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You could spice it up a bit with a "livin the dream"

You have to have that haunted look in your eyes that says you want to end it but can't bring yourself to do it. Otherwise no one will know it's a cry for help.

Plot twist: everyone knows its a cry for help, but they do nothing as they too are living the dream

Me and the guy behind the counter when I'm doing my security patrols and stop by the servo at 3am for a reheated pie and a coffee. Another day in paradise

That sounds like the start of a movie

yep, could be named something simple, like tuesday or wednesday

Or "Tuesday or Wednesday" implying the way your life slips away in a blur whilst living the dream.

Look at the fancy man over here with his financial security.

It's the cracks at the corners of your mouth when you smile that really sells the despair.

For me it's the dark puffy bags under my eyes.

Omg 😂😭💀

Man im so unexpressive that people wouldn't get it

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‘No point complaining, no cunt will listen anyway’

Translation: "Carnt complain"

...And those who will listen don't care

I like to say "Shittin' glitter"

Bloke at work always drops “another day in paradise” so thank you for arming me with shittin’ glitter. Can’t wait to see his face

"Breakfast of champions" is another good one if you're carrying a sausage roll and an iced coffee as you pass each other.

I'm a pharmacist and made the "breakfast of champions" joke with a methadone client once while she made the eww face typical of the drug. She thought it was pretty funny. Spat her dose all over the counter, lost her dose, I had to call drug and alcohol services to get another dose authorised. "You sure she lost the whole dose?" "Yeah, it's on my shirt" "Ok"

Best reason ever.

Meat pie and a winny blue is the breakfast of champions, or so I’ve been told

Champions come in many forms. choc donut and a red tin at 8am shows 'em how well you're really doing

Dare and a dart for breakfast

Everything for the first hour at my cafe. Bacon and eggs and coffee. Brownie and a milkshake. Kid picked up a marshmallow off the floor. ' breakfast of champions right there'

Do you eat glitter?!

No, I had to stop, my drains were getting blocked.

Sounds like you might've been eating confetti not glitter. But hey, to each their own! Here's some more ✨

Glitter confetti 🤷🏼‍♂️

*Narrator*: They were not living the dream

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unsure if "livin the dream" has ever been spoken unironically

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Wouldn't be dead for quids

the true bluest of answers.

‘Nother day, ‘nother dollar

Or an answer to "how's it goin'?", that I now get often. "Ohh, Just livin' my best life. You?!" This is 5:50 in the morning. I fucking doubt it.

definitely using that next time

“Keep on keepin on!”

And the one time someone simply says, "Hi!" I reply with, "Good, yourself?" \*Awkward silence\*

I’m a serial offender of repeating “good, you?” Eg: Me: hey mate how ya going Them: good mate, yourself? Me: yeah not too bad, yourself? Most awkward shit ever.

People do that to me at work all the time, I ended up replying the same way I did the first time to see if they'd loop again. Sadly not.

That's when you laugh it off with a variation of "haven't had my coffee yet" or "still waking up don't mind me" regardless of what time it is or if they've seen you with a coffee that day already. This is not making me miss the office!

Until that one bloke actually answers with a genuine answer. Then you try and exit the conversation as soon as possible.

one time a customer replied to “bad” when i asked them about their day and i didn’t hear them and said “that’s good!”. not sure if they’ll come back to the store after that

A friend of mine always used to answer with "I just got out of the Acute Care Ward this week" whenever a guy she wasn't into too asked her "how she was going?". They never had any follow-ups to that.

Because they're slack. "Ah, cutie in acute care makes sense! Have a good one darl"

He's a smoooooth operatooooor.

Going great, Greylands finally let me out!

HAHAH this is gold

I had someone say something like that i just laughed and said "at least your out now and kept on walking"

I reply with "yeah, shit" quite a lot. Throws people off.

I once had a bloke reply "no better for you asking".

Had an IT support guy reply "Depends on what you're about to ask me"

he knows the value of his work

Hahaha. That's rude, but I'd laugh too.

that’d make me laugh depending on the tone, or i’d just reply with “same”

There's a dude at my work that I've never had a conversation with or even know his name, but we always have the same exchange every day: "Howyagoin" "Eh you know the usual" "That bad ey" "Ye" "Mhm" ​ Every single day going on like a year now. I consider it a running gag in my life at this point.

