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32 year old only child here.
I am dealing with the possibility of my parents dying. All I can think about is how I have no one to go through this with me & how I have to deal with every aspect of this myself. How I will have no one to call to relive memories with. Or cry with at 3am when I randomly remember something. No one to help me with any items. The house. Their remains. The funeral.
My mom was one of 8 kids. When their parents died, it split the kids down the middle. 4 of them stole a bunch of their parents stuff & pawned it. The other 4 got there & bonded over the trauma & are now stronger than ever. Years later, now those other 4 are coming back to the other 4. No matter what, they're together, though. Always bonded by something. Somehow.
Even if I hated my sibling, when my parents died, we would be brought back together.
I don't have anyone.
My best friend will probably help me. But she can't just drop her entire life like I'm going to have no choice but to do. And I can't expect her to.
I always wanted a sibling. It never really mattered *that much*, but it always stung a little.
For this, though? I would do anything to have one. Even if we hated each other.
>Even if I hated my sibling, when my parents died, we would be brought back together.
Unfortunatly this isnt always the case. My nan passed in 2020. She had 6 children (2boys 1st husband and 2girls and 2 boys with my granddad). All of those children live in one country except my father (its New Zealand, you can drive the length of the north island in less then a day). My dads older brother didn't come. Why? Because he was still mad at her for leaving their abusive father in the 1950s.
Or even worse dying before your parents. When you're the only child and you beat them it appears it's lonely as hell for them. My parents had a friend whose only child died from fentanyl a few years back. They are just ghosts now.
And i had a friend who was 43 and passed earlier this year. His mom is doing her best but again he was the only child.
Its gotta suck. Atleast i had a sister and my wife and I had 3 kids over a decade ago. Kinda glad we didnt wait cause i have no idea how we could afford it today. Our youngest is 10 and honestly its not all that bad but we also have stuff that was used over the 17 years since we had our first child.
Yeah, I can't imagine that. I just genuinely cannot fathom that feeling. I have a dog who is my entire world & it feels like I'm just gonna die when he dies. He's a dog, but he's "my son" (not in an anthropomorphic way; just in a "I devote my life to you" type of way). I feel like when he is gone, even with everything else I have & love in my life, there is just no... purpose(?) anymore. Like what is the point if he is not there when I exist for him? Sure, I have tons of things going for me & I have passion & things I am pursuing, but there is this one thing in my life I LIVE for & all those other things just pale in comparison & mean nothing if he doesn't exist. I can't live without him, but maybe I can exist? Maybe not. Idk. I hate to say "maybe it's like that", but maybe it is. It fucks me up to think about it bc Ik it is gonna happen someday. I just cannot imagine devoting your whole life to something you raised from birth & then it's just... gone. š« Ugh.
I attempted unaliving a *lot* & was in & out of psych wards *a lot* when I was in my early 20s. Like a good 15-20+ trips, idk how many times I was hospitalized. Idk how my mom handled it tbh. I think about that a lot now that I'm medicated & have 10+ years of therapy behind me. My mom is the strongest person I have ever met for SO many reasons, but she wanted 3 kids & only had me & I was a really difficult kid & young adult I genuinely don't know how she did it. I woulda tapped out at the pre-teen phase of me tbh. š„²
Idk how people afford kids nowadays. My mom was upper middle class in the early 90s & I had a great childhood financially. If she were to have & raise me now I would be growing up poor, close to poverty. With the same parents. Same jobs. Same lifestyle. Same everything. Unreal. š«
I do have a lot of cousins, but I'm only close to one. But she has kids & a brother with down syndrome that she takes care of. I couldn't possibly burden her with that. š„² I'm much closer with my best friend. My best friend is close enough to basically be my sister &, tbh, she probably will drop everything for me in that moment no matter what is going on. But I can't expect her to. With a sibling, it'd be happening to them, too, so they'd kind of be in the same boat. Ik they wouldn't *have* to deal with it, but they'd at least be in the same boat.
But my cousin being the only one I'm close to is something else that fucks me up, though. My mom is basically the link between me & my entire family. When she dies, I really don't have any excuse to contact any of my family anymore. I love being around certain members of my family, but the only reason I'm ever around them is because of my mom. The only reason I ever even KNOW about things happening in my family is bc of my mom. My mom dies & I lose my link to my entire family. Like, I'm cut off, basically. I doubt any of them will ever reach out to me. I'll be alone. And idk how to fix that.
my parent and their sibling looked like their relationship was improving when they worked together to care for their dying parent, but it all went to shit in the final week, and they have had zero social relationship since my grandparent died.
I wanted 4 kids (grew up with big families) but now, I'm finding it hard to see how it is manageable to have that many kids (it's expensive, bigger car, more space). Plus can my old body handle it?
Apparently the customer I had last week she was 26 and started having kids at 16. She has 14 kids right now. And they are expecting another set of twins. She said she won't stop till her body stops. I don't necessarily believe that they weren't at least half c sections but her holding a second wallet for all of their provincial health cards was enough. She said since she started she pumps at least one every 10 months. her current Beau (apparently #2) works in Oil. So they can afford it. But yeah she said she wants more kids than that Russian lady did 100 years ago.
This!
I have four. Expensive but i think the hardest part is spreading yourself so thin. (Very close together and still smallish though.) I feel lacking as a mother every day. I'd have to think 2 was the sweet spot?
I have friends with 2. I have 3. They asked me what 3 is like. I was honest. I said 1 is like you have a buddy. Two is like, now we are a family and each parent can handle one kid at a time. But once you have 3, *everything is chaos all the time!* They stopped at two. š¤£
In order for kids to be happy you're supposed to love them. That's the most important thing.
Nobody I know, coming from big or small families, had a perfect life growing up. In fact, most lived in conditions many here would consider relatively poor. But almost all who came from families that cared for them, even if they were not well off, are happy and ended up pretty well. Even some who were neglected but were hardworking and managed to have a positive attitude have managed to have a good life.
Living is not about "getting what you deserve". It's about finding joy in what you have and carving your own path towards what you wish.
Itās not that hard. It only seems insurmountable if youāre worried about keeping up with the Joneses and buying into all the propaganda about what kids āneedā.
Iāve got 5 kids. They all play multiple sports (football, soccer, hockey, softball, baseball), we all ride dirt bikes, go on vacations, etc.
However, they donāt get a bunch of electronics. No phones till theyāre 16. No Ipads or tablets. One TV in the house. We donāt have streaming services. We drive used cars. One vacation a year. We live in a low cost of living, rural area. We have conservative, traditional values. Weāre not rich, but we are contented and comfortable.
As a third child in the 90s, and my husband being one of four, we are happy with two kids so we can give them both the attention we want to and also retire. I can't fathom having more than two in this day and age when two in daycare is more than our mortgage.
If I could afford that many kids, I might have considered it, except it turns out that my body hates being pregnant more than most womenās do. I canāt lose another whole year of my life to add another person to my family.
You in that 1% that canāt eat or move and just lays there with even the breeze from the window making you want to vomit painfully? Haha I lived on iced tea and soda crackers first go, second go just milkā¦. Iām not meant to be pregnant!
Same, my husband had one 5 years back and we have had zero regrets. We live a very comfortable dual income life. We can afford a couple of international vacations a year, own a modest home, and we both proudly drive two seater (no room for kids) sports cars. Have some leftover every month to build our retirement savings too. We have multiple hobbies, and live a very fulfilling life. We are not rich by any means, and are definitely middle class. But because we have no children, we have expendable income. To each their own though.
We are objectively towards the top end of middle class for sure, but we are not rich. We just work hard to manage our money appropriately and saved for years and years for a home. We are in our mid 30ās, we had no money in our 20ās. We donāt eat out, we donāt spend money on nice clothing or frivolous items. We primarily shop at Costco for food and clothes. We save our money for things like trips because that is what we value.
