I’m slowly building a life for myself after years of struggling with addiction and mental health issues. So I’m not going on dates. Not hooking up. Stopped taking PrEP. I’m just focused on myself atm. When I’m settled and back in the city I’ll start looking for a man to date. I really would like to be in a relationship. But I couldn’t let a good man date me while I’m in such a life altering transitionary period. I’ve called things off with some really good men because I knew I wasn’t ready before. Some of them got really hurt. I’m not going to hurt another good man especially right now. I could’ve shortened this and just said “I’m emotionally unavailable atm.” But I think it’s important that we talk about stuff like this. More so in real life than on here, I’m a little isolated rn in this small town. So that’s why I’m single
Similar situation here, man. Moved to a small town for career advancement, but struggling with isolation and depression after getting uprooted from my core friend group and a place I love. Recently had to turn down a dude who I’ve gotten to know and is honestly so wonderful, but I’m in no place to be a good partner, 2-hour distance notwithstanding :(
I wish you well, and hope you get where you need to be!
I’ve been in similar situations… not addiction related, but not loving myself. It’s taken me 15 years to recreate myself, find a job I love, and have the most amazing and awesome pets as well. There is only one pet left. My cats lived for 11 and 13 years and my dog is now 13, and elderly. My pets were my life, and with great therapy and good meds, I’m finally loving myself. But dating in Los Angeles is so hard! So few genuine guys I’m attracted to here. Lots of druggies and lots of sex addicts who party too much; also not my thing.
Hope that man is out there! Somewhere?
I'm way too shy. If someone flirts with me I get super flustered and my brain freezes. I find this highly embarrassing because I can't hold up a basic conversation when this happens, so unless I get to know the guy in advanced then I probably won't be able to make a good impression
Relationships are not something that I enjoy being in. I've been in many, including being married for a decade, and it took my quite a long time to finally come to the realization that I'm the most happy in life when single. I just like to live life. I have a great family, friends, kids, and career. I just don't feel as though dating adds any type of value to my life, nor I the other persons since my heart and head aren't really in it. It's not fair to anyone involved at that point, so... I don't date. I haven't for a while. I don't regret a single day of it either.
Because most guys are toxic psychotic assholes. They don't want to communicate or have important conversations, play too many mind games, are afraid of real love, fail at problem solving, and give up too easily when stuff becomes difficult instead of *talking* it out, working together, and coming to a compromise. Too many men's souls are broken inside. Period.
This is my exact feeling too. Being in a homophobic crushing slowly crushing country I feel at some point I need to move. I don't want something that might delay or make me not move all together.
I'm just not ready to add another person in my life at this time.
Sister has stage 4 lung cancer, been helping family with renovation projects and free time is somewhat of a rarity. So I don't really have the time or emotional capacity right now.
Thank you so much ! Past weekend was pretty bad for her (she was in a steroid induced psychosis) but she started to break out of it when we brought her daughter in to see her yesterday evening. Was the first person she opened her eyes to AND smiled at since this happened. Previously she couldn't open her eyes, talk and just randomly thrashed about like she was having non stop seizures.
Lots of tears and love in that room yesterday.
She's made a ton of progress since then and supposedly was a chatter box all night. I get off work here in an hour and I'm super excited to be able to talk to her again. Wasn't sure if I would !
I’m a shower not a grower so if I just pull it out it’s so small. When in reality I’m not small at all, I’m actually above average. Yes I’m also shy anyways lol
Because most guys I chat with inevitably say something like: "hold me down and fuck my hole daddy" Which is fine, eventually, but not as a second/third message
My bf kept lying and cheating b it would keep me around for when he needed something. What I thought was a blessing ended up causing me my mental well being. To be rejected by someone that I was willing to do anything for when he was only willing to do anything to me hurts
I work too much. 60+ hours a week. I'm over 50, so in the gay community I might as well be living in shady pines. After a spine injury I've gained some weight. Not obese, just a tyre around the waist.
Grindr is ok, but I'm usually too tired to go out to the bars. It'll happen at some point. I need to find a better work - life balance.
Im so oblivious. For example I was with my friends and someone came up to us and started talking to us and both of my friends were like “that dude was totally hitting on you” and i was like what the fuck are u talking about? He was probably just being nice.
I’m way too picky and finding the appropriate combination of sex and personality match and chemistry is hopeless. I’ve sworn off hook ups unless the gods take favor and I come across a hot twink or college boy. Getting intimate with a close friend seems like a better alternative to rigid and taxing relationships
Money. I'm on a budget atm that doesn't really allow for going on lots of dates.
I don't mind though, because I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship, so I'm not exactly putting pressure on myself to find one either. At 40, it's sort of "been there, done that" to a degree. I have goals in life I want to achieve, and I think my focus may shift once I get those other things off my bucket list.
I’ve always been single, not because i dont feel confident in my skin or because im socially awkward, but because i still haven’t found the person i want to be spending my days with.
