Just ask him straight up if he has moved in or not because you'd really like to split the rent in 3, he'd be embarrassed if he's an honest person, and you might be surprised that he's willing to pay for his part
They share a bedroom, so he should get a discount, but it should still be substantial. You could do a quick calculation on $/m2, subtract out the bedrooms, and then charge 1/3 of the remainder.
What about per living space? That per room split is always unfair on the single occupant.
E.g. even sized rooms - 1000 each. Bills 210.
This split would 1070, 1140.
But really it should be like 870, 1340.
It can work however they choose is the most reasonable. I had this same scenario a while back. We split the utilities evenly, but rent was discounted since they were sharing a room. Their use of the common space didn’t change either since they were mostly in their room. It’s what worked out for us.
Like I said, it depends on the situation and what works. Would you feel the same way if instead of 2 people living in the room splitting their portion of the rent, than if a family of 3 or more were in the room? It really comes down to what works for that situation. You may be okay paying your half of the lease, and the family splitting their half of the lease while they take over the common areas, but personally, I would rather move out.
Never heard of it working like that. They are getting half a room each and full use of the communal space. It’s less than a half but more than a third.
Usually it’s per person, not room, in my experience. Or in like the majority of cases I’ve seen, like… I think this is the first time I’ve heard of them being discount for that reason, or that I remember anyway.
So in a scenario where you and two mates are moving into a 2 bedroom spot with two equivalent bedrooms, two of you have to share a room and 1 of you gets one to themself, you would still divide the rent evenly 3 ways? In my experience the person with the single room always pays more, then group charges like utilities are split evenly.
It's a tough call. They do share a bedroom but they have majority 'control' of any room they're in, which can make it uncomfortable and awkward as the single remaining tenant to feel like you have an equal right to the space. The couple could easily 'dominate' the kitchen, lounge etc when they're in it. As OP has highlighted. I can see arguments against both 50/50 and 33/33/33. I'd maybe suggest 40/30/30 but that does start to feel like splitting hairs.
The best way is to do it based on square footage of the property, where the square ft of the communal spaces is split 33-33-33 and the rooms are split 50-50
I would be fine with that. But I feel like... Good luck trying to sell the average person (let alone a bad roommate) on that without being told you're overdoing it.
You're right, but then I'd just call the landlord and tell them they have a second person living there without paying rent, it's pretty much always against the contract.
I did something similar with some friends to work out how much everyone should pay when all the bedrooms were very different sizes and it worked perfectly, no one felt they were over/under paying.
Yup, same in the US. Every lease I’ve signed has something like “if another person stays over more than 30 days in a year, you must notify the landlord”. Usually not enforced very harshly but useful for these kinds of circumstances.
If he's a cool guy, he will gladly pay for the time savings and to be with his GF. I've been in his shoes a lot and often it was my GF at the time insisting I stay over. She just wanted me there. If he's a slob, and unpleasant then I would say OP is 100% justified. But I never could understand people having beef with just the mere presence of someone else being in their roommates bedroom and occasionally running into them in the common spaces. My roommate has his GF over most nights. He's happier when she's around and she's a sweetheart. Sure I hear them all the time laughing but if he's happy, I couldn't be happier. And I currently am PAINFULLY single and lonely so I would be prime for resentment of other's lack of loneliness but I just find that silly. I should say, my roommate is my brother and he was very difficult to live with until a few years ago and he's been downright amazing since she came around.
Your comment sums up my dilemma. He is a nice guy and cordial with me, mostly. I feel guilty for resenting their presence in the house. But, I feel taken advantage of because as it stands, it seems like he’s moved in. He’s constantly around and they enjoy hanging out in common areas. They WFH together and this sometimes meant that I had to eat my meals on the floor by the coffee table as they took up the dining table. The kitchen is teeny, so when they’re cooking/baking I have to wait. We did a mega clean of the flat recently, and I requested for her to take the kitchen as I deep cleaned it the previous time. He got somewhat defensive and rude, as if I was trying to bully his gf?
Anyway, some examples. Point being, my living experience in my own flat is very uncomfortable as it stands. I mostly feel like I’m a guest in my own house. And it’s somewhat of a douchey move from him not acknowledging me when he’s coming over this much. But, as you pointed out - she paid her share of the rent and he’s a decently nice guy. I’m doubtful if I have any right to be resentful at all.
OP, I just moved out of a space for similar reasons-roommates GF basically moved in. Loud sex noises all the time, they argued all the time, she blasted the AC and cooked (gas) every day. Roommate went nuclear when I asked to split utilities three ways as she had been there for about four consecutive months, claiming that she “contributes more to [his] household than” I do. They were stunned when I moved out a few months later.
Yeah. It’s too bad cause the roommate is [was?] a good friend prior to this but seeing the way those two treated each other opened my eyes to some massive red flags-controlling habits being number 1 on that list.
My thoughts exactly! Don’t see the need to get him to pay rent, but contributing to utilities would be a nice gesture, seeing as to who he WFHs 1-2 a week, and how heating (gas boiler) is turned on to 24 degrees daily lol. This was my comprise to my flatmate when I first raised this issue up to him - but was shot down :(
Nah no way is working from your house and not contributing anything. That's outrageous. There's staying overnight and then there's staying during the day. You need to put your foot down. Oof. Feel bad for you.
Oh to make it worse-she worked from home and had a dedicated office space in the apartment. I honestly think I kinda let them too far off the hook with a lot of things.
Yeah unfortunately the entire living dynamic totally changes when you're dealing with couples, especially ones that don't really care about the effect they're having on others. I decided to stop trying to fight the point and just focused on finding a new place and getting out, which I eventually did. Made sure to set some very clear boundaries about partners with the new roomie however.
By the way- asking for rent is also reasonable in that situation. Most leases do not allow for perpetual houseguests, and if that third (or whatever number they bring the total occupants to) person is using that space to say make money (WFH) you are well within your rights to ask. It is not a comfortable conversation to have and one that is almost guaranteed to start a fight. Not an easy position to be in, especially as you are being outnumbered by people who in theory shouldn't have a say.
