Dump this sorry POS and enroll in therapy. Also, stay on your meds. If you ever need someone to talk to or if you ever just WANT to talk, my inbox is open to you. I'm a woman with an anxiety disorder and a few other not fun things going on MH wise, so I get it.
❤️
You should dump him and go to therapy.
There are a lot of things shitty in that text, but the big one is that he finds you annoying when you talk about your passions. He's annoyed when you're passionate? It's not a good sign.
If you want to do therapy, you should. It's for you, not for him. It's funny that he finds you depressing but doesn't want you to go to therapy, so you'll be less depressed. Wtf?
I'm not sure he has your best interests in mind. Also he's an asshole.
Hi OP, I'm so sorry you went through that. I also suffer from anxiety and have self esteem issues. Whenever my partner seems off, I tend to blame it on me and ask him if everything is okay. Usually, he simply reassures me that nothing is wrong, and that if there ever is, he'll make sure to let me know. A few times he's snapped at me and told me things like "will you stop asking me this" etc. But he's never send me a detailed message like the one you received. I think it's very hurtful and unfair to you. Especially the part about you dropping meds and not doing therapy. What the hell was he thinking?
My boyfriend thinks my meds are the reason I don’t get very wet during sex even though he does barely any foreplay. He thinks if I get off my meds my sex drive will go up and I’ll be wetter which I don’t think is the case. He also thinks medicine is just bad in general so if he has a headache he won’t take pain meds
You need to get away from this guy asap. He sounds like a narcissist also. He probably feels comfortable to you because he’s familiar. Please dump him, take your meds, and find a therapist.
Maybe you don't get wet because he sucks in bed and treats you like shit. Will he ever come to this realization? No, because like the other commenter said I would bet $100 that this man is a narcissist. I'm on SSRIs and anxiety meds and have no issue getting turned on when i'm with a man who actually turns me on.
Yes, SSRIs can cause issues in bed, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on with you guys. Maybe you should have a conversation with him about your sexual expectations. Or you could try to add some lube to help with the wetness issue. There's a nice KY pack on amazon that comes with a purple bottle for her and a blue one for him that works wonders. Anyway, I wish you the best.
I feel like you’re dating my ex! Dump his sorry ass and enroll in therapy. He’s obviously has some narcissistic traits and that’s not good for anyone, especially not for someone with anxiety! ♥️
You typed all that, but don't see how deeply fucked up in the head he is? He's going to make all of your problems a while hell of a lot worse if you stay.
I think she expected a "yes" or "no". Not a long list of things he hates about her and criticisms of her character. She didn't ask for him to write a paragraph of reasons he can't stand her.
OP, it took me a long time but there's genuinely better people out there who will have infinite patience and love for you, mistakes, disorder and everything. They'll accept your past, your present, they'll adapt to you. I found that person after so, so many failed relationships with people who weren't compatible with me.
He isn't compatible with you. Try to not internalize his laundry list of shortcomings. It actually reflects poorly on him for doing so. Healthy, happy people don't do that to their partners. Its not acceptable behavior, no matter how incompatible you are. He should have broken up with you if any of those are the case, not stayed and expect you to be something you aren't.
He needed to accept you wholly for every part of you, not just the idea of what you could be in his opinion.
Please, like others said, break up with him and try to find a therapist you vibe with. Maybe stay single for a little while and hold out for someone who is more interested in you, specifically you and everything about you.
Also.. this isn't talked about a lot but it's okay to be alone and not have friends at certain periods of life. I had no friends when I reached your age in adulthood and just recently reconnected with some childhood friends and made some new ones after healing significantly. This was after a LONG time period of isolation. I'm better for it. It wasn't easy but it didn't mean anything was wrong with me. It also means nothing is wrong with you. It just happens sometimes, and it's especially difficult for people with interpersonal trauma. You'll be fine. Just right now is hard.
The little kid that lives inside of you, is perfect just the way she is and never deserved what happened and continues to happen. Just try to be loving to that little you, and take care of her. Start there! Let this time of isolation be a time of growth. Keep using resources like reddit to connect with people in the meantime. Discord groups that had to do with breakups really helped me through my last serious relationship ending. I found them through Reddit.
Anyways, let us know if you need more support. We're here for you! It'll be hard but you'll make it through!
That is such a hurtful thing for him to do.
