I'm a single mom who does 100% with full custody and no child support, and I also don't care if a mom who has split custody with their ex and child support calls herself a single mom. I really really don't care. It's not a struggle Olympics.
This. I raised my kid with anything from the baby daddy, he currently owns 18 years back child support. Kid is 19 now.
I don’t care what you want to call yourself, what custody you have, how much support you get, if you want to celebrate Father’s Day, it’s none of my business.
Also just because I had to do it alone doesn’t mean someone else should have to, if there is a happy co parent situation out there, let’s celebrate that.
I just don’t care enough about strangers to be mad about who calls themselves what. Is that so wrong?
Seriously, why make mom's two separate categories like one isn't better than the other? Because honestly it kind of sounds weird, like oh if your kid's dad sees rhem once a month then you aren't a single mom, therefore you don't know the struggle? Wut. We are all mom's, I don't care if you get help or not. Making this divide sounds stupid as hell, we already get shit on for motherhood regardless of single or not single so why make it worse.
This! It’s so much better when the persistent tension from a partner who does zero is out of the household.
I’ve found parenting to be much easier when my husband - who had narcissistic blind rage episodes- finally left the house. Parenting is a tough job but it’s much easier when you feel safe and calm in your own home
I think this is moreso aimed at Lala's unending and infinite hypocrisy. weaponizing her *SiNgLe MoThErHoOD* when Lala has more help raising that kid than a standard two person couple.
i fully back the calling out of her weaponizing her motherhood. she thinks every single thing about her life is more important, more this, more that, she deserves more sympathy, more this, more that, just bc she has a kid.
The thing is that there are some women who call themselves single mothers because they want to win the struggle Olympics. There is nothing wrong with pointing that out.
Seems like a waste of time and energy to me but to each their own. I don't care if someone calls themselves the queen of norway. I don't need people to validate my struggles and shit.
People who do it generally do want to be validated by others. It is most likely just a trait of a personality disorder. People who genuinely struggle don’t have the time or energy to even think about it.
You are a single parent. I am in the same situation, I am a single parent. The OPs explanation is confusing and unless you are a widower then the OP is suggesting you are still a partnered parent if your child sees their other parent for visitation?
Mine is supposed to have her every second weekend but always makes an excuse not to have visitation. He has seen her 8 days this year total.
Same! Every one I know considers themselves to be a single parent because they no longer parent their child under the same roof as their child’s partner. Men call themselves “single father” or “single parent” all the time!
I work full time and coparent 50/50 with husband which means that we take on half the responsibility for all parenting. Andddddd it's hard! So I salute all mothers single or married who don't have a partner who helps them. This shit is hard and it literally takes a village.
There are lots of moms who are solely responsible for all parenting responsibilities. I actually know someone who literally has to PAY MONEY to her baby daddy to have him come over and help because apparently that time takes away from his earning money hours … and he pays zero child support 😵💫
Hopefully he’ll be long long long gone by then. But she keeps feeding him like a feral stray so I don’t know what it will take for him to disappear … maybe baby mama #3. It’s really just gross. And I feel kind of sick at myself that I bring her groceries and do her laundry and make sure that baby has everything he needs
Straddling the line of doing what feels right to heart and enabling isn’t easy. You’re doing an extremely kind thing for your friend and I hope she’s able to show you gratitude for that.
Oh, baby, she needs to get to court asap! A woman should never get a man used to her money, it makes them the most entitled, unreliable, good for nothings you’ll ever see. I really feel for her!
Tbh men’s audacity is a huge part in why I’ve decided to not date until my child is grown. I had an oopsie baby who is literal life and his dad is nonexistent, no child support and barely speaks to his kid. I have no intention of bringing what I think is “good guy” around my son just for him to do ignorant shit like that. How embarrassing. And I bet that guy thinks he’s a real catch, too.
As a mom who was single and had to do this with my ex-husband, no. Once they find their next spouse they then will fight you to nth degree in court to only have their new spouse do their parental duties on the weekends they choose to be involved, tag along to support all step siblings’ stuff and miss all of their own things (sports/activities) those times to be a part of the new family.
Idk im indifferent. I was a single mom doing 100% the work, and then her dad decided to step up when she was 3.5.
since then we've done 50/50 and it's been almost a year now. I still call myself a single mom, and I'm not about to sit and judge ppl for doing the same.
It doesn't have to be a competition, like another commenter said. I tbh don't put that much thought into what other people do but that's just me
I agree. Of course there are different degrees of “single mom-dom” but I would never want to take away from someone who has gone through the separation, the splitting of time, I imagine no matter what, it feels like it’s all on your shoulders.
yeah we shouldn’t need a forensic accountant to call someone a single parent. i actually disagree with op and believe the term that more accurately describes this is “sole parent”
There’s still the “default parent” issue. My sister is a single mom. Her ex doesn’t contribute financially and they are doing a week on/off rotation but he is basically a babysitter during his time. She has a boyfriend, but he isn’t a parent. She is solo parenting and it would honestly be easier for her if her ex gave up custody, except for that he is essentially a nanny. People who know understand the difference in this situation.
One time I took one for the team and did an outing with him and the kids and we were getting some drinks. Initially I was going to treat the kids, but I paid for mine solo because he made it into a whole ridiculous thing and I really needed my caffeinated beverage. I would have been happy to pay for theirs when they were ordering, but I also suspected he assumed I was going to treat him as well. Anyway, when he saw me with my drink he looks at me, looks at his kids (who he had barely seen the last year, the 50/50 arrangement had just started) he said “oh, should I cover them??”
So yeah, my sister is a single mom.
Yeah, I definitely call myself a single mom. I’m also widowed, though my dead spouse is not the father of my child, and my widowed friends talk all the time about how they don’t like being called “single parents” because that implies that another parent is out there in the world. They tend to use the term solo parent instead, because the other parent of those children is dead.
The distribution of labor and expense as a sole caregiver and provider as a “single parent” (I.e no secondary parental figure present at all) is not the same as being a parent who co-parents
I think there’s a spectrum of single parenting. Obviously if you have absolutely no other parent in the picture you are at the top of the spectrum. Of course you could also have a nanny, housekeeper and other help. So why split hairs.
A single parent is anyone who has no help parenting at least 50% of the time seems to be a good line.
Hm. I am a widowed mom of 4 and think of myself as a solo parent. Single mothers are just mothers who aren’t married or in a partnership 🤷🏼♀️ Doesn’t bother me if someone calls themselves a single mom even if they have support and help. She’s still single.
Now I will totally admit I can’t stand when married people refer to themselves as single parents when a spouse is out of town. 😅 That annoys me.
