Yes this is something that people don’t like talking about. Being autistic truly puts my life on Hard Mode. My family doesn’t understand me. Making friends is hard. I’ve never dated. The world isn’t made for us, we have to make ourselves for the world.
It sucks. I would change it if I could. I’m sorry if this offends anyone but it’s my truth.
I totally get this. Misunderstood, no friends, never dated (until online dating was a thing) and a girl wanted to marry me. My dad told me I was "different" but he "understood me in a strange way" and if a female actually wanted to marry me he thought I should do it, so I did... shortly after the wedding my wife started to suspect I was on the spectrum (school teacher, maybe they have training for this sort of thing), and now she suspects our son does to (and it's my fault). Sucks, but what can you do?
And it's even worse when a lady I work with makes a special effort to include me in conversations (she's a former teacher) and I always feel like she thinks I'm not all there or "special".
First off, I’m sorry your wife is implying your son is autistic because of you. Neither one of my parents are on the spectrum, yet here I am. And that’s another thing, it’s like even from a child, we’re dismissed.
I never had a boyfriend before. I truly can’t imagine opening up. I had feelings for one guy, but he choose someone else over me. I’m sure my family wonders why I’m STILL single at 31.
I don’t know dude, it just sucks.
Yeah, I can't imagine opening up to anyone. I open up to my wife more than anyone else, but there's still so much I keep to myself. I just want to make other people happy, so when things like "what do you want for dinner" come up I try to guess what she wants, very rarely do I say what I want. Luckily my wife has developed a taste for some places I like though. Or when asked about anything I'd like to do I try to guess something my wife and kids can all do together instead of what I'd actually like to do. I feel like I'm a different person to everyone I interact with.
I only dated 2 women. The first one decided that she was into women after dating me, and I married the 2nd woman (my dad thought I should).
There's only 1 other person (a coworker) that I would call a "friend". He'll want to grab lunch out once or twice a week (we both like exotic food and have some similair interest) but outside of that, I have no friends. I just have such a hard time talking to people and expressing myself.
And my old boss, could call him a friend. The whole reason he hired me is because after a job interview I shook his hand a specific way (I'm a Martial Artist and belong to a certain style, and we shake hands a certain way, and at the interview I shook hands that way instead of like a normal person, and it just so happens his kids studied the same Martial Art). He'll want to meet for lunch periodically, but English isn't his first language (it is his 3rd language) and I correct him on his English often (he actually likes that), so he may not pick up on my quirkiness.
I'm 19 turning 20... I've had countless relationships, but after a week at most it's all just poof gone. Ik I'm the problem, but no matter what I do I can't fix it. At this point, I feel like something supernatural is at play lol, a wall too high to climb for anyone no matter the person.
I truly don't know why the bad is something we don't talk about, because frankly it's like being in a wheelchair and saying everything is normal. It's not. And it sucks.
I know you feel alone, I do too, but you’re not. I feel the same way, not just lonely, but so alone like I should’ve been placed on another planet. I’m a similar way but female, In my later 20’s.
I was having the same thought about the same time. I often feel like I was dropped into a world I wasn't meant to understand. I'm also feeling lonely, incredibly so. But it's never as bad as we think it is and the situation will improve I'm almost sure of it
Something I've been trying to take into account since I screwed up my last relationship is that most people are used to subtlety and nuance. The want with strong emotions is to show them but that can look like love bombing which is a manipulation tactic even if that's not what we're doing. Basically take what you want to do to show your emotions and actively try to dial them back just a bit. A general conversation is usually better than big overwhelming gestures
You feel like live in a glass box where 90% of the world isn't for you.
You can observe it freely as a person but can never fully interact with it. Seeing restaurants you know you'll never go to etc...
My dude i learned a long time ago, its about yoyr outlook, mentality goes a long way in shaping your subjective reality. I used to hate it and called it my shameful secret now its just a secret. Dont get me wrong i absolutly abhore the fa t that i cant conversate with people and that i always end up in abusive relationships. But, i can see a world that normal people dont, oh and my super fast processing speed has saved my bacon a few times, the last time i wouldve had more than a broken nose, a puncture wound and a cut eyebrow. Shit sucks, i know, but there isnt any point in making yourself more misreble than need be, thats why the half of us have the mentality that its a superpower. Makes us feel better about the shit we cant change, because whats the point about being mopey about a bad hand, just play it out tell you get a better one.
