I thought it was pretty rad but I was 40, it was 10 years ago, and the dating apps weren't all as broke as they are now and some of my favorite social activities were available close-in and sadly they aren't today (bowling).
I spent a lot of time in the first few years working on myself, road cycling, running, and just getting to be a little more confident. In addition to getting walked over at home, I was getting walked over at work and I learned how to say no and my career blossomed for it.
Later on I re-took up guitar and doing some music production at home.
Sadly I never found a good dad group in town. I did have a decent divorce support group at Taborspace I am not sure if they still meet. Doesn't look like their facebook page has updated since 2018, I found it on meetup, if that's even still a thing.
I've been partnered up for \~5 years now, but we still lead independent lives. At 50 I am still going to see local bands a few times a month since I finally broke back out after getting COVID in summer 2022. I meet folks at shows and they aren't afraid of talking to an old man.
Anyways, divorce sucks but life can indeed get better. Keep your head high and you'll come out of it alright.
So it depends. The apps suck in my experience.
I'm younger and only got over being bitter about 3 years post divorce. Best advice I can give is don't hang out with other divorced people that make that their identity.
Volunteer work is a good call, but heck, wanna grab a beer buddy?
Adopt a senior dog. Declare them your new BFF. People WILL talk to you if you’re out slowly walking your dog. Dogs are terrific conversation starts - especially in Portland.
People will talk to you if you’re sitting outside a bar with your dog. Especially if you say things like, “I come here, get a drink, because old Rusty here can’t walk very far but loves people.”
Worst case scenario, you get to hang with old Rusty. Best case scenario is the opening scene to 101 Dalmatians.
I did this. But my old puppers, turns out, really doesn’t like the presence of other dogs without throwing a massive fit! So…. Can be challenging. But so worth it.
I got divorced in my 40s and it wasn’t easy but ultimately was the best thing for me, and my kids - even if they’re still sad that mom and dad no longer live together and they have to make the trek back and forth every week.
Do the things that you like to do - if you’ve forgotten what that is, rediscover it. The best part of divorce is that half the time you now have a lot more freedom and flexibility. I used that time to ski more, start mountain biking, see more music, sleep in. And date. Yes, the apps sort of suck, but I’m convinced it’s easier than ever before especially for older people who are no longer going out to bars and clubs to meet people through the apps. You’ll learn quickly that it can be overwhelming, time consuming, that there is a lot of people to sift through to find those who are most interesting/not crazy but.. it can be a fun process and will certainly give you lots of stories. But doing new activities, joining clubs, picking up a sport; all things that may be more likely to connect you to a like minded person to date than the randomness of Tinder or Hinge but I certainly met my partner that way.
Everyone told me “I’m sorry” when they found out I was getting divorced. I tell them, “don’t be sorry, I’m much happier now”. You will be too.
I’m a 33F, got divorced, officially about a year ago.
Post divorce my life is amazing . I’ve made so many more friends. I get to enjoy my favorite activities. And I’m a lot less stressed.
It’s kind of like whatever you put in you will get out .
If you put energy into enriching your life, then you will have a great life after divorce
From a single woman with single friends, thank you for the honest acknowledgement. Personally I’m not even ready to try dating but my friends do and they have many horror stories.
My friend tried a couple dates 5 years after the divorce and it was a horror show. I couldn’t understand it. She is gorgeous, has an advanced degree, and a heart of gold. I thought she’d have a great time dating. She even went with a paid dating app to try to filter it a little more.
I do have another friend who is younger than us by 5 years (mid 30’s) and she’s having the time of her life dating, but they have definitely been “here for a fun time, not a long time” types but she’s okay with that, for now.
I really want my bestie and a friend of my husbands to meet and have a date. She’s up for it but my husband is slacking on just asking the dude if he’s interested in a blind date with a gorgeous, intelligent, kind woman. Like I don’t get it, surely his friend would be all about it? He seems like a good guy which is why I’m about it. He deserves some love too.
As a single guy with a job, car, own apartment, hobbies, lots of time in therapy and self improvement, but still perpetually and completely isolated, posts like this are so confusing and depressing to me. Online dating doesn't work for me at all and I don't know where or how I can meet people in person since my hobbies are all relatively solo and masculine. It's hard not to conclude from all this that I'm doomed because there's something fundamentally wrong with me.
How old are you?
where are you trying to meet women?
Is your main profile pic on the dating app a photo of you holding a fish?
Are you a republican?
