# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a bf who didn't listen to me and the third time he did this *very* annoying thing I had asked him to stop doing every time, I literally yelled "wtf are you doing?" It finally embarrassed him enough to stop.
Lol! No. If you're doing that right, I might not mind. He took something into his teeth and shook it back and forth like a dog with a bone. I suppose he should get points for finding it. Ha ha ha.
Also...not doing something after you've asked them to do it
Edit: for those asking, it was really simple things like kissing my neck or running his hands across my body.
Doesnt matter if you have a great endurance, maybe you can have sex for 55 hours, who knows, but if you neglect your partner’s need, you are bad in bed.
That said, physical endurance is pretty important. Nothing worse than finding a rhythm she's enjoying and there you are struggling and regretting your lack of cardio training.
Don't ask me how I know. Further questions will need to wait, I'm off for a run.
> omeone had a good today and tomorrow the same
>
>
>
> EDIT: Aww, the u/gatorbeetle
>
> edited their comment so mine no longer works :(
That's why you always quote the other person's comment.
Had a friend who had premature ejaculations issues. That's understandable, stress, inexperience, etc...
From what his ex told me, he'd cum after a few kisses, then turn over and sleep. She asked him "what about me", he just replies that "what about you ? Women don't orgasm so why waste time"
Exactly this. Even in my late 40s I had little problem with frequency or volume and could go long enough that my partner was satisfied also. Two years on antidepressants and I’m lucky to ejaculate once in four tries. No problem getting or maintaining an erection, and my libido is just fine. But once it gets in my head (Damn, I hope I can cum…..) it snowballs and becomes an issue.
By eating her pussy before focusing on yourself. Fingering her, teasing her, nipple play. There's lots of ways to get women to cum before you get your nut off.
This was my last ex lmao
I don’t care if it made your previous sexual partners “””cum”””, you won’t get me there by scrubbing my clit like a washboard and I’m not going to lie about it either
Yes! Any man I’ve ever given some feedback to cannot handle it. They get so mad, become defeated etc. Like bro, you asked for feedback. And now that I’m telling you what you are doing wrong and how you could do it better I’m “ruining your confidence”? Make it make sense.
Thinking his penis is the magical key to my orgasm. Not listening when I tell him what I like/don’t like. Pounding my vag like it’s the last time he will ever fuck. No foreplay, no tenderness, no love, no caring.
Thinking because his last girlfriend(s), liked a certain sex act that I should too. Trying to act like a porn star and expecting you to act like one as well
i had a really, really weird situation with that where a friend spent several years persuading me to date him, going about it very gently, then being all loving, tender, dates etc... got into bed - jackhammered like he should have been born a rabbit, and if that's not clear gentlemen, that is not a compliment. All tenderness and affection was out the window. I was so astounded I actually went there again just because I truly thought maybe it was nerves? It was not nerves. When I said 'you need to do this' he ARGUED with me... It's just so bizarre - what happened to the man I met in daylight? Well... anyway... it quickly became clear that was just a front anyway and the selfish lover was the selfish man in any case. He wasn't a good man who happened to be an inept lover, he was absolutely a selfish prick who realised he needed to keep a lid on it in life or he'd never get laid. Why women sleep with him more than twice is beyond me.
My dear friend once said, “sometimes men aren’t having sex with you, sometimes they’re masterbating with your body,” so, don’t do that, treat them like a person.
Have had many sexual partners tell me this is their experience in the past with some of the men they’ve dated before and it weirds me the f out. That and jackhammering / thinking sex is porn. Who the fuck is doing that?
Edit: didn’t expect the reply at all to get this much attention. I’d like to add that this reply was in the context of men using women to get themselves off, like some horrible men commanding women to stay still or be quiet during sex so they can finish (it’s kind of f’d up). In regards to jackhammering I appreciate some people love it and some people hate it, I’m talking about dudes who will just rag doll women into these positions without proper consent.
Weirded me out when I had sex with a partner that actually wanted to be jackhammered. She said I should watch more porn like that to get inspired. Happy to oblige to any reasonable request but it wasn't my preferred style.
Hooked up with this girl that soon wanted to try all the porn things. Deepthroating, jackhammer, twerking reverse cowgirl, cockslapping in the face, slapping her clit, me slapping her clit with my cock, getting choked, tits and face slapped, ass spread and smacked, facials, dirty talk, etc. She found out she absolutely loved all of it.
We’ve been together nine years now.
A lot of people don't understand what type of choking is supposed to be done and leads to some misconceptions or bad experiences. It's supposed to be a blood choke on the artery on the side of the neck. Not an oxygen choke to your throat.
A light squeeze to the side of the neck by the vein is all you need 👌
Many many people neither understand nor practice proper sexual gratification chokes. It's a brief restriction of blood flow, not a full cut off or air grip.
You want ecstasy, not a manslaughter charge.
I am astounded at how many men apparently hate foreplay, because I’ve always loved it. Obviously actual sex is great, but the whole run up with kissing that builds? That shit is sexy as fuck
Like 6 months into dating my boyfriend we were still doing foreplay almost every time and I literally asked him why he was still doing it. He asked what the fuck I was talking about and I was like "usually guys quit doing that stuff like a month into the relationship, why are you still doing it?"
Poor dude was just like "cause I care about you? I want you to get off too? Is this a trick question, what kind of trash men did you date before me?"
