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this with my ex. His compliments were only sexual, or to get sexual favor. He expected this when a smile and thank you wasn't enough..All he did was complain about how bad his day/ life was. Everything that I felt he felt worse. Everything that happened in my day he had worse happen. Everything that hurt me, hurt him More. He dismissed every single thing I would say with a grand example of his liking. Or, he would spout out what he considered advice. That I did not ask for, just to say he helped so I should stop talking about it. Such as " well, quit your job then" and " toughen up".
So I stopped asking how his day was. I stopped telling him about mine.
Then he siad we never talk and I don't care anymore.
I feel this so much. My mrs talks for hours about her day, but if I force the conversation onto my day she just sits there in stoney faced silence with a face like a smacked arse.. and thats as soon as she realises. Her face can go from happy to sullen in seconds. It absolutely destroys me.
One of the lads gave me some viagra to play with. I told her, and her reply was a rather uninterested "You know you have to be turned on for those to work right?".. I didn't reply, just threw them away
I’ll admit when my husband talks about work my face does get kinda sunk because I feel dumb for not understanding. He does HVAC, and the stuff he talks about is confusing but I feel dumb asking follow ups. Thank you for this comment so that I can be better.
They left me at the hospital with a "cold" in 2020 to go to work. It was covid. I almost died. This, along with other incidents, resulted in divorce 2 years later.
I’m not trying to be insensitive by asking. I’ve suffered from similar mental health issues and I’m sorry you’ve experienced that.
…but with you being separated, why should they be obligated to stay there for you? It seems like it would be unfair to expect that of them and maybe even unhealthy for them to be forced to stay by the side of someone they’ve separated from.
Edit: OP edited their post. It originally said they were separated.
This was me a year ago. She abandoned me at a mental hospital and when i got out she kicked me out of my home because she had a new boyfriend now and claimed she needed a reason to break up. I ended up back at the hospital for a month and i was in the darkest state of mind. I'm much better off now with a house and good friends that i can depend on. It's a great feeling but being abandoned by your significant other is just the absolute evil.
I’m about there with my wife of 20 years… she’s just so negative about everything. Proud of “hating people” and earnestly wishes for return of Covid or other disaster to take more people out. I’ll joke about things like that sometimes, but she means it with her heart. Always finds judgey things to say about people out and about or neighbors or coworkers or family. Really just wants life to be no one but the two of us forever, and I can’t stand it anymore. Planning an exit strategy but there’s never a “good” time
Yea, and they’ll gas light you into thinking your just weak or crazy. Moment you gain some traction and feel good, they’ll start dumb arguments over something like how you placed the dishes in the dishwasher.
Yep, well just know your probably addicted to the drama at this point without knowing it. Take some time to work through that before you start dating again. I know I had to, and I've also dated women fresh out of those types of relationships that didn't do the personal growth. They never “feel the connection/chemistry” unless they are with someone who does the emotional roller coaster. The highs and lows are surprisingly addictive.
It’s so cliche, but true — life is too short to spend it like that. I never found a good time either. One day the words just fell out of me. Things are better now for me than they were then. Wishing you the best!
Woah, sounds like my husband! I never really could put into words how he is, but this is really accurate. I feel like 90% off what he says is negative things about other things, people, etc. It's hard because I'm more of a bleeding heart where kindness is my default and it can be really jarring to have that extreme opposite.
God yeah I’ve had friends like this and unfortunately had to pull it. Can’t imagine having to do that to your life partner.
good luck sir - your happiness matters.
She cheated. Gave her a chance so we could work things out. I laid ground rules of things that would make me not overthink or make me feel unloved by her or take me back to that horrible sinking feeling of when you first find out, I just wanted to slowly regain that trust in her again. Did she ever do it? No. Whenever I brought things up that would make me have flashbacks or trigger me, she would say “you’re supposed to forgive and forget.”. When I realized how manipulative that was, I started to loose all love for her.
Mine didn't cheat, but lied about something fairly serious. She'd get angry any time I had a trust issue, and would refuse to reinforce her statement. It just eroded our trust more.
I lived through a similar situation and the flashbacks are brutal. Being betrayed is really traumatic and I don’t think it’s recognized as such enough. People who cheat are a special kind of cruel.
She made my 21st birthday vacation to Hawaii a fucken mess. Her selfishness really poked its head out during that trip and after that it was allllllll downhill.
It was a few things and it happened slowly. I think the first thing was when he ignored my first Mother’s Day. The next was when he got rip roaring drunk during our son’s second birthday party. Then he started smoking again and coughing constantly to the point where I couldn’t sleep at night and he did nothing to fix it. Then he got Covid and quarantined himself but when I got it, I had to care for myself and our son. Then he cheated and emotionally abused me for two years.
There’s no more love. There’s just hate now
She told me she no longer wanted to be with me intimately. And it has just gotten worse from then. Now, we are nothing more than roommates, and I still get to pay the bills.
Finally about 4 months ago she asked me for some money. As I turned away to walk away, I told her she had better get a job if she wants some $$$. Now she has her job, pays for her own food and her own expenses. My house is mine no matter how this may end or plays out according to law, so I pay for my house.
Roomies now
Sadly I still love my ex. However I realized that I couldn't be with them anymore once they kept showing a pleasant fact to everyone else but made me their emotional dumping ground for all negative feelings. There was just so much of it and it went on for years that eventually I realized that I was the only common factor. Plus they were constantly worried about what others thought about them. Never seemed concerned with what I thought about anything. Even now, if they are to talk with me it is typically a complaint, or a criticism.
At first I just stopped sharing my own stories. Then I stopped sharing how I felt about things in life. Because they were so stressed out and unhappy all the time, why would I want to add to that? And then I started noticing how much happier they were when they were with anyone else. They laughed at anyone else's jokes but would get all PC if I told one. Would correct me if I ever said anything that was perceived as wrong. Finally I told them that I really didn't feel like they wanted me around, which of course they flipped the script and told me how horrible I made them feel by telling them that horrible thing I said. Eventually it crushed me. I realized they really didn't love me and the only reason they ever did anything with or for me was because they felt like they HAD to so that they could keep that illusion going that they were the perfect creature they always thought they had to be. Not for me, but for everyone else. I don't even remember getting a compliment about anything. All I remember is the constant complaints, criticism, and negativity.
Divorced now, but it has left me fairly hollow feeling. I sacrificed a lot in my life to try and have this person be happy with me and show me the good face they showed everyone else. It was never good enough.
Your comment is honestly scary to me. Because I feel like I'm finding myself in a simial trap over and over again. Thought this one would be different but I'm still learning. I still am undecided. But if you don't mind, could you please share with me some stories /examples of what you mean when you say thatg all you can remember is constant complaining, criticism, and negativity?
It wasn't that the criticism or negativity was always wrong. I get that it is sometimes necessary, but as a daily occurrence it is to much.
Example: The shoe rack. There was a shoe rack that they had me pick out. I had previously tried to get my SO to pick what they wanted but they claimed it didn't matter and to just get a cheap one that works. So of course I do exactly this. This shoe rack is small and holds about 10 or 12 pairs of shoes. I buy it, I take it home and I set it up at the front door.
One random day during a summer my SO comes home from work, and tries to put their shoes on the shoe rack. Only they can't use the shoe rack because all the space is taken. I had two pairs of shoes there. There were two other pairs that were the kid's shoes. All together there were six or eight pairs that belonged to my SO on that same rack. My SO got angry at me for having no space available. So who do they get mad at? Of course they get mad at me. I was forced to remove my shoes and keep them somewhere entirely different. A place that was completely out of the way so that they could put ANOTHER pair of their shoes on the rack and had to organize and make the shoes look all nice and aligned each day even though I didn't even keep my shoes there.
They tried to apologize later and tell me that I could keep my shoes there to which I knew was a trap. If I didn't accept the apology it would turn into a full on argument about how horrible I made them feel by keeping my shoes somewhere that made no sense rather than them removing one of their pairs that they rarely used. So I would just smile and tell them it was okay and that it didn't bother me. I would have to nod and say "no,no! You are right! And plus I don't even care if my shoes were there or somewhere else." Kiss on the forehead and end the brewing argument right then. To which they accept and move on to get upset about something else.
The go to tactic to keep the upsetness going was to almost daily call their sister who was perpetually rude to them on the phone. It would go something like this: SO would call. They would talk for 10 or 15 minutes and something would be said where one of them would get offended at the other. Then they would "resolve" the situation. Then my SO would come and complain to me almost every time about how mean their sister is and that they are clearly right about whatever they were arguing about. Would proceed to talk ad nauseum about what a terrible person their sister is. In some cases that was the conversation for the entirety of the evening. Then, after my ears were practically bleeding, I would ask for the entirely one sided conversation to either stop or I would say something in response to something they had said. If I tried to get it to stop I clearly didn't care about them and was a terrible listener. If I said something in response it would turn into how what I said was hurtful or wrong somehow. It was a lose lose situation no matter what I did. Finally it would be time for bed for my SO. I'd stay up to wind myself down and feel sorry for myself in private. It wasn't that it happened it was the quantity and the amount of time.
My personal favorite was that they came home one evening and I had made a nice dinner and poured a glass of wine for them. They were upset (big surprise /s) about and I figured I would try to make them feel better before they started to get upset with me about . My gesture was turned into that I am trying to control them and invalidate their feelings about whatever and how I could do better by using these other words instead. Etc.
I couldn't even get my SO to sit and watch a TV show with me. Now that I am out of the picture they have movie dates with friends and the kids. When I was there my SO was not the cleanest of people. Now that I am not there they clean all the time. They hang out with friends and are having fun. Yet the claim is that they were happy with me and that all that was wrong was that I was careless and never actually loved them.
There are hundreds of other examples. It almost always started by something real small that wouldn't be let go, my reaction to it not being good enough and the cycle would continue.
Wow. Well in a way I'm glad that my situation isn't exactly like all the examples you have given.... Yet. It scares me though because I feel it is similar in some parts at the least though. But I do want to say that nothing feels more hurtful and like a slap to the face than when your ex is living their life better than when you were there, and does all those things you wished they would only after you're not there. It's not fare because you gave so much to be there for them and they were never there for you. But it's your fault.
I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm so glad you're out of that! I hope that you can find someone who aplriciates and reciprocates.
Thank you so much for sharing. You gave me some food for thought. I'm scared but I truly appreciate it.
Just make sure that you experience stuff together. Even stupid things like going to a dentists office. Make sure they stay part of even that kind of stuff. Forgive the stupid shit that you both will do and do NOT go looking for problems. The universe will give you more than plenty of those without you looking for them. The rest will fall into place.
It was very hurtful. Especially when I realized that she was happier with everyone else. But I am happy I had any love at all. Not everyone gets to be in love.
I tried hard. And sometimes he would give me the little small things that made great memories. But more often than not, he would try and then get into a shitty attitude and start treating me some kind of way that would just ruin the whole experience and make me feel like I couldn't get out of there fast enough. But now it doesn't matter anymore I guess. He ended up flipping his lid on me yesterday morning, yelling at the top. Of his lungs in my face, calling me a stupid bitch, and then getting physical when I finay started to stand up for myself. I'm just glad it happened before I went any further against my good judgment and spend anymore time and money and resources trying to build a life for us.