The reason why it kinda snuck up on me was two fold-the SO was a LDR and would often come over for like a week or so at a time just to maximize their time together, which I didn't mind. When they finally moved in, I was in the middle of a massive work project that had me out of the house so often that I all of a sudden looked up and realized that the SO had been there for like two straight months by that point.
Bro should be paying too. Considering it’s more convenient for him. 24 days a month? He already is living there by that count.
I’d bring it up to the real estate agent cause you’re paying for someone to freeload and it’s not your responsibility.
Walk around half naked. That’s your house you pay for and your allowed to be in your panties and bra. I promise, she will not let him come over often anymore. If she brings it up you can tell her you pay half the rent and it’s not your fault her bf is over every day but your allowed to be in your home you work hard for
I just realized that maybe the roommate in this situation didn’t want company and thought this was the best way for OP to stop inviting him over…
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bf15ir/my_21f_roommate_27f_started_walking_around_our/
You’re totally reasonable, you’re not paying to have 2 roommates and it basically sounds like he is another roommate. If they are so close they should just rent their own fucking place
Easiest way to solve this is to ask yourself if you'd be okay with her being this mad if you were the one with a guy over. Be honest with yourself. This will tell you everything you need to know.
I have a partner too and he stays over 1-2/ week at mine, and we have an even split between his and my apartment in the city. We have an arrangement to not be excessive so as to not bother his flatmates, as he shares a bathroom + utilities are not included in rent.
So, to answer your question: Yes, I’d be okay if my flat mates get mad at my partner being over constantly. In my previous flatshare, despite having bills included, my flatmates voiced that they weren’t comfortable with my partner (male) being over so much as they could not spend as much time with me + house dynamic changed. I found that understandable and we adjusted our sleeping arrangements.
>We have an arrangement to not be excessive so as to not bother his flatmates, as he shares a bathroom + utilities are not included in rent.
You should have him stay over at your place more often then, you can be as excessive as you want given that your flatmate is doing that already.
Only reasonable response I've seen... not to say OP is jealous, but in life it's easy to judge others for acting out thinking a certain way in different situations even though you would likely act or think very similarly if put into their position.... something about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them
This is an age old issue, each generation experiences it and many friendships are divided and destroyed by it. There is nothing you can do, force him to pay up and kiss the friendship goodbye 👋
You're feelings are understandable. Living in a house with one other woman who you have actually known is definitely different than living with two other people who are mixed genders (especially when it was never even discussed and she started doing it soon after you moved in). I've lived in places with both situations and it definitely changes the day to day dynamics.
I would recommend just not engaging and focus on making the living situation as comfortable as possible for you until you leave. It is already highly likely that you will not remain friends after this (I've had several friends who became substantially less close or cut ties completely after living together). Plus your roommate has already proven that she doesn't care about how you feel and doesn't want your opinions.
Also, idk how the laws are in London but in the US city that I live in, having another person unofficially living there would definitely violate a lot of lease agreements and be grounds for eviction.
That’s really fair. I’m more for maintaining the peace, my post was mainly for me to vent. Mostly because I still really want us to remain friends - she’s a sweet girl ordinarily and it would be a shame for us to fall out because of a year of living together. I’m frustrated and annoyed but not to the extent I’d having a shout down with someone who I once considered a good friend 🥲
Charge his ass rent.
Or just send your flat mate a letter, in writing, signed, etc.
"Since your boyfriend has become a permanent fixture here, I an recalculation my rent to be decided by e instead of 2. He is living here over 3 weeks out of 4 so you're subletting to him now.
He needs to pay 1/3 of rent and all utilities. You invited him, you can get it from him. I will pay 1/3 from no ow. I could force you to pay retroactively from when he started living here.
He will also be responsible for common area pick up and cleaning.
If you feel this is one-sided decision making, it sort of is. But you made these decisions by having him stay here every night, shower, eat, etc with no discussion with your flat mate. It's ok, this is fair for the time being."
Something like that.
going thru the same thing rn and its also pissing me off just as much lmao. ppl are so selfish and clueless. if the friendships already fucked then id bring it up again who cares.
Aha sorry to hear it. It is annoying because we envisioned a cute girlie flat at the start of it all but it’s turned into a really odd dynamic with him around constantly. She knows I’m peeved about it too but won’t say anything so there’s this awkward silence whenever we’re all together.
They are more than likely breaking a lease contract by having him over so often. Many places have a clause like that.
I’d tell her hey, Your boyfriend is over more than half the month and I am simply not cool with it. I didn’t sign up for a 3 roommate situation. Especially with a man. 1-2 times a week is fine. But not 5-6. Now I’m going to be nice and let you do the right thing here if you want this secret arrangement to continue. he can contribute his far share of the utilities since he is over three quarters of every month; and I understand it’s bc of his commute. So it’s fair he pays 3/4 of the months utilities.
Or this can get messy and I will speak to the landlord about how you’re violating the contract.
I’d follow it up with I really don’t think how you’re treating me is respectful especially since you demeaned me and called me rude things while trying to express a problem I’m having with you. But I care about this friendship so I’m trying to work with you even tho you hurt my feelings.
Now either we can work on this together and fix our relationship or you can be stubborn and the next 4 months are going to be shitty. But I already tried to talk to you about this and you weren’t respectful to compromise. So this is where you have put me.
And id leave it there. She and him will fold like a card house or you’ll get your apartment space back 🥰 either way it’s a win win and you’re only stuck there another 16 weeks ! Time to start looking for a new place !!! Yay!
When my roommates said something to me about my boyfriend being over all the time, I talked to him about it and we offered to split the utilities 4 ways instead of 3 for the three leaseholders. He wasn’t being added to the lease and he had no legal rights to the property so he wasn’t expected to pay rent whether he was a guest of mine most days or not.
But his presence did increase the cost for electric, cable, gas, etc. And it wasn’t unreasonable to expect him to contribute. So I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable getting frustrated about the cost.
As for the messiness… That’s always going to be an issue with new people who live together because it’s very rare people have the exact same outlook on how clean things need to be. I think just as an adult, I expect people not to leave open or uneaten food out where it may attract pests or clothing and trash in common areas. But household chores and stuff are always extra things you need to talk about and all agree to ahead of time or you’re going to have huge fights if you spring that stuff on someone later.