As a fellow anxious person who struggles with low self esteem, I’ve found it to be so much more productive, in terms of receiving the support I’m looking for, to honestly say “I’m feeling insecure, can you help cheer me up?” Rather than fishing for compliments in a back handed self deprecating way like asking if you’re annoying.
I’ll try doing that. I grew up with narcissistic parents so every time there’s a mood change with my boyfriend I feel like I did something wrong. My parents were always vocal on how annoying and awful they found me so I didn’t want him to think the same.
He’s only interested in what you can do for him, and how everything you do effects him. Please get away from him, you deserve better than that. WAY better. Go to therapy, it’s great.
You need help from outside your relationship to process that. Do you have resources available to you? It sounds like you were traumatized by reading what you felt was an honest confession of feelings (but may have been a slip up in exhaustion of support from his end, the internet can’t tell, only the two of you know).
What I do hear is that you are struggling, he’s your support, he fumbled and struck out at you rather than expressing his distress due to the environment (and not making it your fault).
That’s traumatic when your only support uses your flaws as justification for why things are the way they are. You know that’s not constructive or loving.
So now, you can decide what to do. It sounds like you both are struggling and you both need guidance and support. It sounds like you are going through a lot and maybe he is not going to be able to support your needs and that’s ok. But the trauma happened and needs to be addressed and more support is needed for everyone if you want to stay.
why are you with him still? it's may and this happened in december. it's still affecting you and clearly he doesn't care that his words hurt you. there is so much you've said that shouts he doesn't care enough about your well-being. don't let this go so far as being engaged before you get out. he's not going to change, and you're going to end up trapped in a marriage with someone who doesn't support you.
i would especially consider this: you say you grew up in a traumatic household with abusive parents. if you end up wanting children, and they need therapy, your boyfriend isn't going to let them go any more than he lets you go. do you want to raise a traumatized child because you couldn't leave someone who doesn't care for you?
It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.
Also, someone who doesn't want you to go to therapy and also doesn't want you to take medications but just get better on your own is stupid. It's great that you want to go to therapy and work on yourself. You should dump him and just focus on yourself.
Also, you don't need to have a reason to break up with someone. If you're unhappy, and you try talking with your partner and they refuse to do anything to work on the relationship, that's a perfectly good reason to break up. Someone who doesn't work on themselves or their relationship is not a good partner. There doesn't have to be a big problem like cheating or abuse or lots of fighting to be able to break up. You can break up because you're unhappy for a while with this person and don't know why. You can break up for any reason at all. You don't need permission or a "legitimate" reason. It's 100% your choice.
A partner who gives you an entire list of things he finds wrong with you, not just "oh this one action of yours bothers me, could you please stop?", but an entire list, is not a good partner. Someone who doesn't listen to you, dismisses your opinions or health problems, wants you to make yourself smaller or control you, is not a good partner. Your boyfriend is not a good partner.
Unfortunately there are some guys who will choose women to date, not because they want that person specifically, not even because they just want a partner, but because they view women as objects they can mold to their liking. They also see women not as full fledged living beings of their own, but someone who they want around just to have someone pretty to look at and to give sex and listen to them talk about themselves. They don't actually care about you, as a person, or about your personality. They just want you to shut up, do whatever they tell you, and have sex with them. Your boyfriend sounds like one of them.
Wishing you luck with therapy and the future. I think it'll be a lot brighter for you if you ditch this guy.
You mentioned our sex lives and hes definitely controlling in that aspect too. He’s never made me finish in the past four years of dating. He always blames my meds which is one of the reasons he wants me off them. Since I have trouble getting wet now he just uses lube with nothing before or after. He just does his business and calls it a day. I’ve told him a billion times I hate it and he doesn’t listen. I also hate taking nudes due to past sexual abuse when I was a kid. He knows this but he still demands nudes from me. When he’s drunk he’ll persist on having sex until I say yes. I don’t understand why he’s like this or why he thinks it’s okay. I feel so lost. He’s my only support and if I break up with him I’m going to be alone. I also want to try to make things work but he keeps ignoring me. Last time I brought it up he had a panic attack.
Never ever stay with someone because they are ‘your only option’ I know it’s horrible but what you’re describing is desperation. Clinging onto this very toxic relationship will in the long run ruin you. It’s incredibly hard to leave but you will likely be so much happier once you do. Pestering you for sex is not okay and using you as a way to get himself off without thinking about your needs… I mean one has to wonder if he’s going to just bypass your ‘consent’ at some point when he’s drunk.
