You know why bars advertise shit like “ladies drink free” don’t you?
Because they know a space full of women will seem appealing to men.
It’s common for men to push our boundaries at any time, so it’s not shocking to me at all that men rush into a sub about women’s issues and try to make it about them. It’s sad and irritating, but very predictable.
we're currently at 3.5k members, so were growing. the only thing that's holding us back is having to go through and approve everyone, to make sure no men and no bigots slip in.
also, i wondered why we just got a bunch of join requests. your comment is why, so thank you! (and i don't mean that sarcastically)
Thanks for growing this space! I also enjoy having a space where I don't get harassed by guys telling me "but women murder men and babies!" when I bring up femicide, etc.
I do wish more subs would do the profile check to see if the user is a woman before allowing. There is a bra sub for comparing bra quality or trying to find good quality bras and a lot of creepy ass dudes came in there and ruined it. Like fuck just let us compare bras brands in peace.
There was a post here a few days ago about how society sees women in relation to how they can service men and yeah, I think this is part of that. These men are myopic main characters and can't stand when their opinions and desires aren't the main focus or taken into account, especially in regards to women and their lives.
It's the same reason why, when you read men's opinions/criticisms and degradation of horse girls, it boils down to "she's passionate about a hobby she loves and has a lifestyle that doesn't revolve around me ~~(also, insert sexual comment horse penises, because men).~~" Which is also why you don't see men have that same disdain for horse guys, or any other male lifestyle and hobby that takes a lot of time in comparison to women's time-consuming lifestyles.
But I digress; even these "good ones" that butt into the discussions to (irrelevantly) comment how they're not like this to _their_ wives and they're aghast at how other men could be this way! It's as if they need to be praised and told they're good boys, like mama used to do. Just... Congrats on being a decent person, I guess. You limboed under the highest bar on the pole, have a gold starf or your effort.
Yes! It's actually one of the things I hate the most, personally, these specific kinds of double standards. It's not just professionally either: if you deck your walls with sports memorabilia, adorn you car with window and bumper stickers of your team, featuring a team licence plate too, of course, pay hundreds for tickets in support of your team, passionately discuss the game every day of the week and yell at your screen when someone doesn't pass the ball right... We'll, you're just a top bloke! But if you do the same thing but with, say, Disney, then you're a cringe "Disney Adult" (a demographic largely made up of women and the LGBTQ+ community) and deserve to be mocked.
If you're a guy who loves video games, you're a gamer. If you're a woman who loves video games, you're faking it for attention and most definitely suck at them.
If you're a woman who's into fashion, makeup, wellness, and fitness then you're "basic" and also looking for attention - probably baiting yourself for men and on TikTok too, why else would you wear tight gym clothes at the gym and record your form? But if you're a man who spends forever manscaping, spends hundreds on brand-name clothing and joggers ("sneakers" in yank), tracks your macros, and goes to the gym, then you're cool and a chad, and everyone's penises are very impressed with you (but not gayly).
Chickflicks are sappy, romantic boring, predicable cringe but dickflicks are fun, even if they also repeat the same three scripts and tropes, because male fantasy is cool and feminine-coded fantasy is dull...
And so on. Anything deemed "feminine," whether through association (man on horse good, woman on horse crazy) or typical gender role/interest (in addition, anything associated with LGBTQ+), is often seen as "lesser" by society and I hate it.
My favourite example of this, media-wise, is the movie Uptown Girls. Panned by all the male critics at the time because they watched a movie about female relationships and trauma, that wasn't made for them and they didn't "get it," therefore it was "a bad movie." Same with Jennifer's Body, which is a whole other can of worms with similar roots; I will forever sympathise with Megan Fox over that movie.
...I should probably end this comment before I go off on more tangents. I just have a lot of thoughts on this specific element of misogyny that I don't often get to rant about.
I'm a horse lady and never run into people talking shit about us in the wild. It's only when they hide behind a computer.
It's totally a power thing. Horse ladies are strong and gritty- we scare insecure men. If we can stare down a homicidal, suicidal 1000 pound beast to compassionately handle them, that's way more fortitude than a lot of men can deal with.
Sadly, I have. Not commonly, thank god, but I've heard them.
It always seems to be men who have never come within three metres of a horse too; I don't believe I've ever actually heard a rural/ranch/equestrian guy talk shit about "horse girls" the way city and suburban men do. I grew up rural with horses and yeah, I've experienced sexism - I don't think there's anywhere a woman can go that involves men without some kind of misogyny leaking in - but the infamous "horse girl" whinging we all know of almost always seems to be the men who've never had to put on gumboots and walk through mud at 5am, let alone put a halter on a pony. Definitely evidence towards the power theory, LOL.
I miss horses; I'm moving back to my hometown this year after over a decade in the city, and I have not changed in my opinion that I'd choose a horse over dating (men) anyday. Training the snootiest of yearlings doesn't leave my hope for half of humanity at the bottom of a mouldy pit, and they learn to listen a lot quicker too.
My husband helps subsidize my riding- not financially but with time. He makes dinner for me while I'm driving back from the barn, or is there for home maintenance meetings so I can go take care of the beloved pony. He takes photos or videos at shows and cheers for me.
Just like horse shopping is dealing with a lot of unsound horses before you find the right one, dating is trying a lot of mentally unsound men until you find your partner. Mine was worth the try. Good luck to you on both fronts!
Oh I know, I have a supportive long-term partner already, thankfully! I'm just entirely tired of the men who do take part in all that - it saddens me that being supportive and not being "one of _those_ men" is something that's deemed worthy of praise - it's just basic human decency everywhere else.
That and I just don't think I'd have the mental energy to start dating again in the future, should it not work out. I've always been happy whilst single and life's too short to spend time doing something I don't enjoy. I've had a lot of good and bad men in my life, and while I love the good ones, I honestly find dealing with an unsound man far more taxing than an animal of troublesome temperament.
On the post about how not all men is dismissive and shitty… they would argue, compare it to racism, and essentially say “not all men” when asked how we can meaningfully speak about the violence men do to women because they are women.
They genuinely don’t get it because nothing and no one matters but them. Not all men = shut up
no literally. We’ll be talking about the orgasm gap or something and AT LEAST two comments will be “as a man, I can’t get off without her getting off!” LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP
Oh god, that’s orgasm post made me roll my eyes so hard they fell out.
“I’m not friends with men who disrespect women.”
Ok here’s the problem with that… your “buddies” are different when you’re around. You don’t see how sleazy they are at the bar or in our DMs.
This is what irks me the most. I think men *can* have valuable insight into patriarchal culture and toxic masculinity, and how that affects their thought processes and behaviors. They can have ideas on how to better raise young men to get away from that, or whatever, basically just insider information that can be helpful in a feminist space.
But that's never what their comments are about. Ever. Its always "Iiiiii don't do that, Iiii can't belieeeeeve other men do thaaaat," etc. And yeah, it's way more prevelent when sex is brought up, because their horny little gooner brains can't help it. They gotta contribute and talk about how awesome they are as a lover. Like, ommmmg. What, do you want a cookie? Why are you here telling us this instead of educating your fellow men? Jesus.