Beyond that it just sounds like you’ve sort of grown apart. It happens when you live with someone… You see more of them than you would have if you had just been buddies who got coffee once a week or something.
Having your gf / bf over most of the time can change the entire dynamic of an household AND also add stress. One more person in your way in the living room, kitchen, using the bathrooms when you need them… One more person who makes some mess and who should be part of the cleaning schedule.
To say that this extra person only need to pay for utilities is wrong. To pay a little share of the rent to account for this extra stress is the minimum to do. The real thing to do? Not invite them more than one night a week if your roomate says it s annoying to them.
I understand that’s how you feel and had they said that, I would’ve talked to Chris about it. We probably would have gone along with it just to keep the peace, which is more valuable than people credit.
That said..um…one night a week?? Do my roommates also go by mom and dad? 😂
That is if your roomate says its bothering them as stated. Living in a community is accepting that your freedom stops where somebody’s else freedom is at play. Your roomat’s freedom to enjoy their place they look for, signed a contract for and paying full price for comes before your freedom to invite people who are not paying anything.
I’ve lived in a lot of different colocations with different people the past 10 years. And frankly it all depends on who is involved but also, what the flat’s layout is. If there is ONE bathroom and the bedrooms are next to each other, it’s annoying AF. If each have their own bathrooms, and the rooms are separated by living room? Total different game.
If you get along the boyfriend’s / girlfriend’s of your roomate? No biggie. One more friend available to you! Can be extra fun. If you can’t bear that person though… It’s frankly super annoying to even just know they are around. And when you know they are using what YOU pay for, some murder level tensions can arise.
went through a similar situation and i thought by communicating politely that i would like her gf to at least help pay utilities and reminding these adults to clean up after themselves it would be fine. ended up getting backed into a corner by both of them and threatened to put my shit out. i ended up just breaking the lease and they told me i was a terrible friend lol. haven't spoke to the roomate since then. we were friends before moving in together
He unofficially lives there. Time to call him out on it to his face. He can either cut it down to 2 nights a week or pay rent and utilities. Your roommate is being ridiculous.
You are not overreacting. The right thing fpr your roommate to do is spend almost the same amount of time at his place.
This way you get the perk of having apartment to yourself sometimes, and that cancels oyt the disadvantage of having the extra person staying other times. Same with utilities.
But if they never sray at his place and he is there 24 of 30 days a month? Then he should be paying 1/3 of the utilities and a part of the rent. Splitting the rent would not be 1/3 since they are sharing a room, and he is not there every night.
(Example: If you have 2 bedrooms and 1 common area that is shared, and the rent is 900, then the rent would be 300 per month "per room". You should pay for 1 bedroom (300) and 1/3 of the common area (100). They should pay for 1 bedroom (300), and 2/3 of the common area (200). )
As soon as OP said “costs a literal bomb,” my brain began reading this in a British accent.
However, they are taking advantage of the situation and ought to be glad you aren’t asking rent to be split 3 ways, instead of just bills. You’re NTA, but your roommates are.
Then grow up and tell them not to. OR ask that he take your place on the lease through the leasing office - and have your name completely removed from the lease. These aren’t hard issues people
My first response was to ask him to contribute to utilities! They both refused and said I was I being transactional and a penny-pincher. Couldn’t do much after that, he kept coming 🤷🏻♀️
Use the word NO!!! You both agreed to one roommate who splits utilities when you signed the lease. Not 2 roommates & getting stuck paying 1/2 of everything. I think your best bet is to ask to be removed from the lease.
Just start trying to steal her boyfriend just ruin everything man lmao. What do you want us to say it’s really pointless to say something because all you can do is ask and hope she would try to work with you but it seems like she can’t do it is what it is. You are really resentful and I think the best thing you can do is hold out the four months and then let it go when you move out.
Yep, steal him away start throwing yourself at him flirting with him, slipping him little love, notes telling him how good it sounds when he fucks the other chick and that you fantasize about it being you
If he stays there the 80% of the time, it's only fair if he pays his part. Especially if he uses the shower everyday and the water bill gets higher because of it.
This is why roommates NEED to establish clear boundaries beforehand. Rules about visitors and bfs and so on.
I will message you next time u/malika_ap11 posts in r/badroommates.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fmalika_ap11%20r%2Fbadroommates) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201byi5hh)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
If he’s there that much he needs to at least split utilities as I’m sure he does laundry and showers there. Honestly should contribute something to rent too.
You're an adult. Time to have an adult conversation. Hey dude, pay rent or GTFO. You didn't move in with two flatmates, but one. She should leave, not you.
I simply told my roommate that I would only be paying 1/3 rent and if they don’t make up the difference they can suffer the consequences. Of course I had the difference set aside just in case. Otherwise contact the landlord, could be a lease violation
Most leases say something about how often visitors can spend the night without needing to be added to the lease, if yours says something like that tell your landlord.
I would use the penny pinching against her saying it does bother me bc I need to pinch pennies to survive and if she looks down on that so much then she can pay triple and show me how great she is.
If he’s staying there that much, he needs to pay rent and contribute to other bills and groceries…always amazing to me that moochers are so butt hurt when smart people call them out
Sounds like the boyfriend is a little bitch, any good person would offer to pay their way of they are living in a flat, especially if it facilitates his work and reduces his commute. He's directly benefiting from the situation without giving anything back.
You should probs fuck him, then you win 🏆
You're being unreasonable. You are paying for a room not for a percentage of the people that inhabit your space daily. You're getting a reality check or what it means to live with roommates. It is equally her space as it is yours. She should be able to live her life and have her boyfriend around as much as she wants. If you want cheaper rent get more roommates and more rooms. Split a 4/4 4 ways for example.
If your roomie got knocked up and had a kid would the kid have to pay rent?
