The only trait required to be a gay male is to be 100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males. That's it. If you meet that criteria you are gay enough.
I’m gonna be devils advocate (and this is probably better suited in its own thread) but your definition isn’t really the objective definition of gay. If you’re 100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males, I’d have a tough time seeing how you weren’t gay but there’s millions of guys who identify as gay who certainly aren’t “100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males”.
Aggressively untrue. But I’ll let you do the quick google/wikipedia search.
There is certainly overlap and I’m not here to deny bisexuality’s existence but the part that trips up a lot of gay people is a significant part of homo-, bi- and hetero-sexualities is a persons sense of identity.
I know it makes everyone uncomfortable that there’s some aspect of choice involved but having a sexual or romantic attraction to someone of the same sex is all that’s enough for someone to feel aligned with being gay, regardless of this arbitrary percentage that’s used. And there’s a distinction from being closeted or in denial but gay isn’t as narrow as some might attempt to convey.
Gay does equal homosexual. And homosexual is what it is so let me tell you:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality
Feel free to read the first paragraph and then tell me where a guy whose sense of identity that’s based off their sexual attraction and romantic pursuit of men can’t be gay.
You can’t gatekeep gay dude. Not sure what that’s proving.
I will try and challenge your argument.
Gay is inclusive of bisexual men because they experience same gender, as do gay men. But homosexual refers to people who only like the same gender. "Homo" is a prefix meaning the same.
I might be more open to your view if you could somehow convince me that gay means homosexual and vice versa.
Also, you would have to explain why the bisexual label exists if, by your logic, they are just gay or homosexual.
Colloquially, when a person says they are homosexual, they almost invariably mean to say that they are attracted to the same gender and no other genders.
Gay to me refers to a homosexual person or trait.
A homosexual is just someone who expresses or identifies with homosexuality.
I think where most people disagree with me is the identify portion.
You can't "identify" with homosexuality. You're either a homosexual or you're not. It's really not that difficult. Or it wasn't until people like you started muddying the waters.
People like me. You mean other homosexuals. Crazy. Well, I will continue to identify as a gay homosexual despite not meeting your discrete definition of being 100% attracted to men.
Just remember the next time someone here tells a straight guy he’s gay because he fucked a dude or tells a bi guy who has never had sex with or dated or girl that he’s also gay, this is the same community that tells a guy who’s slept with other women but pursues relationships with men and identifies as gay that he isn’t gay.
But I forgot, the real gays will gatekeep that til their last fucking breaths. I’m clearly posing gay or erasing my own bi heritage.
Except that how many people or what sex of people you have slept with has NEVER been what determines sexuality.
It's always been who you're attracted to.
So if you're not solely attracted to males and also male then you by definition are NOT homosexual.
You're bisexual.
>Just remember the next time someone here tells a straight guy he’s gay because he fucked a dude
Being attracted to only dudes and wanting to fuck only dudes makes someone gay... Not if they have fucked a dude, without any other context the likelihood is that they would be bisexual but could have other circumstances like just pure curiosity or it being against their will.
>tells a bi guy who has never had sex with or dated or girl that he’s also gay
Yeah that's incorrect because we don't judge sexuality based on WHOM YOU HAVE SLEPT with but WHOM YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO OR WANT TO SLEEP WITH.
Very simple man.
>this is the same community that tells a guy who’s slept with other women but pursues relationships with men and identifies as gay that he isn’t gay.
Well you can't identify as gay, you either are or aren't. Gay=homosexual, homosexuality is the sole attraction to the same sex meaning you have zero attraction to anyone if the opposite sex. You can't identify as a sexuality they aren't a identity it's not a chosen aspect of peoples lives and all you have admitted is that you are a closeted bisexual trying to remain in the closet and pretend to be gay the rarer version of a closeted bisexual because most pretend to be straight.
Just because you HEAVILY lean towards liking the same sex doesn't make you homosexual it makes you bisexual but you prefer males.
>But I forgot, the real gays will gatekeep that til their last fucking breaths. I’m clearly posing gay or erasing my own bi heritage.
As a fellow bisexual you absolutely are posing as homosexual and shouldn't be claiming a sexuality you aren't just so it's easier on you to explain. You don't get to throw other groups of people under the bus of your intentional misrepresentation to make your life more convenient.
You are bisexual. You stated so yourself the moment you stated you aren't solely attracted to the same sex.
Bisexuals are a range of attractions between two absolute sole attractions. You aren't heterosexual and you're CLOSER to being homosexual than heterosexual but you will always and only ever be bisexual.
