Am I still aro? I have gone through lots of identities already since I need labels (probably because I'm autistic). But as of right now I use cupioromantic, nebularomantic and I'm ace which feels right when I don't think about a few of my friends. So as of recent I had my first kiss which I mean I don't know how a kiss is suppose to feel but it was nice enough that I like doing it with this one friend of mine and I have always been like I would kiss a few of my friends if they were fine with it aka 1 old friend and 2 now friends, but I never asked since they probably would think its weird. Either way so this friend keeps coming over and we cuddle and then he asks to kiss me and I am fine with it but like he asks me ever so often if I like the kisses or if I am sure I'm aro which yeah is a little off putting for me but also I don't know know what romantic feelings feel like so like do I like him. I also like having him over and I kinda also think of certain that I want to do with him a lot. Which I do get really close to my friends and think like that but also its kinda odd for how much I have done it since he kissed me but it also happened for my other friend but when he hugged me for the first time and I haven't really stop thinking about either of those friends and I love hanging out with them alone or with my other friends it kinda odd. Either way since I do like kissing my one friend and I don't want to stop either but also like does that just mean I have romantic feelings or just sensual feelings because I can't tell anymore. Any stories or advice is welcome!

Hi I’ve been struggling with this for a bit and I need some advice. So basically, I have no clue on whether or not I have romantic attraction at all. I would have crushes but the moment that something starts to manifest, I feel off and panicked about it and it’s not the good kind where it’s like “omg they like me!!” but a “do I feel the same about them and I’m gonna die now”. I’ve also been in a relationship and had gone on a few dates but I always end up feeling indifferent about them and I would kick myself for not feeling in love enough. It’s hard to describe but i feel like I can idealize a romantic relationship, but when a real romantic relationship can develop, I don’t get those butterflies and I just feel so indifferent. Another thing I realize about myself is that I feel like I rely on my friends and family’s input on whether they think the person I’m seeing is attractive but it’s to the point where I don’t see it unless someone else tells me they are. For example, I matched with my first relationship on an app and I only did so bc my friends called him cute. The same indifference happened in the relationship and when it ended, I just got sad for an hour but moved on very quickly. The reality of being in a romantic relationship just feels like I’m just checking something off to experience. Like, for example, I’ve never really fantasized about weddings or being the one to get married. I just did that with my dolls and sims. The only reason why I would want to is to just experience it, nothing else. Going on dates are fun but I feel like that and friendly hangouts are the same caliber to me. I feel empty/weirded out if someone flirts with me and the list goes on. It makes me question whether or not I experience any romantic attraction at all if not a little bit. I am 24 years old and I have played with using the ace label when I was in high school, but later went with bi/pan when I started to develop sexual feelings (which I’m now putting into question bc I get weirded out if I’m imagining myself in a sexual situation). I’ve only dated men but I feel like I’d be the same if they were a woman instead so I don’t think it’s comphet. Please if anyone can give me any advice, I’d really appreciate it!!!

I apologize for the length of this in advance. This is just the first time I'm articulating my thoughts on this part of myself. I hope I can do it well enough to be understood, at least. I've been on this massive self-discovery journey since the pandemic hit, and honestly, though stressful at times, it's been really amazing! I've done so much research, read so many articles, dictionary entries, and stories, and I've watched quite a few YouTube videos as well. It's been a ride, and I can't wait to learn more. Throughout these last few months I've been looking into asexuality and aromanticism, both labels I thought were interesting and cool as soon as I heard them a few years ago, but both ones I brushed off as not for me. Five years and a pandemic later, and here I am on an aromantic sub reddit. How the turn tables. The first and one of my main issues with taking both labels for myself was that I swear that I've had crushes before, on boys, girls, and enbys alike. I know that strong feeling of wanting to be near someone, hold hands, kiss (only in certain circumstances), cuddle, hang out and just be super close with them, but the thing I didn't realize until getting into therapy is that I didn't really connect that to a romantic or sexual desire within me. I liked certain people a lot, that's for certain, but when things like kissing a boy I liked, or having a play wedding came up, I wasn't into it at all. I played along with it because I wanted people to like me, but I really disliked the whole mess. It made me massively uncomfortable. Even the first boy I had a relationship was this way. I didn't think about kissing until one of my friends brought it up, but I liked being in a relationship with him where we wrote each other letters, talked about our lives, gave each other gifts, and played games together. To me, the pinnacle of romance was being emotionally and physically close to someone without any sex or face mashing. Besides these relationships, I was always the adventurous kid. The one who loved Spiderman, Superman, and X-men. The one who wanted to travel the world and be their own boss. The one who rolled their eyes whenever their sister insisted we play wedding with the Barbie dolls instead of magical-save-the-world-adventure. I was the one who wanted to be a firefighter, doctor, actor, dancer, singer, and sorcerer god all at the same time. I had a lively imagination and never really considered having some kind of romantic partner with me till someone else said it was what would happen in my future. I had strong feelings for some people, but looking back, I'm pretty sure I just thought they were the coolest people on earth and I really wanted them to like me so that we could be friends and have soft tacos later. The second thing that turned me off of using the aromantic label in particular is that, as stated above, I actually like kissing in certain circumstances. I don't often think about kissing in the context of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, but when the mood does strike me, like it did a lot in my last relationship, I really enjoy it. Keep this in mind because I have something more to say about it later. Probably the, and I do mean THE biggest reason why I thought for so long that I couldn't be aro is that my main love language is physical touch. I really adore skinship and physical affection. Cuddles, hugs, handholding, aaaaaand yup, you guessed it, kissing of many different kinds (mostly forehead and regular lip kisses). Physical touch is a huge part of my emotional bonding process, and I realized that's true for my feelings on kissing. I made this discovery through a wonderful YouTube video about qprs. Kissing is about emotional connection to me like some asexual people talk about enjoying sex for the emotional closeness with their partners. I feel a disconnect between the socially accepted romantic nature of kissing and the act of kissing itself. I don't think that happens with alloromantic people. On top of that, I just went down a whole rabbit hole with squishes, and my entire body and brain were like, "oooooooohhhhhhhh! So that's what I've been describing to my friends and family all this time! I thought that was just a crush!" And when I looked back on all of my "crushes, " I now get that I really didn't realize that those feelings were supposed to include something extra. I honestly thought that if I were to get into a relationship that it would be like two best friends who cuddle a lot and play Smash Bros with each other. I truly don't know if the way I'm talking makes any sense, or if these feelings mean I am aromantic, or if any of you empathize, but I thought I'd put it out there to get some insight. I overthink things a lot, so it's no wonder it's taken 5 years and several crises to come to the conclusion that I'm definitely queen in some way. Though I am sure I'll doubt my assertions again in the future like I always do. Either way, I'm really open to discussion and to any feedback or resources anyone has that I can look into on my journey of discovery. And even if I never end up using the aro label for myself, It's always good to learn about diverse topics! Thank you for listening!

Hello. Anyone here Cupioromantic? I've been wondering for myself for a while that I might be. The only thing that makes me suspicious is every single relationship I've had. I hate having the relationship but love having the crush. I like having crushes on people. But when the relationship starts. Or we start going on dates. I hate it. I feel trapped. I feel like I have all this responsibility. But then when it ends. I don't want it to. I can't tell if this is because I'm Cupioromantic. Or I have some unresolved relationship issues. Any help?

It could be cupioromantic if you heavily desire the relationship just without the feelings. But also Lithromantic or Orchidromantic could be it as well if you have the feelings but they vanish or you just hate the romance part.

I am so confused with my romantic attraction right now because it was stable for a good few years but more recently I’ve been questioning it even more. I don’t know, it’s been rough. My questioning started initially off with when I broke it off with my ex, which our fight that started off with him saying I never was affectionate or loving towards him. Which I felt was untrue, but looking back at it, I was rarely affectionate with him or any of my exes in general. I didn’t have the urge to kiss, hug, sometimes said I love you first, but I just felt like I was there. I knew that i loved him in some sense, i felt like i did, I did everything like from texting first, good morning and good night texts, planned out dates, but that sense of physical and verbal love and the need to show it wasn’t there. I for sure know my love languages are giving quality time, acts of service, and gifts but other than that, many of my exes told me i was lacking in it, or showing me signs that I never really realized. More recently though, whenever i fantasize about having another relationship, finally getting over the last one, and having hopes of a healthy new one, I literally imagine us as being friends, having regular conversations, and being together with each other. None of the affectionate stuff or i guess stereotypical romantic feelings or even romantic situations. I have friends, and stable friendships, but like, i fantasize about this being like a best friend? more? I don’t even know at this rate. I’m sure i’ve felt romantic feelings before, but as a diagnosed BPD and Autistic person, I’ve recognized that most of the guys i dated were mostly obsessions (thankfully i recognized that). I just don’t know anymore if i was just a toxic lover that needs to change my ways or do i actually not feel that romantic connection with anyone.

Hello! I know it might sound weird but how do i know if i’m in love with all my friends or if i’m just aromantic? For a long time i’ve been questioning if i was aromantic or not, recently i’ve come to the conclusion that i am not. But since a few days ago i started questioning again. I realised that i love all of my friends so deeply but i’ve never felt romantic attraction towards anyone (i’m 20). I don’t know if what i’m saying makes any sense, it is all very confusing in my head too to be honest. I flirt a lot with my friends (but i think that everyone flirts a bit with their friends), also i feel like i could literally die for them, and that their happiness come before mine, things like that. I don’t really know how to put words on what i’m trying to say, but if anyone understands can you tell me if you’ve already felt the same or something?