I really like this part of the TwoX FAQ:
>Please refrain from starting every comment here with "As a man" or similar. If it is really and truly relevant then by all means mention it, but remember we ladies don't mention that we're women on the rest of the site unless it matters. Just as we're often assumed to be men outside of 2xc and related communities you might be assumed to be a women here. And that's okay! All that matters is that we talk openly with each other.
Yeah, why don't they take this insight and go address other men causing problems, instead of trying to insert their opinion's into women's spaces? I feel like this is another way that some men can feel superior to women, while still distancing themselves from "those men."
Those men specifically piss me off because they think it’s virtuous but they are literally admitting that their interest in pleasing their partner is self centered. I’ve known men like this and they are just as likely terrible in bed because they are wrapped up in their own egotistical image as a woman pleaser they aren’t willing to let a woman pleasure herself or otherwise listen to her on what she wants. I’m willing to bet a lot of the women they’ve “gotten off to getting off” were faking it because it was the only way to stop having sex.
I found myself screaming “YEAH!” loudly while reading your comment. Completely forgetting I’m in the subway with a bunch of people staring at me 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I recently went to the only place I’ve ever seen women only enforced - Hampstead Ladies Swimming Pond. And it was GLORIOUS. There is a little grassy area where women can just exist in peace. It was like being in a fairy glade; very serene and quiet and just a very respectful vibe.
Later walked past the men’s swimming pond - could not have been more opposite.
I love women! And we deserve to be able to have spaces where we are safe to exist, both on and offline.
There's a women's exclusive session one day a week at my local pool. Even the poolside staff are all female for the session.
I didn't even have to see with my eyes to feel the difference in the space. I felt so relaxed in my chest. I didn't have to ignore men staring at me. It was so nice.
You can feel the unsavoury men, even if they don't say anything or take any action. It's just palpable that they don't see you as a human being and they aren't safe due to that very thinking.
I highly recommend all women check out if any pools/gyms etc do women's sessions and to try one out.
I felt like crying the relief was so intense, it made me wonder if this is how men feel out in the world all the time.
I block real fast. There’s a reason I stay in predominantly women’s spaces and it’s to stay away from people like that.
They need to get over their entitlement trying to tell us our lived experiences.
I blocked some nasty dudes and they made new accounts to harass me, followed me across subreddits to leave nasty comments on my posts. Talk about fragile egos 😂
It’s not just this sub, it’s nearly every other women’s centered sub as well. Almost everything meant for us has to turn into a sausage party. Unfortunately even if the mods try their best, they can’t always nuke inappropriate comments.
There was a hostile takeover of all womens subs at one point. From what I have seen so far that is still the case. There is no place on reddit that I have seen that is 100% woman run, modded and safe for women.
lol I am the poor girl and of course I received a reddit cares for the post. and so many dms, tho surprisingly most were kind, some were unsurprisingly creepy. I posted in this group before, and the responses have always been very supportive and mostly from women, so I admit I was a bit surprised how many not all men comments my post has gotten. probably cause I said every single man heh but i mean, I stand by what I said
Isn't that godawful, to post in a women's group and still get harassed by men in your DMs? We seriously can't go anywhere. And we have the same experience with it being every single one we talk to. It's never long.
I think you can block Redditcares. I'm pretty sure the last one of those I received had that option, anyway.
I'm also pretty sure that if a guy says "not all men," the comment probably applies to them
You were very patient with a lot of the commentators on that post, especially with some of the idiotic definitely-not-scientists excusing bad behaviour because of biology.
I teach kids so I'm used to being patient even when I wanna smack someone. The discussion on there was interesting tho, but it turned me off dating even more.
But how can we know that we are wrong without men telling us?/s
Lol, I read farming subreddits (we grow fruit on our farm) and the number of non- farmers posting and giving their 2 cents is staggering.
Men here remind me of people who give advice on how to do regenerative agriculturen because they ate a carrot once and own one potted plant.
Reddit is made for people giving unsolicited advice on things they don't know anything about.
Omg.
I’m a certified organic grower. I know what I can and can’t do ( cause rules).
The amount of times I’ve been told I’m wrong and should be doing it differently 🤯.
I’m glad people have a back yard garden, but we are not the same!
Oh my god yes! My personal example is visiting biology sub and when someone asks identification of a creature for example the comments will be flooded with people giving wild guesses that are extremely uneducated. It's not a quiz-game.
"Hello girls! 🙋♂️ I am a Man and here is my experience of being One Of The Good Ones. Please give me a cookie for being a performative ally as I insert myself into your discussion I can't relate to 💙"
The rules of the sub, and the first pinned post we see on this subreddit is a message saying anyone can post here.
That rule should be removed if this sub actually does not agree with it.
the issue isn't men posting - hell if my boyfriend posted here i'd be more than happy, he's intelligent and not a misogynist. but all of the men i've seen posting here are either virtue signalling (which isn't horrible but eyeroll) or purposefully undermining women's experiences with abuse and narcissistic male partners. my experience lurking this sub has made it abundantly clear that there's a correlation between a man who seeks to post in women-centric subs and a man who dislikes women or does not have their best interests at heart. if this offends you in any way maybe reflect onto why it does.
No, I’m saying men don’t belong here and they should not have any right to post in this sub, and I think many others in this community would agree.
I’m not sure what you’re trying to extrapolate from my first post, but i think it’s off base
I was honestly thinking of making this exact post this morning. I especially hate the ones where OP or a commenter expresses some very anti-woman sentiments and the men rally around it saying "it's an echo chamber here," "people won't want to admit this here but it's the truth" or "thank god there's at least one woman with sense here."
So fucking gross.
Report them and block them so their remarks get deleted. Let them scream into the void. No one will hear what they have to say. Any derailing (which is any taking the topic away from the post at hand and directing attention to what men experience or deal with) can be reported under the "off topic" rule. Please everyone if we do this we can really improve the quality of our sub!!!
If they can't leave us alone in real life why would they online? I personally feel that harassment has moved online nowadays and there are even who just get off on coming to spaces they know are full of women just to make fun of us, argue with us, get attention and a reaction. I block them. I enjoy interacting with women both online and offline. I've felt this way my whole life and still do. Women are better and safer and funner and I refuse to accept anything else.
Yeah I feel you OP… there were men in a post I made about the medical invalidation I’ve received in the military and through the VA talking about how “um actually I had issues with doctors while I was in too! My leadership was also bad >:(” like… okay? But you weren’t dismissed or outright turned away because you are a man. You weren’t in the dark for years about what’s going on with you because you’re a man and doctors put every pain on your period or you being fat. Why are you commenting like it’s the medical invalidation Olympics??? I made this for my experiences and the vast amount of other non-men vets that get treated like crap because we aren’t a cis white man with alcoholism whose at-her-wits-end wife and five soccer children don’t love anymore.
What’s funnier is they admit to actually in the end getting help after only a couple speed bumps, meanwhile I waited for TEN YEARS just to get a doctor that would take my pain seriously enough to give me an MRI… Not to mention I was never looked at for PTSD after my deployment despite having all the symptoms (like literally my future therapist said I checked every single box for PTSD), it took me being out for almost two years before the VA gave me a PTSD screening. When I asked a therapist why it took so long to even be considered for PTSD she sighed and said “honestly? Because you’re aren’t a man who had a combat MOS honey” so they know, they just don’t care about ‘female’ vets as much. Oh, but PVT John Johnson number 685838372 had an issue with doctors too boohoo
I literally avoid military subs and pages for this reason. The absolute hate military men have women is insane. They either accuse of you being a bitch or a slut, no in between. Anytime a female is posted on any military affiliated page, the comments are always riddled with accusations of sleeping her way through the ranks, her being weak, standards lowered, equality, blah blah the same old dumb shit. The domestic violence and alcohol rates for military men are absolutely insane, but you won’t hear a peep out of them about those statistics.
