It's sad. Im sure you already had thought of him in future plans but.. everyones right. And I don't think you're that stupid to believe him. If youre looking for signs. You already have it. Its all up to you now. Just knowing that it couldhve been happening way before and with god knows how many people involved and he can still look you in the eye and lie to your face. If you can look past all that. And the nagging feeling he could be doing something behind your back for the rest of your relationship. If you can sleep still after all that. Then you decide. It all comes back to you after all.
Being together almost a year may hurt, but it’s not the end of the world and still relatively short in the scheme of things, and you’re only 30, so plenty of time to find someone else. Even if you can enjoy being friends or housemates still, you need to let him know that you didn’t feel like he was being completely honest and trust was broken, and since that is key in any relationship that it’s best if you all just be friends again. You enjoyed the time you had as a couple but feel it’s best if the two of you explore other options, especially since that seems to be the vibe you’ve been getting lately.
Use your own words, but your only other option is to either open up the relationship, or to break up everything including being housemates. Only you can decide what’s best for you, but absolutely let him know that trust was broken. He needs to know that he can’t get away with that.
It will still hurt, you will still cry. But you can do this. You need to do this, for you.
My two cents is that opening it up is a horrible idea. He has already proven himself to be disloyal and dishonest even upon being called out. Relationships, especially open ones, require honesty and communication, something he seems unwilling to provide.
Yeah, take it from someone who kept a relationship on life support for 6 years. You don't want to go through what I have, even though you may love him, it's not worth the extended heartbreak. We've been apart for 3 years now and it still hurts, would have been so much easier to nip it in the bud, but we were young and in love.
He said the nudes were from over a year ago when he was last on the app. When I asked how the photo I took of him 7 weeks ago got in there he said that’s an outlier and he can’t figure it out how
You should pretend you believe him and put extreme pressure on on him to do something about the fact that his data is being leaked anonymously. Tell him he needs to get the police involved, drive him down to the station. Push it to the absolute limit until he admits it.
Th fact that the photo you took 7 weeks ago is there is definitive proof of one of two things: 1) he's lying and cheating or 2) he sent the photos to someone else who is making a fake profile of him. But that would still mean he sent the nudes to someone anyway.
There's no other option other than him lying or cheating. I'm sorry this happened this time of year, but he definitely is cheating.
Seriously in 2023 almost 2024 are we still in need of basic education on HIV. You do not get checked for aids or AIDS, unless perhaps you have had HIV already and let it go untreated. AIDS is not an STI in the likes of something you might get from unprotected sex. If you did catch something from someone with AIDS it would not even be AIDS it would be HIV. Throwing things like get checked for aids arounf perpetuates a stigma of fear and disgust about people suffering from both HIV and AIDS that is rooted in the 80s and the Regan administration's criminal neglect which caused the AIDS crisis to be an actual crisis. I would think that A professional rawdogger would be more welL versed on the subject.
Lol imagine getting triggered because I called it AIDS rather than hiv xD Nevermind the fact, they are both literally the same disease. One is just earlier and other the late stage. It didn't need two names and flu-19 didn't need 19 different names either. just "china virus" which is what everyone called it originally and that's it ;)
That’s a dumbass answer and you know it. We don’t do that anymore for many reasons, and one is because it creates unnecessary connections between the geographical location and the causes- ie, strongly implies blame on the people inhabiting that area.
Unnecessary implication of blame is not good, especially when we could communicate more useful things with the name (like characteristics of the disease, for instance). Also, initial impressions of disease are often not useful long term. Sometimes we get the location wrong, for instance. Do you understand, or should I dumb it down a bit more?
Lmao he calls it dumbass answer and then goes on to proves me right xD
EVerything you mentioned is just sensitivity training at best... yeah we don't do that anymore... and we suddenly changed that very recently.. that last huge outbreak was Ebola and you can guess twice what was that named after lmao.
Also there was no point to not name virus what everyone was calling it in first weeks.. everyone knew where the flu-19 came from, so it didn't work... the leftist PC policing failed at that one job you mentioned "the blame"
and there's also nothing wrong with blaming the corrupt Chinese communist government who let the virus spread for months because they didn't do anything about it.
Also the virus happens to come right after the proposed Huawei/ticktock bans due to spying... what a coincidence right?
He’s lying. My ex did exactly the same thing. My advice is that he’ll keep doing it except he’ll hide it even more like my ex did and get more and more sneaky. Do what you want but if you want to move on with perpetual anxiety and ignoring your intuition like I did for two years, then go for it. Once a guy starts being sneaky and then lies about it when confronted, you’ve got to wonder.. what else has he or will he lie about?
Whatever you decide, good luck!
As a fun anecdote to put things in perspective, my ex got fucked in the bathroom by the Latino busboy at dinner where I was introducing him as my fiancé since I thought we were in love.
To the contrary, he was cruising everywhere we went, excusing himself to the bathroom for his Latin vacation while I gabbed and sipped cocktails with my friend. When he confessed or rather, bragged about it right before we broke up over a year later, he proudly added how he’d made it all happen with his eyes because he didn’t even think the busboy spoke any English.
Whatever happens, I truly hope that your situation never gets any worse than some forays onto Grindr!
It’s not that easy to just drop someone out of your life, is it? I can’t do it. I’m in love with a total liar & can’t shake this guy. I’ve tried and I can’t. Agh!!!!!
so many guys and girls do this. its their own insecurity. they have you but they need validation from others, they lose their morals because they need this validation. its a very selfish, immature, insecure thing to do. he fucked up.
you need to show him and yourself that you respect yourself enough, value yourself enough to make the right decision for you.
Which should potentially be to dump his ass.
Its not you, its him, hes an immature idiot. He'll probably get into another relationship soon and do the exact same thing again.
Best gift he ever gave you…he showed he’s a cheater and a liar. Now, you can celebrate the beginning of your 31st trip around the sun being single and ready to find someone else. Truly. He’s never changing as long as you and he stay together. Facts.
Also - your man wasn't with you on your 30th birthday, it's kind of a milestone. I'd certainly want my partner there celebrating with me, and would also be there for him on his birthday...
I agree with this to be fair to him he does live in the US and I’m in EU so he couldn’t be with me so close to Xmas as he had to go back for family so we celebrated a week earlier - still I think a shitty thing to do to be on Grindr on my birthday and lie about it if it is him
Broo.. why couldn't you just find someone closer? Long term relationships just don't work. I am not justifying the cheating(it can never be justified), but if you aren't even nowhere near close him, cheating is much more likely to happen.
I disagree. My boyfriend is from mainland Europe and I'm from the UK, he only gets to see his family once or twice a year so him going back for Xmas to see them isn't an issue for me especially if they got to celebrate beforehand.
I’ve been through this several times to be honest, and that’s what I get for playing detective, although I shouldn’t be faulted because a lot of my relatives are…….real life detectives so it’s in my genes🤣
The truth is, he did it once. He probably will do again. He’s flat out lying and trying to gaslight you but you caught him. He doesn’t have any respect for your relationship. Do what you wish with my opinion.
Lying cheater? theres no such thing as a honest cheater :D
Also once a cheater always a cheater, doesn't matter if guy admits it once caught and promises he wont do it ever again. HE WILL.
He is only sorry he got caught.
To the OP, I’m sorry this is how your 30th birthday went.
I’m sorry your boyfriend doesn’t have the cojones to tell you what actually went down.
There’s so much I think you should do, but I hope you do what’s best for you.
The fact you were curious enough to go search Grindr for him says it’s not a good relationship.