Nah I get you
But with the way the worldās gotten, Iām genuinely concerned about how the fuck Iāll be able to buy a house or car or even get a job that doesnāt pay peanuts after I graduate college
Itās scary man, Iām glad you guys have made it but I dunno what the hell Iāll do when itās my turn to Adult šæ
There is a chance that buying a home will become more difficult as time moves along, but buying a home isnāt really necessary as a long-term investment. There are a lot of benefits to renting. First off, the money you save for a down payment on a home can go towards other investments, like retirement accounts. You donāt have to worry about property taxes when you rent, which are extremely expensive. You donāt have to worry about home maintenance or when a disaster happens. All of the money that would normally go towards home ownership can be used in other ways to build your financial future. Additionally, renting gives you a lot more freedom to move around. Iām stuck where Iām at because Iāll never see an interest rate this low again. Itās a myth that buying a home is better than renting one.
I have two kids and that's it. More than enough, me and my husband wanted to offer them everything, including attention and dedication. I think that more means parents will not focus properly on them and will burden the older kids with raising the younger. I will not have more (I'm middle aged and had a total hysterectomy), they are grown (21 and 13).
My parents were sort of the same. I have 2 siblings. A sister thats 5.5 years older than me, and a brother thats 5.5 years younger than me(im a middle child)
My parents did this on purpose, to lower costs a bit. My dad is the only person with an income, so the last thing he wanted was 2 of 3 kids in university at the same time( he refused to burden us with student loans)
Absolutely not but if other women want to and are able to support having a bunch of kids, then go ahead. I don't want any kids at all but it's not my place to tell other women what to or not to do.
To me, it's selfish to have a bunch of kids and not give them the time and attention they need. There is nothing sadder for a child than feeling like your parents don't have time for you.
If you can raise them *without the need to parentify the older children* **/daughters**, go for it.
It seems like the trend is for more religious families to have a big brood to fill their quiver for christ or some crazy notion. I don't buy it!!
After the first kid I would be able to really see if the guy was a good dad, and if we could afford the 3 kids he so desperately wanted, If he was a good partner, and didn't leave me to do everything kid related, then maybe.
Yes or the complete opposite could be true. Iāve never liked a kid in my life, never wanted anything to do with them and honestly kinda still donāt.
But my son has me wrapped around his finger and Iāve never loved or enjoyed being around anyone else more in my life, just looking at him gives me a dopamine hit.
I think you could possibly judge how a man may be with a child of his own based on how he treats his pets. People who say dogs are nothing like children are probably just shitty dog owners.
I wanted to have kids with my husband because he is awesome. The first pregnancy was easy enough. I'm currently 8 months pregnant and this is the worst, I hate it honestly. The constant bone pain, the swelling, the nausea that keeps going strong even in the 3rd trimester, my sciatic nerve hurts so bad sometimes I can't stand straight, I'm exhausted all the time... I'm not going through this again. It will be a snip for hubby or myself but hell no. Promps to the ladies who CAN do this willingly.
Iām sorry itās been hard, I wish people were more honest about the toll those 9 months take, I definitely wasnāt warned with my first and my first pregnancy was really rough, but was told oh itās the first thatās always hard, yeah right... With my second my back completely went out at 7.5 months, so I was put on bedrest which was a financial blow and just shortened my post partum period with baby. Youāre almost there, stay strong and when itās over you or hubby get snipped and can relax about BC and focus on your kiddos.
Absolutely. But not all women can physically have 3+ kids. There are all sorts of birth complications or health problems that could make this impossible. Every person is different.
Even one kid is one more than I want. Three or more sounds like hell on earth. Everyone likes different things, but having 3+ kids on purpose is a lifestyle choice that requires a significant amount of family income and support, while also cutting off decades (or a lifetime) of other options for the mother. It's a major risk in every way and I'm not surprised that it's a fairly niche choice these days.
I suspect that a lot of people overestimate how many women *ever* wanted that many kids, in times and places where they didn't/don't have effective family planning methods.
I donāt want children even though Iām in a big family by todayās standards (3 siblings). My mom has 8 siblings (one unfortunately passed away) so mine isnāt that big if I compare it with my mom.
for me, 3+ kids would be hell
Same, three older brothers (Iām the only girl) and I have eight nieces and nephews, but I donāt want any kids of my own. And now Iāve had surgery so i canāt anymore. Just never wanted any and watching my brothers and what their day to day looks like with kids, I just canāt get onboard.
I wouldnāt have more than 3. Saying this from a position where we donāt worry about money and Iām a SAHM. The mental load to give them a loving childhood and raise them into mentally and physically healthy adults would be too much for me. Any more children than that and you would need a community (like aunts, uncles, grandparents) to help out regularly. I want to have the highest chance of raising high quality children, not just have a lot of children. (Not saying having a large family doesnāt raise quality children, itās just really hard)
Opposed. I had two kids. My husband and I figured it would be fair to replace ourselves but we tend to believe the earth would be better off with fewer people.
Plus I like peacefulness in my house. Also kids are expensive, tiring, having babies is hard on my body, my car only has four comfortable seats, my house has the right number of bedrooms etc etc
I want 0 children. I don't think big families are healthy for children as I do not see how a patent could equally divide that much time to make sure every child is getting all the attention they need. I believe I read a study at one point going over the fact that, after you hit 4, the children end up having to take care of each other. To me, that's wrong. They didn't ask to be born and they didn't ask to take care of their siblings. A good friend has 6 siblings, and he goes over how he was basically forgotten.
Grew up with 3 sisters, two older one younger. My older sisters were CONSTANTLY parentified and had to take care of us younger two. It really messed up the dynamic in our family.
After my second kid we had to stop. We couldnāt afford anymore kids. Thereās a ten yr age difference between my kids. i had to work fulltime and I also didnāt want to have another kid and have my mother in law watch that child too so we could work. I didnāt see the point in bringing another kid into the world that I couldnāt be the day to day caregiver of. I didnāt realize how hard it would be for me to leave my youngest everyday after he was born. It killed me. Heās 9 and it still does like during summer break, not being the one w him rips me apart. I kind of regret not having a third only because he tells us all the time he wishes he had a sibling closer in age. Little does he know before him we had a baby that was born to early and didnāt make it. Will tell him when heās older. I would have loved 4-5 kids if being a mother was my only job. This working mom thing just isnāt for me.
Iām so sorry about your loss. This economy makes it really hard to not just have kids (the stress and environmental decline take a toll on fertility) but also to raise them well. Sounds like your a wonderful mom ā¤ļø
I am at a point where I genuinely would love to have a large family but there's no possible way we could afford it. It's sad accepting it but if I'm being realistic, it's for the best anyway.
Seeing as I'm CF, I personally don't want children. I have 3 sibling godkids (2 others passed at birth), and that's satisfied any urges I have for progeny. My friendship group is about 50/50 between CF and those that have kids. Of the ones that have kids, most have 2 (a few have 1 - and done -, a few 3, one has 4)
I had one kid. It was so hard I was terrified to have more, but I also got diagnosed with MS around the time I was ready to think about having a second one and that was an absolute deal breaker. I became unable to take care of myself within 10 years. I wish I was able to have a huge family. I am lonely. Many children and grandchildren would be wonderful. I adore other peopleās kids and spend as much time around them as possible.
I had one, which was perfect for me. I knew Iād be overwhelmed with more. She didnāt like being an only child, so she is going for 3-4 kids. But she and her husband can afford it, not many can. Day care where we are is $1700 a month for one child
šno.
Unless I marry a guy that's more like a wife than a husband. And we can afford a nanny. And have plenty of savings. And our extended family doesn't suck.
I always wanted a big family, unfortunately it never worked out for us. However, I am āauntieā to so many friendās kids and have two official nieces I know itās not the same as being a parent full time, but it definitely helps fill the void from not having our own.
I have four. 16, 12, 20 months and 6 weeks. Iāve always wanted children, at least three. This last one was a very big surprise but I absolutely adore him. It is very expensive and took a toll on my body but family is important to me.
Mother of 4 here.
They are 35, 32,30....and 12.