That's true. I hope to experience true love some day with someone who lasts. At this point idek where all the good peoe are at, or if there are any left. Lol maybe I'm jusg the shitty one. I don't believe it but the why would this shit keep happening? Idk. But at least this last relationship ish thing or whatever we were has given me more insight in what I want, what I need, and what I can't tolerate.
A relationship is a contract.
Two people talk about some arrangement and come to an agreement.
My last business partner did not understand this concept.
When we first began speaking I listened, and asked questions,
I laid bare my feelings and tried to communicate my boundaries.
My message fell on deaf ears, my meaning was not heard.
Try as I might, I can lead a horse to water,
But I cannot make them thirsty.
When you talk to someone who is not listening you are just wasting breath and time.
This expression is used to say it is a useless venture.
You cannot communicate with someone who is not actively listening and participating in a conversation.
You might as well talk to a wall.
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r/MediaMemes
Come laugh, live and meme!
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I’ve fallen out of love only once. I was 16 and he was a groomer I thought I was going to end up with forever. He was 21 at the time. He didn’t tell me he was on parole for something I won’t divulge. Makes my skin crawl, knowing how naive I was and that I could have been a victim. He is now in prison since 2006. Since then, I have been in love with a handful of people, some unrequited. I have never learned how to not be in love with them, I have just learned to live without them.
—-I have been in love with a handful of people, some unrequited. I have never learned how to not be in love with them, I have just learned to live without them.
He’ll of a concept — and writing
Snapping at me over stupid issues, like for example, he told me to pick the pizza I wanted.
He has been eating pizza with me for 10 years and he knows I always order parma ham and arugula if he asked me to pick. I am predictable, I like the same old food.
And what happened was, he went off the roof going off at me about why do I always have to pick the same pizza, why can't I try something different? So I picked the cabonara pizza which is like bacon, ham and cream sauce, and he said no to that too.
He knows I hate mushroom and then he wanted to pick a salami and mushroom pizza and I was like ok, you have the pizza alone, I just won't eat as you know I can't eat mushroom.
And then he went into further tirade about why do i have to be so stuck on one flavour of pizza and refuse to try anything else. And what's wrong with mushrooms. I just puke when I eat it, it taste horrible to me. I also don't eat red meat. I guess earthy flavours are foul to me.
This is not true, we both love pepperoni but this pizza place he picked had no pepperoni.
Anyway in the end, after going off at me, he ordered parma arugula pizza for me and then bought himself a cabonara pasta.
Like we could have literally done that in the beginning without all these drama.
Alot of crazy things like these keep happening due to his business failures, he was just loving to be an asshole daily.
He wasn't like this when his business was smooth sailing. He is always positive and in a good mood and very easy going and mellow.
Anyway, I fell inlove with with his chill and mellow personality.
When he changed 180 into this screaming demon over stupid small disagreements. I had to leave.
I would say 1.5 Yr because covid struck and it really hit his business bad and then it had to close down so I know he was going through a horrible time.
And in the beginning, I thought I had to give him grace and be patient.
Although repeatedly addressing the issue to him that it's not fair I am some kind of verbal punching bag for him to relieve stress or something.
And he was always apologetic about it but would not be able to control himself and keep lashing out at me.
Honestly, the pizza incident was the absolute last straw. As it was our regular pizza night, you know snuggling in the couch, putting in a movie and enjoying pizza and wine.
I love these pizza nights of ours and we always have a good time and very peaceful and happy together like that.
But even that he had to ruin and find fault. Like we cannot just spend one night in peace and love.
There was alot of bizzare incident like for example I finish boiling pasta and was gonna throw the boiling hot water in the pot down the sink.
He started screaming about how I was wasting water and insisted I pour it down his plants....
Now..., the water is boiling hot and filled with salt. And I put alot of salt!
But I threw it into his plants anyway to shut him up as he was getting really angry and yelling about it.
Its all these crazy things and you know I been with this dude for 10 years. And I used to love him because he was the most rational person I knew.
Now I don't even know where that rational person went.
The parting was more like, I told him I was done and he completely ignored me and responded with cold treatment.
Every 6 mths or so, he contacts me and tell me his a changed man, and he is mellow now.
But I knew how to press his button to see how mellow he was and we will always end up fighting again because I feel he is not back to his old calm self at all.
The new him is very very easily irritated and derailed. So it was not much efforts at all to make him go crazy at me again.
He tries to tell me to understand that he is just very stressed.
But I really hate being yelled at.
I did tell him from day one that if he ever started constantly raising his voice at me, that would make me run from him.
Showed up to my house at 4am, after having gone home a few hours earlier "for early rest", except she arrived completely blackout drunk. As my parents slept on a bed in the living room on the last day of their vacation to visit me. Her and I spent the weekend with them seeing sites and what have you, and she made a strong positive first impression on them (not that it mattered much), til that happened. It was an instant fall out of love moment.
It was a series of things. Mainly to do with me feeling more like a mother and maid than girlfriend. It started with him cracking jokes that he was simply lazy. Then I learned they weren't jokes. I was the main person doing the dishes, folding clothes, reminding him about taking the laundry to the laundromat, feeding the cat, cleaning the cat litter, skid marks in his underwear, the fact that he complained so much about feeling tired and like shit all the time but never changed the habits that made him feel that way. I was crying many times a week over the simple fact that I was exhausted and he couldn't wash a few dishes unless I was sobbing over how tired I was about cleaning everything.
I finally realized he was never going to change, and I would be stuck in a small ass town because I was too afraid to leave for myself. I would be the breadwinner as I would have the degree and job potential to make more than $25,000 a year. Just so much, and I realized I only stayed with him because I didn't think I deserved better.
Refusing sex with the most outlandish excuses imaginable.
Being bossy.
Getting really angry when she wants something i dont.
Drinking.
Being very dunning-kruger.
Getting unattractive mainly because of behaving not attractive.
I realized after a couple of years i just did not like her personality.
Made me feel like I couldn't do a single thing right, ever. Most of his comments began with "You should have . . . " or " Why didn't you . . . " I couldn't even cook a simple breakfast without criticism. I was just never good enough, despite all efforts to please him.
Asked for an open marriage and then after reassuring me she wasn’t trying to replace me, did exactly that. When I placed boundaries, she stepped all over them and when I stated I was uncomfortable with the relationship, she told me she didn’t care and that I could remove myself from it because she refused to change anything to help me.
Started hating my child from previous...that will put some prospective to your ass real quick if your a good parent...sucks and she's so beautiful and nice to EVERYONE ELSE
She started getting more and more selfish, and the "love" she showed me started to feel less and less genuine. It seemed like I was putting in all the effort to keep the relationship going until I became exhausted and just kind of gave up. And I probably stayed in the relationship longer than I should have.
First she changed her mode of dress, then the time she came in from work changed. I suspected cheating. Then while trying to get her tablet from one carrier to another a msg came in from bf #1 about needing a massage. Then bf #2 starts calling my number late at night and doing all sorts of childish things. I guess he was supposed to be some bad gangster. Finally while walking through the kitchen to the dining room I overheard this crazy woman and her crazy daughter discussing my DEATH as bf #2 (who I refer to as monkey 🐒) wants to do me harm. I forgot to insert, before I found out about the monkey man she is telling her daughter how to have sex with multiple men without getting the semen mixed inside🤢. I ran to my doctor and demanded every STD and AIDS test. I never touched her again and we were done. I could go on but you get it. It took me 14 years to find out I was with a whore. I haven't needed another woman since.
Not racial that's for sure. It refers to a laughing sound they made as they thought they were intimidating. They kept driving by flashing their little gun and laughing too ignorant to even guess I have one also. They were In a black raggedy caddy with the plates blacked out. The next morning my fence was kicked in for about the 5th time. Feces on the patio furniture. Long story short it's that laughing noise they made. Not racial because I'd be referring to myself.
I knew I loved her before I met her. Her attitude, her willingness to take a really risky chance and move 1200 miles in with me. She’s the best. I will never let her go.
Got old and miserable and moody and lost their temper over stupid shit and took it out on them for no good reason because they are weak and pathetic....
Oh wait.... that's me.
1. Physical Abuse
2. Emotional Abuse
3. Controling everything
4. He just saw me as a gravy train, when I had a good income, which ended. Then the marriage ended.
5. in the marriage he was very demanding, related to sex, using sex as a sleep aid, when he did have a job, before he lost his jobs.
She was physically and emotionally abusive and extremely controlling and jealous of nonsense. Tried making sure I never interacted with any other woman on earth. Always tried to accuse me of cheating because her exes had even though I never had in my life. I tried working through things with her for years and I loved her to death. In the end she was a hypocrite and wanted nothing to do with me. I remember I was sick one day and she just distanced herself from me as much as possible. As soon as I was better I just wanted to spend some quality time with her and she ditched me to hang out with some new work friends. I knew it was bad when her mom, who would defend her daughter’s every move looked at me one day asking why I was still with her when I was treated so bad. That’s when I left. Should have left WAY earlier. Sucks. Wasted so much time and been stuck single and lonely and miserable ever since. Whole thing made me bitter and jaded.
Nothing, I was never in love I just didn’t realize until I had kids and experienced true love
I feel like I could be in love though… in a different way I guess idk I wonder all the time
I'm really struggling with mine.
She moved in with me since my mum died and inherited her house. Before, she made all these claims about about just wanting to be together, to provide a home for me and her lad, and to cook and dote on us both. I didn't like the inequality, but if it made her happy. She's been here 5 months now. Shenever once gotten the vacuum cleaner out, she has never emptied, or even filled the bin, she leaves rubbish laying where ever it falls (including at least 4 beer cans every day!), she cooks maybe once a week if she can be arsed, but never does the washing up, and on top of cleaning up after her, her son, and myself, I also get no support or help with anything else. Oh, and of course I also have to maintain anything that goes wrong in her life too.
... but its ok because she throws money at me to cover her share of the bills. She doesn't pay any of them, she just chucks the money at me and expects me to.
At this stage I just feel like I've been conned. I'm trying to be patient and encouraging, but running a household after a 50-60hrs working week is draining me of both energy and enthusiasm
After I took the bait and hook (engagement & wedding), she immediately started turning into the most self-centered human I have ever been with. It extended to sex without love.
She either loved or hated everyone else, and there was no reasoning with her on people she hated, other than it seem to be tied to some jealousy. Some of them were actually the sweetest people in our social circles. After we split up, I found out two of those people she hated were my mother and sister whom she physically abused.
She became increasingly erratic, and a month before we split up she ran naked down the beach in Galveston, Texas, as a spiteful act towards me after we argued. Unfortunately, not a nude beach.
I paid for doctors, psychiatrists, acupuncturists, everything in the book, but she was technically mentally sound. Just a bad, evil person.
