Try following up on her the same way. “I have, thanks, are YOU holding up YOUR badge EVERY time too? What about that TPS report, gotten started yet? Great! I’m sure you’ll have it done by 5, right! GOOD JOB!”
Do not stoop down to her level and play her idiotic games. She’s been doing it for longer and is likely better at it than you are .
Remain professional but also tell her upfront that you do not appreciate the constant negging and will contact HR if necessary.
(work checkup)
"Is there some reason you feel that concerns you?"
(just being helpful)
"That's awesome, and I appreciate the sentiment, but that is actually not helpful. It would be more helpful if you focused on your own work."
(question about badging on exit)
"Yes, I've done it hundreds of times."
(trying to debate abortion)
"I have no wish to know your beliefs around this issue."
(talking about her abortion)
"This is personal information about you that I don't want to know."
(talking about your pregnancy scare)
"I'm sorry for oversharing with you. I gave you the false impression that I meant to invite this sort of feedback. To be clear, I do not and will never want to hear from you on this topic."
Repeat, very literally as nauseam. Give her *nothing*. No emotion, no interaction.
Might also be good to preempt her inevitable “OP is being so mean to meeee” HR report with one of your own about her repeatedly violating your expressed wishes on talking about abortion in the workplace. Primacy bias is a hell of a thing, but you can make it work for you.
I'm borrowing some of these for my own coworker issues. This temp has had me ready to rip my hair out, and I have been fighting with myself not to be openly hostile with him at this point. Having a prepared answer for his oh-so-likely nonsense will help me tremendously in being able to handle my shifts with him
Is it bad manners to write these out on index cards (different brand than what is supplied at work) and attach them to handles to hold up like Wile E. Coyote?
Would it be worth it to just bluntly confront her about this and tell her to knock it off? These all seem like no big deal in a vacuum but fielding the same bullshit questions every. single. day. can get annoying and also distracting. You've already told her that you *know* you need to do the things she's saying but have you asked her why she keeps saying them?
"\[Coworker\], we have this conversation it feels like every single day. Why is it that you find it necessary to ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job? You aren't my boss, and my actual boss hasn't had any complaints about my work. Also, moving forward I do not want to have any religious conversations with you. It's distracting me from performing my job duties, and my belief system is not up for debate. Stop bringing it up."
From there if she continues, it might be time to get her boss involved. Whether that means one of you gets moved to a new desk, you have a mediation meeting, or they tell her to cut the shit and stop harassing you about religion. Hopefully it doesn't go that far but you have to do what you have to do to get your work done.
At my last full-time job I had a coworker near me, and if she was having a bad day she would NOT stop with the negative comments all day long. They weren't even directed at me, but having to listen to her Eeyore talk for 10 hours a day frustrated the hell out of me and made it harder for me to focus. Lots of "little things" can add up to big problems, and dreading having to deal with them every day makes you distracted and less effective at your job. It's in your employer's best interests to nip this in the bud if you can't get her to stop on your own.
Yeah you gotta nip those micro aggressions in the bud. This is PRISON and you can’t show any weakness when someone is testing you. Otherwise they’re going to…
Excellent note to send. I suggest one modification:
>Why is it that you find it necessary to ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job?
Instead of phrasing it as a question that invites a defensive response, try writing it as a declarative sentence:
"...every single day. You ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job. You aren't my..."
I’m a teacher and had an Eeyore at a previous job. She liked to come chat in the mornings, and I had students to prep for. I eventually had to tell her not to come see me in the mornings, because I am a happy person, and she was killing my vibe. She was pissed, but she got over it.
No religious OR *political* conversations. "I don't discuss politics or religious beliefs nor preferences at work, thank you."
And then report hrr for harassment if she continues. She knows what she's doing. (Also giving the *sane* Catholics a bad name. We're not all like that. My husband calls me his liberal Catholic.)
"Co-worker are you okay? You ask me the same thing everyday after I've repeatedly told and shown I can effectively do my job. Have you seen a doctor about memory issues? I can't think of a another reasonable explanation of why you'd ask me the same thing everyday knowing I know how to do my job unless there's a medical issue going on. Do you need a memory care specialist? I can ask around for one."
Guess this would be your first experience with "smiling evil"? Because someone who is actually truly a nice person doesn't try to force their beliefs up the nose of captive audiences. Or tell other people what they'll think and when like only their own experience is valid.
Try thinking about it this way. I heard you like "lucky pocket rocks" and I like feeling like I'm a good person. So I pick up a rock and give it to you to keep in your pocket, knowing you'll like it. And another. And another. And I smile each time and wait expectantly for you to politely say Thank You. If you try to refuse I'll smile harder and press it into your hand while insisting that you'll love it.
So eventually your pockets are full, your bag is full, and I still keep handing you rocks while smiling. And if you show any sign of shiny spine, or saying No and really putting your foot down and meaning it, well golly I'm going to go pout like a toddler about it. Because how dare you spoil my plans, I'm "just trying to be nice!"
In my experience, the shinier your spine, the more upset she's going to be when you refuse to take one more stupid rock. She'll start ignoring you or glaring at you while shit talking behind your back, spreading lies and insisting you're the worst demon on the planet. And within a surprisingly short period of time she'll circle back around to *smiling* at you while pretending none of that happened.
Next time she's smiling at you, ignore the bottom half of her face and look into her eyes. Ya see that slightly deranged look in her eyes? You're not a *person* to her. You're a prop.
Frankly I think she's playing Mommy and you're her Little Girl. The only reason she's not asking you if you remembered to wash your hands whenever you come back from the bathroom is because she's never actually raised a child.
She isn’t trying to help you, she’s trying to micromanage you and be your boss. I personally would answer with unabashed and obvious sarcasm. “Did you do X” when you just walked in would be met with, “Yep, just finished.” “Did you show your badge when you left” would get “Oh, was I supposed to?!” Every day. Literally the same nonsense answers. Every. Single. Day. Until she learned that she isn’t going to get the what she’s looking for.
"she's a nice person and she means well"
No, she isn't, and she doesn't. She's doing what she thinks she has to do so that she's the better person that will go to her magic sky kingdom when she kicks the bucket. People like her actually have little regard for others beyond demonstrating her moral "superiority". She won't fix her behavior until she has some sort of epiphany that she's really a toxic person. I'm currently dealing with an "aggressively pedantic" person at work myself. All you can really do is limit your contact, unless it goes beyond her just being really annoying.
Thank you for putting this into words. I've been dealing with a similar issue with a coworker and I've struggled because they seemingly meant well. But this is it. They really don't.
The first part I don’t have advice because you described my mother 😭. But regarding discussing abortion rights…. “I am not interested in discussing political opinions at work. Please stop bringing this up.”
Questions often disarm people like this.
“My badge? That’s standard procedure. Why are you asking me this?”