You know it’s him so dump him or be prepared for a life of untrustworthy lies and constantly being paranoid
Also expect the inevitable gas lighting asking why YOU were on Grindr to begin with
A year is nothing. If he’s being this dishonest so early in the relationship, it will eventually fall apart. You may as well be the one who ends it now rather than him dump your ass later on when you’re totally invested.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Terrible timing. My ex did the same thing, he was a fantastic liar and had a unique way of making me believe I was being paranoid - which is essentially gaslighting. That’s what your bf is doing to you. I know it hurts, but my advice is to let go and move on. There is another guy out there for you and this unfortunate series of events is simply making space for a very special person.
I divorced my husband of 29 years, not because of his his cheating, but because of his lying about it. Just 10 days after our divorce was final, he married his favorite prostitute. 😂
Settings -> Apple ID -> Media&Purchases -> View Account -> Purchase History or Hidden purchases. Adjust the filter to show whatever is relevant and they’re ya go peace of mind. If he’s downloaded Grindr it should tell you when downloaded it 💜
This. This is why I will remain single. You for the sake of your sanity should leave and never look back. I know that your trust must be so fractured…… there are so many ways that your partner can cheat these days and keep you completely in the dark. Years ago one of my “best friends” was trying to smash my boyfriend behind my back. I’ll never forget my partner’s face when I asked him about it…… he just shrugged it off like it happens all the time what’s the big deal? Fast forward and I found out that he was cheating on me with a guy who looked EXACTLY like me. Some people just like to take you to the lowest point of your life and drop you off where you simply cannot find nor want to trust anyone. You want to but can’t. After I catch you lying about small things then I automatically think that everything that leaves your mouth is a lie. And that breaks my heart most of all because I want to trust….. I want to love….. I want to build a life with someone I love…… one of my greatest fears is that I will leave this life unloved. That all this passion, love and laughter will go to the grave with me all because of a lie.
Don’t fear it, accept the fact that to love is to take a risk, asses whether the risk is worth the desired outcome: to give and receive love. Have standards but don’t kill everything with expectations one way or the other. Expectations are premeditated resentments.
I totally know the feeling, not on my birthday, my bf at the time I usually picked up from work (because he didn't drive) This time he said he didn't need a drive in a text. I went on Grindr and saw him on there which yes hurt. Went to his job parking garage and watched him get into some guys car I've never seen. Wasn't his cousin, brother, or dad.
When he got home a couple hours later. I played like I didn't know anything at first including having sex. Afterwards casually told him I saw him on Grindr and looked cause of him not needing a ride. He lied at first but eventually told me.
What was upsetting was yes the lying. If he was upfront and told me he was going to fuck someone else I might of been okay with that cause I understand sometimes people need a break. I later broke it off for the lying.
Do what you feel is best for you. Listen to your gut.
Wow that is a tough position to be in. I was kinda there 4 years ago. Neither of us were really out per say but we didn't care who saw us together. My heart was was invested alot heavier than his but, I was totally shocked when he pretty much said go away. A few months later we tried to work it out however I couldn't get passed what he did all I did was date the memories we already made. I love him, miss him and wish him well but I couldn't set myself up for 2 failures when I wasn't past the first one. Follow your heart if it was meant to be it will be. Don't make yourself unhappy over it and waste years like I did
Leave. I stayed in a 6 year marriage where my partner relentlessly cheated on me. I'm much happier with my loyal partner. Don't waste your life like I had
>I had a bad feeling and out of curiosity went on Grindr to see if I could find him.
That fact you went straight to Grindr is more telling of your relationship with him in general rather than just your boyfriend.
You could have pressured him to open the app in front of you assuming that he hasn’t deleted it and logged off. Message him and if it shows up from his side then you can confirm that he is lying.
Or if he used his normal e mail address to log in, you can use that to confirm as well.
I was in this situation with my ex. He swore that someone was using his photos. I questioned it but tried to move on for over a year. Fast forward to when everything finally fell apart between us, he came to my apartment since I had moved out and we were separated, and threw a bunch of my personal things like my birth certificate and social security card, inside an envelope, at me through the threshold of the doorway into my apartment. He screamed that I'm such a pathetic loser and all of these things that he hates about me. And then, and this was the last sentence he ever said to me before he walked away and I never talked with him again ever since, he said "and yes, I did fucking cheat on you, and many times, and I'm not sorry for it. And no, that wasn't someone using my photos a year ago on grindr. That was actually me. But I was never going to admit that to you obviously. Have a good life."
People are often doing exactly what you think they are doing, but when called out will simply deny it. People are still somewhat animalistic. We still have that part in our brains, and defensiveness and denial are part of how humans deal with life in general.
It's just as hard for you to say what is or isn't true as it was for me years ago when I was in your shoes. It's the lack of knowing for sure that will drive you crazy
Neither you nor I can say if that was him or if someone just stole his photos. But come on dude. Use your brain. To me it seems kind of obvious. Even though there's no conclusive thing, there is pretty close to conclusive evidence, which is the recency of some of the photos in that album.
I'm not telling you what to do. But from all I've learned in life, I would probably tell him exactly what I think is going on, and tell him because that's what I think that I'm walking away from the relationship. And then I'd be done and moving on.
I confess to having some of the classic self esteem issues that can lead to needing external validation. I have used Grindr at times for the same purpose while with my husband. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me it was never about cheating.
I totally understand that, it’s more how he went about covering it up (he went to extremes - making me feel like I was delusional that it wasn’t him, started blaming others for using his pictures etc etc) and doubled down even when I said I didn’t care about the fact he was actually on it looking for hookups- I just need him to be honest so I know he won’t lie to my face under difficult circumstances. And each time he doubled down and lied because he “didn’t want to hurt my feelings with the truth”.
Similar situation happened to me when I saw behaviour of shying away from his phone sometimes when I enter the room. Set up my own profile with a fake name and pic, and he had his body pic up with our apartment in the background. We started messaging and then I confronted him about it, and was told it only happened once, but we all know it was more.
However, I googled what to do when you find a bf cheating, it had some great points. First, get their side of what happened/ what caused it to happen and have a civil conversation of what they want out of the relationship (open, monogamous, poly, etc). Another great step is to get professional couple therapy (if you have benefits from work it helps with costs, if not try to compromise on sharing the cost for a few sessions at least).
Ultimately you have control over where the relationship goes (stay to gather and work it out, or dump him and part separate ways). Keep in mind though, cheating is a cry for help, and means both people have made the relationship an insecure place for that other partner. It doesn’t just happen out of no where, things (and from a while probably) have driven this person to reach out for attention elsewhere.
In my situation I felt the least I could do for someone I love no matter what, is to hear it through from them. I didn’t need the apologies or “this will never happen again”… I needed “what can we do going forward to not have you in a bad place in our relationship?” And “what things can we do or talk about to open up about things to change for both of us to make the relationship better”. It worked, a lot of dirt came up and although I’m “the victim”, I also did wrong things in the relationship to drive it to happen, albeit not enough honesty was put out for me to NOT do those things in the first place.
I doubt it. There is no way someone has his whole photo gallery without him sending it to that person in the first place. He is a cheater who is unapologetic.
He is lying to you. You know this. Don’t lie to yourself and continue on in this farce of a relationship. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve better.
I’m sorry that you are going through this. Please do not try your compromise with him. It is clear that his feelings for you are not equivalent to the feelings you have for him. Even if you try to create an “open relationship,” this gives him a legitimate way to just cheat on you—with you being the security blanket. If you are fine with that then that’s on you. But please, just think about your worth.
I know it hurts, but it is clear that his mind is fixated on other things. It’s best to try to move on (easier said than done though). Good luck, boo. ♥️
👁️🫦👁️ If you want monogamy, he’s not the one. If you want try things and explore, here’s your chance.
Life’s a journey. Love your self unconditionally. Believe actions, not words.
Merry Christmas 🎄
I recently had a similar situation with someone I’ve been dating for about 2 months except it was sniffles. Sadly there’s this phenomenon in our community where people can’t be honest and up front, and are also always searching for the next best thing.
