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I was dating a woman for a couple months, one night I just wasn't in the mood and politely declined her advances. She got SO fucking mad and used so many lines that she would regularly talk shit about men using when being rejected including insulting me. We didn't stay together long after that.
Ha, I did the same. She pretty much ripped my pants off and got on top, went to town. Put her gear back on and left. It was pretty much rape, but I got over it in less than a few minutes.
Same, went from “we’re just cuddling” to “I just wanna feel it” to “why can’t I just go down on you,” next thing I know she’s on top and at that point I couldn’t have given less of a fuck cuz the alternative was her flipping shit “I did my hair/makeup/wore cute lingerie/perfume for this bla bla” and that was insufferable. She knocked out after, I kicked her out in the morning, never called her back. People can get crazy when faced with rejection
Yeah on a 3rd date I told a a woman I didn’t want to have sex. She was already on top of me and we were both in our underwear. She was like what the fuck?! Then without dropping eye contact she pulled my dick out and put it into her.
I said no, once. She cried so much. I felt like a total a-hole. I would have said yes just to get her to stop crying but that wouldn't have worked, I suspect. And then I remembered all the times a girl said no to me and I felt a little better.
Oh yeah don’t get me wrong I can see that. Just saying if a woman says not that means no and many times say like in court it’ll be ruled as rape even if the woman eventually gives them it. If a man said no but the woman still forced sex on him it’s different. That’s all I’m saying. Both should be treated the same
Yeah, especially from other men. I see comments like "lucky guy" and they are so disgusting. I see what you mean by that.
I wish we could walk in each others shoes, it would be so eye opening.
Yeah I got annoyed with my spouse once after the 5th time in a row being rejected while the two times I declined her advance over the course of 12 years she went absolutely ballistic
Women take sex for granted and handle refusal to have sex pretty poorly
Have you ever been accused of being gay for not reciprocating interest in a man? I have been accused of being gay in the reverse situation and many other guys can say the same
Since you asked: Yeah, I have been accused of being gay for not being interested in a man. And accused of being immature (because only a person in high school would not want to have sex on the first date, right?). I've been called a bitch for it, a tease, and been told that my no doesn't mean no. I've also said no and had men silently try to take it anyway, without saying anything.
Never. As a child I was molested by an older woman and as an adult I've had multiple women get violent/ scream at me and try to make me out to be the bad guy because declined their advances. It really gets under my skin with how bad of a wrap men get when it comes to this kind of stuff when women are just as bad but they just get a pass to get away with stuff/society looks the other way
I went on a date where the woman got drunk and hurt her kid when she got home. I was just so shocked I fled. I feel like I should have definitely called CPS and the Police now
Literally never. Lost my virginity when the girl I was seeing at the time cried and guilted me into it. Uncertainty about whether I even wanted it caused performance issues which she then guilted me about again saying I didn't love her and didn't find her attractive.
Definitely didn't cause any long lasting mental health issues, why do you ask?
Indirectly, often.
Reading the comments, I'm surprised this isn't the common answer.
But, in my lived experience, women have generally wanted/needed me to be quite forward/obvious about the fact that I wanted to sleep with them before it happened.
Until I read this thread, I'd assumed it was a social norm for the man to show interest and then see if it was reciprocated.
Reading this, it seems men no longer feel they've giving consent.
Wierd.
Holy shitballs… you just came here to prove my point?
Proof of consent *in court*?!?
WTF are you even talking about? Should a woman require me to sign a notarized consent form before I allow her to give me a blowjob?
What is it that you think *would be* proof of consent *in court*?
Maybe I’m just crazy, but if a guy’s brain is so addled by social media that he can’t read nonverbal cues like a girl kissing him, taking off her clothes and lying down on his bed with her legs spread, or if a woman’s mind has been so buckled by the internet that she can’t read a nonverbal cue like her boyfriend sucking on her nipples until his cock is hard enough to cut diamonds, then maybe they shouldn’t be having sex at all, with anyone. Ever.
Asking and the other person saying yes is proof of consent in court. Just basing yourself on your feelings isn't proof of consent in court. If your sexual partner accuses you of rape and you said to the police that "you read her nonverbal cues and they said yes" you're toast.
On what planet???
Bruh, I’ve got sad news for you…
If someone accuses you of rape, you telling the police that they enthusiastically verbally consented is not a legitimate legal defense.
I hate to be the one to break it to you.
Well, it is. Because the burden of proof lies on the accusation. It is the accusing party that has to prove the rape. Not the accused party that has to prove that it was not a rape. And because sex isn't always rape just signs of sexual activity aren't enough to prove rape.
