delt with it well!
Wtf? Do people ever say "Yes" to doing favors without even knowing what they are? Anyone who wants you to pre-commit to doing something for them without even knowing what is actually being rude as fuck themselves.
I *always* ask what it is first, no matter who asks and even if I know I'm going to say yes, I honestly always thought that was the "correct" social response, and saying "Of course, what do you need?" or something came off as a bit over-eager.
F this guy fr. He’s preying on women’s known tendencies to be friendly, polite, helpful, compliant, etc. He’s thrown a fit because you’re on to his game. If he had a helpful comment he would’ve just said it. If he had a legit Q he would’ve just asked.
" That depends, will you do me a favour?"
Yes
On your bike now please
No
Me either, bye now
Shouting over your shoulder at the house, Dave some bloke wants a favour from you
TBF, you did amazingly and nothing you could actually say would have made that situation play out any differently except maybe getting up and going in immediately but why would you and you continued to assess as you went along.
Whenever somebody asks me, "Can you do me a favor?" my response is **ALWAYS**, "Depends on what it is." Usually gets a chuckle, and then they tell me what they actually want. My response has been challenged only a few times, at which point I say, "I don't agree to do something unless I know what I'm agreeing to." That either gets me an annoyed look or a shoulder-shrug (as in, "ok that makes sense") but I don't care either way. 99% of the time, it's a reasonable request...but there have been rare occasions in the past where I said "yes" and then had to backtrack because I couldn't/wouldn't do the favor. Anyway, at this point, "depends on what it is" is my automatic response to "can you do me a favor".
My kids have picked up on this habit over the years and now respond the same way, even to me lol. It makes me smile, and is a nice reminder for me to just get to the point and directly ask for whatever it is that I need.
"Can I ask a favor" is 100% a panhandler pitch. That dude’s performative pearl-clutching above the breakdown of civil discourse is just part of the act.
I couldn’t stop thinking about my daughters looking at me the whole time. I hate that we had to encounter him but I’m so glad that got to witness that at the same time.
Practice this phrase: “Bitch, I don’t fucking know you. Get the fuck up outta here!” Get full mama bear with it.
If anyone tries to escalate from there, start shouting “pedophile” loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
You have babies to protect. To hell with politeness.
You did absolutely the right thing. He was fishing to see if you would react and if you did if you would back down. Call the police. Make a complaint so they have it on record in case it happens somewhere close. Great job!
This creepy on so-many levels - either casing your house, looking to distract you while they rob you, etc. I'd file a police report. Maybe they'll patrol the area. You never know.
> I am from a small town and now live in a big city, and not being "constantly polite" has been really hard for me.
Lately I’ve been writing about the insidious evils of small towns and the pressure to be “constantly polite” is definitely one of them! Coupled with the “it can’t happen here” mentality and an
impervious status quo, and small towns make themselves very vulnerable. After a tragedy, people will so staunchly keep their routines and veneers of normalcy “to take their mind off things” that rarely does anyone look back and critically reflect. Recollection dissection would lead to introspection. Which would lead to change, which is death to small town status quo. No, it doesn’t matter if children have been kidnapped from their yards, you’re still obligated to engage with Crakhead-on-a-Bike because This Is How We’ve Always Done It. Small towns enabled their own demise in the opioid and meth epidemics through hardcore denial, enabling, and bystanding.
Give it a minute in the city and you’ll instantly be telling him to “Stop! Go Away!” with the police on speed dial the minute he turns down your block while your kids know the drill to go hide inside.
Wow. This sounds like the beginning of a very scary book or movie. I think you could make lemonade out of lemons and write a great script! (But seriously— what this stranger did was *not* right and I am glad you and your family are okay.)
And the more I think about this, the more I am disturbed by it. Your experience is so peak 2024. It pretty much defines the crazy times we are living in. It is haunting.
You set an excellent example to your kids: never agree to a favour until you know what it is! Even with my own husband I always say "depends what it is" when he asks for a favour, although 99% of the time I definitely will do it for him. For a stranger...it really does depend what it is! Who knows what it could be! I'm definitely willing to help most people out if I'm able but that doesn't mean I'm going to just agree before I know what it is and therefore if I am actually willing or able to do it.
