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MushroomMan89

GRITTY DEMANDS TRANS RIGHTS


Disgruntled_Eggplant

Bok Choy’s CHEST smells musty 😳


Bud_Grant

Martin Scorcese make a movie without Robert De Niro or Leonardo DiCaprio challenge [Impossible]


nefarious_dareus

Best director wants best two actors? No way.


ndcj12

thread about to die so nobody will see that the banner, in addition to being very cool and well done, unfortunately kind of looks like >!goatse!< if you do not know what that is, please for the love of god do not google it at work


jawnlobotomy

Goatseonice


AChaseOfTheMondays

What if I want to get fired though


ndcj12

then by all means, go for it!


AChaseOfTheMondays

Thanks, charlie


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ndcj12

nobody has ever accused me of having tact!


Larynx15

This verdict is written on a *cocktail napkin*! And it *still* says guilty!! And guilty is spelled wrong...


ndcj12

when I was on a jury, the jury foreman spelled it "gulity" on the form so she had to fix it in court and she was really embarrassed lol


RealPutin

I have 18 hours in Tokyo next month Tokyo is a big fuckin city what should I do


thegoat266

No idea, but 18 hours in Tokyo would be a cool song/album name imo


____Quetzal____

red light district


pm_me_your_food_pix

After my awful day yesterday we decided to watch the following finales: Shogun, The Bear, and Fallout. I was not ready for The Bear. It tore my soul from my body.


jaytuck25

I wake up in the morning feeling like.. real shitty caffeine plz


Vissassy

How about a nice cuppa


jaytuck25

Cuppa NO


AChaseOfTheMondays

Well yeah, you're jaytuck


jaytuck25

cant argue that


rollpitchandyaw

What do you do for caffeine? Energy drinks or pills?


jaytuck25

Monster wild berry teas


sexboxsony

Hey you know what helps you wake up? *checks flair* You're 100% right, btw. ✊🏻


jaytuck25

there's other sources of caffeine, sbs


LordVader1995

Reggie Bush is getting his Heisman back


____Quetzal____

good


AChaseOfTheMondays

49ers legend


ForYeWhoArtLiterate

I would like to add that it is by the grace of me not being a massive asshole that my department works at all. If I wanted to I could make it harder on *everybody* and absolutely tank productivity to nothing.


_Schneebley

Jawn on our first annual Vegas trip for the Summer Olympics to bet 3am rowing futures: *hits on 18* Me: YOU IDIOT. YOU STUPID FREAKING IDIOT Dealer: Player has 21! Me: YOU IDIOT, YOU STUPID BRILLIANT IDIOT


FlightFramed

https://preview.redd.it/e6bdq2o1jfwc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bccd93f2b02e0b9b278d2e66b90de462b2874a3


Vissassy

This is a new ending for an email: >Hope all is well. Life speeds by.


1amoeba1

I once had a senior director whose sign off for a particularly onerous project was "Good luck and may God have mercy on us all" instead of like Thanks or Regards or whatever


Vissassy

That makes me laugh at least


1amoeba1

Oh yeah mine's a funny little anecdote, yours is a hell of a thing to read on a casual Wednesday morning


Bud_Grant

Time just gets away from us.


ForYeWhoArtLiterate

How do I more efficiently slack off at work? I really don’t want to be productive for these assholes after not even giving me an interview for a position I had already interviewed for and gotten six months ago. It’s such a blatant fuck you.


AChaseOfTheMondays

Is it too early to say I wish I could get in on the hump day fun


sexboxsony

Are you propositioning u/ndcj12?


AChaseOfTheMondays

No I didn't say hump >!charlie!< day


1amoeba1

Turkey sausage egg and cheese from dunkin paired with a grapefruit jarritos have combined for a Michelin star breakfast


RealPutin

not enough places around me have the grapefruit jarritos. Goated.


