/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
* This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother.
* Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient.
* Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage.
* [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/).
* [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Motion to add: "I'm in a deeply troubled long-term relationship or engagement. I can't see myself marrying this person for reasons X, Y, and Z. Where do I find an AP? What is OPSEC?"
"I hate my fiancee so bad I struggle to not puke when I see them. Everything is terrible.
Also, I wanted marigold and they insisted on burnt yellow for the wedding color scheme???
They are also being really rude about my 'coworker' coming to the cake tasting!!! What should I do?
Should I settle for burnt yellow or insist on marigold?
Please help"
It's not the Iranian yogurt y'all
This is what's so shocking to see in real life. I personally know women who've made those decisions. I KNOW they could do better but here they are taking those lemons like they don't have a choice.
We have a saying in Argentina, "mucho pan para ese salame" which translates to "too much bread for that salami".
Thanks for saying that, just yesterday someone convinced me to go for therapy.
I need to sort out my own shit, before jumping into anything. Any kind of relationship at the moment will do more damage than good.
I’m happy to see women having each other’s back in this sub.
We have received a report on this post regarding the language used. Some of you may find this post distasteful, but it seems that an overwhelming number of people found it particularly helpful.
I understand why there would be an objection to the use of the term ‘dumb bitch,’ but the OP has form for using this in a self-deprecating manner. There are no rules against profanity or being ‘crude’ on this sub.
Ooofffff. I feel seen and called out right now. LOL I was very close to being a dumb bitch tonight and you saved me from my own stupid actions. Thanks, internet stranger. Cheers!
I tried therapy and I felt like I was lying to her. Currently I’m in Hawaii with an ocean front condo and my most easy going child and spent last night watching manta rays dance 33 feet under water. It doesn’t get anymore self care than that. Mid ugly is still squatting in my head rent free. At least I’m not sad or crying anymore though.
I’d like to add that when you stop being a dumb bitch, space opens up in your life for somebody who treat you like an amazing goddess. I say this as a reformed dumb bitch.
OP, please DM me and tell me more about what a dumb bitch I am. I need a personalized reference post for my dumb bitchery. I wiggle my booty at him like a dumb bitch when he doesn't check his messages for a day or reply. Thanks in advance!
This needs to go on page where there’s more younger girls. They need to know this and be prepared while growing up. I wish I knew better in the past.
Not that I had as bad as most of you, but the emotional trauma is heartbreaking 💔
some of the posts on here blow my mind
meeting up with random people from the internet in hotels, give him a bj (you can catch STI’s from oral too guys) & then get ghosted & wonder why…. makes me sad for you ladies
That post was gross if true. And he was a “pAP” too. I’m so sure they had thorough discussion on their sexual history and swapped clean sti results. /s
Thank you for saying this - lurking on this sub has taught me a lot about this shadow society we operate in and made my head spin at times -
I’m happy to say, I’m not a dumb bitch but my god, reading these posts is like, how utterly pathetic are some of these people? It’s truly sad- no dick is worth any of the sobbing, dramatic posts I’ve read here
Grow a set and ignore these losers - especially if they aren’t even attractive?!? - like y’all are banging uglies? That’s even sadder
some of the more interesting comments i’ve seen while lurking is people saying things along the lines of “i know they lie to their spouse to be with me, but i can’t believe they’d lie to *me*” and like i get it — you need trust w an affair, for sure. but also like. it can’t be *that* shocking logistically to find out that a cheater is lying within a relationship?? that or when people talk about their AP and mention how much the AP respects and/or loves their significant other. i understand there’s a lot of compartmentalizing happening, but still, the thought of how much cognitive dissonance is needed to believe that is incredibly head spinning.
I agree with your points but just want to say that women do the same things to us men in this adultery world too!!! Two wrongs don’t make a right, but just want to say we get burned and ghosted and lied to also and we are in the same camp all together! Fuck being a dumb bitch for both genders!
This. The stigma surrounding men being the abused partner is alive and well. I've shared the more personal parts of my story under a previous account and received responses from guys who have gone through similar things, didn't think it was abuse, or just felt they were alone in it. I'm sure this comment will get buried, but for any guy out there in an abusive relationship who needs to hear it: yes, it is possible for a man to be the abused partner. It does not make you any less of a man. It happens organically as a partner's personality changes over the years, early signs are ignored or overlooked as small slip-ups, or other factors such as your partner's mental health, stress or intoxication affect the way they behave. Nobody deserves to stick by an abuser and you are not weak for leaving them. They will likely not change without significant therapy and, even then, sometimes it's deeply ingrained in who they are. I used to see how toxic my ex-SO's parents were and ignored all the small signs that she was becoming her mother. Eight years later, they were indistinguishable. An abuser will make you feel that their behavior is in response to something you've done wrong. That is seldomly, if ever, the truth.