That's generally the response, they either laugh or say "same"... might lead to "did ya get on the piss mate" or "big night eh?".

When i worked at checkouts, i used to love customers like you! I used to say "yeah me too but i'm getting paid to smile" (saying the smile part through clenched teeth). Always had a good laugh with them.

"Sucks to be you then, what can i get ya?"

I used to work as a checkout operator at Woolies, and would always listen, when they were telling me about their wife’s cancer, or how the feed 13 kids, or that their dog farted so much it kept them awake, or their roof was leaking, or their favourite jam recipe. I didn’t mind it. You could tell a lot of people just needed to talk to another human.

I work at Coles and when I've had people drop this sorta stuff I just don't know how to respond, especially the cancer stuff. Like I care but also it's busy as fuck and I need to serve other customers as well so I'm like "damn, sucks"

Yeah it’s always awkward, like ‘oh shit I’m sorry your mum just died, thats $67.45’

Lmaoooo that's fucking on point mate, like I'd love to talk a bit more if I wasn't so busy with shit to do but see ya

The crew in supermarkets do a LOT a of this societies emotional work. I thank you

I did the same when I worked in Big W's entertainment area and some people would visit every other week just to chat. Most were old people who came on werkdays when it was quiet. I hoped it helped them feel better, loneliness especially in old age is a really sad thing to experience.

Had this exact scenario play out on the weekend. Asked the Barista "How's your morning going?" And was met with" Aww pretty fucked mate I just had a seizure" as he was making my coffee I had no idea how to reply could only come up with "Shit that's no good"

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That's not a fuck up. That's the reality. Don't ask ruok if you're not willing to really listen & help/take action. Hold that workplaces feet to the fire so they do better my friend!

I made the mistake of asking a young woman "Howyagoin?" And copped a 30min speal of the last 3yrs of her health issues and shit going on with her kids. Was nice to have a break in my work but gees I wish she had have made me a cuppa.

It’s a greeting, not a health inquiry.

Some euro bloke was on here recently bewildered by our lack of desire to go deeper than “yeah good” when asked how ya going. Totally understandable on his part but pretty funny

That's a really common thing to hear, and as a German I don't get how it happens. We literally have the same greeting, and it never causes a deep response in any of my interactions either. (Example - A:"Wie geht's?" B:"Gut, und selbst?") But as soon as people switch to English they lose any type of understanding it seems. Maybe I'm from an unusual area, but you'd be annoying if you'd start going off about your medical history here.

I think it's because in your native languages the phrase is just a phrase, the exact meaning of the words are lost to muscle memory as your mouth convulses to utter them. Then you switch to a foreign language and you're asking people "how are you doing?", and get back essentially the same in response - WTF is up with that right? Small talk tends to not be covered in language learning, as it is quite informal and regional. Unlike more useful sentences like "the cat is in the hat".

That phrase seens verry culturally significant. Where do they put cats in hats?

Ca va? Oue ca va Ca va bien

Yeah, it's weird when people actually answer.

I lived in the UK for a bit and people would greet me with "Alright?". For the first month or so I'd pause, think for a bit, and say something like "Yeah. I guess so. Why?"

Haha that’s how I would answer too. I also find that Irish people have a tendency to say “you look well” as a greeting too, which I used to think was a genuine compliment so I’d reply with whatever I thought was making me look well. Eg. “thanks, I’ve just been to the beach”. Turns out they say it to everyone lol.

My family is from the northeast of England. When they say you look well, they actually mean you've been eating well! Or, in other words, you're getting a bit porky.

Alright? Alright. Alright? Alright .

Yealright? Wutsgud

Yes! I even asked one of the people who kept saying it to me: ‘why? Don’t I look alright?’

Before the American “What’s up?” became popular here that used to throw me as well. I’d be like “Nothings up. Does it look like something is up? What are you insinuating here?”

