Sheās 29, itās entirely possible the 12 year old isnāt his biologically, itād put her at 17 which is a hell of a better way to conclude that than OP being 12 with a kid lmao
They have EVERYTHING to do with the subject at hand because she was using them as an excuse to demand he not get enough sleep. If they aren't his kids, she should not be making ANY demands related to them.
They aren't married.
It extrapolated out from whether or not these children are even his, because three kids and he is only 24?
Attacks ensued from those defending single moms and her right to expect him to go without sleep so they could go out for breakfast and get back before the kids woke up.
Plus -
>She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā
She shouldnāt be making any demands, period. he works a night job. He only wanted to sleep till 10 and she wasnāt going to compromise even 30 minutes.
Mentioning the kids, isnāt āusing them as an excuseā.
You donāt need to know anything about their children in order to know if these two are toxic for each other.
In fact, you donāt need to know whose kids are whos at all for any reason. Thatās just you being nosy.
>Mentioning the kids, isnāt āusing them as an excuseā.
She freaking said that she wanted him to wake up and take her for breakfast "before the kids wake up." That's not "mentioning" them. That's very specifically related to them.
Plus, who just leaves their kids home sleeping and thinks they will sleep until 10AM? And be cool to wake up in a house with no adults?
Leaving the kids alone is the type of thing that can get your kids taken away from you. A 1-year-old could open a door and go wandering outside. A 7-year-old can be stupid and get into all kinds of trouble. Years ago, in our local city, a kid of about that age was playing with a lighter and caught the house on fire. Kids need supervision.
Without telling them they are in charge of the younger children? Even if they got up they wouldn't know the adults weren't home so wouldn't go straight to childcare.
I'm more concerned with the fact that OP said they'd want to leave before the kids wake up. There's a 1 year old, a 7 year old and the 12 year old. Was the 12 year old supposed to watch his siblings, or were they literally going to leave them without saying something? Am I misreading this or what
Nope. That was apparently her plan. She wanted to leave at 9AM and return at 10AM before they woke up. Like THAT would even happen with a 1 year old and a 7 year old. The only one likely to sleep until 10AM would be the 12 year old.
Also they are leaving at 9am but getting back before the kids wake up? So leaving three kids alone? Also in what world are three kids that age going to still be asleep at 9-10am? This fiction writer clearly has no actual experience with children.
That's what stuck out to me - leaving 3 kids, two who are really young, alone, and even with the comment that they live above their family and expect the kids to go for help if something happens - very irresponsible IMO.
They usually stay asleep until 11-12am depending on what day it is, we live right above my gfs sister and husband so if they needed anything they could have simply went downstairs
No but she wonāt hesitate to pull your nose or bop you in the forehead to wake you if she needed something, for a 1yo sheās incredibly smart but she cannot open any doors in our apt. But she will go wake up her sister or brother , still not great but thatās where weāre at
I know itās a bad situation but thatās a little dramatic, understandable but dramatic in my case. Either way Iāve discussed my concerns with my partner with leaving the kids home alone saying itās a bad idea but unfortunately š¤·š½āāļø itās where weāre still at
Itās actually not dramatic. Have you researched how often babies will die from suffocation or choking? Are you aware that this is grounds for CPS to have the kids taken away? Why would it be illegal if it were perfectly safe?
Like Iāve said in another comment this isnāt an all the time thing, weāll leave the kids alone like once or twice every blue moon and the other times we have a sitter.
Again you arenāt even reading youāre just saying shit. āWhere weāre still atā as in thatās where weāre at in the argument, NOT that we think leaving them alone is a solution to us going out. I think everyone is attacking me when Iām LITERALLY taking the kids side in this, am I missing something?
Yes, you're missing something. You had no problem leaving them home alone and asleep. You just wanted to do it 30-60 minutes latter.
You're a terrible parent and shouldn't have kids.
Well, I wish you luck. This comment
>She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā
is very, very disturbing. Coupled with her selfish behavior about your sleep, it just doesn't bode well for any kind of healthy relationship.
āThe age gap is concerning tooā¦ā
Oh for the love of god, itās 5 yearsā¦ be fucking for real, thatās not a problem at all.
Focus on the shit that actually matters.
We live in Texas and Iāll be 25 this year so the gap isnāt that crazy, but like I said she CAN be a peach but when sheās like this sheās more of a ābeachā if you get my play on words
Sheās a little more complicated than that but I get what you mean, thinking about it all I can admit I was also in the wrong. Instead of planning another date I avoided the situation entirely because in my head she was wrong for not giving me 30 minutes to sleep (which couldāve avoided this entire thing if she had compromised like I asked). I didnāt talk to her really for days because I wanted her to see the wrong in what she did and apologize but maybe I shouldāve just talked to her š¤·š½āāļø so many shoulda woulda couldāves
And are you leaving them alone when you go out???!!! I know this isn't what you asked, but that's the serious point here.
And your gf is totally unreasonable. You get, what, 2 hours of sleep? Not on.
Iāve answered your first concern a few times in the comments but that night prior I did not go into work but I did only sleep for maybe 4 hours which was fine for me before the date
Most times (when everyone is awake) weāll leave the two older kids home and take the baby because she can be a handful. The 12yo has watched her countless times (asleep/awake) and has done good each time and she knows if sheās too much she can easily go downstairs with her cousins and aunt/uncle. I admit it wasnāt the best plan of action for the date (might I add wasnāt my idea) but it worked out before so we tried doing it again
You'll be waiting a while then. A quick look at their profile tells me this isn't a real situation or theirs anyway. The last time op commented on anything was a month ago and then they resurface posting this? Yeah, this must be fake.
I think thatās super young, but itās the same age she had her first so I guess this isnāt all that uncommon in their community? In my community, them even dating at that age would be seen as creepy and weird and (depending on the area) illegal. But I know thatās not true around the world and it might be unremarkable for them.
Yes, which may have been the same as when the gf had the 12 yo just with the genders flipped (only a maybe, since we donāt know how old the 12 yoās bio father is.) Creepy and disturbing where I live. Even where and when my parents grew up, it would raise eyebrows, but not to the same level as where I live now where she might have been criminally prosecuted if anyone had raised the issue with authorities.
Well - if she doesnāt think you need more then 3 hours of sleep after working a shift - thatās going to be a long frustrating life. She sounds like - she just may need some attention and time. But needs to be reasonable and let you sleep.
>She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā
Uh. No. Just no, no, no.
I agree with her. You should definitely break up because this is just a completely terrible attitude. You're only 24. Why are you wasting your time with this person who has no appreciation for your hard work AND thinks you should just be her puppet. It makes no sense.
She usually says āyou knew what you were getting into when you started dating meā as an excuse to whatever problem I had with her, I told her thatās not an excuse for her behavior at times but š¤·š½āāļø
Fortunately, you are also fully capable of knowing what you are getting OUT OF if you stop dating her.
Anyone with two brain cells knows that this type of behavior is completely toxic and unacceptable. Her insisting that it is OK doesn't make it OK. It just means she is trying to gaslight you.
So, it's okay for her to mistreat you, because she's a garbage person who can't take others into consideration?
Do you really wanna be with this when you're 50 years old? I'm gonna tell you dude, if you stay it's not gonna be fun.
