This is the right answer. I remember after they found out I was gay, I was given a very large pink dildo. They must’ve assumed that’s what I enjoyed. It stayed in the packaging.
We didn’t have that great of a relationship I guess she was just trying to be the cool step mom. They are both homophobic so I have become estranged from them.
I have mixed feelings with this because I am a masc straight "looking" dude I don't really advertise my gayness so people just assume I'm straight, which tbh I prefer until i know they are safe, especially because i am not out to my family and most of my friends yet. Having said all of that I genuinely enjoy the shock on people's faces when they find out I'm gay I find that so damn funny. I really enjoy it right up until they do the "but you don't look gay" thing which is pretty hypocritical of me because I'm clearly getting enjoyment out of that at the same time so idk lol maybe I'm just weird
I'm sure many gays on here would throw the old "internal homophobia" card at you or the "toxic masculinity" card.
But in all honestly mate, from studying psychology, emotions arnt that clear cut ☺
Feel your feelings bro and live your truth 🤗
I think your helping 😉
This!! I look very bi/androgynous and unless needed or in conversation I very very rarely mention it and hardly get asked as I’m presumed too be bi or straight but like “camp” no complaints though 🤣🤣😊👌
I used to be responsible for a housing website and had a picture it of two women moving into a new home and unpacking. I used to refer to it as the lesbians picture. One day after I'd referred to it, my boss said, why do you always call them lesbians, they just look like normal women to me.
I also tried to get an image of gay men to put on the website, if you put gay men into the image search of the sites we used for images, it only came back with shirtless men at pride parades / parties / living it up. Do all of you guys ever get cold or stop partying, just wondering?
I party twice a year, maybe three times.
Despite the muscles I'm not much of a circuit boy.... I'd rather eat and cuddle 😉
As for going cold emotionally, psychologically that's a survival reaction... im still trying to master it to be honest but I'm a bit of a softie when it comes to the heart ♥
I don't think I'd call myself fem. But I'm sensitive / emotional (or just Autistic, really) and also like it up the butt.
But I've got a facial hair and don't shave my balls 🙈
Oh man. You dont know what you missing. The feeling of smoothly shaven balls in your hand is one of the best feelings ever, even if its yours. Just try it once and let me know.
That's why people think I'm gay I'm bi but prefer men amd people assume I'm bi or trans from how feminine I look like Frick you I csnt help it's how my body looks god if you want feminine just wait till I becume sleep deprived I'll go on a random impulse and shave all my body hair expect the hair on my head and if I owned a crop top and booty shorts I'd wear them probably not helping that idc of I have make up or nail polish put on me like I can be a lot more feminine then have an butt some behavior and feminine hips that's just cuz I didn't have a male figure in my life often enought to start copying and learning how to act so I copied mom,grandma,aunty,and my cousins and sisters
My grandpa told me that whoever is the bottom is more gayer than the top.
Little did he know he was talking to a vers gay. Also, when i got married he hold me that I’m the man of the relationship. But we’re both men. If you can’t tell I’m extremely LC/NC with that family.
I spent virtually the entirety of my 29 years in the closet, and I still need advice from others to find clothes that don't look like what I would wear when I was working in construction 😩😩
When I got to grad school, my two roommates insisted they show our female classmate my closet. I was surprised and embarrassed. They thought my old clothes were funny. They were old and out of style because my family had always been poor.
And yet here I am in a checked shirt, boots and jeans with a leather jacket on a daily basis.
I’m not the straightest acting guy at all but I can probably count my female friends on one hand. 🤷♂️
I'm currently in hiking boots bootcut jeans with grease stains, an Oscar Mike T-shirt, and my Versace glasses. Maybe the last one is a bit stylish, but whatevs.
Here is proof from the seat of my semi during lunch today.
https://ibb.co/L0wHpx0
I prefer to be a satyr maniac.
Fun fact that you didn't ask for: The Greeks equated small penis sizes with control over their animalistic urges. Nymphs and satyr were both sex fiends, satyr were just hung.
It's always the guys least likely to get hit on that are vocally worried about that, too. Like, Cooter, I'm pretty sure that you're not getting harassed by twinks who stop by your salvage yard to flirt with you.
The goal of recognizing oppression is to stop it from happening, not to revel in the *idea* of it in order to give yourself a sense of identity and throw your weight around.
...I mean, yeah. Just google gay stereotypes and you'll find tons.
The most common and most harmful have been covered by everyone else here: that gay men are all fruity sissies who aren't like 'real men' and are promiscuous and full of diseases.
Also being brought back by the far right recently from the 1900s, that gay people are child predators.
That we're all girly pop.
Anyone who thinks gay men must adhere to a feminine form of expression is homophobic (and I know a lot of queens that under the guise of "fighting toxic masculinity" think this way).
That we are into drag; shows, queens etc. When the club or party is kicking please dont stop the decks, wreck the vibe, all so we cop 15 mins of a lip synching, D grade backyard performer, twerking about,.pouting their duck lips and looking for adoration...N.O.
I have a best friend who came out in highschool. He was also a 4th degree black belt, can't remember which art. Anyways, he was getting harassed by some jocks for a couple of weeks when he finally snapped. They figured out real quick he was more than capable of defending himself lol. So yeah, I totally agree with you on this one... idiots figure out they're wrong once they've had their noggin rattles 🤣
That people understand gay but nothing else, including gays. You're bisexual? So you're gay then. You're trans? So you're gay then. You dress fem but claim you're straight, must be gay then. Etc
It's strange to get this kind of attitude from straight people that claim to be well educated but even worse getting it from your own community .
That we're some sort of sex crazed libertines trying to sleep with our straight friends is the popular answer.
How about some misconceptions that are harmful? All of these I have encountered:
That it's something we chose.
That we're trying to recruit kids into the homosexual lifestyle.
That we're grooming kids for unsavory reasons.
That gay people are gay because they were molested.
That we're gay because we're terrible at picking up woman, so we'll take it up the ass and pretend we're woman and call it good enough.