You did great! No one is entitled to your time and you were not impolite for maintaining a totally reasonable boundary. I hate that many feel like they can behave this way. I honestly miss the distance people respected when I had my GSD. I also hate that people only respected distance because of the presence of a large dog.
This was unnerving but I suspect you saved yourself even worse future arguments.
People like this just take and argue for more. He was filtering to see if you folded. You didn’t. He got mad because he had no power other than to get mad. Seriously nice work. That is exactly how these people should be treated.
I can’t tell you how much this support means to me. 3 years ago I was the BIGGEST people pleaser and grew up in a house that really championed compliance with societal norms, even at the risk of safety. So this was a HUGE step for me as a mom, but also as a person.
You are all so awesome and worthy of being stood up for, even if it’s as simple and powerful as standing up for yourself. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m here with you. I would’ve struggled to be as strong and clear as you were in that situation. For some reasons it’s strongly engrained in my persona that I can’t possibly risk offending or being rude in situations like that.
When people are openly disrespectful, it’s like a flick of the switch and I can stand up for myself easily. But when it comes to things like the situation above, it’s still such a part of my mentality that I have to be nice.
Trying to change this slowly… but it’s bloody hard.
This post and the replies are a fantastic reminder of when it’s okay to be impolite.
Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy 🫶🏽 when something like that is engrained in us from a young age, it’s really hard to shift to something us in adulthood. Every little step is still a step forward!
I mean very creepy and they might be looking for trouble. If you have video of them I would just email the PD with the video and a short story of what happened. The PD will like to speak with you about it but its all documented.
You ARE setting a good example for them. No matter how many times I experience ludicrous shit, and hear other people share their stories, I feel like I'll never know what that actual fuck is wrong with some people.
Cameras. Put them anywhere you or the kids typically are when outside. Obviously doorbell/entrance cameras as well.
Could have been a harmless idiot, could have been worse..
Call the police non emergency number and report what took place. Let them know you understand no crime took place but the incident felt threatening enough you are worried about that man and/or his friends returning so you want a record started in case this happens again.
I had a man approach me for money rudely shaking a cup in my face, guess what I said?
"Fuck off".
That's all you need to say, it worked for me. Thankfully I don't get spongers asking for money when I'm about in the city.
At best, he was going to say something immature and sexist and you ruined his "joke".
At worst, you saved your daughters' lives and your own.
We can't gamble on who's safe and who's not. You absolutely did the right thing.
He was trying to make a power play. Trying to put you in a corner to pressure you into letting the conversation go his way. By approaching your young girls (super inappropriate at any time of the day), he tried to add to the pressure and intimidation. Whatever he was selling or begging for, he through you would have been a pushover so he could get his way. He thought wrong.
I always say, strap up (if you feel comfortable doing so), camera up (ring, CCTV, etc.), and have a plan in place for people like this. The first step is being stern/putting up a fight and you did it well.
What a creep and a weirdo. Possibly wanting to use your toilet and arrogant and entitled enough to ask you but you never know. I think you handled it really well.
In the future, you can mention your ring camera is on, your husband is inside, or you are carrying.
Even my husband—known him 17 years, love of my life—also refuses to say “yes” (or no) to an unspecified favor, even to ME, his beloved wife and mother of his only child.
So, this seems like straight up manipulative BS. Like what if you had said yes?? Did he think that would be a legally binding verbal contract and he could just ask for a kidney?
Also, you’re a good mom and good on you showing your kids that it’s okay to stand up for oneself.
Good for you! Always keep your cell phone handy. Take pictures if you can. You can always call 911. The stranger on the bike was harassing you. Lock your door, too, when playing in the front yard.
Thank you for validating that. Sometimes it’s hard for me to confirm that something that sounds as serious as “harassment” when it’s done to me at the risk of sounding “dramatic”. I know that’s the internalized misogyny speaking but growth is slowly happening.
I guarantee you dude was about to ask for a hug from you or your daughters. He felt like he was entitled to one. So he made up a scenario in his head that someone would just give a stranger a hug and/or let their VERY YOUNG children give him a hug and he got to touch you and your daughters. Then he got mad when it didn’t play out in that very specific way that he fabricated out of thin air in his head. Maybe he’s schizophrenic or in need of mental help, sure. But maybe he’s just a creep and/or a pervert.