I think this is really common in aro people, I at least experience this where it seems like every individual has the same capacity to love, in alloromantic people their top level of love is romantic love, so they love romantic partners the most and then friends secondary. But aros don't experience romantic love so does that mean we don't love as much as allos? I find I love more than allos because my top level of love is friends and I love my friends as much as allo people love their romantic partners and I have like 5 close friends I can shower my love onto and have close emotional relationships with and hugs and gift exchanges ect.  It is scary to think that allo friends will think our friendship is lesser than a potential romantic relationship though 

Hello, I'm still exploring Aromantic. I'm on the Asesexual spectrum. I've been identifying as Pansexual the last 5 or so years. Now, I'm having a crisis. I've been a relationship for the last 2 years. Great guy, has flaws like the rest of us. But I just don't want to be with him anymore. I often find myself daydreaming about being single and not living with him and not helping out his family often (long and confusing story) I feel like I will be happier just being me and my 3 cats. I've been telling myself I'm not getting into another relationship once this one ends, and I'm super content with having platonic relationships with my friends. I feel free anytime i think about being single. Plus, I expressed to him that I do t show my love and affection with kisses, hugs, etc, but with other things like food or gifts? Kisses and hugs aren't that appealing to me. He gets frusted with me that I'm not active in bed, too, along with not showing affection. like I have other things to focus on than that type of stuff, yk? He also gets frustrated when he tries kissing, hugging, or holding hands in public, and I shyly do it or ignore him because I don't wanna do it in public. I don't even know what a romantic attraction or sexual attraction means?? He often asks me these questions if I'm attracted to him. I say yes because what else do I say without upsetting him?? If I am aromantic, how do I bring this up? With the intent of wanting to end things? He also relies on me for basically everything in life. He's jobless and would be practically homeless if we breakup.

Welp I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. For the longest time I thought that I was Aromantic but recently Im just not so sure anymore. You I have this one friend and I've known them for a pretty long time but recently I just don't know. I'm not sure if i developed a crush or not. I've spent the past years thinking I was AroAce but now I question the Aro part of that. Anyways any advice or guidance would be appreciated.

One crush does not mean you are not aro, that's why it's a spectrum maybe your demiro or greyro but you are still aro if you identify as aro and share in aro experiences 

Oh... Cool!

How do you know if you are aromantic or traumatized and touch repulsed? I (22m) have been in a string of awful relationships throughout my life. however, upon recent musings and therapy sessions, I have come to realize I perhaps only had genuine romantic interest in 4 of them. (that is not to say I did not like my past partners, more so that I couldn't consider what I felt for them to be Firmly romantic interest) As I though about it more, I came to realize that I don't necessarily develop crushes or fall really in love- instances where I was in love were usually long term relationships where I fell for them naturally or as our relationship progressed over Years. Furthermore I had friends recently pull me aside to advise me that if I did not currently have feelings for my current partner, that I should end it there. That made me pause, as I thought I Did like my current boyfriend. Unfortunately, upon staring at a wall and a beach for several hours the following couple days, I have come to realize I may not like my current partner Romantically, just that I adore his presence and yearn for a friendly companion. I have also always questioned my sexuality, usually stating that my romantic interests were "someone who is kind, respectful, and interested!" which I now find to be silly. How could I claim to like every gender equal amounts, when the average equal amount of like I have for anyone is about 5% at maximum. I will say that I do have passing fancies for one night stands, sometimes finding myself daydreaming about going on dates with people- but when I think about my future and what I really want, the situation is more Life Partner, Platonic Soulmate, Dan and Phil vibes (pardon my reference, but you simply cannot beat whatever they have together) I want someone to go grocery shopping with, to raise pets together, to watch movies with. Plus I'm more than mildly uncomfortable with romantic touch (hand holding, cuddling, kissing) on a regular basis regardless. How do I tell if I am less interested in romance, or if I am just afraid of the label of romance due to potential assumptions of rights to romantic touch by my partner? oh god its all so confusing, I mean I've identified as demisexual for pretty much the entire time I've been out of the closet (since I was 11) so that's no surprise. Now that I am thinking more about aromance I just find myself so scared that I have been potentially upsetting my current partner, and almost every past partner. I know its not something wrong with me, but I just feel awful if I have been making anyone else feel awful. Please give me advice, I will reply answering any further questions if something needs clarification!

I am not sure if I am aromantic or building an illusion to convince myself that I don't have any issues. So I came here looking for some sort of an answer or help how to figure this out. I have been okay with how things were with me but lately, I have been thinking that I might be out of place. Like I am different and weird. My parents used to fight a lot when I was a kid which might made me hate relationships or be afraid of them but I am not sure. Listing the things that confuse me the most, 1. I am hypersexual but hate the idea (grosses me out) that I might have sex with someone in the future. 2. Love to read romance and it’s one of my favorite genres but I can’t see myself living through it and the thought of someone confessing to me is terrifying. 3. I do the thing where I daydream (make fake scenarios) of me being in some sort of relationship (while making a whole plot) but in real life, I don’t want to be in one. 4. When my friend was hinted that he liked me the first thing I thought was how scary it was and how is he sure that he was in “love”. 5. I did have crushes and still do but I don’t think I have ever fallen in love or felt the desire to be with someone like that. 6. I love fictional characters a lot especially when I relate to them (and do say “Oh I am in love”) but still, I have never liked a human like that. I have thought that I might be aromantic but what if it isn’t true and I just trying to make an illusion to convince myself that I have no issues or what? Is all of this normal to experience?

Hi !! So I’m in dire need of advice from people have more knowledge about this than me. And pls don’t be mean 🥲 I’m just so confused. So to start, I am a lesbian and I have been a lesbian since forever. In my mind, I want to be with women. I want relationships with women. Basically, I yearn to be loved romantically. Now this is the problem, I can NEVER fall in love. Not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t. It never made sense to me because in my mind, I want to feel those too. But for some reason, I cannot see myself being in the early stage of a relationship. Like the part where you get to know each other and stuff. It’s like I cannot see myself doing that. Whenever I do imagine, it’s just me already in a stable relationship with whoever that faceless person is in my head. I have asked some of my friends and they have said that I might be aromantic, but I don’t think I can accept that. I want to be like others too. There are even times where I see videos of couples, I cry LMFAO. I know it sounds funny but it’s because I want that too. I want to feel what everybody feels when they see the person they like but I can’t even get myself to like someone. Some of my friends also have said that maybe I just haven’t found “the one”, as cheezy as it may sound, I do hope that’s the case. I have talked to several women who was interested in me. They were all so nice, beautiful, and very pure however, the problem is me. Can someone pls tell me what’s going on? I would like to hear other aromantic people’s experiences and thoughts. I’m sorry about the long post guys 😭😭

In wich part of the Arospec am i in? So I've thought of multiple ideas "I only feel romantic attraction if we have some connection, like that one friend i had a crush on for... 8 months..." and i thought "I'm probably Demiromantic" but when i researched more about it i saw that "...until they have formed a DEEP emotional connection..." and then remembered that 1-2 years ago i felt romantic attraction to someone i hadn't that great connection with, i had something like a connection, but not that big. After that, i thought of having a crush on someone i haven't even met, so i thought "Yep im definitely not Aromantic" but after a few days i found the platonic attraction and said "oh, that explains it" and also related to the term "quoiromantic" Now I'm pretty sure I'm Quoiromantic, but I'm not sure if i can define myself as Demiromantic, or even Aroflux! Could you help me? Also could you ask questions so i can answer and other people by seeing my replies could make conclusions? Also, sorry if my English is kinda poor.

I’ve never wanted a relationship and thought I was asexual at first but I do in fact have a libido and experience sexual attraction to women (I’m a male) However, I don’t want love or intimacy with a partner. I loathe the idea of cuddling and kissing and living in the same house, date nights, dinners together, etc. For being social and vulnerable o actually prefer the company of other dudes who share my interests. Like a bromance thing going on. I have seen a gay guy a few times, exploring myself more, but I never allowed it to progress to sex or any serious relationship. He kept trying to put me in a feminine role and that really didn’t feel right for me. There was also a girl I really loved hanging out with and I think she wanted me to ask her out, but she wanted kids and a family and all that traditional stuff. That’s definitely not for me either and I eventually told her how I felt that I did kind of like her to but we would never be happy together. Even though I’ve determined I do in fact have a sex drive, I’ve been considering commiting myself to a life of celibacy for spiritual reasons.

I've been identifying "aromantic" for about 2 years and only now I'm starting to question my validity. One of the main reasons I started relating with being aro was because I believed I couldn't handle or make it in the romantic world. In the beginning I thought that was perfectly fine but now it just feels like I'm disrespecting the term "aromantic" and all of the people who use the label. It feels like I'm using it just as an excuse to not date. I've had some crushes in the past. Am I in the wrong?

Hello, so I think I might be on the aromantic spectrum, but I'm not sure.I can feel attracted to people, and I think I can develop crushes on people, but I don't want to be in a relationship, and I would much rather be single.

Orchidromantic or Lithromantic sounds like something you should look into:)

Does anyone know or identify with this term? I found it on this site/article when I was looking in the aromantic spectrum: [https://www.asexuals.net/aromantic-spectrum-from-aro-to-z/](https://www.asexuals.net/aromantic-spectrum-from-aro-to-z/) but nothing comes up but articles about aromanticism, not the exact term. So does anyone else know or identify with this term ? https://preview.redd.it/znqs3cdjdead1.jpeg?width=693&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bfbd4ee931094f2c43f6e4fa60e3c4db373718e

Hi, I've been wondering if I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum for quite a while. I generally think this because I tend to view a close friendship as the highest tier of relationship, and i kind of just can't comprehend something "more" than a close fwb relationship. Has anyone else has this experience? Can answer any questions to give more context

I think I'm aegoromantic. I'm a person who likes labels a lot. Like if I can't give myself a label I feel like I don't really understand myself and I don't like that. So I've seen some cute wlw cuples and it's just SO cute. Like they went on a picknick, got each other matching bracelets and they eat sushi together and it was just so cute and I just feelt like I want that because why wouldn't I. I've been wondering if I actually want a romantic relationship and stuff. But tbh seeing all that made me realise that is just to cute to not want (for me). So then I thougth oh that means I'm cupioromantic. But then I saw some who is cupioromantic vent about how sad it is to want a romantic relationship but will probably never fall in love, which is really sad but I just could relate at all. Like well that's sad..... time to read my gay books again. I like of being in a romantic relationship with a another girl but I'm fine with being single forever too. Am I aegoromantic or have I misunderstood that completely

ok so can I be nebularomantic if I can somtimes tell romantic from platonic feelings but VERY raley. Also can I be nebularomantic if I am not dignosed with autsim only self dignosed/suspect and AM profectionly dignosed with ADHD? sorry for alittle bit of a rant and bad spelling.

