I thought it was "don't insist that someone must be trans when they haven't said so", like, don't call people eggs or whatever. But it's cool to be like "hey, have you considered this possibility?"

This type of gentle prodding and asking made me actually, like actually actually, consider it for myself. It's really sweet between friends and appreciated if you ask me

A friend of mine, while I was in an absolute pit of anxiety and despair, said "it sounds like you're non-binary" when I talked about some of my gender non conformity. I wasn't in the right place to do anything with that information but it stuck with me, and once I was feeling a bit better I was able to investigate it more and ultimately realised it was a good fit for who I am. I'm grateful she said it, but I think it had to be the right time. My wife thought I might be trans and asked me point blank, to which I whole heartedly argued I wasn't. That set my exploration back another year 😓

Kinda same for me.. like.. I was already questioning and kinda getting there, but a friends referral to r/egg_irl was like THE thing that got me with all the stuff I was able to relate to.. xD

Cool, it fucking infuriates me, people shouldn't donit, it's not their place.

I think that even though there are assholes that hate trans people, the fact that people know that being trans is a thing and is an option helps many kids out there. Knowing some of the signs of dysphoria and point it out isn’t diagnosing someone but just points them in a direction to consider.

That's my story. I furtively told a girlfriend that I was a crossdresser in 1988, but I didn't have the concept that being trans could be how I was wired until around 2012- 2014 or so. Someone did an AMA on another board; public acceptance also started to be a thing

an online friend a year ago casually said something like, "i know you're going to be a boy." i indirectly protested by forcing myself to be overly feminine, and well, that just pushed my dysphoria even further. it backfired.... so here i am.

Yeah, that's the kind of comment that should be avoided! I'm sorry that you had that setback, but I'm glad that you are here now!

it exactly wasn't a setback in my case. i was so deep into my identity as a 'lesbian' at the time, ignoring my dysphoria in the process. a lot of things piled up, learned more about being transgender, and his statement echoed in my mind throughout. then bam, im out... (might be weirded poorly because im sleep deprived)

Ah ok, I get what you mean. Glad that the statement was still useful for you when the pileup came!

Absolutely this. For me and I'm sure many others, it takes being asked this question at least once to really consider it. I wish someone asked me that question when I was younger.

This is exactly what I do. Suggest it but don't push for it, because at the end of the day it should be up to them to decide. Transitioning can be extremely hard, painful, isolating, and let's be real for some people it can ruin their life. It's not a thing to take lightly. But for the people that need it, it's the only thing that will help them. And if I have a friend, and I see a way I think could help them, I'm certainly going to at least suggest it. I personally think it's important to think these things over for a very long time, but I'm ofc biased bc I had to consider and stay closeted for a very long time even after I had figured it out

I have found that a helpful approach generally in my life.

Yep! Don't : OH MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN EGG :333333 Do : Hey, have you considered that this might be indicative of x and x?

Yeah, I really wish someone had pointed me in the right direction when I was younger. I told several therapists that I wished I had been born a girl, and not one of them said, "Oh, you might want to look into whether you might be trans." Like, you shouldn't presume to know somone's identity better than they known themselves. But watching someone stumble around in the dark when you know the answer is a pretty awful thing to do, too.

And only if you feel like they're prepared for that realization. But yeah. "You are trans." < wrong "That's not a very cis thing to say." < correct

I don't think it's that you can *never* say anything, as with everything, context is important. If someone you know is "still cis though" while saying some very trans things, like expressing a desire to be born the opposite gender, talking about feelings that you know to be dysphoria, or very similar thing. I would say that it's absolutely fine if it can be done in a context where you have privacy. This generally would only happen if you actually know the person. However where we get in trouble is when we see some "ostensibly cisgender person" exhibiting gender non-conforming behaviors, desires or interests that reminds us of being younger. Especially if this person is a stranger, and you are interacting in public (online or offline) Cisgender people can have gender non-conforming behavior and not be trans. There are people who act like eggs, but know they are trans and are just not ready to be out yet, calling them an egg calls them out publicly.

I think the principle of "don't tell someone they're trans when they're not" is good, **but:** You should be allowed to tell someone that: * Being trans is an option (if they are unaware) * That it is equally valid to be trans or to simply be gender-non-conforming * That questioning your gender is fine even if you ultimately decide that your assigned gender at birth still matches how you see yourself Some people, myself included, might never have put together that they were trans without something in their life giving them the knowledge and environment of non-judgement they needed to begin asking the right questions. I don't think transness should function like a secret society that only you can find; a doctrine of total non-interference _a la_ the original Prime Directive would in my opinion be counterproductive and potentially harmful. But obviously I also don't agree with telling people who are happily gender-non-conforming that actually they're eggs. The important thing is to be respectful.

I think what you’re saying is fine. It’s just that I don’t think you should tell them what *you* think they are. They need to come to that knowledge themselves.

to be fair they never strictly followed the original prime directive either lol

This is very true.