You did the right thing, and he should be lucky you didn’t call him out on what he was doing or called the cops on him. At your own home for gods sake. Who the fuck does that?!?
I honestly have SO MUCH grace for people who have mental health issues so it might have been a totally different conversation if I didn’t have my children with me! But it doesn’t matter. Their safety takes precedence over his requests. 1000%.
Never attribute to malice what can be easily explained by incompetence or ignorance. I’m having a hard time explaining this guy’s actions as incompetence or ignorance though. Seems malicious, or at the very least needlessly cryptic.
Wow, what a horrible creepy encounter! You did amazing standing your ground while also being cognizant of escalation. You are a fantastic example to your children, and they are lucky to have you as their mom.
this made me cry, thank you for that encouragement ❤️
Agree with the above comment. This guy was a total creep, & like you said, who in their right mind would say yes or no to a favor from a complete stranger w/o asking what the favor is?!?!! 🤯 I’m sorry that weirdo had to ruin what sounded like a pleasant morning for you and your kids. You handled it beautifully, & I definitely would’ve been on guard too for awhile after that.
Right?! When *my dad* asks me if I'd do him a favour my response is always "depends what it is". And whatever this guy "needed" wasn't important enough for him to worry about when he didn't achieve his primary objective of tricking OP into doing it.
Riding a bike and with two other guys on bikes, he was either going to ask for money or to 'use your toilet' and rob the house. In my city drug users will often ride (stolen) bikes when they're out trying anything they can think of to scrape some cash together for the next fix.
Or the classic, "Hey can I see your bike for a minute."
>he was either going to ask for money or to 'use your toilet' and rob the house. Wow... The thieves are getting awfully polite if they're asking permission to rob your house. Seriously though, what a weird interaction. Glad you stood your ground OP.
It means they don't have to worry about how to get in, and they have plenty of time to check what they want to steal. You might not even notice them take it, and if you do then it's not difficult to run *out* of a house and ride away before anyone can stop them.
Yeah...I get it.
If you let them in, they know who else maybe there, if there's a dog to worry about, also getting a feel for the homeowner, if they are the kind to put a stranger's comfort over their own.
I know people who have been robbed by strangers asking to use the bathroom, so yeah. I guess it was a polite way to steal?
Or maybe refill a water bottle? I did that myself, but would not ask someone who was engaged with children for that favor.
Maybe if it was a guy in cycling gear, who wasn't with two other dodgy types who were splitting up to ride around randomly and meet up again, and wasn't a dick about it by being intimidating and pushy.
Yeah, "what is it?" is ABSOLUTELY the next logical question when asked if you can do someone a favor. Good on you for being a fantastic example to your daughters, and keeping you all safe.
Start taking pictures of the guy. We had a pick pocket following us on a trip, and my dad started taking his picture. Guy turn tailed and ran.
Oh my gosh I am rolling at your responses to him. Wtf did he expect? Such a weirdo. The way you addressed it was so dismissive and that's exactly what it needed. You did great. Some people are insane.
I have a feeling this jerk was definitely up to no good. I'm glad you and your girls are safe.
Yeah someone who gets mad right out the gate had bad intentions
Yeah, he was planning something stupid. Maybe the plan was to pick a fight, maybe the plan was to get her to say yes and then complain when she didn't hold to that answer after he gave some entitled or overreacting request.
Could been for a stupid prank TikTok. I hate creepy, entitled scumbags.
For sure Usually when people ask if you can do them a favour especially out in public, an almost natural reaction is to approach them. I'm thinking he was hoping OP may do the same. He was on a bike, so abduction may not have been his intent, but he definitely wasn't going to ask for directions/a drink of water.
It is possible that he is just a self centered entitled jackass. Doing one of their stupid narcissistic tests. He was going to ask for water or something, but was super offended that she wouldn't just blindly say yes. Probably so he can go play victim to his friends about how rude women are now in public or something. Not engaging as best you can is probably the right move no matter what this creepy guy's intentions were.
I honestly hope that he was just a narcissist asshole! That’s the best case scenario in this type of interaction. I would much rather that than a child abductor.
