Yup! The behavior won’t stop but the skills to lie and sneak and keep things from mom and dad will improve. Coming from someone who learned the same. I’m 34 and I still don’t tell my parents about my life bc they always overreacted when I was little.
Same here. I learned and about 7 that I couldn’t trust my mom with information. As a 40ish adult now, I don’t tell her anything and am really good at compartmentalizing my life.
Same here. I'm 37 now and it's to the point where I'm estranged from my parents and they won't be meeting the baby that I'm about to have. Please don't let your husband do that to your daughter
Wish I had learned that lesson sooner. I was 14 when I knew I couldn't trust my mom with anything I told her. Op is right and husband should chill out. They are just little kids. Puppy love 😍 is fun.
I’m adopted, nearly 40 and am also estranged. My adoptive parents weren’t trustworthy, or it was them against us. Whatever we did tell them didn’t get taken seriously, was mocked or the took it personal.
I'm very similar with my parents. My dad was an overbearing, strict religious fanatic. I'm very low contact. I don't invite them over for holidays. I don't bring my boyfriend to dinners with them. Basically, they're a very small part of my life. They still don't understand why. I won't be spending father's day with them. Nor will my siblings
So this is weird asking but what kind of kiss? A peck would be completely normal for a 9yo, full on face sucking making out would be a couple of years too early IMO. And that would drive my decision.
A peck would get no real response, a sexualized kiss would get a long adult talk, and at the very least informing the other kids parents that their kid might be sexually active way earlier than they expect.
Should you ground your daughter? Hell no, she's just starting to understand relationships.
My 9-year-old granddaughter came home with a ring pop "engagement/promise ring" from her crush. They are kids just trying to figure everything out, and it's normal behavior for that age of kids. If you aren't already doing it, you need to start talking to your daughter about things like boundaries and consent. Your husband is overreacting in a very big way, I understand that it is his little girl, and it is hard to see she is growing up and having schoolgirl crushes. Look up some information on child development and how to begin talking to your child about what she needs to know to help her, have your husband read it too. Keep communication with your daughter open. Overreacting will just make her hide things as she grows up.
Yep ..this is an innocent, sweet thing. An over reaction at this point turns a beautiful experience for your daughter into ... potentially.. a hangup in later life.
Hubby needs to chill tf out.
I get it, up to a point. She is his gorgeous little angel and he wasn't expecting to have to deal with boy stuff for a while yet...but this isn't really boy stuff, it's two kids playing boyfriend/girlfriend..let it go...its normal, its healthy.
When my husband was 7 years old, a girl proposed to him. They made rings out of flowers and had a "wedding" with all the children in the neighborhood. Even today, my mother-in-law still teases my husband and asks him if he divorced his first wife before marrying me😂😂😂
And now my 2-year-old girl says she has "boyfriends" at kindergarten, and my 7-year-old boy always corrects her and tells her that she doesn't have boyfriends. That she is not allowed to have a boyfriend, that she is too young. And when I asked him if he has a girlfriend, he said that he only loves me 😂😂😂
What was that saying? The Apple does not fall far from the tree. In the last year of kindergarten, 3 girls asked my boy to marry them. (my boy used to give flowers when he was little to all the girls and women he saw) And he gave flowers to one of the girls and she took his hand and kissed him on the cheek and said that now they are married. And my boy started crying that he doesn't want to be married, that he doesn't want to leave me 😂😂😂
4 years later since my boy got "married", every time we meet that girl she always tells him that they are married 😂😂
OP, take note of this. It's super important that you stop this now.
I'm a 33 year old woman, and my father used to behave like your husband when I was a child, and it only got worse as I got older.
My father sent me to an all girls high school the moment he could, which was okay except for the toxic environment since the girls were all focused on bullying and tearing each other down. He couldn't send me to an all girl's college, but he would have if he could.
When I finally went to school with boys as a teen, my father's behaviour went over the top. He kept lecturing me about staying away from boys, which was impossible since they sat next to me. On top of that, my father used to go through my phone and read my messages from friends. He was so focused on making sure I had no contact with boys that he didn't realise his behaviour was abusive and damaging to my mental health. His behaviour was so damaging that I developed an anxiety disorder by the time I was 17. I was constantly on edge around the boys in school. If a boy wanted to be friends with me, I'd have to change their names to a girl's name in my phone and have a background cover story in case my father saw any messages - e.g. 'Oh, those messages are from Sarah who sits next to me in art class'. I never flirted with boys or sent any inappropriate messages, but my father had me acting as if I'd be arrested for talking to a boy about something innocent like anime.
When I turned 18, I couldn't afford to move out, so my father's over the top controlling behaviour continued. I avoided boys in university, but my father was still suspicious of my every move. Every time I went out with female friends, my father would grill me about where I was going, who I was meeting, and would even threaten to call me to speak to the friend I was with.
In the end, I literally had to move out and cut contact with my father to stop him from policing my life. Thanks to that, I didn't start dating until I was 27, and because I'd had no experience or anyone to talk to about what a healthy romantic relationship was like, I ended up in some toxic relationships with men.
Please don't let your husband follow in my father's footsteps.
He definitely was. He was an absolute monster to women - literally just saw them as inferior creatures he could exploit or rule over. My parents were separated since I was a toddler, and my mum was unfortunately in a third-world country and unable to protect me. My father basically conned her into handing over custody when I was 10 years old by promising to give us both a better life in the West and then screwed her over. Thankfully, she never gave up on being there for me, and I honestly wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for the unconditional love and support she gave me even though we were countries apart.
Oh, he was awful to women. He basically thought women were inferior to him and behaved like the ones intimately connected to him were his property. He was a serial cheater in every relationship he had and was talented at finding vulnerable women he could take advantage of. Once he got his hooks into a woman, he broke down her self-esteem enough to take control over her every action. If the woman tried to defy him, he would resort to verbal and physical abuse to keep her under his control. By the time I came along in his life, he was already used to abusing women, so I wasn't spared. Even now, my mum and I are still the only women who have stood up to him. I just hope his current wife leaves him too because no one deserves to be treated the way he treats women.
So sad, no one deserves to be treated like that, I don’t understand why it’s still so prevalent. Have you read, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? It would be a good book to anonymously send to his current wife, lol
I'm so sorry you went through that. My uncle treated his daughters the same way except this was in the 70s. He chaperoned their every move. His golden child is a meth addict and prostitute now
Thank you. I'm still on my healing journey, but I won't lie it's been so difficult taking back control over my life because, like your uncle, my father really did chaperone every moment of my life until I cut him off. I'm so sorry your cousin ended up in a bad way. I probably would have, too, if my mum hadn't been there to teach me that it was possible to defy my father (my parents were separated).
I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I hope if you're in a relationship that you're treated better now.
I've seen this similar thing happen with my sister in law. Her parents set her up for failure and abuse once she eventuallystarted cluelessly dating. She didn't enter a healthier relationship until her 30s. I hope this girl doesn't end up like this... maybe I'm pessimistic, but the father seems so intense I wonder if he'll even listen or change his mind. Hope I'm wrong. Poor girl
I was around her age, maybe a year younger? With my first crush and we had a little kiss like that on the field. I remember his name to this day and it’s been almost 20 years. It’s a sweet memory looking back. My mom thought it was adorable.
If your husband freaks out over this, especially if he grounds her, he’s going to ruin the way your daughter sees romantic relationships and probably will not trust him (and possibly you by extension) with information like that in the future.
Not wrong.
I mean, I saw that with my little girl when she was that age and I found it cute. It was innocent and the little boy was a good kid. Idk, maybe there’s something more going on that your husband is mad about? Sounds a little over the top to me.
Wonder if he has a last of treating previous women terribly and is projecting his insecurities on her. He's broken girls'hearts in the past and fears this kid is the same.
I agree that's a big stretch for an innocent peck between 9 year olds. Although with that being said, more than once in person and on Reddit I've heard dads say they're protective over their daughters because "they used to be that age" (teens and up) and don't want their daughters exposed to how they used to think and act as teens/young adults. So that perspective isn't relevant here but also not entirely pulled out of nowhere.
A peck?? Oh my goodness. Like we all probably didn’t do something like that. Well I didn’t but I didn’t worry about boys until around 16. When I started realizing I wanted a boyfriend
Your husband's overreacting.
I had my first "boyfriend" at age 8. My family just thought it was adorable.
We didn't even kiss, just say "That's my boyfriend/girlfriend." Maybe hold hands and eat lunch together. Can't recall.
Apparently your husband would've had a fit.
That was a good question, because full-on face-sucking is not only too early (IMO, of course), but out of place (I'm sure we'd agree). But a peck is just what kids do. Even pre-pubescent ones.
People show both friendly and familial affection with a peck. Parents kiss their kids - I guess sometimes on the lips, and hopefully just a peck, but more often a peck on the cheek, many cultures peck on greeting even casual friends, etc.
When is it not weird to do that? If a peck itself conveys romantic intent, why do parents do it to their kids? That's fucking creepy, right? Point is, a peck certainly doesn't absolutely mean anything romantic or sexual. Especially from a child. If that child has some predisposition to it (some kind of abuse, for example), then maybe it's worth investigating. But other than that, it's just normal kid stuff.
Hell, they're probably not too far away from sneaking behind a bush and playing "show me yours and I'll show you mine," which is more concerning, but not absolutely catastrophic either.
I think this is a good response. There’s a difference between a kiss that’s basically just kids mimicking what they think you do when you like someone, and a kiss that’s motivated by genuine desire. It’s important to know which it is. Nine is a little young to be feeling those feelings, but it happens. Getting mad about it will just teach them to be ashamed, but it definitely warrants a few discussions about those feelings and what all that means
The part about SHAME is real here. Could fuck them up for life punishing them for this. Talk to the kid about relationships and let them know they are safe to ask questions or advice.
The only measured response here.
Top level comments are a rollercoaster of “red flags” and “immaturity” and “he’s insane” and “psychopath”, and no one else seems to be even asking: “What was the exact behavior?”
Another important question to ask is was he aware she had the crush on the boy before seeing them kiss? Maybe it wouldn't have been such a shock to see if he was aware of how she felt.
