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My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 7. No children. We make each other better people everyday. We are each other's best friends and closest allies. If anything happens, we face it together. I like who I have become with him by my side and he would say the same about me. I can genuinely say he has made me a better version of myself. While I love him, I can also say I do not need him in my life. I choose to have him in my life.
Early on in the relationship I had the lusty feelings many people mistake for love. I wanted to be with him all the time. Only after years of marriage with him have I discovered that what I thought was love was a seed of infatuation that has blossomed into a beautiful relationship with a mature type of love.
Yes. I agree. I was taught that love is a conscious choice, not a feeling. Infatuation is a feeling. Joy when being with someone who pleases us is a feeling. But love is more than that. We choose to love someone by putting them first in our lives and giving them all of ourselves, forgiving them when they wrong us or let us down, and being honest, devoted, and committed to that relationship. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are going strong with 3 kids and a beautiful life we've built together on these principles. Love is a reciprocal giving of self by two people who are committed to each other above all else. That love is expressed in various ways, but it stands as a choice, not a feeling.
Honestly that’s a good description. I’ve been married for 24 years together for 27. Love is not sexual desire, which I thought that was what love felt like. I actually love my with more now than I did when I was incredibly attracted to her. Don’t get me wrong, Im still attracted to her but it is more deep now. I can count on her and she is my best friend. To me that’s what love is
That’s because love isn’t a ‘feeling’. It’s an active choice that you make everyday to be with someone and support them because you know that you’d ultimately rather have them in your life than not. That obsessive, giddy feeling you get at the beginning of relationships is just infatuation and hormones. It’s when that begins to fall into the background that you realise whether or not you actually love the person.
I think this is a fundamental difference between me and my husband. To him, he made his decision and that’s that (if I cheated or beat him or something, he’d surely leave, but he’s in this for the long haul otherwise). I’m like OP in that I’m always questioning and wondering. I understand too that love is a choice, it’s just funny to me when I ask if he’s happy we got married, still in love w me, etc. and he’s genuinely so perplexed. He can’t understand how I’m still be thinking about these things when to him they were settled a long time ago.
I like this idea but I question it sometimes. One of my exes I thought very highly of her, was attracted to her, trusted her etc. And was with her for a couple years. For a while that was enough but oddly enough my feelings changed when I got a cat, and I loved my cat more in a few months than I ever felt for her. I want to take care of her and love her and hug her forever and ever. I've had her for 7 years and I love her as much if not more. I know it's weird to compare your feelings for a pet to feelings for a person but I really don't know what to do with this information. I ended up breaking up with my ex because I didn't know if I loved her and thought she deserved better than a partner that didn't love her
A genuine feeling of wanting to be with someone, to hear them talk, feel their skin and to give passion to.
To want the very best for them even if it doesn't give you anything.
Do you have some sort of anxiety disorder ? I felt like this during the first two years of my relationship. Sometimes I’d be obsessive and other times I’d be completely numb. I experienced derealization almost the whole time, at times I would look at his face and not feel any sort of familiarity, as if I don’t recognize him. I felt like a shitty person and wondered if i was ever capable of love. Do I love him or do i just want to be loved?
Turns out it’s all part of my anxiety. I’ve always suffered from depersonalization/derealization my whole life, and it gets worse when big changes are happening in my life. It feels all blurry and panic inducing.
I think love is the fact that you chose him and want to spend time with him. If he gets sick you would worry for him and do your best to support him. Your anxiety doesn’t make you a bad person.
Your words are so comforting. How do you ease your anxiety when it comes out of the blue (wherein sometimes for me it makes me want to just break up with him right there and then)
I’ve been practicing breathing and grounding techniques to ease my derealization. I would try to obsess over anything else that won’t ruin my relationship. Because I know that ruminating over those kind of thoughts would only ruin any good things we have. Also I would advise going to therapy if you can. You need to give your thoughts more structure so you can understand the reason why you want to break up. Is it commitment issues ? Is it trust issues? Are you scared of the future? Or do you simply think they/you can do better?
Do you absolutely want a future together ? Do you see yourself with him in 10 years, not as how he could become, but as he is already now ? Does the only sight of him already easy your mind ? When you dispute, don't you just want to hug to get back together and overcome the difficulty ?
My opinion of love is you have to answer Yes to all these questions without hesitating.
I was in a relationship where I doubted my love just like you. Now I am in a relationship where I never once even doubted that I want him as my life partner.
Another sign for me that I feel love : I feel devastated at the idea of us splitting someday. I don't see myself with anyone else ever again. Maybe that's a feeling that fades away for some people, but that's still me after 4 years of relationship. I feel like I encountered my soul mate.
Nah, I was deeply in love in my 20/30’s with a man who was equally in love with me, and we never went down any check lists. Now if you decide to marry, that’s different. But love and marriage are two very different things.
Well. If he left tomorrow would the hard part be that you have to adjust to a new everyday? Or the fact that you lost him? Do you "love him too" meaning there's that if he stopped loving you, you would also stop loving him? Or do you "love him" as in unconditional love?
Some people confuse love with infatuation—being completely smitten with someone they barely know, driven mostly by physical attraction. I prefer the concept of "companionate love," where you know someone deeply, including their good and bad sides, their flaws, weaknesses, and dark aspects, yet still feel drawn to them and they to you. This isn't about the butterflies of new love but about knowing that person truly has your back, and you have theirs.
I suppose I am, I guess. Does u/waharashittle mean I should watch the room I'm in alongside the person I think I'm in love with? Do they mean I should "Read The Room" to see how I might feel? Do they mean that I should watch the 2003 and/or 2019 movie called The Room? I appreciate the help, thanks.
I'm guessing that love changes over time. A year is, in a way, the start of a relationship and you might expect things to still be evolving.
Sounds like the relationship you have with yourself needs work?
Good luck
I think that the numb-times exist because of lack of intimacy, that happened to me. My first real relationship, just learning. We were like roommates and I felt it.
Try some 1 on 1 time with no distractions. Tell your partner that you need it.
Edit: and by intimacy I don't mean sex. I mean being with each other, understanding, sharing.
Two kinds of love.
1. Attraction. You WANT him, you crave to be near him, your mind is restless without him, etc etc.
2. Loving-kindness. Has nothing to do with your needs, you want him to be happy and have a good life.
Both of these are feelings, and feelings fluctuate. They arise, and then they disappear. Don't identify with them, they are just different flavours of mental energy that occupy your body and mind for a while. No feeling makes you a bad person, because you can't choose your feeling.
Your actions are more important, because you can choose what to do.
Much love
For me it’s a mix of things. Lust, which is like fire and explosions and lava and makes me want to be skin-to-skin with him constantly (not necessarily via sex directly). Then there’s this overwhelming appreciation for his existence in my life. It legitimately makes my chest feel warm thinking about how kind and thoughtful and responsible he is. And when I think about our future my head feels floaty and it can make tears come to my eyes. And I want to make him happy. I want to woe him by doing little things to support his hobbies or make his days easier, and I get that warmth in my chest when he smiles.
For me it feels peace and calmness. When I’m with him it’s like no one else is around, nothing else matters, just us. I don’t get the “butterflies” feeling - that’s more of an anxiety feeling for me. When I think about him it’s like my heart throbs a little and I feel warm all over.
For me when I was in love, I never wanted to be away from her. I wanted to know every single detail about her and all about her day. I saw a future with her, and whenever we were together it was never awkward or weird because we could just be ourselves. It was the best feeling to hear her voice, and I would’ve done anything and everything to make her happy. The second we started dating I knew I loved her, but I waited a month to tell her because I was nervous. I think when you’re constantly thinking about someone, and everything reminds you of them, that’s how you know you’re in love
We broke up lol. After 8 months of dating and three years of knowing eachother, keep in mind we were both secretly in love with eachother throughout the years before we started dating, she realized she only saw me as a “friend”. So yeah, 8 months wasted on someone
Stop obsessing about the concept of love. There is no love switch that gets flipped, it's simply chemical reactions in your brain. Attraction is a sliding scale, and is not absolute. It's not permanent either.
Too many people are under the impression that there's some supernatural force dictating we all have soul mates. That's just not how it works. There are people who's brains are configured in such a way that they have a really strong attraction, but most of us aren't that lucky.
Evolution requires people to be attracted to each other long enough to reproduce, and perhaps raise their children to adulthood. There is no inherent need for humans to mate for life. Even people who are really attracted to each other will get tired of their partner and have to bite their tongue.
There's nothing that says you have to be completely infatuated with someone to be in a relationship with them. Do you think old couples are still rabidly infatuated with each other? No, the initial infatuation fades, and they've just managed to become accustomed to each other. They're probably not super passionate, but they are deeply fond of their situation and content with it.
If you're looking for some everlasting, burning passion you're probably in for a disappointment.
Saddest comment I’ve read in a while.
Edit: and as for old couples: rabid attraction isn’t even a small part of love. What you say about them being “accustomed and content” with their “situation” isn’t true either. They just cannot imagine being with anyone else, they want to be together because they KNOW each other. It’s not about a comfortable situation but rather a comfortable and familiar person that has always been by your side.