Yikes, I'm sorry. Pestering you for sex until you give in is sexual coersion, which is a crime. And your partner blaming you for lack of orgasm solely on medication while not doing any foreplay sucks. Please stop having sex with him. If you end up pregnant you'll be stuck with him, and if you don't have access to abortion, a baby will not help any of your problems. And your boyfriend is like this because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't see you as a person, just an object to get what he wants from. So stop worrying about his feelings, because he doesn't even think that you have any feelings.
I understand it's difficult to be alone, so I would search for a therapist asap, and if you're able to afford to live on your own, start planning to move out. If not, you can still break up and be roommates. It'll be awkward but I've had to live with an ex after a breakup and plenty of other people do too.
Also, regardless of how your boyfriend reacts, you can break up with him. It's hard, it's hard hurting someone but a lot of times the right thing is difficult and can hurt someone. You have to do what's best for yourself if you're stuck in a bad situation. Put on your oxygen masl first. Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. And even though being alone is tough, there's the possibility of things getting better. What possibiity is there of your current situation getting better, when your boyfriend doesn't care about you at all?
alone is better than your current boyfriend.
feeling alone and being alone are two different things. feeling alone sucks, but unfortunately you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.
when you are single and/or don't have friends, it can still feel lonely. but it's infinitely better and comes with more opportunities for growth and self love than feeling alone *while in a relationship* ever will. at least when you are alone, you can learn to be alone without *feeling* lonely. that progress can't happen if you are continuously put down by someone who is supposed to make you feel loved.
Send him a list right back of everything you find annoying about him and dump him to the curb. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like he doesn't even like you.
I know you're not going to be inclined to listen to a stranger on reddit, but I am BEGGING YOU. PLEASE do not marry this man. This is not normal at all, it's actually very sociopathic of him. Maybe he needs therapy as well?
This man hates you. And you might be thinking "well how could he hate me if he's in a relationship with me?" Men will keep women around for all sorts of reasons without liking them or valuing them as a person. What he said to you is degrading and demeaning and cruel. He will probably try to pass this off as "honesty" and yes it's honest but that doesn't make him a good person. He basically just admitted that he finds you insufferable. And if you still see a future with this man after this, idk what to tell you. I understand that you have some emotional issues but that doesn't have to get in the way of you respecting yourself and knowing your worth.
And how dare he try to turn HIS cruel actions around on you and make it your fault that your relationship is suffering because you can't get over it. No person with any ounce of self respect would be able to see past their partner speaking to them like that yet he's assuming you'll be weak and sweep it under the rug. He can't just say hurtful borderline abusive things to you and then expect you to suck it up for the greater good of your relationship. No, HE is the one who caused issues by revealing his true colors. Don't you feel bad for one second for being heartbroken over this. He's intentionally manipulating you into thinking you're overreacting and being too emotional. Any man who has a drop of respect for you as a person would never speak to you that way, much less a man who claims to love you and want to marry you.
Please girl, please get out. This is not a normal way for a man to behave. It sounds like he has more issues than you do. If you stay with him you are going to live the rest of your life being broken inside having his words repeat in your head and there will always be doubt if he really loves you (he does not.) And I guarantee this won't be the first time he disrespects you, in fact it will only get worse as time goes on. You will live the rest of your life chasing his and his family's approval and you'll never win no matter how great you are. If you have to work overtime to mold yourself into other people's ideas of perfection just to be treated with respect then they are not meant to be in your life. This man doesn't realize how lucky he is to have someone like you who loves him for who he is.
I sincerely wish you all the best, please take care of yourself and put yourself first right now. You deserve so much more and I promise you there is a way better life beyond this man. It may not feel like it now, it may feel like you are going to die of a broken heart if/when you leave him, but you won't. I guarantee you will feel so much better about yourself once you move on and take all the energy that you put into loving him, and put it back into yourself instead. You are so much more than what he tells you that you are.
Edit: like someone else said, what he says speaks volumes about his character as a man and less about yours. Healthy happy people do not treat their significant other this way. It just doesn't happen. There is something disturbing going on with him and he's going to do nothing but drag you down. He sounds like the kind of person who will sadly never admit his own shortcomings plus he doesn't believe in therapy so there's about a 0.001% chance of him ever doing any inner work and becoming a better man.
Maybe write him his own letter back. All the reasons you (and the rest of us) think hes a shit boyfriend...or even just friend...and also just person in general??