I was too scared about society's judgment and never allowed myself to have true happiness. That all changed when the fire nation attacked. Jk, I actually went on my first date last week, and he's taking me out again tomorrow night!
The guys who want me - I don‘t want them. The guys I want - they don‘t want me. And I decided o stay single until I find the right one. Don‘t go for second best baby.
Everyone is disloyal. There’s a high chance of being cheated on, shallow conditional love is in trend, shit is superficial and most importantly, peace over anything !!!
Was likable until I was 25. Always could find a quick fuck or even a date for coffee. Then, I started focusing on my career, gained weight, and turned arrogant as well. Now, I'm trying to be happy with myself. Too low self-esteem to date anyone and too picky because of low self-esteem. The cycle continues. Also, I crib a lot.
I'm avoidant due to fears of getting hurt and low self-worth, and the one time I put myself out there for a man after 10 years, I got hurt to the point of having a mid-life crisis.
"We accept the love we think we deserve".
He was emotionally immature, emotionally unavailable. His parents didn't manage to provide him a safe space in his childhood and each of them was cheating. They were constantly busy and didn't give him love, thus making him to prone to this chaotic, unstable personality. "New minute, new me". He was also prone to get enamored by any shit-guy who smiled at him. He also was very into polygamy, polycules, poly-whatevers. He was addicted to porn, hated women, full on toxic masculinity quoting "masculinity is war and I want to win it". He tried to change his bestie guy sexual orientation by making a circle of lavender flowers in the middle of room and doing some magic chants (I'm scientist btw).
That was a fucking rollercoaster and I'm glad the ride has ended.
Now I am in my genz homophobic era. Basically enjoying myself, reading books, continuing research, doing some blender models. Life is chill. Life is good. Boys are ew.
I'm gay and religious and want to find someone who shares those religious beliefs (or is willing to start). I have met people who meet those qualifications before but nothing has ever worked out. I wouldn't say this is the only reason I'm single but I feel like it'll be the biggest thing holding me back long term
I don't have type but I would want date asian (cuz im an asian) im too ugly for asians and young white, black. so yeah they made me not to be with anyone
guess single for ever
I've chosen to focus on myself after a long relationship ended a couple of years ago. Since then, I haven't felt the inclination to pursue another relationship or even date. I did consider a long-term sexual friendship with someone I've known for quite some time, but unfortunately, they weren't interested. Consciously I don’t want to be in this fwb with that dude subconsciously I still do but not date someone just monogamous play.
Because most gay ask too many things in a man and not exactly in personality, ask for the "perfect body", big dick, a lot of money, look like trending and fashion styles, do/make specific activities, watch/listen specific music or tv shows, etc, etc. It's ok to have similar tastes in common, but not exactly having a clone like a partner/couple 🤔😐😐
I move a lot and I haven’t met the right person yet. Either people don’t interest me enough to get to that next step, or even if they do, they don’t live in close proximity to me or aren’t where I am currently living (I’ll move again soon). Alternatively, they themselves may not be currently looking for a relationship. I’ve decided to just take things as they come and see who I connect well with. Maybe the appropriate time or place for a relationship will arise again
historically I fall into a cycle of "meet a new guy" "things are going well" "I get emotionally invested" "I find out I'm his secret relationship and he's cheating on both parties" and the fact that it's happened more than once in less than ten years I'd just like, exhausting and makes me really not wanna trust people
Haven’t been hooking up. Haven’t been going out of my way to meet people in person. Haven’t been on the apps. Just started antidepressants and feeling side effects (not at my best self).
I mean I look great but I don’t feel great if that makes sense.
Also I don’t wanna give off an air of desperation… even though I would love a relationship, I do enjoy the freedoms of being single.
A combination of enjoying my own company and not minding being alone. In the cliche sense when ppl say you find your person when you’re not looking for it has not been the case lol. That said I do think more of it comes from not being traditionally handsome. I’m 6’7 and built to play ball, belly, thighs and all but no one seems to be barking up the tree per se.
I just finished school, I don't have a job, and I won't date people from my very rural hometown. Once I have a job and move to the city where I actually know people, I hope I can meet someone
Not out. That’s the biggest one.
I think another is just lifestyle differences/goals. I’ve had more than a few attractive guys want me sexually. I hear I’m really accomplished for my age. And I think that might turn some guys off, or put some guys off. I’ve been described as a workaholic by a really good friend of mine. And it makes sense. And I know that some guys don’t like that in a partner.
I would say my race (I’m black). But, I know that’s not 100% of the reason why. Do guys look at me differently? Hell yeah. But I can’t say it’s the sole reason I’m single.
**Location**: I’m in the south and I’ve heard that dating down here is garbage for straight people. So, it doesn’t surprise me that gay guys are on the same type of time. And I get matches on tinder and hit up on Grindr. But no one ever messages or is down to meet up in person. That’s another big thing. If no one is wanting to make a connection or meet in person, then it’s gonna be very easy to be single. Why match with me if you aren’t gonna respond to the message.