“I just wanted to help, to remind you…”
“Why would I need to be reminded? Are you under the impression that I didn’t know this? I don’t understand why you are bringing this up…”
This is when you establish boundaries. When I worked in the backroom on overnights at Walmart, people would start coming up to me on break telling me they had overstock for me to pull. I started telling them not to come up to me on break about that shit. At my last job, when a co-worker and I were on unpaid lunch, one of the designers came in to talk to her about work shit, and I stepped in basically pointing out that it was inappropriate to do that while we're on lunch.
Grey Rock is your friend.
Also some times instead of answering her questions fake you received an important call or message and say you’ll continue later as this is important. Just never answer her questions.
She’s not a nice person. Nice people don’t needlessly waste other people’s time and energy. Nice people don’t push their religious beliefs on other people.
Stop giving her any interaction that isn’t directly related to the job you’re both there for. If she pushes you about that let her know that you have a supervisor and it’s not her. Tell her if she wants to socialize that she has every single hour that she’s not at work for that, but you have a job to do and would like to remain unbothered so you can do it.
I know people are saying to do it back but that's what she wants she wants drama, just grey rock her. All very grey answers, she asks if you did something, yup. No other response when she asks if you do that or whatever the shortest available one word if possible reply. They get bored and frustrated
There was this person at my firm who would tag me in a massive group chat everytime something I needed to do was due / asked by the boss. It stopped right after I started doing the same in a larger group chat for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING someone asked of her 😂
She is not being nice, she doesn't mean well.
She is deliberately ignoring what you say in order to maintain the illusion that she's an authority and knows better than you.
Get a button or badge holder that says "YES" and as you say "Yes." tap it every time she asks you this bs. Then after 3 days, just tap it with no verbal response.
Is there space anywhere else you can set up your workspace? That sounds too close for comfort regardless of the coworker. Talking to her about your concerns is the best approach. If you prefer, write her an email covering your concerns in a neutral non confrontational manner
Ok - you mentioned “being unprofessional”. The only one doing that is her!
I’m not sure how far you want to go - she’s a borderline boomer and acting like she knows exactly what’s wrong with the “youth” of today…
Personally I would tell her where to shove her religious shtick and micromanagement - but I’m a 56 year old white guy so…. 🤷♂️
Don't lose your cool. These boomers hate the kill em with kindness approach. Anytime she asks about your reports just say "oh yeah girl I did those yesterday" that way she feels rushed and a step behind you even when she's early. As far as the badge just tell her that you know them pretty well and they don't require you to show it. Then she'll try it and get in trouble. Gotta learn to mind fuck her and be passive aggressive, it gets boomers everytime. If you're boss ever asked about what you tell her just tell em that she's always on your ass so you just tell her stuff to comfort her and entertain a healthy workplace with her.
You're making this harder than it needs to be. "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but when you try to be helpful in reminding me about things, I don't really like it. It makes me feel like you think I can't remember to do my job."
OP-I’m surprised no one has mentioned this already, so I will tell you that she is, in fact, breaking federal law.
I assume you work for the State. Unless you’re in a Federal prison, in which case she should know she is breaking the law. Government employees are prohibited from discussing partisan political matters at work. It is a violation of The Hatch Act.
Unfortunately it is poorly enforced, but it gives you all that you need to get her to leave you alone. Tell her she’s risking her job whenever she brings up abortion or any other political topic.
If she does it again take it to HR. You may have to pressure them to make them enforce it, but you are well within your rights to do so.
I work with a boomer woman and she is exactly the same. Thinks she needs to micromanage everyone. Drives me insane.
As far as her bringing politics into the office, hugely inappropriate and you should definitely bring that up to your boss/HR.
I'd just calmly let her know sometime, kot after she just reminded you of something, but just at a random other moment "hey, I noticed that you remind me of things and procedures which I am well aware of quite often, and even though there is probably nó bad intens behind it, I do want to say that I don't need it and to be honest, I also don't appreciate it, as I am perfectly capable of performing my job." Probably word it better, I'm tired atm.
You could also in the same short talk bring up that you don't find it appropriate to discuss matters of personal believe such as religion or pro life/pro choise on the work floor with colegues
That’s it, it’s at/beyond the point of going to HR, so you’ll need to do that to protect yourself bc if you don’t and this keeps going on, your coworker has already been talking about you to her/your boss and/or HR.
Keep in mind HR is NOT there to protect you; they are there to protect the employer. So keep this in mind going forward.
You’ll need to write up a letter to HR and be sure to sit on it for a day and maybe have a friend or spouse go over it. Someone that has worked in a managerial or HR position that will give you honest advice and feedback, or at least sit on it after reading back to yourself to think about what you’ve written.
Be thorough and frame it in a proper manner; you have already addressed the coworker with your reply and it continues. It is harassment, plain and simple. “Nice” is NOT “kind”. Be sure that you state you want it resolved so that your coworker is “getting help” for her lack of discretion and continued campaign of harassment. Be sure to mention that you are coming to them bc you are passionate about your job and the work you do and this is so that you can perform at an optimum level.
Record everything with time and dates. Do not make assumptions or state opinions. Describing how it makes you feel is ok, but remember that you want to write this for the HR, not just for you.
Also, I would suggest start looking for other jobs bc regardless if you do everything “right”, this woman may have already confronted your boss/HR and you may already be behind in the process.
I wish you the best. Be firm, be polite, be respectful and don’t hesitate. I’ve been in this position before and bc I did not bring it up, I ended up on the wrong side of the equation.
Again, don’t forget, HR is NOT on your side. They are there to protect the company from lawsuits and liability. That has cost me my job before bc the other person had a personal grudge bc I was not receptive to their political and religious views and I never stuck up for myself. The other person went to HR and made it sound like I was the aggressor. The HR has no responsibility to take care of you and will terminate you if that means protecting their butt.
Edit: be sure to mention that she keeps repeating herself and you’re concerned she may have dementia, which you’ve brought up with her. When they ask her about you talking to her about the dementia, she won’t remember and you’ll be another step ahead.
I’d say, “Bless your heart. Why do you ask?” On repeat/broken record. If she knows BYH she’ll be pissed, but there’s no way you’re not being disrespectful. Even better if you say it with a southern drawl.
Lots of folks giving advice on how to respond to the woman; I would be concerned that she is going behind your back to your superiors with every perceived violation. If it isn't her job to manage you, this is what you need to tell her. Additionally, tell your boss. She is making a hostile workplace even if she "means well." For whom does she mean all this wellness?
Also, if this is really getting to you, keep a log of it. CYA policies are the best when it comes to conflicts.
I’m sorry to hear your brain is fully cooked. What were the things that happened that lead up to that ? 😢
lol, but on a serious note , I would just document everything and not say anything. HR isn’t on your side. Do this so when you’ve had enough and want to leave , you can drop this onto HR with full documentation. At that point you may feel inclined to look for another position if it isn’t something that can be resolved.
Have you clearly expressed your boundaries? Because nowhere in your post says you have. You can do that, be nice, and professional all at the same time.
"I don't feel comfortable talking about abortion/religion/whatever, if you're going to bring it up I will ignore you/walk away/whatever. I'm happy to talk to you about anything else"
State what you don't like, that you will not take part in it, and what you will do if they do bring it up. The last part is optional, but you said you like them and that they're nice so inviting them to some sort of other thing you find acceptable gives them their own power to move forward positively, instead of just getting defensive.