It's absolutely difficult. There are resources out there for abuse. I'm not sure any of them would recommend coming to a place like this instead of pursuing other options.
I don’t disagree at all. But my point was that in general, using the amount of men who post about abuse in this sub as a metric is grossly irresponsible and disrespectful to those of us who have been through it.
I am a woman, and I agree that men often receive harsher reactions here than a woman saying the same things. The disparity is shameful. We need to support men, the same as women.
Ha! 🤣 😭🤷♂️😮
It all comes with the teriyaki baby!! When we decide to insert ourselves into someone’s union, (no judgement) WHAT DO WE EXPECT?!! it’s not going to be a bed of roses. It’s emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually taxing!!
We can’t deny the fun, sexy, $ex, and mysterious, and the benefits, my car and mortgage were paid off!! BUT there was a price to pay, a steep premium price, dignity and self worth.99, My brain cells were deteriorating while I blindly fought the naysayers that said I had no right to exist in their union (they just didn’t understand)
I was the mistress and PROUD of it, I’d do things I swore (the wiser me) said I’d never do!! My brain cells were deteriorating, I was the outsider but somehow felt FIRST, right was wrong and wrong became right, and when the cradle fell, (it always does), he was my choice, SHE was his. It as always that way, I was just blinded and could not see!! A whole 9 months, no cash apps, no vacations, no secret text, zilch!!
Thankfully, there was a higher plan, DETOX!! Sure it was forced upon, I didn’t want to, until I did, and that is when I realized I deserved so much more than what I settled for, having a home that he purchased felt great I didn’t walk away with nothing but during therapy I realized I got the house, but he got my soul
It’s never too late ❤️
Why do you need to see a therapist every time you yourself fucked things up? Therapists would be rich because of you guys don’t know how to control your emotional. Come on guys! Stop feeding therapists your sweat and tears hard earned money. You guys need to learn to use your EI to control your own mind which is the main part that fucks you up.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not wrong about the mid ugly part. I swear I’ve gotten worse behavior from the mids than from the truly attractive.
They need to treat us like shit to help placate their fragile ego and low self esteem.
They treat you like that bc you let them
I needed to hear this. At this point, I am just lying to myself.
Agreed on this side.
>I swear I’ve gotten worse behavior from the mids than from the truly attractive. Are you talking about women?
No. I’m talking about men. That is who I interact with in this context.
Motion to add: "I'm in a deeply troubled long-term relationship or engagement. I can't see myself marrying this person for reasons X, Y, and Z. Where do I find an AP? What is OPSEC?"
"Also, should we have a big wedding or an even bigger wedding?"
"My AP ghosted me after my wedding. How do I get him/her back?"
"I hate my fiancee so bad I struggle to not puke when I see them. Everything is terrible. Also, I wanted marigold and they insisted on burnt yellow for the wedding color scheme??? They are also being really rude about my 'coworker' coming to the cake tasting!!! What should I do? Should I settle for burnt yellow or insist on marigold? Please help" It's not the Iranian yogurt y'all
Lmao I hate that I get this reference 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
Omg yesss!
The worst part is I didn’t even like the mid ugly man first
I agree with you..... we need a thread on self-care and self esteem/worth...
Almost like a sticky “Things women should know as they enter the affair world”
Don’t be shy, make it!
This is what's so shocking to see in real life. I personally know women who've made those decisions. I KNOW they could do better but here they are taking those lemons like they don't have a choice. We have a saying in Argentina, "mucho pan para ese salame" which translates to "too much bread for that salami".
Omg stealing this
I so needed to hear this. I was thinking of reaching out. 🙏🏼 thank you thank you thank you. I refuse to be that dumb bitch.
Don't be that dumb bitch. Do literally anything except contact him. Don't allow someone to continue to show you that they are fucking awful.
Me toooooo!!!! Couple of whiskeys and I was contemplating making contact.... until I saw this....I refuse to be the dumb bitch any longer.
OMG, this was great🤣. Dont be that dumb bitch😂
I co-sign this 1000%
🖊️ Me too.
Me too
agree!