That if you round us all up and isolate us, there will be no more gay people after we die out.
That we all have or will get HIV/AIDS, and we gleefully spread it to other people or contract it as a rite of passage.
A lot of people are having fun with answers like "we're girly" and not considering misconceptions and prejudices that continue on to this day and are being adopted by the right to use as a weapon against us.
“Gender roles” are a thing. I don’t necessarily mean housekeeping vs working on the car sort of thing. I mean in the bedroom. I had a friend assume I was a total top and was surprised to find out otherwise.
I never understood that stereotype, half of us got bullied growing up, there’s so much pent up rage there if anything a lot of us are waiting for someone to try us.
That we aren’t men. Retired green beret and Apache pilot that fights muy thia and bodybuilds checking in. Haven’t met many straight men in my civilian life that I would even call men by the standard I judge them based on, no idea what they are talking about. My beautiful little twink husby is more man than these dorks that consider themselves “the vanguard of masculinity”.
That we are into children. No we are into adults. Closet case sexually repressed “straits “ are pedophiles . Healthy gay people are normal people doing what is normal. Straits are pedophiles. Not gay people. Stop scape goating us.
That all gay guys act and look and talk and walk and dress a certain way. The number of times I have had people, mostly women, tell me and my partner how we don’t look gay at all… oh, and that we love to be called “bitch”… and that we all have faghags… and that we all are besties with our female friends.
I’m not fem, I’m not into gay bars, I’m not into sex parties or orgies, I have zero interest in open relationships.
I usually feel like an outsider on most of those things.
No I don’t like musicals,I don’t like Cher,no I don’t have grindr,I don’t like Taylor swift,or Adele or (insert other stereotypical celebs here) no I haven’t seen fellow travelers,
I don’t prefer having female friends,no I don’t want to go to your sleepover,no I won’t be your gay best freind,I don’t care that you have another gay freind,no I don’t want to meet them,I’m not a swimmer,I’m not a bottom just cus I look like I might be(ok I am a bottom but not because of looks!)
I was called a sissy once by a coworker…. I retorted that he was the one having sex with a delicate lace wearing horsie loving flower scented lady…. I fuck men bigger than you… now who’s the sissy?
Most are stereotypes.
I don't want to list them as it just gives validity to them.
Like why are we defending stereotypes straight people have put on us here?
We already know that e.g. not all gay guys are fem. Etc
Oh yeah it’s hilarious. Because I literally work in the auto industry and am 9 times out of ten more knowledgeable than someone arguing with me about something. It’s a reason of why I’m not out at work to anyone except people i consider friends and can trust. (The main reason is it’s not their business)
I can only imagine the hell that would break loose the first time some idiot gets “schooled by the gay guy”
And frankly while I’d enjoy it for the moment of “ that’s what you get for assuming shit” in the end it would just make my job harder.
A straight below average height friend of mine once was frustrated because some woman rejected him because of his height and said to me: "Oh man I wish I was gay. You are way less superficial than us."
I had never laughed so loudly
That we constantly seek opportunities 2 "turn a str8 guy out", which makes it an impossibility 4 a gay guy 2 have a str8 guy friend with no underlying sexual tones 😑
For context I'm bi, but male leaning.
I got promoted recently and one of my new higher ups is gay. I asked him if he had any pop queens (because I do), and he said he's not that kind of gay.
For whatever reason it surprised me, but then I realised I stereotype gay people into being a set way. Never doing that again.
That all gays are super into dressing up, fashion, don't know how to fixing and stuff and very savage and straight forward and have all female friends but gays come in all varieties and spices and one more weird misconception is that gays and lesbians can't be best friends but that's not true at all and overall just weird boxy image to fit in to a label and all sorts of things such as if someone is fem then they're bottom and masc then top but things can be vice versa...
That gays are physically uncoordinated or lack athletic skills. I’ve blown that misconception away since college and put many of my straight buddies to shame.
That our entire identity is associated with or surrounds our sexual orientation. This is the case with me and I am married. I genuinely forget that for all intents and purposes I am considered "gay." A man with a man. Beyond the term "gay" being a helpful shortcut for some to differentiate me from "heterosexuals," I don't relate to it at all. Rather, the subculture, the flag and surrounding circus. I do however understand that without the parades and those that came before me, the stigma was profound.
Not long ago, I mean truly in the very near past, to be gay was to be ostracized from society. I think the subculture emerged out of necessity. That is to say, the most extreme and stereotypical versions of gays that are commonly shown in the media developed at some point in the late 50's early 60's. In order for those with same sex attractions to find and locate others that shared their sensibilities they had to develop certain behavioral signals and cultivate physical locations that were safe harbors for them. Finding a partner, fulfilling that most human of drives was a profound challenge with the hostilities directed towards them.
I personally have virtually none of the most stereotypical behavioral or personality traits associated with homosexuality. I was a football player. I love Bob Dylan and deep sea fishing. I like to hike and camp. I was (and kind of am) still afraid of being in groups that identify as gay. There's clearly residual shame and stigma remaining internally. However, I find the major metropolitan coastal "gay" culture to be quite abrasive. There's a tendency towards overt sexuality and vulgar discourse. Some individuals so embrace the subculture that it resides at the core of their identity and they conform to the newest trends no matter how superficial. My husband has been extremely helpful in helping me identify my own hostilities and biases. I can't fucking believe I got married because I was 100% intent on remaining single... relationships were not a part of my plan which left marriage an absurd notion. Yet I fell in love.
I sincerely believe in the Kinsey approach to sexuality. If one looks at the course of human history, bisexual tendencies were too prolific among the populace to have been a mere cultural anomaly. It's merely a matter of where one falls on a spectrum of attraction which today has become an alphabet soup of sexual orientations.
One misconception I sometimes face is people assuming I’m looking for a “daddy” because I’m dating an older man (10 years age difference). Also, not every gay man is feminine, dresses flamboyantly, or wants an open relationship.
That we play a role of either a man or woman in a relationship.