There are so many problems here. Why is she even planning something that time of morning knowing you work night shift? 30 minutes of sleep is not a compromise. A compromise is she gets up a early and you go at 7 or you wait til the afternoon. And who the hell is watching the kids? āGet back before the kids wake up.ā They could wake up at any time, and anything could happen even while theyāre sleeping. What are you people doing??
To be clear because I forgot to mention, I didnāt work that previous night but I was extremely tired. I usually wake up at 1-2 sometimes 3pm so I thought just asking for 30 minutes would be fine. My gfs sister and her family live right below us and is aware of our date plans. The kids (if woken up) could have easily went downstairs as they have before and there would be no problem, they sleep in very late and we were pretty confident they would still be asleep when we got back
Dude, you got finessed into being a stepdad. Iām guessing you only have one kid with her and the other two are with some other man or men? Bounce, rock, skate and roll your ass out of this relationship. Sheās older, but acting younger.
ESH. Not because you want to sleep but because youvare going to leave a 12 year old, a 7 year old and a 1 year old alone while they sleep to get breakfast. I 12 year old probably has the wherewithal to take care of their younger siblings for a couple hours, but leave them sleeping? Nope. First that's incredibly wreckless of parents to just leave kids sleeping in the house. Second a 12 year old should not bare that responsibility of doing morning routine with their siblings espicially the one year old who needs diaper changed. Cleaned up. Dressed, hand fed breakfast etc. Yall need to plan your dates better.
Literally the only part I picked up on, like how do.you rationally think that's a good idea!
Social services need to be involved not a fucking alarm clock!
Agreed - I don't care what else is going on, they're both being extremely irresponsible by leaving young children alone and expecting the 12 year old to take care of them as soon as they wake up. That makes them both assholes.
My first thought is fire. I know it's unlikely but how many fuking news stories do we hear where the kids were left alone sleeping then got killed in a fire. If it was in middle of the afternoon and they were only going to be gone for like an hour. Depending on the maturity of the 12, maybe I could see it. But noway no how in this situation.
Y'all were planning to wake up and leave three children sleeping alone while y'all went out to breakfast? You're both horrible people, I hope this is fake. Not everyone should have kids.
I'm sorry but like.... on top of not letting you sleep she wanted to leave the kids at home ages 1-12? I'm sorry but like no? That's called "child neglect" and aside from the 12yo the 1 and 7 yo should not be left unsupervised. Period. This is out to breakfast not, you go snag breakfast from the diner and I'll wait with the kids. They're KIDS not dogs. Honestly should have the cops called on your stupid asses cuz that's a sure fire way to lose your kids. Breakfast out is at bare minimum an hour. Shit can go haywire in an hour. Y'all have messed up priorities and breakfast out is the least of your issues.
I don't see why he doesn't plan breakfast dates right after work, before he goes to sleep for the day. You can get breakfast at 7am after a graveyard shift.
I mean that is fair, but actively planning a date for 9 or 10 am when you go to bed at 7 am is ridiculous and a guarantee that he will cancel or sleep through it. 3 hours it's enough rest to be anything but more exhausted after working all night.
I mean, I used to back when I worked the graveyard shift regularly, but the *way* I did it was at the end of the shift, *before* going to sleep. OP's way makes no sense.
24, 3 kids ranging from 1-12 , working 12 hour overnight shift. Seems like you have more things to worry about than sleep or even dates. The both of you
Wrong to want to sleep? No.
But WHO exactly was she leaving her 3 kids with so you could grab breakfast? I donāt care if her sister is in the same apartment building, you donāt leave a one year old baby alone. Are you both completely irresponsible or just her?
No normal child wakes up at 11, unless their idiot parents donāt put them to bed at night. This is disgustingly bad parenting.
You'd willingly leave 3 kids under the age of 16 home alone when one is a BABY, so can go out and get breakfast. I feel like this is a social services report waiting to happen
Edit:- I mean your concern is how long you get to sleep not the fact she wants to leave 3 minors alone
GF wants you to get up and go out after your overnight with 3 hours of sleep. I would say that is not going to happen. You deserve, at absolute minimum, a 7 hour sleep.
Sounds to me like this isn't going to work out. This is really too one sided.
Not sure if the kids belong to you or not but if not then yes, may be time to reconsider your relationship. The situation you presented to us here sounds toxic in my opinion. Sheās 29 and doesnāt understand how you may need more time in the morning to sleep after a 12 hour shift? I donāt blame you one bit for letting her go, you have to put yourself first sometimes. This is one of those times. Ur not wrong in my opinion
You work overnights, 12 hour shifts. You shouldn't be awake before noon at the very earliest... You'll burn the fuck out trying to do morning activities.
I'm asking this in earnest, so it's not a loaded question: has this happened many times before? have you agreed to do something with her and then asked for more time sleeping? are you never available for breakfast even on your days off and that's something she's wanted for a while? it's hard to tell from this post what the build-up to this was. if it's that you usually keep your word but were extra tired today, sure, not wrong. but if it's a situation where you promised because you have missed breakfast dates before, I can see why she'd be frustrated.
When I say I never ask her for anything I mean anything, I donāt ask for favors or for her to bring me something from another room. Hell my phone could be next to her and I would just walk over and get it. So no this is the first time of this happening ever, the ābuild upā comes from other relationship qualities that she says I lack in, like; affection, gift giving , pillow talk etc. Like I said in a previous comment I know Iāve been working on those things because I try to be more conscious of them but I just think itās hard for her to remember that in the middle of an argument.
that doesn't answer my question. has this happened before? or something like this? do you go back on your word? again, I'm not assuming you do; I just think that's relevant info for determining if you're wrong or not.
Date wise I want to say not really? Most times when we plan dates itās in the afternoon or night where we have a sitter and the date goes on like normal. Things like me saying Iāll take out the trash, wash dishes, run errands etc . Yes sometimes I have gone back on my word and havenāt done them, I donāt have good excuses for not doing them other than I just lost track of time or something came up. So you can say yes I have
this sounds like her response is the result of pent-up aggravation/annoyance. so like technically you're not wrong here but you all need to communicate about the state of your relationship and maybe even have some ultimatums regarding how you spend time together. again, I'm not there so I don't have the full picture, but in general I think communicating more effectively about how things are going and what needs to change (if anything) is important. saying you'll work on things is not a solution, though.
NW. you work a demanding job and just want to get a little extra sleep when you can. I get she wants to be back for the kids, but she needs to understand if youāre home at 645 that 9 am just doesnāt work.
Her waiting for you to get up and leaving right then is passive aggressive ah. Then the whole āeven when Iām wrong back down because youāre the man.ā Thatās a no from me dawg. I had a gf like this. Ending it is probably the better solution at this point, and just for that single comment alone. Someone is unwilling to admit fault or compromise without blaming you for anything. You donāt want to deal with that for the next however many years.
Perhaps more context is needed than just this instance as it seems like this was building up for her.
But if we are just referring to this moment, and maybe itās happened a few times, I totally understand your frustration. Having completely opposite schedules is taxing on any relationship. Finding time that works for both of you Iām sure is exhausting.
I do think itās unfair that she wouldnāt even compromise knowing you work those hours. And Iām also sure sheās frustrated that she doesnāt get to spend time with you which is why sheās considering ending things. But 30 minutes to one hour is not a dealbreaker to me.