Suggest, don't insist. If I had been told "that sounds like you might be trans" earlier then maybe I'd have transitioned earlier.

This is more a golden rule when it comes to orientation and gender identity. These things come from within, so telling someone "oh you're X" or "Yeah, you are definitely Y" it shortcuts self discovery and can engage defensive thoughts that attempt to disprove the prescription. And they may not be capable or ready for those and it could end up causing them to retract from their identity or orientation all together. So when someone asks about these things it's good to leave the door open so they can continue to discover themselves internally with minimal interference. "X generally has to do with this type of behavior so it's possible you're X." "Many people who identify as Y also feel this way, so you could also be Y."

I'm fine with the directive, though I've always understood it more as being a "you can't define other people's identities for them" type of thing. It's not that you can't tell someone that they *might* be trans, it's that you probably shouldn't tell someone they *definitely are or aren't* trans. And it does make a little sense. We can't be inside other people's head to know exactly what they're thinking and feeling, and what's best for them as an individual. And defining someone else's identity for them has the potential to produce even more self doubt. If someone has their identity defined for them by someone else, they might spend a lot more time worrying if that other person was somehow mistaken, whereas they might be more secure if they themselves have reached that conclusion. And you also risk driving the person further into denial. Trying to tell someone they're trans before they're ready to accept that might frighten them or make them insecure, such that they push away the types of ideas, people, or behaviors that might help them reach a point of acceptance. If someone had come up and told me I was trans before my egg cracked, there's no way I would have believed them, and burying that possibility would have made my self-discovery process potentially years longer than it was. I have seen some of my friends go through the exploration process, and with some of them, I had a good feeling what the end result was gonna be, but at the end of the day, I had to accept that they are their own people and it's not my place to tell them who they are and how they should live their lives. I kept my suspicions to myself, and provided support and talked about some of my own personal experiences with them when they asked me about them. In the end, they've come out and transitioned in their own time and in their own ways.

Generally true. Everyone's journey is their own, and I wouldn't tell another person I think they're trans anymore than I would tell someone they're closeted and gay, or that they Aren't actually trans. That being said, there's a difference between saying "I'm pretty sure you're trans, you just haven't figured it out yet" and asking "Have you considered the possibility..?" And there's also a difference in asking the latter to a friend, and a complete stranger.

I don't know if I would have hatched without the directive being broken To be fair, it was weird circumstances I was a mod on a shitty little chat server on an illegal anime website, and I was enjoying chilling in a space where I could be cagey with my gender and pronouns One of the other mods was trans and a third mod who was a cis girl assumed I was trans too And when she asked me about it, all my arguments that made sense in my head for why I wasn't trans just plain didn't make sense outside of my head I definitely broke down for a bit, but overall it was a good thing for me

Yeah I kinda needed it in a similar way. A friend had started dating this trans woman in college, and I had enough badgering questions that she almost had to literally V8 my forehead with "you know trans *men* exist, right?" And basically was sent off with google homework cuz she wasn't into being a man and thus had nothing to teach me 🤣 I needed her to get frustrated with my gender questions I had for her(20Million Questions is one of the peak egg things to do, imo). I needed the "women don't think growing that would be fine(facial hair)", "women may hate the appearance sometimes but they don't *loathe* having any breast at all". I needed someone in the queer sphere to shut down what I was trying to pass off as "No no, all women just feel this way". I think she did mention the term egg but that went over my head at the time.

Someone suggesting to another person that they might be trans and/or pointing out flawed beliefs and understandings isn't breaking the directive - it's telling someone outright that they are obviously/definitely trans, insisting that they are trans, disregarding their feelings entirely and constantly pushing that they trans for reasons x, y, and z, etc.

I personally disagree with in strongly. I just had never thought about my gender for the majority of my life. If no one ever brought up the possibility that I could be trans, it might have taken me a few more years to figure it out.

its not good. people are underestimating how hard it is to pressure someone into being trans. thats not something 99.9% of people are susceptible to

It's not about "dont pressure someone into being trans". It's about how saying/insisting someone is can cause them to get defensive and delay their own realisation/acceptance. Being told "your not trans" is painful and clearly wrong because nobody knows my inner experience but me, so they can't know that. In the same way, we can't tell people "you are trans".

you seem to be extremely incorrect about what the egg prime directive is. You don't TELL PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE TRANS, but it isn't an complete non-interference directive. You can still send them information on trans people and articles about being trans and such, you might even want to have a conversation with a close friend about how think they might be trans. What you don't do is tell someone "hey you're trans"

That's indeed the point. I think the prime directive was applied way too strictly upon me and it was conversations about transitioning that got me on board.

It's like the actual prime directive from star trek in that way I would imagine.

I would be long dead if nobody had broken the directive. I despise it with a burning passion for my own prolonged suffering and all of our siblings that died in the closet when none of us helped them.