Yeah I avoid veteran and military spaces too for that same reason.
It’s like they can’t fathom that a *g i r l* basically did everything they had to do and is now equally suffering as much as they are. No, she had to be a barracks bunny or a whore or she slept to rank up or that she only got far because she was ‘pretty’, and if she’s not their standard of beauty it becomes “oh no wonder you didn’t make *Five Star General* heh 😏, you’re too ugly to have gotten as far as a MAN”. Don’t forget if you didn’t get the chance to go to one of the *optional* bullshit schools it’s “oh of course a FEMALE didn’t go to RANGER school!!” Like you *just* started allowing us in wtf are you talking about. You’re fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t, but I suppose that’s the female experience anyway, the military just amplifies it 10 fold.
That really does suck and my veteran sisters definitely don't get the rest they deserve. FYI, there's a subreddit for y'all, r/veteranwomen I think it's called.
Oh, I saw that post, and the first three comments were from men! I'm so sick of it, too. A few weeks ago, I had an unnecessary discussion with a guy commenting about what a good guy he is. In the end, he called me cynical. I'm following the r/bropill sub because I find the questions asked very interesting. It never crossed my mind to comment on there because I respect that it's a sub for men only.
Not gonna lie, I would be 100% okay with NOT ALL MEN posts being met with an instant ban.
Unfortunately, given this is a default subreddit, you'll likely still see a steady stream of ego-obsessed men trickle through regularly.
But didn't you know the husband who wanted to use his grieving wife as a breeding cow is just misunderstood, he wants a baby so naturally he should blow up his whole existing family and dump his wife leaving her to raise his children so he can find another vessel to bear him a new child? Nooo he's not a bad guy he just wants another child!
Dude I thought I was losing it... with how many people are like "oh well if having a baby is important to you" as if *that's the only consideration." Guy's an ass but those people made me ill.
I'm trying to figure it out, it's not letting me copy. The title was something like "she doesn't want to be a brood mare after twin still births? Divorce her!" And I'm assuming *that* was itself a cross post from another sub. I doubt the post was even real, it's probably from AITA and no one should be reading that. But the comments are unhinged and I decided to dive into the toxicity, which was ill advised.
The reactions are just so gross like they are acting like she's his girlfriend and she just changed his mind about wanting babies. Like it's unreasonable to expect a little loyalty (you bet if he found himself with no sperm he would be talking about loyalty) Just fuck this (imaginary) guy and fuck everyone who commented on his defense.
Yikes! I totally believe you. People can be so gross. It’s just for curiosity sake, thanks for trying to find it!
AITA is a bit more woman-friendly than most subs on reddit but theres still a ton of misogynists there. Hope the post you saw wasn’t real, poor woman have to deal with that after a twin stillbirth
The last time I interacted with a cis het 'feminist' man in this sub, I got down voted to hell and he was super smug about it. So no, this sub is not for women. It's a petting zoo for 'not all men'.
The worst part in my opinion is how many guys are pretending to be woman on this sub, not trying to be insulting or kink shaming but after seeing the 10th post of a "woman" saying how much she loves anal or about how she thinks feminism actually hurts woman or smth I actually start to wonder how many guys are doing this shit.
I feel like these men have become stealthy. They know how to derail, gaslight, and diminish women’s experiences as expressed on this sub but just to the line without crossing it so the mods won’t remove them
The result is we get brigaded and these men het emboldened
I think the funniest part is that its not like the sub bans men from participating and theres many such comments that like, would have been fine without mentioning theyre a man?
Im struggling to find the words to articulate what Im getting at, but its something like a lot of times it would have been fine if they weren't recentering the attention/topic to how theyre a man.
Precisely.
If you make a good post, it will be upvoted. Stating your gender is unneeded 99% of the time.
Listen. If you have personal experience/insight then share it. It’s not about you.
It’s the same energy as when men try to explain something you have far more work experience, etc in. They can’t fathom that their opinions aren’t necessary or valuable.
JFC. I can't walk through Lowes without five salesdudes trying to save me. Like I can't just look. Sometimes I know I need a widget but not sure which widget they have on the shelf is gonna work best until I see what they have. I will also peruse a hardware store like some people peruse a book store.
I needed to buy another drill and they literally would not let me just look. This gaggle of male employees insisted on helping me and wouldn't let me look around. I ended up just grabbing the first one that looked ok in my price point so I could fucking leave.
I was cutting a small piece of trim from longer stock, a man came to tell me I was not sawing correctly, then took the saw and showed me.
😡. I had to grab another piece and actually cut it square. ( was helping a gf out and needed a small piece but did not have a saw with me)
Men who comment that kind of stuff do so out of guilt, whether they realize it or not. If they truly have never done anything wrong by a woman, comments like that wouldn't affect them to the point of feeling the need to reply "But not me!"
They just cant let us have a space to ourselves. It’s exhausting trying to discuss issues that I’m struggling with personally, just to have to defend myself against some angry incel pretending to be a woman, or saying horrible inflammatory shit. I just block them and report them as appropriate
I’ve posted a couple times on this subreddit. Every single time met with “not all men” and “pretty awful for you to say all men act like that” comments. I stopped posting. Those types of comments make me seethe
The only thing I could possibly conceive of is if it restricted comments to verified women only but proving that and moderating that could be controversial in itself or not possible. I hope though a percentage of men at least reading the subreddit self reflect and become better people and thus help create a better environment for everyone in the long run.
If restricting my ability to comment reduces the harassement by even 1 point then it's absolutely worth it, as much as I like to try to connect with anyone here. It also has been really helpful to realize what really entails to like men for me.
It’s cuz men have this fucked up complex where they have to invade anything a women claims. It’s not valid unless there’s someway they can weasel their way in. I mean take lesbians for example. How many lesbians can say they’ve never been hit in by a man who knew he was flirting with a lesbian
Can the mods just pin a post that says "NOT ALL MEN - Every post in this subreddit is not saying ALL MEN"?
I mean, what CAN you say about every single man on earth? Like, Give me one single thing that all men have in common that is unique to just male humans. Please.
men are incapable of understanding that their presence is not necessary or required. they always invade our spaces and somehow manage to make it about how THEY feel..
Another Redditor recently shared this with me. It explains the issue perfectly! So now I'm responding with this link every time a man comes on here with that Not-All-Men energy:
[https://www.zawn.net/blog/hello-youve-reached-the-not-all-men-hotline](https://www.zawn.net/blog/hello-youve-reached-the-not-all-men-hotline)
Just want to point out, I don't know why, but the algorithm has been HEAVILY promoting this subreddit to my feed for months and I am surely not the target audience. Seems like the Reddit algorithm is picking up any posts with any sort of traction and throwing them at a wider (and more hostile) audience. Absolutely doesn't justify the behaviour but perhaps explains why these guys are finding the posts.