1amoeba1

Found it at a discount grocery place called Grocery Outlet. It's the only place I've ever seen it and they've had cases and cases of the stuff for the past few months. This + the Guava Flav are incredible and never available anywhere else


Vissassy

That's what dreams are made of


1amoeba1

The kitty finally has a clean bill of health as of last night too so I slept wonderfully before waking up to this


Vissassy

Yay!! Excellent all around


jawnlobotomy

[BOBROVSKY!](https://twitter.com/OTCellyy/status/1782940763958939935?t=O6tutzwldHJCvvZ7VlJvkw&s=19)


1amoeba1

Lmao he just chucked his body backwards "fuck it ~~tyreek~~ the pucks out there somewhere"


jawnlobotomy

Fuck it, I'm going long - ~~rex grossman~~ Sergei Bobrovsky


ApatheticFinsFan

Bob cooked here.


jawnlobotomy

Craziest save I've ever seen


byniri_returns

I tuned in to that game at halftime of the NBA playoffs and I'm so glad I got to see this save.


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byniri_returns

Dude you need legitimate mental help. Now you're following me into other subs I post on to bother me there. I'm def reporting this to the mods/admins.


jawnlobotomy

Easily the best save I've ever seen


IllegalThoughts

> In a memorable, and unpleasant, moment for the defense, Merchan told Todd Blanche, Trump’s lead attorney, that he was “losing all credibility with the court.” nothing but the best people, foiks!


RealPutin

Oh hey I know his daughter She's a jackass. Very liberal though.


IllegalThoughts

of Trump's attorney?


RealPutin

Yup. Todd Blanche's kid went to college with me


IllegalThoughts

wow lol


Bud_Grant

What happens when you try to tell someone with a straight face that literally copying and pasting what someone else said without comment is not an endorsement of the thing you're copying and pasting


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Manimal4eva

Man i love watching throwers


Bud_Grant

YEET


amie137

Why is it winter again? My poor plants.


1amoeba1

I have to bring in like 6 potted plants every night because it drops to believe freezing lol


thegoat266

Jackson Holliday has played in the big leagues for like 2 weeks and people are ready to give up on him. This is why I do not take anything seriously on the website


20000BallsUndrTheSea

Jackson Holiday for Steven Matz who says no?


Bud_Grant

I wasn't good at my job until I was there for like, a year, and it wasn't major league baseball


thegoat266

Same lol


jawnlobotomy

Went out for dinner last night for my guitarist's birthday. He turned 32!! I can't believe he's that old I met him when he was 25 or some shit (crazy night which is a whole other story) It was a nice dinner with 9 of us there. We were talking about birthdays and I was the oldest damnt person at the table, with the youngest being 22. We were talking about our birthdays and it came around to me and the 22 year old was like "there is no way you're turning 38 this year dude what the fuck" 😎😎😎 After dinner we were going to drive a friend home because she was on the way for us, and we stopped at a little speakeasy for a cocktail. The exterior said it was a "pet psychic" but when you went in it was a SPOOKY ASS SPEAKEASY WITH RAD COCKTAILS so we had a drink and caught up with her. I got to bed at 11 and got up at 5. Please pray for me in this, my most trying time.


teddythe3rd

> I was the oldest damnt person at the table Color me shocked. Don't tell anyone, but >!this has been happening to me more an more frequently.!<. They just opened a speakeasy by us a few months that is a wine/bottle shop in the front, and behind the doors I swear they have the best cocktails in the entire county. I just rolled with a spirit and flavor profile and let them do their thing. I can walk to this place. Thankfully it is very smol and getting a seat can be hard cause it is quite pricey.


jawnlobotomy

Yes this was like $20/drink but they are *very* good You better remember your wallet cause you're gonna forget your legs 😂😂


Bud_Grant

Danny Glover voice: "I'm too old for this shit"


jawnlobotomy

Nah I'm okay, just a bit tired. Another wild week on the rollercoaster of Jawn's life.


_Schneebley

🙏 Dear lord, please take Jawn away. His old body is too frail for this Earth.


sophie1188

Oh thank you for your advice (paying cc off with the reverse snowball effect), I just managed to pay one off in full. Your good deed for the year is done!