Ive been putting a lot of work into getting my life on track lately, and until it is, I don’t have that kind of time or energy for someone. Plus the one guy who I’d ever even consider dating feels very similarly about his own life. I’ve got a very casual situation going on, and thats about all I’ve got room for.
I’m a dense, ugly mofo. If someone is actually flirting with me, I’m not gonna notice it. You’d have to tell me straight up if you’re into me. And my looks are pretty average at best. Got a slight gut, a few teeth are either broken or missing, and I’ve got a slight weird unibrow growing. Plus I’m antisocial as hell and interacting with anyone drains my social battery like crazy
It just doesn’t seem to click with anyone.. sometimes it’s me knowing we are incompatible and vocalizing it out of respect for the other person.. or them who ghost / slowly stop messaging & answering etc.. / match & no reply..
I don’t really have a reason kinda just waiting, if it comes it comes, I feel like I have alot to offer in myself and my value and I also want someone that fits into my life with their own value.
We go on a date ->
ask a bunch of questions to figure each other out -> our attention span is 5 seconds long (thanks internet)->
we lose interest because we have so many other options ->
rinse and repeat (but dates are exhausting so we go on a break from them for 5 months)
People I like don't like me back but in a more serious note, I don't want to go through a de-factor or divorce and split my assets. In Australia we don't technically have a pre-nup, it's called a Binding Financial Agreement which is technically same same but you can still fight it in court or through lawyers even if it's 100% full proof.
Lmao, have you read some of the posts on this subreddit? That’s a big reason why. Guys can be too much and do the most sometimes. It’s just not worth the headaches.
I lacked the willpower and tenacity to exercise enough and watch my calories consistently. When I had my diet under control and was moving a lot, everything looked, worked and felt better. My weight struggle has been what has defined me and my happiness for so long. When that combines with being out of shape, the discrimination and disconnect from the gay community is real…
Uh, A reason is that I have some kind of self loathing complex. I used to go for straight homophobes only, hoping that they would love me back. Of course that turns painful pretty quick! But i stick around for 10 or 12 years because I love him. Ugh. It wasn't 'til much later that i realized i was using this person to hurt myself, while trying to convince myself that he was using me! Not sure why I find safety in sucking off straight dudes who are just not even remotely interested in me as a human being... but if you're looking to be alone, it is a solid strategy!
I don’t put myself out there.
Im not deemed attractive.
How my life is going right now I don’t think another guy would wanna be around of associate himself with me
Choice. There are things about being single that I honestly like. Also time. I have a demanding full-time job and also go to law school part-time. Based on my schedule, I can't be as present and available for a relationship as most guys would expect for something more than casual.
I work 60 hour weeks so not only do I barely have the time to put myself out there, but I’m too exhausted to even go out. After cooking my week’s lunches and cleaning my apartment I’m usually just barely able to shower and pass out lol
And I also live in a tiny town with *nothing* going on to begin with.
I honestly wish I had a correct answer for this. I’m sure it’s a factor of things. I have very little relationship experience (never dated in my teen years). I usually be over 400lbs but have lost around 200lbs. I still have a belly, loose skin and some man tits, so you can say body issues. My voice never got deep sadly, so I’m often confused for a woman on the phone. I’ve asked guys in the past that it didn’t work out with on what I could approve on, and they all swear I did nothing wrong that it was them or just didn’t have that spark fully. I live in a lgbt friendly area, but hardly any gay guys except for college students.
Another issue I seem to have on dating apps or texting a guy is that they seem to want to drive all the conversations. Like if I don’t send a message the convo dies. I’m a bit tired of having to put in most of the effort. So I would say it’s a series of things. I am working on myself, looking to move in the next year, getting back into the gym to try and tone my body up a bit as well.
2 reasons
The main reason is I am not in a comfortable enough position to be in a relationship with someone I have come to realize that I generally prefer the stereotypical man or what's considered more mascular role in the relationship to where I am the provider, the protector all those things and While I am comfortable with my partner Enjoying and wanting to pursue those same roles. I personally am uncomfortable if I cannot provide or don't have enough money to take my partner out on dates or to do certain things.
Also, it could be that I just need to have some level of independence before. I feel comfortable getting into a relationship, for example, my own hold my car, I'm only 22 so I'm not exactly fully independent yet.
The other reason is I'm into people who are not Into me and the people who are into me I'm usually am not into them
It's a superficial sub culture. People don't want what I want. Had a couple of 3 year relationships. The rejection is painful and creates this distrust if I meet anyone who appeals to me.
It is a challenge to live with anyone as well as a headache. I don't seek relationships and don't want one. A FWBS would be nice, but there is a lot of insincerity, gaslighting, and lying. I deserve better.
I live in a small city in the south west of England where the population of LGBT is low and I've met more queer women than men. I'm attracted to masculine and athletic men as I like weightlifting and kickboxing. I love going out with my friends or sometimes just myself. Unfortunately, men with the characteristics I like in my area are straight or are in straight relationships. This keeps me wondering where those gay men are.