You just turned 30 years old, you don’t have time for disloyalty and people who don’t care about you! Don’t give him the chance to trap you and make you waste your mid 30’s! I’m sure you can do better! You got this!!👏🏼👏🏼♥️
God, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been through having two boyfriends in a row go back on the apps, behind my back, and then lie about their intentions of being on there. The fact that he can’t even just fess up and admit to being on there is very telling too.
Personally, in your situation, I would leave. You deserve honesty and communication, and the very least he could do is express to you his needs and tell you if there is something is trying to find on there that he doesn’t already have with you.
What an awful human being. I would knock him in his face and never, ever speak to him again.
Not only he was a cheating asshole, he wasn't with you on your 30th birthday. And also lying about everything.
Everything in your life will be better without him.
I don't know how such scum can live with themselves.
You know the truth deep down, hun. Cut ties with his arse completely and move on with your life. Yeah, it will hurt but he’s not worthy of your time or energy, they’re too valuable.
Remember he did this to you knowing quite well it’s your 30th birthday. He don’t give a shit about you. He’s seeking validation from random strangers on a sex app.
Dump him and let this be a great birthday present as you go into the next decade of your life.
My ex-boyfriend did the same thing. He and I had an argument, and while I was at work, alarms were going off inside me. I downloaded Grindr on a whim and went to his exact apartment building on the map. There, I found a faceless profile. I messaged the profile and asked for a picture. A few minutes later, I received a picture of my ex. I immediately screenshotted the conversation and called him. He denied the entire thing, attempting to gaslight me that "someone has used his pictures before." After I hung up, I got a call from my roommate. My ex had called my roommate and tried to convince him that I was crazy over the profile and it wasn't him. Anyway, after about twenty minutes, he called me to confess that it was him. He made the profile because I wasn't giving him enough attention--what? My biggest mistake was that I believed him and took him back. One of the stipulations was that he sought therapy, as I had started therapy a few months before, and a lot of good was coming from it. Eventually, it took him over four months to find a therapist, but his attendance was sketchy. When he did go, he would call me and say that his therapist believed I was the problem, etc. When I explained the evolving situation to my own therapist, she looked at me and said, "Matt, this guy sounds like a narcissist," and provided me with a book to read about narcissism in relationships. While I read the book, I realized it that it was my relationship. I broke up with him two days later and have never looked back.
He may not be a narcissist, of course, but the gaslighting and lying is a major red flag. Do yourself a favor and move on now.
I went on because while on a WhatsApp call with me his phone kept buzzing and he keep going off the call (video would blur out) so he was talking to someone on someone on another app he was also being suss and shady and I just knew something was off so curiosity got the better of me and sadly I found him on it
Luckily, not sadly.. had you not found him(if he was smart and he faked his location too, or used another app, or a fake IG account to hookup, etc) it would be even more likely for him to give you aids. His ass belongs to the streets, make no mistakes. Once a cheater always a cheater.
PSA to everyone: People using IG or other social media to hookup are very likely all cheaters... even if he has pics on his acc.. had that happen to me.. the dude confessed after sex that he is cheating on his wife with kids.. we were doing it in their apartment while she was at work! I was disgusted, told him he is a POS and I left.. then I came back when his wife was home he opened up and I just yelled so she could hear "your husband is a cheater" he was like shut up and all nervous I said "yeah I fucked his ass while you were at work" he closed the door and I said one final thing "go check your mail, I left you the proof(printed screenshots of our convo and his profile that show his gay posing pics of him)"
I head wife yell at him as I was leaving.
Most gay men live open relationships. Ive never been offered anything else. No point in expecting undivided attention. It's not going to happen. You deserve it, but it is like trying to buy a car at Walmart. It's not available, but everything else is.
Yeah, it’s amazing how these guys can be caught red-handed, and they’ll still blatantly lie to your face. ………Like when I found out my boyfriend of 7 years was secretly on Sniffies.
He got caught. Been there done that unfortunately. If that’s not what you want just have a calm convo to break up. Or, ask for communication and what this is all about especially you know, clearly he’s lying. I think you’d know what he looks like nude by now! So, there’s no denial. You are worthy of someone who won’t lie to you! In this day and age, there’s no reason to lie, or deny being on Grindr. Like, even in relationships. He could have taken a different route but now you know there’s lying. Like, sadllllyyyy there’s lost of trust before this and after you confronted. Not saying once a liar always a liar, but once a liar in a relationship it’s pretty much always going to live there, vs if you got with a new person and they were up front and said I have had issues in the past and I don’t want to be that person, because people can clearly change, but not so quickly with the same person. Sadly. It just doesn’t happen.
Hey buddy I hate this happened to you especially on your birthday but something similar happened to me in my 3yr relationship and i found out via on twitter ran across 6 of 7 different burner accounts of his getting plowed on my side of the bed while im at work and even installed hidden cameras and shit and he still denied it after showing him and it was hard but I had to walk away
What do you want to do? Non monogamy, especially ethical, is a possibility. And a frank conversation about it is the way to get there. It takes time and effort. Being judgmental doesn’t help even if it feels right. What led him to lie? Is he a chronically dishonest person or does he have feeling and desired that he doesn’t feel he can talk to you about? Express your feelings, including the fact that you feel betrayed, and listen to his. Establish boundaries. There are so many ways forward. And yes that includes breaking up but it’s not the only solution.
I’m seeing this post for the first time after your update. You did the right thing by dumping him. Move on. He’s a liar and a gaslighter. I can understand him feeling unloved or whatever, but that’s something he should’ve communicated with you instead of going on Grindr behind your back.
I could even be understanding about this if he confessed right when you confronted him about being on Grindr. But, he stuck with his lie AND tried to make you seem foolish, AND only confessed after you dumped him.
Let him go, and be thankful you dodged a bullet.
Sincerely,
A 42-year old who’s been there done that
Per your update, he’s continuing to gaslight you by turning this around to make it your fault (by saying he went on Grindr b/c he doesn’t always feel loved by you and needed external validation). Don’t let him play the victim card, bud.
Gay men are utterly incapable of commitment or radical honesty. It hurts. It’s horrible. But I have never seen a gay relationship that doesn’t end up opening up after so many years with generally one, or both men, eventually becoming nothing more than close friends or housemates. And that’s if they manage to stay together on good terms. Sorry this is happening to you, but it’s the norm.
It’s a reason why I will never be in a relationship. Totally given up on it. There’s just no point because gay men cannot have normal, sensible relationships. And they use phrases like “all men are whores” or “all men cheat” to justify their aberrant behavior. News flash—straight men may be pigs but some of them are monogamous. I’ve yet to meet a gay man who can ever handle monogamy or even honesty in the context of an open relationship. It really is that bad.
>gay men cannot have normal, sensible relationships
Why do we as gay men have to have what straights view as "normal, sensible relationships" If we wanted "normal, sensible relationships" we'd be straight
If we wanted people of the opposite sex, we’d be straight. I don’t necessarily want the same kind of relationships straight people have, but I definitely don’t want the back-stabbing, lying, orgiastic mess that characterize most gay relationships either.
This is the sad reality of gay relationship it doesn't last long I've never seen a successful gay relationship it always ends with one of them cheating or going for an open relationship this thing makes me wish i was straight nowadays every guy just wants sex no one wants one person to do it with anyways dear please break up with him for your sake because you will hurt as u will feel distant from him and he'll act disinterested and u will hurt just leave him and im sure he will move on within a day have a good day dear
You kkow you cpould leave him ya sure or if you love him you could choose to stay and figure out how to solve the problem. Either way you should take this opportunity to reflect on what it means to be in a relationship and if heteronormal rules need apply. In every gay relationship theres at least one partner who is partaking in outside relations. Find me a gay couple that insists they've been faithfully monogomous long term and at least one of them is lying. Yes, him lying to you, is the big issue. Trust is very important but again you should look at why he would feel the need to lie. I am not inferring in anyway that lying is your fault or that him cheating is your fault what I’m saying may be the result of unrealistic expectations in the relationship. there are no rules that say that a relationship has to be completely monogamous or completely open you need to figure out what is right for you and your partner together. The feeling of the need to lie come from not having open and honest dialogue about what the ins and outs of the relationship are going to be and the pressure that we feel from society to conform to the hetero normal ideal for a relationship.