No, it wasn't intentional. I would never recommend "planning" to have a big family. Be flexible in your ideas. See how you get on with your first before you commit to a number. See how you manage with two before you think about a third.
Every child is different. What they need from you is different. Whether it's physical or emotional. Circumstances change, finances can change, your health and abilities can change.
If you pick and plan for a certain number, and that changes, part of you will be disappointed. You've set an idea in your head that you've no guarantee of achieving.
The number of children you have is not the point, the quality of your parenting is.
People saying 3 siblings = big family really worries me...... Is it the economy that's making it difficult to raise 3 kids? I have 2 older siblings. When i saw "big family" I thought of 5+ kids. My father had 9 siblings and my mother had 9 at one point too. So that's big. 3 kids seem standard to me. But tbh rn I can't afford one, let alone 3.
Given I had the wealth, health and a loving husband, I'd love 3-5 kids. Also supportive in-laws.
>Is it the economy that's making it difficult to raise 3 kids?
Yes. It's almost impossible to afford a home for many. My husband and I have good, full paying jobs and are struggling to buy one. We want to start a family next year, but seeing as we can't even afford a house, we could probably only have one kid.
Smart decision. As a mom of 1, I can vouch for children being expensive in ways you can't account for &/ that have no monetary value. Being a parent is an unending sacrifice and it's not for the feint of heart.
Not for me. Im 33 and was pretty settled with being child free but then I got pregnant and we decided to change our minds but plan on having just the one. One and done!
as someone who doesnāt have any family, itās a dream to have a big loving family. i donāt want to have kids tho lol, just hope i meet someone with a good family.
I was an only child, grew up alone, my mom recently died and now Iām an adult alone. I did choose to have a big family, 4 kids. I wouldnāt trade it for anything
Do you know what happens to a womanās body during and after pregnancy?!? Iāve only had one kid, and that was 14 years ago, and still dealing with the fallout of carrying a child to term and giving birth and healing. My body is a hot mess! I commend women who choose to have more than one, cuz that is some serious courageā¦ or forgetfulnessā¦ it depends on who you talk to.Ā
A mother of a large... or large-ish family here!
It is the most wonderful thing! Such an abundance of love and connection all-round. So many wonderful young people I have the privilege of having a deep connection with.
BUT... It was so, so very hard when I had them close together when they were very young. It brought my marriage to its ultimate breaking point, and my sanity to its very edge. It very nearly broke us as a couple. As a result we had fewer children than we had originally planned to have. But now that I am out of the trenches, and the kids are all older, I wish I had more. But I also understand perfectly that I never could have had a larger family as it would have broken us both.
Yes I have a large family too and there are a few years in there that are a bit of a blur, because of being tired all the time I can't remember the details... But so good now - the youngest is 13, and we all have a lot of fun together, great relationships, they all get on well together
My dads side had 6 kids my moms side had 5 seems to be normal back then. Iāve always wanted at least 4 kids but as time goes by Iām not even sure I want one because of how much Iām already struggling. Iād hate to have only one but if thatās all I get then Iād be happy with that.
I personally don't want any kids and come from a smaller family of 4, but I love hanging with other people's big families! My best friend is the oldest of 7, and several of her siblings have gotten married and had kids, so I love spending time with all of them. We try to get together every few months. I know it's sometimes overwhelming for my friend though, lol. My parents are also from big families, so extended family get togethers were always large.
No, not only is it a financial struggle but how do you have time to give 3+ kids equal attention and love? one or a few are bound to feel like they don't get enough
It's hard for a woman to truly know until they have had one child. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, so I only suffered through pregnancy twice. My DIL thought one and done for her, but she had easy pregnancies, so she just had her third and is sorry she waited so long to start the family, because she would like more, but she's 39.
I said I wanted 3 & got looked at like I wanted to raise a soccer team of children. Now if anyone asks I simply say Iām unsure atm. Honestly we should normalize any conversation about wanting kids being taboo. Itās truly none of our business.
I have no intention of having any kids. Even if I did, I can't imagine having more than two.
Between my mom and my father, I have 14 living aunts and uncles (not including their spouses), as well as a ton of cousins. My family is already huge.
We also have 7 and I used to frequently get pulled over in the supermarket by older women who would congratulate me, and tell me how they grew up in a large family and how much they loved it. I love having 7 kids, although we have had to adjust our style of living to afford it. I have taught my kids to thrift shop, and to cook for themselves etc., and they're all well on the way to becoming responsible human beings. And they like spending time with us and their siblings, which is wonderful.
Write stuff down, if you can - the funny or cute things your kids do. My first was 4 3/4 when no. 4 was born, and a lot of that time is a blur now. The kids will say "remember that thing..." and I have no memory of it
I always kinda wanted multiple kids, like 4+, when I was a teen and young adult. I donāt even have one yet but I donāt know how Iād be able to afford one kid, let alone multiple. Not to mention, working all day and then dividing equal attention to all the kids just seems unrealistic tbh. I also am terrified of pushing one kid out of me let alone 3 or 4.
I have zero kids and I'm too old to change that. If I did though, I would want 2. Only children have too much on their plate. Having 3 is probably ideal, but I would not want to be pregnant for that much of my life. Caveat is that I never have been, I just don't like the idea.
My grandad was a child of 11 kids. I feel SOOO SORRY for his mother.
I always wanted a big family and am currently pregnant with #4. We think we might foster/adopt in the future and I've had a rough pregnancy this time around and we feel content with 4 biological kids. My older two are getting more independent and it's so nice to see life beyond diapers and constantly being needed by someone all the time lol.
I have an amazing husband who is a very involved dad. I couldn't do it alone. We also have my mom and my in-laws involved. My husband works from home and I have stayed home with the kids. We have sacrificed some things (we always buy used cars, cheap phone service, haven't traveled a bunch), but now my husband makes better money which helps and we've been able to buy a bigger house in a rural area and live a more country life. It helps that we have always been very aligned in what we wanted in life.
I have two kids now and I wouldnāt be against another one, but Iām very happy with the status quo and donāt want to rock the boat with another kid
Personally, I donāt have any children and I chose that; however, that choice doesnāt work for everyone.
Whatever choice people make in life I support!
4 kids here. Always wanted a big family, but it is hard. Kids require more than just the necessities. In todays world they need a lot of guidance and one on one quality time. And with 2 parents working its so hard to give them that. Older generations could let their kids free range, but that is not the case today. Add to that the cost of having a big family and kids needing to stay at home for longer due to the housing crisis. It really can be challenging. In saying that, you never regret having all your children.
I want three kids. Iām getting married in January and weāll probably start trying within the next few years. I currently work full time making six figures but I plan to find something part time in the future so I can take care of my children. Currently we make over $300k combined and even with a 50% down payment I know weāre still going to struggle financially in the future living off of one income. I still want three kids but I worry Iāll be able to give them the life they deserve
Iāve always told my partners and potential partners that I want at least four children haha. They were either also on board or think Iām crazy for wanting so many children. My parents had four kids, and so do some of my uncles and aunts on both sides, more or less. So Iām used to big families
Iām the youngest of five of my parents five children, I have four older quadruplet brothers. My dad is one of three triplet boys. My mom is one of sextuplets three girls and three boys. Having a big family was something not ever expected upon my brothers, cousins and I our parents told us whenever we have our own families we will have our own decision to make.
My husband only has a half sister we learned about in 2019 and heās an only child from his fathers only marriage, the half sister was a result of a college hook up his father did during those days.
I myself have three sets of twins; fraternal boy and girl my step-kids, biological identical twin girls, and biologicalĀ fraternal twins boy and girl.Ā
Was I willing to have a big family? I wanted a good size family as long as my children were healthy and I got my wish. Before any have children truly do decide ahead of time how many you want before you start trying for them.
I dunno about more than 2 catsā¦.theyāre cute and all, but I think adding one more would put me in financial distressā¦.š¤·š½āāļøš¤·š½āāļø
I had two siblings growing up. And none of us ever had enough attention from our two parents. I would not wish this on anyone. Zero kids for me and thankful my body is still in good shape.