Single mother to me means they’re not currently married or partnered with the biological parent. You live alone with your kids and you’re the primary guardian shouldering most of the financial/parenting responsibilities. A wealthy single parent’s experience is vastly different from your average earning single parent. You’ll share similar experiences but they are not the same. Only time it pisses me off is when some married mother of two says she’s a single mom for the weekend or for a few weeks or months bc the hubby is out of town on business. Because, no, you’re not, you’re just wanting attention and you sound ignorant - do not say this around your real single parent friends.
I don’t think you get to decide how people use the term. I am a very privileged single mom with zero help from the father. I am not struggling in any way shape or form. Am I not allowed to use the term single mom because I’m not struggling?
I just looked it up and got various answers:
"a mother who does not have a husband or partner"
"a mother who brings up a child or children alone, without a partner."
"someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them."
🤔
Ditto. I have a soon-to-be ex husband who sees our child a total of less than 48 days a YEAR.
I do it all. From the heavy lifting to wiping away tears to planning celebrations to explaining the hard stuff that is not easy to explain to a young child. Would I rather it any other way? No because I love my child and they are in a much healthier environment.
Same. My ex husband saw “our” children less than 40 days last year.
But, he’s there with his toddler and pregnant wife across the country.
But acts like he’s father of the year 🙄. Because he sees them on vacation. Which I have to coordinate for him.
Also, I’m in family law. I see single mothers in all forms. All situations. It’s hard. And it’s the most unfair to the kids.
Well if your story plays out anything like mine… (in this story I’d be the new wife with the toddler) married to the “father of the year”… spoiler alert - he f*cked things up BADLY when our child was 4 years old and we are now in the midst of a contentious divorce.
They don’t change. History will repeat itself. If he was trash to you, I promise no matter how he makes it look, he’s acting like trash to her
I’m so very sorry that happened to you. It sucks. I’m glad you are strong and getting out.
She’s pregnant with their number 2. (I have 3 with him, we were married 10.5 years). “Our” oldest is 20.
My soon to be ex had 3 with his ex wife. His oldest is 22.
There’s a 15 year age gap (I’m 40)…
We are still in the process of divorcing and he’s already introduced our child to his TWENTY something girlfriend. It’s all wild and appalling to me. Everyone is/was shocked because we appeared as “the perfect couple” on the outside but inside he was super controlling.
*edit to add* thank you for your very kind words. They mean a lot to me, especially right now. :)
Yup! I do their hair and get them all dressed up and make sure they have everything they need for both of those things along with everything else and I get them there on time, and then he shows up late and takes a picture and posts it on Facebook and gets all the validation in the world. It’s INFURIATING.
But, so many people have told me, the kids know. They see it. And they’ll understand and appreciate it when they’re older. And that is all that matters.
They don’t have to be dead to act like a deadbeat, unlike what OP has stated.
Eh, the technical definition may mean 100% custody, no other adult to help in sight but I feel the term is used in a broader form in today’s world. My ex SIL is a single mom to me. She has 50% custody and works full time. She’s not dating, she’s doing her best to make it through money wise. My brother on the other hand is remarried and his wife also has previous kids. I don’t think either of them are single parents because they are now a Brady Bunch house. They have each other to lean on. Same with new SIL’s ex, he has a live in girl friend, so he’s not a single parent either. Kids are HARD WORK. Even if you have them half the time, 75% or 100%, it’s hard! I’m not going to belittle a mom (or dad) who’s busting their ass all on their own to care for their child.
Ehhh, if you say “hand me a Kleenex,” I’m going to know what you mean. Likewise, I don’t expect every unpartnered parent to disclose their personal, custodial or financial details in order to determine where they belong in the parenting hierarchy.
I always defined it as a mother who lives alone with the children and fronts most of the financial burden. I think this definition checks out though, to clarify:
Ie: you can still receive child support from the father but be a single mother.
The father can take the kid on weekends and you're still considered a single mother.
You can have boyfriends and those boyfriends can babysit, chip in and live in the home but you're still a single mother.
I think having a partner "help out" to the point where you're not longer considered a single mother needs to be substantial, like they live with you, split everything 50/50, have gain the trust and respect of the children and have been doing that for a significant amount of time, essentially filling in an entire parent role.
This line of single or not single can get blurry since each situation is vastly different, so I doubt we need to really put single mothers under a magnifying glass over a technical definition. But if you've had a man in your life for like ten years, who is essentially a father, I think you can probably take the "single mother" label off.
So a mom who lives w just her kids and has her kids all the time except for two weekends a month can’t call herself a single mom? What are you even on about? Seems like a distinction without a difference
Idk if I think about the last year with my 12 month old… I am married and living with my husband but if we were not together and he was involved over the last year, it still wouldn’t have been the same. Unless they are living in the same house together, doing nights together, etc., the differences are pretty irrelevant
In the UK, I’m seeing a shift toward solo mom/mum used when there is no coparent at all, either due to the irretrievable breakdown of the relationship between them and the child or due to being conceived by choice as a solo mom.
Single parent is used when there is another parent involved but you’re no longer in a romantic relationship with them.
As a single parent, I’ll tell you it’s still damn difficult living alone with your kids and having no one around to help you out when you’re having a really difficult day. My children are my sole responsibility for all of the time they’re with me & I have no partner. That feels pretty damn single!
Who the hell cares? If you’re at your house, parenting alone, taking the kid(s) to appointments and school alone, you damn well feel like a single parent. Why does there need to be a distinction? Are you that bored in life?
Um my dude. Eve if you have an ex with visitation rights who pays child support and who you legally have to ‘co parent with’ you’re still a single mother. 100%
You’re talking about two different definitions of the word single though—‘single’ as in one person with sole responsibility of a child and ‘single’ as in not in a relationship.
Since this is a VPR sub, I’m assuming you’re referring to Lala in which case she is technically both—single as in not in a relationship and single as in she will be the sole parent of her upcoming newborn.
Ultimately, I don’t think it matters because both situations are hard to be in for a parent.
It's not about comparing situations, 'single mother' is a term that's in the dictionary. I tried to clarify this in my edit. Regarding Lala, yes she will be a single mom to the new baby but she is currently sharing custody of her little one (ongoing battle) with her ex.
Yes, Lala shares custody of Ocean with Randall, but who do you think does the majority of the work in raising her? I’m not talking about how much time is spent in a parent’s presence, but who handles the boring lame shit like dentist appointments, health insurance paperwork, registering for school, buying gifts for friends bday parties, etc.? Yes, I share custody of my kids with my ex, but I do 99% of the mental load and annoying tasks. So I consider myself a single mom.
There's a lot to criticize Lala for. This isn't one of those things.
And it's kind of fucked up to look at Lala's custody situation and take issue with her calling herself a single parent. Randall verbally/emotionally abused her during their relationship, has shown himself to be financially untrustworthy, and is accused of pedophilia. It must be horrible having to send her daughter to live with someone like that. Shared custody does not ease her burden as a parent, it adds to it.
well the "single mothers" who get a big child support check and only have their kids half the time like to try to claim the gold medal of the trauma Olympics.