Probably hitting on you and in a huff that you had no interest in playing along.
thank you. I am so glad that he rode away. I don’t know what I would have done if he didn’t
My guess is he was going to try and get into your home in some way. Ask to use the restroom or something else. Then he would assault you. That is why he was mad that you wouldn't agree to it because clearly you were not the sort that would allow that.
Keep your phone on you at all times. That’s why I’m doing from now on.
I felt so dumb that I didn’t have my phone on me 🙄 I just need to think more about the stupid things that could happen in my own front yard.
You shouldn’t have to worry about trash happenings like this. I get it completely. Im just sorry you’ll have to now watch out for crap like that guy. Security cameras might be beneficial too.
Yeah, he wouldn't have gotten so angry and aggressive if he was innocent and earnest
It's a yes or no question Ok then no
Oh... actually it's a yes or yes question
and then "Let's go inside, girls." and get those kids inside. If possible, hold your cell phone out where he can see it, ready to call for help.
That was one of my I wish I would have’s afterward. I definitely should have started recording him.
Now you know for next time....but seriously, good job handling this encounter well! I'm sure you didn't feel great afterwards, but no one got hurt.
Get one of those doorbell cameras. If some weird guy is coming up to me at my home instigating like that I'd want something to be passively recording without me needing to remember in a stressful moment.
[удалено]
He knew what he was doing, the motherfucker. He gets off on scaring and bullying people. Why single out the mother who's alone with her two small kids? If her man was there he wouldn't have even tried this.
What an entitled twat. He was probably going to ask you something stupid, like to smile more. 🤢
I was shocked by how quickly he started gaslighting me when I didn’t just say yes 😅😂
I got second hand rage from your post. From experience, dudes who open with this *never* have well meaning intentions. If he needed help or had something like a flat tire, he would have said so up front: “sorry to bother you, but do you happen to have a bike pump I could use for a few minutes? None of the bike shops are open yet, yada yada”.
Next time throw a dirty diaper at him.
When I told my husband about it he said that I should have sprayed him with the hose - that would have been affective 😂
Just a friendly reminder because I mix them up all the time, affective relates moods. Effective relates to getting something done. If you do know and it was just autocorrect, just ignore me. I'm dyslexic, so I try to help others with these things if I can.
Could have reversed gaslit him. “So are you going to ride your little bike up to the store and get me some food or what?” Him” I didnt say..”. You “it was a yes or no question. What you can’t ride that far? Too far to ride?”
He might have. I suspect gross, flirty intentions were in play here.
That. . . Wasn't even *close* to gaslighting. Words mean things.
Trying to make someone doubt themselves and think they're being rude when in fact you're the one being rude and trying to manipulate them definitely qualifies.
*that’s* the contribution you’d like to make to this post?
I’ve heard gaslighting as “trying to add to the fire that doesn’t exist” and that’s exactly how it felt 😅
yeah - or can I play with your little girls - that guy was not right.
that’s what I was thinking! I am a woman alone with my kids at 7 in the morning, what could you possibly want from me 🥴
Money for drugs. Women are more agreeable or intimidated. He knew the real answer was “No”, the moment you hesitated, which is why he got angry.
> I am a woman alone And you have to ask what a strange man playing games wants from you?
Money or your kids. The hose was a good idea. Or yelling at him to fuck off.
Or launch into some religious cult recruitment maybe? I had someone who knocked on my door and wanted to show me a video of suffering children. Um no, go away and never come back.
Ugh... smiling is good to help people you want to help... not assholes.
Oh, you need help? Sure! Let me just call 911. *Calls 911, guy takes off*
Brilliant!!
I heard it said on a podcast a while back that if a man actually needs help, he's not gonna ask a child or woman.. He will ask another man. That resonated with me, because serial killers and predators have used the "Can you help me?" tag line for far too long and to our detriment. You need help? Let me call the police to help you.
No adult should be asking a child for help.
When I was a teenager, my immediate family visited my mom's brother and his kids in another state. My mom and I were walking and my uncle and cousins were a few steps behind us, a man ran up to my mom and panicked saying that his wallet was stolen and he needed help. My uncle stepped forward and the guy freaked out when he realized that we were with a man.