Thanks for saying that, just yesterday someone convinced me to go for therapy. I need to sort out my own shit, before jumping into anything. Any kind of relationship at the moment will do more damage than good. I’m happy to see women having each other’s back in this sub.
[удалено]
This is true!
We have received a report on this post regarding the language used. Some of you may find this post distasteful, but it seems that an overwhelming number of people found it particularly helpful. I understand why there would be an objection to the use of the term ‘dumb bitch,’ but the OP has form for using this in a self-deprecating manner. There are no rules against profanity or being ‘crude’ on this sub.
Thank you for this it’s a big time lesson. Made myself small a few times to be wanted. How stupid I was
Fuck yeah!! Louder for those in the back. 🙏🏻from this dumb bitch!
When will be get a thread don’t be that dumb bitch 🙌🏻 from former dumb bitch
Ooofffff. I feel seen and called out right now. LOL I was very close to being a dumb bitch tonight and you saved me from my own stupid actions. Thanks, internet stranger. Cheers!
Its ok to be the dimb bitch ONCE. I hate to admit I was, just once. Not proud.
Oh god, I was once. And then once more, and once more again. Thank god for this sub and the amazing women who told me I was an idiot.
Ma'am the men are just as dumb.. I was just snooping on TOW sub. One lady was saying how her MM has her initials TATTOOED on his arm. 🤦🏻♀️
What is the TOW sub?
The other woman subreddit.
I'm just here for the dumb bitch convention.
Imma save this post and reread it as many times as I need .
Hmm. Is "mid-ugly, basic, boring, emotionally and mentally stunted and emotionally abusive man baby" too long for a flair? :)
Abbreviates down to 'Typical RedditMan' I think?
Surprised this has been here for 6 hours already without someone swooping in with a #notallmen 😉
I tried therapy and I felt like I was lying to her. Currently I’m in Hawaii with an ocean front condo and my most easy going child and spent last night watching manta rays dance 33 feet under water. It doesn’t get anymore self care than that. Mid ugly is still squatting in my head rent free. At least I’m not sad or crying anymore though.
I’d like to add that when you stop being a dumb bitch, space opens up in your life for somebody who treat you like an amazing goddess. I say this as a reformed dumb bitch.
😂😂😂🎉
Love this!
OP, please DM me and tell me more about what a dumb bitch I am. I need a personalized reference post for my dumb bitchery. I wiggle my booty at him like a dumb bitch when he doesn't check his messages for a day or reply. Thanks in advance!
Absolutely agree. And 85% of the people here should be pursuing a divorce. But they're not.
You may be pleased to know you have been awarded 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄 by our Exiled Cutlery Aficionado.
What! Did Spoon get banned?
It’s only temporary
Wait why was Spoon banned? I'm not sad about it. Just want the gossip. 😂
Something to do with fucking dead people
Damn, that’s like hot shit right there!
Hear hear 🍻 I’m fighting them battles 😢😅
This needs to go on page where there’s more younger girls. They need to know this and be prepared while growing up. I wish I knew better in the past. Not that I had as bad as most of you, but the emotional trauma is heartbreaking 💔
some of the posts on here blow my mind meeting up with random people from the internet in hotels, give him a bj (you can catch STI’s from oral too guys) & then get ghosted & wonder why…. makes me sad for you ladies
That post was gross if true. And he was a “pAP” too. I’m so sure they had thorough discussion on their sexual history and swapped clean sti results. /s
Judging by her deleted history, that was likely a hastily scheduled ONS, so I'm not terribly surprised at the outcome there.
yeah not surprising, but jfc that sad to me
& if you read that & wonder why, it’s because he’s a fucking loser!!
Here for this!!!!
Thank you for saying this - lurking on this sub has taught me a lot about this shadow society we operate in and made my head spin at times - I’m happy to say, I’m not a dumb bitch but my god, reading these posts is like, how utterly pathetic are some of these people? It’s truly sad- no dick is worth any of the sobbing, dramatic posts I’ve read here Grow a set and ignore these losers - especially if they aren’t even attractive?!? - like y’all are banging uglies? That’s even sadder
some of the more interesting comments i’ve seen while lurking is people saying things along the lines of “i know they lie to their spouse to be with me, but i can’t believe they’d lie to *me*” and like i get it — you need trust w an affair, for sure. but also like. it can’t be *that* shocking logistically to find out that a cheater is lying within a relationship?? that or when people talk about their AP and mention how much the AP respects and/or loves their significant other. i understand there’s a lot of compartmentalizing happening, but still, the thought of how much cognitive dissonance is needed to believe that is incredibly head spinning.
