This reminds me of the last time I went to the movies and I was sitting next to this woman who was like “your leg is shaking my seat” so I had to ignore the rest of the movie to ✨focus✨ on not vibrating 😂
Skiers when descending a hill focus on “staying on the path” rather than “not hitting the tree”.
Focus on the action that naturally diverts your behavior instead of focusing on not doing the unwanted action.
I got stiches on my lip and leaving the office the doctor told me not to suck on it or let my tongue touch the stitches, and it was the absolute worst thing to tell me because I would have just been able to go through the day not thinking about it and instead needed to fight the constant urge to do it.
I'd cut my inner lip somehow on monday and bit it to fuck til it was swollen on one side. I was at a work conference and probably looked diseased at the end of the day.
Like the time I spent a whole class period rereading the same paragraph over and over, trying to understand even a single sentence. I should have just given up at a certain point, but I wanted to get at least part of my homework done at school.
As an ADHD Buddhist, I feel this way when I go to the weekly zazen session at the local Zen center. (Mostly just go for the dharma talks because I can sit and not be able to focus on zazen at home just as well 🙃)
It's the second one for me, *"\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is a very bright student, they'd be incredibly successful if only they would focus on the assigned task."*
Cue getting told that it's not your fault that you can't focus, but also it's entirely your responsibility to learn how to focus. How is child supposed to reconcile that?
I literally have PTSD from the way my teachers handled me.
Also, fuck you teachers, I'm an amazingly successful person and I didn't need to ever learn how to sit in a chair and focus on boring bullshit for 8 hrs per day.
>I literally have PTSD from the way my teachers handled me.
I still have a memory of getting reprimanded for reading **too well** for the rest of my first grade class.
It was years of resentment before I finally realized that dusting everyone in group reading wasn't very good for anyone that struggled.
Almost a decade after, I would struggle with the state's poorly optimized/organized math teaching.
I was an avid reader and had the exact same problem.
I won the school record for reading counts books in trimester 1 and 2. I'd surpassed the minimum number of annual points needed by more than triple and *then literally ran out of interesting Reading Counts books to read,* so I just stopped taking the tests in Trimester 3.
My teacher actually tried to fail me for not participating in "Reading Period" (because I wasn't earning points / following directions). He took it all the way to the principal and my mom had to come in and tear a couple new assholes open. I was so scared that I'd "failed" something and that I was in trouble.
Oh, and this was about three months *after* they gave me the Reading Counts Gold Medal for having the most points at school. Y'know, an award for "excellence in reading"... 🙃
My Year 10 English teacher continually got exasperated at me for reading the entire book instead of just the chapter we were supposed to be on. Thankfully he never got mad about it, but it did mean I couldn't participate in the "judging by what we found out in this chapter, what do you think will happen to {X}?" discussions.
There needs to be a bell that rings every time someone says "focus more" or "try harder," and instead of a fairy getting wings, an ableist gets smacked over the head.
I focus for sure. Being mindful and all that good stuff. I focus so hard on the task at hand that I forget/lose/ignore other things. If you don’t have “it” (adhd) no one understands. I just laugh it off now, but sometimes my clients look at me like maybe I’m on drugs.
I think it's interesting that the teacher seems to notice that she is genuinely trying but then follows it up by essentially saying "but she needs to try harder"
Oh I hear you lol. I still remember one English teacher I had who I suspect knew I had ADHD but never really said anything directly to me about it. She just kind of treated me... Different? Like she would give me very specific tasks and create an environment that was conducive to me being able to complete those tasks.
Honestly, she was my all time favorite teacher and I still remember her to this day.
I was blessed with a history teacher in middle school like that. If not for Mrs. Shine I don't think I would have the love of learning I do. She really helped open history to me and I suspect she knew even though I didn't have a clue at the time.
The worst part is I know people with physical disabilities (versus our learning disability) and people ALSO tell them to "just try harder". Our culture is fully broken.
Oh, you have dyslexia? Just try harder at reading
Wheelchair bound? Have you tried harder to walk?
Scoliosis? Have you tried harder to stand up straight?
A stutter? Just try harder to talk clearly
I totally understand struggling to empathize with a condition that you have very little frame of reference for. But the absolute bare minimum is to not immediately assume that someone has the ill intent of faking a disability. I remember when I was younger I used to fantasize about "wanting something wrong with me" after having ADHD completely control my life I can 100% say "younger me was an idiot you can have this disability back now" lol
It boggles my mind that grown adults that are older than me (29) fail to understand that their experience of reality is not a universal experience.
I remember when I was about 16 the realization struck me that my perception and experience of reality is unique to me alone and while my experience may share parts with another's their experience is uniquely theirs and the same stimulus could encite completely different reactions between the two of us.
I hear a lot of people have this epiphany after traveling abroad. I unfortunately haven't gotten that opportunity but my nomadic upbringing of moving cities/states every two years mak have helped
I guess it's a realization much harder to get to for "normal" people surrounded be enough other "normal" people who also keep acting on the assumption that anyone non-normal is just doing it wrong...
(wait that's too depressing for this time in the morning gotta get up see ya)
Seeing just this in my notifications without the context of my comment almost made me see red because I thought you were saying this directly to me lol.
Dude/Dudette, I'd be making heads roll if they said that to me.
I knew I would see this one here. I got that and also the variant "has so much potential but needs to apply himself more". In 3rd grade I got "Needs to mature". Oh, ok, why didn't I think of that?
Damn, even college professors? That‘s terrible. One time I was drifting off in class despite trying SO hard to stay awake, and when I later looked at the grade for that day’s in-class assignment, my prof had added the comment “I noticed you were a little tired today in class. I hope you’re able to get some rest.” I was so embarrassed at the time but looking back I’m just grateful to have had such a genuinely caring professor. They were so kind and understanding throughout each of the two courses I took with them. I’m so glad I got an English degree— best profs ever!
My kindergarten only had so many seats. My memories are dominated by sitting on the ground in different areas for different subjects. Seats & tables were for math, because we had to write stuff.