_Schneebley

LETS GOOOOOOOOO! And oh thank god. I'm free to do evil deeds the last 8 months 😈. Vancouver, HERE I COME!


sophie1188

Just got 3000 to pay off the other one and I’m done baybeee. See you in Vancouver!


jawnlobotomy

I AM YOUNG AT HEART


k_bomb

My coworker gave me an air fryer that his dad was trying to get rid of. He tells me as I'm taking it home, "oh yeah, he stopped using it after it was smoking. He made burgers or something in it". I take it home, take the basket out. There's an eighth inch of beef tallow on *everything*. Someone clearly cleaned the basket but didn't realize that it absolutely got everywhere else. I clean it out as best I can. A half a roll of paper towels for a free kitchen appliance? Still a great deal. Fire it up, heat to 300, give it another wipe down with a junk kitchen towel to get anything that kinda melted and dripped down. Fuck it, I'm gonna cook something. Grabbed some of those Costco "basically Chick Fil A" frozen tenders. Wound up needing to turn the fume hood on high to try to stop the smell, to basically no avail. Chicken tasted fine. Gave the fryer another once over. Made the chicken again last night (hashtag bachelor chow) with it under the fume hood again, this time no smell. I swear my instant pot was looking at me with that "Hey, what'd you get that for?" expression. To. Replace. You.


ndcj12

Our air fryer gets so much use lol, we’ve gotten our money’s worth out of it multiple times over


k_bomb

Are there any gotchas I should know about when cooking (i.e. from raw) food? I know sometimes sauces can get dicey since it's such concentrated heat.


ndcj12

I usually don't put sauces on until pretty late in the process if I'm making something with sauce in there Cooking spray is a good thing for when you're cooking tots or something like that in there


teddythe3rd

With sauces, I tend to season it, heat it to like 75% done then sauce it for the last 25%.


amie137

Just wait until you reheat pizza in that bad boy


k_bomb

That's tonight's dinner. And one of the dudes brought one in and I've used it for reheating lunches. Top tier.


sophie1188

I JUST PAID OFF ONE OF MY CREDIT CARDS!!!


Vissassy

FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE CELEBRATION!!


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sophie1188

Gonna rack that baby back up to its limit


jawnlobotomy

You were made for the oil patch


sophie1188

I feel like CIBC should have a pop up with balloons or something when you hit the pay balance button. It was a very anticlimactic moment. 3000 to go on the other one and I’m done. Yay!


jawnlobotomy

That's fucking awesome. Other than regular bills, I take care of the finances for our house. My wife had taken on a lot of debt buying stuff for our new place and wedding, and she's almost done paying it off. I think we have $2000 to go down from $12000 about two years ago. I can't wait until we are all cleared of debt (probably by June) and then we can start saving etc.


sophie1188

That’s exciting! We can have a debt free party together ha. Gonna be such a relief when it’s finally done eh. I was at 10,000 this time last year. Would’ve paid it off sooner, but I also figured it’s not killing me so might as well enjoy my money too. Pretty lucky in that my rent is only 600 and other than that and my credit card, I just have my phone bill. Then once CIBC is fully paid off, I’m going to put 40% of that money into a TFSA then another 40 into a FHSA and keep 20% to do whatever with


jawnlobotomy

I hate having debt and tend to be extremely averse to it. After having a mortgage for almost a year now, I'm more comfortable with it but it's such a huge amount! I do need to switch it to accelerated bi-weekly though. Now that I am comfortable with the payments coming out of my account I think I can handle it. It will greatly help with the amount of time it takes to pay down. Your rent being $600 is *insane* in this economy. Good for you. You sound like you have a good plan! Also, don't forget to invest within your TFSA. Any gains made in the TFSA are also non-taxable!


sophie1188

Ya I can imagine it’s pretty daunting until you realise oh wait, it’s a home that I’m making my payments on and not personal debt. Right?! I mean I just rent a room and I have my own bathroom but I know I got super lucky moving here when I did. It’s only gone up once too since I moved in, but I definitely think that the fact that I’m only here 9 days a month has helped that not increase so much


raichufanclub

7 days until boy juice


jawnlobotomy

Uh, phrasing?


