Please remember that all comments must be helpful, relevant, and respectful. All replies must be a genuine effort to answer the question helpfully; joke answers are not allowed. If you see any comments that violate this rule, please hit report.
When your question is answered, we encourage you to flair your post. To do this automatically simply make a comment that says **!answered** (OP only)
We encourage everyone to report posts and comments they feel violate a rule, as this will allow us to see it much faster.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/answers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Importantly: don’t date people for whom this question is either a trap being sprung or a precursor to a fight. Those people are not adults. If you are an adult, you are not supposed to date people who are not adults. It’s generally frowned upon.
This ^
I have finally found a relationship where no one gets butthurt over other people being perceived as attractive, or checking out people and it's such a freeing feeling to not have to think about it! We are very comfortable knowing the other will not act on such feelings so why worry?
Exactly. You should be able to have normal discussions with your partner, just as you would with other friends. If the friend is attractive, discuss what's attractive about her. Don't go on and on about how much you love the friend's breasts or ass, but if your gf is worth dating she'll appreciate things like saying the friend has a kind looking face or that her hair looks really healthy. No need to dwell on certain physical attributes, but complimenting shapely legs or saying she can really pull off a certain outfit because of her body type is just fine.
Similarly, if she's not attractive, don't make her out to be goblinesque, but try to highlight the things that aren't so unappealing about her. Like yeah her face is kind of a mess, but she has nice posture.
I think a big part of being a good partner is at least committing to the bit that your partner is the most attractive person in the world to you. In situations like this it's not difficult to chuck out a "not as pretty as you", which is more than likely what they're looking for if they ask the question.
“Oh, are you trying to help her find a boyfriend? Who did you have in mind? Patrick is cool. He was staring at her like a lost puppy when we went to that party at Jean’s.”
Yeah definitely. I would make a distinction between good looking and attractive though. Good looking is more objective, so you invite the other to responds more objective/rational as well.
If you want to avoid that minefield:
"She is pretty but can't hold a candle to you."
"Who?"
" I don't say anything without my lawyer"
"Why do you ask me that question?"
If you like confrontation:
"Yes, she is hot. Even thought of her during the last sex with you. Funny he?"
"I wish you would look a bit more like her"
'Nice Try'
"I'm not trying to trick you'
"Nice Try"
"Look honestly, I know you think this is some sort of test, it's not"
"Nice Try"
" I absolutely promise I will not cast this up at a later date
"Nice Try"
You get the gist 😊
"Why do you ask? You are the one I'm with, I'm not interested in anyone else".
And as a woman I would work on my self esteem, because why on earth would you ask your boyfriend if someone else was attractive to them when they are with you? As a man I would reassure her and give more compliments if you don't already, because she is insecure.
Answer truthfully. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.
If you get mad your partner has eyes and a functioning brain, you're not ready for a relationship
I would reply. “Of course. She’s stunning, but not as hot as her friend.“
It takes a second for your girlfriend to realize you are talking about her, and then you’ve moved on from the topic.
Just answer truthfully and without any enthusiasm for yes or no. I’d usually go for “she’s a handsome woman” or “no not really”. “Yea, RIGHT?” Or “FUCK no!” Probably won’t go down too well.
Just be honest, if you think she is an attractive person, say that. Finding someone attractive isn't (shouldn't be) a problem), it's acting on that attraction that's not ok.
We're all adults here, come on.
Woman here. If she asks that, she is struggling with insecurity in herself and her relationship, even if she doesn't realise it.
Sit down and take a serious talk with her. Figure out if her insecurity is due to depression, anxiety, scars from the past or something else. There may be something you can do to make it easier for her to be in the relationship, to make her feel more secure with you.
Answering the question, no matter the answer, will fuel her anxiety. It is something she asks because her thoughts have been spiraling out of her control, and asking is the only way she feels like she can take control of her thoughts in that moment. It is not a healthy way to deal with things.
Perhaps there are small things you can do more often to express your love for her. Small gifts, surprise dates or acts of service. People often forget to nurture their relationship if they feel very secure in said relationship. We can't just assume out partner will forever know we love them.
You tell them to stop trying to bait you with childish bullshit to start arguments and to grow up.
They've already decided there will be an argument so may as well make it about the actual problem.
My girlfriend is very controlling she asked me this, and I had to say no. Then she got mad, accusing me of calling her friends ugly. She said, "Why did I call her friends that?" and things just escalated from there. She even went so far as to say that since I supposedly think her friends are ugly, I must think she's ugly too because "that's why they're friends."