Hi hi, seeking a little bit of advice or guidance 🥲 English isn't my native language, so sorry in advance if I make any mistakes. I'll try to keep it short, but if anything is unclear pls just ask🙏 I've been just thinking about a lot of things lately, and obviously gender, identity, and sexuality has popped up in those thoughts as well. Okay, so let me start with saying that I'm 24 y.o. and up until now I have never been in a (romantic) relationship. I have never tried dating or seeking out anyone to be in a relationship with. Never really saw the appeal when I was younger. It didn't bother me then and it still doesn't bother me today. It's just not my priority I guess. I have met some cool people who are either aro or aroace and I could relate to a lot of their experiences, so I thought that maybe I could be aro as well? But there are still some things that are a little bit unclear to me or that bother me. For instance, while never showing any romantic interest in anyone or feeling the need to be in a relationship I don't really mind the idea of being in a relationship or having a partner? I also wouldn't mind doing typical romantic things like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, etc. I just think those are really cute things and in theory I feel like I want those things but I never met anyone with whom I would want to experience these. Does that make any sense??? I feel like I am confusing myself atp Not feeling any romantic attraction towards anyone. Not feeling the need to be in a relationship. But still somehow wanting or liking the idea of loving someone and being with them, how the hell am I supposed to label that? 😭 Like, I feel like it somewhat fits somewhere in the aromantic spectrum, but maybe I am wrong? I read a bit about cupioromaticism, but I don't really feel like that's really describing what this is? I am just confused 😩 There's also another aspect that scares me a little. What if I do end up in a relationship and really never feel any romantic attraction towards my partner? I want them to feel good and loved, but what if what I am giving them is not enough? I want them to feel wanted and appreciated because that's what they deserve, but what if I told them that I am not feeling that specific attraction that should be like the glue of a relationship, shouldn't it? Can one even "give love" to someone if they don't feel romantic attraction towards them? Ugh, this is so frustrating 😭😭😭

I'm on the younger side and my sexual orientation has changed over the past months so I may not know, but any time someone explains the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, it feels like the description of romance is either entirely platonic or sexual

What if I really want to get into romantic relationship but every time I experienced feelings close to romantic (at least i identified them as ones) they were weak? I literally don't understand what's wrong with me 😭😭

aromantic-?? maybe? help :,) does anyone feel romantic attraction some days and then the next day feel nothing? and then later on it might come back? I don't know but I'm very confused as to how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling the way I am. help-?

I haven't had a crush irl since I was 12. I'm 19 now. I very clearly remember having multiple crushes before 12, which has always made me doubt that I was aro. However, I'm approaching adulthood now, and the only crushes I get are towards fictional characters. Is it possible that my 'taste' for people has just shifted towards fiction? Would this even count as being aro?

I feel like im at least on the aromantic spectrum? After my last relationship I started questioning if I'm aromantic. I now have started a fresh relationship, not knowing if I'm aro or not. But I feel like I'm somewhat on the aro spectrum. Or it could be something else. But what I know is that, I really like my partner, and I know that I can commit to a relationship and form attachments. and I think I sometimes feel love, but I cant really identidify it? I know I feel really good with this person, and I wanna tell them I love them. But then again I also feel good around my close friends, And I also tell my friends I love them. I just love this person a lot more I guess. And feel even better around them than around my friends. Tho I don't know what true romantic love is supposed to feel like. I might not be aro and just have problems identifying it or I am on the aro spectrum and that's the reason I cant really identify it? I dont really feel much different when doing romantic stuff like dates or something, and I could care less about romantic movies or anything like that. I also dont feel like sex is a romantic thing at all to me, it is simply fun. Not sure wether these things have anything to do with being on the aro spectrum, but I'd love to hear some thoughts.

Hi, so this going to sound a little out there but bear with me. Im writing a fanfictic about this accomplished 19 yearold King , who is complex, a good king, loves people in general, but subdues his attachment with friends/family for his ideals. He will sacrifice relationships in his life for the betterment of the kingdom. Heres where i loved your perspective. Similar to yourself, My character doesnt really understand what love is in a romantic sense. Never experienced it before, never had a chance to. Had a childhood where he had to grow up pretty quickly. I am trying to write a story of him feeling romatic love for a friend for the first time. So i would love to dig a little deeper into your feelings. What do you do when you start liking someone? How did you realise you really liked your partner? You say you feel good with your partner, How would you describe the good? What does it mean for you to feel good? do you feel accepted? at ease? What are some other feelings? How would you first realise you liked someone as more than a friend? Are there actions you do when you like someone as more than a friend? Do you notice physical characteristics or personality? Were you conflicted at all on if you even like them? Did you ask your partner out? Or is your love more the responsive type? Do you get jealous of someone else liking your partner? How do you show your love for your partner? Would love to know more about your perspective if youd share it with me. Im the complete opposite, when i like someone my thoughts are clouded by them. I wanna be with them, I wanna connect with them, I read into romantic gesture like nobodies business. So XD i would appreciate your perspective.

Is it possible to want a relationship but be aromantic? I never had crushes growing up, and i've only had romantic feelings for someone once, and it was a 2 year relationship where my feelings developed steadily over time. I didnt feel attraction at the beginning of our relationship, but i went into it with the intention of cultivating romantic feelings later (if you want flowers plant them mentality). It occurred to me a while ago that might not be how it is for everyone else. I am asexual, but now i think maybe i might be arospec too? This kind of scares me, because i do want a romantic relationship. Has anyone else here experienced anything like this? Does this sound like i could be aromantic?

How did you know you were aro? I've said for as long as I can remember that I'm demihomoromantic. Because I've only ever felt romantic feelings for my best friends. But I've been questioning lately if those were actual romantic feelings, or if I was just socialized to interpret any feelings towards men as romantic. I'm a trans man, and grew up in an extremely religious/conservative household/neighborhood. And so it's basically taught that men and women can't be friends. There's always something going on between them. So anytime I felt a connection to a man, I would automatically assume it was romantic. I've been in 3 serious relationships, and learned pretty early on that I'm ace. But I enjoyed the cuddles, and long talks, and plans for the future together. But looking back, I think what I really desired was a QPR. I want someone I can live with who understands me and shares interests, and who I can lean on when I need help. And for context, I also had equally strong connections to women growing up(compared to the men I dated), but never considered those to be romantic. I even cried in 7th grade when my best girl friend made another friend and started hanging out with her more than me. And I had a roommate in college that I would cuddle with and hold hands with all the time. Neither of us felt anything romantic or sexual, though. We were just really close friends. And I felt those same feelings for the men I dated. I just classified it as romantic because they were men... So yeah... I don't know 😅

What part of the Aro spec am I? When I was younger I craved and loved the idea of being in love and imagine being on romantic dates and I even had “crushes” usually because they either reminded me about my movies of characters that I loved or I would just find them aesthetically good looking. However whenever I told this some of friends at the time they said. “You should go for it and ask him/her out ” but I would always refuse then I would think do I really want to date them? or do I even love them in romantic way? However growing older I start to feel overwhelmed with the topic of love since it was everywhere I go, everywhere I see also within media, and books to the point I would feel out of place. Whenever I spoke this to a former friend of mine they asked “do you even know the difference between romance and platonic outside of what of what the media portrays it?” Which really clicked on me of course made me doubt everything. Not until I found the word aromantic or the aromantic spectrum I felt connected in some way I related a lot with the community however as I struggle to which label fits me since my past experiences would fit in different parts of the spectrum then what I am currently which currently I still don’t crave relationships, nor have I had any aesthetically please or squishes, nor do I feel any attraction, I am neutral about romance but leaning towards negative, and I still don’t have that answer to the question So this point I don’t know

Am I aromatic or?? So I have always loved the idea of being in a relationship getting married etc. but when it comes to dating i don’t feel comfortable. I am straight (maybe slightly bi curious). I had a pretty serious online relationship where for the first day i was so anxious about dating anyone and i considered breaking up with him i only didn’t because i knew it would upset him so i kept it going and after a little while i became fully comfortable with him an i could be myself, then i became extremely attached to him and i would want to talk to him all the time and even when things started to go down hill and i knew the relationship was bad, i still wanted to stay because i loved him and i didn’t care, as long as i had him i was fine he was like my comfort person yk(we lasted roughly 6months). and i thought that i had all that anxiety because it was my first relationship (im diagnosed with anxiety btw). Now i have gotten into an irl relationship and I just feel really anxious and im scared of being in the relationship, i honestly hate the idea of all romantic gestures and gift giving, i absolutely despise receiving gifts. I have only been in this relationship a couple days but i don’t want this type of relationship with someone im not 100% comfortable with and myself around. He’s really sweet but i just hate being in relationships at the start. Even after i lost love for my last boyfriend, i stayed because i was way too emotionally attached to let him go, i have considered that i might be on the asexual spectrum but since there are so many different orientations im not sure if im actually on there or not, what would you say? If you need any more information just ask im sure there’s so much i haven’t said, i just want to know how to identify because then it would help me live a happier life yk

So quite recently my best friend got a boyfriend and was really exited about it. We had a conversation about her relationship with him and how I couldn't understand the particular difference between her friendship with me and a romantic relationship with him. She told me how he made her feel and I was still unable to get the idea. The only thing that seems to me to be different is having physical attraction to your partner. I just shrugged it off and soon forgot about the whole thing. But tonight I remembered that conversation which led to me having whole freaking existential crisis. For a really long time I have considered myself bisexual. I had both female and male crushes in media and irl. But now that I'm thinking about this I start to realize that I may have not felt about them the way other people describe it. I only thought about how certain people are attractive and that I'd like to spend time with them. I never actually thought about having a relationship with them. I felt confused and decided to go search online. I just freaking googled "what is it like to be in love" and checked a couple of sites. There were things like feeling exited about meeting them, looking for physical contact, urge to know them closer etc. And I just kinda I realized that I feel almost the same way about most of my friends. But even a though of dating them makes me uncomfortable. And now I'm thinking that maybe the thought of dating ANYONE is making me uncomfortable? I thought about having sexual relationship with someone which didn't mind, but romantic one just makes me feel weird? Cause the only benefit I see in it is spending more time with this person, but still people seem to expect something "special" from a romantic relationship, but I just can't give it to them. I actually feel like I'm loosing my mind. So have anyone here experienced something similar? I feel that I may be overthinking all of this, but still wanted to know what other people think.