That's why so many known rapist never are condemned. Because none of the accusating parties could prove violation of consent.
But you saying you just "read nonverbal cues" is like saying that you just followed your personal feelings and your personnal feelings aren't an explicit proof of consent on the part of your partner which incriminate yourself.
Hahaha, NO.
What I’m saying is, the best way to know if someone wants to fuck is to just use common sense.
It’s actually not that difficult to avoid being accused of rape if you only have sex with people who *definitely* wanna fuck. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason, so you might wanna be *very* sensitive to non-verbal cues.
The fact that the burden of proof lies on the accuser is what makes your argument flawed. Something said verbally, without documentation or witnesses is completely useless in court.
Essentially nonexistent.
Except if the testimony of both parties is consistent with one another.
If both said there wasn't actual verbal consent. It is taken as fact. If there is one party that says that there was verbal explicit consent and not the other. The burden of proof lies with the accusation.
Dude, I have visibly more real-life experience with the process. I also visibly have had more fucked up encounters in my life than you. Stop the denial when you were visibly quite lucky. I'm trying to save you from potential future mistakes.
Can you prove *in court* that you have more experiences etc than I do?
Of course not, because you know absolutely nothing about me, and you clearly know very little about law. I have worked in both military and civil law.
You are not saying that verbal consent matters *in court*, you are saying that a rapist *admitting under oath* that there was no consent would matter.
If you knew actual things about actual life, you would understand the difference.
Common sense 😂😂😂. Nobody says they are going out Saturday night to get some "common sense" it's called "getting lucky" for a reason. Common sense has nothing to do with it
Common sense has *everything* to do with it.
It’s *amazing* how much luckier people with talent, skill, and sense end up getting.
Did you really think you were gonna go out, stumble around and by some stroke of luck end up with your penis inside a petty girl?!?
Well, then fix it.
How important is it to you, *personally* to pretend that a petty woman needs to ask before sucking?
How much has social media warped *your* mind and convinced you the being a victim is the *most important thing*?
At this point in my life I made enough mistakes to know lack of communication is more of a problem than anything. My last girlfriend loved giving head while others acted like it was work. I did stop her once and she didn't get angry or anything. Definitely not a victim
Consent? *Consent*?
Shit I'd be thrilled to even be under consideration.
But, to answer the question: never. Not once. Granted, most of the attention I've ever gotten has been out of pity/lack of a better idea/options on my partner's side, so I'm not exactly sure if my input should be skewing this data.
^wtf ^"consent"?
Before my new girlfriend never. My new GF actually asks and tbh I kind of like that she does, not that she needs to with me but it's actually kinda nice.
Edit; just for clarity; it's never a bad thing to be treated with respect even if that's shown in this way
Do people not talk while they’re together? It truly saddens me that so many people are saying no because there has never been a time that both me and the other person didn’t acknowledge that we were about to have sex. Not to be TMI, but it doesn’t even have to be formal like “Can I have sex with you now?” It can be along the lines of “Do you want me” or something but it seems odd just to escalate to inserting a penis into a vagina suddenly with no communication beforehand like what
My partner had a bad habit of when I want to go for a nap, taking it as an invitation to climb into bed with me and start groping at me, then get huffy with me if I don’t want sex. He’s also in the habit of getting me aroused enough to get me wet, and then just getting between my legs. But then once he realises I’m not into the sex, he stops… but is somehow huffy with me about it for me not being into it. When I have tried to communicate he is also huffy, and when he realised I wasn’t into it one time recently my response was “I am, but I’d like to cum” he was somehow huffy about that too.
There was one time he lashed out during a conversation saying something about asking for consent every time he wanted to touch me, which to my mind was a great solution. I was stressed and having sensory issues, and wanted a little bit of warning instead of just being groped. Apparently he’d said it as a rhetorical point, and so followed up with “find then you have to do the same”. A week of me asking him for cuddles and getting rebuffed, and him not asking me to touch him once.
Some people are bad communicators and I’ll admit that this can be both ways. But no, a lot of relationships people don’t talk to each other.
I’m sorry to say this, but that is unacceptable behavior for most people and your relationship sounds very unhealthy. I see people upvoting your comment and I’m baffled because anyone who gets “huffy” over not being able to have sex with you while you’re sleeping is not a good individual.
I've directly been told multiple times that verbally asking if the other person was OK to do it was a turn-off.
A lot of people just expect you to read the mood and are sure to be able to do so themselves.
Meanwhile, I was directly told by some of these people or their victims that they either were or have raped other people. Sometimes both. And this regardless of gender.
reading these comments and my appreciation for my girlfriend is skyrocketing. especially as a victim of sexual assault i cant imagine having to deal with such reactions from people to declining sex.