Exactly
I think a man would ask a woman for help. I’ve been asked directions and such before. But anyone on actual need wouldn’t start flipping on you when you ask what they want.
I don't think that's really true. It's definitely true for children. I don't really approach women I don't know for help, but unless it was for carrying a heavy object or something, I would assume a woman would be more helpful. I ask people for help as a last resort because I have too much anxiety, so I may not be a typical case. I have told my daughter if she is ever lost look for someone who looks like a mom. I know it isn't fool proof, but I would feel safer picking a random mom than random guy.
I’ve been told that it’s better as a lost person to find someone to help you instead of having someone offer. Then you are picking the help, instead of someone being able to target you. So looking for a mom is a good start.
I think it's pretty normal to ask women for help/directions esp. if they are the only person around.
He had friends just up the street. If he needed directions he would have asked for directions, not pulled this creepy-ass "can you do me a favour" bullshit.
Did you see the comment I'm replying to?
Yes
As the women on The podcast My Favorite Murder always say: Fuck Politeness Ya did fine, OP
Ssdgm
Nobody says yes without knowing what the favor is, not to a stranger. Close friends I say "sure, what is it?" because I know they know what I can or can't do. Strangers I say "what do you need?" I don't even know if I *can* do you a favor till I know what it is.
LMAO even with my long term boyfriend and everyone else, I go, “you can ask, and I’ll answer yes or no.” Fuck the setting up a question/favor with a question to ask it without further elaboration. Look, if you need something, just ask. Lay out all the details before I ask. If I need to ask, to inquire further details, answers an automatic no. Don’t care if it’s my coworker asking to switch shifts, don’t care if it’s my boyfriend asking for a Bubly, or if it’s mutually beneficial like my boyfriend setting up the question for me to say yes so he can send me money for food or just because. Ask, and you may receive, however don’t ask and play a juvenile game and win a juvenile prize: my attention and consideration is immediately a zero if it’s a “yes or no question and I need an answer before asking: may I ask for a favor?” Fuck that shit. I don’t care and I couldn’t care less. Now, I’m the kind of person where if I’m with you, you’re my sister or my boyfriend, I treat others as an extension of me, if I’m grabbing a Bubly for myself, I’m bringing you one too. I don’t get asked for “favors” much.
I ask my husband if he can do me a favor all the time. And the answer is only ever "no" (playfully) or "depends" if he's feeling real generous.
There's actually a well-known psychological effect where if you ask for a precommitment to act without saying what the act will be (asking for a favour without saying what it is) then people will do more than they would otherwise. Something to do with embarressment about changing your mind.
Abusive people are really good at using social norms to manipulate people into doing what they want. Good for OP that she turned him down.
This is honestly the type of response I was hoping for. I’m a HUGE psychology nerd so I was trying to dig deeper to find his intent in his approach. Which is obviously impossible but I still like to dissect it a little bit. lol
God, this gives me such paranoia now.
I'm reading about this type of entitled male behavior more & more & **it's sickening**. Even worse that it happened in your own yard/driveway/home. Good on you for trusting your gut. You might consider making a police report just to get it on record. Fuck that guy!! Fuck that guy.
It never hurts to lie in this type of situation. "Oh sure. I'll run inside to get my husband. I'm sure he'll be happy to help with whatever you need." Then go inside with your kids & just don't go back out. If he doesn't leave, call the cops.
I'm all for calling non emergency and making a report in situations like this anyway. Paper trails on creeps are so important.
When a man asks if they can ask me a question/favor / whatever I say no and ignore. Usually they’re so shocked they shut up right away.
Gross - what a creep! "Can you do me a favour?" Umm no - why don't you do me a favour and fuck right off away from my kids and me - weirdo. The Dude was just being gross and purvey. You did the right thing!
Yeah he was up to no good and you picked up on it immediately. I would go as far to say he seemed dangerous, that's not a normal response and he was looking to see if you'd be a good target for whatever his goal was. Be wary of this guy showing up again.
Men are so fucking emotional idc.
But anger at women doesn't count as an emotion!!!1
✔️ valid point
I was arguing with some chucklefuck who was saying women are too emotional by saying that men throw tantrums and punch walls. His response was, "men don't exist in a vacuum". Blaming women for all of men's emotional problems, how rational and logical of him.
