Hi Jill,
I am wondering what the policy for guests spending the night is? I do not want to make a formal complaint at this time, but I would like to understand the policy so we can speak to our roommate about an ongoing situation.
A roommate is having her boyfriend over everyday, he also spends the night most every night, even when she is not here. As an all female house this is very uncomfortable, and as a guest of a resident it is very unsettling that he is here without her. We have also noticed that our utility bills have increased. Someone is smoking in our unit and food is going missing.
If possible I would appreciate if this email could stay between us to avoid any unnecessary conflict with our roommate. If you have advice about how to handle this situation, as I am sure it has come up in the past, I would love to hear your suggestions.
Thank you,
I removed your wishy washy language and apologetic tone. This is a serious issue and you don’t need to apologize for it.
Thank you so much, I am definitely going to use this. I’m so frustrated about this whole issue. She just straight up denies it all even though his shoes are at the door every single day, he’s the only person who smokes and I am literally underneath her unit.
It sounds like a terrible situation that is common in college. You should get a Wyze doorbell and install it. It’s good for the security of all the girls in the house and then with video evidence she certainly can’t deny him coming and going in the house as all motion is recorded. Ring would work too I’m sure or any motion camera. No need for it to be a doorbell.
I’m a male and my recently ex roommate moved his gf in and it was horrible. Kudos on you being polite but a brand new roommate being imposed on you sucks for anyone involved. I am so sorry. Some of the worst months of my life have recently ended. 😞
Exactly, and you could attach all the people on the actual lease to it so that all the people who live there can access they can’t edit the video footage if you’re controller if you set up the account
Exactly, and you could attach all the people on the actual lease to it so that all the people who live there can access they can’t edit the video footage if you’re controller if you set up the account
Bro at least hide the shoes if your gonna lie about him being there lmao. Fr tho this roommate sounds like bad news. Im sorry if this is a close friend for you because I had a friend who was trying to get his gf to move in with us and I had albeit much less of an issue in the smoking department like yall have but still. Just wanted to say Im sorry for you havin to go thru this
I would throw his shoes away, but I’m also not afraid of conflict. I would have already upgraded the door lock to a digital keypad only lock. No keys. All digital access to the unit is recorded and able to be shown to all flat mates, and the landlord management.
Seconded. It doesn’t matter who is smoking, any whiff (ha) of smoking is going to come back on all of you via forfeiture of your security deposit and possible additional costs. The rest of the letter is great, though. I probably wouldn’t get into the food, but I *might* mention how combative the roommate was when trying to handle it internally. At the end of the day, the way the leasing company is going to see it, you all are on the lease, therefore you all are allowing smoking. Don’t tell them that. And Ozium the shit out of it before they come over.
The manager will likely (hopefully) respond with a notice (either on your door or sent to everyone on the lease) that the rent will be increased by a certain amount for guests staying more than a specific amount of time. The length of time and amount should be in your lease agreement.
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Yes it's a burden or extra hassle I'm sure. He should at least pitch in. As far as uncomfortable cause he's male that's just sexist if he's not making advances at you. And if that's the case he won't be there long anyways.
I say suck it up buttercup, times are hard and there's enough homeless around.
That depends on the leasing agreement, buttercup.
If the apartment is being leased to women only (and, you know, advertised and dealt as such), having a male living ther 24/7 may break the agreement for ALL of them. Depending on the agreement/school, it may cause trouble with their school too.
It likely that the lease is already broken because another person is living in the apartment, but at least the uninvolved tenants, by reporting it as soon as the situation was clear to them, may save their lease.
So, there is nothing to "suck up", and it's time the person not on the lease finds their own place (and the gf too, as she will likely lose ther current place)
That’s not sexist. You want your mom or sister or gf living with a random stranger in her home that the roommate dating him has only known for two months? He’s a fucking loser and a leech and it says a lot about your character that you are defending him. Suck that up buttercup.
I'm just saying the world can be tough. And everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, even to OP that stated he doesn't even give a cordial hello.
I mean with the way this post is written would you say hi?
Tension is easily recognizable
The tension is deserved. He’s literally not welcome there and he *should* feel uncomfortable for imposing and being a burden. The tension SHOULD tell him “I need to leave”.
I mean a hello would be great since he’s eating their food, raising the electricity, and just generally causing enough of a nuisance. Plus it’s an all women’s household? Why didn’t the girlfriend of him make sure everyone is okay with him staying there? Why is he staying there when the girlfriend is not there? There’s so much here and we should just give the benefit of the doubt because the world is tough. Tough luck bud. He needs to go.
Seems to be asking a lot from the community.
Opinions are like assholes, everybody has em.
At the end of the day I know who I am. And I sleep just fine
Ew lol no wonder he’s defending having a strange man hanging around a bunch of women who never agreed to share a space with a man. It’s men like him who are the reason women don’t wanna take their chances.
Dudes living there rent free.
Pay up bitch.
Being nice about this won’t work.
You have to be an asshole to make them understand. You’ve already tried being nice.
Sadly, you’re not wrong. Please come at this with all of the other roommates so it isn’t just one person who will seem like a personal issue. If all the mates come together and say we’re not paying for your friend and pay up because you owe x amount more on the bills and rent because of the missing food and smoke smell. If she argues he’s not living there, well, the bills and his shoes show otherwise.
It is a personal issue clearly ONLY op has an issue. This is also not a dorm but a shared home OP doesn't get to decide who her other living mates have over. OP is crazy lol
He may not be a strange guy to his gf, but he's a stranger to the rest of the roommates. Even Ted Bundy dated. Having a strange man in your home when the person with whom he has a connection isn't there is disconcerting. It sounds as if he's there often enough to be on the lease, and pay some rent and utilities. In some leases there are limits to how long/often someone "visiting" can stay. It might incur financial penalties for those on the lease, or even eviction. Same goes for smoking in a non-smoking place. It's not going to cost him anything, but it may cost the roommates their damage deposit.
We don't know that anyone else doesn't have a problem with this guy basically living there. All we know is that OP drafted a letter asking about it.
You have no right to tell someone else how they should feel in a situation. A guy that will not acknowledge the other girls’ presences is in their shared living space and that makes her uncomfortable, which is 100% understandable since she knows absolutely nothing about this dude’s character.
Just because YOU wouldn’t feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean other people can’t. Seems like you’re the one that needs some growing up and learning to respect other people.
Being upset with paying more in utilities for someone not on the lease, having food stolen and the house smelling like cigarettes is naggy?? I bet people love having you as a roommate if you think that’s all okay lol.
Lol we make jokes about hobosexual/homelessexual people in the LGBTQ community. They could be considered “U-haulers” but not everyone uhauling is doing it because they’re homeless😭
First of all is not on the lease and is eating food,increasing utilities and generally is a squatter. No one in the apartment wants him there so really all of the legal tenants need to tell him to get out. Hold a roommate meeting and agree upon a limit of the time for overnight guests. If she protests tell her to pay 50% more for utilities since the 2 of them are increasing everyone's costs. Not to mention no one signed up for him being a nonpaying roommate
When you know nobody is home (supposed to be) flick the power off at the mains then wait
Chances are you’ll see them poke their head up especially if watching tv or something else 👌
2nd advice is to do this AND lock the front door cos you also wanna KNOW he doesn’t have a key and is letting himself in 😉
Yeah, literally she could go to the power box and turn off the power to just specifically that bedroom as well and say hey we’re trying to save electricity and everyone’s doing it when they are going out of the house
And if he does have a key, that is a major major lease violation
If anyone turns it on they SHOULD mention it so if nobody does ask questions it raises questions of why they did not ask 🤔😁 let them dig themselves deeper before a group house chat (in person)
And if he has key either it’s cancelled and/or there’s a compromise of how much rent everyone pays as an extra person is included (they don’t necessarily share an amount of rent by sharing the same room if they are using twice as much water and more ᵖᵒʷᵉʳ) + backdated to whenever he did move in costs PAYED (paid) back👌
*ps I hope I don’t get told by a bot that PAYED is spelt wrong* 🤭 🛳️ 😍
😘 🤖
> in costs *PAID* (paid) back👌
FTFY.
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* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
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Yes it is a lot of leases say you cannot make copies of the house keys without prior notice to landlord or leasers
Awe are you the roommates boyfriend or even the roommate
Responsible, normal adults don’t hand out copies of their house keys to people they just started dating without running it by their housemates first. So many bad roommates outing themselves in this thread…
A key to a house you share with other people is different than a mattress tag. But regardless, do more research on that because it’s only illegal for a store or business to rip it off, not the customer after they buy it. It’s illegal due to the nasty past history of mattress fillers.