I don't think we had any desks in kindergarten. This was like 1987 or so. I remember sitting on the floor a lot. Maybe we had like one big table or something? IDK I barely remember lol
"She needs to do this thing she can't do despite constantly trying to. Don't worry, we'll keep forcing her until this five year old child internalizes that there is something wrong with her that cannot ever be fixed."
Keep doing that until the child learns that pressure is the only thing that makes them focus. The child then confuses pressure with negativity and adopts negative self talk as a strategy to apply pressure to themselves. This leads to absolute burnout.
She's in fucking kindergarten it's ridiculous to expect even a NT kid to focus much less STAY SEATED. Like congrats your kid is developmentally appropriate
I was about to say this. I was told that ADHD is pretty much never diagnosed before a child reaches elementary school age and maybe even a few years beyond that.
Yeah unless there's some really significant behaviour concerns associated with it.
One of my students was diagnosed at 5 because his parents & teachers were worried he was having serious vision problems because it seemed he couldn't see things that were right in front of him. A couple eye doctors and a developmental psychologist later he was diagnosed with ADHD.
I've been his teacher for about 3 years now and sometimes he still has difficulty finding 1 item on a table with 3 items on it (usually when he's tired or upset).
All my kindergarten/early school years reports were this, good problem solving, struggles to finish on time, can get distracted easily, has a bit of a difficult time working in a group.
I used to be described as "gets distracted by a fly" (translated) but the funny part is I like insects so it was genuinely true and not only a figure of speech.
You reminded me of the "not staying still in my seat" part. I stay sitting, but I move and reposition myself quite a bit, which eventually transitioned into doodling on (almost) every page of my copybooks (copybook sounds like an old word, I don't think I heard/read it outside of English class).
I accidentally kicked a teacher once because I was kicking my feet in the chair and she happened to stand there for a few seconds lol. I don't think she ever believed it was an accident 😂
I went to a Catholic school where a priest would come in & read your report card to the class. In 8th grade he got to mine & started going over the stuff I got called out on every time. I couldn't take it anymore & blurted out "it's been the same past 7yrs, doing the same thing but expecting different results is insanity".
I had to say 10 our fathers, 5 hail marys & 5 days detention. That school was horrible though. I had 3 teachers that considered my iep cheating, 1 that openly told the class I was allowed to cheat because I'm stupid then after 7yrs of my mom fighting them to follow my iep one of my teachers told my mom I should be tested.
One of my Catholic school teachers locked my friend in a closet for sneezing too loudly and “distracting” the class. I got detention and withheld from recess for 5 days because I walked between 2 teachers talking in the hallway without saying excuse me. My 3rd grade teacher is the reason I started biting my fingernails to bloody nubs from the anxiety. Catholic school can eat my shorts.
ADHD is hereditary. Also, 45% of women with ADHD also have PMDD, but it gets misdiagnosed as Bi Polar 2, WAY too frequently.
All 3 of my kids have ADHD. Both of my daughters and I have ADHD and PMDD. It's getting everyone the tools and resources that we all deserve.
A couple of books to read or listen to:
* A Radical Guide For Women With ADHD
By. Dr. Sari Solden and Dr. Michelle Frank
* Understanding Girls With ADHD
By. Dr. Kathleen G. Nadeau
* ADHD 2.0
By. Dr. John J. Ratey and Dr. Edward M. Hallowell.
Ugh! I’m getting stuff like this from my 3rd grade daughter’s teacher. She even has the ADHD diagnosis as her primary diagnosis on her IEP. I get that they’re frustrated when our kiddos are struggling…but it makes my girl feel like shit when she has to constantly bring home notes that say how “bad” she was everyday. 😭
The only teacher I ever had who seemed to get it was my 4th-5th grade homeroom teacher. She had free scratch paper and never punished me for doodling, even if it seemed like I wasn’t paying attention.
It might have looked like I was completely ignoring her and focusing on my doodles, but SOMEHOW she knew that my ears were open and hearing every thing she said, even better than if i had been looking right at her.
I have no idea how she knew, it was the 90’s and I didn’t get diagnosed until my early 30’s. She had been teaching for decades at that point and I guess she was a rare one who really understood what kids like me needed. Wish they were more common!
This has been my sons report card since he started school, I’ve been telling them he has ADHD for 8 years and please refer him. They finally did, a year ago, when the psych waitlist is a further four years. 😒
This is great for when Ieisha is 33 wondering why life's so hard, then she sees a meme on adhd meme that summarises her perfectly, so the thinks "maybe all my issues are adhd."
Then she goes to the doctors and finds out how insane the diagnosis process is. But then she finds her report cards kindergarten to high school, where every single note has the word "focus" mentioned negatively. Ieisha then gets a diagnosis and lives happily ever after.
"Needs to try harder, needs to focus, is entirely too rambunctious, needs better organization skills.." yeah those were pretty constant on my report cards growing up. Also found out that sub teachers were left instructions to not engage me if at all possible and to give me reading work during class to keep me occupied. Actually nicked the note and still have it somewhere.
In high school I would always get in trouble for reading an outside book during class but whenever teachers asked me if I finished my work my answer was always “yes” so I continued reading… and getting in trouble
After a few months my teachers gave up. At least my work was getting done and I was there. I showed them I was just as content to ditch school and just chill in the library reading all day.
I wish my teachers gave up. I stopped reading as much and now I don’t have that same urge to read. I guess my teachers succeeded but now I don’t read independently nearly as much
I got in trouble all the way through middle school for reading books in class cuz I was done/ got bored. The only reason that changed in high school was we were all given chromebooks and I got distracted by that instead lol.
In elementary school we had these little storage spaces in our desks we could use to keep our pens etc, and not have to carry stuff home all the time.
I once found a note in there, from the principal, saying "This is the messiest desk I have ever seen in my *career*!"
Wish I'd kept it XD But I needed to make it vanish so my parents wouldn't be able to find it, I think.