Fatherless behavior
Set up a camera in front of your house and aert your neighbours!
You were exactly the example your kids needed for a situation like that. Don’t let that massive AH get in your head. He wasn’t very concerned with the behavior they had to witness after he didn’t get what he wanted. He was just using your kids to attack you, don’t pay it any attention.
Thank you 🙏🏼
A man will never walk up to a random woman and ask for a favor without nefarious purposes. If he really needed a favor, he would ask another male. You did good to stand your ground.
This is exactly what my husband said!
or he could ask at a store
The audacity... I'm sorry you had to endure this. You handled it in the best way possible.
Do you remember being a little kid and everybody told you that you could just ask a woman nearby for help? I’m convinced that men never let that idea ago and just continually think they can ask women for free advice on the street
Let’s change the narrative collectively agreeing to give horrible advice so they stop asking us. “Invest all your money into Dogecoin!”
I was at the train station because I had to wait for a train. A stranger randomly started questions about where I am from etc etc. and I just gave short answers, not looking at him. He then asked me what my ethnicity is and I said „that‘s none of your business“. He said „yeah you‘re right, I‘m sorry.“ But it literally took him 5 minutes of talking to me to get the message. I‘m not nice to men who are strangers anymore, who approach me for no reason. I always stand my ground and I am glad you did, OP. You did great!
Thank you so much ❤️
The truth doesn't mind being questioned. That's why he exploded. It's a defense mechanism. You handled this perfectly, next time call the local police department with a description. Don't be afraid to take your phone out and snap a picture as well. Fuck predators.
Ew! What a nasty way of approaching another person! Some people are simply awful! I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I think you delt with it well!
Thank you 🫶🏽
"The Bear"
literally just a reiteration of why I would choose the bear 😂
Wtf? Do people ever say "Yes" to doing favors without even knowing what they are? Anyone who wants you to pre-commit to doing something for them without even knowing what is actually being rude as fuck themselves. I *always* ask what it is first, no matter who asks and even if I know I'm going to say yes, I honestly always thought that was the "correct" social response, and saying "Of course, what do you need?" or something came off as a bit over-eager.
Doubt he would have spoke to your husband like that.
SERIOUSLY THO
“you know what, I see that you are busy sir, nevermind and have a good day 🙂”
“Sorry to bother you!”
Eff Politeness. I don't owe strangers politeness. You're teaching your kids that you aren't a pushover and won't stand for manipulation.
F this guy fr. He’s preying on women’s known tendencies to be friendly, polite, helpful, compliant, etc. He’s thrown a fit because you’re on to his game. If he had a helpful comment he would’ve just said it. If he had a legit Q he would’ve just asked.
You are teaching your children to be wary of strange men which unfortunately is necessary. Good on you!
thank you ❤️
Time to get some security cameras…. Pulling out a phone and starting to record an encounter can also be good defence
Unfortunately our cameras were dead at the time. A great reminder to get new batteries put in though! 😬
Anyone with a crap sense of boundaries is dangerous and probably a narcissist.
" That depends, will you do me a favour?" Yes On your bike now please No Me either, bye now Shouting over your shoulder at the house, Dave some bloke wants a favour from you TBF, you did amazingly and nothing you could actually say would have made that situation play out any differently except maybe getting up and going in immediately but why would you and you continued to assess as you went along.
It’s so hard to know in the moment, thank you for that encouragement!
Whenever somebody asks me, "Can you do me a favor?" my response is **ALWAYS**, "Depends on what it is." Usually gets a chuckle, and then they tell me what they actually want. My response has been challenged only a few times, at which point I say, "I don't agree to do something unless I know what I'm agreeing to." That either gets me an annoyed look or a shoulder-shrug (as in, "ok that makes sense") but I don't care either way. 99% of the time, it's a reasonable request...but there have been rare occasions in the past where I said "yes" and then had to backtrack because I couldn't/wouldn't do the favor. Anyway, at this point, "depends on what it is" is my automatic response to "can you do me a favor". My kids have picked up on this habit over the years and now respond the same way, even to me lol. It makes me smile, and is a nice reminder for me to just get to the point and directly ask for whatever it is that I need.