Youāre not wrong. Your GF js sexist and childish. Do you have kids together? Cause if those kids are yours itās going to make it impossible for you not to be in each otherās lives. If theyāre not, take this chance to run before you get baby trapped
Not Wrong. Demanding that you take her out to breakfast at a particularly time, no matter the reason. Not considering your need for sleep. Not compromising by Ā½ hr. Seems selfish. Rethink this relationship. Good Luck.
Did you work the previous night or just stay up late because āyour body is used to itā? If you didnāt work and could have gone to bed earlier, YTA. If you did work, NTA. Iāve worked nights before & if I had a commitment in the morning after an off-night, I popped a melatonin and went to bed early.
NTA.... are these her kids or both of y'alls?
It's one thing to leave kids alone when they're prepares for it. It screams bad parenting when someone's okay with leaving sleeping kids alone at the ages of 1 and 7. Those kids wake up before the 12 year old, bad shit can happen.
The 7yo goes straight to fortnite in the morning and knows how to feed himself, the 1yo goes to sleep pretty late and so she usually wakes up kinda late like 11-12 some times later. 1yo is both ours , other two are hers from previous relations
But as a mom, that 1 year old can wake up before the rest, while you're gone, for medical or other reasons. I get you are tired, and you're with a very selfish woman (breakfast dates with a nightshifter ? Seriously? ) and so you're not fully powered, but do not leave a small child like that alone without at least making sure the 12 year old knows, or another adult can monitor them. And find yourself a woman who isn't so self centered.
Heads up, your custody battle is gonna be hell with her. Be prepared.
I realized a long time ago that leaving a 1yo alone is NOT a great idea, this is really the first time weāve done this. Other timeās everyone is awake so if I gotta do a store run Iāll leave her with her sister. I will do better at being more stern with not leaving her alone while everyone is asleep
And be more stern about taking care of your own health as well. Night shift work is very bad for most of us. 12 hour shift are even worse (I do the same schedule with my current job. Just switched back to days tho )
Get your sleep in, and keep up with your healthy foods and water. Please try to go to bed a few hours earlier on your days off, likeat 2 am or something.
Iāll admit i definitely need to sleep earlier, i often find myself awake at 4-5am bored doing nothing but canāt sleep or atleast I donāt try to put myself to sleep? Truthfully Iām a mess and wish sleeping was never a thing.
Change your wish. Wish that you had a supportive partner and a better job.
Have you looked into state government jobs? Don't know where you live, but they are usually union and have great benefits. Most of the state jobs out here in Cali are day time shifts too
I think itās funny that people are flipping out over the 12 year old babysitting. That was normal 20 years ago. I wish I could go back before the newer generations ruined everything.
I was 8 and left alone to watch a baby under 1 and two 2 year olds. My mom swears that never happened lmao Iād never leave a kid alone let alone to watch other kids.
Not wrong. Given that OP works night shift, gf should have been more merciful and given him an extra 30 minutes. Insane to lose a relationship over something this small, though of course other issues not mentioned are also involved here.
I don't think you're wrong at all. It's totally reasonable to catch up on sleep after working so long. My partner has a very tough, similar schedule to yours so I try to let them sleep as much as they can when they're able.
However it seems there are 100% underlying issues at play here. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back unfortunately. Long shift work takes you away from your partner, and with three kids, I'm sure she's under a lot of stress as well.
If there's still time to salvage the relationship, try to get to the root of the issue. Does she just miss you? Does she need help? How can you both come together to meet each other's needs? This is a balancing act, for certain. You may find a break is what you need. But regardless, you're definitely not wrong here, but get to the heart of the matter, and you may find it may not be black and white.
As someone who has worked every single shift (including day off relief for all 3 shifts in a week) I know exactly what OP is going thru. People just don't comprehend that you need to sleep during the day when everyone else is awake. They think you should be awake too. Not wrong OP
>āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā
Is this what you want your life to be like going forward?
Also, how long have you been together? Whose kids are these?
Not wrong. She's got 3 kids with you and she wants to end it over something so silly? Something else is going on and you should try getting to the root of it. Sit her down and say, "instead of arguing over something so petty why don't you tell me what you're really upset about?"
Sheās upset over multiple things which built up to this apparently, but the things sheās really upset about are things that I have been working on which she doesnāt realize mid argument , when weāre not arguing Iām sure she can remember everything Iāve been doing
NTA AT ALL - she sounds miserable tbh, and at almost 30 there's no guarantee she can mature. Couples therapy (for her, but do not frame it this way) might help her see the problem.
What if she wanted to something with your kids, like say take them on a big hike, that seems innocent enough but could actually be dangerous, even deadly, and she says "I need to be right about this." And then when you disagree she waits til you're vulnerable and takes them anyway.
Pretty psychotic if you ask me. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a partner that not only doesn't respect me, but also doesn't respect basic logic.
She has her sisters for ācouples therapyā . There has been times where weāll have a disagreement and she wonāt see my point of view UNTIL her sisters say it .
Example: Gf - āThe sky is greenā
Me - āNo babe itās blueā
Gf - āNo itās not but whatever ughā
*Gf talks with her sisters about situation*
Gf - āYou were right babe idk how I didnāt see it that wayā
Not a real story but hopefully you get the idea
I do, unfortunately. I'm sorry man I wish I had better news for you but I've seen this a couple times and I've never seen the couple come through. You're not going to surpass her relationship with her sister, and your gf has it in her mind that all she needs is her sister to be happy - you're just icing on the cake.
If I were you I would insist on a professionally certified, LSW for couples therapy where you're both there - your voice matters. If she is unwilling to do that then she is 100% unwilling to change and I would recommend exiting the relationship.
She thinks she owns you bro. You deserve so much bettter.
Dude, looking at your post history it seems like she may be getting a bit overwhelmed, from staying home being the sole person caring for them and its starting to wear on her that there's never the chance for it to be just the two of you for a while. I mean maybe you should not have agreed to a breakfast date, knowing your work scedule but it is understandable she wanted a date, and you pissed her off by sleeping in so long it would have to be a family outing instead. Would have been better to schedule a better time for you and make sure you could get a babysitter or family member to watch the kids.
Also, would it be impossible to start searching for a job where you don't work at odd hours to where you just aren't ever available in the daytime? That may be worth considering.
ESH.
- You clarified that you did not work the night before your breakfast date, which is what the original post was insinuating.
- You canāt just leave the kids alone without discussing it with the eldest, who you mentioned would be watching the other two siblings if they woke up, first and foremost. You also clarified that your sister lives below you, but you did not contact her to say youād be leaving your kids alone and if they needed something, theyād need her. You also shouldnāt leave a one year old alone without a better plan in place instead of ātheyāll wake up after we get back.ā What if there was an emergency? Fire? Incredibly irresponsible and dangerous.
- She obviously sucks for her āeven when Iām wrong, Iām right.ā
You two need to both sit down and have an adult conversation about the future of this relationship, because it seems incredibly toxic in its current state.
Does she not understand that night shift work, even if not physical labor, is extremely taxing on the body?!? I mean, it quite literally has been proven to take years off your life. Itās the opposite of the natural rhythm of our bodies clock, it adversely affects your overall health even with the best of sleep schedules. And sleep deprivation is also a killer. Literally.