I would absolutely mention the cigarettes This girl is not being nice she's lying she's not your friend I don't know why you need to tiptoe so much even though you are trying to be a nice person. You need to mention those cigarettes because that can bite you guys maybe you don't want to get blamed for that You guys know who's doing it That smell is not going to go away.
I'm guessing since they all have key fobs to their own rooms and I suite bathroom, they all have their own security deposit you know like they all have their own separate lease. Regardless you don't want to be the one blamed for that cigarette smoke or yeah what if they do take it out of everybody's. She needs to be the one that gets that out of her deposit .That's why all the roommates need to gang up and tell that this roommate's boyfriend is stinking this house of smoke. It is so hard to get the smell of smoke out.
I get it, I lived with roommates, drama between roommates is always messy, it’s your home you don’t wana have shit to deal with when you come home
That being said most everyone here has a point. Cigs will make you lose the deposit, if he is living there he should be paying utilities in the least, rent too but that’s tougher, and you should have been asked if it’s ok if he stays there when she’s not there. She didn’t ask and if you’re uncomfortable that is totally ok and speaking up is fine
I see these type of postsa bit, and have had this happen to me. In my experience after we had told her not to have her boyfriend over when we weren't there, and she still did, we realised it was all over. Kick her out of the house or find somewhere else to live. It's over.
I live across the hall from a couple that lives with a female. Our condos are very small. Her boyfriend is over literally 24/7 too, it seems like. He's also disgusting and disrespectful. He'll sit outside on the hood of his car and spit and smoke weed at 2pm on a weekday. One of our neighbors caught her giving him a bj in his car in our parking lot a few months ago. In broad daylight, no window tint. They are nasty people.
I cannot imagine having four people in one of these units _all_ the time. I really want to know how her two roommates feel.
Check the terms on your lease agreement. My old lease used to state that guests not listed on the lease agreement couldn’t not stay longer than a 3 day stretch.
No literally. When I was looking for housing prior to the place I lived in before this one I was staying at my bf’s dads house and I felt uncomfortable myself 💀 like please go home and use your own utilities I beg
You need to send a letter asap to the rental company, most places do have policies regarding overnight guests, smoking, etc. Good luck and post an update!
Hold a household meeting. Since he is there everyday he needs to pay rent to offset the inconvenience to you. And he has to pay an equal share of utilities. They do t get to split the room cost, he has to pay more than that because of the shared spaces. I’d get a room fridge for yourself. They will be unhappy and hopefully leave.
Everytime we’ve mentioned a household meeting she says she’s not home and everytime I’ve wanted to say “well your boyfriend is so he can join!” But I hate to start problems lol
As a landlord. The lease says what is allowed, mine is 10 days a month max. 500$ increase in rent if for each additional person. violated, plus a background check before occupancy. I had to remind one of my children whose mother in law moved in with them unannounced, she just never left until the official notice was issued. 5 months, an entourage of friends. City occupant regulations stated the building can house 6 people. They had 6 upstairs alone. The downstairs tenants were not happy with the extra noise and traffic. If your landlord hasn’t put this occupancy restrictions on the lease they are not in the business very long. The city rules require that everything is in the contract so you have protection against predatory tenants. Gives me the ability to vacate the lease and remove any problems.
See I’m fine with having SO’s stay the night a few times each week, I do it, but staying every night??? And when she’s gone??? I literally wouldn’t let my bf stay in my apartment while I’m gone unless his house caught on fire or something.
I can’t really tell if you’ve talked to her about the potential of him staying violating the lease (I have dyslexia and some serious brain damage, and no paragraph breaks is making it a bit hard to read/comprehend, my bad😅) but if you haven’t, I would mention it to the other housemates and then send a respectful message to her in the groupchat. I say respectful because if she’s already claiming some sort of harassment, you don’t want to give her anything to make it seem like it could be true. Make sure to screenshot it for proof if she tries to twist your words. I think you’re being honest but people like her can be crazy lol. Your lease probably has a section that outlines the rules for guests that you can look at. I don’t know if your apartment has a portal that you use to pay rent, but my student living does and you can find the lease in a section called My Documents. I would take a screenshot of it and highlight the paragraph if possible.
My main concern with automatically going to the leasing office would be the chance of it quickly escalating the situation and her taking it as a valid reason to lash out. I would try to reach out to her first (again, sorry if you have) and if she refuses to listen, I would then email the office. Although, if you feel it’s best to send the email first, I would go ahead and listen to your gut.
Good luck! I am also dealing with a crazy roommate right now but she’s mad at me for having my boyfriend over three nights a week MAX, even though I make sure I’m not violating the lease.
Where I previously lived was an apartment complex. Visitors were allowed to stay with family/friends a maximum of 3 days. Then they had to leave. If they failed to comply the renter could have their lease revoked and be evicted.
Almost all, of not all, rental companies have a clause in their contracts that states if a guest stays passed x amount of days, they’re required to pay rent (most are after a week).
I put up a similar post not so long ago except we are a house with guys and it was a first time “offence” that I tried to nip in the bud. He initially did not take it well and I feel like my approach could have been a little more polished.
We eventually resolved it and are still great mates.
If I could go back in time and change my approach my language would be a little different.
Start- is now a good time for you to have a quick chat?”
This is important because I feel it shows you want to be considerate and respect the persons time.
“We have noticed that “Bob” is over at house 7 days a week and while he is welcome here, and seems a nice/good/great person, we were wondering if there is a reason for him being here so often?”
This could open up the conversation because you’re not throwing accusations but simply expressing concern and asking if “Bob” has problems and just demonstrating that you’re prepared to understand extenuating circumstances. It also puts your foot in the door for more difficult discussions.
“While we understand the situation, and empathise, I’d like to make you aware that his presence here is putting allot of strain on us in xyz way.”
This is a tough part because it has potential for conflict, but it’s important to be clear about the boundaries that have been crossed. Personal or practically.
I think it’s best practice to only have one person do this. Someone who can be firm, yet compassionate about the situation.
“We understand you have needs but….”(like I said, whatever the situation needs).
One person as opposed to a group so it doesn’t feel like they are being ganged up on. Do it over a cup of coffee/tea/cocktail.
“We want you to know that we enjoy living with you and you’re a great housemate”
This is a great way to de escalate the situation if it gets a little heated or as a starter making sure they feel valued and contribute in other positive ways. It’s also a good way to preface the conversation.
Ultimately it’s gotta be a “compliment sandwich.”
Nice bread on top, filled with some not so great filling, and then bottom layer(end), some nice bread again.
I see where you are going with this however, it would still be an appropriate conversation for all of the roommates to have with her, coming from the direction of compassion and potential understanding.
I like the tone, but for all the roommates to band together the agree to not get nasty but more on a problem solving path in regards to boyfriends staying and increase of bills.
This is terrible advice. She’s already tried being friendly. Sometimes you need to be assertive. The “compliment sandwich” feedback technique also has already been debunked because it is obvious and comes off as manipulative.
Definitely get a camera to monitor the front door ASAP. Preferably one that you mount high enough that it can’t be easily blocked or covered. If all of the roommates except her agree, there may be an argument for putting a camera facing the fridge too, to see what’s going on with the disappearing food. You’d have to ask somebody more informed than I if it would be an invasion of privacy. In a common room, only facing the refrigerator, if she is forewarned, you wouldn’t think so, but common sense doesn’t always apply.
You may want to do a little sleuthing. It might be helpful if you record her leaving and his car still there. Or even just his car there at all hours. I would document everything you can, even his shoes at the front door. She is denying everything and it couldn’t hurt to have proof.
Lastly, wondering about the landlord’s rules regarding smoking.
Speaking of the landlord, they or the leasing agent would probably be your best source for help and information on how to handle the situation. I would imagine it comes up fairly often in student housing like this.
You’re completely valid in your complaint but I think it needs to come from a phrasing of ‘we want her to not be able to re sign the lease for this reason’ , otherwise it could come off like you
want your landlord to fix your housemate issues for you
It does not come off as we want you to handle this issue for us- at all. It’s alerting leasing to an issue in a unit. It asks for specific information so they can try to address the issue themselves. If the problem roommate wants to start crap with leasing- they have a heads up as to an issue.