Maybe the problem was crappy parents; not being one of two kids. I was one of five and time with my father was limited due to his job, but I never felt a lack of attention.
I think it really depends on your country and social status. I am in my late twenties and none of my friends are married, none of them have even one child. Statistically women in my "sphere" will never have more than two or three children at most. We all live in tiny studio apartments in the city, there simply is *no room*.
If I was really rich I would consider having three children but not more.
Currently pregnant with my fourth child. I like the idea of a big family but society really is not set up for this anymore. You need two incomes to have a working class life and that makes a big family prohibitive.
This will screw people over though in the long term when there is no family to help in emergencies or when people get old.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a man you can trust that much? He can walk away at any time, leaving you a single mother of four kids. And who gets the blame (and the poverty)? The woman, of course. Goodwill and food banks, here we come! Time to get three jobs while never leaving your children unattended, and never dating again.
Questions like these will always come down to "depends on the woman." What I want for my life as a woman is not the same as what my friends want, my sisters want, so definitely can't speak to a general what women want.
I don't want children at all. But if I were to change my mind I can't see myself having more than 1 or 2 at most. Other people want other things though.
I have 1.5 kids, I'm middle child of 11... my mum had lots of children because she never had a family and wanted to make one with her orphan husband, she also has severe ADHD so she's absolutely mental, as in, I can't tell her personality apart from adhd traits which is mindblowing.
Turns out when you have that many kids, you make it work affording them but you don't have any headspace for any of them or time to do anything but the basics. She raised us pretty much alone which I have to commend, we're all educated and few of us have our own businesses but at least half of us were sexually assaulted before the age of 16 by uncles, cousins or siblings. Every one of us was drinking at the age of 13, underage sex (0 teen pregnancies though!), just all in all a dysfunctional family where only a couple of us willingly hang out with each other. If you ask mum though, we're all so close...
In short, it's not worth it. No one has the time to emotionally or financially invest in multiple children. It's selfish IMO because there's usually some messed up reason to have that many stemming from insecurity, CPTSD or wanting to MYO family which is unfair on the kids.
And 3 isn't a big family. 5 minimum.
I have 2 kids and contemplate a third. I always wanted 2-3. But I had mine 18 months apart, planned but exhausting. Now they are older and I can't bring myself to do it all over again with lack of sleep and diapers. So many of my friends have 4 kids so sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I love kids, but it's a lot of time, money and attention.
I couldn't imagine being able to support a large family and my partner would have to be remarkable. Remarkable as in really wanting to be present in the childrens lives, taking over half of all chores and childcare, including taking time off work for sick children, and understanding that his wife is going to be going through a lot physically, mentally, and emotionally because childbirth is so hard on the body.
totally depends on the man. did my abusive father, the man who never worked a day in his life for his family and just left us after 10 years of absence, deserve us? absolutely not. I wish my mother would have aborted us and lived her life instead of birthing the children of such a man.
Absolutely not. Iāve never entertained this idea. Mainly because as a woman most of the parenting duties fall on me which makes me even more uninterested. I can barely wrap my head around wanting 1 child.
I feel like it depends more on my partner than on me. If I had a dedicated husband who was loving and patient and did more than his share of work around the kids, then yeah, absolutely. If he sucks and I don't percieve him as reliable, I'm not sure even one is on the table.Ā
I would not be willing to take on that risk to my health tbh! And also I'd like to have a life outside of kids as well and that would make it impossible I think
The earth is being negatively impacted by human overpopulation. Two children to fill the parents footprints is reasonable. Any more is unnecessary and irresponsible.
I'm pregnant with #5, and my oldest will still be 6 when baby is born. There are moments when I'm so overstimulated I could scream. But on the whole, I don't regret it! I stay at home and homeschool the oldest. My husband has his own company and supports us working part time. He's also working on higher education full-time. Honestly, if he wasn't in school, life would be perfect. It's a sacrifice that will pay off in the end, but it's rough for now.Ā It's not as expensive as you think. Every kid doesn't need their own bedroom, and they don't need to be in extracurricular 6 nights a week. We have a homeschool community and church community, and we walk over to a local park frequently.Ā Do they lose out on some things? Sure. We don't do annual Disney vacations. But which is worth more: one week of fun each year or more people to love and share life with? I'd much rather have a big, loving family, personally.Ā
Hard agree. Holy fuck. I would pass away if this were my reality tbh. š„ŗš I feel bad saying that, but genuinely. That's... so awful. I feel bad for OP. š„ Sounds like she is writing that at gunpoint. š
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16-year-old son, here. My parents had 4 kids. They told me they did it because they didn't want me to be lonely.
Welp it's official those other kids are yours now.
32 year old only child here. I am dealing with the possibility of my parents dying. All I can think about is how I have no one to go through this with me & how I have to deal with every aspect of this myself. How I will have no one to call to relive memories with. Or cry with at 3am when I randomly remember something. No one to help me with any items. The house. Their remains. The funeral. My mom was one of 8 kids. When their parents died, it split the kids down the middle. 4 of them stole a bunch of their parents stuff & pawned it. The other 4 got there & bonded over the trauma & are now stronger than ever. Years later, now those other 4 are coming back to the other 4. No matter what, they're together, though. Always bonded by something. Somehow. Even if I hated my sibling, when my parents died, we would be brought back together. I don't have anyone. My best friend will probably help me. But she can't just drop her entire life like I'm going to have no choice but to do. And I can't expect her to. I always wanted a sibling. It never really mattered *that much*, but it always stung a little. For this, though? I would do anything to have one. Even if we hated each other.
>Even if I hated my sibling, when my parents died, we would be brought back together. Unfortunatly this isnt always the case. My nan passed in 2020. She had 6 children (2boys 1st husband and 2girls and 2 boys with my granddad). All of those children live in one country except my father (its New Zealand, you can drive the length of the north island in less then a day). My dads older brother didn't come. Why? Because he was still mad at her for leaving their abusive father in the 1950s.
As someone who's bigger sister was his childhood bully, trust me, you didn't miss much, I wish I was an only child
Or even worse dying before your parents. When you're the only child and you beat them it appears it's lonely as hell for them. My parents had a friend whose only child died from fentanyl a few years back. They are just ghosts now. And i had a friend who was 43 and passed earlier this year. His mom is doing her best but again he was the only child. Its gotta suck. Atleast i had a sister and my wife and I had 3 kids over a decade ago. Kinda glad we didnt wait cause i have no idea how we could afford it today. Our youngest is 10 and honestly its not all that bad but we also have stuff that was used over the 17 years since we had our first child.
Yeah, I can't imagine that. I just genuinely cannot fathom that feeling. I have a dog who is my entire world & it feels like I'm just gonna die when he dies. He's a dog, but he's "my son" (not in an anthropomorphic way; just in a "I devote my life to you" type of way). I feel like when he is gone, even with everything else I have & love in my life, there is just no... purpose(?) anymore. Like what is the point if he is not there when I exist for him? Sure, I have tons of things going for me & I have passion & things I am pursuing, but there is this one thing in my life I LIVE for & all those other things just pale in comparison & mean nothing if he doesn't exist. I can't live without him, but maybe I can exist? Maybe not. Idk. I hate to say "maybe it's like that", but maybe it is. It fucks me up to think about it bc Ik it is gonna happen someday. I just cannot imagine devoting your whole life to something you raised from birth & then it's just... gone. š« Ugh. I attempted unaliving a *lot* & was in & out of psych wards *a lot* when I was in my early 20s. Like a good 15-20+ trips, idk how many times I was hospitalized. Idk how my mom handled it tbh. I think about that a lot now that I'm medicated & have 10+ years of therapy behind me. My mom is the strongest person I have ever met for SO many reasons, but she wanted 3 kids & only had me & I was a really difficult kid & young adult I genuinely don't know how she did it. I woulda tapped out at the pre-teen phase of me tbh. š„² Idk how people afford kids nowadays. My mom was upper middle class in the early 90s & I had a great childhood financially. If she were to have & raise me now I would be growing up poor, close to poverty. With the same parents. Same jobs. Same lifestyle. Same everything. Unreal. š«
With loads of aunties and uncles you must have a lot of cousins? Surely they can help when needed.
