There are easy ways around that. Plenty guys would say "A nice meal at the pub with the boys" or "wine tasting" and it sounds more social less problematic hah
It's not uncommon for people to be enthusiasts of different kinds of alcohol. I'd say a sommelier or a guy who collects whiskey to be a drinking hobbyist but that wouldn't automatically be a red flag for me like it could be for somebody that's trying to stay sober. I feel it's more a compatibility issue than anything.
This is me.
I probably have about 250 bottles of wine in the cellar. But I can nurse a really good glass of Pinot for over an hour.
Most of my bourbons are in the $100-200 range and I only have one glass a week on Friday nights. 😊
Right, but would you say your hobby is drinking? Typically I hear people say "mixology" or "wine tasting" or "going to a cocktail bar with friends" or "microbreweries" as a hobby. It implies that you enjoy all the nuances that different flavors, viscosity, etc can provide. "Drinking" sounds like you drink to black out lol.
> "Drinking" sounds like you drink to black out lol.
If you're not tired of, "Oh, dude, I was SOOOO drunk last night," by the time you're ~22, you have a problem. Or you're just boring.
There's social drinking because we have alcohol accessible everywhere, but when that flips and you're drinking as a hobby, that's diverging into an ism.
I don't drink because I was a alcoholic in the past, so don't even have the odd drink because it scares me. I would still date someone who drinks and go to bars with them, I'm not forced to have alcohol so why would I force them to not drink. If someone didn't want to date me because I don't drink, I'd think of it as a relief of avoiding a very shallow person.
Edit: typo
This. I don’t drink because I drank heavily for 5 years before getting sober 3 years ago.
So ya the worry is that I’ll fall into that again.
But I can and have gone to bars no problem because I’m not drinking, they can but I won’t. I’ll order a fressca or something
This is me except with pain killers. Tore my knee playing football in 2015, went to the doctor and the rest is history. Been clean for 6 years now(28 now) and my parents take them, grandparents, family, friends, etc (all by prescription ofc) even I had to take them last year when I bruised my ribs last year with no problem. Long story short I agree, as long as it’s not a problem it wouldn’t bother me no matter the substance. People like the guy OP is talking about tho will be fine with poppers 🙄 trust me I’ve seen it.
I am glad to see that us alcoholics aren't afraid to speak up, for multiple reasons. The obvious one, is that substance and alcohol abuse runs deep within the LGBT community.
I have been sober for 10 years. I used to love to get hammered. I could drink with the best of them. My boyfriend, now husband, and I had friends at every bar in town. I could tell you where the drink specials were at every bar in town. With that being said, when I quit, my husband quit with me. In the 10 years since, he has only drank on 1 occasion and that was for a wedding that he was in.
I don't have a problem going to bars and getting a soda or water, or even a virgin bloody mary. But since I quit drinking, my sense of smell of alcohol is 10x stronger than it used to be. I had to get rid of a mouthwash because it had alcohol in it. I got rid of it because of the smell on my husbands breath, not because of how it affected me.
So, for someone who is sober, to say "Nope, I won't date a drinker" i get it. It might because they were alcoholics or maybe they grew up in an abusive alcoholics home as a child, who knows.
But for someone to say that they wouldn't date a non drinker doesn't make sense, TOO ME!
Can we just take a moment to say how fucking sweet it is that your husband(bf at the time?) quit with/for you 🥹🥲
But I’m with you, been clean off pain killers for 6 years now. My fiancé was worried when I had to take some last year for badly injured ribs last year but it doesn’t even bother me anymore. He won’t take them at all unless absolutely necessary for me and he’s heard my stories so for himself as well.
P.S. Congratulations on 10 years, I’m proud of you. ❤️
Same to you! I was addicted to pain killers as well. By the age of 30 I had 2 hip surgeries and 18 back injections. But once I healed from the hip surgeries, I haven't taken any pain killers. I take muscle relaxers as needed but those are about 3 times a week.
I had to have a couple of teeth pulled 2 years ago, and I refused pain meds.
Makes sense if OP has an alcohol problem. Their life likely revolves around drinking, so they don't know how to socialize (possibly function) without it.
My dad was an alcoholic and I just freshly turned 21 at the beginning of the year. I'm not opposed to dating a non-drinker as I don't really enjoy the taste of alcohol anyway. I'm worried that if I do I'll fall down a dark path heavily. I'm not opposed to dating a drinker either as I wouldn't be opposed to being drunk at least once. I've been tipsy but not drunk before.
Okay, let’s be honest, being sober around drunk people is insufferable. As I’ve gotten older though, I just don’t drink as much. I’ve been very thoughtful in trying to not have hangover because they sick the older you get.
It’s going to be hard when you want to go grab a beer or a drink with friends. So this seems like a perfect mutually beneficial agreement of not dating each other.
True. I am the only one who doesn’t drink in my friend circle and its exhausting at times to manage the energy with’em. Some of my friends turn into miserable fucks after they are drunk. But I do like to hangout with them.
> Most of my friends (gay and straight) wouldn't date someone who doesn't drink.
I mean, everyone is entitled to set their own red lines but yeah that comes across as weird to me and isn't something I've ever run into.
A sober person having to deal with a drunk person feels like it's a lot more of a burden on the sober person than a drunk guy having to deal with a sober guy?
There's also a big difference between someone who doesn't drink for their own personal reasons and someone who views all alcohol as bad.
Sure.
I was in a relationship with a manipulative alcoholic and he wrecked my mental health, made me gain 20 pounds, wrecked my car by taking it without my permission and without having a driver’s licence (his got cancelled 10 years ago from. A DUI) and got me 7k in credit card debt that I’m still paying off today. I am permanently traumatized and I can’t tolerate the fermenting smell of beer. It makes me gag and puke.
Drinking is a not a "hobby". Please stop calling it a hobby. You know what's a hobby? videogames, netflix, gardening, painting, sports, table game clubs. Archery. Crocheting.
if you call seeing someone slowly become a worser version of themselves with barely any physical or mental control of themselves a "hobby", be my guess. Alcoholic drinking is not a "hobby". I've made my point.
I've never experienced that desire to be drunk and be hungover next day either but I do enjoy a glass or twos with the effect of being tipsy/merry. The fact that we almost never drink also makes it very easy to get to that point without much quantity.
When someone describes drinking as a hobby, my first thought is they are an alcoholic.
Maybe you should work on that instead of questioning whether others have issues dating someone that doesn't drink.
I take a drink yes, actually let loose on st Patrick’s day. I would date someone like me who
Takes a drink, but not every day and get shit faced. My mother was and functioning alcoholic and I don’t need that in my life I grew up with it.
I can 100% see your desire to date people who enjoy the same activities as you and if that person doesn't, then you would likely never spend quality time together.
However, you might be careful about filtering out people who do not drink, since the reasons for not drinking alcohol might not be in that person's control. They may still enjoy all the same things as you, but just not able to consume alcohol.
Maybe they're on a medication that doesn't allow mixing with alcohol.
Maybe, and worst case, they turn into a complete asshole and start fights when they drink.
Maybe they had an abusive family member growing up and swore off the drink.
Maybe they lack the ability to process alcohol and turn bright red and it makes them instantly sleepy.
In so many cases, it's a negative mind-altering drug and you should be careful what you wish for. It could come back to bite you.
I understand that it's a dealbreaker for him. I mean, you don't know what he might have experienced. He could have grown up in a violent household due to a parent being an alcoholic or witnessing what the other parent has endured. It could have also arisen as an issue from his past relationship or through interactions with friends.
Saying its a deal breaker for you cause he doesn't drink is weird, I mean he could always drive after going out.
It’s not a dealbreaker for me if someone doesn’t drink. I have friends who don’t drink and it’s fine when we all go out.
I think it’s okay for him to want a sober partner but there is a huge hugeeee difference between enjoying a glass or two vs getting blacked out drunk.
So yes I think both of you are kinda being unreasonable.
I feel like it’s a bit concerning to list drinking as a hobby? Like I do drink when going out, but I’d never list it as a hobby. And I have friends who are sober and we all go out together, and our different views on drinking don’t interfere with our ability to have fun at all. I would absolutely date a guy who doesn’t drink, and if you’d never date a guy who doesn’t drink then maybe you need to revisit your relationship with alcohol.
Yes, this! Drinking might be part of another hobby - going dancing, seeing comedy shows, eating out, whatever - but for it to me one of your top activities alone is striking.
lol if you listed drinking as a hobby, I probably wouldn’t be interested either. I enjoy the company of people who like to do other things with their time other than sit in a bar.
If it seems judgmental, that’s because it is. It’s me making a *judgement* that I don’t wanna do that thing. We tell our friends, family, and children to use their good judgement. We can't be mad when people do.
My husband doesn’t drink by choice. When I met him, I was concerned that he might be in recovery, as that could have been a problem. He’s not, and he has no concern at all with my drinking. I’ve had a built-in designated driver for 18 years now!
Dating a sober person has many perks! Lifelong DD. As long as he’s okay with going out on occasions and okay with me having a few drinks every now and then, i don’t mind if they’re sober. There’s a difference between sober and anti-drinking.
Yeah the shocked guy is right. “Ew I’d never date someone who takes pride in their health” “ew I’d never date someone who has alcoholism in their family” “ew I’d never date someone who learned from their mistakes, etc..” is a big red flag and shock worthy. Must you insist on bringing someone down to your level instead of climbing up to theirs? Just ew
not tryna fire shots or anything but if you listed drinking as one of your hobbies, it would lowkey be a dealbreaker. i have nothing against drinking and love having a night out every weekend or so. but to say drinking is one of your hobbies implies you do it often.
i dont mind someone who is sober, but i also probably wouldn’t want to date them. i’m not a sober person and i enjoy drinking (and other fun stuff) when im out with friends on a weekend night. if my partner was fully sober, they wouldn’t be able to join for that and i wouldn’t necessarily love that. i think it just depends on where you are in life and what you expect/want from a partner. i’m in an era of my life where i very much enjoy partying and being under the influence of something when im out. i don’t expect to be in this era forever, but for now it’s the way i live my life and id like a partner who complements that.