For real, I had no idea how selfish and stupid other guys can be. I'm no Mr. lover but I think getting a woman going and taking time to find out what she likes is the best ever... I have so many questions for those selfish guys ...
Yeah I don't get it either, where's the enjoyment if your partner isn't clearly enjoying themselves. Personally I like to know I've satisfied them even before the penetrative sex starts, who doesn't like that??
That's a good person. Who the fuck doesn't want to make their partner feel good? This thread is making me rethink my bed performance from "acceptable" to "top 20%".
That’s right, something to be said about having 50 years of experience. I know all and have at least tried all of the right moves. Thank goodness that I don’t have any form of ED. The saying you hear is true, “what I used to could do all night, now takes me all night to do.” 😆
The problem is making this distinction between "foreplay" and "actual sex" - a lot of straight men think that only PIV is "actual sex", which is a very narrow way of looking at things.
To me oral is sex, it's what I like and enjoy the most, why should it be put lower in the hierarchy and not be considered "actual sex" just because (when done to me, at least), no penis is involved.
If PIV is actual sex, do lesbians and gay men not have sex then!? It isn't good for anyone (but especially not women, usually), to take on such s narrow view of sex where PIV is always the ultimate goal.
This. A lot of big dick dudes be actin’ like they ain’t gotta do anything. Nah bruh. This ain’t fun for me if you ain’t actually making it enjoyable. Guess what, your 8” isn’t worth it if the 4” dude is more into it and tryin’ different things.
Giving in and letting go of inhibitions is the most primal connection you can ever allow your partner to experience. And damn it takes things to new heights.
When the feeling is just so intense and you crave for more of the person, them feeling good making you feel good, you don’t push a button, you push all buttons.
Go for a 1 2 1 2 3 3 5 4 3 2 2 2 4 6 2 4 6 4 2 2 4 7 5 7 6 7 7 SEVEN.
Can't really blame the guy since us guys have the burden of performance in addition to the burden of "being in the moment." It's extremely embarrassing for us as guys if we tune into "being in the moment" too much without trying to hold back and come too quickly... then the girls light up their group chat with their friends with our personal failures, leading to reputation destruction lol.
As a guy, we feel a big burden to "be good in bed," otherwise we're like a "guy who had never made a woman come." It's a stigma. By all means, I understand your concern as well, not saying it undercuts that, but just mentioning that, just like you have your concerns, he may have his own insecurities too and that's why he feels like he needs to put your enjoyment over "being in the moment." Men have a much higher burden of being good in bed than women in general, because it doesn't take much to make a man come (our orgasm is unfortunately easier to achieve), whereas a woman needs to be in the right headspace, trust her partner enough to even be in the right conditions for an orgasm to happen. This is why women in long term relationships with long term partners have better sexual satisfaction than women who go for hookups.
The US in general needs to learn how to wash their butthole. Nothing short of soap and water is enough. People act like this somehow isn’t possible though. Like I get it, you poo on the go at some point but as soon as you’re home, wash it. Children.
You don’t always *have* to fuck her hard.
No sometimes that’s not right, to do.
Sometimes you gotta make some love.
And fuckin give her some smoochies, too.
not eating pussy and not caring if your partner cums
jackhammering
rushing with no foreplay/kissing/eye contact
imitating porn
just generally having no consideration and using your partner like a sex toy to masturbate with
relevant edit: ♪ *ain't no fat n--- tellin' me what he ain't eatin'* ♪
When he doesn’t really listen.
My ex was terrible for that. I’d give some small directions and he’d do what I ask for about 20 seconds before going back to whatever he was doing.
This may be controversial - but also? Silence.
Studies confirm that auditory stimulation helps women orgasm, perhaps more than anything else.
The problem is, for both men and women, we have been blighted by porn. Nothing is lamer than porn sex talk and fake porn moaning. Sex talk should have originality, tailored to the listener. What you say should be at least somewhat unexpected too. Not just same old stuff.
I’ve found that a woman wants to be loved, needed, appreciated, and finding ways to communicate those feelings while being sexy will pay dividends.
Bonus if the best lines are delivered right when she is about to orgasm to push it way over the finish line. It’s easier to cross the line than the Brotherly Shove once you get good.
If you’re a man, next time you are doing missionary, try out some lines in between kissing her neck/nibbling her ear. And again, communicate love and appreciation. You can mention her beauty and all that, but don’t get lost in a bunch of dick and pussy shit. Speak from the heart to make that pussy bust.
This has been a public service announcement.
Bro, I agree. 100%. The flesh is willing but the mind is weak.
I'm socially awkward. Makes for great conversations at time, vut if you expect me to improve some sexy shit, it'll never work.
Does someone have like a list or something that I can use as reference. I just default to deep grunts since I also like having/being a verbal partner but have no idea how to talk sexy but not porn like
Whatever comes out of your mouth that shows you’re enjoying it? We like. Moaning, grunting - sure! Would rather have that than one going off a list of things to say. The point is not the sounds itself, but what they convey. We want to hear you absolutely immersed and losing yourself in the moment!
And some women don’t want sweet talk in bed; they’re ok if you call them “my filthy whore” sometimes too. You just have to know your partner well enough and have that consent/dynamic beforehand.
1) Using stuff he saw in porn or was said to try by other guys without asking his partner in the first place.
At some point my boyfriend asked me (thank god he did though) if I'd like to be choked a little in the process, because his male friends told him their gfs enjoy it. No, my dude, I don't like the feeling of suffocation and wouldn't enjoy dying from it tbh.