That we identify as the opposite sex
We are fastidiously neat and tidy
We have good taste
We are inclusive to all
We are sexual devients
Straight guys will think we like them all. Like no, that is not the case, just as you don't like every woman, and only when you say that does it make any kind of sense to them lol
That we all require/need our partners to have massive 10+ inch dicks or else we aren't sexually satisfied. I'm perfectly happy with an average sized dick and sometimes even prefer ones on the smaller size.
You must have seen the Kardashians? Do you wanna go to a drag show? Come to Sephora with me? PLS
NO just cause I like men doesn’t mean I’m flamboyant, into make up, and go drag. It’s a spectrum just like autism. NORMIES DONT GET THAT
My only issue with the stereotype discourse is gays who wanna distance themselves from the stereotype without pushing back at the idea that there is anything wrong with the gays who fit the stereotype.
If you’re not fem, flamboyant, if you’re not big on going out or sleeping around, obviously you can express that. And you’re right, gays are not a monolith, we’re all different.
But if you side with homophobes in the idea that there is something wrong with gays who are fem, flamboyant, going out a lot or sleeping around, that they are giving the gays a bad rep and they are the reason for homophobia, then you’re a doormat who’s willing to throw other gays under the bus to gain a token of respect from homophobes.
I would not say im feminine at all, but i am very sensitive. I don't like it up the butt. At least not up mine 😅 but to be fair have been thinking about trying it again, but i need a guy with a smaller or thinner penis which is hard to find apparently.
That one is an expert (or instantly becomes informed) in Queer/QPOC/2SLGBTQIA+ history, voices, perspectives, needs, culture, etc. and that they may be a “voice” of these things… A gay guy can become informed about many facets of the queer communities, but it doesn’t just get downloaded into our brains when we come out…
That we are promiscuous. Like if it’s only gay men that like sex enough to have it without cheating on their partner like almost every single straight relationship I’ve known. Like it’s only gay men that have one night stands and don’t text the next day. I hate to turn this into a gay vs straight thing but their hypocrisy is so annoying.
That they're automatically attracted to every other man. Like the old coming out horror story where the person coming out is told "okay, but don't hit on me", or people trying to set them up with every single gay person that they know of.
They're just people with their own tastes and preferences.
That I don't enjoy masculinity and that because I do enjoy it I let toxic masculinity control me. Or that I like drag. I just enjoy being masculine but I also am not gunning for any where near top spot. I'm just a normal dude who is gay and likes Taylor Swift and really enjoys action movies (especially Jurassic Park/World). I also don't like Drag NASCAR or RuPaul. Point being I don't like that even in the gay community you have to be pinned with certain expectations but it really doesn't affect me as gay seems to be more normalized.
That we don't like sports. Some of the earliest and most frequent gay experiences I've ever had have been in a locker room with someone who was a teammate. And yes both LOVE and have PLAYED sports.
That every gay/bi guy is girly, flamboyant, not manly enough, usually applies mostly to bottoms because they think all tops want someone "feminine" to plow which couldn't be further from the truth, I love me a guy with some scruff and a hairy ass.
That all of us are also queer. I believe that sex and gender are binary and that our unique personalities and interests have no bearing as to which one we are. Those characteristics are often rooted in stereotypes of what is "masculine" and "feminine" that we may think we failed to uphold in the eyes of others.
I already know I'm going to get canceled for this lol
That we can always tell whether somebody is gay or not. That gaydar thing. Like, for me, I wouldnt know and confirm it not until they tried hitting on me or some of my friends. We can ask. *but ask it in a nice way, or not that uncomfortable to the person*.
That there is a male/female, top/bottom role in all gay relationships. Maybe in some cases, & maybe at times but gay relationships evolves & changes all the time if you stick long enough to find out that is. Just like straight relationships.
That we are equivalent to a women or secretly want every guy on the planet to have sex with. It's really funny when they say "better not try me" and they smell funny, ugly and/or don't have hygiene.
I feel like this is the kinda question that can only be answered individually but (also I might be echoing a few sentiments here) I'll answer based on my experience as a gay person...
1.) All gay men are super feminine and that means that they're weak or something negative to that degree. A lot of the gay men that I know express themselves in a lot of (typically seen as) feminine ways, sure. But those very same gay guys will not shy away from an altercation. Hands WILL be thrown. Weapons WILL be drawn. Admittedly some of them have anger issues but those are whole other stories that I won't even begin to get into. But even with that being known, I've known these men to be some of the sweetest big hearted people I've ever met.
2.) Because you identify as gay that means you only have butt sex. It's kind of crazy because (in a world where people attribute your sexual identity to sex and where sex ultimately dictates people's life choices) so many straight people that I've spoken to about sex don't even know what the fuck a 'side' is (even some gay people but that's besides the point), let alone even know that a man's sweet spot is in his anus (LET ALONE the benefits that having those kinds of big-O's can achieve).
3.) Gayness is some sort of infectious disease that you can catch from being a man touching another man intimately. It's not something that you can choose once you pop out of a vagina and it's not something that you will be cursed with once you feel the urge to even so much as think another man is attractive. I've heard people say the DUMBEST shit about the gay community and mean it with their entire chest. Everything from "you experimented with another man once and that makes you gay for life" to "if all the men turned gay then the population will suffer". Don't get me wrong. I try not to judge and be condescending but like-... gah damn-... you don't think that's kinda troglodyte of you?
4.) Gay guys want to fuck your children. I see this as a talking point for a lot of particularly conservative anti-LGBT folk dem. But one of the biggest flaws in this argument (aside from generally believing that pedophilia is an inherent behavior among the gays) is that pedophiles are typically straight. I mean, be fuck'n foreal. Straight people make up the majority of the Earth's population as a whole. But also how many times have you heard about how some women who are teachers get caught sleeping with their male students (and those same male students being praised for it) or vice versa. How many times have you heard about how fathers dictate to their daughters what they can wear to keep them safe from predators? YES, those people that diddle kids should be shunned and punished regardless as to who they are or what they identify as. But let's not sit here and act like this is PURELY a gay thing when it's not even close.