I'd date a non drinker but probably not one who has a self righteous judgey attitude about people who do drink. I enjoy a drink on a Saturday night so he'd have to be okay with that, just like I'd be okay with him not drinking.
Yes, I rarely drink and I would prefer to be in a relationship where drinking was a complete non-issue but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker. If someone told me that it was a deal-breaker because I didn't drink I'd just shrug it off. I've been rejected for worse reasons.
I would date someone who drinks and someone who doesn’t, as long as they don’t expect me to do as they do.
Sober addicts really shouldn’t date drinkers. Slippery slope, there.
As for it being a dealbreaker on either end, I don’t see why. Unless, of course, they’re in recovery.
I've never known a "drinker" to be in a happy/ healthy relationship with a non-drinker long-term. It's too much of a lifestyle imbalance. And by "drinker" I mean someone who can't fathom the idea of socializing without alcohol being involved, NOT "I have a glass of wine occasionally when out to dinner." No judgment towards either side, it's just an issue of compatibility.
If someone says their hobby is drinking, I'm going to be wary. As a non-drinker (or, to be really honest, a *rare* dinker), would I date someone who enjoys a good beer or a glass of wine? Sure, thats not disruptive. HOWEVER! I was married to a raging alcoholic, I can say with some certainty that being sober with someone who's "loosened up" is tedious. Drunk is unbearable. Alcoholic drunk, peeing on the sofa and picking circular fights over nothing is just PTSD for me.
More alarming to me is the idea that not drinking is somehow weird, that nondrinkers are some kind of outlier. When someone offers me a drink and I say no thanks, even just that causes concern for them - why not? Did I overstep, is he in recovery? Some people are outright rude and condescending about it, assuming I'm a boring sober (I'm not sober, I just dont really drink alcohol) or that I'm not drinking to spite them. That one increases with drink. AND!!! I still enjoy the flavor of a good scotch or wine or whatever, I just dont enjoy the intoxicating effects of alcohol. But god forbid someone misinterprets the degree to which I dont drink and then catches me with a glass of something. "I thought you said you dont drink!". Fucking hell, it's harder and unnecessary to explain the whole philosophy, just fucking accept that alcohol, veal, candy, etc are very, very rare vices for me and move the fuck on. /rant
Not drinking being a deal-breaker is kinda weird though, what is the problem with not drinking?
Personally I basically never drink but it's because I don't like the taste of alcohol so as long as the person is not always drunk I can be fine with either (my bf occasionally drinks but not often)
I hate drunk people. You're more likely to get drunk if you drink. So I totally get him.
I also agree with you. It is better for sober people to date sober people, and drunk people to do drunk people.
People who only drink moderately are fine wine, which can age beautifully or turn into vinegar.
I don't drink for a plethora of reasons (medications I take, family history of alcoholism, not enjoying it the few times I have) but it wouldn't be a deal breaker as long as it's safe and in moderation and there is no expectation I will be joining
Drinker here. Dates a few guys in my past that never drank. Maybe not now or tomorrow or for a while, but eventually there will be clash. You’ll get too drunk, you’ll go out too late, one small thing can set off a disaster. Doesn’t mean they’re right or I’m wrong or whatever, but just that the difference will appear eventually
I don't drink. My husband does but I've never seen him get drunk.
I don't see what's the problem really. I still enjoy going to bars. It really depends I suppose.
I am an "only drink a glass of wine on Christmas" type of person but I get both sides. For you he could result boring because he doesn't share the same ways of recreation with you, and for him you could be a potential mess. And none of you are wrong, you're just not compatible and it's ok.
I wouldn’t. I like going to happy hour and drag brunch. I would want my partner to go with me which is just easier if they drink. That and I’ve had a partner who doesn’t drink and don’t want to do that again
If a guy drinks every weekend I wouldn't date him.
From experienced most guys get shit faced most weekends and the way they behave is just discusting to me.
Then for two days after they feel to rough to engage on any level.
It's usually followed by lying cheating and a lack of guilt on there part.
I like men who train hard, eat well and have a good moral standing in life. Someone who cares about there loved ones and knows what dedication is.
I'm to grown for that scene queen shit.
Keep your meth to yourself as well.
I'm to busy growing, striving and leveling up for all that bull shit.
So I have lots of sober/sober-curious friends, so much so that I’ve actually had to set up zero proof and THC bars at the parties I throw.
But I don’t think I’d date someone sober. I collect and enjoy rare wines and spirits as a major hobby of mine, and I wouldn’t want the theoretically closest person to me to not be interested in sharing that part of my life with me.
You guys just aren’t compatible, who cares what others think. Even if he might be “healthier” he came off like an ass to you, and that perception is valid.
Well, I'd say there's a big difference between the two things. For example, I don't drink, at most I allow myself a cocktail just to have something in hand, but I won't go beyond that and I don't have any special pleasure in drinking it, I simply have it to keep company and because it's refreshing. That said, in the past I have had friends who drank to the point of inebriation and sometimes I had to walk them home, seeing them stagger and trying not to let them fall to the floor or hold their head while they vomited. After a couple of times I made it clear that I didn't like this situation, because they can get as drunk as they want, but it shouldn't be my problem afterwards. I don't want to babysit one or more drunk people. So that was my problem, otherwise I have nothing against it as long as you go out and getting drunk isn't the only activity available. Explain to me instead what the discomfort should be for a person who loves to drink, dealing with a person who doesn't drink. Unless that person lectures you or constantly complains about it, what does it take away from you? I would say that those who don't drink have more disadvantages, certainly not those who drink, given that they might even have someone who takes them home in the car and who can drive when their drunk friend can't, so yes, the shock of the other guy has makes perfect sense.
I don’t drink I have a minor alcohol allergy that annoys me more than drinking makes me happy. I am also a person that doesn’t need to drink to loosen up or be fun so there’s that.
I would not date someone that lists drinking as a hobby, it’s giving alcoholic vibes.
I think it’s a weird deal breaker either way. But I probably would have said the same thing just to humble him lol
I’ve dated people with opposite drinking habits, religious beliefs, food allergies, skin color… why do people think you have to be the same person to get along?
Years ago I was trying to date a registry nurse from work and when we went out to dinner one night I refused to have alcohol because I was driving. He really got upset with me and kept trying to convince me to drink and I still refused. He seemed controlling too so that was the end of that. At work we didn't really speak and then all of a sudden he was gone.
At this point in my life yes. I used to abuse alcohol and binge drink when I was in my teens/early 20s so I would have no problem being sober with a partner.
It really depends tho. Did you say it out of spite? Because he said that first, then you felt like you had to say it as well?
Because I don’t drink, but I don’t mind dating someone who drinks. I’m pretty sure there are drinkers out there who don’t mind dating a non-drinker as well.
For me, and I hope i’m not biased here, it makes more sense for alcoholism to be a deal breaker than sobriety. You have a good point, but also, you can still drink with sober people, or if you wanna go rly wild, you can still hang out with your friends, he didn’t tell you not to drink, did he? Lol
I don’t understand why a drinker wouldn’t date a non drinker and why a non drinker wouldn’t date a drinker, provided everyone’s behavior, on both sides, was healthy.
I only drink a few times a year for special occasions (birthdays, weddings, holiday parties, etc). Whether or not someone drinks isn’t a dealbreaker for me. But if a guy’s “hobby” is getting drunk, then that’s a turnoff and a dealbreaker.
Yeah I assumed many people would disagree with me. But some guys on here are just plain mean. It's like chill out bro. There are many more Dr. Phil's on here than I was expecting lol
Agree with the other guy. Drinking is absolutely a deal breaker for me. I grew up surrounded by abuse, neglect, and substance use tho, so for me it's about wanting to distance myself from trauma.
Everyone is allowed to have whatever deal breakers and boundaries they want, and *you* don't have to like those boundaries. Doesn't matter.
Just move on and find some other guy that would better suit your boundaries. Plenty of dick in the sea lol.
unless he's a recovering alcoholic his attitude sounds very rude.
im not sure on the not dating a person who doesn't drink though, unless he had the attitude the guy had drinkings never been important enough for me that I'd need my bf to also drink. as long as he doesn't have an issue with it I don't see why it would matter much
As long as they don't make it their whole personality and don't stop me from drinking, if I want to, sure! I hardly ever drink, but I do t ever want it to "be a thing", that's when I have a problem.
I get what you're saying about not being judgmental about other people's lifestyle choices, or thinking that being sober automatically makes you more worthy or virtuous. Some people choose not to be in a relationship dynamic where they feel self-conscious about their own choices or couldn't be supportive of the other person's. Using alcohol doesn't automatically mean you have a drinking problem, and not drinking doesn't mean you're triggered by those who do. But one choice isn't more worthy of respect than the other.
I do understand what you're saying since I usually feel the same way. If someone's profile says they dont drink I usually don't hit them up (unless its for a hookup). One of my close friends actually doesnt drink but they still go to the club and has a blast with us, so I dont necessarily set a hard line against it.
But from my experiences it usually means we are at different stages in our lives. If they are morally against drinking then we probably wouldnt agree on a lot of other things as well so probably wouldnt make good friends. If they can have fun around other people who are drinking socially, then that is awesome. If they are recovering and don't want to be around alcohol at all, its hard for me to imagine how that would work with my current friends and family gatherings etc (but its not necessarily out of the question if I felt like this person is my true love or something).