When she split, she emotionally damaged literally hundreds of people in the process. She didn’t care. It was all about her. Any break up is a tragedy, but I was secretly relieved that I still had my own sanity after she left. After 5 years of rebuilding my life, things took off for the better.
Granted, every story has two sides and I can only give you my perspective.
Never fell out of love with her, she's my rock as much as I am hers. IMHO, what My partner and I have is truly beautiful and I look forward to our futures together hand in hand. So I reckon this post doesn't pertain to me. Just try to stay positive, there's someone out there for you that will love you just the way you are, just like how my partner and I are about each other... 🙂
He started talking to me the same way his dad talked to his mother. I suddenly saw my life play out before me in this miserable way. And I realized that I wanted no part of it.
A complete refusal to change at all. If I didn't like it, it was a personal attack on them and who they are. They became completely unapologetic about everything. It was my fault to expect anything different. Conversations became a minefield where I literally could not say the right thing. All of my attempts just ended up with them upset at me. I gave up and started just leaving it all unsaid and internalized. Years of that just built enough resentment that I fell out of love.
Years ago, when my youngest was a newborn, he got into some online multi-player phone game. Not only did he spend ALL of his free time on it, but he ended up spending a huge amount of money (I never did find out the true amount, but it was in the thousands) AND come to find out he was sexing/ having an emotional affair with someone he talked to in the game. It really broke me. I was barely making it with taking care of the kids, plus the newborn and I felt like he kicked me square in the stomach while I was already at my lowest.
I lost all respect for him that day and needless to say it almost resulted in divorce. I was in such a low place afterward. It took a lot of time and a lot of work on both ends to get back to a place where I felt we were okay again.
I’m slowly falling out of love.
He doesn’t want to do the little things angmore,
Like hold hands or cuddle in bed or go on a date night anymore. We are more becoming like roommates slowly.
I’ve brought it up to him, but he says it’s my problem not his. He is happy and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong.
He suggested therapy. I haven’t gone. I probably should. He’s probably right about it being a me thing.
Not true, if he isn't making an effort any more it's not on your end
No amount of your therapy will make him love you more or treat you better, if he wanted to treat you better he would
This is what I’m slowly starting to realize. Now it’s just time to accept it. I don’t want to accept another failed relationship.
I keep telling myself give him more time. His space. But slowly it’s killing me inside.
It’s not fair to him, he’s soo happy, and how miserable I am.
So I had a friend for a year going through the same shit. Eventually it diluted to almost no time together despite being TOGETHER physically. Sex every other week. Months without dates. Without a thought - a gift, a drink.. anything.
Complacency.
I saw a quote once that really stuck w me: “Never stop dating the person you love.”
The little things matter most imo. I’d rather have my hand held or a good morning than a big birthday surprise.
I’d rather have small smiles, a treat. You deserve to be courted for eternity man.
Complacency is the death of romance
“It’s not fair to him” that you’re miserable? Come on dude :-/
It is the little things and dates at least once a month that sticks with you for life. Things such as compliments, romance, treats, etc. Also, communication. Always be willing to listen, have an open heart, and have an open mind. This is what any reasonable person should do. Anything more, it is not in your hands. If you want to do 50/50 housework/job, sure. If you want to be a homemaker while your spouse works, sure. Just make sure to communicate.
It’s weird. After enough shit, you can love someone but struggle with and end to falling out of love.
There’s the lack of affection and sex. There’s the nitpicking. The magnitude of an already type A personality compared to my Type B. And I’m not going to lie, there was this laziness factor involved. We have 2 kids, and she lost baby weight real fast and then some nursing. She looked great. How we met. Then she just kept eating stuff and stopped nursing, and has a hate/hate relationship with exercise and enough excuses to fill a novel.
I built a home gym in the garage. There’s weights. A treadmill. A spin bike in the bedroom closet she could pull out. A couple machines. You name in. She did a few pay for programs to incentivize herself. It lasted for a week.
I was a trainer and a life long athlete. I might be in better shape in my 30’s than my 20’s thanks to stopping drinking entirely. It’s hard for me to even want intimacy even IF she would give it sometimes just due to the fact that I have a kind of resentment when the tools and the knowledge to get herself healthy was right there. Still is.
There’s never one thing in a marriage
Insulting me everyday, controlling what I wear, accusing me of cheating when I was not (it’s really hurt because I’m faithful and would never want to hurt the person I love), yelling at me for the smallest things, and ruining my self esteem.
1. Started doubling the commute home .. then was the constant mention of one “friend” but I was being Jealous. Then was the “mistake “
2.would come home jump in the shower , then
Offer sex… 🤔 no thank you .. it was because she was lonely 😂
my ex was best friends with my abuser behind my back and when i confronted my ex about it, i was told by my ex that they “didn’t pick sides” :/
they did a lot of other horrible things to me but that was the icing on the cake
Currently struggling with my feelings now but more and more I feel like mine are dying off. I find myself more miserable. Like at first they were so sweet and tried their hardest to not be angry or have patience. But now I feel like they don't even care. Or don't care as much until I react some type of way. Their anger for sure is so off putting and they talk to me like shit sometimes. Even over stupid things. It's come to the point where I honestly don't know if they are joking or not but I don't feel comfortable saying anything because I don't want to fight or to make things worse. Public and in private. I feel like I'm forced into silence or risk getting in trouble, so I just bite my toungue.
I've also started to notice, and maybe it's just me overthinking everything and being wah too sensitive all of a sudden, but it feels like they aren't really. Interested in my wants or needs. I'm horny and I speak up, they just want what they want. They get their pleasure and orgasm every time and I have to get my own in private way after the fact. I think like twice they let me get mine and that was just me doing it while I played with them. That in itself to me feels awkward and makes me feel gross and not worth it. I want to hold their hand, they act like it's such a bother. I want to kiss or hug or cuddle and they get irritated and act like I'm suffocating them even though they've been at work all day. Idk, it just seems so one sided latley. Like I bend over backwards to do everything I can for them and take care of them but I'm really starting to feel like it's mostly all one sided. I find it harder an harder to make or keep up conversations. And I feel so lonely and sad all the time now and I've been crying a lot which isn't at all like it was a few months ago it seems like. I also feel line massive they are ashamed of me in public because he's skinny and normal I guess and I'm fat, awkward, buily very unattractive, and taller than him. I feel like maybe I'm overreacting and overthinking because maybe he's weird about showing pda in public, but I feel like he's rather run to his peers or friends and keep disgrace between us. I feel line it wasn't like this in the beginning which is why it bothers me so much now. I also feel like I do for him what he doesn't do for me. And now that I'm out of money and a job and a ride, I feel like I'm jusg a huge burden. There's more but yeah, you get the point.
Now I know this is just my take on the situation. I want to add that the work extremity hard with long gruling hours and are always tired. I know I'm the only person he's in contact with unless he's on his phone (which seems life a lot of the time). To where he just ignores me. I am aware that maybe I'm just wanting too much from him but then I think to myself I feel like I'm asking for the bare minimum. I'm aware that his work takes a lot out of him and maybe this is all temperary and it'll get better in time. But his patience with me and the way he talks to me sometimes seems to be getting worse. He does randomly tell me that he appreciates me. He does tell me he loves me sometimes and kissed me before he leaves to work int he mornings. But I feel like most days that's all the kiss I really get. I will tell him I love him 5-10 times before he says it back. He could just be playfully not saying it on purpose but that shit plays with your mind. I always tell him he's cute, he's hot, he's sexy, he turns me on, I'm proud of him, I'm happy or excited for him, ask him about his days, how he's feeling, etc etc on pretty much a daily basis. He's called me beautiful once, maybe twice. Has said "well I am not. Into ugly women" a couple times. But that's pretty much it. And that was in the beginning. He'll rarely ask me how my day was but he says it in passing, and if I don't answer the question he just goes on as if he never asked in the first place. I just keep chocking it up to he's tired or busy or something and it won't always be this way. I am a gift giver. My love language is through touch and gifts. That thoughtfulness. I'm coming to the realization that maybe he's just not a sentimental person. I put a lot of thought into big gifts. Even money that I don't have. He doesn't really give much thought or praise besides a thank you and just kinda leaves whatever there to rot. Talking like personal handwritten cards and stuff like that. Still hasn't openedor used the stuff I made for him for valintines day. He didn't even tell his friends about the birthday gifts I got him. But he seemed to be way more excited about what others did or got for him and will tell his other friends rnfds what others did or got for him. He does do a lot for me, but I feel like it's not enough. That is comparing it to what I do for him. That makes me feel like it's just whatever to him. But is it just me being insatiable or needy and overthinking and being hypersensitive? Or is there something really real happy withering here? Oh, and there's also the whole, I've been living with him for the past 6months straight now, he has started to tell people I'm his girl (but not everyone and not every single time, mainly the people we see on a more regular basis), but he won't make us official. And now I feel like I'm stuck at a crossroads and I feel so much but I'm now insecure and unsure. And that alone I feel like is killing my love for him.
Sorry I guess I just had to vent a little bit since I don't actually have friends I can talk to anymore. But maybe someone reading this will find my situation useful and either start listening to their partners more or help them realize that there needs to be a change. And well, maybe people can give me some I site or help me understand or give me some feedback or different vantage points. I'm curious to know what other men think or do I their relationships.
P. S. Sorry if this is hard to read. My thumbs suck, my phone screen is cracked, and I can't spell anyway lol
1. Started harping at me for something that occurred 3 years prior despite me apologizing multiple times
2. Didn’t move in when asked
3. Didn’t integrate at all with my friends which caused tons of stress
I eventually broke things off with both her and my friends. She was right about the friends. They were jerks.
But wait there’s more this person went to a festival came back because they saw a person that did them very wrong in the past I sat there and consoled them and hyped them up to go back to the fest for day 2 and then when they came back they loved me and cuddled and kissed and oh the love just for a couple of weeks to go by and then pop another festival comes through they go to it ask me to keep up with their pets it became a house cleaning fiasco that I had to endure just for them to come back to conveniently want to take a break from our relationship just for me to find out threw a 3rd party they cheated on me at the first fest
Thank you for comming to my Ted talk
One was because it was long distance, few guys cheated on me and one hit me in front of their friends, they got pissed when I wouldn't take them back but I can't be with someone I can't trust or respect. Lack of communication. Lack of intimacy although the last relationship I had, the lack of intimacy was my doing through certain issues. Guy I was engaged to, he was one of the worst, constant lies, false promises, chatting people up even in front of me. With my new partner a year and change and nothing has happened yet lol but hoping to go long term.
He cheated. I was instantly our of love with him when I found out. I did still love him, and I think I still do, but I was no longer in love with him.
Although I will say, Iost sexual desire for him before I learned about the cheating, but as a result of the cheating. He pulled back, he would frequently stand me up and cancel plans, I no longer felt emotionally connected to him, and while at that point I was still in love with him, I no longer had any desire for intimacy.
He was so, so, so jealous. Friendly to the supermarket checkout guy? I must be cheating. Bumped into a co-worker who lives in my neighbourhood? I must be cheating. Mentioned a nice thing one of my teenaged students said? I must be cheating.