Idk I think if you change "attractive" to "pretty" or "good-looking" it's better. My boyfriend asked me once if I thought one of his friends was attractive, and I answered sth along the line of "Sure, he's a good-looking guy.". Attractive feels more like a "I am attracted to her" but someone can be objectively good-looking but you're not attracted to them. Hope this makes sense!
I would reply stupidly simple, yes or no, after which I would explain why I think that way.
Just because I find people atractive doesnt mean I'm gonna pull a move and cheat on my amazing girlfriend.
not understanding this is just plain childish and no one who gets angry on a response like this is mature enough to date anyone.
Depends how deep in thought she looked just before asking.
There's the chance she's scared you'll run off with her friend, but there's also the chance she's up for a threesome, so roll the dice and see where they land.
I thought you only surrounded yourself with attractive people? And then proceed to call yourself attractive.
Or you can just say "nah, she's not my type"
Best answer for our own sanity is to answer like:
"she is nice but I don't personally find attractive, probably other people could find her attractive"
Depends. If they are more physically attractive due to controllable factors, I'd say yes.
Like, if her friend goes to the gym to look good but my partner doesnt but decides for years to just put on weight and become obese, I'm straight up saying yes that her friend is attractive. I'm not pretending just to mitigate your self-induced insecurity.
First of all the answer depends on the context. If you and her are in a good place, healthy communication, and like to joke with each other "When i pull out i get to be king of England" would be a good response. If you are not in a good place relationship wise i wouldn't even bother answering because just by asking that question she is showing some sort of insecurity. Could be physical, could be financial, would depend on the couple. In that case the correct answer is, "Are you asking because of/she makes you feel __" because you need to talk about the deeper issue.
With the truth, and if she doesn’t like your answer then break up with her. She’s insecure if that’s the case and you don’t want to spend your life walking on eggshells.
Or tell her no because you’re lonely and don’t want to ruin what you think is a good thing with what you think is your problems.
look her directly in the eye but say nothing.
"i asked you a question"
"i heard you" (more silence)
"well? is she attractive?"
"I think we should see other people"
if you're lucky she gets the hint at stage 2.
Please remember that all comments must be helpful, relevant, and respectful. All replies must be a genuine effort to answer the question helpfully; joke answers are not allowed. If you see any comments that violate this rule, please hit report. When your question is answered, we encourage you to flair your post. To do this automatically simply make a comment that says **!answered** (OP only) We encourage everyone to report posts and comments they feel violate a rule, as this will allow us to see it much faster. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/answers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I'll decide after the threesome"
My favourite answer
If she is : Yes If she isn't : No I don't get it, if by saying other people are attractive and they get mad, that's just childish.
Importantly: don’t date people for whom this question is either a trap being sprung or a precursor to a fight. Those people are not adults. If you are an adult, you are not supposed to date people who are not adults. It’s generally frowned upon.
The only answer is "She's ok -not as pretty as you though"
This is how you coddling a child, yes...
This ^ I have finally found a relationship where no one gets butthurt over other people being perceived as attractive, or checking out people and it's such a freeing feeling to not have to think about it! We are very comfortable knowing the other will not act on such feelings so why worry?
Yes it is, but that's reality
No it's not.
It's something women have to get over now that we're practicing equality. Maturity is attractive in both genders
No. That’s having a crazy SO.
And reality 🎶sucks🎶
Is reality attractive and do they enjoy sucking?
Based on experience. Yes
Exactly. You should be able to have normal discussions with your partner, just as you would with other friends. If the friend is attractive, discuss what's attractive about her. Don't go on and on about how much you love the friend's breasts or ass, but if your gf is worth dating she'll appreciate things like saying the friend has a kind looking face or that her hair looks really healthy. No need to dwell on certain physical attributes, but complimenting shapely legs or saying she can really pull off a certain outfit because of her body type is just fine. Similarly, if she's not attractive, don't make her out to be goblinesque, but try to highlight the things that aren't so unappealing about her. Like yeah her face is kind of a mess, but she has nice posture.
I think a big part of being a good partner is at least committing to the bit that your partner is the most attractive person in the world to you. In situations like this it's not difficult to chuck out a "not as pretty as you", which is more than likely what they're looking for if they ask the question.
“Oh, are you trying to help her find a boyfriend? Who did you have in mind? Patrick is cool. He was staring at her like a lost puppy when we went to that party at Jean’s.”
Jean always holds the greatest of gatherings
Fuck yeah, party at Jean's!
I find Patrick a bit stary though
Right? He always does that thing with his eyes that creeps me out sometimes
There was a whole episode of The Office about this lol love it
Answer: “Sure, I suppose she’s attractive, why do you ask?” If that makes her angry, I’d be reconsidering the relationship…
Yeah definitely. I would make a distinction between good looking and attractive though. Good looking is more objective, so you invite the other to responds more objective/rational as well.