This post is about terminology use and applying it correctly. If you were mispronouncing a word over and over again, it would be kind for someone to let you know.
You're wrong though.
There is no one definition of a single parent, even legally it varies from place to place. Your definition is not the "correct" definition, it's just the one you subscribe to. Or it could even be the legal definition where you live. But it's simply not universal by any standard.
So you aren't being kind or informative, actually. You are being ignorant.
I'm referring to a term in the dictionary. The dictionary is a resource that lists the words of a language and gives their meaning. I can clarify this in my post.. but if you can't understand that, then I guess you're trolling for fun
Can you stop with the dictionary thing? That is not the dictionary definition. The dictionary definition is "someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them."
Maybe you should look up "misinformation" in the dictionary or contact a lexicographer...
Oxford dictionary is "a person who takes care of their child or children without a husband, wife, or partner"
Dictionary. com "a mother who brings up a child or children alone, without a partner."
And Collins Dictionary "A single parent is someone who is bringing up a child on their own, because the other parent is not living with them."
And Cornell Law says "(15) The term “single parent” means an individual who— (A) is unmarried or legally separated from a spouse; and (B) (i) has 1 or more minor children for whom the individual has custody or joint custody; or (ii) is pregnant"
WOW it's almost like there is not just one singular definition! Which is exactly the point you seem unable to grasp.
There is a difference. I still think the term single mother refers to both. I’m a single mom with sole custody and no child support, and no real help otherwise since my child was born. There is definitely a difference in experiences but I think a better word altogether might need to be created.
No…there are many variations of support or lack of it that people get when raising a child and no one person should be defining labels or judging levels of struggle for everyone else.
I disagree. Single mum has always been used to refer to divorced mums, same as single dads. 20 years of having people refer to my parents to me as such make me believe that's the widely accepted definition.
However I agree with the general misuse of alluding to "doing it on your own" when the other parent is highly active in the child's life. That's very misleading and cruel
I don’t like Lala as much as the next person but this is such a weird take. Every person I known who is split from their child’s parent has referred to themselves as a single parent. What would you rather they say “I’m a single parent 50% of the time” ?
Is there a reason this is so important to you? Because as divorced mom who did 99% of the parenting, I’m going to refer to myself as a single mom and I cannot understand why you’d have an issue with that.
I always refer to parents who are doing it 100% on their own "the only parent" "the sole parent". I'm single, I have 3 kids, a stupid ex, and a long term boyfriend. So yes, I have support, but at the same time, I'm still single. What else would I call myself? "Hi, I'm a divorced mom with an ex-husband and boyfriend. What about you?" It's just a very long title that no one really needs to hear.
Sorry but why are we gathering single motherhood?? This is stupid…even if you are coparenting and the relationship with the dad is good, not having another adult around is hard. It’s just a lot to take on by yourself and as with many things in life it’s just easier with someone else in the trenches when things get crazy and you’re exhausted. This is a weird take.
So you noticed that “so many people are misusing ‘single mother’”. You said somewhere in here that “A 'single mother' **always and only** refers to a mother who is parenting alone—**there is no stepparent, biological parent, or significant partner helping to raise the child**. And this includes exs.”. You also say throughout this thread things like ”**It’s not about comparing situations, 'single mother' is a term that's in the dictionary. I tried to clarify this in my edit“** then go on to, in fact, compare situations with nothing to support your nonsensical view except to cite the Oxford dictionary and to tell people that if you don’t like it, call a lexicographer lmao. Please just stop talking, you can be surrounded by people and still parent alone, motherhood is complicated, support women and stop labeling
The dictionary definition in the Cambridge Dictionary is "**someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them**."
So...no...
Nah. The meaning is inclusive to all single parents. Even with 50/50 custody. The term is meant to imply there are unique issues to deal with when you are not with the other parent of the children. Think about it…if a woman is divorced and then gets a BF, she is still a single mom. The BF doesn’t define her as not single parent.
Why don’t we let people be in charge of their own designations in status of parenting vis a vis their romantic relationships. Really digging deep here to find new ways to villainize Lala.
I have always known the term single mother to refer to a mom who is single, meaning no romantic relationship. I've literally never heard people refer to someone who has kids and doesn't have a partner as not being a single mom if the dad takes weekends or whatever. Most single moms I know have some sort of shared custody, I've only met a handful who are doing it completely alone and everyone I know has referred to all of them as single moms.
I understand what you're saying that doing it completely alone is harder, I agree with other commenters saying something like "sole parent" applies here.
I am not single and don't have kids, so I'm not someone trying to fit the definition or whatever. but I think this is a weird take.
I don't understand. Are you saying for the last 18yrs I have not been a single parent even though my ex only sees his children when he feels like it and has had visitation an average of 2 weeks a year?
I don't have a partner and I am not dating. I don't have family coming over helping me, never have.
I am a single parent, do not care what the dictionary says. If I am raising my kids alone, housing them alone, supporting the alone, then yeah, that is my definition of a single parent.
Just because you are divorced and your ex has visitation rights does not mean you are not a single parent. Yeah, I really love having to see the face of a man who cheated on me repeatedly and only sees his children when he feels like it. Oh, he is remarried btw, has had plenty of spare time to have a relationship and get married where I haven't even been able to date in the last 5yrs.
Many husbands do not. The can create any "budget" they want for their stay at home partner. As opposed to child support, where it is a set percentage of their income designed to be fair.
Hahaha. I agree with you. They can be in a crummy and garbage relationship and that's a while other thing, but I guess I should be asking married people if they are single parents now? You never know lol.
Eh, the term is used more generally now, though I share you’re sentiment that there is certainly a difference when a parent, mom or dad, is truly ALONE with no support. I acknowledge that using the term ‘single parent’ more widely could feel super invalidating, but it’s just culturally morphed into a more general term so clarification is always necessary. Check out the coparenting and parenting subreddits and you’ll see single parent used to describe many different types of parents.
Another newer term ive seen to describe a parent who is alone in their own home but their child has another parent they go to (split custody) and it’s “solo parent.”
What about mothers who do not have a significant other but their families are very heavily involved with helping raise their kids?
My grandmother was a “single mother” but her brother really filled in the space for my dad to have a father figure.
So, I have sole custody. My son’s dad sees him once in a blue moon (twice in the last 1.5-2 years) and maybe if I’m lucky I get a whopping $130/month, maybe. By your reasoning I’m not a single parent? Because I get a few bucks and maybe a day to myself every few months? Can we stop gate keeping what makes a mother and what classification a mother/woman should be placed in. We’re all just trying to do our best and raise decent kids who aren’t assholes. Village or no village, being a mom is fkn hard. We don’t need to be put in anymore boxes.