I can't take care of myself, how would I do with two? XD
Also, not in a country I would like to settle in - not gonna go through heartbreak when the move inevitably comes.
I try to put myself out there, but have been told many times that either I am too old (53), too fat (277 to start, down to 235 now since January 2024) or that I am too ugly.
Self Confidence and Self-Esteem issues. In the process of trying to sort it all out, CrossFit, watching what I eat blah blah. Might take a while, and then to get over my extreme shyness.
It wouldn't be fair on a partner while I have these issues.
I'm just not very good with people. I think I want to be around someone but then only after a very little while I find myself becoming annoyed and wanting my privacy and solitude back. I also think that it's because I'm possibly overly critical about my partner, And quite frankly, I've been burned so many times that I just don't want that kind of pain right now. The last time I fell in love with somebody that didn't see me that way and it was one of the most painful things I think I've ever experienced, especially since we're still friends.
I just haven't been out meeting guys lately I've been busy with college and work and stuff I've at least been chatting with a cute guy but we live about an hour away from one another so finding time is hard
Because I just quit my DOC within the past year and have been working on myself. My sex drive just came back though, so despite this being a perfectly good reason I’m still really sad about being single/lonely 😭
Soon hopefully.
I enjoy being able to watch whatever I want on TV, play it at any volume, come and go when I want, eat what I want, etc. No one is criticizing my every move. What I own is mine, alone. I have freedom.
I don’t try to put myself out there, yet complain about why I’m so lonely. It’s a real mystery :/
So me
Same here
Same lmao
Where is "Out there" now. Our spaces are closing and people are staying in the house
Because nobody want me 😂😂😂
Precisely 😂
So are we mostly just telling ourselves this yet ignoring people we don't want but want us?
I don't ignore them. I just... don't respond to their flirting. 🙈
😭😭😭
Exactly
I’m slowly building a life for myself after years of struggling with addiction and mental health issues. So I’m not going on dates. Not hooking up. Stopped taking PrEP. I’m just focused on myself atm. When I’m settled and back in the city I’ll start looking for a man to date. I really would like to be in a relationship. But I couldn’t let a good man date me while I’m in such a life altering transitionary period. I’ve called things off with some really good men because I knew I wasn’t ready before. Some of them got really hurt. I’m not going to hurt another good man especially right now. I could’ve shortened this and just said “I’m emotionally unavailable atm.” But I think it’s important that we talk about stuff like this. More so in real life than on here, I’m a little isolated rn in this small town. So that’s why I’m single
Wow, exactly same, so well-written. Best of luck on your journey!
Similar situation here, man. Moved to a small town for career advancement, but struggling with isolation and depression after getting uprooted from my core friend group and a place I love. Recently had to turn down a dude who I’ve gotten to know and is honestly so wonderful, but I’m in no place to be a good partner, 2-hour distance notwithstanding :( I wish you well, and hope you get where you need to be!
I’ve been in similar situations… not addiction related, but not loving myself. It’s taken me 15 years to recreate myself, find a job I love, and have the most amazing and awesome pets as well. There is only one pet left. My cats lived for 11 and 13 years and my dog is now 13, and elderly. My pets were my life, and with great therapy and good meds, I’m finally loving myself. But dating in Los Angeles is so hard! So few genuine guys I’m attracted to here. Lots of druggies and lots of sex addicts who party too much; also not my thing. Hope that man is out there! Somewhere?
Couldn't have written this better. Me too!
To you and all the dudes that identified with your post... thank you from your future partner <3
I live in a geographically rural area with a small population, and accordingly a small (if not nearly non existent)gay population.
Only gay in the village?
howdy. join us in r/gayrural group. Consider us your gay community.
Same, there are very few gays in my town and most are not my type and the rest are taken already. I’m considering moving to the city for more options.
I don’t love myself lol.
This hit hard
Hope you can find yourself and the support you need man. It's rough, but ur worth it.
I know what you feel
Ouch 😭😭😭
I'm way too shy. If someone flirts with me I get super flustered and my brain freezes. I find this highly embarrassing because I can't hold up a basic conversation when this happens, so unless I get to know the guy in advanced then I probably won't be able to make a good impression
Way too focused on my career. Low tolerance for bullshit. Love the freedom it affords me.
i enjoy my own company too much
Horrible dating standards and toxic gays
Relationships are not something that I enjoy being in. I've been in many, including being married for a decade, and it took my quite a long time to finally come to the realization that I'm the most happy in life when single. I just like to live life. I have a great family, friends, kids, and career. I just don't feel as though dating adds any type of value to my life, nor I the other persons since my heart and head aren't really in it. It's not fair to anyone involved at that point, so... I don't date. I haven't for a while. I don't regret a single day of it either.
Haven't felt like dating again since getting divorced, just having fun and seeing where (if anywhere) things go
It's just so much easier to be single
Because most guys are toxic psychotic assholes. They don't want to communicate or have important conversations, play too many mind games, are afraid of real love, fail at problem solving, and give up too easily when stuff becomes difficult instead of *talking* it out, working together, and coming to a compromise. Too many men's souls are broken inside. Period.