2) Not knowing how the clit works and not wanting to find out.
3) Believing his girl can come from penetration only consistently and thinking it's a woman's problem she didn't.
4) Get it going without proper foreplay and making sure the woman is wet enough
5) Thinking that the bigger the dick, the better (for lots of girls it's not, it'd be just painful)
6) When in a relationship, not caring about partner's pleasure and thinking as soon as he came sex is over
This seems to be the most popular comment in this thread. I have seen it elsewhere as well. I asked my wife if A lot of guys are like this. I was surprised when she said yeah. Well, those guys are fools. A smart man who may want to get some more at some point, should realize that it is nearly a given if he makes an effort to knock her socks off. If the sex is bad where's the incentive for another encounter?
Reminds me of the Reddit post about the girl whose boyfriend had a “nest” that he slept in.
It was a pile of dirty clothes on the floor.
She didn’t find out until years into the relationship, because he always came to her place.
Not being receptive to my body movements. If he’s just a big lug on top of me and doesn’t move with me when I try to get comfortable or change positions. It should be a synchronous dance, not just a jarring in and out motion.
Probably a guy who just jackhammers and jackhammers and jackhammers until he finishes and then promptly falls asleep on op of her while having accomplihsed nothing except making her feel like she got ran over by a stampede.
Only caring about getting himself off
- no foreplay
- shoving it in
- expecting a woman to orgasm from penetration alone
- lasting less than 5 mins
- “accidentally” trying anal
- thinking real life sex will be like porn
- watching too much porn
- death grip syndrome
- only doing 1 position
- being a bad kisser
- stopping sex when you orgasm but *expecting* the woman to continue having sex after/if she orgasms
Bro my ex did nearly all of this. I wondered why the sex wasn't enjoyable, really hurt, and why I came to mildly resent it. Now I definitely know at least in that area.
This guy I was fwb with he did this thing when he fingered me with his index and middle finger. He would bend them and basically scratched at my walls. I told him not to do it then he kept doing. After wards I told him not to do it again and his response was “oh you don’t like that? I thought girls liked the hook” 😭🤣 HE GAVE IT A NAME. It was uncomfortable
When he’s doing something really great, so you say, “OMG THERE, don’t stop!” and he…stops doing the really great thing.
WHY? Just…why?
Edit to add: Since the majority of women (80%+) can’t cum without clitoral stimulation, I’m largely talking about oral here. Also, for those folks suggesting I’m expecting too much because “maybe he’s tired,” 99% of the time when this happens, he doesn’t stop altogether, he just moves to a different spot, or changes rhythm or pressure, usually to go harder and/or faster. So he’s not tired. I get being tired - my hamstrings sometimes go out if I’m taking a while to get there. What I DON’T get is hearing “that thing you’re doing is getting me there,” and going “Oh, I better switch techniques then.”
Expecting sex to be like porn.
No, I'm not horny at all times. No, sticking it in me with zero foreplay will not have me instantly moaning in orgasmic delight.
Women are not desperately in heat at all times. Nor is pounding in our vaginas with no build up hot. We don't lose all control at the sight of your dick.
The bonus is when you think there's something wrong with US for not putting on such a show. No, you're just terrible.
I'm a guy, and when I was in college, I had a brutish Australian roomate that liked to rack up as many one night stands as possible. (Imagine this next part in a heavy Crocodile Dundee/Jeff Jefferies Aussie accent.) We were once talking about an exploit of his and he said with a sly smile:
"How can you tell if a woman has had an orgasm? Who the hell cares!"
I suspect he was really bad in bed.
Mostly it's not being able to read her reactions. No one likes to explicitly *say* "in the moment", negative reactions during sex, because it is a criticism. When you're having sex there's movement & he's generally driving it; he's got to be able to read her to see what movement feels good because it's different with everyone.
Sounds like a lot of guys also just don't care to try.
A lot of guys are busy in their mind trying not to bust a nut too early, while also putting in a lot of physical work. No, they may not always notice her "reactions" if they aren't very blatant.
Use your words, people. If it's not sexy in the moment, talk about it outside of active sex in prep for next time. You *cannot* expect people to "read" you inside or outside of sex.
I don't even get turned on unless she's getting pleasured. Nothing sexier than a lady moaning and all. If she's not feeling good I feel like I'm just masturbating and bored almost like it's a chore. Communication is key😉
no after care. people cum too soon, go limp, can't make their partner orgasm, etc, it happens, it's not always yer fault. but not cuddling after? no high five? not even sharing a cigarette/joint? that's a choice.
Not just the long fingernails. She can feel your hangnail, too, guys. Bonus tip: If she sees dirt or grime under those nails, you shouldn't expect to get anywhere near the bedroom with the lady. Horniness dies when she can see into the future that you're going to give her an infection downstairs.