I do have a lot of cousins, but I'm only close to one. But she has kids & a brother with down syndrome that she takes care of. I couldn't possibly burden her with that. š„² I'm much closer with my best friend. My best friend is close enough to basically be my sister &, tbh, she probably will drop everything for me in that moment no matter what is going on. But I can't expect her to. With a sibling, it'd be happening to them, too, so they'd kind of be in the same boat. Ik they wouldn't *have* to deal with it, but they'd at least be in the same boat. But my cousin being the only one I'm close to is something else that fucks me up, though. My mom is basically the link between me & my entire family. When she dies, I really don't have any excuse to contact any of my family anymore. I love being around certain members of my family, but the only reason I'm ever around them is because of my mom. The only reason I ever even KNOW about things happening in my family is bc of my mom. My mom dies & I lose my link to my entire family. Like, I'm cut off, basically. I doubt any of them will ever reach out to me. I'll be alone. And idk how to fix that.
my parent and their sibling looked like their relationship was improving when they worked together to care for their dying parent, but it all went to shit in the final week, and they have had zero social relationship since my grandparent died.
I can't imagine going through this. Walking this lonely world with my siblings behind my back is one of the things I'm most grateful for.
23-year-old woman, oldest of four. Same story.
Sorry, this made me laugh for some reason. But legit reason from parents, too.
One other, would have sufficed. Sounds like your parents didn't want to be lonely lol
Guilt trip eh?
Id love to have a big family, i just dont want to be the one to have to give birth to them.
Thisssssss. Yesssss. Also enough money to give them the life they deserve
Well, time to m-preg your husband
This is truly the answer
Who can afford to give 3+ kids the lives they deserve these days?
I wanted 4 kids (grew up with big families) but now, I'm finding it hard to see how it is manageable to have that many kids (it's expensive, bigger car, more space). Plus can my old body handle it?
Same.
Apparently the customer I had last week she was 26 and started having kids at 16. She has 14 kids right now. And they are expecting another set of twins. She said she won't stop till her body stops. I don't necessarily believe that they weren't at least half c sections but her holding a second wallet for all of their provincial health cards was enough. She said since she started she pumps at least one every 10 months. her current Beau (apparently #2) works in Oil. So they can afford it. But yeah she said she wants more kids than that Russian lady did 100 years ago.
Even if you could afford it...why? 16!!!! Holy shit.
her oldest kids are raising the younger kids.
Nanny producing operation fr
ABSOLUTELY! Free child labor!!!!
This is abuse
I think it must be some kind of a breeding kink atp.
Or religious nuttery like my parents.
Hold up, she wants more than 69 children? Man that would be horrible for those kids
This! I have four. Expensive but i think the hardest part is spreading yourself so thin. (Very close together and still smallish though.) I feel lacking as a mother every day. I'd have to think 2 was the sweet spot?
I have friends with 2. I have 3. They asked me what 3 is like. I was honest. I said 1 is like you have a buddy. Two is like, now we are a family and each parent can handle one kid at a time. But once you have 3, *everything is chaos all the time!* They stopped at two. š¤£
I hear you on the chaos!
Parents who don't need to give them iPads to babysit them
In order for kids to be happy you're supposed to love them. That's the most important thing. Nobody I know, coming from big or small families, had a perfect life growing up. In fact, most lived in conditions many here would consider relatively poor. But almost all who came from families that cared for them, even if they were not well off, are happy and ended up pretty well. Even some who were neglected but were hardworking and managed to have a positive attitude have managed to have a good life. Living is not about "getting what you deserve". It's about finding joy in what you have and carving your own path towards what you wish.
Itās not that hard. It only seems insurmountable if youāre worried about keeping up with the Joneses and buying into all the propaganda about what kids āneedā. Iāve got 5 kids. They all play multiple sports (football, soccer, hockey, softball, baseball), we all ride dirt bikes, go on vacations, etc. However, they donāt get a bunch of electronics. No phones till theyāre 16. No Ipads or tablets. One TV in the house. We donāt have streaming services. We drive used cars. One vacation a year. We live in a low cost of living, rural area. We have conservative, traditional values. Weāre not rich, but we are contented and comfortable.
As a third child in the 90s, and my husband being one of four, we are happy with two kids so we can give them both the attention we want to and also retire. I can't fathom having more than two in this day and age when two in daycare is more than our mortgage.
If I could afford that many kids, I might have considered it, except it turns out that my body hates being pregnant more than most womenās do. I canāt lose another whole year of my life to add another person to my family.
You in that 1% that canāt eat or move and just lays there with even the breeze from the window making you want to vomit painfully? Haha I lived on iced tea and soda crackers first go, second go just milkā¦. Iām not meant to be pregnant!
My bloodline ends with me.
Mine ends with my daughter. She's an only child and has zero desire to reproduce, which is fine with me.
Hey mine too!Ā
same with my daughter!
I like you very much!
Sounds like a lot of work. And hellish on the body. But props to those who choose to go that route.
Fuck no. No kids for me. My husband had his vasectomy.
Same, my husband had one 5 years back and we have had zero regrets. We live a very comfortable dual income life. We can afford a couple of international vacations a year, own a modest home, and we both proudly drive two seater (no room for kids) sports cars. Have some leftover every month to build our retirement savings too. We have multiple hobbies, and live a very fulfilling life. We are not rich by any means, and are definitely middle class. But because we have no children, we have expendable income. To each their own though.
If thatās middle class, then I donāt know what the fuck I am š
We are objectively towards the top end of middle class for sure, but we are not rich. We just work hard to manage our money appropriately and saved for years and years for a home. We are in our mid 30ās, we had no money in our 20ās. We donāt eat out, we donāt spend money on nice clothing or frivolous items. We primarily shop at Costco for food and clothes. We save our money for things like trips because that is what we value.
Nah I get you But with the way the worldās gotten, Iām genuinely concerned about how the fuck Iāll be able to buy a house or car or even get a job that doesnāt pay peanuts after I graduate college Itās scary man, Iām glad you guys have made it but I dunno what the hell Iāll do when itās my turn to Adult šæ
There is a chance that buying a home will become more difficult as time moves along, but buying a home isnāt really necessary as a long-term investment. There are a lot of benefits to renting. First off, the money you save for a down payment on a home can go towards other investments, like retirement accounts. You donāt have to worry about property taxes when you rent, which are extremely expensive. You donāt have to worry about home maintenance or when a disaster happens. All of the money that would normally go towards home ownership can be used in other ways to build your financial future. Additionally, renting gives you a lot more freedom to move around. Iām stuck where Iām at because Iāll never see an interest rate this low again. Itās a myth that buying a home is better than renting one.
I have two kids and that's it. More than enough, me and my husband wanted to offer them everything, including attention and dedication. I think that more means parents will not focus properly on them and will burden the older kids with raising the younger. I will not have more (I'm middle aged and had a total hysterectomy), they are grown (21 and 13).
My parents were sort of the same. I have 2 siblings. A sister thats 5.5 years older than me, and a brother thats 5.5 years younger than me(im a middle child) My parents did this on purpose, to lower costs a bit. My dad is the only person with an income, so the last thing he wanted was 2 of 3 kids in university at the same time( he refused to burden us with student loans)
Absolutely not but if other women want to and are able to support having a bunch of kids, then go ahead. I don't want any kids at all but it's not my place to tell other women what to or not to do.
Best reply
To me, it's selfish to have a bunch of kids and not give them the time and attention they need. There is nothing sadder for a child than feeling like your parents don't have time for you. If you can raise them *without the need to parentify the older children* **/daughters**, go for it. It seems like the trend is for more religious families to have a big brood to fill their quiver for christ or some crazy notion. I don't buy it!!