This is so relatable. Also, happy cake day!
I like it this way!
Don't want relationships in my country because when I'll want to leave it, I don't want anything to hold me there
Wow, I could of wrote this lol
Where do you live?
This is my exact feeling too. Being in a homophobic crushing slowly crushing country I feel at some point I need to move. I don't want something that might delay or make me not move all together.
Relationships need time and I have none at the moment.
I'm just not ready to add another person in my life at this time. Sister has stage 4 lung cancer, been helping family with renovation projects and free time is somewhat of a rarity. So I don't really have the time or emotional capacity right now.
🙏🏼💕 for your sister
Thank you so much ! Past weekend was pretty bad for her (she was in a steroid induced psychosis) but she started to break out of it when we brought her daughter in to see her yesterday evening. Was the first person she opened her eyes to AND smiled at since this happened. Previously she couldn't open her eyes, talk and just randomly thrashed about like she was having non stop seizures. Lots of tears and love in that room yesterday. She's made a ton of progress since then and supposedly was a chatter box all night. I get off work here in an hour and I'm super excited to be able to talk to her again. Wasn't sure if I would !
🥺🥲 hope shes in good spirits tonight too
Gotta be mental illness for me. I look great. Tall. Nice dick. Personality is a little wonky. Anxiety fucking sucks. Stuck in a jack off loop.
maybe it’s the meth? not judging but the ‘relationship type’ gays like to see some stability
When I was single: I was too good of a catch 😉
I feel like this is the story of my life. When you are such a catch it’s seems most guys are scared or don’t think they’re good enough for you.
I'm taking a few years to work on my goals, and I don't feel ready to bring someone else into my life right now.
Not conventionally attractive, not masc enough, kinda homophobic to myself
I don't like people
Because I’m at my best being single. A relationship never really did anything for me.
Because people are horrible
Im shy and I have a small cock 😳
I’m a shower not a grower so if I just pull it out it’s so small. When in reality I’m not small at all, I’m actually above average. Yes I’m also shy anyways lol
How small?
I gotta work on myself alot before I'm ready to subject that onto other people.
Fear of committing to something that is likely to end badly
Pandemic really fucked me up financially and mentally. Not really feeling like i can bring someone into this mess
Because I’m not going to get into a relationship “just because”. I need real connection and need the feel it reciprocated.
It comes with my being an introvert.
Because most guys I chat with inevitably say something like: "hold me down and fuck my hole daddy" Which is fine, eventually, but not as a second/third message
I've been very unlucky that every time I meet a guy, he turns out to be a douchebag.
I don't use dating apps and social medias, and whenever I like a guy he's straight 😭. I swear I don't do it on purpose.
Focusing on myself after years of self-neglect. Not ready for a relationship right now, just worried about getting my life straightened out.
Because my husband died.
My bf kept lying and cheating b it would keep me around for when he needed something. What I thought was a blessing ended up causing me my mental well being. To be rejected by someone that I was willing to do anything for when he was only willing to do anything to me hurts
I can't get hot guys to be into me.
I work too much. 60+ hours a week. I'm over 50, so in the gay community I might as well be living in shady pines. After a spine injury I've gained some weight. Not obese, just a tyre around the waist. Grindr is ok, but I'm usually too tired to go out to the bars. It'll happen at some point. I need to find a better work - life balance.
I still see myself as 350 lbs and the lack of confidence I had at that weight even after I've lost over 120 lbs over the last 5 years.
The few relationships I was in were full of lies and betrayals….so I have major trust issues…..plus I’m not all that attractive…
It just seems I don't know anymore how to get into a relationship. Grindr is scary.
I'm autistic
too picky? and most guys are pricks
Personal struggle made me become recluse. Currently digging my way out!
Social anxiety
My need to run away right after I bust a nut might be a reason ?
Chasing after guys that aren’t into me.
Im so oblivious. For example I was with my friends and someone came up to us and started talking to us and both of my friends were like “that dude was totally hitting on you” and i was like what the fuck are u talking about? He was probably just being nice.
Have you met men? lol
I’m a hoe
I am a straight dude moving around in gay and lesbian subreddits because gay dudes are funny and lesbians share my “Ahh women” mentality.
I’m way too picky and finding the appropriate combination of sex and personality match and chemistry is hopeless. I’ve sworn off hook ups unless the gods take favor and I come across a hot twink or college boy. Getting intimate with a close friend seems like a better alternative to rigid and taxing relationships
Money. I'm on a budget atm that doesn't really allow for going on lots of dates. I don't mind though, because I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship, so I'm not exactly putting pressure on myself to find one either. At 40, it's sort of "been there, done that" to a degree. I have goals in life I want to achieve, and I think my focus may shift once I get those other things off my bucket list.
Because most relationships sound like nightmares and I enjoy my independence.
I've been twice widowed. No going there again.