Dont live with friends. And treat a roommate like a hotel. The only space you have any control over is your room. Stay in your room or share the space. You can not and should not hold ANY expectations of your roommate. Maybe they are a slob, maybe loud, maybe rude that's the risk you run rooming. If you are not a chill and go with the flow type then live alone
I’ve lived in flatshares for years now. Ranging from 2 to 8 person households. Think I can hold my own when living with people. Also the reality of many young adults trying to make it in a big city 🤷🏻♀️
I appreciate your sentiments, but think about it this way. What difference does a boyfriend / friend make? If I let my friend, who does not have a place to live in the city, crash at mine 80% of the month, 8 months in a row - I’m sure that’d be unacceptable for most. It stands as is that there is a +1 guest living and using facilities of a flat that they have not paid for.
Monetary implications aside, I would believe it’s courtesy for flatmates to discuss and agree upon any guest staying for extended periods of time.
You’re sharing the house not the room together. Split bills 3 ways equally. And he should pay a 3rd as a temporary renting stay. If should be more expensive.
Fuck them and fuck leeches. I hate these fucking cunts, stealing your space and peace of mind. And definitely get him to pay 3rd of the bill. backtrack it. They should compensate you for ruining your peace. You’re very resonable.
Gonna go against the flow here, but I honestly don’t get the perspective of most people in this thread. You really expect people not to hangout with their partners? If you pay rent somewhere, you can have your boyfriend/girlfriend over whenever you want, it’s your place.
Appreciate this perspective. I think it’s so fine to hang out with your partners - if I could, I’d sleepover with mine everyday! It’s much better than sleeping alone. To be clear, I’m definitely not for the idea of telling her how much she should be hanging with her bf. He’s a pretty decent guy and loves her dearly. Not my place.
I understand how I can come across petty but, I will say my annoyance comes from 1) them not contributing to utilities ££, 2) being inconsiderate, e.g. when it’s two of them in the flat + me, I tend to get ignored, usually won’t have space in the living room, smaller territory in fridge etc.
No you can’t. When you have your own space you can. But not when you share a space with others. In shared living spaces you have to accept the fact that you have to be courteous of your roommates.
Why? Is he taking up closet space you’d otherwise use? Showering excessively/laundry that it’s noticeable on the water bill? Unless it’s those things, there’s no reason he should contribute to the flat’s monthly bills. There’s a big difference between spending a lot of time with someone and actually moving in and being a 3rd roommate
I get that the majority tend to disagree but I'm with you. Who gives a fuck how this person spends their time, and with whom. The post hasn't laid out any monetary impacts or other real consequences. I am a live and let live kind of person, I know that isn't for everyone but it wouldn't matter to me at all.
Fait enough, I guess I'm projecting onto the many people posting the same scenario with only a few visits per week. Full time or nearly so is an issue but we don't really know if he's coming in at night and leaving in the morning or its showers/laundry/etc.
No he hasn’t. If he hasn’t moved all his shit into their flat, he’s not another roommate. There’s a big difference between spending a lot of time somewhere and actually moving in
Maybe ask then lmao. What would’ve been different if he was on the lease though? They’d still be taking up the same amount of space. Would you expect the rent to be split 3 ways when OP still has half the house? That’s the dumbest shit
Perhaps OP doesn’t want to live with 2 people? That wasn’t the agreement. I wouldn’t want to live with anyone else other than my partner, so I’d be furious over an extra human in the house 90% of the time.
That’s an entirely different conversation. You can’t just void your original statement with a different one. Not how that works.
But if someone is letting something like this directly affect the way they live, therapy might be needed. There’s a lot of personal issues behind that. Live your life. Let others live theirs. It really isn’t that hard
If OP expects to live with one person but is living with two, that is a major issue. And yes, part of living my life would be going home to a comfortable area without any strangers.
You mention therapy then say to grow up when a person who has entered into an arrangement in good faith attempts to set very reasonable boundaries over their shared living space?
I have an inkling you couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
Just to respond to this - utilities (electricity, gas, water and broadband… and council tax for living there) enjoyed by 3 inhabitants but paid by 2 doesn’t sound like a sweet deal to me. I agree that if she pays her half of the rent I’m not to dictate what she does in spaces she paid for - I don’t really care to be honest!
It cost a literal bomb? Like you literally, not hyperbole, have to pay them a bomb for monthly rent? What nationality are your landlords, just out of curiosity?
In my opinion, pretty spiteful. These situation are kind of touchy. But as long as he’s not making the living situation unbearable, I’d just let it go and squash the beef. Especially if you don’t wanna be there long term.
Just ask him straight up if he has moved in or not because you'd really like to split the rent in 3, he'd be embarrassed if he's an honest person, and you might be surprised that he's willing to pay for his part
Hell yes. If he’s living there, which he is. He pays 1/3 of rent period. If not tell him to fuck off.
They share a bedroom, so he should get a discount, but it should still be substantial. You could do a quick calculation on $/m2, subtract out the bedrooms, and then charge 1/3 of the remainder.
Nah doesn't work like that. You don't get a discount on bills/rent because you add an extra person. If they were moving in its 1/3 across the board
My roommates and I split somewhere between 'per room' and 'per person' because I share a room w my partner. Works well for us.
What about per living space? That per room split is always unfair on the single occupant. E.g. even sized rooms - 1000 each. Bills 210. This split would 1070, 1140. But really it should be like 870, 1340.
It can work however they choose is the most reasonable. I had this same scenario a while back. We split the utilities evenly, but rent was discounted since they were sharing a room. Their use of the common space didn’t change either since they were mostly in their room. It’s what worked out for us.
[удалено]
Like I said, it depends on the situation and what works. Would you feel the same way if instead of 2 people living in the room splitting their portion of the rent, than if a family of 3 or more were in the room? It really comes down to what works for that situation. You may be okay paying your half of the lease, and the family splitting their half of the lease while they take over the common areas, but personally, I would rather move out.
Never heard of it working like that. They are getting half a room each and full use of the communal space. It’s less than a half but more than a third.
Usually it’s per person, not room, in my experience. Or in like the majority of cases I’ve seen, like… I think this is the first time I’ve heard of them being discount for that reason, or that I remember anyway.