Never, and let's be real. I propably never will.
Hell, I even get weird looks, if I ask girls for consent, because apparently it's unattractive and shows I don't know what I want.
Many, many times…
Usually when a pretty woman asks me nicely, “Excuse me, would you mind if I gave you a blowjob?” I’ll kinda shake my head and ignore her until she asks three or four more times.
Then I’ll give a world-weary sigh, and say, “Well, I suppose… but just this once,” knowing damn well she’s gonna be asking again soon.
Haha, if you’re a guy and you’ve said “no” you know exactly how much shit you’re going to get. Woman are merciless and use every manipulative tactic in the book until outright just calling you gay (in not so nice words)
I’ve said no twice, I won’t say no again.
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On this, ladies, please compose yourself enough to give us a firm yes. Like, if I just ate you out, and you're clutching the sheets and moan instead, I get it. You want it. But, I'd still really appreciate a yes.
Never. I’d probably never be with a woman that asked for it. The type of woman that I imagine would ask that is someone way more woke than I can handle lol
I dunno, it's even in the "hey are you in the mood?" I (guy) have been asked and I appreciated the ability to say no if I needed, especially considering I have a lower libido than most.
If your best friend died or something serious like that, asking is 10/10 better than making you feel like shit for doing it when you're not mentally there. Stressors happen. Having the quick, "You good?" isn't woke, it's listening to your partner's needs.
Now that I think about it 0 times in my life before my current partner (she's very insecure and always trying to avoid overstepping boundaries that might be there)
as a man only about 10% of my lovers have ever asked consent, and damn was it appreciated and sexy as hell. the first time really blew my mind and shifted my whole approach to asking consent myself. folks even if they really want it - they'll appreciate being asked. obviously especially for new people/ new things.
it builds anticipation, it makes the whole experience undeniably something we're doing together (rather than to each other). and of course it's gets everyone on the same page and excited about what's happening. it helps avoid sexual assault.
Ive said no before, the absolute drama that it caused. Im definitely not comparing it to the way ive heard men react, but i guess no one likes being told no
Rarely a man can be forced against his will to fuck somebody (in a hetero scenario), men aren't asked for consent because it is not needed, if you don't feel like fucking someone, just don't... what is she gonna do?? Force you yo get a boner??
Terrible take. Reacting physically is not the same as consenting. People can get involuntary erections, and in a more violent or physical assault yes; someone could probably force you to get an erection.
All round abysmal take.
In the context of a make-out session that advanced to something more, I've never in my life had the girl/woman ask for my consent for anything. It was always just a "one thing leads to another, unless someone says no" vibe.
I have yet to do it, ever. I sort of gauge(I think that is the word) the mood the scene the moment. IF my gf kisses me back or lets my hand go somewhere I continue I see no reason to ask then
If it works for you two, it's great. But it is important to know that some people stress responses are either to freeze or "to go with it" so asking might be necessary to know for sure if people are consenting.
Oh, I completely agree. You know I wasn’t trying to sound very harsh about it. I am so sorry if I came across like a stubborn old man, but I do understand people can freeze or stop a little bit. If I knew that, for example something had happened in the past, I would make it crystal clear to ask and be nice and polite about it.
I can't tell you how many times I've been pressured to 'give her one because she really likes you' by the surrounding girlfriends. I always try to switch gender roles and see how impossible that would be for a typical western guy group. Because as far as I can see, that would never happen.
The one time I did get asked I said no, but it didn't matter anyway. I was 9 the first time my uncle asked me if I knew what masturbation was and if I wanted to do that with him. I said no, he explained it and then asked me again, I said no, I don't think I want to do that, that's kinda embarrassing. And then he asked again and again, telling me how good it would feel until I said yes. When I was 13 he got sent to forensic psychiatric care. I haven't spoken to him since, and my mom says she lost a brother when she found out.
I'm not upset about it anymore, but if I ever saw him again I would turn around and start walking the other direction.
guessing we are talking about something sexual related. so closing in on 50 and the average looks to be about 0 times a year. if you are worried about the amount of time skewing the results it also comes out to zero times a minute.
Never. It’s always assumed I must want it because I am a man. Like many others on here have said, I’ve gotten berated, belittled, talk shit to, talked shit about, etc when I’ve declined a woman’s advances. One went so far as to cry rape because of it. Luckily she’s stupid and there were cameras at the location she claimed it happened, but absolutely NOTHING happened to her for falsely accusing me and almost costing me my job AND reputation.
