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Psychopaths love to be in control and push others around.
Upper management loves a manager who runs a department with the most profit, and treating employees like expendable garbage is the best way to do that.
I do wonder how we get society back to a path where at the least these people are just taken away from their position of influence. Nothing TOS breaking. I
These are the kind of people who wind up having the TOS violated against them (GO FUCK YOURSELF REDDIT I DO NOT ADVOCATE FOR VIOLENCE FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT EXCEPTION COMPROMISE OR NUANCE WHATSOEVER IN ANY CONTEXT NO MATTER WHAT. Am I allowed to keep my account because I said the righthink??? IN ANY CASE...) and then have complete audacity and lack of self awareness to think it was an act of random violence.
Yeah that’s just shitty japanese work culture. It’s partially what they have a declining birth rate. The culture heavily focuses on deferring to your elders or superiors.
Some people even say that’s the reason Fukushima happened. Engineers knew it would be unsafe if a large quake or tsunami hit it or something, but when they told their boss he flipped the hell out on them for questioning himself and his superiors
I don’t think it’s a western / eastern thing (maybe exaggeration of it happens in the east).
To me this type of behaviour is more about having power over others. Like middle managers and bosses are pleased to be controlling others.
That’s unfortunate and the way many entry level jobs are. In many highly skilled areas managers are there to ensure retention and are bonuses based on their teams feedback. The role of the manager is evolving to be much more supportive and an enabler, but unfortunately many companies/industries aren’t there yet. If I had a toxic manager who reacted like this my fathers passing I would be looking for a new job immediately.
Most westerns? What’s the definition of western? I live in Western Europe, have had a dozen of bosses and although some of them were worthless as managers, none of them would do shit like this. For me this is typical American and don’t get me wrong: even in the US I wouldn’t expect most bosses to act like this. But at will firing makes it easier for some bosses to act like this.
Mostly this because in Europe everyone has atleast 20 days holiday a year. That your boss can't stop you from taking. Also in Europe our health insurance isn't tied to our job
So management can't pull as much shit, because no one is worried about going broke or dying because they don't have health insurance, and our holidays are protected by law.
Most americans have no idea of the capitalist hellhole they are in and think everywhere is the same. Of course Europe is not a paradise, but the percentage of dick managers in the us astoundingly higher than in Europe
I work for an american company in europe and the culture is very different between the offices in different continents, even though we are in the same company
Every election we get more and more Americanized, to the point where we have Trump supporters and even people advocating for handguns for personal protection.
We're screwed.
It's because the corporate hierarchy self-selects for these kinds of assholes. Being a good boss to one's employees is behavior that is rarely if ever rewarded, while treating them like a resource to be expended and tossed aside when no longer useful will get you in the good graces of the even bigger assholes higher up the corporate ladder (because that's exactly how they think of their employees).
Correct. They don't get there by 'being lucky'.
They get there because that type of behavior is what is most beneficial for the business in the long run.
My response probably would have been “ I’ll try to make sure I plan any deaths in advance from now on, but I expect the same from you and everyone else as well.”
“Let’s have a meeting next week to discuss the planned deaths of our loved ones, ok boss? I expect you to have a plan too, and if possible, let’s all aim for a similar timeframe, that way we can all wrap up the grieving process as quickly as possible. Thaaaaaannnnksssss.”
I, too, got in trouble for doing this.
When my dad passed away I had to drive from Tennessee to Fresno to pick up the ashes, then from there to Humboldt County to spread the ashes. I had four days to do it. Wasn’t able to fly because I had my brother with me who is disabled and can’t be accommodated on an airline.
Work gave me four days off to do this and I got a write up when I got back home.
Drive both ways non-stop and it was absolutely brutal.
I feel for you. Fuck your employer.
It's not that he can't be accommodated by the airline. Rather, the airline WON'T accommodate him because then they don't get every single fucking penny to ever exist, and the government isn't going to make them, because then our elected officials might not get a bribe, and have to live off their piddly 200k a year (and rising)
I agree that the government usually screws us in favor of corporations. This is an exception. The Air Carrier Access Act is taken extremely seriously and the fines are steep for airlines if they violate it. If an airline says they can’t accommodate a disabled passenger, they really can’t.
Bosses seem to have a particular lack of the English language. I've never had a boss who could spell, it aggravates me. I just learned my current boss hunts and pecks to type. I just remember that 86% of managers are not qualified, and sigh and hope for a better next job.
Same here. The most nitpicky boss I had would frequently write text messages and emails like a teenager. Christ it was cringe.
“Can u wrk 2’moro Kat called off n we need cover”
Until they actually send a coherent sentence with correctly spelled words I would respond to every single message with "Sorry, I don't understand what you typed."
It's because they're nepobabies. Why the fuck would a nepobaby pay attention in school? The job is already theirs. Actually putting effort and brainwashing yourself into thinking society has ANY meritocratic value whatsoever is for those outside of the landed gentry class.
It's because if you're talking to your boss who is a person who has more power than you than you need to be 100% clear reasonable precise and capitulative to them otherwise you're screwed. Bosses can give jumbled directions to you and you have to do it correctly or you're the one who's going to be in trouble.
Yep. Time to find a new job with a compassionate/understanding boss. I promise they are out there. Don’t sell yourself short OP! I’m sorry for your loss.
When I returned from bereavement leave following the death of my dad, I showed up to work with puffy eyes from crying in the car. Boss said “Are you still upset about that?”
I so sorry.
I'm afraid I'd end up in jail for violence if anyone spoke to me like that, just thinking about it makes me feel so angry and so helpless.
I am glad good people still exist on this Earth. I hope you found some peace after that. That's so hard.
"Oh, actually, I **can** be present for \[insert busiest day of the four days I'm missing.\] You need me to open without another person so you can hoard all the fucking money at the top? No problem! I'll do it all by myself."