If the leasing wants to get involved, they can request an inspection citing other tenants are reporting smoke smell from that property, not pinning it to the roommates. Leasing can also get license plate numbers and issue tow notices for too many nights without a lease or registering with the lease office. They can also approve change of locks and or keypad entry, etc.
I would definitely reach out to your landlord and have the lease agreement and the policies of how long somebody can stay in the house that’s not paying rent/live there
And I definitely would not be nice about the situation. I would definitely talk to the other roommates of yours and y’all should get together and come front her and her boyfriend together and just be like we know foods missing we all can smell the cigarettes smoke and we don’t feel comfortable with him staying here while you’re at work/school , since he does not talk to any of us and has never even said hello, therefore we would feel better if he did not stay while you was gone and that if the cigarette smoke keeps being smelt and the food keep being taken from the rest of us, then we will go to the landlord and have it to where he cannot stay the nightat the house that all that y’all are renting.
And maybe then, if you threaten to tell the landlord on her that the boyfriend is smoking inside of the rental property and staying there every single night maybe then she will say something to him about it
Dude id just call the cops whole he's there and she's not, strange man in the house, doubt his address on his ID is changed, they'll absolutely remove him
I think it depends on the state but they most likely won’t. The police will most likely tell them to talk to each other and leave. My exes alcoholic mother did this to me once on a binge and the police showed up and said since my bf was on the lease, his mom couldn’t kick me out. The only case where they might is if he’s doing drugs in the house or physically threatening the housemates and they have proof.
America is whack as hell man.
In Canada if your address on your license doesn't match where you are, the police will absolutely remove you if the people who actually live there don't want you there
If she says he doesn’t stay there when she’s gone just call the police for suspicious activity (since no one is suppose to be in the room like she said) when he’s there alone and she’s gone to show that he is and she’s lying. 🤷♂️
Because they are “new” and this is most likely their first experience with this. They also have a 3/4 of a year to go with this roommate and would prefer to not spend that time in war.
I think it’s better to have help in the correct way to resolve this issue than to potentially and illegally “handle it themselves”.
Guidance for the first time can be everything and will eliminate potential future difficulties knowing the correct way to handle bad situations.
Reading the lease and being told what’s in the lease equals the same result. The roommate hoe has a dude living with her. I don’t see the pussyfooting around is going to do anything about that. I do love that people will defend a ham sandwhich.
Right. And the difference in generations. Mine that builds things and makes life happen… and them. Gold star for everyone. Need hand holding. Cant read a lease. Where 20% of them bring a parent to a job interview. It’s actually true. Google it. I hit the streets at 17 and never looked back.
Society has changed. There is no doubt about that.
Judging from expectations of your time is not any less wrong than Y and Z’s judging of attitudes from when we grew up. One cannot judge ( this is going to hurt) history through the current lens the same way one cannot judge the current times through an older lens. Only disagreement can take place from both sides.
Take a deep breath, sit back in the knowledge you have and let them stumble a few times and wait for them to ask for help and teach or guide them. ( yep- parenting again!) It’s also wise while you’re sitting back to also learn a few things about them and their attitudes. Makes for better communication - they also do that differently, too. They have completely different priorities and wants.
Live and let live.
Live and let live indeed. Let the roommate have her love stick over all the time. Get over it and stop bothering management. Live and let live. Oh don’t whine about it publicly. Nobody really cares.
Are you the age of just your first numerical digit of age?! lol. This makes you 6 or 7 (at best) with just as much entitlement, if not more, than you complain about. Change your screen name because without considering education as a lifelong duty- neither of the words, together or separate, apply to you, Sir or Mam 547.
Good day.
It doesn’t sound like you our able to let me live and let live. I guess that makes you a hypocrite. I love when you people try to act all Pollyanna and then you come down hard on other people so that really just makes you a hypocrite. All in black-and-white. Good day to you, sir.
Sir, you twist meanings knowingly, your form of sarcasm, while knowingly evading the message to do so. That is called willful ignorance. I know you are a Sir because you called the female a “hoe” and put no label to the male who is living off the female such as “bum”, “squatter” or “gigolo”.
You are bitter because you had to work hard which seemingly gives you a sense of entitlement and a lack of humanity twords others. Your lack of communication skills combined with ignorance gives the impression of manual laborer and attitude denotes a poor and or abusive background. Leaving at 18 also implies you had a hard upbringing rather than staying at home, working and helping support the family. You chose your path.
We all have had to work hard- some just do it in different professions and have different skills. We all start out with different skill sets depending on the opportunities we had while young. Even if you may not think of them as opportunities, the fact that you had any skills when you left home got your foot in the door somewhere- denotes you had the exposure and know how in which to build upon. Nothing is easy. It is also much harder without communication skills, as you probably well know, or the basic skills to form a foundation.
When young people start out without the basic survival skills you had at that age, that is not occasion to bash them and scoff because you place yourself better. They clearly did not have those learning opportunities. Even things that were bad can be thought of as opportunities as long as you gained something you didn’t learn any other way. Think how hard it will be to achieve anything sans these skills. Take a moment and think about what could have been if you lacked the skills required to leave home at 18.
It’s a completely different world out there right now than when you were 18. If you want to find out how, you should open a channel of communication. Advise and assist. Bringing them up to speed is the right thing to do or say nothing at all as not to add to their issues- after all, they will soon be running things. You can choose to be a benefit and share your experience or stay a curmudgeon. Again, you choose.
The utilities thing is bullshit. There is just no way a houseguest - even a frequent houseguest - is affecting your bills that much.
I honestly wouldn't mention the problem, just inquire what the rules are. That way you are much more likely to get an unbiased, truthful answer. Telling your landlord there is a roommate dispute is just gonna cause her to shut down communication and refer you to the fact that roommate disputes are between you and your roommate and none of her business.
I’m actually curious why yall don’t have a round table discussion…. All the roommates since this is effecting everyone in the home. Sure, send the email, but yall need some communication & iron this out. It’s completely unacceptable that he is basically living there rent free while yall pick up the slack. If the conversation goes nowhere, maybe yall can either throw her out or you guys find another home to rent & leave her & the bf there🤷♀️ idk…. I know when I was in college (90’s) I lived in a house with roommates & we had really good communication…. If ever there was an issue, we’d sit down & address it immediately. It alleviates resentment & makes for a peaceful living situation. I don’t think we ever had an issue without a resolution….
Yes, you should change the phrasing entirely. Be less plastic, for starters. “I feel so bad :// I don’t want to make a formal complaint :(( let’s not start any unwanted confrontation…” Girl. It’s a formal complaint whether you want it to be or not. This false air you’re putting on is so transparent, and honestly super unprofessional.
Sorry this was a long read and I have HORRIBLE comprehension. Have you talked to her? Maybe understand if he NEEDS to stay there (homeless, familiar problems, etc) I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND the smoking. That would drive me nuts, however if he is staying in her room the whole time and not intentionally coming into your space I PERSONALLY wouldn’t have a problem with it, but everyone’s different with boundaries.
Maybe sit down with the couple and just talk it out. You never know what someone’s going through. 🤷🏻♀️
Young teenagers having these arguments is hilarious but yeah if she was carrying on like a crazy person she definitely is lying and has been backed into a corner as it’s obvious, like you said you are directly below her so you know exactly what is going on
I’m sure the utilities have increased a total of $10’s. This was how my wife and I were when we first started dating. She wanted me over constantly and who am I to not oblige. The roommate ended up just moving out after becoming hysterically violent with me out of nowhere. What an unhinged person she was. Flipped out because of bills and then when I started paying for half the bills for the entire spot even though I was sharing a room. She just found new things to bitch about until she left. Not before sucker punching me because I wouldn’t listen to her absurd demands.
This was a tough read and unfortunately have to say, sounded as though you just want to complain for no reason. Is your name Karen by any chance??
Ok, firstly, read the lease and see what clauses you can apply if your fellow tenant becomes unreasonable.
Secondly, forget about the bills. Your bills have probably gone up because you girls are doing something, not because of a guy staying over night unless you tell us he has his gaming PC there and plays games 24/7. If he simply sleeps over and takes showers, I will guarantee you he is adding less than $10 a month to your bills and as you have said there are 5 of you, that’s $2 each. If you complain about the bills, you are going to come across insanely petty.
Thirdly, is he behaving like a creep? If so, call the police. If he keeps to himself in the room, you’ll have to consider what you are complaining about.
Lastly, just have a frank and open discussion with the tenant involved. If everyone acts like adults and doesn’t go in with accusatory mindsets, you’ll probably find a solution within 10 minutes and all go on with your lives.