I do eventually plan on settling down and possibly having kids so I wont be in party mode and drinking forever, but that is kinda where I am at currently lol.
I never drink because I have an alcoholic sister who cured me, never been drunk in my life. My husband drinks sometimes and we coexist perfectly fine. Someone not dating someone because they drink is understandable, someone not dating someone because they don’t drink is a red flag to me, but alas, I see how strange that line of thought is. Now if my husband saw drinking as a hobby? That would be an uphill battle.
When I first came out and was hitting clubs I started getting into drinking heavily and dabbling in drugs and realized I have quite a few alcoholics/problem drinkers in my family and I was headed down the same path, so I stopped completely. Now, I'll date a guy who has a drink here and there and go to parties where people drink, but if somebody legitimately said one of their hobbies was "drinking," it would be a huge red flag to me, especially if they're past the age of 30. And if a guy said he wouldn't date me specifically because I don't drink, I would probably just be relieved that he's sparing me a few months of boozy drama and having a passed-out smelly person in bed next to me regularly before I got tired of it and ended it anyway.
My current guy has an occasional glass of wine or cocktail but it's usually one at most at dinner, and he doesn't keep stuff around his house and it's never been an issue for us.
After having dated more than enough “weekend drinkers” or “recreational drinkers,” I can confidently say that I’d much prefer to date someone that isn’t a budding alcoholic.
And yes, the heavy binge drinking on weekends qualifies you as an alcoholic. If you cannot loosen up and have fun without booze, you have a dependency issue. Full stop.
Heavy binge drinking on weekends means you have an alcohol abuse issue, not necessarily at the alcoholic stage (although you could be). It is absolutely an issue to address, but want to be factual.
You've got some serious growing up to do. Quickly. Cause with that mentality the real world will hit you harder than your middle school brain could anticipate.
> like it's ok for him to not want to date drinkers because alcohol = bad. But its not ok for drinkers to not want to date him because not drinking is not bad.
I mean that's pretty much this, I would almost agree with that statement but alcohol in very moderate consumptions is alright, but also brings out joy and all which makes it better.
I would, however, completely agree with that statement if we're talking about smoking.
Yes, I prefer non drinkers but don't mind drinking as long as it's not of the black out drinking variety. I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so I drink little. DUIs are a genuine problem in my state, with enough bodies of kids and other innocents who never got to see that next day. Also have alcoholism/addiction on both sides of the family tree; But I usually keep my mouth shut since nobody asks ever.
I don't drink.
I mean I'll drink a hard cider or sip on one beer the entire night to appear normal, but I don't really like it.
I've never been drunk before. I did get to feeling a little loosey goosey once because everyone demanded I join them for shots and I was two hard ciders and two shots that night.
My family is all addicts. Like gross white trash addicts that are addicted to whatever they can get their hands on at the time - cigarettes, alcohol, weed, pills, (for a few of them) heroin - doesn't matter they just like to get fucked up.
I'm afraid that if I drink anymore than I do now - a handful of times a year, socially - that the addict switch in me will get turned on and I'll be drinking in my recliner until I pass out every night like my father used to do.
dating someone who does not drink would be such a plus point for me. i barely drink and trying to stay sober. having someone who does not drink would be bless
Bro's getting down voted like hell.
In regards to the answer, I myself rarely drink but I would date either a drinker or non-drinker. It's not clear cut, and the activity of drinking isn't really part of the equation unless they are violent or verbally abusive. Other than that, so long as they're fine with me smoking some marijuana I don't have any issues either way.
If they have some kind of moral problem with drinking, then that's gonna be a red flag for me.
If they don't drink because alcohol is expensive/tastes bad/liver problems then they're like me and I will not think poorly of them for it.
I love wine and I love beer. I like trying different varieties and learn about the stuff. But drinking is not my “hobby”. People that list it as a hobby aren’t sommeliers or beer connoisseurs.. they are alcoholics, even if low key. They don’t like to drink, they like to get drunk.
You’re the red flag 🚩
People who don’t drink are an immediate red flag 🚩🚩🚩 and have toxic and infantile personalities and lack self control. It’s mental illness and you have to treat them with kid gloves when you do adult things. It’s great that you’re sober and you’ve seemingly made necessary changes in your life but you, by definition, lack the self control to moderate yourself and that’s dangerous. That mental illness may also translate into other areas of life besides alcohol and substances. Let’s be clear, drinking in moderation does not preclude one from being toxic towards others as there are a myriad of ways to be toxic. However, sober people usually are not fully developed mentally. A lot of times you see sober people with tattoos and they have raspy voices and they work working class blue collar jobs because they lack the intellectual capacity to think critically and problem solve and contribute as a functioning and productive member of society. People who don’t drink and are not in sobriety usually did not come from cultured environments. They usually have palates of a 5 year old and lack the cultivation to be an interesting and cosmopolitan member of global society. They’re the ones ordering chicken tendies at the Michelin star restaurant when the rest of the table wants to do the tasting menu with wine pairing. They’re the one who pout in the corner like a wet blanket and stare at you 👁️_👁️ while you enjoy a nice glass of champagne and caviar. So boring lol. Please go outside, touch grass, and live a little!
It's good that you communicated that drinking is so important to you and your social life. I think it makes sense from both directions - I don't want to deal with a drunk partner or having to drive him around to bars on the weekend or whatever, it becomes a caretaker situation really fast.
The way you classify drinking as a hobbie is a huge red flag for me.
Sounds Iike you want to get drunk, which is very different from people socially drinking a few glasses here and there, because their main objective isn't alcohol.
I would not date someone who doesn’t drink - I like sharing a drink with my partner, exploring wineries, breweries etc and the incompatibility would be too great to bridge.
That depends on what he is looking for. If he is interested in long-term dating, drinking could be a dealbreaker for him if he doesn't drink at all. Also, it's important to remember that some people may have traumas from the past, such as having an alcoholic in the family or experiencing abuse related to alcohol. Without clear conversations and asking specific questions, it's difficult to pinpoint a specific reason. People are different, and they may choose to drink or not for various reasons.
Yeah! I drink flavored beer every now and again because of the carbonation(i don't drink sodas) and low alcohol content. Getting drunk isn't something I enjoy, raises my anxiety...
Not a dealbreaker if they don't drink. I honestly don't drink a lot anymore (maybe go out once/twice a month for a few), and as long as they dont mind me doing that then no issue.
Yeah I would. I used to smoke. Now I think it's gross amd would try to get my partner to quit. But I wouldn't not give someone a chance just because they smoke.
I dunno.
I don’t drink at home but I drink socially, and when I travel or just want to hang out I would want someone to have some drinks with me. I enjoy drinking, but it’s also not something I have to have frequently.
Not a dealbreaker, but not my preference either. I mean I’ll take someone who doesn’t drink at all over an alcoholic, a million times over.
Would be no problem for me.
I don't drink unless I'm at a party or similar event
And right now I live with my parents so going to parties & clubs would seem weird to me
I don't wanna get home at 2AM drunk at 28 years old at my parents place ;-P
After I move out again maybe I'll hit the clubs, but I have no need to, so If I found a partner that dosen't drink it would be no problem for me :-P
I think whether someone drinks or not doesn't say anything about how fun they're to be around or if they like to party, so that isn't something I'd be concerned about. If someone lists drinking as a hobby tho, I'd start to get worried.
I don’t drink and my bf is completely ok with it. Before him I’ve dated and guys and straight up tell them I don’t drink. They were ok with it. Anyone who doesn’t support you in a life decision like that isn’t for you.
I don’t drink voluntarily, but I would do so at a party or dinner occasionally. As long as the person doesn’t abuse alcohol, it’s not a dealbreaker for me. This is such a trivial matter; I would reserve my dealbreakers for something else.
Yous were texting right? He may not have been as shocked as you interpreted from the message. I would find it interesting too if he was as flabbergasted as you thought but like any of us I think sober people can get in their own bubble of that lifestyle
It depends on *why* they don’t drink. Alcoholism, religion, mean drunk?
Just various reasons that would have differing levels of concern for me, starting with religion and going down the list.
But, personally, I rarely ever drink so I’m not against someone drinking or not drinking in and of itself.
Do you drink socially or do you get black-out drunk/aggressive/bad fight crazy? I’m completely fine with the former (some nights I’m out I’ll have vodka, others I’ll have Diet Coke). But given childhood trauma (alcoholic father, other family members who’d get abusive when drunk) the latter is a hard no for me.
My husband is sober and I have about 1-2 beers a week. If I was dating someone and they specified drinking as a hobby it would be a deal breaker. That’s just me tho. To me it means alcohol is a big part of who you are and that’s just not something id want in a partner.
At the end of the day it’s up to a person to establish what their boundaries are and to maintain them and they would be different person to person. You can’t say it’s unreasonable because you don’t know what their life is. But if they feel like they can’t be with someone who drinks that’s up to that person to decide and be their own advocate.
Just like you might or might not consider a boundary of being with someone who is sober vs not. We’re all different with different struggles and histories.
I don't drink really. I'll have one or two for a special occasion like a family meal. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Depends on how often, how drunk and how bad they are when drunk.
Yeah it goes both ways. I’m with the guy though, tbh most people are sooo annoying when they drink. I’ll stick to water and a few glasses of wine here and there
I don't drink much. I often don't when out with people. There are times i can feel that alcohol is going to make me feel bad. Other times, I just don't need the help to loosen up.
So no problem with non-drinkers.