Oh my god me too! This is somewhat similar to my journey! I never understood why people desired romance when friendships existed. I know love is a broad term and has its own subsets, platonic, familial and what not but romantic love was always a weird scenario which I could never truly immerse myself! I love to think about it and consume it in media form but never desiring it for myself. And it is so confusing growing up as well because though I understand why most people wish for exclusive romantic relationships for the things they get out of it, i never understood that mindset because the things they claim that are done exclusive for romantic relationships is something I have gotten from friendship (except for sex) which was confusing for me! Like why seek romance when the things you want are actually achievable without it? I was so confused but let it be because people want what people want but for me, it was a puzzle!

Any aroflux or arospike to answer me ? I have a question for aroflux or arospike individuals who have been in a relationship before. Given your romantic orientation, did your relationship evolve/change over time or did it remain the same despite your orientation? The same question goes for those who have been in love without necessarily being in a relationship with the person in question.

I think i might be aromantic and i need some advice. I have this idea because ive never exactly felt as if ive been "inlove", sure i do feel some form of attachment but id also feel indifferent if nothing comes from it in the end. Yes i do find people attractive but ive never exactly formed any proper liking? That and how any romantic feelings ive experienced are mostly just times where id crave to feel it. Ive been in relationships before and while i do show some fondness over them , i dont exactly feel anything. Being nervous for a date? Nope, Butterflies from our first kiss? None, heartbeat increasing as i feel them hold my hand? Nothing. Not a damn thing. When these do happen, i however feel a sense of pride or happiness washing over me like unlocking a new achievement of some sorts but it pretty much goes over my head afterwards. Long terms relationships dont exactly bother me either , if you want to put a ring to it then its all fine , but if I were to remain unmarried for my whole life i dont exactly think its a bad idea either. Thats not to say i was a bad partner , ive played the part well and have been a good partner overall. all my relationships have ended in mutual terms because of growing apart and i still keep in contact with them as friends because we share no harsh feelings. Now , something like this wouldnt exactly bother me to the point where id have to post on reddit , but you see theres an issue here. I met a guy recently at a party and we hit it off pretty well, i instantly knew he felt something towards me and over a few weeks he had grown pretty much attached to me, by then his feelings and intentions were evident and there was no denying it. I on the other hand do feel some sort of fondness for him, that or i tell myself that i do. Hes an amazing guy, very smart especially with math and physics, talented with classical instruments and so on. Hes kind, reassuring and really knows how to sweet talk. A gentleman overall. Im off to have my first date with him tomorrow and now the whole idea of me being aromantic is hitting me like a train because hes already made it clear that he does want something from us and im afraid of hurting him in the long run. What do i do?

hi! I am new to this and I've been trying to figure this out since I was about a junior in high school. I think I might be aromantic. I'm not entirely sure but since I couldn't remember, I've never really had crushes and when I thought that I did they were over within a day if not earlier. I know what I feel is not normal at least as far as I know, but I don't really know where to look to get answers and I eventually found this. I don't know if I've ever actually love somebody in the typical sense or in any sense. I'm not sure what that feels like and I've only ever dated one person. the relationship itself was not good. it was toxic in just about every sense and while at the time, I believe that I liked if not loved him, now I'm not so sure. like I said, I don't know what love feels like but I also have ADHD and BPD so I'm starting to wonder if maybe what I thought I was feeling was just a hyper fixation or something. I don't know. I was hoping somebody would be able to help me out here if possible just because I've tried to find answers on my own to no avail. I thought for a while that I was demiromantic, but I don't know if that actually fits anymore or at all. anyways any help is definitely appreciated and I just want to find the answers that make sense for me

Hi, not sure if i can help, but i can relate. I had one relationship so far (mid 20s) and we broke up (positive interaction) bc i didnt feel any type of romantic attraction. I still feel like i dont have romantic desires. I also have a tendency to hyperfixate (i also have adhd) or have idealism feelings towards others, but its never strong or lasting enough to justify romantic attraction.  I also think what helps me decide most, is that i have little to no desire for a (typical) romantic relstionship, i dont feel i need it or want it.  I actually came back to see if i still 'fit' the label but i think as for now, at the very least. Identifying with aromantic helps communicate where im at with others and with myself.

holy shit, reddit finally let me view your comment. not even kidding, i got the notif and then it wouldn't show up for me. was genuinely wondering if i was going insane lol. your comment definitely does help a lot. to me, relationships are something i want (both platonic and how i view romantic) because i do like what comes with romantic relationships. it's just that for me personally, i don't feel that way towards people and the times i thought i have it was most likely my adhd going nuts. so it makes me feel better knowing i'm not alone /gen;srs. so fr, thank you :3

Ialso do like theidea of dating, but as somewhat of a really good and comfortable friendship, so allosexual platonic?? Haha idk

i completely get what you mean and i feel the same way about it lol

Hey. I‘m starting to think i‘m aromantic. I never have any romantic attraction to anyone, like the friendshiplevel is the highest category for me. Sometimes i get really envious of those who can be romantic with each other and honestly i kind of felt bad when i couldn’t give my Ex the same romantic love back. I really liked him, but for me it was like a close friendship instead of… yk, romance. Idk how i can ever get into a functioning relationship without being romantic. Also I‘m really bad at reading any romantic signs lol. Like, i don‘t see any deeper emotional attraction at all. I also really don’t like any type of romances in media… like books or sth. It makes me feel bad for not having those feelings. So yeah. Thats my story. I want to figure out how to live with this but its hard for me.

I’ve been starting to wonder if I’m AroAce. I’ve only ever had one crush in my life, and it fell back to just a mutual friendship feeling as soon as it started. I’ve felt almost no romantic or sexual feelings towards any girl I’ve met, even the ones that others do feel those things, and I just don’t see my future self living a married life. Also, most affection (hugging, kissing, etc.) just makes me feel awkward/uncomfortable, idk if that’s related, but I wanted to mention that too.

Hello! I have recently begun questioning whether I may be aromantic. I never really thought about the possibility, because I always experienced crushes. It just seemed like a no-brainer that I was allo, right? But recently, due to some interpersonal issues, I have begun to introspect a lot and I’m starting to feel as though they were never really crushes at all. Much of my desire when it came to those I had “crushes” on came in the form of just wanting to be closer in general, not necessarily in ways that are traditionally read as romantic. I’m not one for romantic dates or anything of that nature. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling,grand romantic gestures, none of those are in my wheelhouse. Never have been. Frankly, those sorts of things have always seemed somewhat obtuse to me. I always guessed I just didn’t get the appeal because I’ve never been in a relationship, but that as soon as I start regularly dating, I’d “get” it. I’m not so sure anymore. I really just… Wanted to hang out. Spend time together shooting the shit, watching one another’s favorite shows, playing games, or just talking normally and making jokes. Stuff like that So I was wondering… Is it normal or plausible for someone who is aromantic but hasn’t realized it yet, and who lacks the frame of reference to tell, to confuse strong platonic feelings for romantic feelings? Is this something anyone else here has ever dealt with?

Lots of arospec and even alloromantic people feel things informally known as "squishes" which are seen as a sort of less intense crush. From my experience it follows the exact same symptoms (for want of a better term) that you described: wanting to get close but not wanting to do anything romantic. Hope this helped. (PS: I'm not an expert.)

After about a month of soul-searching and trying to understand my current situation I stumbled upon aromanticism and the a-spectrum as something that maybe applies to me but all the information I found online about the topic left me just as confused as I was before (so, forgive me if this belongs to r/asexual, I'll probably post it there, too) To preface, I have ASD. Which, to me at least, means that I struggle understanding my own emotions. Especially since I got diagnosed as an adult and also not too long ago, so I have a hard time separating my real feelings from socially-imposed ones. I've had crushes before, quite a few, though mostly when I was still a teenager. These crushes have mostly followed the same pattern: - Little to no sexual attraction or, if there's sexual attraction, it's often artificial and a conscious choice that I made because "that's just what crushes are like". It's worth noting that, while I don't feel sexual attraction towards my "crushes", I do experience sexual attraction overall or, at least, sex-drive. - An interest in physical non-sexual contact with the person: hand-holding, hugging, cuddling. But, to my own surprise, little to no interest in mouth kissing. Mouth kissing is one of those things that confuses me. I want to do it because it feels like it's the thing people do in the situation but, on a personal level, I just feel complete apathy towards the idea. I think I'd enjoy a forehead or cheek kiss way more. - Above all, an intense desire for intimacy and emotional vulnerability. Like, I genuinely feel attracted to the idea of it. I've had plenty of mild crushes before but rarely do I ever get to know someone well enough for that last bullet point to properly kick in. However, recently I developed a full-on crush on a friend of mine that I've known for a few years now. Now, if it was just this I wouldn't have posted here. The thing is, this coincided with a time period where our friend group of 6 started becoming much much closer, emotionally speaking. We started opening up to one another and sharing our emotions and worries in a way we haven't done with anyone else before. And as time passes, I'm beginning to realize that my feelings for my "crush" are not really that different from my feeling for my other friends. The only major difference I can identify is the desire for touch. And, even then, that is no longer exclusive to my crush, but I'm developing that same desire for my other female friends. So now I'm at a point where I'm not sure if what I feel is a crush, or just a really intense frienship (squish?) with a side of desire for physical contact. What does it even mean to be romantically attracted to someone?

this is frustrating because I finally felt secure in my labels 😭 I just cannot for the life of me understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships!!! My best friend (queer platonic partner?) and I have decided to do life together, we have 4 pets, we live together, we've known each other for 17 years (20F and she's 21F), we've talked about getting married, we share finances, and will likely buy a house together one day. First of all, I can't imagine doing life with anyone else, that thought is horrible, but are we in a platonic relationship or romantic? I have no desire to be physically intimate with her in any way, we really don't even hug. I'm Ace so I'm definitely not attracted to her in that way but I do want to spend my life with her. I love doing things with her and I spend all my free time with her. I just can't find a clear definition of romance? I love her and want to spend life with her, is that romance???