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Oh man working supermarket when 16. "How's your day been?" "Oh it was horrific. Everything going poorly and...." *Just say fine and leave please

First social rule I learnt when arriving in australia lol. First time someone asked me how ya going was a coles cashier. The look of bewilderment when I amswered and the seriously asked how they were doing haha Then I knew it was a greeting but took me a couple of months to train myself to treat it as one haha

I give up social norms for Lent. And just fully answer everyone who asks me for a bit. 👍

oh wait really? i thought it was polite to just give a quick “yeah good” but didn’t know you’re not supposed to take the “howyagoing” part seriously

I am English. My regular greeting is "Alright." I don't expect a response.

I’m English and cannot bring myself to say ‘howyagoin’. It sounds fucking dreadful in my accent. It still baffles me how many Aussies are completely confused by the ‘Alright’ greeting. The amount of times people would look at me quizzically and say ‘Yes.’ I stopped using it for many years. Now I don’t give a toss and just go for it. Being from Yorkshire I also say ‘Ey up’, which probably gets a better reaction to be honest.

What do you expect to hear back when you say "alright"? Does it mean the same as hello?

Yeah pretty much. I say ‘Alright’, you say ‘alright’ back. Formalities are complete.

Alright

So efficient. Love it.

Just a nod with an eye contact is even more efficient

Lol. Great username.

in the short time it took for me to clue on to what it meant, "alright?" felt like the person was asking "are you okay?" or "are you alright(despite the thing that happened you know that thing)" and it would immediately stress me out, still feels jarring but i love its efficiency

It definitely doesn’t work in Australia. Even knowing how it’s used in England, if someone said “Alright?” to me I’d probably start crying and open up.

I am also reliably informed that 'orright is also acceptable.

Sometimes I just respond with the little upward head nod paired with the 'hey, howyagoin' eyebrow raise Edit: Here's a whole article about it, based on a reddit thread [the 'sup headnod](https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a26535985/the-silent-sup/)

I had an English neighbour for a while and as much as I tried, I just could not wrap my head around ‘alright’ as a greeting. I knew it logically, but every time she or one of her kids called out, my brain and mouth answered like it was a question.

It's short for are you alright, it is the same as how ya going

Yup, that was the most frustrating part of it! I *knew* that, but I usually answered with a confused ‘yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?’

I always liked the South Africa How’s it? Fine and you? It’s so efficient.

I think the correct response to “Howzit” is “Doctor Rudi, here.”

Not sure why it’s that baffling, it’s just not something people say here, if someone asks if you’re alright, it’s pretty much always because they think something might be wrong. Took me a while to get used to it as a greeting when I lived in the UK, I’d always do a double take and try to think if anything WAS wrong

Alright != Are you alright I've found most people on Aus grasp it

I usually respond "not too bad" if an englishman asks me if am I Alright and hope that it's not a wrong response

Can't complain

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>I am English. My regular greeting is "Alright." That was confuding when I first went to England. Walk into new work, see person I'd only met the day before. 'Y'awright mate?' 'Um, yes?' Geneuinely wasn't sure I seemed like I wasn't alright or if they wanted to fight me.

Not bad. Yourself? If they ask what your up to at moment. You say “not much. You?” Even if your flat out working.

Or when greeted with 'owyagowin' just reply 'gudday'. End of convo.

Convo? It's barely above a grunt.

Yup, that's usually how it works. Unless the person knows you well enough on a personal level to actually care about how you're really doing (like a close friend or family member). But if it's some random colleague at work or an acquaintance then 99% of the time, it's just a greeting. They don't really want to know you're actually going. Yes, I understand that in most non-English speaking countries, this doesn't really exist (well, not in the same way at least). But Brits, Kiwis, Americans and Canadians will most likely have something similar to this. They might say "What's up?" or "How are you?" but it's the same principle.

I mean, "ca va" in French means "how are you going" but can be said in answer as well. Same thing - it's a greeting not a question.

Anything goes. You can reply to "howyagoin'" with: any form of "hello" "hey mate" etc; "good, yourself?" "Not bad" etc; a "howyagoin'" back; or a simple head nod The more the four words are mushed together, the less you have to respond. "How are you going?" , "good thanks" "Howyagoin'" , "ay"

Too many words/Syllables "Sgarn on" "Fuck all, how about you?" "Can't complain" Anything more and that man is now one of your closest mates. Those are the laws of our great country, I didn't make them.