5.) Gay guys are some kind of immoral or deviant for seeking sex on dating apps. Like every other person on this fucking planet, gay guys get horny too. It definitely doesn't help that we're already such a small percentage of the population at large. But people outside of the community also don't take into consideration that gay guys come from all walks of life with all sorts of personal preferences and biases that can (and often do) hinder the chance of actually finding someone to hook up with LET ALONE spend our entire lives with. Also what the fuck does me looking for some boochie or some stiffy have to do with ANYBODY aside from my potential partner and myself. Bottom line is if we're two consenting adults, there should be no issue. If you don't like it, then don't have gay sex... I don't know what else to tell you.
6.) I automatically want you (a straight man) because I'm gay. Yes, it's true that a lot of gay guys have had crushes on straight people. Statistically speaking it's bound to happen. Especially in a society that attempts to force you to conform to heteronormative social standards (but also let's not even talk about the Kinsey Scale). I will even go so far as to say there are some gay guys who don't know what the fuck boundaries are (and I've met a few). But me being gay is not evidence enough that I'm going to somehow take your butthole against your will. Why would I even want to play that game if, out the gate when I say I'm gay, you rebuttal with "oh I mean it's cool but just don't flirt with me or I might beat you up". Then some of those same men in that same situation will turn around and harass a woman that they find attractive any and every chance that they get. Like, sir... Pop some chill pills and have an abundance of seats.
Forgive me if this is long as fuck. 😅 But I just thought I'd throw my $0.02 in the mix. Hope this answers the question though.
that the only type of politics we are into is LGBTQ rights. Like, I have a huge desire for housing and transit. 🌹which honestly both intersect queer rights
That we're all ultra feminine and like it up the butt. I mean, I'm a little femme and love it up the butt, butt that's besides the point.
This is the right answer. I remember after they found out I was gay, I was given a very large pink dildo. They must’ve assumed that’s what I enjoyed. It stayed in the packaging.
If you're not gonna use it, give it here.
Oh, this was in 2011. Lol.
In all seriousness that must've sucked at the time. It's like they don't make an effort to understand how we feel.
Exactly. They never will understand either.
who’s they
Dad and step mom.
Your dad and step mom gave you a very large pink dildo after you came out? That's, well, uh, something
Well, it was actually just her but I’m sure my dad was aware of it.
I respect the openness of y'all's relationship. I guess it's the thought that counts for the gift
We didn’t have that great of a relationship I guess she was just trying to be the cool step mom. They are both homophobic so I have become estranged from them.
My guess is she gave it you to mock you also how old were you?
Possibly and I was like 17. I came out in August 2011, which was a month before my 18th birthday. It wasn’t my choice by the way.
The breeders
Whose the man & woman in the relationship?
The man in my relationship is most certainly my dildo.
This question makes me sick!
I’ve not had that in a while so hopefully people are moving on a bit, but I did use to hear it a lot and was something I particularly disliked.
Which chopstick is the fork?
Turn it around on the straight person/people asking you and watch the confusion roll over them.
It's even worse when people find out your gay and you get "oh you dont act/ look very gay" Sorry... what the fuck are we meant to act and look like?
I have mixed feelings with this because I am a masc straight "looking" dude I don't really advertise my gayness so people just assume I'm straight, which tbh I prefer until i know they are safe, especially because i am not out to my family and most of my friends yet. Having said all of that I genuinely enjoy the shock on people's faces when they find out I'm gay I find that so damn funny. I really enjoy it right up until they do the "but you don't look gay" thing which is pretty hypocritical of me because I'm clearly getting enjoyment out of that at the same time so idk lol maybe I'm just weird
Nothing wrong with enjoying challenging people's perception of the homo-population bro 😉
Well good because sometimes I'm worrying that by doing and enjoying that I am actually hurting the cause and not helping 😅😅
I'm sure many gays on here would throw the old "internal homophobia" card at you or the "toxic masculinity" card. But in all honestly mate, from studying psychology, emotions arnt that clear cut ☺ Feel your feelings bro and live your truth 🤗 I think your helping 😉
I really love you for saying that, thank you
It's all love brother ♥ Big hugs 🤗
But there is no gay look, it’s simply a sexuality not a personality
I'd been in the same situation than you. Many people get confused when I mention I have boyfriend, even some of them asked me if I mean girlfriend 😅
This!! I look very bi/androgynous and unless needed or in conversation I very very rarely mention it and hardly get asked as I’m presumed too be bi or straight but like “camp” no complaints though 🤣🤣😊👌
I used to be responsible for a housing website and had a picture it of two women moving into a new home and unpacking. I used to refer to it as the lesbians picture. One day after I'd referred to it, my boss said, why do you always call them lesbians, they just look like normal women to me. I also tried to get an image of gay men to put on the website, if you put gay men into the image search of the sites we used for images, it only came back with shirtless men at pride parades / parties / living it up. Do all of you guys ever get cold or stop partying, just wondering?
I party twice a year, maybe three times. Despite the muscles I'm not much of a circuit boy.... I'd rather eat and cuddle 😉 As for going cold emotionally, psychologically that's a survival reaction... im still trying to master it to be honest but I'm a bit of a softie when it comes to the heart ♥
I think he meant cold from not wearing a lot of clothes.
My favorite response to this is “oh that’s funny, cause you don’t look very straight either!”
My coworker said that to me literally last week. I just responded "well, you've never seen me with a dick in my mouth."
i love this comment!!! i love having a dick in my mouth though
Using this one as well! 😂 You classy fucking bird ♥ So much love bro!
Yea. I'm a bald and bearded bastard with a dad bod. I've got a slight hillbilly accent and shoot guns. Definitely not the stereotypical gay. 🤣
I don't think I'd call myself fem. But I'm sensitive / emotional (or just Autistic, really) and also like it up the butt. But I've got a facial hair and don't shave my balls 🙈
Oh man. You dont know what you missing. The feeling of smoothly shaven balls in your hand is one of the best feelings ever, even if its yours. Just try it once and let me know.
