I’ve been around people before and after they got married. I’m mostly in observation mode. Trying to see why relationships and marriages fail. I’m that guy who will genuinely be friends with your girlfriend and vice verser and all I do is observe you guys. In case you don’t know,I’M HIM! 😂😂.
Jokes aside,I’ve noticed as much as people are compatible according to the public,in private they seem not to have matured mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.
I’ve seen a couple where both are still struggling with childhood trauma,no one could help or heal another. I’ve seen those who are both short tempered, a serious fight can break out just because of something small like switching off the lights.
I’ve seen big spenders who make less than they bring in hence a fight or everything else mentioned. At some point in my life I wanted to stay single because there was no woman to match my level on all of these things,(emotional maturity, spiritual maturity,mental maturity and financial maturity).
I’m not saying I’m a master at this because I’m growing in these each and everyday. But I met someone who is willing to work through these things,I don’t radicalize my ideas to her but I’ve seen her flaws and work things out based on that,I’ve seen her grow in a year and still is each and everyday.
So all I can say is FUCK societal pressure,one’s from parents, pastor ,friends etc. Learn how be emotional intelligent,it will help you in times of conflict,mentally mature will help you in times when you notice your partner projecting childhood trauma on you and themselves, spiritually and financially may be self explanatory.
Learn to do these things FOR YOURSELF,and you’ll know how to deal with your CRAZY.😉 (Should I write a book on this?)😂😂😂😂
I have noticed something about people with childhood traumas mostly.not only in dating or relationship but also at the work place
Better write a book 😂 am the first buyer
Depends. If you marry the right person for the right reasons, you'll be very happy. A lot of people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
One thing that I think is necessary for a marriage to thrive is to live with your SO for at least a year in the same space. It tends to show you who they really are. Otherwise people go through transformations as they step out of their homes.
Planning is very important as well. Not just finances but a serious look into how things might look like in 5 year increments. You think she's the most beautiful woman right now, if in 5 years she doesn't look as beautiful are you OK with that? He's really charming and hardworking, what if he loses an arm, will you stick around? Does he sacrifice for you? Are you willing to sacrifice for him? How much is too much amd what does it take to get there? Do your values align? Are they likely to keep aligned? Do they bring peace and harmony to your life and loved ones or is it chaos and drama?
All these are things you have to make choice on and plan around.
Unfortunately this all gets reduced to she's hot and he's rich. Or I'm in love and its time to marry. Social pressures and conditioning have led to unhappy marriages simply because people do things out of obligation.
For a happy marriage consider all these things. Otherwise get ready for the headache, possibly for the rest of your life.
Ikr!!! Everytime people look at beauty as a potential marriage partner. Just a few days, I was working in field and some guy stops me asking for my number because am beautiful. Then he tells me how he really wants to marry because most of his friends are married. And he wants to marry a beautiful girl. I couldn't believe the thought
My additional advice to this...don't marry because your friends are getting married. You must feel ready to commit to this person...you must also be financially ready and have a plan not dreams!!
Yep. Financial stability or at least compatibility is an important factor.
You don't necessarily have to make a lot. Just be cognizant of who you're dating especially of you intend to marry them. Don't want the baddy with the travel vloger lifestyle if you cant keep up.
That way is frustration and all kinds of aches!!
I’ve got this friend who says he wants a beautiful woman for us,his friends to notice. 😂😂 ati if we don’t say she’s beautiful he can’t be with her. I always remind him beauty fades.
And don’t forget, people change over time. The person you marry is not the same person 5, 10, or 20 years later. With luck and effort you’ll grow and change with them, and it’ll bring you closer together and not push you apart.
Relationships require a lot of compromise. What you are willing to give up inorder to get something in this case a stable relationship. If you see your potential partner is a hot head who can't reasonably compromise for the good of the relationship then just end it. But some people ignore the signs and pretend that the other person will change for them. Well that's my take.
You can still choose the right partner at the time of marriage and down the road, they change, or you change. That's why I don't advise anyone to marry young. Very few people in this country get divorced. Personally, I've never heard of any marriage that ended except in death. But I know lots of miserable marriages.
People get married for the wrong reasons. Also, the indoctrination of marriage equating to happiness.
You need to give us grandchildren.
Buli omu akulilanye bwatyo bwalowooza, they then push the narrative so hard that you think that it's the only way.
I remember when I turned 21, jaja nambuuza nti ogenda kufumbirwa di? Like am barely making it in life. And also other reasons, nina mukwano gwange yafumbirwa okuduka famile ye. Omulala because she wanted a sense of freedom, omulala because she was promised to an older dude. Don't forget those who want a better life by depending on the spouse. So...