Do you say creepy shit when you match with someone?
Early 30s. I'm not trying these days but in the past the answer was concerts, rock climbing gym, and occasionally bars. No fish pics. I'm liberal. No, when I get a match I comment on something in their profile and ask a follow up question. Almost universally what happens is they give very concise factual answers and don't try to engage with me at all. So after a few rounds of that I conclude they aren't interested and I unmatch.
I suspect this relates to people involved in some specific demographics or scenes or something since I hear some people say such things about it being better as a man at times and find it confusing compared to what I’ve typically seen. I’ve lived all over the US and other parts of the world and as far as I can tell Portland is by far the worst for dating as a heterosexual guy of any place I’ve lived. Most places in Portland when out and about I see have a lot more single men than women. The post you’re responding to is confusing to me because it says men outnumber women 3 to 1 (which sounds about right though maybe more like 5 to 1 from what I’ve seen when I used to go to bars and such before I decided it was a waste of time and better to just do fun stuff in free time)- so in that case why would it be easier as a man? I do periodically see couples with much more attractive women than I typically see out and about with “coke addicted wanna be bikers” as the other poster said and have concluded there appear to be scenes in Portland where women are specifically attracted to such men. Maybe the ticket for singles guys who may be looking is to act like a coke addicted wanna be biker.
You nailed it. Post divorce 40+ men who are fit, successful, and not idiots have zero problem dating in Portland. I was divorced 10 years before finding my perfect woman and it was fun, Exhausting, but fun.
Lots of choices, but a super small pool of those who check all the boxes and I never settled.
I moved to Portland in 2020 with my husband of ten years (I was 34M). Broke up that summer, met a better love of my life a few months later, we were both new to the city and the pandemic meant first dates were at home. Fast forward, we’re getting married this summer.
Divorce means mourning a future that won’t be and celebrating futures that can be
Meetup app was pretty key for me as far as getting on with my life and meeting new people. Found a lot of cool groups to explore various hobbies with and met some pretty cool people. Ultimately, divorce sucks and it can really wreak havoc on a person’s life—don’t let it fuck with your career. That’s my advice. Also, fitness and coffee shops. Not bars. ;)
39F and I think the horror stories about online dating are overblown. I’ve met lots of cool people, some still friends, and finally last year met the person I hope to be with for the long haul. Don’t go in jaded, you might be surprised!
47F here. Only started getting back into dating last year. I have used Facebook dating as well as bumble, and had had success with both. It's not terrible, you just have to do a bit of screening. I have a pretty large friend group already, so I don't have any advice for you on meetup groups etc. Good luck out there, though! It's definitely not as bad as people make it sound.
Currently going through this with two kids under 7. I'm in my mid 30s. Give organize sports a try if you want to meet people. Give cycling a try if you want to heal yourself. Both have helped me find community and feel less sad. Basically get out and get active.
You'd be amazed how many attractive women in their 20s and 30s are interested in hanging out with older men, as long as they've taken care of their body relatively well and have a progressive and open-minded personality.
You can make the apps work for you, but it takes time and energy to figure out how to make an interesting and attractive profile, and how to chat with people in an interesting, welcoming, non-creepy, and non-desperate way. Expect a couple months of rejection before you figure it out and it starts paying dividends.
SO AWESOME, I DID IT TWICE lol
No for real, I’m almost 50 and so fucking glad I’m not married anymore. No one at home to gauge my aging, and the freedom to enjoy the fuck out of this town. I feel like I can do all the creatively fun things I stopped doing because I didn’t have as much time to really date *myself.*
I find that the best places to meet people are wherever it is I’m the most comfortable having fun. I’ll chat someone up at an intermission of a play, or while taking a breather from a live show. I also like going to museums alone, so if someone happens to be staring at the same painting I am, it’s easy to strike up a convo about it.
I avoid “trying to meet people” at bars or coffee shops, where people have already set their desired vibe.
Join meetup. Go to happy hour events or hiking ones. Learn to socialize. If you're noticing that you're not getting attention there's a high probability that you need to dress better.
Portland men dress unusually worst compared to other major metros.
Unless you're very handsome, you're going to need to make sure you're in your best look. Plain shirt jeans facial hair and you're going to get ignored. Go online to learn to dress better, how to socialize, how to flirt with women, etc
Yes!! This is a fantastic piece of advice!! Well-dressed men in Portland are a dime a dozen and always catch my eye. It wouldn’t hurt to ask a friend to set you up with someone!