So in a scenario where you and two mates are moving into a 2 bedroom spot with two equivalent bedrooms, two of you have to share a room and 1 of you gets one to themself, you would still divide the rent evenly 3 ways? In my experience the person with the single room always pays more, then group charges like utilities are split evenly.
even three way split is the norm in my experience
I'm gonna say either you have pushovers OR extremely friendly people. That is far from the norm.
I don’t think the rent should be split in 3 because they are living in the same bedroom. But he should be paying for utilities
It's a tough call. They do share a bedroom but they have majority 'control' of any room they're in, which can make it uncomfortable and awkward as the single remaining tenant to feel like you have an equal right to the space. The couple could easily 'dominate' the kitchen, lounge etc when they're in it. As OP has highlighted. I can see arguments against both 50/50 and 33/33/33. I'd maybe suggest 40/30/30 but that does start to feel like splitting hairs.
The best way is to do it based on square footage of the property, where the square ft of the communal spaces is split 33-33-33 and the rooms are split 50-50
I would be fine with that. But I feel like... Good luck trying to sell the average person (let alone a bad roommate) on that without being told you're overdoing it.
You're right, but then I'd just call the landlord and tell them they have a second person living there without paying rent, it's pretty much always against the contract. I did something similar with some friends to work out how much everyone should pay when all the bedrooms were very different sizes and it worked perfectly, no one felt they were over/under paying.
Yeah, adding an occupant without notifying the owner is straight up illegal (in EU and I would bet, it is same for US).
Yup, same in the US. Every lease I’ve signed has something like “if another person stays over more than 30 days in a year, you must notify the landlord”. Usually not enforced very harshly but useful for these kinds of circumstances.
Deffo. Living with a couple sucks.
If he's a cool guy, he will gladly pay for the time savings and to be with his GF. I've been in his shoes a lot and often it was my GF at the time insisting I stay over. She just wanted me there. If he's a slob, and unpleasant then I would say OP is 100% justified. But I never could understand people having beef with just the mere presence of someone else being in their roommates bedroom and occasionally running into them in the common spaces. My roommate has his GF over most nights. He's happier when she's around and she's a sweetheart. Sure I hear them all the time laughing but if he's happy, I couldn't be happier. And I currently am PAINFULLY single and lonely so I would be prime for resentment of other's lack of loneliness but I just find that silly. I should say, my roommate is my brother and he was very difficult to live with until a few years ago and he's been downright amazing since she came around.
Your comment sums up my dilemma. He is a nice guy and cordial with me, mostly. I feel guilty for resenting their presence in the house. But, I feel taken advantage of because as it stands, it seems like he’s moved in. He’s constantly around and they enjoy hanging out in common areas. They WFH together and this sometimes meant that I had to eat my meals on the floor by the coffee table as they took up the dining table. The kitchen is teeny, so when they’re cooking/baking I have to wait. We did a mega clean of the flat recently, and I requested for her to take the kitchen as I deep cleaned it the previous time. He got somewhat defensive and rude, as if I was trying to bully his gf? Anyway, some examples. Point being, my living experience in my own flat is very uncomfortable as it stands. I mostly feel like I’m a guest in my own house. And it’s somewhat of a douchey move from him not acknowledging me when he’s coming over this much. But, as you pointed out - she paid her share of the rent and he’s a decently nice guy. I’m doubtful if I have any right to be resentful at all.
OP, I just moved out of a space for similar reasons-roommates GF basically moved in. Loud sex noises all the time, they argued all the time, she blasted the AC and cooked (gas) every day. Roommate went nuclear when I asked to split utilities three ways as she had been there for about four consecutive months, claiming that she “contributes more to [his] household than” I do. They were stunned when I moved out a few months later.
this sounds so relatable
Yeah. It’s too bad cause the roommate is [was?] a good friend prior to this but seeing the way those two treated each other opened my eyes to some massive red flags-controlling habits being number 1 on that list.
My thoughts exactly! Don’t see the need to get him to pay rent, but contributing to utilities would be a nice gesture, seeing as to who he WFHs 1-2 a week, and how heating (gas boiler) is turned on to 24 degrees daily lol. This was my comprise to my flatmate when I first raised this issue up to him - but was shot down :(
Nah no way is working from your house and not contributing anything. That's outrageous. There's staying overnight and then there's staying during the day. You need to put your foot down. Oof. Feel bad for you.
Oh to make it worse-she worked from home and had a dedicated office space in the apartment. I honestly think I kinda let them too far off the hook with a lot of things. Yeah unfortunately the entire living dynamic totally changes when you're dealing with couples, especially ones that don't really care about the effect they're having on others. I decided to stop trying to fight the point and just focused on finding a new place and getting out, which I eventually did. Made sure to set some very clear boundaries about partners with the new roomie however. By the way- asking for rent is also reasonable in that situation. Most leases do not allow for perpetual houseguests, and if that third (or whatever number they bring the total occupants to) person is using that space to say make money (WFH) you are well within your rights to ask. It is not a comfortable conversation to have and one that is almost guaranteed to start a fight. Not an easy position to be in, especially as you are being outnumbered by people who in theory shouldn't have a say.
Had pretty much the exact same situation, people can be so inconsiderate!
The reason why it kinda snuck up on me was two fold-the SO was a LDR and would often come over for like a week or so at a time just to maximize their time together, which I didn't mind. When they finally moved in, I was in the middle of a massive work project that had me out of the house so often that I all of a sudden looked up and realized that the SO had been there for like two straight months by that point.
Bro should be paying too. Considering it’s more convenient for him. 24 days a month? He already is living there by that count. I’d bring it up to the real estate agent cause you’re paying for someone to freeload and it’s not your responsibility.
Wtf is the real estate agent gonna do 😂
Walk around half naked. That’s your house you pay for and your allowed to be in your panties and bra. I promise, she will not let him come over often anymore. If she brings it up you can tell her you pay half the rent and it’s not your fault her bf is over every day but your allowed to be in your home you work hard for
Either that, or the boyfriend’s gonna be like this is the best house ever for boobs instead of just two
Hell yeah brother
It’s honestly the easiest bluff to call bc he’ll be chubbed, they will fuck, if she’s secure and normal it won’t be a problem
El oh el. Who’s secure that young?
Secure in their relationship? Lots of people?
