It’s important to accept that there are externalities that you cannot control but you are in full control and responsible for your (re)actions which drive the outcome.
There’s a simple equation to remember this as E + R = O.
There is no way to change his anger (Event). But you have full control over what the outcome of the exchange is.
It’s also important to learn to detect when you’re feeling triggered. You have a choice then to not escalate. Create a circuit breaker and look for positive mutual outcomes.
Yea, when things happen, I often tell myself "I can change myself, but I cant change others"
But at times, I feel like I am giving myself excuses. "Is it really beyond my control?"
Supposedly one of the happiest countries, but full of angry, irritable people and have lots of mental health issues. Really makes you wonder what the truth is.
Nah bro, you did good.
Also do you want your toddler to be a pushover lol, I would explain to him later (if he is at that age) how to stand up for himself and apologising and being gracious =/= being bullied.
Like no shit I stepped on you, I apologised, what else you want me to do, stand there and let you talk shit because I stepped on you? There is a limit ah, at most I let you step on me and we call it equal, doesn't mean that I have to take that shit.
Happened to me last month too.
Was walking on a footpath about to turn right into a condo complex to collect my Shopee parcel from the minimart there. It was a sunny afternoon. There was shelter but only half of the path was shaded, which happened to be the right side. This elderly woman was holding an umbrella covering her entire half of the body including her face and walking rapidly, coming from the opposite direction. So she bumped into me, I quietly untangled myself from the umbrella and proceeded with my right turn into the condo, she started shouting at me from behind but I just kept walking and ignored it.
I think that there are many siaolangs around nowadays and there's no point engaging with them at all. This type of people will probably be more likely to have high blood pressure and other health issues stemming from their hot temper and impatience. Not my circus, not my monkeys. The more you engage with them, the more trouble it brings to your own life and it's not worth it at all over all these silly minor matters.
It's not about being a doormat, that's your ego speaking, which is the reason why people get into all these childish fights that we often see on social media in the first place. It's so shameful and embarrassing. You "win" by not participating at all and moving on in your life by occupying your mind with other more positive things rather than get upset over such petty matters like those people. Nothing can be accomplished when you argue back and forth, and even worse you'll have to spend time and money on medical treatments if you get into any physical fights with boliao people.
This is the right answer. If you make a mistake, apologise, reflect on the situation, and move on with life. That’s it. You don’t get anything out of further escalation.
Sometimes there’s room for improvement and we can do better, but sometimes the other person is just an asshole and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s okay.
You already did your part by apologising immediately. Uncle wasn’t cool to respond the way he did.
My two cents is - not everyone eg the uncle deserves kindness.
If you want to teach your kiddo, then start practicing diversionary and deescalation tactics. Customer service ppl do this very well. Customize it to fit your personality.
Personally I prefer in stranger-to-stranger interactions to just walk away and/or pretend they're talking to someone else. If they can't be walked away from, I just look confused and ask questions slowly lol. Repeat their words back at them like questions. "Oh, so you're saying I'm the worst XYZ? What makes you say that?"
Uhh he can be upset la but how has he lived so long with zero emotional regulation ah? Cannot just suck it up and move on meh? You already apologised, he still wanna get mad then just ask "uncle, you never accidentally bump into people before?"
There's nothing else for you to do, except when someone accidentally bumps into you next time, be gracious and forgiving about it. Even if you're having a bad day and it pushes you over the edge. That's what that old hag should have done.
Regarding your kid, you showed a good example and apologising already. Maybe teach your kid that this shows how you can control your actions (saying sorry) but you cannot and should not waste time trying to control others.
Emotional regulation going down is one of the early signs of dementia. When old people do weird things, a lot of times it’s at least in part due to cognitive decline.
Keep up the "not being a doormat" justification to lose your temper, and you'll become just like the old man with age.
Old men are not unlike toddlers tbh. They often just spill out whatever is inside their hearts and minds.
Don't become someone who spills out ungraciousness.
Its an accident yes, but not everyone can hold their temper. I gotten stepped on a few times, it still feels annoying even after the person apologises.
U are in the wrong, should just walk away quietly and accept it
I’m gonna agree with this one. An apology isn’t just words, its an expression of remorse. Sometimes people forgive, sometimes people don’t, its fine.