I remember the first time ADHD interfered with my life was in Kindergarten (actually about the same time as you OP!). We had a coloring assignment and I had completely missed the instructions and was interacting with friends instead. The teacher told me that I was supposed to color everything that started with “M”, even sounding out “MMM-ilk, MMM-otorcycle”.
I got really confused and sort of paralyzed because everyone else didn’t seem to have a problem and when the class ended my teacher—seeing I hadn’t colored anything—drew a “☹️” in red ink on the paper. My first failed assignment, and I was devastated.
We just had a staff meeting about writing report comments, and this is so far from what we'd be allowed to write is not even funny! This is actually very similar to my own report comments from the 90s, but man, there are much higher expectations for teachers these days.
Here's one of our example report comments:
Joseph’s humour and creativity brings a sense of fun to the Strawberry Homegroup. He actively participates in class discussions and shares his love of Mathematics with others. Joseph should be proud of his developing ability to take responsibility for his learning and completing tasks independently. He has made significant growth in developing self-management skills and his ability to collaborate with peers. Joseph is becoming more confident in expressing his thoughts and feelings appropriately with familiar peers and teachers. He has developed and maintained friendships showing an increased ability to reflect on his actions and how they may have affected others. A future goal for Joseph is to build his confidence and to use positive self-talk when he finds situations unfamiliar or challenging. This sense of self-efficacy will support him to have a go at unfamiliar experiences and to continue to take acceptable risks for an improved outcome. Thank you for sharing your love of Pokemon and sport with the Strawberry Homegroup. It has been a pleasure teaching you this year. I wish you all the best for Year 2.
Cue the nun in high school who told me that I had scored really high on some standardized test but “all the other kids who scored this high have much better grades than you, you should apply yourself more”
My daughter, whom we’re beginning the ADHD evaluation process for, had comments about the teacher’s concern for completing and returning class work and homework, as well as the teacher’s concern for using time constructively.
I rolled my eyes so hard at this. I know the teacher has to fill out a lot of report cards and can’t dedicate an enormous amount of time to each one. However, these comments aren’t helpful in any way. They’re vague and don’t specify what actions will be taken to help your daughter “focus more and stay in her seat.”
I didn’t end up teaching after college but did part of my student teaching in a kindergarten classroom. These kids had virtually no unstructured time. At the time, there was even a countywide policy that students had to be silent for part of their lunch to concentrate on eating. When music was playing in the lunchroom, the kids couldn’t talk to one another. I seriously felt like I was running a prison for children. Most neurotypical adults don’t have the self-control needed to be still and silent for hours on end.
**Edit: I can’t read. I thought this was a report card for your daughter. Sorry! I have no idea why I thought that. I’m so sorry you went through this at school.**
As a student teacher, we are taught to say one thing students are doing well and one thing they can improve on in report cards to avoid students only getting bad or good feedback. The idea is to give motivation and also aim them towards doing better. I have mixed feelings about it but I think the teacher is probably just following report card protocol.
I relate to this. I knew my daughter had ADHD when she was a toddler (a little before I pursued my own diagnosis). Knew I had to wait until kindergarten at least but didn't remember to get her teacher to fill out forms until mid year when things were starting to go downhill. Anyway, she's on medication and super happy in class. Instant improvement from the teacher's perspective too - she also knew from week one of school that it was probably ADHD.
Mine used to say I talked too much and couldn't concentrate. I was disruptive to those sat nearby and a detriment to their school grades. I was poor at finishing tasks on time but I just needed to try harder and focus on the current task better.
So anyway at 35 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD 🥳
IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME CLUES
This is why I plan to homeschool. My son has ADHD and I do not want him to suffer through the same shit I did growing up. Learning can be fun and engaging, and you certainly don’t have to sit still to do it.
My friend sends her ND children to a charter school. They're doing extremely well. A lot of the kids there have some sort of ND disorder.
They spend a lot of their time outside and/ or actively engaging with their studies with a hands on approach. Which works wonders for the ADHD side of their brains. The teachers barely notice their symptoms.
If you have a school like that local to you, your child would probably thrive.
Well yeah, we are speaking about kindergarten... This doesn't seem harsh though, perhaps not well written or thought out, but not harsh. I hope the parent took the time to schedule a meeting with the teacher to learn more about what is going on... It is best to start working on learning issues early....
Well, things were different when we grew up for sure. Like I said, just wish the teacher had met with the parent(s) in order to better communicate just what the kid's issue was/is. The child will have a better chance of future success if learning difficulties are identified and dealt with early.
Let's fix it!
Ieisha is a sweet baby angel who deserves to move and groove however she wants so long as she's not hurting anyone. Ieisha is very dedicated to her work, and does an outstanding job at trying to focus and sit still even when it sucks to be a kid trapped in a classroom all day.
Let's all go out for ice cream and celebrate how awesome Ieisha is! We can work on ways to make sure the world doesn't crush her sunshine over the summer.
That ain’t harsh, the teacher gave multiple compliments and mentioned working on improving focus will position the student best to excel. Thats just the teacher being real with you.
I recently found some progress reports from when I was a kid in the 90s. And there were lots of things like this. “Can’t sit still” “doesn’t apply self” “can’t pay attention”
Made me mad because I wasn’t diagnosed til I was 25…like I always had ADHD!!!!
Anyone time someone uses “too” and “more” in reference to something I am or should be doing, I say “I think I’m doing x the right amount, thank you” I don’t need to focus more, you need to understand HOW MUCH I AM focusing already and maybe work with me on that. I’m not too sensitive, I am exactly as sensitive as I need to be to see and feel all the things that you don’t.
Has this teacher never heard of ADHD? And before people say she's too young to diagnose, etc, yes I know it's also her just being a kid, probably. But if the other kids are able to learn to go against their natural instincts to sit and learn quietly, and she can't, then that could be a diagnosis, since some mental health conditions and neurodivergence is only a problem in our current capitalist hellscape.
Apparently in kindergarten I had a special seat next to the teacher because I had a tendency to decide I knew the lesson already and just wonder off to do my own thing.