Congrats, you are in an open relationship... whether you want to be or not. Now you need to decide what you are going to do with that info. It's your life and totally up to you. I am in a semi-open relationship and pretty happy. But not everyone wants that. You need to take a few days to process and think about what you want from a romantic partnership. Then institute your decision.
Have a relationship with the actual man in the room with you. Not with his supposed profiles elsewhere. People do steal photographs, and make false profiles you know. I have no idea what this man is or is not up to, but you can reach out and touch him. So keep doing that.
Using explore mode you can drop a pin at specific locations, and I’ve spent time at his house visiting him and his family so I know where it is. The profile was the nearest to the pin drop
Lots of advice in here to dump and move on, but actually it depends how you and he feel. Clearly, he’s not ready to have an honest conversation. Question is, do you want to salvage something, or has your relationship been irreparably poisoned? Only you can know x
He's most probably lying and you know that. Have a conversation with him and let him know him cheating like that would really really hurt you. I'm kinda inclining towards giving him another chance if you feel like it? If its the first time he's done that. But if course you'll keep your eyes open
He is insecure and He doesn’t love himself and you cannot help him . Obviously a boyfriend isn’t enough for his validation so he wants more from strangers . Its embarrassing and disrespectful block him asap
Honestly it's not nice but I don't understand why even gay people make such a big deal out of sexual monogamy. Ask your parents if they never got cheated on...Wait, bad idea. Don't. My point is, sometimes you just gotta discuss it and move on. And I say this as someone who never cheated. But don't lie. We ALL fantasized sometimes about someone else. The difference is being honest about it, and seeing that sexual things are not necessarily on the same fucking level than building a whole life together.
You just happened to go looking on grinder for your BF... I don't know how I'd feel about that... Here is what i've learned in my 52 years. no matter how much 2 men care or love each other they will at some point stray. It doesn't mean his feelings have changed. Most male couples come to the point where they make some sort of changes in their relationship at about (in my experience) 3 to 5 years max. what I don't like is his denying that it's him. He's gaslighting you and in your heart you know this. Manipulation is a nasty little game and if that's the games he wants you play its not worth your time. But then you were on there (grinder) too so maybe your both playing games with one another. If you guys can't come to that agreement of an open relationship then thank you next
Question: when is your birthday? Close to the Christmas or on it?
If so oh man that must suck, Birthday on Christmas means combined gifts. So while your parents saved a lot of money.. yeah that kinda sucks for you lmao.
As for bf, just dump his ass.. No second chances, even if he did admit to it. Once a cheater always a cheater. In fact you shouldn't even had told the cheater how you caught him, that will only make them harder to caught next time, by whoever will be his next poor victim.
If you love him figure out an arrangment. it's unresonable to think that any healthy man will not want fresh D now and then. Honesty is the key. Don't through out your baby because he drank the bathwater.
In my opinion unfortunately it seems very clear that he's lying with all the evidence you have presented. If you know certain pictures are not anywhere else online then I would trust your gut instinct in believing he's lying to you. I guess you need to do some thinking about the situation but I would suggest breaking up with him because nobody deserves to be with somebody who is unfaithful and willing to betray your trust.
He's lying 🤥 for sure! but here's why it becomes challenging -
1. Trust is the key, and if you're stuck in doubt town, it's a bad ride. Even if he's not fibbing (which is like 0% chance), you'll be side-eyeing every phone call or trip, making life together a crazy rollercoaster.
2. Living together makes things messy. Moving out or him moving out—it's all a big change, and let's be real, change is a pain. Lots of folks stick around in bad relationships just to keep things as they are. It's a bumpy road, and feelings are in the mix, but you deserve a vibe where trust is a given. Holding on means staying real with yourself and dealing with the facts before they smack you in the face.
Good luck and merry Christmas 😶🌫️
I’ve been through this exact scenario.
He’s lying.
You know it.
You won’t do anything about it because you’re weak.
Just as I was.
I needed hard proof to breakup with him (don’t ask why) and I got mine.
The guy he was fucking while I was at work admitted everything to me.
Once more, HE-IS-LYING
You know he’s lying
we all know
It's sad. Im sure you already had thought of him in future plans but.. everyones right. And I don't think you're that stupid to believe him. If youre looking for signs. You already have it. Its all up to you now. Just knowing that it couldhve been happening way before and with god knows how many people involved and he can still look you in the eye and lie to your face. If you can look past all that. And the nagging feeling he could be doing something behind your back for the rest of your relationship. If you can sleep still after all that. Then you decide. It all comes back to you after all.
Well Happy birthday and Merry Christmas. Don’t forget to break up with his ass.
Being together almost a year may hurt, but it’s not the end of the world and still relatively short in the scheme of things, and you’re only 30, so plenty of time to find someone else. Even if you can enjoy being friends or housemates still, you need to let him know that you didn’t feel like he was being completely honest and trust was broken, and since that is key in any relationship that it’s best if you all just be friends again. You enjoyed the time you had as a couple but feel it’s best if the two of you explore other options, especially since that seems to be the vibe you’ve been getting lately. Use your own words, but your only other option is to either open up the relationship, or to break up everything including being housemates. Only you can decide what’s best for you, but absolutely let him know that trust was broken. He needs to know that he can’t get away with that. It will still hurt, you will still cry. But you can do this. You need to do this, for you.
My two cents is that opening it up is a horrible idea. He has already proven himself to be disloyal and dishonest even upon being called out. Relationships, especially open ones, require honesty and communication, something he seems unwilling to provide.
Oh I think it’s a terrible idea, too lol. But it’s one of 3 (legal) options I could think of lol.
Nail on the head with this one, you gotta leave him for you…don’t allow that self esteem to drop for someone who doesn’t DEEM or see your worth!!!
This is the Best Advice!!! Plain, Simple and Honest!
Yeah, take it from someone who kept a relationship on life support for 6 years. You don't want to go through what I have, even though you may love him, it's not worth the extended heartbreak. We've been apart for 3 years now and it still hurts, would have been so much easier to nip it in the bud, but we were young and in love.
Hey, it rhymed.
Also, you gotta break up with his dick too.
So ask him how other people gotten his recent nudes if he hasn’t sent them to anyone
He said the nudes were from over a year ago when he was last on the app. When I asked how the photo I took of him 7 weeks ago got in there he said that’s an outlier and he can’t figure it out how
You already know the answer
>outlier Lol. He’s a liar alright
He’s a flat out liar
Lmao. The last one, "outlier" he think the pict can pop out of nowhere like a data in statistics calculation
You should pretend you believe him and put extreme pressure on on him to do something about the fact that his data is being leaked anonymously. Tell him he needs to get the police involved, drive him down to the station. Push it to the absolute limit until he admits it.
Thiiiiiiiiiis
Lmao yes! 😆
He probably just get mad about overreacting. It definitely wouldn't be overreacting though
Th fact that the photo you took 7 weeks ago is there is definitive proof of one of two things: 1) he's lying and cheating or 2) he sent the photos to someone else who is making a fake profile of him. But that would still mean he sent the nudes to someone anyway. There's no other option other than him lying or cheating. I'm sorry this happened this time of year, but he definitely is cheating.
An outlyer....creative misuse of the word. He lying!