You see it all the time here on reddit, rarely people forgive apologies.
Just move on and try not to do it again. Don’t just say sorry for the sake of courtesy and expect forgiveness.
Do u know the old man at all?
Otherwise next time for similar scenario if someone tries to trigger u jus walk away if u dun hear things u like to hear.
Why? Cos after this u may not even see or meet him again. He is jus a passerby. Dun waste ur precious time or mood on such unknowns.
reminds me of similar incidents where I was on the receiving end of rude people as well. just remember that whatever they say can't hurt you. I guess it's possible still but that's another type of problem
I just say sorry and do my own things already. So I think you engaged normally already. The old ppl, I dunno why some so angry one.
When they scold me I just don't engage.
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-The only part -I- know is:
-DO tell your kid, later on, that that was an example of Mommy doing something bad and \[she's sorry she did it / however you think is best, to express your regrets and desires to act differently going forward\]. And, I think it would be good, to also mention, "I might've been embarrassed; but also, I didn't want to treat that man even worse. And it's true; you shouldn't want to treat someone poorly; and sometimes it might help to step away from a situation if..." etc etc, you get the point.
And even also, analysing with/to your child -how it got to this point; -any good parts of how you performed -any places where you could've done better - and, therefore, where your hope is that your child will often remember, in the same situations, these points and act better because of such discussions years & decades earlier.
Internalizing, ya' know.
I hope you don't mind, too much, my extreme thoroughness.
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Appreciate the self-awareness. Consider that most self-awareness leads to shame instead of love. Find a balance of how you look at yourself within. You can only captain your own ship. (Same as that uncle.) Your behaviour is driven by your thoughts and emotions, and these are driven by your values and beliefs. Have some compassion for yourself and you’ll find that it’s easier to extend it to others. You can’t give what you don’t have. I try to practice this framework but I can’t say that it’s easy. All I know is that it gets easier—as long as we do the hard part every day.
Honestly don’t sweat it, someone sneaked in quietly into a spot behind me on public transport I turned and elbowed them and they berated me. It’s kinda a two way street you can preempt something by making your presence known, presumably you were already pretty close and he didn’t say anything, people can also avoid you knowing your with a toddler and distracted (I was also with a toddler). Im not gonna feel even 1% bad because you squeezed into a spot I’d never imagine someone would be and then I elbowed you. I dropped a “sorry” and purged it from my memory banks until you reminded me of it with this post.
It's not about engaging, it's about choosing to not tolerate asshole behavior (graciously).
If anything, it should be about NOT engaging with this bullshit.
Shout at him and say har! uncle what u saying! I can't really hear! Paiseh ah my ear abit spoil. I got sat sorry to you? If don't have I say now ah sorry uncle!
Stand your ground. You apologised. I think it's good for your kid to see you apologising and standing up for yourself. Don't try to make the situation nasty. But if it is nasty, make it nastier.
I'd wish there is a word to reverse the apology like "PUI! I take back the apology" but make it sound cooler.
But yea, gotto up the SA to avoid "accidentally" getting to others even in the smallest way when you have a kid.
Graciousness is rare these days if the place we visit is extremely crowded.
I gotto sorta side step everyone when walking with my kid at compass one shopping mall cos everyone is just looking at their phones while walking at SG otw to work pace without looking around.
next time just say uncle u very handsome today
Ngl he kinda uggs
Which will decrease the tension because it’s funny… or he will just walk away thinking you’re weird. 😅
Or stunned like vegetable
Or become vegetable
It’s important to accept that there are externalities that you cannot control but you are in full control and responsible for your (re)actions which drive the outcome. There’s a simple equation to remember this as E + R = O. There is no way to change his anger (Event). But you have full control over what the outcome of the exchange is. It’s also important to learn to detect when you’re feeling triggered. You have a choice then to not escalate. Create a circuit breaker and look for positive mutual outcomes.
Love the engineering solution. Thank you 💕
Yea, when things happen, I often tell myself "I can change myself, but I cant change others" But at times, I feel like I am giving myself excuses. "Is it really beyond my control?"
Sinkies life is liddat lor. Everyone’s a trigger away from exploding.
Pick your battles. Not your responsibility to labour over someone else's disppropotionate emotions.