To limit the damage you have to find ways to force this to become your bodies new clock, that requires strict consistency to work against what your body wants. So the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep that same schedule on your off days, otherwise youāre constantly trying to adjust back to the day sleep and night wakefulness. Itās just an unnatural schedule to keep, so our bodies *easily* revert back to what weāre physically craving. It works against you big time to try to be a night sleeper or not sleep at all only on your days off. Donāt make a habit of doing that unless on the rare occasion there is an emergency or an important event you donāt want to miss. Breakfast with an entitled, ungrateful, self absorbed, spoiled brat is NOT a good enough reason.
Sheās demanding that you to do something that is literally bad for your health. Why does it have to be breakfast?!? Why canāt it be lunch the earliest, or better yet, dinner? Like, why does someone who claims to love you so flippantly and selfishly want to cause you harm?!! Sheās an almost 30 year old adult, but sheās unwilling to be reasonable with a man who clearly took on helping raise *her* kids. Itās reasonable to assume that 12 year old isnāt yourself unless you knocked her up when you were 12 yourself. Iād bet the 7 year old isnāt yours either. Yet not good enough. Sheās demanding you dangerously deprive yourself of sleep to take this immature selfish woman to breakfast, thatās her line-in-the-sand ultimatum?!? Itās no wonder why she was single and raising those kids alone when you met herā¦ š
Dude. Walk away. If any of those kids are yours, take her to court for a court ordered visitation schedule that she must comply with and pay your child support. This isnāt someone that cares to make ANY adjustments to help keep you healthy now and alive in the longterm. She certainly isnāt going to be a willingly rational and reasonable coparent.
We were very certain that the 1yo would still be asleep by the time we would get back, she left and I stayed asleep. By the time she came back around I think 12 close to 1 she was still asleep and the other two kids were awake (like we predicted) Still wrong nonetheless and wonāt happen again
You're not wrong. I used to work night shifts a lot when I first got married. I'm a nurse, and at that time, it was A LOT. I was in Med-Surge back then, and I would be exhausted when I got home. On my off days, I'd also stay up late because, like you said, your body gets used to it. My mom was an RN for 43 years, retired in 2013, and still stays up all night lol She worked nights for about 33 of those years. It's really incredibly hard to make yourself go to sleep at night lol
Anyway, I think 9:30 was a good compromise. According to you, it wouldn't have taken you long to get ready so she could have waited. I'd rather wait the 15mins and go out with my partner than go out alone, ya know?
This. Iāve explained numerous times my job is very taxing ( I sometimes walk around with my eyes half closed from exhaustion and when I get home my body is over it) Unfortunately I think the only way sheāll understand is if she works my job OR I record what I do at work BUT my job restricts video recording in any way on campus, especially in the building.
Sheās super passive aggressive not allowing you to actually sleep. You deserve better. Also, itās not legal to leave sleeping kids alone just because she wants to go to breakfast.
I got the answer to your problem. Simply state youāre not ok leaving the baby home. This is grounds for cps honestly. 12 is allowed to be home alone but when we talk about a baby totally different story. Even leaving her with the 7 year old is iffy. Even if your family lives down stairs because are they are theyāre watching your kids well you go out? This whole situation is bigger problems than I think Reddit can handle.
This is toxic
My husband used to work those hours 6 days a week and we did everything possible to make sure he got his rest because SAFETY.
If he ever had a day off, we let him sleep as much as he needed before doing what we needed to do because we love him?!?!?!
You got with an older woman who has no issue leaving a 1yo baby alone with two other kids, who doesnāt care about your health or safety, who is manipulative and toxicā¦
Cut and run
What province are you in that has a minimum age of being home alone at 16??
Iām in Alberta and thereās no minimum age and most kids start babysitting at 12.
Leave before the kids wake up??! Whoās looking after them then??
Working night shifts isnāt conducive to having a āfamilyā life, without compromise on both sides. Are these kids yours OP? If not, I donāt think itās fair that she expects you to suffer yourself and f up your routine for them.
Not wrong.
I think sheās immature. She should be making breakfast at home to bring to you in bed after work 12 fkin hrs. And waiting for brunch on the weekend instead. I donāt get these women nowadays.
tell her if she wants to break up her family over sleep and breakfast, thats her choice and not a good one. how about yall hire a baby sitter for 2 hours or ask someone to come over. hire the 12 year old even.
Bro she has three kids and shes that dumb and selfish? Cum on her face and dump her off. Dont give her a 4th person that will serve you as a prison to her worthless self
Question: You are 24 years old and have THREE kids with your GF?
and ones apparently 12? š¤Ø
Sheās 29, itās entirely possible the 12 year old isnāt his biologically, itād put her at 17 which is a hell of a better way to conclude that than OP being 12 with a kid lmao
ah shit, ykno what, i didnāt even see the gfs age lmao š my bad
OP isn't responding to my question.
He posted it an hour ago right? Maybe give him time?
Maybe heās sleeping
Idk he's replying to anything. I'm assuming it's fake
Looks like he was sleeping. Giving more time seemed like the right move apparently.
Just waking up sorry
Considering that the ages of the children have nothing to do with the situation at hand, I wouldnāt hold my breath for an answer
They have EVERYTHING to do with the subject at hand because she was using them as an excuse to demand he not get enough sleep. If they aren't his kids, she should not be making ANY demands related to them. They aren't married.
The GF is an older woman with older children.
The GF doesn't exist because this is a fake post.
They live together - so plans for the two of them are impacted by the presence of children in the household.
Let me guess. You're a single mom.
tf? why are single mums catching strays?
It extrapolated out from whether or not these children are even his, because three kids and he is only 24? Attacks ensued from those defending single moms and her right to expect him to go without sleep so they could go out for breakfast and get back before the kids woke up. Plus - >She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā
i just donāt think the hostility towards single mums is needed at all.
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Thank you for confirming my assumption.
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Let me guess youāre a loser.
Another single mom jumps into the chat.
Why are you bashing single moms though? The fathers were deadbeats and thatās the parent that stayās fault? Weird perspective.
She shouldnāt be making any demands, period. he works a night job. He only wanted to sleep till 10 and she wasnāt going to compromise even 30 minutes.
Mentioning the kids, isnāt āusing them as an excuseā. You donāt need to know anything about their children in order to know if these two are toxic for each other. In fact, you donāt need to know whose kids are whos at all for any reason. Thatās just you being nosy.
>Mentioning the kids, isnāt āusing them as an excuseā. She freaking said that she wanted him to wake up and take her for breakfast "before the kids wake up." That's not "mentioning" them. That's very specifically related to them. Plus, who just leaves their kids home sleeping and thinks they will sleep until 10AM? And be cool to wake up in a house with no adults?
Leaving the kids alone is the type of thing that can get your kids taken away from you. A 1-year-old could open a door and go wandering outside. A 7-year-old can be stupid and get into all kinds of trouble. Years ago, in our local city, a kid of about that age was playing with a lighter and caught the house on fire. Kids need supervision.
In the vast majority of states a 12 year is considered old enough to be left home in charge of younger children.
Unless they're the one still sleeping!!
Without telling them they are in charge of the younger children? Even if they got up they wouldn't know the adults weren't home so wouldn't go straight to childcare.
She literally - in the very meaning of this word - used them as an excuse.
Exactly! They are simply just an excuse. Therefore irrelevant.