I think it's okay to suggest they explore the possibility But don't try to tell them what they are

it's so stupid in my opinion. the amount of help bring told outright that my behavior might be indicative of being trans would have brought was massive. and if you're wrong? oh no, a cis person questions their gender identity, what horror!

I think having the idea around them is important. I simply didnt know being trans was a possibility for a while, i think having conversations *around* said egg about trans people and expressing general support is the way

At most we can encourage people to open their mind to the possibility. A lot of "egg" behaviour can be something else.

I think it's generally on the right track but as with most things there's nuance, especially when it comes to to how you phrase something and the person you're talking to and your relationship with them, etc. Like if a close friend comes to you and confides in how awful they feel living as their agab, describes textbook dysphoria symptoms, etc I think there are definitely situations where it would be reasonable to at least say "have you considered the possibility that it might be gender dysphoria/that you might be trans?" or something along those lines. Do NOT push the idea onto them, and if they aren't ready to even think about it right now then you should respect that. But just presenting it as a possible thing that exists, that they may wanna look into, and that *might* contextualize how they are feeling, and letting them explore and self-reflect on their own if desired could be valuable. For me I had no idea what being trans really was until my mid teenage years, and even then I thought it was only possible to be MTF (I'm FTM). Had someone suggested the possibility that my hatred and discomfort with having a female body *might* be dysphoria, in a gentle and non-pushy and open-minded way, it might have saved years of painful confusion from my life. However again it's extremely important to never try to convince someone that they are trans, to tell them with certainty that they are, or to assume that any vaguely gender-related comment from someone is "a sign". I've seen posts on this website where someone is just beginning to question their gender, and the top comment will be "Cis men/women don't think that, ever. If you're even asking this, you're trans, bud/girl" and it just doesn't sit well with me, no matter how good the intentions are or how "textbook dysphoria" the original post is idk.

While in hindsight, I think I could have accepted someone calling me out, what I really wish for is someone that would have given me support (and still now). I knew from a very young age I was trans, but that's not the case for everyone. Working through and accepting is the first piece, and sadly it is probably best done alone. I wish now I had those that seemed to be slightly keen on things and maybe knew more than I was aware of outside of myself to help me on my journey.

Use your own judgment. Sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes, someone hasn't even considered the possibility that they could be trans, even when they have close trans loved ones until they're explicitly told that it's a possibility. It depends on the situation.

I would never presume to tell people what I think they are bc I’m not them. But if they come to me with questions or want to talk about it, I wouldn’t hesitate to be there for them and to support them. But I would refer them to a professional if they needed/wanted more therapeutic assistance.

The prime direct was cool. Metroid prime 4 babeyyy

I hate the term egg in general but yeah I agree it should be self realized

Suggest, discuss if they're open, even find small ways to guide them there, but of course don't demand or force it or try to tell people what they are or aren't

I believe that it's fine to suggest to someone that they might look into whether the trans label feels right to them, if you think they're an egg. But it has to stop if they say they're not. Even if they *definitely are trans and are denying it*, you can't really force someone to come out when they aren't ready to. Give them the idea, then step back and let them decide what to do with it.

I would’ve appreciated someone suggesting it to my dense *ss. It took way too bloody long. 😕

Very dumb. There's so few of us as it is, so many of us are so isolated and so much of the world is against us, anything we can do to help another trans person should be considered, IMO. Ultimately, it's just another stick cis people can use to beat us with when they think we're getting too comfortable outside the closet. Any action we can take to help another trans person, no matter how small, is vitally important, the opinions of random cis people be damned.

You don’t need to push it, but you definitely don’t have to resist telling them “hey, that’s kind of transy.” I have a friend who was like “yeah, I present masculine because I was born male and it’s just easier. But if I was woman, I’d also be fine dressing femme. I honestly just wish I could switch back and forth so I could try on different clothes.” Then, one day I told him “calling someone they/them is misgendering if you know they use a specific set of pronouns. Like I use binary she/her. I don’t want to be referred to as they/them.” They were like “Really, because I don’t care what someone uses to refer to me. They could call me she/her and I wouldn’t mind.” My response was “uh… from my understanding most people do have at least a strong preference for how they are referred to. Like, that’s why if you misgender a cis person it’s still an insult to them. You’re sounding pretty non-binary… like, I think I heard someone say ‘gender apathetic’ before.” They reflected on that for a while and later came out to me as non-binary with no preference between he, she, or they. They also stated expanding how they present themselves and they’re way happier (even for someone who was always pretty happy).

most of my favorite star trek characters have broken the prime directive and often for good reason. i don't see anything wrong with just setting them up with genderdysphoria.fyi at the bare minimum, maybe invite them to queer spaces

If someone had told me I was transgender, I believe it would have sent me into a deeper denial. I think it would have affected me negatively.

everyone i've told is trans thanked me profusely for my help, all i see is the greentext about being called a groomer for saying someone sounds like they have diabetes

I think it's bad to have a blanket rule for this in either direction. This stuff is extremely case-by-case.