1000% true I shave my balls more than I shave my face for this exact reason
Can confirm. I also have piercings and tattoos on my cock and balls so don’t like hair obscuring them.
That's why people think I'm gay I'm bi but prefer men amd people assume I'm bi or trans from how feminine I look like Frick you I csnt help it's how my body looks god if you want feminine just wait till I becume sleep deprived I'll go on a random impulse and shave all my body hair expect the hair on my head and if I owned a crop top and booty shorts I'd wear them probably not helping that idc of I have make up or nail polish put on me like I can be a lot more feminine then have an butt some behavior and feminine hips that's just cuz I didn't have a male figure in my life often enought to start copying and learning how to act so I copied mom,grandma,aunty,and my cousins and sisters
And here I am super masc, and a bottom/vers
Butt sex is golden. Lol
My grandpa told me that whoever is the bottom is more gayer than the top. Little did he know he was talking to a vers gay. Also, when i got married he hold me that I’m the man of the relationship. But we’re both men. If you can’t tell I’m extremely LC/NC with that family.
"Grandpa, I'm really not too concerned with who's gayer when my husband is pounding me into the mattress."
This is often from a place of homophobia too. Why does it matter if one position is "more gay"?
Not sure, they’ve always been like this. Wish I wasn’t at their house when gay marriage was legalized. GEEZ.
That gays are feminine, chatty, dress overall better or have open relationships and we want to take children to our side for grooming purposes.
Yeah I didnt spend enough time in the closet to learn how to dress better. Should have waited a little longer maybe
I spent virtually the entirety of my 29 years in the closet, and I still need advice from others to find clothes that don't look like what I would wear when I was working in construction 😩😩
Keep the construction-daddy look 🔥
T-shirt jeans and a hoodie or jacket it is then!
Just because your out of the closet now doesn't mean you have to change your style or be fashionable, although you can if you want.
When I got to grad school, my two roommates insisted they show our female classmate my closet. I was surprised and embarrassed. They thought my old clothes were funny. They were old and out of style because my family had always been poor.
So horrible I'm sorry 😔
And yet here I am in a checked shirt, boots and jeans with a leather jacket on a daily basis. I’m not the straightest acting guy at all but I can probably count my female friends on one hand. 🤷♂️
I'm currently in hiking boots bootcut jeans with grease stains, an Oscar Mike T-shirt, and my Versace glasses. Maybe the last one is a bit stylish, but whatevs. Here is proof from the seat of my semi during lunch today. https://ibb.co/L0wHpx0
Reducing us to being sex crazed nymphomaniacs and that it’s only about sex 🤦♂️
Tbh some gay men do that excellently to themselves and to others
Spend 10min on Grindr and it’s hard not to get this impression. But he’s right, it doesn’t represent all gays.
I prefer to be a satyr maniac. Fun fact that you didn't ask for: The Greeks equated small penis sizes with control over their animalistic urges. Nymphs and satyr were both sex fiends, satyr were just hung.
That we’re all into open relationships or polyamory.
Really ? This seems to be a online subreddit opinion , majority of guys I talk get jealous at sight of open relationships
I think it's a polarizing issue and there is not much point to guessing which view has the majority.
it is. monogamous couple don't want to be here and be involved in drama.
True
No man, where I live people always think we are promiscuous as hell. The presumption of sex, drugs and raves.
Coming from a gay cruise three days ago, I can assure you it’s not only online
That you have a crush on every straight men. I like men but I still have taste and am not blind.
and it’s almost always the ugliest straight guys that think this lmao
I‘m bi and it‘s always the most ugliest woman and man who think everyone wants them even if you just being friendly.
It's always the guys least likely to get hit on that are vocally worried about that, too. Like, Cooter, I'm pretty sure that you're not getting harassed by twinks who stop by your salvage yard to flirt with you.
Exactly
The top is the man and the bottom is the woman in the relationship.
The gay community should stop with these shoeboxed roles, I know too many people that expect the “top” to do all the initiation because he’s the “man”
That "being oppressed" is our whole personality.
I mean there are definitely people who fit that
The goal of recognizing oppression is to stop it from happening, not to revel in the *idea* of it in order to give yourself a sense of identity and throw your weight around.
Yet many do know quite understand that
Or that we’re a “community” of like minded people who value fairness and equality, lol
...I mean, yeah. Just google gay stereotypes and you'll find tons. The most common and most harmful have been covered by everyone else here: that gay men are all fruity sissies who aren't like 'real men' and are promiscuous and full of diseases. Also being brought back by the far right recently from the 1900s, that gay people are child predators.
Yea that last one. Ugh 😩
That we are all feminine and flamboyant.
That we're all girly pop. Anyone who thinks gay men must adhere to a feminine form of expression is homophobic (and I know a lot of queens that under the guise of "fighting toxic masculinity" think this way).
That we are into drag; shows, queens etc. When the club or party is kicking please dont stop the decks, wreck the vibe, all so we cop 15 mins of a lip synching, D grade backyard performer, twerking about,.pouting their duck lips and looking for adoration...N.O.
That just because you’re the same sex were suddenly attracted to you. Ugly is ugly.
That every single guy is suckable
That we are into trans women.
That our sexual orientation is our only personality trait. And that we’re incapable of physically defending ourselves and others if need be.
I have a best friend who came out in highschool. He was also a 4th degree black belt, can't remember which art. Anyways, he was getting harassed by some jocks for a couple of weeks when he finally snapped. They figured out real quick he was more than capable of defending himself lol. So yeah, I totally agree with you on this one... idiots figure out they're wrong once they've had their noggin rattles 🤣
That people understand gay but nothing else, including gays. You're bisexual? So you're gay then. You're trans? So you're gay then. You dress fem but claim you're straight, must be gay then. Etc It's strange to get this kind of attitude from straight people that claim to be well educated but even worse getting it from your own community .