I don’t drink due to personal and sociocultural reasons. Every guy I dated drank alcohol. My husband drinks on occasion but he told me that since meeting me 8 years ago, his alcohol consumption has gone down to less than 5% of what it was prior to. But for some people it’s an absolute no. Hey. It depends on the what your priorities are
I am sober, but would date someone who drinks. But define “drinks.” If someone is getting hammered 2-3 nights a week, that’s probably not going to work for me. Someone who enjoys a few, or a nightly glass of wine, no big deal.
I have no desire to be out in clubs and all the people I am with are drinking towards a blackout 😂
Yes, with the caveat that if I want to have a drink I’m not going to hear about it.
Someone that had a problem is one thing and I wouldn’t be drinking in their presence.
I’m not really a drinker anyway. Casually with a meal sometimes so it’s not like I’d feel like I was missing out on something or anything like that.
Someone that has opted not to because they don’t like it, don’t want to etc. that’s fine but that shouldn’t prevent me from enjoying one when I desire.
I mean I wouldn't say it's a hobby, or I hope it's not a hobby but as someone who doesn't drink I date a drinker. I don't drink for my own personal reasons and as we have been together before drinking age I've had to get used to him drinking which is growth for me personally. I still don't understand drinking personally but I see how it helps him loosen up more and be more okay with himself.
He's been a little worried about my not drinking but I don't know what to say besides I really do feel it's a tad less valid to not want to date a non-drinker. I have enough fun with out drinking and am generally outwardly relaxed, high strung inside, but I'm pretty agreeable unless I'm hangry and even then I'm a push over so I go with the flow more. Unless someone is an asshole like that person was about their partner drinking then I can see it being an issue. But I think it's goofy in my simple opinion for someone not drinking to be a deal breaker.
I drink rarely, maybe once a month. My husband drinks wine a few nights a week. It's no big deal to me either way. I wouldn't want to date someone who was sloppy drunk all the time but someone who drinks socially or doesn't drink at all wouldn't be a problem either way.
i don't drink, and this is also the first time i've heard of not drinking being a deal breaker, but tbh i can understand that; i find it unusual (at least to me), but not surprising
I understand more why someone would want to date someone elde who doesn’t drink rather than the other way around. A lot of people drink to loosen up, but some take it to an unhealthy extreme. Some people are able to have same amounts of fun without drinking a single drop of alcohol. It’s your choice to not date guys who don’t drink, but the reason to wouldn’t really be one that makes as much sense as a non drinker who refuses to date a drinker.
I don’t drink and neither does my partner. I probably wouldn’t date someone who got drunk more than a few times a month at most. Most folks who don’t drink have minimal tolerance for drunk people, they honestly aren’t fun to be around unless it’s a wedding.
First of all, NOT drinking and being a 'drinker' aren't equal: **one behavior is harmful, like on a technical level, and the other is the absence of said behavior.** You seem more offended by whatever you think this guy you were chatting with saw in YOU, and how it made you feel about yourself than visa versa. Like you said, drinking = bad, as opposed to being GOOD. Drinking is not good for your health, your relationships, your career, etc. Just, objectively. And that's your choice. Substitute this debate about alcohol with any other drug being the focus, and you've got the inverted argument, socially: "He won't date me because I smoke crack/am addicted to pills/do smoke cigarettes/wake & bake, etc". All of those statements would seem valid, but alcohol is sooo ingrained into our culture that it makes sober people seem weird.
There are TONS of sober people who are just as funny, sexual, uproarious, blunt, etc as 'drinkers'. I feel like you should broaden your social circle so you can experience this!
I rarely drink alcohol anymore, and would be ELATED to date someone who didn't drink (or at least, didn't have a major issue with alcohol addiction, as sometimes someone being 'sober' can also mean they are controlling a life\~bending addiction, which can be tiring too). Pass him over my way, please & thank you! 😜
Yeah I don’t really like alcohol. More into weed and all that. Drinking just doesn’t feel good for me idk. I just don’t really like to do it but it does feel mellow on it. But weed is just much better and less harmful than alcohol poisoning etc, hangover, blackouts. Especially being very skinny, alcohol goes through me fast and can easily run the risk of poisoning. But yes, alcohol is so NORMALIZED now in society when it’s one of the biggest and harmful addictions that everyone just turns a blind eye too because well “everyone drinks”.
He brought it up a second time after we continued talking, which is when I told him I wouldn't date a non-drinker.
But yeah I agree it would be good to expand my social circle. I know drinking causes many problems and it's good to do less of it.
I still think it'd be hard for me to date someone who doesn't drink at all, as I genuinely enjoy it. Thanks for your thoughtful response.
Absolutely. I have a drink once or twice a month, but if someone I cared about needed me not to drink around them, that's nothing. Just as long as he doesn't need me to be vegetarian.
To each his own. The guy is a stranger, so it's interesting that you feel any way about his reaction to your saying that not drinking is a deal breaker. He's entitled to his experiences as are you. If he sees your preference as a negative trait, just realize he's not for you and move on. But don't waste your time feeling any way about it or trying to figure it out.
But drinking is a polarizing issue for some people. Myself, I can take it or leave it. I can have a great time sober, and I can have a great time drinking. I don't drink much at all. Like 3-4 drinks per month. I just prefer to save the calories for food.
I used to have so many problems not drinking at parties. If I go to a party, I don't always feel like drinking. Sometimes I just want to hang out with and chat with people. This happened more at gay parties than at general parties, but people would pester me to drink if I wasn't drinking. Or people would just get me a drink without asking because they noticed that I hadn't been drinking that evening. At first, I would always tell them that I wasn't in the drinking mood that night, and then people would avoid me for the rest of the party like it was too weird for them to deal with the one guy who is not drinking at a party. Then I would also refuse drinks that people brought to me, which always led to confrontation with people who got butt hurt because I was being ungrateful. Eventually, I would carry the drink for a few minutes and then pour it out in the sink the next time I walked by it. And nowadays, I carry a cup of tonic water and put a lime on the rim so people think I'm carrying a gin and tonic. Tonic as well, because it glows under a backlight so people don't think it's water. Now people don't hassle me at parties as long as I look like I'm drinking, which really annoys the piss out of me, but it's just choosing my battles.
As an infrequent drinker, I've noticed that the people who get most upset about it are the people who are drinking, especially around me. It's almost like they take it personally when I tell them I'm not drinking that night, like I'm judging them or something. One of my friends told me that the reason he gets so upset is that they are all looking to relax and get loosened up with each other so that people can drop their guard and have fun. When I'm not drinking, they feel like I'm not helping to create the vibe they want to set for the party, even though I behave the same with a glass of tonic or with an actual drink. After I told him the tricks I use at parties to get everyone to stop asking me where my drink is, he stopped inviting me to get togethers because he could never trust whether or not I'm enjoying myself anymore since I lie about drinking. His loss. Not mine.
i don’t drink myself, so yeah. i could also date someone who drinks depending on how often they do it and how drunk they get when they drink
I feel overall there’s less expectation to drink if you don’t drink and date someone that doesn’t drink
Yes. If I didn't drink, this wouldn't be an issue. I should have specified "drinkers" in the title of the post.
It was implied. He was kind of a smart ass with his comment. LOL He knew what you meant. No harm done, tho.
Lol you listed drinking when asked about hobbies
Drinking as a hobby 😂= maybe an alcoholic definitely chaotic
There are easy ways around that. Plenty guys would say "A nice meal at the pub with the boys" or "wine tasting" and it sounds more social less problematic hah
He might be Irish or Russian meow
meow
Meow meow
Now I have the meow mix song stuck in my head. Thanks guys 🙃 meow
Meow
or Korean
Meow
*cough* Alchoholic *cough*
It's not uncommon for people to be enthusiasts of different kinds of alcohol. I'd say a sommelier or a guy who collects whiskey to be a drinking hobbyist but that wouldn't automatically be a red flag for me like it could be for somebody that's trying to stay sober. I feel it's more a compatibility issue than anything.
I'd say "What are your hobbies?" "Drinking" is much different than "What are your hobbies?" "Scotch tasting." lol
This is me. I probably have about 250 bottles of wine in the cellar. But I can nurse a really good glass of Pinot for over an hour. Most of my bourbons are in the $100-200 range and I only have one glass a week on Friday nights. 😊
Right, but would you say your hobby is drinking? Typically I hear people say "mixology" or "wine tasting" or "going to a cocktail bar with friends" or "microbreweries" as a hobby. It implies that you enjoy all the nuances that different flavors, viscosity, etc can provide. "Drinking" sounds like you drink to black out lol.
> "Drinking" sounds like you drink to black out lol. If you're not tired of, "Oh, dude, I was SOOOO drunk last night," by the time you're ~22, you have a problem. Or you're just boring.
Yeah, I don't drink but that's a *red* flag.
There's social drinking because we have alcohol accessible everywhere, but when that flips and you're drinking as a hobby, that's diverging into an ism.
I don't drink because I was a alcoholic in the past, so don't even have the odd drink because it scares me. I would still date someone who drinks and go to bars with them, I'm not forced to have alcohol so why would I force them to not drink. If someone didn't want to date me because I don't drink, I'd think of it as a relief of avoiding a very shallow person. Edit: typo
This. I don’t drink because I drank heavily for 5 years before getting sober 3 years ago. So ya the worry is that I’ll fall into that again. But I can and have gone to bars no problem because I’m not drinking, they can but I won’t. I’ll order a fressca or something
This is me except with pain killers. Tore my knee playing football in 2015, went to the doctor and the rest is history. Been clean for 6 years now(28 now) and my parents take them, grandparents, family, friends, etc (all by prescription ofc) even I had to take them last year when I bruised my ribs last year with no problem. Long story short I agree, as long as it’s not a problem it wouldn’t bother me no matter the substance. People like the guy OP is talking about tho will be fine with poppers 🙄 trust me I’ve seen it.