Honestly idk why it bothers you for her man to be there if he ain’t creeping on you guys then why are you up set ?? If he stays there as them both to help a little more if not then leave it alone there’s no point to get upset at small things it’s fucking point less let people live there lives and you live yours. Stop worrying about other people and worry about your self
I agree with a lot of this honestly, but it seems like the problems are: increased utility usage, smoking, and stealing food. If he is in her leased space, and causing no disturbances, then honestly, live and let live. The problem is, he's causing lots of disturbances.
Usually I would agree, but I think they’ve pushed it too far with the starling food and smoking in the house. That’s vile. I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in a home I pay for, and he is paying nothing for. Buh bye binch don’t let the door know hitcha
Also, if roomie ever breaks up with him it's going to be an absolute sh*tstorm for everyone in the house. Hobosexuals rarely ever leave peacefully once they've gotten comfortable.
I doubt there’s any policy to protect you here. Legally, she can have anyone she wants over for as long as she wants to with her permission. So can you. You would be depriving her of her property right otherwise. Good luck moving out!😂
Every lease in the US has a guest clause. He’s not a guest anymore, he’s an unregistered tenant who didn’t even ask to move in, and is making everyone uncomfortable.
Yep every lease I’ve ever signed has had a guest clause. I’ve lived all over the U.S. in various types of apartments and rental homes. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was in all of your leases but went unnoticed. Either way, it’s far more common to have a guest clause than not. You’ve either lucked out or lived in some interesting places.
“her bf is over everyday”
wait! listen! surprise- SHE PAYS RENT THERE, so SHE CAN HAVE GUESTS. y’all act like these ppl are just … existing in your house, not paying for it at all. get over it please and if you don’t like it move out. downvote me i do NOT care lol
Well if they’re in student living in a women’s only apartment and he’s there every night even without his girlfriend, it DEFINITELY breaks the lease. I’ve never heard of a student living situation where SO’s can stay 24/7
Newsflash - he’s not a guest. He’s a nasty little barnacle on their asses, and the mooching dingleberry needs to be flicked off. He pays nothing and makes everyone who IS paying uncomfortable.
utility bills you females take 20 minute showers that’s 3x the time a man takes which is so sad long hair is always the excuse when i have it and still get out in 5 minutes y’all run the bill don’t cap on a post to make yourself feel better.
i also find it really funny how you think i care about down votes when i’m literally never on this app -downvotes just means you upset and can’t handle me lmao goofy.
the classic female complaining about males in the house because they call themselves independent and love being a feminist get off reddit and stop making up stuff about bills you know damn well you ran that up yourself.
You bring up strong points but despite that it just sounds like you're fishing because you have a problem with his gender. If it was a girlfriend I doubt you would be having such an extreme reaction. Which is sexist.
Not immensely wrong. Many, and I mean MANY places really don’t care about most issues until it becomes a nuisance to other residents, (insert pretentious nickname)
Partially wrong, as it’s not always the case, but definitely not wrong enough for your grandstand.
Ya you’re all the same and this entire platform is an echo chamber for your confirmation bias. I think I’ve been in the industry long enough, but you’ve rented from 1 townhome so you know better, of course. :)
As a dude that has never and will never rape or hurt anyone, what if he just has nowhere to stay because he’s having the same problem as me where every single place to live is female only and somehow that’s not illegal
Edit: All the women living in women only homes downvoting lol
Yeah I mean I honestly don't care if he was there and keeping to himself, but he is smoking (violating their security deposits) taking their food without permission, and the roommate is not covering increased utility usage since a whole extra person is using utilities. Man or not, I would be weirded out if an extra person who hadn't even introduced themselves began living in a shared house.
All of those questions are answered because no one rents to men who aren’t married anymore while we all wonder why there are so many homeless men lol how is he supposed to pay rent in a somehow not illegal discriminatory situation where he’s not allowed to pay rent because he has a penis and not a vagina. I’m sure he would be paying rent if he was allowed to.
Every single male friend of mine has managed to find places to rent with other men, on their own, or even a couple co ed situations. It’s never ok to just crash at a house where every single person on the lease hasn’t agreed to letting you live there. It’s not a male vs female thing. I wouldn’t want an extra roomie in an already full house who’s mooching off of everyone else when we’re all just as broke. It’s roommate 101. Only very young college kids think this is ok. And if you’re older than that take these comments to heart and learn from them before you wind up being the jerk.
If you really needed a place to crash then you need to ask people to help you. You need to ASK if you can live with them. You can’t just set up camp as if that’s a perfectly acceptable and legal thing to do. I don’t care if you’re a man (I prefer to live with male roomies, in fact) or a woman. You can’t just move into a house without permission from everyone.
No, i hear you. Im just saying most men aren’t having trouble finding places to rent just because they’re not married. I’m in my late 30’s and so are my friends I’m speaking of. It may be something personal with you and the company you keep? I am sorry if you’re struggling and truly facing discrimination…if that’s the case it may be your city. Are you in a smaller sized city? I could see it being more of an issue in a smaller or super conservative area.
A lot. Having a strange man practically living in a house full of young women without their permission is an issue. It'd be an issue if it was a female, too, but a different one.
He hasn’t been vetted, they haven’t even met him and he hides so they can’t tell when he’s there. They don’t know when one of them is alone with him! That’s a big deal! You may want to take a peek at the statistics regarding attacks, sexual harassment, rape etc. on college campuses. It’s terrifying and those are only the ones that are reported.
Hi Jill, I am wondering what the policy for guests spending the night is? I do not want to make a formal complaint at this time, but I would like to understand the policy so we can speak to our roommate about an ongoing situation. A roommate is having her boyfriend over everyday, he also spends the night most every night, even when she is not here. As an all female house this is very uncomfortable, and as a guest of a resident it is very unsettling that he is here without her. We have also noticed that our utility bills have increased. Someone is smoking in our unit and food is going missing. If possible I would appreciate if this email could stay between us to avoid any unnecessary conflict with our roommate. If you have advice about how to handle this situation, as I am sure it has come up in the past, I would love to hear your suggestions. Thank you, I removed your wishy washy language and apologetic tone. This is a serious issue and you don’t need to apologize for it.
Thank you so much, I am definitely going to use this. I’m so frustrated about this whole issue. She just straight up denies it all even though his shoes are at the door every single day, he’s the only person who smokes and I am literally underneath her unit.
It sounds like a terrible situation that is common in college. You should get a Wyze doorbell and install it. It’s good for the security of all the girls in the house and then with video evidence she certainly can’t deny him coming and going in the house as all motion is recorded. Ring would work too I’m sure or any motion camera. No need for it to be a doorbell.
I’m a male and my recently ex roommate moved his gf in and it was horrible. Kudos on you being polite but a brand new roommate being imposed on you sucks for anyone involved. I am so sorry. Some of the worst months of my life have recently ended. 😞
Exactly, and you could attach all the people on the actual lease to it so that all the people who live there can access they can’t edit the video footage if you’re controller if you set up the account
Exactly, and you could attach all the people on the actual lease to it so that all the people who live there can access they can’t edit the video footage if you’re controller if you set up the account
Bro at least hide the shoes if your gonna lie about him being there lmao. Fr tho this roommate sounds like bad news. Im sorry if this is a close friend for you because I had a friend who was trying to get his gf to move in with us and I had albeit much less of an issue in the smoking department like yall have but still. Just wanted to say Im sorry for you havin to go thru this
I would throw his shoes away, but I’m also not afraid of conflict. I would have already upgraded the door lock to a digital keypad only lock. No keys. All digital access to the unit is recorded and able to be shown to all flat mates, and the landlord management.
OP, u/Haunting_Cicada_4760 is basically advising you to forfeit your security deposit. Don't admit to smoking in the unit in writing to your landlord!
Seconded. It doesn’t matter who is smoking, any whiff (ha) of smoking is going to come back on all of you via forfeiture of your security deposit and possible additional costs. The rest of the letter is great, though. I probably wouldn’t get into the food, but I *might* mention how combative the roommate was when trying to handle it internally. At the end of the day, the way the leasing company is going to see it, you all are on the lease, therefore you all are allowing smoking. Don’t tell them that. And Ozium the shit out of it before they come over.
The manager will likely (hopefully) respond with a notice (either on your door or sent to everyone on the lease) that the rent will be increased by a certain amount for guests staying more than a specific amount of time. The length of time and amount should be in your lease agreement.