A friend reported good things about Luvvly Speed Dating. I looked it up, and they have different, apparently non-awkward events at spaces around town divided by age range and other preferences. If I were looking, I’d totally try it because the apps suck and meeting people should be fun!
Not me but a friend went thru it. He decided to go back to school and get another degree in music (was already a surgeon and v successful) and this helped him a lot. He met tons of new friends through the online music program at Berklee. Now he’s happier and says it was a catalyst for him to do something he actually liked with his life instead of just doing the grind.
Holy crap it’s fun!!!
First things first - complete your divorce legally and cut ties. Settle into new home and spend time with your kids making sure they’re ok. Stay on top of things at work. If you don’t already, join a gym or start taking orange theory classes or something.
Give yourself a month or two for that stuff and then download tinder, bumble, match and whatever new apps are out there. Create a good and honest profile and remember that you’re not looking for a relationship at this point, just to get back out there and meet new people and have fun.
Portland is so full of physically hot 40+ women who have great careers and are fun. It’s just a hell of a lot of work finding one that has it all.
If you run or want to run, I’d suggest joining a run club. I joined one in NoPo and met quite a few guys who became friends and plenty of women for dates.
Enjoy quiet nights at home, reading and enjoying a martini in front of the fire and reflecting on your great life. The world is your oyster and it will only get better.
If you decide to date at some point it’s a real shit show.. most women in their 50s are either looking for someone with a solid retirements plan or they have a solid retirement plan and definitely only want to date someone on the same level.
I thought it was pretty rad but I was 40, it was 10 years ago, and the dating apps weren't all as broke as they are now and some of my favorite social activities were available close-in and sadly they aren't today (bowling). I spent a lot of time in the first few years working on myself, road cycling, running, and just getting to be a little more confident. In addition to getting walked over at home, I was getting walked over at work and I learned how to say no and my career blossomed for it. Later on I re-took up guitar and doing some music production at home. Sadly I never found a good dad group in town. I did have a decent divorce support group at Taborspace I am not sure if they still meet. Doesn't look like their facebook page has updated since 2018, I found it on meetup, if that's even still a thing. I've been partnered up for \~5 years now, but we still lead independent lives. At 50 I am still going to see local bands a few times a month since I finally broke back out after getting COVID in summer 2022. I meet folks at shows and they aren't afraid of talking to an old man. Anyways, divorce sucks but life can indeed get better. Keep your head high and you'll come out of it alright.
So it depends. The apps suck in my experience. I'm younger and only got over being bitter about 3 years post divorce. Best advice I can give is don't hang out with other divorced people that make that their identity. Volunteer work is a good call, but heck, wanna grab a beer buddy?
Hey man, beer sound good haha, let's figure out where and when!
I'm in east county, what part of town are you in?
I live in the Clackamas area, within a few minutes of the Happy Valley Pub House on 162nd. Happy to go elsewhere too!
Reddit buds!
Sweet, I am in downtown Fairview, but I love your area. I'll DM you my number and we can sort it out from there buddy.
Love this.
Come to Welches I’ll get a beer with you at Whistle Stop.
Adopt a senior dog. Declare them your new BFF. People WILL talk to you if you’re out slowly walking your dog. Dogs are terrific conversation starts - especially in Portland. People will talk to you if you’re sitting outside a bar with your dog. Especially if you say things like, “I come here, get a drink, because old Rusty here can’t walk very far but loves people.” Worst case scenario, you get to hang with old Rusty. Best case scenario is the opening scene to 101 Dalmatians.
Sometimes I wonder if I rely on my dog so much as a social lubricant that it’s unhealthy. Take my upvote anyway! 😅
I did this. But my old puppers, turns out, really doesn’t like the presence of other dogs without throwing a massive fit! So…. Can be challenging. But so worth it.
I got divorced in my 40s and it wasn’t easy but ultimately was the best thing for me, and my kids - even if they’re still sad that mom and dad no longer live together and they have to make the trek back and forth every week. Do the things that you like to do - if you’ve forgotten what that is, rediscover it. The best part of divorce is that half the time you now have a lot more freedom and flexibility. I used that time to ski more, start mountain biking, see more music, sleep in. And date. Yes, the apps sort of suck, but I’m convinced it’s easier than ever before especially for older people who are no longer going out to bars and clubs to meet people through the apps. You’ll learn quickly that it can be overwhelming, time consuming, that there is a lot of people to sift through to find those who are most interesting/not crazy but.. it can be a fun process and will certainly give you lots of stories. But doing new activities, joining clubs, picking up a sport; all things that may be more likely to connect you to a like minded person to date than the randomness of Tinder or Hinge but I certainly met my partner that way. Everyone told me “I’m sorry” when they found out I was getting divorced. I tell them, “don’t be sorry, I’m much happier now”. You will be too.