Then just don't show up. Continue to lie and say you're stuck in traffic. Do it for as long as you can. Then, when your boss blows up on you, just say "It's my party, so I'll flake if I want to" in the highest pitch sing-songy voice you can, and then immediately hang up and REFUSE to answer the calls unless you're in a one-party consent state. Managers are manbabies who don't know how to regulate their emotions in the face of defiance, so they're incredibly easy to bait into a negative and explosive reaction. They will most likely blow up on you over the phone via text or voice, and now you have evidence of abuse in the workplace. Bam. Free payday.
I personally find such litigious and emotionally manipulative tactics reprehensible 95% of the time, but in this situation, I feel I'd be backed into a corner and forced to go nuclear. Maybe next time you'll let me spread my father's ashes, hm?
When my dad died, I wrote his obituary while at work in a Word document. I did it in between my normal work and performance and all that blah was not affected. My managers manager happened to walk by, and I saw him ask my manager what was on my screen. He never spoke to me. Later my manager called me out of the office and complained I wasn't focused enough. I attempted to explain but he didn't want to listen, he was angry I'd made him look bad. I believe you need to forgive where you can, but I doubt I'll ever forgive that action. Makes me sad to think about it.
I've had customers stomp off to complain about my coworkers crying. It's like, yeah, Karen. We're making minimum wage, all of our income goes directly into rent and groceries, no one can afford to do anything that isn't those two things, and we're all too exhausted dancing between two part time jobs (so neither job has to give the full time benefits that dominate 90% of the help wanted ads) to pursue education. All so you don't have to pay an extra 85 cents on a box of frozen chicken.
These people don't really care. They're just annoyed that they have to acknowledge that the company they're supporting is poorly treating their employees, and is only enabled to do so because of their patronage. Easier to bitch and complain until they don't have to face the ugly truth.
A compassionate human response would have gone so far there, it’s so wrong how many supervisors are like this. If I had been your manager I would have said to not worry about it since you always have your work done on time or early and then asked you if everything was okay (assuming I didn’t know about your dad already) or just let you know I had your back and that upper management was being inappropriate otherwise so you would be aware and keep an eye out or reposition your monitor accordingly. 🫠
This reminds me of crappy supervisors I have had that nitpicked, micromanaged, and always demanded to know what I was doing on my PTO (so I always said I would be in the middle of nowhere with no cell service).
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
It's an awful work world when this is considered "kind" by basic standards. You have a horrible boss, but I'm glad you, at least, got the days off without too much of a fight. I've heard far too many horror stories of employees who were forced to work while grieving. I still had to work when my mom was in the hospital getting treated for melanoma. It was so hard.
I hope you have a peaceful time spreading your father's ashes. I remember spreading my father's ashes in one of his favorite places. I was young, but it was a bit cathartic.
I hear you, but even under “basic work standards” no part of this is kind—it’s just avoiding a full scale shitshow if he denied the leave. The snarky comments about the number of days and “it must be a birthday” are horribly mean.
I had to take time off to go to a family memorial service this week, and asked my boss if it counted under annual leave or family sick leave. She said family sick leave only allows for certain family members but she won’t ask questions and I can just feel free to charge sick leave, because it’s all my earned leave anyway. THAT’S kind. This boss is 300 levels below that.
Couldn't even leave early when I got the news about my aunt passing. I was not at all mentally present and tearing up constantly. Idk why they thought that's a good look for their barista
Omg when I have a kid I’m going to make sure they know that they should leave any job if they can’t be there anymore. Doesn’t matter what the boss says. Unless they’re like a healthcare professional mid-surgery, there’s no reason why a job should keep you hostage.
From my own experience, working while grieving is a special hell. I make mistakes, I have to take breaks because I'm crying too hard, I'm not myself, and my rhythm is off. I ended up getting fired from a job because I was grieving over a friend who died. Had I been given some time off, maybe I wouldn't have.
Same thing goes for sickness. Why would you want someone there who isn't at their best?
Seriously, why didn't your father schedule his death with your boss at least 6 months ahead of time? I'm somehow not surprised that your boss thinks being an asshole is a super power. Looking at his text messages, did he quit school after 5th grade?
if he remains your boss after boying you off like this,...you need to consider wtf you are doing with your life.
not a dig at you op.
this boss needs a slap....and you deserve better.
Why give so much info or bother to respond
" I will be out from june x - x to deal with my fathers death"
Thats it, end of communications until you are back in the office
Ahhh. As in there was a previous talk and OP originally only requested part of their 5 day bereavement, and adjusted it, and now they’re saying “oh now your time off request is growing?”
If so yeah.. kinda messed up.
I HATE it when employers imply that you're trying to get over or lying. It's 100% projection. Honest, down to Earth souls have it rough in this world.
I'm sorry about your dad. I hope you find peace.
There are good bosses out there aswell, Family Member died on May 26, have been taking Vacation ever since and no fuss at all. On the Contrary most Co-Workers are checking in every 2-3 day to see if iam holding up.
Thank you!!!
I am so thankful that when my mother passed away unexpectedly that my boss told me the same. She didn’t just say it. She meant it. She also, along with many other of my co-workers came to my mother’s funeral. I will never forget that. I’ve never had a boss like her since.
That’s what OP and anyone who goes through a death deserves. Respect. I’m so tired of selfish disrespectful assholes in the workplace.
Stop giving them so much information. It really works against you. Say you have a family emergency and you’ll be out from this date to that date.
You’re suffering from presenteeism and think you need to give them every little detail so they don’t judge you. It’s having the opposite effect.
Ex manager here. Always give employees important days off. Cover them yourself if you have too. The revenue you earn from these acts of kindness will always have a positive return.
Even if you think they might be lying. Make it happen - either they are a shitty employee who is lying (and will likely get fired or quit eventually anyway) or they are a good employee with something important/personal/private enough that they will lie about it to make it happen.
If it becomes a pattern, then have a talk about it. See what can be worked out.
I refuse to believe this is real. No one is that evil. If you actually know this person and it's real then it should be very clear what you should do to them
I wish people were more agressive with these shitstains. If someone tried to say "boy howdy thats a lot of days off just for your dad dying" id be telling them to go fuck themselves straight up. Id lose a job over that if it meant i dont have to give some wretched piece of shit another dime of my time.