0/7 different women. I take zero offense because we were either both sober or both inebriated. If she can’t consent neither can I so it’s a 2 way rape and that’s a hill I will die on
Never women have sexually assaulted me in public and when I asked a cop who was there once to press charges because this was the second time he laughed. One of my gfs had relations with me in my sleep another would think I’m disgusted by her because we had a massive argument about her caring about me and I didn’t care to interact at all. Rules for we but not for me is the answer here.
This thread is sad. I ask my fiance if I can play with him. I get sad if he says no cuz I want him like crazy, but I hide it as best I can (I do fail occasionally). I don't want him to feel guilty just because I have RSD. It has always been something that was talked about with any past lovers. Even my first time, he insisted on being explicitly clear that we both wanted to, and since he was a little older than me I just figured that that was how people acted before having sex.
I have never been asked for consent. Ive had girlfriends that have just kinda mounted me on the couch.
Even if im not in the mood i see they are and i like to be helpful so i put aside what I want to help them. I believe love in many cases is sacrifice and if I love this woman with all my heart i will give of myself regardless.
I had to sign papers for 3 operations/treatments, for some institutions so they could review my financial status and I guess whenever I go on a website and am asked how to handle cookies.
Never, because why should I be? This new trend of asking for consent for different idiotic things is a plague.
Like, if I’m going to the hairdresser I don’t fucking need to be asked if I give my consent to be touched. I am there, I want them to cut by hair!
I mean the same can be said of many women, there are many steps short of physical force. But being coerced into something and going along with it unwillingly is not ok either.
My friend who's ex raped him with a knife under his throat disagree.
Also, the one with his girlfriend threatening suicide if he didn't do it.
Also, the one with the girl who threatened falsy accusing him of rape if he didn't do it.
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I was dating a woman for a couple months, one night I just wasn't in the mood and politely declined her advances. She got SO fucking mad and used so many lines that she would regularly talk shit about men using when being rejected including insulting me. We didn't stay together long after that.
Ha, I did the same. She pretty much ripped my pants off and got on top, went to town. Put her gear back on and left. It was pretty much rape, but I got over it in less than a few minutes.
I think you can lose the "pretty much" from that last sentence...
Well, I didn't want to sound dramatic, hahaha
That wasn't pretty much rape. That was rape
I wonder why courts use evidence, call witnesses, and don't just take a statement from the victim and finish the investigation like reddit.
Same, went from “we’re just cuddling” to “I just wanna feel it” to “why can’t I just go down on you,” next thing I know she’s on top and at that point I couldn’t have given less of a fuck cuz the alternative was her flipping shit “I did my hair/makeup/wore cute lingerie/perfume for this bla bla” and that was insufferable. She knocked out after, I kicked her out in the morning, never called her back. People can get crazy when faced with rejection
Yeah on a 3rd date I told a a woman I didn’t want to have sex. She was already on top of me and we were both in our underwear. She was like what the fuck?! Then without dropping eye contact she pulled my dick out and put it into her.
That is a rape. I am so sorry.
Consent for what? A medical procedure? Every time.
Thank you for really *getting* it.
I said no, once. She cried so much. I felt like a total a-hole. I would have said yes just to get her to stop crying but that wouldn't have worked, I suspect. And then I remembered all the times a girl said no to me and I felt a little better.
But when a woman says no it’s totally fine and we respect that because it’s the right thing to do. Different when we say no though
That's never been true. Men have thrown fits at me when I've said no to them, literal tantrums. Or worse, they don't take no for an answer.
Oh yeah don’t get me wrong I can see that. Just saying if a woman says not that means no and many times say like in court it’ll be ruled as rape even if the woman eventually gives them it. If a man said no but the woman still forced sex on him it’s different. That’s all I’m saying. Both should be treated the same
Yeah, especially from other men. I see comments like "lucky guy" and they are so disgusting. I see what you mean by that. I wish we could walk in each others shoes, it would be so eye opening.
Those are not men. Just FYI
Thank you
Yeah I got annoyed with my spouse once after the 5th time in a row being rejected while the two times I declined her advance over the course of 12 years she went absolutely ballistic Women take sex for granted and handle refusal to have sex pretty poorly Have you ever been accused of being gay for not reciprocating interest in a man? I have been accused of being gay in the reverse situation and many other guys can say the same
Since you asked: Yeah, I have been accused of being gay for not being interested in a man. And accused of being immature (because only a person in high school would not want to have sex on the first date, right?). I've been called a bitch for it, a tease, and been told that my no doesn't mean no. I've also said no and had men silently try to take it anyway, without saying anything.