Honestly it would have helped me avoid some hard times if someone would have helped point me in the right direction. That said, it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility to do so.

Dumb, bad, wrong, and born of internalized transphobia, as if being trans is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.

i mean my gf was a massive egg and i told her she was probably trans. worked out for us

going "haha u an egg" and constantly insisting someone is trans despite them telling you multiple times they are not is not okay. Suggesting that someone might have some introspection to do or hunting that you think they could benefit from exploring their gender identity is good.

It's fine until it's forced. As in, it's fine to suggest they might be trans, but to force them to accept it is weird. I.e. the case with F1nn5ter. F1nn5ter is a Trans woman twitch streamer who got famous for dressing up as a woman (she passes really well). She started doing "girl month", i.e. her twitch chat would donate to a specific goal, and she'd have to dress as a girl for the whole month (even off stream). She started to enjoy it a lot, became a Trans ally (she wasn't before), and has donated to Trans support groups. Before she finally bit the bullet and came out as Trans, people constantly told her she was and wouldn't listen when she'd say she wasn't and was just a femboy. I thought it was really weird to keep forcing her to accept it even when she'd state she wasn't.

I have a complicated relationship with this. Depending on how you define it, either two or three people broke the egg prime directive on me, and each time I felt an overwhelming fear of transitioning that ended up with me repressing further. For a while I defended the directive on the grounds that people breaking it had pushed me further into the closet. I've stopped believing that so much anymore; I think I would've stayed repressed just as long, if not longer, if nobody had said anything.

This community saved my life many years ago. Today with this post all I can think of is how fucking weird it is.

I don't like it personnaly. I would have loved if someone could have pointed it out to me. Plus, the name is bad and not everyone gets the reference

So, I really feel that this is a case-by-case thing. But the heart of this idea as a "prime directive" is transmisogyny. I don't mean transphobia btw, I specifically mean transmisogyny. The people who bring it up and treat it as a rule *never* go after trans men or transmasculine people for talking to questioning afab people about gender, it's very specifically directed at trans women about questioning amab people, and it's very often coming *from* tme people who are punching across/down at transfems. That's not so clear here on reddit because the numbers skew transfem, but if you look at other spaces like twitter or tumblr there are full on harassment campaigns directed at trans women over this. And I don't mean for actually helping people figure out they're trans, I mean for even *suggesting that it's okay*. Sometimes people aren't ready to handle figuring out their gender yet, and even when they are it's a very sensitive topic that should be handled with care. But almost everyone I know who was an egg (i.e. that they didn't *realise* they might be trans, not that they were repressing it actively) wishes they knew sooner. That kind of conversation about gender can make a huge difference to a person's life, and that's a very individual thing. But treating this as a prime directive, that you should never even *suggest* that maybe someone might be trans or offer to talk about gender with them, is rooted solidly in the idea that being trans is lesser, that suggesting someone might be trans is an insult to them. And when that's applied by the queer community and by TMEs in the way that it is (i.e. specifically about transfems), as a hard rule that you're a bad person for crossing by talking to people like you and trying to help them, that you should just let them be and not try to 'force' them to transition... That's not a useful or helpful 'rule'. And it has resulted in extremely shitty behaviour like harassment campaigns, "callouts", destroying trans women's social circles, getting their social media accounts deleted, spreading lies about them being predatory/dangerous that people are primed to immediately believe and repeat uncritically with zero evidence because of transmisogyny. There's a big difference between "let people figure it out" and how the "egg prime directive" actually gets applied to trans women. And frankly, as a "rule" it's something we have to abandon. Just be kind, don't push people, don't start personal conversations with random strangers (especially not in public), be a good friend; sometimes that means being more direct with the topic, sometimes it means being more roundabout and simply *showing* them that they can be trans rather than saying it. I think the 'prime directive' thing is a poisoned well, at this point.

How do you figure out something that you have no idea about or seems impossible to you, especially with internalized transphobia? This makes no sense to me

I basically got negged into questioning my gender identity. I've always had an inkling I wasn't *really* a girl but I'd never like consciously explored it because I wasn't ready to. Then my "friend" kept calling me nonbinary all the time bc I got microbangs. And as annoyed as I was to give him the satisfaction of being right, the longer I sat with the words, I realized consciously that I, at the very least, wasn't a woman. After my journey of self discovery, I discovered that nonbinary transmasc is what works for me.

I don't think there's a general answer which fits for everyone. For some it could be helpful, for others not (e.g. by becoming defending and not continueing to explore further). In my case I'm really glad I found out myself, despite others already suspected it.