I've noticed that a lot of people in eastern countries, especially in Asia think that gay = trans lol
Some trans people can be gay but it's not a requirement lol
I understand that but my point is these people think being gay (as a man) = being a woman
That we're some sort of sex crazed libertines trying to sleep with our straight friends is the popular answer. How about some misconceptions that are harmful? All of these I have encountered: That it's something we chose. That we're trying to recruit kids into the homosexual lifestyle. That we're grooming kids for unsavory reasons. That gay people are gay because they were molested. That we're gay because we're terrible at picking up woman, so we'll take it up the ass and pretend we're woman and call it good enough. That if you round us all up and isolate us, there will be no more gay people after we die out. That we all have or will get HIV/AIDS, and we gleefully spread it to other people or contract it as a rite of passage. A lot of people are having fun with answers like "we're girly" and not considering misconceptions and prejudices that continue on to this day and are being adopted by the right to use as a weapon against us.
That we are all party animals.
That all gays are either a top or a bottom. They don't realise r/gaysides exists.
Gays are always about acceptance and welcoming others. Fuck no 😂
“Gender roles” are a thing. I don’t necessarily mean housekeeping vs working on the car sort of thing. I mean in the bedroom. I had a friend assume I was a total top and was surprised to find out otherwise.
That we give two shits about RuPaul's Drag Race.
That we dress well 🥴 I wear the same brand of plain black shirts and put any pair of pants and I call it a day
That we’re all weak and not absolutely ready to kick the shit out of someone who threatens us or our loved ones 🥰
I never understood that stereotype, half of us got bullied growing up, there’s so much pent up rage there if anything a lot of us are waiting for someone to try us.
That we aren’t men. Retired green beret and Apache pilot that fights muy thia and bodybuilds checking in. Haven’t met many straight men in my civilian life that I would even call men by the standard I judge them based on, no idea what they are talking about. My beautiful little twink husby is more man than these dorks that consider themselves “the vanguard of masculinity”.
That we are into children. No we are into adults. Closet case sexually repressed “straits “ are pedophiles . Healthy gay people are normal people doing what is normal. Straits are pedophiles. Not gay people. Stop scape goating us.
I mean there are definitely gay pedophiles aswell but yeah that's an awful stereotype
That all gay guys act and look and talk and walk and dress a certain way. The number of times I have had people, mostly women, tell me and my partner how we don’t look gay at all… oh, and that we love to be called “bitch”… and that we all have faghags… and that we all are besties with our female friends.
I’m not fem, I’m not into gay bars, I’m not into sex parties or orgies, I have zero interest in open relationships. I usually feel like an outsider on most of those things.
I’m with you. I’m not into bars or clubs. I don’t want an open relationship either.
That all gay men either like to dress up like women or that we enjoy watching other guys dress up like women. Where did this come from?
No I don’t like musicals,I don’t like Cher,no I don’t have grindr,I don’t like Taylor swift,or Adele or (insert other stereotypical celebs here) no I haven’t seen fellow travelers, I don’t prefer having female friends,no I don’t want to go to your sleepover,no I won’t be your gay best freind,I don’t care that you have another gay freind,no I don’t want to meet them,I’m not a swimmer,I’m not a bottom just cus I look like I might be(ok I am a bottom but not because of looks!)
A swimmer… never heard of that one before.
That we *all* go crazy for massive cock, we’re all super friendly and will be your therapist bestie, we’re always hooking up
I was called a sissy once by a coworker…. I retorted that he was the one having sex with a delicate lace wearing horsie loving flower scented lady…. I fuck men bigger than you… now who’s the sissy?
Most are stereotypes. I don't want to list them as it just gives validity to them. Like why are we defending stereotypes straight people have put on us here? We already know that e.g. not all gay guys are fem. Etc
That gay men don’t know anything about cars and can’t drive.
Really????
Oh yeah it’s hilarious. Because I literally work in the auto industry and am 9 times out of ten more knowledgeable than someone arguing with me about something. It’s a reason of why I’m not out at work to anyone except people i consider friends and can trust. (The main reason is it’s not their business) I can only imagine the hell that would break loose the first time some idiot gets “schooled by the gay guy” And frankly while I’d enjoy it for the moment of “ that’s what you get for assuming shit” in the end it would just make my job harder.
That gay men are accepting of others. 🤣🤣🤣
We all like D*Ck. However I loveeeeee it but not the entire point but that’s the one thing I know some gays hate especially power tops .
That we pose any danger to children.
A straight below average height friend of mine once was frustrated because some woman rejected him because of his height and said to me: "Oh man I wish I was gay. You are way less superficial than us." I had never laughed so loudly
That the very sight or scent of a vagina makes us blow chunks.
If I can smell one, something has gone very wrong.
That we constantly seek opportunities 2 "turn a str8 guy out", which makes it an impossibility 4 a gay guy 2 have a str8 guy friend with no underlying sexual tones 😑
That gay guys are shallow and superficial
We are all either twinks or muscle gays.
That it’s always going to be obvious who is gay.
For context I'm bi, but male leaning. I got promoted recently and one of my new higher ups is gay. I asked him if he had any pop queens (because I do), and he said he's not that kind of gay. For whatever reason it surprised me, but then I realised I stereotype gay people into being a set way. Never doing that again.
That all gays are super into dressing up, fashion, don't know how to fixing and stuff and very savage and straight forward and have all female friends but gays come in all varieties and spices and one more weird misconception is that gays and lesbians can't be best friends but that's not true at all and overall just weird boxy image to fit in to a label and all sorts of things such as if someone is fem then they're bottom and masc then top but things can be vice versa...
That gays are physically uncoordinated or lack athletic skills. I’ve blown that misconception away since college and put many of my straight buddies to shame.