There were no signs though
"very bright but" - focus, apply himself more, distracting other students - those were pretty common in my early childhood report cards.
they let me just play during naptime as long as I was quiet about it because i would never take naps and be annoying about it
I'm a dingus because I didn't see what sub this was posted too and my first thought was "This child needs to be checked for ADHD, because that's how report cards looked for me."
If it makes you feel any better our schooling system is bizarre. Any child kindergarten age spicey are no, is not designed to focus yet. I think it's ridiculous to expect any kid under 7 to "focus".
Ahh... brings back bad memories.
What?! No one wants to sit around hearing lectures and writing essays on irrelevant sh*t they can't use in the real world, for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 9 months out of the year, for 13 years?! HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?!
(/sarcastic with a heaping dose of bitterness 😅)
Ask me about things they DON'T teach in school that I've spent hours researching on my own because they're actually interesting on the other hand, and it will be difficult to get me to shut up. (But not in class, I was quiet in class.)
Hey it's kind of a good thing. Most psychs use our old reports as evidence for a thorough adult assessment. Report cards now are useless for actually providing progress updates in childhood development.
once received a comment on my report card (elementary school I think) that said “____ never seems to be paying attention, yet always knows the right answer”. neither my mom or I have ever been able to decide if that was a complaint or a compliment 😂
I get that it is hard not to take this sort of feedback personally, but it could honestly be the teacher trying their best to tell the parents that their child would benefit from a diagnosis. Then the child can get accommodations to make their school life easier.
Teachers have their hands tied professionally because they can't give any kind of medical advice, even when they can spot the signs of learning disabilities and neurodivergant behaviors because they see them every year. The parents need to initiate testing in most cases. So if a teacher puts enough of the right language in a report card maybe the parent will catch on sooner than later and the kid can get support.
This is better than my first parent teacher meeting about how I used sarcasm quite frequently. It was kinda just how my parents talked so I personally think that maybe should have been a red flag but I guess my parents explained they used a lot of sarcasm(seems a bit mean now )
I found my own kindergarten " report card" a while back and it said "u/bog_witch is very enthusiastic and has a lot to contribute but needs to learn when to use her indoor voice and let other people share"...somehow it still took me until almost 28 to get diagnosed lol
The word "focus" just sends a shiver down my spine bcz it's rly hard to do it consciously
The more I try to focus, the more I'm thinking about focusing, the more distracted I am because I cant stop thinking about how I need to focus
This reminds me of the last time I went to the movies and I was sitting next to this woman who was like “your leg is shaking my seat” so I had to ignore the rest of the movie to ✨focus✨ on not vibrating 😂
Well, on the bright side you were F O C U S E D so everything was great !
Focused on the wrong thing. Ugh, why brain?!
I wish I could get a dime every time I asked my brain that question. I'd be pretty darn rich..
If I had $10 for every time I've asked that question, I'd probably only have $20,but it's weird it's happened more than once.
They cured ADHD at that moment.
My entire school career was filled with reports just the same.
Most relatable things I've read in like three weeks 😂
That's like this elephant paradox, where you're supposed to NOT think about an elephant.
Isnt that also the premise of THE GAME where you're supposed to forget about THE GAME so just remembering it means you lost
You ASSHOLE. I haven’t lost in three years lmao
How?! Seems like I lose the game at least twice a month
Hardly anyone mentions it anymore. It actually brought me a little delight to see someone mention it today.
Congratulations. You have now won the game. By receiving this comment you're now immune from losing the game ever again.
AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Skiers when descending a hill focus on “staying on the path” rather than “not hitting the tree”. Focus on the action that naturally diverts your behavior instead of focusing on not doing the unwanted action.
Also covered in the motorcycle documentary “Twist of the Wrist!”
I got stiches on my lip and leaving the office the doctor told me not to suck on it or let my tongue touch the stitches, and it was the absolute worst thing to tell me because I would have just been able to go through the day not thinking about it and instead needed to fight the constant urge to do it.
I'd cut my inner lip somehow on monday and bit it to fuck til it was swollen on one side. I was at a work conference and probably looked diseased at the end of the day.
Like the time I spent a whole class period rereading the same paragraph over and over, trying to understand even a single sentence. I should have just given up at a certain point, but I wanted to get at least part of my homework done at school.
Oh man, I did this yesterday. Trying to figure out financial paperwork from my bank. I ended up having to read it in a dramatic voice to get through.
I do this too! I put on a (terrible) British audiobook voice and then the words sink in, *usually*
As an ADHD Buddhist, I feel this way when I go to the weekly zazen session at the local Zen center. (Mostly just go for the dharma talks because I can sit and not be able to focus on zazen at home just as well 🙃)
Ive only tried to meditate a few times and at least focus on my breath but letting go of thinking is just so foreign
That's where the internet can help. No more thinking about focusing. You're "welcome"
It's the second one for me, *"\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is a very bright student, they'd be incredibly successful if only they would focus on the assigned task."* Cue getting told that it's not your fault that you can't focus, but also it's entirely your responsibility to learn how to focus. How is child supposed to reconcile that? I literally have PTSD from the way my teachers handled me. Also, fuck you teachers, I'm an amazingly successful person and I didn't need to ever learn how to sit in a chair and focus on boring bullshit for 8 hrs per day.
>I literally have PTSD from the way my teachers handled me. I still have a memory of getting reprimanded for reading **too well** for the rest of my first grade class. It was years of resentment before I finally realized that dusting everyone in group reading wasn't very good for anyone that struggled. Almost a decade after, I would struggle with the state's poorly optimized/organized math teaching.
I was an avid reader and had the exact same problem. I won the school record for reading counts books in trimester 1 and 2. I'd surpassed the minimum number of annual points needed by more than triple and *then literally ran out of interesting Reading Counts books to read,* so I just stopped taking the tests in Trimester 3. My teacher actually tried to fail me for not participating in "Reading Period" (because I wasn't earning points / following directions). He took it all the way to the principal and my mom had to come in and tear a couple new assholes open. I was so scared that I'd "failed" something and that I was in trouble. Oh, and this was about three months *after* they gave me the Reading Counts Gold Medal for having the most points at school. Y'know, an award for "excellence in reading"... 🙃
My Year 10 English teacher continually got exasperated at me for reading the entire book instead of just the chapter we were supposed to be on. Thankfully he never got mad about it, but it did mean I couldn't participate in the "judging by what we found out in this chapter, what do you think will happen to {X}?" discussions.