Some people are giving OP the benefit of the doubt that she knows what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior for a 9 year old, and that she would have described any inappropriate behavior as such in her post. Whereas, other people are playing devil's advocate for the father's reaction by questioning OP's understanding of what's appropriate for her child.
I had a boyfriend in kindergarten and we hold hands and lip to lip kiss all the time back then. My parents thought it was cute as hell.
I would be like 5 to 6 Yr old.
No harm came out of it, only good memories.
I was thinking this too. Also elementary aged children are vectors for germs. 🤮 Pink eye, strep, ring worm, colds, flu, hand mouth and foot, all types of junk. Hopefully it was just a peck.
Lmfao I have an 8, almost 9 yr old and we've had the no kissing til you're older chat. Why? Because we keep our germs to ourself and don't want to get sick. That's reason enough for her 🤣
Your husband is displaying a disproportionately negative reaction. His daughter can pay attention to a boy if she wants to. Husband is behaving as if his daughter’s blossoming independence is a problem.
“That sent him over the edge… I had to take him away from the area.” Husband is acting childish and emotionally immature.
And to add to this, if the daughter sees Dad acting crazy like this, she’s going to be like the countless hoards of children that push boundaries even further when they see their parents upset over something they are doing.
Not only that, it sets the precedent that dad gets mad when a boy is involved so she'll be more likely to hide any and all relationships with them from him. It would be especially sad if she ends up with an abusive partner and instead of reaching out for help just assumes that dad will be angry at her.
His response is really disproportionate
YES! This is what I did! I still absolutely REFUSE to talk about my relationship with my husband to my parents! They set the tone, so now it’s none of their business. It’s dangerous as well. It led to terrifying self-destruction in my early 20’s.
Completely agree. His daughter will only be evasive with him and lack honesty. And she’s freaking 9!! I doubt she even understands kissing or what not. Kids are curious and that’s all.
Yep. And God forbid this continues into her teens, this kind of reaction from dad is how young girls end up with daddy issues and push the envelope, have sex too soon and end up pregnant at much too young of an age
Oh yeah. Definite "you can date when you're 28" vibes. He'll be a dad that thinks it's funny to intimidate a 14 or 16 y/o that wants to take his daughter out.
My brother and dad did this to me. Any guy I liked in school. He told everyone they couldn't date his sister (me). It sucked having all my 1st crushes stomped out. It also led me into a relationship and marriage with someone I didn't love. I'd had my 1st loves crushed.
Your husband isn't being immature, he's being a psycho.
My baby girl is my world, she has been since day one. In the 3rd grade she was "in love" with Ryan. When I would go pick her up from school, private school no busses, she would be sitting out front holding hands with Ryan! On more than one occasion, she gave him a peck on the cheek before heading for my truck. When wifey picked her up, on B shift days, she said they were always together at the after school thing they had for kids whose parents worked regular jobs. They were either playing or sitting, holding hands. Wifey and I thought it was cute.
All your husband is going to do is alienate her. My baby girl's best friend, in the neighborhood, had a father like your husband. Beth was pregnant at 14. I'm not saying that's what's gonna happen with your little girl, I'm just saying, I saw the aftermath of a psycho dad.
Good luck and God bless.
Y’all got together under the same circumstances? Well if you’re biased, then he’s a hypocrite. They are likely just mimicking what they’ve seen their parents do. I will say, I think 9 might be a lil too early for kissing on the lips, but your husband is acting wild about it lol. Just have a convo with her about how you & daddy are married & have a family & live together so you can kiss on the lips but she’s too little etc. etc. him raging like that over 9 year olds is crazy to me😭😵💫
I mostly agree. However, I think she is not too little to kiss if she expresses that she wants to do it of her own volition. I think it’s more beneficial to have an age appropriate conversation about boundaries and how she doesn’t have to do anything she does want to. Otherwise, she’s going to see her behavior as “wrong.”
This is an excellent way for him to drive her into curiosity-based, rebellious inappropriate actions! Sexualizing her at this age, freaking out over a little mutual crush, is the wrong reaction. I had a little crush on the boy next door, and we had a giggling first kiss in a closet, at age 10. Neither of us, I don’t think, even *knew* about further potential actions, haha, it was just a curiosity-based first kiss. Which… was fine. He was still my crush, but I had no desire to continue the “kissing” part. We were separated by my family moving out of the area (NOT because of me, lol!) and I didn’t have another kiss until I was 17, lol! Which was embarrassing, but so it goes. Point being: An innocent kiss as a pre-teen is not going to change her into a hyper sexual teen, I promise. He needs to calm down, and talk to a therapist about how to raise, vs. ruin, his little girl.
I see a lot of weird people in here. An innocent little kiss between two young kids isn't a big deal, and your husband is being a psycho. Also, he's being a major jerk calling you biased like that, wtf.
Yelling at her now, doing anything other than having a gentle talk about limiting intimacy will only:
1] Create an aversion to intimacy.
2] make her afraid to communicate with yall.
Just gonna point out that once when I was 10, my mom found out I had kissed a boy, and I got called a whore for it.
Actually, her exact words were, "If you wanna run around town being a little whore, I'll just get you a vibrator."
Because I'd kissed a boy. At 10 years old.
I'm 41 and still haven't ever been able to forget her words. Also gave me a pretty messed up and confusing view of my own sexuality and worth as a person by the time I was a teenager. Actually ended up causing a lot of mental and emotional issues for me, as I grew up. And to be honest, it STILL hurts, to this day, when I think about her saying that me.
How parents react to things their children do will affect that kid for life. If he goes nuclear on a 9 year old over an innocent kiss, I guarantee you, she will NEVER forget it. Ever. His words will ring in her ears for life. And all he will have succeeded in accomplishing is screwing up his daughter's view of herself and creating a big emotional divide between them.
Not wrong.
His way would guarantee that she'd keep anything like that to herself in the future.
She would not talk openly about her life therefore would miss on potentially important advises and constructive feedbacks.
Open communication and healthy relationships between parents and children is very fragile.
They are at the age that they will start testing out modeled adult behavior. They were in a crowded place. As long as they aren't allowed to be alone together there isn't anything wrong with them being affectionate. A kiss between 2 people (yes children are people too!) that want it is perfectly acceptable as long as 1 isn't an authority figure that has made it feel obligatory.
Now with that being said. It's officially time for YOU to have the talk with her. You don't need to be overly graphic or get into detailed descriptions about sex just yet but you do need to teach her that her feelings are natural and also what consent is. Your husband on the other hand needs to get a fucking grip. He does not own her body and acting like he does will only teach her that men can control women's bodies. That is a set up for a future boy to take advantage of her. If she is always taught that her body is hers and she is the one who decides what to do with it (yes parental guidance is a good thing as long as it isn't control over her bodily autonomy) she will be better equipped to say no when she is pressured later. She will also feel secure enough to talk to you when she is trying to decide that she wants to say yes to a boy. Having that openness will save you so much stress in a few short years. Prayers for you honey, daughters are a wild ride.
Yeah, the biggest issue in all of this is husband’s misogyny and what sounds like some variation on a Madonna/whore complex. He needs therapy in order to avoid (further) traumatizing his family.
I think you're mostly not wrong and your husband is probably overreacting quite a bit. The only caveat I have is about the fact that intimate touching is something that's important to monitor and discuss with kids that young, imo. Like, if they want to kiss, they should start learning about consent, boundaries, etc. The boy's parents should probably know about it. I'm like you, in that I think that it can be pretty innocent. It really depends on the type of kissing, how often it occurs, what both kids think it means, etc. It makes sense that your husband is concerned, but his assumption that it's really bad and he should be angry about it is kind of off the mark, imo. It's not a simple binary thing.
Also this. I’m surprised so many are just dismissing this in its entirety. Girls can go through puberty at 9 and kids can be very curious at young ages.
Do you want your daughter to hide everything in her life from you? Obviously you do because what you did will save that from not happening.
Her dad going nuts will make her hide anything she can for her not to be yelled at.
Got a little drunk when out with friends...... Will she call even though she will get screamed at? No she wouldn't and would maybe end up being abused.
Kids do what they want, don't you remember being one? I know I did.
Ynw
Your husband is acting like a lizard brain jerk. He’s ridiculous. Keep him away from this kid and maybe your daughter too. Disturbing that he’s sexualizing kids.
Your husband needs to get himself under control or your daughter's teenage years are going to be pretty rough. Please address this now before it gets worse. You two need to be in agreement on rules (e.g., can start dating at 15 or 16 or whatever, you want to meet the boys...). He absolutely cannot pull the "I'm gonna end you if you touch my daughter" bullshit. He will not win that game.
Massive over reaction to a peck/kiss, if he goes overboard on this his daughter is going to be too scared to tell him anything personal in the future as she will be scared of his reaction
They're prepubescent children with a childhood crush on each other. Your husband is majorly overreacting. This doesn't need a grounding, but it might be time to have a basic version of "the talk" and make sure she knows it shouldn't go any further than a little kiss until she's old enough and if he ever touches her private parts that she should inform you of what happened so you can speak with his parents about it because they're far too young for that stuff.
But honestly, unless there's been some red flags like inappropriate touching I see no issue with this.
I'd also like to add that if he keeps up this attitude and grounds her for seeing boys she is never going to trust him with anything, especially anything involving boys, she'll hide things from him and you, including if a boy hurts her, because she'll think she's going to get in trouble
As someone who had a dad like this… trust me, if he has his way and this is how he’s going to treat crushes no less dating and romance, it’s either going to backfire in spectacular fashion, or she’s going to grow up repressed and find herself incapable of navigating the actual dating scene when the time inevitably comes, leading to unhealthy, toxic, and emotionally stilted relationships.