It’s not just men. Women who are seriously angry and misogynistic are coming up on my posts and saying crazy things like they never received a dick pic, and NoT AlL MeN. It’s bizarre. I tried to respond to her, but Reddit wouldn’t let me?
My response below: I guess that is great. You must be really special for all the men in your life to not abuse you. Bear in mind, even though no one may have been abusing you, they still may have been abusive to others but knew that you would come to their defense in these circumstances so they let you be. This has happened to me multiple times. Abusive men don’t abuse everyone, just those that they can get away with abusing. They can be very lovely to people who are quick to come to their defense.
You know this might be overkill for this sub but I wanted to mention that I really enjoy the atmosphere Manifestelle has created on her spoiled girlie support group youtube community essentially removing the ability for men to comment (wether positive or negative). It genuinely feels like such a safe space for women's issues, and I feel so heard and protected.
They cannot stand seeing women speaking amongst themselves without inserting (and centering) themselves in the discussion. Women asking questions specifically to other women and it's always "Man here, here's MY opinion". Like back up, bro. Not everything is about you
Reading this conversation made me cry and I had to walk away with the sheer despair and anger at what I'm reading.
Seeing women fight the same fight again and again through my life is so devastating.
Change needs to happen. Safe spaces matter.
There’s a couple of heavily moderated subs that are trying to stay women only. The advertise here occassionally.
Edit:
Here’s their post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/ig04UYlI1Z
This group was never a space exclusively for women though, there are others for that. The rules explicitly welcome all genders.
(and no, I'm a woman, just saying, you're expecting something from this sub that it's not)
It’s a predominantly women sub here, and the men who are supportive and understanding are fine.
It’s the ones who read about issues we face and then blame/gaslight/make fun/tell us we’re overreacting or these issues don’t exist. Which is almost exclusively always men telling us this, and extremely tiring. There’s no reason for them to be here.
Well I think it's kind of silly to name a board something that refers to women and then not have it be specifically for people who identify as women but you're right about that.
Just to preface: I'm a woman
If we go by the name this sub would also be prime real estate for TERFs and at least I'm glad that it isn't
Not all people who don't identify as women are cis men and personally I find it super important to let them know that they're welcome here.
Happy pride month to all my queer siblings on here! 🌈❤️
It's also partly because they made it a default sub. I'm (unfortunately) a guy but I keep subbed so I can see perspectives other than my own, but there's a lot of assholes online and any sub that becomes default causes a lot of issues with trolls more so when apparently being respectful is such a hot topic apparently
To be fair I'm not sure if it still is as I remember people were complaining about the issues it caused, but it definitely was for a few years if it isn't still
it is primarily for women which means a lot of incels will end up targeting this place. there’s also a lot of other guys here who don’t spew out the “not all men” and shit, even a lot of lurkers
i do my best to keep out of the posts on women’s experiences dealing with men, because i as a boy will not have those same experiences so my input is unneeded, i’ll pop in and read comments and stuff to understand then i’ll leave on posts like those. i don’t get the people who waste their time saying “not all men” like no shit, everyone knows not all men. i think more dudes should actually learn to sit there and read other people experiences instead of “wah wah wah, women mean”
Of course you're allowed, y'all NEED to be here so you can learn all the things that weren't part of your raising. Like "don't actually drink anything bought for you by a stranger" and how to keep an eye out for women in trouble, and always go bathroom with a buddy if you're out late.
You're women without the background, you need this space.
There’s private subs where you need to message the mods to get in.
There could be a space where you take a picture of yourself with your username on a piece of paper to confirm you’re a woman maybe?
I'm glad men are on this sub when they're using it to actually learn and read our perspectives, but 100% there are some in here with the sole intent to discredit our experiences or dismiss them as lies because they simply cannot expand their mind to realize their experience is not universal and society reacts to you differently based on the body (gender/race/features) you're in. Of course it's more nuanced than I just stated but you get what I mean.
The “not all men” is for the self-victimized. Not All Men means NO I WOULDN’T SHUT UP, it has NOTHING to do with solidarity. It’s specifically made to give men the green light to kill eachother, and us.
NAM idiots are so needy. So over indulged. We have to give them so much more attention than normal. We have to believe them more.
While the rest of us (plus men) stare at them tearing at their shirt in the middle of a Wal-Mart while they’re screaming that we are whores and pick-mes and fake men then immediately pig squeal NO NOT ME NOT ALL MEN when told they have a collective responsibility to social issues.
Men who know their value go, “Yeah, no kidding it’s us.”
Hit report so mods can take care of them.
You know why bars advertise shit like “ladies drink free” don’t you? Because they know a space full of women will seem appealing to men. It’s common for men to push our boundaries at any time, so it’s not shocking to me at all that men rush into a sub about women’s issues and try to make it about them. It’s sad and irritating, but very predictable.
Ladies only drink free because we're on the menu
I never really thought about it like that, but it is like that observation about internet sites/apps "if the product is free, you are the product".
If you are not paying for the product, you are the product. True as ever.
Now that’s deep! Never thought about it like that before 👀
That was super well put
its rare women will ever, EVER be able to have a space for themselves. Online, offline, anywhere. sad reality
There's r/safespaceforwoman where they check profiles before adding people, but it's very small atm
Just wanted to note, its r/safespaceforwoman \^\^
Im giggling at the misspelling of “women” “Safe space for woman” 😂. Only one woman allowed Love the idea though
Wow. Your comment made me realize some deep shit about why I am such a hermit. The only truly safe space I have found in this world is solitude.
Yea same. Even other women are hard to trust
The only way to be safe is to be in a one person club. Hahaa
Lol it's funny but they did share that it's because "women" was already taken
Thank you, I edited
Gotta love the typo
I think it was supposed to be 'women', but that was already taken so the creators just settled for singular woman haha
that is exactly what happened. r/safespaceforwomen was a non-private sub, with an inactive mod, so, we made do.
We are all woman!
🎵...hear us roar, in numbers too big to ignore...🎶
🎵...you can blow out a candle but you can't blow out a fire...🎵
we're currently at 3.5k members, so were growing. the only thing that's holding us back is having to go through and approve everyone, to make sure no men and no bigots slip in. also, i wondered why we just got a bunch of join requests. your comment is why, so thank you! (and i don't mean that sarcastically)
Thanks for growing this space! I also enjoy having a space where I don't get harassed by guys telling me "but women murder men and babies!" when I bring up femicide, etc.
I'm part of that space, thank you for putting the work in to give us all that room to just be
I do wish more subs would do the profile check to see if the user is a woman before allowing. There is a bra sub for comparing bra quality or trying to find good quality bras and a lot of creepy ass dudes came in there and ruined it. Like fuck just let us compare bras brands in peace.
Thank you!!! I just requested to join!
They are great, and for anybody who happens to be wondering, excellent at filtering out transphobia as well.
And if you point out that they should just read, not talk, wow do you get attacked. These men can't STAND to be told to just listen.
There was a post here a few days ago about how society sees women in relation to how they can service men and yeah, I think this is part of that. These men are myopic main characters and can't stand when their opinions and desires aren't the main focus or taken into account, especially in regards to women and their lives. It's the same reason why, when you read men's opinions/criticisms and degradation of horse girls, it boils down to "she's passionate about a hobby she loves and has a lifestyle that doesn't revolve around me ~~(also, insert sexual comment horse penises, because men).~~" Which is also why you don't see men have that same disdain for horse guys, or any other male lifestyle and hobby that takes a lot of time in comparison to women's time-consuming lifestyles. But I digress; even these "good ones" that butt into the discussions to (irrelevantly) comment how they're not like this to _their_ wives and they're aghast at how other men could be this way! It's as if they need to be praised and told they're good boys, like mama used to do. Just... Congrats on being a decent person, I guess. You limboed under the highest bar on the pole, have a gold starf or your effort.