Spot on!
"only when she's standing next to you"
what does that even mean
It’s a burn.
If you want to avoid that minefield: "She is pretty but can't hold a candle to you." "Who?" " I don't say anything without my lawyer" "Why do you ask me that question?" If you like confrontation: "Yes, she is hot. Even thought of her during the last sex with you. Funny he?" "I wish you would look a bit more like her"
“I plead the 5th”
Or if she's a normal person: "Yeah." If she get's mad, she isn't worth it.
Yeah but she's terrible in bed.
“Yeah, sure I would f** her!! What do you mean “that’s not what I asked?”
I'd let her fart in my mouth. I'm not into that. I'm just saying if she wanted to do that I'd have a hard time saying no.
'Nice Try' "I'm not trying to trick you' "Nice Try" "Look honestly, I know you think this is some sort of test, it's not" "Nice Try" " I absolutely promise I will not cast this up at a later date "Nice Try" You get the gist 😊
She’s got nice cheekbones and a good jawline but def not my type. She ain’t got that booty like you do, shawty
Yes, but not as hot as your sister.
“Why? Do you think she wants to join us?”
I never thought about it, she's not really my type but I guess she's attractive enough, why?
yeah she is hotter than you but I think that I am out of her league so you will do .
That's good but what about "...she's out of YOUR league. Don't bother with her."?
"Why do you ask? You are the one I'm with, I'm not interested in anyone else". And as a woman I would work on my self esteem, because why on earth would you ask your boyfriend if someone else was attractive to them when they are with you? As a man I would reassure her and give more compliments if you don't already, because she is insecure.
only good answer
Huh, hadn’t noticed
“She’s alright I suppose, not really my type” Then you walk away…it’s a trap. A minefield…
She OK, not as hot as you!
Not my type
OMG it's a test. Just say "I'm not in school I don't answer tests..."
She aint bad but id have to do her from behind cus her breath smells of onion
What friend? (and then continue to insist person does not exist/cannot be seen) /jk
On a scale of 1 to you, she's around a 6, maybe 7.
yes, she's attractive, but NOT as attractive as you are.
Last time that question was asked, I ended up with the friend
“Well if you’re into that sort of thing, sure”
Yes! Is she single?
"Only when she's naked." ?
Are they attractive? If so say "yeah" if they're not say "not really my type"
Acknowledge their feelings warmly and make plans to reconnect.
"Why do you ask?"
“Send pics.”
Objectively sure Subjectively, no
Depends on what mood your gfs in 😂
Tell her you're happy with her and don't care what others look like.
Who? Never noticed her...
Smoking hot, her partner is a lucky man. And to add some spice, mention her by name a few times.
“Do you want me to find her attractive?”
If you think so then the answer is “yes, we should sleep with her together.” If not then (no she is not my type.)
Answer truthfully. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to. If you get mad your partner has eyes and a functioning brain, you're not ready for a relationship
I would reply. “Of course. She’s stunning, but not as hot as her friend.“ It takes a second for your girlfriend to realize you are talking about her, and then you’ve moved on from the topic.
"I plead the fifth!"
if somebody asks a tactless question, they should not expect a tactful answer, so i'd answer truthfully.
“Not really. You know how much I like a phat ass and your friend has nothing back there”
Ask to see a picture of her even if you have already met so then you can pretend you have never considered it before then
I would..
I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for farting
Just answer truthfully and without any enthusiasm for yes or no. I’d usually go for “she’s a handsome woman” or “no not really”. “Yea, RIGHT?” Or “FUCK no!” Probably won’t go down too well.
I’ve not really thought about that. Hard for me to see her as anyone other than (her name).
Just be honest, if you think she is an attractive person, say that. Finding someone attractive isn't (shouldn't be) a problem), it's acting on that attraction that's not ok. We're all adults here, come on.
Woman here. If she asks that, she is struggling with insecurity in herself and her relationship, even if she doesn't realise it. Sit down and take a serious talk with her. Figure out if her insecurity is due to depression, anxiety, scars from the past or something else. There may be something you can do to make it easier for her to be in the relationship, to make her feel more secure with you. Answering the question, no matter the answer, will fuel her anxiety. It is something she asks because her thoughts have been spiraling out of her control, and asking is the only way she feels like she can take control of her thoughts in that moment. It is not a healthy way to deal with things. Perhaps there are small things you can do more often to express your love for her. Small gifts, surprise dates or acts of service. People often forget to nurture their relationship if they feel very secure in said relationship. We can't just assume out partner will forever know we love them.
She is hot as hell. I wish I could legally have both of you.