Now i dont mean to be hard up, i just have a hard time consoling people, never learned how to because i had a shitty hard life and was raised in violence because i was different and it was the shame of the family. (race and the autism)
First off you don’t know ops situation. Sounds like you are doing well and are able to hide the fact that you have autism and can divulge it to others whenever you feel safe enough to do so. Not everyone has that privilege. And I fucking hate the outlook comment. I will be out having a good time either by my self or with others and someone will come up and say or do nasty shit. My out look for that day was wonderful! Absolutely magnificent. Someone I don’t know came and destroyed it. And you are saying it’s my fault. Like no I’m pretty sure it’s society and it’s problem with people with disabilities. There is a reason why you still keep it secret. Because you know that regardless of your outlook you are at the mercy of societies rules. And again you know what they are or you wouldn’t have to keep your secret.
I keep it a secret because of employment, once a job finds out all raises or promotions are nonexsistant. Not because i am at the whim of society. If my mellow is harshed i am fuming about it for all of 10 minutes then i am making a joke about it, because i got sick and tired of people harshing my mellow so i became untouchable even when the darker psychology wants me to be down and out. I had to become that way because if i didnt i wouldve been locked up in a federal prison for a crime/statement i never once did/said. My whole life was hide and surpress it or i would get the shit beat out of me and choked out for an hour for "bringing shame to the family" as if the aggressor needed any more of a reason to abuse me outside of the fact that i was a little brown boy in his perfect white family. Aint nothing fortunate about it, shit all came from having to survive thats why i have a hard stance on the matter, just as you said i dont know ops situation, but, you dont know my history and the shit i seen, just because we have the same condition and haunt the same subreddits doesnt mean you know me, you dont know about the three times i tried to take my life and the scars i got from them, one winds its way from the left side of my face to the tip of my right pinky toe. I have earned my right to be a hardass because i have survived the worst of society, family, and myself. I have ghosts haunting me and skelletons in the closet, i can run on for a long time but they will still be there and the condition forces me to see them everyday in the morning before i even climb out of bed.
Hi man, you found your way to be oky and that's wonderful. I just really struggle seeing it as a superpower. But I do agree it's about the way you look at things. I might just be a very negative person tbh
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It's interesting when people have this view. I don't think autism is a superpower, but I don't think I would want to not be autistic, because of my own autism. I understand other autistic people, and find them interesting, and it's like, I do struggle but, I don't know how to feel about that because I don't like talking to people. Idk what talking to people and liking it would feel like, so I don't wish for it. It's kind of hard for me to understand
I feel you, man. I have the same thing. I feel the same way. I also feel another way, which is, it is a struggle, and I may feel weak, but no one knows strength like us. No one is tested as we are and no one even knows. I know. We know. You know too. I admire your strength to speak about how you feel. I feel the same. I really do. But that strength. If you see it, if you feel it, just hearing it, even if you don't feel it but it is there. It grows. You grow. Trees are weak and vulnerable as saplings. They can grow tall and stronger than all other plants though they all start out the same size. Know you have that within you, we all do. You may feel like a tiny sprout but your DNA is a giant sequoia.
It's ok to not experience it like a superpower. Not everyone experiences their autism the same...and even day to day, that can change too. Pls hold yourself with kindness and compassion thru these struggles
I hear you. I’ve moved around alot (US, UK and Canada) and location definitely matters alot for finding any kind of community. It’s definitely easier to find niche community in cities but possible everywhere, but I’d recommend seeking it within other niches you belong to also. If you’re lgbtqia+, or into dnd or creative interests or bugs or ‘nerdy’ stuff or anything like that, the overlap with neurodivergence is generally pretty large. I’d recommend trying discord servers too, it’s easier to sift through a larger sample to find the interesting people online
They’re often naturally going to find us annoying, and it takes one who’s worked on their empathy skills and autism understanding alot to not get frustrated with us. It’s freeing to just be around people who get it. You need a nontraditional and open dynamic friendly to learning and any bumbling from the start
I would do anything to be like you. Having a low iq is like condemning someone to constant failure and imprisonment. I would rather have a high iq and wish for death than live with a low iq.
I also don't think that autism is a superpower and I guess the outlook on life heavily depends on the experiences each on their own has made over time.