I’m sure this is exactly what you said in more clinical terms, but I really hope you find love because it’s not as bleak as you paint it out to be.
Everlasting and passionate love is possible.
For me, my husband was calming. It was a calm, settled feeling. Not all the drama I was used to. Just a calm surety.
11 years later its been a coaster ride with life, health issues, home renovations etc. But still that calm surety. I have his back and he has mine.
Hm. This is a great question. Being in love is very difficult to describe.
When I was falling in love with husband, my affection for him deepened and intensified. I wanted to spend time with him. Being with him made me happy and I missed him when he wasn't there. I thought about him almost constantly and I wanted to make him happy too. I wanted to know him more profoundly and to give him support and affection. I wanted to make him feel special. I desired him sexually but was also very happy to spend time with him in non-sexual contexts. When I was certain I loved him, I had a strong desire to let him know. (I hesitated for a few weeks but was at constant risk of just blurting it out). 14 years later, I still love him deeply.
The closest analogy I can make to falling in love is to compare it to a change of temperature. If you've been outside in cold weather and then come inside a warm house, there will be a point at which you feel warm. It won't be instant. The warmth will spread slowly. You will just know that you're no longer cold. It's hard to explain warmth to someone who hasn't some into the house yet, but you know it when it you feel it.
If you even have to ask, then that’s a NO.
If you’re like ~15 then forget I said that, you are a baby and shouldn’t be getting these immature entanglements because 99% of them bring nothing but heart break and pain later down the road and are putting you at massive risks go watch Pam Stenzel on YouTube. Just wait dude.
I presume it feels like as a couple you are greater than the sum of its parts. I wouldn't know. Being together with someone long term makes me feel like I'm 50% of what I could be. Further, that percentage drops the longer it goes on.
For me and life I've lived, if you aren't sure if you love someone then you don't.
I can't put into exact words what love feels like, only that it is so unmistakable and overwhelming, there's no doubt.
But maybe that's just me. 🤷♂️
I think when you love someone, you think about them all the time, and you want them to be happy all the time. You feel bad when he feels bad, and try to help him out.
What it felt for me was to have her live inside my mind rent-free. She was with me even when she physically wasn't. Her smile when we were together made time stop and the memory of her when we weren't filled me with joy.
All the above is true but...
Been single for 2 years, now all this cheesiness makes me crave for pizza lol
personally, i think the fact you asked shows you do care about him for sure. what does it feel like? i think everyone is a little different, but to me; it's a feeling of being able to be your true uncut self, but with another person who is also doing the same with neither of yall feeling any conservative feelings towards each other. something like that. also, doesn't make you a bad person. i feel the same way all the time and have my entire life. doesn't make you bad. you recognizing it and trying to potentially rectify it shows that...how bad could you be? trying is all you can do, man. makes you a good person in my book, man
Hey. Many people have already given wonderful answers to what they think love feels like.
>Sometimes I feel like I do too much that it's obsessive but sometimes I can't feel anything at all like i'm almost numb in a way.
Have you ever heard of Relationship OCD/Anxiety? Reading how your doubts tend to be obsessive and makes you feel numb (mildly dissociate in other words) makes me think it's possible it's also ROCD.
Here's an article explaining it:
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/rocd-relationship-ocd/
And please check out r/ROCD
Maybe you can relate to the resources and posts posted there.
Hit me up if you have questions.
It feels like you can trust them with anything and everything. That you have someone there even when they’re not there with you and always have your back and you know you’ll have theirs. You can have a conversation with them about anything and you’ll enjoy it. That’s part of what it is to love someone, Atleast for me.
Sometimes I'm not sure that I really know what love is. But the main thing that makes me feel I really love my boyfriend is how much he's always on my mind. I'm generally pretty introverted and don't talk a ton but when I'm with him I just want to blab away, unfiltered. No matter who I'm with or where I am or what I'm doing, I always wish he was there with me too. Being able to have any kind of acceptance that he means his compliments and words of affirmation/ love has been and continues to be a very difficult thing for me, but it's a big deal that there have been times I believe that HE believes it. Our sex life has had major ups and downs over the 6 years together due to scheduling/logistics, and mental health, but we're still very much attracted to each other and are generally always finding more ways to please eachother when we do have sex. We also go a lot more out of our ways for eachother than we would anyone else
A person only knows real love, that being a parent of a child, to child with parents. Human to human is just not the same, never will be. Sure you know people, feel you care about them in a loving manner.
When someone has a house destroyed in a storm, they loved their house in the same way they loved a person, who passed away. How can you love a house and a person in the same way?
I found little tell tale signs of, feeling sad, each time I moved from different places being a US army wife. I was sad, the first time I moved from a house I lived in, which I didn't like the house, before my husband joined the military, because the house was full of mice and cockroaches. But I felt a huge sadness leaving the house, because that was where my kids were born, the first years of their life. The house has since been torn down and no longer exists. Abuse took place in the house, which it kind of feels like an odd sense of justice, for the house to no longer exist, which that does not mean the abuse did not take place.
When we moved from each duty station, I felt a sense of sadness, which I think more was, the time and era, related to my kids, and the time I was graced, in being mom to my kids. They were growing up, and I was sad, for no reason, I just felt sad a lot. My husband was grumpy and very angry all the time for no reason.
US military does have an OLD STYLE TOXIC MALE CULTURE, in it. Which that exists in USA. TOXIC men will never recognize they are toxic, and abusors.
I didnt either until after 30, but I know I love my wife and she loves me. For the simple reason she will go out of her way to make sure Im Ok, If I feel sick (I have some health issues) she will call whoever needed and take me there. There is nothing "in it" for her other than showing me she cares. On the other hand, I do the same for her if I can. If she has pain in her back, Ill massage her however long needed, just to take care of her. Or ofc take her to a doctor all though thats rare.
Are you happier with or without him? What does it feel like to love someone? So many different feelings at different times . Given the choice who is the one person in the world who if you could would spend every waking moment with? Who makes you belly laugh? Who is respectful, kind, makes your eyes smile? Yeah, that guy’s my love.
Think there's different types of love, quite complicated.
Infatuation, you get an excitement. Music sounds better, every lyric is for you. I get a heaviness in my chest that feels like a narcotic. Better honestly. You glow and people see it.
Love love though like after many years, I think this fades a bit. It's more of a homey, normal, safety kind of thinking. I still feel good with my partner but it's not the fun of dating. Sneaks in and easy to take for granted. Just different, like you're cruising not a roller coaster.
It's when you no longer think/wonder whether or not a person would be in your life forever. Most people, when they meet strangers, don't have the mindset that the stranger will be in their life forever. When you like someone, your mindset changes and you become more involved, but it still takes the strangers involvement to solidify mutual feelings, and I doubt you'll ever get to that point with someone you don't love or who doesn't love you.
If you did not experience love growing up it will be foreign to you as an adult. Consider seeking therapy to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. No one can know but you if you love him or not. People experience love differently.
Its so subtle for me. I want to be around him. I love alone time and time to myself. After about an hour in think of something I want to tell him, or wonder what he's doing. I actively seek him out. I also worry about him. Did he eat enough? How's he feeling? Also I love hearing him talk I want to know his opinion his thoughts his latest random research.
Love isnt really a feeling for me, my girlfriend makes me happy and supports me through it all. I know theres nobody id rather come home to, i always say Love is what you do in spite of what you feel. When my girlfriend pisses me off to no end or maybe shes doing something dumb that i would find to be common sense instead of showing frustration i slow down and try to see it from her side and understand her cause i would never want to intentionally soil her mood for any reason.
For me it was wanting this person to be happy and being the one who wanted to make them happy.
It was wanting to be a better person so I could deserve to be loved by this person.
It was making good decisions as they inspired me to want to have a good life with them.
There had been many times before I met my husband where I thought I was in love but as I look back I think those were truly just infatuation and in some cases obsession.
After 17 years of marriage I still love them and I still want to make him happy and I still want to be a better person and so does he.
I think love feels different to different people based on how you grew up and your experiences.
because your asking if you love him. Answer is: you don't. And you only think you do because you've dated and your thinking you owe it to him.
From what i know and understand and feel with love. It all starts with you. Do you love yourself? And care for yourself as you deserve to be treated? For you can't show love or love others if you don't love yourself first.
Importantly you have to be honest with yourself. Otherwise it will eat at you. It's not fair not only to him, but more importantly to you. It's like leading someone on.
No you're not a bad person. Because your aware of it and you're asking for advice on this platform. A bad person would use it to their advantage. Or manipulate etc.
Do you and your bf spend everyday together? Maybe you need time to be able to miss him.
If you love him, like real love, unconditionally, whole heartedly, on a soul level, where he becomes your strength, and you his weakness. A person goes out of their way for them. It's all in the little things.
If you think to yourself and list all the ways why you like him or attracted..
Plus what does love mean? Feel like? To you?
To be loved? And or when you love?