When I started considering actually cheating just to make all the accusations worthwhile, I knew it was time to get out.
My ex worked minimum wage jobs throughout his 20s but was very irrational about money. He could borrow just to buy something expensive knowing he couldn’t pay back. That’s why he got in trouble with a few banks. We broke up like a year ago but he still hasn’t paid my best friend back
Have a baby with me, but lied, and it was another guys. then when I found out, claimed rape, divorced me, and tried to have the child remain mine until I took her to court. Won at the trial court, and then she appealed it and then I won at the Superior Court of my state
Needless to say, I went back and sued her. She had instantly write me a $50,000 check. And now she’s paying me $1000 a month for the next 5 1/2 years due to all the legal fees, etc. etc..
So don’t go lying about rape women. And don’t everybody go believing women by default?
He never said thank you when I cooked for him, got him gifts etc. But wanted constant praise for everything he did. He put everyone around him down and really thinks he is above everyone. Oh he also lied and cheated. I caught him in a lie one night and walked. Thank God I have my own place. I found out about the cheating after. I absolutely love being single for the first time in 25 years. Im 50.
A series of things. First, she decided to live in a bottle, except for a few times when she abstained. Second, she could be physically abusive. It wasn't constant, it was just the odd face slap, or she'd throw something at me, like a book or a hairbrush, when she didn't get her way. I was raised to believe that you don't strike a woman, so I did not retaliate. Third, whenever she was wrong, she never apologized. And the real topper, her jealousy. I never did anything to provoke her, her jealousy was a self-starter. I could look down the grocery aisle to locate what we needed to buy, and she'd be watching me like a hawk, lest my gaze should linger on a female shopper. At a restaurant, again, the hawk stare, to make sure I didn't stare at the waitress. My best friend heard about this and said, "That's beyond jealousy, that's paranoia."
It ended when she drank herself to death at the age of 38.
I added my husband on Snapchat. I didn’t know he had Snapchat. I message him and say hey, you wanna see some tits? He said yeah baby.
So naturally I send my husband a full frontal nude photo. I got a message back that said “Tits are nice, that body and face are trash.” My husband got home from work and I was devastated and begging him to tell me why he was so mean to me.
Turns out I added someone with his old phone number. The guy sent a dick pic a few hours later when my husband was home and it definitely wasn’t his dick lol I was heartbroken the entire day waiting for him to come home
My ex had no boundaries with his mom and allowed her to disrespect me. I fell straight out of love with him during his bday where I paid for a trip for him - flights, food, airbnb etc. He mentioned “ i cant wait to go back to work” on the trip mind you he disliked his job…. So I was HURT already at his tactlessness
When we come home to his house. His mom comes in unannounced per usual with her key and doesn’t acknowledge me and goes “ how was your trip honey” to my ex. He doesn’t stand up for me so I go to the bathroom PISSED and hes trying to shush me because mommy is there.
Disgusting to me to relive this lOl
She could never be wrong. She could never admit a mistake or fuck up. She would never apologize.
When she smoked weed and drank, she was incredibly unkind. She’d push my buttons just for kicks. I’d beg her not to start another fight and she just couldn’t relent. She had a sister that just moved back home and was as bad as her except she was more brazen about treating their parents terrible and like an all day ATM. They hung out all the time.
She was the definition of lazy and gaslighter.
It was enough. I knew I’d suffer in the breakup but I would not have to suffer her or her sister ever again.
It’s been six or so years and while my reputation has hit an all time low, I’m happy.
Lol oh boy the list goes on and on. Lied, gaslit, manipulated, abused me, lied to my face multiple times, tried to defend his lies (from the simplest shit like who he was hangingout with, to lying about his entire history and persona), insulted me, abandoned me whenever it was convenient, act entitled to my time and feelings, racist, shit talks his entire friendgroup, only befriends yesman, narcissistic, shit talks othes apperance when hes ugly himself, racist, blackmail, cheated, **Threatened multiple times to kill himself if I left** etc etc etc. Hes a horrible pos that I fell out of love about a year ago, and is most definitely victimizing himself and being entitled/ narrowminded as always 💀
He got black out drunk inside the house while our child (under 8) was alone in the pool. I went to the store for less than an hour, he chugged straight vodka while playing video games. He told our kid they could swim and he would be out soon. I came home to him wildly drunk on the couch, get angry, go to check on our child who is no where inside. I ran to the backyard to find them in the pool, thankfully with floaties and in the shallow end. I went back in to find him dragging himself out of the small pet enclosure with a huge open wound on his back. He blacked out into the wire cage, he drunkenly stumbled off to bed at 3pm bleeding and cussing me for my attitude. That’s really where it hit me that I don’t love him and he never loved us that much either.
Not out of love but saddens me to realise after 10 years setting her up with a change in country and career for her to be doing something she enjoys that pays significantly less than she would have had she stuck with her professional training, while I continued in the breadwinning jobs we both knew drragged the soul of me out to dry and was a psychological and emotional hammer on me that it's taken me to court against my employers, against a car sales firm who reneged on promises all in the past year.
Now she's settled and her business is running smoothly (I set her up with funds and have paid mortgage and bills as well as put cash and unpaid time at her business to support that I don't resent yet) she's realised the wreck I've become is no longer on the same track as her and has checked out and seeks a partnership for a year as "housemates". For her, an amicable friendship.
20 years together and I've been her support for everything she's wanted and needed but it's not enough apparently.
Fall out of love? With my self respect yes.
She was in a meet and f**k group on telegram. My friends sin is the one that saw her and told me. I'm very certain she never met anyone but she was chatting with guys, one guy for months, even during our getaway to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Our last wedding anniversary. She's an attention wh*re and needs attention from many guys I guess.
Took off their (excessive) makeup.
Not a joke. I know makeup is a big thing and every woman does it. But the moment it comes off, the attraction also wanes.
So I always prefer a woman who doesn't over do the makeup. When I see women, i rate the looks and deduct a couple points for makeup.
I'm a former male model. I've been around women who look above 10/10 with makeup but without it are just 6/10.
I’m not sure I’ve ever fallen so quickly out of love with someone in my entire life of 38 years. It’s so bizarre.
He gaslit me…*a lot*. He dismissed and demeaned my parenting experience (my daughter is 18 now). He dismissed and demeaned me taking care of our baby (now 17 months). I kept overlooking it though. My plan was to start couples counselling after I gave birth, as I’m currently 33 weeks. It got to a point where I just did 95% of the housework, split bills with him, and rarely brought anything up in even a calm constructive way because he had this insanely frustrating pattern of mirroring everything I said. It would make me feel crazy. Like I was legit going crazy. He would become defensive, deflect and then flip my own words against me.
About a month and a half ago he left me. On Monday he was telling me he loved me and we were planning a movie date for a week before my due date. Literally on Tuesday, he lost his shit. In the span of 20 minutes, he told me he didn’t love me, he was miserable with me, I’m not a good parent, he somehow used me having one arm against me. Like am I supposed to grow out my fuckin arm? He judged my daughter’s developmental issues. Which is wildly ironic considering his little brother is on the spectrum. He told me being a stay at home mom isn’t a real job nor is it even that hard. He also then tried to gaslight me for the final time by saying he never agreed to me being a stay at home mom. This is a conversation we’ve had so many times I’ve lost count. Including in front of my older kids.
It’s like this dude lost all kindness and compassion for this family. My 12 year old son thought of him as Dad and would tell people this was his dad. My ex left without even a fucking word to him. A fucking 12 year old boy who is just full of love and kindness and sweetness. He is such a loving human. What the fuck did kiddo do to deserve that? Nothing. Because he’s a kid. It takes a real garbage human to be so shitty to a 12 year old.
He disgusts me as a human being now. I can’t stand being around him. He triggered a lot of trauma with his mental and emotional abuse that I’ve been fighting so hard to overcome. Knowingly. He knows my history. He knows my abandonment issues.
He picks up the baby every Saturday morning and drops him off Sunday night. I wish he could only have every other weekend. While some parents don’t really consider long term effects on mental and emotional development, I do in every sense of the word. I’ve raised two super awesome kids, but I’m very concerned my ex is going to fuck up my two with him.
I haven’t looked at him in over a month. I can’t look at him. Every time he’s around I nearly have a panic attack because of him triggering me. I’ve said maybe a total of five sentences to him. It’s not that I hate him. I just don’t want him around. He grosses me out. He makes me uncomfortable with the way he can just easily switch his emotions and behave so impulsively.
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She stopped showing me the affection I showed her and figured I was a man and didn’t need compliments or to be asked how my day ways.
this with my ex. His compliments were only sexual, or to get sexual favor. He expected this when a smile and thank you wasn't enough..All he did was complain about how bad his day/ life was. Everything that I felt he felt worse. Everything that happened in my day he had worse happen. Everything that hurt me, hurt him More. He dismissed every single thing I would say with a grand example of his liking. Or, he would spout out what he considered advice. That I did not ask for, just to say he helped so I should stop talking about it. Such as " well, quit your job then" and " toughen up". So I stopped asking how his day was. I stopped telling him about mine. Then he siad we never talk and I don't care anymore.
“You never let me criticize you or one up you anymore” 🤡
This is probably their exact thought lol 😂
Amen brother
I feel this so much. My mrs talks for hours about her day, but if I force the conversation onto my day she just sits there in stoney faced silence with a face like a smacked arse.. and thats as soon as she realises. Her face can go from happy to sullen in seconds. It absolutely destroys me. One of the lads gave me some viagra to play with. I told her, and her reply was a rather uninterested "You know you have to be turned on for those to work right?".. I didn't reply, just threw them away
That sucks bro, I'm sorry 😔
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Divorce her. She seems abusive.
Dude why are you in this relationship? Life is too short to be with people who make you unhappy
I’ll admit when my husband talks about work my face does get kinda sunk because I feel dumb for not understanding. He does HVAC, and the stuff he talks about is confusing but I feel dumb asking follow ups. Thank you for this comment so that I can be better.
Had this with my “Toxic Empath” Ex Wife for 22 years. Make her an ex and she will find someone else to deal with her.
I feel that. He never did that for me but I didn’t realize how important that was until it was too late. Now I’m stuck
You are never ‘stuck’ with someone who disrespects you or makes you unhappy!
Damn, that sounds familiar.
He left me at the emergency room to go home and sleep when I was sicker than I had ever been in my life. I took a cab home at 1 AM.
They left me at the hospital with a "cold" in 2020 to go to work. It was covid. I almost died. This, along with other incidents, resulted in divorce 2 years later.
Would you rather they had caught covid with you? Not saying what he did was good or defending him but did he at least try to check up on you?
No, I had to taxi home after.
Wow then yeah good riddance to bad rubbish i say.
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I’m not trying to be insensitive by asking. I’ve suffered from similar mental health issues and I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. …but with you being separated, why should they be obligated to stay there for you? It seems like it would be unfair to expect that of them and maybe even unhealthy for them to be forced to stay by the side of someone they’ve separated from. Edit: OP edited their post. It originally said they were separated.