Girl plz he’s lying
Sounds like a Gemini
But… I was totally hacked…! -says the lying cheating now ex boyfriend
It's really sad OP's partner thinks so little of his intelligence that he's making up this b******* story
He was clearly getting you a present! An STI probably
This comment made me yelp! Funny but not funny 😆
😂
Yeah OP get checked for aids, he might had already given you an early gift(btw that means poison in German) for Christmas/bday.
Seriously in 2023 almost 2024 are we still in need of basic education on HIV. You do not get checked for aids or AIDS, unless perhaps you have had HIV already and let it go untreated. AIDS is not an STI in the likes of something you might get from unprotected sex. If you did catch something from someone with AIDS it would not even be AIDS it would be HIV. Throwing things like get checked for aids arounf perpetuates a stigma of fear and disgust about people suffering from both HIV and AIDS that is rooted in the 80s and the Regan administration's criminal neglect which caused the AIDS crisis to be an actual crisis. I would think that A professional rawdogger would be more welL versed on the subject.
Lol imagine getting triggered because I called it AIDS rather than hiv xD Nevermind the fact, they are both literally the same disease. One is just earlier and other the late stage. It didn't need two names and flu-19 didn't need 19 different names either. just "china virus" which is what everyone called it originally and that's it ;)
Thanks for being so toxic and spreading negativity in 2023 about a pandemic that has taken the lives of millions since the 80s.
How I am spreading the negativity, when I am just calling it what it is? lmao
"China virus" ground breaking.
It's so simple and obvious, we used to name diseases after their original location.
Uh huh, and why did we stop doing that?
Because pc police said so
That’s a dumbass answer and you know it. We don’t do that anymore for many reasons, and one is because it creates unnecessary connections between the geographical location and the causes- ie, strongly implies blame on the people inhabiting that area. Unnecessary implication of blame is not good, especially when we could communicate more useful things with the name (like characteristics of the disease, for instance). Also, initial impressions of disease are often not useful long term. Sometimes we get the location wrong, for instance. Do you understand, or should I dumb it down a bit more?
Lmao he calls it dumbass answer and then goes on to proves me right xD EVerything you mentioned is just sensitivity training at best... yeah we don't do that anymore... and we suddenly changed that very recently.. that last huge outbreak was Ebola and you can guess twice what was that named after lmao. Also there was no point to not name virus what everyone was calling it in first weeks.. everyone knew where the flu-19 came from, so it didn't work... the leftist PC policing failed at that one job you mentioned "the blame" and there's also nothing wrong with blaming the corrupt Chinese communist government who let the virus spread for months because they didn't do anything about it. Also the virus happens to come right after the proposed Huawei/ticktock bans due to spying... what a coincidence right?
Guys don't argue with him he's a professional raw dogger he knows what he's talking about
I know my flair sends you some weird signals, but I never said I'd raw dog randoms.. in fact I find that repulsive. Nasty bussies full of cum
He’s lying. My ex did exactly the same thing. My advice is that he’ll keep doing it except he’ll hide it even more like my ex did and get more and more sneaky. Do what you want but if you want to move on with perpetual anxiety and ignoring your intuition like I did for two years, then go for it. Once a guy starts being sneaky and then lies about it when confronted, you’ve got to wonder.. what else has he or will he lie about? Whatever you decide, good luck! As a fun anecdote to put things in perspective, my ex got fucked in the bathroom by the Latino busboy at dinner where I was introducing him as my fiancé since I thought we were in love. To the contrary, he was cruising everywhere we went, excusing himself to the bathroom for his Latin vacation while I gabbed and sipped cocktails with my friend. When he confessed or rather, bragged about it right before we broke up over a year later, he proudly added how he’d made it all happen with his eyes because he didn’t even think the busboy spoke any English. Whatever happens, I truly hope that your situation never gets any worse than some forays onto Grindr!
Dang!!! I’m so sorry that happened. But this is sound advice. Like if OP doesn’t do something now it’s gonna be a thing. For a long time.
It’s not that easy to just drop someone out of your life, is it? I can’t do it. I’m in love with a total liar & can’t shake this guy. I’ve tried and I can’t. Agh!!!!!
it's not easy. but it must be done, or the pain will be compounding every day you stay with them.
Wow, I can relate unfortunately. Lots of filthy liars out there. I'm so proud to be an honest man.
Runnnnnnnnnnn now…he is for the streets
she belongs to the streets lmao.. also op get checked for aids
He’s lying. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t betray your trust. Sorry. I just have a zero tolerance policy for anyone who isn’t honest.
Good idea!
You know damn well he's lying 🤥 just break up with him and find another guy
so many guys and girls do this. its their own insecurity. they have you but they need validation from others, they lose their morals because they need this validation. its a very selfish, immature, insecure thing to do. he fucked up. you need to show him and yourself that you respect yourself enough, value yourself enough to make the right decision for you. Which should potentially be to dump his ass. Its not you, its him, hes an immature idiot. He'll probably get into another relationship soon and do the exact same thing again.
This is the one. The validation people get from these apps that they loose once in a relationship is insane
Best gift he ever gave you…he showed he’s a cheater and a liar. Now, you can celebrate the beginning of your 31st trip around the sun being single and ready to find someone else. Truly. He’s never changing as long as you and he stay together. Facts.
Thats not even the worst.. this dude likely gave op an early bday/christmas GIFT >!means poison in German!< OP needs to check himself for aids
Also - your man wasn't with you on your 30th birthday, it's kind of a milestone. I'd certainly want my partner there celebrating with me, and would also be there for him on his birthday...
I agree with this to be fair to him he does live in the US and I’m in EU so he couldn’t be with me so close to Xmas as he had to go back for family so we celebrated a week earlier - still I think a shitty thing to do to be on Grindr on my birthday and lie about it if it is him
Broo.. why couldn't you just find someone closer? Long term relationships just don't work. I am not justifying the cheating(it can never be justified), but if you aren't even nowhere near close him, cheating is much more likely to happen.
I think the breakdown is that both are in the EU, his bf went back to the US for Xmas, this leaving OPnat home for Xmas and his birthday
Long term or long distance? 🤔
Oh oops, you are right.. meant long distance
I disagree. My boyfriend is from mainland Europe and I'm from the UK, he only gets to see his family once or twice a year so him going back for Xmas to see them isn't an issue for me especially if they got to celebrate beforehand.
I’ve been through this several times to be honest, and that’s what I get for playing detective, although I shouldn’t be faulted because a lot of my relatives are…….real life detectives so it’s in my genes🤣 The truth is, he did it once. He probably will do again. He’s flat out lying and trying to gaslight you but you caught him. He doesn’t have any respect for your relationship. Do what you wish with my opinion.
Lying cheater. Will keep doing it. Leave him.
Lying cheater? theres no such thing as a honest cheater :D Also once a cheater always a cheater, doesn't matter if guy admits it once caught and promises he wont do it ever again. HE WILL. He is only sorry he got caught.
Leave him for the love of god, it’ll get worse if you stay
To the OP, I’m sorry this is how your 30th birthday went. I’m sorry your boyfriend doesn’t have the cojones to tell you what actually went down. There’s so much I think you should do, but I hope you do what’s best for you.
The fact you were curious enough to go search Grindr for him says it’s not a good relationship. You know it’s him so dump him or be prepared for a life of untrustworthy lies and constantly being paranoid Also expect the inevitable gas lighting asking why YOU were on Grindr to begin with
I’m sorry you have to go through this with someone who should know better. But kick his ass to the curb!
You need to split up. The trust has gone.
I am so sorry. You have all the proof and its undeniable
Gays try not to be a cheater challenge (impossible)
A year is nothing. If he’s being this dishonest so early in the relationship, it will eventually fall apart. You may as well be the one who ends it now rather than him dump your ass later on when you’re totally invested.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Terrible timing. My ex did the same thing, he was a fantastic liar and had a unique way of making me believe I was being paranoid - which is essentially gaslighting. That’s what your bf is doing to you. I know it hurts, but my advice is to let go and move on. There is another guy out there for you and this unfortunate series of events is simply making space for a very special person.