Oh no my mini human is acting like a human, how dare they! Your husband needs to chill. If anything let him make rules when people come over like leaving the doors open and stuff, I get that but jez
Not wrong at all and make sure he doesn’t spew his bs on that poor boy, his family or on your daughter behind your back. If he literally got you that way but has a problem with his daughter doing the same damn thing then he is being a huge hypocrite. She kissed a boy, who cares, he needs to calm down and back off. I think something else is going on here. Good luck op.
oh God the way he flew off the handle and the title made me forget she was NINE, he made it seem like he caught his 15 year old daughter in bed with a dude
Nope. I was kissing girls in elementary school decades ago. And to be clear…I was ALSO in elementary school kissing girls in my own grade.
OP, I think you’re in for a much deeper conversation with your husband when your daughter hits high school, so you may as well start it now. Things like your daughter’s bodily autonomy, and that it’s not his job to “protect” her virginity…
That reaction is a red flag to me…
1. She’s 9 years old , she probably thinks that kiss is the funniest thing ever .
2. I do think ,if you haven’t done this , that is time to sit down with your daughter and explain crushes, kisses,CONSENT , relationships , etc…. And your husband has to be present for that as well and needs to be supportive not defensive.
3. Your husband is acting childish and immature. It’s also concerning that he’s so angry at his daughter developing into her own person and exploring her feelings. If he was like that when he was a child, he has no business being mad at his daughter cause that makes him a hypocrite.
You need to nip your husband’s actions in the bud immediately. He will do nothing but cause resentment and most likely cause your daughter to act out in later years.
As dad to a girl, it is innocent at 9, 11, 13?, 15??? If he allows her to come into her own on her terms and at her pace, he will always be her first love, if he acts like a jackass, he won't. It truly is as simple as that.
what does that mean, you “got with your husband under similar circumstances”
like you met as children and have been together since and he’s worried she’ll… find lifelong happiness???
You’re not wrong. Growing up I had very strict parents and the more strict they were the sneakier I was about doing what I wanted to do which ultimately led to teenage pregnancy. Talk to her , be open and let her know she has a safe space. It’ll benefit everyone’s relationships in the long run. You don’t want her sneaking around because she can’t be honest with you guys
I am 36F and remember the day I got my first second grade report card like it was yesterday, bc that was the day I realized I cannot trust my parents and they do not actually have my back at all.
Don’t do that to your daughter and don’t let your husband do it either. Liking boys is NORMAL for her age and even younger. Kids start getting curious about the opposite sex way younger than 9yo. You need to get your husband to educate himself on developmental stages and the lifelong consequences of disrupting any of those stages!!
You are NOT wrong. Your husband certainly is though!
Not wrong. It's pretty normal for kids to develop crushes around that age and while kissing publicly is a little advanced for that age, it's also not wildly uncommon. The kind of behavior he's exhibiting almost always causes children to do the exact opposite of what he wants. Tell him to Google the Romeo/Juliet effect. Your husband needs to chill out, or he will very likely wind up being the reason this relationship escalates into something that's actually cause for concern.
Yes, of course! Embarrass daughter and shame her! She'll totally be open with her future romances that way!
Wait...no...she'll get better at sneaking around. And you won't know she's dating until she's pregnant! That sounds more accurate.
Yeah, your husband is all red flags with this one. You are *not wrong*.
Relationships are a natural part of growing up. I have four daughters and was always supportive of my daughters relationships. They are now grown, and had no major relationship-oriented problems in their teenage years. I don't know why your husband is so triggered.
I realize Reddit can tend to respond in the most hyperbolic manner, but your husband’s reaction is gross and not acceptable. Had it been you who kissed someone, what would you suggest the cause for his reaction would be? This sounds like he is jealous…and that is troubling.
He's assigning adult intentions and meanings to two none year old kids. I have an 8 soon to be 9 yo, and he's ssooooo young! Tell him to stop assigning shit to them. if he wants to discuss oral hygiene and mouth kissing to her, fine. But she shouldn't be made to feel horrible for choosing what she wants to do with her feelings and body. Also, losing it on a kid and his parents? What's his problem that's insane.
The fact that his default emotion is anger is 🚩Eventually your daughter will be too old to ground, and if your husband decides to treat her like this he won’t see her anymore.
Does she watch romcoms with you? Or even certain Disney animated movies, where the princess kisses her prince?
If yes, it's only natural she'd kiss someone her age she has feelings for. Yes, even if she's only 9!!
It's also kinda sad, but fathers in general react very negatively, because it's their baby girl, and she's not supposed to have feelings for someone before she moves out...
NTA. A quick peck on the cheeks or lips is normal for that age as they are figuring out friendships. She’s too young for the most part to have more than a crush but more than likely she’s been exposed to the idea from her friends, tv shows, and real life relationships. If she was taking off her pants his level of concern would be warranted. He’s going to be a complete nightmare when she starts dating unless he gets a gripe now.
Having raised two daughters, I will say that your husband is overreacting. He behavior could lead to your daughter sneaking around with boys. She is old enough to engage in an open an honest discussion. (With you, not hubby.)
It is normal for kids at that age to have the beginnings of emotional attraction. They should not be made to feel like there is something wrong with it.
I talk to my kids 11 & 13 for them to be careful in spite of them planning "to skip puberty because they aren't into dating". I don't worry about them picking a wrong date, but a physically stronger older person picking them, underage ones for romance or harassment. Case in point is their science teacher arrested recently for touching girls inappropriately.
Similar age kids kissing probably wouldn't bother me much. 2+ years age difference would bother me though.
Tell hubby, if he gets mad and punishes your daughter, the only thing that will accomplish is daughter will then find a way to hide things better and you two will never know anything personal about her life ever again!!!
Kids exploring and experimenting is absolutely natural.......teach her about autonomy and consent and absolutely teach her how to be safe (physically, mentally and emotionally)
Sink to her level and explain things appropriately for her age!!
If dad doesn't chill, he's gonna make it all seem taboo, forbidden and mysterious......what gal doesn't love to rebel and unravel a good mystery huh?!?
I would be upset if my son was kissing that young too but I would just talk to him. A father coming to yell at him because his daughter kissed him would have ended in an actual fight though
Why don’t you & your husband have a conversation with your daughter? If your husband is “pissed” & wants to yell at everyone involved, your daughter will slowly pull away from you all. You said you’re biased because that’s how you got with your husband, how’s that working?
I think your husband's attitude to this situation is unhealthy and, quite frankly, disturbing. Perhaps he needs to talk to a relevant counsellor or specialist of some kind in this field.
Yes, go ahead and punish the child for doing a perfectly normal human thing. Why do adults insist on pretending that children don’t have sexuality? A child’s sexuality granted is very different from an adults. But children know if they’re straight and who they like, children know if they are not straight and who they like. And a completely age-appropriate peck of a kiss, to punish that send the message that everything about sex and sexuality is dirty and wrong. If your husband wants to set his daughter up for a lifetime of issues surrounding sex and boundaries punishing her is a good way to do that.
He is TA. Tell him to chill and remember his innocence during his childhood so just a little peck between two 9 yr olds kids playing. I do understand the protective nature of the father though but he is just getting a little carried away
Do you want a pregnant teenager, because yelling and making a fit over stuff like this will only drive her away and make her better at hiding things from you and that’s how you get a pregnant teenager.
Just my 2 cents.
What does he mean by you are biased because that is how you got with your husband under similar circumstances? Is he indirectly calling you a rhymes with butt or what is he saying and why is it on you and your daughter, and not on him and the boy?
A little boy tried to kiss my 5 year old daughter
My husband thought it was funny. I was alarmed and so was the little boy's mother. But after some consideration, I realized it was ok.
Btw, I didn't think it was anything sexual. It happened on a cruise ship and I was more concerned about her getting sick rather than something happening to her sexually.
I remember telling my parents I liked a kid in kindergarten and both my parents laughed in my face, telling me I was doomed since I liked someone so young. You better believe I never told them anything again after that.
I asked my mom when I was in first grade if I could invite my “boyfriend” over for dinner. She asked what his favorite food was. So my parents, my “boyfriend” and I all sat down and had sloppy joes and French fries. Then he and I played a board game.
Your husband needs to chill the fuck out.
OMG! He's off the rails.
My son said he was engaged to a girl in kindergarten. When I asked him what it meant he said they had to play together at recess then get married after high school.
Kids sometimes hit at birthday parties too. Maybe he shouldn't chaperone at school or at parties if he can't handle it.
ah i see..husband is the typical "i will put my daughter through hell before i ever allow her to grow up" type. (no offense op) i feel like husband is doing too much. and also she's only 9. there's not she can do at 9. i get he's concerned but to get physically angry and want to GROUND her? that's too far. there's definitely a boundary that needs to be established between you two and husband.
YOURE NOT WRONG MOMMA !!!!!
Punishing her will only make her most likely do it more. She will absolutely HIDE SHIT FROM YALL and have no absolutely no trust ! He’s overreacting about puppy love. Maybe have a conversation about the situation in a sweet way but I wouldn’t make it a huge deal.
Your husband is being an absolute moron. He starts with this nonsense? I see a girl at 15 sneaking out and having unprotected sex and being pregnant at 16.
Up to you to be the sensible and responsible parent here . Please do.
Please tell "Mr Macho man" to pull himself together.
I don't understand why he would be *angry* and want to ground your kid. Grounding is used when a kid breaks a rule intentionally. You didn't mention any conversations with your kid about boys or kissing. So why isn't his reaction concern and a recognition that those conversations are now needed. Yelling at the boy is out of line. He needs anger management therapy. Kissing at 9 is pretty normal behavior, kids are curious and modeling adult behavior. That's how they learn. Have conversations with your kid about appropriate behavior, safety, how to say no, how to get help if uncomfortable, talk about consent and manipulative behavior to look out for. Teach her how to get out of uncomfortable situations, different ways to say no if "Just say no" doesn't feel safe, socially or physically, and that she can come to you for help for anything. That she's not in trouble. Dad is the only dangerous element in this scenario.
He's overreacting, and I'm a dad of 2 daughters (24 and 16).
If he's acting like this when she's NINE, that's a 🚩
This is WAY overboard. Even when our oldest was a teenager, I didn't get like that. Was I concerned about boys? Yes. Did I want to scream at them? No. Talk, yes, but not scream at him and his parents and ground her. It was just a kiss, and it sounds like an innocent first kiss type at that. Big deal.