You're really stretching the limits of semantics if you think that the dictionary defines "single mother" as a woman who has no shared custody. Merriam Webster defines a single mother as "a mother who does not have a husband or partner." A mother can have some shared custody with an ex, and also not have a husband or a partner. She's still parenting alone when she has the kids.
I’m gonna disagree. If you aren’t married or in a relationship with your baby daddy and you pay all your bills and tear the child most of the time even if you get child support, you are still very much single. You can be a single mom who co parents. I do t like the gate keeping of terms.
Not trying to stir things up here, but genuinely curious: are people comfortable calling Randall a single dad? How about Jax, now that he and Brit have separated?
This is how I’ve always looked at it:
Single = no romantic partner but support from other non-custodial parent.
I’ve always considered “single” to reflect the relationship status of custodial parent.
Solo = no non-custodial parent helping.
“Solo”, to me, reflects there is no second parent helping at all.
This is how I feel, I SOLELY take care of my 14 year old NO HELP AT ALL from her father, I am dating someone he does not provide anything for my daughter( he obviously is kind to her and does things with her), I consider myself a single mother! I am doing EVERYTHING for my child alone!
I get you 100%! I’m a single mom; my son’s father died when he was 2, he’s 11 now and I don’t even date.
I have friends who share 50/50 with their ex and they consider us in the same boat 🤦🏼♀️
I agree. This is a small and petty pet peeve of mine. So many people say they are single mothers but it’s not when you get child support, or share custody and coparent.
OKAY I HAVE TWO RANTS:
I hate when someone's husband, wife, partner, whoever, is let's say gone for a few days for work, and they say "I'm single parenting it this week!". No, you absolutely are not. You have a few days where you are doing all parenting duties solo, and then you return to the home that you both pay for and your partner returns a few days later.
And to what you were saying, YES. So many people throw around the single dad, single mom, single parent thing. If a couple with one child is separated and they have 50/50 custody, they can't both go around saying that they are single parents. I have a friend who once said she is a "single mom" but she has 50/50 custody with the dad and she has a boyfriend who lives with her! I don't know their dynamic but I know that he definitely isn't a deadbeat and he does his share of things around the house and they split all costs 50/50. I don't know for sure what exactly he does in the way of being a "parent figure" but he's very involved. The child in question is also 11 and very mature for her age.
So bizarre.
Not a single person agrees with this take in this thread, it's a fun read.
As they shouldn't. I wish I had time to care enough about these sorts of semantics. Some real chronically online behaviour.
I agree with you technically..... But it's just not how people use the term. My parents were divorced and I saw my dad every week, but my mom always called herself a single mother. Language evolves...
The difference is a privileged single mom vs a poor single mom. It’s not about the term but about class distinction. Lala has a support system, money, etc. Melissa in bumfuck Mississippi has nothing.
Lala better not fucking “single mom” this & “single mom” that to garner sympathy after CHOOSING to do a sperm donor to do on her own while also be paid stupid amounts of child support from Randal & from barely working on tv.
Exactly Lala may be a good parent but she does not qualify to use the term single parent…. Single parent is doing it alone, mentally, physically, financially and emotionally!
If she was a single parent she would not run to a sperm donor to have a second!
It may not speak to every single situation but this is actually an excellent point I’ve been thinking too. When you’re a mother parenting alone but the man is paying for your lifestyle and/or financially contributing to your child’s education, babysitters, nannies, etc. I don’t think it’s fair to equate yourself to true single mothers.
ESPECIALLY in the case of Lala where she has her mother living with her full time to help, her brother down the hall (and I suspect will be in her new giant house), an assistant, and nannies. she needs to shut the fuck up about being a single mother when there are more people helping her with Ocean than an ordinary married couple who doesnt have the means for hired help & who dont live near family to help.
I was a single parent, I lived on my own though. My mom did watch my son when he was a baby until he started school but I also paid her. I still considered myself a single parent. The father is, was, and always will be a loser. So he was not even co-parenting. It definitely was not a LaLa situation. I would have gone crazy living with my mom. 🤣
I’ll quote Pete Davidson on this one: “all mothers are single mothers. You know that, right?”
Pete Davidson, feminist icon
Lmao YES!
Moms baby, dads maybe
Not lesbian mamas :p
This.
Pete!!
I'm a single mom who does 100% with full custody and no child support, and I also don't care if a mom who has split custody with their ex and child support calls herself a single mom. I really really don't care. It's not a struggle Olympics.
This. I raised my kid with anything from the baby daddy, he currently owns 18 years back child support. Kid is 19 now. I don’t care what you want to call yourself, what custody you have, how much support you get, if you want to celebrate Father’s Day, it’s none of my business. Also just because I had to do it alone doesn’t mean someone else should have to, if there is a happy co parent situation out there, let’s celebrate that. I just don’t care enough about strangers to be mad about who calls themselves what. Is that so wrong?
No. It's calling staying in your lane. It's a lot happier too. People are always so concerned with what other people are doing.
I love this take
Seriously, why make mom's two separate categories like one isn't better than the other? Because honestly it kind of sounds weird, like oh if your kid's dad sees rhem once a month then you aren't a single mom, therefore you don't know the struggle? Wut. We are all mom's, I don't care if you get help or not. Making this divide sounds stupid as hell, we already get shit on for motherhood regardless of single or not single so why make it worse.
Because without fail, we'll always find a way to pit women against each other and make us compete.
Exactly, like it’s some dumb competition. There are married women whose husbands don‘t do shit, they can call themselves single moms too, who cares
Quite literally, I think it was harder to single mom with a deadbeat in the house than when he finally got tf out of my way. I feel for them.
Yes! Im doing everything either way, and I’m so much happier with my deadbeat ex gone!
This! It’s so much better when the persistent tension from a partner who does zero is out of the household. I’ve found parenting to be much easier when my husband - who had narcissistic blind rage episodes- finally left the house. Parenting is a tough job but it’s much easier when you feel safe and calm in your own home
Same! It’s not a competition.
Thank you. Idk why people are always trying to split hairs for attention.
Same! Like wtf is this post???
I think this is moreso aimed at Lala's unending and infinite hypocrisy. weaponizing her *SiNgLe MoThErHoOD* when Lala has more help raising that kid than a standard two person couple.
Oh, well I wish OP would have just said that then.
ah, I guess re reading it she doesnt mention her at all and I just assumed it was a jab at Lala..
Well but that's a different story...... we might not like Lala but why should we care about nitpicking everything about her?
i fully back the calling out of her weaponizing her motherhood. she thinks every single thing about her life is more important, more this, more that, she deserves more sympathy, more this, more that, just bc she has a kid.