I’m not out, I don’t put myself out there because of fear. And if I was in a relationship I would have to come out
Premature ejaculation, ED, anxiety and stress through the roof, depression and an inexplicable inability to make friends.
I’ve always been single, not because i dont feel confident in my skin or because im socially awkward, but because i still haven’t found the person i want to be spending my days with.
Insecurity . And yeah I don't put myself out there
I was too scared about society's judgment and never allowed myself to have true happiness. That all changed when the fire nation attacked. Jk, I actually went on my first date last week, and he's taking me out again tomorrow night!
The guys who want me - I don‘t want them. The guys I want - they don‘t want me. And I decided o stay single until I find the right one. Don‘t go for second best baby.
Everyone is disloyal. There’s a high chance of being cheated on, shallow conditional love is in trend, shit is superficial and most importantly, peace over anything !!!
I love my freedom and independence too much and too focused on building a life for myself.
I say I'm not ready but really just not wanted 💀💀💀
Was likable until I was 25. Always could find a quick fuck or even a date for coffee. Then, I started focusing on my career, gained weight, and turned arrogant as well. Now, I'm trying to be happy with myself. Too low self-esteem to date anyone and too picky because of low self-esteem. The cycle continues. Also, I crib a lot.
How to have confidence? 🫣
I've noticed I'm much happier without the responsibilities of conventional relationships.
I'm avoidant due to fears of getting hurt and low self-worth, and the one time I put myself out there for a man after 10 years, I got hurt to the point of having a mid-life crisis. "We accept the love we think we deserve".
Mental problems that I can't afford to get help with, and I don't want to use my partner as a therapist.
The standards that a lot of guys have in my area are pretty fucking high. So chances are slim.
Idk, I mean I did try my best but still got ghosted and ignored all the time
I'm too overweight! Trying to work on myself before I take care of someone else. I have a lot to give, just not ready yet.
He was emotionally immature, emotionally unavailable. His parents didn't manage to provide him a safe space in his childhood and each of them was cheating. They were constantly busy and didn't give him love, thus making him to prone to this chaotic, unstable personality. "New minute, new me". He was also prone to get enamored by any shit-guy who smiled at him. He also was very into polygamy, polycules, poly-whatevers. He was addicted to porn, hated women, full on toxic masculinity quoting "masculinity is war and I want to win it". He tried to change his bestie guy sexual orientation by making a circle of lavender flowers in the middle of room and doing some magic chants (I'm scientist btw). That was a fucking rollercoaster and I'm glad the ride has ended. Now I am in my genz homophobic era. Basically enjoying myself, reading books, continuing research, doing some blender models. Life is chill. Life is good. Boys are ew.
Glad u got off that ride
I'm gay and religious and want to find someone who shares those religious beliefs (or is willing to start). I have met people who meet those qualifications before but nothing has ever worked out. I wouldn't say this is the only reason I'm single but I feel like it'll be the biggest thing holding me back long term
My anxious attachment style (working on it)
Just got divorced. Not really feeling like pursuing another relationship right now.
I don't have type but I would want date asian (cuz im an asian) im too ugly for asians and young white, black. so yeah they made me not to be with anyone guess single for ever
I’m sure someone will come along if u keep putting yourself out there
I've chosen to focus on myself after a long relationship ended a couple of years ago. Since then, I haven't felt the inclination to pursue another relationship or even date. I did consider a long-term sexual friendship with someone I've known for quite some time, but unfortunately, they weren't interested. Consciously I don’t want to be in this fwb with that dude subconsciously I still do but not date someone just monogamous play.
looking for a relationship and not just hookups
not considered conventionally attractive within the community
Everyone is attractive to someone 🙏🏼
Because most gay ask too many things in a man and not exactly in personality, ask for the "perfect body", big dick, a lot of money, look like trending and fashion styles, do/make specific activities, watch/listen specific music or tv shows, etc, etc. It's ok to have similar tastes in common, but not exactly having a clone like a partner/couple 🤔😐😐
Maybe I have known only people who want only sex or anything else but NOT a relationship 😔😔 So, I have a lot of bad luck
I move a lot and I haven’t met the right person yet. Either people don’t interest me enough to get to that next step, or even if they do, they don’t live in close proximity to me or aren’t where I am currently living (I’ll move again soon). Alternatively, they themselves may not be currently looking for a relationship. I’ve decided to just take things as they come and see who I connect well with. Maybe the appropriate time or place for a relationship will arise again
Emotionally unavailable, insecure about my sexuality, depressed.
Felt that
historically I fall into a cycle of "meet a new guy" "things are going well" "I get emotionally invested" "I find out I'm his secret relationship and he's cheating on both parties" and the fact that it's happened more than once in less than ten years I'd just like, exhausting and makes me really not wanna trust people
Because guys don’t find me attractive in any way.
Haven’t been hooking up. Haven’t been going out of my way to meet people in person. Haven’t been on the apps. Just started antidepressants and feeling side effects (not at my best self). I mean I look great but I don’t feel great if that makes sense. Also I don’t wanna give off an air of desperation… even though I would love a relationship, I do enjoy the freedoms of being single.