Just to add Wyze cameras are $27-$44 on Amazon [Wyze](https://www.amazon.com/Vision-Indoor-Outdoor-Camera-Assistant/dp/B08R59YH7W?ref_=ast_sto_dp)
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Ok thanks
👏👏👏
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Yes it's a burden or extra hassle I'm sure. He should at least pitch in. As far as uncomfortable cause he's male that's just sexist if he's not making advances at you. And if that's the case he won't be there long anyways. I say suck it up buttercup, times are hard and there's enough homeless around.
That depends on the leasing agreement, buttercup. If the apartment is being leased to women only (and, you know, advertised and dealt as such), having a male living ther 24/7 may break the agreement for ALL of them. Depending on the agreement/school, it may cause trouble with their school too. It likely that the lease is already broken because another person is living in the apartment, but at least the uninvolved tenants, by reporting it as soon as the situation was clear to them, may save their lease. So, there is nothing to "suck up", and it's time the person not on the lease finds their own place (and the gf too, as she will likely lose ther current place)
That’s not sexist. You want your mom or sister or gf living with a random stranger in her home that the roommate dating him has only known for two months? He’s a fucking loser and a leech and it says a lot about your character that you are defending him. Suck that up buttercup.
No way do you actually agree with what you’re saying, LMAO
I'm just saying the world can be tough. And everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, even to OP that stated he doesn't even give a cordial hello. I mean with the way this post is written would you say hi? Tension is easily recognizable
The tension is deserved. He’s literally not welcome there and he *should* feel uncomfortable for imposing and being a burden. The tension SHOULD tell him “I need to leave”.
I mean a hello would be great since he’s eating their food, raising the electricity, and just generally causing enough of a nuisance. Plus it’s an all women’s household? Why didn’t the girlfriend of him make sure everyone is okay with him staying there? Why is he staying there when the girlfriend is not there? There’s so much here and we should just give the benefit of the doubt because the world is tough. Tough luck bud. He needs to go.
Y’all go read his other comments, this old ass man is hitting on females way younger than him 🤢
And by that you mean fucking with only fans bots!!!
You call people gorgeous to fuck with them? I’m gonna hazard a guess that the foot-licking comments made to 18yo’s are also sincere.
Would you rather I said hideous and lob insults? Orrr lick lick you from you head to your toes.
Lmao, are there only two options with you? Perverted or insolent? How about don’t be rude or a creep. Asking a lot from you, I know
Seems to be asking a lot from the community. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has em. At the end of the day I know who I am. And I sleep just fine
Oh great! So you know you’re a pedophile. Awesome!
But the registry don't... SHHHHHHH our little secret pumpkin!
Okay loser 🤢
Ew lol no wonder he’s defending having a strange man hanging around a bunch of women who never agreed to share a space with a man. It’s men like him who are the reason women don’t wanna take their chances.
Just nasty, I was reading them and was thinking this is just sick
Lol I'm not defending anyone. I'm just saying y'all could use a lesson in humanity.
Get a job
Bear or man? This really is a great thought experiment.
Bearly legal!!!
Hey, ya know. I get it. If you trap ‘em young, they might not see what a disgusting piece of shit you are right away. Clever.
Candy and a van!!! You'd be surprised!!!!
BTW yer handle is a bit misleading, not all that confused after all
Dudes living there rent free. Pay up bitch. Being nice about this won’t work. You have to be an asshole to make them understand. You’ve already tried being nice.
Sadly, you’re not wrong. Please come at this with all of the other roommates so it isn’t just one person who will seem like a personal issue. If all the mates come together and say we’re not paying for your friend and pay up because you owe x amount more on the bills and rent because of the missing food and smoke smell. If she argues he’s not living there, well, the bills and his shoes show otherwise.
It is a personal issue clearly ONLY op has an issue. This is also not a dorm but a shared home OP doesn't get to decide who her other living mates have over. OP is crazy lol
He may not be a strange guy to his gf, but he's a stranger to the rest of the roommates. Even Ted Bundy dated. Having a strange man in your home when the person with whom he has a connection isn't there is disconcerting. It sounds as if he's there often enough to be on the lease, and pay some rent and utilities. In some leases there are limits to how long/often someone "visiting" can stay. It might incur financial penalties for those on the lease, or even eviction. Same goes for smoking in a non-smoking place. It's not going to cost him anything, but it may cost the roommates their damage deposit. We don't know that anyone else doesn't have a problem with this guy basically living there. All we know is that OP drafted a letter asking about it.
Columbia university logic lol
Um, the other roommates are also unhappy about this situation. Why should they all have to pay more to support her meat stick?
I think it's clear OP is just being a bit naggy and upset with her own situation. I mean give me a fucking break, Feels unsafe? grow tf up
You have no right to tell someone else how they should feel in a situation. A guy that will not acknowledge the other girls’ presences is in their shared living space and that makes her uncomfortable, which is 100% understandable since she knows absolutely nothing about this dude’s character. Just because YOU wouldn’t feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean other people can’t. Seems like you’re the one that needs some growing up and learning to respect other people.
Being upset with paying more in utilities for someone not on the lease, having food stolen and the house smelling like cigarettes is naggy?? I bet people love having you as a roommate if you think that’s all okay lol.
Sounds like he’s got himself a nice little set up. Sounds like he’s homeless.
Hobosexual
Fr, I’ve met so many hobosexual women too it’s crazy how common that lifestyle has become
Lol we make jokes about hobosexual/homelessexual people in the LGBTQ community. They could be considered “U-haulers” but not everyone uhauling is doing it because they’re homeless😭
literally what i was thinking - hes bumming off them girls- food missing? utilities spiking?
First of all is not on the lease and is eating food,increasing utilities and generally is a squatter. No one in the apartment wants him there so really all of the legal tenants need to tell him to get out. Hold a roommate meeting and agree upon a limit of the time for overnight guests. If she protests tell her to pay 50% more for utilities since the 2 of them are increasing everyone's costs. Not to mention no one signed up for him being a nonpaying roommate
Yup, utilities are now split 7 ways, and she pays 2/7 of the utilities and everyone else pays 1/7
6, but yea
When you know nobody is home (supposed to be) flick the power off at the mains then wait Chances are you’ll see them poke their head up especially if watching tv or something else 👌 2nd advice is to do this AND lock the front door cos you also wanna KNOW he doesn’t have a key and is letting himself in 😉
Yeah, literally she could go to the power box and turn off the power to just specifically that bedroom as well and say hey we’re trying to save electricity and everyone’s doing it when they are going out of the house And if he does have a key, that is a major major lease violation
If anyone turns it on they SHOULD mention it so if nobody does ask questions it raises questions of why they did not ask 🤔😁 let them dig themselves deeper before a group house chat (in person) And if he has key either it’s cancelled and/or there’s a compromise of how much rent everyone pays as an extra person is included (they don’t necessarily share an amount of rent by sharing the same room if they are using twice as much water and more ᵖᵒʷᵉʳ) + backdated to whenever he did move in costs PAYED (paid) back👌 *ps I hope I don’t get told by a bot that PAYED is spelt wrong* 🤭 🛳️ 😍 😘 🤖
> in costs *PAID* (paid) back👌 FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
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No it's not lol.
Yes it is a lot of leases say you cannot make copies of the house keys without prior notice to landlord or leasers Awe are you the roommates boyfriend or even the roommate
You’re also not supposed to tear off mattress tags. It’s right next to the key law in the book of dumb rules no one follows
Responsible, normal adults don’t hand out copies of their house keys to people they just started dating without running it by their housemates first. So many bad roommates outing themselves in this thread…
A key to a house you share with other people is different than a mattress tag. But regardless, do more research on that because it’s only illegal for a store or business to rip it off, not the customer after they buy it. It’s illegal due to the nasty past history of mattress fillers.
I’ve never had a lease specify that.
2 days a week max and never ever when your roommate is not in the house. Period.
I would absolutely mention the cigarettes This girl is not being nice she's lying she's not your friend I don't know why you need to tiptoe so much even though you are trying to be a nice person. You need to mention those cigarettes because that can bite you guys maybe you don't want to get blamed for that You guys know who's doing it That smell is not going to go away.
Yeah, this could potentially end up costing them their down payments or extra damage/cleaning fees.
If she's letting him smoke inside (and lying about it) she owes everyone their deposit back.