After the first kid I would be able to really see if the guy was a good dad, and if we could afford the 3 kids he so desperately wanted, If he was a good partner, and didn't leave me to do everything kid related, then maybe.
And he has to be openly accept whatever gender mix he gets. No grumping if it's 4 girls in a row and he thinks he 'deserves' a son.
Tell him the gender comes from him,so shut up and shake it up a bit
I think most of the men who get way too uptight about this weren't winning science fairs in high school.
Then they shouldn't be allowed to procreate.
After the first kid? Couldn't do that before having the first?
A lot of men wait until the first pregnancy to start showing their asses.
Canāt really see how heād be as a dad without a kid can ya ?
Babysitting tell you a lot, being around kids too
People act differently with other peopleās kids than their own . How many people thought theyād have a happy family just for things to go south.
Yes or the complete opposite could be true. Iāve never liked a kid in my life, never wanted anything to do with them and honestly kinda still donāt. But my son has me wrapped around his finger and Iāve never loved or enjoyed being around anyone else more in my life, just looking at him gives me a dopamine hit. I think you could possibly judge how a man may be with a child of his own based on how he treats his pets. People who say dogs are nothing like children are probably just shitty dog owners.
You have quite a good idea going into it else you shouldn't have a kid with him
This was me. I wanted 2, my husband wanted 3. Heās a great dad, so i compromised
Nopenopenopenope. I enjoy my peace & quiet far too much.
I felt ok about a big family until we had our first. He really failed as a partner. She was our last too.
gross š«¶š¼
I wanted to have kids with my husband because he is awesome. The first pregnancy was easy enough. I'm currently 8 months pregnant and this is the worst, I hate it honestly. The constant bone pain, the swelling, the nausea that keeps going strong even in the 3rd trimester, my sciatic nerve hurts so bad sometimes I can't stand straight, I'm exhausted all the time... I'm not going through this again. It will be a snip for hubby or myself but hell no. Promps to the ladies who CAN do this willingly.
Dunno if u have but thereās mom groups on Reddit! Mommit is the one I like. Youāre almost there mama! Congratulations š š¤© donāt worry once they are out then you will forget this. Best days to come! šš¼šš¼ā¤ļø
Iām sorry itās been hard, I wish people were more honest about the toll those 9 months take, I definitely wasnāt warned with my first and my first pregnancy was really rough, but was told oh itās the first thatās always hard, yeah right... With my second my back completely went out at 7.5 months, so I was put on bedrest which was a financial blow and just shortened my post partum period with baby. Youāre almost there, stay strong and when itās over you or hubby get snipped and can relax about BC and focus on your kiddos.
I would love to have three or more adopted children, foster children, or even step-children, but birthing 3 children? Nope lol.
I think my vagina would be recked.
The same way Iād feel about swallowing glass or getting sucked out of an aeroplane window.
No effing way
Absolutely. But not all women can physically have 3+ kids. There are all sorts of birth complications or health problems that could make this impossible. Every person is different.
Even one kid is one more than I want. Three or more sounds like hell on earth. Everyone likes different things, but having 3+ kids on purpose is a lifestyle choice that requires a significant amount of family income and support, while also cutting off decades (or a lifetime) of other options for the mother. It's a major risk in every way and I'm not surprised that it's a fairly niche choice these days. I suspect that a lot of people overestimate how many women *ever* wanted that many kids, in times and places where they didn't/don't have effective family planning methods.
SO TRUE.
Yep family planning is still overlooked these days there should be more awareness about the process of pregnancy and its consequences
In no way would I have three kids.
I donāt want children even though Iām in a big family by todayās standards (3 siblings). My mom has 8 siblings (one unfortunately passed away) so mine isnāt that big if I compare it with my mom. for me, 3+ kids would be hell
Same, three older brothers (Iām the only girl) and I have eight nieces and nephews, but I donāt want any kids of my own. And now Iāve had surgery so i canāt anymore. Just never wanted any and watching my brothers and what their day to day looks like with kids, I just canāt get onboard.
im the youngest of 6. i saw what it did to my witch of a mom. im staying at ZERO.
My mother is also the youngest of six and she wishes my Nan hadnāt had that many kids
I wouldnāt have more than 3. Saying this from a position where we donāt worry about money and Iām a SAHM. The mental load to give them a loving childhood and raise them into mentally and physically healthy adults would be too much for me. Any more children than that and you would need a community (like aunts, uncles, grandparents) to help out regularly. I want to have the highest chance of raising high quality children, not just have a lot of children. (Not saying having a large family doesnāt raise quality children, itās just really hard)
Opposed. I had two kids. My husband and I figured it would be fair to replace ourselves but we tend to believe the earth would be better off with fewer people. Plus I like peacefulness in my house. Also kids are expensive, tiring, having babies is hard on my body, my car only has four comfortable seats, my house has the right number of bedrooms etc etc
I want 0 children. I don't think big families are healthy for children as I do not see how a patent could equally divide that much time to make sure every child is getting all the attention they need. I believe I read a study at one point going over the fact that, after you hit 4, the children end up having to take care of each other. To me, that's wrong. They didn't ask to be born and they didn't ask to take care of their siblings. A good friend has 6 siblings, and he goes over how he was basically forgotten.
Grew up with 3 sisters, two older one younger. My older sisters were CONSTANTLY parentified and had to take care of us younger two. It really messed up the dynamic in our family.
After my second kid we had to stop. We couldnāt afford anymore kids. Thereās a ten yr age difference between my kids. i had to work fulltime and I also didnāt want to have another kid and have my mother in law watch that child too so we could work. I didnāt see the point in bringing another kid into the world that I couldnāt be the day to day caregiver of. I didnāt realize how hard it would be for me to leave my youngest everyday after he was born. It killed me. Heās 9 and it still does like during summer break, not being the one w him rips me apart. I kind of regret not having a third only because he tells us all the time he wishes he had a sibling closer in age. Little does he know before him we had a baby that was born to early and didnāt make it. Will tell him when heās older. I would have loved 4-5 kids if being a mother was my only job. This working mom thing just isnāt for me.
Iām so sorry about your loss. This economy makes it really hard to not just have kids (the stress and environmental decline take a toll on fertility) but also to raise them well. Sounds like your a wonderful mom ā¤ļø
Iām at zero and itās staying that way indefinitely.
Honest answer? I donāt understand why somebody would have 4+ kids on purpose. 3 seems like the limit of sanity.
I am at a point where I genuinely would love to have a large family but there's no possible way we could afford it. It's sad accepting it but if I'm being realistic, it's for the best anyway.
I came from a big family (we were a house of 9) and i loved it. I'd have a big family if we could, but we can't afford more than one kiddo. š
I grew up in a big family and I hated it. I have 2 kids no plans for more.
Seeing as I'm CF, I personally don't want children. I have 3 sibling godkids (2 others passed at birth), and that's satisfied any urges I have for progeny. My friendship group is about 50/50 between CF and those that have kids. Of the ones that have kids, most have 2 (a few have 1 - and done -, a few 3, one has 4)
I barely even want one kid, but I know if I do have one, I would want them to have a sibling. But I think having more than 2 kids is so unnecessary.
I had one kid. It was so hard I was terrified to have more, but I also got diagnosed with MS around the time I was ready to think about having a second one and that was an absolute deal breaker. I became unable to take care of myself within 10 years. I wish I was able to have a huge family. I am lonely. Many children and grandchildren would be wonderful. I adore other peopleās kids and spend as much time around them as possible.
I had one, which was perfect for me. I knew Iād be overwhelmed with more. She didnāt like being an only child, so she is going for 3-4 kids. But she and her husband can afford it, not many can. Day care where we are is $1700 a month for one child
I have three, would love a fourth and final. I'm 1 of 7 and my husband is 1 of 5 so I guess it doesn't seem that big to us.
šno. Unless I marry a guy that's more like a wife than a husband. And we can afford a nanny. And have plenty of savings. And our extended family doesn't suck.