I’m a 33F, got divorced, officially about a year ago. Post divorce my life is amazing . I’ve made so many more friends. I get to enjoy my favorite activities. And I’m a lot less stressed. It’s kind of like whatever you put in you will get out . If you put energy into enriching your life, then you will have a great life after divorce
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From a single woman with single friends, thank you for the honest acknowledgement. Personally I’m not even ready to try dating but my friends do and they have many horror stories.
Yeah most middle age women aren’t dating and have no desire to date.
I have a desire to date a fantasy man who does not exist
At least not in portland.
My friend tried a couple dates 5 years after the divorce and it was a horror show. I couldn’t understand it. She is gorgeous, has an advanced degree, and a heart of gold. I thought she’d have a great time dating. She even went with a paid dating app to try to filter it a little more. I do have another friend who is younger than us by 5 years (mid 30’s) and she’s having the time of her life dating, but they have definitely been “here for a fun time, not a long time” types but she’s okay with that, for now. I really want my bestie and a friend of my husbands to meet and have a date. She’s up for it but my husband is slacking on just asking the dude if he’s interested in a blind date with a gorgeous, intelligent, kind woman. Like I don’t get it, surely his friend would be all about it? He seems like a good guy which is why I’m about it. He deserves some love too.
As a single guy with a job, car, own apartment, hobbies, lots of time in therapy and self improvement, but still perpetually and completely isolated, posts like this are so confusing and depressing to me. Online dating doesn't work for me at all and I don't know where or how I can meet people in person since my hobbies are all relatively solo and masculine. It's hard not to conclude from all this that I'm doomed because there's something fundamentally wrong with me.
Hi, police? Someone appears to be impersonating me online...
How old are you? where are you trying to meet women? Is your main profile pic on the dating app a photo of you holding a fish? Are you a republican? Do you say creepy shit when you match with someone?
Early 30s. I'm not trying these days but in the past the answer was concerts, rock climbing gym, and occasionally bars. No fish pics. I'm liberal. No, when I get a match I comment on something in their profile and ask a follow up question. Almost universally what happens is they give very concise factual answers and don't try to engage with me at all. So after a few rounds of that I conclude they aren't interested and I unmatch.
I suspect this relates to people involved in some specific demographics or scenes or something since I hear some people say such things about it being better as a man at times and find it confusing compared to what I’ve typically seen. I’ve lived all over the US and other parts of the world and as far as I can tell Portland is by far the worst for dating as a heterosexual guy of any place I’ve lived. Most places in Portland when out and about I see have a lot more single men than women. The post you’re responding to is confusing to me because it says men outnumber women 3 to 1 (which sounds about right though maybe more like 5 to 1 from what I’ve seen when I used to go to bars and such before I decided it was a waste of time and better to just do fun stuff in free time)- so in that case why would it be easier as a man? I do periodically see couples with much more attractive women than I typically see out and about with “coke addicted wanna be bikers” as the other poster said and have concluded there appear to be scenes in Portland where women are specifically attracted to such men. Maybe the ticket for singles guys who may be looking is to act like a coke addicted wanna be biker.
Truly the riddle of the sphinx. The amount of fantastic eligible single women I know, vastly outweighs the men. It’s bonkers.
It’s unreal. Any time a single, sane, autonomous lady friend asks me to introduce her to someone worthwhile, I draw a blank.
And where do these fantastic women go post COVID to run into and meet?
You nailed it. Post divorce 40+ men who are fit, successful, and not idiots have zero problem dating in Portland. I was divorced 10 years before finding my perfect woman and it was fun, Exhausting, but fun. Lots of choices, but a super small pool of those who check all the boxes and I never settled.
I moved to Portland in 2020 with my husband of ten years (I was 34M). Broke up that summer, met a better love of my life a few months later, we were both new to the city and the pandemic meant first dates were at home. Fast forward, we’re getting married this summer. Divorce means mourning a future that won’t be and celebrating futures that can be
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I get the sentiment but yuck. For some reason. I don’t like the focus on “futures”. I also hated going thru a divorce.