Hello! I hope someone can help me clarify some things about myself that I have been struggling with. I am definitely an asexual person, but I'm not so sure about being romantic since sometimes I feel like I never really have been in love in the normative sense... I have someone special to me, she's a bisexual woman and we have deep feelings for each other but I know that I can't fulfill what she needs. It's so overwhelming, and I feel so bad to let her down. We have been in a strange nameless dynamic that only frustrated both of us, and I just want to clarify the things with her I really desire to "love" someone in a performative way, I wish to be in a relationship that have companionship and devotion, that I can share presents, flowers, go to dates, be together, have a stable life but in a like "more than friends, less than lovers". Does this have a label? I'm just a jerk?

Look up queerplatonic relationships! They’re neither strictly romantic nor platonic, hence the name

I think i might be on the spectrum but i'm confused about some things. I saw people in there telling that they were aro so they had to tell their partner that they couldn't love them the same way that they do... But like, what are the different love types ? How do you know which one you feel ? Also, do aro people can still fall in love but it's harder ? Or not at all ?

sometimes the thought of having a romantic and emotionally vulnerable relationship with someone makes me very uncomfortable but then I also crave romantic attention? when I get too close to people or video versa i start to unconsciously detach myself from them but then I also crave that attention and want, i want to love someone's romantically and also receive the same love and attention but idk randomly something the thought of that attention and closeness makes me uncomfortable. idk if this is all because i hate myself or that there's a chance I could be on the aro spectrum

There's a chance. I'm like this and I'm aro. I loved romantic attention because it meant someone liked my personality and thought I was attractive. This is perfectly normal! It's the same way someone is flattered by another person liking their outfit. I like the attention, but I need my distance from time to time to maintain a healthy relationship. I am currently in a relationship with someone I believe is alloromantic, so it all comes down to communication and boundaries. They are a good friend of mine and I love them in a way that is different. It's still love, and maybe that different type of love will be more comfortable for you. For years I confused this with an avoidant attachment style, but you may identify with that over aromanticism. Ultimately, no one can tell you what you are. But if you are aromantic, and you don't feel romantic feelings with real people, I hope you take comfort in the fact that this is a very very similar experience to mine!

Could I be aromantic now if I’ve had a small crush in the past Back in school I had a small crush on someone we never dated and the crush didn’t last long and as I grew up I didn’t think anyone looked attractive and now I’m looking back I realized I might be aromantic so could I be aromantic now if I’ve had a small crush in the past

I think I may be aromantic. Growing up I never saw much of an appeal to being in romantic relationship, the most I've had possibly experience romance is through Disney Princess movies. Though I mainly liked it cause of the fact that they managed to live in a castle (which I wanted to live in), and the living "happily ever after". It was kind of like a fantasy of mine. However in real life I never wanted a partner. It began in elementary school, when my friends talked about their first kiss. Then later in middle school, when my friends talked about having their first boyfriend/girlfriend. Honestly I felt left out, I wanted to join in and be like them. However I realized that I never really saw the appeal of it. I had kiss like two people. And honestly I didn't feel any romantic attraction. I've tried dating. Honestly I think it's a lot work and it makes me exhausted just going through person by person. It feels weird and makes me uncomfortable when I hear that some loves me ( in a romantic way). However I do like Rom-coms/chick flicks. I like seeing other people in love. I feel like that's my thing. To be frank, I wouldn't mind living as an unwed or unpartnered person. The thing I would fear is being surrounded by bad people, people who don't care about me. My goal in life is to have a small place of my own, with my own garden and my fur babies. I can't see myself being married or having kids.

Okay so basically...I really do want to be in a relationship and stuff but l've only really had a crush on like 2 people in my lifetime-Does that make me aro? I genuinely have no clue. I also don't know what classifies as a crush honestly, i've heard some people say its like a friendship that you don't have with other people, like more intense, and some people say its like having butterflies? Is it different for everyone? How do I know? TLDR: Am I aro if i want to date someone but never have crushes + what even is a crush in the first place

hi everyone happy pride month !! its kind of odd seeing people around me yearn so hard for a relationship while also not wanting that at all right now. the thought of being in a relationship atm borderline repulses me, but i've been in really happy long-term relationships before. i've had really strong romantic (i think?) feelings and compulsions before, but i don't know if i really dont feel romantic/sexual attraction or if im just really emotionally unavailable. its incredibly hard for me to feel in touch with my emotions and when i try to focus on them, it's like they disappear TT if anyone has a similar experience or could point me towards anything id be appreciative !! <3

How is this type of attraction called? I might be aro, but still not sure. I haven’t felt romantic attraction for the last 5 years. In the last years two people fell in love with me (or had a romantic crush on me) and I couldn’t reciprocate. I know like 3 people I theoretically could feel romantic attraction to, but I just don’t. I see them as my close friends and I love hugging them, giving them forehead kisses… but I don’t feel romantic attraction at all. Does this type of attraction have a name? Does this make me aro? (I’m ace btw)

ive generally labeled myself as panromanic but iim now genuinely considering being aromantic (ik im asexual) because the more i think about it, my crushes werent **crushes** and was just sort of me looking at a person id wanna be friends with being like “woa so cool i wanna be closer” and what i thought was romantic butterflies just being nerves of “oh what if they think im weird” ive had romantic relationships in the past bht i never felt anything different. the affection was nice, but thats about all i could say about it my “interest” in people also dies down pretty quick, but it doesnt mean i stop being friends with them but the thoughts of anything thats not platonic is like “eugh” like im not against it, if they asked and if i trusted them id be like “yeah sure” but other than that it just feels,,,kinda icky? i know im on the spectrum **somewhere** but im just not sure where exactly and if i am just plain aromantic

I have never really had a crush on anyone, except for once, but I think that was because she was my (is still) best friend and was the only person who ever gave me physical affecting, and I don't think I actually liked her liked her. This guy had a crush on me once and we did kiss but I was not into him at all and more wanted to be just because I wanted someone to like me. I do still want to have a really close relationship with someone but I always feel like I'll never get that because I don't like anyone like that, I just want it. I'm not disinterested in sex but I have also never felt that way when looking at someone, and it's more just something I think about it my head. I don't know what to do because I do want to be in a relationship, I just don't like anyone, ever, so I don't know if I'm aromantic or not?

I (M25) have never been interested in romantic stuff. Don't know if it's TMI, but I'm a little and am also sexually uninterested unless it's in that specific context. People say that I wouldn't know if I can actually feel those emotions until I met the right person, but I can't identify having romantic feelings at any point as a teen, when hormones are raging and it's supposed to be unavoidable. How did everyone find out they're aro? How do I know that I actually am if I haven't "found the right person"? I feel really bad because I want an MD/lb relationship, and with there being so few female doms I feel like I need to be romantic with whoever I can find or else they wont be satosfied with me. Ive had an MD/lb relationship before, but my big was always upset that I wasn't that into being a boyfriend as well as a little. But she was poly with a husband, and I wanted to be mono but was just accepting what little I was given after never having a partner. So how would I actually know if I like romance if my only context was a relationship I was begrudgingly accepting? I know there probably isn't a scientific test, but are there emotions and actions that can give a big hint?

hey guys this is my first post here. i’ll try not to yap too much but sorry if i accidentally end up doing so. okay. So i always thought i was allo,i had normal crushes since childhood and in my teens. then i had a partner that after a year of dating came out to me as aro,which crushed me at the time. we tried qpr because i wanted to stay with them but it felt too painful. then after a good 5ish months i kinda started to like it,but it still wasn’t what i was looking for. onto my next partner,our romantic chemistry was over the roof and i felt really satisfied. so where’s the problem? the thing is. both of these relationships were long distance. and i’ve only ever met up with my first ex and we tried doing romantic gestures like hand holding and whatnot. idk why i was very uncomfortable with it? the thought of holding hands romantically made me feel icky? and it fekt too pressuring,despite us being together for a year. i never dated anyone or developed deep feelings for a person i was interacting with irl. and before meeting my ex partner i was having romantic feelings for them. until the day we met up and tried to do romance related stuff. is this weird? i dunno. maybe im in love with the idea of romance,or maybe im allo but repulsed? does that happen? im very confused. ive tried discussing it with one of my aro friends and they told me i might be arospec. but even the term itself doesnt feel like it fits me. any advice?

This may sound cringe, but I currently have two wolves inside me. One wants nothing to do with romance nor sexual relationships. The other wants a bisexual polyamory. I've pinned myself as aroflux and have confined with some friends in that. (I also thought I was aergosexual, but I'm questioning that.) Is this what the aroflux experience is like?