Everything you said makes perfect sense. I both respect and champion it. I’d only argue that someone’s sense of identity based on their attractions gives them the agency to identify as homosexual and I’m not sure why people find reasons like acceptance or ease of life as unacceptable or why there’s this black and white assumption that choice plays no part.
I’ve been primarily focused on long term relationships and am exclusively homoromantic. Sex with women would only occur if I was single and opportunity arose; I don’t actively seek female partners otherwise.
What purpose does it serve me to be bi or straight? None. If I’m in a monogamous relationship with a guy, what value does my sexual attraction to women pose?
My sense of identity is focused on my homoromantic senses and maybe I could’ve been more explicit above but the exclusive sex angle is the main thing I’m trying to discredit as being the basis for homosexuality because sex is only one aspect of sexuality.
I admit, maybe I’m becoming a troll so I’ll make this my final response but I appreciate the discussion.
Exactly! A lot of these posts basically are just saying: I tried to hang out with elitist mean gays and they ignored me, so now I’m gonna judge all gays as being mean. Meanwhile, there tons of normal gays but since they are not part of elitist circles, they are basically invisible to people like the OP. So these people are desperate to become part of that circle even though they claim to hate them.
When being so obvious about self promotion - don't expect to not be called out for the shallowness of your content and rapid-fire desperation of your thrist trap posts. 🙄
Look at his comments. He comments on his own posts as if he's someone else, even asking himself questions, for fake engagement. At least make a separate fake account if you're that desperate.
No, In my mid-teens I felt like I had to be something I wasn't already, because I was gay. Like it was a character I had put on by admitting it to family and friends.
However, a couple of years after first coming out I smoked weed, and after a few times I had the realization that I do not have to do anything to be what I already am.
The words came a lot later, and after a lot of searching, but the realization started already then.
I already am gay, in the sense of being attracted to the same sex and not the opposite. Why then would I have to do something to become something I already am?
Being who you are is effortless. Becoming something else requires effort.
And so I laid to rest the character and started being genuine again after some soul searching. Still gay, but I need no effort to be. I just am.
No, that’s a ridiculous notion. Being gay only means you’re interested in men and not women for romantic and sexual relationships. That’s all. Stereotypes (and the people who believe in them) are stupid and I have no need to feed into them.
Nope. But maybe the fact that you are feeling this indicates there is a perception issue with homosexuality. You think you’re supposed to behave a certain way that was taught or displayed to you.
Don’t be a follower. Be yourself.
I don’t care. I have just as much of a place in the gay community as anyone else. It only bothers me in that I can’t find any gay friends who share my interests. I’m a metalhead who skates and I don’t like any of stereotypical “queer culture.”
Those subtle feelings are society’s beliefs and expectations not mine. I’m black as well so I already had those feelings from society about what is black enough. There’s more than one way to be gay, black, or whatever your race, skin color or sexual orientation is as long as your actions aren’t degrading or adding to the problems faced by your community, even if you don’t “feel” or want to be part of that demographic.
Not sure if you’re actually thinking that for yourself or just a general conversation topic but having interests that align with what people think gays are into doesn’t even mean you’re gay (broadway/musicals, fashion, interior design, health and beauty, fitness)
If you list out what the gay stereotypes/interests are you’ll end up realizing that maybe gays are just people living their lives? If you have a specific interest and want to be surrounded by gay men while doing it, I bet you can find a group or club for it. For example there are gay sports leagues, gay gamer groups, hell there are even gay camping and hiking groups.
My advice is to focus on yourself. Find out your interests whatever they may be. Once you figure that, go to your local gay store and by a beacon light that aligns with your interest (sports teams use the ball they use but in rainbow color, hiking uses a mountain but rainbow etc) go home, put the beacon on your roof and light it up. In a short while someone will come and take you to your requested group 😊😊
There's no rule book about being gay. Being a man and liking men is what makes you gay, nothing else. There's no right way to be gay, just be yourself.
I don't have to "cope" with not being "gay enough", because being gay is only my sexual orientation. It has nothing to do with my interests or the social activities I like to be involved in etc.
I don't understand why a lot of you still conflate your sexual orientation with your other aspects of your life that are outside of your sexual orientation.
It's hard to describe. It's a feeling I get when in an all gay guy environment. I watch and everyone seems to have a certain air about them that they all fit in and I feel like an outsider.
Just know that you have every right to feel as you do, even if it’s not the feeling you want, that even if the surfaces are different you’re just as gay as them and deserve to be there with men who at all your core’s share something.