For me, there’s no one feeling that I feel that says: I love him. More it’s everyday, the way he is the first person I want to tell something of significance to, when I am away from him for a while due to work or staying elsewhere, I miss him. His presence. He is the only person who can make me smile like he does, someone I feel completely comfortable around and never judged by. Sometimes yeah, I get butterflies still, even nearly 3 years of living together I still get that. Day to day, sometimes it’s hard. I don’t always walk around grateful for him. Sometimes he drives me insane and I want to just scream because he hasn’t done some chores or whatever, at the end of the day though I never question whether or not I love him. Love is hard work, because sometimes I don’t like him or the way he behaves, but that’s a very fleeting and rare feeling.
If you’re questioning it, I’d ask yourself, 1. Do you see yourself with him day in day out, the highs and the lows, for the rest of your life?
2. Could you be happier on your own or with someone else?
At the end of the day, you cannot force it.
Sometimes I think people feel being in love is a constant emotion, but it isn’t sometimes it’s dull, but it’s still there and other times it’s loud.
I catch myself thinking “What will happen if they die?” I would have to exist longer than my best friend.
In previous relationships, my greatest fear was to be hurt or killed by the person I was with. With my partner now, my greatest fear is loosing my other half.
I think when you love someone you don’t question if you do. You simply know. Also, when I love someone I wanna give them the whole world, I want to do somethings for them. And if I don’t love someone I focus more on what I get and what they do for me.
Love is something that grows. I didn't love my husband after 1 year, but I did care about him very deeply. At a 1.5 years, that deep affection blossomed into surface-level love. Now we've been together 5 years and married for 2. We have been through a lot together. Family issues, stress with friends, stress with jobs, addiction, a near divorce, we have a baby now, etc. etc.... After everything we've been through, now I can say that I love him. It's in the little things. The effort he has put in to overcome his addiction and save our marriage. The tender way he acts with our daughter. The way he offers to fix my car. His face when he plays his videogames. I just love being around him, and I know how much he loves me and our daughter.
Love isn't a feeling. Love is something deep and strong that is forged in fire.
Was asking myself the same thing today and I’ve been with my partner 7 years. It’s almost as if I just don’t want anyone else to have her more than I want her myself for various reasons I won’t get into. Straight up asked myself today if I actually love her or if I’ve convinced myself I love her…I know I could not stand seeing anyone else with her at the same time..
For me its that i want to do things for him to make his live a little easier, so when im up before him ,make some food of pick some clothes, when he comes back after boxing practice i know he feels tired and sore so i give him a massage, that kinds of things, and also you know you want to go to the good and bad stuff with them, image him getting parilized some day and the life you wanted(kids together) is not possible anymore and you have to take care of him everyday, would you want to do that for him
If you don’t know if you love someone, I can’t see how actually do.
What I mean to say is, when you’re in love, you know. You just do. It’s unmistakable. Whether you build up to it or it hits like a freight train, you can’t not know.
Speaking as someone who is in a 15 year relationship with two kids. Love feels like home. We are each others best friends and can’t wait to get back to each other. We are idiots together all the time. We let the weirdest parts of ourselves out and know we can do that at any point with total trust. All these years later we still do stupid shit like play drinking games watching Nicolas Cage films doing shots every time he loses his shit. But we also make sure we make time for each other to work out the shit we’re going through at any given moment, which does increase as you get older. All of that stuff also builds a better sexual relationship that’s based on trust.
In my younger years I had a lot of good relationships with people I could have spent my life with. But the romantic in me wanted to wait for my person. You can love someone without them being your forever.
It’s a risk to wait for the fairytale ending but I’m very glad I did.
Well think about him not being in your life anymore. If that doesn’t make you sad or scare you then you probably don’t love them. But not in a way that you would be lonely because you don’t have anyone. It’s particular traits they have that you would miss.
My wife and I got together when I was 23. I'd had relationships before her, and told women I loved them. But she was different. The first time we talked - really talked - I couldn't wait to hear what else she had to say. We got trapped under a huge tree in a rainstorm for hours. I didn't realize a few days later that we were on our first date for almost two hours. On our second date she had me spend the night. I was used to physical, disposable relationships, so I was determined not to turn this into that. We laid in her bed, side by side for hours. She asked if it was alright that she was going to fall asleep, and I told her it was. I closed my eyes and listened to her breathe until I drifted off myself. When our third date was supposed to come to an end neither of us could let it. So instead of walking her to her door we both went in, got her things, and she moved in with me. She proposed five or so weeks later.
What is love? For me it was the feeling like my life wasn't complete without that person. Like I was a better person, just for being near them. Marrying her made me grow up. It made me stop chasing disposable pleasures and become someone's husband. Loving her showed me what life was.
You aren't a bad person for being confused about your feelings. Feelings are complicated things. Ask yourself this: would your life be better or worse without them in it? Are you happy with them? Do they feel like an obligation?
It's hard to describe because it's a complicated feeling and is hard to separate from lust, which is what drives the desire to love initially. But, if you miss the person when they leave for an extended period, and there's very little they can do to upset you beyond cheating, then that's love.
Also, look the song "Do Any of You Know Anything About Love" by The Swirlies.
"dont know what it feels like to be loved or love someone". It sounds like you have some psychological and mental demons/issues to sort thru. Are you perhaps into women? Do you have hobbies and activities that you love doing? Are you being honest about your bf or just kinda covering for him because he has negative traits......I always try to enter relationships that I feel in love with a woman that im into. I don't always tell her for the sake of sounding like a broken record. Not all relationships are going to be perfect but it's important to know what is going on either positively or negatively
I think of love as hope in present tense. Your life may be the worst rn, but love inspires the faith to be vulnerable, and when that vulnerability is reciprocated ,there is nothing like feeling like someone really knows you and loves you anyway. In spite of some things, because of others. It is like flying and being held at the same time.
sorta awesome mostly painful. but seriously, i grew up w parents who did not show me love but i still knew it once i had it. not without trial and error, for a long time i thought i liked men and when i met my wife that became very clearly not the case. the love you feel for someone else like that is kind of overwhelming sometimes.
love is making her favorite meal even tho it makes my ibs go crazy. love is avoiding eye contact when she picks her nose with a tissue. love is getting excited for her to come home and sad for her to leave, even when we have been arguing. love is seeing her cats as my cats. love is accepting that the person you want and desire most will eventually hurt you in some way, that it will hurt worse than anything but love is forgiving them and moving on together. love is imagining them in your future. love is standing in the bathroom stall holding your wifes hand as she has a caffeine induced panic attack and shits the biggest log youve ever seen (and then trying not to laugh at said giant log bc shes still freaking out). love is putting baking soda in her work boots so her feets dont fungus. love is kinda messy and gross but its also clear and certain. i specifically chose kind of gross examples so you can imagine yourself in these situations. will you be able to laugh or smile about these memories later on or will they make you cringe? love is being irritated and grossed out by your partner and still wanting to, being able to love them at the end of the day. please dont get me wrong, dealing with my wifes foot fungus is not my idea of a fun time and im not smiling lovey-dovey while i dump baking soda in her shoes, but Im willing to do it because I love her soooo much that I care more about her long term comfort than my short term disgust.
Even when you are having an argument or youre mad at them, you can’t picture your life without them and you would be ready to trade your life for theirs at any given moment.
Simply put, you unlock your instincts; essentially unlocking your full potential.
Whether you put it to good use is up to you and most people fall short of that.
My first question for you: are you happy with him? What feelings do you have towards him? Have you created a bond? Maybe certain elements are missing and you’re not at that point. Or do you feel content or just comfortable in your relationship?
Being in love and loving someone can be different. You can love someone because you care about them. If the love you have for him is similar to just loving a sibling or cousin then that’s perhaps why you’re conflicted?
But if you feel you have friendship with him with the potential to grow then there’s hope that it can blossom into something more.
You have to ask yourself whether or not if it’s worth investing the time, effort and energy when you’re at this point.
I think if you love someone you don't have to question that you love them. Romantic love and loving them as a human being is different. So is lust and love.
I see love as doing anything for the other person, wanting to see them succeed. Miss them when they aren't around or haven't talked to them in awhile. Also wanting to murder them sometimes simultaneously. Lol
For me it's a deep, knowing in my soul that my life is better with that person in it. It's not a need to be with them, it's an overwhelming want to be with them.
They bring out the best in me and make me feel like a better, stronger more compassionate person.
It is knowing that even when we're angry with each other, even in the moments that we hate each other, that coming through it and working it out, no matter how hard it is, it is worth the momentary pain and suffering to have that person by my side.
It's not overwhelming passion all the time, it's warmth and tenderness and kindness and caring.
It's the desire to make that person's life better, easier. To see them smile for the simple sake of enjoying their happiness.
It's knowing that they will be by my side through thick and thin - and them knowing the same about me.
It's catching their eye across a crowded room and sharing that smile - the one that is for you and you alone. Seeing the warmth in their eyes, the desire to be with you.
Love is not perfect and there will be bumps in the road, doubts, fears, concerns and so much more. It is the willingness to face those things, deal with those things and continue to move forward together.
Phase 1: honeymoon - feels great because of brain chemicals and hormones. Inevitably comes to an end!
Phase 2: learning to love - lots of things to work out and communicate - not so easy
Phase 3: maintaining love- people don’t want to often and cheat or divorce or leave or any number of things. Those who figure out this maintenance thing wins the game of love. More rare than you think.
