Lil Dad Jokingly Pushed My Step Mom Out Into the River While They Were Getting Off Their Couples Tube while We Were Camping at the Springs, Pretended to Run Away, Slipped on the Algae-Covered Shale Along the Riverbank, and Cut His Now Broken Toe to the Bone, Resulting in His Two Adult Children Rushing Him to the Hospital for the Gnarliest Toe Flap Irrigation and Stitches Ever Seen An instant classic.

You're gonna need to use a particularly small font size for that album cover.

NO. Full-sized. It continues on the back.

I don't know why but that comment got me real hard

If it lasts more than 4 hours you might have to change your rapper name

Had a similar event about 25 years ago where I was on a tube, went to jump down into the water to get out and stepped on a sharp rock that went so deep into my foot it missed the artery and nerve by about 1mm. 45 stitches and 25 years later still hurts sometimes. I rate it as my second worst pain ever. Not the injury itself but the injection into the thick foot skin for the stitches.

Lil Kidney Stone.

Oh, be lucky you’re not… Lil’ Reconstructive Surgery On My Urethra Because A Nurse Ruptured An Artery While Trying To Remove A Kidney Stone

Dude, so sorry. I had to have my kidney stones manually removed as well but thankfully that went fine. I can't imagine the pain you went through!

Lol same.

Get well soon...

Lil' I work there

lil’ job

Lil’ I.T. Boi

Lil nutritionist

Lil Day Shift

Lil night shift

lil’ staff

Lil’ food delivery

Lil’ employee

Lil' daily hustle

Lil jaded nurse

Lil Docta

Lil’ they pay me

Lil' out of call outs

Lil medical check up.

Lil Medic

Lil' my nephew was born.

Lil' Grind

Lil Vaginal Hysterectomy gonna make ya JUMP JUMP!!

But not for at least 6-8 weeks

I was banned for 10…. 🥲

Everybody who got their uterus pulled out say YEAHYA!

YEAHYA! (10 years ago!)

Lil AFib make my heart go thump brrt thump thump

Congratulations?

Lil stabbed!

What happened?

I snitched! Nah, accidentally dropped a knife on my foot while wearing socks and sandals.

Once I was chopping vegetables and sliced my finger. I got so startled I dropped the knife it stabbed my foot. I'm pretty sure the triage nurse rolled her eyes when I explained my injuries.

The nurse that stitched my cut had a good laugh when I told him what happened.

A couple years ago I broke my leg and arm going up steps, and after I got morphine I was having fun with it. Apparently I kept making a joke about the hospital visit costing me an arm and a leg.

Punished for your fashion faux pas, lol

German detected

Lil' Corgi Bite

I assume it was not a lil corgi bite then

Corgi was normal corgi sized just bit my face

Goes hard honestly 😂

Lil’ Colonoscopy

"WHERE MY POLYPS AT?!?!"

Lil Colonoscopy/Endoscopy for me. I'm pretty sure the cameras met each other in the middle.

\*boop\*

Lil Panic Attack

Mine’s more of a “lil panic attack that I thought might be a heart attack due to family history and a false result on an EKG”

No false EKG result but plenty of family history with heart problems. It was scary. Now I'm probably gonna die of a heart attack someday because I'll think "remember that one time..."

Aye panic disorder gang gang

Thought it was a heart attack

Yep. Felt really stupid and kinda baffled when they told me it was just a really big panic attack. It was my first brush with anxiety disorder.

I was so sure I was dying. Or that somebody is slipped me acid.

Me too 🙃

[удалено]

Ah, same here!

Lil' ate a chicken wing and it got caught in my throat so I used some soda to push it along but the pressure ended up tearing my esophagus so I was vomiting up blood for 4 hours

So much pain..

just a lil bit

Drop that album!

Bruh u ok?

Lil' Suicide Attempt in da house

We love a grippy sock vacation

Yo those socks are actually mad comfy though

I kept mine. I want to know where they got them.

I have quite the grippy sock collection.

I’m trying to get the hard to acquire colors such as purple and the limited edition covid white with blue grippies.

I’m glad you’re still here. I survived an attempt back in 2008. Grippy socks for a couple weeks. Sending all the love from Lenny(my service dog) and me.

Thank you to you and Lenny, I'm glad you are as well!

I’m glad you’re here too!

There are so many things you didn't even experienced.we love you

Thank you =)

Glad you’re doing better dude, mental health is so important! Keep up the good fight

Thanks! =)

I was going to make a lithium shuffle joke but I am glad that you are still here. Dont give up. Hugs to you 🤗

Now you have an illustrious rap career ahead of you.

*HUG*

Thank you! =)

Plenty more from this mom if you need em 😊

Can relate

Thank you for still being here.

Welcome to the club yay

Hey you can’t have the same name as me!

I’m glad you’re still here, dude. There’s much more pizza to eat for you.

Hell yeah, it was the first thing I ate when I got out lol, thank you!

Lil "you guys can afford to go the hospital?"




Lil No Health Insurance

Does it cost money? *looking confused in European*

Lil cesarean...