I would say that leather and sauna stuff is for a niche part of an older gay generation. Hook up culture is a much broader term, but even that it’s possible to find other gays to connect with non-sexually. I think any gay/bi guy needs to know that they’re part of a community that by their very nature they do fit into.
When I meet up with people I meet up with friends and I see them as people, some happen to be gay/bi and some hPpen to be straight.
We are friends because we have affinity and/or common interests, not because of their sexuality.
There is nothing to prove at all. Why do you have to fit a certain stereotype, unless you feel you need it.
The notion of being gay or not being gay enough is just another form of sensitivity. Who cares how gay you are, or not.
This is not a gay thing, it's in religion, sports, work, family, blah blah blah blah blah blah. There's always somebody who wants you to do more of something.. at any rate, you can be as gay, or not gay, as you want to be.
I love that I am an outlier of some of the gay stereotypes. I, 24M, am a married car gay training to be a CNC Machinist and Programmer working in a smaller shop for the aerospace and defense industries in North Alabama. I have developed a white trash degenerate aesthetic and I like it. I don’t understand guys my age who make being so stereotypically gay their personality it’s annoying. One of the many reasons why I love the man I am married to is that he 43 and he is one of the only genuine no BS gay men I have ever met.
Ugh please do not buy into stereotypes. Most “gay” stereotypes are not coming from us but what and how “society” perceives us. I mean I am mostly introverted, I like being in nature, I read a lot, and I am super gay. Point is many of us are just normal dudes that go to work or school and come home and play video games or do other boring stuff like go for a jog. Comparing yourself to stereotypes or I guess the “ideal” gay persona in your mind will just lead you to misery and/or therapy.
LOL my whole life.
My brother and sister are always on about how "un-gay" I am.
Some people when they find out I am gay, and have a husband tell me - "But you don't look or sound gay." - ie, I present as a CIS-male and an Alpha male at times. My sister calls me an Army sergeant as I can be ruthless at getting things happening, taking control and getting things done - or, in an emergency, being calm and efficient, but authourative. Part of that is my job as a high school teacher - you have to be bossy and loud and dominant to control 25 teenage boys who some are determined to test you. My partner is even less practical than me, so when it comes to practical things around the house that I know how to do, he bows to my expertise.
I don't go to a gym. My clothes can be quite daggy and unfashionable. I'm not a fan and wouldn't buy the music of Brittney, Madonna, Beyonce etc. I don't go out hardly at all on the gay scene.
Plenty of gay guys feel like they are too feminine, too obviously gay, and try to play it down, to seem more manly and more masculine. There is nothing wrong with being a bit feminine if that is who you naturally are, and equally, nothing wrong with not exhibiting any gay characteristics if that is who you naturally are. These anxieties and insecurities are so unnecessary and only serve to make you feel like you’re not worthy or not good enough, or not attractive. We are all unique, and we should celebrate our uniqueness and our individual qualities. Remember, there is only ONE version of YOU, so don’t compare yourself to others, just work on being the best version of yourself, and always be proud of who you are!
I feel I’m often shunned by other gay guys for being too gay. I think you just have to find your people.
There will always be those within any group looking to be superior in some way or another. Don’t give them any power by taking their snobbery to heart.
I’m gay and people always assume I’m straight. Yes, I don’t fit the stereotypes, which is great for me… but I still hold hands with my hubby out in public, sometimes throw in a kiss. I may not fit the stereotypes but I don’t hide my sexuality.
Yes. I feel this fairly often. I’m part of an all-inclusive rugby team where most people are gay. I’m married to man and definitely identify as gay but my fellow gay ruggers often group me in with the “straights.” It hurts my feelings but I’ve come to accept it. I acknowledge that my lived experience is not the same as theirs, that as an “invisible minority,” I have some additional privileges. But I know I am not alone and I feel comfortable with my place in the gay community. Maybe I cannot kiki with the girls, at least not authentically, but I will always root for my more effeminate and expressive queer comrades and stand together with them in the fight for acceptance and equal rights.
I’m posting this for anyone else who feels this way since I think as others pointed out, OP is trying to pad some OF subscription stats.
But if you feel like this, I’d start with asking a few questions of yourself: Are you looking for a partner or a hookup? Are you looking to pursue your own interests with guys who also like to fuck guys for reasons above? Or to pursue your interests with guys who are comfortable enough with your gayness that you can comfortably express your sexuality?
Regardless, figure out what you actually are wanting and that might help.