How did y’all realize you’re aro? I’ve been scrolling in the subreddit for a while and a lot of people where talking about forcing themselves to have a crush on someone and later realizing they actually didn’t feel anything more than platonic for that person. How do you come to that conclusion? I myself have been in that situation, but I always viewed it as “maybe I don’t like this person but I am curious, if I get to know them would I still crush on them?”. It doesn’t help that I am not repulsed by (and even desire) the thought of a romantic relationship, or the touching and the kissing, but I don’t know if it’s because of the idealized version of romance that I’ve consumed from books, movies and series or if it’s because I’ve never been pursued romantically and have yet to be put in the situation to feel repulsed by it. I’ve never been a fan of labels but some help would be appreciated. Sorry if any part is not clear as English is not my first language :(

Am I aromantic? I’m asexual and presumably biromantic, but I haven’t had a romantic crush on someone for 5 years and the crush wasn’t that deep. My last two romantic crushes were in 2015 and 2019. I know several people that *could* be my romantic crushes because they have everything someone should have to like them, but I simply don’t feel it. Maybe I haven’t met THE person yet, but I think I do have platonic crushes (is that even a thing??)

i have been struggling with the exact same thing 😭

did you get to any conclusion?

not exactly, but i've been seriously thinking about being cupioromantic for lack of a better term

can i ask you some questions via chat?

sure

im exploring my romantic attraction with someone (my first relationship). im pretty sure i dont feel romantic attraction (and defo not sexual) but i enjoy romantic acts anyway just cause its nice, its a nice way to show closeness and intimacy with someone, thats my stance at least (ive made all this clear with them btw, we know we are very much experimenting) when i kiss them, i feel nothing physically (i think kissing can stimulate nerves in the lips/tongue which is why it feels good, but i dont feel that at all). despite that, i still enjoy kissing them. im pretty sure we get rather different things out of it. i enjoy it not as a sensation, but as an act of closeness, a form of wordless communication that i find very nice. i know my feelings are valid, i just came here seeking people who may feel the same way :)

I’m questioning if I’m aro. I know I’m ace and I kind of relate to a lot of aroace stuff but I always loved the idea of romance. When I grew up I loved reading romance books and I thought I wanted to be in a romantic relationship. My first crushes weren’t actually crushes, I just chose people to fit in. I remember writing my “crushes” down in my diary but after a few years I read my diary again and crossed all of them out. I don’t remember why I did that but I think it kind of made me mad.  In high school I thought I had some real crushes. I liked this guy who was my friend. I thought I’m not gonna tell him I have a crush on him because my other friend also seemed to like him. But now that I think about it it might have been just an excuse. I probably just wanted to be closer friends with him. And I think this happened to me with other male friends too, because I think I like them but I actually just want to be closer friends with them. It’s much easier for me to be close friends with women. That’s probably why I never thought I had a crush on one of my female friends.  The other two guys I had a crush on, I thought I needed to try to tell them how I’m feeling because I thought I needed to be in a romantic relationship in my twenties. I asked both of them (this was at different points in my life) to go to the cinema with me. When I was there I thought this is where people usually hold hands or do other romantic stuff. But the thought of that made me uncomfortable and I was glad that nothing happened. I never told anyone I liked them and I don’t regret not doing it. When I have a crush I imagine myself dating that person but It's not in first person. The people in my fantasy are like idealised versions of myself and the other person so maybe I’m aego idk. I think being in a relationship sounds good but I don’t know if I would actually enjoy it. And I would rather be single than trying to go through the trouble of finding someone. Were all my crushes just squishes or am I just overthinking? It’s kind of hard for me to differentiate between wanting to be closer friends and wanting to be in a relationship with someone. Can anyone relate to this?

Wondering if I'm aromantic later in life. When I learned about asexuality at 27, it was an epiphany for me and I realized almost instantly that I was asexual. At the time I dismissed the notion that I was aromantic because, I mean, at the time, I was interested in dating people. I'd had (what I figured were) crushes. But now, many years, several relationships, and a failed marriage later, I've built a life for myself, by myself, that I'm quite happy with. I had a profile active on a dating site only because a therapist encouraged me to fill one out after my divorce to "figure out what I wanted". I had a hard time trying to figure out what I wanted, but I think I'm realizing that what I truly want is defined by what I am/am not willing to do. In the years since my divorce, I decided I wanted to buy a house. I put aside money for a down payment, I got a real estate agent, I went out and looked at houses, made an offer, and I've been a homeowner for two years. I decided I wanted a dog. I looked up breeders, brought a new puppy home, potty trained and socialized him, walk him every day, even when I don't feel like it. I know the online dating process is not fun. I know it's full of bullshit you have to wade through. But people go through it and put up with the bullshit because they want to find a person to have a romantic/sexual relationship with. I have swiped right on fewer than a dozen people while my dating profile has been active. I went on three first dates that didn't go anywhere, and then I stopped, because I realized that the best case scenario of this endeavor, of meeting someone that I would eventually move in with, marry, build a life with, was simply not appealing to me. I've experienced married life, I've lived with someone who I thought I'd spend my life with. I wouldn't trade my current life to be back there again. It seems like most aromantics know that they're not interested in a romantic relationship without having been in one. Most aromantics didn't have crushes when they were young. I'm having trouble reconciling how I feel now with my experiences when I was younger. Did I only think I wanted a relationship because society taught me that was something everyone was supposed to want?

I’ve been questioning my sexuality for a long time and I’m pretty sure I am aromantic. I’ve dated girls in the past as a result of comphet and I’ve recently accepted my sexual attraction to guys after denying it for years. But it seems that no matter who I date, I can’t feel any romantic feelings or interest. I always sucked at giving back feelings towards someone, romantic stories always bored me, and I cringe at the thought of committing myself to serious things like marriage. I would have thought accepting myself as straight (I’m a trans girl) would have solved my issues of love. It turns out, I just wanted some male fwbs. The past few guys I tried hooking up with wanted something more and I felt like I couldn’t even give them an ounce of genuine love. Deleting those dating apps helped me feel better about myself, but I still wasn’t sure if my feelings were fake or I just wasn’t trying hard enough. After reading a bit about identities and sexuality, I think aromantic or allo-aro resonate with me better. I’m not sure if this experience is common here, but I’m glad I’m getting to learn more about myself and accepting it has helped me a lot.

I’m currently questioning whether I am aromatic since a lot of my crushes have consisted of people who in retrospect were literally just friends who I wanted to be around because they were good friends. I don’t think there was any feelings about them. I can’t remember tbh though. I have been in a relationship before although it felt uncomfortable for me and I don’t think I actually liked them in a romantic way. I have used a tonne of labels to describe sexuality and I think the reason why I was using them was because I didn’t understand what being attracted to someone is like. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if aromanticism is it. (I would also include a sexuality here as well although I’m taking things one at a time to figure it out). It has been like my “crushes” have just been people who look good who I have just said I had a crush on them. I would really appreciate it whether I can get any advice on whether this sounds like it or not.

So, I (24F) have identified as Biromantic Asexual since 18. For the longest time, I really had no interest in dating. Honestly, I just chalked it up to not wanting anything physical. At the time, I had some really deeply buried feelings for my best friend (I only just discovered this about myself in therapy). Those feelings have since passed, because over the years she just turned out to be a terrible, horrible person and I could honestly say that I can't see myself being with someone like her. I think I used to wish that somehow, we'd end up together. But the thought repulses me now. I never admitted my feelings to her, because I wasn't aware. And even now that I know, I still never plan to. Mostly out of pure embarrassment for falling for this person. But here's my problem: She was the only person I had ever felt anything deeper for. If indeed that's even what that was. I can't say for sure that I understand the difference between platonic and romantic feelings, especially because I'm Ace. Recently, I decided to look into dating. I've never had a partner before, and I figured it might be time to give it a try. But every single time someone even remotely shows interest in me, it's so... off putting. I almost feel disgusted, but not quite that extreme. Like mild distaste. Which is strange to me, because ideally, I would like to have a partner. I brought this issue up to my therapist, and he was honestly stumped. He wasn't sure what to think. In case it makes a difference, I'll note that I have always been mildly grossed out by romance in general. I don't like seeing couples display affection in front of me. In the past, I used to imagine what a perfect relationship for me would look like and the best way I could describe it is "exclusive best friends who kiss sometimes". I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but that's how I've always pictured romance. Any kind of insight would be helpful and appreciated :)

[удалено]

I'm positive I'm asexual. However, I have been questioning if I'm aromantic for three years.   I have all of the "symptoms" of a crush with none of the desires. What I mean by that is when I'm around specific guys I'm nervous, my heart races, I'm really focused on them, and I seek out conversations with them. However, the extent that I fantasize about them is thinking about conversations of random things that we may have in the future. I never think about dating them. Basically, I feel "attracted" to them but when I think of them it's never me+them, just them. Anytime I do end up befriending one of these guys, the attraction fades to a manageable level; it's a background feeling that's noticeable but not all-consuming, and I stop tripping over myself around them because the reaction I have around them lessens. I've considered the possibility that they're squishes, but why would I only feel platonic attraction towards guys?   I think I'd say yes if one of these such guys asked me out, but I am perfectly fine not dating them. I have never dated anyone, so who knows how I'd feel about actually doing romantic things. It's hard to imagine because I can't tell the difference between close platonic relationships and romantic relationships besides physical intimacy, which various by person anyways.   I'd consider myself frayromantic since the attraction "symptoms" lessen as I get to know them, if not for the fact that I don't feel anything specifically romantic towards them, and I'd never consider dating a near-stranger. Any ideas on how to categorize the attraction I feel?

I only found this term recently so idk much about it but it could fall under the definition of alterous attraction, which is the desire to be close to someone emotionally that isn’t strictly romantic or platonic. I feel like I’ve had a similar experience to what you’re describing where I feel “attracted” to people/“have the symptoms” but don’t desire to get in a relationship with them. At the same time, calling it a squish doesn’t feel right, though I do feel it towards people of multiple genders (to me it feels like bi attraction rather than platonic love). Ex/ right now I identify as bi aroace or queer just because it feels like it fits the best. Sort of hard to explain but I hope you find a way to categorize your experience in a way that feels right to you!

I've looked into alterous attraction and I think it fits me pretty well. I get what you mean by it feeling like bi attraction rather than platonic love--that's how I feel too. Thank you for the reply!

