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Q-Zinart

Raspberry canes


RichGrinchlea

Yup, those will do it


Theron3206

Just about any thorny plant will leave similar marks. I have gotten them from roses and from several native (Australian) grasses that have long thorns mixed in with their seeds or sharp leaves. You frequently don't notice until hours later when they start itching, in my experience.


Prof_Cecily

Ah, of course. Australia, where even the grasses try to kill you. Do the dropbears feed on these plants?


Alistair_TheAlvarian

Why does grass need thorns, what the fuck Australia.


renke0

Yep, I currently have the same in my leg.


Pillmo

what are those?


Q-Zinart

The long thin branches of raspberry plants. They shoot up all over the place like weeds and brushing against them leaves scratches that look just like that.


atridir

Usually they aren’t something you don’t notice when it happens though tin my experience…


NOBOOTSFORYOU

Brambles. Spiny shoots.


th3worldonfir3

I must be tired because I read this as "shiny spoots"


GetRektJelly

Why would raising canes do such a thing? Darn you Todd Graves!


foobar_north

Walking thru long grass and brushing by prickly weeds - that's what this looks like.


ChuckPukowski

Chupacabra. 100%


Justice_Prince

Chumbawamba


ShoreboundKafka

I GET KNOCKED DOWN


Round_Wrongdoer_5508

BUT I GET UP AGAIN


QuiteCleanly99

Pissing the night awaaaaaaay Pissing the niiiiiight away


Plane-Statement8166

He takes a whiskey drink, he takes a vodka drink, he takes a lager drink, he takes a cider drink


DumbledoreCalrisian_

He sings the songs that remind him of the good times


snakeyes9

He sings the songs that remind him of the better times


NovaKing11

Cryyyyyy for meeeeeeee


presley244

Ooh. Danny boy, Danny boyyy!


Potikanda

r/redditsings


eMmDeeKay_Says

He sings the songs that remind him of the better times


Swimming_Step5378

Oh Daonny Boy Danny Boy Danny Boyyyy


Some-Description-64

I take a whiskey drink, I take a chocolate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink! -bald yellow man


pennyraingoose

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN


morbidaar

Donny Boi


BouncingWeill

Now I'm starting to wonder why there wasn't ever a low budget horror movie called Tubthumper. Those are some scary threats. :D


[deleted]

then took some mescaline!


NoBenefit5977

I'm never gonna come back down!


SparkJaa

You are never gonna keep me down!


kingOofgames

His dad got knocked up? How?


WutzUpples69

He got knocked down, but got up again in some thorny vines.


GrowrandaShowr

He got knocked down and got up again. Now he got cut up legs.


MathResponsibly

Mexican staring frog of southen Sri Lanka


Wonderful_Basket_544

Chupapantorrillas


RazzmatazzBrief3471

Peniscabra


NightofTheLivingZed

Cabra means goat. You want chupapenis.


No_Taste1698

Who says he wasn't asking for goat penis?


NightofTheLivingZed

Whatever floats your goat I guess.


No_Taste1698

You win.


Ben_Chrollin

Stop. It's obviously the Peruvian Predator. This is r/weird after all so clearly we need the most extreme answers.


IGTankCommander

From experience, this is what happens when you scratch your leg with that one badly cut nail AFTER walking through long grass and prickles.


[deleted]

in my experience, rice cutgrass in particular is horrific in this way, and often you don’t even notice you’ve been cut/bleeding until you’re out of the grass. this can explain how OP’s dad didnt realize what cut him


BLINDrOBOTFILMS

Yeah, these are very familiar scratches from walking through fields in shorts.


JasonTheNPC85

Second this. I've had similar from hiking off the trail when I was younger.


RichGrinchlea

Third this. 59 and I still walk off trail and still get frighteningly similar scratches


BarrTheFather

Yeah those sharp sided blades will brush you and barely feel like a scrape. They seem to bleed a lot too. Maybe and anticoagulant?


Utahteenageguy

Yeah the second lower scratch mark suggest it wasn’t claws since one of the cuts goes across the others.