I'd say, "That's uncalled for. I do not appreciate you speaking to me that way. All you need to say is 'ok'. I will see you when I come back." Set boundaries with your leader. They need to understand that this toxic behavior is not acceptable. I'm a manager now but before that I've called out my manager and separately my Director for prying into my relationships and sexual life. They absolutely need boundaries.
My work was great when my mom died (except Teri, Fuck you, Teri). I’m a teacher and they immediately got a sub so I could leave. I took a week and a couple of days off, not all consecutively. We had mom’s funeral without her ashes with the intention to spread them in the ocean when they were ready two weeks later. Two weeks later ended up being during the mandatory high stakes standardized testing. No one cared about that. It would’ve been so weird if family had flown in from out of state and asked why her own daughter wasn’t there to spread the ashes. “Oh, she had to proctor a test today?”
It all worked out in the end. I just thought it was stupid. State testing is more important than bereavement?
This subreddit often leaves me speechless…
When I asked my boss if it is ok to work several months remotely from my hometown because I wanted to help my sister who had to undergo chemo, he just asked if I need a mobile wifi hotspot.
I found out my mom had passed almost a year afterwards. Long story that I won't go into here. I had a doctor's appointment a few days later, and while waiting for the Dr, I got real emotional and started bawling. Dr was shocked when he walked in and asked what was wrong. When I told him, he wrote for me to have a week off work.
When I went to my manager, she actually questioned why I needed a week off. When I returned, I was fired for missing work...like wtf? A few months later, my manager was fired and had the audacity to reach out on FB. I told her to fuck off.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Losing a parent is rough.
There is a slight chance that your boss misinterpreted the first text since the word “ashes” wasn’t added accidentally. They might’ve read it as “spending with my dad” and that’s why they were guessing it was a special occasion.
Uh find a diff job and don’t give notice, what a fucking prick.
When my bro died the CEO where I worked had our HR/admin lady figure out where the service was and when and sent a beautiful floral arrangement.
I came back to work after a week off and my boss told me to go home and that he didn’t want to see me for another TWO WEEKS at least.
Don’t keep giving your labor to people like this.
Maybe I'm just dumb, but I didn't understand your first message, and the response your boss gave seemed reasonable. I didn't immediately get you're spreading his ashes. Just spreading something, he could have assumed you just were going to hang out with your dad or sth.
I'm confused by the people here, when you explained properly he just said ok, is this bad??
Idk, I am autistic, maybe I just don't understand something here.
*Body removal service????*
Yes, it’s a weird response, albeit from someone working an unusually weird job. Is this dude just a weirdo in general?
Condolences, by the way.
I am often and repeatedly reminded that I was "lucky" that my brother died in 2020 so I could get laid off and still support myself. I didn't work for a year afterwards and honestly probably needed another year but could not afford it. I hope your boss stubs his toe and it doesn't heal all summer
I'm sure there are plenty of people offering their comments about what to do about working for this... person. But I'm going to point out what we all already know, but might have lost sight of: when it's your ashes in the urn, there's going to be some little pr\*ck of a manager talking to a relative of yours as though your passing is just a giant inconvenience to them. I don't know how we're going to do it, but we need to make being a decent human being more normal.
I've gotten to a point where I'm not "having a conversation" about things like this. I'm "making a statement".
I WILL be off those days. It's not a request, I'm being kind enough to inform you. There's no back and forth. I AM doing this. Full stop.
North Bay is a nice little spot, I have peeps who live there.
Don't let your boss make you feel guilty, they are legally obligated to give you bereavement, I don't think you need to give advanced notice either.
Jesus fucking christ what a piece of shit. I didn't even like my father but my boss at the time have me a week off to process when he died. The only response to OP's boss should be to never go back.
This feels fake, like you are karma farming with rage bait. You claim to be a firefighter, but have two jobs and one is very demanding. You also claim your dad died over a year ago but also that it was recent.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you"re feeling right now. This vile excuse for a human who is your boss is not typical. It's not because of "capitalism" or work conditions or "America" he's just a terrible sh$t head of a human and is probably that way to everyone in his life. I've been working for 45 plus years and never had a boss so insensitive. In fact, it's been the opposite. 99.99% of people are very accommodating and understanding.
This boss is at best toxic. I would first take some PRO or call in sick after your bereavement time, and look for a new job. You ned to get out of that environment ASAP. Move on. I assure you all bosses are not like this.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and also sorry that your employer is a fucking asshole. In your place, I would be absolutely cold towards him from now on (assuming you can't afford to and/or don't want to quit). I would do the work as usual, so as to not get fired, but no "good morning" to him, no chatting, no talking about anything other than strictly work, etc. Freeze him out.
I especially enjoy it when they say shit like this to you, and the day before they just told you that you are really the only employee worth a damn, so they get a really funny face on them when you tell them what you think of them and walk off.
It's funny, I'm a very by the book type person. I pretty much get panic attacks if i don't think I'm doing my job in the most efficient way possible and i stress about breaking any rules. It's a very annoying broken brain habit. Anyway, i generally will *always* put in at least my two weeks before leaving a job, that's what you do, right? Two jobs have pushed me to the point of quitting on the spot, and at both jobs it was enough of a wake up call that others abandoned ship at the same time.
The best one was a Walmart deli, essentially the entire closing shift staff quit when i initially put in my two weeks. I tried to do it right, with the notice, but i couldn't take it anymore and just never came back after a lunch break shortly into my two weeks. We basically all quit due to management being horrible, but the real straw that broke the back was that the worst pathological liar and employee I've ever met, was deemed as the best by management because he was a huge ass kisser.
Imagine that you're a closer, and this dude that closes with you makes you over an hour later every single night you close with him, and he takes double and triple break times every shift... And you're told by management that he's the best we've got. A dude that literally bled from his nose on pieces of chicken and served it from the hot case because he didn't notice. Luckily for Walmart, the phone call that came in to complain... Just happened to be from another Walmart employee. Think of the news that would've happened had a regular customer gotten chicken with blood running out of it, when all our chicken comes pre-fried and is just fried again when we make it.