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Yes! It's actually one of the things I hate the most, personally, these specific kinds of double standards. It's not just professionally either: if you deck your walls with sports memorabilia, adorn you car with window and bumper stickers of your team, featuring a team licence plate too, of course, pay hundreds for tickets in support of your team, passionately discuss the game every day of the week and yell at your screen when someone doesn't pass the ball right... We'll, you're just a top bloke! But if you do the same thing but with, say, Disney, then you're a cringe "Disney Adult" (a demographic largely made up of women and the LGBTQ+ community) and deserve to be mocked. If you're a guy who loves video games, you're a gamer. If you're a woman who loves video games, you're faking it for attention and most definitely suck at them. If you're a woman who's into fashion, makeup, wellness, and fitness then you're "basic" and also looking for attention - probably baiting yourself for men and on TikTok too, why else would you wear tight gym clothes at the gym and record your form? But if you're a man who spends forever manscaping, spends hundreds on brand-name clothing and joggers ("sneakers" in yank), tracks your macros, and goes to the gym, then you're cool and a chad, and everyone's penises are very impressed with you (but not gayly). Chickflicks are sappy, romantic boring, predicable cringe but dickflicks are fun, even if they also repeat the same three scripts and tropes, because male fantasy is cool and feminine-coded fantasy is dull... And so on. Anything deemed "feminine," whether through association (man on horse good, woman on horse crazy) or typical gender role/interest (in addition, anything associated with LGBTQ+), is often seen as "lesser" by society and I hate it. My favourite example of this, media-wise, is the movie Uptown Girls. Panned by all the male critics at the time because they watched a movie about female relationships and trauma, that wasn't made for them and they didn't "get it," therefore it was "a bad movie." Same with Jennifer's Body, which is a whole other can of worms with similar roots; I will forever sympathise with Megan Fox over that movie. ...I should probably end this comment before I go off on more tangents. I just have a lot of thoughts on this specific element of misogyny that I don't often get to rant about.
I'm a horse lady and never run into people talking shit about us in the wild. It's only when they hide behind a computer. It's totally a power thing. Horse ladies are strong and gritty- we scare insecure men. If we can stare down a homicidal, suicidal 1000 pound beast to compassionately handle them, that's way more fortitude than a lot of men can deal with.
Sadly, I have. Not commonly, thank god, but I've heard them. It always seems to be men who have never come within three metres of a horse too; I don't believe I've ever actually heard a rural/ranch/equestrian guy talk shit about "horse girls" the way city and suburban men do. I grew up rural with horses and yeah, I've experienced sexism - I don't think there's anywhere a woman can go that involves men without some kind of misogyny leaking in - but the infamous "horse girl" whinging we all know of almost always seems to be the men who've never had to put on gumboots and walk through mud at 5am, let alone put a halter on a pony. Definitely evidence towards the power theory, LOL. I miss horses; I'm moving back to my hometown this year after over a decade in the city, and I have not changed in my opinion that I'd choose a horse over dating (men) anyday. Training the snootiest of yearlings doesn't leave my hope for half of humanity at the bottom of a mouldy pit, and they learn to listen a lot quicker too.
My husband helps subsidize my riding- not financially but with time. He makes dinner for me while I'm driving back from the barn, or is there for home maintenance meetings so I can go take care of the beloved pony. He takes photos or videos at shows and cheers for me. Just like horse shopping is dealing with a lot of unsound horses before you find the right one, dating is trying a lot of mentally unsound men until you find your partner. Mine was worth the try. Good luck to you on both fronts!
Oh I know, I have a supportive long-term partner already, thankfully! I'm just entirely tired of the men who do take part in all that - it saddens me that being supportive and not being "one of _those_ men" is something that's deemed worthy of praise - it's just basic human decency everywhere else. That and I just don't think I'd have the mental energy to start dating again in the future, should it not work out. I've always been happy whilst single and life's too short to spend time doing something I don't enjoy. I've had a lot of good and bad men in my life, and while I love the good ones, I honestly find dealing with an unsound man far more taxing than an animal of troublesome temperament.
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Ya got me more a moment there.
You have to have at least a tiny bit of humility to shut the f up and listen.
On the post about how not all men is dismissive and shitty… they would argue, compare it to racism, and essentially say “not all men” when asked how we can meaningfully speak about the violence men do to women because they are women. They genuinely don’t get it because nothing and no one matters but them. Not all men = shut up
no literally. We’ll be talking about the orgasm gap or something and AT LEAST two comments will be “as a man, I can’t get off without her getting off!” LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP
Seriously they'll start describing what they do in the bedroom and its like WHO ASKED
Unfathomable level of "read the room"
for real, sometimes the ones that chime in and want a cookie are somehow even more irritating.
Oh god, that’s orgasm post made me roll my eyes so hard they fell out. “I’m not friends with men who disrespect women.” Ok here’s the problem with that… your “buddies” are different when you’re around. You don’t see how sleazy they are at the bar or in our DMs.
Even worse- they don’t see how sleazy THEY are.
Please report them under "off topic" rule, they will be deleted.
This is what irks me the most. I think men *can* have valuable insight into patriarchal culture and toxic masculinity, and how that affects their thought processes and behaviors. They can have ideas on how to better raise young men to get away from that, or whatever, basically just insider information that can be helpful in a feminist space. But that's never what their comments are about. Ever. Its always "Iiiiii don't do that, Iiii can't belieeeeeve other men do thaaaat," etc. And yeah, it's way more prevelent when sex is brought up, because their horny little gooner brains can't help it. They gotta contribute and talk about how awesome they are as a lover. Like, ommmmg. What, do you want a cookie? Why are you here telling us this instead of educating your fellow men? Jesus.
I really like this part of the TwoX FAQ: >Please refrain from starting every comment here with "As a man" or similar. If it is really and truly relevant then by all means mention it, but remember we ladies don't mention that we're women on the rest of the site unless it matters. Just as we're often assumed to be men outside of 2xc and related communities you might be assumed to be a women here. And that's okay! All that matters is that we talk openly with each other.
That lead in never means "here comes insight/comment from man's perspective". it's "I'm special, give attention".
Yeah, why don't they take this insight and go address other men causing problems, instead of trying to insert their opinion's into women's spaces? I feel like this is another way that some men can feel superior to women, while still distancing themselves from "those men."
Those men specifically piss me off because they think it’s virtuous but they are literally admitting that their interest in pleasing their partner is self centered. I’ve known men like this and they are just as likely terrible in bed because they are wrapped up in their own egotistical image as a woman pleaser they aren’t willing to let a woman pleasure herself or otherwise listen to her on what she wants. I’m willing to bet a lot of the women they’ve “gotten off to getting off” were faking it because it was the only way to stop having sex.
I found myself screaming “YEAH!” loudly while reading your comment. Completely forgetting I’m in the subway with a bunch of people staring at me 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
But if the internet women don’t know that I’m a master in bed how will they keep ignoring me the way they always do?!?!
lol I saw the exact comment you are talking abt.