Please dump him. You said you don't know what healthy relationships look like, so PLEASE believe me when I tell you that this is not healthy. He doesn't understand mood disorders, or disordered eating and wants you to stop medication and not pursue therapy and "just get better". He also is way too enmeshed with his family. It's not rude to not eat food, especially when you're trying to figure out how to have a healthy relationship with food. If he or they don't understand that, there's no reason to value their opinions or try to make them happy. He sucks. They suck. Get therapy and pursue your passions. I promise you'll feel less lonely without him misunderstanding you constantly.
Jump. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Just find someone that values you and if it takes a while.. just enjoy life and put yourself first!
He does not like you. Swap out the names for anybody else, and tell me your advice. I am so, so sorry that you had to learn this now. But you cannot live the rest of your life with someone that finds you too much.
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This man doesn’t like you. I think you should be single for a while and focus on yourself and your own needs, rather than trying to please someone who is never going to love you for you.
You can’t ask questions you don’t actually want answered. Ya can’t be mad at him for being honest when YOU asked for it. If you feel there’s truth to his words, then work on those things. If you feel it’s out of nowhere, reevaluate your situation and probably move on.. Chances of you changing his perception of you aren’t very good. If it does change, it’ll take a lot of work and probably yrs.
i disagree. yes the questions can be answered, but from what it seems, half the questions are maliciously aimed towards her personality and personal issues. if there was an issue to begin with, why even be with said person? there are certain issues people cannot fix immediately (such as anxiety) so this partner of hers needs to be understanding rather than criticizing her
You should appreciate him being honest. Take on board the criticism and ignore the frustration in his tone. Learn the lesson and move on. What moving on means is for you to decide.
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Dump this sorry POS and enroll in therapy. Also, stay on your meds. If you ever need someone to talk to or if you ever just WANT to talk, my inbox is open to you. I'm a woman with an anxiety disorder and a few other not fun things going on MH wise, so I get it. ❤️
You should dump him and go to therapy. There are a lot of things shitty in that text, but the big one is that he finds you annoying when you talk about your passions. He's annoyed when you're passionate? It's not a good sign. If you want to do therapy, you should. It's for you, not for him. It's funny that he finds you depressing but doesn't want you to go to therapy, so you'll be less depressed. Wtf? I'm not sure he has your best interests in mind. Also he's an asshole.
He hates you and he's going to propose? Where's the logic in that?
Hi OP, I'm so sorry you went through that. I also suffer from anxiety and have self esteem issues. Whenever my partner seems off, I tend to blame it on me and ask him if everything is okay. Usually, he simply reassures me that nothing is wrong, and that if there ever is, he'll make sure to let me know. A few times he's snapped at me and told me things like "will you stop asking me this" etc. But he's never send me a detailed message like the one you received. I think it's very hurtful and unfair to you. Especially the part about you dropping meds and not doing therapy. What the hell was he thinking?
My boyfriend thinks my meds are the reason I don’t get very wet during sex even though he does barely any foreplay. He thinks if I get off my meds my sex drive will go up and I’ll be wetter which I don’t think is the case. He also thinks medicine is just bad in general so if he has a headache he won’t take pain meds
You need to get away from this guy asap. He sounds like a narcissist also. He probably feels comfortable to you because he’s familiar. Please dump him, take your meds, and find a therapist.
that’s some bad women’s anatomy shit from him, but that’s besides the point. break up with him, go to therapy, & focus on yourself, babe.
Maybe you don't get wet because he sucks in bed and treats you like shit. Will he ever come to this realization? No, because like the other commenter said I would bet $100 that this man is a narcissist. I'm on SSRIs and anxiety meds and have no issue getting turned on when i'm with a man who actually turns me on.
Sounds like he’s gaslighting you tbfh
Yes, SSRIs can cause issues in bed, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on with you guys. Maybe you should have a conversation with him about your sexual expectations. Or you could try to add some lube to help with the wetness issue. There's a nice KY pack on amazon that comes with a purple bottle for her and a blue one for him that works wonders. Anyway, I wish you the best.
I feel like you’re dating my ex! Dump his sorry ass and enroll in therapy. He’s obviously has some narcissistic traits and that’s not good for anyone, especially not for someone with anxiety! ♥️
You typed all that, but don't see how deeply fucked up in the head he is? He's going to make all of your problems a while hell of a lot worse if you stay.
Dump the boyfriend and maybe get therapy, but also learn not to ask questions unless you're prepared for an answer you may not like.