Spin it on him: ask him how old he was when he had his first kiss. I'll bet he was around that age, too.
A 9 year old having their first kiss isn't that big of a deal and I doubt it was the first time...also this boy she's kissing has been one of her BEST friends, he's been friends with her before the romance and I personally think that's genuinely sweeter. As a parent I would still monitor the situation, but I wouldn't be concerned like dad is.
My father sounds alot like your husband, my dad growing up bombarded me constantly with woes from failed marriages and having kids young, he also always accused me of trying to sleep with every boy i became friends with or accused them of trying to sleep with me. I was 15 minutes late walking home from across town and I was forced to take a pregnancy test and my phone was searched. I actually missed the last bus.
I stopped talking to my dad about anything personal after that- he would get upset when he found out about my boyfriends from my mom- only because my mom made an effort to meet these boys and didn't shame me. Your husband will lose any close bond he has with your daughter should he choose this route.
For mom though, good for you for sticking up for her. You don't see it often but I love to see it
>He insists that he’s right and that I’m biased since I got with my husband under similar circumstances.
Huh? Y'all have been making out with each other since you were nine-years-old?
Why is it a bad thing in his mind that you two started out the same? You're happily married, right? So why would that not be an ideal outcome for your daughter?
There are some really weird attitudes going on with him. If he could examine his own reactions calmly I think it would be worth asking. "Why was your first reaction anger?"
"Why do you think it was wrong for the kids to kiss?"
"Why do you think it would have been appropriate to yell at the boy and his parents? What would that have achieved? How do you think that would have looked to others? What kind of impression would they have gotten of you as a parent and a person?"
"Why do you think our daughter deserved to be punished? How would you have explained to her that what she did was wrong - in other words, who did it harm, or what harm did it cause anybody?"
If your husband is any kind of a reasonable person, hopefully these questions will show him that seeing his daughter kiss a boy revealed a really big blind spot for him, full of emotions and triggers he may not have even realized were there.
If he's not willing to examine what happened, there are way bigger problems on the horizon.
so is your husband calling you or your daughter easy? he needs to apologize to you fist and foremost, deal with those anger issues and realize that his daughter is growing up and over reacting like that will push her away, be afraid to reach out for help, become secretive and not trust you at all. I would talk to your daughter about growing up and not going to fast and saying no and all of that .
Without saying everything I want to say or throwing any accusations out...
Is he always overprotective of her in an unhealthy manner, or is this a first?
Does she have friends outside of school or is she isolated?
And lastely doee he have any past trauma that may be influencing his behavior?
You're not wrong.
First thing, your hisband has to understand that your children are not his property. He cannot decide if they can or not have a boyfriend, even that young. You have just the responsibility to teach them how is appropriate for their age. You have to teach why a thing is appropriate for her now and why is not.
You can't decide whether or not your children can have or not a boyfriend or girlfriend. They will have it is pretty inevitable and probably you, your family or the adults in their life are even creating an expectation about this. It's just natural.
Your husband can't choose the perfect boyfriend for her and can't choose when she can or not have one.
Also being angry with a 9yo because he kissed her daughter put him on the same level. Your husband has a 9 year old mentality. He needs to manage his emotions and to be educated about what a parent have to do or not.
Is your husband mentally handicapped? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him? Did he think making a scene in front of the other kids would make sense? Did he think threatening a child made sense? Did he realize he completely erased his daughter’s autonomy by placing all the blame on his perceived wrong action just on the boy meaning his daughter was a mindless helpless victim. Fuck this piece of misogynistic shit.
There is a huge difference between an innocent peck and full face kissing. I'd have a problem with the second, and have an honest conversation with my daughter about what's appropriate. I can understand the knee jerk reaction for your husband if it was a full face kiss type of thing, but it's not something to yell about, but it needs addressed.
If it's a peck, than he needs to take it down about 30 notches.
Well something like 30% of American females have inappropriate shit happen to them. The overwhelming majority of it is done by immediate family. And this dude loses his shit over a 9 year old girl kissing a boy in her class. I would keep an eye on that dude.
If you go to Unfiltered Stories on YouTube, its story upon story from women who lost their virginity to their overprotective fathers but you are probably right
You aren’t wrong, but she’s too young to be kissing! Have a talk with her. Make sure she knows she can come to you with anything.
Tell your husband if he grounds her or freaks out over this, she’ll hide everything from him. Is that what he wants?
Only three years earlier she would have been in kindergarten! I don’t think she should be punished, but I also don’t think anyone that age should be kissing. Having a crush is one thing, but dating & allat shouldn’t happen until at least 6th grade.
The fact is that what's OK for you in this situation will be different to what's OK for person x and then person you and then person z...whether it's OK or not is besides the point...is it OK for you and your husband as parents...
Yes you knew so it was not shocking for you but it seems that your husband didn't know at all and he obviously is shocked amongst other emotions as well...
There are a lot of great points already made in the comments...but it seems that you and your husband need to get on the same page real fast or you need to decide what you will do if he does not want to listen at all.
When my daughter has a crush...she tells me and I always find out what's happening at school and all that...but I don't tell the dad every little thing...because he most likely will not understand and they can't help being over protective and that's fine...so I tell him only what he needs to know at any given time.
So still keeping him in the loop..just nit every detail.
I mean when you think about it...crushes and all are more of a mum department thing...especially with daughters...it's very natural.
But yes it's just that he witnessed it live that is shocking part for him and it's been blown up to a thing.
But the dad needs to know that girls nowadays are growing up quick..sometimes we need to be told the obvious things so we can start to process it all.
Hey, I get that your husband is upset, especially with what happened to him. But it's totally normal for you to see this as just a cute crush. Remind him that your little girl is only nine, and this is probably her first crush. Reacting too harshly could really hurt her feelings and her friendship with this boy. I hope this helpsss!
As a mother to a son, really hoping he’s not taking his BS out on the boy
I can’t stand parents like this who act like the issue is solely the boy and not their hormonal daughter too
Id talk to my child privately about it though, not make a huge deal that they would close off and be embarrassed to ever talk to me again but enough that I get an understanding of this relationship (what kind of kids was this op?)
Your husband is in the wrong.
To 180 this. My granddaughter is ten. We have just been on holiday. Whist there a lad was smiling at her and following us, she did not notice. We were at a fairground and on the dodgems and the lad kept bumping her. We had 5 goes on these things. Afterwards she mentioned the same boy kept bumping into her. I said he kept smiling at her, he probably liked her. She scrunched her face up and said ewwww.
Aww, come on Dad, don't you remember being 9? It's not a gateway kiss, it's a young girl blossoming into a soon to be young lady.
Sometimes kisses are just sweet and innocent. If it's between 9-10 year olds, it is certainly that.
Also don't freak your daughter into being an ashamed-of-normal-feelings person. Let her feel her feelings and also let her know that she can talk to her parents about them without her dad going ape-shit.
Edit to add: I kjow it's Mom posting, and you're not wrong. I replied as if you were reading with the dad.
Ground her for what? Liking a boy? Yell at the boy for liking her too? Your husband's reaction is over the top. They are 9 year old kids, this little boy didn't SA your daughter or steal her virtue. It's completely possible for a person to do things without a sexual connotation behind it.
I’m not an expert on children, but I know it would be fine to explain to your child reasons not to do things. Children and teens need guidance and walls to develop well, not shaming and emotional warfare.
Not wrong, that’s so sweet. I feel like that would upset my husband too if that were to ever happen, but not to the point of wanting to ground her or yell at a kid/ parent.
Your husband’s way seems like a good way to make sure she hides things from you forever
Yup! The behavior won’t stop but the skills to lie and sneak and keep things from mom and dad will improve. Coming from someone who learned the same. I’m 34 and I still don’t tell my parents about my life bc they always overreacted when I was little.
Same here. I learned and about 7 that I couldn’t trust my mom with information. As a 40ish adult now, I don’t tell her anything and am really good at compartmentalizing my life.
Same here. I'm 37 now and it's to the point where I'm estranged from my parents and they won't be meeting the baby that I'm about to have. Please don't let your husband do that to your daughter
Wish I had learned that lesson sooner. I was 14 when I knew I couldn't trust my mom with anything I told her. Op is right and husband should chill out. They are just little kids. Puppy love 😍 is fun.
I’m adopted, nearly 40 and am also estranged. My adoptive parents weren’t trustworthy, or it was them against us. Whatever we did tell them didn’t get taken seriously, was mocked or the took it personal.
I'm very similar with my parents. My dad was an overbearing, strict religious fanatic. I'm very low contact. I don't invite them over for holidays. I don't bring my boyfriend to dinners with them. Basically, they're a very small part of my life. They still don't understand why. I won't be spending father's day with them. Nor will my siblings
I didn’t tell my parents we met on Match until we had been married a few years lol
Totally agree. Making her feel like she has to hide things won't help in the long run.
So this is weird asking but what kind of kiss? A peck would be completely normal for a 9yo, full on face sucking making out would be a couple of years too early IMO. And that would drive my decision. A peck would get no real response, a sexualized kiss would get a long adult talk, and at the very least informing the other kids parents that their kid might be sexually active way earlier than they expect. Should you ground your daughter? Hell no, she's just starting to understand relationships.
It was just a peck
My 9-year-old granddaughter came home with a ring pop "engagement/promise ring" from her crush. They are kids just trying to figure everything out, and it's normal behavior for that age of kids. If you aren't already doing it, you need to start talking to your daughter about things like boundaries and consent. Your husband is overreacting in a very big way, I understand that it is his little girl, and it is hard to see she is growing up and having schoolgirl crushes. Look up some information on child development and how to begin talking to your child about what she needs to know to help her, have your husband read it too. Keep communication with your daughter open. Overreacting will just make her hide things as she grows up.
Yep ..this is an innocent, sweet thing. An over reaction at this point turns a beautiful experience for your daughter into ... potentially.. a hangup in later life. Hubby needs to chill tf out. I get it, up to a point. She is his gorgeous little angel and he wasn't expecting to have to deal with boy stuff for a while yet...but this isn't really boy stuff, it's two kids playing boyfriend/girlfriend..let it go...its normal, its healthy.