I’m a women and I’m mostly sexually/emotionally attracted to women. The things that make any person bad in bed is the following. 1) not putting in effort, doesn’t matter if you are not perfect at every single sex technique or you don’t know everything that a person likes, however, making the effort to take the time to learn the persons body, what she likes or dislikes. 2) listening to your partner: if she says fast, go fast, not hard, always listen, a person will normally tell you what she likes or really likes keep doing that. 3) do not be an asshole when someone is trying to show you what they like: if a person is trying to teach you don’t move your hand later to another place or doing it faster/harder than she was doing it because she won’t like it. 4) ask questions, I guess a lot of men, do to ego reasons are scared to ask questions but asking questions is how you learn to please someone. 5) don’t act like the clitoris is a mysterious object that you don’t know about: if you truly can’t find the clitoris ASK HER and don’t touch it like a fucking dj set up
Joking (you had all night, now I want intensity)
Bad hygiene (enough said)
Being silent (moan and tell me what you like, tell me how obsess you are with my body)
Being selfish (be a giver)
Soft Licking (please eat, DEVOUR)
First thing that comes to mind is when a guy insists on going down after I have said I don’t feel comfortable with that right now. It really sends a message, to me, that a man believes his oral sex skills are so amazing or perhaps just his performance of willingness to do it, that will override any discomfort I might have. Like, I’ll be apprehensive, anxious, like no don’t, but wait! Oh my god, wait, oh my god that is so amazing! I’m so glad you did it anyway, you are such an amazing lover! No, that’s not how it works.
"Oh, man. Seeing as how I've totally done it, I can name things that are bad in bed. Like... when his nipples are... uh... crooked. And he hasn't shaved his... glans. Luckily, my many lovers are always willing to lick my... um... shoulders?"
Not specifically a man, but if someone says no, honor it. Unless it's a kink you discussed beforehand, no does not mean 'keep going or pester them until they say yes'. Same thing goes for 'stop it, you're hurting me.'
People can forget safewords when they're distressed or in pain. Better to be decent and honor the 'no' or the 'stop' than the alternative.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Doing something after you told them not to do it
And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.
Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you help get me right out of this Godforsaken town? Will you make it all a little less cold?
😂😂😂was that Meatloaf?
THAT meatloaf is dry…that’s how a man knows he’s bad in bed
Nope, Meatloaf didn't do that.
I had a bf who didn't listen to me and the third time he did this *very* annoying thing I had asked him to stop doing every time, I literally yelled "wtf are you doing?" It finally embarrassed him enough to stop.
He was puttin a finger in ur bum
Lol! No. If you're doing that right, I might not mind. He took something into his teeth and shook it back and forth like a dog with a bone. I suppose he should get points for finding it. Ha ha ha.
That just sounds painful
He didn't bite down. It was unpleasant and ridiculous.
Yes or setting a boundary and they immediately want to cross it.
"Keep doing that" Dude inmediately goes harder and faster WHY!?
Because we don't think about what we are doing, so when you say that, we instantly forget what it was
To add to this “just like that” doesn’t mean speed up or do it harder.
Also...not doing something after you've asked them to do it Edit: for those asking, it was really simple things like kissing my neck or running his hands across my body.
You know it hurts so please stop asking.
GET YOUR THUMB OUT OF MY FUCKING ASS!!!
Doesnt matter if you have a great endurance, maybe you can have sex for 55 hours, who knows, but if you neglect your partner’s need, you are bad in bed.
That said, physical endurance is pretty important. Nothing worse than finding a rhythm she's enjoying and there you are struggling and regretting your lack of cardio training. Don't ask me how I know. Further questions will need to wait, I'm off for a run.
I think they might mean staying hard without cumming when they reference endurance
Being selfish.
Came here to say the same! Pay attention to your partner's needs/wants
Someone had a good today and tomorrow the same EDIT: Aww, the u/gatorbeetle edited their comment so mine no longer works :(
> omeone had a good today and tomorrow the same > > > > EDIT: Aww, the u/gatorbeetle > > edited their comment so mine no longer works :( That's why you always quote the other person's comment.
Had a friend who had premature ejaculations issues. That's understandable, stress, inexperience, etc... From what his ex told me, he'd cum after a few kisses, then turn over and sleep. She asked him "what about me", he just replies that "what about you ? Women don't orgasm so why waste time"
😂😂😂 in his defense he's probably never seen a woman orgasm so ya know..... If I don't see it, it's not real
I wish I could have pre mature ejaculations my problem is opposite too hard to cum
Taking any anti-depressants? Cause that'll do it.
Exactly this. Even in my late 40s I had little problem with frequency or volume and could go long enough that my partner was satisfied also. Two years on antidepressants and I’m lucky to ejaculate once in four tries. No problem getting or maintaining an erection, and my libido is just fine. But once it gets in my head (Damn, I hope I can cum…..) it snowballs and becomes an issue.
So, to be bad in bed: Man: to be selfish. Woman: to be a starfish. Fishy..
Not now honey, I have a haddock
"WaS iT gOoD FoR YoU?"
I live by the mantra of, "I don't cum until my wife does."
Wow, so how do you always make her cum in less than 30 seconds?
By eating her pussy before focusing on yourself. Fingering her, teasing her, nipple play. There's lots of ways to get women to cum before you get your nut off.
Life pro tip: all of those things work AFTER you finish also. In case you ever get too hot and heavy and then whoops
Read that as "Bringing Shellfish." I was like what the fuck how does that happen.
Wait, you don't know how to use the three shells?
Getting angry anytime you ask him to do something differently.
And then they give the response ‘but all the other women I’ve slept with enjoyed this’ *hard eye roll*
This was my last ex lmao I don’t care if it made your previous sexual partners “””cum”””, you won’t get me there by scrubbing my clit like a washboard and I’m not going to lie about it either
But that's my signature move. The ol cervical belt sander
Alexa, play the sound of every vagina in the world simultaneously closing up shop.