Edit to add: every single damned time we complained about him, our deli manager would just say things like "well he's an angel when i work with him, so i don't know what you're talking about" or "he always does everything I tell him (with emphasis on the i).
My grandma died. I got the call at work and the first thing out of my managers mouth was “you are not going to go, are you?” She meant to the funeral because it involved international travel. Fuck you.
We just lost a close friend in the Bay Area 😢 the feels suck.
If the company is required to provide FMLA, and depending on how hard you want to fight it, you could be a major thorn in their side. Some googling would help you get informed on this.
This happened to me about 5 years ago. I was my dad’s caretaker when he was suffering from ALS and he just passed on one evening. I worked as a dishwasher in a breakfast joint and after my dad died I told them I would be back in 6 days because there were a lot of issues trying to get everything set up. My boss told me he could do 3 tops and the whole time was just a dick about the whole situation. I told him I would be back in a few days and just ghosted him. Never came back. I sent my friends the texts he sent me and I guess a lot of people started finding new jobs.
1. Proactively find a new job. You don’t have to work for an asshole.
2. When you do quit to take your new job (with no notice) send him this screenshot, followed by:
*You’re.
Yeah, shortly before I walked out of my job at Kroger, I had my manager tell me that me leaving work early one day and calling in the next day *because my grandfather had a heart attack immediately followed by an emergency double bypass surgery* was unprofessional and needed to be planned better next time.
When I worked at Amazon my uncle passed away. The policy is 3 paid days off for a family member passing then you can have another 3 days if needed. I got the days off no issue for my uncle then a month later my grandmother passed away and I was a lot closer (emotionally) with her so I requested the extra 3 days for her. They wanted PROOF she passed so I sent the obituary (something they said would work as proof) and they said the funeral was in close enough drive to be back at work after the initial 3 days off. I was livid. Still took the extra 3 days off from my own time off. Didn't stay there much longer after that.
Can they not count?? It’s not even 5 days & you’re giving them an advanced notice. They have plenty of time to shuffle people around by next week 🤷🏻♀️
my mom passed two months ago 15 mins before my shift. i saw her a couple hours previously and they made me work my whole 12 hour shift because i couldn’t find anyone to cover for me :( i was crying almost the entire time.
these places DO NOT CARE
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What a wretched little ghoul. Do something which in no way violates reddits tos to them.
Ghoul was the word I came to use too
I'd use stronger language to describe them, but I Can't qUite fiNd The right word at the moment...
Shitstain.
Wankstain. Just adds that little bit of everything being about him.
Vince Russo?
Cornette, is that you?
Out of all the languages there are, this guy chose to speak facts.
There is no curse in elvish, entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery
I call people like this shitty hitlers. Fascists on a micro scale.
The Shitty Hitlers, are they any good? They suck. So, it's not just a clever name!
Douchecanoe? Twatwaffle? Mosquito to society?
Soul shaped hole forgotten by God.
Here's one I learned from an Australian guy I went to college with - Cockwomble. The way he says it is hilarious, I can't match it with my accent.
That’s an insult to ghouls everywhere tbh
‘Fucking gore crow’ is the term I would use
I hope that manager gets caught violating every TOS and policy and gets banned from his favorite sites and place.
Management and leadership type "jobs" attract psychopaths like shit attracts flies. I don't know why.
Psychopaths love to be in control and push others around. Upper management loves a manager who runs a department with the most profit, and treating employees like expendable garbage is the best way to do that.
Yep. And it's really depressing just how many fields this paradigm pervades - even ones you would think would be rather clear of it.
I do wonder how we get society back to a path where at the least these people are just taken away from their position of influence. Nothing TOS breaking. I
These are the kind of people who wind up having the TOS violated against them (GO FUCK YOURSELF REDDIT I DO NOT ADVOCATE FOR VIOLENCE FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT EXCEPTION COMPROMISE OR NUANCE WHATSOEVER IN ANY CONTEXT NO MATTER WHAT. Am I allowed to keep my account because I said the righthink??? IN ANY CASE...) and then have complete audacity and lack of self awareness to think it was an act of random violence.
Without my prior knowledge.
Sorry you're still getting banned from multiple subs for thinking what we know you're thinking.
It’s depressing to consider how many people in power are apparently just evil wankers who got lucky.
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Yeah that’s just shitty japanese work culture. It’s partially what they have a declining birth rate. The culture heavily focuses on deferring to your elders or superiors. Some people even say that’s the reason Fukushima happened. Engineers knew it would be unsafe if a large quake or tsunami hit it or something, but when they told their boss he flipped the hell out on them for questioning himself and his superiors I don’t think it’s a western / eastern thing (maybe exaggeration of it happens in the east). To me this type of behaviour is more about having power over others. Like middle managers and bosses are pleased to be controlling others.
> they have a declining jets rate. they're running out of 747s ?
JAL did recently cancel a large order with Boeing, so…
We could send them Aaron Rodgers.
That’s unfortunate and the way many entry level jobs are. In many highly skilled areas managers are there to ensure retention and are bonuses based on their teams feedback. The role of the manager is evolving to be much more supportive and an enabler, but unfortunately many companies/industries aren’t there yet. If I had a toxic manager who reacted like this my fathers passing I would be looking for a new job immediately.
Most westerns? What’s the definition of western? I live in Western Europe, have had a dozen of bosses and although some of them were worthless as managers, none of them would do shit like this. For me this is typical American and don’t get me wrong: even in the US I wouldn’t expect most bosses to act like this. But at will firing makes it easier for some bosses to act like this.
Mostly this because in Europe everyone has atleast 20 days holiday a year. That your boss can't stop you from taking. Also in Europe our health insurance isn't tied to our job So management can't pull as much shit, because no one is worried about going broke or dying because they don't have health insurance, and our holidays are protected by law.