Do a paper trail. Going back to when it started, if possible.
Tell her politely to stop what she is doing and saying.
If she doesn't take it to HR. Yes HR is there to protect the company but I always say I am part of the company. I am proud to be part of this company.
I’m going to be 30 this year and I’m also what I call “baby faced”. I appear younger than I actually am.
It’s possible that you do too but in my experience it’s just that people who are older than you tend to treat you like a child. Because, even though you are 25, you are 35 years younger than her and she feels that you need to be babysat because in her mind young=inexperienced and clueless.
I’m super familiar with this and my advice is to simply ignore it. Nothing good will ever come from confrontation (she’ll likely get you in trouble or just straight up make you miserable) and if she brings up any uncomfortable topics just redirect the discussion elsewhere or just say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about such topics in a professional setting because I feel that it is inappropriate. Can we discuss something else?” Quite frankly I think politics of that particular subject is not appropriate for work unless it’s something that everyone is fine with discussing which, you don’t want to discuss it, therefore it is not appropriate for work.
Trust me. She can make your job miserable very easily. But this type of thing will reduce and eventually stop when you eventually get older or gain more experience (aka, time served).
Edit: if none of this works out then you will need to get your boss involved. After these things you will have tried all reasonable solutions and it’s time to get assistance. Be prepared for backlash and rude comments from her when you do this.
Dude I unexpectedly quit my job last week because the mom and pop shop I worked for refused to reprimand a psycho coworker who kept making toxic drama. I wish there had been any semblance of an HR department I could’ve asked help from but they wanted nothing to do with instilling even a warning system. Nobody could even get written up. I was doomed from the start. Now that I know what it’s like to need professional intervention and not have it, if I was in your position, I’d start that paper trail in a heart beat. I don’t care how uncomfortable it’d make her. It’s her learning how unprofessional she actually is and finally just met somebody who wouldn’t put up with her shit. It’s not your fault she’s got horrible work ethic.
I’m not sure she’s a nice person and means well, she sounds a bit manipulative to me. Is she your manager? If not I wouldn’t even answer her work questions
So….she is not actually nice and rather seems to have some sort of chip on her shoulder and superiority complex (may or may not be age related).
She’s definitely a silent “karen” type that likely will keep pushing boundaries and then will take no responsibility for her actions.
And don’t be surprised if she’s also talking shite about you or “and everyone in the Starbucks clapped” stories about work and anyone around her given she’s ill-content with her own life/refuses to mind her own business.
OMG I once worked with someone exactly like this! I'd show up to work with a breakfast sandwich and eat it while my computer was booting up, and she'd stand there demanding to know whether or not I'd completed my tasks. Like stfu and let me eat my damn sandwich.
She was also rabidly religious and "pro-life." That got very interesting because my other co-worker was going through IVF trying to get pregnant, and the religious old bat believes all those frozen embryos are babies.
WFH has been desperately needed for a long, long time.
Ask her if she’s been screened for dementia lately. Her god wants her to be healthy I’m sure. You’re just concerned because she repeats herself so often. You’re just being helpful and friendly.
NTA. I would approach her and say, I appreciate you looking out for me and being helpful in my first six months here. I know the routine now and what my job responsibilities are, so it’s unnecessary to keep reminding me. If she continues to do it after your r point blank told her to stop, Is escalate to your supervisor. Some people are just like this; my own Mom (87) told me yesterday (F63) how to drive my car into a parking lot. I’ve been driving for 47 years!! It’s very frustrating! Lol
I have something similar, but I’m on days and she’s on nights.
I do my best to avoid her for the first 20-30 minutes of her shift in hopes she’ll just start on her work and leave me be.
Every day it’s 10 f*cking questions. Some we’ve gone over before, and it’s tiring. Last week I did roll my eyes, look at her and said, ‘dude I am not holding your hand through this, you need to figure it out.’
Then if I’m working hard on something she’ll try to chit chat with me or ask me why I’m doing it x way and not the way she does it-which is often more time consuming and full of unnecessary stuff-or she’ll just try to shoot the sh*t with me instead of actually contributing.
Honestly I’m at my wits end, no amount of gentle guiding and directness have worked thus far. So I’m not responding to anyone on my week off.
Tell her flat out that you will *not* be discussing abortion with her, and that it's not an appropriate topic for the workplace.
As far as the rest -- is she your boss, or is she on the same level as you? If she is a colleague on the same level, then just say to her "You may mean well, but you are not my supervisor and you need to stop acting as if you are. I am perfectly capable of doing my work without you checking up on me, and I expect you to stop immediately."
Boundaries! Learn to set them in a productive way. Don't blame, make them about you and what you need, not about the other person and what they're doing. Be honest, but kind, and then die on that god damned motherfucking hill.
Tell your boss.
And do tell him action is required because if that lady was a Muslim man telling you to get married and covered up … he would be shot up into the goddamn sun.
Not acting would be racist .. checkmate management
It might be worth bringing to your manager or at least having a conversation with her. She needs to be reminded that she herself is not a manager so she needs to stop micromanaging you.
She is not nice. She is rude and insensitive. You are within your rights to tell her to back off on the work stuff and also that you will not discuss politics with her in the workplace.
People in their 60s that get SS AND have to work are the cancer of our society. They are all set in their ways and are so negative because they are old and filled with regret
This could be considered created a hostile work environment. Im a Christian but can shove the bible in everyone face and expect to keep my job even though I’m in a union environment.
I really wish people would stop talking about their religious and political beliefs while on the job. Most of us don't walk to talk about that kind of shit at work.
At 60 yrs old your co worker may be lonely and looking to connect with her "work family" ...some jobs have that some dont- seems she has taken on the role of "work mother" which Excedrin commercialized yrs ago: 'mother- i can do it myself!'
Funny side note:
In BC as a member of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can legally wear your colander in your driver’s license photo because it is religious head gear
Other than the nagging coworker, how do you like the job? Do you find it as rewarding as I did?
I was an inmate in a state prison for six years (got a 15 year old pregnant when I was 21, she stuck with me, we're now married and our daughter is 12) and I taught GED classes as an "inmate tutor" (a mix of one on one tutoring and teaching classes of up to 30) for the last 3 1/2 years I was there. I only made 25 cents/hr but I wasn't doing it for the money. I really enjoyed teaching and helping these guys.
When most of them started the program they would have the general inmate mindset and behavior (I'm a victim of circumstance, I'm just a hopeless addict, reject authority, etc), but once they realized they could learn something difficult and start passing the first tests, most of them would gain a lot of self confidence and just blossom. They'd realize that with a little effort they could really potentially go somewhere in life, and I think that mindset opens up just as many doors as their GED does.
I've been out of prison for almost 8 years and am a network engineer and a day trader now. Both pay much better of course and I do actually like what I do, but neither are as rewarding as teaching inmates that really needed it. I just think of the positive effect it has not only on their lives, but their kids/families lives and the lives of everyone around them on the outside. I've run into a few of them on the outside and all of them were generally doing pretty well (one was even going to college!)