Playing CBAT.
🎵 Doot doo Doot, Dut, tututu, tut 🎵
"Did they actually like it or did they *tell you* they liked it because you're a child who can't handle feedback?"
“You ruin my self esteem” but ok, you’re ruining my life?? Learn a trick.
And they wonder why so many women fake it. Lol.
Yes! Any man I’ve ever given some feedback to cannot handle it. They get so mad, become defeated etc. Like bro, you asked for feedback. And now that I’m telling you what you are doing wrong and how you could do it better I’m “ruining your confidence”? Make it make sense.
Or getting angry at you for not wanting to do something….
Terrible hygiene. Please wash ALL THE BITS.
Even the back bits XD you don't want to lay there, 69, with shit in his buttfluff, in your face
They’re called dingleberries. True story
Klingons
 Them bawwws…
Oh my god, this. Under the foreskin too, and ffs, don’t leave bits of paper on it!!
Thinking his penis is the magical key to my orgasm. Not listening when I tell him what I like/don’t like. Pounding my vag like it’s the last time he will ever fuck. No foreplay, no tenderness, no love, no caring. Thinking because his last girlfriend(s), liked a certain sex act that I should too. Trying to act like a porn star and expecting you to act like one as well
i had a really, really weird situation with that where a friend spent several years persuading me to date him, going about it very gently, then being all loving, tender, dates etc... got into bed - jackhammered like he should have been born a rabbit, and if that's not clear gentlemen, that is not a compliment. All tenderness and affection was out the window. I was so astounded I actually went there again just because I truly thought maybe it was nerves? It was not nerves. When I said 'you need to do this' he ARGUED with me... It's just so bizarre - what happened to the man I met in daylight? Well... anyway... it quickly became clear that was just a front anyway and the selfish lover was the selfish man in any case. He wasn't a good man who happened to be an inept lover, he was absolutely a selfish prick who realised he needed to keep a lid on it in life or he'd never get laid. Why women sleep with him more than twice is beyond me.
Sounds like my ex. Puts on an act when you first meet him, and then turns into a domestic abuser soon after.
It's called "running game". All "game" is just a front to coerce someone to date/fuck them. When the true colors come out, it's never pretty.
"magical key to my orgasm" sounds like Kingdom Hearts lol 
My dear friend once said, “sometimes men aren’t having sex with you, sometimes they’re masterbating with your body,” so, don’t do that, treat them like a person.
Have had many sexual partners tell me this is their experience in the past with some of the men they’ve dated before and it weirds me the f out. That and jackhammering / thinking sex is porn. Who the fuck is doing that? Edit: didn’t expect the reply at all to get this much attention. I’d like to add that this reply was in the context of men using women to get themselves off, like some horrible men commanding women to stay still or be quiet during sex so they can finish (it’s kind of f’d up). In regards to jackhammering I appreciate some people love it and some people hate it, I’m talking about dudes who will just rag doll women into these positions without proper consent.
Weirded me out when I had sex with a partner that actually wanted to be jackhammered. She said I should watch more porn like that to get inspired. Happy to oblige to any reasonable request but it wasn't my preferred style.
Hooked up with this girl that soon wanted to try all the porn things. Deepthroating, jackhammer, twerking reverse cowgirl, cockslapping in the face, slapping her clit, me slapping her clit with my cock, getting choked, tits and face slapped, ass spread and smacked, facials, dirty talk, etc. She found out she absolutely loved all of it. We’ve been together nine years now.
It’s hard hearing about other people living your dreams
[удалено]
And thinking that choking and spitting is 1) the default for sexual behavior and 2) desired
I have refused women's requests to be choked. It makes me feel uncomfortable and lose wood.
A lot of people don't understand what type of choking is supposed to be done and leads to some misconceptions or bad experiences. It's supposed to be a blood choke on the artery on the side of the neck. Not an oxygen choke to your throat. A light squeeze to the side of the neck by the vein is all you need 👌
This guy chokes! \*safely with consent
*safely chokes
Many many people neither understand nor practice proper sexual gratification chokes. It's a brief restriction of blood flow, not a full cut off or air grip. You want ecstasy, not a manslaughter charge.
You had me at manslaughter charge 🥰
Damn, deep
When he only cares about his own pleasure
Thinking basically anything they watch in porn is enjoyable to women. You can’t just shove it in there, and jackhammer us into the bed.
Stopping when they "finish" and having no foreplay. Generally not thinking about their partner or communicating.
I am astounded at how many men apparently hate foreplay, because I’ve always loved it. Obviously actual sex is great, but the whole run up with kissing that builds? That shit is sexy as fuck
Like 6 months into dating my boyfriend we were still doing foreplay almost every time and I literally asked him why he was still doing it. He asked what the fuck I was talking about and I was like "usually guys quit doing that stuff like a month into the relationship, why are you still doing it?" Poor dude was just like "cause I care about you? I want you to get off too? Is this a trick question, what kind of trash men did you date before me?"
For real, I had no idea how selfish and stupid other guys can be. I'm no Mr. lover but I think getting a woman going and taking time to find out what she likes is the best ever... I have so many questions for those selfish guys ...
Yeah I don't get it either, where's the enjoyment if your partner isn't clearly enjoying themselves. Personally I like to know I've satisfied them even before the penetrative sex starts, who doesn't like that??