AChaseOfTheMondays

He means the big T


jawnlobotomy

(I know)


raichufanclub

No


jawnlobotomy

Oh okay


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jawnlobotomy

😳


cth2lhu

Big day for Mrs. cth2lhu. She's driving to and from work for the first time since her accident. She's been super nervous about this, but she's a badass and I know she'll get there and back no problem! 😎


Vissassy

Go go Mrs C!


ndcj12

My husband has had some pain for the last few days that started in his abdomen and traveled to the right side of his back He went to Doctor Google and was like "it could be gallstones, it could be kidney stones, or I could just already be dead" and he was getting anxious about it, so he set up a telehealth appointment and then set up to get some bloodwork and urine analysis done Turns out he has kidney stones so it appears that he is not dead already


Disgruntled_Eggplant

Does his… RIGHT URETER FEEL FUNNY


ndcj12

He says it hasn't caused any discomfort with urination, so hopefully they're small enough in there that it isn't an issue Apparently they're calcium oxalate so he probably just needs to hydrate better


jawnlobotomy

Does "dead inside" count?


byniri_returns

Good morning everyone. I feel much more stable today.


DireSickFish

Somehow byniri returns


jawnlobotomy

🙏


k_bomb

One day at a time.


Disgruntled_Eggplant

Woke up at 3am because my sleep schedule is still stupid Feel motivated to go to the gym later 5-6 am comes around I’m getting sleepy again but wife wants to interact before she goes to work Resolve to go to the gym at 7:30 Now going to sleep due to unbearable sleepiness since this is when I usually start wanting to sleep during night float Work is at 11 Fuck man


PrelectingPizza

I absolutely am dehydrated from the last 2 days of GI distress.


dirtybirds233

u/sophie1188 How's your roommate doing this morning? I couldn't imagine watching my team get 81 shots and only scoring once.


sophie1188

I haven’t seen him. He left 20 minutes ago for work. He’s gonna blame demko being out though, even though everyone knows that that was only 15% of the problem. FANGERANG


cha-cha_dancer

they’re now saying demko is possibly out the next series if they get out of this one alive too 🗿


jawnlobotomy

Tocchet said week-to-week


sophie1188

Oh what! That’s crazy. I didn’t even see him getting injured. I wonder what happened to him considering it’s not his knee


jawnlobotomy

I'm guessing groin strain because it's always groin strain when they say "lower body injury" but don't disclose anything else.


TylerGlasass20

Today I start my math class. I do not feel prepared at all


k_bomb

For a given *x*, where *x* is this. You got *x*


foreverantiquated

Coffee lid wasn't on right so I managed to spill coffee all over my pants and car seat Great way to start my day Anyone know how to get coffee out of cloth car seats.


Disgruntled_Eggplant

Did you burn your dick


k_bomb

, the doctor asked.


Disgruntled_Eggplant

I’m just trying to survey the extent of the damage


k_bomb

Will this be billed as a G0425 - INITIAL TELEHEALTH CONSULTATION


foreverantiquated

No It wasn't very got coffee


ForYeWhoArtLiterate

Apparently some high school baseball team sacrificed a chicken and now there’s an animal cruelty investigation and the team is suspended. Like, that’s not good, but if you’re eating any amount of meat or consuming any dairy you’re complicit in stuff that’s at least as bad, and probably worse. I never quite understood why we draw the line where we do. I guess the other thing is just out of sight so you don’t have to feel guilt for the continuing chicken Holocaust going on so you can have frozen tenders in your freezer. I dunno.


cth2lhu

Should've just gone with the bucket of fried chicken instead.


__Pibs__

Up your butt jobu


DireSickFish

It's so easy to kill a chicken. Just axe irs head off. If they're torturing it that's bad. But this seems like an over reaction.


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DireSickFish

Nah you dip it in boiling water to make plucking easier.


Disgruntled_Eggplant

People don’t like to see how their meat is made Like how people are happy to take medication and also condemn animal testing that it was built on


jawnlobotomy

It takes an extreme amount of cognitive dissonance or full acceptance of a brutal system with respect to factory farming. At least with small scale farming and hunting there is personal accountability for taking the life of an animal in order to sustain your own.