Anyway, sorry for the rant. It's just not a common profession, and I haven't ever heard from anyone else who teaches GED classes to inmates (even if you are free and I wasn't when I was doing it).
Boss. Abortion is absolutely not an acceptable topic and most workplaces. Maybe if you’re in the abortion advocacy, research, or policy field but none other. She just wants to get her point across. That wouldn’t be acceptable the other way around either. That’s completely out of line. If she’s 60 she knows it was unacceptable to discuss religion and politics in public when she was growing up. This is why.
Ang the other aggressions she’s making toward you are not acceptable either. You’re being harassed.
You need to tell your boss.
I mean she doesn't sound terrible just one of those older sociable folks looking for people to talk too. If she starts talking politics just tell her you dont like to talk politics, abortion included. She asks if you did something say you will get to it. And if it's continues to be annoying have a talk with her, hey I'm sorry but I don't really like it when you x, let me at least get my coffee first.
If your brain was really fully cooked you wouldn't let this bother you. She obviously likes you, maybe she even sees some of herself in you at her age. It sounds like she is just awkwardly trying to relate to someone much younger than herself.
As for talking about her Pro-life personal stuff. You talked to her about your pregnancy scare. She probably feels like you have a somewhat personal relationship. I wouldn't discuss something like that with just a random stranger.
If you want some advice and don't want to turn this into a war, lean into it. When she asks something borderline stupid jokingly make it extra stupid. Did I use my badge right? We have badges? (Followed by a wink and a smile) I feel very confident she'll see that you realize she's just trying to be friendly and also, some of the things she says are kind or silly.
You're about to begin a PhD program so your must be pretty smart. Nothing anybody says or does can take that away from you. Good luck.
This is my favourite answer
Acknowledge what she's saying about work stuff, but brush it off. " Bloody Hell, Carol. I've not had a cup of tea, yet, the report can wait. I've got a reminder in my calendar to do it. First tea, though. Do you want one?"
No more personal stuff, though. Nothing you wouldn't want everyone to know about even the inmates. I'm not saying she'd tell them, but treat her with the same info.
She probably got a bollocking for forgetting her report.
I think i know exactly the kind of person you are describing and to me it sounds like shes trying to be your friend and her barrage of unsolicited advise is the only way she can think of to start a conversation.
So maybe you could try engaging by giving her another topic to talk about. Her kids or grabdkids and their professions/life. The weather. Whatever.
A petty solution: when she asks/reminds you of something for the hundredth time (or just second if you want), become VERY concerned about the possibility she is developing dementia as it seems she doesn't ever remember that you've already had this conversation and already told her you know what to do. Do this every damn time. Always with the most sickeningly sweet demeanor because you just care so much about her.
As for the abortion topic, I'd tell her very bluntly that this is not a topic you wish to discuss with her ever again, and look up grey rocking and apply it.
She's trying to build a friendship with you, but is very bad at it Start talking to her about your interests. Ask if she saw the top Reddits yesterday, especially the cute cat one. There's always a cute cat one.
Prolife comments aside, I think you are looking at things the wrong side.
Some people just want to talk but don't know how to start the discussion, so they will start with stupid or mondaine questions. But you shutting her down with the "of course I know I'm not an idiot" kills that outright.
I've learned trough the years that between what a person wants to say and what you understand, there's a huge fucking gap. Maybe ask her nicely next time why she feels like you'd need the reminder?
For your conflicting beliefs, that happens, most peoples don't think alike, you can let her talk, shut her down or discuss with her.
I believe her discourse is way more insidious ou ill intended than you might think. But what do I know?
I'm just used to manage peoples disputes in the work place and rarely does it comes from ill intent but just miscommunication.
Don’t sweat it too much she’s 60 and stuck in her ways, like you said she’s nice and means well. She might remind you about documents etc just to make conversation everyday.
If you are afraid you are going "pop off on her" (I don't know if that implies violence or just rudeness) you should seek help. She's just an annoying person, not the last one you will have to deal with in your life.
You are leaving to do an advanced degree- you can't hold on till fall?
Minus the pro life thing, she seems like she's coming from a good place. A little reminder here and there type of thing. Hell, I do that to some colleagues, but the idea behind is "how's your workload going? If you need something, I'm willing to help" and "I want to see you succeed, " and I'm nowhere near her age, getting up there sure, but nowhere near. Not to say age has something to do with it, but as one gets older, I've found any way that you find little successes in life that you get excited to share. Granted, it can sometimes even be misconstrued as plain ol' "butting in," but it's rarely a heinous intent, especially when you said she looked hurt after you said your thoughts into it.
I'd probably go "Yes got it taken care of" the next time she mentions things, then follow up with "what's going on with you letely?" Or any question non work related just to take the subject a different route.
There are colleagues that act up all high and mighty and go off on a power trip, but it doesn't seem like the case here.
You might not believe it but there was a time when office etiquette was exactly that. Caring for others meant asking and fussing about them. Much like a mom about her child. And to a 60 year old yea you are a child.
You might not be able to appreciate her point of view but instead of whining about it do try because you can’t change others. Might as well change your perspectives
Try following up on her the same way. “I have, thanks, are YOU holding up YOUR badge EVERY time too? What about that TPS report, gotten started yet? Great! I’m sure you’ll have it done by 5, right! GOOD JOB!”
Better not forget the cover sheet for that TPS report. 
I knew this was coming. I was scrolling to find it.
Ask her to give you a rundown also
WHATS A RUNDOWN!!!!!!!!!
Can you use it in a sentence?
Don’t forget to send her the memo about the cover sheets on the tps reports.
Do not stoop down to her level and play her idiotic games. She’s been doing it for longer and is likely better at it than you are . Remain professional but also tell her upfront that you do not appreciate the constant negging and will contact HR if necessary.
This is terrible advice. Do NOT ever tell another coworker you’re going to HR; just go to HR at that point.
Oh don't go to HR! You will be seen as the problem and you may be fired!
Nah it's the age where we make people uncomfortable right back. Shit sandwiches for everyone!
(work checkup) "Is there some reason you feel that concerns you?" (just being helpful) "That's awesome, and I appreciate the sentiment, but that is actually not helpful. It would be more helpful if you focused on your own work." (question about badging on exit) "Yes, I've done it hundreds of times." (trying to debate abortion) "I have no wish to know your beliefs around this issue." (talking about her abortion) "This is personal information about you that I don't want to know." (talking about your pregnancy scare) "I'm sorry for oversharing with you. I gave you the false impression that I meant to invite this sort of feedback. To be clear, I do not and will never want to hear from you on this topic."
Repeat, very literally as nauseam. Give her *nothing*. No emotion, no interaction. Might also be good to preempt her inevitable “OP is being so mean to meeee” HR report with one of your own about her repeatedly violating your expressed wishes on talking about abortion in the workplace. Primacy bias is a hell of a thing, but you can make it work for you.
Beautifully stated.