When my husband was 7 years old, a girl proposed to him. They made rings out of flowers and had a "wedding" with all the children in the neighborhood. Even today, my mother-in-law still teases my husband and asks him if he divorced his first wife before marrying me😂😂😂 And now my 2-year-old girl says she has "boyfriends" at kindergarten, and my 7-year-old boy always corrects her and tells her that she doesn't have boyfriends. That she is not allowed to have a boyfriend, that she is too young. And when I asked him if he has a girlfriend, he said that he only loves me 😂😂😂 What was that saying? The Apple does not fall far from the tree. In the last year of kindergarten, 3 girls asked my boy to marry them. (my boy used to give flowers when he was little to all the girls and women he saw) And he gave flowers to one of the girls and she took his hand and kissed him on the cheek and said that now they are married. And my boy started crying that he doesn't want to be married, that he doesn't want to leave me 😂😂😂 4 years later since my boy got "married", every time we meet that girl she always tells him that they are married 😂😂
Your husband is overreacting and you need to nip this now before it becomes an issue when she dates
OP, take note of this. It's super important that you stop this now. I'm a 33 year old woman, and my father used to behave like your husband when I was a child, and it only got worse as I got older. My father sent me to an all girls high school the moment he could, which was okay except for the toxic environment since the girls were all focused on bullying and tearing each other down. He couldn't send me to an all girl's college, but he would have if he could. When I finally went to school with boys as a teen, my father's behaviour went over the top. He kept lecturing me about staying away from boys, which was impossible since they sat next to me. On top of that, my father used to go through my phone and read my messages from friends. He was so focused on making sure I had no contact with boys that he didn't realise his behaviour was abusive and damaging to my mental health. His behaviour was so damaging that I developed an anxiety disorder by the time I was 17. I was constantly on edge around the boys in school. If a boy wanted to be friends with me, I'd have to change their names to a girl's name in my phone and have a background cover story in case my father saw any messages - e.g. 'Oh, those messages are from Sarah who sits next to me in art class'. I never flirted with boys or sent any inappropriate messages, but my father had me acting as if I'd be arrested for talking to a boy about something innocent like anime. When I turned 18, I couldn't afford to move out, so my father's over the top controlling behaviour continued. I avoided boys in university, but my father was still suspicious of my every move. Every time I went out with female friends, my father would grill me about where I was going, who I was meeting, and would even threaten to call me to speak to the friend I was with. In the end, I literally had to move out and cut contact with my father to stop him from policing my life. Thanks to that, I didn't start dating until I was 27, and because I'd had no experience or anyone to talk to about what a healthy romantic relationship was like, I ended up in some toxic relationships with men. Please don't let your husband follow in my father's footsteps.
I’m so sorry. Your dad was clearly projecting his way of thinking onto other boys. Where was your mom during this abuse?
He definitely was. He was an absolute monster to women - literally just saw them as inferior creatures he could exploit or rule over. My parents were separated since I was a toddler, and my mum was unfortunately in a third-world country and unable to protect me. My father basically conned her into handing over custody when I was 10 years old by promising to give us both a better life in the West and then screwed her over. Thankfully, she never gave up on being there for me, and I honestly wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for the unconditional love and support she gave me even though we were countries apart.
I hope you’re doing great now and will continue to do so. Sending you love! ❤️
Really makes me wonder what he had done to women to behave like that, I’m glad you’ve gone no contact.
Oh, he was awful to women. He basically thought women were inferior to him and behaved like the ones intimately connected to him were his property. He was a serial cheater in every relationship he had and was talented at finding vulnerable women he could take advantage of. Once he got his hooks into a woman, he broke down her self-esteem enough to take control over her every action. If the woman tried to defy him, he would resort to verbal and physical abuse to keep her under his control. By the time I came along in his life, he was already used to abusing women, so I wasn't spared. Even now, my mum and I are still the only women who have stood up to him. I just hope his current wife leaves him too because no one deserves to be treated the way he treats women.
So sad, no one deserves to be treated like that, I don’t understand why it’s still so prevalent. Have you read, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? It would be a good book to anonymously send to his current wife, lol
I'm so sorry you went through that. My uncle treated his daughters the same way except this was in the 70s. He chaperoned their every move. His golden child is a meth addict and prostitute now
Thank you. I'm still on my healing journey, but I won't lie it's been so difficult taking back control over my life because, like your uncle, my father really did chaperone every moment of my life until I cut him off. I'm so sorry your cousin ended up in a bad way. I probably would have, too, if my mum hadn't been there to teach me that it was possible to defy my father (my parents were separated).
I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I hope if you're in a relationship that you're treated better now. I've seen this similar thing happen with my sister in law. Her parents set her up for failure and abuse once she eventuallystarted cluelessly dating. She didn't enter a healthier relationship until her 30s. I hope this girl doesn't end up like this... maybe I'm pessimistic, but the father seems so intense I wonder if he'll even listen or change his mind. Hope I'm wrong. Poor girl
That kind of fury could drive her to pick someone dad would hate.
Yeah there's nothing wrong with that. They are innocent little kids. He needs to calm the fuck down.
I was around her age, maybe a year younger? With my first crush and we had a little kiss like that on the field. I remember his name to this day and it’s been almost 20 years. It’s a sweet memory looking back. My mom thought it was adorable. If your husband freaks out over this, especially if he grounds her, he’s going to ruin the way your daughter sees romantic relationships and probably will not trust him (and possibly you by extension) with information like that in the future. Not wrong.
I mean, I saw that with my little girl when she was that age and I found it cute. It was innocent and the little boy was a good kid. Idk, maybe there’s something more going on that your husband is mad about? Sounds a little over the top to me.
Wonder if he has a last of treating previous women terribly and is projecting his insecurities on her. He's broken girls'hearts in the past and fears this kid is the same.
Looonnnngg stretch.
I agree that's a big stretch for an innocent peck between 9 year olds. Although with that being said, more than once in person and on Reddit I've heard dads say they're protective over their daughters because "they used to be that age" (teens and up) and don't want their daughters exposed to how they used to think and act as teens/young adults. So that perspective isn't relevant here but also not entirely pulled out of nowhere.
I appreciate your validation. I mentor girls around the tween age years and their dads have expressed similar views.
A peck?? Oh my goodness. Like we all probably didn’t do something like that. Well I didn’t but I didn’t worry about boys until around 16. When I started realizing I wanted a boyfriend
Your husband's overreacting. I had my first "boyfriend" at age 8. My family just thought it was adorable. We didn't even kiss, just say "That's my boyfriend/girlfriend." Maybe hold hands and eat lunch together. Can't recall. Apparently your husband would've had a fit.
That was a good question, because full-on face-sucking is not only too early (IMO, of course), but out of place (I'm sure we'd agree). But a peck is just what kids do. Even pre-pubescent ones. People show both friendly and familial affection with a peck. Parents kiss their kids - I guess sometimes on the lips, and hopefully just a peck, but more often a peck on the cheek, many cultures peck on greeting even casual friends, etc. When is it not weird to do that? If a peck itself conveys romantic intent, why do parents do it to their kids? That's fucking creepy, right? Point is, a peck certainly doesn't absolutely mean anything romantic or sexual. Especially from a child. If that child has some predisposition to it (some kind of abuse, for example), then maybe it's worth investigating. But other than that, it's just normal kid stuff. Hell, they're probably not too far away from sneaking behind a bush and playing "show me yours and I'll show you mine," which is more concerning, but not absolutely catastrophic either.
My only caution is scour that school handbook for zero tolerance- it’s a shame but any touching period can lead to expulsion
It was like 20 minutes before the end I don’t think they’d waste time for that, plus it takes a lot to be expelled
🙄
I got my first kiss in kindergarten. This is just an innocent kiss. I think it's sweet
I think this is a good response. There’s a difference between a kiss that’s basically just kids mimicking what they think you do when you like someone, and a kiss that’s motivated by genuine desire. It’s important to know which it is. Nine is a little young to be feeling those feelings, but it happens. Getting mad about it will just teach them to be ashamed, but it definitely warrants a few discussions about those feelings and what all that means
The part about SHAME is real here. Could fuck them up for life punishing them for this. Talk to the kid about relationships and let them know they are safe to ask questions or advice.
The only measured response here. Top level comments are a rollercoaster of “red flags” and “immaturity” and “he’s insane” and “psychopath”, and no one else seems to be even asking: “What was the exact behavior?”
Another important question to ask is was he aware she had the crush on the boy before seeing them kiss? Maybe it wouldn't have been such a shock to see if he was aware of how she felt.
Some people are giving OP the benefit of the doubt that she knows what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior for a 9 year old, and that she would have described any inappropriate behavior as such in her post. Whereas, other people are playing devil's advocate for the father's reaction by questioning OP's understanding of what's appropriate for her child.
I agree with this u/Quirky-Law-4081, you need to specify
Wish I could upvote this more
He’s overreacting. Does he not remember being a kid with crushed good lord.
I mean even if they exchange tongue, what would you tell your daughter? That she is banned from using tongue?
I must be an old fuddy-duddy, but saying a full on kiss at 9 is only 2 years too early?
I had a boyfriend in kindergarten and we hold hands and lip to lip kiss all the time back then. My parents thought it was cute as hell. I would be like 5 to 6 Yr old. No harm came out of it, only good memories.
I was thinking this too. Also elementary aged children are vectors for germs. 🤮 Pink eye, strep, ring worm, colds, flu, hand mouth and foot, all types of junk. Hopefully it was just a peck.
Lmfao I have an 8, almost 9 yr old and we've had the no kissing til you're older chat. Why? Because we keep our germs to ourself and don't want to get sick. That's reason enough for her 🤣
Yep, the cooties talk. Lol
I found my people.
Your husband is displaying a disproportionately negative reaction. His daughter can pay attention to a boy if she wants to. Husband is behaving as if his daughter’s blossoming independence is a problem. “That sent him over the edge… I had to take him away from the area.” Husband is acting childish and emotionally immature.