Most americans have no idea of the capitalist hellhole they are in and think everywhere is the same. Of course Europe is not a paradise, but the percentage of dick managers in the us astoundingly higher than in Europe I work for an american company in europe and the culture is very different between the offices in different continents, even though we are in the same company
OP is 🇨🇦
Canada is just America light. Source: Live on the border.
As a Canadian living by the border I can vouch for this
We used to be a lot more like Europe until our government started following the example of the US. We've been on a decline for decades.
Every election we get more and more Americanized, to the point where we have Trump supporters and even people advocating for handguns for personal protection. We're screwed.
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whta do you mean "laws" its just laws. we get at least 20 days pto and that is no facade
> none of them would do shit like this. Yes they would if law and circumstances allowed it.
It’s capitalism….
It's because the corporate hierarchy self-selects for these kinds of assholes. Being a good boss to one's employees is behavior that is rarely if ever rewarded, while treating them like a resource to be expended and tossed aside when no longer useful will get you in the good graces of the even bigger assholes higher up the corporate ladder (because that's exactly how they think of their employees).
Correct. They don't get there by 'being lucky'. They get there because that type of behavior is what is most beneficial for the business in the long run.
Evil wankers are often the only people twisted enough to want positions of power over others.
It's not luck, our current system rewards evil wankers.
What if it’s power that makes them evil 🧐
“Ok,I’ll plan the death of my next father in advance”.
Yes, no more last minute deaths.
“I feel like your dad dying wasn’t thinking about the team”
Also, in what world is nearly a weeks notice last minute? MF should feel lucky he got that much heads up
That part was just as crazy as the response to me. If you're a manager who can't find coverage with a weeks notice, you are incompetent.
My response probably would have been “ I’ll try to make sure I plan any deaths in advance from now on, but I expect the same from you and everyone else as well.”
“Let’s have a meeting next week to discuss the planned deaths of our loved ones, ok boss? I expect you to have a plan too, and if possible, let’s all aim for a similar timeframe, that way we can all wrap up the grieving process as quickly as possible. Thaaaaaannnnksssss.”
"I told him what you said and he promises it'll never happen again"
I, too, got in trouble for doing this. When my dad passed away I had to drive from Tennessee to Fresno to pick up the ashes, then from there to Humboldt County to spread the ashes. I had four days to do it. Wasn’t able to fly because I had my brother with me who is disabled and can’t be accommodated on an airline. Work gave me four days off to do this and I got a write up when I got back home. Drive both ways non-stop and it was absolutely brutal. I feel for you. Fuck your employer.
You quit right?
Quitting, and farting on their lunch in front of them, is the only appropriate response.
I would have been tempted to add some special sauce.
Can you really *plan* diarrhea tho?
White Castle
Omg. I expected that. But didn't.
It's not that he can't be accommodated by the airline. Rather, the airline WON'T accommodate him because then they don't get every single fucking penny to ever exist, and the government isn't going to make them, because then our elected officials might not get a bribe, and have to live off their piddly 200k a year (and rising)
I agree that the government usually screws us in favor of corporations. This is an exception. The Air Carrier Access Act is taken extremely seriously and the fines are steep for airlines if they violate it. If an airline says they can’t accommodate a disabled passenger, they really can’t.
I would’ve taken family leave and not told them anything else.
Your boss can’t spell either. He truly is awful.
Bosses seem to have a particular lack of the English language. I've never had a boss who could spell, it aggravates me. I just learned my current boss hunts and pecks to type. I just remember that 86% of managers are not qualified, and sigh and hope for a better next job.
Same here. The most nitpicky boss I had would frequently write text messages and emails like a teenager. Christ it was cringe. “Can u wrk 2’moro Kat called off n we need cover”
Until they actually send a coherent sentence with correctly spelled words I would respond to every single message with "Sorry, I don't understand what you typed."
It's because they're nepobabies. Why the fuck would a nepobaby pay attention in school? The job is already theirs. Actually putting effort and brainwashing yourself into thinking society has ANY meritocratic value whatsoever is for those outside of the landed gentry class.
It's because if you're talking to your boss who is a person who has more power than you than you need to be 100% clear reasonable precise and capitulative to them otherwise you're screwed. Bosses can give jumbled directions to you and you have to do it correctly or you're the one who's going to be in trouble.
Must be a special occasion. Yes, my dad died.
Yep. Time to find a new job with a compassionate/understanding boss. I promise they are out there. Don’t sell yourself short OP! I’m sorry for your loss.
But is that special enough for ~~FIVE~~ three days?
My first reply to that would have just been go fuck yourself.
Yeah, man. Like, what other response could there be for this? Absolutely psychopathic boss. I have no words.
When I returned from bereavement leave following the death of my dad, I showed up to work with puffy eyes from crying in the car. Boss said “Are you still upset about that?”
I so sorry. I'm afraid I'd end up in jail for violence if anyone spoke to me like that, just thinking about it makes me feel so angry and so helpless. I am glad good people still exist on this Earth. I hope you found some peace after that. That's so hard.
“I want you to read back what you just wrote and reconsider if you’re serious.”
"Oh, actually, I **can** be present for \[insert busiest day of the four days I'm missing.\] You need me to open without another person so you can hoard all the fucking money at the top? No problem! I'll do it all by myself." Then just don't show up. Continue to lie and say you're stuck in traffic. Do it for as long as you can. Then, when your boss blows up on you, just say "It's my party, so I'll flake if I want to" in the highest pitch sing-songy voice you can, and then immediately hang up and REFUSE to answer the calls unless you're in a one-party consent state. Managers are manbabies who don't know how to regulate their emotions in the face of defiance, so they're incredibly easy to bait into a negative and explosive reaction. They will most likely blow up on you over the phone via text or voice, and now you have evidence of abuse in the workplace. Bam. Free payday. I personally find such litigious and emotionally manipulative tactics reprehensible 95% of the time, but in this situation, I feel I'd be backed into a corner and forced to go nuclear. Maybe next time you'll let me spread my father's ashes, hm?