This! She will get so jealous.
I just realized that maybe the roommate in this situation didn’t want company and thought this was the best way for OP to stop inviting him over… https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bf15ir/my_21f_roommate_27f_started_walking_around_our/
If she is obese also could scare him away if she's half naked.
You’re totally reasonable, you’re not paying to have 2 roommates and it basically sounds like he is another roommate. If they are so close they should just rent their own fucking place
Next time they probably will lmao
Easiest way to solve this is to ask yourself if you'd be okay with her being this mad if you were the one with a guy over. Be honest with yourself. This will tell you everything you need to know.
I have a partner too and he stays over 1-2/ week at mine, and we have an even split between his and my apartment in the city. We have an arrangement to not be excessive so as to not bother his flatmates, as he shares a bathroom + utilities are not included in rent. So, to answer your question: Yes, I’d be okay if my flat mates get mad at my partner being over constantly. In my previous flatshare, despite having bills included, my flatmates voiced that they weren’t comfortable with my partner (male) being over so much as they could not spend as much time with me + house dynamic changed. I found that understandable and we adjusted our sleeping arrangements.
>We have an arrangement to not be excessive so as to not bother his flatmates, as he shares a bathroom + utilities are not included in rent. You should have him stay over at your place more often then, you can be as excessive as you want given that your flatmate is doing that already.
Then invite your partner over every day. Fair is fair.
Only reasonable response I've seen... not to say OP is jealous, but in life it's easy to judge others for acting out thinking a certain way in different situations even though you would likely act or think very similarly if put into their position.... something about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them
This is an age old issue, each generation experiences it and many friendships are divided and destroyed by it. There is nothing you can do, force him to pay up and kiss the friendship goodbye 👋
Sign the lease over to the lovebirds and get the hell out.
You're feelings are understandable. Living in a house with one other woman who you have actually known is definitely different than living with two other people who are mixed genders (especially when it was never even discussed and she started doing it soon after you moved in). I've lived in places with both situations and it definitely changes the day to day dynamics. I would recommend just not engaging and focus on making the living situation as comfortable as possible for you until you leave. It is already highly likely that you will not remain friends after this (I've had several friends who became substantially less close or cut ties completely after living together). Plus your roommate has already proven that she doesn't care about how you feel and doesn't want your opinions. Also, idk how the laws are in London but in the US city that I live in, having another person unofficially living there would definitely violate a lot of lease agreements and be grounds for eviction.
That’s really fair. I’m more for maintaining the peace, my post was mainly for me to vent. Mostly because I still really want us to remain friends - she’s a sweet girl ordinarily and it would be a shame for us to fall out because of a year of living together. I’m frustrated and annoyed but not to the extent I’d having a shout down with someone who I once considered a good friend 🥲
Charge his ass rent. Or just send your flat mate a letter, in writing, signed, etc. "Since your boyfriend has become a permanent fixture here, I an recalculation my rent to be decided by e instead of 2. He is living here over 3 weeks out of 4 so you're subletting to him now. He needs to pay 1/3 of rent and all utilities. You invited him, you can get it from him. I will pay 1/3 from no ow. I could force you to pay retroactively from when he started living here. He will also be responsible for common area pick up and cleaning. If you feel this is one-sided decision making, it sort of is. But you made these decisions by having him stay here every night, shower, eat, etc with no discussion with your flat mate. It's ok, this is fair for the time being." Something like that.
going thru the same thing rn and its also pissing me off just as much lmao. ppl are so selfish and clueless. if the friendships already fucked then id bring it up again who cares.
Aha sorry to hear it. It is annoying because we envisioned a cute girlie flat at the start of it all but it’s turned into a really odd dynamic with him around constantly. She knows I’m peeved about it too but won’t say anything so there’s this awkward silence whenever we’re all together.
yeah lmao that awkward silence is so bad
Your roommate sounds awful, but you’re leaving in four months. Is it really worth the headache of starting a fight?
They are more than likely breaking a lease contract by having him over so often. Many places have a clause like that. I’d tell her hey, Your boyfriend is over more than half the month and I am simply not cool with it. I didn’t sign up for a 3 roommate situation. Especially with a man. 1-2 times a week is fine. But not 5-6. Now I’m going to be nice and let you do the right thing here if you want this secret arrangement to continue. he can contribute his far share of the utilities since he is over three quarters of every month; and I understand it’s bc of his commute. So it’s fair he pays 3/4 of the months utilities. Or this can get messy and I will speak to the landlord about how you’re violating the contract. I’d follow it up with I really don’t think how you’re treating me is respectful especially since you demeaned me and called me rude things while trying to express a problem I’m having with you. But I care about this friendship so I’m trying to work with you even tho you hurt my feelings. Now either we can work on this together and fix our relationship or you can be stubborn and the next 4 months are going to be shitty. But I already tried to talk to you about this and you weren’t respectful to compromise. So this is where you have put me. And id leave it there. She and him will fold like a card house or you’ll get your apartment space back 🥰 either way it’s a win win and you’re only stuck there another 16 weeks ! Time to start looking for a new place !!! Yay!
When my roommates said something to me about my boyfriend being over all the time, I talked to him about it and we offered to split the utilities 4 ways instead of 3 for the three leaseholders. He wasn’t being added to the lease and he had no legal rights to the property so he wasn’t expected to pay rent whether he was a guest of mine most days or not. But his presence did increase the cost for electric, cable, gas, etc. And it wasn’t unreasonable to expect him to contribute. So I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable getting frustrated about the cost. As for the messiness… That’s always going to be an issue with new people who live together because it’s very rare people have the exact same outlook on how clean things need to be. I think just as an adult, I expect people not to leave open or uneaten food out where it may attract pests or clothing and trash in common areas. But household chores and stuff are always extra things you need to talk about and all agree to ahead of time or you’re going to have huge fights if you spring that stuff on someone later. Beyond that it just sounds like you’ve sort of grown apart. It happens when you live with someone… You see more of them than you would have if you had just been buddies who got coffee once a week or something.