I was shocked to learn that even amongst lesbians vs men there is still a gap 😳.
Uh. What?
That’s right ladies. Lesbians have 11% less orgasms than men during sex. I don’t get it, but it’s true
I recently went to the only place I’ve ever seen women only enforced - Hampstead Ladies Swimming Pond. And it was GLORIOUS. There is a little grassy area where women can just exist in peace. It was like being in a fairy glade; very serene and quiet and just a very respectful vibe. Later walked past the men’s swimming pond - could not have been more opposite. I love women! And we deserve to be able to have spaces where we are safe to exist, both on and offline.
There's a women's exclusive session one day a week at my local pool. Even the poolside staff are all female for the session. I didn't even have to see with my eyes to feel the difference in the space. I felt so relaxed in my chest. I didn't have to ignore men staring at me. It was so nice. You can feel the unsavoury men, even if they don't say anything or take any action. It's just palpable that they don't see you as a human being and they aren't safe due to that very thinking. I highly recommend all women check out if any pools/gyms etc do women's sessions and to try one out. I felt like crying the relief was so intense, it made me wonder if this is how men feel out in the world all the time.
I block real fast. There’s a reason I stay in predominantly women’s spaces and it’s to stay away from people like that. They need to get over their entitlement trying to tell us our lived experiences.
I blocked some nasty dudes and they made new accounts to harass me, followed me across subreddits to leave nasty comments on my posts. Talk about fragile egos 😂
Imagine being that obsessed with just one user out of the millions on it enough to do that. Insane.
I hit my block limit 🙄
Say what!? There is a limit!
WHAT?!
I didn’t know that existed!! Ugh 😩
I find that hilarious/sad/good for you
There’s a limit? I didnt even realize that
Does blocking hide comments though? Because I blocked haiku bot months ago and I still see the fucking thing all the time.
It’s not just this sub, it’s nearly every other women’s centered sub as well. Almost everything meant for us has to turn into a sausage party. Unfortunately even if the mods try their best, they can’t always nuke inappropriate comments.
And most of the mods on Reddit are men, even the woman focused subs. Which, is ridiculous quite frankly.
Omg nooo. You are telling me even this sub has male mods? We are being managed by men at this very moment?
That's my understanding
There was a hostile takeover of all womens subs at one point. From what I have seen so far that is still the case. There is no place on reddit that I have seen that is 100% woman run, modded and safe for women.
IIRC there's r/safespaceforwoman, discussed above, which is private and vets all of its applicants to screen out men and bigots
This makes me nauseous
This gives me the ick but maybe i'm wrong
The real ick is that the person who said this sub is modded by men is misgendering trans women
My nausea or the mods?
I was talking about the mods ._. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
I was just making a joke, all good!
What about on this sub?
They are obsessed.
lol I am the poor girl and of course I received a reddit cares for the post. and so many dms, tho surprisingly most were kind, some were unsurprisingly creepy. I posted in this group before, and the responses have always been very supportive and mostly from women, so I admit I was a bit surprised how many not all men comments my post has gotten. probably cause I said every single man heh but i mean, I stand by what I said
Isn't that godawful, to post in a women's group and still get harassed by men in your DMs? We seriously can't go anywhere. And we have the same experience with it being every single one we talk to. It's never long.
These fuckers can't just let us be, no matter where we go. Their level of arrogance, and entitlement to us is unfathomable to me.
Not sure it is anymore, but back in the older days of reddit every new user was subscribed to this subreddit regardless of who they are.
I think you can block Redditcares. I'm pretty sure the last one of those I received had that option, anyway. I'm also pretty sure that if a guy says "not all men," the comment probably applies to them
You can block it, but it’s more fun to report each and every one of them. Can get them banned/suspended for it.
You were very patient with a lot of the commentators on that post, especially with some of the idiotic definitely-not-scientists excusing bad behaviour because of biology.
I teach kids so I'm used to being patient even when I wanna smack someone. The discussion on there was interesting tho, but it turned me off dating even more.
But how can we know that we are wrong without men telling us?/s Lol, I read farming subreddits (we grow fruit on our farm) and the number of non- farmers posting and giving their 2 cents is staggering. Men here remind me of people who give advice on how to do regenerative agriculturen because they ate a carrot once and own one potted plant. Reddit is made for people giving unsolicited advice on things they don't know anything about.
Omg. I’m a certified organic grower. I know what I can and can’t do ( cause rules). The amount of times I’ve been told I’m wrong and should be doing it differently 🤯. I’m glad people have a back yard garden, but we are not the same!
Oh my god yes! My personal example is visiting biology sub and when someone asks identification of a creature for example the comments will be flooded with people giving wild guesses that are extremely uneducated. It's not a quiz-game.
"Hello girls! 🙋♂️ I am a Man and here is my experience of being One Of The Good Ones. Please give me a cookie for being a performative ally as I insert myself into your discussion I can't relate to 💙"
Because they can’t imagine not being centered.
That's how you know it's a subreddit for women, sadly.
Hate how fucking true this is 💀
It’s not all men…but it’s always men.
istg the moment i read "obligatory, i am a man, i hope it's ok to post here, normally i just lurk, but" massive eyeroll GO AWAY ugh
The rules of the sub, and the first pinned post we see on this subreddit is a message saying anyone can post here. That rule should be removed if this sub actually does not agree with it.
the issue isn't men posting - hell if my boyfriend posted here i'd be more than happy, he's intelligent and not a misogynist. but all of the men i've seen posting here are either virtue signalling (which isn't horrible but eyeroll) or purposefully undermining women's experiences with abuse and narcissistic male partners. my experience lurking this sub has made it abundantly clear that there's a correlation between a man who seeks to post in women-centric subs and a man who dislikes women or does not have their best interests at heart. if this offends you in any way maybe reflect onto why it does.
No, I’m saying men don’t belong here and they should not have any right to post in this sub, and I think many others in this community would agree. I’m not sure what you’re trying to extrapolate from my first post, but i think it’s off base
They are literally the worst 😭😭 they also downvote the hell out of our posts too, so pathetic.
THIS
I was honestly thinking of making this exact post this morning. I especially hate the ones where OP or a commenter expresses some very anti-woman sentiments and the men rally around it saying "it's an echo chamber here," "people won't want to admit this here but it's the truth" or "thank god there's at least one woman with sense here." So fucking gross.
The ones that have a female appearing profile and are posting all sorts of pick me stuff then out themselves as being men.
You can always tell 🤭
Report them and block them so their remarks get deleted. Let them scream into the void. No one will hear what they have to say. Any derailing (which is any taking the topic away from the post at hand and directing attention to what men experience or deal with) can be reported under the "off topic" rule. Please everyone if we do this we can really improve the quality of our sub!!!
If they can't leave us alone in real life why would they online? I personally feel that harassment has moved online nowadays and there are even who just get off on coming to spaces they know are full of women just to make fun of us, argue with us, get attention and a reaction. I block them. I enjoy interacting with women both online and offline. I've felt this way my whole life and still do. Women are better and safer and funner and I refuse to accept anything else.