Curious if i'm cupioromantic or biromantic I've been identifying as cupioromantic for a little while now and a lot of experiences don't match mine. I've actually dated plenty of both male and female people and was quite happy with that, and yeah the breakups got to me a lot. But i've been starting to wonder if I really did feel romantic attraction to those people... I imagined myself with them for the foreseeable future and was happy thinking about them, never was uncomfortable with romantic actions and was happy preforming them, even wanting to do them myself. But i've been told by a few of my ex's that "something was off about how I was" and that I didn't seem "into it" as much as their ex's, as I never really did much. I never got the "butterflies in your stomach" feeling (besides my crippling self esteem and social anxiety), and never really felt like these people were that different from everyone else

I'm a high schooler girl and I've dated one guy before for three months, and I'm starting to question if I can even feel romantic love at all. Like, I have some celebrity crushes, but that's based on mere physical attraction lol. As soon as I had started dating my boyfriend, perhaps even before, I was already thinking about like, what would happen if we broke up. I experienced heavy depression during the months I was dating my bf, so maybe that's why I didn't feel "in love"? All my friends who are dating seem infatuated with their bfs/gfs and I feel so out of place when they'll talk about loving them. Physical touch/contact just kind of weirds me out. I like reading romance novels and fan fiction, so maybe I've just been comparing myself to those? One of my friends told me I had too high standard for my bf, and that's why I broke up with him. I never felt really in love when I was with my bf, initial butterfly feelings I think before we were dating tho. I sometimes experience physical/sexual attraction, but I don't know if I've ever really had feelings for anyone. And I can't really picture my future with anyone either.

I'm 20 f, I know I'm not asexual but I've been questioning my romantic feelings recently. I've been in a few long term relationships and I thought I knew what love was. But the more I think about it the more it seems like the only times I felt in "love" was when there was a huge power imbalance within the relationship/when the relationship was abusive to me. And within healthy relationships I feel very uncomfortable and rarely feel in love with my partner. I've never had crushes again unless there's some kind of power dynamic at play again. I might be completely wrong but I thought it would be worth talking to some aromantic people to see if these experiences are relatable, and what it's like to be openly aromantic

I am very young (M14) and have never questioned my sexuality because I always thought I was straight, but recently I have been feeling like I might be aromantic. I am sexually attracted to females but have never felt romantic feelings toward anyone. I have always tried to fit in but it didn't feel like there was any connection, nothing. Whenever I cuddle I never think of it as something I want to do, always as a requirement or something I was forced to do. I have never been good at flirting or anything romantic. I just have never felt anything romantic and don't even know what it feels like, I genuinely don't know and need help.

I currently identify as a biromantic asexual. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. She respects my asexuality. We cuddle, hold hands, and go on dates, all the things other couples do except for physical intimacy. I recently stayed with her in her apartment for a weekend, and it brought up a lot of weird feelings. I do love her and enjoy her company, but all the cuddling and forehead kisses felt more like an obligation than a pleasure. At one point I got super anxious and barely restrained myself from pushing her away from me when we were cuddling. She says sweet and romantic things to me, but I don't really like it. I can't get myself to say them back, and when I do, it sounds forced. The truth is that I can't really imagine living with someone romantically, even her. It just seems exhausting. I can go days without contacting her at all, and it doesn't bother me. I feel as though I am just not capable of romantic love. I love the idea of romance, but then again, I like the idea of sex too, but not in real life, as I am ace. I also have a a dismissive avoident attachment style, so I worry that that is why I feel this way. Any thoughts?

Ok, so i’m going to cut the introductions and get to the point. The last time I dated someone was before and a little bit into lockdown, a short while after me and my ex partner broke up I began to identify as Asexual after I realised I actually didn’t like sex I was just inexperienced. Fast forward to 2024, I now work at a coffee shop, we have a new regular, he’s kind, respectful, and aesthetically appealing, he has also made it obvious he likes me (unless I misinterpreted his friendly complimenting as romantic) he goes out of his way to say “Hi” to me, he said i’m strong and he said he likes my eyes, obviously these compliments make me happy and i’m always happy to see him come in the store. Sounds like I like him romantically right? So why am I questioning my romantic orientation? It’s because, though I have complimented him before, I’m not much of a flirt but since i’m also Autistic, I always chalked that up to being socially awkward, not being a very flirty person or outright “forgetting to compliment/flirt back” Then I asked myself a critical question, “Why haven’t I asked him out?”, socially I wouldn’t be expected to ask him out but the fact that I socially gel well with him and he seems to be my type, but I haven’t asked him out is very telling to me. I’ve seen some terms that might describe what I might be experiencing the ones that came to mind at first were Cupioromantic and/or Aegoromantic, but I have experienced some form of romantic attraction in the past and even a little in the present (just not as intense). I’d love to know your opinions, does this sound like an Aro experience? or am I just not very flirtatious?

Hi folks. I’m a cisgender man (25) and I discovered my queerness less than two years ago. 6 months ago I broke with my partner. It was a toxic relationship that lasted more than 6 years. In the past weeks I missed them so much. We initially broke up thinking we could be friends, but they started to treat me really badly, so when we see each other is just because we live in the same neighbourhood. The way they treated me actually didn’t help me forget them. I thought I was just a pushover with no self respect, but yesterday I saw something. It was a IG post talking about the aromantic spectrum. In the article they talked about freyromantic people, who experience romantic attraction only with strangers or people they know superficially. This resonated with me a lot. I thought about all the times I’ve been attracted to dozens of people i barely knew, and when I get to know them better the attraction faded away. I broke up with my ex because I felt the relationship was at a dead end and I thought i didn’t love them anymore. I thought about it for years, but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I’m thinking that the reason I miss them is because now they are distant from me. Did something like this ever happened to you? Do you think i could be aromantic?

originally put this in r/ greyromantic but i figured id put it here too cause why not. just looking for some wisdom or advice I've known for a while that I'm Ace and I've been trying to figure out if I'm Aromantic as well. I've only ever had one serious crush and it was when I was very young (like primary school age). Since then I've dated but it was always because the other person asked me out and I felt obligated to say yes (the relationships never lasted long) and I haven't had any crushes, only ADHD hyper fixations on people (I know the difference). I'm not sure if I feel romantic attraction because a lot of Aro people I've talked to/stuff I've read have mentioned not liking or feeling particularly fond towards kissing or physical touch. My love language is physical touch so I like it from both friends and partners (and view it at the same level) and I enjoy kissing (and sometimes proper making out) as long as there's no expectation for sex behind it. Last year i had a several month situation (not really a situationship, we just hung out like friends and we kissed) and there was explicit knowledge it would never end in a relationship and i was quite happy with the arrangement we had, even more so because there wasn't an expectation to do what would typically be expected of a relationship, but there was still a deeper level of connection between the two of us, which is something i really crave.  Now for the last 10 or so months I've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend (which again I didn't really crush on her or anything until she asked me out but I really liked our friendship and didn't mind the idea of a relationship with her), we're both ace and that's fine, and I really enjoy the connection we have and when we hang out, my issue is that I am aware that I experience a different level of attraction to her, I do see her as more than a friend and as my partner yes but it's definitely not as intense as what she feels for me or what I know other friends of mine feel towards their partners. The other thing is compliments and pet names don't make me feel much and some things i feel like i’m doing because they’re what's ‘expected’ in a relationship and when I envision our future I always see it as very platonic/like not married or whatever, I just like the idea of having a life partner I can be committed to and have know me, but I don't feel anything physically (accelerated heart rate or butterflies etc) and like when I say 'I love you' I mean it but in like a 'i care about you and you mean a lot to me' way and not in a 'i'm in love with you' way (sorta similar to how you’d say to a best friend, it’s just an added way of showing my appreciation and care for her). and also I don't mind not seeing her all the time or going out with her often, we talk on the phone most nights, and that's enough for me, where for her she gets really sad when we spend lots of time apart and constantly wishes i was with her. I know what I feel is definitely more than just typical platonic feelings, and like I said I'm very much enjoy what we have currently, but I don't know if its 100% romantic on my end, I've looked into grey-romantic and I didn't fully understand it and everything I've researched about QPR's says they aren't committed or don't kiss etc and so I don't think/know if that would be an okay label because I do want commitment and I do really enjoy kissing as a form of sensual affection (same as cuddling and other forms of physical touch) and I’m aesthetically attracted to her, she's really pretty but when looking at the like list of things that romantic attraction is I wouldn't say I "Compulsively think about the other person" and the whole contentment to spend time together no matter the activity, I feel that with a lot of my close friends too, just enjoying their company even if we're all doing sorta separate things. Anyway, I'm sorry this is so long and I'm not sure how much sense it makes but I really am looking for advice or insight because something is not feeling right and it would be amazing to figure this out so thank you to anyone who read all/most of this and can offer any insight.

Hello, H18 I felt love, at the moment I had some past experiences with some girls I felt a complicity, we shared laughter, and I liked But as soon as we decide to move away it doesn't reach me more than that, I quickly move on as if nothing of everything we had experienced had happened, I feel totally indifferent, in general we feel sad, affected, empty, but not me You know I don't feel this burning desire to go and contact the person again in reality, literally I don't care And I told myself that maybe I was aromatic, I don't deeply feel very strong love feelings, and it's weird Yet I love women, I'm not asexual or other I don't understand what it can be related to, I would like an explanation Are there people in the same situation?

So I recently knew what aromanticism is, I am heterosexual but I can't feel the love for a person, I realized all my love interests, and my previous relationship wasn't real love, since I lied to myself just to fit in, does that make me aromantic, or I just need to search more for the right person

I've recently learned about this world of being aromantic. And I have strong doubts about whether I am or not. I may be sexually attracted to someone, but I've realized that I can't feel love. If I hug someone, or kiss, is nothing. Unless it escalates to something casual, not at all romantic. The most I have ever felt has been when I get excited about someone, the pink filter feels nice, but nothing beyond that. I've had two boyfriends, and I'm currently in a relationship that I've considered ending, because I don't feel anything, I don't know what it is to feel love, I say it because I feel like I should, not because I really feel that way, I feel comfortable with a bond that seems more like friends than a couple. Talking, seeing something together, going out, having a drink, but the intimate part, in which they are embraced, they feel complemented or so, it doesn't happen to me. I've been asked how I feel about that person, or what I feel about that person, and I've never been able to answer concretely. I don't know what love feels like.