I am glad to see that us alcoholics aren't afraid to speak up, for multiple reasons. The obvious one, is that substance and alcohol abuse runs deep within the LGBT community. I have been sober for 10 years. I used to love to get hammered. I could drink with the best of them. My boyfriend, now husband, and I had friends at every bar in town. I could tell you where the drink specials were at every bar in town. With that being said, when I quit, my husband quit with me. In the 10 years since, he has only drank on 1 occasion and that was for a wedding that he was in. I don't have a problem going to bars and getting a soda or water, or even a virgin bloody mary. But since I quit drinking, my sense of smell of alcohol is 10x stronger than it used to be. I had to get rid of a mouthwash because it had alcohol in it. I got rid of it because of the smell on my husbands breath, not because of how it affected me. So, for someone who is sober, to say "Nope, I won't date a drinker" i get it. It might because they were alcoholics or maybe they grew up in an abusive alcoholics home as a child, who knows. But for someone to say that they wouldn't date a non drinker doesn't make sense, TOO ME!
Can we just take a moment to say how fucking sweet it is that your husband(bf at the time?) quit with/for you 🥹🥲 But I’m with you, been clean off pain killers for 6 years now. My fiancé was worried when I had to take some last year for badly injured ribs last year but it doesn’t even bother me anymore. He won’t take them at all unless absolutely necessary for me and he’s heard my stories so for himself as well. P.S. Congratulations on 10 years, I’m proud of you. ❤️
Same to you! I was addicted to pain killers as well. By the age of 30 I had 2 hip surgeries and 18 back injections. But once I healed from the hip surgeries, I haven't taken any pain killers. I take muscle relaxers as needed but those are about 3 times a week. I had to have a couple of teeth pulled 2 years ago, and I refused pain meds.
Makes sense if OP has an alcohol problem. Their life likely revolves around drinking, so they don't know how to socialize (possibly function) without it.
I know I didn't know how to socialize without it. I had friends at every bar I went to.
This exactly.
My dad was an alcoholic and I just freshly turned 21 at the beginning of the year. I'm not opposed to dating a non-drinker as I don't really enjoy the taste of alcohol anyway. I'm worried that if I do I'll fall down a dark path heavily. I'm not opposed to dating a drinker either as I wouldn't be opposed to being drunk at least once. I've been tipsy but not drunk before.
Okay, let’s be honest, being sober around drunk people is insufferable. As I’ve gotten older though, I just don’t drink as much. I’ve been very thoughtful in trying to not have hangover because they sick the older you get. It’s going to be hard when you want to go grab a beer or a drink with friends. So this seems like a perfect mutually beneficial agreement of not dating each other.
True. I am the only one who doesn’t drink in my friend circle and its exhausting at times to manage the energy with’em. Some of my friends turn into miserable fucks after they are drunk. But I do like to hangout with them.
> Most of my friends (gay and straight) wouldn't date someone who doesn't drink. I mean, everyone is entitled to set their own red lines but yeah that comes across as weird to me and isn't something I've ever run into. A sober person having to deal with a drunk person feels like it's a lot more of a burden on the sober person than a drunk guy having to deal with a sober guy? There's also a big difference between someone who doesn't drink for their own personal reasons and someone who views all alcohol as bad.
Sure. I was in a relationship with a manipulative alcoholic and he wrecked my mental health, made me gain 20 pounds, wrecked my car by taking it without my permission and without having a driver’s licence (his got cancelled 10 years ago from. A DUI) and got me 7k in credit card debt that I’m still paying off today. I am permanently traumatized and I can’t tolerate the fermenting smell of beer. It makes me gag and puke. Drinking is a not a "hobby". Please stop calling it a hobby. You know what's a hobby? videogames, netflix, gardening, painting, sports, table game clubs. Archery. Crocheting. if you call seeing someone slowly become a worser version of themselves with barely any physical or mental control of themselves a "hobby", be my guess. Alcoholic drinking is not a "hobby". I've made my point.
Valid point 👏 Speak that truth bro!
Short answer: Yes. I've never experienced a strong desire to drink to the point of getting drunk. A partner, who doesn't drink would be prefered.
I've never experienced that desire to be drunk and be hungover next day either but I do enjoy a glass or twos with the effect of being tipsy/merry. The fact that we almost never drink also makes it very easy to get to that point without much quantity.
This is true. I don't mind a glass of wine or champagne occassionally.
When someone describes drinking as a hobby, my first thought is they are an alcoholic. Maybe you should work on that instead of questioning whether others have issues dating someone that doesn't drink.
Yeah this is a bit weird. Not drinking alcohol is such a weird reason to reject someone.
Maybe an alcoholic but probably chaotic
I take a drink yes, actually let loose on st Patrick’s day. I would date someone like me who Takes a drink, but not every day and get shit faced. My mother was and functioning alcoholic and I don’t need that in my life I grew up with it.
I can 100% see your desire to date people who enjoy the same activities as you and if that person doesn't, then you would likely never spend quality time together. However, you might be careful about filtering out people who do not drink, since the reasons for not drinking alcohol might not be in that person's control. They may still enjoy all the same things as you, but just not able to consume alcohol. Maybe they're on a medication that doesn't allow mixing with alcohol. Maybe, and worst case, they turn into a complete asshole and start fights when they drink. Maybe they had an abusive family member growing up and swore off the drink. Maybe they lack the ability to process alcohol and turn bright red and it makes them instantly sleepy. In so many cases, it's a negative mind-altering drug and you should be careful what you wish for. It could come back to bite you.
I understand that it's a dealbreaker for him. I mean, you don't know what he might have experienced. He could have grown up in a violent household due to a parent being an alcoholic or witnessing what the other parent has endured. It could have also arisen as an issue from his past relationship or through interactions with friends. Saying its a deal breaker for you cause he doesn't drink is weird, I mean he could always drive after going out.
My current bf only upsets me when he’s been drinking so that’d be very welcome lol
It’s not a dealbreaker for me if someone doesn’t drink. I have friends who don’t drink and it’s fine when we all go out. I think it’s okay for him to want a sober partner but there is a huge hugeeee difference between enjoying a glass or two vs getting blacked out drunk. So yes I think both of you are kinda being unreasonable.
I feel like it’s a bit concerning to list drinking as a hobby? Like I do drink when going out, but I’d never list it as a hobby. And I have friends who are sober and we all go out together, and our different views on drinking don’t interfere with our ability to have fun at all. I would absolutely date a guy who doesn’t drink, and if you’d never date a guy who doesn’t drink then maybe you need to revisit your relationship with alcohol.
Yes, this! Drinking might be part of another hobby - going dancing, seeing comedy shows, eating out, whatever - but for it to me one of your top activities alone is striking.
Fucking preach bro! 🙏
lol if you listed drinking as a hobby, I probably wouldn’t be interested either. I enjoy the company of people who like to do other things with their time other than sit in a bar. If it seems judgmental, that’s because it is. It’s me making a *judgement* that I don’t wanna do that thing. We tell our friends, family, and children to use their good judgement. We can't be mad when people do.
I don't really drink. And no one has minded so far. They see it as a plus, from acting as the default DD to encouraging them to drink less.
My husband doesn’t drink by choice. When I met him, I was concerned that he might be in recovery, as that could have been a problem. He’s not, and he has no concern at all with my drinking. I’ve had a built-in designated driver for 18 years now!
Absolutely. Big plus. Keep me in check. He also may be in recovery. His shock may have been at you not grasping the asymmetry there.
Dating a sober person has many perks! Lifelong DD. As long as he’s okay with going out on occasions and okay with me having a few drinks every now and then, i don’t mind if they’re sober. There’s a difference between sober and anti-drinking.
Heavy drinkers lose their looks remarkably fast, also they smell worse (rancid).
Yeah the shocked guy is right. “Ew I’d never date someone who takes pride in their health” “ew I’d never date someone who has alcoholism in their family” “ew I’d never date someone who learned from their mistakes, etc..” is a big red flag and shock worthy. Must you insist on bringing someone down to your level instead of climbing up to theirs? Just ew
Personally I wouldnt date someone who drinks a lot or daily. If they enjoyed a few at social occasions every now and then is fine.
not tryna fire shots or anything but if you listed drinking as one of your hobbies, it would lowkey be a dealbreaker. i have nothing against drinking and love having a night out every weekend or so. but to say drinking is one of your hobbies implies you do it often. i dont mind someone who is sober, but i also probably wouldn’t want to date them. i’m not a sober person and i enjoy drinking (and other fun stuff) when im out with friends on a weekend night. if my partner was fully sober, they wouldn’t be able to join for that and i wouldn’t necessarily love that. i think it just depends on where you are in life and what you expect/want from a partner. i’m in an era of my life where i very much enjoy partying and being under the influence of something when im out. i don’t expect to be in this era forever, but for now it’s the way i live my life and id like a partner who complements that.
I'd date a non drinker but probably not one who has a self righteous judgey attitude about people who do drink. I enjoy a drink on a Saturday night so he'd have to be okay with that, just like I'd be okay with him not drinking.
Agreed, just as I'd date a vegetarian as long as he didn't mind if I ate some meat.
I wouldn't date a non-drinker. No hate on those who choose not to partake... It's just a compatibility thing.
Yes, I rarely drink and I would prefer to be in a relationship where drinking was a complete non-issue but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker. If someone told me that it was a deal-breaker because I didn't drink I'd just shrug it off. I've been rejected for worse reasons.