Yeah I feel you OP… there were men in a post I made about the medical invalidation I’ve received in the military and through the VA talking about how “um actually I had issues with doctors while I was in too! My leadership was also bad >:(” like… okay? But you weren’t dismissed or outright turned away because you are a man. You weren’t in the dark for years about what’s going on with you because you’re a man and doctors put every pain on your period or you being fat. Why are you commenting like it’s the medical invalidation Olympics??? I made this for my experiences and the vast amount of other non-men vets that get treated like crap because we aren’t a cis white man with alcoholism whose at-her-wits-end wife and five soccer children don’t love anymore. What’s funnier is they admit to actually in the end getting help after only a couple speed bumps, meanwhile I waited for TEN YEARS just to get a doctor that would take my pain seriously enough to give me an MRI… Not to mention I was never looked at for PTSD after my deployment despite having all the symptoms (like literally my future therapist said I checked every single box for PTSD), it took me being out for almost two years before the VA gave me a PTSD screening. When I asked a therapist why it took so long to even be considered for PTSD she sighed and said “honestly? Because you’re aren’t a man who had a combat MOS honey” so they know, they just don’t care about ‘female’ vets as much. Oh, but PVT John Johnson number 685838372 had an issue with doctors too boohoo
I literally avoid military subs and pages for this reason. The absolute hate military men have women is insane. They either accuse of you being a bitch or a slut, no in between. Anytime a female is posted on any military affiliated page, the comments are always riddled with accusations of sleeping her way through the ranks, her being weak, standards lowered, equality, blah blah the same old dumb shit. The domestic violence and alcohol rates for military men are absolutely insane, but you won’t hear a peep out of them about those statistics.
Yeah I avoid veteran and military spaces too for that same reason. It’s like they can’t fathom that a *g i r l* basically did everything they had to do and is now equally suffering as much as they are. No, she had to be a barracks bunny or a whore or she slept to rank up or that she only got far because she was ‘pretty’, and if she’s not their standard of beauty it becomes “oh no wonder you didn’t make *Five Star General* heh 😏, you’re too ugly to have gotten as far as a MAN”. Don’t forget if you didn’t get the chance to go to one of the *optional* bullshit schools it’s “oh of course a FEMALE didn’t go to RANGER school!!” Like you *just* started allowing us in wtf are you talking about. You’re fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t, but I suppose that’s the female experience anyway, the military just amplifies it 10 fold.
That really does suck and my veteran sisters definitely don't get the rest they deserve. FYI, there's a subreddit for y'all, r/veteranwomen I think it's called.
Oh, I saw that post, and the first three comments were from men! I'm so sick of it, too. A few weeks ago, I had an unnecessary discussion with a guy commenting about what a good guy he is. In the end, he called me cynical. I'm following the r/bropill sub because I find the questions asked very interesting. It never crossed my mind to comment on there because I respect that it's a sub for men only.
Not gonna lie, I would be 100% okay with NOT ALL MEN posts being met with an instant ban. Unfortunately, given this is a default subreddit, you'll likely still see a steady stream of ego-obsessed men trickle through regularly.
Those are the ones I hate the most. Wahhh not all men—like shut up. No one ever said it was all men. They’re as bad as the All Lives Matter crew.
But didn't you know the husband who wanted to use his grieving wife as a breeding cow is just misunderstood, he wants a baby so naturally he should blow up his whole existing family and dump his wife leaving her to raise his children so he can find another vessel to bear him a new child? Nooo he's not a bad guy he just wants another child!
Omg that post was a mess!
Saw that post as well, and the amount of people encouraging him to leave his wife was shameful. Utterly insane and selfish behavior.
Dude I thought I was losing it... with how many people are like "oh well if having a baby is important to you" as if *that's the only consideration." Guy's an ass but those people made me ill.
Which post was it? Could you dm me the link please? I’d love to check out that train wreck. How do people even defend him?
I'm trying to figure it out, it's not letting me copy. The title was something like "she doesn't want to be a brood mare after twin still births? Divorce her!" And I'm assuming *that* was itself a cross post from another sub. I doubt the post was even real, it's probably from AITA and no one should be reading that. But the comments are unhinged and I decided to dive into the toxicity, which was ill advised. The reactions are just so gross like they are acting like she's his girlfriend and she just changed his mind about wanting babies. Like it's unreasonable to expect a little loyalty (you bet if he found himself with no sperm he would be talking about loyalty) Just fuck this (imaginary) guy and fuck everyone who commented on his defense.
Yikes! I totally believe you. People can be so gross. It’s just for curiosity sake, thanks for trying to find it! AITA is a bit more woman-friendly than most subs on reddit but theres still a ton of misogynists there. Hope the post you saw wasn’t real, poor woman have to deal with that after a twin stillbirth
The last time I interacted with a cis het 'feminist' man in this sub, I got down voted to hell and he was super smug about it. So no, this sub is not for women. It's a petting zoo for 'not all men'.
The worst part in my opinion is how many guys are pretending to be woman on this sub, not trying to be insulting or kink shaming but after seeing the 10th post of a "woman" saying how much she loves anal or about how she thinks feminism actually hurts woman or smth I actually start to wonder how many guys are doing this shit.
They literally can not leave us alone ffs
I feel like these men have become stealthy. They know how to derail, gaslight, and diminish women’s experiences as expressed on this sub but just to the line without crossing it so the mods won’t remove them The result is we get brigaded and these men het emboldened
I think the funniest part is that its not like the sub bans men from participating and theres many such comments that like, would have been fine without mentioning theyre a man? Im struggling to find the words to articulate what Im getting at, but its something like a lot of times it would have been fine if they weren't recentering the attention/topic to how theyre a man.
Precisely. If you make a good post, it will be upvoted. Stating your gender is unneeded 99% of the time. Listen. If you have personal experience/insight then share it. It’s not about you.
But how will we silly wimminfolk prioritize their vast wisdom and knowledge on everything ever if they don't proclaim their bepenisedness??
It’s the same energy as when men try to explain something you have far more work experience, etc in. They can’t fathom that their opinions aren’t necessary or valuable.
You mean like being a female carpenter/ tradesman I love being in a hardware store and a man comes to save me from my decisions.
JFC. I can't walk through Lowes without five salesdudes trying to save me. Like I can't just look. Sometimes I know I need a widget but not sure which widget they have on the shelf is gonna work best until I see what they have. I will also peruse a hardware store like some people peruse a book store. I needed to buy another drill and they literally would not let me just look. This gaggle of male employees insisted on helping me and wouldn't let me look around. I ended up just grabbing the first one that looked ok in my price point so I could fucking leave.
I was cutting a small piece of trim from longer stock, a man came to tell me I was not sawing correctly, then took the saw and showed me. 😡. I had to grab another piece and actually cut it square. ( was helping a gf out and needed a small piece but did not have a saw with me)
Men who comment that kind of stuff do so out of guilt, whether they realize it or not. If they truly have never done anything wrong by a woman, comments like that wouldn't affect them to the point of feeling the need to reply "But not me!"
They just cant let us have a space to ourselves. It’s exhausting trying to discuss issues that I’m struggling with personally, just to have to defend myself against some angry incel pretending to be a woman, or saying horrible inflammatory shit. I just block them and report them as appropriate
I’ve posted a couple times on this subreddit. Every single time met with “not all men” and “pretty awful for you to say all men act like that” comments. I stopped posting. Those types of comments make me seethe
I unfollowed this sub because it felt like I am reading anti-feminist anti-women comments more and more. Either men or pick mes, still same shit.