I always feel like that. I'm gay, but I don't look like one. I like techno parties instead of disco parties (pop style). I am an IT developer not an artist. Stereotypes are most of the time wrong. These stereotypes match just a few of us, not the most of us. Everybody is unique and that's great.
The way Tommy put it on smosh was what worked for me. He said "I suck fucking cock" after talking about how he felt about the "not gay enough" feeling. It's the "gay rights and gay wrong" episode of "we react to reddit" on smoshpit
Basically every fucking time I say I'm gay. People don't realize that saying " no but for real ?? You don't look gay " or watching you with choked eyes can hurt.
I don't feel the need to conform to be accepted if that's what you are asking. If I was easily pressured, I'd be married to a woman as a cover as I cheated behind her back on Grindr or Sniffies.
How most of us cope is just to be who we are and strive to be who we want to be. I don't feel the need to wear a pride flag and daisy dukes while shouting aim gay to the rooftops.
Blue jeans are comfy. My shoes are cheap with good insoles, and I wear t-shirts. I don't put a tilt to my voice to sound gayer, I don't tell everyone I meet on meeting that I do indeed like penis...
So yeah, I just be myself, if you have trouble doing that, easy guide is to seek what makes you happy, not what others tell you is happiness. Be yourself, you'll shine through and the haters can take a nice long walk down a short pier. Don't conform, don't convince yourself that you'd only be happy if you blend into the crowd. Wear what's comfortable and makes you happy (and safe for work lol). Stop pushing yourself to fit their image, and realize you were your own portrait. Goodluck dude.
“Dangerous?”
This guys is promoting his “dom top” OnlyFans by scamming the gays into thinking *he’s not the other girls.* Meanwhile you’re up here calling gay men dangerous.
I love sports and hate the stereotypically gay stuff like theater and drag. Don't mind going to gay bars but when I do it's clear that I don't really fit in with a lot of gay men. Been called a "bad gay" for as long as I can remember. It used to bother me until I realized I couldn't stand being around people who called me that anyway. Like I was an alien or something for having different interests.
I mean who would want to be around people like that?
But then my experience in gay bars is that, they're kind of just bars, with more drag shows.. There's no really dominant feature to the men in the ones in my city anyway. How can there be a right or wrong way to be something you just are.
I don't think people who are as hot as you really need to worry about such things. People are surely throwing themselves at u regardless so it's not like you're gonna run out of people to talk to. Lol.
Unfortunately, you just have to accept it. Be thankful for other good things in your life
Redirect the "not X enough" to "enough to befriend gays and straights", you might not be able to connect in deeper levels, but you will be able to talk about topics in common.
I am glad someone made a post like this. I am getting a little bit tired of being publicly executed for acting, dressing, talking and living *NOT gay enough* whatever that means.
Especially when I am around rich gays, I feel that sort of pressure more solidly. Like tonight I’m going to this Eurovision Party, yeah I like it but I don’t know for example what Serbian performers’ childhood trauma and how it affected her art?!! Things like this are exhausting to me.
The only trait required to be a gay male is to be 100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males. That's it. If you meet that criteria you are gay enough.
oh, wait, I didn't realize this is just part of your OnlyFans marketing campaign. I feel dirty now.
I’m gonna be devils advocate (and this is probably better suited in its own thread) but your definition isn’t really the objective definition of gay. If you’re 100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males, I’d have a tough time seeing how you weren’t gay but there’s millions of guys who identify as gay who certainly aren’t “100% exclusively sexually attracted to other males”.
[удалено]
Aggressively untrue. But I’ll let you do the quick google/wikipedia search. There is certainly overlap and I’m not here to deny bisexuality’s existence but the part that trips up a lot of gay people is a significant part of homo-, bi- and hetero-sexualities is a persons sense of identity. I know it makes everyone uncomfortable that there’s some aspect of choice involved but having a sexual or romantic attraction to someone of the same sex is all that’s enough for someone to feel aligned with being gay, regardless of this arbitrary percentage that’s used. And there’s a distinction from being closeted or in denial but gay isn’t as narrow as some might attempt to convey.
That's nice. You don't get to "identify" into something you're not. Gay = homosexual. Homosexual is what it is.
Gay does equal homosexual. And homosexual is what it is so let me tell you: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality Feel free to read the first paragraph and then tell me where a guy whose sense of identity that’s based off their sexual attraction and romantic pursuit of men can’t be gay. You can’t gatekeep gay dude. Not sure what that’s proving.