I would still class her as a single mum even though she has a lot of support.
Struggle Olympics! I love that term!
I wish I could claim it but I'm sure I've heard it elsewhere haha
All my best writing is plagiarized!
The thing is that there are some women who call themselves single mothers because they want to win the struggle Olympics. There is nothing wrong with pointing that out.
Seems like a waste of time and energy to me but to each their own. I don't care if someone calls themselves the queen of norway. I don't need people to validate my struggles and shit.
People who do it generally do want to be validated by others. It is most likely just a trait of a personality disorder. People who genuinely struggle don’t have the time or energy to even think about it.
Exactly!
Yes but there are blurry lines. My baby dad is in the picture every other weekend. That is not nearly enough to be counted as parenting.
i’d agree. i’d consider this a single mom situation.
You are a single parent. I am in the same situation, I am a single parent. The OPs explanation is confusing and unless you are a widower then the OP is suggesting you are still a partnered parent if your child sees their other parent for visitation? Mine is supposed to have her every second weekend but always makes an excuse not to have visitation. He has seen her 8 days this year total.
Same! Every one I know considers themselves to be a single parent because they no longer parent their child under the same roof as their child’s partner. Men call themselves “single father” or “single parent” all the time!
I work full time and coparent 50/50 with husband which means that we take on half the responsibility for all parenting. Andddddd it's hard! So I salute all mothers single or married who don't have a partner who helps them. This shit is hard and it literally takes a village.
There are lots of moms who are solely responsible for all parenting responsibilities. I actually know someone who literally has to PAY MONEY to her baby daddy to have him come over and help because apparently that time takes away from his earning money hours … and he pays zero child support 😵💫
That’s just insanity. What’s going to happen the child turns 18? Are the children going to have to pay their father to see them?
Hopefully he’ll be long long long gone by then. But she keeps feeding him like a feral stray so I don’t know what it will take for him to disappear … maybe baby mama #3. It’s really just gross. And I feel kind of sick at myself that I bring her groceries and do her laundry and make sure that baby has everything he needs
Straddling the line of doing what feels right to heart and enabling isn’t easy. You’re doing an extremely kind thing for your friend and I hope she’s able to show you gratitude for that.
Oh, baby, she needs to get to court asap! A woman should never get a man used to her money, it makes them the most entitled, unreliable, good for nothings you’ll ever see. I really feel for her!
You’ve inspired me to buy that computer I’ve been holding out on, with my wife’s money.
LMAO what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her 🤣 …. but i’ll know 😐
Ohhhh helllllll no!!! What the fuck is this boy doing??!
Tbh men’s audacity is a huge part in why I’ve decided to not date until my child is grown. I had an oopsie baby who is literal life and his dad is nonexistent, no child support and barely speaks to his kid. I have no intention of bringing what I think is “good guy” around my son just for him to do ignorant shit like that. How embarrassing. And I bet that guy thinks he’s a real catch, too.
As a mom who was single and had to do this with my ex-husband, no. Once they find their next spouse they then will fight you to nth degree in court to only have their new spouse do their parental duties on the weekends they choose to be involved, tag along to support all step siblings’ stuff and miss all of their own things (sports/activities) those times to be a part of the new family.
Idk im indifferent. I was a single mom doing 100% the work, and then her dad decided to step up when she was 3.5. since then we've done 50/50 and it's been almost a year now. I still call myself a single mom, and I'm not about to sit and judge ppl for doing the same. It doesn't have to be a competition, like another commenter said. I tbh don't put that much thought into what other people do but that's just me
I agree. Of course there are different degrees of “single mom-dom” but I would never want to take away from someone who has gone through the separation, the splitting of time, I imagine no matter what, it feels like it’s all on your shoulders.
Agreed. If someone is single with a child, they’re a single parent to me. I don’t see the need to differentiate.
yeah we shouldn’t need a forensic accountant to call someone a single parent. i actually disagree with op and believe the term that more accurately describes this is “sole parent”
Exactly because for all the time you have your child you are responsible for them and doing 80% of everything evenif they go to school or daycare.
There’s still the “default parent” issue. My sister is a single mom. Her ex doesn’t contribute financially and they are doing a week on/off rotation but he is basically a babysitter during his time. She has a boyfriend, but he isn’t a parent. She is solo parenting and it would honestly be easier for her if her ex gave up custody, except for that he is essentially a nanny. People who know understand the difference in this situation. One time I took one for the team and did an outing with him and the kids and we were getting some drinks. Initially I was going to treat the kids, but I paid for mine solo because he made it into a whole ridiculous thing and I really needed my caffeinated beverage. I would have been happy to pay for theirs when they were ordering, but I also suspected he assumed I was going to treat him as well. Anyway, when he saw me with my drink he looks at me, looks at his kids (who he had barely seen the last year, the 50/50 arrangement had just started) he said “oh, should I cover them??” So yeah, my sister is a single mom.
Single married mothers are real
Yeah, I definitely call myself a single mom. I’m also widowed, though my dead spouse is not the father of my child, and my widowed friends talk all the time about how they don’t like being called “single parents” because that implies that another parent is out there in the world. They tend to use the term solo parent instead, because the other parent of those children is dead.
The distribution of labor and expense as a sole caregiver and provider as a “single parent” (I.e no secondary parental figure present at all) is not the same as being a parent who co-parents
I think there’s a spectrum of single parenting. Obviously if you have absolutely no other parent in the picture you are at the top of the spectrum. Of course you could also have a nanny, housekeeper and other help. So why split hairs. A single parent is anyone who has no help parenting at least 50% of the time seems to be a good line.
Hm. I am a widowed mom of 4 and think of myself as a solo parent. Single mothers are just mothers who aren’t married or in a partnership 🤷🏼♀️ Doesn’t bother me if someone calls themselves a single mom even if they have support and help. She’s still single. Now I will totally admit I can’t stand when married people refer to themselves as single parents when a spouse is out of town. 😅 That annoys me.
Hard agree to that second paragraph. Like stop. You’re a mom with an out of town spouse, shut all the way up 😂
LOL. Let me go to bed. Some of y’all really do wake up and decide to find random shit to be annoyed at and gatekeep.
I was really hoping this was satire
Can someone explain to me why this is even on this sub? I had to double check it wasn't one of the parenting ones.
because this OP is trying to innovate new ways to hate on Lala
Single mother to me means they’re not currently married or partnered with the biological parent. You live alone with your kids and you’re the primary guardian shouldering most of the financial/parenting responsibilities. A wealthy single parent’s experience is vastly different from your average earning single parent. You’ll share similar experiences but they are not the same. Only time it pisses me off is when some married mother of two says she’s a single mom for the weekend or for a few weeks or months bc the hubby is out of town on business. Because, no, you’re not, you’re just wanting attention and you sound ignorant - do not say this around your real single parent friends.