Actually you have reminded me of this show on tiktok where the MC was narrating how a Ugandan woman came back home from the UK and her parents were demanding for a husband, she paid some married man to act up on the kwanjula in the name of making the parents happy, after the ceremony she went back to the UK as in she solved all the pressure from the parents.
Well you need to let them parents know, I sat my mom down and showed her my finances, also showed her what expenses are incurred while raising a child starting from conceiving, the daycare costs, kindergarten costs. Hospital visits plus the unpaid time off, the nanny to help me if I go to work. I asked her how much she's willing to contribute to her grandchild. She said that's not my responsibility. I told her good, remember that. Unless she comes up with money to help for the 2 years I'd take for childcare, I don't want questions like that. We now have good conversations, lol.😅
Marriage is a commitment. Some call it a business deal, others call it a trap and various sorts of names. This is a huge deal between you and your partner. Do you feel ready to spend the rest of your life with this person? Are you both financially capable of dealing with every financial zib that comes your way? Are you emotionally ready for what comes next?
Answer. It depends on you and your partner...marriage really is messy and maintaining it is also another hustle...
So that's why they always take newly engaged people for marriage counselling.
They didn't marry the wrong person. They married their perception of the person. People don't communicate their intentions or what they want from their partner so after wedding they get shocked at what their partner is doing 🤦🏾♀️😆 marriage is a contract. State what u want from them & they do the same. If u can't agree, go your separate ways 🤷🏾♀️ also alot of people pretend & after wedding they become different. I heard a story where the guy changed on the night of the wedding. He became so disrespectful & controlling. Like a switch just went off. Dude couldn't even wait for after honeymoon period 🤦🏾♀️
I don’t agree here , for example people change all the time . Consider even those people who have been dating for a long time before they tie the knot and still the marriage doesn’t work out , I personally think things like love fade at some point and other factors come into play . This stuff kills people’s fantasies that is marriage isn’t a fairytale .
Those who dated for long but marriage didn't work were clearly avoiding issues even before marriage. Yap love fades that's y communication needs to be clear & flow for the other factors to work. Those who think it's a fairytale r idiots
I’ve been around people before and after they got married. I’m mostly in observation mode. Trying to see why relationships and marriages fail. I’m that guy who will genuinely be friends with your girlfriend and vice verser and all I do is observe you guys. In case you don’t know,I’M HIM! 😂😂. Jokes aside,I’ve noticed as much as people are compatible according to the public,in private they seem not to have matured mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. I’ve seen a couple where both are still struggling with childhood trauma,no one could help or heal another. I’ve seen those who are both short tempered, a serious fight can break out just because of something small like switching off the lights. I’ve seen big spenders who make less than they bring in hence a fight or everything else mentioned. At some point in my life I wanted to stay single because there was no woman to match my level on all of these things,(emotional maturity, spiritual maturity,mental maturity and financial maturity). I’m not saying I’m a master at this because I’m growing in these each and everyday. But I met someone who is willing to work through these things,I don’t radicalize my ideas to her but I’ve seen her flaws and work things out based on that,I’ve seen her grow in a year and still is each and everyday. So all I can say is FUCK societal pressure,one’s from parents, pastor ,friends etc. Learn how be emotional intelligent,it will help you in times of conflict,mentally mature will help you in times when you notice your partner projecting childhood trauma on you and themselves, spiritually and financially may be self explanatory. Learn to do these things FOR YOURSELF,and you’ll know how to deal with your CRAZY.😉 (Should I write a book on this?)😂😂😂😂
I have noticed something about people with childhood traumas mostly.not only in dating or relationship but also at the work place Better write a book 😂 am the first buyer
Lol 😂. So that’s the thing when we heal we see how broken the rest are. We don’t fix them but walk with them.
Depends. If you marry the right person for the right reasons, you'll be very happy. A lot of people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. One thing that I think is necessary for a marriage to thrive is to live with your SO for at least a year in the same space. It tends to show you who they really are. Otherwise people go through transformations as they step out of their homes. Planning is very important as well. Not just finances but a serious look into how things might look like in 5 year increments. You think she's the most beautiful woman right now, if in 5 years she doesn't look as beautiful are you OK with that? He's really charming and hardworking, what if he loses an arm, will you stick around? Does he sacrifice for you? Are you willing to sacrifice for him? How much is too much amd what does it take to get there? Do your values align? Are they likely to keep aligned? Do they bring peace and harmony to your life and loved ones or is it chaos and drama? All these are things you have to make choice on and plan around. Unfortunately this all gets reduced to she's hot and he's rich. Or I'm in love and its time to marry. Social pressures and conditioning have led to unhappy marriages simply because people do things out of obligation. For a happy marriage consider all these things. Otherwise get ready for the headache, possibly for the rest of your life.