I think she expected a "yes" or "no". Not a long list of things he hates about her and criticisms of her character. She didn't ask for him to write a paragraph of reasons he can't stand her.
That's fair but I don't think anyone asks their partner if they're annoying expecting a long detailed answer with all the bad stuff about them 💀
OP, it took me a long time but there's genuinely better people out there who will have infinite patience and love for you, mistakes, disorder and everything. They'll accept your past, your present, they'll adapt to you. I found that person after so, so many failed relationships with people who weren't compatible with me. He isn't compatible with you. Try to not internalize his laundry list of shortcomings. It actually reflects poorly on him for doing so. Healthy, happy people don't do that to their partners. Its not acceptable behavior, no matter how incompatible you are. He should have broken up with you if any of those are the case, not stayed and expect you to be something you aren't. He needed to accept you wholly for every part of you, not just the idea of what you could be in his opinion. Please, like others said, break up with him and try to find a therapist you vibe with. Maybe stay single for a little while and hold out for someone who is more interested in you, specifically you and everything about you. Also.. this isn't talked about a lot but it's okay to be alone and not have friends at certain periods of life. I had no friends when I reached your age in adulthood and just recently reconnected with some childhood friends and made some new ones after healing significantly. This was after a LONG time period of isolation. I'm better for it. It wasn't easy but it didn't mean anything was wrong with me. It also means nothing is wrong with you. It just happens sometimes, and it's especially difficult for people with interpersonal trauma. You'll be fine. Just right now is hard. The little kid that lives inside of you, is perfect just the way she is and never deserved what happened and continues to happen. Just try to be loving to that little you, and take care of her. Start there! Let this time of isolation be a time of growth. Keep using resources like reddit to connect with people in the meantime. Discord groups that had to do with breakups really helped me through my last serious relationship ending. I found them through Reddit. Anyways, let us know if you need more support. We're here for you! It'll be hard but you'll make it through!
That is such a hurtful thing for him to do. As a fellow anxious person who struggles with low self esteem, I’ve found it to be so much more productive, in terms of receiving the support I’m looking for, to honestly say “I’m feeling insecure, can you help cheer me up?” Rather than fishing for compliments in a back handed self deprecating way like asking if you’re annoying.
I’ll try doing that. I grew up with narcissistic parents so every time there’s a mood change with my boyfriend I feel like I did something wrong. My parents were always vocal on how annoying and awful they found me so I didn’t want him to think the same.
He’s only interested in what you can do for him, and how everything you do effects him. Please get away from him, you deserve better than that. WAY better. Go to therapy, it’s great.
So your parents were terrible and you found a boyfriend that's just like them, do you realize that?
That explains why you're in a relationship with an absolutely shitty person. This is all just more of the same, don't you see that?
You need help from outside your relationship to process that. Do you have resources available to you? It sounds like you were traumatized by reading what you felt was an honest confession of feelings (but may have been a slip up in exhaustion of support from his end, the internet can’t tell, only the two of you know). What I do hear is that you are struggling, he’s your support, he fumbled and struck out at you rather than expressing his distress due to the environment (and not making it your fault). That’s traumatic when your only support uses your flaws as justification for why things are the way they are. You know that’s not constructive or loving. So now, you can decide what to do. It sounds like you both are struggling and you both need guidance and support. It sounds like you are going through a lot and maybe he is not going to be able to support your needs and that’s ok. But the trauma happened and needs to be addressed and more support is needed for everyone if you want to stay.
why are you with him still? it's may and this happened in december. it's still affecting you and clearly he doesn't care that his words hurt you. there is so much you've said that shouts he doesn't care enough about your well-being. don't let this go so far as being engaged before you get out. he's not going to change, and you're going to end up trapped in a marriage with someone who doesn't support you. i would especially consider this: you say you grew up in a traumatic household with abusive parents. if you end up wanting children, and they need therapy, your boyfriend isn't going to let them go any more than he lets you go. do you want to raise a traumatized child because you couldn't leave someone who doesn't care for you?