Severe anxiety and lack of confidence
A combination of enjoying my own company and not minding being alone. In the cliche sense when ppl say you find your person when you’re not looking for it has not been the case lol. That said I do think more of it comes from not being traditionally handsome. I’m 6’7 and built to play ball, belly, thighs and all but no one seems to be barking up the tree per se.
Cuz I can't trust anyone.
Im unemployed. So naturally I gotta be on a dating ban lol
Try finding someone to date in Los Angeles! Someone that is honest, real, down-to-Earth, and someone that you’re attracted to, as the lynch pin!
Possible Undiagnosed autism + attachment style/s + personality
I just finished school, I don't have a job, and I won't date people from my very rural hometown. Once I have a job and move to the city where I actually know people, I hope I can meet someone
My personality and I'm moving.
Cult that isolated me
Not out. That’s the biggest one. I think another is just lifestyle differences/goals. I’ve had more than a few attractive guys want me sexually. I hear I’m really accomplished for my age. And I think that might turn some guys off, or put some guys off. I’ve been described as a workaholic by a really good friend of mine. And it makes sense. And I know that some guys don’t like that in a partner. I would say my race (I’m black). But, I know that’s not 100% of the reason why. Do guys look at me differently? Hell yeah. But I can’t say it’s the sole reason I’m single. **Location**: I’m in the south and I’ve heard that dating down here is garbage for straight people. So, it doesn’t surprise me that gay guys are on the same type of time. And I get matches on tinder and hit up on Grindr. But no one ever messages or is down to meet up in person. That’s another big thing. If no one is wanting to make a connection or meet in person, then it’s gonna be very easy to be single. Why match with me if you aren’t gonna respond to the message.
Ive been putting a lot of work into getting my life on track lately, and until it is, I don’t have that kind of time or energy for someone. Plus the one guy who I’d ever even consider dating feels very similarly about his own life. I’ve got a very casual situation going on, and thats about all I’ve got room for.
Location
Haven't found the right guy yet.
I love being by myself
I love the freedom of being single
I'm picky, most guy are either fugly or nympho and I'm not into those.
My ex, I'm terrified to even hook up with another,
I’m a dense, ugly mofo. If someone is actually flirting with me, I’m not gonna notice it. You’d have to tell me straight up if you’re into me. And my looks are pretty average at best. Got a slight gut, a few teeth are either broken or missing, and I’ve got a slight weird unibrow growing. Plus I’m antisocial as hell and interacting with anyone drains my social battery like crazy
My parents are an amazing example of what a relationship shouldn't be. I'd rather be single than in that hell.
Cause i have commitment issues
I think I’m broken
It just doesn’t seem to click with anyone.. sometimes it’s me knowing we are incompatible and vocalizing it out of respect for the other person.. or them who ghost / slowly stop messaging & answering etc.. / match & no reply..
I've ruined so many relationships that I have become happy with being single.
Celibate
I'm scared of dating and I still deal with my internal homophobia
I don’t really have a reason kinda just waiting, if it comes it comes, I feel like I have alot to offer in myself and my value and I also want someone that fits into my life with their own value.
We go on a date -> ask a bunch of questions to figure each other out -> our attention span is 5 seconds long (thanks internet)-> we lose interest because we have so many other options -> rinse and repeat (but dates are exhausting so we go on a break from them for 5 months)
People I like don't like me back but in a more serious note, I don't want to go through a de-factor or divorce and split my assets. In Australia we don't technically have a pre-nup, it's called a Binding Financial Agreement which is technically same same but you can still fight it in court or through lawyers even if it's 100% full proof.
People suck, and I dislike most of them. Also, I put very little effort into relationships.
Lmao, have you read some of the posts on this subreddit? That’s a big reason why. Guys can be too much and do the most sometimes. It’s just not worth the headaches.
I'm stuck in a seemingly endless "I need to work on myself first" loop.
I dumped him because he cheated and betrayed my trust on many levels. And now I find it hard to trust again.
I lacked the willpower and tenacity to exercise enough and watch my calories consistently. When I had my diet under control and was moving a lot, everything looked, worked and felt better. My weight struggle has been what has defined me and my happiness for so long. When that combines with being out of shape, the discrimination and disconnect from the gay community is real…
Uh, A reason is that I have some kind of self loathing complex. I used to go for straight homophobes only, hoping that they would love me back. Of course that turns painful pretty quick! But i stick around for 10 or 12 years because I love him. Ugh. It wasn't 'til much later that i realized i was using this person to hurt myself, while trying to convince myself that he was using me! Not sure why I find safety in sucking off straight dudes who are just not even remotely interested in me as a human being... but if you're looking to be alone, it is a solid strategy!
Because I’m in homophobic country
I hate other people
I tried gay dating it's terrible people are too much selective i lack in good body too
My free Grindr plan reaches guys up to 53 miles away. 😔
Probably a mix between being ugly, not having enough courage and self esteem.