I think the obsessive to numb switcharoo means it’s not really love. I’ve had that in the past, and it was just unhealthy attachment. That doesn’t mean it can’t grow or blossom into love, but you have to really ask yourself if you’re happy in your relationship and be honest about it. Every couple has issues, but some issues you can’t get past. For example, lack of physical attraction or unable to hold a deep conversation. Fundamental incompatibilities between human beings.
It feels like the fact that he exists means that something is always right in this world. I don’t have religious beliefs but I thank all the forces that came together in the universe to make him exactly who he is and then to bring us together. I love to just know he’s alive!! When he is unwell or sad my world stops. When I can make him smile, my cup runs over. When he is at peace it feels like a calm ocean stretches out before me.
His presence is both extremely exciting and completely relaxing and settling to me. I love that there is an endless amount I can learn about him. I love his creativity, his heart, his drive, his humor, his unique perspective on the world. Talking to him is my favorite time of any day.
And he treats me like gold, is an amazing father and provider, and is always logical when I’m losing the plot. But the love I have for him feels like all that he does for me and the kids could disappear overnight and I would still be devoted to him because he is so much more than what he does for us. He is a wonder to me and he makes me like humans! I don’t like most of them (probably due to a difficult upbringing, I’m a bit closed off) but he, and now our kids, keeps my heart and mind open to the human race.
Edit to add: we have been friends for 22 years, lovers for 14 years, married for almost 12 years. If that makes a difference! I truly do love him more each passing day.
You're not a bad person; love is complex and feelings can change. It's important that you care about each other and enjoy your time together. Talking to a friend or a professional might help you understand your emotions better.
It is mostly chemistry, physical attraction, compatibility and you care for this person's wellbeing. If you smile when you see this person, that's a good indication.
If you have to ask, you aren’t in love. You may love him, but you are not IN love with him. You aren’t a bad person, you just need to find someone who ignites your soul. Spare yourself further heartbreak and end it until YOU are ready.
Love is not passive. Love is amazing, painful, and the best thing you could ever imagine. Merely sitting next to the one you love recharge’s your very being, no matter how hard life gets. Life WILL get hard, so make sure you go into that battle with your best friend by your side.
Again, you’re not a bad person. You just haven’t found that special person. It can’t be forced.
> Sometimes I feel like I do too much that it's obsessive but sometimes I can't feel anything at all like i'm almost numb in a way
Have you ever been checked for bipolar?
The first time I was truly in love, I doubted myself more than I ever had before. Unlike in past relationships, the feeling was calm, free of anxiety, just all around peaceful. It was also passionate. But it took me a while to make sense of it, given my past toxic relationships and family dynamics growing up. More than anything, the man I fell in love with felt like home, for the very first time in my life. I finally learned that love isn’t chaotic; love is meeting each other where you are and inspiring each other to be better. If you feel safe, connected to the other person, can be yourself, don’t be quick to throw it out. It could be that this is the first time you feel genuine love.
Imagine that they left you. That they met someone else and started a family. You'd miss them, be angry with them, and curse them. You'd mourn them.
But you still hope that they have a happy life. That they are loved and love.
If you could do that for them? You might love them. Even if you have to say goodbye.
People experience emotions differently. Some are emphatic and get lost in emotion while others are grounded, or worse, stuck in logic. Those who are emphatic get lost in the experience of loving and it doesn't sound like you from your description, and that's okay. It's just important to have a good understanding of what these emotions mean to you.
In my interpretation I separate all emotions onto their own scales instead of having certain emotions as opposite ends of the same scale. ie happiness has a scale 0-100 and sadness has a scale 0-100 instead of happiness and sadness being opposite ends of the same scale. This allows you to experience sadness and happiness on top of each other; like remembering the best time you had with an ex who eventually generated an emotionally traumatic experience.
Now moving on to love. Due to the limited communicative abilities of the English language people forget all the types of love there are. The love you have for your mom, the love you have for a friend you have no sexual attraction to, the love that makes you charitable to strangers, the obsessive love you have for someone you're physically attracted to, etc. which begs the question is this what empaths are getting lost in; and yes it is. But at its root it drives unconscious behaviors. So what is love at its root? It's the desire for another person to be happy. Whether it's just a platonic expectation that everything is going to be okay for a person or an intimate motivational force to be the reason another person is happy or at any level in between.
People mix lust in with love a lot which kind of muddies the water. However intimate lust is just an easy way to generate happiness in another person and as such is an extension of love. However it's totally possible to have loveless intercourse. Lust, in my interpretation, is the desire to touch/be touched. Platonic being things like hand shakes/high fives and intimate being sex and such.
What you're looking for is that bubbly feeling you see people feeling as they get lost in their partners eyes. That's bascing in the realization that the love is mutual. i.e. as long as I make this person happy I know that they'll make me happy.
I have always felt incredibly motivated, energised and safe! I felt powerful. On the other hand, the realisation and pain when it does not work out, it's like crushing force coming down on me which can be extremely debilitating.
From my personal experience, if you love someone you just know. If you are thinking about it, then it might not be so. trust your gut instinct.
If you are asking yourself whether you love someone, then you don't love them.
Love, real love, is something you can only know by experiencing it, it is unmistakeable. It doesn't diminish with time, it increases.
I have only experienced real love once, I do now. My wife, my second, is the object of my love and has been for almost twenty years.
I have experienced romantic love before, a mix of lust and enchantment, many times. But this is different.
It has those elements, but with it is also complete trust in her and a compulsion to put her interests above all others, including my own. I honour her, I trust her completely, there is nothing is hidden or private, I have no secrets from her. I don't want to.
She is the only person I have ever known about whom I have been able to say that.
Like selling a part of yourself. The problem is, is their expectation involved with what we've sold to it? As I've learned, have no expectations of what you love.
There are a few questions here.
1. What does love feel like?
It's a wonderful feeling! You like them, you care about them, you want to be around them. When it's romantic, you kind of want to be smushed into them - literally and figuratively. But there are non-romantic kinds of love like love for a friend, which can be good to compare.
2. Is your relationship good?
Doesn't sound like it. If you love someone, you know it. Usually when you're questioning, it's because you don't really love them. Love is a little like having a fever - you can tell when you have it, you don't just feel funny.
BUT there can be multiple reasons for a relationship to be bad. That person may be the best thing in your life, which can make them feel artificially good to you, but also artificially bad, because you will still be affected by negativity in the rest of your life. And when *you yourself* are not doing well, you can't have a good relationship.
You might want to grab a couple sessions of counseling over this. It might help you get clarity and see whether the ambivalence is from the relationship or from the rest of life.
better question is , what dies it feel like to be loved. you can fall in love with anybody , but to have someone love you back is amazing and powerful.
It means you don’t love him. The opposite of that isn’t a sign that you love him, either. That is most likely infatuation.
Love is kind. Love is patient. Love is pure. If I would have heard that before my current partner I would have thought that was corny af.
I thought I have loved and I was wrong. I have had 4ish significant relationships and I have just found the man I love.
It’s difficult to explain. It’s easy. It feels good. It’s not anxious. It’s not over stimulating. It’s grounding and cozy.
I hope you find love, too.
This is not true and it's rather harsh. There are many that grew up without loving role models or parents who didn't express emotions well and these things can have a huge impact on an individual understanding what love truly is. She may love him but doesn't understand her emotions and feelings.
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Well... It's kind of like... Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right' Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Vhoooooo sky rockets in flight!
Gorgeous!
I love lamp.
Well done, Reddit.
My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 7. No children. We make each other better people everyday. We are each other's best friends and closest allies. If anything happens, we face it together. I like who I have become with him by my side and he would say the same about me. I can genuinely say he has made me a better version of myself. While I love him, I can also say I do not need him in my life. I choose to have him in my life. Early on in the relationship I had the lusty feelings many people mistake for love. I wanted to be with him all the time. Only after years of marriage with him have I discovered that what I thought was love was a seed of infatuation that has blossomed into a beautiful relationship with a mature type of love.
Yes. I agree. I was taught that love is a conscious choice, not a feeling. Infatuation is a feeling. Joy when being with someone who pleases us is a feeling. But love is more than that. We choose to love someone by putting them first in our lives and giving them all of ourselves, forgiving them when they wrong us or let us down, and being honest, devoted, and committed to that relationship. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are going strong with 3 kids and a beautiful life we've built together on these principles. Love is a reciprocal giving of self by two people who are committed to each other above all else. That love is expressed in various ways, but it stands as a choice, not a feeling.
Honestly that’s a good description. I’ve been married for 24 years together for 27. Love is not sexual desire, which I thought that was what love felt like. I actually love my with more now than I did when I was incredibly attracted to her. Don’t get me wrong, Im still attracted to her but it is more deep now. I can count on her and she is my best friend. To me that’s what love is
Explained nothing about what love actually “feels” like but sick story nonetheless
That’s because love isn’t a ‘feeling’. It’s an active choice that you make everyday to be with someone and support them because you know that you’d ultimately rather have them in your life than not. That obsessive, giddy feeling you get at the beginning of relationships is just infatuation and hormones. It’s when that begins to fall into the background that you realise whether or not you actually love the person.