There needs to be a bell that rings every time someone says "focus more" or "try harder," and instead of a fairy getting wings, an ableist gets smacked over the head.
Unless you have something you're intently interested in
I focus for sure. Being mindful and all that good stuff. I focus so hard on the task at hand that I forget/lose/ignore other things. If you don’t have “it” (adhd) no one understands. I just laugh it off now, but sometimes my clients look at me like maybe I’m on drugs.
They tell you to focus but never teach how to focus.
Trying yery hard
I think it's interesting that the teacher seems to notice that she is genuinely trying but then follows it up by essentially saying "but she needs to try harder"
Story of our lives
Oh I hear you lol. I still remember one English teacher I had who I suspect knew I had ADHD but never really said anything directly to me about it. She just kind of treated me... Different? Like she would give me very specific tasks and create an environment that was conducive to me being able to complete those tasks. Honestly, she was my all time favorite teacher and I still remember her to this day.
I was blessed with a history teacher in middle school like that. If not for Mrs. Shine I don't think I would have the love of learning I do. She really helped open history to me and I suspect she knew even though I didn't have a clue at the time.
You had Ms Shine too? She was the best
She diamond?
She truly was. Sir Terry would have been proud to know her I think.
Those teachers are the best.
The worst part is I know people with physical disabilities (versus our learning disability) and people ALSO tell them to "just try harder". Our culture is fully broken.
Oh, you have dyslexia? Just try harder at reading Wheelchair bound? Have you tried harder to walk? Scoliosis? Have you tried harder to stand up straight? A stutter? Just try harder to talk clearly I totally understand struggling to empathize with a condition that you have very little frame of reference for. But the absolute bare minimum is to not immediately assume that someone has the ill intent of faking a disability. I remember when I was younger I used to fantasize about "wanting something wrong with me" after having ADHD completely control my life I can 100% say "younger me was an idiot you can have this disability back now" lol
EXACTLY THIS YES
Scoliosis gets a funny version though - "just relax your shoulders. Come on, relaxxxx. Try harder to relax already!"
It boggles my mind that grown adults that are older than me (29) fail to understand that their experience of reality is not a universal experience. I remember when I was about 16 the realization struck me that my perception and experience of reality is unique to me alone and while my experience may share parts with another's their experience is uniquely theirs and the same stimulus could encite completely different reactions between the two of us. I hear a lot of people have this epiphany after traveling abroad. I unfortunately haven't gotten that opportunity but my nomadic upbringing of moving cities/states every two years mak have helped
I guess it's a realization much harder to get to for "normal" people surrounded be enough other "normal" people who also keep acting on the assumption that anyone non-normal is just doing it wrong... (wait that's too depressing for this time in the morning gotta get up see ya)
My family "have you considered simply having a different personality?"
Seeing just this in my notifications without the context of my comment almost made me see red because I thought you were saying this directly to me lol. Dude/Dudette, I'd be making heads roll if they said that to me.
They really struggle with processing ideas which don't conform with their narratives. I try to be patient with their disabilities
It’s really sad and infuriating how early society’s disapproval and reprobation of us begins.
We're just hunters in a society ran by farmers!
Try in a very specifically "normal" way. Why don't normal reprimands work on this child? Do it for us fellow adult!
Your absolutely right, I missed this. Just goes to show how were conditioned to accept this :(
She needs fo focus more
This is all my report cards. College professors even write this on assignments and say stuff like this.
If I could "focus more", don't you think I would? Otherwise I would just drop out if I didn't give a shit.
Mine were always "he's so smart, he just needs to apply himself more"
Fuck, that just made me cringe from how relatable that was
Holy, I went back through my old school stuff, all my report cards we're this "just needs to focus" " Apply himself more"
Hey, I didn't say you could look at my report cards.
"Ohh a 9 congratulations, but you can do more"
I knew I would see this one here. I got that and also the variant "has so much potential but needs to apply himself more". In 3rd grade I got "Needs to mature". Oh, ok, why didn't I think of that?
Damn, even college professors? That‘s terrible. One time I was drifting off in class despite trying SO hard to stay awake, and when I later looked at the grade for that day’s in-class assignment, my prof had added the comment “I noticed you were a little tired today in class. I hope you’re able to get some rest.” I was so embarrassed at the time but looking back I’m just grateful to have had such a genuinely caring professor. They were so kind and understanding throughout each of the two courses I took with them. I’m so glad I got an English degree— best profs ever!
IEISHA needs a standing desk.
Kindergarten needs more play learning and less time in seats in general
My kindergarten only had so many seats. My memories are dominated by sitting on the ground in different areas for different subjects. Seats & tables were for math, because we had to write stuff.
I don't think we had any desks in kindergarten. This was like 1987 or so. I remember sitting on the floor a lot. Maybe we had like one big table or something? IDK I barely remember lol
People who’s never been in a class setting for decades or ever require that we do table activities and books :(
"She needs to do this thing she can't do despite constantly trying to. Don't worry, we'll keep forcing her until this five year old child internalizes that there is something wrong with her that cannot ever be fixed."
damn that’s depressi- oh look a butterfly. I wonder what type it is 😂
It's a monarch.. I wonder what the "Kingdom of Butterflies" is like?
Is that a movie? That reminds me, I should set myself a reminder for the day "Inside Out 2" releases.
Not that I know of, I was just thinking a monarch means king, so a monarch butterfly is royalty.. so OBVIOUSLY there has to be a butterfly kingdom!
*sigh*… Well, guys, I have a new book idea. It’s a children’s book. Brb, gonna learn how to illustrate kids books. Anyone know how much a class costs?
I'm so sorry.
It was about time I abandoned my other project anyway 😂 you’re good
I literally did this weeks ago because I'm so excited for it! I'm physically bouncing because of how happy it makes me to look forward to this movie.