I'm borrowing some of these for my own coworker issues. This temp has had me ready to rip my hair out, and I have been fighting with myself not to be openly hostile with him at this point. Having a prepared answer for his oh-so-likely nonsense will help me tremendously in being able to handle my shifts with him
this is the best response
Is it bad manners to write these out on index cards (different brand than what is supplied at work) and attach them to handles to hold up like Wile E. Coyote?
Would it be worth it to just bluntly confront her about this and tell her to knock it off? These all seem like no big deal in a vacuum but fielding the same bullshit questions every. single. day. can get annoying and also distracting. You've already told her that you *know* you need to do the things she's saying but have you asked her why she keeps saying them? "\[Coworker\], we have this conversation it feels like every single day. Why is it that you find it necessary to ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job? You aren't my boss, and my actual boss hasn't had any complaints about my work. Also, moving forward I do not want to have any religious conversations with you. It's distracting me from performing my job duties, and my belief system is not up for debate. Stop bringing it up." From there if she continues, it might be time to get her boss involved. Whether that means one of you gets moved to a new desk, you have a mediation meeting, or they tell her to cut the shit and stop harassing you about religion. Hopefully it doesn't go that far but you have to do what you have to do to get your work done. At my last full-time job I had a coworker near me, and if she was having a bad day she would NOT stop with the negative comments all day long. They weren't even directed at me, but having to listen to her Eeyore talk for 10 hours a day frustrated the hell out of me and made it harder for me to focus. Lots of "little things" can add up to big problems, and dreading having to deal with them every day makes you distracted and less effective at your job. It's in your employer's best interests to nip this in the bud if you can't get her to stop on your own.
Death by 1000 papercuts.
Yeah you gotta nip those micro aggressions in the bud. This is PRISON and you can’t show any weakness when someone is testing you. Otherwise they’re going to…
Excellent note to send. I suggest one modification: >Why is it that you find it necessary to ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job? Instead of phrasing it as a question that invites a defensive response, try writing it as a declarative sentence: "...every single day. You ask me over and over again if I know how to do my job. You aren't my..."
I’m a teacher and had an Eeyore at a previous job. She liked to come chat in the mornings, and I had students to prep for. I eventually had to tell her not to come see me in the mornings, because I am a happy person, and she was killing my vibe. She was pissed, but she got over it.
OP, copy paragraph 2 of this comment into an email to your co-worker, and bcc your private non work email.
As much as copying her own behavior back to her sounds more satisfying, this is a better actual response.
Petty is almost always more fun.
No religious OR *political* conversations. "I don't discuss politics or religious beliefs nor preferences at work, thank you." And then report hrr for harassment if she continues. She knows what she's doing. (Also giving the *sane* Catholics a bad name. We're not all like that. My husband calls me his liberal Catholic.)
I think she reminds her husband every day to wipe his ass after he shits, and every time he escapes into a beautiful fantasy where he dies.
Or, maybe he's a simpleton who forgets to half the time.
Bro probably imagines that every toilet is a Japanese toilet regardless of how his pants feel (and smell)
Sounds like a case of micro managing to me
"Co-worker are you okay? You ask me the same thing everyday after I've repeatedly told and shown I can effectively do my job. Have you seen a doctor about memory issues? I can't think of a another reasonable explanation of why you'd ask me the same thing everyday knowing I know how to do my job unless there's a medical issue going on. Do you need a memory care specialist? I can ask around for one."
This is the route I'd take. Concern that points out just how ridiculous they are being.
She’s not a nice person. She is passive aggressive as fuck. Set a boundary and tell her if she violates it, it’s a trip to HR for her.
Thank you!
Guess this would be your first experience with "smiling evil"? Because someone who is actually truly a nice person doesn't try to force their beliefs up the nose of captive audiences. Or tell other people what they'll think and when like only their own experience is valid. Try thinking about it this way. I heard you like "lucky pocket rocks" and I like feeling like I'm a good person. So I pick up a rock and give it to you to keep in your pocket, knowing you'll like it. And another. And another. And I smile each time and wait expectantly for you to politely say Thank You. If you try to refuse I'll smile harder and press it into your hand while insisting that you'll love it. So eventually your pockets are full, your bag is full, and I still keep handing you rocks while smiling. And if you show any sign of shiny spine, or saying No and really putting your foot down and meaning it, well golly I'm going to go pout like a toddler about it. Because how dare you spoil my plans, I'm "just trying to be nice!" In my experience, the shinier your spine, the more upset she's going to be when you refuse to take one more stupid rock. She'll start ignoring you or glaring at you while shit talking behind your back, spreading lies and insisting you're the worst demon on the planet. And within a surprisingly short period of time she'll circle back around to *smiling* at you while pretending none of that happened. Next time she's smiling at you, ignore the bottom half of her face and look into her eyes. Ya see that slightly deranged look in her eyes? You're not a *person* to her. You're a prop. Frankly I think she's playing Mommy and you're her Little Girl. The only reason she's not asking you if you remembered to wash your hands whenever you come back from the bathroom is because she's never actually raised a child.
She isn’t trying to help you, she’s trying to micromanage you and be your boss. I personally would answer with unabashed and obvious sarcasm. “Did you do X” when you just walked in would be met with, “Yep, just finished.” “Did you show your badge when you left” would get “Oh, was I supposed to?!” Every day. Literally the same nonsense answers. Every. Single. Day. Until she learned that she isn’t going to get the what she’s looking for.
"she's a nice person and she means well" No, she isn't, and she doesn't. She's doing what she thinks she has to do so that she's the better person that will go to her magic sky kingdom when she kicks the bucket. People like her actually have little regard for others beyond demonstrating her moral "superiority". She won't fix her behavior until she has some sort of epiphany that she's really a toxic person. I'm currently dealing with an "aggressively pedantic" person at work myself. All you can really do is limit your contact, unless it goes beyond her just being really annoying.
I had to scroll too far for this. It's too easy to mistake polite language or emotional pleas as "nice" but her behavior is very much not nice.
Thank you for putting this into words. I've been dealing with a similar issue with a coworker and I've struggled because they seemingly meant well. But this is it. They really don't.
The first part I don’t have advice because you described my mother 😭. But regarding discussing abortion rights…. “I am not interested in discussing political opinions at work. Please stop bringing this up.”
Questions often disarm people like this. “My badge? That’s standard procedure. Why are you asking me this?” “I just wanted to help, to remind you…” “Why would I need to be reminded? Are you under the impression that I didn’t know this? I don’t understand why you are bringing this up…”
Yeah, I’d tell the boss about this. She shouldn’t bring her personal beliefs into the workplace.
This is when you establish boundaries. When I worked in the backroom on overnights at Walmart, people would start coming up to me on break telling me they had overstock for me to pull. I started telling them not to come up to me on break about that shit. At my last job, when a co-worker and I were on unpaid lunch, one of the designers came in to talk to her about work shit, and I stepped in basically pointing out that it was inappropriate to do that while we're on lunch.
Grey Rock is your friend. Also some times instead of answering her questions fake you received an important call or message and say you’ll continue later as this is important. Just never answer her questions.