I think this is a fundamental difference between me and my husband. To him, he made his decision and that’s that (if I cheated or beat him or something, he’d surely leave, but he’s in this for the long haul otherwise). I’m like OP in that I’m always questioning and wondering. I understand too that love is a choice, it’s just funny to me when I ask if he’s happy we got married, still in love w me, etc. and he’s genuinely so perplexed. He can’t understand how I’m still be thinking about these things when to him they were settled a long time ago.
I like this idea but I question it sometimes. One of my exes I thought very highly of her, was attracted to her, trusted her etc. And was with her for a couple years. For a while that was enough but oddly enough my feelings changed when I got a cat, and I loved my cat more in a few months than I ever felt for her. I want to take care of her and love her and hug her forever and ever. I've had her for 7 years and I love her as much if not more. I know it's weird to compare your feelings for a pet to feelings for a person but I really don't know what to do with this information. I ended up breaking up with my ex because I didn't know if I loved her and thought she deserved better than a partner that didn't love her
This is very sweet and well put!
Nice. Sounds exactly like me and my wife except we been married for 13 years and together for 16.
i love this
Just the "better version myself" always has me laughing my ass off. It's crazy how a trend can start and everyone just regurgitates it.
A genuine feeling of wanting to be with someone, to hear them talk, feel their skin and to give passion to. To want the very best for them even if it doesn't give you anything.
yea but I feel this towards my boys too lmao
Hey, so at least you know what it feels like! imo, deep friendship + sexual connection is the foundation of a good relationship
It's more than that, like for example...do they let you put it in the butt?
My homies or my girl?
Do you have some sort of anxiety disorder ? I felt like this during the first two years of my relationship. Sometimes I’d be obsessive and other times I’d be completely numb. I experienced derealization almost the whole time, at times I would look at his face and not feel any sort of familiarity, as if I don’t recognize him. I felt like a shitty person and wondered if i was ever capable of love. Do I love him or do i just want to be loved? Turns out it’s all part of my anxiety. I’ve always suffered from depersonalization/derealization my whole life, and it gets worse when big changes are happening in my life. It feels all blurry and panic inducing. I think love is the fact that you chose him and want to spend time with him. If he gets sick you would worry for him and do your best to support him. Your anxiety doesn’t make you a bad person.
Your words are so comforting. How do you ease your anxiety when it comes out of the blue (wherein sometimes for me it makes me want to just break up with him right there and then)
I’ve been practicing breathing and grounding techniques to ease my derealization. I would try to obsess over anything else that won’t ruin my relationship. Because I know that ruminating over those kind of thoughts would only ruin any good things we have. Also I would advise going to therapy if you can. You need to give your thoughts more structure so you can understand the reason why you want to break up. Is it commitment issues ? Is it trust issues? Are you scared of the future? Or do you simply think they/you can do better?
My immediate thought reading this was anxiety or ROCD.
i do have regular OCD if that plays any role into this
You should visit r/ROCD, it might resonate with you! I also have OCD and I regularly doubt myself in relationships as well. Best of luck!
Do you absolutely want a future together ? Do you see yourself with him in 10 years, not as how he could become, but as he is already now ? Does the only sight of him already easy your mind ? When you dispute, don't you just want to hug to get back together and overcome the difficulty ? My opinion of love is you have to answer Yes to all these questions without hesitating. I was in a relationship where I doubted my love just like you. Now I am in a relationship where I never once even doubted that I want him as my life partner. Another sign for me that I feel love : I feel devastated at the idea of us splitting someday. I don't see myself with anyone else ever again. Maybe that's a feeling that fades away for some people, but that's still me after 4 years of relationship. I feel like I encountered my soul mate.
Nah, I was deeply in love in my 20/30’s with a man who was equally in love with me, and we never went down any check lists. Now if you decide to marry, that’s different. But love and marriage are two very different things.
That's why I said it was only my opinion on love. I can't love someone I don't see a future with that's all.
As water fills the ocean, love fills the emptiness in you.
Yeah! Fill that wet empty hole
Well. If he left tomorrow would the hard part be that you have to adjust to a new everyday? Or the fact that you lost him? Do you "love him too" meaning there's that if he stopped loving you, you would also stop loving him? Or do you "love him" as in unconditional love?
Some people confuse love with infatuation—being completely smitten with someone they barely know, driven mostly by physical attraction. I prefer the concept of "companionate love," where you know someone deeply, including their good and bad sides, their flaws, weaknesses, and dark aspects, yet still feel drawn to them and they to you. This isn't about the butterflies of new love but about knowing that person truly has your back, and you have theirs.
Watch the room
Which room?
***The*** room, are you illiterate?
I suppose I am, I guess. Does u/waharashittle mean I should watch the room I'm in alongside the person I think I'm in love with? Do they mean I should "Read The Room" to see how I might feel? Do they mean that I should watch the 2003 and/or 2019 movie called The Room? I appreciate the help, thanks.
I'm guessing that love changes over time. A year is, in a way, the start of a relationship and you might expect things to still be evolving. Sounds like the relationship you have with yourself needs work? Good luck
I think that the numb-times exist because of lack of intimacy, that happened to me. My first real relationship, just learning. We were like roommates and I felt it. Try some 1 on 1 time with no distractions. Tell your partner that you need it. Edit: and by intimacy I don't mean sex. I mean being with each other, understanding, sharing.
Easy. You just know. When their very thought brings a smile to your face.
Two kinds of love. 1. Attraction. You WANT him, you crave to be near him, your mind is restless without him, etc etc. 2. Loving-kindness. Has nothing to do with your needs, you want him to be happy and have a good life. Both of these are feelings, and feelings fluctuate. They arise, and then they disappear. Don't identify with them, they are just different flavours of mental energy that occupy your body and mind for a while. No feeling makes you a bad person, because you can't choose your feeling. Your actions are more important, because you can choose what to do. Much love
When it hurts when you can't see them, talk to them. That's when you know!
Agony
For me it’s a mix of things. Lust, which is like fire and explosions and lava and makes me want to be skin-to-skin with him constantly (not necessarily via sex directly). Then there’s this overwhelming appreciation for his existence in my life. It legitimately makes my chest feel warm thinking about how kind and thoughtful and responsible he is. And when I think about our future my head feels floaty and it can make tears come to my eyes. And I want to make him happy. I want to woe him by doing little things to support his hobbies or make his days easier, and I get that warmth in my chest when he smiles.
For me it feels peace and calmness. When I’m with him it’s like no one else is around, nothing else matters, just us. I don’t get the “butterflies” feeling - that’s more of an anxiety feeling for me. When I think about him it’s like my heart throbs a little and I feel warm all over.
For me when I was in love, I never wanted to be away from her. I wanted to know every single detail about her and all about her day. I saw a future with her, and whenever we were together it was never awkward or weird because we could just be ourselves. It was the best feeling to hear her voice, and I would’ve done anything and everything to make her happy. The second we started dating I knew I loved her, but I waited a month to tell her because I was nervous. I think when you’re constantly thinking about someone, and everything reminds you of them, that’s how you know you’re in love
Was in love - what happened?
We broke up lol. After 8 months of dating and three years of knowing eachother, keep in mind we were both secretly in love with eachother throughout the years before we started dating, she realized she only saw me as a “friend”. So yeah, 8 months wasted on someone
Stop obsessing about the concept of love. There is no love switch that gets flipped, it's simply chemical reactions in your brain. Attraction is a sliding scale, and is not absolute. It's not permanent either. Too many people are under the impression that there's some supernatural force dictating we all have soul mates. That's just not how it works. There are people who's brains are configured in such a way that they have a really strong attraction, but most of us aren't that lucky. Evolution requires people to be attracted to each other long enough to reproduce, and perhaps raise their children to adulthood. There is no inherent need for humans to mate for life. Even people who are really attracted to each other will get tired of their partner and have to bite their tongue. There's nothing that says you have to be completely infatuated with someone to be in a relationship with them. Do you think old couples are still rabidly infatuated with each other? No, the initial infatuation fades, and they've just managed to become accustomed to each other. They're probably not super passionate, but they are deeply fond of their situation and content with it. If you're looking for some everlasting, burning passion you're probably in for a disappointment.
Saddest comment I’ve read in a while. Edit: and as for old couples: rabid attraction isn’t even a small part of love. What you say about them being “accustomed and content” with their “situation” isn’t true either. They just cannot imagine being with anyone else, they want to be together because they KNOW each other. It’s not about a comfortable situation but rather a comfortable and familiar person that has always been by your side. I’m sure this is exactly what you said in more clinical terms, but I really hope you find love because it’s not as bleak as you paint it out to be. Everlasting and passionate love is possible.
For me, my husband was calming. It was a calm, settled feeling. Not all the drama I was used to. Just a calm surety. 11 years later its been a coaster ride with life, health issues, home renovations etc. But still that calm surety. I have his back and he has mine.