Sure but you're way hotter.
If u wanna stay married she's fuckin ugly
Do you find her attractive? Dont worry i wont judge.
You tell them to stop trying to bait you with childish bullshit to start arguments and to grow up. They've already decided there will be an argument so may as well make it about the actual problem.
Umm I have never thought about it
**BOT ACCOUNT**
She's Allright.
Whatever your answer, pause first. At least make it look like it's never crossed your mind.
Kind of tilt your head to the side like you're thinking and say "I guess she's pretty"
"She looks alright but her friend is super attractive.. You. (Your gf) You're the friend."
Objectively I can see why people might think she’s pretty, but she doesn’t do it for me, they don’t have have
"I mean I can see it, but she pales next to you."
My girlfriend is very controlling she asked me this, and I had to say no. Then she got mad, accusing me of calling her friends ugly. She said, "Why did I call her friends that?" and things just escalated from there. She even went so far as to say that since I supposedly think her friends are ugly, I must think she's ugly too because "that's why they're friends."
"That bitch is ugly"
NO!!! She's a hideous bitch and I hate her.
Idk I think if you change "attractive" to "pretty" or "good-looking" it's better. My boyfriend asked me once if I thought one of his friends was attractive, and I answered sth along the line of "Sure, he's a good-looking guy.". Attractive feels more like a "I am attracted to her" but someone can be objectively good-looking but you're not attracted to them. Hope this makes sense!
I would reply stupidly simple, yes or no, after which I would explain why I think that way. Just because I find people atractive doesnt mean I'm gonna pull a move and cheat on my amazing girlfriend. not understanding this is just plain childish and no one who gets angry on a response like this is mature enough to date anyone.
“Yeh”
She's not as pretty as you.
Depends how deep in thought she looked just before asking. There's the chance she's scared you'll run off with her friend, but there's also the chance she's up for a threesome, so roll the dice and see where they land.
Seriously if you got nothing to hide, just tell the truth, if she's smoking hot, respond yeah she's ok.
I thought you only surrounded yourself with attractive people? And then proceed to call yourself attractive. Or you can just say "nah, she's not my type"
Answer honestly. We don't play these games.
Best answer for our own sanity is to answer like: "she is nice but I don't personally find attractive, probably other people could find her attractive"
In the words of Jose Mourinho: “I prefer not to speak. If I speak I am in big trouble”.
I’d fuck her.
Seems like her friend said you are handsome or something similar.
If you have a sane and healthy relationship, you can be (relatively) honest about this.
Find a girl that point hot people out to you so you can both discuss why you would or would not date them, life’s very different then.
“I only like women.”
Depends. If they are more physically attractive due to controllable factors, I'd say yes. Like, if her friend goes to the gym to look good but my partner doesnt but decides for years to just put on weight and become obese, I'm straight up saying yes that her friend is attractive. I'm not pretending just to mitigate your self-induced insecurity.
I do. I think of it a lot.
Get a new girlfriend. Sorry bro I dont make the rules, she does
"Meh,...I'd let her do me"
"Babe, ever since I met you I have no interest in women". The look of puzzlement is worth it.
"Hmm, interesting question, I've never thought about it, what do you think?"
I didn’t realize any of your friends were girls.
Simple as that, tell her the truth. If you have healthy relationships, it will be ok.
seen star wars? its a trap...
disappointed by the answers lol. classic pigs
Easy. If you think she is, the answer is yes. If she gets mad, she's childish, jealous, and probably not a keeper.
First of all the answer depends on the context. If you and her are in a good place, healthy communication, and like to joke with each other "When i pull out i get to be king of England" would be a good response. If you are not in a good place relationship wise i wouldn't even bother answering because just by asking that question she is showing some sort of insecurity. Could be physical, could be financial, would depend on the couple. In that case the correct answer is, "Are you asking because of/she makes you feel __" because you need to talk about the deeper issue.
"Sure" 🤷♂️ and if she's a grown ass person, that will be ok
With the truth, and if she doesn’t like your answer then break up with her. She’s insecure if that’s the case and you don’t want to spend your life walking on eggshells. Or tell her no because you’re lonely and don’t want to ruin what you think is a good thing with what you think is your problems.
"I've never really paid much attention to her"
"Babe, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She can't ever compete with you"
Ask: "What's her personality like? What are her interests? What is her humor like?"
I don't play games.
look her directly in the eye but say nothing. "i asked you a question" "i heard you" (more silence) "well? is she attractive?" "I think we should see other people" if you're lucky she gets the hint at stage 2.
"No but she's great in bed"
Say she doesn’t have any friends but herself so basically she is attractive lol jk