Haven't found anyone worth my time.
Lack of trust, fear of rejection, used to it
I don’t put myself out there. Im not deemed attractive. How my life is going right now I don’t think another guy would wanna be around of associate himself with me
Choice. There are things about being single that I honestly like. Also time. I have a demanding full-time job and also go to law school part-time. Based on my schedule, I can't be as present and available for a relationship as most guys would expect for something more than casual.
Widowed
I work 60 hour weeks so not only do I barely have the time to put myself out there, but I’m too exhausted to even go out. After cooking my week’s lunches and cleaning my apartment I’m usually just barely able to shower and pass out lol And I also live in a tiny town with *nothing* going on to begin with.
Extremely low tolerance to most gay minutia 🤷🏻♂️
I honestly wish I had a correct answer for this. I’m sure it’s a factor of things. I have very little relationship experience (never dated in my teen years). I usually be over 400lbs but have lost around 200lbs. I still have a belly, loose skin and some man tits, so you can say body issues. My voice never got deep sadly, so I’m often confused for a woman on the phone. I’ve asked guys in the past that it didn’t work out with on what I could approve on, and they all swear I did nothing wrong that it was them or just didn’t have that spark fully. I live in a lgbt friendly area, but hardly any gay guys except for college students. Another issue I seem to have on dating apps or texting a guy is that they seem to want to drive all the conversations. Like if I don’t send a message the convo dies. I’m a bit tired of having to put in most of the effort. So I would say it’s a series of things. I am working on myself, looking to move in the next year, getting back into the gym to try and tone my body up a bit as well.
Because I want to be
2 reasons The main reason is I am not in a comfortable enough position to be in a relationship with someone I have come to realize that I generally prefer the stereotypical man or what's considered more mascular role in the relationship to where I am the provider, the protector all those things and While I am comfortable with my partner Enjoying and wanting to pursue those same roles. I personally am uncomfortable if I cannot provide or don't have enough money to take my partner out on dates or to do certain things. Also, it could be that I just need to have some level of independence before. I feel comfortable getting into a relationship, for example, my own hold my car, I'm only 22 so I'm not exactly fully independent yet. The other reason is I'm into people who are not Into me and the people who are into me I'm usually am not into them
I hate partying and I hate dating apps
It's a superficial sub culture. People don't want what I want. Had a couple of 3 year relationships. The rejection is painful and creates this distrust if I meet anyone who appeals to me. It is a challenge to live with anyone as well as a headache. I don't seek relationships and don't want one. A FWBS would be nice, but there is a lot of insincerity, gaslighting, and lying. I deserve better.
I know they’ll eventually leave or cheat on me and I don't have the emotional bandwidth for that behavior
I live in a small city in the south west of England where the population of LGBT is low and I've met more queer women than men. I'm attracted to masculine and athletic men as I like weightlifting and kickboxing. I love going out with my friends or sometimes just myself. Unfortunately, men with the characteristics I like in my area are straight or are in straight relationships. This keeps me wondering where those gay men are.
Honestly don't trust gays anymore
I can't take care of myself, how would I do with two? XD Also, not in a country I would like to settle in - not gonna go through heartbreak when the move inevitably comes.
I try to put myself out there, but have been told many times that either I am too old (53), too fat (277 to start, down to 235 now since January 2024) or that I am too ugly.
Self Confidence and Self-Esteem issues. In the process of trying to sort it all out, CrossFit, watching what I eat blah blah. Might take a while, and then to get over my extreme shyness. It wouldn't be fair on a partner while I have these issues.
Because men can’t stay loyal
I'm just not very good with people. I think I want to be around someone but then only after a very little while I find myself becoming annoyed and wanting my privacy and solitude back. I also think that it's because I'm possibly overly critical about my partner, And quite frankly, I've been burned so many times that I just don't want that kind of pain right now. The last time I fell in love with somebody that didn't see me that way and it was one of the most painful things I think I've ever experienced, especially since we're still friends.
Moved between 3 countries in 4 years, might move to a new one next year.
I was too immature, worried about being disappointing to the extent that I in the end achieved the highest score in precisely that.
Im ugly
I just haven't been out meeting guys lately I've been busy with college and work and stuff I've at least been chatting with a cute guy but we live about an hour away from one another so finding time is hard
Because I just quit my DOC within the past year and have been working on myself. My sex drive just came back though, so despite this being a perfectly good reason I’m still really sad about being single/lonely 😭 Soon hopefully.
I'm on the chubby side and despite a winning personality I find it hard to connect with people in German, I'm just not funny in German.
Apparently I'm no one's type, and when I am they lose interest really fast. Maybe I'm a shitty person idk
Because I don't have a reason to be partnered.
Only one ? Not enough gays in my area
I’m ugly
I enjoy being able to watch whatever I want on TV, play it at any volume, come and go when I want, eat what I want, etc. No one is criticizing my every move. What I own is mine, alone. I have freedom.
small college town, i dated all the guys here that are my type, so much so that we’ve all mutually ran into each other.