>”Can’t complain” “Nobody would listen if you did.”

nah nah nah too long sgarn on nutin you? eh

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Ours is just everyone saying "morning" or "hey" at each other haha. My personal favourite is this exact interaction: Me: "sup" Coworker: "sup" With my coworkers whose lives I care about (outside of general wellbeing), I ask "what's news?". No idea where I picked that up but it just comes out of my mouth. Luckily I prefer to fill my memory with useless info about my coworkers so if they "ummmm" I usually have a prompt to help them out 8)

‘Skarn on cunt

fuck all mate

Shit yeh

How’s the misso

She's up the duff

Spewin’ locked in now mate

We'll have to tip in a few froffies soon then.

You bloody rippa

So anyway, got any gear?

nah. you?

Na been off it for ages aye (stemmed the crackie 3 times this morning over the stove burner while picking forearm scab) cause fucking jeffo won't do any tick the dog cunt. He knows I'm good for it. Remember that time I lent him my katana sword and jet lighter and the lighter came back empty. Fucking Dog cunt

Saying hello to another person is entirely about fitting 10 syllables into at most 2.

I tested this by making a nonsensical noise with somewhat upbeat intonation. The reply was a somewhat knowing head nod

I always manage to fuck it up and end up kicking myself. I hate small talk and have gotten worse at it since covid and working from home for 2+ years Me: “hey how are ya” Them: “yeah good thanks how are you?” Me: “doing good thanks, how bout you??” ……. ……….. …………. Me, internally: “….fucks sake”

Honestly I do this and I always just shake my head and say “long day ey”, even if it’s 7am. Usually they reply in kind. A good way to smooth over my general ineptness at human interaction

I never do it internally. I always follow up with "fuck, I just said that didn't I?"

You will never complain about this if you've ever visited an aged care home. Greet a resident with “hey howyagoin” and they will tell you how they are. In excruciating detail. It will take a very long time.

I have a painting group every Wednesday with exclusively retired oldies and a crochet group on Saturday’s with similar demographics. I’m in my early 20s. Everyone in the groups like me because I ask how they are and then just stay quiet sometimes saying “ah that’s no good” or “aw yeah that’s great”! Husband just died? Aw shucks sorry Betty. How’s the dog doing? Foolproof.

No one complains about this. This is the way.

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

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The thing about Arsenal is, they always try to walk it in!

Behold, the pointlessness of small talk!

of course! i work on door in retail so i usually say hi to everyone who comes in store. i should start tallying how many “howyagoing”’s and “howyadoing”’s i say in a day.

Meanwhile every time woolworth's asks for feedback I have to tell them I dont want to be greeted or interacted with by their staff, I came here to buy stuff, not talk! Hopefully one day they ll get the message xd

HAHA, i definitely see where you’re coming from. i mostly say hi when my managers around, plus customers are usually more willing to show me their bags if i greet them. i also work in harris scarfe, so most of the time the customers are a bit older and always enjoy a bit of a chat.

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Bit hot, ay?

Yep, and any deviation from this and you’re instantly the weirdo bloke, hence why things like “R U OK” day really don’t work at all in this environment

That and the disgusting corporatisation of it. We've reached the point where people not OK are best identified by noting who takes a strategic sickie on R U OK so they don't become personal feel-good fodder for Karen in HR. Then if you work closely with them, you can empathatically engage with them like an an actual fucking human the next day and not wear a T-shirt proclaiming that you did.

A problem told is a problem tripled. Fact Fuck RUOK day. More ineffective crap from pen pushers that have nothing but theoretical experience.

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Aye cunt you glued a beard on ya head, noice. When's Smoko?

Then answer with a nod only.

Then there's the old bastards who always approach you when you're working outdoors: "Workin' hard or hardly workin'?" Followed by a belly laugh at the originality of it all. The correct response is "Doin' a bit" or something like that to which they respond "Enough to keep you out of trouble, eh?."