I'm more concerned with the fact that OP said they'd want to leave before the kids wake up. There's a 1 year old, a 7 year old and the 12 year old. Was the 12 year old supposed to watch his siblings, or were they literally going to leave them without saying something? Am I misreading this or what
Nope. That was apparently her plan. She wanted to leave at 9AM and return at 10AM before they woke up. Like THAT would even happen with a 1 year old and a 7 year old. The only one likely to sleep until 10AM would be the 12 year old.
Also they are leaving at 9am but getting back before the kids wake up? So leaving three kids alone? Also in what world are three kids that age going to still be asleep at 9-10am? This fiction writer clearly has no actual experience with children.
That's what stuck out to me - leaving 3 kids, two who are really young, alone, and even with the comment that they live above their family and expect the kids to go for help if something happens - very irresponsible IMO.
Maybe they parentify the 12 year old and force them to watch the smaller kids? It is a sadly common thing among crappy parents.
They usually stay asleep until 11-12am depending on what day it is, we live right above my gfs sister and husband so if they needed anything they could have simply went downstairs
Your one year old is going to walk down the stairs to tell your SIL they need help?
No but she wonāt hesitate to pull your nose or bop you in the forehead to wake you if she needed something, for a 1yo sheās incredibly smart but she cannot open any doors in our apt. But she will go wake up her sister or brother , still not great but thatās where weāre at
Great plan to one day come home to a dead baby in her crib. Your issues are so far beyond this date, my man.
I know itās a bad situation but thatās a little dramatic, understandable but dramatic in my case. Either way Iāve discussed my concerns with my partner with leaving the kids home alone saying itās a bad idea but unfortunately š¤·š½āāļø itās where weāre still at
Itās actually not dramatic. Have you researched how often babies will die from suffocation or choking? Are you aware that this is grounds for CPS to have the kids taken away? Why would it be illegal if it were perfectly safe?
Like Iāve said in another comment this isnāt an all the time thing, weāll leave the kids alone like once or twice every blue moon and the other times we have a sitter.
Nooooooo. Why do people have kids and leave them alone. 1, 7, and 12 in blue moon leaving alone is never ok. They deserve better.
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Again you arenāt even reading youāre just saying shit. āWhere weāre still atā as in thatās where weāre at in the argument, NOT that we think leaving them alone is a solution to us going out. I think everyone is attacking me when Iām LITERALLY taking the kids side in this, am I missing something?
Yes, you're missing something. You had no problem leaving them home alone and asleep. You just wanted to do it 30-60 minutes latter. You're a terrible parent and shouldn't have kids.
12am is midnight
Sorry 11-12pm
We have one kid together and the other two are hers
Well, I wish you luck. This comment >She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā is very, very disturbing. Coupled with her selfish behavior about your sleep, it just doesn't bode well for any kind of healthy relationship.
Yeah it surprised me when she said it but it shouldnāt have because she has a pattern of needing to be right even if she doesnāt see it
She sounds like a real peach.
She usually is but when she gets like this itās almost impossible for me to willingly be around her/ talk to her
Sounds like a perfectly healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. /s
"This is a wonderful sandwich, except for this piece of shit in it"
u/ConvivialKat was being sarcastic. They don't think she's a peach at all, and neither do I. Age gap is concerning too ...
āThe age gap is concerning tooā¦ā Oh for the love of god, itās 5 yearsā¦ be fucking for real, thatās not a problem at all. Focus on the shit that actually matters.
The age gap is not concerning
We live in Texas and Iāll be 25 this year so the gap isnāt that crazy, but like I said she CAN be a peach but when sheās like this sheās more of a ābeachā if you get my play on words
People who are peaches only when they get their way, aren't really peaches.
Sheās a little more complicated than that but I get what you mean, thinking about it all I can admit I was also in the wrong. Instead of planning another date I avoided the situation entirely because in my head she was wrong for not giving me 30 minutes to sleep (which couldāve avoided this entire thing if she had compromised like I asked). I didnāt talk to her really for days because I wanted her to see the wrong in what she did and apologize but maybe I shouldāve just talked to her š¤·š½āāļø so many shoulda woulda couldāves
And are you leaving them alone when you go out???!!! I know this isn't what you asked, but that's the serious point here. And your gf is totally unreasonable. You get, what, 2 hours of sleep? Not on.
Iāve answered your first concern a few times in the comments but that night prior I did not go into work but I did only sleep for maybe 4 hours which was fine for me before the date
Okay, my maths was poor. But not my maths about the age of the kids. You'd leave them alone??
Most times (when everyone is awake) weāll leave the two older kids home and take the baby because she can be a handful. The 12yo has watched her countless times (asleep/awake) and has done good each time and she knows if sheās too much she can easily go downstairs with her cousins and aunt/uncle. I admit it wasnāt the best plan of action for the date (might I add wasnāt my idea) but it worked out before so we tried doing it again
Not only that, but they were going to go out and leave 3 small children at home? Something fishy š š with this story.
Maybe there's another adult living Ʈn tbe house.
The one year old is probably both of theirs while the seven and twelve year old could be hers from a previous relationship.
I'm waiting for OP to respond. I want a real answer, not conjecture.
You'll be waiting a while then. A quick look at their profile tells me this isn't a real situation or theirs anyway. The last time op commented on anything was a month ago and then they resurface posting this? Yeah, this must be fake.
I completely agree. I posted this question because I was pretty sure this was completely fake.
Happy to answer any questions
Says the asshole while not answering the question.
I answered lots of questions so maybe look instead of just talking
Don't know why you're being downvoted, totally fair.
Have you ever considered that the GF it's a single mom who has older children?
No. Because this is a fake post.
With all do respect, if it's fake why keep posting on it?
You shouldn't have any respect to the "this is fake! and this is also fake! everything is fake!" people. They are some of the worst trolls on Reddit.
Because it's 6AM where I am, I'm feeling cranky, and it's fun to wind up all the single moms who think OP should have just done what she demanded.
Oh...ok....
I mean, I would think the 12 yo is just hers and the other two may or may not be his.
If the 7 year old is his, that would mean she had the kid when he was 17.
I think thatās super young, but itās the same age she had her first so I guess this isnāt all that uncommon in their community? In my community, them even dating at that age would be seen as creepy and weird and (depending on the area) illegal. But I know thatās not true around the world and it might be unremarkable for them.
Except that would make her 21 getting impregnated by a 17 year old. š¤¢
Ick.
Yes, which may have been the same as when the gf had the 12 yo just with the genders flipped (only a maybe, since we donāt know how old the 12 yoās bio father is.) Creepy and disturbing where I live. Even where and when my parents grew up, it would raise eyebrows, but not to the same level as where I live now where she might have been criminally prosecuted if anyone had raised the issue with authorities.
Iām guessing the two oldest arenāt his. Maybe none of them.
You have the lifestyle of a middle-aged married man at 24. Why???
Well - if she doesnāt think you need more then 3 hours of sleep after working a shift - thatās going to be a long frustrating life. She sounds like - she just may need some attention and time. But needs to be reasonable and let you sleep.
Who is watch the kids when y'all are out?
Probably the 12 year old. I know I was tasked with babysitting at like 11+
Yep same, babysitting siblings at 10yo for my mom to leave the house a few hours at a time.
I worked 12 hour swing shifts for 35 years. Even after all that time, some people just couldn't understand that sometimes I needed to sleep.