When my dad died, I wrote his obituary while at work in a Word document. I did it in between my normal work and performance and all that blah was not affected. My managers manager happened to walk by, and I saw him ask my manager what was on my screen. He never spoke to me. Later my manager called me out of the office and complained I wasn't focused enough. I attempted to explain but he didn't want to listen, he was angry I'd made him look bad. I believe you need to forgive where you can, but I doubt I'll ever forgive that action. Makes me sad to think about it.
That sounds awful I’m so sorry
I've had customers stomp off to complain about my coworkers crying. It's like, yeah, Karen. We're making minimum wage, all of our income goes directly into rent and groceries, no one can afford to do anything that isn't those two things, and we're all too exhausted dancing between two part time jobs (so neither job has to give the full time benefits that dominate 90% of the help wanted ads) to pursue education. All so you don't have to pay an extra 85 cents on a box of frozen chicken. These people don't really care. They're just annoyed that they have to acknowledge that the company they're supporting is poorly treating their employees, and is only enabled to do so because of their patronage. Easier to bitch and complain until they don't have to face the ugly truth.
A compassionate human response would have gone so far there, it’s so wrong how many supervisors are like this. If I had been your manager I would have said to not worry about it since you always have your work done on time or early and then asked you if everything was okay (assuming I didn’t know about your dad already) or just let you know I had your back and that upper management was being inappropriate otherwise so you would be aware and keep an eye out or reposition your monitor accordingly. 🫠 This reminds me of crappy supervisors I have had that nitpicked, micromanaged, and always demanded to know what I was doing on my PTO (so I always said I would be in the middle of nowhere with no cell service). I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Yes, it is a special occasion, we have to mourn the death of my father and the fact a piece of shit like you gets to keep breathing.
It's an awful work world when this is considered "kind" by basic standards. You have a horrible boss, but I'm glad you, at least, got the days off without too much of a fight. I've heard far too many horror stories of employees who were forced to work while grieving. I still had to work when my mom was in the hospital getting treated for melanoma. It was so hard. I hope you have a peaceful time spreading your father's ashes. I remember spreading my father's ashes in one of his favorite places. I was young, but it was a bit cathartic.
I hear you, but even under “basic work standards” no part of this is kind—it’s just avoiding a full scale shitshow if he denied the leave. The snarky comments about the number of days and “it must be a birthday” are horribly mean. I had to take time off to go to a family memorial service this week, and asked my boss if it counted under annual leave or family sick leave. She said family sick leave only allows for certain family members but she won’t ask questions and I can just feel free to charge sick leave, because it’s all my earned leave anyway. THAT’S kind. This boss is 300 levels below that.
Couldn't even leave early when I got the news about my aunt passing. I was not at all mentally present and tearing up constantly. Idk why they thought that's a good look for their barista
Omg when I have a kid I’m going to make sure they know that they should leave any job if they can’t be there anymore. Doesn’t matter what the boss says. Unless they’re like a healthcare professional mid-surgery, there’s no reason why a job should keep you hostage.
From my own experience, working while grieving is a special hell. I make mistakes, I have to take breaks because I'm crying too hard, I'm not myself, and my rhythm is off. I ended up getting fired from a job because I was grieving over a friend who died. Had I been given some time off, maybe I wouldn't have. Same thing goes for sickness. Why would you want someone there who isn't at their best?
This is why we need unions.
This is why we need a revolution
Seriously, why didn't your father schedule his death with your boss at least 6 months ahead of time? I'm somehow not surprised that your boss thinks being an asshole is a super power. Looking at his text messages, did he quit school after 5th grade?
My dad would laugh at this
would use the opportunity and spread the boss’s ashes as well
Special occasion?
Spread in a port-o-potty at a festival so he becomes a concrete-esque piece of shit, a testament to how he was in life.
if he remains your boss after boying you off like this,...you need to consider wtf you are doing with your life. not a dig at you op. this boss needs a slap....and you deserve better.
Why give so much info or bother to respond " I will be out from june x - x to deal with my fathers death" Thats it, end of communications until you are back in the office
What an asshole
First text was very unclear
Yeah, what the heck is growing by the minute?
I read it as 'your time off is growing by the minute', disgusting thing to say to someone grieving.
Ahhh. As in there was a previous talk and OP originally only requested part of their 5 day bereavement, and adjusted it, and now they’re saying “oh now your time off request is growing?” If so yeah.. kinda messed up.
He would have gotten a fist to the face saying that shit to me. Fuck that guy.
For me as a non native speaker I wouldn't have known what "spreading my dad's" mean. Is this commonly used like that or did op just missed a word?
Yeah they left out the word ashes there.
What a piece of shit.
I HATE it when employers imply that you're trying to get over or lying. It's 100% projection. Honest, down to Earth souls have it rough in this world. I'm sorry about your dad. I hope you find peace.
There are good bosses out there aswell, Family Member died on May 26, have been taking Vacation ever since and no fuss at all. On the Contrary most Co-Workers are checking in every 2-3 day to see if iam holding up.
I’m sorry for your loss, how are you holding up?
[удалено]
Just bring some dad with you and sprinkle it on your employer's desk. Say "he objected to your inhumane attitude and wanted to complain to my boss."
Every time a family member has died I've had no issue with work letting me off. I feel bad for anyone with bosses like this
Slide this on over into a witches forum. This man needs some quick karma.
Boss seems like a huge knob
I manage people and the only appropriate response should be “take all the time you need” Shit, I’d cover for them if needed.
Thank you!!! I am so thankful that when my mother passed away unexpectedly that my boss told me the same. She didn’t just say it. She meant it. She also, along with many other of my co-workers came to my mother’s funeral. I will never forget that. I’ve never had a boss like her since. That’s what OP and anyone who goes through a death deserves. Respect. I’m so tired of selfish disrespectful assholes in the workplace.
Not staffing enough people where they can’t account for emergencies is their fault, not yours
Stop giving them so much information. It really works against you. Say you have a family emergency and you’ll be out from this date to that date. You’re suffering from presenteeism and think you need to give them every little detail so they don’t judge you. It’s having the opposite effect.