Go to google it and remember you’ve been wanting to ask the internet about the Mike in your finger. Butterfly forgotten
This feeling resonates
Keep doing that until the child learns that pressure is the only thing that makes them focus. The child then confuses pressure with negativity and adopts negative self talk as a strategy to apply pressure to themselves. This leads to absolute burnout.
Haha mood :)
She's in fucking kindergarten it's ridiculous to expect even a NT kid to focus much less STAY SEATED. Like congrats your kid is developmentally appropriate
I was about to say this. I was told that ADHD is pretty much never diagnosed before a child reaches elementary school age and maybe even a few years beyond that.
Yeah unless there's some really significant behaviour concerns associated with it. One of my students was diagnosed at 5 because his parents & teachers were worried he was having serious vision problems because it seemed he couldn't see things that were right in front of him. A couple eye doctors and a developmental psychologist later he was diagnosed with ADHD. I've been his teacher for about 3 years now and sometimes he still has difficulty finding 1 item on a table with 3 items on it (usually when he's tired or upset).
Wait, that’s exactly like my kid. I might need to get him diagnosed
I was diagnosed in kindergarten… gosh I wonder what that says about child me.
Yeah absolutely. Oh the 5 year old is wiggly? No fucking shit
5 year olds don't like sitting at a desk learning boring stuff for 8 hours a day?
All my kindergarten/early school years reports were this, good problem solving, struggles to finish on time, can get distracted easily, has a bit of a difficult time working in a group. I used to be described as "gets distracted by a fly" (translated) but the funny part is I like insects so it was genuinely true and not only a figure of speech.
Yeah, mine had a lot of “good at the actual learning part, bad at staying focused/ not being impulsive or generally in trouble”.
You reminded me of the "not staying still in my seat" part. I stay sitting, but I move and reposition myself quite a bit, which eventually transitioned into doodling on (almost) every page of my copybooks (copybook sounds like an old word, I don't think I heard/read it outside of English class).
I accidentally kicked a teacher once because I was kicking my feet in the chair and she happened to stand there for a few seconds lol. I don't think she ever believed it was an accident 😂
I went to a Catholic school where a priest would come in & read your report card to the class. In 8th grade he got to mine & started going over the stuff I got called out on every time. I couldn't take it anymore & blurted out "it's been the same past 7yrs, doing the same thing but expecting different results is insanity".
How did he react to the truth?
I had to say 10 our fathers, 5 hail marys & 5 days detention. That school was horrible though. I had 3 teachers that considered my iep cheating, 1 that openly told the class I was allowed to cheat because I'm stupid then after 7yrs of my mom fighting them to follow my iep one of my teachers told my mom I should be tested.
Yeouch. Bad teachers.
surprised pikachu face at bad teachers in a Catholic school.
One of my Catholic school teachers locked my friend in a closet for sneezing too loudly and “distracting” the class. I got detention and withheld from recess for 5 days because I walked between 2 teachers talking in the hallway without saying excuse me. My 3rd grade teacher is the reason I started biting my fingernails to bloody nubs from the anxiety. Catholic school can eat my shorts.
ADHD is hereditary. Also, 45% of women with ADHD also have PMDD, but it gets misdiagnosed as Bi Polar 2, WAY too frequently. All 3 of my kids have ADHD. Both of my daughters and I have ADHD and PMDD. It's getting everyone the tools and resources that we all deserve. A couple of books to read or listen to: * A Radical Guide For Women With ADHD By. Dr. Sari Solden and Dr. Michelle Frank * Understanding Girls With ADHD By. Dr. Kathleen G. Nadeau * ADHD 2.0 By. Dr. John J. Ratey and Dr. Edward M. Hallowell.
What does PMDD stand for?
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
Ugh! I’m getting stuff like this from my 3rd grade daughter’s teacher. She even has the ADHD diagnosis as her primary diagnosis on her IEP. I get that they’re frustrated when our kiddos are struggling…but it makes my girl feel like shit when she has to constantly bring home notes that say how “bad” she was everyday. 😭
Can you ask the teacher to email you those notes instead so your daughter doesn't see them?
That’s a good idea! I’ll have to do that.
The only teacher I ever had who seemed to get it was my 4th-5th grade homeroom teacher. She had free scratch paper and never punished me for doodling, even if it seemed like I wasn’t paying attention. It might have looked like I was completely ignoring her and focusing on my doodles, but SOMEHOW she knew that my ears were open and hearing every thing she said, even better than if i had been looking right at her. I have no idea how she knew, it was the 90’s and I didn’t get diagnosed until my early 30’s. She had been teaching for decades at that point and I guess she was a rare one who really understood what kids like me needed. Wish they were more common!
It might be because she did the same thing when she was in school, or had a classmate who did.
Response: “Have you tried being less boring?”
This has been my sons report card since he started school, I’ve been telling them he has ADHD for 8 years and please refer him. They finally did, a year ago, when the psych waitlist is a further four years. 😒
This is great for when Ieisha is 33 wondering why life's so hard, then she sees a meme on adhd meme that summarises her perfectly, so the thinks "maybe all my issues are adhd." Then she goes to the doctors and finds out how insane the diagnosis process is. But then she finds her report cards kindergarten to high school, where every single note has the word "focus" mentioned negatively. Ieisha then gets a diagnosis and lives happily ever after.
"Needs to try harder, needs to focus, is entirely too rambunctious, needs better organization skills.." yeah those were pretty constant on my report cards growing up. Also found out that sub teachers were left instructions to not engage me if at all possible and to give me reading work during class to keep me occupied. Actually nicked the note and still have it somewhere.
In high school I would always get in trouble for reading an outside book during class but whenever teachers asked me if I finished my work my answer was always “yes” so I continued reading… and getting in trouble
After a few months my teachers gave up. At least my work was getting done and I was there. I showed them I was just as content to ditch school and just chill in the library reading all day.