It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone. Also, someone who doesn't want you to go to therapy and also doesn't want you to take medications but just get better on your own is stupid. It's great that you want to go to therapy and work on yourself. You should dump him and just focus on yourself. Also, you don't need to have a reason to break up with someone. If you're unhappy, and you try talking with your partner and they refuse to do anything to work on the relationship, that's a perfectly good reason to break up. Someone who doesn't work on themselves or their relationship is not a good partner. There doesn't have to be a big problem like cheating or abuse or lots of fighting to be able to break up. You can break up because you're unhappy for a while with this person and don't know why. You can break up for any reason at all. You don't need permission or a "legitimate" reason. It's 100% your choice. A partner who gives you an entire list of things he finds wrong with you, not just "oh this one action of yours bothers me, could you please stop?", but an entire list, is not a good partner. Someone who doesn't listen to you, dismisses your opinions or health problems, wants you to make yourself smaller or control you, is not a good partner. Your boyfriend is not a good partner. Unfortunately there are some guys who will choose women to date, not because they want that person specifically, not even because they just want a partner, but because they view women as objects they can mold to their liking. They also see women not as full fledged living beings of their own, but someone who they want around just to have someone pretty to look at and to give sex and listen to them talk about themselves. They don't actually care about you, as a person, or about your personality. They just want you to shut up, do whatever they tell you, and have sex with them. Your boyfriend sounds like one of them. Wishing you luck with therapy and the future. I think it'll be a lot brighter for you if you ditch this guy.
You mentioned our sex lives and hes definitely controlling in that aspect too. He’s never made me finish in the past four years of dating. He always blames my meds which is one of the reasons he wants me off them. Since I have trouble getting wet now he just uses lube with nothing before or after. He just does his business and calls it a day. I’ve told him a billion times I hate it and he doesn’t listen. I also hate taking nudes due to past sexual abuse when I was a kid. He knows this but he still demands nudes from me. When he’s drunk he’ll persist on having sex until I say yes. I don’t understand why he’s like this or why he thinks it’s okay. I feel so lost. He’s my only support and if I break up with him I’m going to be alone. I also want to try to make things work but he keeps ignoring me. Last time I brought it up he had a panic attack.
Never ever stay with someone because they are ‘your only option’ I know it’s horrible but what you’re describing is desperation. Clinging onto this very toxic relationship will in the long run ruin you. It’s incredibly hard to leave but you will likely be so much happier once you do. Pestering you for sex is not okay and using you as a way to get himself off without thinking about your needs… I mean one has to wonder if he’s going to just bypass your ‘consent’ at some point when he’s drunk.
Yikes, I'm sorry. Pestering you for sex until you give in is sexual coersion, which is a crime. And your partner blaming you for lack of orgasm solely on medication while not doing any foreplay sucks. Please stop having sex with him. If you end up pregnant you'll be stuck with him, and if you don't have access to abortion, a baby will not help any of your problems. And your boyfriend is like this because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't see you as a person, just an object to get what he wants from. So stop worrying about his feelings, because he doesn't even think that you have any feelings. I understand it's difficult to be alone, so I would search for a therapist asap, and if you're able to afford to live on your own, start planning to move out. If not, you can still break up and be roommates. It'll be awkward but I've had to live with an ex after a breakup and plenty of other people do too. Also, regardless of how your boyfriend reacts, you can break up with him. It's hard, it's hard hurting someone but a lot of times the right thing is difficult and can hurt someone. You have to do what's best for yourself if you're stuck in a bad situation. Put on your oxygen masl first. Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. And even though being alone is tough, there's the possibility of things getting better. What possibiity is there of your current situation getting better, when your boyfriend doesn't care about you at all?
Baby girl, noooo. None of this is okay or right!
alone is better than your current boyfriend. feeling alone and being alone are two different things. feeling alone sucks, but unfortunately you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. when you are single and/or don't have friends, it can still feel lonely. but it's infinitely better and comes with more opportunities for growth and self love than feeling alone *while in a relationship* ever will. at least when you are alone, you can learn to be alone without *feeling* lonely. that progress can't happen if you are continuously put down by someone who is supposed to make you feel loved.
Send him a list right back of everything you find annoying about him and dump him to the curb. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like he doesn't even like you.