I don’t think you get to decide how people use the term. I am a very privileged single mom with zero help from the father. I am not struggling in any way shape or form. Am I not allowed to use the term single mom because I’m not struggling?
I just looked it up and got various answers: "a mother who does not have a husband or partner" "a mother who brings up a child or children alone, without a partner." "someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them." 🤔
As a single mom who does 98% of everything and pays for 99% of everything, I find this extremely offensive
Ditto. I have a soon-to-be ex husband who sees our child a total of less than 48 days a YEAR. I do it all. From the heavy lifting to wiping away tears to planning celebrations to explaining the hard stuff that is not easy to explain to a young child. Would I rather it any other way? No because I love my child and they are in a much healthier environment.
Same. My ex husband saw “our” children less than 40 days last year. But, he’s there with his toddler and pregnant wife across the country. But acts like he’s father of the year 🙄. Because he sees them on vacation. Which I have to coordinate for him. Also, I’m in family law. I see single mothers in all forms. All situations. It’s hard. And it’s the most unfair to the kids.
Well if your story plays out anything like mine… (in this story I’d be the new wife with the toddler) married to the “father of the year”… spoiler alert - he f*cked things up BADLY when our child was 4 years old and we are now in the midst of a contentious divorce. They don’t change. History will repeat itself. If he was trash to you, I promise no matter how he makes it look, he’s acting like trash to her
I’m so very sorry that happened to you. It sucks. I’m glad you are strong and getting out. She’s pregnant with their number 2. (I have 3 with him, we were married 10.5 years). “Our” oldest is 20.
My soon to be ex had 3 with his ex wife. His oldest is 22. There’s a 15 year age gap (I’m 40)… We are still in the process of divorcing and he’s already introduced our child to his TWENTY something girlfriend. It’s all wild and appalling to me. Everyone is/was shocked because we appeared as “the perfect couple” on the outside but inside he was super controlling. *edit to add* thank you for your very kind words. They mean a lot to me, especially right now. :)
You’ve got this! If you need anything feel free to message me :)
Yup! I do their hair and get them all dressed up and make sure they have everything they need for both of those things along with everything else and I get them there on time, and then he shows up late and takes a picture and posts it on Facebook and gets all the validation in the world. It’s INFURIATING. But, so many people have told me, the kids know. They see it. And they’ll understand and appreciate it when they’re older. And that is all that matters. They don’t have to be dead to act like a deadbeat, unlike what OP has stated.
💯
What does this opinion have to do with VPR?
It doesn’t. Probably should be in a parenting sub
My husband is dead so yep I’m a single mom
That's what the post is saying..
Eh, the technical definition may mean 100% custody, no other adult to help in sight but I feel the term is used in a broader form in today’s world. My ex SIL is a single mom to me. She has 50% custody and works full time. She’s not dating, she’s doing her best to make it through money wise. My brother on the other hand is remarried and his wife also has previous kids. I don’t think either of them are single parents because they are now a Brady Bunch house. They have each other to lean on. Same with new SIL’s ex, he has a live in girl friend, so he’s not a single parent either. Kids are HARD WORK. Even if you have them half the time, 75% or 100%, it’s hard! I’m not going to belittle a mom (or dad) who’s busting their ass all on their own to care for their child.
Ehhh, if you say “hand me a Kleenex,” I’m going to know what you mean. Likewise, I don’t expect every unpartnered parent to disclose their personal, custodial or financial details in order to determine where they belong in the parenting hierarchy.
What in the gatekeeping bullshit is this take. Edit: thanks for the award kind person!
And why is it on this sub? Get this out of here.
Thank you.
I always defined it as a mother who lives alone with the children and fronts most of the financial burden. I think this definition checks out though, to clarify: Ie: you can still receive child support from the father but be a single mother. The father can take the kid on weekends and you're still considered a single mother. You can have boyfriends and those boyfriends can babysit, chip in and live in the home but you're still a single mother. I think having a partner "help out" to the point where you're not longer considered a single mother needs to be substantial, like they live with you, split everything 50/50, have gain the trust and respect of the children and have been doing that for a significant amount of time, essentially filling in an entire parent role. This line of single or not single can get blurry since each situation is vastly different, so I doubt we need to really put single mothers under a magnifying glass over a technical definition. But if you've had a man in your life for like ten years, who is essentially a father, I think you can probably take the "single mother" label off.
I disagree with this
So a mom who lives w just her kids and has her kids all the time except for two weekends a month can’t call herself a single mom? What are you even on about? Seems like a distinction without a difference
I sometimes refer to myself as a solo parent. But why this post in VPR subreddit?
Because people are looking for new ways to hate Lala
This post is weird.
Idk if I think about the last year with my 12 month old… I am married and living with my husband but if we were not together and he was involved over the last year, it still wouldn’t have been the same. Unless they are living in the same house together, doing nights together, etc., the differences are pretty irrelevant
In the UK, I’m seeing a shift toward solo mom/mum used when there is no coparent at all, either due to the irretrievable breakdown of the relationship between them and the child or due to being conceived by choice as a solo mom. Single parent is used when there is another parent involved but you’re no longer in a romantic relationship with them. As a single parent, I’ll tell you it’s still damn difficult living alone with your kids and having no one around to help you out when you’re having a really difficult day. My children are my sole responsibility for all of the time they’re with me & I have no partner. That feels pretty damn single!
I love this terminology 😀thanks for posting
Who the hell cares? If you’re at your house, parenting alone, taking the kid(s) to appointments and school alone, you damn well feel like a single parent. Why does there need to be a distinction? Are you that bored in life?
Um my dude. Eve if you have an ex with visitation rights who pays child support and who you legally have to ‘co parent with’ you’re still a single mother. 100%
You still have time to delete this.
Seriously I read the first line and I was like I’m just gonna see if the comments are the right vibe. Thankfully, they are.
it's interesting that the comments are the right vibe but this post is still fairly upvoted
Because most of the people who agree with it are also the types who aren’t into reading
You’re talking about two different definitions of the word single though—‘single’ as in one person with sole responsibility of a child and ‘single’ as in not in a relationship. Since this is a VPR sub, I’m assuming you’re referring to Lala in which case she is technically both—single as in not in a relationship and single as in she will be the sole parent of her upcoming newborn. Ultimately, I don’t think it matters because both situations are hard to be in for a parent.
It's not about comparing situations, 'single mother' is a term that's in the dictionary. I tried to clarify this in my edit. Regarding Lala, yes she will be a single mom to the new baby but she is currently sharing custody of her little one (ongoing battle) with her ex.