I divorced my husband of 29 years, not because of his his cheating, but because of his lying about it. Just 10 days after our divorce was final, he married his favorite prostitute. 😂
Settings -> Apple ID -> Media&Purchases -> View Account -> Purchase History or Hidden purchases. Adjust the filter to show whatever is relevant and they’re ya go peace of mind. If he’s downloaded Grindr it should tell you when downloaded it 💜
This is good stuff
If he’s got nothing to hide he should be okay with letting you go through this.
This. This is why I will remain single. You for the sake of your sanity should leave and never look back. I know that your trust must be so fractured…… there are so many ways that your partner can cheat these days and keep you completely in the dark. Years ago one of my “best friends” was trying to smash my boyfriend behind my back. I’ll never forget my partner’s face when I asked him about it…… he just shrugged it off like it happens all the time what’s the big deal? Fast forward and I found out that he was cheating on me with a guy who looked EXACTLY like me. Some people just like to take you to the lowest point of your life and drop you off where you simply cannot find nor want to trust anyone. You want to but can’t. After I catch you lying about small things then I automatically think that everything that leaves your mouth is a lie. And that breaks my heart most of all because I want to trust….. I want to love….. I want to build a life with someone I love…… one of my greatest fears is that I will leave this life unloved. That all this passion, love and laughter will go to the grave with me all because of a lie.
Don’t fear it, accept the fact that to love is to take a risk, asses whether the risk is worth the desired outcome: to give and receive love. Have standards but don’t kill everything with expectations one way or the other. Expectations are premeditated resentments.
I totally know the feeling, not on my birthday, my bf at the time I usually picked up from work (because he didn't drive) This time he said he didn't need a drive in a text. I went on Grindr and saw him on there which yes hurt. Went to his job parking garage and watched him get into some guys car I've never seen. Wasn't his cousin, brother, or dad. When he got home a couple hours later. I played like I didn't know anything at first including having sex. Afterwards casually told him I saw him on Grindr and looked cause of him not needing a ride. He lied at first but eventually told me. What was upsetting was yes the lying. If he was upfront and told me he was going to fuck someone else I might of been okay with that cause I understand sometimes people need a break. I later broke it off for the lying. Do what you feel is best for you. Listen to your gut.
Wow that is a tough position to be in. I was kinda there 4 years ago. Neither of us were really out per say but we didn't care who saw us together. My heart was was invested alot heavier than his but, I was totally shocked when he pretty much said go away. A few months later we tried to work it out however I couldn't get passed what he did all I did was date the memories we already made. I love him, miss him and wish him well but I couldn't set myself up for 2 failures when I wasn't past the first one. Follow your heart if it was meant to be it will be. Don't make yourself unhappy over it and waste years like I did
Gays are whores just like straight men. I hope this clears up any confusion 🤣
Leave. I stayed in a 6 year marriage where my partner relentlessly cheated on me. I'm much happier with my loyal partner. Don't waste your life like I had
He's using the old "it's not me" routine. When will women learn?
>I had a bad feeling and out of curiosity went on Grindr to see if I could find him. That fact you went straight to Grindr is more telling of your relationship with him in general rather than just your boyfriend.
New year, new life for ya boo! Leave that cheater behind. You guys define your terms. If this is something unacceptable, leave!
You could have pressured him to open the app in front of you assuming that he hasn’t deleted it and logged off. Message him and if it shows up from his side then you can confirm that he is lying. Or if he used his normal e mail address to log in, you can use that to confirm as well.
I was in this situation with my ex. He swore that someone was using his photos. I questioned it but tried to move on for over a year. Fast forward to when everything finally fell apart between us, he came to my apartment since I had moved out and we were separated, and threw a bunch of my personal things like my birth certificate and social security card, inside an envelope, at me through the threshold of the doorway into my apartment. He screamed that I'm such a pathetic loser and all of these things that he hates about me. And then, and this was the last sentence he ever said to me before he walked away and I never talked with him again ever since, he said "and yes, I did fucking cheat on you, and many times, and I'm not sorry for it. And no, that wasn't someone using my photos a year ago on grindr. That was actually me. But I was never going to admit that to you obviously. Have a good life." People are often doing exactly what you think they are doing, but when called out will simply deny it. People are still somewhat animalistic. We still have that part in our brains, and defensiveness and denial are part of how humans deal with life in general. It's just as hard for you to say what is or isn't true as it was for me years ago when I was in your shoes. It's the lack of knowing for sure that will drive you crazy Neither you nor I can say if that was him or if someone just stole his photos. But come on dude. Use your brain. To me it seems kind of obvious. Even though there's no conclusive thing, there is pretty close to conclusive evidence, which is the recency of some of the photos in that album. I'm not telling you what to do. But from all I've learned in life, I would probably tell him exactly what I think is going on, and tell him because that's what I think that I'm walking away from the relationship. And then I'd be done and moving on.
I confess to having some of the classic self esteem issues that can lead to needing external validation. I have used Grindr at times for the same purpose while with my husband. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me it was never about cheating.
I totally understand that, it’s more how he went about covering it up (he went to extremes - making me feel like I was delusional that it wasn’t him, started blaming others for using his pictures etc etc) and doubled down even when I said I didn’t care about the fact he was actually on it looking for hookups- I just need him to be honest so I know he won’t lie to my face under difficult circumstances. And each time he doubled down and lied because he “didn’t want to hurt my feelings with the truth”.
Similar situation happened to me when I saw behaviour of shying away from his phone sometimes when I enter the room. Set up my own profile with a fake name and pic, and he had his body pic up with our apartment in the background. We started messaging and then I confronted him about it, and was told it only happened once, but we all know it was more. However, I googled what to do when you find a bf cheating, it had some great points. First, get their side of what happened/ what caused it to happen and have a civil conversation of what they want out of the relationship (open, monogamous, poly, etc). Another great step is to get professional couple therapy (if you have benefits from work it helps with costs, if not try to compromise on sharing the cost for a few sessions at least). Ultimately you have control over where the relationship goes (stay to gather and work it out, or dump him and part separate ways). Keep in mind though, cheating is a cry for help, and means both people have made the relationship an insecure place for that other partner. It doesn’t just happen out of no where, things (and from a while probably) have driven this person to reach out for attention elsewhere. In my situation I felt the least I could do for someone I love no matter what, is to hear it through from them. I didn’t need the apologies or “this will never happen again”… I needed “what can we do going forward to not have you in a bad place in our relationship?” And “what things can we do or talk about to open up about things to change for both of us to make the relationship better”. It worked, a lot of dirt came up and although I’m “the victim”, I also did wrong things in the relationship to drive it to happen, albeit not enough honesty was put out for me to NOT do those things in the first place.
Comment to refer back to this.
Someone is using his photos, and they got them how?
Something that I don’t know and he can’t answer 🤦♂️
I doubt it. There is no way someone has his whole photo gallery without him sending it to that person in the first place. He is a cheater who is unapologetic.
sorry you have to go through this during your birthday and christmas… such shit timing.. no one is using his photos.. it’s him
if the nudes seem recent he’s probably cheated before…? its so hard to trust gay men. i dont blame u for being suspicious and getting on grindr.
He is lying to you. You know this. Don’t lie to yourself and continue on in this farce of a relationship. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve better.