I will try and challenge your argument. Gay is inclusive of bisexual men because they experience same gender, as do gay men. But homosexual refers to people who only like the same gender. "Homo" is a prefix meaning the same. I might be more open to your view if you could somehow convince me that gay means homosexual and vice versa. Also, you would have to explain why the bisexual label exists if, by your logic, they are just gay or homosexual. Colloquially, when a person says they are homosexual, they almost invariably mean to say that they are attracted to the same gender and no other genders.
Gay is NOT inclusive of bisexual men. Laugh the fuck Out Loud. Bisexuals are NOT homosexual. They are not gay. They are their own damn thing.
Gay to me refers to a homosexual person or trait. A homosexual is just someone who expresses or identifies with homosexuality. I think where most people disagree with me is the identify portion.
You can't "identify" with homosexuality. You're either a homosexual or you're not. It's really not that difficult. Or it wasn't until people like you started muddying the waters.
People like me. You mean other homosexuals. Crazy. Well, I will continue to identify as a gay homosexual despite not meeting your discrete definition of being 100% attracted to men. Just remember the next time someone here tells a straight guy he’s gay because he fucked a dude or tells a bi guy who has never had sex with or dated or girl that he’s also gay, this is the same community that tells a guy who’s slept with other women but pursues relationships with men and identifies as gay that he isn’t gay. But I forgot, the real gays will gatekeep that til their last fucking breaths. I’m clearly posing gay or erasing my own bi heritage.
Except that how many people or what sex of people you have slept with has NEVER been what determines sexuality. It's always been who you're attracted to. So if you're not solely attracted to males and also male then you by definition are NOT homosexual. You're bisexual. >Just remember the next time someone here tells a straight guy he’s gay because he fucked a dude Being attracted to only dudes and wanting to fuck only dudes makes someone gay... Not if they have fucked a dude, without any other context the likelihood is that they would be bisexual but could have other circumstances like just pure curiosity or it being against their will. >tells a bi guy who has never had sex with or dated or girl that he’s also gay Yeah that's incorrect because we don't judge sexuality based on WHOM YOU HAVE SLEPT with but WHOM YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO OR WANT TO SLEEP WITH. Very simple man. >this is the same community that tells a guy who’s slept with other women but pursues relationships with men and identifies as gay that he isn’t gay. Well you can't identify as gay, you either are or aren't. Gay=homosexual, homosexuality is the sole attraction to the same sex meaning you have zero attraction to anyone if the opposite sex. You can't identify as a sexuality they aren't a identity it's not a chosen aspect of peoples lives and all you have admitted is that you are a closeted bisexual trying to remain in the closet and pretend to be gay the rarer version of a closeted bisexual because most pretend to be straight. Just because you HEAVILY lean towards liking the same sex doesn't make you homosexual it makes you bisexual but you prefer males. >But I forgot, the real gays will gatekeep that til their last fucking breaths. I’m clearly posing gay or erasing my own bi heritage. As a fellow bisexual you absolutely are posing as homosexual and shouldn't be claiming a sexuality you aren't just so it's easier on you to explain. You don't get to throw other groups of people under the bus of your intentional misrepresentation to make your life more convenient. You are bisexual. You stated so yourself the moment you stated you aren't solely attracted to the same sex. Bisexuals are a range of attractions between two absolute sole attractions. You aren't heterosexual and you're CLOSER to being homosexual than heterosexual but you will always and only ever be bisexual.
Everything you said makes perfect sense. I both respect and champion it. I’d only argue that someone’s sense of identity based on their attractions gives them the agency to identify as homosexual and I’m not sure why people find reasons like acceptance or ease of life as unacceptable or why there’s this black and white assumption that choice plays no part. I’ve been primarily focused on long term relationships and am exclusively homoromantic. Sex with women would only occur if I was single and opportunity arose; I don’t actively seek female partners otherwise. What purpose does it serve me to be bi or straight? None. If I’m in a monogamous relationship with a guy, what value does my sexual attraction to women pose? My sense of identity is focused on my homoromantic senses and maybe I could’ve been more explicit above but the exclusive sex angle is the main thing I’m trying to discredit as being the basis for homosexuality because sex is only one aspect of sexuality. I admit, maybe I’m becoming a troll so I’ll make this my final response but I appreciate the discussion.
LOL. Poor boy.
I really don't give a fuck what you or Wikipedia say (not reading it). I'll "gatekeep" gay until my last fucking breath.
Gay = you are a man sexually attracted to men. That’s the only qualification. Why would you want to fit a stereotype? Just be your gay self.