TylerGlasass20

Yikes on bikes


20000BallsUndrTheSea

How to be jacked without needing to buy new clothes


k_bomb

0\. Start fat. 2X -> XL -> L -> XL -> 2X


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yoshigronk

I've been looking for a newer vehicle for over six months and of course I ended up finding one literally a week after I paid $120 for an oil change and inspection on my current car.


teddythe3rd

Someone reheated sauerkraut in the breakroom. Was not expecting my nostrils to be assaulted at this hour with that putrid scent.


sexboxsony

Love sauerkraut on my....bagel? Trying to think why you would be reheating that at this time of day.


teddythe3rd

Dude reheated some pork and sauerkraut. I'm all for eating whatever at any hour, but not sauerkraut ever.


TylerGlasass20

So I started watching the OC since I’ve never watched it before. It’s basically the California version of gossip girl yet actually slightly better than gossip girl


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TylerGlasass20

It’s soooo good, or at least the first season is so far


Disgruntled_Eggplant

LITTER WATCH, FINAL UPDATE: Bok Choy has had a witnessed bowel movement. This nightmare is finally over.


TylerGlasass20

Friend left around midnight and I should have slept in


Swordfish08

Awkward white man moments: being in a stadium in Mexico to watch a soccer game and the crowd, consisting mainly of people of significant Native American descent, starts doing the tomahawk chop.


ForYeWhoArtLiterate

Tomahawks were created by the Algonquin, so technically this is still cultural appropriation. You should cancel them for it


Larynx15

Luigi, you don't need to check on the pasta that often. You know what they say. *A watched pot never boils*. You know what you *should* check on often? Your prostate!


k_bomb

I, too, would not like boils on my prostate.


raichufanclub

Hi, I have a room for rent! No I will not put the price in the post!


TylerGlasass20

👀😂


yoshigronk

"Single woman applicants only"


raichufanclub

😩 I understand young women only wanting to live with young women but god it’s like 75% of posts what am I supposed to do


yoshigronk

When I was looking at rooms for rent a few years ago it was typically middle-aged men who required only women to apply 😬


raichufanclub

Ew


ndcj12

The Cleveland Guardians were a charter member of the American League, founded in 1901. The Cleveland Guardians have never gotten off to a better start through 23 games than they have this year. I'm having fun!


TylerGlasass20

Stephen Vogt manager of the year when?!


rufus418

I was optimistic about this season but damn this is great. Did you listen to that Locked on Guardians interview with Andre? Really interesting.


ndcj12

I can't say I did, but I'm listening now! lol


rufus418

The Hedges story is fantastic


ndcj12

lmao the one from spring training? I feel like he'd never say this about himself, but Andre is such a good guy to have in the clubhouse for the team lol


rufus418

The one from last year and Jose. It explains so much why the team stalled out like it did.


ndcj12

Oh yeah that was also a good one, and also when they were discussing how the Rangers kept him on the bench for the World Series even though there was no real on-the-field need for him, that's a really good point


Larynx15

My Dad still can't get over the name change. He isn't from Cleveland and isn't into sports.


rufus418

Our media people still go Indians/Guardians when talking historically and I wish they would just say Guardians and be done with it. Like we get what you're talking about. No need to do that


teddythe3rd

Yesterday we each to the dog for walks in two different parks. We collectively pulled 12 ticks off her. I am not sure if ticks are supposed to be particularly bad this year in the Northeast, but that was jarring.


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yoshigronk

Does that affect the people currently under a contract with a no complete clause?


k_bomb

Inb4 some smoothbrain tries to argue that they were getting paid extra for the non-compete.


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k_bomb

Mmmm... boot.


1amoeba1

🥵🥵🥵👅👅👅


Disgruntled_Eggplant

😏 I’m about to do something naughty


____Quetzal____

DONT DO NOT


Larynx15

DISREGARD DO IT


____Quetzal____

I woke up feeling TIRED


1amoeba1

At the colonoscopy center listening to I Want It That Way


SlobZombie13

I snuck into the Capital One Lounge at Dulles (jk I have membership) and unlike those pussy Dutch at KLM the bar is open at 630am


cha-cha_dancer

het is niet te geloven


SlobZombie13

Dutch is not a real language


intothefire3

Airport drinking >>>


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intothefire3

I wouldn’t know nobody will accept an offer for me to buy their home 😭


cha-cha_dancer

my yard is too tiny for one deere