And to add to this, if the daughter sees Dad acting crazy like this, she’s going to be like the countless hoards of children that push boundaries even further when they see their parents upset over something they are doing.
Not only that, it sets the precedent that dad gets mad when a boy is involved so she'll be more likely to hide any and all relationships with them from him. It would be especially sad if she ends up with an abusive partner and instead of reaching out for help just assumes that dad will be angry at her. His response is really disproportionate
YES! This is what I did! I still absolutely REFUSE to talk about my relationship with my husband to my parents! They set the tone, so now it’s none of their business. It’s dangerous as well. It led to terrifying self-destruction in my early 20’s.
Completely agree. His daughter will only be evasive with him and lack honesty. And she’s freaking 9!! I doubt she even understands kissing or what not. Kids are curious and that’s all.
Yep. And God forbid this continues into her teens, this kind of reaction from dad is how young girls end up with daddy issues and push the envelope, have sex too soon and end up pregnant at much too young of an age
So true
Or worse, start hiding the details of her relationships from him.
Oh yeah. Definite "you can date when you're 28" vibes. He'll be a dad that thinks it's funny to intimidate a 14 or 16 y/o that wants to take his daughter out.
My brother and dad did this to me. Any guy I liked in school. He told everyone they couldn't date his sister (me). It sucked having all my 1st crushes stomped out. It also led me into a relationship and marriage with someone I didn't love. I'd had my 1st loves crushed.
Your husband isn't being immature, he's being a psycho. My baby girl is my world, she has been since day one. In the 3rd grade she was "in love" with Ryan. When I would go pick her up from school, private school no busses, she would be sitting out front holding hands with Ryan! On more than one occasion, she gave him a peck on the cheek before heading for my truck. When wifey picked her up, on B shift days, she said they were always together at the after school thing they had for kids whose parents worked regular jobs. They were either playing or sitting, holding hands. Wifey and I thought it was cute. All your husband is going to do is alienate her. My baby girl's best friend, in the neighborhood, had a father like your husband. Beth was pregnant at 14. I'm not saying that's what's gonna happen with your little girl, I'm just saying, I saw the aftermath of a psycho dad. Good luck and God bless.
Glad sensible fathers DO exist. You get a gold star Dad!!⭐️
Thank you for the kind words. It was all wifey's doing. At first I was like this knucklehead.
Y’all got together under the same circumstances? Well if you’re biased, then he’s a hypocrite. They are likely just mimicking what they’ve seen their parents do. I will say, I think 9 might be a lil too early for kissing on the lips, but your husband is acting wild about it lol. Just have a convo with her about how you & daddy are married & have a family & live together so you can kiss on the lips but she’s too little etc. etc. him raging like that over 9 year olds is crazy to me😭😵💫
>Y’all got together under the same circumstances? What does that even mean? That they started dating in elementary school?
Right? He’s 3 years older than her…
Right? Huh? Did they have a shotgun wedding when they were 12?
That’s the part I really didn’t understand.
does husband feel trapped?? his reaction is over the top
Husband is in for a wild ride once the teen years hit
I mostly agree. However, I think she is not too little to kiss if she expresses that she wants to do it of her own volition. I think it’s more beneficial to have an age appropriate conversation about boundaries and how she doesn’t have to do anything she does want to. Otherwise, she’s going to see her behavior as “wrong.”
This makes sense! Thank you, I agree 100%!😁
This is an excellent way for him to drive her into curiosity-based, rebellious inappropriate actions! Sexualizing her at this age, freaking out over a little mutual crush, is the wrong reaction. I had a little crush on the boy next door, and we had a giggling first kiss in a closet, at age 10. Neither of us, I don’t think, even *knew* about further potential actions, haha, it was just a curiosity-based first kiss. Which… was fine. He was still my crush, but I had no desire to continue the “kissing” part. We were separated by my family moving out of the area (NOT because of me, lol!) and I didn’t have another kiss until I was 17, lol! Which was embarrassing, but so it goes. Point being: An innocent kiss as a pre-teen is not going to change her into a hyper sexual teen, I promise. He needs to calm down, and talk to a therapist about how to raise, vs. ruin, his little girl.
I see a lot of weird people in here. An innocent little kiss between two young kids isn't a big deal, and your husband is being a psycho. Also, he's being a major jerk calling you biased like that, wtf. Yelling at her now, doing anything other than having a gentle talk about limiting intimacy will only: 1] Create an aversion to intimacy. 2] make her afraid to communicate with yall.
Just gonna point out that once when I was 10, my mom found out I had kissed a boy, and I got called a whore for it. Actually, her exact words were, "If you wanna run around town being a little whore, I'll just get you a vibrator." Because I'd kissed a boy. At 10 years old. I'm 41 and still haven't ever been able to forget her words. Also gave me a pretty messed up and confusing view of my own sexuality and worth as a person by the time I was a teenager. Actually ended up causing a lot of mental and emotional issues for me, as I grew up. And to be honest, it STILL hurts, to this day, when I think about her saying that me. How parents react to things their children do will affect that kid for life. If he goes nuclear on a 9 year old over an innocent kiss, I guarantee you, she will NEVER forget it. Ever. His words will ring in her ears for life. And all he will have succeeded in accomplishing is screwing up his daughter's view of herself and creating a big emotional divide between them.
My father said something similar to me because all my friends were guys
Not wrong. His way would guarantee that she'd keep anything like that to herself in the future. She would not talk openly about her life therefore would miss on potentially important advises and constructive feedbacks. Open communication and healthy relationships between parents and children is very fragile.
They are at the age that they will start testing out modeled adult behavior. They were in a crowded place. As long as they aren't allowed to be alone together there isn't anything wrong with them being affectionate. A kiss between 2 people (yes children are people too!) that want it is perfectly acceptable as long as 1 isn't an authority figure that has made it feel obligatory. Now with that being said. It's officially time for YOU to have the talk with her. You don't need to be overly graphic or get into detailed descriptions about sex just yet but you do need to teach her that her feelings are natural and also what consent is. Your husband on the other hand needs to get a fucking grip. He does not own her body and acting like he does will only teach her that men can control women's bodies. That is a set up for a future boy to take advantage of her. If she is always taught that her body is hers and she is the one who decides what to do with it (yes parental guidance is a good thing as long as it isn't control over her bodily autonomy) she will be better equipped to say no when she is pressured later. She will also feel secure enough to talk to you when she is trying to decide that she wants to say yes to a boy. Having that openness will save you so much stress in a few short years. Prayers for you honey, daughters are a wild ride.
Ground your daughter?? The misogyny is loud with this one
Yeah, the biggest issue in all of this is husband’s misogyny and what sounds like some variation on a Madonna/whore complex. He needs therapy in order to avoid (further) traumatizing his family.
I think you're mostly not wrong and your husband is probably overreacting quite a bit. The only caveat I have is about the fact that intimate touching is something that's important to monitor and discuss with kids that young, imo. Like, if they want to kiss, they should start learning about consent, boundaries, etc. The boy's parents should probably know about it. I'm like you, in that I think that it can be pretty innocent. It really depends on the type of kissing, how often it occurs, what both kids think it means, etc. It makes sense that your husband is concerned, but his assumption that it's really bad and he should be angry about it is kind of off the mark, imo. It's not a simple binary thing.
Also this. I’m surprised so many are just dismissing this in its entirety. Girls can go through puberty at 9 and kids can be very curious at young ages.
Do you want your daughter to hide everything in her life from you? Obviously you do because what you did will save that from not happening. Her dad going nuts will make her hide anything she can for her not to be yelled at. Got a little drunk when out with friends...... Will she call even though she will get screamed at? No she wouldn't and would maybe end up being abused. Kids do what they want, don't you remember being one? I know I did. Ynw
No, your husband’s a fucking crazy person. Please remind him that meddling in this is going to come out in one of two ways and both are bad.
Your husband is acting like a lizard brain jerk. He’s ridiculous. Keep him away from this kid and maybe your daughter too. Disturbing that he’s sexualizing kids.
Your husband wants to yell at a child he doesn't know. That's a really red flag
Your husband needs to get himself under control or your daughter's teenage years are going to be pretty rough. Please address this now before it gets worse. You two need to be in agreement on rules (e.g., can start dating at 15 or 16 or whatever, you want to meet the boys...). He absolutely cannot pull the "I'm gonna end you if you touch my daughter" bullshit. He will not win that game.
Massive over reaction to a peck/kiss, if he goes overboard on this his daughter is going to be too scared to tell him anything personal in the future as she will be scared of his reaction
They're prepubescent children with a childhood crush on each other. Your husband is majorly overreacting. This doesn't need a grounding, but it might be time to have a basic version of "the talk" and make sure she knows it shouldn't go any further than a little kiss until she's old enough and if he ever touches her private parts that she should inform you of what happened so you can speak with his parents about it because they're far too young for that stuff. But honestly, unless there's been some red flags like inappropriate touching I see no issue with this. I'd also like to add that if he keeps up this attitude and grounds her for seeing boys she is never going to trust him with anything, especially anything involving boys, she'll hide things from him and you, including if a boy hurts her, because she'll think she's going to get in trouble
As someone who had a dad like this… trust me, if he has his way and this is how he’s going to treat crushes no less dating and romance, it’s either going to backfire in spectacular fashion, or she’s going to grow up repressed and find herself incapable of navigating the actual dating scene when the time inevitably comes, leading to unhealthy, toxic, and emotionally stilted relationships.
you're right she's 9 and likes a boy. it's not a big deal.
Oh no my mini human is acting like a human, how dare they! Your husband needs to chill. If anything let him make rules when people come over like leaving the doors open and stuff, I get that but jez
Tell him to calm down and use this as an opportunity to educate his daughter on appropriate types of affection.