Definitely no. I don't want kids at all. I like my quiet and alone time and I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle any children in my house.
For me personally, it sounds like hell on earth. I can't understand why people do it. But to each their own.
I always wanted a big family, unfortunately it never worked out for us. However, I am āauntieā to so many friendās kids and have two official nieces I know itās not the same as being a parent full time, but it definitely helps fill the void from not having our own.
I wanted 6. My body gave me two and that was that. However my kids are nearly grown now (17 & 13). Means I have more free time.
I have four. 16, 12, 20 months and 6 weeks. Iāve always wanted children, at least three. This last one was a very big surprise but I absolutely adore him. It is very expensive and took a toll on my body but family is important to me.
No
Absolutely fucking not
Mother of 4 here. They are 35, 32,30....and 12. No, it wasn't intentional. I would never recommend "planning" to have a big family. Be flexible in your ideas. See how you get on with your first before you commit to a number. See how you manage with two before you think about a third. Every child is different. What they need from you is different. Whether it's physical or emotional. Circumstances change, finances can change, your health and abilities can change. If you pick and plan for a certain number, and that changes, part of you will be disappointed. You've set an idea in your head that you've no guarantee of achieving. The number of children you have is not the point, the quality of your parenting is.
People saying 3 siblings = big family really worries me...... Is it the economy that's making it difficult to raise 3 kids? I have 2 older siblings. When i saw "big family" I thought of 5+ kids. My father had 9 siblings and my mother had 9 at one point too. So that's big. 3 kids seem standard to me. But tbh rn I can't afford one, let alone 3. Given I had the wealth, health and a loving husband, I'd love 3-5 kids. Also supportive in-laws.
>Is it the economy that's making it difficult to raise 3 kids? Yes. It's almost impossible to afford a home for many. My husband and I have good, full paying jobs and are struggling to buy one. We want to start a family next year, but seeing as we can't even afford a house, we could probably only have one kid.
Smart decision. As a mom of 1, I can vouch for children being expensive in ways you can't account for &/ that have no monetary value. Being a parent is an unending sacrifice and it's not for the feint of heart.
No big family short n cute family š
I want 0 kids. Not my own, not a partner with kids. I want a child free life.
No thanks. Not for me. No judgement on people who chose that but itās not something that Iād be interested in.
Assuming my partner and i both have healthy families to help support us, big families sound great. Spoiler: we're no contact with our families.
I'd love to. I have 1 and having 3 would be awesome. But I'd have a lot of help, otherwise it would be incredibly hard.
Not for me. Im 33 and was pretty settled with being child free but then I got pregnant and we decided to change our minds but plan on having just the one. One and done!
as someone who doesnāt have any family, itās a dream to have a big loving family. i donāt want to have kids tho lol, just hope i meet someone with a good family.
I was an only child, grew up alone, my mom recently died and now Iām an adult alone. I did choose to have a big family, 4 kids. I wouldnāt trade it for anything
Do you know what happens to a womanās body during and after pregnancy?!? Iāve only had one kid, and that was 14 years ago, and still dealing with the fallout of carrying a child to term and giving birth and healing. My body is a hot mess! I commend women who choose to have more than one, cuz that is some serious courageā¦ or forgetfulnessā¦ it depends on who you talk to.Ā
Hell no. Never. There is not enough money on the planet that would coerce me into ever having another kid. I have 2 & that's too many.
A mother of a large... or large-ish family here! It is the most wonderful thing! Such an abundance of love and connection all-round. So many wonderful young people I have the privilege of having a deep connection with. BUT... It was so, so very hard when I had them close together when they were very young. It brought my marriage to its ultimate breaking point, and my sanity to its very edge. It very nearly broke us as a couple. As a result we had fewer children than we had originally planned to have. But now that I am out of the trenches, and the kids are all older, I wish I had more. But I also understand perfectly that I never could have had a larger family as it would have broken us both.
Yes I have a large family too and there are a few years in there that are a bit of a blur, because of being tired all the time I can't remember the details... But so good now - the youngest is 13, and we all have a lot of fun together, great relationships, they all get on well together
My dads side had 6 kids my moms side had 5 seems to be normal back then. Iāve always wanted at least 4 kids but as time goes by Iām not even sure I want one because of how much Iām already struggling. Iād hate to have only one but if thatās all I get then Iād be happy with that.
2 kids and no more energy
I personally don't want any kids and come from a smaller family of 4, but I love hanging with other people's big families! My best friend is the oldest of 7, and several of her siblings have gotten married and had kids, so I love spending time with all of them. We try to get together every few months. I know it's sometimes overwhelming for my friend though, lol. My parents are also from big families, so extended family get togethers were always large.
No, not only is it a financial struggle but how do you have time to give 3+ kids equal attention and love? one or a few are bound to feel like they don't get enough
Not interested /:
I donāt mind it as long as my husband is willing to pay for a surrogate to carry my child after the 2
It's hard for a woman to truly know until they have had one child. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, so I only suffered through pregnancy twice. My DIL thought one and done for her, but she had easy pregnancies, so she just had her third and is sorry she waited so long to start the family, because she would like more, but she's 39.
I said I wanted 3 & got looked at like I wanted to raise a soccer team of children. Now if anyone asks I simply say Iām unsure atm. Honestly we should normalize any conversation about wanting kids being taboo. Itās truly none of our business.
I have no intention of having any kids. Even if I did, I can't imagine having more than two. Between my mom and my father, I have 14 living aunts and uncles (not including their spouses), as well as a ton of cousins. My family is already huge.
I have a big family and I love it! I raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood and they all interact often and get along great. No drama whatsoever.
We also have 7 and I used to frequently get pulled over in the supermarket by older women who would congratulate me, and tell me how they grew up in a large family and how much they loved it. I love having 7 kids, although we have had to adjust our style of living to afford it. I have taught my kids to thrift shop, and to cook for themselves etc., and they're all well on the way to becoming responsible human beings. And they like spending time with us and their siblings, which is wonderful.
I wanted 6, my husband wanted whatever I wanted. We had 4 in 4 years, which is similar to 6 š
Write stuff down, if you can - the funny or cute things your kids do. My first was 4 3/4 when no. 4 was born, and a lot of that time is a blur now. The kids will say "remember that thing..." and I have no memory of it
I always kinda wanted multiple kids, like 4+, when I was a teen and young adult. I donāt even have one yet but I donāt know how Iād be able to afford one kid, let alone multiple. Not to mention, working all day and then dividing equal attention to all the kids just seems unrealistic tbh. I also am terrified of pushing one kid out of me let alone 3 or 4.
I have zero kids and I'm too old to change that. If I did though, I would want 2. Only children have too much on their plate. Having 3 is probably ideal, but I would not want to be pregnant for that much of my life. Caveat is that I never have been, I just don't like the idea. My grandad was a child of 11 kids. I feel SOOO SORRY for his mother.
I always wanted a big family and am currently pregnant with #4. We think we might foster/adopt in the future and I've had a rough pregnancy this time around and we feel content with 4 biological kids. My older two are getting more independent and it's so nice to see life beyond diapers and constantly being needed by someone all the time lol. I have an amazing husband who is a very involved dad. I couldn't do it alone. We also have my mom and my in-laws involved. My husband works from home and I have stayed home with the kids. We have sacrificed some things (we always buy used cars, cheap phone service, haven't traveled a bunch), but now my husband makes better money which helps and we've been able to buy a bigger house in a rural area and live a more country life. It helps that we have always been very aligned in what we wanted in life.
Fine as long as youāre not just popping them out because you can and actually raising/parenting themā¦
I have two kids now and I wouldnāt be against another one, but Iām very happy with the status quo and donāt want to rock the boat with another kid
36f w/3 so far. Maybe one more for us? I have cousins who have up to 8 kids.
Itās not for me - I like having an only child. Easier with work and home lives.