>She said mid argument that āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā Uh. No. Just no, no, no. I agree with her. You should definitely break up because this is just a completely terrible attitude. You're only 24. Why are you wasting your time with this person who has no appreciation for your hard work AND thinks you should just be her puppet. It makes no sense.
I laughed right after her saying that because it was a total shock to hear
Well, I don't know if I would laugh if I were you. She is showing you who she is. Believe her.
She usually says āyou knew what you were getting into when you started dating meā as an excuse to whatever problem I had with her, I told her thatās not an excuse for her behavior at times but š¤·š½āāļø
Fortunately, you are also fully capable of knowing what you are getting OUT OF if you stop dating her. Anyone with two brain cells knows that this type of behavior is completely toxic and unacceptable. Her insisting that it is OK doesn't make it OK. It just means she is trying to gaslight you.
So, it's okay for her to mistreat you, because she's a garbage person who can't take others into consideration? Do you really wanna be with this when you're 50 years old? I'm gonna tell you dude, if you stay it's not gonna be fun.
There are so many problems here. Why is she even planning something that time of morning knowing you work night shift? 30 minutes of sleep is not a compromise. A compromise is she gets up a early and you go at 7 or you wait til the afternoon. And who the hell is watching the kids? āGet back before the kids wake up.ā They could wake up at any time, and anything could happen even while theyāre sleeping. What are you people doing??
To be clear because I forgot to mention, I didnāt work that previous night but I was extremely tired. I usually wake up at 1-2 sometimes 3pm so I thought just asking for 30 minutes would be fine. My gfs sister and her family live right below us and is aware of our date plans. The kids (if woken up) could have easily went downstairs as they have before and there would be no problem, they sleep in very late and we were pretty confident they would still be asleep when we got back
Dude, you got finessed into being a stepdad. Iām guessing you only have one kid with her and the other two are with some other man or men? Bounce, rock, skate and roll your ass out of this relationship. Sheās older, but acting younger.
ESH. Not because you want to sleep but because youvare going to leave a 12 year old, a 7 year old and a 1 year old alone while they sleep to get breakfast. I 12 year old probably has the wherewithal to take care of their younger siblings for a couple hours, but leave them sleeping? Nope. First that's incredibly wreckless of parents to just leave kids sleeping in the house. Second a 12 year old should not bare that responsibility of doing morning routine with their siblings espicially the one year old who needs diaper changed. Cleaned up. Dressed, hand fed breakfast etc. Yall need to plan your dates better.
Literally the only part I picked up on, like how do.you rationally think that's a good idea! Social services need to be involved not a fucking alarm clock!
That part has me perplexed
Agreed - I don't care what else is going on, they're both being extremely irresponsible by leaving young children alone and expecting the 12 year old to take care of them as soon as they wake up. That makes them both assholes.
My first thought is fire. I know it's unlikely but how many fuking news stories do we hear where the kids were left alone sleeping then got killed in a fire. If it was in middle of the afternoon and they were only going to be gone for like an hour. Depending on the maturity of the 12, maybe I could see it. But noway no how in this situation.
What do you expect from the mother? Given her attitude in this situation, she sounds like an awful person
Y'all were planning to wake up and leave three children sleeping alone while y'all went out to breakfast? You're both horrible people, I hope this is fake. Not everyone should have kids.
I'm sorry but like.... on top of not letting you sleep she wanted to leave the kids at home ages 1-12? I'm sorry but like no? That's called "child neglect" and aside from the 12yo the 1 and 7 yo should not be left unsupervised. Period. This is out to breakfast not, you go snag breakfast from the diner and I'll wait with the kids. They're KIDS not dogs. Honestly should have the cops called on your stupid asses cuz that's a sure fire way to lose your kids. Breakfast out is at bare minimum an hour. Shit can go haywire in an hour. Y'all have messed up priorities and breakfast out is the least of your issues.
The 12 year old would be it. It was normal 20 years ago, but not any more.
If you work nights, why are you doing breakfast dates at all all?
I don't see why he doesn't plan breakfast dates right after work, before he goes to sleep for the day. You can get breakfast at 7am after a graveyard shift.
I would imagine after a 12 hour shift of physical labor plus the commute, he's probably exhausted
I mean that is fair, but actively planning a date for 9 or 10 am when you go to bed at 7 am is ridiculous and a guarantee that he will cancel or sleep through it. 3 hours it's enough rest to be anything but more exhausted after working all night.
I mean, I used to back when I worked the graveyard shift regularly, but the *way* I did it was at the end of the shift, *before* going to sleep. OP's way makes no sense.
24, 3 kids ranging from 1-12 , working 12 hour overnight shift. Seems like you have more things to worry about than sleep or even dates. The both of you
Wrong to want to sleep? No. But WHO exactly was she leaving her 3 kids with so you could grab breakfast? I donāt care if her sister is in the same apartment building, you donāt leave a one year old baby alone. Are you both completely irresponsible or just her? No normal child wakes up at 11, unless their idiot parents donāt put them to bed at night. This is disgustingly bad parenting.
You work hard overnights with overtimeā¦ Get yo sleep and a woman who respects you!
I wanna know why your work hours are so weirdly specific!
Nah 1 and 7 shouldnāt be home alone honestly donāt care about the rest of the stupid story.
Do you drug the kids? You are waking at 9 so you can go out on a date - be back before the kids wake up????
You'd willingly leave 3 kids under the age of 16 home alone when one is a BABY, so can go out and get breakfast. I feel like this is a social services report waiting to happen Edit:- I mean your concern is how long you get to sleep not the fact she wants to leave 3 minors alone
12 year olds babysit all the time.
It's against the law to leave a kids at home if it puts them a risk, I somehow think leaving a baby at home with a child puts the baby at risk
I was babysitting babies at 12. For several households.
GF wants you to get up and go out after your overnight with 3 hours of sleep. I would say that is not going to happen. You deserve, at absolute minimum, a 7 hour sleep. Sounds to me like this isn't going to work out. This is really too one sided.
Whoās going to watch the children ā¦.?
Not sure if the kids belong to you or not but if not then yes, may be time to reconsider your relationship. The situation you presented to us here sounds toxic in my opinion. Sheās 29 and doesnāt understand how you may need more time in the morning to sleep after a 12 hour shift? I donāt blame you one bit for letting her go, you have to put yourself first sometimes. This is one of those times. Ur not wrong in my opinion
Goodness gracious, y'all have a mess. Showing those kids how not to live a life.
You work overnights, 12 hour shifts. You shouldn't be awake before noon at the very earliest... You'll burn the fuck out trying to do morning activities.
I'm asking this in earnest, so it's not a loaded question: has this happened many times before? have you agreed to do something with her and then asked for more time sleeping? are you never available for breakfast even on your days off and that's something she's wanted for a while? it's hard to tell from this post what the build-up to this was. if it's that you usually keep your word but were extra tired today, sure, not wrong. but if it's a situation where you promised because you have missed breakfast dates before, I can see why she'd be frustrated.
When I say I never ask her for anything I mean anything, I donāt ask for favors or for her to bring me something from another room. Hell my phone could be next to her and I would just walk over and get it. So no this is the first time of this happening ever, the ābuild upā comes from other relationship qualities that she says I lack in, like; affection, gift giving , pillow talk etc. Like I said in a previous comment I know Iāve been working on those things because I try to be more conscious of them but I just think itās hard for her to remember that in the middle of an argument.
that doesn't answer my question. has this happened before? or something like this? do you go back on your word? again, I'm not assuming you do; I just think that's relevant info for determining if you're wrong or not.