Yikes
Never. Your consent is expected and if you're not consenting you're a dick
Technically… 🤔lol - No you’re not.
Lol get better partners.
The victim blaming begins
Yeah you suck.
Should he also stop dressing like such a slut?
Make me, bitch. Not my fault leather feels so damn hot
Jesusth… Jesuth Chrithst…
[удалено]
Have you theen Lemmiwinks around lately?
Never. As a child I was molested by an older woman and as an adult I've had multiple women get violent/ scream at me and try to make me out to be the bad guy because declined their advances. It really gets under my skin with how bad of a wrap men get when it comes to this kind of stuff when women are just as bad but they just get a pass to get away with stuff/society looks the other way
Yeah exactly when I was a younger teen about four older women came onto me.
I went on a date where the woman got drunk and hurt her kid when she got home. I was just so shocked I fled. I feel like I should have definitely called CPS and the Police now
Other than my wife, never that I actually had the option to say no.
Does that count when someone asks for consent and then whines cries and goes on the attack when they don't get it?
It isn't asking if you can't say no, so I don't think so.
No. That's coercing. It's a form of manipulation and classifies as rape if you agree to Sex.
Literally never. Lost my virginity when the girl I was seeing at the time cried and guilted me into it. Uncertainty about whether I even wanted it caused performance issues which she then guilted me about again saying I didn't love her and didn't find her attractive. Definitely didn't cause any long lasting mental health issues, why do you ask?
Straight up lost my virginity when my gf just put myself inside her no questions asked that was real fucked up now that I think about it
Indirectly, often. Reading the comments, I'm surprised this isn't the common answer. But, in my lived experience, women have generally wanted/needed me to be quite forward/obvious about the fact that I wanted to sleep with them before it happened. Until I read this thread, I'd assumed it was a social norm for the man to show interest and then see if it was reciprocated. Reading this, it seems men no longer feel they've giving consent. Wierd.
It’s very weird. Their minds have been broken by social media and they are no longer able to accurately read non-verbal cues, apparently.
To be fair, the ability to read nonverbal cues varies wildly from an individual to another and is rarely seen as proof of consent in court nowadays.
Holy shitballs… you just came here to prove my point? Proof of consent *in court*?!? WTF are you even talking about? Should a woman require me to sign a notarized consent form before I allow her to give me a blowjob? What is it that you think *would be* proof of consent *in court*? Maybe I’m just crazy, but if a guy’s brain is so addled by social media that he can’t read nonverbal cues like a girl kissing him, taking off her clothes and lying down on his bed with her legs spread, or if a woman’s mind has been so buckled by the internet that she can’t read a nonverbal cue like her boyfriend sucking on her nipples until his cock is hard enough to cut diamonds, then maybe they shouldn’t be having sex at all, with anyone. Ever.
Asking and the other person saying yes is proof of consent in court. Just basing yourself on your feelings isn't proof of consent in court. If your sexual partner accuses you of rape and you said to the police that "you read her nonverbal cues and they said yes" you're toast.
On what planet??? Bruh, I’ve got sad news for you… If someone accuses you of rape, you telling the police that they enthusiastically verbally consented is not a legitimate legal defense. I hate to be the one to break it to you.
Well, it is. Because the burden of proof lies on the accusation. It is the accusing party that has to prove the rape. Not the accused party that has to prove that it was not a rape. And because sex isn't always rape just signs of sexual activity aren't enough to prove rape. That's why so many known rapist never are condemned. Because none of the accusating parties could prove violation of consent. But you saying you just "read nonverbal cues" is like saying that you just followed your personal feelings and your personnal feelings aren't an explicit proof of consent on the part of your partner which incriminate yourself.
Hahaha, NO. What I’m saying is, the best way to know if someone wants to fuck is to just use common sense. It’s actually not that difficult to avoid being accused of rape if you only have sex with people who *definitely* wanna fuck. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason, so you might wanna be *very* sensitive to non-verbal cues. The fact that the burden of proof lies on the accuser is what makes your argument flawed. Something said verbally, without documentation or witnesses is completely useless in court. Essentially nonexistent.
Except if the testimony of both parties is consistent with one another. If both said there wasn't actual verbal consent. It is taken as fact. If there is one party that says that there was verbal explicit consent and not the other. The burden of proof lies with the accusation. Dude, I have visibly more real-life experience with the process. I also visibly have had more fucked up encounters in my life than you. Stop the denial when you were visibly quite lucky. I'm trying to save you from potential future mistakes.
Can you prove *in court* that you have more experiences etc than I do? Of course not, because you know absolutely nothing about me, and you clearly know very little about law. I have worked in both military and civil law. You are not saying that verbal consent matters *in court*, you are saying that a rapist *admitting under oath* that there was no consent would matter. If you knew actual things about actual life, you would understand the difference.