I'm not the commenter but they only said going through issues. This doesn't mean they were separated
They edited their post. It originally said they were separated.
Gotcha
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This was me a year ago. She abandoned me at a mental hospital and when i got out she kicked me out of my home because she had a new boyfriend now and claimed she needed a reason to break up. I ended up back at the hospital for a month and i was in the darkest state of mind. I'm much better off now with a house and good friends that i can depend on. It's a great feeling but being abandoned by your significant other is just the absolute evil.
Bruh. Hope you left them. Damn
Not immediately, but I did
I’m about there with my wife of 20 years… she’s just so negative about everything. Proud of “hating people” and earnestly wishes for return of Covid or other disaster to take more people out. I’ll joke about things like that sometimes, but she means it with her heart. Always finds judgey things to say about people out and about or neighbors or coworkers or family. Really just wants life to be no one but the two of us forever, and I can’t stand it anymore. Planning an exit strategy but there’s never a “good” time
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Nah, those people won’t get along. The hater types thrive off dating stable individuals and making their partners lives more stressful.
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Yea, and they’ll gas light you into thinking your just weak or crazy. Moment you gain some traction and feel good, they’ll start dumb arguments over something like how you placed the dishes in the dishwasher.
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Yep, well just know your probably addicted to the drama at this point without knowing it. Take some time to work through that before you start dating again. I know I had to, and I've also dated women fresh out of those types of relationships that didn't do the personal growth. They never “feel the connection/chemistry” unless they are with someone who does the emotional roller coaster. The highs and lows are surprisingly addictive.
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That's awesome to hear! Glad you made it out of the cycle. Lifes a lot more fun and simpler when you do.
It’s so cliche, but true — life is too short to spend it like that. I never found a good time either. One day the words just fell out of me. Things are better now for me than they were then. Wishing you the best!
Woah, sounds like my husband! I never really could put into words how he is, but this is really accurate. I feel like 90% off what he says is negative things about other things, people, etc. It's hard because I'm more of a bleeding heart where kindness is my default and it can be really jarring to have that extreme opposite.
There never will be a good time, rip off that bandaid and stop wasting both your time ✌
God yeah I’ve had friends like this and unfortunately had to pull it. Can’t imagine having to do that to your life partner. good luck sir - your happiness matters.
She cheated. Gave her a chance so we could work things out. I laid ground rules of things that would make me not overthink or make me feel unloved by her or take me back to that horrible sinking feeling of when you first find out, I just wanted to slowly regain that trust in her again. Did she ever do it? No. Whenever I brought things up that would make me have flashbacks or trigger me, she would say “you’re supposed to forgive and forget.”. When I realized how manipulative that was, I started to loose all love for her.
YoU'rE sUpPoSeD tO fOrGiVe AnD FoRgEt!!! hUrR DURRRRRRRRR. Cunt you're suppose to keep it in your pants (obv to her, not you)
Mine didn't cheat, but lied about something fairly serious. She'd get angry any time I had a trust issue, and would refuse to reinforce her statement. It just eroded our trust more.
I lived through a similar situation and the flashbacks are brutal. Being betrayed is really traumatic and I don’t think it’s recognized as such enough. People who cheat are a special kind of cruel.
She made my 21st birthday vacation to Hawaii a fucken mess. Her selfishness really poked its head out during that trip and after that it was allllllll downhill.
How exactly was she selfish?
It was a few things and it happened slowly. I think the first thing was when he ignored my first Mother’s Day. The next was when he got rip roaring drunk during our son’s second birthday party. Then he started smoking again and coughing constantly to the point where I couldn’t sleep at night and he did nothing to fix it. Then he got Covid and quarantined himself but when I got it, I had to care for myself and our son. Then he cheated and emotionally abused me for two years. There’s no more love. There’s just hate now
So proud of you for deciding to have a better life for you and your son.
Are you still together?
No
She told me she no longer wanted to be with me intimately. And it has just gotten worse from then. Now, we are nothing more than roommates, and I still get to pay the bills. Finally about 4 months ago she asked me for some money. As I turned away to walk away, I told her she had better get a job if she wants some $$$. Now she has her job, pays for her own food and her own expenses. My house is mine no matter how this may end or plays out according to law, so I pay for my house. Roomies now
She will take the house. The courts are very..."special."
Sadly I still love my ex. However I realized that I couldn't be with them anymore once they kept showing a pleasant fact to everyone else but made me their emotional dumping ground for all negative feelings. There was just so much of it and it went on for years that eventually I realized that I was the only common factor. Plus they were constantly worried about what others thought about them. Never seemed concerned with what I thought about anything. Even now, if they are to talk with me it is typically a complaint, or a criticism. At first I just stopped sharing my own stories. Then I stopped sharing how I felt about things in life. Because they were so stressed out and unhappy all the time, why would I want to add to that? And then I started noticing how much happier they were when they were with anyone else. They laughed at anyone else's jokes but would get all PC if I told one. Would correct me if I ever said anything that was perceived as wrong. Finally I told them that I really didn't feel like they wanted me around, which of course they flipped the script and told me how horrible I made them feel by telling them that horrible thing I said. Eventually it crushed me. I realized they really didn't love me and the only reason they ever did anything with or for me was because they felt like they HAD to so that they could keep that illusion going that they were the perfect creature they always thought they had to be. Not for me, but for everyone else. I don't even remember getting a compliment about anything. All I remember is the constant complaints, criticism, and negativity. Divorced now, but it has left me fairly hollow feeling. I sacrificed a lot in my life to try and have this person be happy with me and show me the good face they showed everyone else. It was never good enough.
Your comment is honestly scary to me. Because I feel like I'm finding myself in a simial trap over and over again. Thought this one would be different but I'm still learning. I still am undecided. But if you don't mind, could you please share with me some stories /examples of what you mean when you say thatg all you can remember is constant complaining, criticism, and negativity?
It wasn't that the criticism or negativity was always wrong. I get that it is sometimes necessary, but as a daily occurrence it is to much. Example: The shoe rack. There was a shoe rack that they had me pick out. I had previously tried to get my SO to pick what they wanted but they claimed it didn't matter and to just get a cheap one that works. So of course I do exactly this. This shoe rack is small and holds about 10 or 12 pairs of shoes. I buy it, I take it home and I set it up at the front door. One random day during a summer my SO comes home from work, and tries to put their shoes on the shoe rack. Only they can't use the shoe rack because all the space is taken. I had two pairs of shoes there. There were two other pairs that were the kid's shoes. All together there were six or eight pairs that belonged to my SO on that same rack. My SO got angry at me for having no space available. So who do they get mad at? Of course they get mad at me. I was forced to remove my shoes and keep them somewhere entirely different. A place that was completely out of the way so that they could put ANOTHER pair of their shoes on the rack and had to organize and make the shoes look all nice and aligned each day even though I didn't even keep my shoes there. They tried to apologize later and tell me that I could keep my shoes there to which I knew was a trap. If I didn't accept the apology it would turn into a full on argument about how horrible I made them feel by keeping my shoes somewhere that made no sense rather than them removing one of their pairs that they rarely used. So I would just smile and tell them it was okay and that it didn't bother me. I would have to nod and say "no,no! You are right! And plus I don't even care if my shoes were there or somewhere else." Kiss on the forehead and end the brewing argument right then. To which they accept and move on to get upset about something else. The go to tactic to keep the upsetness going was to almost daily call their sister who was perpetually rude to them on the phone. It would go something like this: SO would call. They would talk for 10 or 15 minutes and something would be said where one of them would get offended at the other. Then they would "resolve" the situation. Then my SO would come and complain to me almost every time about how mean their sister is and that they are clearly right about whatever they were arguing about. Would proceed to talk ad nauseum about what a terrible person their sister is. In some cases that was the conversation for the entirety of the evening. Then, after my ears were practically bleeding, I would ask for the entirely one sided conversation to either stop or I would say something in response to something they had said. If I tried to get it to stop I clearly didn't care about them and was a terrible listener. If I said something in response it would turn into how what I said was hurtful or wrong somehow. It was a lose lose situation no matter what I did. Finally it would be time for bed for my SO. I'd stay up to wind myself down and feel sorry for myself in private. It wasn't that it happened it was the quantity and the amount of time. My personal favorite was that they came home one evening and I had made a nice dinner and poured a glass of wine for them. They were upset (big surprise /s) about and I figured I would try to make them feel better before they started to get upset with me about . My gesture was turned into that I am trying to control them and invalidate their feelings about whatever and how I could do better by using these other words instead. Etc.
I couldn't even get my SO to sit and watch a TV show with me. Now that I am out of the picture they have movie dates with friends and the kids. When I was there my SO was not the cleanest of people. Now that I am not there they clean all the time. They hang out with friends and are having fun. Yet the claim is that they were happy with me and that all that was wrong was that I was careless and never actually loved them.
There are hundreds of other examples. It almost always started by something real small that wouldn't be let go, my reaction to it not being good enough and the cycle would continue.
Wow. Well in a way I'm glad that my situation isn't exactly like all the examples you have given.... Yet. It scares me though because I feel it is similar in some parts at the least though. But I do want to say that nothing feels more hurtful and like a slap to the face than when your ex is living their life better than when you were there, and does all those things you wished they would only after you're not there. It's not fare because you gave so much to be there for them and they were never there for you. But it's your fault. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm so glad you're out of that! I hope that you can find someone who aplriciates and reciprocates. Thank you so much for sharing. You gave me some food for thought. I'm scared but I truly appreciate it.
Just make sure that you experience stuff together. Even stupid things like going to a dentists office. Make sure they stay part of even that kind of stuff. Forgive the stupid shit that you both will do and do NOT go looking for problems. The universe will give you more than plenty of those without you looking for them. The rest will fall into place. It was very hurtful. Especially when I realized that she was happier with everyone else. But I am happy I had any love at all. Not everyone gets to be in love.
I tried hard. And sometimes he would give me the little small things that made great memories. But more often than not, he would try and then get into a shitty attitude and start treating me some kind of way that would just ruin the whole experience and make me feel like I couldn't get out of there fast enough. But now it doesn't matter anymore I guess. He ended up flipping his lid on me yesterday morning, yelling at the top. Of his lungs in my face, calling me a stupid bitch, and then getting physical when I finay started to stand up for myself. I'm just glad it happened before I went any further against my good judgment and spend anymore time and money and resources trying to build a life for us. That's true. I hope to experience true love some day with someone who lasts. At this point idek where all the good peoe are at, or if there are any left. Lol maybe I'm jusg the shitty one. I don't believe it but the why would this shit keep happening? Idk. But at least this last relationship ish thing or whatever we were has given me more insight in what I want, what I need, and what I can't tolerate.
The stresses of normal day to day life can really be a lot for some people. I have nothing but sympathy and I hope you better luck next time around.
Thank you so much. The same to you.
He took me forgranted because he got used to me being good to him.