Random_Dude2000

Yeah I agree with this because I've had those scratches from tall grass and weeds before


SpicyBanditSauce

A sick ass panther…wait…wrong sub


KingBayley

Ok but what’s the right sub cause I wanna go there [edit for typo]


MinglewoodRider

r/shittytattoos the joke is a sick ass panther is a good coverup because they're black and you can contort them to cover almost any shape


KingBayley

Ahhh thank you. Although I’m sad it’s not an actual sick ass panther sub.


OSU_Tutor

Oh I believe /r/sickpanthertattoos is what you’re looking for


TheMasterFul1

There really is a sub for everything


Jiomniom_Skwisga

The highs of Reddit. And now, the lows - fuck you


wiztastic

r/dragonsfuckingcars


Sh0toku

r/carsfucksdragons too! Well, I'm a sad panda now, apparently that sub was nuked.


Iryasori

r/shrimpsisbugs


Reasonable-Purple-61

r/subsithoughtifellfor


SoftServeMonk

I feel like it comes up in r/tattoocoverups frequently.


SlatheredButtCheeks

There is also legitimate admiration for sick ass panthers, that's how the joke got its start. Here is an example https://www.reddit.com/r/traditionaltattoos/comments/13tpn1z/got_a_sick_ass_panther/


cloudcreeek

Goddamnit I hate that I knew that sub before this comment.


SpicyBanditSauce

Thank you 😁


depeupleur

Stepped on a raccoon while sleep walking


iocane_

I understood this reference


janet-snake-hole

Literally the very last comment I read before opening this post and immediately seeing your comment was another “a sick ass panther” in the shitty tattoos sub… do we have the same home page? Lol


reclusivegiraffe

I’m in both subs too!


Personal-Ad6857

It was a sick ass panther tho


SSMWSSM42

Hell of a cougar


[deleted]

Hahaha I knew exactly what you meant. Perfect


Wildlife_Jack

NTA. Red flag. They're abusive. Save the evidence. Lawyer up. Wait... wrong sub


Starling305

Hell yeah I chuckled


TMVtaketheveil888

Yo my tribe. Sick ass panther.


SB58ChampionDETLions

I’m a part of neither sub but the algorithm recognizes I enjoy both


straight_lurkin

After constantly getting that sub pushed to me this this made me bust out laughing in the middle of the night


umbrelllaman

I just told my wife about sick ass panther covers yesterday lol


knovit

I’m sad I knew the reference. I don’t even have tattoos.


metaldood19

holy fuck LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO I know this one


SchemataObscura

Sick. Ass. Panther.


SL13377

I got that reference. 🤣


vitislife

Did we all just get consolidated to the same subs after the Spez fuckhead incident? Pretty sure I only ended up in that sub after the blackout.


Ok_Independence_4343

I've seen you in that sub


Yahla

His last victim?


A_SNAPPIN_Turla

The dad is definitely a serial killer and lying about the scratches.


puffinnbluffin

100%. Was my first thought


Antrikshy

We did it Reddit!


hyperion420

Cereal killers always ask « oOoO i DoN’t KnOw WhErE iT cOmEs FrOm »


GregM70

Scratching an itch in the middle of the night while sleeping.


TengoDuvidas

Needs to trim toenails.


TheMountain11

This is my vote. Scratching the back of his legs with long toenails in the middle of the night while half asleep or sleeping.


TengoDuvidas

Yep, do it to myself all the time.


[deleted]

I do this all the time and my gf always jokingly asks "who is she' when she sees it.


Crush-N-It

And fingernails


_Driftwood_

check your CO2 detectors


Franklin_le_Tanklin

You think they could be scratching him?


gdj11

when they're low on batteries they get aggressive


Interesting-Share794

I literately laughed out loud! That was awesome.


[deleted]

CO


andimacg

A CO2 detector would drive you nuts. Lol.


Effective_Frog

Colorado detectors?


Wendigo_6

>Colorado detectors? The police have dogs that do that.


Sea-Region-4226

Here we go again…


Hypnaustic

This guy gonna be number 2?


Pillmo

he’s not flexible like that, he can’t reach that part of his leg lol.


iluvtna

He can't reach that part of his legs with his toenails?