Common sense 😂😂😂. Nobody says they are going out Saturday night to get some "common sense" it's called "getting lucky" for a reason. Common sense has nothing to do with it
Common sense has *everything* to do with it. It’s *amazing* how much luckier people with talent, skill, and sense end up getting. Did you really think you were gonna go out, stumble around and by some stroke of luck end up with your penis inside a petty girl?!?
Dude this thread got way too specific and gross
Well, then fix it. How important is it to you, *personally* to pretend that a petty woman needs to ask before sucking? How much has social media warped *your* mind and convinced you the being a victim is the *most important thing*?
At this point in my life I made enough mistakes to know lack of communication is more of a problem than anything. My last girlfriend loved giving head while others acted like it was work. I did stop her once and she didn't get angry or anything. Definitely not a victim
Consent? *Consent*? Shit I'd be thrilled to even be under consideration. But, to answer the question: never. Not once. Granted, most of the attention I've ever gotten has been out of pity/lack of a better idea/options on my partner's side, so I'm not exactly sure if my input should be skewing this data. ^wtf ^"consent"?
Before my new girlfriend never. My new GF actually asks and tbh I kind of like that she does, not that she needs to with me but it's actually kinda nice. Edit; just for clarity; it's never a bad thing to be treated with respect even if that's shown in this way
Pretty much every time I visit a website.
OVER 18? YES or NO.
Doesn’t matter, all websites ask for consent to collect cookies and other data.
Never. I've had to forcefully say no.
Do people not talk while they’re together? It truly saddens me that so many people are saying no because there has never been a time that both me and the other person didn’t acknowledge that we were about to have sex. Not to be TMI, but it doesn’t even have to be formal like “Can I have sex with you now?” It can be along the lines of “Do you want me” or something but it seems odd just to escalate to inserting a penis into a vagina suddenly with no communication beforehand like what
My partner had a bad habit of when I want to go for a nap, taking it as an invitation to climb into bed with me and start groping at me, then get huffy with me if I don’t want sex. He’s also in the habit of getting me aroused enough to get me wet, and then just getting between my legs. But then once he realises I’m not into the sex, he stops… but is somehow huffy with me about it for me not being into it. When I have tried to communicate he is also huffy, and when he realised I wasn’t into it one time recently my response was “I am, but I’d like to cum” he was somehow huffy about that too. There was one time he lashed out during a conversation saying something about asking for consent every time he wanted to touch me, which to my mind was a great solution. I was stressed and having sensory issues, and wanted a little bit of warning instead of just being groped. Apparently he’d said it as a rhetorical point, and so followed up with “find then you have to do the same”. A week of me asking him for cuddles and getting rebuffed, and him not asking me to touch him once. Some people are bad communicators and I’ll admit that this can be both ways. But no, a lot of relationships people don’t talk to each other.
I’m sorry to say this, but that is unacceptable behavior for most people and your relationship sounds very unhealthy. I see people upvoting your comment and I’m baffled because anyone who gets “huffy” over not being able to have sex with you while you’re sleeping is not a good individual.
I've directly been told multiple times that verbally asking if the other person was OK to do it was a turn-off. A lot of people just expect you to read the mood and are sure to be able to do so themselves. Meanwhile, I was directly told by some of these people or their victims that they either were or have raped other people. Sometimes both. And this regardless of gender.
You just need to read some romance novels. Ask things like Do you want me, are you ready, do you have a condom. . . .
hahahahha. Oh wait, you were serious, let me laugh even harder, HAHAHAHHAHAHAH
Bender, right?
Shut up baby I know it! lol. Yep!
reading these comments and my appreciation for my girlfriend is skyrocketing. especially as a victim of sexual assault i cant imagine having to deal with such reactions from people to declining sex.
Not being in the mood isn’t an option, if you don’t want to then you get ‘why aren’t you attracted to me anymore’ followed by crying.
Never, and let's be real. I propably never will. Hell, I even get weird looks, if I ask girls for consent, because apparently it's unattractive and shows I don't know what I want.
I've lived exactly the same thing. The girls who told me this also all accused at least once someone of raping them.
Over 30 years of being sexual, never once have I been asked. Edit: Only once have I said no, and my opinion was ignored.
I absolutely never give consent. We are talking about who gets the last pork chop on the plate right?
You don't even ask in that scenario. You just take. One of the few situations where this is acceptable
Never.