English isn't my first language, so I'll do my best to express my thoughts. Hello, I've considered myself as aromantic for three years now, but I've never told anyone. I've never been in love nor have I wanted to date anyone, so I think I'm probably aromantic, but I'm not 100% sure. Last night, my friend confessed to me, and I rejected her by saying I can never be in love and have no romantic attraction. We both opened up and talked about so many things about our relationship or our secrets and decided to continue being good friends. However, I’m now not sure if I’m actually aromantic or if I like her. We’ve been very good friends for six years, and she said she’s been in love with me for two years now. During those two years, I could sometimes sense her love for me, but at that time, I just thought I was overthinking it. She had talked to me about her crush (me) during those two years, and she was painfully suffering. I also wondered if I loved her or not, but I didn’t really think I loved her romantically. Right now, I’m not sure whether my love for her is platonic or romantic. I want her to be happy, and I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I really don’t want our relationship to end badly. I do want to go out with her, watch movies together, or even live with her, etcetera. I don’t know if I love her romantically or if I just want to have a long-lasting platonic friendship. Hope someone can help me. Thanks.

Hello there! I can relate to this. It's very likely that you are aromantic, but that doesn't mean you don't love her. My advice is to just tell her exactly what you wrote out. Say that you want her to be happy, say that you want to go out with her, say that you want to remain close with her whether that be romantically or platonically, and lay out whatever else you may be feeling. Communicate your thoughts, and then--though it'll hard not to think about it--do your best to not worry about what type of love it is after you discuss your emotions with her. Just think about how you feel about the relationship you have with her itself. Perhaps, as you spend more time with her, it'll become more clear if what you feel is romantic or platonic and then you can decide if that changes anything.

Omg it took me so long to see your reply lol. I didn't receive noti from reddit. Thanks for your advice! We've been in a rather awkward situation since then, and it has kept both of us in a bad mood for so long. But I'll try to talk it out with her now and hope for the best possible outcome. Thank you so much!!

is it possible to be aromantic due to trauma? Hi. I have c-ptsd and quiet BPD. I dont think ive ever experienced romantic attraction, only unhealthy obsession. I think this may stem from sexual and emotional trauma from many different people and parts of my life. I'm trying to figure this out. I want to feel love, and to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure if I'm even able to

I'm in a similar situation, having grown up in an insecure home where there was little love. I don't know if it's related to this, but I'm unable to fall in love and find it hard to feel affection. I know someone who's probably asexual because of a childhood trauma. Even if it's not quite the same, maybe it's the same for us.

Sorry I know there are dozens of posts like this but I have no one to talk to about things. For the past few months I’ve really been trying to understand myself more and really explore what I’m truly feeling. Ever since finishing university and moving back home I’ve felt a sense of pressure to be in the same place as both my older and younger sister (i.e in a relationship) from my family and at any given chance I feel my sexuality is questioned endlessly. I’ve always used the excuse that I was focusing on school, then it was focusing on uni and now it’s focusing on my career to explain why I’m not going out dating but lately I’ve felt that it’s just something I have zero interest in. I will admit I’ve been on dating apps but I feel that was to please other people over myself, nothing ever came of it because I didn’t really feel attracted to anyone (I feel I’m asexual too) but I also didn’t have any desire to go on dates or seek a romantic relationship. I’ve always been someone who ultimately hates being touched, like cuddling makes me cringe, and the thought of being ‘lovey dovey’ with someone, I know just isn’t me. I’ve been exploring aromatic as part of this self-discovery and feel it does describe how I’m feeling and my experience and I’m guess I’m looking for some form of validation that others have had similar experiences but I feel if I explain this to my family they won’t really get it.

i’ve been comfortable labeling myself as ace for years but i think i may be aro as well? this has been something that i’ve been suspecting for awhile but i don’t know for certain. i don’t think i’ve ever truly been in love. now, i don’t have that much dating experience, but i’ll get into that. in elementary / early middle school i didn’t crush on anybody. when my friends would ask me if i had a crush, and i’d honestly say no, they would say that i was lying and i *had* to have a crush on someone. so from that point on, i just picked someone at random so that they’d stop asking me about it. about seventh grade i had my first crush, and eventually, my first relationship. this instance is complicated because i think this may have been my only relationship i actually felt love for this person, but to say the least, it was not a healthy relationship by any means. i still stuck through it despite the obvious flaws, and this is why i think it may have been love? i just wanted the relationship with this person really badly. but i don’t know if it was just to keep the image of having a relationship, not so much wanting to be with this person. after this, i have seemed to notice a trend whenever i date somebody. i don’t experience crushes, but i will be open to dating at first. after a few months, i get really tired of having to do all the normal relationship stuff. it feels almost repetitive to me? i always end up breaking it off because i feel like i’m not as into it as my partner is. now, i do kinda like the idea of romance. and i think that’s why i’m so hesitant to embrace the aro label. i like romance in fiction, though i don’t want that to happen to me. i like the idea of physical touch, but in practice i don’t like it. it has never really “clicked” for me. i like the idea of having a partner, but being in a romantic relationship is really draining, and i don’t think i’m a good partner because of that. i don’t think about dating often at all, and i’m extremely content being single. the idea of eventually living with a romantic partner feels uncomfortable to me, i don’t think i’d like it. but a part of me has the morbid curiosity of wanting to try dating again. because i’ve only been in a handful of relationships. because i’ve only experienced a certain level of intimacy. because the what ifs are so daunting. because what if i’m actually not aro? what if it clicks? but the more i think about dating again… the more repelled i am from the idea. when i actually picture myself in those scenarios, i know i don’t like being there. ever since jaiden animations put out her video about being aroace it has really made me ponder if that is what i am as well. so, could that be it? or is this potentially a trauma response? i genuinely have no idea.

I'm 25, and I think I might be aro, but I'm genuinely not sure if I might be autistic or something instead? I'm definitely asexual, so I'm no stranger to figuring out queer feelings, but I'm kind of stuck on this. Obviously labels aren't everything, I don't need to figure it out...but it'd be nice to know if I need to completely write off having two names on a mortgage in the future (unless I win the metaphorical lottery w someone else in my situation). Basically, I like spending time with my friends and family, but I've never felt any temptation to hug, kiss, or date someone. So it's not just romantic affection, but platonic affection as well that I'm uncertain about. I sometimes worry that a close friend could completely disappear from my life and I'd get over it really quickly. I didn't feel as strongly as I feel I should have about grandparents passing. I do seek out my friends' company, but just to hang out in the same room and maybe watch someone play a video game or watch a movie together. As for romantic attraction, I'm not entirely sure what traditional romance would feel like except for friends with benefits (even if those benefits are only kissing and sleeping curled up around each other, neither of which I've felt any desire for). If it means anything, if anything ever happened to my cat I think I'd die. I guess I could be aromantic and also have some other thing going on, but I'm not sure. I know that if my current living situation (living with a friend of mine, and we make good roommates) could go on indefinitely I'd be happy. I've lived alone and was fine but it's nice having someone around. This comment is a mess, sorry. Does anyone else have this doubt about both romantic attraction and platonic affection?

I kinda experienced romantic feelings , when I was a child(about 7 years old or less), I had a huge crush on a girl in a school, my mom said that I talked to her father that I wanted to marry her in the future when we became adults, had a plan in my mind to move to Canada with her and such... But then me and my mom had to move to another city because of her job, and after moving, my mom said that I "imediately"(not exactly imediately, but in a matter of few days or weeks), I didn't care about the girl anymore, kinda "lost the crush" and didn't want to talk to her anymore neither reply to her facebook messages, or something. And ever since, this age, I relate to the idea of aromanticism before even knowing that there was a name for this, for the experience of not desiring to being married or have girlfriend, not feeling an internal need, and not feeling socially pressed to do so. Jaiden's video made me realize that there is a name for this, and that thousands of people experience this too. When I was a teenager I said that I didn't want to marry, now at 20 years old I think that my first option is remaining single and not looking for relationships, but my second option is that, If I really find someone who I TRULY develop huge romantic feelings for, and truly believe that my life will be better with the person, than if I didn't stay with them... Then I'm open to the possibility of dating and marrying. If not, then that's kinda okay, life goes on and there are more important things to life than this. Maybe I'm not actually "aromantic", since I had romantic feelings when I was a child, but suddenly moving to another city and having to say goodbye to the girl and the school... Maybe that generated a "coping mechanism" of aromanticism inside me, or a trauma? I don't know if that is possible.

All other crushes I had, I didn't want to act on neither believed that I would receive attention, because of my status on classroom, and also because I didn't believe that it would make sense to act on these crushes, since I barely knrew the girls, and to me it didn't make sense to want someone only because I find them pretty. To me, in elementary school and high school, I developed attraction for 2 other girls, and to me it was like, I said this to a person once: ""Why would I date someone only because I like their appearence?"

I've been going by the aroace title for about 2 years now im open about it but i don't go around telling people that i am because sometimes it feels like im a fraud. The reason behind that is mainly because is it possible to still have crushes and be aromatic? growing up i've always had crushes where i would like them aesthetically or their personality but if that crush ever got any farther than just me admiring them i would try my quickest to back out. i just can't feel that romantic attraction everyone else does no matter how hard i try to. my feelings on a person is always pure attachment and not love if that makes sense.

I've never experienced any romantic or sexual attraction towards women. I did and do, however, experience both towards guys. My first and only relationship was with a guy at 15. We didn't have sex, and I often felt uncomfortable even kissing him. I've been secretly in love with him since 13, but my love faded for him once we got into a relationship. We ended it via mutual agreement and remained friends. Fast forward two years, I've been experiencing romantic and sexual attraction towards other guys. But I cannot imagine having a real relationship, it feels awkward to me even in thought. I have some really deep bounds with my male friends, that emotionally surpass the trust they have towards their girlfriends. When I fall in love with somebody, I do not tell them my feelings, I just show deep care for them and do all I can to make them feel as happy as possible, even if that means matchmaking them w/ someone and seeing the one I love in a relationship. Then I get satisfied with their happiness, keep a close bond and go on with my life. The cycle repeats. Am I some sort of aromantic or just a subconsciously self-hating gay man?

Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, u/AutoModerator! Be sure your post and comments abide by our [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules), as well as [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). *If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules or Reddit's site-wide rules, please **report** the rule-breaking content.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*