I wouldn't want to change or get rid of it. As an artist and poet autism and ADHD shape my perspective on the world. I also struggle with emotions. I think I feel them deeply and strongly, but they are not very clear.
It is like seeing colors and trying to name them, but to really understand any color I have to go deeper than just calling them blue, red, yellow, etc. Saturation, Vibrancy, hues, etc. I feel like I have to take all of that into account to resonate with them.
The same applies to feelings. But there are other issues. An emotion builds up during the day or over several weeks and suddenly it bursts out, I become sad so very sad and I don't know why and there is longing and melancholy mixed in, but also spring is around the corner and there is this bittersweet sensation in my mind already of all the pleasant smells and the songs of birds my heart has forgotten during the winter, etc.
And there is even more, stuff that would be too much to add here. Just this much. I am battling with the realisation for a couple of years now – my entire life actually – that I am a sad human, an anxious human. I am not really happy. I might laugh and feel joy, but these emotions don't really seem to stick or rather they come from outside, but sadness and fear are within me, at my core. The only happiness that seems to come from within is the feeling of harmony, of being in sync with myself and the world. That is a rare feeling.
But this is who I am and I am trying to make my peace with it.
(I skipped my perspective on relationships, love, meltdowns, socialising, etc. for now as I probably could've written a couple of paragraphs on each)
Yes this is something that people don’t like talking about. Being autistic truly puts my life on Hard Mode. My family doesn’t understand me. Making friends is hard. I’ve never dated. The world isn’t made for us, we have to make ourselves for the world. It sucks. I would change it if I could. I’m sorry if this offends anyone but it’s my truth.
I totally get this. Misunderstood, no friends, never dated (until online dating was a thing) and a girl wanted to marry me. My dad told me I was "different" but he "understood me in a strange way" and if a female actually wanted to marry me he thought I should do it, so I did... shortly after the wedding my wife started to suspect I was on the spectrum (school teacher, maybe they have training for this sort of thing), and now she suspects our son does to (and it's my fault). Sucks, but what can you do? And it's even worse when a lady I work with makes a special effort to include me in conversations (she's a former teacher) and I always feel like she thinks I'm not all there or "special".
First off, I’m sorry your wife is implying your son is autistic because of you. Neither one of my parents are on the spectrum, yet here I am. And that’s another thing, it’s like even from a child, we’re dismissed. I never had a boyfriend before. I truly can’t imagine opening up. I had feelings for one guy, but he choose someone else over me. I’m sure my family wonders why I’m STILL single at 31. I don’t know dude, it just sucks.
Yeah, I can't imagine opening up to anyone. I open up to my wife more than anyone else, but there's still so much I keep to myself. I just want to make other people happy, so when things like "what do you want for dinner" come up I try to guess what she wants, very rarely do I say what I want. Luckily my wife has developed a taste for some places I like though. Or when asked about anything I'd like to do I try to guess something my wife and kids can all do together instead of what I'd actually like to do. I feel like I'm a different person to everyone I interact with. I only dated 2 women. The first one decided that she was into women after dating me, and I married the 2nd woman (my dad thought I should). There's only 1 other person (a coworker) that I would call a "friend". He'll want to grab lunch out once or twice a week (we both like exotic food and have some similair interest) but outside of that, I have no friends. I just have such a hard time talking to people and expressing myself. And my old boss, could call him a friend. The whole reason he hired me is because after a job interview I shook his hand a specific way (I'm a Martial Artist and belong to a certain style, and we shake hands a certain way, and at the interview I shook hands that way instead of like a normal person, and it just so happens his kids studied the same Martial Art). He'll want to meet for lunch periodically, but English isn't his first language (it is his 3rd language) and I correct him on his English often (he actually likes that), so he may not pick up on my quirkiness.
I'm 19 turning 20... I've had countless relationships, but after a week at most it's all just poof gone. Ik I'm the problem, but no matter what I do I can't fix it. At this point, I feel like something supernatural is at play lol, a wall too high to climb for anyone no matter the person.
"Special" fuck how I hate that word now... I've always been "special ☺️" never human.
Yep, hate never being understood.
I truly don't know why the bad is something we don't talk about, because frankly it's like being in a wheelchair and saying everything is normal. It's not. And it sucks.
I get it. The self awareness sucks.
It really does.
I hate people trying to cheer us up saying it’s a superpower and shit.