Not wrong at all and make sure he doesn’t spew his bs on that poor boy, his family or on your daughter behind your back. If he literally got you that way but has a problem with his daughter doing the same damn thing then he is being a huge hypocrite. She kissed a boy, who cares, he needs to calm down and back off. I think something else is going on here. Good luck op.
oh God the way he flew off the handle and the title made me forget she was NINE, he made it seem like he caught his 15 year old daughter in bed with a dude
Nope. I was kissing girls in elementary school decades ago. And to be clear…I was ALSO in elementary school kissing girls in my own grade. OP, I think you’re in for a much deeper conversation with your husband when your daughter hits high school, so you may as well start it now. Things like your daughter’s bodily autonomy, and that it’s not his job to “protect” her virginity…
Dad is treating the daughter like a possession, not a person.
That reaction is a red flag to me… 1. She’s 9 years old , she probably thinks that kiss is the funniest thing ever . 2. I do think ,if you haven’t done this , that is time to sit down with your daughter and explain crushes, kisses,CONSENT , relationships , etc…. And your husband has to be present for that as well and needs to be supportive not defensive. 3. Your husband is acting childish and immature. It’s also concerning that he’s so angry at his daughter developing into her own person and exploring her feelings. If he was like that when he was a child, he has no business being mad at his daughter cause that makes him a hypocrite.
You need to nip your husband’s actions in the bud immediately. He will do nothing but cause resentment and most likely cause your daughter to act out in later years.
Tell him to get his mind out of the gutter.
As dad to a girl, it is innocent at 9, 11, 13?, 15??? If he allows her to come into her own on her terms and at her pace, he will always be her first love, if he acts like a jackass, he won't. It truly is as simple as that.
what does that mean, you “got with your husband under similar circumstances” like you met as children and have been together since and he’s worried she’ll… find lifelong happiness???
Yea we met not too much older than she is, not a perfect comparison but it’s close enough to be notable, idk what his problem is
You’re not wrong. Growing up I had very strict parents and the more strict they were the sneakier I was about doing what I wanted to do which ultimately led to teenage pregnancy. Talk to her , be open and let her know she has a safe space. It’ll benefit everyone’s relationships in the long run. You don’t want her sneaking around because she can’t be honest with you guys
I am 36F and remember the day I got my first second grade report card like it was yesterday, bc that was the day I realized I cannot trust my parents and they do not actually have my back at all. Don’t do that to your daughter and don’t let your husband do it either. Liking boys is NORMAL for her age and even younger. Kids start getting curious about the opposite sex way younger than 9yo. You need to get your husband to educate himself on developmental stages and the lifelong consequences of disrupting any of those stages!! You are NOT wrong. Your husband certainly is though!
You are not wrong, but apparently you married a moron who should not have children.
Your husband is an idiot and needs to calm down. Parents like him are why kids hide things
I bet your son would have not have had the same response. Just sayin' and I'm a guy.
No. You aren’t. Your husband is being absurd
Not wrong. It's pretty normal for kids to develop crushes around that age and while kissing publicly is a little advanced for that age, it's also not wildly uncommon. The kind of behavior he's exhibiting almost always causes children to do the exact opposite of what he wants. Tell him to Google the Romeo/Juliet effect. Your husband needs to chill out, or he will very likely wind up being the reason this relationship escalates into something that's actually cause for concern.
Your husband is a man child. Him doing that would guarantee that she doesn’t come to him for that kind of thing. Way to create a safe space.
She says in the comments daughter didn't want her to tell her dad which is telling I bet she already knows he's not a safe space for emotions.
That makes me so sad for her. I’m glad she has her mother.
Yes, of course! Embarrass daughter and shame her! She'll totally be open with her future romances that way! Wait...no...she'll get better at sneaking around. And you won't know she's dating until she's pregnant! That sounds more accurate. Yeah, your husband is all red flags with this one. You are *not wrong*.
Relationships are a natural part of growing up. I have four daughters and was always supportive of my daughters relationships. They are now grown, and had no major relationship-oriented problems in their teenage years. I don't know why your husband is so triggered.
I realize Reddit can tend to respond in the most hyperbolic manner, but your husband’s reaction is gross and not acceptable. Had it been you who kissed someone, what would you suggest the cause for his reaction would be? This sounds like he is jealous…and that is troubling.
He's assigning adult intentions and meanings to two none year old kids. I have an 8 soon to be 9 yo, and he's ssooooo young! Tell him to stop assigning shit to them. if he wants to discuss oral hygiene and mouth kissing to her, fine. But she shouldn't be made to feel horrible for choosing what she wants to do with her feelings and body. Also, losing it on a kid and his parents? What's his problem that's insane.
The fact that his default emotion is anger is 🚩Eventually your daughter will be too old to ground, and if your husband decides to treat her like this he won’t see her anymore.
You’re husband is over reacting it’s just an innocent crush he’s being a jerk I hope he won’t always be like that with boys his daughter beings home
No, you’re not wrong. He would create more of a situation than their innocent play could. If those two grow up and get married, good on them.
Does she watch romcoms with you? Or even certain Disney animated movies, where the princess kisses her prince? If yes, it's only natural she'd kiss someone her age she has feelings for. Yes, even if she's only 9!! It's also kinda sad, but fathers in general react very negatively, because it's their baby girl, and she's not supposed to have feelings for someone before she moves out...
We don’t typically watch that kind of stuff
You are not wrong, and he needs therapy. I would set that as a "must" if you two stay together. He needs help.
NTA. A quick peck on the cheeks or lips is normal for that age as they are figuring out friendships. She’s too young for the most part to have more than a crush but more than likely she’s been exposed to the idea from her friends, tv shows, and real life relationships. If she was taking off her pants his level of concern would be warranted. He’s going to be a complete nightmare when she starts dating unless he gets a gripe now.
Having raised two daughters, I will say that your husband is overreacting. He behavior could lead to your daughter sneaking around with boys. She is old enough to engage in an open an honest discussion. (With you, not hubby.) It is normal for kids at that age to have the beginnings of emotional attraction. They should not be made to feel like there is something wrong with it.
You’re not wrong. Your daughter will hate her dad though.
I talk to my kids 11 & 13 for them to be careful in spite of them planning "to skip puberty because they aren't into dating". I don't worry about them picking a wrong date, but a physically stronger older person picking them, underage ones for romance or harassment. Case in point is their science teacher arrested recently for touching girls inappropriately. Similar age kids kissing probably wouldn't bother me much. 2+ years age difference would bother me though.
yeah, yelling at your daughter is one way to traumatize your child maybe your husband should use his words and not his anger
I dont understand that reaction from your husband at all tbh. What’s upsetting? They’re just children
Overreaction for sure. Good luck when she has a boyfriend. If your daughter and the boy both agreed then it is what it is.
Tell hubby, if he gets mad and punishes your daughter, the only thing that will accomplish is daughter will then find a way to hide things better and you two will never know anything personal about her life ever again!!! Kids exploring and experimenting is absolutely natural.......teach her about autonomy and consent and absolutely teach her how to be safe (physically, mentally and emotionally) Sink to her level and explain things appropriately for her age!! If dad doesn't chill, he's gonna make it all seem taboo, forbidden and mysterious......what gal doesn't love to rebel and unravel a good mystery huh?!?
I would be upset if my son was kissing that young too but I would just talk to him. A father coming to yell at him because his daughter kissed him would have ended in an actual fight though
Why don’t you & your husband have a conversation with your daughter? If your husband is “pissed” & wants to yell at everyone involved, your daughter will slowly pull away from you all. You said you’re biased because that’s how you got with your husband, how’s that working?
Your husband overreacted. I am pretty sure it was all very innocent. He needs to chill out .
Not wrong, Dad, though, it's kind of a wake-up call that she's starting to grow up..so it's kind of a shock to him.
This is about as normal as the sky being blue and grass being green. Your husband needs some serious anger management therapy.
They are the same age, why does your husband “fault” the other child and doesn’t even consider that his child might be the initiator?
My son kissed a girl on the check in a grocery store when he was in elementary school. Nothing came of it. It's innocent. It was just a peck.
I think your husband's attitude to this situation is unhealthy and, quite frankly, disturbing. Perhaps he needs to talk to a relevant counsellor or specialist of some kind in this field.
Your husband has issues. You are not wrong.
Yes, go ahead and punish the child for doing a perfectly normal human thing. Why do adults insist on pretending that children don’t have sexuality? A child’s sexuality granted is very different from an adults. But children know if they’re straight and who they like, children know if they are not straight and who they like. And a completely age-appropriate peck of a kiss, to punish that send the message that everything about sex and sexuality is dirty and wrong. If your husband wants to set his daughter up for a lifetime of issues surrounding sex and boundaries punishing her is a good way to do that.
He is TA. Tell him to chill and remember his innocence during his childhood so just a little peck between two 9 yr olds kids playing. I do understand the protective nature of the father though but he is just getting a little carried away
I was 7
Sure, let him ground her so she keeps everything to do with boys secret and is pregnant by 16 years old.
Do you want a pregnant teenager, because yelling and making a fit over stuff like this will only drive her away and make her better at hiding things from you and that’s how you get a pregnant teenager. Just my 2 cents.
What does he mean by you are biased because that is how you got with your husband under similar circumstances? Is he indirectly calling you a rhymes with butt or what is he saying and why is it on you and your daughter, and not on him and the boy?
A little boy tried to kiss my 5 year old daughter My husband thought it was funny. I was alarmed and so was the little boy's mother. But after some consideration, I realized it was ok. Btw, I didn't think it was anything sexual. It happened on a cruise ship and I was more concerned about her getting sick rather than something happening to her sexually. I remember telling my parents I liked a kid in kindergarten and both my parents laughed in my face, telling me I was doomed since I liked someone so young. You better believe I never told them anything again after that.
I asked my mom when I was in first grade if I could invite my “boyfriend” over for dinner. She asked what his favorite food was. So my parents, my “boyfriend” and I all sat down and had sloppy joes and French fries. Then he and I played a board game. Your husband needs to chill the fuck out.
your husband must be one of those alpha males I keep hearing about
I wouldn't ground her but I'd definitely have the talk and tell her she's too young for a bf and romantic gestures
OMG! He's off the rails. My son said he was engaged to a girl in kindergarten. When I asked him what it meant he said they had to play together at recess then get married after high school. Kids sometimes hit at birthday parties too. Maybe he shouldn't chaperone at school or at parties if he can't handle it.