Just be yourself....... Gay Straight Bi Asexual
I was literally about to type this!
Do it..do it any way..there is no copyright on it (yet)
Gay = a man only / or usually only sexually attracted to men.
Ah yes the rare 'I'm not like the others' + OnlyFans promo crossover post.
People who usually have this "complaint" are such pick-me, self-loathing, gays. What do you want, a medal?
Exactly! A lot of these posts basically are just saying: I tried to hang out with elitist mean gays and they ignored me, so now I’m gonna judge all gays as being mean. Meanwhile, there tons of normal gays but since they are not part of elitist circles, they are basically invisible to people like the OP. So these people are desperate to become part of that circle even though they claim to hate them.
This ⬆️
I … well… I literally do not give a single shit how gay or not gay I am.
How do you measure "single "?
When being so obvious about self promotion - don't expect to not be called out for the shallowness of your content and rapid-fire desperation of your thrist trap posts. 🙄
Look at his comments. He comments on his own posts as if he's someone else, even asking himself questions, for fake engagement. At least make a separate fake account if you're that desperate.
Yes but then i grew up because i realized i have better shit to worry about
This. If you do really like the guy, and they're more "in tune" with gay culture, ask them if a hangout can be done to help explain some of it to you.
No, In my mid-teens I felt like I had to be something I wasn't already, because I was gay. Like it was a character I had put on by admitting it to family and friends. However, a couple of years after first coming out I smoked weed, and after a few times I had the realization that I do not have to do anything to be what I already am. The words came a lot later, and after a lot of searching, but the realization started already then. I already am gay, in the sense of being attracted to the same sex and not the opposite. Why then would I have to do something to become something I already am? Being who you are is effortless. Becoming something else requires effort. And so I laid to rest the character and started being genuine again after some soul searching. Still gay, but I need no effort to be. I just am.
No, that’s a ridiculous notion. Being gay only means you’re interested in men and not women for romantic and sexual relationships. That’s all. Stereotypes (and the people who believe in them) are stupid and I have no need to feed into them.
I was told the opposite 🤦
Same!! It just goes to show that you can’t make everyone happy
Nope. But maybe the fact that you are feeling this indicates there is a perception issue with homosexuality. You think you’re supposed to behave a certain way that was taught or displayed to you. Don’t be a follower. Be yourself.
You’re gay enough. What you mean is that you’re not stereotypical enough. Two different things.
Do you care? Or are you only interested in promoting your OnlyFans?
You’re gay and have an OnlyFans. You are killing it girlie!
I don't spend time around people or places that might cause me to feel "not gay enough". I'm me and that's all I need to be. Same as you.
Literally no one cares that much except for you. Being gay doesn’t define you as a person. Be as “gay” as you want to be.
I don’t care. I have just as much of a place in the gay community as anyone else. It only bothers me in that I can’t find any gay friends who share my interests. I’m a metalhead who skates and I don’t like any of stereotypical “queer culture.”
Those subtle feelings are society’s beliefs and expectations not mine. I’m black as well so I already had those feelings from society about what is black enough. There’s more than one way to be gay, black, or whatever your race, skin color or sexual orientation is as long as your actions aren’t degrading or adding to the problems faced by your community, even if you don’t “feel” or want to be part of that demographic.
But you’re not gay enough for who ? Ask yourself why you want to please a certain minority in the minority to begin with.
Not sure if you’re actually thinking that for yourself or just a general conversation topic but having interests that align with what people think gays are into doesn’t even mean you’re gay (broadway/musicals, fashion, interior design, health and beauty, fitness) If you list out what the gay stereotypes/interests are you’ll end up realizing that maybe gays are just people living their lives? If you have a specific interest and want to be surrounded by gay men while doing it, I bet you can find a group or club for it. For example there are gay sports leagues, gay gamer groups, hell there are even gay camping and hiking groups. My advice is to focus on yourself. Find out your interests whatever they may be. Once you figure that, go to your local gay store and by a beacon light that aligns with your interest (sports teams use the ball they use but in rainbow color, hiking uses a mountain but rainbow etc) go home, put the beacon on your roof and light it up. In a short while someone will come and take you to your requested group 😊😊
There's no rule book about being gay. Being a man and liking men is what makes you gay, nothing else. There's no right way to be gay, just be yourself.
I don't have to "cope" with not being "gay enough", because being gay is only my sexual orientation. It has nothing to do with my interests or the social activities I like to be involved in etc. I don't understand why a lot of you still conflate your sexual orientation with your other aspects of your life that are outside of your sexual orientation.