This is how I manage it. Short answers.
She’s not a nice person. Nice people don’t needlessly waste other people’s time and energy. Nice people don’t push their religious beliefs on other people. Stop giving her any interaction that isn’t directly related to the job you’re both there for. If she pushes you about that let her know that you have a supervisor and it’s not her. Tell her if she wants to socialize that she has every single hour that she’s not at work for that, but you have a job to do and would like to remain unbothered so you can do it.
I know people are saying to do it back but that's what she wants she wants drama, just grey rock her. All very grey answers, she asks if you did something, yup. No other response when she asks if you do that or whatever the shortest available one word if possible reply. They get bored and frustrated
There was this person at my firm who would tag me in a massive group chat everytime something I needed to do was due / asked by the boss. It stopped right after I started doing the same in a larger group chat for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING someone asked of her 😂
“I’m not sure how I feel about abortion. I don’t mind killing babies, but I hate giving women a choice.” Should shut her up.
She is not being nice, she doesn't mean well. She is deliberately ignoring what you say in order to maintain the illusion that she's an authority and knows better than you.
Whatever your beliefs are prolife or pro choice it shouldn't be brought up at work. You're there to make money not debate politics
Get a button or badge holder that says "YES" and as you say "Yes." tap it every time she asks you this bs. Then after 3 days, just tap it with no verbal response.
Is there space anywhere else you can set up your workspace? That sounds too close for comfort regardless of the coworker. Talking to her about your concerns is the best approach. If you prefer, write her an email covering your concerns in a neutral non confrontational manner
Ok - you mentioned “being unprofessional”. The only one doing that is her! I’m not sure how far you want to go - she’s a borderline boomer and acting like she knows exactly what’s wrong with the “youth” of today… Personally I would tell her where to shove her religious shtick and micromanagement - but I’m a 56 year old white guy so…. 🤷♂️
Get one of those satanist necklaces. And headphones (don’t need to listen to anything, just to help ignore)
Don't lose your cool. These boomers hate the kill em with kindness approach. Anytime she asks about your reports just say "oh yeah girl I did those yesterday" that way she feels rushed and a step behind you even when she's early. As far as the badge just tell her that you know them pretty well and they don't require you to show it. Then she'll try it and get in trouble. Gotta learn to mind fuck her and be passive aggressive, it gets boomers everytime. If you're boss ever asked about what you tell her just tell em that she's always on your ass so you just tell her stuff to comfort her and entertain a healthy workplace with her.
Someone who constantly crosses your boundaries is toxic they do not mean well.
You're making this harder than it needs to be. "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but when you try to be helpful in reminding me about things, I don't really like it. It makes me feel like you think I can't remember to do my job."
Don’t conflate “nice” with “kind”.
I made this mistake. It doesn't end well.
OP-I’m surprised no one has mentioned this already, so I will tell you that she is, in fact, breaking federal law. I assume you work for the State. Unless you’re in a Federal prison, in which case she should know she is breaking the law. Government employees are prohibited from discussing partisan political matters at work. It is a violation of The Hatch Act. Unfortunately it is poorly enforced, but it gives you all that you need to get her to leave you alone. Tell her she’s risking her job whenever she brings up abortion or any other political topic. If she does it again take it to HR. You may have to pressure them to make them enforce it, but you are well within your rights to do so.
I work with a boomer woman and she is exactly the same. Thinks she needs to micromanage everyone. Drives me insane. As far as her bringing politics into the office, hugely inappropriate and you should definitely bring that up to your boss/HR.
In life, you get what you tolerate. And you tolerate her bullshit.
Op is fucking searching for advice on how to properly address the problem, because they aren’t willing to tolerate it. Get your head out of your ass.
r/whoosh
Woah you’re sooooooo funny
I'd just calmly let her know sometime, kot after she just reminded you of something, but just at a random other moment "hey, I noticed that you remind me of things and procedures which I am well aware of quite often, and even though there is probably nó bad intens behind it, I do want to say that I don't need it and to be honest, I also don't appreciate it, as I am perfectly capable of performing my job." Probably word it better, I'm tired atm. You could also in the same short talk bring up that you don't find it appropriate to discuss matters of personal believe such as religion or pro life/pro choise on the work floor with colegues
Headphones! Just look them straight in the eye when they start talking to you, without taking your headphones out, then looking back at your screen
They work in a prison. No electronic devices are allowed.
Even wired?
Even wired. Some contractors can bring in Laptops, but it has to be pre-approved and used for a specific purpose.
That’s it, it’s at/beyond the point of going to HR, so you’ll need to do that to protect yourself bc if you don’t and this keeps going on, your coworker has already been talking about you to her/your boss and/or HR. Keep in mind HR is NOT there to protect you; they are there to protect the employer. So keep this in mind going forward. You’ll need to write up a letter to HR and be sure to sit on it for a day and maybe have a friend or spouse go over it. Someone that has worked in a managerial or HR position that will give you honest advice and feedback, or at least sit on it after reading back to yourself to think about what you’ve written. Be thorough and frame it in a proper manner; you have already addressed the coworker with your reply and it continues. It is harassment, plain and simple. “Nice” is NOT “kind”. Be sure that you state you want it resolved so that your coworker is “getting help” for her lack of discretion and continued campaign of harassment. Be sure to mention that you are coming to them bc you are passionate about your job and the work you do and this is so that you can perform at an optimum level. Record everything with time and dates. Do not make assumptions or state opinions. Describing how it makes you feel is ok, but remember that you want to write this for the HR, not just for you. Also, I would suggest start looking for other jobs bc regardless if you do everything “right”, this woman may have already confronted your boss/HR and you may already be behind in the process. I wish you the best. Be firm, be polite, be respectful and don’t hesitate. I’ve been in this position before and bc I did not bring it up, I ended up on the wrong side of the equation. Again, don’t forget, HR is NOT on your side. They are there to protect the company from lawsuits and liability. That has cost me my job before bc the other person had a personal grudge bc I was not receptive to their political and religious views and I never stuck up for myself. The other person went to HR and made it sound like I was the aggressor. The HR has no responsibility to take care of you and will terminate you if that means protecting their butt. Edit: be sure to mention that she keeps repeating herself and you’re concerned she may have dementia, which you’ve brought up with her. When they ask her about you talking to her about the dementia, she won’t remember and you’ll be another step ahead.
“Thank you for sharing” ends many unwanted conversations for me
I’d say, “Bless your heart. Why do you ask?” On repeat/broken record. If she knows BYH she’ll be pissed, but there’s no way you’re not being disrespectful. Even better if you say it with a southern drawl.
This is a whole repeat story. I read this whole story over a year ago.
Lots of folks giving advice on how to respond to the woman; I would be concerned that she is going behind your back to your superiors with every perceived violation. If it isn't her job to manage you, this is what you need to tell her. Additionally, tell your boss. She is making a hostile workplace even if she "means well." For whom does she mean all this wellness? Also, if this is really getting to you, keep a log of it. CYA policies are the best when it comes to conflicts.