As a former alcoholic now sober, I would want to avoid someone who is shallow enough to have this prerequisite. Also, drinking is a lame "hobby"
I would date someone who drinks and someone who doesn’t, as long as they don’t expect me to do as they do. Sober addicts really shouldn’t date drinkers. Slippery slope, there. As for it being a dealbreaker on either end, I don’t see why. Unless, of course, they’re in recovery.
I've never known a "drinker" to be in a happy/ healthy relationship with a non-drinker long-term. It's too much of a lifestyle imbalance. And by "drinker" I mean someone who can't fathom the idea of socializing without alcohol being involved, NOT "I have a glass of wine occasionally when out to dinner." No judgment towards either side, it's just an issue of compatibility.
If someone says their hobby is drinking, I'm going to be wary. As a non-drinker (or, to be really honest, a *rare* dinker), would I date someone who enjoys a good beer or a glass of wine? Sure, thats not disruptive. HOWEVER! I was married to a raging alcoholic, I can say with some certainty that being sober with someone who's "loosened up" is tedious. Drunk is unbearable. Alcoholic drunk, peeing on the sofa and picking circular fights over nothing is just PTSD for me. More alarming to me is the idea that not drinking is somehow weird, that nondrinkers are some kind of outlier. When someone offers me a drink and I say no thanks, even just that causes concern for them - why not? Did I overstep, is he in recovery? Some people are outright rude and condescending about it, assuming I'm a boring sober (I'm not sober, I just dont really drink alcohol) or that I'm not drinking to spite them. That one increases with drink. AND!!! I still enjoy the flavor of a good scotch or wine or whatever, I just dont enjoy the intoxicating effects of alcohol. But god forbid someone misinterprets the degree to which I dont drink and then catches me with a glass of something. "I thought you said you dont drink!". Fucking hell, it's harder and unnecessary to explain the whole philosophy, just fucking accept that alcohol, veal, candy, etc are very, very rare vices for me and move the fuck on. /rant
Not drinking being a deal-breaker is kinda weird though, what is the problem with not drinking? Personally I basically never drink but it's because I don't like the taste of alcohol so as long as the person is not always drunk I can be fine with either (my bf occasionally drinks but not often)
I hate drunk people. You're more likely to get drunk if you drink. So I totally get him. I also agree with you. It is better for sober people to date sober people, and drunk people to do drunk people. People who only drink moderately are fine wine, which can age beautifully or turn into vinegar.
I don't drink for a plethora of reasons (medications I take, family history of alcoholism, not enjoying it the few times I have) but it wouldn't be a deal breaker as long as it's safe and in moderation and there is no expectation I will be joining
Won’t drink? No problem. Won’t swallow? We gots a problem.
Drinker here. Dates a few guys in my past that never drank. Maybe not now or tomorrow or for a while, but eventually there will be clash. You’ll get too drunk, you’ll go out too late, one small thing can set off a disaster. Doesn’t mean they’re right or I’m wrong or whatever, but just that the difference will appear eventually
Short answer is yes, but I don't want to sit at home all the time. We'll have to find other social outlets.
I don't drink. My husband does but I've never seen him get drunk. I don't see what's the problem really. I still enjoy going to bars. It really depends I suppose.
I am an "only drink a glass of wine on Christmas" type of person but I get both sides. For you he could result boring because he doesn't share the same ways of recreation with you, and for him you could be a potential mess. And none of you are wrong, you're just not compatible and it's ok.
Exactly! This is my view on it.
I wouldn’t. I like going to happy hour and drag brunch. I would want my partner to go with me which is just easier if they drink. That and I’ve had a partner who doesn’t drink and don’t want to do that again
I would prefer to date someone that doesn’t drink at all than someone that drinks often
If a guy drinks every weekend I wouldn't date him. From experienced most guys get shit faced most weekends and the way they behave is just discusting to me. Then for two days after they feel to rough to engage on any level. It's usually followed by lying cheating and a lack of guilt on there part. I like men who train hard, eat well and have a good moral standing in life. Someone who cares about there loved ones and knows what dedication is. I'm to grown for that scene queen shit. Keep your meth to yourself as well. I'm to busy growing, striving and leveling up for all that bull shit.
I drink and would date a non-drinker. For whatever reason they had. I do get that maybe you were being petty, and I can get behind that.
I would not. I enjoy social drinking responsibly.
So I have lots of sober/sober-curious friends, so much so that I’ve actually had to set up zero proof and THC bars at the parties I throw. But I don’t think I’d date someone sober. I collect and enjoy rare wines and spirits as a major hobby of mine, and I wouldn’t want the theoretically closest person to me to not be interested in sharing that part of my life with me.
You guys just aren’t compatible, who cares what others think. Even if he might be “healthier” he came off like an ass to you, and that perception is valid.
I go to bars for social events and don't always drink when I do. Ive dated recovering alcoholics. So yeah idgaf and anyone who does is shallow
I'd like to say I'm moral enough to date someone who doesn't drink. But, I don't think that relationship would last very long, so, probably not lol
Well, I'd say there's a big difference between the two things. For example, I don't drink, at most I allow myself a cocktail just to have something in hand, but I won't go beyond that and I don't have any special pleasure in drinking it, I simply have it to keep company and because it's refreshing. That said, in the past I have had friends who drank to the point of inebriation and sometimes I had to walk them home, seeing them stagger and trying not to let them fall to the floor or hold their head while they vomited. After a couple of times I made it clear that I didn't like this situation, because they can get as drunk as they want, but it shouldn't be my problem afterwards. I don't want to babysit one or more drunk people. So that was my problem, otherwise I have nothing against it as long as you go out and getting drunk isn't the only activity available. Explain to me instead what the discomfort should be for a person who loves to drink, dealing with a person who doesn't drink. Unless that person lectures you or constantly complains about it, what does it take away from you? I would say that those who don't drink have more disadvantages, certainly not those who drink, given that they might even have someone who takes them home in the car and who can drive when their drunk friend can't, so yes, the shock of the other guy has makes perfect sense.
I don’t drink I have a minor alcohol allergy that annoys me more than drinking makes me happy. I am also a person that doesn’t need to drink to loosen up or be fun so there’s that. I would not date someone that lists drinking as a hobby, it’s giving alcoholic vibes.
I don't drink, so, yeah.
I think it’s a weird deal breaker either way. But I probably would have said the same thing just to humble him lol I’ve dated people with opposite drinking habits, religious beliefs, food allergies, skin color… why do people think you have to be the same person to get along?
Years ago I was trying to date a registry nurse from work and when we went out to dinner one night I refused to have alcohol because I was driving. He really got upset with me and kept trying to convince me to drink and I still refused. He seemed controlling too so that was the end of that. At work we didn't really speak and then all of a sudden he was gone.
Yes
Yes
At this point in my life yes. I used to abuse alcohol and binge drink when I was in my teens/early 20s so I would have no problem being sober with a partner.
I’d prefer it
It really depends tho. Did you say it out of spite? Because he said that first, then you felt like you had to say it as well? Because I don’t drink, but I don’t mind dating someone who drinks. I’m pretty sure there are drinkers out there who don’t mind dating a non-drinker as well. For me, and I hope i’m not biased here, it makes more sense for alcoholism to be a deal breaker than sobriety. You have a good point, but also, you can still drink with sober people, or if you wanna go rly wild, you can still hang out with your friends, he didn’t tell you not to drink, did he? Lol
I don’t understand why a drinker wouldn’t date a non drinker and why a non drinker wouldn’t date a drinker, provided everyone’s behavior, on both sides, was healthy.
I don't drink. I could date a little drinker as long as their personality did not get crazy while drinking. I do prefer a nondrinker though.
I only drink a few times a year for special occasions (birthdays, weddings, holiday parties, etc). Whether or not someone drinks isn’t a dealbreaker for me. But if a guy’s “hobby” is getting drunk, then that’s a turnoff and a dealbreaker.
Holy Dooley - loving yr responses. I'd fail miserably with this! Thank goodness my husband tolerates my mild-to-moderate substance abuses!
Yeah I assumed many people would disagree with me. But some guys on here are just plain mean. It's like chill out bro. There are many more Dr. Phil's on here than I was expecting lol
Yes as I'm not a big drinker myself. I wouldn't care. Probably wouldn't want to date an alcoholic though.
Agree with the other guy. Drinking is absolutely a deal breaker for me. I grew up surrounded by abuse, neglect, and substance use tho, so for me it's about wanting to distance myself from trauma. Everyone is allowed to have whatever deal breakers and boundaries they want, and *you* don't have to like those boundaries. Doesn't matter. Just move on and find some other guy that would better suit your boundaries. Plenty of dick in the sea lol.
Yeah you can still go to bar and have a good time and not drink I don’t think myself due to my medication
unless he's a recovering alcoholic his attitude sounds very rude. im not sure on the not dating a person who doesn't drink though, unless he had the attitude the guy had drinkings never been important enough for me that I'd need my bf to also drink. as long as he doesn't have an issue with it I don't see why it would matter much
I generally don’t like people who drink casually, party’s is fine I understand.
As long as they don't make it their whole personality and don't stop me from drinking, if I want to, sure! I hardly ever drink, but I do t ever want it to "be a thing", that's when I have a problem.
I don’t drink so yes I would date another non drinker gladly as long as he didn’t smoke.
I get what you're saying about not being judgmental about other people's lifestyle choices, or thinking that being sober automatically makes you more worthy or virtuous. Some people choose not to be in a relationship dynamic where they feel self-conscious about their own choices or couldn't be supportive of the other person's. Using alcohol doesn't automatically mean you have a drinking problem, and not drinking doesn't mean you're triggered by those who do. But one choice isn't more worthy of respect than the other.