Some people are so dense they need it spelled out for them by someone else. Not everyone needs that and how you go about it should be tailored to the person you're dealing with. If you're wrong then the worst thing that happens is a cis person gets uncomfortable for a moment. I prefer that over a trans person never figuring it out. I'm convinced the only reason this rule exists is because to some cis people, saying someone is trans is horrible insult. I wonder what could could possibly make them think that? 🤔

I saw "egg prime" and went straight Transformers. Well, yeah, guess we are 😀👆🏻

I don't think that you should insist that anybody's trans, and I definitely don't think you should harass internet celebrities with whom you have a parasocial relationship about their gender identity (which is where this discourse originates from as I understand it) - but I don't think there's any harm in asking somebody if they've considered that they might be trans, or in pointing out traits of theirs that you recognise from your pre-transition self as potential manifestations of transness. Some people need external validation and support to let themselves be, but it's important not to put pressure on or be confrontational.

Treat it how the federation treats the prime directive in actual Star Trek: a useful rule to generally follow the letter of, that can, nonetheless, be bent to all hell depending on the specific ethics of the situation. Like sure, you shouldn't tell someone they're an egg, but in the mean time (while they're figuring stuff out) there are all kinds of disasters you can help prevent on the assumption that they're probably trans. Edit: also, perfectly fine to help people figure out their identity. It's just generally not super useful to insist that someone is something before they identify that way

Asking "have you considered" is fine. Telling "You might be"/"I think you are" is not. Telling likely pushes people back into the closet because they're likely to get defensive. People kept hinting they 'knew' I was a gay man, and my frustration and resistance to that definitly hindered me realising I'm a lesbian woman.

I asked one of the dolls a few questions and she told me i was trans %1000. At the time I was like no no no, maybe I’m just gay, I feel like I would have had to been knowing I was trans since a baby for it to be real. Well, turns out she was right AND I was trans since I was a baby - i just needed someone to call me out on my bs and give me a reality check😂

I treat it more like a suggestion than a rule. I think it's more important to understand the reasoning behind the rule than to follow it blindly. Most of the time I would abide by the rule but occasionally there is an exception (when you know that suggesting the idea won't have the undesired effect of pushing them further into their egg. For example when someone is asking for potential explanations for what they're feeling)

Bad. Inform and crack eggs.

I was trying to adhere to the Egg Accords with my partner, too, but this is mostly because I'm cis and I really don't think it's my place to tell someone whether or not they are trans. I really didn't want to pressure her into thinking that she's a specific way just because of XYZ. I noticed pretty early on, I'd say about a year into our relationship (we've been dating for a little over 2.5 years), but I still wanted to help her find the space she needed to discover that part of herself. I made sure I was a safe space and would provide information and reassurance when needed. I didn't need to do too much though, because she was already fairly familiar with transfem individuals. Many of the streamers she watches are transfem (that's part of what led me to figure out what was up). I agree with not outright being like "hey I think you're trans you should get on that", but I do like the idea of opening up the floor subtly for safe exploration and better understanding. Sometimes a gentle nudge means the world.

This sounds as bad as a Dr deciding at birth whether or not a baby should be raised as a boy or a girl based on intersex traits and doing surgery. People are who they are…..a mere suggestion won’t recruit people to be trans, but rather help them consider the reason for their anguish and suicidal ideation. The only people who recruit others are religions and cults.

I think it's ok to help someone explore, but I don't think it's ok to tell someone what they are; only they get to make that choice. "I would have made a better girl than a boy" Ok response: Have you considered you might be a girl? Not ok response: dude ur trans af

it was the only way to stop problems when babytran would spam r/egg_irl fucking everywhere calling it the Egg *Prime Directive* was inspired like the OG Prime Directive, the point is to make people actually *think* before interfeering

My egg was cracked by a trans guy that called me out haha. He just kept telling me about how powerful my divine feminine energy was and kept showing me pictures of gamer girls and saying 'omg this is just like you!' I got the hint LMAO I think its less about protecting eggs and more about protecting our community from the constant portrayal of us being 'groomers' or recruiters of some ideology. We need to maintain the integrity held by having our community defined by people who take full responsibility for their identity and decisions. I know the urge to help someone clearly struggling with gender dysphoria though haha. All you can do is talk about your own life and experiences to help expand their understanding.

>This has been controversial with trans people. If it has then I don't understand why. Telling someone they're trans when they're not ready to accept it can cause them to go deeper into denial.

Or alternately, not doing something can keep folks in denial. I was teased a lot for being an egg and I know for a fact it helped me confront it and finally hatch.

It seems like the right thing to do. It is useful for them to be aware that trans people exist, but I don't want to feel like I am planting ideas in anyone's head.