Hm. This is a great question. Being in love is very difficult to describe. When I was falling in love with husband, my affection for him deepened and intensified. I wanted to spend time with him. Being with him made me happy and I missed him when he wasn't there. I thought about him almost constantly and I wanted to make him happy too. I wanted to know him more profoundly and to give him support and affection. I wanted to make him feel special. I desired him sexually but was also very happy to spend time with him in non-sexual contexts. When I was certain I loved him, I had a strong desire to let him know. (I hesitated for a few weeks but was at constant risk of just blurting it out). 14 years later, I still love him deeply. The closest analogy I can make to falling in love is to compare it to a change of temperature. If you've been outside in cold weather and then come inside a warm house, there will be a point at which you feel warm. It won't be instant. The warmth will spread slowly. You will just know that you're no longer cold. It's hard to explain warmth to someone who hasn't some into the house yet, but you know it when it you feel it.
Like running towards a cliff and jumping, hoping they'll be there to catch you. It's wonderful and horrible and exciting and incredible.
When you care only about their happiness
I always know it’s true love because eventually I catch them lying…. 🔥
I wish I knew...
If you even have to ask, then that’s a NO. If you’re like ~15 then forget I said that, you are a baby and shouldn’t be getting these immature entanglements because 99% of them bring nothing but heart break and pain later down the road and are putting you at massive risks go watch Pam Stenzel on YouTube. Just wait dude.
Are there other people you think of when you think about a „future“ with a partner?
I presume it feels like as a couple you are greater than the sum of its parts. I wouldn't know. Being together with someone long term makes me feel like I'm 50% of what I could be. Further, that percentage drops the longer it goes on.
For me and life I've lived, if you aren't sure if you love someone then you don't. I can't put into exact words what love feels like, only that it is so unmistakable and overwhelming, there's no doubt. But maybe that's just me. 🤷♂️
I think when you love someone, you think about them all the time, and you want them to be happy all the time. You feel bad when he feels bad, and try to help him out.
What it felt for me was to have her live inside my mind rent-free. She was with me even when she physically wasn't. Her smile when we were together made time stop and the memory of her when we weren't filled me with joy. All the above is true but... Been single for 2 years, now all this cheesiness makes me crave for pizza lol
personally, i think the fact you asked shows you do care about him for sure. what does it feel like? i think everyone is a little different, but to me; it's a feeling of being able to be your true uncut self, but with another person who is also doing the same with neither of yall feeling any conservative feelings towards each other. something like that. also, doesn't make you a bad person. i feel the same way all the time and have my entire life. doesn't make you bad. you recognizing it and trying to potentially rectify it shows that...how bad could you be? trying is all you can do, man. makes you a good person in my book, man
It effing sucks!
Love feels like you can't live without your human being. It's undescribable
When you put your ego aside and give priority to them who love, whether it is a family or was meant to be a family.
Hey. Many people have already given wonderful answers to what they think love feels like. >Sometimes I feel like I do too much that it's obsessive but sometimes I can't feel anything at all like i'm almost numb in a way. Have you ever heard of Relationship OCD/Anxiety? Reading how your doubts tend to be obsessive and makes you feel numb (mildly dissociate in other words) makes me think it's possible it's also ROCD. Here's an article explaining it: https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/rocd-relationship-ocd/ And please check out r/ROCD Maybe you can relate to the resources and posts posted there. Hit me up if you have questions.
It feels like you can trust them with anything and everything. That you have someone there even when they’re not there with you and always have your back and you know you’ll have theirs. You can have a conversation with them about anything and you’ll enjoy it. That’s part of what it is to love someone, Atleast for me.
Sometimes I'm not sure that I really know what love is. But the main thing that makes me feel I really love my boyfriend is how much he's always on my mind. I'm generally pretty introverted and don't talk a ton but when I'm with him I just want to blab away, unfiltered. No matter who I'm with or where I am or what I'm doing, I always wish he was there with me too. Being able to have any kind of acceptance that he means his compliments and words of affirmation/ love has been and continues to be a very difficult thing for me, but it's a big deal that there have been times I believe that HE believes it. Our sex life has had major ups and downs over the 6 years together due to scheduling/logistics, and mental health, but we're still very much attracted to each other and are generally always finding more ways to please eachother when we do have sex. We also go a lot more out of our ways for eachother than we would anyone else
A person only knows real love, that being a parent of a child, to child with parents. Human to human is just not the same, never will be. Sure you know people, feel you care about them in a loving manner. When someone has a house destroyed in a storm, they loved their house in the same way they loved a person, who passed away. How can you love a house and a person in the same way? I found little tell tale signs of, feeling sad, each time I moved from different places being a US army wife. I was sad, the first time I moved from a house I lived in, which I didn't like the house, before my husband joined the military, because the house was full of mice and cockroaches. But I felt a huge sadness leaving the house, because that was where my kids were born, the first years of their life. The house has since been torn down and no longer exists. Abuse took place in the house, which it kind of feels like an odd sense of justice, for the house to no longer exist, which that does not mean the abuse did not take place. When we moved from each duty station, I felt a sense of sadness, which I think more was, the time and era, related to my kids, and the time I was graced, in being mom to my kids. They were growing up, and I was sad, for no reason, I just felt sad a lot. My husband was grumpy and very angry all the time for no reason. US military does have an OLD STYLE TOXIC MALE CULTURE, in it. Which that exists in USA. TOXIC men will never recognize they are toxic, and abusors.
I didnt either until after 30, but I know I love my wife and she loves me. For the simple reason she will go out of her way to make sure Im Ok, If I feel sick (I have some health issues) she will call whoever needed and take me there. There is nothing "in it" for her other than showing me she cares. On the other hand, I do the same for her if I can. If she has pain in her back, Ill massage her however long needed, just to take care of her. Or ofc take her to a doctor all though thats rare.
It's mostly care and respect.
What is love? Find out first. Investigate as much as you can. Then ask again about that word. More likely you won't.
Are you happier with or without him? What does it feel like to love someone? So many different feelings at different times . Given the choice who is the one person in the world who if you could would spend every waking moment with? Who makes you belly laugh? Who is respectful, kind, makes your eyes smile? Yeah, that guy’s my love.
Think there's different types of love, quite complicated. Infatuation, you get an excitement. Music sounds better, every lyric is for you. I get a heaviness in my chest that feels like a narcotic. Better honestly. You glow and people see it. Love love though like after many years, I think this fades a bit. It's more of a homey, normal, safety kind of thinking. I still feel good with my partner but it's not the fun of dating. Sneaks in and easy to take for granted. Just different, like you're cruising not a roller coaster.
It's when you no longer think/wonder whether or not a person would be in your life forever. Most people, when they meet strangers, don't have the mindset that the stranger will be in their life forever. When you like someone, your mindset changes and you become more involved, but it still takes the strangers involvement to solidify mutual feelings, and I doubt you'll ever get to that point with someone you don't love or who doesn't love you.
If you did not experience love growing up it will be foreign to you as an adult. Consider seeking therapy to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. No one can know but you if you love him or not. People experience love differently.
It feels vulnerable in the most wonderful of ways.
Its so subtle for me. I want to be around him. I love alone time and time to myself. After about an hour in think of something I want to tell him, or wonder what he's doing. I actively seek him out. I also worry about him. Did he eat enough? How's he feeling? Also I love hearing him talk I want to know his opinion his thoughts his latest random research.
At the moment it's pretty painful
Love isnt really a feeling for me, my girlfriend makes me happy and supports me through it all. I know theres nobody id rather come home to, i always say Love is what you do in spite of what you feel. When my girlfriend pisses me off to no end or maybe shes doing something dumb that i would find to be common sense instead of showing frustration i slow down and try to see it from her side and understand her cause i would never want to intentionally soil her mood for any reason.
For me it was wanting this person to be happy and being the one who wanted to make them happy. It was wanting to be a better person so I could deserve to be loved by this person. It was making good decisions as they inspired me to want to have a good life with them. There had been many times before I met my husband where I thought I was in love but as I look back I think those were truly just infatuation and in some cases obsession. After 17 years of marriage I still love them and I still want to make him happy and I still want to be a better person and so does he. I think love feels different to different people based on how you grew up and your experiences.
because your asking if you love him. Answer is: you don't. And you only think you do because you've dated and your thinking you owe it to him. From what i know and understand and feel with love. It all starts with you. Do you love yourself? And care for yourself as you deserve to be treated? For you can't show love or love others if you don't love yourself first. Importantly you have to be honest with yourself. Otherwise it will eat at you. It's not fair not only to him, but more importantly to you. It's like leading someone on. No you're not a bad person. Because your aware of it and you're asking for advice on this platform. A bad person would use it to their advantage. Or manipulate etc. Do you and your bf spend everyday together? Maybe you need time to be able to miss him. If you love him, like real love, unconditionally, whole heartedly, on a soul level, where he becomes your strength, and you his weakness. A person goes out of their way for them. It's all in the little things. If you think to yourself and list all the ways why you like him or attracted.. Plus what does love mean? Feel like? To you? To be loved? And or when you love?