That's a good person. Who the fuck doesn't want to make their partner feel good? This thread is making me rethink my bed performance from "acceptable" to "top 20%".
Me as well, I’ve been married 43 years and I still believe in foreplay. Dang we may be in the top 5% or maybe 1%.
Never let it go. People love orgasms; it's insane to think they don't. Let's get it going old man.
That’s right, something to be said about having 50 years of experience. I know all and have at least tried all of the right moves. Thank goodness that I don’t have any form of ED. The saying you hear is true, “what I used to could do all night, now takes me all night to do.” 😆
The problem is making this distinction between "foreplay" and "actual sex" - a lot of straight men think that only PIV is "actual sex", which is a very narrow way of looking at things. To me oral is sex, it's what I like and enjoy the most, why should it be put lower in the hierarchy and not be considered "actual sex" just because (when done to me, at least), no penis is involved. If PIV is actual sex, do lesbians and gay men not have sex then!? It isn't good for anyone (but especially not women, usually), to take on such s narrow view of sex where PIV is always the ultimate goal.
He rolls around too much and takes most, if not all, of the blanket.
Two comforters resolves this issue pretty well. And well, some people just can’t help the rolling.
I type “rolling” into the gif search and this comes up. Technically true lol 
This. I roll around a lot, but my wife steals all the covers. We haven’t solved my rolling, but two comforters works wonders.
Too much pounding not enough sensuality and connection.
Expected your big dick to do all the work
This most certainly is not my problem
Yeah my big dick is lazy. I have to use the small one.
This. A lot of big dick dudes be actin’ like they ain’t gotta do anything. Nah bruh. This ain’t fun for me if you ain’t actually making it enjoyable. Guess what, your 8” isn’t worth it if the 4” dude is more into it and tryin’ different things.
When he only focuses on trying to impress me instead of being in the moment.
I feel like this is probably one of the more honest and thoughtful responses so far.
Giving in and letting go of inhibitions is the most primal connection you can ever allow your partner to experience. And damn it takes things to new heights. When the feeling is just so intense and you crave for more of the person, them feeling good making you feel good, you don’t push a button, you push all buttons. Go for a 1 2 1 2 3 3 5 4 3 2 2 2 4 6 2 4 6 4 2 2 4 7 5 7 6 7 7 SEVEN.
r/unexpectedfriends
Can't really blame the guy since us guys have the burden of performance in addition to the burden of "being in the moment." It's extremely embarrassing for us as guys if we tune into "being in the moment" too much without trying to hold back and come too quickly... then the girls light up their group chat with their friends with our personal failures, leading to reputation destruction lol. As a guy, we feel a big burden to "be good in bed," otherwise we're like a "guy who had never made a woman come." It's a stigma. By all means, I understand your concern as well, not saying it undercuts that, but just mentioning that, just like you have your concerns, he may have his own insecurities too and that's why he feels like he needs to put your enjoyment over "being in the moment." Men have a much higher burden of being good in bed than women in general, because it doesn't take much to make a man come (our orgasm is unfortunately easier to achieve), whereas a woman needs to be in the right headspace, trust her partner enough to even be in the right conditions for an orgasm to happen. This is why women in long term relationships with long term partners have better sexual satisfaction than women who go for hookups.
I always take a fast nut as a compliment. ☺️😜
Marry me
Marry *us*
I’d have no other option than to provide a compliment then lmao
I also take it as a compliment. Some version of “Slow it down or I’m going to cum” is a pretty good indicator that he’s liking what we’re doing.
bad hygiene
The US in general needs to learn how to wash their butthole. Nothing short of soap and water is enough. People act like this somehow isn’t possible though. Like I get it, you poo on the go at some point but as soon as you’re home, wash it. Children.
some of us have bidets, but more of us need bidets.
I’m not satisfied unless there’s soap involved.
Lack of aftercare, lack of cuddles, lack of manners.
Not communicating.
You don’t always *have* to fuck her hard. No sometimes that’s not right, to do. Sometimes you gotta make some love. And fuckin give her some smoochies, too.
Sometimes you got to squeeze. Sometimes you got to say please. Sometimes you got to say hey!
I'm gonna fuck you, softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you, sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly!
and then you say, “Hey, I brought you flowers.”
"Do you like that? 😏" - repeatedly.. Edit: added emoji to better communicate the undertone
"Who's your daddy?"...
“Uh, his name is Glenn. Why…?”
have literally said this mid-sex. it ended soon after. 🙃
"And what does he do?"
Not every 5 seconds tho lol please
Being too fast. Too hard. Too detached emotionally. Not present.
not eating pussy and not caring if your partner cums jackhammering rushing with no foreplay/kissing/eye contact imitating porn just generally having no consideration and using your partner like a sex toy to masturbate with relevant edit: ♪ *ain't no fat n--- tellin' me what he ain't eatin'* ♪
“Treating your partner like a sex toy to masturbate with”. THIS!!! And so many men do this…
Damn. That pretty much ticks all the boxes!
I feel like if someone doesn’t like oral, as long as he doesn’t expect his partner to give him oral than that’s fine, there are other ways.
Yeah that would be ok. There’s so many men that want a blowjob but then they refuse to eat pussy.
When he doesn’t really listen. My ex was terrible for that. I’d give some small directions and he’d do what I ask for about 20 seconds before going back to whatever he was doing. This may be controversial - but also? Silence.