Can't blame you, we are somehow living on a hairline trigger these days, I don't envy the way we are sometimes.
Supposedly one of the happiest countries, but full of angry, irritable people and have lots of mental health issues. Really makes you wonder what the truth is.
Nah bro, you did good. Also do you want your toddler to be a pushover lol, I would explain to him later (if he is at that age) how to stand up for himself and apologising and being gracious =/= being bullied. Like no shit I stepped on you, I apologised, what else you want me to do, stand there and let you talk shit because I stepped on you? There is a limit ah, at most I let you step on me and we call it equal, doesn't mean that I have to take that shit.
Fk that guy. You already apologised but he wanted to take it to the next level.
Happened to me last month too. Was walking on a footpath about to turn right into a condo complex to collect my Shopee parcel from the minimart there. It was a sunny afternoon. There was shelter but only half of the path was shaded, which happened to be the right side. This elderly woman was holding an umbrella covering her entire half of the body including her face and walking rapidly, coming from the opposite direction. So she bumped into me, I quietly untangled myself from the umbrella and proceeded with my right turn into the condo, she started shouting at me from behind but I just kept walking and ignored it. I think that there are many siaolangs around nowadays and there's no point engaging with them at all. This type of people will probably be more likely to have high blood pressure and other health issues stemming from their hot temper and impatience. Not my circus, not my monkeys. The more you engage with them, the more trouble it brings to your own life and it's not worth it at all over all these silly minor matters. It's not about being a doormat, that's your ego speaking, which is the reason why people get into all these childish fights that we often see on social media in the first place. It's so shameful and embarrassing. You "win" by not participating at all and moving on in your life by occupying your mind with other more positive things rather than get upset over such petty matters like those people. Nothing can be accomplished when you argue back and forth, and even worse you'll have to spend time and money on medical treatments if you get into any physical fights with boliao people.
This is the right answer. If you make a mistake, apologise, reflect on the situation, and move on with life. That’s it. You don’t get anything out of further escalation. Sometimes there’s room for improvement and we can do better, but sometimes the other person is just an asshole and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s okay.
It's good to be gracious but not a pushover. Thumbs up
You already did your part by apologising immediately. Uncle wasn’t cool to respond the way he did. My two cents is - not everyone eg the uncle deserves kindness.
Ahahaha the fact that you still managed to yell “poor thing” is actually hilarious. Pretty compassionate for an angry statement. I could never
If you want to teach your kiddo, then start practicing diversionary and deescalation tactics. Customer service ppl do this very well. Customize it to fit your personality. Personally I prefer in stranger-to-stranger interactions to just walk away and/or pretend they're talking to someone else. If they can't be walked away from, I just look confused and ask questions slowly lol. Repeat their words back at them like questions. "Oh, so you're saying I'm the worst XYZ? What makes you say that?"
Uhh he can be upset la but how has he lived so long with zero emotional regulation ah? Cannot just suck it up and move on meh? You already apologised, he still wanna get mad then just ask "uncle, you never accidentally bump into people before?" There's nothing else for you to do, except when someone accidentally bumps into you next time, be gracious and forgiving about it. Even if you're having a bad day and it pushes you over the edge. That's what that old hag should have done. Regarding your kid, you showed a good example and apologising already. Maybe teach your kid that this shows how you can control your actions (saying sorry) but you cannot and should not waste time trying to control others.
Emotional regulation going down is one of the early signs of dementia. When old people do weird things, a lot of times it’s at least in part due to cognitive decline.
Thank you 💕
People who double down on anger after being apologised to for a genuine mistake - not worth any further time. You're fine
To be honest, no one wants to engage with a parent who is with their kids for this precise reason. Everyone is wrong.
No one likes to be stepped on the foot. Just accept the scolding and move on, unless it becomes abusive
Keep up the "not being a doormat" justification to lose your temper, and you'll become just like the old man with age. Old men are not unlike toddlers tbh. They often just spill out whatever is inside their hearts and minds. Don't become someone who spills out ungraciousness.