Having your gf / bf over most of the time can change the entire dynamic of an household AND also add stress. One more person in your way in the living room, kitchen, using the bathrooms when you need them… One more person who makes some mess and who should be part of the cleaning schedule. To say that this extra person only need to pay for utilities is wrong. To pay a little share of the rent to account for this extra stress is the minimum to do. The real thing to do? Not invite them more than one night a week if your roomate says it s annoying to them.
I understand that’s how you feel and had they said that, I would’ve talked to Chris about it. We probably would have gone along with it just to keep the peace, which is more valuable than people credit. That said..um…one night a week?? Do my roommates also go by mom and dad? 😂
That is if your roomate says its bothering them as stated. Living in a community is accepting that your freedom stops where somebody’s else freedom is at play. Your roomat’s freedom to enjoy their place they look for, signed a contract for and paying full price for comes before your freedom to invite people who are not paying anything. I’ve lived in a lot of different colocations with different people the past 10 years. And frankly it all depends on who is involved but also, what the flat’s layout is. If there is ONE bathroom and the bedrooms are next to each other, it’s annoying AF. If each have their own bathrooms, and the rooms are separated by living room? Total different game. If you get along the boyfriend’s / girlfriend’s of your roomate? No biggie. One more friend available to you! Can be extra fun. If you can’t bear that person though… It’s frankly super annoying to even just know they are around. And when you know they are using what YOU pay for, some murder level tensions can arise.
If you’re breaking the lease anyways then I wouldn’t worry about it.
went through a similar situation and i thought by communicating politely that i would like her gf to at least help pay utilities and reminding these adults to clean up after themselves it would be fine. ended up getting backed into a corner by both of them and threatened to put my shit out. i ended up just breaking the lease and they told me i was a terrible friend lol. haven't spoke to the roomate since then. we were friends before moving in together
Show her the spread sheet and tell her the rent will be split three ways since he lives there
He unofficially lives there. Time to call him out on it to his face. He can either cut it down to 2 nights a week or pay rent and utilities. Your roommate is being ridiculous.
It is indeed umbeaeable. You do indeed have the right to penny pimch
🤘
You are not overreacting. The right thing fpr your roommate to do is spend almost the same amount of time at his place. This way you get the perk of having apartment to yourself sometimes, and that cancels oyt the disadvantage of having the extra person staying other times. Same with utilities. But if they never sray at his place and he is there 24 of 30 days a month? Then he should be paying 1/3 of the utilities and a part of the rent. Splitting the rent would not be 1/3 since they are sharing a room, and he is not there every night. (Example: If you have 2 bedrooms and 1 common area that is shared, and the rent is 900, then the rent would be 300 per month "per room". You should pay for 1 bedroom (300) and 1/3 of the common area (100). They should pay for 1 bedroom (300), and 2/3 of the common area (200). )
As soon as OP said “costs a literal bomb,” my brain began reading this in a British accent. However, they are taking advantage of the situation and ought to be glad you aren’t asking rent to be split 3 ways, instead of just bills. You’re NTA, but your roommates are.
I'd be calling the landlord. usually rental agreements have a clause with how many days overnights guests can stay.
Then grow up and tell them not to. OR ask that he take your place on the lease through the leasing office - and have your name completely removed from the lease. These aren’t hard issues people
THIS!
My first response was to ask him to contribute to utilities! They both refused and said I was I being transactional and a penny-pincher. Couldn’t do much after that, he kept coming 🤷🏻♀️
Use the word NO!!! You both agreed to one roommate who splits utilities when you signed the lease. Not 2 roommates & getting stuck paying 1/2 of everything. I think your best bet is to ask to be removed from the lease.
Just start trying to steal her boyfriend just ruin everything man lmao. What do you want us to say it’s really pointless to say something because all you can do is ask and hope she would try to work with you but it seems like she can’t do it is what it is. You are really resentful and I think the best thing you can do is hold out the four months and then let it go when you move out.
Yep, steal him away start throwing yourself at him flirting with him, slipping him little love, notes telling him how good it sounds when he fucks the other chick and that you fantasize about it being you
r/unethicallifeprotips
I see that you know my kung fu
Throw old laundry on the floor aha... period undies especially.
You are already dippin just suck it up and move on
If he stays there the 80% of the time, it's only fair if he pays his part. Especially if he uses the shower everyday and the water bill gets higher because of it. This is why roommates NEED to establish clear boundaries beforehand. Rules about visitors and bfs and so on.
Updateme
I will message you next time u/malika_ap11 posts in r/badroommates. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fmalika_ap11%20r%2Fbadroommates) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201byi5hh) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
If he’s there that much he needs to at least split utilities as I’m sure he does laundry and showers there. Honestly should contribute something to rent too.
You're an adult. Time to have an adult conversation. Hey dude, pay rent or GTFO. You didn't move in with two flatmates, but one. She should leave, not you.
I simply told my roommate that I would only be paying 1/3 rent and if they don’t make up the difference they can suffer the consequences. Of course I had the difference set aside just in case. Otherwise contact the landlord, could be a lease violation
OP is upset her friend is getting dick and she’s not. Joking, naturally.
Ahaha if I was single, I’d be low key jealous too. Bed gets cold!
Most leases say something about how often visitors can spend the night without needing to be added to the lease, if yours says something like that tell your landlord.
why do people use the word literal when something isn't literal.
Ask them when they are moving in together. This will break them up and you'll be rid of the third wheel.
I would use the penny pinching against her saying it does bother me bc I need to pinch pennies to survive and if she looks down on that so much then she can pay triple and show me how great she is.
If he’s staying there that much, he needs to pay rent and contribute to other bills and groceries…always amazing to me that moochers are so butt hurt when smart people call them out
Sounds like the boyfriend is a little bitch, any good person would offer to pay their way of they are living in a flat, especially if it facilitates his work and reduces his commute. He's directly benefiting from the situation without giving anything back. You should probs fuck him, then you win 🏆
You’re a horrible roommate, they pay for their room and bathroom, they can do what they want with it.
Totally reasonable to expect him to pay towards utilities and use of common areas.