I know you're not going to be inclined to listen to a stranger on reddit, but I am BEGGING YOU. PLEASE do not marry this man. This is not normal at all, it's actually very sociopathic of him. Maybe he needs therapy as well? This man hates you. And you might be thinking "well how could he hate me if he's in a relationship with me?" Men will keep women around for all sorts of reasons without liking them or valuing them as a person. What he said to you is degrading and demeaning and cruel. He will probably try to pass this off as "honesty" and yes it's honest but that doesn't make him a good person. He basically just admitted that he finds you insufferable. And if you still see a future with this man after this, idk what to tell you. I understand that you have some emotional issues but that doesn't have to get in the way of you respecting yourself and knowing your worth. And how dare he try to turn HIS cruel actions around on you and make it your fault that your relationship is suffering because you can't get over it. No person with any ounce of self respect would be able to see past their partner speaking to them like that yet he's assuming you'll be weak and sweep it under the rug. He can't just say hurtful borderline abusive things to you and then expect you to suck it up for the greater good of your relationship. No, HE is the one who caused issues by revealing his true colors. Don't you feel bad for one second for being heartbroken over this. He's intentionally manipulating you into thinking you're overreacting and being too emotional. Any man who has a drop of respect for you as a person would never speak to you that way, much less a man who claims to love you and want to marry you. Please girl, please get out. This is not a normal way for a man to behave. It sounds like he has more issues than you do. If you stay with him you are going to live the rest of your life being broken inside having his words repeat in your head and there will always be doubt if he really loves you (he does not.) And I guarantee this won't be the first time he disrespects you, in fact it will only get worse as time goes on. You will live the rest of your life chasing his and his family's approval and you'll never win no matter how great you are. If you have to work overtime to mold yourself into other people's ideas of perfection just to be treated with respect then they are not meant to be in your life. This man doesn't realize how lucky he is to have someone like you who loves him for who he is. I sincerely wish you all the best, please take care of yourself and put yourself first right now. You deserve so much more and I promise you there is a way better life beyond this man. It may not feel like it now, it may feel like you are going to die of a broken heart if/when you leave him, but you won't. I guarantee you will feel so much better about yourself once you move on and take all the energy that you put into loving him, and put it back into yourself instead. You are so much more than what he tells you that you are. Edit: like someone else said, what he says speaks volumes about his character as a man and less about yours. Healthy happy people do not treat their significant other this way. It just doesn't happen. There is something disturbing going on with him and he's going to do nothing but drag you down. He sounds like the kind of person who will sadly never admit his own shortcomings plus he doesn't believe in therapy so there's about a 0.001% chance of him ever doing any inner work and becoming a better man.
This! PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS!!
Why do you need his permission to go to therapy?? Just go
LeaVe him, he doesn’t love you, just the idea of who can mold you into, I’ve been there, trust me, he’s an ass
If all of that is accurate, you're not ready to be with anyone.
Find a therapist first. Worry about the relationship after you have found a therapist. *You* come first. 💕🤌🏼
Maybe write him his own letter back. All the reasons you (and the rest of us) think hes a shit boyfriend...or even just friend...and also just person in general??
Dump him. That’s not how a good partner responds to that question.
Only read the title, and this dude is a jerk; please dump him
Please dump him. You said you don't know what healthy relationships look like, so PLEASE believe me when I tell you that this is not healthy. He doesn't understand mood disorders, or disordered eating and wants you to stop medication and not pursue therapy and "just get better". He also is way too enmeshed with his family. It's not rude to not eat food, especially when you're trying to figure out how to have a healthy relationship with food. If he or they don't understand that, there's no reason to value their opinions or try to make them happy. He sucks. They suck. Get therapy and pursue your passions. I promise you'll feel less lonely without him misunderstanding you constantly.
You deserve better. I’m sorry you have to go through this
Jump. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Just find someone that values you and if it takes a while.. just enjoy life and put yourself first!
He does not like you. Swap out the names for anybody else, and tell me your advice. I am so, so sorry that you had to learn this now. But you cannot live the rest of your life with someone that finds you too much.
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This man doesn’t like you. I think you should be single for a while and focus on yourself and your own needs, rather than trying to please someone who is never going to love you for you.
Leave him, get therapy.
You can’t ask questions you don’t actually want answered. Ya can’t be mad at him for being honest when YOU asked for it. If you feel there’s truth to his words, then work on those things. If you feel it’s out of nowhere, reevaluate your situation and probably move on.. Chances of you changing his perception of you aren’t very good. If it does change, it’ll take a lot of work and probably yrs.
i disagree. yes the questions can be answered, but from what it seems, half the questions are maliciously aimed towards her personality and personal issues. if there was an issue to begin with, why even be with said person? there are certain issues people cannot fix immediately (such as anxiety) so this partner of hers needs to be understanding rather than criticizing her
You should appreciate him being honest. Take on board the criticism and ignore the frustration in his tone. Learn the lesson and move on. What moving on means is for you to decide.
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