"Can I ask a favor" is 100% a panhandler pitch. That dude’s performative pearl-clutching above the breakdown of civil discourse is just part of the act.
You set a perfect example for your daughters on how to set boundary and not let strange men take advantage of them.
I couldn’t stop thinking about my daughters looking at me the whole time. I hate that we had to encounter him but I’m so glad that got to witness that at the same time.
Practice this phrase: “Bitch, I don’t fucking know you. Get the fuck up outta here!” Get full mama bear with it. If anyone tries to escalate from there, start shouting “pedophile” loud enough for the neighbors to hear. You have babies to protect. To hell with politeness.
You did everything right, momma!
You did absolutely the right thing. He was fishing to see if you would react and if you did if you would back down. Call the police. Make a complaint so they have it on record in case it happens somewhere close. Great job!
This creepy on so-many levels - either casing your house, looking to distract you while they rob you, etc. I'd file a police report. Maybe they'll patrol the area. You never know.
> I am from a small town and now live in a big city, and not being "constantly polite" has been really hard for me. Lately I’ve been writing about the insidious evils of small towns and the pressure to be “constantly polite” is definitely one of them! Coupled with the “it can’t happen here” mentality and an impervious status quo, and small towns make themselves very vulnerable. After a tragedy, people will so staunchly keep their routines and veneers of normalcy “to take their mind off things” that rarely does anyone look back and critically reflect. Recollection dissection would lead to introspection. Which would lead to change, which is death to small town status quo. No, it doesn’t matter if children have been kidnapped from their yards, you’re still obligated to engage with Crakhead-on-a-Bike because This Is How We’ve Always Done It. Small towns enabled their own demise in the opioid and meth epidemics through hardcore denial, enabling, and bystanding. Give it a minute in the city and you’ll instantly be telling him to “Stop! Go Away!” with the police on speed dial the minute he turns down your block while your kids know the drill to go hide inside.
Wow. This sounds like the beginning of a very scary book or movie. I think you could make lemonade out of lemons and write a great script! (But seriously— what this stranger did was *not* right and I am glad you and your family are okay.) And the more I think about this, the more I am disturbed by it. Your experience is so peak 2024. It pretty much defines the crazy times we are living in. It is haunting.
My friend is a film director so I’m sending the script her way 🏃🏽♂️
You set an excellent example to your kids: never agree to a favour until you know what it is! Even with my own husband I always say "depends what it is" when he asks for a favour, although 99% of the time I definitely will do it for him. For a stranger...it really does depend what it is! Who knows what it could be! I'm definitely willing to help most people out if I'm able but that doesn't mean I'm going to just agree before I know what it is and therefore if I am actually willing or able to do it.
You did great! No one is entitled to your time and you were not impolite for maintaining a totally reasonable boundary. I hate that many feel like they can behave this way. I honestly miss the distance people respected when I had my GSD. I also hate that people only respected distance because of the presence of a large dog.
This was unnerving but I suspect you saved yourself even worse future arguments. People like this just take and argue for more. He was filtering to see if you folded. You didn’t. He got mad because he had no power other than to get mad. Seriously nice work. That is exactly how these people should be treated.
I can’t tell you how much this support means to me. 3 years ago I was the BIGGEST people pleaser and grew up in a house that really championed compliance with societal norms, even at the risk of safety. So this was a HUGE step for me as a mom, but also as a person. You are all so awesome and worthy of being stood up for, even if it’s as simple and powerful as standing up for yourself. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m here with you. I would’ve struggled to be as strong and clear as you were in that situation. For some reasons it’s strongly engrained in my persona that I can’t possibly risk offending or being rude in situations like that. When people are openly disrespectful, it’s like a flick of the switch and I can stand up for myself easily. But when it comes to things like the situation above, it’s still such a part of my mentality that I have to be nice. Trying to change this slowly… but it’s bloody hard. This post and the replies are a fantastic reminder of when it’s okay to be impolite.
Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy 🫶🏽 when something like that is engrained in us from a young age, it’s really hard to shift to something us in adulthood. Every little step is still a step forward!
I’d have growled at the fucker and the crazy eyes would have popped after the line about being polite.