That's the worst. I definitely feel like superman tho an alien misunderstood with no way home.
I know you feel alone, I do too, but you’re not. I feel the same way, not just lonely, but so alone like I should’ve been placed on another planet. I’m a similar way but female, In my later 20’s.
How do you handle it? Feeling alone is really the worst thing.
Same here late 20’s and have the emotions of a 14 year old
I resonate with this. I hate this disease and I hate my brain.
I was having the same thought about the same time. I often feel like I was dropped into a world I wasn't meant to understand. I'm also feeling lonely, incredibly so. But it's never as bad as we think it is and the situation will improve I'm almost sure of it
Ik it will but man, God's playing some fucked up game.
Something I've been trying to take into account since I screwed up my last relationship is that most people are used to subtlety and nuance. The want with strong emotions is to show them but that can look like love bombing which is a manipulation tactic even if that's not what we're doing. Basically take what you want to do to show your emotions and actively try to dial them back just a bit. A general conversation is usually better than big overwhelming gestures
That in a way sounds like it hurts you more, if that makes sense. It could be so awesome it would be so cool if someone could just yk understand me
Believe me I'd love that as well
"Glass box autism"
Please explain
You feel like live in a glass box where 90% of the world isn't for you. You can observe it freely as a person but can never fully interact with it. Seeing restaurants you know you'll never go to etc...
Ooh I see, yeah that makes sense.
Mood fr Unfortunately emotions help us in ways i cbf listing rn
I understand. I don’t want to be like this anymore too.
Emotions like that make people stupid incredibly often, I'm glad mine are "subdued"
Lol the irony of this is just beautiful
There's no point in rejecting it.
So, you can still wish things were different.
[удалено]
yeah this isnt good advice bro
Sorry.
It's ok, don't be too hard on yourself love
My dude i learned a long time ago, its about yoyr outlook, mentality goes a long way in shaping your subjective reality. I used to hate it and called it my shameful secret now its just a secret. Dont get me wrong i absolutly abhore the fa t that i cant conversate with people and that i always end up in abusive relationships. But, i can see a world that normal people dont, oh and my super fast processing speed has saved my bacon a few times, the last time i wouldve had more than a broken nose, a puncture wound and a cut eyebrow. Shit sucks, i know, but there isnt any point in making yourself more misreble than need be, thats why the half of us have the mentality that its a superpower. Makes us feel better about the shit we cant change, because whats the point about being mopey about a bad hand, just play it out tell you get a better one. Now i dont mean to be hard up, i just have a hard time consoling people, never learned how to because i had a shitty hard life and was raised in violence because i was different and it was the shame of the family. (race and the autism)
First off you don’t know ops situation. Sounds like you are doing well and are able to hide the fact that you have autism and can divulge it to others whenever you feel safe enough to do so. Not everyone has that privilege. And I fucking hate the outlook comment. I will be out having a good time either by my self or with others and someone will come up and say or do nasty shit. My out look for that day was wonderful! Absolutely magnificent. Someone I don’t know came and destroyed it. And you are saying it’s my fault. Like no I’m pretty sure it’s society and it’s problem with people with disabilities. There is a reason why you still keep it secret. Because you know that regardless of your outlook you are at the mercy of societies rules. And again you know what they are or you wouldn’t have to keep your secret.
I keep it a secret because of employment, once a job finds out all raises or promotions are nonexsistant. Not because i am at the whim of society. If my mellow is harshed i am fuming about it for all of 10 minutes then i am making a joke about it, because i got sick and tired of people harshing my mellow so i became untouchable even when the darker psychology wants me to be down and out. I had to become that way because if i didnt i wouldve been locked up in a federal prison for a crime/statement i never once did/said. My whole life was hide and surpress it or i would get the shit beat out of me and choked out for an hour for "bringing shame to the family" as if the aggressor needed any more of a reason to abuse me outside of the fact that i was a little brown boy in his perfect white family. Aint nothing fortunate about it, shit all came from having to survive thats why i have a hard stance on the matter, just as you said i dont know ops situation, but, you dont know my history and the shit i seen, just because we have the same condition and haunt the same subreddits doesnt mean you know me, you dont know about the three times i tried to take my life and the scars i got from them, one winds its way from the left side of my face to the tip of my right pinky toe. I have earned my right to be a hardass because i have survived the worst of society, family, and myself. I have ghosts haunting me and skelletons in the closet, i can run on for a long time but they will still be there and the condition forces me to see them everyday in the morning before i even climb out of bed.