I was miserable when I thought I was a man and never considered I might be otherwise until my girlfriend suggested it. If she hadn’t done that, it might have been years later that I realized on my own, if ever at all. I am grateful she spoke up. But that’s just me. I think my situation might be unique because of how close my girlfriend and I are. I’ve never met or seen (except on tv maybe) another couple so tightly, well, coupled. :3

It's important. Now, one can and should create an environment that is explicitly accepting of trans-ness and gender-non-conformity in general. And bringing up the topic of gender is also not unacceptable. That way someone who is questioning or perhaps just struggling with something they don't yet know the words for will be able to explore in an environment they know is safe.

It’s hard to give a definitive answer because people interpret it in wildly different ways. I don’t like people making assumptions about my inner life based on what they can see, and in that respect I think it’s inappropriate to conclude that someone else must be trans without confirmation. But I think it’s fine to open the question in the right context, if you’re the right person. What I will say is that I wish someone had told me I could be trans sooner. I wish people someone had said, “hey, I’m not saying you have to be trans, but the things you’re saying are things that are really common among trans people.” I had a narrow picture in my head of what it meant to be trans that I didn’t fit, and someone close to me telling me I seemed like I might be trans would have been a tremendous boon.

A lot of trans subreddits will insist that if you so much as suggest to someone they could be trans you’re going to cause them to repress for years, which is nonsense. People are different and respond to things in their own ways but if you know someone who you think is showing signs of likely being trans and they’re not considering it/realizing it’s possible to transition a suggestion can go a long way. Just don’t try to define their identity for them - “Hey, have you considered that you might be trans?” is a lot better than “Hey, I think you’re trans.”

I like it a lot. A lot of my friends figured out I was trans 5-10 years before I did, but had they dropped that bombshell on me back then and I figured it out I would likely not be here today as the reason I had not figured it out was because I was already dealing with too much emotionally heavy stuff so I was in no shape to handle knowing and doing anything about being trans at that point in time, so my brain did simply not allow me to think about that idea.

IMO, if someone is psychologically not ready to know, suggesting that they might be trans isn't going to change that. If someone doesn't know that they're trans, typically this is because their subconscious is deliberately hiding this information from them. It is a survival mechanism. This mechanism kicks in early in life, in response to experiences of gender policing, where the trans person learns very quickly that if they express their true feelings/desires, they get punished (by parents, teachers, other kids), that this punishment can be quite severe (very emotionally scarring yelling/coercion from parents or other adults, being physically punished or beaten, being bullied or beaten up at school, etc.), and that the only way to avoid it is to conform relentlessly to whatever anybody else expects of you. *Fit in at all costs!* This survival mechanism isn't going to disengage until the person reaches a situation where, deep down, they feel it is safe to know their true identity. Safe, because they are old enough to protect themselves. Or because they're old enough to be in charge of their own life. Or generally, for whatever reason, that they're not going to get gender-policed. So if you come at an egg, someone who by definition still has this survival mechanism actively shaping their experience of themselves and how they behave in the world, and you say "hey, you might be trans," all you're really doing is pinging that survival mechanism. It's busy trying to make sure that nobody ever knows the egg's true gender identity. So if you come along and say, essentially, "hey, you're not fooling me!" all you're doing is directly confronting them with the *one thing* that their subconscious is working its ass off to make sure they don't realize. This is only going to make the person's subconscious panic and kick the survival mechanism into high gear. That is, all you're going to do is drive the person *deeper* into denial. Which will inevitably delay the moment when they feel safe enough to come out to themselves, and will ultimately just rob them of time in which they could have been coming out to the rest of the world and transitioning. Your well-intentioned efforts to *help* the person are more likely to backfire and hurt them instead. The Egg Prime Directive is there for a reason. Same reason why you wait for chickens to hatch themselves rather than breaking their eggs open early: because they'll do it themselves when they're *ready*.

kinda hate the whole egg thing it annoys me a wee bit🙏🏻

I’m just gonna say it I don’t really mind if it’s a hot take The entire “egg” thing and the discourse kinda gross me out? Like I’m raised and experienced my transition as if it’s a birth defect; and most trans people I know wouldn’t want someone else to **have** to go through it. The thought of planting the idea in someone’s head like it’ll fix their life is just… wrong imo. I want actual trans people to figure it out; and especially with modern exposure I feel it’s easier than ever to do so. I don’t want someone else to have to go through transition unless they absolutely have to. Becoming a minority is generally not a good time. It’s coming from a place of empathy… Idk if anyone else feels the same. If you’re gonna toss shade do it respectfully thanx I know it’s a controversial opinion

My general practice is not to mention it unless the other person talks about it first. (This example is MTF but of course it could go other ways as well): There's a difference between "I don't know sometimes I feel like I want to be a woman, is that weird?" and asking if they've ever explored their gender identity. Versus like *accusing* someone of being trans and bringing it up when they have *not*, just because they wear make-up, act effeminate, like trans TV show characters, or do drag or whatever.