For me, there’s no one feeling that I feel that says: I love him. More it’s everyday, the way he is the first person I want to tell something of significance to, when I am away from him for a while due to work or staying elsewhere, I miss him. His presence. He is the only person who can make me smile like he does, someone I feel completely comfortable around and never judged by. Sometimes yeah, I get butterflies still, even nearly 3 years of living together I still get that. Day to day, sometimes it’s hard. I don’t always walk around grateful for him. Sometimes he drives me insane and I want to just scream because he hasn’t done some chores or whatever, at the end of the day though I never question whether or not I love him. Love is hard work, because sometimes I don’t like him or the way he behaves, but that’s a very fleeting and rare feeling. If you’re questioning it, I’d ask yourself, 1. Do you see yourself with him day in day out, the highs and the lows, for the rest of your life? 2. Could you be happier on your own or with someone else? At the end of the day, you cannot force it. Sometimes I think people feel being in love is a constant emotion, but it isn’t sometimes it’s dull, but it’s still there and other times it’s loud.
The warmest warmth when you are around them and the coldest cold when they are away. Love hurts but it also heals.
I catch myself thinking “What will happen if they die?” I would have to exist longer than my best friend. In previous relationships, my greatest fear was to be hurt or killed by the person I was with. With my partner now, my greatest fear is loosing my other half.
I think when you love someone you don’t question if you do. You simply know. Also, when I love someone I wanna give them the whole world, I want to do somethings for them. And if I don’t love someone I focus more on what I get and what they do for me.
Love is something that grows. I didn't love my husband after 1 year, but I did care about him very deeply. At a 1.5 years, that deep affection blossomed into surface-level love. Now we've been together 5 years and married for 2. We have been through a lot together. Family issues, stress with friends, stress with jobs, addiction, a near divorce, we have a baby now, etc. etc.... After everything we've been through, now I can say that I love him. It's in the little things. The effort he has put in to overcome his addiction and save our marriage. The tender way he acts with our daughter. The way he offers to fix my car. His face when he plays his videogames. I just love being around him, and I know how much he loves me and our daughter. Love isn't a feeling. Love is something deep and strong that is forged in fire.
You have a lot of energy and are eager to learn about them and give you time and energy to them.
Was asking myself the same thing today and I’ve been with my partner 7 years. It’s almost as if I just don’t want anyone else to have her more than I want her myself for various reasons I won’t get into. Straight up asked myself today if I actually love her or if I’ve convinced myself I love her…I know I could not stand seeing anyone else with her at the same time..
For me its that i want to do things for him to make his live a little easier, so when im up before him ,make some food of pick some clothes, when he comes back after boxing practice i know he feels tired and sore so i give him a massage, that kinds of things, and also you know you want to go to the good and bad stuff with them, image him getting parilized some day and the life you wanted(kids together) is not possible anymore and you have to take care of him everyday, would you want to do that for him
If you don’t know if you love someone, I can’t see how actually do. What I mean to say is, when you’re in love, you know. You just do. It’s unmistakable. Whether you build up to it or it hits like a freight train, you can’t not know.
Pain
Like a warmth that you feel even in the depths of your being you feel welcome, accepted, and happy. I'd like to feel that feeling again.
To me, it’s an uncomfortable feeling in the chest and stomach that gets worse when I’m apart from my significant other.
It’s an absolutely wonderful feeling.
Speaking as someone who is in a 15 year relationship with two kids. Love feels like home. We are each others best friends and can’t wait to get back to each other. We are idiots together all the time. We let the weirdest parts of ourselves out and know we can do that at any point with total trust. All these years later we still do stupid shit like play drinking games watching Nicolas Cage films doing shots every time he loses his shit. But we also make sure we make time for each other to work out the shit we’re going through at any given moment, which does increase as you get older. All of that stuff also builds a better sexual relationship that’s based on trust. In my younger years I had a lot of good relationships with people I could have spent my life with. But the romantic in me wanted to wait for my person. You can love someone without them being your forever. It’s a risk to wait for the fairytale ending but I’m very glad I did.
Love hurts
Well think about him not being in your life anymore. If that doesn’t make you sad or scare you then you probably don’t love them. But not in a way that you would be lonely because you don’t have anyone. It’s particular traits they have that you would miss.
My wife and I got together when I was 23. I'd had relationships before her, and told women I loved them. But she was different. The first time we talked - really talked - I couldn't wait to hear what else she had to say. We got trapped under a huge tree in a rainstorm for hours. I didn't realize a few days later that we were on our first date for almost two hours. On our second date she had me spend the night. I was used to physical, disposable relationships, so I was determined not to turn this into that. We laid in her bed, side by side for hours. She asked if it was alright that she was going to fall asleep, and I told her it was. I closed my eyes and listened to her breathe until I drifted off myself. When our third date was supposed to come to an end neither of us could let it. So instead of walking her to her door we both went in, got her things, and she moved in with me. She proposed five or so weeks later. What is love? For me it was the feeling like my life wasn't complete without that person. Like I was a better person, just for being near them. Marrying her made me grow up. It made me stop chasing disposable pleasures and become someone's husband. Loving her showed me what life was. You aren't a bad person for being confused about your feelings. Feelings are complicated things. Ask yourself this: would your life be better or worse without them in it? Are you happy with them? Do they feel like an obligation?
It's hard to describe because it's a complicated feeling and is hard to separate from lust, which is what drives the desire to love initially. But, if you miss the person when they leave for an extended period, and there's very little they can do to upset you beyond cheating, then that's love. Also, look the song "Do Any of You Know Anything About Love" by The Swirlies.
Like shooting heroin into your vein
"dont know what it feels like to be loved or love someone". It sounds like you have some psychological and mental demons/issues to sort thru. Are you perhaps into women? Do you have hobbies and activities that you love doing? Are you being honest about your bf or just kinda covering for him because he has negative traits......I always try to enter relationships that I feel in love with a woman that im into. I don't always tell her for the sake of sounding like a broken record. Not all relationships are going to be perfect but it's important to know what is going on either positively or negatively
I think of love as hope in present tense. Your life may be the worst rn, but love inspires the faith to be vulnerable, and when that vulnerability is reciprocated ,there is nothing like feeling like someone really knows you and loves you anyway. In spite of some things, because of others. It is like flying and being held at the same time.
sorta awesome mostly painful. but seriously, i grew up w parents who did not show me love but i still knew it once i had it. not without trial and error, for a long time i thought i liked men and when i met my wife that became very clearly not the case. the love you feel for someone else like that is kind of overwhelming sometimes. love is making her favorite meal even tho it makes my ibs go crazy. love is avoiding eye contact when she picks her nose with a tissue. love is getting excited for her to come home and sad for her to leave, even when we have been arguing. love is seeing her cats as my cats. love is accepting that the person you want and desire most will eventually hurt you in some way, that it will hurt worse than anything but love is forgiving them and moving on together. love is imagining them in your future. love is standing in the bathroom stall holding your wifes hand as she has a caffeine induced panic attack and shits the biggest log youve ever seen (and then trying not to laugh at said giant log bc shes still freaking out). love is putting baking soda in her work boots so her feets dont fungus. love is kinda messy and gross but its also clear and certain. i specifically chose kind of gross examples so you can imagine yourself in these situations. will you be able to laugh or smile about these memories later on or will they make you cringe? love is being irritated and grossed out by your partner and still wanting to, being able to love them at the end of the day. please dont get me wrong, dealing with my wifes foot fungus is not my idea of a fun time and im not smiling lovey-dovey while i dump baking soda in her shoes, but Im willing to do it because I love her soooo much that I care more about her long term comfort than my short term disgust.
You know you’re inlove when you mysteriously want to become a better person
Even when you are having an argument or youre mad at them, you can’t picture your life without them and you would be ready to trade your life for theirs at any given moment.
Simply put, you unlock your instincts; essentially unlocking your full potential. Whether you put it to good use is up to you and most people fall short of that.
" You don't know what it's like.. Somebody to Love: believe it or not, The BeeGees
For me, it's the desire to protect them and keep them safe. Clear indication I love someone.
My first question for you: are you happy with him? What feelings do you have towards him? Have you created a bond? Maybe certain elements are missing and you’re not at that point. Or do you feel content or just comfortable in your relationship? Being in love and loving someone can be different. You can love someone because you care about them. If the love you have for him is similar to just loving a sibling or cousin then that’s perhaps why you’re conflicted? But if you feel you have friendship with him with the potential to grow then there’s hope that it can blossom into something more. You have to ask yourself whether or not if it’s worth investing the time, effort and energy when you’re at this point.
I think if you love someone you don't have to question that you love them. Romantic love and loving them as a human being is different. So is lust and love.
I see love as doing anything for the other person, wanting to see them succeed. Miss them when they aren't around or haven't talked to them in awhile. Also wanting to murder them sometimes simultaneously. Lol
For me it's a deep, knowing in my soul that my life is better with that person in it. It's not a need to be with them, it's an overwhelming want to be with them. They bring out the best in me and make me feel like a better, stronger more compassionate person. It is knowing that even when we're angry with each other, even in the moments that we hate each other, that coming through it and working it out, no matter how hard it is, it is worth the momentary pain and suffering to have that person by my side. It's not overwhelming passion all the time, it's warmth and tenderness and kindness and caring. It's the desire to make that person's life better, easier. To see them smile for the simple sake of enjoying their happiness. It's knowing that they will be by my side through thick and thin - and them knowing the same about me. It's catching their eye across a crowded room and sharing that smile - the one that is for you and you alone. Seeing the warmth in their eyes, the desire to be with you. Love is not perfect and there will be bumps in the road, doubts, fears, concerns and so much more. It is the willingness to face those things, deal with those things and continue to move forward together.