I'm guessing since they all have key fobs to their own rooms and I suite bathroom, they all have their own security deposit you know like they all have their own separate lease. Regardless you don't want to be the one blamed for that cigarette smoke or yeah what if they do take it out of everybody's. She needs to be the one that gets that out of her deposit .That's why all the roommates need to gang up and tell that this roommate's boyfriend is stinking this house of smoke. It is so hard to get the smell of smoke out.
I get it, I lived with roommates, drama between roommates is always messy, it’s your home you don’t wana have shit to deal with when you come home That being said most everyone here has a point. Cigs will make you lose the deposit, if he is living there he should be paying utilities in the least, rent too but that’s tougher, and you should have been asked if it’s ok if he stays there when she’s not there. She didn’t ask and if you’re uncomfortable that is totally ok and speaking up is fine
I see these type of postsa bit, and have had this happen to me. In my experience after we had told her not to have her boyfriend over when we weren't there, and she still did, we realised it was all over. Kick her out of the house or find somewhere else to live. It's over.
They are all under individual leases, they can’t just kick her out.
I live across the hall from a couple that lives with a female. Our condos are very small. Her boyfriend is over literally 24/7 too, it seems like. He's also disgusting and disrespectful. He'll sit outside on the hood of his car and spit and smoke weed at 2pm on a weekday. One of our neighbors caught her giving him a bj in his car in our parking lot a few months ago. In broad daylight, no window tint. They are nasty people. I cannot imagine having four people in one of these units _all_ the time. I really want to know how her two roommates feel.
I don't even let my boyfriend walk to the front door by himself i can't imagine this 💀
He has 100% moved in so he could be closer to the school/ work. Get her out! You have been polite and diplomatic enough already! Z
Check the terms on your lease agreement. My old lease used to state that guests not listed on the lease agreement couldn’t not stay longer than a 3 day stretch.
I would definitely say any combination adding up to 3 days in a 7 day period is almost too much even
I hate people who do this. Like go fucking home.
No literally. When I was looking for housing prior to the place I lived in before this one I was staying at my bf’s dads house and I felt uncomfortable myself 💀 like please go home and use your own utilities I beg
You need to send a letter asap to the rental company, most places do have policies regarding overnight guests, smoking, etc. Good luck and post an update!
Hold a household meeting. Since he is there everyday he needs to pay rent to offset the inconvenience to you. And he has to pay an equal share of utilities. They do t get to split the room cost, he has to pay more than that because of the shared spaces. I’d get a room fridge for yourself. They will be unhappy and hopefully leave.
Everytime we’ve mentioned a household meeting she says she’s not home and everytime I’ve wanted to say “well your boyfriend is so he can join!” But I hate to start problems lol
As a landlord. The lease says what is allowed, mine is 10 days a month max. 500$ increase in rent if for each additional person. violated, plus a background check before occupancy. I had to remind one of my children whose mother in law moved in with them unannounced, she just never left until the official notice was issued. 5 months, an entourage of friends. City occupant regulations stated the building can house 6 people. They had 6 upstairs alone. The downstairs tenants were not happy with the extra noise and traffic. If your landlord hasn’t put this occupancy restrictions on the lease they are not in the business very long. The city rules require that everything is in the contract so you have protection against predatory tenants. Gives me the ability to vacate the lease and remove any problems.
Haunting_cicada has it right Get a mini fridge for your room. That will help solve the food theft
See I’m fine with having SO’s stay the night a few times each week, I do it, but staying every night??? And when she’s gone??? I literally wouldn’t let my bf stay in my apartment while I’m gone unless his house caught on fire or something. I can’t really tell if you’ve talked to her about the potential of him staying violating the lease (I have dyslexia and some serious brain damage, and no paragraph breaks is making it a bit hard to read/comprehend, my bad😅) but if you haven’t, I would mention it to the other housemates and then send a respectful message to her in the groupchat. I say respectful because if she’s already claiming some sort of harassment, you don’t want to give her anything to make it seem like it could be true. Make sure to screenshot it for proof if she tries to twist your words. I think you’re being honest but people like her can be crazy lol. Your lease probably has a section that outlines the rules for guests that you can look at. I don’t know if your apartment has a portal that you use to pay rent, but my student living does and you can find the lease in a section called My Documents. I would take a screenshot of it and highlight the paragraph if possible. My main concern with automatically going to the leasing office would be the chance of it quickly escalating the situation and her taking it as a valid reason to lash out. I would try to reach out to her first (again, sorry if you have) and if she refuses to listen, I would then email the office. Although, if you feel it’s best to send the email first, I would go ahead and listen to your gut. Good luck! I am also dealing with a crazy roommate right now but she’s mad at me for having my boyfriend over three nights a week MAX, even though I make sure I’m not violating the lease.
“I didn’t feel like being in the middle of conflict” “i didn’t bring it up” “i didn’t want to get involved” “I’ve never taken part”
So happy I haven’t had to deal with rude, entitled and filthy roommates and I hope I never do. Good luck.
At this point he probably has a key.
Where I previously lived was an apartment complex. Visitors were allowed to stay with family/friends a maximum of 3 days. Then they had to leave. If they failed to comply the renter could have their lease revoked and be evicted.
Almost all, of not all, rental companies have a clause in their contracts that states if a guest stays passed x amount of days, they’re required to pay rent (most are after a week).
I put up a similar post not so long ago except we are a house with guys and it was a first time “offence” that I tried to nip in the bud. He initially did not take it well and I feel like my approach could have been a little more polished. We eventually resolved it and are still great mates. If I could go back in time and change my approach my language would be a little different. Start- is now a good time for you to have a quick chat?” This is important because I feel it shows you want to be considerate and respect the persons time. “We have noticed that “Bob” is over at house 7 days a week and while he is welcome here, and seems a nice/good/great person, we were wondering if there is a reason for him being here so often?” This could open up the conversation because you’re not throwing accusations but simply expressing concern and asking if “Bob” has problems and just demonstrating that you’re prepared to understand extenuating circumstances. It also puts your foot in the door for more difficult discussions. “While we understand the situation, and empathise, I’d like to make you aware that his presence here is putting allot of strain on us in xyz way.” This is a tough part because it has potential for conflict, but it’s important to be clear about the boundaries that have been crossed. Personal or practically. I think it’s best practice to only have one person do this. Someone who can be firm, yet compassionate about the situation. “We understand you have needs but….”(like I said, whatever the situation needs). One person as opposed to a group so it doesn’t feel like they are being ganged up on. Do it over a cup of coffee/tea/cocktail. “We want you to know that we enjoy living with you and you’re a great housemate” This is a great way to de escalate the situation if it gets a little heated or as a starter making sure they feel valued and contribute in other positive ways. It’s also a good way to preface the conversation. Ultimately it’s gotta be a “compliment sandwich.” Nice bread on top, filled with some not so great filling, and then bottom layer(end), some nice bread again.
I see where you are going with this however, it would still be an appropriate conversation for all of the roommates to have with her, coming from the direction of compassion and potential understanding. I like the tone, but for all the roommates to band together the agree to not get nasty but more on a problem solving path in regards to boyfriends staying and increase of bills.
This is terrible advice. She’s already tried being friendly. Sometimes you need to be assertive. The “compliment sandwich” feedback technique also has already been debunked because it is obvious and comes off as manipulative.
I need paragraphs before reading this!!
Definitely get a camera to monitor the front door ASAP. Preferably one that you mount high enough that it can’t be easily blocked or covered. If all of the roommates except her agree, there may be an argument for putting a camera facing the fridge too, to see what’s going on with the disappearing food. You’d have to ask somebody more informed than I if it would be an invasion of privacy. In a common room, only facing the refrigerator, if she is forewarned, you wouldn’t think so, but common sense doesn’t always apply. You may want to do a little sleuthing. It might be helpful if you record her leaving and his car still there. Or even just his car there at all hours. I would document everything you can, even his shoes at the front door. She is denying everything and it couldn’t hurt to have proof. Lastly, wondering about the landlord’s rules regarding smoking. Speaking of the landlord, they or the leasing agent would probably be your best source for help and information on how to handle the situation. I would imagine it comes up fairly often in student housing like this.