I do understand what you're saying since I usually feel the same way. If someone's profile says they dont drink I usually don't hit them up (unless its for a hookup). One of my close friends actually doesnt drink but they still go to the club and has a blast with us, so I dont necessarily set a hard line against it. But from my experiences it usually means we are at different stages in our lives. If they are morally against drinking then we probably wouldnt agree on a lot of other things as well so probably wouldnt make good friends. If they can have fun around other people who are drinking socially, then that is awesome. If they are recovering and don't want to be around alcohol at all, its hard for me to imagine how that would work with my current friends and family gatherings etc (but its not necessarily out of the question if I felt like this person is my true love or something). I do eventually plan on settling down and possibly having kids so I wont be in party mode and drinking forever, but that is kinda where I am at currently lol.
I never drink because I have an alcoholic sister who cured me, never been drunk in my life. My husband drinks sometimes and we coexist perfectly fine. Someone not dating someone because they drink is understandable, someone not dating someone because they don’t drink is a red flag to me, but alas, I see how strange that line of thought is. Now if my husband saw drinking as a hobby? That would be an uphill battle.
When I first came out and was hitting clubs I started getting into drinking heavily and dabbling in drugs and realized I have quite a few alcoholics/problem drinkers in my family and I was headed down the same path, so I stopped completely. Now, I'll date a guy who has a drink here and there and go to parties where people drink, but if somebody legitimately said one of their hobbies was "drinking," it would be a huge red flag to me, especially if they're past the age of 30. And if a guy said he wouldn't date me specifically because I don't drink, I would probably just be relieved that he's sparing me a few months of boozy drama and having a passed-out smelly person in bed next to me regularly before I got tired of it and ended it anyway. My current guy has an occasional glass of wine or cocktail but it's usually one at most at dinner, and he doesn't keep stuff around his house and it's never been an issue for us.
After having dated more than enough “weekend drinkers” or “recreational drinkers,” I can confidently say that I’d much prefer to date someone that isn’t a budding alcoholic. And yes, the heavy binge drinking on weekends qualifies you as an alcoholic. If you cannot loosen up and have fun without booze, you have a dependency issue. Full stop.
Heavy binge drinking on weekends means you have an alcohol abuse issue, not necessarily at the alcoholic stage (although you could be). It is absolutely an issue to address, but want to be factual.
You've got some serious growing up to do. Quickly. Cause with that mentality the real world will hit you harder than your middle school brain could anticipate.
> like it's ok for him to not want to date drinkers because alcohol = bad. But its not ok for drinkers to not want to date him because not drinking is not bad. I mean that's pretty much this, I would almost agree with that statement but alcohol in very moderate consumptions is alright, but also brings out joy and all which makes it better. I would, however, completely agree with that statement if we're talking about smoking.
Yes, I prefer non drinkers but don't mind drinking as long as it's not of the black out drinking variety. I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so I drink little. DUIs are a genuine problem in my state, with enough bodies of kids and other innocents who never got to see that next day. Also have alcoholism/addiction on both sides of the family tree; But I usually keep my mouth shut since nobody asks ever.
Yes. Because I dont like alcohol much myself
I don't drink. I mean I'll drink a hard cider or sip on one beer the entire night to appear normal, but I don't really like it. I've never been drunk before. I did get to feeling a little loosey goosey once because everyone demanded I join them for shots and I was two hard ciders and two shots that night. My family is all addicts. Like gross white trash addicts that are addicted to whatever they can get their hands on at the time - cigarettes, alcohol, weed, pills, (for a few of them) heroin - doesn't matter they just like to get fucked up. I'm afraid that if I drink anymore than I do now - a handful of times a year, socially - that the addict switch in me will get turned on and I'll be drinking in my recliner until I pass out every night like my father used to do.
I’d prefer it. None drinker here. No good comes from alcohol.
No. I like drinking and I want to share experiences I like with people I like.
i dont drink and i do care if you do
i think the guy is just a douchebag and wants to make you feel bad -.-
As a nondrinker, I wouldn’t date someone who drinks to get drunk. Zero fun because I end up babysitting them.
This is the strangest hill to die on not going to lie
dating someone who does not drink would be such a plus point for me. i barely drink and trying to stay sober. having someone who does not drink would be bless
Bro's getting down voted like hell. In regards to the answer, I myself rarely drink but I would date either a drinker or non-drinker. It's not clear cut, and the activity of drinking isn't really part of the equation unless they are violent or verbally abusive. Other than that, so long as they're fine with me smoking some marijuana I don't have any issues either way.
If you think he’s condescending now, just imagine how he’d be to date.
If they have some kind of moral problem with drinking, then that's gonna be a red flag for me. If they don't drink because alcohol is expensive/tastes bad/liver problems then they're like me and I will not think poorly of them for it.
I love wine and I love beer. I like trying different varieties and learn about the stuff. But drinking is not my “hobby”. People that list it as a hobby aren’t sommeliers or beer connoisseurs.. they are alcoholics, even if low key. They don’t like to drink, they like to get drunk. You’re the red flag 🚩
People who don’t drink are an immediate red flag 🚩🚩🚩 and have toxic and infantile personalities and lack self control. It’s mental illness and you have to treat them with kid gloves when you do adult things. It’s great that you’re sober and you’ve seemingly made necessary changes in your life but you, by definition, lack the self control to moderate yourself and that’s dangerous. That mental illness may also translate into other areas of life besides alcohol and substances. Let’s be clear, drinking in moderation does not preclude one from being toxic towards others as there are a myriad of ways to be toxic. However, sober people usually are not fully developed mentally. A lot of times you see sober people with tattoos and they have raspy voices and they work working class blue collar jobs because they lack the intellectual capacity to think critically and problem solve and contribute as a functioning and productive member of society. People who don’t drink and are not in sobriety usually did not come from cultured environments. They usually have palates of a 5 year old and lack the cultivation to be an interesting and cosmopolitan member of global society. They’re the ones ordering chicken tendies at the Michelin star restaurant when the rest of the table wants to do the tasting menu with wine pairing. They’re the one who pout in the corner like a wet blanket and stare at you 👁️_👁️ while you enjoy a nice glass of champagne and caviar. So boring lol. Please go outside, touch grass, and live a little!
It's good that you communicated that drinking is so important to you and your social life. I think it makes sense from both directions - I don't want to deal with a drunk partner or having to drive him around to bars on the weekend or whatever, it becomes a caretaker situation really fast.
dealbreaker? no. i *prefer* guys who drink and smoke, but it’s not a requirement.
The way you classify drinking as a hobbie is a huge red flag for me. Sounds Iike you want to get drunk, which is very different from people socially drinking a few glasses here and there, because their main objective isn't alcohol.
Imagine telling someone it's a deal breaker not to take drugs...
>Obviously I know the negative effects of alcohol and I'm not saying it's for everyone. for whom is it, then?
I would not date someone who doesn’t drink - I like sharing a drink with my partner, exploring wineries, breweries etc and the incompatibility would be too great to bridge.
Say it louder for the people in the back.
That depends on what he is looking for. If he is interested in long-term dating, drinking could be a dealbreaker for him if he doesn't drink at all. Also, it's important to remember that some people may have traumas from the past, such as having an alcoholic in the family or experiencing abuse related to alcohol. Without clear conversations and asking specific questions, it's difficult to pinpoint a specific reason. People are different, and they may choose to drink or not for various reasons.
Yes
Yeah! I drink flavored beer every now and again because of the carbonation(i don't drink sodas) and low alcohol content. Getting drunk isn't something I enjoy, raises my anxiety...
Not a dealbreaker if they don't drink. I honestly don't drink a lot anymore (maybe go out once/twice a month for a few), and as long as they dont mind me doing that then no issue.
I would. It's the same thing with smoking. Would you date someone who smokes?
Yeah I would. I used to smoke. Now I think it's gross amd would try to get my partner to quit. But I wouldn't not give someone a chance just because they smoke.
I dunno. I don’t drink at home but I drink socially, and when I travel or just want to hang out I would want someone to have some drinks with me. I enjoy drinking, but it’s also not something I have to have frequently. Not a dealbreaker, but not my preference either. I mean I’ll take someone who doesn’t drink at all over an alcoholic, a million times over.
Would be no problem for me. I don't drink unless I'm at a party or similar event And right now I live with my parents so going to parties & clubs would seem weird to me I don't wanna get home at 2AM drunk at 28 years old at my parents place ;-P After I move out again maybe I'll hit the clubs, but I have no need to, so If I found a partner that dosen't drink it would be no problem for me :-P
I think whether someone drinks or not doesn't say anything about how fun they're to be around or if they like to party, so that isn't something I'd be concerned about. If someone lists drinking as a hobby tho, I'd start to get worried.
I don’t drink and my bf is completely ok with it. Before him I’ve dated and guys and straight up tell them I don’t drink. They were ok with it. Anyone who doesn’t support you in a life decision like that isn’t for you.
I’m ok with a guy that doesn’t drink. I care if he does drugs or not tho
Thats preferred tbh
I don’t drink voluntarily, but I would do so at a party or dinner occasionally. As long as the person doesn’t abuse alcohol, it’s not a dealbreaker for me. This is such a trivial matter; I would reserve my dealbreakers for something else.
Yous were texting right? He may not have been as shocked as you interpreted from the message. I would find it interesting too if he was as flabbergasted as you thought but like any of us I think sober people can get in their own bubble of that lifestyle
True. I don't know how surprised he actually was. Bur over text he seemed very shocked.
It depends on *why* they don’t drink. Alcoholism, religion, mean drunk? Just various reasons that would have differing levels of concern for me, starting with religion and going down the list. But, personally, I rarely ever drink so I’m not against someone drinking or not drinking in and of itself.