As someone who broke up with her AP this week. This post was definitely directed at me. I need a lot of internal and external work.
The majority of time I don’t think is Dick what women is seeking to commit these atrocities to themselves. It’s boredom, seeking something different
I am glad I never did this to anyone.
There’s still time to fuck everything up 💪
I agree with your points but just want to say that women do the same things to us men in this adultery world too!!! Two wrongs don’t make a right, but just want to say we get burned and ghosted and lied to also and we are in the same camp all together! Fuck being a dumb bitch for both genders!
Thank you for saying this because I have thought the same thing.
Preach 👏🏼
Thank you 🙏
Preach on.. 💯🙌
Lol this is great advice!!!!
[удалено]
I disagree. The ratio of women being emotionally abused and manipulated and posting about it on here is a loooooot higher than men.
Do you understand how fucking hard it is as a guy to openly admit you’re being, or have been abused??
This. The stigma surrounding men being the abused partner is alive and well. I've shared the more personal parts of my story under a previous account and received responses from guys who have gone through similar things, didn't think it was abuse, or just felt they were alone in it. I'm sure this comment will get buried, but for any guy out there in an abusive relationship who needs to hear it: yes, it is possible for a man to be the abused partner. It does not make you any less of a man. It happens organically as a partner's personality changes over the years, early signs are ignored or overlooked as small slip-ups, or other factors such as your partner's mental health, stress or intoxication affect the way they behave. Nobody deserves to stick by an abuser and you are not weak for leaving them. They will likely not change without significant therapy and, even then, sometimes it's deeply ingrained in who they are. I used to see how toxic my ex-SO's parents were and ignored all the small signs that she was becoming her mother. Eight years later, they were indistinguishable. An abuser will make you feel that their behavior is in response to something you've done wrong. That is seldomly, if ever, the truth.
It's absolutely difficult. There are resources out there for abuse. I'm not sure any of them would recommend coming to a place like this instead of pursuing other options.
I don’t disagree at all. But my point was that in general, using the amount of men who post about abuse in this sub as a metric is grossly irresponsible and disrespectful to those of us who have been through it.
I am a woman, and I agree that men often receive harsher reactions here than a woman saying the same things. The disparity is shameful. We need to support men, the same as women.
Have you witnessed the ass ripping men experience when they express themselves contrary to the expected narrative? That might explain the disparity.
[удалено]
Soooooooo many men are fucking awful, absolutely. But we aren't ever going to change them. All we can is protect ourselves and our peace.
Absolutely.
We teach people how to treat us. Don’t tolerate being treated like shit and this problem resolves itself…doesn’t it?
Whoosh.
And many of those men are idiots who need to be thrown down a well for the good of society
Why did I cackle at this?
Does that mean women should also be tossed down a well for the good of society if the behave in a similar manner?
No arguments here. I’m a gender ambivalent well tosser.
Another great contender for user flair...
Ha! 🤣 😭🤷♂️😮 It all comes with the teriyaki baby!! When we decide to insert ourselves into someone’s union, (no judgement) WHAT DO WE EXPECT?!! it’s not going to be a bed of roses. It’s emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually taxing!! We can’t deny the fun, sexy, $ex, and mysterious, and the benefits, my car and mortgage were paid off!! BUT there was a price to pay, a steep premium price, dignity and self worth.99, My brain cells were deteriorating while I blindly fought the naysayers that said I had no right to exist in their union (they just didn’t understand) I was the mistress and PROUD of it, I’d do things I swore (the wiser me) said I’d never do!! My brain cells were deteriorating, I was the outsider but somehow felt FIRST, right was wrong and wrong became right, and when the cradle fell, (it always does), he was my choice, SHE was his. It as always that way, I was just blinded and could not see!! A whole 9 months, no cash apps, no vacations, no secret text, zilch!! Thankfully, there was a higher plan, DETOX!! Sure it was forced upon, I didn’t want to, until I did, and that is when I realized I deserved so much more than what I settled for, having a home that he purchased felt great I didn’t walk away with nothing but during therapy I realized I got the house, but he got my soul It’s never too late ❤️
Cool story bro?
Why do you need to see a therapist every time you yourself fucked things up? Therapists would be rich because of you guys don’t know how to control your emotional. Come on guys! Stop feeding therapists your sweat and tears hard earned money. You guys need to learn to use your EI to control your own mind which is the main part that fucks you up.