Date wise I want to say not really? Most times when we plan dates itās in the afternoon or night where we have a sitter and the date goes on like normal. Things like me saying Iāll take out the trash, wash dishes, run errands etc . Yes sometimes I have gone back on my word and havenāt done them, I donāt have good excuses for not doing them other than I just lost track of time or something came up. So you can say yes I have
this sounds like her response is the result of pent-up aggravation/annoyance. so like technically you're not wrong here but you all need to communicate about the state of your relationship and maybe even have some ultimatums regarding how you spend time together. again, I'm not there so I don't have the full picture, but in general I think communicating more effectively about how things are going and what needs to change (if anything) is important. saying you'll work on things is not a solution, though.
NW. you work a demanding job and just want to get a little extra sleep when you can. I get she wants to be back for the kids, but she needs to understand if youāre home at 645 that 9 am just doesnāt work. Her waiting for you to get up and leaving right then is passive aggressive ah. Then the whole āeven when Iām wrong back down because youāre the man.ā Thatās a no from me dawg. I had a gf like this. Ending it is probably the better solution at this point, and just for that single comment alone. Someone is unwilling to admit fault or compromise without blaming you for anything. You donāt want to deal with that for the next however many years.
>Keep in mind I work a 12 hour overnight job (6:35pm - 6:37am That's literally the answer there... She's the asshole...
Perhaps more context is needed than just this instance as it seems like this was building up for her. But if we are just referring to this moment, and maybe itās happened a few times, I totally understand your frustration. Having completely opposite schedules is taxing on any relationship. Finding time that works for both of you Iām sure is exhausting. I do think itās unfair that she wouldnāt even compromise knowing you work those hours. And Iām also sure sheās frustrated that she doesnāt get to spend time with you which is why sheās considering ending things. But 30 minutes to one hour is not a dealbreaker to me.
Um...what? Dump this inconsiderate bitch.
Youāre not wrong. Your GF js sexist and childish. Do you have kids together? Cause if those kids are yours itās going to make it impossible for you not to be in each otherās lives. If theyāre not, take this chance to run before you get baby trapped
This whole story sounds like a whole bunch of bullshit. So I'm going to lean toward. Yta here.
Not Wrong. Demanding that you take her out to breakfast at a particularly time, no matter the reason. Not considering your need for sleep. Not compromising by Ā½ hr. Seems selfish. Rethink this relationship. Good Luck.
Did you work the previous night or just stay up late because āyour body is used to itā? If you didnāt work and could have gone to bed earlier, YTA. If you did work, NTA. Iāve worked nights before & if I had a commitment in the morning after an off-night, I popped a melatonin and went to bed early.
NTA.... are these her kids or both of y'alls? It's one thing to leave kids alone when they're prepares for it. It screams bad parenting when someone's okay with leaving sleeping kids alone at the ages of 1 and 7. Those kids wake up before the 12 year old, bad shit can happen.
The 7yo goes straight to fortnite in the morning and knows how to feed himself, the 1yo goes to sleep pretty late and so she usually wakes up kinda late like 11-12 some times later. 1yo is both ours , other two are hers from previous relations
But as a mom, that 1 year old can wake up before the rest, while you're gone, for medical or other reasons. I get you are tired, and you're with a very selfish woman (breakfast dates with a nightshifter ? Seriously? ) and so you're not fully powered, but do not leave a small child like that alone without at least making sure the 12 year old knows, or another adult can monitor them. And find yourself a woman who isn't so self centered. Heads up, your custody battle is gonna be hell with her. Be prepared.
I realized a long time ago that leaving a 1yo alone is NOT a great idea, this is really the first time weāve done this. Other timeās everyone is awake so if I gotta do a store run Iāll leave her with her sister. I will do better at being more stern with not leaving her alone while everyone is asleep
And be more stern about taking care of your own health as well. Night shift work is very bad for most of us. 12 hour shift are even worse (I do the same schedule with my current job. Just switched back to days tho ) Get your sleep in, and keep up with your healthy foods and water. Please try to go to bed a few hours earlier on your days off, likeat 2 am or something.
Iāll admit i definitely need to sleep earlier, i often find myself awake at 4-5am bored doing nothing but canāt sleep or atleast I donāt try to put myself to sleep? Truthfully Iām a mess and wish sleeping was never a thing.
Change your wish. Wish that you had a supportive partner and a better job. Have you looked into state government jobs? Don't know where you live, but they are usually union and have great benefits. Most of the state jobs out here in Cali are day time shifts too
JFC you're a shitty parent.
Who was going to be watching the children?
I think itās funny that people are flipping out over the 12 year old babysitting. That was normal 20 years ago. I wish I could go back before the newer generations ruined everything.
I was 8 and left alone to watch a baby under 1 and two 2 year olds. My mom swears that never happened lmao Iād never leave a kid alone let alone to watch other kids.
It depends on the kids and the ages. One 12 year old can run their own daycare, while another one would burn the neighborhood down.
Apparently I was ready to run a daycare at 8 š
Some 12 year olds can do this, some can't. Mine absolutely can and does, but all kids are different.
It's normal nowadays too. People are just holier than thou.
This sounds entirely made up and makes zero sense.
Unfortunately not, this happened earlier this week
Well, that was an expensive win fella ,was it really worth it ,I think not.
I think lucky escape
You aren't wrong
Not wrong. Given that OP works night shift, gf should have been more merciful and given him an extra 30 minutes. Insane to lose a relationship over something this small, though of course other issues not mentioned are also involved here.
I don't think you're wrong at all. It's totally reasonable to catch up on sleep after working so long. My partner has a very tough, similar schedule to yours so I try to let them sleep as much as they can when they're able. However it seems there are 100% underlying issues at play here. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back unfortunately. Long shift work takes you away from your partner, and with three kids, I'm sure she's under a lot of stress as well. If there's still time to salvage the relationship, try to get to the root of the issue. Does she just miss you? Does she need help? How can you both come together to meet each other's needs? This is a balancing act, for certain. You may find a break is what you need. But regardless, you're definitely not wrong here, but get to the heart of the matter, and you may find it may not be black and white.
As someone who has worked every single shift (including day off relief for all 3 shifts in a week) I know exactly what OP is going thru. People just don't comprehend that you need to sleep during the day when everyone else is awake. They think you should be awake too. Not wrong OP
>āeven when Iām wrong say Iām right because youāre the manā Is this what you want your life to be like going forward? Also, how long have you been together? Whose kids are these?
Have fun being a single mom. PEACE!!āļø
Not wrong. She's got 3 kids with you and she wants to end it over something so silly? Something else is going on and you should try getting to the root of it. Sit her down and say, "instead of arguing over something so petty why don't you tell me what you're really upset about?"
Sheās upset over multiple things which built up to this apparently, but the things sheās really upset about are things that I have been working on which she doesnāt realize mid argument , when weāre not arguing Iām sure she can remember everything Iāve been doing
NTA AT ALL - she sounds miserable tbh, and at almost 30 there's no guarantee she can mature. Couples therapy (for her, but do not frame it this way) might help her see the problem. What if she wanted to something with your kids, like say take them on a big hike, that seems innocent enough but could actually be dangerous, even deadly, and she says "I need to be right about this." And then when you disagree she waits til you're vulnerable and takes them anyway. Pretty psychotic if you ask me. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a partner that not only doesn't respect me, but also doesn't respect basic logic.