Yes, Lala shares custody of Ocean with Randall, but who do you think does the majority of the work in raising her? I’m not talking about how much time is spent in a parent’s presence, but who handles the boring lame shit like dentist appointments, health insurance paperwork, registering for school, buying gifts for friends bday parties, etc.? Yes, I share custody of my kids with my ex, but I do 99% of the mental load and annoying tasks. So I consider myself a single mom.
There's a lot to criticize Lala for. This isn't one of those things. And it's kind of fucked up to look at Lala's custody situation and take issue with her calling herself a single parent. Randall verbally/emotionally abused her during their relationship, has shown himself to be financially untrustworthy, and is accused of pedophilia. It must be horrible having to send her daughter to live with someone like that. Shared custody does not ease her burden as a parent, it adds to it.
It is a term that's in the dictionary as "a mother who is unmarried, widowed or divorced", so your point is still incorrect
I don’t think that it’s anyone’s place to talk about the distinction of who has it harder as a single mother. This isn’t the trauma Olympics.
well the "single mothers" who get a big child support check and only have their kids half the time like to try to claim the gold medal of the trauma Olympics.
This post is about terminology use and applying it correctly. If you were mispronouncing a word over and over again, it would be kind for someone to let you know.
You're wrong though. There is no one definition of a single parent, even legally it varies from place to place. Your definition is not the "correct" definition, it's just the one you subscribe to. Or it could even be the legal definition where you live. But it's simply not universal by any standard. So you aren't being kind or informative, actually. You are being ignorant.
Exactly
But you could like, google it and see that you're wrong.
It’s not your or anyone else’s place to determine who has a harder struggle.
I'm referring to a term in the dictionary. The dictionary is a resource that lists the words of a language and gives their meaning. I can clarify this in my post.. but if you can't understand that, then I guess you're trolling for fun
I would say you are trolling with this post. Again, it’s not for you, or anyone to tell a single mother what their struggle is. Period. ✌️
Can you stop with the dictionary thing? That is not the dictionary definition. The dictionary definition is "someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them." Maybe you should look up "misinformation" in the dictionary or contact a lexicographer...
Oxford dictionary is "a person who takes care of their child or children without a husband, wife, or partner" Dictionary. com "a mother who brings up a child or children alone, without a partner."
You realize the Oxford dictionary contradicts your whole point?
And Collins Dictionary "A single parent is someone who is bringing up a child on their own, because the other parent is not living with them." And Cornell Law says "(15) The term “single parent” means an individual who— (A) is unmarried or legally separated from a spouse; and (B) (i) has 1 or more minor children for whom the individual has custody or joint custody; or (ii) is pregnant" WOW it's almost like there is not just one singular definition! Which is exactly the point you seem unable to grasp.
what dictionary? urban dictionary?
This really isn't as black and white as you're implying
There is a difference. I still think the term single mother refers to both. I’m a single mom with sole custody and no child support, and no real help otherwise since my child was born. There is definitely a difference in experiences but I think a better word altogether might need to be created.
Shit my best friend is married and I consider her a single mom. She does everythinggggggg cuz her husbands lazy af
No…there are many variations of support or lack of it that people get when raising a child and no one person should be defining labels or judging levels of struggle for everyone else.
I disagree. Single mum has always been used to refer to divorced mums, same as single dads. 20 years of having people refer to my parents to me as such make me believe that's the widely accepted definition. However I agree with the general misuse of alluding to "doing it on your own" when the other parent is highly active in the child's life. That's very misleading and cruel
I don’t like Lala as much as the next person but this is such a weird take. Every person I known who is split from their child’s parent has referred to themselves as a single parent. What would you rather they say “I’m a single parent 50% of the time” ?
Is there a reason this is so important to you? Because as divorced mom who did 99% of the parenting, I’m going to refer to myself as a single mom and I cannot understand why you’d have an issue with that.
I always refer to parents who are doing it 100% on their own "the only parent" "the sole parent". I'm single, I have 3 kids, a stupid ex, and a long term boyfriend. So yes, I have support, but at the same time, I'm still single. What else would I call myself? "Hi, I'm a divorced mom with an ex-husband and boyfriend. What about you?" It's just a very long title that no one really needs to hear.
For fucks sake 😑
Sorry but why are we gathering single motherhood?? This is stupid…even if you are coparenting and the relationship with the dad is good, not having another adult around is hard. It’s just a lot to take on by yourself and as with many things in life it’s just easier with someone else in the trenches when things get crazy and you’re exhausted. This is a weird take.
Bollocks
I’m a single mom to my dog
So you noticed that “so many people are misusing ‘single mother’”. You said somewhere in here that “A 'single mother' **always and only** refers to a mother who is parenting alone—**there is no stepparent, biological parent, or significant partner helping to raise the child**. And this includes exs.”. You also say throughout this thread things like ”**It’s not about comparing situations, 'single mother' is a term that's in the dictionary. I tried to clarify this in my edit“** then go on to, in fact, compare situations with nothing to support your nonsensical view except to cite the Oxford dictionary and to tell people that if you don’t like it, call a lexicographer lmao. Please just stop talking, you can be surrounded by people and still parent alone, motherhood is complicated, support women and stop labeling
Exactly where are you getting your exact distinct definition?
The dictionary and social usage/application. For example, how I've read or heard the term applied in books, literature, news, and social circles.
The dictionary definition in the Cambridge Dictionary is "**someone who has a child or children but no husband, wife, or partner who lives with them**." So...no...
Nah. The meaning is inclusive to all single parents. Even with 50/50 custody. The term is meant to imply there are unique issues to deal with when you are not with the other parent of the children. Think about it…if a woman is divorced and then gets a BF, she is still a single mom. The BF doesn’t define her as not single parent.
Why don’t we let people be in charge of their own designations in status of parenting vis a vis their romantic relationships. Really digging deep here to find new ways to villainize Lala.
I have always known the term single mother to refer to a mom who is single, meaning no romantic relationship. I've literally never heard people refer to someone who has kids and doesn't have a partner as not being a single mom if the dad takes weekends or whatever. Most single moms I know have some sort of shared custody, I've only met a handful who are doing it completely alone and everyone I know has referred to all of them as single moms. I understand what you're saying that doing it completely alone is harder, I agree with other commenters saying something like "sole parent" applies here. I am not single and don't have kids, so I'm not someone trying to fit the definition or whatever. but I think this is a weird take.
100000% this
So what are you calling moms that are single, but have 50-50 custody with their baby dad?
I don't understand. Are you saying for the last 18yrs I have not been a single parent even though my ex only sees his children when he feels like it and has had visitation an average of 2 weeks a year? I don't have a partner and I am not dating. I don't have family coming over helping me, never have. I am a single parent, do not care what the dictionary says. If I am raising my kids alone, housing them alone, supporting the alone, then yeah, that is my definition of a single parent. Just because you are divorced and your ex has visitation rights does not mean you are not a single parent. Yeah, I really love having to see the face of a man who cheated on me repeatedly and only sees his children when he feels like it. Oh, he is remarried btw, has had plenty of spare time to have a relationship and get married where I haven't even been able to date in the last 5yrs.