Lil Cesarean. Or as he called himself in 47 BC, Lil Lil Caesar (Caesarion is Julius Caesar's kid with Cleopatra. Name literally means Little Caesar for those who didn't know)

Little Caesar’s was already trademarked. You have to be Lil’ Abdominal Birf.

Eyyyy me too 🙌

Lil vertigo

Lil Uzi Vert-igo?

That's not bad ngl

Lil Couldn’t get in to see a neurologist for six months so had to force myself into the system through an ER visit which turned out to be wise since during a lumbar puncture they found the pressure in my spinal fluid to be twice the regular pressure and had to quadruple my meds

I’m never gonna get a record deal

if they could sell that Fiona Apple record with the 300-word title, they can sell you.

Lil Wack Back

Lil Spicy Spine Juice

You may not get a record deal, but damn good job on forcing yourself into the system!

This is apparently the way. It was deeply uncomfortable and absolutely no fun, if anyone does it, dress and pack like you’re being admitted for a night. (Snacks and chargers) But its worth it to get a jumpstart on something that you shouldn’t have to just live with for an extra half year of your life.

Lil’ Appendicitis

Lil got shot

Aight OP explain this one to the class

Sorry for being American. Just playing the odds.

Samsies but I'm going with Lil Buckshot or Lil bird shot Since it was a bird shot load.

lil birth

eyyy me too

Lil baby

Yo wassup. Dis Lil’ Vasectomy coming at cha like a seedless grape.

Also Lil’ Vassy.

lil grandma got attacked by bees

Oh my god. I hope she’s ok.

She's fine now, but none of us talk to her anymore. Unrelated to the bees.

If bees got beef with grandma im not talkin to grandma.

👆

Lil OD.

Hope everything got better

Wayyy better! Thanks :)

Same but it wasn't mine

Lil’ bone cancer scan. 💯% cancer free don’t worry.

Lil Sick Grandma

Me too :( mine passed a week later. I hope yours is better.

That would be true for me as well. I hope it went better for you.

Lil’ That’s Where I Work Nights As A Janitor

Lil’ Covid

Me too! Glad you made it!

Lil Missed Miscarriage

I hope you’re doing ok. I went through the same and it can be rough, I hope you’re being kind to yourself. ❤️

Lil Miss-Missed-Miscarriage

Can't be wrong!

Lil' I have to remove my whole ass ovary because of a cyst that measures at about half a foot in size.

Holy shit!! My abdomen just cramped in sympathy! Hope you’re feeling better now!

Thanks, it is, I haven't been to the hospital in a WHILE, this was 3 years ago

Somehow “Lil Had to Take My Wife to the ER” doesn’t really sound gangsta.

What's more **gangsta** than a player, taking care of his main squeeze (not like she is a side piece or something).

Lil Breast Cancer

Lil tit chemo

Lil' samezeas. Sorry for what you're going through, it's not easy

Lil biopsy over here

Lil Wife Was Sick? Or Lil Reconstructive Ear Surgery? Edit: my phone apparently doesn't believe I type the word ear

Lil seizure

Lil wife is having an ultrasound

Congrats, I'm "lil wife had a baby"

Thanks, and congratulations. I am guessing your in an magical and terrible time right now. Get some sleep if ya can.

Lil My Dad Died doesn't have much of a ring to it.

Lil’ Diarrhea, mother fuckers!

Lil Raped :(

I hope you’re doing OK.

I'm so sorry, and just in case you need to hear it, you did nothing to deserve it! I hope you're doing as ok as possible now.

lil visitor

lil brain tumors in the buildingggggggg

Lil Amputation

Woop woop represent for the hachetman

Lil sad

Lil fucked around found out

lil CT Scan, I think. But it could have been lil @ DaPharmacy Edit; Cause I got the skills to get the pills that don't kills. (sorry about that s on kills but my rap game isn't as strong as it used to be.)

Lil Baby

Lil trampoline

Lil sillyslide

Lil Anal Abscess 

Lil' Food Delivery. Haha

Lil physical

Lil panic attack 🤣🤣🤣

Lil dad can't pee

Lil Daddy Cock Block

lil suicide attempt

Lil’ Vasectomy Consultation IN THE HOUSE.

Lil Vespa crash

Lil flu

Lil renal failure

Lil' scarred uretha

Lil' scratched cornea

Lil Thyroidectomy.

Lil Arterial Bleeding.

Lil Recurring Migraines is a catchy ass name isn't it.

Lil diabetes

Lil Stroke

Lol Crohn's Edit: lil Crohn's

Lil' Slipped-on-a-wet-sidewalk-and-broke-my-leg-while-traveling-alone-in-Europe-but-thinking-it-was-just-a-sprain-and-walking-on-it-for-a-week-until-my-whole-leg-swelled-up

Lil wisdom tooth extraction

lil hadababyitsagirl

Lil Tinnitus has a nice ring to it.

'lil pulmonary embolism?

All the recent moms would all be Lil baby 🥰

Lil' Shoulder Fracture!

Lil cracked rib

Lil Colonoscopy!

Lil exploding toe

Lil broken nose