“Unless you wanna keep him company in the fucking urn, you’ll watch your mouth. See you when I get back <3”
Ex manager here. Always give employees important days off. Cover them yourself if you have too. The revenue you earn from these acts of kindness will always have a positive return. Even if you think they might be lying. Make it happen - either they are a shitty employee who is lying (and will likely get fired or quit eventually anyway) or they are a good employee with something important/personal/private enough that they will lie about it to make it happen. If it becomes a pattern, then have a talk about it. See what can be worked out.
I refuse to believe this is real. No one is that evil. If you actually know this person and it's real then it should be very clear what you should do to them
North Bay Ontario? Post the company name!
You’re telling them way to fuckin much
How is everyone on texting terms with their boss?
I wish people were more agressive with these shitstains. If someone tried to say "boy howdy thats a lot of days off just for your dad dying" id be telling them to go fuck themselves straight up. Id lose a job over that if it meant i dont have to give some wretched piece of shit another dime of my time.
Maybe it's time to give your two-week notice
I’d love to steal from that person’s establishment
Please provide the address of the business. I will not tolerate shit like this
I'd say, "That's uncalled for. I do not appreciate you speaking to me that way. All you need to say is 'ok'. I will see you when I come back." Set boundaries with your leader. They need to understand that this toxic behavior is not acceptable. I'm a manager now but before that I've called out my manager and separately my Director for prying into my relationships and sexual life. They absolutely need boundaries.
I'm sorry, but that would get a "fuck you I'm out" from me
My work was great when my mom died (except Teri, Fuck you, Teri). I’m a teacher and they immediately got a sub so I could leave. I took a week and a couple of days off, not all consecutively. We had mom’s funeral without her ashes with the intention to spread them in the ocean when they were ready two weeks later. Two weeks later ended up being during the mandatory high stakes standardized testing. No one cared about that. It would’ve been so weird if family had flown in from out of state and asked why her own daughter wasn’t there to spread the ashes. “Oh, she had to proctor a test today?” It all worked out in the end. I just thought it was stupid. State testing is more important than bereavement?
This subreddit often leaves me speechless… When I asked my boss if it is ok to work several months remotely from my hometown because I wanted to help my sister who had to undergo chemo, he just asked if I need a mobile wifi hotspot.
I found out my mom had passed almost a year afterwards. Long story that I won't go into here. I had a doctor's appointment a few days later, and while waiting for the Dr, I got real emotional and started bawling. Dr was shocked when he walked in and asked what was wrong. When I told him, he wrote for me to have a week off work. When I went to my manager, she actually questioned why I needed a week off. When I returned, I was fired for missing work...like wtf? A few months later, my manager was fired and had the audacity to reach out on FB. I told her to fuck off. I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Losing a parent is rough.
“Fuck YOU I Quit” is the appropriate response to this specious asshole.
"I'll be sure to prevent any last minute deaths in the future"
There is a slight chance that your boss misinterpreted the first text since the word “ashes” wasn’t added accidentally. They might’ve read it as “spending with my dad” and that’s why they were guessing it was a special occasion.
Uh find a diff job and don’t give notice, what a fucking prick. When my bro died the CEO where I worked had our HR/admin lady figure out where the service was and when and sent a beautiful floral arrangement. I came back to work after a week off and my boss told me to go home and that he didn’t want to see me for another TWO WEEKS at least. Don’t keep giving your labor to people like this.
That's a great boss.
Maybe I'm just dumb, but I didn't understand your first message, and the response your boss gave seemed reasonable. I didn't immediately get you're spreading his ashes. Just spreading something, he could have assumed you just were going to hang out with your dad or sth. I'm confused by the people here, when you explained properly he just said ok, is this bad?? Idk, I am autistic, maybe I just don't understand something here.
Sociopathic. The boss can't even pretend to be a normal, empathetic human.
Your boss deserves a fart in the mouth
Death is kind of a special occasion, no? What an arse the boss is!
I hate the fact they just don’t hire more people to cover. So fucking stupid.
Heya homie, i'm from NB too. Sorry to hear about your dad
I'm so sorry for you loss. Your employer is a self-absorbed douche nozzle.
Just quit.
Your bosses reply was cold and rude. Must not have lost a parent yet themselves. I would be looking for a job elsewhere for sure.
Because we give them too much. I'm taking bereavement time from this day to this day. End of message.
Such a fuckstick. Too bad we don't know who it is.
*Body removal service????* Yes, it’s a weird response, albeit from someone working an unusually weird job. Is this dude just a weirdo in general? Condolences, by the way.
Well I don’t think I’m that weird lol. But I get that the job isn’t for everybody. And thank you
Please tell us what employer this is. What a pos
Ohh buddy 😁 normally I just wouldn’t show up but this one is worth catching a battery charge over. Would just get a slap on the wrist anyway.
I honestly do not know how you people put up with this shit, everyone needs to start standing up for themselves and change the culture
I am often and repeatedly reminded that I was "lucky" that my brother died in 2020 so I could get laid off and still support myself. I didn't work for a year afterwards and honestly probably needed another year but could not afford it. I hope your boss stubs his toe and it doesn't heal all summer
I'm sure there are plenty of people offering their comments about what to do about working for this... person. But I'm going to point out what we all already know, but might have lost sight of: when it's your ashes in the urn, there's going to be some little pr\*ck of a manager talking to a relative of yours as though your passing is just a giant inconvenience to them. I don't know how we're going to do it, but we need to make being a decent human being more normal.
I've gotten to a point where I'm not "having a conversation" about things like this. I'm "making a statement". I WILL be off those days. It's not a request, I'm being kind enough to inform you. There's no back and forth. I AM doing this. Full stop.
North Bay is a nice little spot, I have peeps who live there. Don't let your boss make you feel guilty, they are legally obligated to give you bereavement, I don't think you need to give advanced notice either.
Please quit this fucking job.
Meanwhile management takes two weeks if the family cat/dog dies.