[deleted]

I once saw a five year old, dead asleep, scratch their face with their foot. I don't know what the lesson is, but I wish I could still touch my toes without bending my knees...


Broad-Assist6658

I'd immediately have a priest come for an exorcism if I saw this lol


Rainier_Mosquito

Looks like blackberry bush scratches.


shemjaza

That was my thought. Maybe he got some wrapped around his leg and it kept scratching?


Fog_Juice

I'm gonna second black berry vines


CJ_BARS

Tiger


[deleted]

Woods?


automatvapen

Joe Exotic


TheGrimmRetails

Tiger


PepperRoma

Rawr


[deleted]

Ooh. Post this over in r/ghosts. I’m sure someone will say it’s a demon. To me it looks like he got into some thorns or sticker bushes.


Bitcoinatemymom

That was my first thought as well I grew up in south jersey a lot of the forests over there have thorny vines. the cut patterns resemble the ones I use to get when I would get caught in them


[deleted]

Yeah when I was a kid, we were always playing down in the forest and I’d always come home with those kinds of scratches, usually not knowing it had happened til I got back.


UninsuredToast

Lol top post on there right now is a “ghost” peaking around a corner and it clearly has a shadow


Silly_Calligrapher41

Speaking from experience:. Literally any piece of furniture/plant/car/garage that has slightly sharp edges, has a piece broken off, etc. I've spent way too long trying to find the culprits each time my leg looks like this, that I just gave up at some point. The world demands a small sacrifice from us sometimes. Edit: Ah yes forgot the main culprit I've ususally found, nails and screws with sharp edges or that were damaged/screwed on badly


Blue_Moon_Lake

Repeated shit like this fucked up my skin. Now there are weird scars on my leg that sometimes will inflate with plasma.


[deleted]

Ew


ArbiterBalls

He scratched his itchy dry skin harder than he realized


ThatOneStonerBoy

I got briar scratches that looked almost exactly like that. Still have the scars.


Bitcoinatemymom

Cat?


gabzilla814

Looks like the left paw might have about 8 or 9 claws on it.


PieArtistic1332

right? looks like a flesh scratching post


Pillmo

we do not own a cat


Bitcoinatemymom

Ghost cat?


KingBayley

I think we all know this is the andwer


cw99x

Rental cat then


Pumpkinywumpkin

Your mom?


IW0ntPickaName

My mom?


wrinkledpenny

Our mom


Hambruhgah

r/suddenlycommunist


hereforpopcornru

No, their mom


CoastingUphill

Those are nail scratches for sure.


Captain_Sideburns

So sad I had to scroll down so much to find this OBVIOUS amswer.


pitachipbat

Kinda reminds me of the scratches I used to wake up to quite often. Until one fateful night, when I woke up to my cats playing a game of mortal kombat on my legs.


SnooShortcuts5771

I’m going to bet he scratches his legs in his sleep.


Ok_Independence_4343

Probably from scratching his leg in his sleep. The sides of your nails will leave these marks during intense scratching. I've had these same marks from scratching my legs.


Deez_Nutz_Akimbo

If he really can't think of anything it could've been, and also has the good sense to avoid thorny raspberry patches and such - ask if he's walked thru tall grass recently. Namely, tall grass in areas where water can collect with (generally) some shade. My guess is sedges. Huge family (or genus?) of grassy plants, a lot of which have deceptively sharp blades. Seriously tore up one of my hands at a job once, thankfully just skin level but bled for a solid hour. *Sedges have edges*


SaraSmile2000

He’s unknowingly scratching his legs while sleeping.


Comfortable_Tap_4816

He scratched himself unknowingly.


JunoBlanketPro

Demon


pomonamike

Dude, you’re calling out your dad’s affair. Just let it go.


Important_Kick_4824

Walking through some wait-a-minute vines.


pedeztrian

Does he bite his nails by chance? A jagged fingernail or two and an itch and you get that.


DonniePerry

was drunk trying to give a racoon a hug😂😂😂


Coleslawholywar

That just looks like my whole body after a day of yard work. Getting old sucks.