I’m sorry to hear your brain is fully cooked. What were the things that happened that lead up to that ? 😢 lol, but on a serious note , I would just document everything and not say anything. HR isn’t on your side. Do this so when you’ve had enough and want to leave , you can drop this onto HR with full documentation. At that point you may feel inclined to look for another position if it isn’t something that can be resolved.
Have you clearly expressed your boundaries? Because nowhere in your post says you have. You can do that, be nice, and professional all at the same time. "I don't feel comfortable talking about abortion/religion/whatever, if you're going to bring it up I will ignore you/walk away/whatever. I'm happy to talk to you about anything else" State what you don't like, that you will not take part in it, and what you will do if they do bring it up. The last part is optional, but you said you like them and that they're nice so inviting them to some sort of other thing you find acceptable gives them their own power to move forward positively, instead of just getting defensive.
Keep a spray bottle on your desk… 
Do a paper trail. Going back to when it started, if possible. Tell her politely to stop what she is doing and saying. If she doesn't take it to HR. Yes HR is there to protect the company but I always say I am part of the company. I am proud to be part of this company.
On repeat as necessary. Yes, I know exactly what I need to do everyday and don’t need to be reminded all the time. Don’t care about her sad face
I’m going to be 30 this year and I’m also what I call “baby faced”. I appear younger than I actually am. It’s possible that you do too but in my experience it’s just that people who are older than you tend to treat you like a child. Because, even though you are 25, you are 35 years younger than her and she feels that you need to be babysat because in her mind young=inexperienced and clueless. I’m super familiar with this and my advice is to simply ignore it. Nothing good will ever come from confrontation (she’ll likely get you in trouble or just straight up make you miserable) and if she brings up any uncomfortable topics just redirect the discussion elsewhere or just say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about such topics in a professional setting because I feel that it is inappropriate. Can we discuss something else?” Quite frankly I think politics of that particular subject is not appropriate for work unless it’s something that everyone is fine with discussing which, you don’t want to discuss it, therefore it is not appropriate for work. Trust me. She can make your job miserable very easily. But this type of thing will reduce and eventually stop when you eventually get older or gain more experience (aka, time served). Edit: if none of this works out then you will need to get your boss involved. After these things you will have tried all reasonable solutions and it’s time to get assistance. Be prepared for backlash and rude comments from her when you do this.
Dude I unexpectedly quit my job last week because the mom and pop shop I worked for refused to reprimand a psycho coworker who kept making toxic drama. I wish there had been any semblance of an HR department I could’ve asked help from but they wanted nothing to do with instilling even a warning system. Nobody could even get written up. I was doomed from the start. Now that I know what it’s like to need professional intervention and not have it, if I was in your position, I’d start that paper trail in a heart beat. I don’t care how uncomfortable it’d make her. It’s her learning how unprofessional she actually is and finally just met somebody who wouldn’t put up with her shit. It’s not your fault she’s got horrible work ethic.
I’m not sure she’s a nice person and means well, she sounds a bit manipulative to me. Is she your manager? If not I wouldn’t even answer her work questions
I would politely tell her to stop doing it.
So….she is not actually nice and rather seems to have some sort of chip on her shoulder and superiority complex (may or may not be age related). She’s definitely a silent “karen” type that likely will keep pushing boundaries and then will take no responsibility for her actions. And don’t be surprised if she’s also talking shite about you or “and everyone in the Starbucks clapped” stories about work and anyone around her given she’s ill-content with her own life/refuses to mind her own business.
OMG I once worked with someone exactly like this! I'd show up to work with a breakfast sandwich and eat it while my computer was booting up, and she'd stand there demanding to know whether or not I'd completed my tasks. Like stfu and let me eat my damn sandwich. She was also rabidly religious and "pro-life." That got very interesting because my other co-worker was going through IVF trying to get pregnant, and the religious old bat believes all those frozen embryos are babies. WFH has been desperately needed for a long, long time.
Tell her she should abort her pro-life bullshit like she aborted her unborn child.
Ask her if she’s been screened for dementia lately. Her god wants her to be healthy I’m sure. You’re just concerned because she repeats herself so often. You’re just being helpful and friendly.
The way I would have turned mute.
NTA. I would approach her and say, I appreciate you looking out for me and being helpful in my first six months here. I know the routine now and what my job responsibilities are, so it’s unnecessary to keep reminding me. If she continues to do it after your r point blank told her to stop, Is escalate to your supervisor. Some people are just like this; my own Mom (87) told me yesterday (F63) how to drive my car into a parking lot. I’ve been driving for 47 years!! It’s very frustrating! Lol
I have something similar, but I’m on days and she’s on nights. I do my best to avoid her for the first 20-30 minutes of her shift in hopes she’ll just start on her work and leave me be. Every day it’s 10 f*cking questions. Some we’ve gone over before, and it’s tiring. Last week I did roll my eyes, look at her and said, ‘dude I am not holding your hand through this, you need to figure it out.’ Then if I’m working hard on something she’ll try to chit chat with me or ask me why I’m doing it x way and not the way she does it-which is often more time consuming and full of unnecessary stuff-or she’ll just try to shoot the sh*t with me instead of actually contributing. Honestly I’m at my wits end, no amount of gentle guiding and directness have worked thus far. So I’m not responding to anyone on my week off.
Tell her flat out that you will *not* be discussing abortion with her, and that it's not an appropriate topic for the workplace. As far as the rest -- is she your boss, or is she on the same level as you? If she is a colleague on the same level, then just say to her "You may mean well, but you are not my supervisor and you need to stop acting as if you are. I am perfectly capable of doing my work without you checking up on me, and I expect you to stop immediately."
Boundaries! Learn to set them in a productive way. Don't blame, make them about you and what you need, not about the other person and what they're doing. Be honest, but kind, and then die on that god damned motherfucking hill.
Tell your boss. And do tell him action is required because if that lady was a Muslim man telling you to get married and covered up … he would be shot up into the goddamn sun. Not acting would be racist .. checkmate management
It might be worth bringing to your manager or at least having a conversation with her. She needs to be reminded that she herself is not a manager so she needs to stop micromanaging you.
Just say "hang on, gimme. a minute" and then move on with your day. Play it off like it was an honest mistake but keep doing it every time.
She is not nice. She is rude and insensitive. You are within your rights to tell her to back off on the work stuff and also that you will not discuss politics with her in the workplace.
I’m wondering if barely responding like giving a disinterested mmm would derail her. I would probably just ignore her tbh.
People in their 60s that get SS AND have to work are the cancer of our society. They are all set in their ways and are so negative because they are old and filled with regret
Tell her if she doesnt shut up you will vote for sleepy joe biden.
I fashion myself as the all time leader in the US Workforce in the number of coworkers I have cussed out.
God I hate that shit, I got a male manger that is the same way.
Just do the same to her. Show up before her and ask the exact same questions
This could be considered created a hostile work environment. Im a Christian but can shove the bible in everyone face and expect to keep my job even though I’m in a union environment.
As always just show her what you wrote here problem solved.