Personally, I donāt have any children and I chose that; however, that choice doesnāt work for everyone. Whatever choice people make in life I support!
I'm older and I have PCOS. However, having a big family doesn't mean giving birth to them.
I wanted 4 kids, had 3. I grew up in a family of 13 kids so 4 did not and does not seem ābigā to me
I readily entertain the idea of having zero kids.
4 kids here. Always wanted a big family, but it is hard. Kids require more than just the necessities. In todays world they need a lot of guidance and one on one quality time. And with 2 parents working its so hard to give them that. Older generations could let their kids free range, but that is not the case today. Add to that the cost of having a big family and kids needing to stay at home for longer due to the housing crisis. It really can be challenging. In saying that, you never regret having all your children.
I want three kids. Iām getting married in January and weāll probably start trying within the next few years. I currently work full time making six figures but I plan to find something part time in the future so I can take care of my children. Currently we make over $300k combined and even with a 50% down payment I know weāre still going to struggle financially in the future living off of one income. I still want three kids but I worry Iāll be able to give them the life they deserve
Iāve always told my partners and potential partners that I want at least four children haha. They were either also on board or think Iām crazy for wanting so many children. My parents had four kids, and so do some of my uncles and aunts on both sides, more or less. So Iām used to big families
Iām the youngest of five of my parents five children, I have four older quadruplet brothers. My dad is one of three triplet boys. My mom is one of sextuplets three girls and three boys. Having a big family was something not ever expected upon my brothers, cousins and I our parents told us whenever we have our own families we will have our own decision to make. My husband only has a half sister we learned about in 2019 and heās an only child from his fathers only marriage, the half sister was a result of a college hook up his father did during those days. I myself have three sets of twins; fraternal boy and girl my step-kids, biological identical twin girls, and biologicalĀ fraternal twins boy and girl.Ā Was I willing to have a big family? I wanted a good size family as long as my children were healthy and I got my wish. Before any have children truly do decide ahead of time how many you want before you start trying for them.
I dunno about more than 2 catsā¦.theyāre cute and all, but I think adding one more would put me in financial distressā¦.š¤·š½āāļøš¤·š½āāļø
The idea of childbirth terrifies me to no end. My husband will be lucky to get me to squeeze one or two out of my hoo-ha
I'm childfree so anything more than 0 kids is far too many. I'm much happier being the cool aunt to the kids other people in my life have
I had two siblings growing up. And none of us ever had enough attention from our two parents. I would not wish this on anyone. Zero kids for me and thankful my body is still in good shape.
Maybe the problem was crappy parents; not being one of two kids. I was one of five and time with my father was limited due to his job, but I never felt a lack of attention.
Yes, this was my thought too.
I wonāt even have one. I like my vagina not prolapsed.
Not interested
I think it really depends on your country and social status. I am in my late twenties and none of my friends are married, none of them have even one child. Statistically women in my "sphere" will never have more than two or three children at most. We all live in tiny studio apartments in the city, there simply is *no room*. If I was really rich I would consider having three children but not more.
Too expensive and exhausting
Currently pregnant with my fourth child. I like the idea of a big family but society really is not set up for this anymore. You need two incomes to have a working class life and that makes a big family prohibitive. This will screw people over though in the long term when there is no family to help in emergencies or when people get old.
Just bc you have kids doesn't guarantee they're going to help in emergencies or help when you get old, even if they want to.
No but not having kids guarantees I wonāt.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a man you can trust that much? He can walk away at any time, leaving you a single mother of four kids. And who gets the blame (and the poverty)? The woman, of course. Goodwill and food banks, here we come! Time to get three jobs while never leaving your children unattended, and never dating again.
Questions like these will always come down to "depends on the woman." What I want for my life as a woman is not the same as what my friends want, my sisters want, so definitely can't speak to a general what women want. I don't want children at all. But if I were to change my mind I can't see myself having more than 1 or 2 at most. Other people want other things though.
I have 1.5 kids, I'm middle child of 11... my mum had lots of children because she never had a family and wanted to make one with her orphan husband, she also has severe ADHD so she's absolutely mental, as in, I can't tell her personality apart from adhd traits which is mindblowing. Turns out when you have that many kids, you make it work affording them but you don't have any headspace for any of them or time to do anything but the basics. She raised us pretty much alone which I have to commend, we're all educated and few of us have our own businesses but at least half of us were sexually assaulted before the age of 16 by uncles, cousins or siblings. Every one of us was drinking at the age of 13, underage sex (0 teen pregnancies though!), just all in all a dysfunctional family where only a couple of us willingly hang out with each other. If you ask mum though, we're all so close... In short, it's not worth it. No one has the time to emotionally or financially invest in multiple children. It's selfish IMO because there's usually some messed up reason to have that many stemming from insecurity, CPTSD or wanting to MYO family which is unfair on the kids. And 3 isn't a big family. 5 minimum.
Ew! 2 is enough and the perfect number. One for each parent to wrangle.
I have 2 kids and contemplate a third. I always wanted 2-3. But I had mine 18 months apart, planned but exhausting. Now they are older and I can't bring myself to do it all over again with lack of sleep and diapers. So many of my friends have 4 kids so sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I love kids, but it's a lot of time, money and attention.
I couldn't imagine being able to support a large family and my partner would have to be remarkable. Remarkable as in really wanting to be present in the childrens lives, taking over half of all chores and childcare, including taking time off work for sick children, and understanding that his wife is going to be going through a lot physically, mentally, and emotionally because childbirth is so hard on the body.
I wouldn't call 3 a big family.
Not a chance. I have two kidsā¦ I maybe could have gone for a third if we started earlier but thatās fucking it. Shit is expensive and busy.
The fact that this post has 207 comments, yet the up- and downvotes seem to even out says a lot about this topicĀ
totally depends on the man. did my abusive father, the man who never worked a day in his life for his family and just left us after 10 years of absence, deserve us? absolutely not. I wish my mother would have aborted us and lived her life instead of birthing the children of such a man.
I definitely donāt want any kids
No thanks
Absolutely not. Iāve never entertained this idea. Mainly because as a woman most of the parenting duties fall on me which makes me even more uninterested. I can barely wrap my head around wanting 1 child.
I don't even entertain the idea of having one kid ~
I feel like it depends more on my partner than on me. If I had a dedicated husband who was loving and patient and did more than his share of work around the kids, then yeah, absolutely. If he sucks and I don't percieve him as reliable, I'm not sure even one is on the table.Ā
Stuff of nightmares. Iām absolutely happy with my husband and my dog. Do not plan to add anything else.
i have three siblings and its too much responsibility as a sister- one kid is more than enough
I would not be willing to take on that risk to my health tbh! And also I'd like to have a life outside of kids as well and that would make it impossible I think
No thanks
My husband and I want as many children as possible š„°
I always knew I wanted 4. We have 4. I love it. This is how my family should be
I'm an antinatalist.
The earth is being negatively impacted by human overpopulation. Two children to fill the parents footprints is reasonable. Any more is unnecessary and irresponsible.
I'm pregnant with #5, and my oldest will still be 6 when baby is born. There are moments when I'm so overstimulated I could scream. But on the whole, I don't regret it! I stay at home and homeschool the oldest. My husband has his own company and supports us working part time. He's also working on higher education full-time. Honestly, if he wasn't in school, life would be perfect. It's a sacrifice that will pay off in the end, but it's rough for now.Ā It's not as expensive as you think. Every kid doesn't need their own bedroom, and they don't need to be in extracurricular 6 nights a week. We have a homeschool community and church community, and we walk over to a local park frequently.Ā Do they lose out on some things? Sure. We don't do annual Disney vacations. But which is worth more: one week of fun each year or more people to love and share life with? I'd much rather have a big, loving family, personally.Ā
Jesus Christ your life sounds like a nightmare š
Hard agree. Holy fuck. I would pass away if this were my reality tbh. š„ŗš I feel bad saying that, but genuinely. That's... so awful. I feel bad for OP. š„ Sounds like she is writing that at gunpoint. š