Many, many times… Usually when a pretty woman asks me nicely, “Excuse me, would you mind if I gave you a blowjob?” I’ll kinda shake my head and ignore her until she asks three or four more times. Then I’ll give a world-weary sigh, and say, “Well, I suppose… but just this once,” knowing damn well she’s gonna be asking again soon.
Literally me with my three weed smoking girlfriends
Haha, if you’re a guy and you’ve said “no” you know exactly how much shit you’re going to get. Woman are merciless and use every manipulative tactic in the book until outright just calling you gay (in not so nice words) I’ve said no twice, I won’t say no again.
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My butthole was never consulted, not once 😢
On this, ladies, please compose yourself enough to give us a firm yes. Like, if I just ate you out, and you're clutching the sheets and moan instead, I get it. You want it. But, I'd still really appreciate a yes.
What the fuck? Oral sex is foreplay.
Never. I’d probably never be with a woman that asked for it. The type of woman that I imagine would ask that is someone way more woke than I can handle lol
I dunno, it's even in the "hey are you in the mood?" I (guy) have been asked and I appreciated the ability to say no if I needed, especially considering I have a lower libido than most. If your best friend died or something serious like that, asking is 10/10 better than making you feel like shit for doing it when you're not mentally there. Stressors happen. Having the quick, "You good?" isn't woke, it's listening to your partner's needs.
Love when the lowest valid excuse for a man declining sex is “best friend died”
TIL asking for consent is woke
Welcome to realizing how non consensual the world is
How do you imagine asking for consent goes?
Facts
Actually, never now that I think about it. But, I'm a slut.
Never
It’s crazy girls not all but some get a bit offended when you want them to ask they proper take it like an insult it’s weird
we still pretending people want equality ?
My wife and I just go "Want to have sex?", so I guess the person initiating is always asking for consent.
I mean I was asked for consent when a women wanted to hug me just a month ago. And that was pretty cool.
Now that I think about it 0 times in my life before my current partner (she's very insecure and always trying to avoid overstepping boundaries that might be there)
as a man only about 10% of my lovers have ever asked consent, and damn was it appreciated and sexy as hell. the first time really blew my mind and shifted my whole approach to asking consent myself. folks even if they really want it - they'll appreciate being asked. obviously especially for new people/ new things. it builds anticipation, it makes the whole experience undeniably something we're doing together (rather than to each other). and of course it's gets everyone on the same page and excited about what's happening. it helps avoid sexual assault.
Most women don't ask.
Now that you mentioned it, never. But, well, I've seen and lived normalised women violence toward men all my life, so it doesn't surprise me.
Never. My ex would get mad and yell at me and hit me if I dared say I didn't want to have sex. She'd keep it up until I agreed to fuck her.
Ive said no before, the absolute drama that it caused. Im definitely not comparing it to the way ive heard men react, but i guess no one likes being told no
Rarely a man can be forced against his will to fuck somebody (in a hetero scenario), men aren't asked for consent because it is not needed, if you don't feel like fucking someone, just don't... what is she gonna do?? Force you yo get a boner??
Terrible take. Reacting physically is not the same as consenting. People can get involuntary erections, and in a more violent or physical assault yes; someone could probably force you to get an erection. All round abysmal take.
In the context of a make-out session that advanced to something more, I've never in my life had the girl/woman ask for my consent for anything. It was always just a "one thing leads to another, unless someone says no" vibe.
I’ve never had a woman make an advance or express any interest. This question doesn’t really make sense to me. Been married nearly 8 years…
Lol. Never. I guess it's implied in what we're doing. But I've been in a few situations where I had to say "No. Stop "
Never. Not I want the woman to. I prefer she just makes a move and if I’m down then let’s make it happen and if I’m not then no.
The 2 people I’ve slept with didn’t mind
For?
Consent to get a foot massage?
Every. Single. Website.
I have yet to do it, ever. I sort of gauge(I think that is the word) the mood the scene the moment. IF my gf kisses me back or lets my hand go somewhere I continue I see no reason to ask then
If it works for you two, it's great. But it is important to know that some people stress responses are either to freeze or "to go with it" so asking might be necessary to know for sure if people are consenting.
Oh, I completely agree. You know I wasn’t trying to sound very harsh about it. I am so sorry if I came across like a stubborn old man, but I do understand people can freeze or stop a little bit. If I knew that, for example something had happened in the past, I would make it crystal clear to ask and be nice and polite about it.
Not once in my lifetime
I can't tell you how many times I've been pressured to 'give her one because she really likes you' by the surrounding girlfriends. I always try to switch gender roles and see how impossible that would be for a typical western guy group. Because as far as I can see, that would never happen.