Ikr!!! Everytime people look at beauty as a potential marriage partner. Just a few days, I was working in field and some guy stops me asking for my number because am beautiful. Then he tells me how he really wants to marry because most of his friends are married. And he wants to marry a beautiful girl. I couldn't believe the thought My additional advice to this...don't marry because your friends are getting married. You must feel ready to commit to this person...you must also be financially ready and have a plan not dreams!!
Yep. Financial stability or at least compatibility is an important factor. You don't necessarily have to make a lot. Just be cognizant of who you're dating especially of you intend to marry them. Don't want the baddy with the travel vloger lifestyle if you cant keep up. That way is frustration and all kinds of aches!!
Exactly!!! I swear to God. Someone come tell my sister that what we see on social media(especially married couples) isn't always what it is...
I’ve got this friend who says he wants a beautiful woman for us,his friends to notice. 😂😂 ati if we don’t say she’s beautiful he can’t be with her. I always remind him beauty fades.
And don’t forget, people change over time. The person you marry is not the same person 5, 10, or 20 years later. With luck and effort you’ll grow and change with them, and it’ll bring you closer together and not push you apart.
Interesting take on this..
Relationships require a lot of compromise. What you are willing to give up inorder to get something in this case a stable relationship. If you see your potential partner is a hot head who can't reasonably compromise for the good of the relationship then just end it. But some people ignore the signs and pretend that the other person will change for them. Well that's my take.
This!! Wish I could up vote you 2times. Relationship is all about compromise we all full of imperfections we got to tolerate each other
You can still choose the right partner at the time of marriage and down the road, they change, or you change. That's why I don't advise anyone to marry young. Very few people in this country get divorced. Personally, I've never heard of any marriage that ended except in death. But I know lots of miserable marriages.
People get married for the wrong reasons. Also, the indoctrination of marriage equating to happiness. You need to give us grandchildren. Buli omu akulilanye bwatyo bwalowooza, they then push the narrative so hard that you think that it's the only way. I remember when I turned 21, jaja nambuuza nti ogenda kufumbirwa di? Like am barely making it in life. And also other reasons, nina mukwano gwange yafumbirwa okuduka famile ye. Omulala because she wanted a sense of freedom, omulala because she was promised to an older dude. Don't forget those who want a better life by depending on the spouse. So...
Actually you have reminded me of this show on tiktok where the MC was narrating how a Ugandan woman came back home from the UK and her parents were demanding for a husband, she paid some married man to act up on the kwanjula in the name of making the parents happy, after the ceremony she went back to the UK as in she solved all the pressure from the parents.
Well you need to let them parents know, I sat my mom down and showed her my finances, also showed her what expenses are incurred while raising a child starting from conceiving, the daycare costs, kindergarten costs. Hospital visits plus the unpaid time off, the nanny to help me if I go to work. I asked her how much she's willing to contribute to her grandchild. She said that's not my responsibility. I told her good, remember that. Unless she comes up with money to help for the 2 years I'd take for childcare, I don't want questions like that. We now have good conversations, lol.😅
Marriage is a commitment. Some call it a business deal, others call it a trap and various sorts of names. This is a huge deal between you and your partner. Do you feel ready to spend the rest of your life with this person? Are you both financially capable of dealing with every financial zib that comes your way? Are you emotionally ready for what comes next? Answer. It depends on you and your partner...marriage really is messy and maintaining it is also another hustle... So that's why they always take newly engaged people for marriage counselling.
They didn't marry the wrong person. They married their perception of the person. People don't communicate their intentions or what they want from their partner so after wedding they get shocked at what their partner is doing 🤦🏾♀️😆 marriage is a contract. State what u want from them & they do the same. If u can't agree, go your separate ways 🤷🏾♀️ also alot of people pretend & after wedding they become different. I heard a story where the guy changed on the night of the wedding. He became so disrespectful & controlling. Like a switch just went off. Dude couldn't even wait for after honeymoon period 🤦🏾♀️
I don’t agree here , for example people change all the time . Consider even those people who have been dating for a long time before they tie the knot and still the marriage doesn’t work out , I personally think things like love fade at some point and other factors come into play . This stuff kills people’s fantasies that is marriage isn’t a fairytale .
Those who dated for long but marriage didn't work were clearly avoiding issues even before marriage. Yap love fades that's y communication needs to be clear & flow for the other factors to work. Those who think it's a fairytale r idiots