Studies confirm that auditory stimulation helps women orgasm, perhaps more than anything else. The problem is, for both men and women, we have been blighted by porn. Nothing is lamer than porn sex talk and fake porn moaning. Sex talk should have originality, tailored to the listener. What you say should be at least somewhat unexpected too. Not just same old stuff. I’ve found that a woman wants to be loved, needed, appreciated, and finding ways to communicate those feelings while being sexy will pay dividends. Bonus if the best lines are delivered right when she is about to orgasm to push it way over the finish line. It’s easier to cross the line than the Brotherly Shove once you get good. If you’re a man, next time you are doing missionary, try out some lines in between kissing her neck/nibbling her ear. And again, communicate love and appreciation. You can mention her beauty and all that, but don’t get lost in a bunch of dick and pussy shit. Speak from the heart to make that pussy bust. This has been a public service announcement.
Bro, I agree. 100%. The flesh is willing but the mind is weak. I'm socially awkward. Makes for great conversations at time, vut if you expect me to improve some sexy shit, it'll never work. Does someone have like a list or something that I can use as reference. I just default to deep grunts since I also like having/being a verbal partner but have no idea how to talk sexy but not porn like
Whatever comes out of your mouth that shows you’re enjoying it? We like. Moaning, grunting - sure! Would rather have that than one going off a list of things to say. The point is not the sounds itself, but what they convey. We want to hear you absolutely immersed and losing yourself in the moment! And some women don’t want sweet talk in bed; they’re ok if you call them “my filthy whore” sometimes too. You just have to know your partner well enough and have that consent/dynamic beforehand.
Silence during sex is horrible , I feel I need to go darling are you still alive as i don't want to have killed another one.
Overconfidence and not listening to what their partner wants/needs.
I'll let you know in a few hours.
This man fucks.
But perhaps badly.
Good point. Women don't like it when you're too fast, but a few hours straight is probably too long. Chaffing...
1) Using stuff he saw in porn or was said to try by other guys without asking his partner in the first place. At some point my boyfriend asked me (thank god he did though) if I'd like to be choked a little in the process, because his male friends told him their gfs enjoy it. No, my dude, I don't like the feeling of suffocation and wouldn't enjoy dying from it tbh. 2) Not knowing how the clit works and not wanting to find out. 3) Believing his girl can come from penetration only consistently and thinking it's a woman's problem she didn't. 4) Get it going without proper foreplay and making sure the woman is wet enough 5) Thinking that the bigger the dick, the better (for lots of girls it's not, it'd be just painful) 6) When in a relationship, not caring about partner's pleasure and thinking as soon as he came sex is over
"my ex liked it like that"
Selfishness
Only caring about his pleasure.
This seems to be the most popular comment in this thread. I have seen it elsewhere as well. I asked my wife if A lot of guys are like this. I was surprised when she said yeah. Well, those guys are fools. A smart man who may want to get some more at some point, should realize that it is nearly a given if he makes an effort to knock her socks off. If the sex is bad where's the incentive for another encounter?
Ignoring your request that he be fully wrapped when going near your vagina. Yes, a few dips matter.
Does not own a bed.
Japanese guys crying on their futon right now
Reminds me of the Reddit post about the girl whose boyfriend had a “nest” that he slept in. It was a pile of dirty clothes on the floor. She didn’t find out until years into the relationship, because he always came to her place.
The is a certified raccoon working at a park moment. Was the pile of clothes on a trampoline by any chance?
Lack of connection with his partner, lack of foreplay.
Not being receptive to my body movements. If he’s just a big lug on top of me and doesn’t move with me when I try to get comfortable or change positions. It should be a synchronous dance, not just a jarring in and out motion.
Probably a guy who just jackhammers and jackhammers and jackhammers until he finishes and then promptly falls asleep on op of her while having accomplihsed nothing except making her feel like she got ran over by a stampede.
Only caring about getting himself off - no foreplay - shoving it in - expecting a woman to orgasm from penetration alone - lasting less than 5 mins - “accidentally” trying anal - thinking real life sex will be like porn - watching too much porn - death grip syndrome - only doing 1 position - being a bad kisser - stopping sex when you orgasm but *expecting* the woman to continue having sex after/if she orgasms
Bro my ex did nearly all of this. I wondered why the sex wasn't enjoyable, really hurt, and why I came to mildly resent it. Now I definitely know at least in that area.
Not engaging in foreplay and expecting it to be warmed up already, no dude dryer and has Sahara desert
For real. Am dude and honestly foreplay is my favorite part.
This guy I was fwb with he did this thing when he fingered me with his index and middle finger. He would bend them and basically scratched at my walls. I told him not to do it then he kept doing. After wards I told him not to do it again and his response was “oh you don’t like that? I thought girls liked the hook” 😭🤣 HE GAVE IT A NAME. It was uncomfortable
They do tell people to do that in magazines to hit the G spot. As a woman, I’m with you. No thanks
Ouch. I felt that one. Thanks for the pap smear.
Wait they don’t like the hook?.. this explains a lot 😮💨
Not asking for consent first. It’s scary AF when a guy pulls something you aren’t expecting and then your life flashes before your eyes
The amount of men who think you can surprise someone with anal is embarrassing.