Hi man, you found your way to be oky and that's wonderful. I just really struggle seeing it as a superpower. But I do agree it's about the way you look at things. I might just be a very negative person tbh
You need cognitive behavioral therapy. U don't want a lobotomy, trust me, I've had one.
You had one? Didn't know that's still a thing. I meant it figuratively sorry.
Not a true lobotomy, but they did put a hole in my frontal lobe.
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It's interesting when people have this view. I don't think autism is a superpower, but I don't think I would want to not be autistic, because of my own autism. I understand other autistic people, and find them interesting, and it's like, I do struggle but, I don't know how to feel about that because I don't like talking to people. Idk what talking to people and liking it would feel like, so I don't wish for it. It's kind of hard for me to understand
I feel you, man. I have the same thing. I feel the same way. I also feel another way, which is, it is a struggle, and I may feel weak, but no one knows strength like us. No one is tested as we are and no one even knows. I know. We know. You know too. I admire your strength to speak about how you feel. I feel the same. I really do. But that strength. If you see it, if you feel it, just hearing it, even if you don't feel it but it is there. It grows. You grow. Trees are weak and vulnerable as saplings. They can grow tall and stronger than all other plants though they all start out the same size. Know you have that within you, we all do. You may feel like a tiny sprout but your DNA is a giant sequoia.
It's ok to not experience it like a superpower. Not everyone experiences their autism the same...and even day to day, that can change too. Pls hold yourself with kindness and compassion thru these struggles
Have you dated other neurodivergent folks? I find it’s most painful when I’m trying to fit a round peg into a square hole (act NT)
I have not, I haven't even met other people on the spectrum... Not that I haven't looked around, I really just can't find anyone in my town 😭
I hear you. I’ve moved around alot (US, UK and Canada) and location definitely matters alot for finding any kind of community. It’s definitely easier to find niche community in cities but possible everywhere, but I’d recommend seeking it within other niches you belong to also. If you’re lgbtqia+, or into dnd or creative interests or bugs or ‘nerdy’ stuff or anything like that, the overlap with neurodivergence is generally pretty large. I’d recommend trying discord servers too, it’s easier to sift through a larger sample to find the interesting people online
I struggle with maintaining online relationships. I don't know why but it really doesn't work for me, but the irl groups is something I'll look into.
They’re often naturally going to find us annoying, and it takes one who’s worked on their empathy skills and autism understanding alot to not get frustrated with us. It’s freeing to just be around people who get it. You need a nontraditional and open dynamic friendly to learning and any bumbling from the start
I don't think I know how to take off the social mask tbh, I have never tried so that might take a while.
I would do anything to be like you. Having a low iq is like condemning someone to constant failure and imprisonment. I would rather have a high iq and wish for death than live with a low iq.
I also don't think that autism is a superpower and I guess the outlook on life heavily depends on the experiences each on their own has made over time. I wouldn't want to change or get rid of it. As an artist and poet autism and ADHD shape my perspective on the world. I also struggle with emotions. I think I feel them deeply and strongly, but they are not very clear. It is like seeing colors and trying to name them, but to really understand any color I have to go deeper than just calling them blue, red, yellow, etc. Saturation, Vibrancy, hues, etc. I feel like I have to take all of that into account to resonate with them. The same applies to feelings. But there are other issues. An emotion builds up during the day or over several weeks and suddenly it bursts out, I become sad so very sad and I don't know why and there is longing and melancholy mixed in, but also spring is around the corner and there is this bittersweet sensation in my mind already of all the pleasant smells and the songs of birds my heart has forgotten during the winter, etc. And there is even more, stuff that would be too much to add here. Just this much. I am battling with the realisation for a couple of years now – my entire life actually – that I am a sad human, an anxious human. I am not really happy. I might laugh and feel joy, but these emotions don't really seem to stick or rather they come from outside, but sadness and fear are within me, at my core. The only happiness that seems to come from within is the feeling of harmony, of being in sync with myself and the world. That is a rare feeling. But this is who I am and I am trying to make my peace with it. (I skipped my perspective on relationships, love, meltdowns, socialising, etc. for now as I probably could've written a couple of paragraphs on each)