That our entire identity is associated with or surrounds our sexual orientation. This is the case with me and I am married. I genuinely forget that for all intents and purposes I am considered "gay." A man with a man. Beyond the term "gay" being a helpful shortcut for some to differentiate me from "heterosexuals," I don't relate to it at all. Rather, the subculture, the flag and surrounding circus. I do however understand that without the parades and those that came before me, the stigma was profound. Not long ago, I mean truly in the very near past, to be gay was to be ostracized from society. I think the subculture emerged out of necessity. That is to say, the most extreme and stereotypical versions of gays that are commonly shown in the media developed at some point in the late 50's early 60's. In order for those with same sex attractions to find and locate others that shared their sensibilities they had to develop certain behavioral signals and cultivate physical locations that were safe harbors for them. Finding a partner, fulfilling that most human of drives was a profound challenge with the hostilities directed towards them. I personally have virtually none of the most stereotypical behavioral or personality traits associated with homosexuality. I was a football player. I love Bob Dylan and deep sea fishing. I like to hike and camp. I was (and kind of am) still afraid of being in groups that identify as gay. There's clearly residual shame and stigma remaining internally. However, I find the major metropolitan coastal "gay" culture to be quite abrasive. There's a tendency towards overt sexuality and vulgar discourse. Some individuals so embrace the subculture that it resides at the core of their identity and they conform to the newest trends no matter how superficial. My husband has been extremely helpful in helping me identify my own hostilities and biases. I can't fucking believe I got married because I was 100% intent on remaining single... relationships were not a part of my plan which left marriage an absurd notion. Yet I fell in love. I sincerely believe in the Kinsey approach to sexuality. If one looks at the course of human history, bisexual tendencies were too prolific among the populace to have been a mere cultural anomaly. It's merely a matter of where one falls on a spectrum of attraction which today has become an alphabet soup of sexual orientations.
One misconception I sometimes face is people assuming I’m looking for a “daddy” because I’m dating an older man (10 years age difference). Also, not every gay man is feminine, dresses flamboyantly, or wants an open relationship.
That we all like Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift. I can’t stand either 😌
That every gay guy knows everything abt pop culture, I know ZERO things related to pop outside Lady Gaga and Britney Spears
That we're all good at decorating and fashion. I can't even tell what colors match. I have to google things like "do brown and blue go together?"
That we play a role of either a man or woman in a relationship. That we identify as the opposite sex We are fastidiously neat and tidy We have good taste We are inclusive to all We are sexual devients
That we are affluent.
We're all twinks. (laughs in bear bell)
We're better at looking good than everyone else.
Straight guys will think we like them all. Like no, that is not the case, just as you don't like every woman, and only when you say that does it make any kind of sense to them lol
That we think about gay sex more than straight christians think about gay sex.
That somehow because we’re gay we’re suppose to be in harmony with each other. Gays are humans like everyone else and aren’t exempt from being toxic.
that all gays are into anal
That we all require/need our partners to have massive 10+ inch dicks or else we aren't sexually satisfied. I'm perfectly happy with an average sized dick and sometimes even prefer ones on the smaller size.
Thinking a gay man will like another gay man just cause they're both gay 😂
That we're all part of a "community" just because we are gay.
That we chose to be gay
You must have seen the Kardashians? Do you wanna go to a drag show? Come to Sephora with me? PLS NO just cause I like men doesn’t mean I’m flamboyant, into make up, and go drag. It’s a spectrum just like autism. NORMIES DONT GET THAT
That we are all predatory, love to show our ass and love drag races.
The list is just too long, I don’t have that much time.
My only issue with the stereotype discourse is gays who wanna distance themselves from the stereotype without pushing back at the idea that there is anything wrong with the gays who fit the stereotype. If you’re not fem, flamboyant, if you’re not big on going out or sleeping around, obviously you can express that. And you’re right, gays are not a monolith, we’re all different. But if you side with homophobes in the idea that there is something wrong with gays who are fem, flamboyant, going out a lot or sleeping around, that they are giving the gays a bad rep and they are the reason for homophobia, then you’re a doormat who’s willing to throw other gays under the bus to gain a token of respect from homophobes.
Yes true
Thanks. It's just one of those things you just rise above.
I would not say im feminine at all, but i am very sensitive. I don't like it up the butt. At least not up mine 😅 but to be fair have been thinking about trying it again, but i need a guy with a smaller or thinner penis which is hard to find apparently.
Everything
That we are happy all of the time . Like we just are skipping along through life like we are in a Lisa Frank ad.
That one is an expert (or instantly becomes informed) in Queer/QPOC/2SLGBTQIA+ history, voices, perspectives, needs, culture, etc. and that they may be a “voice” of these things… A gay guy can become informed about many facets of the queer communities, but it doesn’t just get downloaded into our brains when we come out…
That we are a cultural monolith. Every gay guy you know is probably absurdly different from the next.
That we are promiscuous. Like if it’s only gay men that like sex enough to have it without cheating on their partner like almost every single straight relationship I’ve known. Like it’s only gay men that have one night stands and don’t text the next day. I hate to turn this into a gay vs straight thing but their hypocrisy is so annoying.
That they're automatically attracted to every other man. Like the old coming out horror story where the person coming out is told "okay, but don't hit on me", or people trying to set them up with every single gay person that they know of. They're just people with their own tastes and preferences.
That we all like bum sex
That were all woke
Not all of us like Nicki Minaj, Madonna, & beyonce
That I don't enjoy masculinity and that because I do enjoy it I let toxic masculinity control me. Or that I like drag. I just enjoy being masculine but I also am not gunning for any where near top spot. I'm just a normal dude who is gay and likes Taylor Swift and really enjoys action movies (especially Jurassic Park/World). I also don't like Drag NASCAR or RuPaul. Point being I don't like that even in the gay community you have to be pinned with certain expectations but it really doesn't affect me as gay seems to be more normalized.
That they have sex all the time with anyone and everyone. That they are effeminate.
That you can’t be masculine. My sexuality actually has nothing to do with how I look, it’s based on my desire to suck and ride cock.
We want to fuck all str8 men.
That all gay men are nice, good-natured souls and are intelligent and have style.