A relationship is a contract. Two people talk about some arrangement and come to an agreement. My last business partner did not understand this concept. When we first began speaking I listened, and asked questions, I laid bare my feelings and tried to communicate my boundaries. My message fell on deaf ears, my meaning was not heard. Try as I might, I can lead a horse to water, But I cannot make them thirsty.
You were business partner with a horse?
When you talk to someone who is not listening you are just wasting breath and time. This expression is used to say it is a useless venture. You cannot communicate with someone who is not actively listening and participating in a conversation. You might as well talk to a wall.
All I'm hearing is horse fucker
Of course
You sound like a right laugh
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He cheated
My ex did the same thing. He also blamed all our problems on me.
Cheaters always do that. It's never their fault, you just weren't treating them right
Right? Like it’s your fault that pushed them to the point of cheating. If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have stuck myself in her…
Exactly!
I’ve fallen out of love only once. I was 16 and he was a groomer I thought I was going to end up with forever. He was 21 at the time. He didn’t tell me he was on parole for something I won’t divulge. Makes my skin crawl, knowing how naive I was and that I could have been a victim. He is now in prison since 2006. Since then, I have been in love with a handful of people, some unrequited. I have never learned how to not be in love with them, I have just learned to live without them.
—-I have been in love with a handful of people, some unrequited. I have never learned how to not be in love with them, I have just learned to live without them. He’ll of a concept — and writing
Cheated
Snapping at me over stupid issues, like for example, he told me to pick the pizza I wanted. He has been eating pizza with me for 10 years and he knows I always order parma ham and arugula if he asked me to pick. I am predictable, I like the same old food. And what happened was, he went off the roof going off at me about why do I always have to pick the same pizza, why can't I try something different? So I picked the cabonara pizza which is like bacon, ham and cream sauce, and he said no to that too. He knows I hate mushroom and then he wanted to pick a salami and mushroom pizza and I was like ok, you have the pizza alone, I just won't eat as you know I can't eat mushroom. And then he went into further tirade about why do i have to be so stuck on one flavour of pizza and refuse to try anything else. And what's wrong with mushrooms. I just puke when I eat it, it taste horrible to me. I also don't eat red meat. I guess earthy flavours are foul to me. This is not true, we both love pepperoni but this pizza place he picked had no pepperoni. Anyway in the end, after going off at me, he ordered parma arugula pizza for me and then bought himself a cabonara pasta. Like we could have literally done that in the beginning without all these drama. Alot of crazy things like these keep happening due to his business failures, he was just loving to be an asshole daily. He wasn't like this when his business was smooth sailing. He is always positive and in a good mood and very easy going and mellow. Anyway, I fell inlove with with his chill and mellow personality. When he changed 180 into this screaming demon over stupid small disagreements. I had to leave.
How long did this screamong demon phase last until you decided to see your way out? How was the breakup?
I would say 1.5 Yr because covid struck and it really hit his business bad and then it had to close down so I know he was going through a horrible time. And in the beginning, I thought I had to give him grace and be patient. Although repeatedly addressing the issue to him that it's not fair I am some kind of verbal punching bag for him to relieve stress or something. And he was always apologetic about it but would not be able to control himself and keep lashing out at me. Honestly, the pizza incident was the absolute last straw. As it was our regular pizza night, you know snuggling in the couch, putting in a movie and enjoying pizza and wine. I love these pizza nights of ours and we always have a good time and very peaceful and happy together like that. But even that he had to ruin and find fault. Like we cannot just spend one night in peace and love. There was alot of bizzare incident like for example I finish boiling pasta and was gonna throw the boiling hot water in the pot down the sink. He started screaming about how I was wasting water and insisted I pour it down his plants.... Now..., the water is boiling hot and filled with salt. And I put alot of salt! But I threw it into his plants anyway to shut him up as he was getting really angry and yelling about it. Its all these crazy things and you know I been with this dude for 10 years. And I used to love him because he was the most rational person I knew. Now I don't even know where that rational person went. The parting was more like, I told him I was done and he completely ignored me and responded with cold treatment. Every 6 mths or so, he contacts me and tell me his a changed man, and he is mellow now. But I knew how to press his button to see how mellow he was and we will always end up fighting again because I feel he is not back to his old calm self at all. The new him is very very easily irritated and derailed. So it was not much efforts at all to make him go crazy at me again. He tries to tell me to understand that he is just very stressed. But I really hate being yelled at. I did tell him from day one that if he ever started constantly raising his voice at me, that would make me run from him.
Promised me a certain kind of life before marriage then refused to work towards those goals with me after marriage.
Nothing unfortunately
No intimacy.
It was a loooooong time ago, but he threatened suicide, and sneered at me when I tried to talk him out of it.
Showed up to my house at 4am, after having gone home a few hours earlier "for early rest", except she arrived completely blackout drunk. As my parents slept on a bed in the living room on the last day of their vacation to visit me. Her and I spent the weekend with them seeing sites and what have you, and she made a strong positive first impression on them (not that it mattered much), til that happened. It was an instant fall out of love moment.
It’s “she and I”
“She and I” fell out of love when she decided to correct small grammar mistakes.
You mean, she was an English teacher and fell out of love with me when I said things like “her and I” around our snickering friends.
Cheated on me, then took the side of the guy she cheated on after he attempted to rape me.
What the…? You alright?
It was a series of things. Mainly to do with me feeling more like a mother and maid than girlfriend. It started with him cracking jokes that he was simply lazy. Then I learned they weren't jokes. I was the main person doing the dishes, folding clothes, reminding him about taking the laundry to the laundromat, feeding the cat, cleaning the cat litter, skid marks in his underwear, the fact that he complained so much about feeling tired and like shit all the time but never changed the habits that made him feel that way. I was crying many times a week over the simple fact that I was exhausted and he couldn't wash a few dishes unless I was sobbing over how tired I was about cleaning everything. I finally realized he was never going to change, and I would be stuck in a small ass town because I was too afraid to leave for myself. I would be the breadwinner as I would have the degree and job potential to make more than $25,000 a year. Just so much, and I realized I only stayed with him because I didn't think I deserved better.
Refusing sex with the most outlandish excuses imaginable. Being bossy. Getting really angry when she wants something i dont. Drinking. Being very dunning-kruger. Getting unattractive mainly because of behaving not attractive. I realized after a couple of years i just did not like her personality.
doesn’t matter what their reason for not wanting sex was, all that matters is that they didn’t want it.
Made me feel like I couldn't do a single thing right, ever. Most of his comments began with "You should have . . . " or " Why didn't you . . . " I couldn't even cook a simple breakfast without criticism. I was just never good enough, despite all efforts to please him.
She cheated
Asked for an open marriage and then after reassuring me she wasn’t trying to replace me, did exactly that. When I placed boundaries, she stepped all over them and when I stated I was uncomfortable with the relationship, she told me she didn’t care and that I could remove myself from it because she refused to change anything to help me.
Started hating my child from previous...that will put some prospective to your ass real quick if your a good parent...sucks and she's so beautiful and nice to EVERYONE ELSE
The bi*ch cheated
When my ex basically stopped communicating with me, and then I realized how little physical attention she showed.
Lie
Stopped trying? Took alot out of me and I blamed myself. I still have trust issues about people and noe I choose not to date
It took multiple things. But she finally admitted to not trusting me.
Lying
Cheat right after having a baby that he begged for
She started getting more and more selfish, and the "love" she showed me started to feel less and less genuine. It seemed like I was putting in all the effort to keep the relationship going until I became exhausted and just kind of gave up. And I probably stayed in the relationship longer than I should have.
First she changed her mode of dress, then the time she came in from work changed. I suspected cheating. Then while trying to get her tablet from one carrier to another a msg came in from bf #1 about needing a massage. Then bf #2 starts calling my number late at night and doing all sorts of childish things. I guess he was supposed to be some bad gangster. Finally while walking through the kitchen to the dining room I overheard this crazy woman and her crazy daughter discussing my DEATH as bf #2 (who I refer to as monkey 🐒) wants to do me harm. I forgot to insert, before I found out about the monkey man she is telling her daughter how to have sex with multiple men without getting the semen mixed inside🤢. I ran to my doctor and demanded every STD and AIDS test. I never touched her again and we were done. I could go on but you get it. It took me 14 years to find out I was with a whore. I haven't needed another woman since.
What’s the reference to the “monkey” about? Just curious
Not racial that's for sure. It refers to a laughing sound they made as they thought they were intimidating. They kept driving by flashing their little gun and laughing too ignorant to even guess I have one also. They were In a black raggedy caddy with the plates blacked out. The next morning my fence was kicked in for about the 5th time. Feces on the patio furniture. Long story short it's that laughing noise they made. Not racial because I'd be referring to myself.
I knew I loved her before I met her. Her attitude, her willingness to take a really risky chance and move 1200 miles in with me. She’s the best. I will never let her go.
She cheated and got pregnant with someone else's baby. Yea
Showed me just how stubborn she is, it's not cute or endearing it; it's frustrating and entirely needless.
Got old and miserable and moody and lost their temper over stupid shit and took it out on them for no good reason because they are weak and pathetic.... Oh wait.... that's me.
Not listening. As simple as that. Just won’t listen.
He had Trump derangement syndrome and would scream at the TV for hours while watching the news.
1. Physical Abuse 2. Emotional Abuse 3. Controling everything 4. He just saw me as a gravy train, when I had a good income, which ended. Then the marriage ended. 5. in the marriage he was very demanding, related to sex, using sex as a sleep aid, when he did have a job, before he lost his jobs.
Im so sorry :(
She was physically and emotionally abusive and extremely controlling and jealous of nonsense. Tried making sure I never interacted with any other woman on earth. Always tried to accuse me of cheating because her exes had even though I never had in my life. I tried working through things with her for years and I loved her to death. In the end she was a hypocrite and wanted nothing to do with me. I remember I was sick one day and she just distanced herself from me as much as possible. As soon as I was better I just wanted to spend some quality time with her and she ditched me to hang out with some new work friends. I knew it was bad when her mom, who would defend her daughter’s every move looked at me one day asking why I was still with her when I was treated so bad. That’s when I left. Should have left WAY earlier. Sucks. Wasted so much time and been stuck single and lonely and miserable ever since. Whole thing made me bitter and jaded.
Completely disregard my needs and wants
Nothing, I was never in love I just didn’t realize until I had kids and experienced true love I feel like I could be in love though… in a different way I guess idk I wonder all the time
What does love even feel like?
Left then tried to take more than 50% of the kids.
Stuck a different dick in her.
He cheated. He abused me. He belittled me. He manipulated me. He had a porn addiction. He gave attention to others that wasn't me.