I wish my teachers gave up. I stopped reading as much and now I don’t have that same urge to read. I guess my teachers succeeded but now I don’t read independently nearly as much
I got in trouble all the way through middle school for reading books in class cuz I was done/ got bored. The only reason that changed in high school was we were all given chromebooks and I got distracted by that instead lol.
In elementary school we had these little storage spaces in our desks we could use to keep our pens etc, and not have to carry stuff home all the time. I once found a note in there, from the principal, saying "This is the messiest desk I have ever seen in my *career*!" Wish I'd kept it XD But I needed to make it vanish so my parents wouldn't be able to find it, I think.
I remember the first time ADHD interfered with my life was in Kindergarten (actually about the same time as you OP!). We had a coloring assignment and I had completely missed the instructions and was interacting with friends instead. The teacher told me that I was supposed to color everything that started with “M”, even sounding out “MMM-ilk, MMM-otorcycle”. I got really confused and sort of paralyzed because everyone else didn’t seem to have a problem and when the class ended my teacher—seeing I hadn’t colored anything—drew a “☹️” in red ink on the paper. My first failed assignment, and I was devastated.
My daughter when she was in grade 1 was moved to a table where kids didn’t speak English because she was talking too much 😮
your name is r/tragedeigh material
Yeah… there’s really no logical reason for the second i in my name 😂
Gurl, if you don't get your real name off of Reddit!!! 🤦🏿♂️
Or the first.
Nah Iesha is actually the common spelling
It reminds me of the song Iesha by Another Bad Creation that I LOVED growing up haha
That’s the song everyone would sing when they heard what my name was 🤦🏼♀️
We just had a staff meeting about writing report comments, and this is so far from what we'd be allowed to write is not even funny! This is actually very similar to my own report comments from the 90s, but man, there are much higher expectations for teachers these days. Here's one of our example report comments: Joseph’s humour and creativity brings a sense of fun to the Strawberry Homegroup. He actively participates in class discussions and shares his love of Mathematics with others. Joseph should be proud of his developing ability to take responsibility for his learning and completing tasks independently. He has made significant growth in developing self-management skills and his ability to collaborate with peers. Joseph is becoming more confident in expressing his thoughts and feelings appropriately with familiar peers and teachers. He has developed and maintained friendships showing an increased ability to reflect on his actions and how they may have affected others. A future goal for Joseph is to build his confidence and to use positive self-talk when he finds situations unfamiliar or challenging. This sense of self-efficacy will support him to have a go at unfamiliar experiences and to continue to take acceptable risks for an improved outcome. Thank you for sharing your love of Pokemon and sport with the Strawberry Homegroup. It has been a pleasure teaching you this year. I wish you all the best for Year 2.
Cue the nun in high school who told me that I had scored really high on some standardized test but “all the other kids who scored this high have much better grades than you, you should apply yourself more”
if she couldn't,.as an adult, focus enough to not write "fo focus" then she is setting hypocritical standards.
I’m SO glad someone else noticed that too 😂
Is it harsh on the kid or is it a BIG FAT hint to the parents who are not admitting their kid may have ADHD?
I mean- can’t do much- most doctors won’t diagnose or treat at that age.
My mom was told I was childish and "unmature" cause I played in puddles, in kindergarten....
Ah yes, “focus more”.
My daughter, whom we’re beginning the ADHD evaluation process for, had comments about the teacher’s concern for completing and returning class work and homework, as well as the teacher’s concern for using time constructively.
I rolled my eyes so hard at this. I know the teacher has to fill out a lot of report cards and can’t dedicate an enormous amount of time to each one. However, these comments aren’t helpful in any way. They’re vague and don’t specify what actions will be taken to help your daughter “focus more and stay in her seat.” I didn’t end up teaching after college but did part of my student teaching in a kindergarten classroom. These kids had virtually no unstructured time. At the time, there was even a countywide policy that students had to be silent for part of their lunch to concentrate on eating. When music was playing in the lunchroom, the kids couldn’t talk to one another. I seriously felt like I was running a prison for children. Most neurotypical adults don’t have the self-control needed to be still and silent for hours on end. **Edit: I can’t read. I thought this was a report card for your daughter. Sorry! I have no idea why I thought that. I’m so sorry you went through this at school.**
As If "focus more" is actionable advice lol
As a student teacher, we are taught to say one thing students are doing well and one thing they can improve on in report cards to avoid students only getting bad or good feedback. The idea is to give motivation and also aim them towards doing better. I have mixed feelings about it but I think the teacher is probably just following report card protocol.
We had an option for “Lacks self-control” on my report cards. It’d be checked every time
My favorite from mine was, "she understands concepts, but doesn't apply herself." Oof
Story of my life 😂😂
I relate to this. I knew my daughter had ADHD when she was a toddler (a little before I pursued my own diagnosis). Knew I had to wait until kindergarten at least but didn't remember to get her teacher to fill out forms until mid year when things were starting to go downhill. Anyway, she's on medication and super happy in class. Instant improvement from the teacher's perspective too - she also knew from week one of school that it was probably ADHD.
What kindergartener is good at staying in their seat and focusing though??
Aisha is a gorgeous name, and one of my favorites! Iesha makes my brain hurt
Almost my whole childhood:
Mine used to say I talked too much and couldn't concentrate. I was disruptive to those sat nearby and a detriment to their school grades. I was poor at finishing tasks on time but I just needed to try harder and focus on the current task better. So anyway at 35 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD 🥳 IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME CLUES
Trigger warning!!!
I'm a teacher and one of my pet peeves is when people treat little kids like they are being shitty employees. Hey, Ieisha! You're fine!
This is why I plan to homeschool. My son has ADHD and I do not want him to suffer through the same shit I did growing up. Learning can be fun and engaging, and you certainly don’t have to sit still to do it.
My friend sends her ND children to a charter school. They're doing extremely well. A lot of the kids there have some sort of ND disorder. They spend a lot of their time outside and/ or actively engaging with their studies with a hands on approach. Which works wonders for the ADHD side of their brains. The teachers barely notice their symptoms. If you have a school like that local to you, your child would probably thrive.
At least they saw that you were trying!