I’m sorry that you are going through this. Please do not try your compromise with him. It is clear that his feelings for you are not equivalent to the feelings you have for him. Even if you try to create an “open relationship,” this gives him a legitimate way to just cheat on you—with you being the security blanket. If you are fine with that then that’s on you. But please, just think about your worth. I know it hurts, but it is clear that his mind is fixated on other things. It’s best to try to move on (easier said than done though). Good luck, boo. ♥️
Honey, protect your peace. Just say ok and let it go honestly keep your peace
👁️🫦👁️ If you want monogamy, he’s not the one. If you want try things and explore, here’s your chance. Life’s a journey. Love your self unconditionally. Believe actions, not words. Merry Christmas 🎄
There are really two types of gays. Those in open relationships and those getting cheated on.
I recently had a similar situation with someone I’ve been dating for about 2 months except it was sniffles. Sadly there’s this phenomenon in our community where people can’t be honest and up front, and are also always searching for the next best thing.
This exact same scenario happened shortly before my 34th birthday. He denied also. Glad I let him go in the long run.
You just turned 30 years old, you don’t have time for disloyalty and people who don’t care about you! Don’t give him the chance to trap you and make you waste your mid 30’s! I’m sure you can do better! You got this!!👏🏼👏🏼♥️
I had the same kind of dirtbag! Don’t believe him.
God, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been through having two boyfriends in a row go back on the apps, behind my back, and then lie about their intentions of being on there. The fact that he can’t even just fess up and admit to being on there is very telling too. Personally, in your situation, I would leave. You deserve honesty and communication, and the very least he could do is express to you his needs and tell you if there is something is trying to find on there that he doesn’t already have with you.
Dump em
The lies. The lies. The lies.
Even if it is some one using his pics *it’s not* it still means he sent them to someone else in the past 7 weeks.
What an awful human being. I would knock him in his face and never, ever speak to him again. Not only he was a cheating asshole, he wasn't with you on your 30th birthday. And also lying about everything. Everything in your life will be better without him. I don't know how such scum can live with themselves.
You know the truth deep down, hun. Cut ties with his arse completely and move on with your life. Yeah, it will hurt but he’s not worthy of your time or energy, they’re too valuable. Remember he did this to you knowing quite well it’s your 30th birthday. He don’t give a shit about you. He’s seeking validation from random strangers on a sex app.
Dump him and let this be a great birthday present as you go into the next decade of your life. My ex-boyfriend did the same thing. He and I had an argument, and while I was at work, alarms were going off inside me. I downloaded Grindr on a whim and went to his exact apartment building on the map. There, I found a faceless profile. I messaged the profile and asked for a picture. A few minutes later, I received a picture of my ex. I immediately screenshotted the conversation and called him. He denied the entire thing, attempting to gaslight me that "someone has used his pictures before." After I hung up, I got a call from my roommate. My ex had called my roommate and tried to convince him that I was crazy over the profile and it wasn't him. Anyway, after about twenty minutes, he called me to confess that it was him. He made the profile because I wasn't giving him enough attention--what? My biggest mistake was that I believed him and took him back. One of the stipulations was that he sought therapy, as I had started therapy a few months before, and a lot of good was coming from it. Eventually, it took him over four months to find a therapist, but his attendance was sketchy. When he did go, he would call me and say that his therapist believed I was the problem, etc. When I explained the evolving situation to my own therapist, she looked at me and said, "Matt, this guy sounds like a narcissist," and provided me with a book to read about narcissism in relationships. While I read the book, I realized it that it was my relationship. I broke up with him two days later and have never looked back. He may not be a narcissist, of course, but the gaslighting and lying is a major red flag. Do yourself a favor and move on now.
What are you doing on grinder ?
I went on because while on a WhatsApp call with me his phone kept buzzing and he keep going off the call (video would blur out) so he was talking to someone on someone on another app he was also being suss and shady and I just knew something was off so curiosity got the better of me and sadly I found him on it
Your intuition never lies baby
Luckily, not sadly.. had you not found him(if he was smart and he faked his location too, or used another app, or a fake IG account to hookup, etc) it would be even more likely for him to give you aids. His ass belongs to the streets, make no mistakes. Once a cheater always a cheater. PSA to everyone: People using IG or other social media to hookup are very likely all cheaters... even if he has pics on his acc.. had that happen to me.. the dude confessed after sex that he is cheating on his wife with kids.. we were doing it in their apartment while she was at work! I was disgusted, told him he is a POS and I left.. then I came back when his wife was home he opened up and I just yelled so she could hear "your husband is a cheater" he was like shut up and all nervous I said "yeah I fucked his ass while you were at work" he closed the door and I said one final thing "go check your mail, I left you the proof(printed screenshots of our convo and his profile that show his gay posing pics of him)" I head wife yell at him as I was leaving.
I’ll take stories that never happened for 1000
I don't care if you believe it or not lmao
Lying cheating bf, break up with him.
It's a wrap my good bro
Yikes, right before the new years too Only you know your self worth enough to do what's supposed to be done OP
Most gay men live open relationships. Ive never been offered anything else. No point in expecting undivided attention. It's not going to happen. You deserve it, but it is like trying to buy a car at Walmart. It's not available, but everything else is.
You know it, I know it, we all know it. Whether you want to believe it is up to you. Sorry about it:
Happy birthday and congrats on being single
Well that’s a hell of a birthday present sorry to hear that man I hope you broke up with him already
Yeah, it’s amazing how these guys can be caught red-handed, and they’ll still blatantly lie to your face. ………Like when I found out my boyfriend of 7 years was secretly on Sniffies.
End it :( he cheated
Happy birthday🎂🎁you deserve better.
He got caught. Been there done that unfortunately. If that’s not what you want just have a calm convo to break up. Or, ask for communication and what this is all about especially you know, clearly he’s lying. I think you’d know what he looks like nude by now! So, there’s no denial. You are worthy of someone who won’t lie to you! In this day and age, there’s no reason to lie, or deny being on Grindr. Like, even in relationships. He could have taken a different route but now you know there’s lying. Like, sadllllyyyy there’s lost of trust before this and after you confronted. Not saying once a liar always a liar, but once a liar in a relationship it’s pretty much always going to live there, vs if you got with a new person and they were up front and said I have had issues in the past and I don’t want to be that person, because people can clearly change, but not so quickly with the same person. Sadly. It just doesn’t happen.
Your **EX**-boyfriend. Cheaters gonna cheat
Happy Birthday. Time to move on. C'est la vie.
He’s lying. Break up with him.
Make a fake profile and ask to meet up.
Pretend to believe him until his lie folds on itself.
Hey buddy I hate this happened to you especially on your birthday but something similar happened to me in my 3yr relationship and i found out via on twitter ran across 6 of 7 different burner accounts of his getting plowed on my side of the bed while im at work and even installed hidden cameras and shit and he still denied it after showing him and it was hard but I had to walk away
What do you want to do? Non monogamy, especially ethical, is a possibility. And a frank conversation about it is the way to get there. It takes time and effort. Being judgmental doesn’t help even if it feels right. What led him to lie? Is he a chronically dishonest person or does he have feeling and desired that he doesn’t feel he can talk to you about? Express your feelings, including the fact that you feel betrayed, and listen to his. Establish boundaries. There are so many ways forward. And yes that includes breaking up but it’s not the only solution.
Why did you have the app to begin with?
Just read your upd. I feel you man. If you stay with him, there’s a 100% chance he will start again. It’s up to you to decide.
Get tested
Dump. Cheating and lying.
Ask to join him with another guy
I’m seeing this post for the first time after your update. You did the right thing by dumping him. Move on. He’s a liar and a gaslighter. I can understand him feeling unloved or whatever, but that’s something he should’ve communicated with you instead of going on Grindr behind your back. I could even be understanding about this if he confessed right when you confronted him about being on Grindr. But, he stuck with his lie AND tried to make you seem foolish, AND only confessed after you dumped him. Let him go, and be thankful you dodged a bullet. Sincerely, A 42-year old who’s been there done that
Per your update, he’s continuing to gaslight you by turning this around to make it your fault (by saying he went on Grindr b/c he doesn’t always feel loved by you and needed external validation). Don’t let him play the victim card, bud.