I'm really struggling with mine. She moved in with me since my mum died and inherited her house. Before, she made all these claims about about just wanting to be together, to provide a home for me and her lad, and to cook and dote on us both. I didn't like the inequality, but if it made her happy. She's been here 5 months now. Shenever once gotten the vacuum cleaner out, she has never emptied, or even filled the bin, she leaves rubbish laying where ever it falls (including at least 4 beer cans every day!), she cooks maybe once a week if she can be arsed, but never does the washing up, and on top of cleaning up after her, her son, and myself, I also get no support or help with anything else. Oh, and of course I also have to maintain anything that goes wrong in her life too. ... but its ok because she throws money at me to cover her share of the bills. She doesn't pay any of them, she just chucks the money at me and expects me to. At this stage I just feel like I've been conned. I'm trying to be patient and encouraging, but running a household after a 50-60hrs working week is draining me of both energy and enthusiasm
Not be around
I wonder if the answer always boils down to you are bored of them and you just don’t laugh or talk with each other.
Disrespect. Trusting her pedo mom over me. Lied about views on mental health .
Alcoholism and abuse. Lots of both and I was 50% heavier than her. My kid saw too much of it and now that we're free it shows how bad it was.
Long and consistent series of things that clearly showed me she never was a person I consider her to be.
Cheat on me.
Cheating probably the only thing that could do it
After I took the bait and hook (engagement & wedding), she immediately started turning into the most self-centered human I have ever been with. It extended to sex without love. She either loved or hated everyone else, and there was no reasoning with her on people she hated, other than it seem to be tied to some jealousy. Some of them were actually the sweetest people in our social circles. After we split up, I found out two of those people she hated were my mother and sister whom she physically abused. She became increasingly erratic, and a month before we split up she ran naked down the beach in Galveston, Texas, as a spiteful act towards me after we argued. Unfortunately, not a nude beach. I paid for doctors, psychiatrists, acupuncturists, everything in the book, but she was technically mentally sound. Just a bad, evil person. When she split, she emotionally damaged literally hundreds of people in the process. She didn’t care. It was all about her. Any break up is a tragedy, but I was secretly relieved that I still had my own sanity after she left. After 5 years of rebuilding my life, things took off for the better. Granted, every story has two sides and I can only give you my perspective.
Never fell out of love with her, she's my rock as much as I am hers. IMHO, what My partner and I have is truly beautiful and I look forward to our futures together hand in hand. So I reckon this post doesn't pertain to me. Just try to stay positive, there's someone out there for you that will love you just the way you are, just like how my partner and I are about each other... 🙂
He started talking to me the same way his dad talked to his mother. I suddenly saw my life play out before me in this miserable way. And I realized that I wanted no part of it.
A complete refusal to change at all. If I didn't like it, it was a personal attack on them and who they are. They became completely unapologetic about everything. It was my fault to expect anything different. Conversations became a minefield where I literally could not say the right thing. All of my attempts just ended up with them upset at me. I gave up and started just leaving it all unsaid and internalized. Years of that just built enough resentment that I fell out of love.
Years ago, when my youngest was a newborn, he got into some online multi-player phone game. Not only did he spend ALL of his free time on it, but he ended up spending a huge amount of money (I never did find out the true amount, but it was in the thousands) AND come to find out he was sexing/ having an emotional affair with someone he talked to in the game. It really broke me. I was barely making it with taking care of the kids, plus the newborn and I felt like he kicked me square in the stomach while I was already at my lowest. I lost all respect for him that day and needless to say it almost resulted in divorce. I was in such a low place afterward. It took a lot of time and a lot of work on both ends to get back to a place where I felt we were okay again.
I’m slowly falling out of love. He doesn’t want to do the little things angmore, Like hold hands or cuddle in bed or go on a date night anymore. We are more becoming like roommates slowly. I’ve brought it up to him, but he says it’s my problem not his. He is happy and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong. He suggested therapy. I haven’t gone. I probably should. He’s probably right about it being a me thing.
Not true, if he isn't making an effort any more it's not on your end No amount of your therapy will make him love you more or treat you better, if he wanted to treat you better he would
This is what I’m slowly starting to realize. Now it’s just time to accept it. I don’t want to accept another failed relationship. I keep telling myself give him more time. His space. But slowly it’s killing me inside. It’s not fair to him, he’s soo happy, and how miserable I am.
So I had a friend for a year going through the same shit. Eventually it diluted to almost no time together despite being TOGETHER physically. Sex every other week. Months without dates. Without a thought - a gift, a drink.. anything. Complacency. I saw a quote once that really stuck w me: “Never stop dating the person you love.” The little things matter most imo. I’d rather have my hand held or a good morning than a big birthday surprise. I’d rather have small smiles, a treat. You deserve to be courted for eternity man. Complacency is the death of romance “It’s not fair to him” that you’re miserable? Come on dude :-/
It is the little things and dates at least once a month that sticks with you for life. Things such as compliments, romance, treats, etc. Also, communication. Always be willing to listen, have an open heart, and have an open mind. This is what any reasonable person should do. Anything more, it is not in your hands. If you want to do 50/50 housework/job, sure. If you want to be a homemaker while your spouse works, sure. Just make sure to communicate.
It’s weird. After enough shit, you can love someone but struggle with and end to falling out of love. There’s the lack of affection and sex. There’s the nitpicking. The magnitude of an already type A personality compared to my Type B. And I’m not going to lie, there was this laziness factor involved. We have 2 kids, and she lost baby weight real fast and then some nursing. She looked great. How we met. Then she just kept eating stuff and stopped nursing, and has a hate/hate relationship with exercise and enough excuses to fill a novel. I built a home gym in the garage. There’s weights. A treadmill. A spin bike in the bedroom closet she could pull out. A couple machines. You name in. She did a few pay for programs to incentivize herself. It lasted for a week. I was a trainer and a life long athlete. I might be in better shape in my 30’s than my 20’s thanks to stopping drinking entirely. It’s hard for me to even want intimacy even IF she would give it sometimes just due to the fact that I have a kind of resentment when the tools and the knowledge to get herself healthy was right there. Still is. There’s never one thing in a marriage
Insulting me everyday, controlling what I wear, accusing me of cheating when I was not (it’s really hurt because I’m faithful and would never want to hurt the person I love), yelling at me for the smallest things, and ruining my self esteem.
1. Started doubling the commute home .. then was the constant mention of one “friend” but I was being Jealous. Then was the “mistake “ 2.would come home jump in the shower , then Offer sex… 🤔 no thank you .. it was because she was lonely 😂
Cheat
my ex was best friends with my abuser behind my back and when i confronted my ex about it, i was told by my ex that they “didn’t pick sides” :/ they did a lot of other horrible things to me but that was the icing on the cake
Allow their family to control our lives. I don't mind my in-laws but they get their hooks in and really cause issues.
Suddenly, she started skipping bath 😨 I tried talking to her, but slowly, I made clearly that I am falling out of love. Once a week!
Currently struggling with my feelings now but more and more I feel like mine are dying off. I find myself more miserable. Like at first they were so sweet and tried their hardest to not be angry or have patience. But now I feel like they don't even care. Or don't care as much until I react some type of way. Their anger for sure is so off putting and they talk to me like shit sometimes. Even over stupid things. It's come to the point where I honestly don't know if they are joking or not but I don't feel comfortable saying anything because I don't want to fight or to make things worse. Public and in private. I feel like I'm forced into silence or risk getting in trouble, so I just bite my toungue. I've also started to notice, and maybe it's just me overthinking everything and being wah too sensitive all of a sudden, but it feels like they aren't really. Interested in my wants or needs. I'm horny and I speak up, they just want what they want. They get their pleasure and orgasm every time and I have to get my own in private way after the fact. I think like twice they let me get mine and that was just me doing it while I played with them. That in itself to me feels awkward and makes me feel gross and not worth it. I want to hold their hand, they act like it's such a bother. I want to kiss or hug or cuddle and they get irritated and act like I'm suffocating them even though they've been at work all day. Idk, it just seems so one sided latley. Like I bend over backwards to do everything I can for them and take care of them but I'm really starting to feel like it's mostly all one sided. I find it harder an harder to make or keep up conversations. And I feel so lonely and sad all the time now and I've been crying a lot which isn't at all like it was a few months ago it seems like. I also feel line massive they are ashamed of me in public because he's skinny and normal I guess and I'm fat, awkward, buily very unattractive, and taller than him. I feel like maybe I'm overreacting and overthinking because maybe he's weird about showing pda in public, but I feel like he's rather run to his peers or friends and keep disgrace between us. I feel line it wasn't like this in the beginning which is why it bothers me so much now. I also feel like I do for him what he doesn't do for me. And now that I'm out of money and a job and a ride, I feel like I'm jusg a huge burden. There's more but yeah, you get the point. Now I know this is just my take on the situation. I want to add that the work extremity hard with long gruling hours and are always tired. I know I'm the only person he's in contact with unless he's on his phone (which seems life a lot of the time). To where he just ignores me. I am aware that maybe I'm just wanting too much from him but then I think to myself I feel like I'm asking for the bare minimum. I'm aware that his work takes a lot out of him and maybe this is all temperary and it'll get better in time. But his patience with me and the way he talks to me sometimes seems to be getting worse. He does randomly tell me that he appreciates me. He does tell me he loves me sometimes and kissed me before he leaves to work int he mornings. But I feel like most days that's all the kiss I really get. I will tell him I love him 5-10 times before he says it back. He could just be playfully not saying it on purpose but that shit plays with your mind. I always tell him he's cute, he's hot, he's sexy, he turns me on, I'm proud of him, I'm happy or excited for him, ask him about his days, how he's feeling, etc etc on pretty much a daily basis. He's called me beautiful once, maybe twice. Has said "well I am not. Into ugly women" a couple times. But that's pretty much it. And that was in the beginning. He'll rarely ask me how my day was but he says it in passing, and if I don't answer the question he just goes on as if he never asked in the first place. I just keep chocking it up to he's tired or busy or something and it won't always be this way. I am a gift giver. My love language is through touch and gifts. That thoughtfulness. I'm coming to the realization that maybe he's just not a sentimental person. I put a lot of thought into big gifts. Even money that I don't have. He doesn't really give much thought or praise besides a thank you and just kinda leaves whatever there to rot. Talking like personal handwritten cards and stuff like that. Still hasn't openedor used the stuff I made for him for valintines day. He didn't even tell his friends about the birthday gifts I got him. But he seemed to be way more excited about what others did or got for him and will tell his other friends rnfds what others did or got for him. He does do a lot for me, but I feel like it's not enough. That is comparing it to what I do for him. That makes me feel like it's just whatever to him. But is it just me being insatiable or needy and overthinking and being hypersensitive? Or is there something really real happy withering here? Oh, and there's also the whole, I've been living with him for the past 6months straight now, he has started to tell people I'm his girl (but not everyone and not every single time, mainly the people we see on a more regular basis), but he won't make us official. And now I feel like I'm stuck at a crossroads and I feel so much but I'm now insecure and unsure. And that alone I feel like is killing my love for him. Sorry I guess I just had to vent a little bit since I don't actually have friends I can talk to anymore. But maybe someone reading this will find my situation useful and either start listening to their partners more or help them realize that there needs to be a change. And well, maybe people can give me some I site or help me understand or give me some feedback or different vantage points. I'm curious to know what other men think or do I their relationships. P. S. Sorry if this is hard to read. My thumbs suck, my phone screen is cracked, and I can't spell anyway lol
1. Started harping at me for something that occurred 3 years prior despite me apologizing multiple times 2. Didn’t move in when asked 3. Didn’t integrate at all with my friends which caused tons of stress I eventually broke things off with both her and my friends. She was right about the friends. They were jerks.