She has her sisters for ācouples therapyā . There has been times where weāll have a disagreement and she wonāt see my point of view UNTIL her sisters say it . Example: Gf - āThe sky is greenā Me - āNo babe itās blueā Gf - āNo itās not but whatever ughā *Gf talks with her sisters about situation* Gf - āYou were right babe idk how I didnāt see it that wayā Not a real story but hopefully you get the idea
I do, unfortunately. I'm sorry man I wish I had better news for you but I've seen this a couple times and I've never seen the couple come through. You're not going to surpass her relationship with her sister, and your gf has it in her mind that all she needs is her sister to be happy - you're just icing on the cake. If I were you I would insist on a professionally certified, LSW for couples therapy where you're both there - your voice matters. If she is unwilling to do that then she is 100% unwilling to change and I would recommend exiting the relationship. She thinks she owns you bro. You deserve so much bettter.
Dude, looking at your post history it seems like she may be getting a bit overwhelmed, from staying home being the sole person caring for them and its starting to wear on her that there's never the chance for it to be just the two of you for a while. I mean maybe you should not have agreed to a breakfast date, knowing your work scedule but it is understandable she wanted a date, and you pissed her off by sleeping in so long it would have to be a family outing instead. Would have been better to schedule a better time for you and make sure you could get a babysitter or family member to watch the kids. Also, would it be impossible to start searching for a job where you don't work at odd hours to where you just aren't ever available in the daytime? That may be worth considering.
ESH. - You clarified that you did not work the night before your breakfast date, which is what the original post was insinuating. - You canāt just leave the kids alone without discussing it with the eldest, who you mentioned would be watching the other two siblings if they woke up, first and foremost. You also clarified that your sister lives below you, but you did not contact her to say youād be leaving your kids alone and if they needed something, theyād need her. You also shouldnāt leave a one year old alone without a better plan in place instead of ātheyāll wake up after we get back.ā What if there was an emergency? Fire? Incredibly irresponsible and dangerous. - She obviously sucks for her āeven when Iām wrong, Iām right.ā You two need to both sit down and have an adult conversation about the future of this relationship, because it seems incredibly toxic in its current state.
Does she not understand that night shift work, even if not physical labor, is extremely taxing on the body?!? I mean, it quite literally has been proven to take years off your life. Itās the opposite of the natural rhythm of our bodies clock, it adversely affects your overall health even with the best of sleep schedules. And sleep deprivation is also a killer. Literally. To limit the damage you have to find ways to force this to become your bodies new clock, that requires strict consistency to work against what your body wants. So the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep that same schedule on your off days, otherwise youāre constantly trying to adjust back to the day sleep and night wakefulness. Itās just an unnatural schedule to keep, so our bodies *easily* revert back to what weāre physically craving. It works against you big time to try to be a night sleeper or not sleep at all only on your days off. Donāt make a habit of doing that unless on the rare occasion there is an emergency or an important event you donāt want to miss. Breakfast with an entitled, ungrateful, self absorbed, spoiled brat is NOT a good enough reason. Sheās demanding that you to do something that is literally bad for your health. Why does it have to be breakfast?!? Why canāt it be lunch the earliest, or better yet, dinner? Like, why does someone who claims to love you so flippantly and selfishly want to cause you harm?!! Sheās an almost 30 year old adult, but sheās unwilling to be reasonable with a man who clearly took on helping raise *her* kids. Itās reasonable to assume that 12 year old isnāt yourself unless you knocked her up when you were 12 yourself. Iād bet the 7 year old isnāt yours either. Yet not good enough. Sheās demanding you dangerously deprive yourself of sleep to take this immature selfish woman to breakfast, thatās her line-in-the-sand ultimatum?!? Itās no wonder why she was single and raising those kids alone when you met herā¦ š Dude. Walk away. If any of those kids are yours, take her to court for a court ordered visitation schedule that she must comply with and pay your child support. This isnāt someone that cares to make ANY adjustments to help keep you healthy now and alive in the longterm. She certainly isnāt going to be a willingly rational and reasonable coparent.
You're leaving a 1yo unattended with a 12 yo to look after both the baby and a 7yo. You and your girlfriend need CPS called.
We were very certain that the 1yo would still be asleep by the time we would get back, she left and I stayed asleep. By the time she came back around I think 12 close to 1 she was still asleep and the other two kids were awake (like we predicted) Still wrong nonetheless and wonāt happen again
You're not wrong. I used to work night shifts a lot when I first got married. I'm a nurse, and at that time, it was A LOT. I was in Med-Surge back then, and I would be exhausted when I got home. On my off days, I'd also stay up late because, like you said, your body gets used to it. My mom was an RN for 43 years, retired in 2013, and still stays up all night lol She worked nights for about 33 of those years. It's really incredibly hard to make yourself go to sleep at night lol Anyway, I think 9:30 was a good compromise. According to you, it wouldn't have taken you long to get ready so she could have waited. I'd rather wait the 15mins and go out with my partner than go out alone, ya know?
This. Iāve explained numerous times my job is very taxing ( I sometimes walk around with my eyes half closed from exhaustion and when I get home my body is over it) Unfortunately I think the only way sheāll understand is if she works my job OR I record what I do at work BUT my job restricts video recording in any way on campus, especially in the building.
Sheās super passive aggressive not allowing you to actually sleep. You deserve better. Also, itās not legal to leave sleeping kids alone just because she wants to go to breakfast.
I got the answer to your problem. Simply state youāre not ok leaving the baby home. This is grounds for cps honestly. 12 is allowed to be home alone but when we talk about a baby totally different story. Even leaving her with the 7 year old is iffy. Even if your family lives down stairs because are they are theyāre watching your kids well you go out? This whole situation is bigger problems than I think Reddit can handle.
This is toxic My husband used to work those hours 6 days a week and we did everything possible to make sure he got his rest because SAFETY. If he ever had a day off, we let him sleep as much as he needed before doing what we needed to do because we love him?!?!?! You got with an older woman who has no issue leaving a 1yo baby alone with two other kids, who doesnāt care about your health or safety, who is manipulative and toxicā¦ Cut and run
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What province are you in that has a minimum age of being home alone at 16?? Iām in Alberta and thereās no minimum age and most kids start babysitting at 12.
There is no legal age in most of the US.
In the US it's common to let kids start babysitting around 11
Leave before the kids wake up??! Whoās looking after them then?? Working night shifts isnāt conducive to having a āfamilyā life, without compromise on both sides. Are these kids yours OP? If not, I donāt think itās fair that she expects you to suffer yourself and f up your routine for them. Not wrong.
I think sheās immature. She should be making breakfast at home to bring to you in bed after work 12 fkin hrs. And waiting for brunch on the weekend instead. I donāt get these women nowadays.
Sheās vile, and you can do better.
You are leaving a 1 year old alone? FFS please be a better father
tell her if she wants to break up her family over sleep and breakfast, thats her choice and not a good one. how about yall hire a baby sitter for 2 hours or ask someone to come over. hire the 12 year old even.
Bro she has three kids and shes that dumb and selfish? Cum on her face and dump her off. Dont give her a 4th person that will serve you as a prison to her worthless self