Phase 1: honeymoon - feels great because of brain chemicals and hormones. Inevitably comes to an end! Phase 2: learning to love - lots of things to work out and communicate - not so easy Phase 3: maintaining love- people don’t want to often and cheat or divorce or leave or any number of things. Those who figure out this maintenance thing wins the game of love. More rare than you think.
I think the obsessive to numb switcharoo means it’s not really love. I’ve had that in the past, and it was just unhealthy attachment. That doesn’t mean it can’t grow or blossom into love, but you have to really ask yourself if you’re happy in your relationship and be honest about it. Every couple has issues, but some issues you can’t get past. For example, lack of physical attraction or unable to hold a deep conversation. Fundamental incompatibilities between human beings.
never as good as it feels to love an animal thats for fuckin sure
Who do you love more? Yourself, or him?
If you put some person's well being before your own, you love that person. I am privileged to put the needs of five other humans before me.
It feels like the fact that he exists means that something is always right in this world. I don’t have religious beliefs but I thank all the forces that came together in the universe to make him exactly who he is and then to bring us together. I love to just know he’s alive!! When he is unwell or sad my world stops. When I can make him smile, my cup runs over. When he is at peace it feels like a calm ocean stretches out before me. His presence is both extremely exciting and completely relaxing and settling to me. I love that there is an endless amount I can learn about him. I love his creativity, his heart, his drive, his humor, his unique perspective on the world. Talking to him is my favorite time of any day. And he treats me like gold, is an amazing father and provider, and is always logical when I’m losing the plot. But the love I have for him feels like all that he does for me and the kids could disappear overnight and I would still be devoted to him because he is so much more than what he does for us. He is a wonder to me and he makes me like humans! I don’t like most of them (probably due to a difficult upbringing, I’m a bit closed off) but he, and now our kids, keeps my heart and mind open to the human race. Edit to add: we have been friends for 22 years, lovers for 14 years, married for almost 12 years. If that makes a difference! I truly do love him more each passing day.
You would do anything to see them smile even if it's an impossible task you will find a way to do it.
You're not a bad person; love is complex and feelings can change. It's important that you care about each other and enjoy your time together. Talking to a friend or a professional might help you understand your emotions better.
Buddy you will know when he’s gone whether you loved him or not
Love is not really real. Theres lust and needing company or needing someone for something. Love is make believe
When you somehow upset them and it hurts your heart. At least, that's how it was with my gf/wife.
Can’t tell you figure it out and tell us
Terrible. Unless it's your child or pet.
It is mostly chemistry, physical attraction, compatibility and you care for this person's wellbeing. If you smile when you see this person, that's a good indication.
If you have to ask, you aren’t in love. You may love him, but you are not IN love with him. You aren’t a bad person, you just need to find someone who ignites your soul. Spare yourself further heartbreak and end it until YOU are ready. Love is not passive. Love is amazing, painful, and the best thing you could ever imagine. Merely sitting next to the one you love recharge’s your very being, no matter how hard life gets. Life WILL get hard, so make sure you go into that battle with your best friend by your side. Again, you’re not a bad person. You just haven’t found that special person. It can’t be forced.
> Sometimes I feel like I do too much that it's obsessive but sometimes I can't feel anything at all like i'm almost numb in a way Have you ever been checked for bipolar?
The first time I was truly in love, I doubted myself more than I ever had before. Unlike in past relationships, the feeling was calm, free of anxiety, just all around peaceful. It was also passionate. But it took me a while to make sense of it, given my past toxic relationships and family dynamics growing up. More than anything, the man I fell in love with felt like home, for the very first time in my life. I finally learned that love isn’t chaotic; love is meeting each other where you are and inspiring each other to be better. If you feel safe, connected to the other person, can be yourself, don’t be quick to throw it out. It could be that this is the first time you feel genuine love.
If you're questioning it. That's kind of a red flag right there.
Imagine that they left you. That they met someone else and started a family. You'd miss them, be angry with them, and curse them. You'd mourn them. But you still hope that they have a happy life. That they are loved and love. If you could do that for them? You might love them. Even if you have to say goodbye.
You would know, trust me
You cook them dinner
People experience emotions differently. Some are emphatic and get lost in emotion while others are grounded, or worse, stuck in logic. Those who are emphatic get lost in the experience of loving and it doesn't sound like you from your description, and that's okay. It's just important to have a good understanding of what these emotions mean to you. In my interpretation I separate all emotions onto their own scales instead of having certain emotions as opposite ends of the same scale. ie happiness has a scale 0-100 and sadness has a scale 0-100 instead of happiness and sadness being opposite ends of the same scale. This allows you to experience sadness and happiness on top of each other; like remembering the best time you had with an ex who eventually generated an emotionally traumatic experience. Now moving on to love. Due to the limited communicative abilities of the English language people forget all the types of love there are. The love you have for your mom, the love you have for a friend you have no sexual attraction to, the love that makes you charitable to strangers, the obsessive love you have for someone you're physically attracted to, etc. which begs the question is this what empaths are getting lost in; and yes it is. But at its root it drives unconscious behaviors. So what is love at its root? It's the desire for another person to be happy. Whether it's just a platonic expectation that everything is going to be okay for a person or an intimate motivational force to be the reason another person is happy or at any level in between. People mix lust in with love a lot which kind of muddies the water. However intimate lust is just an easy way to generate happiness in another person and as such is an extension of love. However it's totally possible to have loveless intercourse. Lust, in my interpretation, is the desire to touch/be touched. Platonic being things like hand shakes/high fives and intimate being sex and such. What you're looking for is that bubbly feeling you see people feeling as they get lost in their partners eyes. That's bascing in the realization that the love is mutual. i.e. as long as I make this person happy I know that they'll make me happy.
I have always felt incredibly motivated, energised and safe! I felt powerful. On the other hand, the realisation and pain when it does not work out, it's like crushing force coming down on me which can be extremely debilitating. From my personal experience, if you love someone you just know. If you are thinking about it, then it might not be so. trust your gut instinct.
If you are asking yourself whether you love someone, then you don't love them. Love, real love, is something you can only know by experiencing it, it is unmistakeable. It doesn't diminish with time, it increases. I have only experienced real love once, I do now. My wife, my second, is the object of my love and has been for almost twenty years. I have experienced romantic love before, a mix of lust and enchantment, many times. But this is different. It has those elements, but with it is also complete trust in her and a compulsion to put her interests above all others, including my own. I honour her, I trust her completely, there is nothing is hidden or private, I have no secrets from her. I don't want to. She is the only person I have ever known about whom I have been able to say that.
Like selling a part of yourself. The problem is, is their expectation involved with what we've sold to it? As I've learned, have no expectations of what you love.
There are a few questions here. 1. What does love feel like? It's a wonderful feeling! You like them, you care about them, you want to be around them. When it's romantic, you kind of want to be smushed into them - literally and figuratively. But there are non-romantic kinds of love like love for a friend, which can be good to compare. 2. Is your relationship good? Doesn't sound like it. If you love someone, you know it. Usually when you're questioning, it's because you don't really love them. Love is a little like having a fever - you can tell when you have it, you don't just feel funny. BUT there can be multiple reasons for a relationship to be bad. That person may be the best thing in your life, which can make them feel artificially good to you, but also artificially bad, because you will still be affected by negativity in the rest of your life. And when *you yourself* are not doing well, you can't have a good relationship. You might want to grab a couple sessions of counseling over this. It might help you get clarity and see whether the ambivalence is from the relationship or from the rest of life.
Like having purpose, direction & peace.
Them being happy makes you happy. You overlook their flaws. Being around them brings you happiness, and imagining life without them hurts.
It feels like you wanna rip your head off of you when they do something disappointing and your heart beating out of your chest anxiety and anger.
better question is , what dies it feel like to be loved. you can fall in love with anybody , but to have someone love you back is amazing and powerful.
There’s a light, a certain kind of light. That’s never shone on me, I want my whole life to be lived with you… lived with you…
It means you don’t love him. The opposite of that isn’t a sign that you love him, either. That is most likely infatuation. Love is kind. Love is patient. Love is pure. If I would have heard that before my current partner I would have thought that was corny af. I thought I have loved and I was wrong. I have had 4ish significant relationships and I have just found the man I love. It’s difficult to explain. It’s easy. It feels good. It’s not anxious. It’s not over stimulating. It’s grounding and cozy. I hope you find love, too.
This is not true and it's rather harsh. There are many that grew up without loving role models or parents who didn't express emotions well and these things can have a huge impact on an individual understanding what love truly is. She may love him but doesn't understand her emotions and feelings.
Sure
It feels awful
if you need to question it, it's not love
I feel like this constant questioning about feelings and emotions during a relationship ist kind of a part of being in love (not in a toxic way)
Do u struggle with your mental health? Did you experienced healthy love? Does your bf treat u Right?
No, yes, yes
Heartbreaking.
Staying together for a long time may make the relationship boring. To know if you love someone or not , just let them leave.