Emotional abuse Sexual abuse Physical abuse No help with raising kids Taking away my kids Trying to take revenge on me through the kids
Stopped talking to me and then suddenly told me that there will be no more sex or anything sexual for the next 8 years even though we were active
Cheat
But wait there’s more this person went to a festival came back because they saw a person that did them very wrong in the past I sat there and consoled them and hyped them up to go back to the fest for day 2 and then when they came back they loved me and cuddled and kissed and oh the love just for a couple of weeks to go by and then pop another festival comes through they go to it ask me to keep up with their pets it became a house cleaning fiasco that I had to endure just for them to come back to conveniently want to take a break from our relationship just for me to find out threw a 3rd party they cheated on me at the first fest Thank you for comming to my Ted talk
Got another woman pregnant
One was because it was long distance, few guys cheated on me and one hit me in front of their friends, they got pissed when I wouldn't take them back but I can't be with someone I can't trust or respect. Lack of communication. Lack of intimacy although the last relationship I had, the lack of intimacy was my doing through certain issues. Guy I was engaged to, he was one of the worst, constant lies, false promises, chatting people up even in front of me. With my new partner a year and change and nothing has happened yet lol but hoping to go long term.
He cheated. I was instantly our of love with him when I found out. I did still love him, and I think I still do, but I was no longer in love with him. Although I will say, Iost sexual desire for him before I learned about the cheating, but as a result of the cheating. He pulled back, he would frequently stand me up and cancel plans, I no longer felt emotionally connected to him, and while at that point I was still in love with him, I no longer had any desire for intimacy.
He was so, so, so jealous. Friendly to the supermarket checkout guy? I must be cheating. Bumped into a co-worker who lives in my neighbourhood? I must be cheating. Mentioned a nice thing one of my teenaged students said? I must be cheating. When I started considering actually cheating just to make all the accusations worthwhile, I knew it was time to get out.
Spending 7 hours every couple days with a new friend group doing mushrooms and plays DnD 😭 it got to the point I never saw her
Cheat
My ex worked minimum wage jobs throughout his 20s but was very irrational about money. He could borrow just to buy something expensive knowing he couldn’t pay back. That’s why he got in trouble with a few banks. We broke up like a year ago but he still hasn’t paid my best friend back
Have a baby with me, but lied, and it was another guys. then when I found out, claimed rape, divorced me, and tried to have the child remain mine until I took her to court. Won at the trial court, and then she appealed it and then I won at the Superior Court of my state Needless to say, I went back and sued her. She had instantly write me a $50,000 check. And now she’s paying me $1000 a month for the next 5 1/2 years due to all the legal fees, etc. etc.. So don’t go lying about rape women. And don’t everybody go believing women by default?
He never said thank you when I cooked for him, got him gifts etc. But wanted constant praise for everything he did. He put everyone around him down and really thinks he is above everyone. Oh he also lied and cheated. I caught him in a lie one night and walked. Thank God I have my own place. I found out about the cheating after. I absolutely love being single for the first time in 25 years. Im 50.
A series of things. First, she decided to live in a bottle, except for a few times when she abstained. Second, she could be physically abusive. It wasn't constant, it was just the odd face slap, or she'd throw something at me, like a book or a hairbrush, when she didn't get her way. I was raised to believe that you don't strike a woman, so I did not retaliate. Third, whenever she was wrong, she never apologized. And the real topper, her jealousy. I never did anything to provoke her, her jealousy was a self-starter. I could look down the grocery aisle to locate what we needed to buy, and she'd be watching me like a hawk, lest my gaze should linger on a female shopper. At a restaurant, again, the hawk stare, to make sure I didn't stare at the waitress. My best friend heard about this and said, "That's beyond jealousy, that's paranoia." It ended when she drank herself to death at the age of 38.
Sorry you had to go through all that. Sounds depleting. Wish you all the best.
He said he was a feminist. When called to account for his actions he was not really a feminist.
I added my husband on Snapchat. I didn’t know he had Snapchat. I message him and say hey, you wanna see some tits? He said yeah baby. So naturally I send my husband a full frontal nude photo. I got a message back that said “Tits are nice, that body and face are trash.” My husband got home from work and I was devastated and begging him to tell me why he was so mean to me. Turns out I added someone with his old phone number. The guy sent a dick pic a few hours later when my husband was home and it definitely wasn’t his dick lol I was heartbroken the entire day waiting for him to come home
My ex had no boundaries with his mom and allowed her to disrespect me. I fell straight out of love with him during his bday where I paid for a trip for him - flights, food, airbnb etc. He mentioned “ i cant wait to go back to work” on the trip mind you he disliked his job…. So I was HURT already at his tactlessness When we come home to his house. His mom comes in unannounced per usual with her key and doesn’t acknowledge me and goes “ how was your trip honey” to my ex. He doesn’t stand up for me so I go to the bathroom PISSED and hes trying to shush me because mommy is there. Disgusting to me to relive this lOl
She could never be wrong. She could never admit a mistake or fuck up. She would never apologize. When she smoked weed and drank, she was incredibly unkind. She’d push my buttons just for kicks. I’d beg her not to start another fight and she just couldn’t relent. She had a sister that just moved back home and was as bad as her except she was more brazen about treating their parents terrible and like an all day ATM. They hung out all the time. She was the definition of lazy and gaslighter. It was enough. I knew I’d suffer in the breakup but I would not have to suffer her or her sister ever again. It’s been six or so years and while my reputation has hit an all time low, I’m happy.
Lol oh boy the list goes on and on. Lied, gaslit, manipulated, abused me, lied to my face multiple times, tried to defend his lies (from the simplest shit like who he was hangingout with, to lying about his entire history and persona), insulted me, abandoned me whenever it was convenient, act entitled to my time and feelings, racist, shit talks his entire friendgroup, only befriends yesman, narcissistic, shit talks othes apperance when hes ugly himself, racist, blackmail, cheated, **Threatened multiple times to kill himself if I left** etc etc etc. Hes a horrible pos that I fell out of love about a year ago, and is most definitely victimizing himself and being entitled/ narrowminded as always 💀
He got black out drunk inside the house while our child (under 8) was alone in the pool. I went to the store for less than an hour, he chugged straight vodka while playing video games. He told our kid they could swim and he would be out soon. I came home to him wildly drunk on the couch, get angry, go to check on our child who is no where inside. I ran to the backyard to find them in the pool, thankfully with floaties and in the shallow end. I went back in to find him dragging himself out of the small pet enclosure with a huge open wound on his back. He blacked out into the wire cage, he drunkenly stumbled off to bed at 3pm bleeding and cussing me for my attitude. That’s really where it hit me that I don’t love him and he never loved us that much either.
Not out of love but saddens me to realise after 10 years setting her up with a change in country and career for her to be doing something she enjoys that pays significantly less than she would have had she stuck with her professional training, while I continued in the breadwinning jobs we both knew drragged the soul of me out to dry and was a psychological and emotional hammer on me that it's taken me to court against my employers, against a car sales firm who reneged on promises all in the past year. Now she's settled and her business is running smoothly (I set her up with funds and have paid mortgage and bills as well as put cash and unpaid time at her business to support that I don't resent yet) she's realised the wreck I've become is no longer on the same track as her and has checked out and seeks a partnership for a year as "housemates". For her, an amicable friendship. 20 years together and I've been her support for everything she's wanted and needed but it's not enough apparently. Fall out of love? With my self respect yes.
She was in a meet and f**k group on telegram. My friends sin is the one that saw her and told me. I'm very certain she never met anyone but she was chatting with guys, one guy for months, even during our getaway to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Our last wedding anniversary. She's an attention wh*re and needs attention from many guys I guess.
Told me I was being stupid for crying when I had a miscarriage.
Not really giving me any affection at all
Took off their (excessive) makeup. Not a joke. I know makeup is a big thing and every woman does it. But the moment it comes off, the attraction also wanes. So I always prefer a woman who doesn't over do the makeup. When I see women, i rate the looks and deduct a couple points for makeup. I'm a former male model. I've been around women who look above 10/10 with makeup but without it are just 6/10.
My mother tried to groom me into impregnating her after she divorced my dad when I was 15.
Ran me over
Cheated on me.
More sex
Not being number 1 and abuse
I’m not sure I’ve ever fallen so quickly out of love with someone in my entire life of 38 years. It’s so bizarre. He gaslit me…*a lot*. He dismissed and demeaned my parenting experience (my daughter is 18 now). He dismissed and demeaned me taking care of our baby (now 17 months). I kept overlooking it though. My plan was to start couples counselling after I gave birth, as I’m currently 33 weeks. It got to a point where I just did 95% of the housework, split bills with him, and rarely brought anything up in even a calm constructive way because he had this insanely frustrating pattern of mirroring everything I said. It would make me feel crazy. Like I was legit going crazy. He would become defensive, deflect and then flip my own words against me. About a month and a half ago he left me. On Monday he was telling me he loved me and we were planning a movie date for a week before my due date. Literally on Tuesday, he lost his shit. In the span of 20 minutes, he told me he didn’t love me, he was miserable with me, I’m not a good parent, he somehow used me having one arm against me. Like am I supposed to grow out my fuckin arm? He judged my daughter’s developmental issues. Which is wildly ironic considering his little brother is on the spectrum. He told me being a stay at home mom isn’t a real job nor is it even that hard. He also then tried to gaslight me for the final time by saying he never agreed to me being a stay at home mom. This is a conversation we’ve had so many times I’ve lost count. Including in front of my older kids. It’s like this dude lost all kindness and compassion for this family. My 12 year old son thought of him as Dad and would tell people this was his dad. My ex left without even a fucking word to him. A fucking 12 year old boy who is just full of love and kindness and sweetness. He is such a loving human. What the fuck did kiddo do to deserve that? Nothing. Because he’s a kid. It takes a real garbage human to be so shitty to a 12 year old. He disgusts me as a human being now. I can’t stand being around him. He triggered a lot of trauma with his mental and emotional abuse that I’ve been fighting so hard to overcome. Knowingly. He knows my history. He knows my abandonment issues. He picks up the baby every Saturday morning and drops him off Sunday night. I wish he could only have every other weekend. While some parents don’t really consider long term effects on mental and emotional development, I do in every sense of the word. I’ve raised two super awesome kids, but I’m very concerned my ex is going to fuck up my two with him. I haven’t looked at him in over a month. I can’t look at him. Every time he’s around I nearly have a panic attack because of him triggering me. I’ve said maybe a total of five sentences to him. It’s not that I hate him. I just don’t want him around. He grosses me out. He makes me uncomfortable with the way he can just easily switch his emotions and behave so impulsively.
They chewed with their mouth open.
Unemployed for the longest time. I loathe unemployment.