Wait Men get asked for consent on things?? Did i miss something
Never. It doesn’t work like that, in my opinion.
I've been with close to 3 digits of girls. Never once have I been asked for my consent.
Sexually, never.
Never.
Consent???
Asked, yes. But it's very rare. It's usually they don't ask, then get offended when I say no.
Consent to share my data? All the time.
idk how often but.. im not out here getting raped so it must be often enough... thanks ladies
For what? If it's for medical procedures then of course, written consent even
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The one time I did get asked I said no, but it didn't matter anyway. I was 9 the first time my uncle asked me if I knew what masturbation was and if I wanted to do that with him. I said no, he explained it and then asked me again, I said no, I don't think I want to do that, that's kinda embarrassing. And then he asked again and again, telling me how good it would feel until I said yes. When I was 13 he got sent to forensic psychiatric care. I haven't spoken to him since, and my mom says she lost a brother when she found out. I'm not upset about it anymore, but if I ever saw him again I would turn around and start walking the other direction.
Never that I can remember.
There have been a few times where what my gf did to me would be considered rape if it was a guy doing that to a girl.
Prior to meeting my wife, never
Never
guessing we are talking about something sexual related. so closing in on 50 and the average looks to be about 0 times a year. if you are worried about the amount of time skewing the results it also comes out to zero times a minute.
I've only been asked once. I told her I really liked her, so much that I wanted to hold off. She took it very well, actually.
Never. Not once. Not even the time they *really* should have.
Never. It’s always assumed I must want it because I am a man. Like many others on here have said, I’ve gotten berated, belittled, talk shit to, talked shit about, etc when I’ve declined a woman’s advances. One went so far as to cry rape because of it. Luckily she’s stupid and there were cameras at the location she claimed it happened, but absolutely NOTHING happened to her for falsely accusing me and almost costing me my job AND reputation.
Never . But we don't matter ! 👍
0/7 different women. I take zero offense because we were either both sober or both inebriated. If she can’t consent neither can I so it’s a 2 way rape and that’s a hill I will die on
Never women have sexually assaulted me in public and when I asked a cop who was there once to press charges because this was the second time he laughed. One of my gfs had relations with me in my sleep another would think I’m disgusted by her because we had a massive argument about her caring about me and I didn’t care to interact at all. Rules for we but not for me is the answer here.
LOL
This thread is sad. I ask my fiance if I can play with him. I get sad if he says no cuz I want him like crazy, but I hide it as best I can (I do fail occasionally). I don't want him to feel guilty just because I have RSD. It has always been something that was talked about with any past lovers. Even my first time, he insisted on being explicitly clear that we both wanted to, and since he was a little older than me I just figured that that was how people acted before having sex.
I have never been asked for consent. Ive had girlfriends that have just kinda mounted me on the couch. Even if im not in the mood i see they are and i like to be helpful so i put aside what I want to help them. I believe love in many cases is sacrifice and if I love this woman with all my heart i will give of myself regardless.
Never
Bot
I had to sign papers for 3 operations/treatments, for some institutions so they could review my financial status and I guess whenever I go on a website and am asked how to handle cookies.
I got raped LMAO
I just constantly have a lawyer a few paces behind me.
Is he dressed as Superman?
Never, because why should I be? This new trend of asking for consent for different idiotic things is a plague. Like, if I’m going to the hairdresser I don’t fucking need to be asked if I give my consent to be touched. I am there, I want them to cut by hair!
I'm a dude, I always consent... Come get me ladies
🙏🏿
I'll tell this to the old 70-year-old lady who gropped my butt and kissed my neck without warning in the metro.
Me have penis. It never says no
Guys can literally say no and stop at any time what’s the point of asking lol.
My roommates gf raped me while I was too high to move once. I could not say no to this because I could barely talk
I mean the same can be said of many women, there are many steps short of physical force. But being coerced into something and going along with it unwillingly is not ok either.
So can women?
Do you think the same thing about women? Because that isn't how stress response work for a lot of people.
Men don’t really need to be asked because they’re not gonna feel in danger to say no
It's all fun and games until they pull off the protection and continue the procedure.
are you meaning gay sex? yeah i would think dudes should check with other dudes
How dare you speak for the devil? Ask consent first! I mean if the bread isn't planned to be cooked.
Are we talkin bout physical contact/sex or condoms?
I'm talking about unplanned pregnancy on the mans side
Oh I misread it and thought you switched to talkin bread. My bad
My friend who's ex raped him with a knife under his throat disagree. Also, the one with his girlfriend threatening suicide if he didn't do it. Also, the one with the girl who threatened falsy accusing him of rape if he didn't do it.