Do you drink socially or do you get black-out drunk/aggressive/bad fight crazy? I’m completely fine with the former (some nights I’m out I’ll have vodka, others I’ll have Diet Coke). But given childhood trauma (alcoholic father, other family members who’d get abusive when drunk) the latter is a hard no for me.
Socially
I'd prefer to. I don't drink, so it gives us something in common and probably means we'd avoid bars and other spaces like that that I hate.
My husband is sober and I have about 1-2 beers a week. If I was dating someone and they specified drinking as a hobby it would be a deal breaker. That’s just me tho. To me it means alcohol is a big part of who you are and that’s just not something id want in a partner. At the end of the day it’s up to a person to establish what their boundaries are and to maintain them and they would be different person to person. You can’t say it’s unreasonable because you don’t know what their life is. But if they feel like they can’t be with someone who drinks that’s up to that person to decide and be their own advocate. Just like you might or might not consider a boundary of being with someone who is sober vs not. We’re all different with different struggles and histories.
Yes. Why not?
Yeah, why not🤷🏽♂️
Yes
I’d be fine with whoever I’m dating not wanting to drink but they’d have to be fine with me drinking every now and then.
I'm 50 days sober today myself, and I'm actually looking for a sober companion to keep me on track. So, yes!
yes. i don't drink. alcohol isn't compatible with me
Yes , I don’t drink myself either so
I don't drink really. I'll have one or two for a special occasion like a family meal. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Depends on how often, how drunk and how bad they are when drunk.
I enjoy having a few drinks. My husband is a non-drinker. It's never harmed our ability to enjoy one another's company or socialize with friends.
I don't drink at all. I could someone who drinks socially, but I couldn't date someone who periodically gets hammered, that's toxic and destructive.
That is so stupid i dont drink but do not mind if my friends do up to a point just dont get stoned!
Yeah it goes both ways. I’m with the guy though, tbh most people are sooo annoying when they drink. I’ll stick to water and a few glasses of wine here and there
Sure, I don’t drink either.
I don't drink much. I often don't when out with people. There are times i can feel that alcohol is going to make me feel bad. Other times, I just don't need the help to loosen up. So no problem with non-drinkers.
I don’t drink due to personal and sociocultural reasons. Every guy I dated drank alcohol. My husband drinks on occasion but he told me that since meeting me 8 years ago, his alcohol consumption has gone down to less than 5% of what it was prior to. But for some people it’s an absolute no. Hey. It depends on the what your priorities are
I am sober, but would date someone who drinks. But define “drinks.” If someone is getting hammered 2-3 nights a week, that’s probably not going to work for me. Someone who enjoys a few, or a nightly glass of wine, no big deal. I have no desire to be out in clubs and all the people I am with are drinking towards a blackout 😂
Happily, cus I don't drink either. I never understood the point of alcohol dependency.
Yes. That's actually my standard.
Yes. It’s a plus for me honestly. Drinking is expensive, not good for you, & I don’t like bar or club atmospheres.
My husband doesn't drink, so yeah I guess 🤷
Yes, with the caveat that if I want to have a drink I’m not going to hear about it. Someone that had a problem is one thing and I wouldn’t be drinking in their presence. I’m not really a drinker anyway. Casually with a meal sometimes so it’s not like I’d feel like I was missing out on something or anything like that. Someone that has opted not to because they don’t like it, don’t want to etc. that’s fine but that shouldn’t prevent me from enjoying one when I desire.
I mean I wouldn't say it's a hobby, or I hope it's not a hobby but as someone who doesn't drink I date a drinker. I don't drink for my own personal reasons and as we have been together before drinking age I've had to get used to him drinking which is growth for me personally. I still don't understand drinking personally but I see how it helps him loosen up more and be more okay with himself. He's been a little worried about my not drinking but I don't know what to say besides I really do feel it's a tad less valid to not want to date a non-drinker. I have enough fun with out drinking and am generally outwardly relaxed, high strung inside, but I'm pretty agreeable unless I'm hangry and even then I'm a push over so I go with the flow more. Unless someone is an asshole like that person was about their partner drinking then I can see it being an issue. But I think it's goofy in my simple opinion for someone not drinking to be a deal breaker.
Given that I don’t drink, yes. Flipping it around, I’d date someone who does, so long as it’s not excessive.
I drink rarely, maybe once a month. My husband drinks wine a few nights a week. It's no big deal to me either way. I wouldn't want to date someone who was sloppy drunk all the time but someone who drinks socially or doesn't drink at all wouldn't be a problem either way.
i don't drink, and this is also the first time i've heard of not drinking being a deal breaker, but tbh i can understand that; i find it unusual (at least to me), but not surprising
I understand more why someone would want to date someone elde who doesn’t drink rather than the other way around. A lot of people drink to loosen up, but some take it to an unhealthy extreme. Some people are able to have same amounts of fun without drinking a single drop of alcohol. It’s your choice to not date guys who don’t drink, but the reason to wouldn’t really be one that makes as much sense as a non drinker who refuses to date a drinker.
I don’t drink and neither does my partner. I probably wouldn’t date someone who got drunk more than a few times a month at most. Most folks who don’t drink have minimal tolerance for drunk people, they honestly aren’t fun to be around unless it’s a wedding.
Yes
Yeah I'm sober, dating someone who doesn't drink would be easiest for me. But I could also date a drinker, as long as they weren't a problem drinker.
First of all, NOT drinking and being a 'drinker' aren't equal: **one behavior is harmful, like on a technical level, and the other is the absence of said behavior.** You seem more offended by whatever you think this guy you were chatting with saw in YOU, and how it made you feel about yourself than visa versa. Like you said, drinking = bad, as opposed to being GOOD. Drinking is not good for your health, your relationships, your career, etc. Just, objectively. And that's your choice. Substitute this debate about alcohol with any other drug being the focus, and you've got the inverted argument, socially: "He won't date me because I smoke crack/am addicted to pills/do smoke cigarettes/wake & bake, etc". All of those statements would seem valid, but alcohol is sooo ingrained into our culture that it makes sober people seem weird. There are TONS of sober people who are just as funny, sexual, uproarious, blunt, etc as 'drinkers'. I feel like you should broaden your social circle so you can experience this! I rarely drink alcohol anymore, and would be ELATED to date someone who didn't drink (or at least, didn't have a major issue with alcohol addiction, as sometimes someone being 'sober' can also mean they are controlling a life\~bending addiction, which can be tiring too). Pass him over my way, please & thank you! 😜
Yeah I don’t really like alcohol. More into weed and all that. Drinking just doesn’t feel good for me idk. I just don’t really like to do it but it does feel mellow on it. But weed is just much better and less harmful than alcohol poisoning etc, hangover, blackouts. Especially being very skinny, alcohol goes through me fast and can easily run the risk of poisoning. But yes, alcohol is so NORMALIZED now in society when it’s one of the biggest and harmful addictions that everyone just turns a blind eye too because well “everyone drinks”.
He brought it up a second time after we continued talking, which is when I told him I wouldn't date a non-drinker. But yeah I agree it would be good to expand my social circle. I know drinking causes many problems and it's good to do less of it. I still think it'd be hard for me to date someone who doesn't drink at all, as I genuinely enjoy it. Thanks for your thoughtful response.
Absolutely. I have a drink once or twice a month, but if someone I cared about needed me not to drink around them, that's nothing. Just as long as he doesn't need me to be vegetarian.
To each his own. The guy is a stranger, so it's interesting that you feel any way about his reaction to your saying that not drinking is a deal breaker. He's entitled to his experiences as are you. If he sees your preference as a negative trait, just realize he's not for you and move on. But don't waste your time feeling any way about it or trying to figure it out. But drinking is a polarizing issue for some people. Myself, I can take it or leave it. I can have a great time sober, and I can have a great time drinking. I don't drink much at all. Like 3-4 drinks per month. I just prefer to save the calories for food. I used to have so many problems not drinking at parties. If I go to a party, I don't always feel like drinking. Sometimes I just want to hang out with and chat with people. This happened more at gay parties than at general parties, but people would pester me to drink if I wasn't drinking. Or people would just get me a drink without asking because they noticed that I hadn't been drinking that evening. At first, I would always tell them that I wasn't in the drinking mood that night, and then people would avoid me for the rest of the party like it was too weird for them to deal with the one guy who is not drinking at a party. Then I would also refuse drinks that people brought to me, which always led to confrontation with people who got butt hurt because I was being ungrateful. Eventually, I would carry the drink for a few minutes and then pour it out in the sink the next time I walked by it. And nowadays, I carry a cup of tonic water and put a lime on the rim so people think I'm carrying a gin and tonic. Tonic as well, because it glows under a backlight so people don't think it's water. Now people don't hassle me at parties as long as I look like I'm drinking, which really annoys the piss out of me, but it's just choosing my battles. As an infrequent drinker, I've noticed that the people who get most upset about it are the people who are drinking, especially around me. It's almost like they take it personally when I tell them I'm not drinking that night, like I'm judging them or something. One of my friends told me that the reason he gets so upset is that they are all looking to relax and get loosened up with each other so that people can drop their guard and have fun. When I'm not drinking, they feel like I'm not helping to create the vibe they want to set for the party, even though I behave the same with a glass of tonic or with an actual drink. After I told him the tricks I use at parties to get everyone to stop asking me where my drink is, he stopped inviting me to get togethers because he could never trust whether or not I'm enjoying myself anymore since I lie about drinking. His loss. Not mine.
As long that doesn’t he doesn’t like to go out or he doesn’t like that I go out