We’re all into fashion and only hang with faghags
that they dress well. a lot of them dont coordinate colors and cant dress themselves for shit.
That we’re pushovers and cowardly.
that we want every straight boy and that we all like it up the but
Well, one common misconception is that gay guys care about someone’s perception of them.
Whatever, I like super femme guys.
That we all like Beyonce but I’m a Mariah Gay.
That we don't like sports. Some of the earliest and most frequent gay experiences I've ever had have been in a locker room with someone who was a teammate. And yes both LOVE and have PLAYED sports.
That every gay/bi guy is girly, flamboyant, not manly enough, usually applies mostly to bottoms because they think all tops want someone "feminine" to plow which couldn't be further from the truth, I love me a guy with some scruff and a hairy ass.
That we all love musicals, Barbara Streisand, or that we're all fashion experts.
That all of us are also queer. I believe that sex and gender are binary and that our unique personalities and interests have no bearing as to which one we are. Those characteristics are often rooted in stereotypes of what is "masculine" and "feminine" that we may think we failed to uphold in the eyes of others. I already know I'm going to get canceled for this lol
That conservative gays don't exist, but they do! never gotten a friendly response when asked either. Very weird!
That we want to have sex with every guy we see
That we can always tell whether somebody is gay or not. That gaydar thing. Like, for me, I wouldnt know and confirm it not until they tried hitting on me or some of my friends. We can ask. *but ask it in a nice way, or not that uncomfortable to the person*.
That there is a male/female, top/bottom role in all gay relationships. Maybe in some cases, & maybe at times but gay relationships evolves & changes all the time if you stick long enough to find out that is. Just like straight relationships.
That we are equivalent to a women or secretly want every guy on the planet to have sex with. It's really funny when they say "better not try me" and they smell funny, ugly and/or don't have hygiene.
I feel like this is the kinda question that can only be answered individually but (also I might be echoing a few sentiments here) I'll answer based on my experience as a gay person... 1.) All gay men are super feminine and that means that they're weak or something negative to that degree. A lot of the gay men that I know express themselves in a lot of (typically seen as) feminine ways, sure. But those very same gay guys will not shy away from an altercation. Hands WILL be thrown. Weapons WILL be drawn. Admittedly some of them have anger issues but those are whole other stories that I won't even begin to get into. But even with that being known, I've known these men to be some of the sweetest big hearted people I've ever met. 2.) Because you identify as gay that means you only have butt sex. It's kind of crazy because (in a world where people attribute your sexual identity to sex and where sex ultimately dictates people's life choices) so many straight people that I've spoken to about sex don't even know what the fuck a 'side' is (even some gay people but that's besides the point), let alone even know that a man's sweet spot is in his anus (LET ALONE the benefits that having those kinds of big-O's can achieve). 3.) Gayness is some sort of infectious disease that you can catch from being a man touching another man intimately. It's not something that you can choose once you pop out of a vagina and it's not something that you will be cursed with once you feel the urge to even so much as think another man is attractive. I've heard people say the DUMBEST shit about the gay community and mean it with their entire chest. Everything from "you experimented with another man once and that makes you gay for life" to "if all the men turned gay then the population will suffer". Don't get me wrong. I try not to judge and be condescending but like-... gah damn-... you don't think that's kinda troglodyte of you? 4.) Gay guys want to fuck your children. I see this as a talking point for a lot of particularly conservative anti-LGBT folk dem. But one of the biggest flaws in this argument (aside from generally believing that pedophilia is an inherent behavior among the gays) is that pedophiles are typically straight. I mean, be fuck'n foreal. Straight people make up the majority of the Earth's population as a whole. But also how many times have you heard about how some women who are teachers get caught sleeping with their male students (and those same male students being praised for it) or vice versa. How many times have you heard about how fathers dictate to their daughters what they can wear to keep them safe from predators? YES, those people that diddle kids should be shunned and punished regardless as to who they are or what they identify as. But let's not sit here and act like this is PURELY a gay thing when it's not even close. 5.) Gay guys are some kind of immoral or deviant for seeking sex on dating apps. Like every other person on this fucking planet, gay guys get horny too. It definitely doesn't help that we're already such a small percentage of the population at large. But people outside of the community also don't take into consideration that gay guys come from all walks of life with all sorts of personal preferences and biases that can (and often do) hinder the chance of actually finding someone to hook up with LET ALONE spend our entire lives with. Also what the fuck does me looking for some boochie or some stiffy have to do with ANYBODY aside from my potential partner and myself. Bottom line is if we're two consenting adults, there should be no issue. If you don't like it, then don't have gay sex... I don't know what else to tell you. 6.) I automatically want you (a straight man) because I'm gay. Yes, it's true that a lot of gay guys have had crushes on straight people. Statistically speaking it's bound to happen. Especially in a society that attempts to force you to conform to heteronormative social standards (but also let's not even talk about the Kinsey Scale). I will even go so far as to say there are some gay guys who don't know what the fuck boundaries are (and I've met a few). But me being gay is not evidence enough that I'm going to somehow take your butthole against your will. Why would I even want to play that game if, out the gate when I say I'm gay, you rebuttal with "oh I mean it's cool but just don't flirt with me or I might beat you up". Then some of those same men in that same situation will turn around and harass a woman that they find attractive any and every chance that they get. Like, sir... Pop some chill pills and have an abundance of seats. Forgive me if this is long as fuck. 😅 But I just thought I'd throw my $0.02 in the mix. Hope this answers the question though.
In a Latino household A misconception is that being gay means your a bottom I Am a top but no matter what I do they assume I’m bottom and like dick
That we're attracted to all straight guys. 🥴
That we all know how to decorate… ignore the fact that I’m a professional decorator
Gay = flamboyant. I can't stand flamboyant/valley girl personalities. It just rubs me the wrong way.
that the only type of politics we are into is LGBTQ rights. Like, I have a huge desire for housing and transit. 🌹which honestly both intersect queer rights
We want to fuck ever straight guy we see. Um, no.