The struggle!
My mother used to have to go to school with me in Kindergarten to keep me on task 🙄
Urge to Uncle Buck the teachers intensifying.
When I was being evaluated I went through old report cards and my kindergarten ones were very like this. Ha.
I wish I could "Focus" on command.
Isiesha is likely smarter than her kindergarten teacher SMH
Well yeah, we are speaking about kindergarten... This doesn't seem harsh though, perhaps not well written or thought out, but not harsh. I hope the parent took the time to schedule a meeting with the teacher to learn more about what is going on... It is best to start working on learning issues early....
My parents always said adhd just means you werent whooped enough. Yet here I am, still have adhd… and no emotions
Well, things were different when we grew up for sure. Like I said, just wish the teacher had met with the parent(s) in order to better communicate just what the kid's issue was/is. The child will have a better chance of future success if learning difficulties are identified and dealt with early.
I like how the "Parent's comments" section is 50% signature.
Let's fix it! Ieisha is a sweet baby angel who deserves to move and groove however she wants so long as she's not hurting anyone. Ieisha is very dedicated to her work, and does an outstanding job at trying to focus and sit still even when it sucks to be a kid trapped in a classroom all day. Let's all go out for ice cream and celebrate how awesome Ieisha is! We can work on ways to make sure the world doesn't crush her sunshine over the summer.
That ain’t harsh, the teacher gave multiple compliments and mentioned working on improving focus will position the student best to excel. Thats just the teacher being real with you.
I recently found some progress reports from when I was a kid in the 90s. And there were lots of things like this. “Can’t sit still” “doesn’t apply self” “can’t pay attention” Made me mad because I wasn’t diagnosed til I was 25…like I always had ADHD!!!!
Every report card I've had
I had this on my report for years and my parents never picked up on the fact that I might not be 100% neurotypical.
I'm happy that they at least acknowledge that she's trying because that was always my biggest issue is they didn't believe me.
Anyone time someone uses “too” and “more” in reference to something I am or should be doing, I say “I think I’m doing x the right amount, thank you” I don’t need to focus more, you need to understand HOW MUCH I AM focusing already and maybe work with me on that. I’m not too sensitive, I am exactly as sensitive as I need to be to see and feel all the things that you don’t.
Oh my God, I used to hear this all the time. Kind of hurts hearing it even when it's not directed at me.
My second grade teacher essentially said the same thing about me and wanted to immediately put me on Ritalin. Thankfully, my parents felt otherwise.
Has this teacher never heard of ADHD? And before people say she's too young to diagnose, etc, yes I know it's also her just being a kid, probably. But if the other kids are able to learn to go against their natural instincts to sit and learn quietly, and she can't, then that could be a diagnosis, since some mental health conditions and neurodivergence is only a problem in our current capitalist hellscape.
Christ, a KINDERGARTENER SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO "FOCUS" for any period of time.
I still have mine about how I’m also daydreaming, looking out the window, sneaking books to read during lessons 🌝
My first grade notes home always said I talked too much. 😂😂
I see nothing harsh here
Apparently in kindergarten I had a special seat next to the teacher because I had a tendency to decide I knew the lesson already and just wonder off to do my own thing. There were no signs though
Much nicer than the comments from my kindergarten teacher…Thirty and still mad about it actually.
I remember a lot of "not on task" marks on my elementary school report cards.
"very bright but" - focus, apply himself more, distracting other students - those were pretty common in my early childhood report cards. they let me just play during naptime as long as I was quiet about it because i would never take naps and be annoying about it
That’s not at all harsh.
Your child might have adhd
I'm a dingus because I didn't see what sub this was posted too and my first thought was "This child needs to be checked for ADHD, because that's how report cards looked for me."
[удалено]
If it makes you feel any better our schooling system is bizarre. Any child kindergarten age spicey are no, is not designed to focus yet. I think it's ridiculous to expect any kid under 7 to "focus".
Ahh... brings back bad memories. What?! No one wants to sit around hearing lectures and writing essays on irrelevant sh*t they can't use in the real world, for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 9 months out of the year, for 13 years?! HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?! (/sarcastic with a heaping dose of bitterness 😅) Ask me about things they DON'T teach in school that I've spent hours researching on my own because they're actually interesting on the other hand, and it will be difficult to get me to shut up. (But not in class, I was quiet in class.)
I thought Iesha was the girl that I never had and I want to get to know her better?
How is this harsh? What am I missing? This feels glowing to me.
Hey it's kind of a good thing. Most psychs use our old reports as evidence for a thorough adult assessment. Report cards now are useless for actually providing progress updates in childhood development.
These comments are so annoying. It’s like your teacher saying “Hey have you tried just thinking normally?” “No! What a novel idea!”
once received a comment on my report card (elementary school I think) that said “____ never seems to be paying attention, yet always knows the right answer”. neither my mom or I have ever been able to decide if that was a complaint or a compliment 😂
I get that it is hard not to take this sort of feedback personally, but it could honestly be the teacher trying their best to tell the parents that their child would benefit from a diagnosis. Then the child can get accommodations to make their school life easier. Teachers have their hands tied professionally because they can't give any kind of medical advice, even when they can spot the signs of learning disabilities and neurodivergant behaviors because they see them every year. The parents need to initiate testing in most cases. So if a teacher puts enough of the right language in a report card maybe the parent will catch on sooner than later and the kid can get support.
My mom saved my report cards with a lot of my other school art, papers, etc... saw a lot of teacher comments like this
This is better than my first parent teacher meeting about how I used sarcasm quite frequently. It was kinda just how my parents talked so I personally think that maybe should have been a red flag but I guess my parents explained they used a lot of sarcasm(seems a bit mean now )
I found my own kindergarten " report card" a while back and it said "u/bog_witch is very enthusiastic and has a lot to contribute but needs to learn when to use her indoor voice and let other people share"...somehow it still took me until almost 28 to get diagnosed lol
Bringing my middle school progress reports to my first doctor appt is what helped me get my diagnosis 🥲
Every single report card except it escalated to “talks too much”