Men cheat.
SOME men cheat!
The overwhelming majority. The monogamists are the weird ones.
Gay men are utterly incapable of commitment or radical honesty. It hurts. It’s horrible. But I have never seen a gay relationship that doesn’t end up opening up after so many years with generally one, or both men, eventually becoming nothing more than close friends or housemates. And that’s if they manage to stay together on good terms. Sorry this is happening to you, but it’s the norm. It’s a reason why I will never be in a relationship. Totally given up on it. There’s just no point because gay men cannot have normal, sensible relationships. And they use phrases like “all men are whores” or “all men cheat” to justify their aberrant behavior. News flash—straight men may be pigs but some of them are monogamous. I’ve yet to meet a gay man who can ever handle monogamy or even honesty in the context of an open relationship. It really is that bad.
>gay men cannot have normal, sensible relationships Why do we as gay men have to have what straights view as "normal, sensible relationships" If we wanted "normal, sensible relationships" we'd be straight
If we wanted people of the opposite sex, we’d be straight. I don’t necessarily want the same kind of relationships straight people have, but I definitely don’t want the back-stabbing, lying, orgiastic mess that characterize most gay relationships either.
This is the sad reality of gay relationship it doesn't last long I've never seen a successful gay relationship it always ends with one of them cheating or going for an open relationship this thing makes me wish i was straight nowadays every guy just wants sex no one wants one person to do it with anyways dear please break up with him for your sake because you will hurt as u will feel distant from him and he'll act disinterested and u will hurt just leave him and im sure he will move on within a day have a good day dear
All gays cheat
You went to grindr to see if he's in there. You already know what to do. You both aren't being honest to each other. End it.
Tell him Happy Christmas you filthy single animal. 😏
You kkow you cpould leave him ya sure or if you love him you could choose to stay and figure out how to solve the problem. Either way you should take this opportunity to reflect on what it means to be in a relationship and if heteronormal rules need apply. In every gay relationship theres at least one partner who is partaking in outside relations. Find me a gay couple that insists they've been faithfully monogomous long term and at least one of them is lying. Yes, him lying to you, is the big issue. Trust is very important but again you should look at why he would feel the need to lie. I am not inferring in anyway that lying is your fault or that him cheating is your fault what I’m saying may be the result of unrealistic expectations in the relationship. there are no rules that say that a relationship has to be completely monogamous or completely open you need to figure out what is right for you and your partner together. The feeling of the need to lie come from not having open and honest dialogue about what the ins and outs of the relationship are going to be and the pressure that we feel from society to conform to the hetero normal ideal for a relationship.
Well you’re both on grindr… so both pretending to be people who aren’t. Time to talk?
Congrats, you are in an open relationship... whether you want to be or not. Now you need to decide what you are going to do with that info. It's your life and totally up to you. I am in a semi-open relationship and pretty happy. But not everyone wants that. You need to take a few days to process and think about what you want from a romantic partnership. Then institute your decision.
What's a semi open relationship?
Orgy
Have a relationship with the actual man in the room with you. Not with his supposed profiles elsewhere. People do steal photographs, and make false profiles you know. I have no idea what this man is or is not up to, but you can reach out and touch him. So keep doing that.
[удалено]
Using explore mode you can drop a pin at specific locations, and I’ve spent time at his house visiting him and his family so I know where it is. The profile was the nearest to the pin drop
Lots of advice in here to dump and move on, but actually it depends how you and he feel. Clearly, he’s not ready to have an honest conversation. Question is, do you want to salvage something, or has your relationship been irreparably poisoned? Only you can know x
Even if he wanted to salvage, how could he with someone who is still lying and manipulating even after being caught?
Just ask to open the relationship if you love him. It’s just sex. Have fun out there on these streets!
Well you’re on Grindr too so…
He's most probably lying and you know that. Have a conversation with him and let him know him cheating like that would really really hurt you. I'm kinda inclining towards giving him another chance if you feel like it? If its the first time he's done that. But if course you'll keep your eyes open
Well my guy.. its time to talk to him and offer alternatives for the relationship such as, open relationship or explore together sexually..
OK so your boyfriend doesn't recognize you on grindr or do you have a secret acct he doesn't know about as well?
Did you guys agree to an exclusive relationship?
He is insecure and He doesn’t love himself and you cannot help him . Obviously a boyfriend isn’t enough for his validation so he wants more from strangers . Its embarrassing and disrespectful block him asap
You wewe also on the Grindr and the difference is?
Honestly it's not nice but I don't understand why even gay people make such a big deal out of sexual monogamy. Ask your parents if they never got cheated on...Wait, bad idea. Don't. My point is, sometimes you just gotta discuss it and move on. And I say this as someone who never cheated. But don't lie. We ALL fantasized sometimes about someone else. The difference is being honest about it, and seeing that sexual things are not necessarily on the same fucking level than building a whole life together.
You just happened to go looking on grinder for your BF... I don't know how I'd feel about that... Here is what i've learned in my 52 years. no matter how much 2 men care or love each other they will at some point stray. It doesn't mean his feelings have changed. Most male couples come to the point where they make some sort of changes in their relationship at about (in my experience) 3 to 5 years max. what I don't like is his denying that it's him. He's gaslighting you and in your heart you know this. Manipulation is a nasty little game and if that's the games he wants you play its not worth your time. But then you were on there (grinder) too so maybe your both playing games with one another. If you guys can't come to that agreement of an open relationship then thank you next
I think my question would be .what are you doing on Grindr?
You're only a year in. Optimal time to get out of there. If he's doing that in the honeymoon phase..
You’re on grindr. He’s on grindr. Christ
Question: when is your birthday? Close to the Christmas or on it? If so oh man that must suck, Birthday on Christmas means combined gifts. So while your parents saved a lot of money.. yeah that kinda sucks for you lmao. As for bf, just dump his ass.. No second chances, even if he did admit to it. Once a cheater always a cheater. In fact you shouldn't even had told the cheater how you caught him, that will only make them harder to caught next time, by whoever will be his next poor victim.
Join him. Meet people together 🤷♂️🤷♀️
Always strange when you where on the app yourself
If you love him figure out an arrangment. it's unresonable to think that any healthy man will not want fresh D now and then. Honesty is the key. Don't through out your baby because he drank the bathwater.
In my opinion unfortunately it seems very clear that he's lying with all the evidence you have presented. If you know certain pictures are not anywhere else online then I would trust your gut instinct in believing he's lying to you. I guess you need to do some thinking about the situation but I would suggest breaking up with him because nobody deserves to be with somebody who is unfaithful and willing to betray your trust.
I'm sorry 😐 but you're right. Break up then block. Move on because he can't be trusted.
He's lying 🤥 for sure! but here's why it becomes challenging - 1. Trust is the key, and if you're stuck in doubt town, it's a bad ride. Even if he's not fibbing (which is like 0% chance), you'll be side-eyeing every phone call or trip, making life together a crazy rollercoaster. 2. Living together makes things messy. Moving out or him moving out—it's all a big change, and let's be real, change is a pain. Lots of folks stick around in bad relationships just to keep things as they are. It's a bumpy road, and feelings are in the mix, but you deserve a vibe where trust is a given. Holding on means staying real with yourself and dealing with the facts before they smack you in the face. Good luck and merry Christmas 😶🌫️
I’ve been through this exact scenario. He’s lying. You know it. You won’t do anything about it because you’re weak. Just as I was. I needed hard proof to breakup with him (don’t ask why) and I got mine. The guy he was fucking while I was at work admitted everything to me. Once more, HE-IS-LYING
🚩🚩🚩🚩
You deserve someone that doesn’t blatantly lies to your face.
Hit the road Jack.....