Story of my life. I always feel awkward when in a gay surrounding. I feel stuck in the middle. Not gay enough but not straight enough.
How don’t you feel gay enough?
It's hard to describe. It's a feeling I get when in an all gay guy environment. I watch and everyone seems to have a certain air about them that they all fit in and I feel like an outsider.
Do you feel that way in other settings?
Just know that you have every right to feel as you do, even if it’s not the feeling you want, that even if the surfaces are different you’re just as gay as them and deserve to be there with men who at all your core’s share something.
Because the typical gay is into neo pronouns, leather, saunas, hook up culture. If you are a "regular" guy, its pretty easy to feel like you dont fit
I would say that leather and sauna stuff is for a niche part of an older gay generation. Hook up culture is a much broader term, but even that it’s possible to find other gays to connect with non-sexually. I think any gay/bi guy needs to know that they’re part of a community that by their very nature they do fit into.
When I meet up with people I meet up with friends and I see them as people, some happen to be gay/bi and some hPpen to be straight. We are friends because we have affinity and/or common interests, not because of their sexuality.
There is nothing to prove at all. Why do you have to fit a certain stereotype, unless you feel you need it. The notion of being gay or not being gay enough is just another form of sensitivity. Who cares how gay you are, or not. This is not a gay thing, it's in religion, sports, work, family, blah blah blah blah blah blah. There's always somebody who wants you to do more of something.. at any rate, you can be as gay, or not gay, as you want to be.
What? I never feel this way, i try my best to not be a walking stereotype lol
What are your interests?
I love that I am an outlier of some of the gay stereotypes. I, 24M, am a married car gay training to be a CNC Machinist and Programmer working in a smaller shop for the aerospace and defense industries in North Alabama. I have developed a white trash degenerate aesthetic and I like it. I don’t understand guys my age who make being so stereotypically gay their personality it’s annoying. One of the many reasons why I love the man I am married to is that he 43 and he is one of the only genuine no BS gay men I have ever met.
Ugh please do not buy into stereotypes. Most “gay” stereotypes are not coming from us but what and how “society” perceives us. I mean I am mostly introverted, I like being in nature, I read a lot, and I am super gay. Point is many of us are just normal dudes that go to work or school and come home and play video games or do other boring stuff like go for a jog. Comparing yourself to stereotypes or I guess the “ideal” gay persona in your mind will just lead you to misery and/or therapy.
LOL my whole life. My brother and sister are always on about how "un-gay" I am. Some people when they find out I am gay, and have a husband tell me - "But you don't look or sound gay." - ie, I present as a CIS-male and an Alpha male at times. My sister calls me an Army sergeant as I can be ruthless at getting things happening, taking control and getting things done - or, in an emergency, being calm and efficient, but authourative. Part of that is my job as a high school teacher - you have to be bossy and loud and dominant to control 25 teenage boys who some are determined to test you. My partner is even less practical than me, so when it comes to practical things around the house that I know how to do, he bows to my expertise. I don't go to a gym. My clothes can be quite daggy and unfashionable. I'm not a fan and wouldn't buy the music of Brittney, Madonna, Beyonce etc. I don't go out hardly at all on the gay scene.
Plenty of gay guys feel like they are too feminine, too obviously gay, and try to play it down, to seem more manly and more masculine. There is nothing wrong with being a bit feminine if that is who you naturally are, and equally, nothing wrong with not exhibiting any gay characteristics if that is who you naturally are. These anxieties and insecurities are so unnecessary and only serve to make you feel like you’re not worthy or not good enough, or not attractive. We are all unique, and we should celebrate our uniqueness and our individual qualities. Remember, there is only ONE version of YOU, so don’t compare yourself to others, just work on being the best version of yourself, and always be proud of who you are!
lol the same way we cope not being “straight enough” 🤣
I feel I’m often shunned by other gay guys for being too gay. I think you just have to find your people. There will always be those within any group looking to be superior in some way or another. Don’t give them any power by taking their snobbery to heart.
Yes I do. As a side, I very much feel not gay enough.
I’m gay and people always assume I’m straight. Yes, I don’t fit the stereotypes, which is great for me… but I still hold hands with my hubby out in public, sometimes throw in a kiss. I may not fit the stereotypes but I don’t hide my sexuality.