Jesus fucking christ what a piece of shit. I didn't even like my father but my boss at the time have me a week off to process when he died. The only response to OP's boss should be to never go back.
What an asshole boss. Sorry for your loss.
I am farting in their general direction
Why do people give too much information to their bosses? You're out dealing with family matters, that's it.
This feels fake, like you are karma farming with rage bait. You claim to be a firefighter, but have two jobs and one is very demanding. You also claim your dad died over a year ago but also that it was recent.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you"re feeling right now. This vile excuse for a human who is your boss is not typical. It's not because of "capitalism" or work conditions or "America" he's just a terrible sh$t head of a human and is probably that way to everyone in his life. I've been working for 45 plus years and never had a boss so insensitive. In fact, it's been the opposite. 99.99% of people are very accommodating and understanding. This boss is at best toxic. I would first take some PRO or call in sick after your bereavement time, and look for a new job. You ned to get out of that environment ASAP. Move on. I assure you all bosses are not like this.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and also sorry that your employer is a fucking asshole. In your place, I would be absolutely cold towards him from now on (assuming you can't afford to and/or don't want to quit). I would do the work as usual, so as to not get fired, but no "good morning" to him, no chatting, no talking about anything other than strictly work, etc. Freeze him out.
The utter irony that the job is in bereavement services & you are literally bereaving.
I especially enjoy it when they say shit like this to you, and the day before they just told you that you are really the only employee worth a damn, so they get a really funny face on them when you tell them what you think of them and walk off. It's funny, I'm a very by the book type person. I pretty much get panic attacks if i don't think I'm doing my job in the most efficient way possible and i stress about breaking any rules. It's a very annoying broken brain habit. Anyway, i generally will *always* put in at least my two weeks before leaving a job, that's what you do, right? Two jobs have pushed me to the point of quitting on the spot, and at both jobs it was enough of a wake up call that others abandoned ship at the same time. The best one was a Walmart deli, essentially the entire closing shift staff quit when i initially put in my two weeks. I tried to do it right, with the notice, but i couldn't take it anymore and just never came back after a lunch break shortly into my two weeks. We basically all quit due to management being horrible, but the real straw that broke the back was that the worst pathological liar and employee I've ever met, was deemed as the best by management because he was a huge ass kisser. Imagine that you're a closer, and this dude that closes with you makes you over an hour later every single night you close with him, and he takes double and triple break times every shift... And you're told by management that he's the best we've got. A dude that literally bled from his nose on pieces of chicken and served it from the hot case because he didn't notice. Luckily for Walmart, the phone call that came in to complain... Just happened to be from another Walmart employee. Think of the news that would've happened had a regular customer gotten chicken with blood running out of it, when all our chicken comes pre-fried and is just fried again when we make it. Edit to add: every single damned time we complained about him, our deli manager would just say things like "well he's an angel when i work with him, so i don't know what you're talking about" or "he always does everything I tell him (with emphasis on the i).
My grandma died. I got the call at work and the first thing out of my managers mouth was “you are not going to go, are you?” She meant to the funeral because it involved international travel. Fuck you.
Inform the boss: “You can take a telephone book and jam it up your ass.”
i would’ve said never mind i’m not coming back
I would have responded with. "You know that one day you'll die. I wonder if anyone would be bothered to attend your funeral"
We just lost a close friend in the Bay Area 😢 the feels suck. If the company is required to provide FMLA, and depending on how hard you want to fight it, you could be a major thorn in their side. Some googling would help you get informed on this.
Never give a reason other than personal matters. PTO is just that
Fucking psychopath man. No one wants to work anymore — for people like that asshole. Sorry for your loss dude.
Body removal? Like… dead humans? Is your job to be around random dead people? Maybe that explains your boss being nonchalant
Bro quit. I don’t fckn think so
This happened to me about 5 years ago. I was my dad’s caretaker when he was suffering from ALS and he just passed on one evening. I worked as a dishwasher in a breakfast joint and after my dad died I told them I would be back in 6 days because there were a lot of issues trying to get everything set up. My boss told me he could do 3 tops and the whole time was just a dick about the whole situation. I told him I would be back in a few days and just ghosted him. Never came back. I sent my friends the texts he sent me and I guess a lot of people started finding new jobs.
He gave you your leave what more can you ask for
I can’t believe you didn’t reply with “go fuck yourself”. Hope you find a better job fast and quit on this asshat
Lots of people in positions of power don’t deserve to be a part of our society
1. Proactively find a new job. You don’t have to work for an asshole. 2. When you do quit to take your new job (with no notice) send him this screenshot, followed by: *You’re.
Can you spread your boss's ashes too?
Fire me bro. Turn me into ashes too.
Yeah, shortly before I walked out of my job at Kroger, I had my manager tell me that me leaving work early one day and calling in the next day *because my grandfather had a heart attack immediately followed by an emergency double bypass surgery* was unprofessional and needed to be planned better next time.
Instant resignation.
When I worked at Amazon my uncle passed away. The policy is 3 paid days off for a family member passing then you can have another 3 days if needed. I got the days off no issue for my uncle then a month later my grandmother passed away and I was a lot closer (emotionally) with her so I requested the extra 3 days for her. They wanted PROOF she passed so I sent the obituary (something they said would work as proof) and they said the funeral was in close enough drive to be back at work after the initial 3 days off. I was livid. Still took the extra 3 days off from my own time off. Didn't stay there much longer after that.
Yeah you need to quit this place. Wtf how is that not enough reason to quit?!
I'd be telling your boss to get fucked and quit.
Tell them to fuck off and never go back.
Your boss is a prick. You have our condolences for your loss...
Can they not count?? It’s not even 5 days & you’re giving them an advanced notice. They have plenty of time to shuffle people around by next week 🤷🏻♀️
my mom passed two months ago 15 mins before my shift. i saw her a couple hours previously and they made me work my whole 12 hour shift because i couldn’t find anyone to cover for me :( i was crying almost the entire time. these places DO NOT CARE
So very sorry to hear about your Dad. Sounds like you need to look into a new boss.
Put this as a 1 star review and don't go back