It sucks, honestly. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve just given up as a whole.
Meetup app was pretty key for me as far as getting on with my life and meeting new people. Found a lot of cool groups to explore various hobbies with and met some pretty cool people. Ultimately, divorce sucks and it can really wreak havoc on a person’s life—don’t let it fuck with your career. That’s my advice. Also, fitness and coffee shops. Not bars. ;)
Go to Laurlthirst pub. It’s usually an older but fun crowd and there is always live music. Sunday nights!
39F and I think the horror stories about online dating are overblown. I’ve met lots of cool people, some still friends, and finally last year met the person I hope to be with for the long haul. Don’t go in jaded, you might be surprised!
47F here. Only started getting back into dating last year. I have used Facebook dating as well as bumble, and had had success with both. It's not terrible, you just have to do a bit of screening. I have a pretty large friend group already, so I don't have any advice for you on meetup groups etc. Good luck out there, though! It's definitely not as bad as people make it sound.
Currently going through this with two kids under 7. I'm in my mid 30s. Give organize sports a try if you want to meet people. Give cycling a try if you want to heal yourself. Both have helped me find community and feel less sad. Basically get out and get active.
I must be one of 5 people who think single life rocks 😂
Hit me up if you need a friend to talk with. Going through a similar experience.
You'd be amazed how many attractive women in their 20s and 30s are interested in hanging out with older men, as long as they've taken care of their body relatively well and have a progressive and open-minded personality. You can make the apps work for you, but it takes time and energy to figure out how to make an interesting and attractive profile, and how to chat with people in an interesting, welcoming, non-creepy, and non-desperate way. Expect a couple months of rejection before you figure it out and it starts paying dividends.
SO AWESOME, I DID IT TWICE lol No for real, I’m almost 50 and so fucking glad I’m not married anymore. No one at home to gauge my aging, and the freedom to enjoy the fuck out of this town. I feel like I can do all the creatively fun things I stopped doing because I didn’t have as much time to really date *myself.* I find that the best places to meet people are wherever it is I’m the most comfortable having fun. I’ll chat someone up at an intermission of a play, or while taking a breather from a live show. I also like going to museums alone, so if someone happens to be staring at the same painting I am, it’s easy to strike up a convo about it. I avoid “trying to meet people” at bars or coffee shops, where people have already set their desired vibe.
Join meetup. Go to happy hour events or hiking ones. Learn to socialize. If you're noticing that you're not getting attention there's a high probability that you need to dress better. Portland men dress unusually worst compared to other major metros. Unless you're very handsome, you're going to need to make sure you're in your best look. Plain shirt jeans facial hair and you're going to get ignored. Go online to learn to dress better, how to socialize, how to flirt with women, etc
I would go for the jeans and beard look and avoid the nicely dressed metro man. 😆
Yes!! This is a fantastic piece of advice!! Well-dressed men in Portland are a dime a dozen and always catch my eye. It wouldn’t hurt to ask a friend to set you up with someone!
A friend reported good things about Luvvly Speed Dating. I looked it up, and they have different, apparently non-awkward events at spaces around town divided by age range and other preferences. If I were looking, I’d totally try it because the apps suck and meeting people should be fun!
Not me but a friend went thru it. He decided to go back to school and get another degree in music (was already a surgeon and v successful) and this helped him a lot. He met tons of new friends through the online music program at Berklee. Now he’s happier and says it was a catalyst for him to do something he actually liked with his life instead of just doing the grind.
Holy crap it’s fun!!! First things first - complete your divorce legally and cut ties. Settle into new home and spend time with your kids making sure they’re ok. Stay on top of things at work. If you don’t already, join a gym or start taking orange theory classes or something. Give yourself a month or two for that stuff and then download tinder, bumble, match and whatever new apps are out there. Create a good and honest profile and remember that you’re not looking for a relationship at this point, just to get back out there and meet new people and have fun. Portland is so full of physically hot 40+ women who have great careers and are fun. It’s just a hell of a lot of work finding one that has it all. If you run or want to run, I’d suggest joining a run club. I joined one in NoPo and met quite a few guys who became friends and plenty of women for dates. Enjoy quiet nights at home, reading and enjoying a martini in front of the fire and reflecting on your great life. The world is your oyster and it will only get better.
If you decide to date at some point it’s a real shit show.. most women in their 50s are either looking for someone with a solid retirements plan or they have a solid retirement plan and definitely only want to date someone on the same level.