Do you ladies have any idea how many men I've imaginarily beaten up while reading this sub?
we have each other’s imaginary backs 💪🏼
BEAR. (As in, 'This kind of asshole is why... '
bear, all day erryday for me
My answer is always “depends on the favor”
You did the right thing. Well done.
thank you 🙏🏼
I mean very creepy and they might be looking for trouble. If you have video of them I would just email the PD with the video and a short story of what happened. The PD will like to speak with you about it but its all documented.
You ARE setting a good example for them. No matter how many times I experience ludicrous shit, and hear other people share their stories, I feel like I'll never know what that actual fuck is wrong with some people.
Cameras. Put them anywhere you or the kids typically are when outside. Obviously doorbell/entrance cameras as well. Could have been a harmless idiot, could have been worse..
hoping it was a harmless idiot, those are my favorite kinds of idiots 🤞🏼
Yeah, do not do him favors and if you have a camera, keep photos handy. This is a weird interaction with a stranger and he is delusional.
Call the police non emergency number and report what took place. Let them know you understand no crime took place but the incident felt threatening enough you are worried about that man and/or his friends returning so you want a record started in case this happens again.
That’s a good idea, thank you!
"I'm doing you a favor by not turning the garden hose on you, creep. You should go now, this favor won't last long."
I had a man approach me for money rudely shaking a cup in my face, guess what I said? "Fuck off". That's all you need to say, it worked for me. Thankfully I don't get spongers asking for money when I'm about in the city.
At best, he was going to say something immature and sexist and you ruined his "joke". At worst, you saved your daughters' lives and your own. We can't gamble on who's safe and who's not. You absolutely did the right thing.
thank you 🙏🏼
He was trying to make a power play. Trying to put you in a corner to pressure you into letting the conversation go his way. By approaching your young girls (super inappropriate at any time of the day), he tried to add to the pressure and intimidation. Whatever he was selling or begging for, he through you would have been a pushover so he could get his way. He thought wrong. I always say, strap up (if you feel comfortable doing so), camera up (ring, CCTV, etc.), and have a plan in place for people like this. The first step is being stern/putting up a fight and you did it well.
What a creep and a weirdo. Possibly wanting to use your toilet and arrogant and entitled enough to ask you but you never know. I think you handled it really well. In the future, you can mention your ring camera is on, your husband is inside, or you are carrying.
Even my husband—known him 17 years, love of my life—also refuses to say “yes” (or no) to an unspecified favor, even to ME, his beloved wife and mother of his only child. So, this seems like straight up manipulative BS. Like what if you had said yes?? Did he think that would be a legally binding verbal contract and he could just ask for a kidney? Also, you’re a good mom and good on you showing your kids that it’s okay to stand up for oneself.
Good for you! Always keep your cell phone handy. Take pictures if you can. You can always call 911. The stranger on the bike was harassing you. Lock your door, too, when playing in the front yard.
Thank you for validating that. Sometimes it’s hard for me to confirm that something that sounds as serious as “harassment” when it’s done to me at the risk of sounding “dramatic”. I know that’s the internalized misogyny speaking but growth is slowly happening.
I guarantee you dude was about to ask for a hug from you or your daughters. He felt like he was entitled to one. So he made up a scenario in his head that someone would just give a stranger a hug and/or let their VERY YOUNG children give him a hug and he got to touch you and your daughters. Then he got mad when it didn’t play out in that very specific way that he fabricated out of thin air in his head. Maybe he’s schizophrenic or in need of mental help, sure. But maybe he’s just a creep and/or a pervert. You did the right thing, and he should be lucky you didn’t call him out on what he was doing or called the cops on him. At your own home for gods sake. Who the fuck does that?!?
I honestly have SO MUCH grace for people who have mental health issues so it might have been a totally different conversation if I didn’t have my children with me! But it doesn’t matter. Their safety takes precedence over his requests. 1000%.
As does yours! Even if you were alone, you don’t know what that stranger’s deal was.
[удалено]
Why wouldn't he have asked his friends to watch his bike instead...? That doesn't make any sense. He definitely had unsavory intentions.
Never attribute to malice what can be easily explained by incompetence or ignorance. I’m having a hard time explaining this guy’s actions as incompetence or ignorance though. Seems malicious, or at the very least needlessly cryptic.