Whew your husband is 🚩🚩🚩
ah i see..husband is the typical "i will put my daughter through hell before i ever allow her to grow up" type. (no offense op) i feel like husband is doing too much. and also she's only 9. there's not she can do at 9. i get he's concerned but to get physically angry and want to GROUND her? that's too far. there's definitely a boundary that needs to be established between you two and husband.
YOURE NOT WRONG MOMMA !!!!! Punishing her will only make her most likely do it more. She will absolutely HIDE SHIT FROM YALL and have no absolutely no trust ! He’s overreacting about puppy love. Maybe have a conversation about the situation in a sweet way but I wouldn’t make it a huge deal.
Your husband is being an absolute moron. He starts with this nonsense? I see a girl at 15 sneaking out and having unprotected sex and being pregnant at 16. Up to you to be the sensible and responsible parent here . Please do. Please tell "Mr Macho man" to pull himself together.
I don't understand why he would be *angry* and want to ground your kid. Grounding is used when a kid breaks a rule intentionally. You didn't mention any conversations with your kid about boys or kissing. So why isn't his reaction concern and a recognition that those conversations are now needed. Yelling at the boy is out of line. He needs anger management therapy. Kissing at 9 is pretty normal behavior, kids are curious and modeling adult behavior. That's how they learn. Have conversations with your kid about appropriate behavior, safety, how to say no, how to get help if uncomfortable, talk about consent and manipulative behavior to look out for. Teach her how to get out of uncomfortable situations, different ways to say no if "Just say no" doesn't feel safe, socially or physically, and that she can come to you for help for anything. That she's not in trouble. Dad is the only dangerous element in this scenario.
He's overreacting, and I'm a dad of 2 daughters (24 and 16). If he's acting like this when she's NINE, that's a 🚩 This is WAY overboard. Even when our oldest was a teenager, I didn't get like that. Was I concerned about boys? Yes. Did I want to scream at them? No. Talk, yes, but not scream at him and his parents and ground her. It was just a kiss, and it sounds like an innocent first kiss type at that. Big deal. Spin it on him: ask him how old he was when he had his first kiss. I'll bet he was around that age, too.
Strict parents equal sneaky kids. That's all I'm saying.
A 9 year old having their first kiss isn't that big of a deal and I doubt it was the first time...also this boy she's kissing has been one of her BEST friends, he's been friends with her before the romance and I personally think that's genuinely sweeter. As a parent I would still monitor the situation, but I wouldn't be concerned like dad is. My father sounds alot like your husband, my dad growing up bombarded me constantly with woes from failed marriages and having kids young, he also always accused me of trying to sleep with every boy i became friends with or accused them of trying to sleep with me. I was 15 minutes late walking home from across town and I was forced to take a pregnancy test and my phone was searched. I actually missed the last bus. I stopped talking to my dad about anything personal after that- he would get upset when he found out about my boyfriends from my mom- only because my mom made an effort to meet these boys and didn't shame me. Your husband will lose any close bond he has with your daughter should he choose this route. For mom though, good for you for sticking up for her. You don't see it often but I love to see it
Not only are you not wrong, it's your duty as a parent to protect your daughter from your husband's abusive and controlling tendencies.
>He insists that he’s right and that I’m biased since I got with my husband under similar circumstances. Huh? Y'all have been making out with each other since you were nine-years-old?
There was no making out
Why is it a bad thing in his mind that you two started out the same? You're happily married, right? So why would that not be an ideal outcome for your daughter? There are some really weird attitudes going on with him. If he could examine his own reactions calmly I think it would be worth asking. "Why was your first reaction anger?" "Why do you think it was wrong for the kids to kiss?" "Why do you think it would have been appropriate to yell at the boy and his parents? What would that have achieved? How do you think that would have looked to others? What kind of impression would they have gotten of you as a parent and a person?" "Why do you think our daughter deserved to be punished? How would you have explained to her that what she did was wrong - in other words, who did it harm, or what harm did it cause anybody?" If your husband is any kind of a reasonable person, hopefully these questions will show him that seeing his daughter kiss a boy revealed a really big blind spot for him, full of emotions and triggers he may not have even realized were there. If he's not willing to examine what happened, there are way bigger problems on the horizon.
so is your husband calling you or your daughter easy? he needs to apologize to you fist and foremost, deal with those anger issues and realize that his daughter is growing up and over reacting like that will push her away, be afraid to reach out for help, become secretive and not trust you at all. I would talk to your daughter about growing up and not going to fast and saying no and all of that .
Without saying everything I want to say or throwing any accusations out... Is he always overprotective of her in an unhealthy manner, or is this a first? Does she have friends outside of school or is she isolated? And lastely doee he have any past trauma that may be influencing his behavior?
You're not wrong. First thing, your hisband has to understand that your children are not his property. He cannot decide if they can or not have a boyfriend, even that young. You have just the responsibility to teach them how is appropriate for their age. You have to teach why a thing is appropriate for her now and why is not. You can't decide whether or not your children can have or not a boyfriend or girlfriend. They will have it is pretty inevitable and probably you, your family or the adults in their life are even creating an expectation about this. It's just natural. Your husband can't choose the perfect boyfriend for her and can't choose when she can or not have one. Also being angry with a 9yo because he kissed her daughter put him on the same level. Your husband has a 9 year old mentality. He needs to manage his emotions and to be educated about what a parent have to do or not.
Is your husband mentally handicapped? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him? Did he think making a scene in front of the other kids would make sense? Did he think threatening a child made sense? Did he realize he completely erased his daughter’s autonomy by placing all the blame on his perceived wrong action just on the boy meaning his daughter was a mindless helpless victim. Fuck this piece of misogynistic shit.
There is a huge difference between an innocent peck and full face kissing. I'd have a problem with the second, and have an honest conversation with my daughter about what's appropriate. I can understand the knee jerk reaction for your husband if it was a full face kiss type of thing, but it's not something to yell about, but it needs addressed. If it's a peck, than he needs to take it down about 30 notches.
It was just a peck
Your husband is mate guarding your daughter haha you should be careful
These types of reactions are red flags he is being inappropriate with the daughter.
I agree. He’s being weird and overly protective about her body and growing sexuality. It’s a red flag.
That’s an Olympic level leap to be making there
Well something like 30% of American females have inappropriate shit happen to them. The overwhelming majority of it is done by immediate family. And this dude loses his shit over a 9 year old girl kissing a boy in her class. I would keep an eye on that dude.
If you go to Unfiltered Stories on YouTube, its story upon story from women who lost their virginity to their overprotective fathers but you are probably right
You aren’t wrong, but she’s too young to be kissing! Have a talk with her. Make sure she knows she can come to you with anything. Tell your husband if he grounds her or freaks out over this, she’ll hide everything from him. Is that what he wants?
Only three years earlier she would have been in kindergarten! I don’t think she should be punished, but I also don’t think anyone that age should be kissing. Having a crush is one thing, but dating & allat shouldn’t happen until at least 6th grade.
Not at all! Girls like boys and boys like girls. It’s normal
The fact is that what's OK for you in this situation will be different to what's OK for person x and then person you and then person z...whether it's OK or not is besides the point...is it OK for you and your husband as parents... Yes you knew so it was not shocking for you but it seems that your husband didn't know at all and he obviously is shocked amongst other emotions as well... There are a lot of great points already made in the comments...but it seems that you and your husband need to get on the same page real fast or you need to decide what you will do if he does not want to listen at all. When my daughter has a crush...she tells me and I always find out what's happening at school and all that...but I don't tell the dad every little thing...because he most likely will not understand and they can't help being over protective and that's fine...so I tell him only what he needs to know at any given time. So still keeping him in the loop..just nit every detail. I mean when you think about it...crushes and all are more of a mum department thing...especially with daughters...it's very natural. But yes it's just that he witnessed it live that is shocking part for him and it's been blown up to a thing. But the dad needs to know that girls nowadays are growing up quick..sometimes we need to be told the obvious things so we can start to process it all.
Which country is this
The US
Hey, I get that your husband is upset, especially with what happened to him. But it's totally normal for you to see this as just a cute crush. Remind him that your little girl is only nine, and this is probably her first crush. Reacting too harshly could really hurt her feelings and her friendship with this boy. I hope this helpsss!
As a mother to a son, really hoping he’s not taking his BS out on the boy I can’t stand parents like this who act like the issue is solely the boy and not their hormonal daughter too Id talk to my child privately about it though, not make a huge deal that they would close off and be embarrassed to ever talk to me again but enough that I get an understanding of this relationship (what kind of kids was this op?)
Your husband is in the wrong. To 180 this. My granddaughter is ten. We have just been on holiday. Whist there a lad was smiling at her and following us, she did not notice. We were at a fairground and on the dodgems and the lad kept bumping her. We had 5 goes on these things. Afterwards she mentioned the same boy kept bumping into her. I said he kept smiling at her, he probably liked her. She scrunched her face up and said ewwww.
No
Aww, come on Dad, don't you remember being 9? It's not a gateway kiss, it's a young girl blossoming into a soon to be young lady. Sometimes kisses are just sweet and innocent. If it's between 9-10 year olds, it is certainly that. Also don't freak your daughter into being an ashamed-of-normal-feelings person. Let her feel her feelings and also let her know that she can talk to her parents about them without her dad going ape-shit. Edit to add: I kjow it's Mom posting, and you're not wrong. I replied as if you were reading with the dad.
Not wrong. This could have extremely bad implications.
What implications
Ground her for what? Liking a boy? Yell at the boy for liking her too? Your husband's reaction is over the top. They are 9 year old kids, this little boy didn't SA your daughter or steal her virtue. It's completely possible for a person to do things without a sexual connotation behind it.
Overreacting
I’m not an expert on children, but I know it would be fine to explain to your child reasons not to do things. Children and teens need guidance and walls to develop well, not shaming and emotional warfare.
Not wrong, that’s so sweet. I feel like that would upset my husband too if that were to ever happen, but not to the point of wanting to ground her or yell at a kid/ parent.