Its an accident yes, but not everyone can hold their temper. I gotten stepped on a few times, it still feels annoying even after the person apologises. U are in the wrong, should just walk away quietly and accept it
I’m gonna agree with this one. An apology isn’t just words, its an expression of remorse. Sometimes people forgive, sometimes people don’t, its fine. You see it all the time here on reddit, rarely people forgive apologies. Just move on and try not to do it again. Don’t just say sorry for the sake of courtesy and expect forgiveness.
Agreed... and then post on reddit for fk
Oh and to add on... if im the old man, this OP yell at me, i might readjust his face in front of his toddler. I get pretty TRIGGERED too. Just sayin
Do u know the old man at all? Otherwise next time for similar scenario if someone tries to trigger u jus walk away if u dun hear things u like to hear. Why? Cos after this u may not even see or meet him again. He is jus a passerby. Dun waste ur precious time or mood on such unknowns.
nothing to change, he prolly stood too near u anyw
reminds me of similar incidents where I was on the receiving end of rude people as well. just remember that whatever they say can't hurt you. I guess it's possible still but that's another type of problem
Practice Buddhism
I just say sorry and do my own things already. So I think you engaged normally already. The old ppl, I dunno why some so angry one. When they scold me I just don't engage.
While "respect the elders" is an Asian virtue, it is also important to know that assholes grow old too. 不是老了变坏。是坏人变老了。
Based
Ive been in the same situation and just said "I apologised already" and then ignore them.
Maybe don’t yell at people ?
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-The only part -I- know is: -DO tell your kid, later on, that that was an example of Mommy doing something bad and \[she's sorry she did it / however you think is best, to express your regrets and desires to act differently going forward\]. And, I think it would be good, to also mention, "I might've been embarrassed; but also, I didn't want to treat that man even worse. And it's true; you shouldn't want to treat someone poorly; and sometimes it might help to step away from a situation if..." etc etc, you get the point. And even also, analysing with/to your child -how it got to this point; -any good parts of how you performed -any places where you could've done better - and, therefore, where your hope is that your child will often remember, in the same situations, these points and act better because of such discussions years & decades earlier. Internalizing, ya' know. I hope you don't mind, too much, my extreme thoroughness.
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Appreciate the self-awareness. Consider that most self-awareness leads to shame instead of love. Find a balance of how you look at yourself within. You can only captain your own ship. (Same as that uncle.) Your behaviour is driven by your thoughts and emotions, and these are driven by your values and beliefs. Have some compassion for yourself and you’ll find that it’s easier to extend it to others. You can’t give what you don’t have. I try to practice this framework but I can’t say that it’s easy. All I know is that it gets easier—as long as we do the hard part every day.
would have done the same honestly
Honestly don’t sweat it, someone sneaked in quietly into a spot behind me on public transport I turned and elbowed them and they berated me. It’s kinda a two way street you can preempt something by making your presence known, presumably you were already pretty close and he didn’t say anything, people can also avoid you knowing your with a toddler and distracted (I was also with a toddler). Im not gonna feel even 1% bad because you squeezed into a spot I’d never imagine someone would be and then I elbowed you. I dropped a “sorry” and purged it from my memory banks until you reminded me of it with this post.
It's not about engaging, it's about choosing to not tolerate asshole behavior (graciously). If anything, it should be about NOT engaging with this bullshit.
Shout at him and say har! uncle what u saying! I can't really hear! Paiseh ah my ear abit spoil. I got sat sorry to you? If don't have I say now ah sorry uncle!
Man overreacted, you already apologised and couldn’t do anything else
Stand your ground. You apologised. I think it's good for your kid to see you apologising and standing up for yourself. Don't try to make the situation nasty. But if it is nasty, make it nastier.
Scold the uncle for standing behind and let him know that your bum doesn't have eyes.
Boomer problems
I'd wish there is a word to reverse the apology like "PUI! I take back the apology" but make it sound cooler. But yea, gotto up the SA to avoid "accidentally" getting to others even in the smallest way when you have a kid. Graciousness is rare these days if the place we visit is extremely crowded. I gotto sorta side step everyone when walking with my kid at compass one shopping mall cos everyone is just looking at their phones while walking at SG otw to work pace without looking around.
Should've stepped on the other foot and left after he tried to escalate /s
Don’t worry about it… he was nastier to you than you are to him. Your toddler won’t remember too.
Toddlers remember. Not the specific incident, but they model their parents’ behaviour.