I feel some amount of animosity towards it. When I was an egg, I believed I was experiencing AGP, and told a small group of friends about my experience. One of these friends was trans, knew about AGP being fake science, and they didn't tell me. It was like 5 more years until I figured that out for myself and cracked wide open. Despite this, I follow the egg prime directive somewhat out of spite. I refuse to help any eggs figure themselves out.

It's stupid. It only makes sense if it's in some way insulting to think someone is potentially trans.

I agree with it. Let people figure out their gender on their own and there is always the chance you are wrong. I would like to add tho that imo it's ok/good to give them a look into what it's like to be trans for you (without being obnoxious) and ensuring they have a suitable environment/contactperson for when they hatch

I have a friend, Egghead, who fits every transfemme stereotype, likes all the same things, hangs out with primarily trans people (our little group), thinks transition would be "fascinating," looks a lot like me a couple years *before* I transitioned, often jokes about being an egg, but insists he isn't trans. Aside from gentle teasing, I don't actually insist that he's an egg. I respect his identity, and I hope I'm projecting when I see the same things I saw in myself in him. Because if he is actually an egg, that hurts my heart that they haven't figured it out yet. If he isn't, which again I hope he isn't, then I'm happy for him. I *am* going to make him watch I Saw The TV Glow, though.

I think this question was asked recently in another trans subreddit that I'm in. My opinion is based on what I know worked best for me when I was still an egg. What worked best for me was being able to figure it out on my own. If someone had told me I was an egg early on, I know I would have climbed right back into that closet and tried to be a man 10 times harder. Then wound up super depressed and maybe kill myself. But I got to figure it out and transitioned in my mid-20's. Part of that was that I was deep in Christianity at the time. I was into apologetics v. atheism & evolution. I was deeply rooted in that belief system and set my critical and analytical mind against anything that challenged those beliefs. What needed to be challenged first was my Christian beliefs. Once those were handled, I figured out a lot of the transition stuff on my own. After all, I was doing enough eggy stuff in private that I already knew enough that I just needed to accept my own authority over my life rather than bowing to Christianity or my Parents.

I've always seen it as you shouldn't tell them they *are* trans. The point is not to come on to strong about it, since eggs can lean heavily into denial by their nature. If they didn't, they wouldn't be eggs. It's better to direct them to passive sources of information first so they don't get spooked. However, it's only a guideline. Whenever anyone asks about a friend or family member being maybe trans, I always say that they know them better than I do. There are absolutely a ton of people that just need to be introduced to the idea and have been waiting for it to click without realizing it. So yeah, only a guide for dealing with a murky situation.

There’s no right way to be

In general, I tend away from the idea of broaching the subject of someone's potential queerness if they haven't brought it up themselves. For one, they may not be ready to talk about it—they may not have realized it about themselves, but they also maybe struggling with it and could get flustered and defensive if someone brings it up. I know I would've had a hard time had it been brought up to me before I had fully come out to myself. Second, I think there's something to be said for a little humility—we could honestly be wrong, and that might be a pretty awkward conversation if so. We might also be wrong in what kind of queer they are; I knew a guy years ago that I was sure was gay, then it turned out he was bi and later got married to a woman and had a kid with her. Personally, my vote tends to be for making it as clear as you organically can that you're a safe and supportive person. They'll open up to you if/when they're ready.

I don’t think you should give someone thoughts they aren’t having, or push one way or another if they’re already having them. What you can do, is give them the tools to understand those thoughts. To understand what gender is, and cut through the rhetoric and misinformation that probably delayed transition for a lot of us. Edit: By ‘tools’ I just mean places like this. Trans positive communities. Places that have multiple experiences, and views. Different places to get authentic and good-faith information.

I think it’s not my business if someone else is trans, just like it’s not anyone else’s business whether I’m trans. Let them figure it out on their own. I just finished reading “Nevada” by Imogen Binnie, which touches on that theme a bit.

I take it very very seriously. Anyone close enough to me knows im trans and knows my story and if that makes them question themselves at all they all know they can talk to me about it on their own terms (and some have!). I feel a terrible weight for being more...enthusiastic?..About my transness in the past and how that may have guided people towards a very very difficult life with entirely unrealistic expectations. The most I will tell people now is to encourage them to have an open mind about themselves and to seek out talk therapy if I see a similar turmoil as I experienced. They have to figure out the rest themselves.

I think, and forgive me if this is a hot take, that instead of telling them "you might be trans" I think it's best to simply accept whatever version of themselves they present to you with open arms. If it gets to the point where they are chasing or doing some other inappropriate behaviors as a result of trying not to hatch, at that point it's time to have a conversation about "what's really going on." But outside of those scenarios, I'm not gonna call out a friend for nail polish I'd just tell them if the color works or if the patterns are nice. Might reflexively throw a joke or 2 at a good friend for wearing a dress though - but we always joke like that so I know it'd be taken well.