You’re completely valid in your complaint but I think it needs to come from a phrasing of ‘we want her to not be able to re sign the lease for this reason’ , otherwise it could come off like you want your landlord to fix your housemate issues for you
It does not come off as we want you to handle this issue for us- at all. It’s alerting leasing to an issue in a unit. It asks for specific information so they can try to address the issue themselves. If the problem roommate wants to start crap with leasing- they have a heads up as to an issue. If the leasing wants to get involved, they can request an inspection citing other tenants are reporting smoke smell from that property, not pinning it to the roommates. Leasing can also get license plate numbers and issue tow notices for too many nights without a lease or registering with the lease office. They can also approve change of locks and or keypad entry, etc.
neeeed an update when you have it
I would definitely reach out to your landlord and have the lease agreement and the policies of how long somebody can stay in the house that’s not paying rent/live there And I definitely would not be nice about the situation. I would definitely talk to the other roommates of yours and y’all should get together and come front her and her boyfriend together and just be like we know foods missing we all can smell the cigarettes smoke and we don’t feel comfortable with him staying here while you’re at work/school , since he does not talk to any of us and has never even said hello, therefore we would feel better if he did not stay while you was gone and that if the cigarette smoke keeps being smelt and the food keep being taken from the rest of us, then we will go to the landlord and have it to where he cannot stay the nightat the house that all that y’all are renting. And maybe then, if you threaten to tell the landlord on her that the boyfriend is smoking inside of the rental property and staying there every single night maybe then she will say something to him about it
You can literally have the police kick him out for trespassing when she's not home.
Dude id just call the cops whole he's there and she's not, strange man in the house, doubt his address on his ID is changed, they'll absolutely remove him
I think it depends on the state but they most likely won’t. The police will most likely tell them to talk to each other and leave. My exes alcoholic mother did this to me once on a binge and the police showed up and said since my bf was on the lease, his mom couldn’t kick me out. The only case where they might is if he’s doing drugs in the house or physically threatening the housemates and they have proof.
America is whack as hell man. In Canada if your address on your license doesn't match where you are, the police will absolutely remove you if the people who actually live there don't want you there
“All female townhome” lmao. That aside. It’s someone’s fucking guest not on the lease and not allowed to stay for an extended period of time.
I am begging for people on reddit to learn how to use paragraphs. Jesus
If she says he doesn’t stay there when she’s gone just call the police for suspicious activity (since no one is suppose to be in the room like she said) when he’s there alone and she’s gone to show that he is and she’s lying. 🤷♂️
I wanted to read this and give you advice but you don’t know how to use paragraphs….
He should at the VERY least be contributing to the utilities and some rent!
Go read the lease FFS. What is with generation. Can’t you take charge and figure it out?
Because they are “new” and this is most likely their first experience with this. They also have a 3/4 of a year to go with this roommate and would prefer to not spend that time in war. I think it’s better to have help in the correct way to resolve this issue than to potentially and illegally “handle it themselves”. Guidance for the first time can be everything and will eliminate potential future difficulties knowing the correct way to handle bad situations.
Reading the lease and being told what’s in the lease equals the same result. The roommate hoe has a dude living with her. I don’t see the pussyfooting around is going to do anything about that. I do love that people will defend a ham sandwhich.
They are early 20’sish. I doubt they have or can locate a copy of their lease…. Just saying
Right. And the difference in generations. Mine that builds things and makes life happen… and them. Gold star for everyone. Need hand holding. Cant read a lease. Where 20% of them bring a parent to a job interview. It’s actually true. Google it. I hit the streets at 17 and never looked back.
Society has changed. There is no doubt about that. Judging from expectations of your time is not any less wrong than Y and Z’s judging of attitudes from when we grew up. One cannot judge ( this is going to hurt) history through the current lens the same way one cannot judge the current times through an older lens. Only disagreement can take place from both sides. Take a deep breath, sit back in the knowledge you have and let them stumble a few times and wait for them to ask for help and teach or guide them. ( yep- parenting again!) It’s also wise while you’re sitting back to also learn a few things about them and their attitudes. Makes for better communication - they also do that differently, too. They have completely different priorities and wants. Live and let live.
Live and let live indeed. Let the roommate have her love stick over all the time. Get over it and stop bothering management. Live and let live. Oh don’t whine about it publicly. Nobody really cares.
Are you the age of just your first numerical digit of age?! lol. This makes you 6 or 7 (at best) with just as much entitlement, if not more, than you complain about. Change your screen name because without considering education as a lifelong duty- neither of the words, together or separate, apply to you, Sir or Mam 547. Good day.
It doesn’t sound like you our able to let me live and let live. I guess that makes you a hypocrite. I love when you people try to act all Pollyanna and then you come down hard on other people so that really just makes you a hypocrite. All in black-and-white. Good day to you, sir.
Sir, you twist meanings knowingly, your form of sarcasm, while knowingly evading the message to do so. That is called willful ignorance. I know you are a Sir because you called the female a “hoe” and put no label to the male who is living off the female such as “bum”, “squatter” or “gigolo”. You are bitter because you had to work hard which seemingly gives you a sense of entitlement and a lack of humanity twords others. Your lack of communication skills combined with ignorance gives the impression of manual laborer and attitude denotes a poor and or abusive background. Leaving at 18 also implies you had a hard upbringing rather than staying at home, working and helping support the family. You chose your path. We all have had to work hard- some just do it in different professions and have different skills. We all start out with different skill sets depending on the opportunities we had while young. Even if you may not think of them as opportunities, the fact that you had any skills when you left home got your foot in the door somewhere- denotes you had the exposure and know how in which to build upon. Nothing is easy. It is also much harder without communication skills, as you probably well know, or the basic skills to form a foundation. When young people start out without the basic survival skills you had at that age, that is not occasion to bash them and scoff because you place yourself better. They clearly did not have those learning opportunities. Even things that were bad can be thought of as opportunities as long as you gained something you didn’t learn any other way. Think how hard it will be to achieve anything sans these skills. Take a moment and think about what could have been if you lacked the skills required to leave home at 18. It’s a completely different world out there right now than when you were 18. If you want to find out how, you should open a channel of communication. Advise and assist. Bringing them up to speed is the right thing to do or say nothing at all as not to add to their issues- after all, they will soon be running things. You can choose to be a benefit and share your experience or stay a curmudgeon. Again, you choose.
Have you communicated your concerns to this roomate ? What did she say?
Off topic but I love your username! I'm guessing you're a Gemini?
Keep us updated!
The utilities thing is bullshit. There is just no way a houseguest - even a frequent houseguest - is affecting your bills that much. I honestly wouldn't mention the problem, just inquire what the rules are. That way you are much more likely to get an unbiased, truthful answer. Telling your landlord there is a roommate dispute is just gonna cause her to shut down communication and refer you to the fact that roommate disputes are between you and your roommate and none of her business.
Thatz bullshit
Holy paragraph
I’m actually curious why yall don’t have a round table discussion…. All the roommates since this is effecting everyone in the home. Sure, send the email, but yall need some communication & iron this out. It’s completely unacceptable that he is basically living there rent free while yall pick up the slack. If the conversation goes nowhere, maybe yall can either throw her out or you guys find another home to rent & leave her & the bf there🤷♀️ idk…. I know when I was in college (90’s) I lived in a house with roommates & we had really good communication…. If ever there was an issue, we’d sit down & address it immediately. It alleviates resentment & makes for a peaceful living situation. I don’t think we ever had an issue without a resolution….
Damn I’ve read every comment and now I’m ready for OPs update
Update me
Yes, you should change the phrasing entirely. Be less plastic, for starters. “I feel so bad :// I don’t want to make a formal complaint :(( let’s not start any unwanted confrontation…” Girl. It’s a formal complaint whether you want it to be or not. This false air you’re putting on is so transparent, and honestly super unprofessional.
Sorry this was a long read and I have HORRIBLE comprehension. Have you talked to her? Maybe understand if he NEEDS to stay there (homeless, familiar problems, etc) I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND the smoking. That would drive me nuts, however if he is staying in her room the whole time and not intentionally coming into your space I PERSONALLY wouldn’t have a problem with it, but everyone’s different with boundaries. Maybe sit down with the couple and just talk it out. You never know what someone’s going through. 🤷🏻♀️
Young teenagers having these arguments is hilarious but yeah if she was carrying on like a crazy person she definitely is lying and has been backed into a corner as it’s obvious, like you said you are directly below her so you know exactly what is going on
Just to ask- have you asked/ tried to talk to your housemate about this situation or just have gone straight to the landlord?
You cannot have an all female Townhall that’s discrimination based on sex
Snitch
Holy hell formatting please
easy. start fucking the boyfriend
The sketchy boyfriend enters the chat.