Yes. I feel this fairly often. I’m part of an all-inclusive rugby team where most people are gay. I’m married to man and definitely identify as gay but my fellow gay ruggers often group me in with the “straights.” It hurts my feelings but I’ve come to accept it. I acknowledge that my lived experience is not the same as theirs, that as an “invisible minority,” I have some additional privileges. But I know I am not alone and I feel comfortable with my place in the gay community. Maybe I cannot kiki with the girls, at least not authentically, but I will always root for my more effeminate and expressive queer comrades and stand together with them in the fight for acceptance and equal rights.
I’m posting this for anyone else who feels this way since I think as others pointed out, OP is trying to pad some OF subscription stats. But if you feel like this, I’d start with asking a few questions of yourself: Are you looking for a partner or a hookup? Are you looking to pursue your own interests with guys who also like to fuck guys for reasons above? Or to pursue your interests with guys who are comfortable enough with your gayness that you can comfortably express your sexuality? Regardless, figure out what you actually are wanting and that might help.
I always feel like that. I'm gay, but I don't look like one. I like techno parties instead of disco parties (pop style). I am an IT developer not an artist. Stereotypes are most of the time wrong. These stereotypes match just a few of us, not the most of us. Everybody is unique and that's great.
The way Tommy put it on smosh was what worked for me. He said "I suck fucking cock" after talking about how he felt about the "not gay enough" feeling. It's the "gay rights and gay wrong" episode of "we react to reddit" on smoshpit
Sucking more dick
Well having an OF you are trying to market on the DL probably qualifies you. Oh wait is this a Santos throwaway account?
Man what does that even mean fr. There’s obviously a spectrum. There is no right amount of gay. Where you’re at rn is the right amount for you.
Basically every fucking time I say I'm gay. People don't realize that saying " no but for real ?? You don't look gay " or watching you with choked eyes can hurt.
I don't feel the need to conform to be accepted if that's what you are asking. If I was easily pressured, I'd be married to a woman as a cover as I cheated behind her back on Grindr or Sniffies. How most of us cope is just to be who we are and strive to be who we want to be. I don't feel the need to wear a pride flag and daisy dukes while shouting aim gay to the rooftops. Blue jeans are comfy. My shoes are cheap with good insoles, and I wear t-shirts. I don't put a tilt to my voice to sound gayer, I don't tell everyone I meet on meeting that I do indeed like penis... So yeah, I just be myself, if you have trouble doing that, easy guide is to seek what makes you happy, not what others tell you is happiness. Be yourself, you'll shine through and the haters can take a nice long walk down a short pier. Don't conform, don't convince yourself that you'd only be happy if you blend into the crowd. Wear what's comfortable and makes you happy (and safe for work lol). Stop pushing yourself to fit their image, and realize you were your own portrait. Goodluck dude.
No. Just go be yourself, stop giving a fuck
To this I always say gay is my sexuality, not my personality.
People who are professionally gay are boring, even dangerous sometimes.
“Dangerous?” This guys is promoting his “dom top” OnlyFans by scamming the gays into thinking *he’s not the other girls.* Meanwhile you’re up here calling gay men dangerous.
You can't read, can you? I'm calling gay people who make their gayness their whole identity foolishly dangerous, not all gays. Learn thr difference
Look at you being a stereotypical mean gay while putting down other men for being too gay. It's poetic, really.
I love sports and hate the stereotypically gay stuff like theater and drag. Don't mind going to gay bars but when I do it's clear that I don't really fit in with a lot of gay men. Been called a "bad gay" for as long as I can remember. It used to bother me until I realized I couldn't stand being around people who called me that anyway. Like I was an alien or something for having different interests.
I mean who would want to be around people like that? But then my experience in gay bars is that, they're kind of just bars, with more drag shows.. There's no really dominant feature to the men in the ones in my city anyway. How can there be a right or wrong way to be something you just are.
I don't think people who are as hot as you really need to worry about such things. People are surely throwing themselves at u regardless so it's not like you're gonna run out of people to talk to. Lol.
Unfortunately, you just have to accept it. Be thankful for other good things in your life Redirect the "not X enough" to "enough to befriend gays and straights", you might not be able to connect in deeper levels, but you will be able to talk about topics in common.
I am glad someone made a post like this. I am getting a little bit tired of being publicly executed for acting, dressing, talking and living *NOT gay enough* whatever that means. Especially when I am around rich gays, I feel that sort of pressure more solidly. Like tonight I’m going to this Eurovision Party, yeah I like it but I don’t know for example what Serbian performers’ childhood trauma and how it affected her art?!! Things like this are exhausting to me.
Virtue signaling