You're being unreasonable. You are paying for a room not for a percentage of the people that inhabit your space daily. You're getting a reality check or what it means to live with roommates. It is equally her space as it is yours. She should be able to live her life and have her boyfriend around as much as she wants. If you want cheaper rent get more roommates and more rooms. Split a 4/4 4 ways for example. If your roomie got knocked up and had a kid would the kid have to pay rent? Dont live with friends. And treat a roommate like a hotel. The only space you have any control over is your room. Stay in your room or share the space. You can not and should not hold ANY expectations of your roommate. Maybe they are a slob, maybe loud, maybe rude that's the risk you run rooming. If you are not a chill and go with the flow type then live alone
I’ve lived in flatshares for years now. Ranging from 2 to 8 person households. Think I can hold my own when living with people. Also the reality of many young adults trying to make it in a big city 🤷🏻♀️ I appreciate your sentiments, but think about it this way. What difference does a boyfriend / friend make? If I let my friend, who does not have a place to live in the city, crash at mine 80% of the month, 8 months in a row - I’m sure that’d be unacceptable for most. It stands as is that there is a +1 guest living and using facilities of a flat that they have not paid for. Monetary implications aside, I would believe it’s courtesy for flatmates to discuss and agree upon any guest staying for extended periods of time.
You’re sharing the house not the room together. Split bills 3 ways equally. And he should pay a 3rd as a temporary renting stay. If should be more expensive. Fuck them and fuck leeches. I hate these fucking cunts, stealing your space and peace of mind. And definitely get him to pay 3rd of the bill. backtrack it. They should compensate you for ruining your peace. You’re very resonable.
My suitmate brings his gf every single fucking night and won’t stop talking until 8 in the morning
Gonna go against the flow here, but I honestly don’t get the perspective of most people in this thread. You really expect people not to hangout with their partners? If you pay rent somewhere, you can have your boyfriend/girlfriend over whenever you want, it’s your place.
Appreciate this perspective. I think it’s so fine to hang out with your partners - if I could, I’d sleepover with mine everyday! It’s much better than sleeping alone. To be clear, I’m definitely not for the idea of telling her how much she should be hanging with her bf. He’s a pretty decent guy and loves her dearly. Not my place. I understand how I can come across petty but, I will say my annoyance comes from 1) them not contributing to utilities ££, 2) being inconsiderate, e.g. when it’s two of them in the flat + me, I tend to get ignored, usually won’t have space in the living room, smaller territory in fridge etc.
No you can’t. When you have your own space you can. But not when you share a space with others. In shared living spaces you have to accept the fact that you have to be courteous of your roommates.
Conversely, they both pay to live in the property and have the right to use the space as they wish, as long as no laws are broken.
I don’t understand why people get roommates if they don’t like the fact that other people have their own lives too. Really strange behavior from OP
Yup but he should chip in with some cash as well.
Why? Is he taking up closet space you’d otherwise use? Showering excessively/laundry that it’s noticeable on the water bill? Unless it’s those things, there’s no reason he should contribute to the flat’s monthly bills. There’s a big difference between spending a lot of time with someone and actually moving in and being a 3rd roommate
I get that the majority tend to disagree but I'm with you. Who gives a fuck how this person spends their time, and with whom. The post hasn't laid out any monetary impacts or other real consequences. I am a live and let live kind of person, I know that isn't for everyone but it wouldn't matter to me at all.
Yeah that’s cool but dude has moved in. He’s not on the lease and not paying.
Fait enough, I guess I'm projecting onto the many people posting the same scenario with only a few visits per week. Full time or nearly so is an issue but we don't really know if he's coming in at night and leaving in the morning or its showers/laundry/etc.
What would that matter though? As long the other half gets paid what’s the issue?
It’s another person using the shower, toilet, kitchen. Taking up space.
So how about living on your own? So people just can’t up & have a life with their roommates?
No he hasn’t. If he hasn’t moved all his shit into their flat, he’s not another roommate. There’s a big difference between spending a lot of time somewhere and actually moving in
If your flat mate is paying their portion of the rent and bills then maybe you should mind your own business.
Fuck no. Having someone extra in the house uses more utilities and affects the dynamic of the household.
Didn’t realize you have to pay money if you’re affecting the dynamic of the house
Maybe ask then lmao. What would’ve been different if he was on the lease though? They’d still be taking up the same amount of space. Would you expect the rent to be split 3 ways when OP still has half the house? That’s the dumbest shit
Perhaps OP doesn’t want to live with 2 people? That wasn’t the agreement. I wouldn’t want to live with anyone else other than my partner, so I’d be furious over an extra human in the house 90% of the time.
That’s an entirely different conversation. You can’t just void your original statement with a different one. Not how that works. But if someone is letting something like this directly affect the way they live, therapy might be needed. There’s a lot of personal issues behind that. Live your life. Let others live theirs. It really isn’t that hard
If OP expects to live with one person but is living with two, that is a major issue. And yes, part of living my life would be going home to a comfortable area without any strangers.
You can’t keep to your own area like they do? You need full access to every room in the house? Grow up a little bit
You mention therapy then say to grow up when a person who has entered into an arrangement in good faith attempts to set very reasonable boundaries over their shared living space? I have an inkling you couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
Some people just look for shit to be upset about, honestly.
Just to respond to this - utilities (electricity, gas, water and broadband… and council tax for living there) enjoyed by 3 inhabitants but paid by 2 doesn’t sound like a sweet deal to me. I agree that if she pays her half of the rent I’m not to dictate what she does in spaces she paid for - I don’t really care to be honest!
Her forcing her boyfriend on her almost every day is making it her business. SMH.
How is having their boyfriend over at a place they pay to live at “forcing” their boyfriend on their roommate? Are you dense?
Is he getting his own bedroom for free? Because if not I'm not sure what we're upset about here?
Rich kids fighting amongst themselves lmao
just the reality of having a roommate lol or just get ur own place
It cost a literal bomb? Like you literally, not hyperbole, have to pay them a bomb for monthly rent? What nationality are your landlords, just out of curiosity?
In my opinion, pretty spiteful. These situation are kind of touchy. But as long as he’s not making the living situation unbearable, I’d just let it go and squash the beef. Especially if you don’t wanna be there long term.
Just hook up with her bf and leave your underwear there for her to find