To be fair, I hardly read any of that wall of text
Ew
I’m sure the utilities have increased a total of $10’s. This was how my wife and I were when we first started dating. She wanted me over constantly and who am I to not oblige. The roommate ended up just moving out after becoming hysterically violent with me out of nowhere. What an unhinged person she was. Flipped out because of bills and then when I started paying for half the bills for the entire spot even though I was sharing a room. She just found new things to bitch about until she left. Not before sucker punching me because I wouldn’t listen to her absurd demands.
This was a tough read and unfortunately have to say, sounded as though you just want to complain for no reason. Is your name Karen by any chance?? Ok, firstly, read the lease and see what clauses you can apply if your fellow tenant becomes unreasonable. Secondly, forget about the bills. Your bills have probably gone up because you girls are doing something, not because of a guy staying over night unless you tell us he has his gaming PC there and plays games 24/7. If he simply sleeps over and takes showers, I will guarantee you he is adding less than $10 a month to your bills and as you have said there are 5 of you, that’s $2 each. If you complain about the bills, you are going to come across insanely petty. Thirdly, is he behaving like a creep? If so, call the police. If he keeps to himself in the room, you’ll have to consider what you are complaining about. Lastly, just have a frank and open discussion with the tenant involved. If everyone acts like adults and doesn’t go in with accusatory mindsets, you’ll probably find a solution within 10 minutes and all go on with your lives.
Honestly idk why it bothers you for her man to be there if he ain’t creeping on you guys then why are you up set ?? If he stays there as them both to help a little more if not then leave it alone there’s no point to get upset at small things it’s fucking point less let people live there lives and you live yours. Stop worrying about other people and worry about your self
I agree with a lot of this honestly, but it seems like the problems are: increased utility usage, smoking, and stealing food. If he is in her leased space, and causing no disturbances, then honestly, live and let live. The problem is, he's causing lots of disturbances.
Usually I would agree, but I think they’ve pushed it too far with the starling food and smoking in the house. That’s vile. I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in a home I pay for, and he is paying nothing for. Buh bye binch don’t let the door know hitcha
Also, if roomie ever breaks up with him it's going to be an absolute sh*tstorm for everyone in the house. Hobosexuals rarely ever leave peacefully once they've gotten comfortable.
I doubt there’s any policy to protect you here. Legally, she can have anyone she wants over for as long as she wants to with her permission. So can you. You would be depriving her of her property right otherwise. Good luck moving out!😂
Every lease in the US has a guest clause. He’s not a guest anymore, he’s an unregistered tenant who didn’t even ask to move in, and is making everyone uncomfortable.
I’d do your research there. Guest clause sure. Limited to 2 days? Not a widespread thing
You’re wrong, every apartment I have ever rented has had a guest clause stating no more than 2 days a week.
Can’t say I’ve had that experience nor know anyone that has
Yep every lease I’ve ever signed has had a guest clause. I’ve lived all over the U.S. in various types of apartments and rental homes. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was in all of your leases but went unnoticed. Either way, it’s far more common to have a guest clause than not. You’ve either lucked out or lived in some interesting places.
“her bf is over everyday” wait! listen! surprise- SHE PAYS RENT THERE, so SHE CAN HAVE GUESTS. y’all act like these ppl are just … existing in your house, not paying for it at all. get over it please and if you don’t like it move out. downvote me i do NOT care lol
Nah you’re wrong here bro. Most rental places have a lease section that outlines the guest rules, especially student living.
yea and OP isn’t even fully sure themselves about what the rules are
Which is why they’re emailing the leasing office???
emailing the leasing office abt something that might not even break the rules instead of checking their lease. real nice lol
Well if they’re in student living in a women’s only apartment and he’s there every night even without his girlfriend, it DEFINITELY breaks the lease. I’ve never heard of a student living situation where SO’s can stay 24/7
again… they should check their lease instead of being a tattle tale on something that doesn’t even really matter in the grand scheme of things
You’re the bad roommate.
i don’t have any roommates, so i guess my guinea pigs must really hate me 😂
Oh thank God. It’s for the best. You can be a bad roommate without currently having roommates as it’s simply a mentality 🚫
Newsflash - he’s not a guest. He’s a nasty little barnacle on their asses, and the mooching dingleberry needs to be flicked off. He pays nothing and makes everyone who IS paying uncomfortable.
utility bills you females take 20 minute showers that’s 3x the time a man takes which is so sad long hair is always the excuse when i have it and still get out in 5 minutes y’all run the bill don’t cap on a post to make yourself feel better.
So true! I personally lay in my bathtub with shower running for 1 hour + crying about a man in the house. Very therapeutic
i also find it really funny how you think i care about down votes when i’m literally never on this app -downvotes just means you upset and can’t handle me lmao goofy.
the classic female complaining about males in the house because they call themselves independent and love being a feminist get off reddit and stop making up stuff about bills you know damn well you ran that up yourself.
*Cucklord Incel has entered the comment section*
You bring up strong points but despite that it just sounds like you're fishing because you have a problem with his gender. If it was a girlfriend I doubt you would be having such an extreme reaction. Which is sexist.
The landlord doesn't care who lives there as long as the rent is paid.
You’re very immensely wrong buckaroo
Not immensely wrong. Many, and I mean MANY places really don’t care about most issues until it becomes a nuisance to other residents, (insert pretentious nickname) Partially wrong, as it’s not always the case, but definitely not wrong enough for your grandstand.
Yeah I think YOURE wrong. townhouses do, places that aren’t ghetto or privately owned do. I will hold this grand stand buddy
Lol ok Reddit user 1845960371635
Are those numbers supposed to mean something buckaroo?
Ya you’re all the same and this entire platform is an echo chamber for your confirmation bias. I think I’ve been in the industry long enough, but you’ve rented from 1 townhome so you know better, of course. :)
I’ve rented from one townhome, funny funny the housing development I manage is very on top of that stuff That I’ve been running for a good long while
Ah, even better. You’ve never seen racism so it must not exist :)
You’re really fishing here now, aren’t you?😂
As a dude that has never and will never rape or hurt anyone, what if he just has nowhere to stay because he’s having the same problem as me where every single place to live is female only and somehow that’s not illegal Edit: All the women living in women only homes downvoting lol
Yeah I mean I honestly don't care if he was there and keeping to himself, but he is smoking (violating their security deposits) taking their food without permission, and the roommate is not covering increased utility usage since a whole extra person is using utilities. Man or not, I would be weirded out if an extra person who hadn't even introduced themselves began living in a shared house.
All of those questions are answered because no one rents to men who aren’t married anymore while we all wonder why there are so many homeless men lol how is he supposed to pay rent in a somehow not illegal discriminatory situation where he’s not allowed to pay rent because he has a penis and not a vagina. I’m sure he would be paying rent if he was allowed to.
Every single male friend of mine has managed to find places to rent with other men, on their own, or even a couple co ed situations. It’s never ok to just crash at a house where every single person on the lease hasn’t agreed to letting you live there. It’s not a male vs female thing. I wouldn’t want an extra roomie in an already full house who’s mooching off of everyone else when we’re all just as broke. It’s roommate 101. Only very young college kids think this is ok. And if you’re older than that take these comments to heart and learn from them before you wind up being the jerk. If you really needed a place to crash then you need to ask people to help you. You need to ASK if you can live with them. You can’t just set up camp as if that’s a perfectly acceptable and legal thing to do. I don’t care if you’re a man (I prefer to live with male roomies, in fact) or a woman. You can’t just move into a house without permission from everyone.
You’re missing the point completely lol
No, i hear you. Im just saying most men aren’t having trouble finding places to rent just because they’re not married. I’m in my late 30’s and so are my friends I’m speaking of. It may be something personal with you and the company you keep? I am sorry if you’re struggling and truly facing discrimination…if that’s the case it may be your city. Are you in a smaller sized city? I could see it being more of an issue in a smaller or super conservative area.
Boo hoo. God forbid a man has any challenges or problems in life. So used to getting everything you want when you want, huh?
You’re a dumb useless cunt lol
What does female and male have to do with anything
A lot. Having a strange man practically living in a house full of young women without their permission is an issue. It'd be an issue if it was a female, too, but a different one.
He hasn’t been vetted, they haven’t even met him and he hides so they can’t tell when he’s there. They don’t know when one of them is alone with him! That’s a big deal! You may want to take a peek at the statistics regarding attacks, sexual harassment, rape etc. on college campuses. It’s terrifying and those are only the ones that are reported.
https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics#:~:text=An%20estimated%2091%25%20of%20victims,identify%20in%20these%20gender%20boxes.