Married single mother is a thing tool
What does this mean? Genuinely curious, not being snarky
A woman who's husband and family do nothing whatsoever to aid her in the care of her child.
[удалено]
Many husbands do not. The can create any "budget" they want for their stay at home partner. As opposed to child support, where it is a set percentage of their income designed to be fair.
Oh okay, that makes sense
It’s not lol
Haha, very true. This is a new term!! Check-in on your friends who are discovering that they are married single moms!
New term for an old behavior!
Hahaha. I agree with you. They can be in a crummy and garbage relationship and that's a while other thing, but I guess I should be asking married people if they are single parents now? You never know lol.
💯
Eh, the term is used more generally now, though I share you’re sentiment that there is certainly a difference when a parent, mom or dad, is truly ALONE with no support. I acknowledge that using the term ‘single parent’ more widely could feel super invalidating, but it’s just culturally morphed into a more general term so clarification is always necessary. Check out the coparenting and parenting subreddits and you’ll see single parent used to describe many different types of parents. Another newer term ive seen to describe a parent who is alone in their own home but their child has another parent they go to (split custody) and it’s “solo parent.”
I don’t think anyone cares, we all know the difference even if we mix up words.
What about mothers who do not have a significant other but their families are very heavily involved with helping raise their kids? My grandmother was a “single mother” but her brother really filled in the space for my dad to have a father figure.
So, I have sole custody. My son’s dad sees him once in a blue moon (twice in the last 1.5-2 years) and maybe if I’m lucky I get a whopping $130/month, maybe. By your reasoning I’m not a single parent? Because I get a few bucks and maybe a day to myself every few months? Can we stop gate keeping what makes a mother and what classification a mother/woman should be placed in. We’re all just trying to do our best and raise decent kids who aren’t assholes. Village or no village, being a mom is fkn hard. We don’t need to be put in anymore boxes.
You're really stretching the limits of semantics if you think that the dictionary defines "single mother" as a woman who has no shared custody. Merriam Webster defines a single mother as "a mother who does not have a husband or partner." A mother can have some shared custody with an ex, and also not have a husband or a partner. She's still parenting alone when she has the kids.
Interesting. I’ll try to keep that distinction in mind. Thank you
I’m gonna disagree. If you aren’t married or in a relationship with your baby daddy and you pay all your bills and tear the child most of the time even if you get child support, you are still very much single. You can be a single mom who co parents. I do t like the gate keeping of terms.
Not trying to stir things up here, but genuinely curious: are people comfortable calling Randall a single dad? How about Jax, now that he and Brit have separated?
This is an excellent point. Too bad nobody answered.. too much logic I guess.
This is how I’ve always looked at it: Single = no romantic partner but support from other non-custodial parent. I’ve always considered “single” to reflect the relationship status of custodial parent. Solo = no non-custodial parent helping. “Solo”, to me, reflects there is no second parent helping at all.
This is how I feel, I SOLELY take care of my 14 year old NO HELP AT ALL from her father, I am dating someone he does not provide anything for my daughter( he obviously is kind to her and does things with her), I consider myself a single mother! I am doing EVERYTHING for my child alone!
I get you 100%! I’m a single mom; my son’s father died when he was 2, he’s 11 now and I don’t even date. I have friends who share 50/50 with their ex and they consider us in the same boat 🤦🏼♀️
As a sole parent the misuse of the term "single parent" drives me round the bend!
Congrats on making a post that somehow managed to be equal parts pedantic, ignorant and pointless
I agree. This is a small and petty pet peeve of mine. So many people say they are single mothers but it’s not when you get child support, or share custody and coparent.
OKAY I HAVE TWO RANTS: I hate when someone's husband, wife, partner, whoever, is let's say gone for a few days for work, and they say "I'm single parenting it this week!". No, you absolutely are not. You have a few days where you are doing all parenting duties solo, and then you return to the home that you both pay for and your partner returns a few days later. And to what you were saying, YES. So many people throw around the single dad, single mom, single parent thing. If a couple with one child is separated and they have 50/50 custody, they can't both go around saying that they are single parents. I have a friend who once said she is a "single mom" but she has 50/50 custody with the dad and she has a boyfriend who lives with her! I don't know their dynamic but I know that he definitely isn't a deadbeat and he does his share of things around the house and they split all costs 50/50. I don't know for sure what exactly he does in the way of being a "parent figure" but he's very involved. The child in question is also 11 and very mature for her age. So bizarre.
Not a single person agrees with this take in this thread, it's a fun read. As they shouldn't. I wish I had time to care enough about these sorts of semantics. Some real chronically online behaviour.
I can't stand when a married woman who's husband is always at work or other says she's a single mom. No you aren't sis.
I agree with you technically..... But it's just not how people use the term. My parents were divorced and I saw my dad every week, but my mom always called herself a single mother. Language evolves...
The difference is a privileged single mom vs a poor single mom. It’s not about the term but about class distinction. Lala has a support system, money, etc. Melissa in bumfuck Mississippi has nothing.
Lala better not fucking “single mom” this & “single mom” that to garner sympathy after CHOOSING to do a sperm donor to do on her own while also be paid stupid amounts of child support from Randal & from barely working on tv.
She will.
Exactly Lala may be a good parent but she does not qualify to use the term single parent…. Single parent is doing it alone, mentally, physically, financially and emotionally! If she was a single parent she would not run to a sperm donor to have a second!
Great distinction!!!
I got down voted to hell for saying this a few months ago on a different sub.
Yes, thank you! Single moms don't get time off from parenting when their kid goes to dad's. Single mom implies single/solo/parenting alone.
It may not speak to every single situation but this is actually an excellent point I’ve been thinking too. When you’re a mother parenting alone but the man is paying for your lifestyle and/or financially contributing to your child’s education, babysitters, nannies, etc. I don’t think it’s fair to equate yourself to true single mothers.
ESPECIALLY in the case of Lala where she has her mother living with her full time to help, her brother down the hall (and I suspect will be in her new giant house), an assistant, and nannies. she needs to shut the fuck up about being a single mother when there are more people helping her with Ocean than an ordinary married couple who doesnt have the means for hired help & who dont live near family to help.
I agree with your definition!
I agree. I call myself an only parent 🤷🏼♀️
I was a single parent, I lived on my own though. My mom did watch my son when he was a baby until he started school but I also paid her. I still considered myself a single parent. The father is, was, and always will be a loser. So he was not even co-parenting. It definitely was not a LaLa situation. I would have gone crazy living with my mom. 🤣
Thank you for making this distinction