I don't think you should tell someone they might be trans or give advice on it unless they specifically ask or reach out, I also find that some of the things people see as "egg signs" are kinda just based on their own experience and can be equally true for cis people going through a period of questioning, which is more common than people seem to make out.

I've never heard of this, but my wife's friend used to drop hints until we eventually figured it out. I certainly wouldn't come right out and say it to someone, but might poke around in some subtle ways. Gender identity is also complex and nuanced, so I'd be real careful about assuming someone else's gender identity in general, especially if they aren't actively advertising it. Edit: Stupid typo

Telling someone "you are trans" to a cis person is pretty similar to telling a trans person "you can never be your chosen gender", as both dictate the validity of your gender expression based on my personal perception, which is fucking dumb. "Have you considered letting our Holy Regent of Transness, the Lady Estrogen into your heart cause that's something a trans girl says" or "that's so very *Cis* of you..." in a good natured way between friends is fine with me, and I don't see why it would be unacceptable to *RESPECTFULLY* prod and explore, especially with someone who doesn't consider this gender stuff deeply. If someone says "shut the fuck up about it" you say "I am sorry I didn't mean to be a jerk" and you never bring it up again and you let them have the space they're asking for and be a friend and support them if they ever do want to talk.

I never knew this was a thing. I just know for me personally. I first realized I was bi last year than several months later that I was trans. When I started coming out some as bi first than trans later and some both at once. EVERYONE knew or had suspicions already and I was a little set back and kinda just wanted them to ask before. Like they new before I did. I personally wish(ed) people would ask.

I never heard this but 100%. Maybe talk more about trans things more but not specifically about them being trans

You should mind your own business, you have no right or professional qualification to dictate to someone else what their gender is and "telling someone they're trans" whether they might be or not is ABSOLUTELY not your place.

I genuinely dislike basically all of the egg talk. If I think someone might be (pre)trans I'm just slightly nicer to them than average, unless they suck and then I don't stick around

I think there is a genuine risk of people pushing or trying to force others to leave the egg. These people might not be ready to be out, might not be at a point in their life were they can handle it, some might not even be trans but misread. I think the egg discussion while a good online topic is a bit overused. Being trans is also a road of self exploration and identification. And I do believe it could be harmful to force or push someone into something. It could even backlash and force some to only ever hide more. Only ever gently suggest people check things out, ask some questions.  I think we shouldn't "ID" people with an egg stamp. And who are we actually doing it for?

I think it’s best to walk a middle line - don’t suggest they themselves are/might be trans but do casually mention trans stuff in a positive light (you can use news, celebrities, pride, or whatever else to casually show your allyship). The reason it took me so long to work out I was trans was that I just didn’t know that being a trans man or being non-binary was a thing that existed, and if someone had maybe discussed the topic with me I would have got there a lot quicker. They need to work out that the shoe fits, but you can tell them that they can try it on if they want to.

It's really a special case of a fact of human psychology: people are more likely to doubt or reject an idea they didn't come up with themselves. Telling someone, "you're probably trans, mate," even if you're right, is a good way to put them into a vicious cycle of self-doubt and possibly push them deeper into the closet. Cf., gently nudging them into thinking about the possibility for themselves and letting them to come to their own conclusions will be far better for their peace of mind and acceptance of themselves. And of course, if you're _wrong_, well, that's just awkward. Probably a good way to end a friendship. The Egg Prime Directive is a good thing, imo, because it enshrines the individual's agency over their own identity.

I actively discourage being trans. Like this shit is hard and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

I think it’s a good practice. But I dislike the whole “egg” thing. I don’t think it’s as common for trans guys to use that.

As long as you don't call me an egg...

You can carefully hint at it maybe but being to blunt can easily lead to more repression and them having a harder time to figure things out.

To be honest, I hate the whole "egg" thing. I think the "egg prime directive" is a good idea.  I especially dislike the way some people are so insistent that they know someone better than they know themselves or try to force labels on others (and either not letting them explore at their own pace or outright disregarding their experiences in doing so).         To me, insisting someone is trans is the other side of the same coin as when clueless cis people fall over themselves looking for reasons why someone isn't "trans enough" and must just be [insert unrelated label here]    Pinning labels on people is rude either way IMO, and I see little difference between "you don't look/think/behave how I think a trans person should, therefore you must actually be cis and confused" and  "you don't look/think/behave how I think a cis person should, therefore you must actually be trans and confused"        My general attitude, both in terms of "eggs" and "clocking" is - "if you think someone is trans, no you don't".      Helping someone who is actively asking for advice and help exploring, or saying one's own experiences or feelings are similar, is different and I wouldn't include those situations in that. I'd consider those sort of scenarios completely fine.

I don’t tell them but I might make a comment about them to validate their chosen gender. Like to a AMAB that’s an egg I might say “you have a very beautiful face”. Typically you would tell a guy he’s handsome but for girls you tell them they’re beautiful.

We must beam down dressed like eggs so they don’t know what’s possible.