I do a lot of painting, I either get "you're sposed to get the paint on the wall mate" to which the response is, "ah fuck they didn't teach us that at school" Or when I'm at the shop on my way home "doin a bit of painting today mate?" I always put on a confused look on my face and say "nah what ya talking about?" or just "no" then turn and shake my head like I've been asked the stupidest fucking question on the planet, which I have been. Fucking goobers, what do they expect to get from these questions they've asked a million times to every worker they see?

“Covering up the blood stains”

"Hey you missed a spot" or "Ah you can come and do my house when you finish this!" And the classic "Ah mate they've given you the wrong colour, this is all meant to be yellow"

yep, they always say something you’ve most likely heard 1000 times before so you just have to give them a response you’ve also said around 1000 times yourself

"Busy day?"

'I'm flat out mate, how bout yourself'

Change it up a bit, throw in "yeah mate, livin the dream"

Took me about a week after my arrival to figure out that no one cares how I am and I shouldn’t care either so I don’t.

As an Aussie I'm not prepared for when someone physically tells me how they are going after I've literally just asked them. The nerve of me looking dumbfounded when someone actually tells me must paint us as absolute aliens. 'How ya goin?' - A polite hello. Hello - A formal 'How ya goin" I refuse to believe otherwise.

The kicker is...they are both having a shit day.

We all always are

One time my script and another ladys script didn’t match up. We ended up in an infinite loop of ‘Im good and how are you?’

“g’day” “g’day” end of story

“Can’t complain - nobody listens anyways”

French expat now aussie here. First time I arrived in Sydney, 10 years ago, I got asked that in a shop and started talking about my arrival in town, I was like « wow these people are so friendly », until the dude stopped replying and started ignoring me. Awkward.

Ours go (greeting) How ya going? Living the dream Fucking nightmare Yeah (Leaving) Don’t work too hard. Never do.

Worked with a Canadian who couldn't understand figure of speech, I'd say how are you and he'd want to tell me!

Was he autistic? Not being rude, genuine question.

Austistic people do take things too literally but they also function well in social environments with defined rules, the greetings are really great because you just have to say the right thing and you’re good. Not saying he’s not autistic, could be. Source: me, autistic.

With credit to AustralianSanta on Tumblr, here is one side of a phone call involving two Aussie blokes: dads on the phone to some random dude and I just realised how boring and lame two Australian guys sound talking to each other the conversation is just like *yeah yeah yeah nah yeah yeah no dramas yeah yeah too easy yeah mate yeah we will give it a go yeah yeah oh yeah I see yeah mate that's brilliant yeah sweet yeah look yeah to tell the truth yeah that's not a problem yep mate no dramas I'II keep me eyes peeled but if I don't find anythin I'll give ya a shout mate but yeah nah yeah alright yeah seeya mate yeah all good yeah bye now take it easy mate*

You got a greeting, it starts with an "H", how's twenty bucks sound?

The correct response to 'How do you do?' is 'How do you do?'

Thank you Professor Higgins

Alternative is "livin' the dream, mate" /they are, despite this statement, in fact not "livin' the dream"

One I heard last week from a bloke who looked like he was made of a thin strip of leather to another bloke who looked like a bloated corpse. “Howyagarn mate?” “Its Monday” “Sure is” Neither one broke stride during the exchange, which I have documented in its totality.

It’s the Aussie man’s avoidance technique, they’re not really interested in how you really are nor do they really wish to discuss how they are, she’ll be right mate

'nother day in the tropics. ​ Yeah, mate. Livin' the dream. ​ kn'oath.

"Livin' the dream" is code for "every day I wake up wishing I was dead."

Sometimes I do it with a Half sucked durry in my mouth, so when I'm saying it my eyes are half squinted from the smoke going into my eyes and it just looks and sounds more Australian, then once we've both moved on I'll pull the durry out and have my last draw before throwing on the ground and stamping it out with my boot.

Walking into work each morning and having to answer this from co workers. Found the best response to the how are you/how’s it going? question was simply, “I’m here” They don’t ask anymore

“How ya going?” “Yep” works too

Your not supposed to respond with howyagoin you just skip that part and go yeah good yaself. That's why there's confusion mate ya throwing it outta wack

You forgot “Are ya working hard or hardly working?”

Well, we’re not here to fuck spiders!

Australia’s dump stat is charisma.

Too bloody right mate lol