I really wish people would stop talking about their religious and political beliefs while on the job. Most of us don't walk to talk about that kind of shit at work.
At 60 yrs old your co worker may be lonely and looking to connect with her "work family" ...some jobs have that some dont- seems she has taken on the role of "work mother" which Excedrin commercialized yrs ago: 'mother- i can do it myself!'
Funny side note: In BC as a member of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can legally wear your colander in your driver’s license photo because it is religious head gear
If she goes to a Baptist church, calling her Catholic to her face would be super insulting (most likely) in case you need some ammo :)
Other than the nagging coworker, how do you like the job? Do you find it as rewarding as I did? I was an inmate in a state prison for six years (got a 15 year old pregnant when I was 21, she stuck with me, we're now married and our daughter is 12) and I taught GED classes as an "inmate tutor" (a mix of one on one tutoring and teaching classes of up to 30) for the last 3 1/2 years I was there. I only made 25 cents/hr but I wasn't doing it for the money. I really enjoyed teaching and helping these guys. When most of them started the program they would have the general inmate mindset and behavior (I'm a victim of circumstance, I'm just a hopeless addict, reject authority, etc), but once they realized they could learn something difficult and start passing the first tests, most of them would gain a lot of self confidence and just blossom. They'd realize that with a little effort they could really potentially go somewhere in life, and I think that mindset opens up just as many doors as their GED does. I've been out of prison for almost 8 years and am a network engineer and a day trader now. Both pay much better of course and I do actually like what I do, but neither are as rewarding as teaching inmates that really needed it. I just think of the positive effect it has not only on their lives, but their kids/families lives and the lives of everyone around them on the outside. I've run into a few of them on the outside and all of them were generally doing pretty well (one was even going to college!) Anyway, sorry for the rant. It's just not a common profession, and I haven't ever heard from anyone else who teaches GED classes to inmates (even if you are free and I wasn't when I was doing it).
Boss. Abortion is absolutely not an acceptable topic and most workplaces. Maybe if you’re in the abortion advocacy, research, or policy field but none other. She just wants to get her point across. That wouldn’t be acceptable the other way around either. That’s completely out of line. If she’s 60 she knows it was unacceptable to discuss religion and politics in public when she was growing up. This is why. Ang the other aggressions she’s making toward you are not acceptable either. You’re being harassed. You need to tell your boss.
I mean she doesn't sound terrible just one of those older sociable folks looking for people to talk too. If she starts talking politics just tell her you dont like to talk politics, abortion included. She asks if you did something say you will get to it. And if it's continues to be annoying have a talk with her, hey I'm sorry but I don't really like it when you x, let me at least get my coffee first.
If your brain was really fully cooked you wouldn't let this bother you. She obviously likes you, maybe she even sees some of herself in you at her age. It sounds like she is just awkwardly trying to relate to someone much younger than herself. As for talking about her Pro-life personal stuff. You talked to her about your pregnancy scare. She probably feels like you have a somewhat personal relationship. I wouldn't discuss something like that with just a random stranger. If you want some advice and don't want to turn this into a war, lean into it. When she asks something borderline stupid jokingly make it extra stupid. Did I use my badge right? We have badges? (Followed by a wink and a smile) I feel very confident she'll see that you realize she's just trying to be friendly and also, some of the things she says are kind or silly. You're about to begin a PhD program so your must be pretty smart. Nothing anybody says or does can take that away from you. Good luck.
Bullcrap. Don’t run apologia for this coworker nutjob
Apologia?
This is my favourite answer Acknowledge what she's saying about work stuff, but brush it off. " Bloody Hell, Carol. I've not had a cup of tea, yet, the report can wait. I've got a reminder in my calendar to do it. First tea, though. Do you want one?" No more personal stuff, though. Nothing you wouldn't want everyone to know about even the inmates. I'm not saying she'd tell them, but treat her with the same info. She probably got a bollocking for forgetting her report.
I think i know exactly the kind of person you are describing and to me it sounds like shes trying to be your friend and her barrage of unsolicited advise is the only way she can think of to start a conversation. So maybe you could try engaging by giving her another topic to talk about. Her kids or grabdkids and their professions/life. The weather. Whatever.
A petty solution: when she asks/reminds you of something for the hundredth time (or just second if you want), become VERY concerned about the possibility she is developing dementia as it seems she doesn't ever remember that you've already had this conversation and already told her you know what to do. Do this every damn time. Always with the most sickeningly sweet demeanor because you just care so much about her. As for the abortion topic, I'd tell her very bluntly that this is not a topic you wish to discuss with her ever again, and look up grey rocking and apply it.
If it was me i would try and get her fired - I despise forced birthers.
She's trying to build a friendship with you, but is very bad at it Start talking to her about your interests. Ask if she saw the top Reddits yesterday, especially the cute cat one. There's always a cute cat one.
There is always homicide 🤷♂️
Prolife comments aside, I think you are looking at things the wrong side. Some people just want to talk but don't know how to start the discussion, so they will start with stupid or mondaine questions. But you shutting her down with the "of course I know I'm not an idiot" kills that outright. I've learned trough the years that between what a person wants to say and what you understand, there's a huge fucking gap. Maybe ask her nicely next time why she feels like you'd need the reminder? For your conflicting beliefs, that happens, most peoples don't think alike, you can let her talk, shut her down or discuss with her. I believe her discourse is way more insidious ou ill intended than you might think. But what do I know? I'm just used to manage peoples disputes in the work place and rarely does it comes from ill intent but just miscommunication.
Don’t sweat it too much she’s 60 and stuck in her ways, like you said she’s nice and means well. She might remind you about documents etc just to make conversation everyday.
I thought 26 is when the brain 🧠 is fully cooked and well done.
I am not sure honestly but i am 53 and seems younger generation thinks to much of thing today , but some of the things shes done is questionable
If you are afraid you are going "pop off on her" (I don't know if that implies violence or just rudeness) you should seek help. She's just an annoying person, not the last one you will have to deal with in your life. You are leaving to do an advanced degree- you can't hold on till fall?
Minus the pro life thing, she seems like she's coming from a good place. A little reminder here and there type of thing. Hell, I do that to some colleagues, but the idea behind is "how's your workload going? If you need something, I'm willing to help" and "I want to see you succeed, " and I'm nowhere near her age, getting up there sure, but nowhere near. Not to say age has something to do with it, but as one gets older, I've found any way that you find little successes in life that you get excited to share. Granted, it can sometimes even be misconstrued as plain ol' "butting in," but it's rarely a heinous intent, especially when you said she looked hurt after you said your thoughts into it. I'd probably go "Yes got it taken care of" the next time she mentions things, then follow up with "what's going on with you letely?" Or any question non work related just to take the subject a different route. There are colleagues that act up all high and mighty and go off on a power trip, but it doesn't seem like the case here.
You might not believe it but there was a time when office etiquette was exactly that. Caring for others meant asking and fussing about them. Much like a mom about her child. And to a 60 year old yea you are a child. You might not be able to appreciate her point of view but instead of whining about it do try because you can’t change others. Might as well change your perspectives