Oh my god I had the same thought, absolutely terrifying
When he’s doing something really great, so you say, “OMG THERE, don’t stop!” and he…stops doing the really great thing. WHY? Just…why? Edit to add: Since the majority of women (80%+) can’t cum without clitoral stimulation, I’m largely talking about oral here. Also, for those folks suggesting I’m expecting too much because “maybe he’s tired,” 99% of the time when this happens, he doesn’t stop altogether, he just moves to a different spot, or changes rhythm or pressure, usually to go harder and/or faster. So he’s not tired. I get being tired - my hamstrings sometimes go out if I’m taking a while to get there. What I DON’T get is hearing “that thing you’re doing is getting me there,” and going “Oh, I better switch techniques then.”
Expecting sex to be like porn. No, I'm not horny at all times. No, sticking it in me with zero foreplay will not have me instantly moaning in orgasmic delight. Women are not desperately in heat at all times. Nor is pounding in our vaginas with no build up hot. We don't lose all control at the sight of your dick. The bonus is when you think there's something wrong with US for not putting on such a show. No, you're just terrible.
Trying to stick it in when it’s not wet
You guys are having sex?
Thinking he's good usually makes a man crap in bed
the inability to read body language.
I'm a guy, and when I was in college, I had a brutish Australian roomate that liked to rack up as many one night stands as possible. (Imagine this next part in a heavy Crocodile Dundee/Jeff Jefferies Aussie accent.) We were once talking about an exploit of his and he said with a sly smile: "How can you tell if a woman has had an orgasm? Who the hell cares!" I suspect he was really bad in bed.
Mostly it's not being able to read her reactions. No one likes to explicitly *say* "in the moment", negative reactions during sex, because it is a criticism. When you're having sex there's movement & he's generally driving it; he's got to be able to read her to see what movement feels good because it's different with everyone. Sounds like a lot of guys also just don't care to try.
Babe. Can you make a little noise? Need a little feedback to go a good job down here.
Oh baby, I didn’t expect the world to move. But I at least expected you to. - Hercules Returns
A lot of guys are busy in their mind trying not to bust a nut too early, while also putting in a lot of physical work. No, they may not always notice her "reactions" if they aren't very blatant. Use your words, people. If it's not sexy in the moment, talk about it outside of active sex in prep for next time. You *cannot* expect people to "read" you inside or outside of sex.
I don't even get turned on unless she's getting pleasured. Nothing sexier than a lady moaning and all. If she's not feeling good I feel like I'm just masturbating and bored almost like it's a chore. Communication is key😉
no after care. people cum too soon, go limp, can't make their partner orgasm, etc, it happens, it's not always yer fault. but not cuddling after? no high five? not even sharing a cigarette/joint? that's a choice.
Not being able to laugh it off
Thinking that because *he's* finished the sex is over
Going straight for her butthole
Switching it up when something is working
Bring selfish, not cutting your nails before fingering her.
Not just the long fingernails. She can feel your hangnail, too, guys. Bonus tip: If she sees dirt or grime under those nails, you shouldn't expect to get anywhere near the bedroom with the lady. Horniness dies when she can see into the future that you're going to give her an infection downstairs.
I’m a women and I’m mostly sexually/emotionally attracted to women. The things that make any person bad in bed is the following. 1) not putting in effort, doesn’t matter if you are not perfect at every single sex technique or you don’t know everything that a person likes, however, making the effort to take the time to learn the persons body, what she likes or dislikes. 2) listening to your partner: if she says fast, go fast, not hard, always listen, a person will normally tell you what she likes or really likes keep doing that. 3) do not be an asshole when someone is trying to show you what they like: if a person is trying to teach you don’t move your hand later to another place or doing it faster/harder than she was doing it because she won’t like it. 4) ask questions, I guess a lot of men, do to ego reasons are scared to ask questions but asking questions is how you learn to please someone. 5) don’t act like the clitoris is a mysterious object that you don’t know about: if you truly can’t find the clitoris ASK HER and don’t touch it like a fucking dj set up
Thinking they know what their partner likes better than the partner does. ‘Every other girl likes this! Stop pushing me away, I’m making you cum!’
Joking (you had all night, now I want intensity) Bad hygiene (enough said) Being silent (moan and tell me what you like, tell me how obsess you are with my body) Being selfish (be a giver) Soft Licking (please eat, DEVOUR)
Definitely vocalize that last one to them, if you don't already.
Apparently it's whatever I'm doing
First thing that comes to mind is when a guy insists on going down after I have said I don’t feel comfortable with that right now. It really sends a message, to me, that a man believes his oral sex skills are so amazing or perhaps just his performance of willingness to do it, that will override any discomfort I might have. Like, I’ll be apprehensive, anxious, like no don’t, but wait! Oh my god, wait, oh my god that is so amazing! I’m so glad you did it anyway, you are such an amazing lover! No, that’s not how it works.
Imagine asking reddit members this question and 99% of them are virgins
"Oh, man. Seeing as how I've totally done it, I can name things that are bad in bed. Like... when his nipples are... uh... crooked. And he hasn't shaved his... glans. Luckily, my many lovers are always willing to lick my... um... shoulders?"
Selfishness. ALWAYS make sure the woman has an orgasm or 3 before you do.
No tongue
.
An unwillingness to listen to input
Not caring whether he's good or not.
Not specifically a man, but if someone says no, honor it. Unless it's a kink you discussed beforehand, no does not mean 'keep going or pester them until they say yes'. Same thing goes for 'stop it, you're hurting me.' People can forget safewords when they're distressed or in pain. Better to be decent and honor the 'no' or the 'stop' than the alternative.