Or SWERFs and TERFs
I really wish the mods would ban obvious men.
I so agree with you, however, there is no good way to get rid of them. Report the comments that bother you.
The only thing I could possibly conceive of is if it restricted comments to verified women only but proving that and moderating that could be controversial in itself or not possible. I hope though a percentage of men at least reading the subreddit self reflect and become better people and thus help create a better environment for everyone in the long run.
If restricting my ability to comment reduces the harassement by even 1 point then it's absolutely worth it, as much as I like to try to connect with anyone here. It also has been really helpful to realize what really entails to like men for me.
OMG i hate this as well
It’s cuz men have this fucked up complex where they have to invade anything a women claims. It’s not valid unless there’s someway they can weasel their way in. I mean take lesbians for example. How many lesbians can say they’ve never been hit in by a man who knew he was flirting with a lesbian
Can the mods just pin a post that says "NOT ALL MEN - Every post in this subreddit is not saying ALL MEN"? I mean, what CAN you say about every single man on earth? Like, Give me one single thing that all men have in common that is unique to just male humans. Please.
I like to troll the trolls lol like poking a *bear* with a stick lmao
I'd still choose that bear...
men are incapable of understanding that their presence is not necessary or required. they always invade our spaces and somehow manage to make it about how THEY feel..
Another Redditor recently shared this with me. It explains the issue perfectly! So now I'm responding with this link every time a man comes on here with that Not-All-Men energy: [https://www.zawn.net/blog/hello-youve-reached-the-not-all-men-hotline](https://www.zawn.net/blog/hello-youve-reached-the-not-all-men-hotline)
Just want to point out, I don't know why, but the algorithm has been HEAVILY promoting this subreddit to my feed for months and I am surely not the target audience. Seems like the Reddit algorithm is picking up any posts with any sort of traction and throwing them at a wider (and more hostile) audience. Absolutely doesn't justify the behaviour but perhaps explains why these guys are finding the posts.
It’s not just men. Women who are seriously angry and misogynistic are coming up on my posts and saying crazy things like they never received a dick pic, and NoT AlL MeN. It’s bizarre. I tried to respond to her, but Reddit wouldn’t let me? My response below: I guess that is great. You must be really special for all the men in your life to not abuse you. Bear in mind, even though no one may have been abusing you, they still may have been abusive to others but knew that you would come to their defense in these circumstances so they let you be. This has happened to me multiple times. Abusive men don’t abuse everyone, just those that they can get away with abusing. They can be very lovely to people who are quick to come to their defense.
You know this might be overkill for this sub but I wanted to mention that I really enjoy the atmosphere Manifestelle has created on her spoiled girlie support group youtube community essentially removing the ability for men to comment (wether positive or negative). It genuinely feels like such a safe space for women's issues, and I feel so heard and protected.
They cannot stand seeing women speaking amongst themselves without inserting (and centering) themselves in the discussion. Women asking questions specifically to other women and it's always "Man here, here's MY opinion". Like back up, bro. Not everything is about you
Men are like little ants
Ignore them........if they are so eager to be on a thread for women, they have their own issues.
Reading this conversation made me cry and I had to walk away with the sheer despair and anger at what I'm reading. Seeing women fight the same fight again and again through my life is so devastating. Change needs to happen. Safe spaces matter.
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There’s a couple of heavily moderated subs that are trying to stay women only. The advertise here occassionally. Edit: Here’s their post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/ig04UYlI1Z
There is a private subreddit that is women-only, and it's fucking great. It's called r/safespaceforwoman
This group was never a space exclusively for women though, there are others for that. The rules explicitly welcome all genders. (and no, I'm a woman, just saying, you're expecting something from this sub that it's not)
It’s a predominantly women sub here, and the men who are supportive and understanding are fine. It’s the ones who read about issues we face and then blame/gaslight/make fun/tell us we’re overreacting or these issues don’t exist. Which is almost exclusively always men telling us this, and extremely tiring. There’s no reason for them to be here.
its that general theme of like. this is why we cant have nice things. always some dummies that have to ruin something for everyone else
Well I think it's kind of silly to name a board something that refers to women and then not have it be specifically for people who identify as women but you're right about that.
Just to preface: I'm a woman If we go by the name this sub would also be prime real estate for TERFs and at least I'm glad that it isn't Not all people who don't identify as women are cis men and personally I find it super important to let them know that they're welcome here. Happy pride month to all my queer siblings on here! 🌈❤️
Hopping on the Pride Month bit, I saw a comment about it I absolutely loved. “I’m the flagpole. Straight, but I’ll support and fly your flag.”
I really love this expression!!
The mods are men, this is no longer a women’s space. It’s a space for men to lurk and correct us now.
Trans women are women, full stop.
Yes, I agree.
It's also partly because they made it a default sub. I'm (unfortunately) a guy but I keep subbed so I can see perspectives other than my own, but there's a lot of assholes online and any sub that becomes default causes a lot of issues with trolls more so when apparently being respectful is such a hot topic apparently
I didn't realize it was a default sub, that's pretty fucking silly of Reddit.
To be fair I'm not sure if it still is as I remember people were complaining about the issues it caused, but it definitely was for a few years if it isn't still
it is primarily for women which means a lot of incels will end up targeting this place. there’s also a lot of other guys here who don’t spew out the “not all men” and shit, even a lot of lurkers i do my best to keep out of the posts on women’s experiences dealing with men, because i as a boy will not have those same experiences so my input is unneeded, i’ll pop in and read comments and stuff to understand then i’ll leave on posts like those. i don’t get the people who waste their time saying “not all men” like no shit, everyone knows not all men. i think more dudes should actually learn to sit there and read other people experiences instead of “wah wah wah, women mean”
Are transwomen allowed? I may even have XXY chromosomes if that counts.
Yes. trans women are women
Of course you're allowed, y'all NEED to be here so you can learn all the things that weren't part of your raising. Like "don't actually drink anything bought for you by a stranger" and how to keep an eye out for women in trouble, and always go bathroom with a buddy if you're out late. You're women without the background, you need this space.
There’s private subs where you need to message the mods to get in. There could be a space where you take a picture of yourself with your username on a piece of paper to confirm you’re a woman maybe?
That could bring a host of issues if someone doesn’t look “feminine” enough even though they are a woman.
I'm glad men are on this sub when they're using it to actually learn and read our perspectives, but 100% there are some in here with the sole intent to discredit our experiences or dismiss them as lies because they simply cannot expand their mind to realize their experience is not universal and society reacts to you differently based on the body (gender/race/features) you're in. Of course it's more nuanced than I just stated but you get what I mean.
The “not all men” is for the self-victimized. Not All Men means NO I WOULDN’T SHUT UP, it has NOTHING to do with solidarity. It’s specifically made to give men the green light to kill eachother, and us. NAM idiots are so needy. So over indulged. We have to give them so much more attention than normal. We have to believe them more. While the rest of us (plus men) stare at them tearing at their shirt in the middle of a Wal-Mart while they’re screaming that we are whores and pick-mes and fake men then immediately pig squeal NO NOT ME NOT ALL MEN when told they have a collective responsibility to social issues. Men who know their value go, “Yeah, no kidding it’s us.”