Gloomy_Ad_7885

Maybe unknowingly walked through tall weeds with briers in them? Those are no fun. And many times you don't know it til later.


Rfg711

When an adult has scratches but “doesn’t remember where they got them” that’s because they got them during sex and they’re being tactful


spookycasas4

Looks like he scratched himself and didn’t realize that it had left marks.


laney_deschutes

Scratching


[deleted]

Does this happen often to his skin? My wife would get these and scab real bad. Sometimes she wouldn't notice them until it looked like that. If so, can be sensitive skin, allergic reaction irritation made worse by scratching.


digidave1

I scratch my leg at night with my other foot. I find scratches in the morning. Could be that. I never thought I would admit this to strangers. Must be this 9% beer.


Cutsdeep-

Sex stuff


OldAdministration735

I got them too. I believe it’s from scratching my leg using my other foot with Howard Hughes type nails.


[deleted]

He has long fingernails and itches his leg in his sleep


Individual_Agency703

He has dry skin and was scratching in his sleep.


Mustysailboat

As a 55y/o I’ve seen this before. It happens when you do something, scratch yourself and then you totally forget what you were doing. Then you see the scratch and have no recollection how you got em


LeFluffiestOfBunnies

It was me, he knows what he did.


amrasmin

Likely el chupa cabras


Ok-Pomegranate-3018

I don't know, but, he needs to get those beginning varicose veins looked at.


Chrome_Armadillo

Check his wife's toenails.


SlowMaize5164

And any affected girlfriends....


[deleted]

He got them while transformed into a werewolf, obvs.


Specialist_Cup1715

Toe Nails


stablefarm

Is this your dads first time walking through brush? What a world…


RealJonathanBronco

Demon. Seen it a million times.


JimLaheeeeeeee

His toenails.


CarterCrusader

A demon or a rooster. Or a demon rooster.


Niccce420

i get these all the time when im in thiccc woods. if you just walk right through bushes and branches not really considering what's around you it is very easy to get these.


Unlucky-Dependent-63

You guys are gonna call me a nutjob. But I once summoned a spirit, and let's just say that whenever she was in a bad mood she could do something like this to me or mostly to my family members.


its_just_flesh

Looks like cat scratches


darkboomel

Option 1: You have a very aggressive cat and your dad is lying about not knowing where they're from because he's too proud to admit he lost a fight with a feline friend Option 2: Sharp, thorny weeds. More than likely wooden sharp rather than leafy sharp. Leafy sharp wouldn't make actual bloody cuts like this.


Sarabean77

It looks like he walked through some vines


ghostcrabi

are his legs numb?


rrishaw

Saw briars?


thanatoswaits

Probably your mom and he doesn't want to explain the position you...


sambull

i do that shit to myself with my toenails in my sleep


__ducky_

Rose bush


CrazyAssGranny

Looks like our kitten got ahold of him.


HarkansawJack

You sure that’s a leg?


ACZANG

A was removing a rose bush once and that’s how my leg ended up looking.


[deleted]

Your dad might be an undercover emo? Nothing wrong with that.


velocity_boy33

Not scrolling. Has anyone said velociraptor yet?


[deleted]

dOeS hE hAvE a CaT¿


Nanooc523

I wake up w these cuz i take my socks off to sleep and scratch my leg w my other leg/toe while i’m sleeping sometimes.


appendixgallop

Check his fingernails. Is he scratching in his sleep?


DonkeyLightning

I think dads just get randomly cut and scratched when they’re doing dad shit and they don’t realize. Happens to my dad all the time.


LoreKeeperOfGwer

Looks like a cat or a fence. Could be a demon as the 3 scratch marks are considered mocking the trinity. Pick your poison.


[deleted]

So I started getting scratches on different parts of my body that looked just like this and the results will shock you.... *ad* *ad* *ad* It was my worn out spring mattress that I had for way too long. The pressure from my body would cause the ends to poke through and any tossing or moving while I slept would create scratches.


WooooshVictim

Definitely aliens 100%


om11011shanti11011om

I hate to tell you this: Your dad secretly adopted a kitten, and he's not sharing the cuddles.


lavenderpouf

Happens to me often. Long nails and scratching in my sleep.